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Pokémon Lessons Learned

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
  2. zygarde
Hey, this is one of two fics I wrote for Serebii Yuletide 2016. My recipient The Teller quite enjoyed it and I hope other people do too. It is also NOT part of the Yangverse.

Lessons Learned

lessons_learned_cover.png

The great Miror B didn't think he'd be reduced to this.


Out of a job with Cipher in ruins, forced to rely on his beloved smother - er, mother- for bills, and now hunched over a computer screen looking through the Internet for some lead, any lead, on a new job.


Behind him in the dingy, beat-up, and dimly-lit one-bedroom apartment they were all staying in, the Ludicolo that comprised Miror B's dance team were lounging around in boredom. If their boss did not have the will to dance, neither did they, and thus their motivation to do anything at all had been slowly drained away to nothing.


Then, as he desperately browsed the web, Miror B's eyes lit up as he came across a particular article.


"What is this... Pure Barre?"


The Ludicolo perked up ever so slightly.


"It's a dance class... And an exercise class... Rolled up into one fantastic combo!"


Miror B stood up from the computer screen and struck a pose.


"That's it! I shall create B-Barre, the ultimate Disco-cise class! I'm an entrepreneur in the making, baby!"


The Ludicolo looked among each other with worry. On one hand, their boss had an idea. On the other, it did not seem like a very good idea.


-------


Miror B had gotten a building rented out. He knew he had to start the decoration, make the place look utterly glorious, but first he must practice being an instructor. And who better to do it with than his Ludicolo team?


"Alright, everymon, into places!"


The Ludicolo were all lying flat on their backs with weighted disco balls between their flipper-like appendages. Miror B was doing the same, wearing his usual afro and disco sunglasses but sporting a tight gray-and-blue t-shirt with the words "Bii Fit" emblazoned on the front, and tight, sporty black pants.


"Alright everyone, lift those balls and strike a dance pose!"


The Ludicolo tried, oh, they tried, but the balls were just too heavy. Miror B struggled with his as well.


"Too... Much... Weight in there..." he said.


Two Ludicolo bonked into each other with the weighted balls. This created a domino effect of the Ludicolo bouncing into each other and being rolled by the weighted disco balls until they crashed into the sides of the building.


Miror B collapsed, looked on, and sighed. "Next lesson, I guess..."


-----


The Ludicolo were now lined up with metal bars held between their flippers, Mirror B once again standing up before them doing the same.


"Alright, now all you gotta do is twirl the batons and your bodies... At the same time!"


The Ludicolo looked around themselves warily.


"And... Go!"


The Ludicolo twirled into a dance, spinning their batons. However, one got its baton entwined with another's, leaving their arms a tangled mess. Another let go of its baton while it was in full swing, it spiraling and slamming into the face of another Ludicolo. A third Ludicolo spiraled upward into the ceiling, flying through a hole and keeping going up and up and up.


Miror B sighed, pulled a checklist out, and crossed something off wearily.


"Third time's the charm, I guess?"


-----


The Ludicolo were now doing leg stretches, Miror B leading the way.


"Alright, now keep those poses up! We haven't had any injuries ye-"


Suddenly a Ludicolo tripped. It tripped into another, creating another domino effect until they all tumbled forward into Miror B himself.


Miror B groaned from under the pile of Ludicolo. "First injury for me, I guess..."


-----


The Ludicolo were now balanced on low-lying planks of wood, posing more carefully and spaced apart from each other, Miror B looking on again in approval.


"Alright, you guys are now spaced apart from each other that you should not injure each othe-"


He noticed a Ludicolo lying flat on its face, waving its arms desperately in the air. Miror B turned to scold it.


"Hey! This is a disco-cise class, not a planking class!"


He then realized the Ludicolo had fallen flat on its face and was desperately trying to keep its balance.


"...Wait, never mind what I said be careful the-"


The Ludicolo's hand struck another's foot, which sent it careening into the air and breaking the plank of two others. They slid together and crashed as well, topping into more until there was a pile of Ludicolo and broken wood in the center of the room.


Miror B just stared. Stared at this symbolic, almost artistic, illustration of what his life had been reduced to, barely able to process it at first, before crumpling up his notes and retreating into a back room to fetch Super Potions and Revives.


