Pokémon masshiro na yaoyorozu

[lisianthus]

✦いつもあなたを探さねばならぬことを決まれたのがきっとあなた自身だっただろう。✧

✧the one who i decided was meant to always be searching for you, must have been you.✦

〜✧〜

✦真っ白な八百万✧

〜masshiro na yaoyorozu〜​

Spoiler: comments and content warnings

I saw the fifth Pokémon movie last night... and by the time I was halfway through, I knew I needed to write something about it.

Concrit is very welcome here, as I normally write in third-person! This is basically going to be a series now, comprised of works that I had originally envisioned as one-shots that ended up turning into a bit more,

[AU info: The Hiyori region corresponds to the four Japanese regions: Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh. Alto Mare is off of the coast of the equivalent of present-day Aomori Prefecture, but enjoys a convergence of both Hiyori (Japanese) culture and its own unique culture (something of a very loose Italian one).

Story info: The Alto Mare incident didn't end as happily as the movie would have let one on. Kanon is left all alone, hoping for her beloved Latias to return, but things are certainly not as they seem.

Content warnings: mentions of death, loss, and general sad themes. This is still a PG story though, at least for now! Strong language is very rare, but is technically enough for a movie to be up to a PG-13ish level — please use your personal discretion here.

Cultural info: *Kami* are basically what (in a very loose sense) could be termed as 'gods' (although I don't like to use that terming myself), in the Japanese traditional religion of Shinto. There are lots of resources for IRL Shinto learning, I particularly like Rev. Olivia Bernkastel's livingwithkami blog? But in this case, Legendary and Mythical Pokémon are part of the 'Yaoyorozu no Kami', which literally means 80,000 *kami*, but I'll translate it as something like 'the many myriads of kami' in this case. Youkai are spirits, oftentimes malevolent but not always, who basically... are creatures, really? Sometimes they mess with people. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions!

〜✧〜

✦​

〜✧〜

✦真っ白な運命✧

〜masshiro na unmei〜​

If I close my eyes and think hard enough... I can still see it all. Every last bit of it.

It's January 16, of the eighth year of Hiyori's Makkou era.

And four years since... since I lost almost everything.

〜✧〜

Every year on this exact date, I make my way to this small shrine here, to relive it all.

It's only fifteen minutes away by boat. Maybe five if you ride a Pokémon there. But even though it's so, so close... I simply can't come more than once.

So for that reason, this is my fourth time back. Back in this garden, that was host to this shrine. Where I was surrounded by everything amazing in the world.

I had Latios, and Latias. I had my grandfather. And we were all happy together.

I'm a rational girl. I know that no matter how much I pray, my grandfather won't come back. It simply wasn't meant to be... after all we went through that fateful time, I knew that he wasn't long for this world.

But still... that hope exists.

After all, Latias wasn't the one who died that day. She simply... left.

She left me and my grandfather. She left Alto Mare. She left me.

And so I pray, every year. I make my pilgrimage to this garden, this shrine, where the Soul Dew is kept. I pass through the torii gate marking this garden as a special place.

I pray to Mizu-No-Miyako-No-Aka-Iro-Mamorigami.

Latias.

I ask her to come back. I ask her to send me a sign. Something to tell me that I'm not completely alone.

And thus far?

I've had no response.

But I still keep on. I hold onto that hope, because if I lose it, what do I have anymore?

I'd be better off dead.

As I internalize those words, let myself taste that possibility... I walk up to the Soul Dew, protected from the elements on the inside of a small shack.

Bow twice. Clap twice. Bow once.

And I start with those words that I've by now completely memorized. It's nothing fancy, like a norito is. But I couldn't bring myself to put any distance between us through giving her the respect she deserved, even if it would be the correct thing to do.

Despite being a kami, being a Mythical Pokémon... she was also my best friend, after all.

'Mizu-No-Miyako-No-Aka-Iro-Mamorigami-Sama. Latias. Kono shima, Mizu no Miyako, o mamotte tsuzukete kudasai. Atakushi no koto mo mamoru you ni shite kudasai. Atakushi ga hitoribocchi janai da to shinjiru you ni douka kidzuisasete kudasai. Soshite, dekireba, modottekite kudasai.'

Please protect this island.

Please protect me.

Please let me know I'm not alone.

Please return.

〜✧〜

I bow twice again. Clap twice again. And bow once more.

I don't bother overstaying my welcome. Maybe someday, when this pain is less fresh, when I feel like my life is back together... I can bask in the bittersweetness of this garden.

It's a very pretty place. I remember when the cries of all kinds of Pokémon used to fill the air... darting through trees, soaring through the sky... it felt like heaven on Earth.

Even looking at that wooden swing brings me memories.

For a moment, I consider sitting myself on it, just to see if somehow, somehow, Latias would appear again to me.

But for this year, I simply decide to row back.

The cold winds nip at me, but I'm not exactly fazed by them. I can't feel much of anything at this point. Although it's only one or two in the afternoon at most, I feel mentally drained enough to sleep the rest of the day.

As I row, I think about... everything that led up to my now-yearly visits. My name is Kanon. I'm sixteen. And four years ago, my hometown, the island of Alto Mare, was dangerously close to being destroyed by two Pokémon poachers.

I hope they both got what they deserved.

I'm in debt to the one who saved us all, and his Pikachu. I exchange letters with him once every few months... he seems to be doing well as always. Never stuck in one place at a time, forever young-seeming... he truly seems to be the main character of his own story. I envy his free spirit...

Before the tragedy, I was convinced I would go to another region in Hinode, maybe even to Unova, to study art once I got older. But it seems like every part of me that was interested in everything that wasn't art seemed to die that day.

Including my drive to actually obtain formal schooling in it.

So on the days when I'm not feeling hopeless, I mainly just go around the island, always painting. Maybe it's a coping mechanism... after all, I can't deny that it's helped me to process everything.

Countless canvasses are stored in what used to be my grandfather's room. They hang on the walls, and pile up on the floor. Countless snapshots, myriads of now-lost moments in time. Some of them haunt me.

As the years have bled by, I've become more used to his absence. Maybe I'm just numb to it now.

...Today isn't going to get any better by thinking about it more. I better sleep.

〜✧〜

I dreamt of the wooden swing. Despite it only being held together by rope, it never broke.

How I wish I could be as resolute as that swing...

