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Pokémon K_S Villian-tine's promt, "A fix" Now Grammerly'ed

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
Author's note/Salutation:

Welcome to the edited version of my Villiantine's prompts. As it says on the tin, there be editing... as well as some dividing. My frantic note storage made the O.G version a nightmare to read, so I'm splicing them up into standalone pieces and re-releasing so anyone who wants to read my most recent work can skip a migraine.

Enjoy!


PROMPT 5:
Fix/ a fix/

definition:
General: to repair something or hang something.
Slang: a dose of illegal drugs
Mob slang: to commit murder

Content warnings, ranked R, slurs, racism, discussion of drug use, and sexual assault.


Most didn't know, but Giovanni Sakaki was skilled in more than the Famiglia Business. It'd started as a spark of idle curiosity, one of his infamous, dreaded, why questions uttered at dinner.

Why were they having to eat out here on the lawn and not in the dining room?

His stupidity had been noted by his whole family. And they all had things to say, from the youngest la nipote who called him some weird thing that he'd had to look up (it had meant stupid head in Kantoese) to oldest Capo who was gracing their table courtesy of a legal loophole and paying off his bail with a bribe steep enough that his parole officer would of testified the old grey beard was on the moon. Cat calls and jeers were given by one and all. And tall tales about how the Mad'am must have dropped him on his head as a baby...

The sadder truth, the Madam hadn't laid a finger on him more than was necessary. It'd been wet nurses and aides who'd done the deed, assuming any dropping had happened at all.

A Capo, older than Sal, swatted him upside the head, bellowing that, "Wasn't it obvious, the fucking plumbing's gone crazier than a golbat outta hell and..."

Gemma wasn't nearby to save him or explain.

Not that Giovanni was totally in the dark.

"Golbat out of hell", was a tame way to encapsulate the black slime that'd been oozing out of all the sinks and tubs, and the screaming and stench. Giovanni hadn't been near any of the sinks and stuff, having been yanked out of his attic hidy hole with some friendly rattata he'd been chatting up. But he'd smelled something foul, and knew something was up.

It was why he'd been hiding.

Between the puke-inducing reek, and having to play hide and seek unexpectedly, Gemma'd been furious. Fuming about why she "had to be the responsible one", and ordering him to "swat that dust bunny off his head, it was gross", while doing that hauling.

She'd unrepentently dumped his six-year-old ass between xenophobic zia and hard ass zio before badgering an adult for a phone so she could see if someone in her social circle had a working shower.

Fumbling through a language he should have been taught over his cradle, and hadn't, he managed to squeak out one more why question. In the proper tongue, before his xenophobic Aunt had hushed him with a tug on his long locks.

"Why don't we fix it? We got tons of fixers?"

"They aren't that type of fixers," he squawked at a brutal tug, but didn't cry, dared not, and wising up a little, he kept his head down and his mouth shut.

But still, he wondered.

Xxx​

What started as curiosity was fanned into a blaze by sheer irritation. Unfortunately, mob carelessness and repeated frustration had driven Giovanni to master basic piping and household maintenance. Despite all the stereotypes, he learned to spite both Nona and the Madams' networks.

If they weren't able to come in, to work in his abode, it was harder for them to plant things in his house. Be it bombs or bugs.

His passion project had inspired his famiglia to gift him all sorts of red hats. He'd burned them. Especially the ones mongrammed with an "m".

His talents were a blessing at Nona's, and were swiftly becoming a curse here.

This was the fifth fucking time his roommate had poured grease down the sink. Did the moron think that the magical drain clefairies were going to skip down Mount Moon and fix things for him?

The last was snarled, out loud, at the guilty grease dumping party. Fabio, unrepentant ass that he was, had no craps to give, and his bored monotone showed it.

"Look man," Fabio, a dullard even by mafioso breaker standards, hovered over him. Passing down tools to the biggest tool of a roommate he'd ever had. "It's not like we aren't made of money, make a call, cough up some dough...."

"It'll be handled in-house." The only nice thing about Fabio was you didn't have to make lame excuses. Truth could be told. "You know that, I know that. Even if we pay double to get an outsider to do the work, they'll get intercepted..."

"So?"

"Bugs, you dumb... I do not want to spend three hours combing through our things for fucking bugs!"

Because if he did, he was throwing the lanky man's things out the second-story window. Again. The fall would shake off the dust if nothing else.

Fabio yawned, a few heavy steps were heard, and the fridge door clicked open. Chewing ensued.

"Ish 'ow th' f'ks show th' 'are."

Care? The man was clearly more brainwashed than a mareep. And brain-damaged. It was a thin consolation, but the first semester would likely see this dumbass to the curb due to bad grades.

Shame it couldn't be sooner.