-----


The night out was dark cold, and gloomy. The Ludicolo were all standing stock still in the middle of the room, thoroughly spaced apart, not moving an inch.


"Come on," said Miror B, "This is the "Stand Totally Still Class." Where you guys don't get injured. Just burn calories by standing there and and... Um... Breathing. And blinking. Really hard. Really, really hard"


The Ludicolo all stared and blinked, but not really, really hardly, only incredulously.


"Come on guys, work with me here."


One Ludicolo raised its hand.


Miror B yelped. "Don't even put your hands up!"


The Ludicolo in question brought its hand down into a sulk, and left the building dragging its arms behind it in exhaustion.


"Wait! D-Don't go!"


The other Ludicolo, one by one, imitated the first and left the building, leaving a desperate Miror B behind.


"Guys, wait! The grand opening is tomorrow! We've gotta fix up and decorate the place! You all have always been my team!"


But it was too late. They were all gone. Every last Ludicolo had deserted the place.


Miror B slumped his long, gangly arms as he dragged himself off helplessly into the back room, and curled up in a ball, lying there silently.


----


Outside, in the dark, in the chilly air, the Ludicolo huddled together for warmth, looking over the unfinished B-Barre building with dismay.


Everything their boss had tried had been a failure. Everything had resulted in a pile of messes and injuries for themselves and even him. This was a lost cause. Maybe even he was a lost cause.


But then they thought to themselves, and murmured. Even in Cipher, Mirror B had always been good to them, raising them from little Lotad into the best dancers they could be. Even now, he had always healed each and every last one of them after every injury, and it was still they who had given up on him in the end, not the other way around. And the grand opening was tomorrow.


Slowly but surely, they got to work. They started decorating, repairing, practicing, preparing. Tomorrow would be a big day for all of them. Including him.


-------


Miror B woke up to the sound of activity outside the back room. He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep - his afro had always made a comfortable pillow. He slowly got to his feet and made his way outside, expecting the building to still be a wreck.


He was startled to find it had been fully painted and furnished, with the equipment he had bought and prepared on that loan he was previously dreading paying off all set up and ready. And his Ludicolo were tending to customers, multiples of them, balancing on planks and striking energetic disco poses and lifting weighted disco balls, all under the character supervision of his Ludicolo.


One customer approached him.


"Are you the manager of this "B-Barre" place?"


"...Yes. Yes I am," he said.


"Your Ludicolo are giving us a great workout! You've gotta show us more about how well you've taught them!"


At this Miror B grinned and stepped up to the stage.


"Now everyone! We're gonna have a good workout today, so just follow the lead of my Ludicolo team and we'll have a good time!"


He was cheering internally. He'd done it.


The Ludicolo winked among themselves. They'd done it.


***

If this seems similar to the Spongebob episode Band Geeks, that was intentional. :P
 
Last edited:

windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
  9. manectric
I'm here for review roulette! Since you mentioned this being an older fic I'll keep that in mind while reading. A lot of improvement can happen in just a few years, after all!

So. General thoughts. I gotta say, you're great at humor. I caught myself laughing several times going through this. And you did a great job of capturing the quirkiness of Miror B. I could 100% envision him coming up with some sort of thing like "disco-cise" in a place where he wasn't wrapped up in Cipher any more. Each increasingly ridiculous scenario of things going totally wrong was hilarious.

Miror B was doing the same, wearing his usual afro and disco sunglasses but sporting a tight gray-and-blue t-shirt with the words "Bii Fit" emblazoned on the front, and tight, sporty black pants.
Miror B... stick to the bellbottoms. Please. I don't think I want to imagine you in those pants. (Joking aside, I was heavily amused by the "Bii Fit" joke).

So the only kinda negative thing I have to say about this is that I wish there was a bit more to the second to last scene. I would have liked to see a bit of the Ludicolo getting things together. But overall? Length and the prose were just right for the type of story it is. I had fun with it!
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Location
smol scream
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
Aww, Umbra, this was cute and charming. I snorted at the smother joke. I liked how, in the end, both the ludicolo and Mirror B credited themselves with the success.

One place I had trouble suspending my belief was where they couldn't even stand in place without hurting each other. Maybe if it was a bee ludicolo crew? But these are his experienced dancers he’s raised for so long! I also had to wonder how bad these injuries could really be — revives? I’d hate to see them try to make headway in a battle.