It's just about midnight now, and as I sleepily open the front door to the house I live in, I'm abruptly fully awoken with a gust of wind. Darkness envelops the sky, and it seems that the moon and stars are my only companions right now.

Sometimes I wish I had bothered with catching a Pokémon to help me through this all, too. Maybe a Smeargle to cheer me on in painting.

Meaningless thoughts like those weave through my head as I wander throughout town.

I'm so lost in my thoughts, almost engrossed in the pain I still haven't been able to move on from in the slightest, that I almost don't notice myself walking off of the main pier, right into the surely freezing ocean.

I don't know why I'm here. I can only guess that part of me really does want to return to that garden, to relive my past. Why that would be, I have no idea.

I don't have anything better to do, and honestly, given the occasion, it might do me good to properly reminiscize, who knows.

With that in mind, I decide to set off across the now pitch-black sky-reflected ocean, to my very own secret place.

〜✧〜

As I expected, there is a distinct lack of Latias here. Only in my mind's eye does she truly seem to remain. Sometimes I just hope that she's always right beside me, and just refuses to show herself. Wouldn't that be nice...

Well, there's no way that could ever happen, I think as I attempt to sit down onto the swing...

And seem to bump into something... that is decidedly not a swing.

Please. Please. Please. By the grace of the Yaoyorozu-no-kami, by the grace of Arceus herself, please let this be Latias. I beg you.

Heart racing, I attempt to sit down once more, just to make sure I'm not hallucinating this moment.

There's still something there.

I can't see who, or what it is currently, and it could simply be a Psyduck for all I know, so I decide that a light source stronger than moonlight is going to be necessary here.

The only thing I can think of is the Soul Dew, so I decide to grab it out of its crevice, being sure to handle it as carefully as I'm able to.

It shines with the soul of a noble, noble friend, who is now part of the universe, even if only for a blink of time in the eyes of non-humans.

If this really is Latias, I can think of no other fitting way to greet her back after four long years.

Shaking, I trepidatiously approach the figure sitting on the swing, and find... a girl? She doesn't look like an exact copy of me... and besides, she's maybe five or so years older?

'L-Latias... please reveal yourself. Please tell me that's you.' My voice wavers, as I ask one of the toughest questions I've made in years, if not ever.

Am I really prepared for the answer?

〜end〜

 

[Negrek]

Seems like we've had a fair few Lat@s fics around here recently, and I'm here for it! There's a lot to explore in the wake of Latios' death, and you really turned up the heat here by having Kanon's grandfather pass away as well. (At least, I think that didn't happen in the movie?)

I like the touches of Japanese culture here, which is something that tends to be more understated in the anime; it's fun to see you running with it and adding more of that real-world flavor into a pokéworld story. The detail that Kanon considers whether she should have sought out a pokémon to cheer her up and potentially motivate her in her art practice is also a nice detail. Although this is a short story, I think you cram in a lot of flavor for your vision of the pokéworld, which is great to see.

The line about Ash being the hero of his own story also got a smile out of me. Cute little joke.

There isn't much smiling to be had with this story overall, though! Definitely a sad piece. It's rough how badly Kanon's affected by her losses even four years out. I imagine Alto Mare as a whole is hurting from the absence of its protectors, too. The notion that the shrine's so close to her, and yet she avoids it except for one specific day of the year, is a particularly sad detail, but one that feels particularly true to me. I like that Kanon doesn't seem to think all that much about how she's breaking that pattern by choosing to return to the shrine at the end of this story--she perhaps doesn't realize that she's starting to break out of the patterns of grief she's fallen into. Hopefully it's a positive sign, whether Latias truly reappeared there or not!

I was a little surprised by the fact that whoever was sitting on the swing didn't react when Kanon tried to sit right on top of them. From anything alive, I'd kind of expect at least some sort of reflexive reaction to that kind of thing! If what you were going for was that this is definitely an illusion or a carved figurine or something, then that makes perfect sense, but for me it's hard for me to imagine Latias, or some unrelated girl, to not react at all!

I do like the ambiguity in the ending, though; something that would presumably get cleared up in later chapters, but as an ending for a standalone, I think it works quite well. I enjoy endings that are left up to the reader's interpretation.

If there were one thing I'd like to see more of in this story, it would be a greater sense of place. The shrine, in particular, Kanon's personal sacred space, would be an excellent opportunity to flex your descriptive skills a bit and paint a picture of the place and how, perhaps, it's changed. It's mentioned, for example, that the garden used to be lively and full of pokémon... is it not any longer? Was it damaged in the conflict where Latios sacrificed himself, or has something else happened? With Kanon visiting only once a year, has it simply fallen into disrepair? A few concrete details would help create a nice atmosphere and really draw out what this place means to Kanon, I think.

On that note, I did appreciate the swing as a unique element that ended up being a recurring thread through the story. More specifics like that would be great!

All in all, this is a nice little exploration of grief in the wake of one of the Pokémon movie series' biggest moments. I enjoy quiet little stories like this, and I enjoy how you've clearly put your own spin on the world here and tie it in with Kanon's sadness. Thanks for sharing, and good luck with the rest of the series!

Spoiler: Linequotes

Before the tragedy, I was convinced I would go to another region in Hinode, maybe even to Unova, to study art once I got older.

In your notes you mention the "Hiyore" region... is "Hinode" somewhere different?

They hang on the walls, and pile up on the floor.

No comma here.

I don't have anything better to do, and honestly, given the occasion, it might do me good to properly reminiscize, who knows.

Did you mean "reminisce" here?

If this really is Latias, I can think of no other fitting way to greet her back after four long years.

"Greet her back" is kind of odd phrasing; "welcome her back" or simply "greet her" is how I'd usually expect to see it.

 

[lisianthus]

Seems like we've had a fair few Lat@s fics around here recently, and I'm here for it! There's a lot to explore in the wake of Latios' death, and you really turned up the heat here by having Kanon's grandfather pass away as well. (At least, I think that didn't happen in the movie?)

Hi there Negrek! You're right, it did not happen in the movie. That was just a lil addition I made to drive the plot yeah... (and he went through a *lot* in the movie so it doesn't feel toooo? Farfetch'd to assume? Maybe?