Giovanni grit his teeth. Counted to ten twice, then decided to take a break. Wrench clenched in his hands, squirming back and out, the first sight beyond pipes and cobwebs was of the (regretibly) familiar form of a man who hadn't been encouraged towards cleanliness as a child and flaunted it as an adult. The man was wearing an oversized "GO Tauros" shirt, and boxers, and about a half-week's worth of grease atop his head.

It was the sight of the pizza in the bastard's hand that froze Giovanni as if he'd been ice beamed to the spot. Oblivious, chewing like the cow his shirt advertised him to support, Fabio looked down at him, long features stamped with obvious boredom.

"Whash y'r," a loud swallow, and at gulps' end a wild coherence appeared, "problem Sakaki?"

The problem? The leftovers were from a box clearly labeled as his.

Before he could even begin to express his anger at the theft, the pipes rattled. The grimmer, when it reared up out of the sink, was as nauseating as they came. Marked with chickenwing bone spines, eggshell armor that crinkled with every move, and a pen and some papers rising out of its back like a half crumpled fin. It was half 'mon, half grease ball, and a complete nightmare.

It was also proof that Fabio had no fucking clue how to use the god damned garbage disposal. Fabio managed to both multitask and lower himself in Giovanni's admittedly abysmal regard for the man. Screaming and puking, the lankey man staggered back, agog in panic and nausea.

Of course, the grimmer absorbed the half-digested meal with a sloppy trill.

Scrambling to up, wrench in hand, Giovanni managed a few good swings with his off hand, while using the other to call campus security. If Fabio got clipped in the ensuing madness... well, it was all heat of the moment.

Xxx​

Suffice to say, the university president was not pleased to have two prominent mafioso members in his office the first week of class. Small blessings be, there were no bodies. Greater blessings, the Fabio boy's family had paid a garchomp's ransom to keep things hush-hush.

The younger, some kid named Sakaki, had had no patron swan in to pay his dues. So by economic casualty, the boy was going to be the patsy. The president had had the younger boy go through all the motions. Locked in the campus holding cell, parents called, then once apathy levels were established, the young man had been hauled in by campus security.

The campus president had already seen the Fabio's out, by the sound of raised voices, both mobsters had seen each other, and there'd been some verble roughhousing.

Rich mocking poor. Slurs. Evil preying on evil, that sort of thing.

But that wasn't his business, and the Fabio's money was squirreled away in its proper accounts.

As far as the President was concerned, all was well.

The Sakaki boy was... rather underwhelming. Sporting a fresh shinner. More knees and angles than anything else. There'd been rumors the boy had skipped a few grades, having not grown into his last growth spurt, it was something the resident suspected was true. And he also wondered if the boy's age had been ticked up a few degrees. Regardless, the mafioso was an oddity not only in stature but in hair. He'd cut it near military short, eschewing his types perchance for long luscious locks and effeminine builds.

Sakaki's clothes were a point of satire. The boy was wrapped up in enough school advertising merch to look almost enthusiastic to be there. His original attire was mercifully at the campus laundry, being scrubbed within an inch of it's life. Sakaki's borrowed attire had been purloined from a school gift shop, so that this interview could be done with something like decency.

The attendant fees for all that school spirit were going to be added under the "damages and expenses toward college property".

Set out in its proper place, front and center, were expulsion papers. The list of accumulated fines and charges, and a pen for the boy to scrawl his name upon it all. The confessions would be legally binding, and the money due wired in, once things were said and done.

"Do you understand why you're here, young man?" After all, might as well go through the motions.

"I understand," The young man's voice was a study of pure rage. He had that growling tone that made a quiet voice carry. Shame he hadn't shown a lick of interest in theater, he'd of had a knack. Rubbing his wrists where cuffs had been, the young man flicked his dark eyes on the papers. "That my roommate's habits caused every pipe on wing A to spawn grimmer."

Silence, as the President smoothed his features to not let a lick of amusement show.

"Mon will do as mon will. That's the nature of beasts. Path of least resistance and all that."

Pointedly, the President set his pen on the table. Waited as comprehension dawned. Pale hands snatched the papers, flipped through them, as black eyes flicked over each line like a pair of startled deerling, skatting over each cause, clause, and bill. As if speed would shield him from the consequences.

"You're a mad man," near hysterical, Sakaki looked up at the President, eyes bugged. "Do you have any idea who I am?"

"I understand that in business circles, your mother is feared. You also need to understand, before you begin any postering, she was... disinterested... in intervening."

Disinterested was a mild term to describe the sheer utter scorn she held for her boy's academic future. Exercising a smidge of kindness, the President did not disclose exactly what mother had said about offspring. He also had not recorded this meeting despite her stating the only thing she regretted was not being able to personally see "widdle Giani's world fall apart".