In places I think you could expand the description (like instead of “it created a domino effect,” you could drag it out and show me one staggering, arms windmilling, and hitting the next and the next ... like a line of dominoes.” In other places you could do a little tightening, especially with regard to dangling modifiers.


Out of a job with Cipher in ruins, forced to rely on his beloved smother - er, mother- for bills, and now hunched over a computer screen looking through the Internet for some lead, any lead, on a new job.
With Cipher in ruins, he was out of a job, forced to rely on his smother — er, beloved mother — for help with bills. Now he hunched over a computer screen...

Little tweaks for clarity. 👌🏻
 

kintsugi

golden scars | pfp by sun
Location
the warmth of summer in the songs you write
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. silvally-grass
  2. lapras
  3. golurk
  4. booper-kintsugi
  5. meloetta-kint-muse
  6. meloetta-kint-dancer
  7. murkrow
  8. yveltal
  9. celebi
Okay! I'm starting to see why you thought it was weird that people characterized your fics as "normally serious and not very comedic". This was a really fun and refreshing read.

quick grammar note, there's something weird with this sentence:
He knew he had to start the decoration, make the place look utterly glorious, but first he must practice being an instructor.
"Start the decoration" doesn't read very clearly to me, and then "must" is in present tense.

The Ludicolo were now balanced on low-lying planks of wood, posing more carefully and spaced apart from each other, Miror B looking on again in approval.
I admire your commitment to the visual gags throughout (and in general) -- usually visual humor doesn't translate well in literature because you can't literally show characters in funny poses/funny expressions. For the most part I think you do a good job of setting up each scene's visual gag quickly (and the pacing of the story would be disrupted if you spent too much time on it), but for this one I honestly didn't know what they were supposed to be doing with their bodies, which made the whole scene that followed a lot more confusing.

I do wish the individual ludicolo were less of a horde/hivemind in this one? One of the funniest things about "Band Geeks" was how each of the characters find a way to screw over Squidward's hopes/dreams in their own, special, stupid way. Here it's a little hard to get a grasp for any of the Ludicolo beyond "criminally incompetent at things they are kind of supposed to be good at".

Still though! This is a fun piece. The short-pacing is good; you time the punchline here really well and keep everything hella light-hearted. Fun read!
 

Adamhuarts

Mew specialist
Partners
  1. mew-adam
  2. celebi-shiny
  3. roserade-adam
Reading this fic reminded me of the one thing I enjoy a lot about your written works. Your fics are very straightforward and easy to digest, which I think works really well in comedic formats like the one this one was written in.

It was funny seeing Mirror B failing spectacularly to practice with his ludicolos and made me feel bad about him at one point, so to see his pokemon work together to make his work worthwhile and cheer him up. Though while I like the straightforwardness of your fics, they tend to make me wish there was more to read in the story, but alas that might not be what you were trying to achieve.

Alas, it was a short and sweet story and I had a nice time reading.
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Staff
Location
somewhere in spacetime
Pronouns
they/them
Partners
  1. pikachu-chibi
  2. lugia
  3. palkia
  4. lucario-shiny
  5. incineroar-starr
Miror B was doing the same, wearing his usual afro and disco sunglasses but sporting a tight gray-and-blue t-shirt with the words "Bii Fit" emblazoned on the front, and tight, sporty black pants.
I was not prepared for "Bii Fit" xD
Suddenly a Ludicolo tripped. It tripped into another, creating another domino effect until they all tumbled forward into Miror B himself.
I'm suddenly imagining those 3d renders of like, ragdoll physics on things that should not have ragdoll physics.
"Alright, you guys are now spaced apart from each other that you should not injure each othe-"
Responsible social distancing.👌
"Come on," said Miror B, "This is the "Stand Totally Still Class."
"Welcome to standing up school"
Miror B woke up to the sound of activity outside the back room. He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep - his afro had always made a comfortable pillow.
asfgjfa of course Miror B would use his afro as a pillow
If this seems similar to the Spongebob episode Band Geeks, that was intentional. :P
Ahhh, I should have realized!

This was a cute read! Miror B shenanigans are always appreciated, and like many of your one shots, you've got a knack for visual comedy and charming/uplifting character interactions. Nice job~
 
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