I like the touches of Japanese culture here, which is something that tends to be more understated in the anime; it's fun to see you running with it and adding more of that real-world flavor into a pokéworld story. The detail that Kanon considers whether she should have sought out a pokémon to cheer her up and potentially motivate her in her art practice is also a nice detail. Although this is a short story, I think you cram in a lot of flavor for your vision of the pokéworld, which is great to see.

Glad to hear all around! It helps that I have a general idea of how I want my universe to work out from previous stories + headcanons in terms of injecting Japanese culture in there!! I hope to make Alto Mare a bit more of its own in terms of being distinct from greater Japan, it being an island (that seems to be Italian in origin???) - but we'll see.

The line about Ash being the hero of his own story also got a smile out of me. Cute little joke.

I had to throw that in there LOL... I mean even in-universe he probably got more than his fair share of 'main character' jokes given his illustrious career right? I think it'd be nice if he visited Alto Mare again...

There isn't much smiling to be had with this story overall, though! Definitely a sad piece. It's rough how badly Kanon's affected by her losses even four years out. I imagine Alto Mare as a whole is hurting from the absence of its protectors, too. The notion that the shrine's so close to her, and yet she avoids it except for one specific day of the year, is a particularly sad detail, but one that feels particularly true to me. I like that Kanon doesn't seem to think all that much about how she's breaking that pattern by choosing to return to the shrine at the end of this story--she perhaps doesn't realize that she's starting to break out of the patterns of grief she's fallen into. Hopefully it's a positive sign, whether Latias truly reappeared there or not!

I hooope so too! She's doing this unconsciously, but it's a first big step, and one that'll hopefully lead to good outcomes...

Alto Mare is definetly still recovering here, honestly how could they still not be hurting from the losses of their prized helpers... life goes on I guess. Not for Kanon sadly, though...

I was a little surprised by the fact that whoever was sitting on the swing didn't react when Kanon tried to sit right on top of them. From anything alive, I'd kind of expect at least some sort of reflexive reaction to that kind of thing! If what you were going for was that this is definitely an illusion or a carved figurine or something, then that makes perfect sense, but for me it's hard for me to imagine Latias, or some unrelated girl, to not react at all!

Now that you mention it, you're very right LOL... I'll chalk it up to the fact that the being on the swing was very afraid-seeming? (to be honest though I may end up changing that part out in the future though, it seems like a biiiiit of a plothole!

I do like the ambiguity in the ending, though; something that would presumably get cleared up in later chapters, but as an ending for a standalone, I think it works quite well. I enjoy endings that are left up to the reader's interpretation.

For this reason I was stuck between keeping this as a one-shot and going forwards as a story, but my heart said to write more LOL... glad to hear it works alright then!

If there were one thing I'd like to see more of in this story, it would be a greater sense of place. The shrine, in particular, Kanon's personal sacred space, would be an excellent opportunity to flex your descriptive skills a bit and paint a picture of the place and how, perhaps, it's changed. It's mentioned, for example, that the garden used to be lively and full of pokémon... is it not any longer? Was it damaged in the conflict where Latios sacrificed himself, or has something else happened? With Kanon visiting only once a year, has it simply fallen into disrepair? A few concrete details would help create a nice atmosphere and really draw out what this place means to Kanon, I think.

Yeah, describing more is always something I could stand to gain from, right? Thank you for pointing that out, I certainly want it to seem like a vivid place all around! But I'd imagine that may be a bit of a WIP for me as I continue this series. (I'd imagine that after Lati@s left, the Pokemon and other critters everywhere didn't see much of a reason to stay, but that's just me...)

On that note, I did appreciate the swing as a unique element that ended up being a recurring thread through the story. More specifics like that would be great!

All in all, this is a nice little exploration of grief in the wake of one of the Pokémon movie series' biggest moments. I enjoy quiet little stories like this, and I enjoy how you've clearly put your own spin on the world here and tie it in with Kanon's sadness. Thanks for sharing, and good luck with the rest of the series!

In your notes you mention the "Hiyore" region... is "Hinode" somewhere different?

(I'm sure you're aware of Torchic W. Pip? I often worldbuild with him, and I think his word for Poke-Japan made its way there... thanks for pointing that out, aaa!)

All in all, thanks again Negrek! I appreciate it!!

 

[lisianthus]

〜✧〜

✦真っ白な出合い✧

~masshiro na deai~
​

Spoiler: author's notes

I hope you enjoy this chapter! Surprise, it's a series now LOL... keeping with the theme of it originally being a one-shot, though, this chapter is going to be a two-shot! LOL.

You might be able to get a better feel for how Kanon is as a person here, now that she's a bit more hopeful for her future? We'll see...

(I've never had tekkadon before, but it seems really good... maybe soon?)

​

---

In the reflection of the orb I hold in my hands, the Soul Dew, I see myself.

My skin is tinted in a purple hue. When I focus on the gravity of the moment at hand, the... energy, I guess, collected inside seems to pulse brighter and brighter.

I don’t just see myself, though. On the far side of the glassy sphere, that figure, who I oh-so-desperately hope to be my Latias, is faintly shimmering as well.

It’s just her and I here.

'L-Latias... please reveal yourself. Please tell me that's you.'

Everything will be forgiven if you come back right here, right now. I promise. I won’t ask questions about where you’ve been. I won’t ask about why you left me.

Just… please. Please let this be something.

〜✧〜

‘Latias?’ I try again, unsure if I’m being loud enough to rouse her from her sleep.

Still, no answer.

I try tapping her on the shoulder.

‘Hey… Latias… it’s, it’s me… do you recognize me?’

She seems to unsteadily open her eyes, and I ready myself to catch her if she falls off of the swing suddenly.

‘Do you remember me? It’s Kanon…’

She’s just staring at me, not moving, not saying even a whisper to me.

‘Please… please!! This has to be you…’ I cry out to her, fully aware that I’m on the verge of tears right now. Everything about this is getting to me. It’s… it’s perfect. A perfect reunion.

And so, my body can barely help itself at this point. I numbly wrap her into a Snorlax-sized hug, absolutely sure that for reasons only she and maybe Arceus herself know, my Latias is back in my life, here for me.

There’s just no other alternative here.

It’s the midnight after January 16, after all. And I ended up here again, didn’t I?

It’s perfect, it’s fate.

In complete honesty, I can’t really think right now, at least not clearly. I have no idea what I’m going to say to her, what she’ll eventually tell me… there are so many unknowns here, but now that she’s back…

I decide, right now and here, that I want to explore them all.