"Any protections you think you harbor are not." Best he state that plainly. Least the boy get lethal ideas about help that wasn't coming. "So I advise, most strongly, that you sign without fuss. There is a payment plan for the fees, with a twenty-five percent interest, if you can't pay it all up front. Page nine-"

"He started it. You can't ignore that he was dumping my papers into the garbage disposal. Pouring grease, writing supplies, fucking around with the toilets in the women's dorms...."

Gossip had spread like wildfire yet again. Really details like that were normally only known between the guards and thier growlithe partners. And normally the staff here was discreet. The President made a mental note to talk to the head of security after this...

Because how had this slip of a man heard anything about the Fabio boy's other acts, considering he'd been incarcerated during the peak of the plumbing disaster... that was a mystery that needed to be sussed out.

Fast.

There were more secrets here than one frat boy's schenanigans. And here, all secrets needed to be kept least they lose thier tenious agreement with the Viridian Mob that guaranteed staff safety for educating the criminal's offspring.

Clearing his throat, the President folded his hands in front of him. Attempted to loom, without getting up. At his age, getting up and down was only to be pursued when absolutely necessary.

"The Fabio's have been handled. All things between them and this facility are squared away, you, however..."

"Fuck you." The brat tossed the papers down. "You know what he did, and I'm the patsy because my mother is a deadbeat bitch?!"

"You will calm down and sit down, or security will be called, and you will be escorted back to a cell. What state you are in when you're picked up by the real police will be concurrent with your compliance."

Silence, as old man looked down at the younger. Slowly, the scowl of rage crumpled. The young man folded into himself, slumping into his arms, quick enough that the President wasn't sure if he'd imagined the wetness around the young man's eyes, or not.

Masking his face, shoulders shaking, Hate born composure long gone, Sakaki croaked. "You know... I thought by going here, I was getting out."

"You can't get out," the President sighed. "No one does."

Reaching out, he patted the young man's shoulder.

He'd seen this often enough. Children who'd held on, scrambled, and scraped with a ghost of morals and decency, thinking education would set them free. They shattered, each in thier own way, when they found out the one place that'd take them wasn't the escape they wanted.

There were no anti-racism laws in Kanto, or Johto. No checks. No balances. No documentation. And because of that, so many Italians were destitute. Overlooked for any type of employment because they might have connections to the mob.

Supposedly far-flung Galar boasted some social progress. Mandates that prohibited firing for being Italian. But Galar was so far away it might as well be another world, rather than another region. And Johto and Kanto had enough history with the Italian diaspora and thier mob ties that thier refusal to deal with them was considered by the masses to be justified.

Even a form of self-defense.

"Let go of me."

The president did so, picking up his pen, tapping it on the desk. A mute warning. He wasn't here to be the young man's counselor. Just here to collect a signature, funds, and move on with his day.

Finally, with a shaky breath, Sakaki straightened. Scraping tough-looking hands over his face with a watery sigh. Smoothing his hair back with a grumble.

The mute, nothing to see here, was pathetic, but understandable.

"I'm going to give you one shot to do the moral thing," Sakaki warned, voice gritty with frustration and aborted tears. "You make this disappear, move me to a different dorm, and nothing happens."

Pathetic and delusional.

Lips curling into a sneer, the President ordered. "You sign now, or I call the guards. You have five minutes."

Younger stared down at his elder. Face still, eyes redlined, hands clenched together. Refusing to move, speak, and barely breathing. Finally, tired of it all, the President reached for his phone. Fingers one inch from pressing on the old-fashioned keyboard, he froze when Sakaki spoke.

"The bottom cabinet, right-hand side, has a false bottom. Inside is a custom cocktail tailored to both your allergies and heart medicines. You're an expensive man to provide for, since you're allergic to most generic fillers. You have two pouches, supplied on the regular. One is an off orange color that's an asphoradic."

"Which isn't a crime. If I had something like that in my possession."

Unmoved by the President's deflection, Sakaki carried on, thin lips quirking into a cruel smirk.

"While it's understandable for a man your age to have performance issues and you not wanting the embarrassment of going through open channels for your fun times... It's the other bag that's the kicker. The contents are quite the mix. A bit of this and that... Basically, it's a memory inhibitor and aphoristic... It has a slow release, twelve hours for both, that build so its victim might just think they're sick, a little loopy, then the lust kicks in atop the confusion... Someone might have an afternoon meeting with you, feel sick after hours, and be on the cusp of a confused chemical-born breakdown by nightfall. Mind degrading, body wanting..."

The president swallowed, eyes flicking anywhere but the young man, thin hand clenching.

