Pokémon kunāne (oneshot)

[Inyssa]

I went into this not reading the CWs, which wasn't really a mistake but I wasn't expecting the reveal halfway through the story that Rawi was dead, and it definitely had its intended impact because it left me kinda frozen for a few seconds, until the pieces started falling together. Damn. That's really rough, not just for someone as young as our MC but for anyone, especially when you don't have a support network and your family has a history of ignoring these things.

The start, abrupt as it was, made me feel a little lost at first mostly because of the first person POV and lack of descriptions, but I think it works really well on a short reread of that scene, feeling less real and more dream-like in a way. After that though, the descriptions are deliciously detailed, not just painting a picture but giving it context with the character's pasts and their history with said vistas, and with the Lapras that was always there for them. You have a real gift for mixing atmosphere and emotion. When our MC describes the sea, whether day or night or in storm, there's always some fresh melancholy there, which quickly and sharply turns into an outburst of pain and unsaid words as the Hoopa thing unveils and it's revealed that our MC was intending on following Riwi's footsteps.

I really, really like how strange and ambiguous that scene was. It felt almost like magical realism, only that can never really exist in a world like that of Pokemon, lol. But still, that scene was absolutely the gem of the fic for me. The waves crashing the MC against the bottle, the Lapras desperately trying to break through them, the unsaid words that feel like a knife to both of their chests... It was a punch to the face of a scene.

This is our cove. It looks the same all over but it isn't; it's my childhood home and now my greatest sorrow. No other place in the world will hurt to look at in the same way that this one does. I will be the youngest for the rest of my life.

Oof. Big, big oof. Still, that last scene as our MC stares ahead at the ocean, alone, and doesn't quite reach an epiphany but at least resolves to say Hello, Goodbye, I love you one last time, was a nice balm to the pain, bittersweet though it may be. And sometimes that's all you need for your luck to start to change. Even if that luck is an old friend coming back to you.

Wonderful, wonderful one-shot. I'm so glad I found this; it felt so raw and real and I have nothing but praises for it. I aspire to character writing as good as this.

 

[kintsugi]

back to the cove. I am actually wizening looking at the timestamps on some of these--sorry for how long it took to make a response! this is one of those stories that I think I'll carry for a while, so I still greatly appreciated the feedback/corrections.

Spoiler: love

I love pedantic nitpicks ofc! I went back to make some of them and. it seems I made them back in 2022 and then never responded, which is unfortunately a kint classic but was quite rude of me. These were really good prose edits, thanks lol. The Hoopa lore was almost entirely made up, and honestly knowing it might've made things more confusing. Thanks for the prose readthrough and vibe check!

Spoiler: Nubushi

Thank you for this super detailed review! I know I'm like ten thousand years late in saying it, and I'm glad a lot of those hints worked--basically hit the nail on the head for what I was going for. I don't think I'd ever really outsmart all genre-savvy readers and fool everyone into being surprised that Rawi was dead all along--it's okay for me if people figure it out before the narrator was willing to acknowledge, like you mentioned later. I thought all of your commentary was insightful; I think you were particularly right about the story trying to wrap around these things that don't have closure, don't have words--though fwiw I'm glad that the words I picked did resonate with you. I think this was one of the first stories I wrote where I feel like I had more traction in trying to convey how I felt to others, so even after all these years I'm glad that it gave you some catharsis. Also, yeah, Music of Marie was gorgeous!!! thank you for this rec!

Spoiler: aer

I definitely find myself getting older and needing less explanation in this story, like you say, and I definitely went on to explore these ideas more in later works/with the same prototype themes, mmm. Thank you for putting your thoughts on paper, especially outlining the conflict--useful for me to know where things didn't stick for you! Thanks for reading.

Spoiler: Shiny Phantump

I'm glad that the emotions got through! I think, yeah, it's not as grounded in exact plot points as some of my later stuff ended up being. I'm glad that it resonated with you regardless, and thank you for sharing your thoughts here! Much appreciated.

Spoiler: unrepentantAuthor

Apprecite the crosspost, and also the review! I do think the contest ended up acting as a beta read as sorts, and while it ended up being a lot after this review, I do think it ended up a little cleaner the third/fourth time round. Thanks for your insights here; it helpded the revision process a lot.

Spoiler: TheCouchEffect

Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad that the relationships and worldbuilding worked for you, and that the Hoopa stuff landed well. Thank you for reading!

Spoiler: bluesidra

(I think, loosely, if you end up reading this, be aware that this review touches on the suicidal ideation you put in your spoiler. it also doesn't touch on it very well, since it took me a long time to really unpack some of it in my own heart--but just a heads up, since we're both years older now and you may have forgotten the context in which you wrote this)

Spoiler

your comment on jeans vs pajamas was one of those I needed to roll around for a while; I'm sorry. I think you were accurate on all fronts in your assessment of why he was dressed the way he was. I hope it didn't inspire you to think more about what you'd wear.

Those kinds of stories are the main reason I didn't do it yet even though I don't believe it. Sounds pretty sad to hear him say that, tho.

mmm, perhaps the stories are all we have.

I appreciate your comments here--it's clear that it evoked a lot of resonating emotions in you, and that's always nice to hear as a writer and a person. That it helped you look at some of the heavier thoughts is especially gratifying to hear, and I appreciate you taking the time to parse through some of those here. Thanks for reading!

Spoiler: Dragonfree

I didn't take it as weird at all that you came to this a few years later--it's always lovely to hear your thought processes and I always appreciate your insight on my work! I think prose-wise this one has some older hallmarks for sure, but I did yoink those prose edits; thank you!

I'm glad that the Hoopa stuff landed, and largely in the way I had meant. Definitely one of my more vague "what's actually going on here" plots, but I'm glad that the ambiguous reality didn't obscure the subtext on messages and bottles too much. Appreciate your thoughts on the character dynamics, their underlying family dynamic, and the ending--those were definitely hard bits for me to frame together for a while, and unfortunately were quite load bearing, so it's good to hear that those still worked well. Thank you for reading!

Spoiler: Inyssa

I'm glad you loved this fic so much omg--these compliments coming out of right field to sucker punch me haha. It's one of those that holds a lot of complicated emotions for me, so I'm glad that they landed/resonated with you. Really means a lot to hear that! Thanks for reading. <3