〜✧〜

I pull away from the embrace I smothered Latias in. In all honesty, I would be willing to spend the next god-knows how long like this with her, but… something seems off.

Maybe it's just me, but Latias feels weak. She hasn't said a word to me yet, and she feels… fragile. My mind races with worry, thinking of the myriads of unknowns she's surely been subjected to.

‘Latias…,’ I say, taking my hands in hers. ‘Let's get you some rest back home. Do you feel like transforming into your Pokémon form?’

She just peers back at me with an expression I can barely read. It's dim again, now that the Soul Dew is back where it belongs.

‘Alright, follow me to the boat, okay? I'll get us home soon.’ I gently say to her, pulling her through the moonlit garden.

She gets in the gently rocking boat, slotting herself behind me.

‘It feels like it's been ages since I've looked at Alto Mare with you by my side, Latias…’ I remark into thin air.

I'm just trying anything to get her to talk to me. Whether it's psychically or through her own strength, I want to hear her voice once more. I need to hear it.

But I fear she may be too tired to do anything except will the winds to push me forwards, faster and faster home.

Faster and faster, towards our future.

〜✧〜

I slept through most of the day, so sleeping isn't an option now, at least not while I have all this energy, all this worry to fight. Instead, I endeavor to cleaning my grandfather's old room, where years’ worth of my old art is stored.

I think I'll want to have Latias close to me for the next long while, especially if she's not strong enough to appear as a Pokémon for the time being. And besides, I've thought about it a lot, and… selfish as it may be, I’ve wanted to live with her for a while.

There was a lot I never got to do with her. So much that I wanted to say. So now that I have a do-over granted by the Yaoyorozu-no-Kami themselves, by Latias herself… I'm going to try my best to do it all.

As I pile up canvas upon canvas, my thoughts can't help but turn to Latias. Why did she leave in the first place?

…I know I said I wouldn't ask questions. I know that. But still…

Maybe she'll tell me someday. That's not important for now. I still have a bit of cleaning to do.

〜✧〜

Looks like I'm awake. The last thing I remember is that…

Once this room was finally in a serviceable state, I had collapsed onto the bed, granting me a brief reprieve from my worries about Latia-

Latias?

The events of the past twelve hours crash-land into my heart once more as I feel the weight of it all on my shoulders again.

…I better make sure I haven't been dreaming all this time.

How horrible would that be for my psyche, if that was the case.

Judging from the orangeish light streaming in through the house’s curtains, it couldn't be any later than eight in the morning. I don't need sleep, exactly, given the fact that I've had plenty lately — I need to think about what I need to do for Latias, now that she's back.

She looked so weak… it broke my heart to see her like that. Perceiving my one and only Latias being in such a hopeless state was truly a cruel reminder.

A reminder that no matter how strong the spirit, the body — no matter person nor Pokémon — is invariably set up to fail.

Even though spirits are sure to live on in this world, and I thank Arceus every day for that sure fact — even though spirits remain, the pain of temporal loss, the kind of loss that's supposed to be fixed in the end… has never been lessened to me.

So I need to do my best to protect her this time. Because maybe if I do that, Arceus or someone out there in the myriads — in the Yaoyorozu-no-Kami will take pity on me, and somehow, somehow keep us together forever.

It's all I've ever wanted since then, after all.

With that as a silent wish in my heart, I slowly walk out of my bedroom, taking care to be as quiet as I possibly can. I'm sure she needs her rest much more than I do, after all…

As I open the door to my room, I notice that I forgot to shutter the blinds on the window. Gentle light is streaming through it into the room, but my forgetfulness isn't really what I'm focused on.

For some reason, Alto Mare seems more… colorful today. I'm certain that this is simply due to the fact that for the first time in the past four years, I've been able to feel some semblance of peace, but… a win’s a win.

Latias is still sleeping peacefully, still in her human form. I want her to get as much rest as possible, so I'll quietly shutter the blinds and wait for her to wake. Even seeing her delicate form, weak as it is, fills me with resolve to do better, to hopefully change things.

…She’ll probably be hungry. I know that she can eat human food just fine, and in some cases, tends to prefer it more than Berries and the like, so I should probably get started on something.

Let's see if I have anything on hand… but first, I need to get ready for the day as well.

〜✧〜

I'm not exactly the strongest, either, I guess. Years of stress and depression will do that to you, but I've at least made it a point to eat enough so I can go about my daily life.

I’ve never been able to replicate any of the ‘good’ dishes that my grandfather made, though… it’s always been simple things for me: things that don't require an inordinate amount of effort, and that, if possible, keep for long amounts of time.

Basically, I've been eating lots of grilled fish and rice for the past oh-so-long.

Part of me wants to make pasta or something fitting in with Alto Mare’s cuisine, something remotely special for an occasion as momentous as this, but… because of this occasion being what it is, I don't want to fuck things up.

So thank god I was smart enough to turn on the rice cooker in my fit of restlessness last night, to convince myself to take the easy route here in the end.

Cooking gets a lot harder when you don't have just yourself to disappoint anymore. Maybe the same can be said for life, too.

In the end, I thankfully have fresh fish in the freezer still. Alto Mare’s waters are abundant enough that in the end, I can sustain myself off of a day’s worth of self-caught fish for a bit more than a month or so, and rice is cheap, as well as produce.

I think the shop owners take pity on me, but with the way I've been for the past four years, it's not like I blame them.

Maybe Latias will bring me the courage to get my life back together.

For now, I decide to go with something I could do in my sleep. Tekkadon. Tuna is plentiful here, and I have all the ingredients on hand, thank god. It's simple, but…

My hope is that it'll hopefully remind her of home. That it'll remind her that home is here, with me. That I still care about her more than she could ever know-

Whoops. I forgot to turn the burner on.

High heat. Mirin, soy sauce, dashi stock. Simple and clean.

While that's going, I turn my attention to the star of the show. The tuna. I've made this recipe countless times in an effort to somehow recapture the taste of my childhood, but I have a feeling that this time, everything will end up exactly as it was years ago.

With her by my side.

〜✧〜

I don't fancy myself as a great cook. I'm certainly a slow one, though.

My talents, if I have any to begin with, lie on the more artistic side of things. But… I have to say, this looks fine. Palatable, even.