"Then, the twist. A paralictic chaser to keep them from getting away while you take the master dorm keys in hand, follow them to thier room, and help yourself to the first bag."

Silence, the President slowly, carefully cradled the phone. Fingers hovering.

"You're lying. And delusional. I call for help, and you never step foot in this place again."

"That's one option. But I have contacts in the drug business. Maybe once academia doesn't work out... I can go back to those roots. I'm a fairly good chemist, aced AP, you can check yourself. With my skills, I could easily get into manufacturing custom orders. But I'm sure a man of your moral fortitude would never need to worry about any additives. Your stash is just a hold over from your sowing your wild oats days. A sentimental... curiosity."

The phone was set down.

"I took thier money, you can't go back. Those were the terms."

"I wonder," shuffling the papers, stacking them neatly, Sakaki considered causes and clauses of his expelling with a smirk. "if there's been a few investigations... Mob and otherwise... If you've left any traces of your indulgence on your victims. How would those mafioso families react, knowing you've been raping thier kids' friends and allies?"

Face turning an intriguing shade of grey, eyes wild, the old man looked at the younger. Trembling in his seat.

"Tell me, Mr. President," the fake disinterest fell away, as Sakaki lifted his gaze to meet the old man's eyes. "Have you ever laida hand on anyone in the familgia?"

The man's whole body flinch said worlds.

"Interesting, well, since we're done here and this is all harmless chit chat, I'll just sign these and..."

The pen was snatched and tossed aside. The papers were ripped away, ripped up.

"I think Viridian University would be.. honored..." the old man swallowed, clearly choking down on puke. "To keep someone of your... ah, pedigree... around, as long as you see fit."

"Are you stating I could get access to unlimited classes, no charge, for however long I want?" Eyebrows hopping in surprise, the young Rocket looked genuinely interested.

He'd also looked friendly earlier, when rattling off the contents and processes of the bags.

The President was uninclined to trust anything form this young man.

Smiling a sickly grin, the older man nodded. "We do have scholarships for a reason, Mr Sakaki."

"Well, don't let me slow you down, go ahead and toss something together on paper. We can do the signing right now. No time like the present."

And there was something sharp in the man's smile, something acidic to his pseudo-bubbliness. But once it was signd and sealed, legally binding, and swept away (Sakaki prefered the night classes, a win for both the President and Fabio both, less chance for encountering him) the President lived in fear for a month, maybe two. But time distanced him from that threat.

Sakaki was a typical mobster's son, indifferent to morals once his needs were met. He lived and let live. And that had been a relief. There'd been this girl, then a boy. Both so sweet, all young and innocent...

Then come winter holiday. There'd been a friend, of a friend, of a Mob family. Brought along on a legitimate scholarship, she'd taken her celebration with the staff and a few lingering students.

Sakaki had been there, but had been distant. An apathetic guest and a guard to no one. Content to settle into a nook, scan the room, and indulge in the free food.

Out of sight, out of mind, the President was content to let things be. He had a fresh dose from a new shipment and mixed it into the unsuspecting thing's water. And she left, never knowing what she drank, wandering off caterwauling silly tunes with some carolers before deciding to go home. He'd followed a few hours later, orange baggie in hand.

He'd dose, then slip in. Experience told him he'd have twenty minutes to set things up... Taking a draw, he shuddered, familiar pins and prickles teasing his nose and mouth. But when it started to burn, literally burn, he realized what had happened. His newest dose had been tampered with. He couldn't even scream; his airways smoldered, and he choked on the damaged flesh. Then a paralytic kicked in, pinning him in place, leaving him to his slow smoldering death in the snow.

He was found by pre-dawn clean-up. His body was whisked away to be dropped into the sewer system. After all, what was another death but just another secret to be swept away? A few flicks of the keyboard and a post-holiday sabatacial was declared, the man stepping down via email due to health concerns, and none were the wiser.
 

Ambyssin

Gotta go back. Back to the past.
Premium
Location
Residency hell
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. silvally-dragon
  2. necrozma-ultra
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. dreepy
  6. mewtwo-ambyssin
  7. vulpix-ambyssin
An interesting take on a young Giovanni. One that seems rooted in a lot of Italian mobster stereotypes or maybe Jersey descendants, as opposed to the yakuza that serves as the more direct inspiration for Team Rocket. A lot of mentions of family, although it sounds like it's a fairly dysfunctional one. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure if the first scene with kid!Gio is meant to suggest that he did used to be a sweet kid who falls into the lifestyle, as the university president's bit of introspection believes. Because when he's hauled in and proceeds to blackmail the guy, he slips into it so quickly it feels natural. Not to mention there's a clear shift in his headspace with the Fabio scene as well. So, a part of me does think he intentionally goes with the "schlub" routine to get folks like the president to lower their guards so he can pounce.

Maybe the answer's a bit of both? Dunno. I think the ambiguity's a good thing, actually. Helps to sell that he's a complicated character. And I know the pokémon fandom likes that aspect of him. Or, at least, most of the folks on Thousand Roads do. :mewlulz:

If you're leaning into the mafia angle, then it's good you introduce the idea of other syndicates in your version of Kanto. And maybe ones that are more prestigious — or at least have better family dynamics — than Team Rocket. Somehow Fabio manages to be both an organized crime kid and a bit of a frat bro, if I'm understanding things right? I think Gio's ability to show restraint even when his monologue is full of contempt for the guy helps to sell me on the belief that he is more competent at organized crime than he lets on.

Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
 
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Reactions: K_S

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
An interesting take on a young Giovanni. One that seems rooted in a lot of Italian mobster stereotypes or maybe Jersey descendants, as opposed to the yakuza that serves as the more direct inspiration for Team Rocket.

Theres some pretty plotty reason as to why they lean more italian stereotype than yakuza. But for now, enjoy the tangled saprano-esk madhouse that ruked gios life from chikdhood to young adulthood.


A lot of mentions of family, although it sounds like it's a fairly dysfunctional one.

Insanely so. They get worse the longer you know them. Of this generation Gemma is probably the only somewhat moral one. And that says a lot.

If I'm being honest, I'm not sure if the first scene with kid!Gio is meant to suggest that he did used to be a sweet kid who falls into the lifestyle, as the university president's bit of introspection believes.

It was to hit the fix goal. And to introduce gio and the reader to the idea that "a fix" isnt exactly one thing. And def wasn't tied to just fixing pipes. And yes, he was once a silly sweet kid, but that wasnt allowed to last long.

Because when he's hauled in and proceeds to blackmail the guy, he slips into it so quickly it feels natural.

He's been taught well and his hands are not clean. This was one of those pivital scenes, where he might of scrambled to get out if given a hand up. This was basically the final nail in the coffin when he just resignedly sinks into the expectation and runs with it.

Not to mention there's a clear shift in his headspace with the Fabio scene as well.

It gets more spotlight later, but right now gio is def two faced. Theres a glimmer of that kind person he could of been. It pokes out from time to time, and he smotheres it accordingly.

So, a part of me does think he intentionally goes with the "schlub" routine to get folks like the president to lower their guards so he can pounce.

Maybe the answer's a bit of both?

Its definitly a bit of both.

Dunno. I think the ambiguity's a good thing, actually. Helps to sell that he's a complicated character. And I know the pokémon fandom likes that aspect of him. Or, at least, most of the folks on Thousand Roads do. :mewlulz:
That we do!


If you're leaning into the mafia angle, then it's good you introduce the idea of other syndicates in your version of Kanto.

As this is a series of snap shots detailing gios past there will be a string of threads that walk the reader through Kantos complicated syndicate.. Very late Roost (a sequel) has gio scrape horns with Flare and the reader gets to see how they work then.. he also butts heads with Skull in Transversal... so he compares/contrasts thier workings verses Rockets, but at first Rocket is mainly a trade focussed, fragmented, domestic organization. They stick tight to kanto, johto, and have a few far flung relatives in orange isles and sevii that play at mobster.

The organization only starts becoming whats people are familiar with (meglomania far flung juggernut) in canon when Gio takes the helm after
An attempt on his life that kills his wife and nearly kills his son. Silver's later canonical abduction snaps the last thread of decency in Gio and he starts using Rocket to tear up regions in his fury.
and whips them into shape.

And maybe ones that are more prestigious — or at least have better family dynamics — than Team Rocket. Somehow Fabio manages to be both an organized crime kid and a bit of a frat bro, if I'm understanding things right?

Fabio is king of the frat bros. His crown has been consumed by the grimmer. Gio later takes a looong look at his family dynamics, realizes how damn screwed uo it is, he is, and actually sinks some time into fixing himself and his own inner circle. The rest of the famiglia think he's nuts as a result.

I think Gio's ability to show restraint even when his monologue is full of contempt for the guy helps to sell me on the belief that he is more competent at organized crime than he lets on.

He maybe a baby in the mobster world p.o.v. but he's a scarily compitent one, as later tales will show.

Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.


Glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. lugia
  5. growlithe
  6. quilava-fobbie
  7. sneasel-kate
  8. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, was looking for some lighter fare to help chip away at my target list of authors tonight, which brought me here. I’m not fully sure what your original Villain-tine’s piece was about other than that it followed Gio and given that I’ve read some of your prior Gio pieces, I have a general idea of what he’s like.