I hope I'm not just lying to myself here.

It's a bit after nine-thirty in the morning now. Soon enough, Latias should wake, and we can spend our first day together in years.

God, I'm excited. I might not let it on with my body language, but this is something I've dreamed about for ages upon ages.

As I wait, the same thoughts from last night still float around in my head.

Why did you leave? Why are you here now? Where were you?

And possibly, the most important question of all.

Are you going to be okay?

I don't want to overwhelm her with my questions, never mind the fact that I had resolved myself to simply not ask — to let her reveal all she wishes to me, at her own pace.

But she had to have known, this entire time. How I've felt, how alone and hurt I've been, how… how weak I've been. I'm sure there's a good explanation for it all, there's no doubt about it, but…

Why.

Wish I could know. I'm sure I will as time passes.

I take a peek outside the window, hoping to let my worries give way to my usual lighthearted musings about the weather.

It's… a January day, alright. I was hoping the sea near our coastline would freeze, but despite the cold temperature plaguing the island, there hasn't been any hint of that.

What a shame.

The sun is out, making the frost dotting the grasses and trees slowly melt.

I hope that can happen to me too, soon.

〜✧〜

Latias is finally awake. And she's sitting here. At the kitchen table.

I almost have to pinch myself in order to be convinced that I'm not dreaming.

‘Latias… I hope you'll like this.’

I mean this in two separate ways, to tell you the truth. Obviously, I hope this meal won't give her food poisoning — I would never forgive myself if that happened — but there's a deeper, unsaid meaning to those words, one that with all my heart I hope reaches her.

I hope you'll like how things are now. I don't want to lose you.

She simply smiles back at me, picks up the chopsticks sitting on her side of the table, and starts to eat.

I guess she's still not strong enough to talk, then.

I don't dare to say anything else for now. I don't want to stress her out. If she says anything to me, it'll be when she wants to.

As I start eating as well — hey, this isn't too bad! — I sneak peeks at her human form in between bites.

I'm taller than her, definitely. It's clear that Latias isn't any version of me, though, which makes me wonder… is her current form all she could remember of me?

Or is it another person altogether?

She's shorter, and quite frail-seeming, even in comparison to me… and her hair isn't all brown, like mine. It’s almost pure white, except for the ends, which retain some reddish-brown color in the form of streaks. Her eyes are steel gray, and mine are brown.

We do somehow look similar, though, almost like we could be sisters.

That, at least, brings a smile to my face.

So I continue eating, fully aware that this moment is a precious one, sure to remain in my memories forever.

〜✧〜

But soon enough, both of our bowls run empty. I know we'll have many more times like this together, but I can't help but wish this time could have lasted longer.

‘Do you still remember where everything is, Latias? I haven't changed much, since…’ I trail off.

Since you've been gone, is what I want to say.

Instead I let those words die on my lips.

She looks at me with that same confused expression, and says in a small voice to me, words that I didn't expect for the life of me.

Words that turn my blood cold.

My name isn't Latias.

My chopsticks clatter to the floor.

Just as my very own heart seems to plummet into the depths of the crystal-clear waters of the Gulf of Alto Mare.

〜end〜

 

[lisianthus]

〜✧〜

✦真っ白な風✧

~masshiro na kaze~​

Spoiler: author's notes + chapter-specific cw

new content warning here for this chapter only — there's some slight implied suicidal ideation here, but blink and you'll miss it — as always, nothing graphic will ever be shown or depicted.
It's been a little while since I've been able to update this, apologies! I certainly didn't forget it, though, and this is my longest chapter to date I believe. I've had this plot for quite a while now, although it actually didn't take the shape I thought it was going to at first. I guess that's a good writing lesson? Sometimes when you're writing stuff, the plot will have a mind of its' own. Sometimes that's a good thing!

...I'm not really sure where I'm going to go after this, though. Maybe in of itself, that's a good thing? We'll see.

I don't know what noises Latias makes, even after watching the movie this plot very loosely came from LOL. I went off of what I was told the games do?

PSA #2 — I don't intend on having this be a poké/human slash fic I believe, and I do want to make that reasonably clear, just in case if anyone is wondering. I'd rather have a small part of my intentions here clear-cut, if only for the sake of readers who come across this and need to know for whatever reason.

---

I'm officially done with it all.

I'm letting the sea decide what to do with me next, where it'll take me, if I even keep on going with life.

Because there's nothing, and I mean nothing left for me in Alto Mare anymore.

I felt so, so close to the worst period of my life ending, to my wounds finally healing. Now it feels like they've been torn open again by an especially cruel twist of fate.

When I heard those words from that girl, a part of me surely must have died. The ever-so-slightly burgeoning hope I had nurtured for the past day is now completely out of my reach.

I should have known better. I should have guarded my heart more closely.

I should have given up hope ages ago.

One may call running away like this reckless abandon, but it's all I can do now. I'll head towards Unova, or some other distant region, and make a new life for myself.

So I'm rowing for dear life, having hastily grabbed my fishing kit as well as my bag, which contained my cheap keitai-style flip phone, sketchbook, and some pens and pencils. And a water bottle — I'm not that reckless.

Wish I would have thought of commandeering a real sailboat, though... it's going to be hell, doing this for days on end. Maybe once I reach another island, I can stowaway on a departing boat.

Headwinds like these are the worst. Almost like I'm being willed to stay in Alto Mare by the kami, or something.

No chance in hell I'll be doing that, though.

I change course (hard to port!) so the wind blows in a much more agreeable sideways manner, instead of directly pushing me back.

I'm lucky the wind is light, if only for now.

As long as I'm getting away from that island that'll be sure to haunt me everlong, I don't really care where I go. I can think about my future later.

〜✧〜

I lied.

I said I didn't care about where I went as long as it wasn't Alto Mare, but god, the shrine isn't much of an acceptable destination either, honestly.

I don't want to think about where my real Latias is right now, where she is, or if she even knows what's happening right now. It's too much for me to handle.

I can't believe I let myself fall into that delusion, thinking Latias was actually back... after four years of nothing from her, I guess it was too good to be true.

But being pushed to the shrine would just be the final stop, of sorts, on today's hellish storm of hopelessness that I've been caught in. I don't want to remember more of how things were before, especially not when I'm feeling like this.