Anyhow, just from the opening description, I can already tell this story will go places, so let’s go ahead and see where things wind up:

Prompt 5

Most didn't know, but Giovanni Sakaki was skilled in more than the Famiglia Business. It'd started as a spark of idle curiosity, one of his infamous, dreaded, why questions uttered at dinner.

I feel that if you’re going to do “family business” it should either be all English or all Italian. If you opt for the latter, you want “impresa familiare” as a straight translation there, or if deliberately leaning into the underworld vibes, in contemporary Italian, Gio would likely be talking about something along the lines of “mestiere familiare” (“family trade”), but you probably want to poke an L1 speaker on-site to vouch for that.

Why were they having to eat out here on the lawn and not in the dining room?

His stupidity had been noted by his whole family. And they all had things to say, from the youngest la nipote who called him some weird thing that he'd had to look up (it had meant stupid head in Kantoese) to oldest Capo who was gracing their table courtesy of a legal loophole and paying off his bail with a bribe steep enough that his parole officer would of testified the old grey beard was on the moon. Cat calls and jeers were given by one and all. And tall tales about how the Madam must have dropped him on his head as a baby…

I think that the “la nipote” there works better without the definite article since the "la" semantically means "the", and “la nipote” specifically implies said child is a granddaughter/neice. Which I’m not sure if that was your intent there.

The sadder truth, the Madam hadn't laid a finger on him more than was necessary. It'd been wet nurses and aides who'd done the deed, assuming any dropping had happened at all.

Boy, I knew that Gio’s family life was messed up in the past stories I’d read, but this was still pretty :copyka: to read.

A Capo, older than Sal, swatted him upside the head, bellowing that, "Wasn't it obvious, the fucking plumbing's gone crazier than a golbat outta hell and..."

Gemma wasn't nearby to save him or explain.

Not that Giovanni was totally in the dark.

"Golbat out of hell", was a tame way to encapsulate the black slime that'd been oozing out of all the sinks and tubs, and the screaming and stench. Giovanni hadn't been near any of the sinks and stuff, having been yanked out of his attic hidey hole with some friendly rattata he'd been chatting up. But he'd smelled something foul, and knew something was up.

Giovanni: “Also, literally how is this my fault? Do I look like I’m old enough to manage plumbing here?!”
785236251842052096.webp


It was why he'd been hiding.

Between the puke-inducing reek smell, and having to play hide and seek unexpectedly, Gemma'd been furious. Fuming about why she "had to be the responsible one", and ordering him to "swat that dust bunny off his head, it was gross", while doing that hauling.

She'd unrepentantly dumped his six-year-old ass between xenophobic zia and hard ass zio before badgering an adult for a phone so she could see if someone in her social circle had a working shower.

I kinda wonder for the Italian you’re embedding into this story, if it’d have made sense to hovertext translations as you’re going along through things. Since while Gio knows what all this is in-setting, most of your readers will not by default.

Fumbling through a language he should have been taught over his cradle, and but hadn't, he managed to squeak out one more why question. In the proper tongue, before his xenophobic Aunt had hushed him with a tug on his long locks.

"Why don't we fix it? We got tons of fixers?"

"They aren't that type of fixers," he squawked at a brutal tug, but didn't cry, dared not, and wising up a little, he kept his head down and his mouth shut.

But still, he wondered.

Lovely family there! /s

What started as curiosity was fanned into a blaze by sheer irritation. Unfortunately, mob carelessness and repeated frustration had driven Giovanni to master basic piping and household maintenance. Despite all the stereotypes, he learned to spite both Nona and the Madam's networks.

Well that, and the corporal punishment probably helped motivate him to learn fast, too. ^^;

If they weren't able to come in, to work in his abode, it was harder for them to plant things in his house. Be it bombs or bugs.

I kinda wonder if the underlined should’ve gone into a bit more family anecdote, since the fact that these are mentioned so dispassionately would seem to imply that the Sakakis have had experience with both getting blown up and bugged by planted devices.

His passion project had inspired his famiglia to gift him all sorts of red hats. He'd burned them. Especially the ones monogrammed with an "M".

His talents were a blessing at Nona's, and were swiftly becoming a curse here.

It took me a while, but I just realized that someone in Gio’s family was having a giggle and trolling him with Mario caps over his plumbing skills. :mewlulz:

This was the fifth fucking time his roommate had poured grease down the sink. Did the moron think that the magical drain clefairies were going to skip down Mount Moon and fix things for him?

I’m surprised that he didn’t break the guy’s kneecaps out of frustration.

The last was snarled, out loud, at the guilty grease dumping party. Fabio, unrepentant ass that he was, had no craps to give, and his bored monotone showed it.