The wind, however, can be as cruel as it desires.

So it picks up even more.

If I don't want to capsize, I need to go in its direction.

...Do I not want to capsize? Do I even really, truly care at this point?

I... don't think I do. I'll just sit here, and wait. Wait to be eaten by a Wailord, or simply wait until I go down with my ship.

Maybe then, I'll finally see my precious Latias again.

〜✧〜

I hate the kami so, so much right now.

All eighty-something thousand of them can fuck right off for all I care. Including Arceus, Palkia, and Dialga themselves.

...Maybe Giratina can stay, though.

Instead of pushing me into the water along with my boat, they seemed to will it straight to the shrine... this horrible, horrible place. No matter how much I tried to row against the breeze, it was absolutely, totally futile.

I have half of a mind to simply throw myself into the water and try to hitch a ride on a passing Sharpedo, but who knows how well that'd end. I've heard horror stories about particularly aggressive ones, and I'd much rather not experience any more pain than I'm feeling currently.

And, besides. As mad as I genuinely am at whatever force seemed to push me to this floating garden, I can't help but be a bit curious about why they chose to do this to me.

Am I supposed to come to some big realization here? That I'm supposed to come back home, and, and... continue living out my delusions of reuniting with the one who meant the universe to me?

I don't want any part of that. I've asked her to send me a sign four years in a row, and this year, I get the opposite.

For all I know, Latias went the way of her brother.

It hurts to think of that. But it's necessary, neccesary to think hard about, because if I'm going to have any hope of recovering from this heartbreak, I need to come to terms with the events of four years ago.

I need to realize and accept that Latias...

That she's...

...

She can't be gone. I can't make myself say it.

This is hell. I don't understand, I don't understand it at all. I lose my grandfather, I lose my best friend, and I'm quickly, more than ever, losing my hope of my best friend ever coming back.

But if she's really gone, then I'll need to come to terms with it. That's the only way I'll ever get through this, isn't it?

〜✧〜

So I've been sitting on that same rickety swing, pondering. Trying to figure out, once and for all, if my Latias is really gone.

Because if that's true, it'll be easier for me to forget this island, and these first sixteen years of my life. I'll move off to... Unova, let's say, and study art there.

It's not like I wasn't wanting to do that in the future, anyways. Now I just have a big reason to finally leave.

It's not running away if it's for my own good, I think.

Minutes pass. The chilly sea breeze doesn't do much to calm me as I aimlessly stare out at the outline of the island.

I switch my position on the swing to face the inner part of the garden, where the shrine and Soul Dew lie.

According to my grandfather, the Soul Dew is what's called a yorishiro, an object that can help the kami be present in this world longer. Even after Latias vanished, it's always glowed brighter whenever I came close, which it never did with my grandfather.

But as I've visited the shrine time and time again the past two days, it's been brighter than I've remembered it, even compared to how it was in the past.

It's probably just my mind's fault, not to mention a more-than-healthy dose of confirmation bias... looking for something that just isn't there.

That 'something', I guess, would be Latias's presence. But I don't have a chance at all in seeing her today. Or ever again, probably. So... what's the point? Why am I bound to these feelings, these emotions that force me to believe things could be different?

I've been burned once already by that boundless hope. Now I want to cut it out from myself entirely.

〜✧〜

Change is painful, and takes time. Letting go is a pain best never felt. And hope is, in some cases, simply a delusion.

I want to change my hopes that Latias will come back — I need to let go. But just as Alto Mare wasn't built in a day, that change that I'm looking for won't be made so quickly.

Not while I'm still here, at least. Not at the shrine, or anywhere near the island, for that matter. I need to go, I'm fully aware of that.

But there's something stopping me. Even though I know I... didn't find Latias a day ago, some part of me is still trying to stubbornly believe that she had something to do with all that's happened lately.

That's bullshit, though. Giving up felt so easy for years before, but now my stupid, stupid heart just won't cooperate. I hate it.

I hate this. All of it.

If only it was me who had perished four years ago... I wouldn't need to worry like this. I wouldn't need to feel anything anymore.

Fighting my subconscious urge to simply pitch myself headfirst into the ocean and pretend to be a Magikarp forevermore, I get off of the swing and start slowly walking to the shrine, my shoes trudging over dead grass that's been there for years by now.

The shrine is pretty small, all things considered. I never went to the mainland very often as a child, but from what I can remember of seeing their famous shrines in-person, there's no comparison to be made. It's nothing fancy, just a small wooden building with shoji screens, tatami flooring, and the Soul Dew, with enough space for maybe six people to sit down in.

That Soul Dew is what I'm really drawn to right now. I saw firsthand how the island crumbled when it was stolen, and I know how important it is. Not many others know of the shrine, so it should stay safe here even if I'm gone. And I'm sure that if anything... I'll be able to figure out what my next steps will be through its help, if I confide in it for the final time. Even if I'm trying to ridden my connections to this place, it's for the best if I do it properly, I believe.

'Atakushi o michibiite kudasai.'

Please guide me.

〜✧〜

I don't know what I'm doing. I've been staring at the Soul Orb in my hands for what has to be minutes by now, trying to feel something of a connection, something telling me what I'm supposed to do... or just how I'm supposed to feel.

But instead... nothing. Maybe this is my sign in of itself. The reason that the wind willed me here. Maybe it's all just to let me finally, finally come to terms with it all.

'You have nothing left here. Go your own way.'

Or something like that.

I'm not satisfied by this non-answer of a response at all, but... the kami work in mysterious ways. I've seen that firsthand with Latias disappearing, so I have no choice, no choice whatsoever now, but to keep on going.

But.

As I solemnly get up from my seat on the tatami-fitted floor and turn my gaze outward to survey this garden, the garden that I'll from now on undoubtedly see only in my dreams as long as I live — I see something that I don't fully register, I think, at least not when I see it at first.

A girl, maybe a bit older than me, with brown and white hair... no way.

No way.

That girl is just... sitting on the swing, not a care in the world. She's staring at me. Is she here to mock me? To tell me that she's taking my place in the world?

Hell if I care, honestly. I'm leaving, forever. I won't see her again, and she won't see me.

My boat is docked right behind the swing... ugh. Hope she's not here to ask questions.

I head straight to my boat, trying my best to give off my best 'don't talk to me' vibe that I've painstakingly and carefully crafted over the past foir years.