"Look man," Fabio, a dullard even by mafioso breaker standards, hovered over him. Passing down tools to the biggest tool of a roommate he'd ever had. "It's not like we aren't made of money, make a call, cough up some dough...."

"It'll be handled in-house." The only nice thing about Fabio was you didn't have to make lame excuses. Truth could be told. "You know that, I know that. Even if we pay double to get an outsider to do the work, they'll get intercepted..."

So just how many other mob families are there in and around Viridian given how paranoid the Sakakis and their associates are of literally any third party doing errands for them? :copyka:

"So?"

"Bugs, you dumb... I do not want to spend three hours combing through our things for fucking bugs!"

Because if he did, he was throwing the lanky man's things out the second-story window. Again. The fall would shake off the dust if nothing else.

I’m surprised that he still tolerates Fabio as a roommate. Unless Fabio was assigned to him as one and he didn’t have a say in the matter.

Though I’m a bit surprised that neither of the two are getting their Pokémon involved with their plumbing antics right about now.

Fabio yawned, a few heavy steps were heard, and the fridge door clicked open. Chewing ensued.

"Ish 'ow th' f'ks show th' 'are."

Care? The man was clearly more brainwashed than a mareep. And brain-damaged. It was a thin consolation, but the first semester would likely see this dumbass to the curb due to bad grades.

Shame it couldn't be sooner.

Giovanni: “(They could’ve sent him back to the old country, but nooooo, he has to be my dead weight in particular…)” >_>;

Giovanni grit his teeth. He counted to ten twice, then decided to take a break. Wrench clenched in his hands, squirming back and out, the first sight beyond pipes and cobwebs was of the (regrettibly) familiar form of a man who hadn't been encouraged towards cleanliness as a child and flaunted it as an adult. The man was wearing an oversized "GO Tauros" shirt, and boxers, and about a half-week's worth of grease atop his head.

Okay, now I’m really surprised that Gio’s never gone to town on this guy’s kneecaps. Since just his description makes him sound aggravating.

It was the sight of the pizza in the bastard's hand that froze Giovanni as if he'd been ice beamed to the spot. Oblivious, chewing like the cow his shirt advertised him to support, Fabio looked down at him, long features stamped with obvious boredom.

"Whash y'r," a loud swallow, and at gulps' end a wild coherence appeared, "problem Sakaki?"

The problem? The leftovers were from a box clearly labeled as his.

Giovanni:
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Before he could even begin to express his anger at the theft, the pipes rattled. The grimmer, when it reared up out of the sink, was as nauseating as they came. Marked with chickenwing bone spines, eggshell armor that crinkled with every move, and a pen and some papers rising out of its back like a half crumpled fin. It was half 'mon, half grease ball, and a complete nightmare.

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Yeah, seriously. I wouldn’t fault Gio for doing whatever he had to to get this guy out of his room.

It was also proof that Fabio had no fucking clue how to use the god damned garbage disposal. Fabio managed to both multitask and lower himself in Giovanni's admittedly abysmal regard for the man. Screaming and puking, the lanky man staggered back, agog in panic and nausea.

Of course, the Grimer absorbed the half-digested meal with a sloppy trill.

Scrambling to up, wrench in hand, Giovanni managed a few good swings with his off hand, while using the other to call campus security. If Fabio got clipped in the ensuing madness... well, it was all heat of the moment.

Oh, so Gio really did go to town on Fabio’s kneecaps over this. :copyka:

Suffice to say, the university president was not pleased to have two prominent mafioso members in his office the first week of class. Small blessings be, there were no bodies. Greater blessings, the Fabio boy's family had paid a garchomp's ransom to keep things hush-hush.

And probably put a hit on your head over everything that happened, but let’s think positive right now. ^^;

The younger, some kid named Sakaki, had had no patron swan in to pay his dues. So by economic casualty, the boy was going to be the patsy. The president had had the younger boy go through all the motions. Locked in the campus holding cell, parents called, then once apathy levels were established, the young man had been hauled in by campus security.

Not sure if I follow what those “apathy levels” being mentioned there are.

The campus president had already seen the Fabio and his family out, by the sound of raised voices, both mobsters the associate from Fabio’s famiglia and his own had seen each other, and there'd been some verbal roughhousing.

Rich mocking poor. Slurs. Evil preying on evil, that sort of thing.

You have a mix of typos and some wording here that I think would sound a bit better with some tweaks assuming that it’s still referring to what you intended.

But that wasn't his business, and the Fabios’ money was squirreled away in its proper accounts.

I… didn’t realize that ‘Fabio’ was the surname of Gio’s roommate there. I think that you should probably make that clearer from the jump since up until this point I thought it was his given name.

As far as the President was concerned, all was well.