But in the end, I can't help myself, not one bit — I need to say something. Even if it's uncharacteristically spiteful of me, I need the last laugh here, as 'thanks' to the girl who broke the very last vestiges of my hope.

'Have a nice life.' I say flatly, turning my back on her for once and for all, and preparing myself to finally set sail to wherever the nearest not-here island is.

〜✧〜

Huaaaaaaaan...!

I start paddling through the smooth waters, now thankfully unperturbed by any strong wind.

Huaaaaan!!

It almost sounds like Latias's call is ringing out to bid me farewell...

But I'm done with trying to find meaning in things like that, now. It's just the wind, after all. There is no message carried in the wind — I don't need any magic spells to help me out anymore.

Huaaaaan....!

It's funny, though. The wind's whistling sounds so... mournful, if that makes sense. I've really only heard a sound like that from Latias herself, right after we lost Latios.

The wind briefly whips at my back as I look behind me in order to dispel my growing suspicions — of course, there is not a very friendly long-lost Dragon-type friend in my general periphery.

I guess it'll take a while for me to stop searching for a miracle, won't it. Ugh.

Huaaaaaan!

Minutes upon minutes pass, and the shrine's torii gate now looks so, so far in the distance. The skies are thankfully clear, so I'm fairly confident that the waters will stay smooth for the next while... with some distance from the island, alongside my prospects for clear weather, I can safely rest myself for a while.

I take a deep breath, and look out at the horizon. It'll be strange, going away from the island that I've called home for all my life. Will the water horizon look the same, even if I'm oceans away?

Only time will tell.

I never expected to leave like this. For better or for worse, Alto Mare has always been my home, and in a way, simply abandoning it feels almost sacrilegious.

Huaaaaan!

That noise again... if only it was her.

If only...

〜✧〜

I've been daydreaming. Generally speaking, that's a pretty dangerous thing to do when you're in the water — but with all that's been on my mind, it's really only natural.

I rub my eyes, forgetting that the sea here is saltwater — ouch! — and immediately try to ignore the red spot in my vision resulting from my thoughtless choice.

Blegh. Rubbing my eyes will only worsen things, and I need to conserve my good water, so I'll have to wait this one out...

Huaaaaan!

Huh, I guess I usually don't see red when my eyes get irritated like this, come to think of it. Am I bleeding, then?

I carefully cup the backside of my hands (salt-free, thankfully) to my eyes, trying to see if there's somehow blood coming from them, which would certainly neccesitate some sort of emergency action on my part.

But there's nothing. The red color, in fact, seems to go away whenever I close my eyes, which means that this couldn't be blood.

I blink a few times, trying to get rid of whatever is attempting to impair my vision — but that redness is still there. My vision is finally focusing, however, and...

I'm dreaming again.

Time is slowing down, and I can confidently, absolutely say that what I'm witnessing here, is not real. My Latias is now nothing, and she'll be gone from this world for a long time. She would not bother to take the form of another girl and proceed to break my heart, I know she wouldn't. I can confidently say that I'm dreaming of the way the sun shines off of her wings, the way her breath crystallizes slightly due to the cold air, and how her gaze feels so, so complex, like she's trying to tell me all that's happened to her within the past four years, because nothing has happened in the past four years other than the fact that she's joined her brother and my grandfather, and my believing anything else is setting me up for failure and hopelessness.

I take my oars and attempt to paddle away from my hallucination, or whatever the hell this is. I don't know what's happening. Maybe it's the fault of a Youkai-like Pokémon like Zorua trying to prey on me, and I can't take that chance.

But. Though my heart is racing like there's no tomorrow, my body is moving slowly. I can't do anything but continue to look at that fake Latias, while she continues to stare at me.

Huaaaaaan!

This cry feels less somber, and more jubilant.

Wait. Zorua can't speak while transformed, or so the legend goes. Does that mean...

My oar splashes into the water, as I raise my hand to my mouth in shock. It may be irresponsible of me, after all I've said and thought, but I'm allowing myself to believe, just this last time. If I'm mistaken yet again, I'll gladly swim with the Magikarp forever, but if I'm not...

I shouldn't be allowing myself to believe in this, to believe that this isn't anything more than a desperate hallucination. But she's here, I can feel it.

Just as I felt when I saw that girl.

Were they truly one and the same? Am I missing something here? Was that girl sent by Latias for some reason?

I have a suspicion that my words are utterly going to fail me here. This moment is my white Wailord. Or maybe my Shiny pink one.

That short and sweet request I had made not even an hour earlier... did it really come true? Is this really Latias's way of telling me that she has been here all this time?

I know the kami are said to exist alongside humans, and that although in many cases we can't see them, they're still around. That boy who saved the island years ago mentioned being pulled around by Latios on the Tour de Alto Mare, after all...

I want to understand the mysterious reasons of these supernatural beings. I may not be worthy of such knowledge, I know that, but...

Maybe I'll come to understand in the future.

'Atakushi no koto, hontou ni kaerubeki desuka?' I call out to Latias. Using such formal language to her feels foreign to me, but I want to be as respectful as I can be while I process this all — especially because I'm asking if I'm truly meant to return home.

Latias seems to smile at me, almost imperceptibly, and bobs her head up and down. Right as she does that, the winds start to pick back up, and I grab my still-floating oars.

〜✧〜

There's no other feeling quite like being in what amounts to a Pokémon-powered jetski. I'd imagine this is what Sharpedo surfing feels like in that distant region, far far away — our speed leaves an incredible wake in the water, and it's honestly quite fun, too.

This is all a dream, or some part of me wants to say.

But even as I get off of the boat onto a dock, I remain staunchly convinced that what I'm seeing is no dream.

Latias is floating above me, looking a bit more forlorn than I'd expect from her. I'm sure she understands that if this were another day, any other day, I'd be rapturously welcoming her back. But I can't let myself feel too much about this — there's always, always, always room for something bad to happen.

'What's wrong.' I ask her, my tone purposely flat to hide my genuine worry about her. Is this what I'm hoping it's not...?

Huaaaaan!

This cry of hers actually has meaning to it, I think, unlike her other attempts to garner my attention. It's been a long while since I've heard her speak to me, but...

'You really can't stay?'

I'm not surprised, but that doesn't stop my heart from breaking, just a little, even though I tried to tell myself that something like this could happen, that it was bound to happen.

She smiles at me forlornly, but says nothing in return.

I decide to try again, this time with a different question in mind.

'Then... will I ever see you again?'

I feel like a helpless puppy, like a Yamper parting with her owner for a long weekend. I'm attempting to suppress my worries by telling myself they're simply childish and selfish, but that doesn't really help all that much. It never really has.

Whatever the case, this time, she barks almost like a Spheal to me. It's very cute, and not only that — her answer gives me great relief — it's a resounding 'yes'.

I simply beam up at her, acutely aware of what a miracle it feels like I'm in the center of. Even if this moment itself can't last, simply the knowledge that I will have at the very least one more like it is incredibly comforting.

〜✧〜

'This isn't goodbye, Latias. I...'

I pause and swallow, trying to gain my courage to say the words I've turned around in my head time and time again.

'I love you.'

I've wanted to say that to her, just about ever since I lost her years ago. She was my best friend, hell, even part of my family — and throughout my lengthy process of mourning her loss, mourning her absence, I came to the realization that in many cases, it's impossibly hard to know how good something is until it's gone.

Put succinctly, I don't want to feel like I wasn't enough to her anymore. I want to be confident that I've been good to her, that I won't ever be the reason for her leaving again. I want to dispel the hurt I've felt for hundreds, if not thousands of days by now.

I want to make an effort, and that starts by telling something important to me how much I value them. I may be wording this all strangely, almost like a confession — but I really, in all honesty, don't think it's anything of the sort. For us to have been as close as we were, and to have trusted each other as much as we did, it would have been obvious that that was the case — and I'm sure she felt the exact same way with her brother, too.

Latias is special to me in her own way, and I want to welcome her back into my heart, and hopefully as part of my family yet again, even if my grandfather and her brother are still gone. Even if it won't help matters, I at least want to say it once.

I choke out the phrase right as it seems she's readying for takeoff into the blue, blue sky, and recieve a glad-seeming smile in return.

It's a bit hard to tell what the emotions written on her face mean after so, so long... but some things never change, in a way.

I wonder if I haven't changed in her eyes, too.

〜end〜

 

[K_S]

Blitz review
Chapter 1


Hi fellow blitz personage, time for a swing by review as a thanks for helping run things.

Yay alto mare what ifs are fast becoming a favorite of mine. (I blame couch for it)

And with an intro ljke that "lost everything" we are hittong choppy water almost immediatly.

My condolences for the p.o.v. (point of view) character being unable to visit the grave. Be it psychological or a physical limit thats always rough.

And what theyre asking for... That reunion might very well be an impossibility. If latias is grieving thier brothers death and not departed off the mortal coil themselves they likely are going to be gone a long time (exagerated by the legends timeless trait) if not just hiding from the poachers and rocket.

Kamon's line about forever young made me snicker. Ash never ages amd its practically an in joke in canon.

It seems kanon had big plans for the world outside. Ironically the tragedy of her losses seem to have bound kanon tighter to alto mare. The coping method her expressing pain through painting sounds very true to life.

You get the sense that every moment in alto is a pain, a waiting game, and a grief revisited. The numbing loss as she adapts to cope with the loss of her grandfather, its like shes waiting for that dread to seep out to cover the bits of her emotions tied to lat' as well as she just goes through the motions.

I wonder if the girl on the swing is lat', it seems likely, but you never know and that uncertianty leaves thisnoiece on a fitting bittersweet note.

 

[K_S]

Blitz review
Chapter 2

Lovely how some fics are like "thought i was a one shot did you, nope i'm a threefer" isnt it?

and we are back for another dose of pain. Poor kanon is just in the ringer and probably should not be handling delicate artifacts in that state. If she handles it too long wont alto mare flood again?

So i'm suspecting from the guarded shut down this poor kid on the swing is exuding tjat this isnt lat'. Just some poor undernourished soul seeking sanctuary on the swing. Unfortunatly kanon is so desperate she cant even entertain that idea. I think even thinking it would break her. And so she accidentally kidnaps someone? Oh dear poor both of them at this point.

Kanons so spent she just crashed. Then went into manic cleaning mode to prep a living space for the wrong person... And i think alto mares state is reflecting her own. Its only more colorful because kanon has some misguilded hope going on... Where before it was all greys and washed out despite canonically (sorry i know its a bad pun i couldnt resist) it being very vibrant. And the build up and scatteredness of kanons cooking is so heartbreaking... Her desperation is running rampant through everything. Its obviois to those in her day to day life. And the build up of kanon wanting to make this delusion her whole life...

Ouch.

Then the let down she gets when her ah... Guest... Confesses that no, she isnt who kanon thinks she is really is the kicker in the end. I wonder if kanon even got the poor things name after everything?

 

[K_S]

Blitz review
Chapter 3

And in which kanon throws in the towel.

On one hand shes making so many bad choices in her pain on the other the hand her encounter with the poor kid feels a bit like a wake uo call. A sign pointing at her fixating on shoveling her world into how it was wasn't going to work.

Unfortunatly with the pains so close i dont think kanon can see that far much less abaorb that information.

I would say "give up on that posionous hope kin" but thats just me.

Yep kanon packed all the essentials. Wait she doesnt have a flying or water mon does she? Oh dear this is not lookong good. Especially.since her dingy feels like a casual use row boat more than anything useful.

I would say the shrine is the last place she'd want to go all things considered.
And we are getting another round of twist the emotional damage knife.

Sorry i know you've used the term before but can you define kami for me please. I think it means spirit but my grasp on it goes to say... A western style ghost... And it doesnt fit the context very well.

Love how at her lowest shes cursing the mon but sparing giratina. I suspect its more a nod toward her dispair but as a gir' fan it made me smile a little bit.

And shes finally choking the idea down of her last family being gone at long last. The acknowledgement of her loss feels healthier than anything shes done so far.

Even if that anger towards the poor kid she picked up feels really misplaced.

Kanon is stuborn, hurting but stubborn. I mean latias' sorta call going off once, chance. But we are getting into scientific notation territory with how often that call is going off.

And she barely manages to yank off her viel of pain to see lat' ight in front of her. Literally right in front of her.

Looks like its going to be a short reunion.. I wonder lat's reason in leaving again but hopefully given this reunion kanon, and lat' can keep healing and living.