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The Sakaki boy was... rather underwhelming. Sporting a fresh shiner. More knees and angles than anything else. There'd been rumors the boy had skipped a few grades, having not grown into his last growth spurt, it was something the resident suspected was true. And he also wondered if the boy's age had been ticked up a few degrees. Regardless, the mafioso was an oddity not only in stature but in hair. He'd cut it near military short, eschewing his types penchant for long luscious locks and effeminate builds.

You have some more typos here.

Sakaki's clothes were a point of satire. The boy was wrapped up in enough school advertising merch to look almost enthusiastic to be there. His original attire was mercifully at the campus laundry, being scrubbed within an inch of its life. Sakaki's borrowed attire had been purloined from a school gift shop, so that this interview could be done with something like decency approximating decorum.

I’m not really sure what was intended by the underlined up there. It might make sense to take a step back and try and say it in plainer terms.

The attendant fees for all that school spirit were going to be added under the "damages and expenses toward college property".

Oh yeah, I’m sure the Madam will love hearing about this.

Set out in its proper place, front and center, were expulsion papers. The list of accumulated fines and charges, and a pen for the boy to scrawl his name upon it all. The confessions would be legally binding, and the money due wired in, once things were said and done.

"Do you understand why you're here, young man?"

[ ] After all, might as well go through the motions.

I feel like you’re skipping over Gio’s thought process here a bit. e.x. Does he basically go “yeah, let’s get this over with already”, something else?

"I understand."

The young man's voice was a study of pure rage. He had that growling tone that made a quiet voice carry. Shame he hadn't shown a lick of interest in theater, since he'd of surely have had a knack for it. Rubbing his wrists where cuffs had been, the young man flicked his dark eyes on the papers.

"That my roommate's habits caused every pipe on wing A to spawn Grimer."

You probably want to make a point of running through and s/”gimmer”/”Grimer” (with or without the capitalization) at some point.

Silence, as the President smoothed his features to not let a lick of amusement show.

"Mon will do as mon will. That's the nature of beasts. Path of least resistance and all that."

Hey, funny story about the kid you’re about to kick out there, Mr. President… :copyka:

Pointedly, the President set his pen on the table. Waited as comprehension dawned. Pale hands snatched the papers, flipped through them, as black eyes flicked over each line like a pair of startled deerling, skatting over each cause, clause, and bill. As if speed would shield him from the consequences.

Who was waiting there for the comprehension? Gio, or…?

"You're a mad man," near hysterical, Sakaki looked up at the President, eyes bugged. "Do you have any idea who I am?"

"I understand that in business circles, your mother is feared. You also need to understand, before you begin any posturing, she was... disinterested... in intervening on your behalf."

Well damn. Though Gio really should’ve seen this coming given how his family didn’t exactly stick up for him at all in the earlier parts of this story.

Disinterested was a mild term to describe the sheer utter scorn she held for her boy's academic future. Exercising a smidge of kindness, the President did not disclose exactly what mother had said about her offspring. He also had not recorded this meeting despite her stating the only thing she regretted was not being able to personally see "widdle Giani's world fall apart".

Once again, lovely family there. /s

"Any protections you think you harbor are not have are not relevant right now." Best he state that plainly. Least the boy get lethal ideas about help that wasn't coming. "So I advise, most strongly, that you sign without fuss. There is a payment plan for the fees, with a twenty-five percent interest rate if you can't pay it all up front. Page nine-"

The underlined IMO is unclear to me as to whose perspective that’s from, since I assume that that isn’t Gio’s thought process there.

[ ]

"He started it. You can't ignore that he was dumping my papers into the garbage disposal. Pouring grease, writing supplies, fucking around with the toilets in the women's dorms...."

I think that you’d have benefitted from throwing in some description of Gio’s reaction and/or thought process here before he speaks up again.

Gossip had spread like wildfire yet again. Really details like that were normally only known between the guards and their growlithe partners. And normally the staff here was discreet. The President made a mental note to talk to the head of security after this...

Because how had this slip of a man heard anything about the Fabio boy's other acts, considering he'd been incarcerated during the peak of the plumbing disaster... that was a mystery that needed to be sussed out.

Fast.

I’m not sure if I’m really feeling the way that the PoV of the narration is veering over into the President’s headspace given that it started out with Gio’s and the entire chapter seemed fairly tightly coupled with Gio’s point of view thus far.

There were more secrets here than that went beyond one frat boy's shenanigans. And here, all secrets needed to be kept lest they lose their tenuous agreement with the Viridian Mob that guaranteed staff safety for educating the criminals’ offspring.

Some more typos here.

Clearing his throat, the President folded his hands in front of him. He attempted to loom over Giovanni without getting up. At his age, getting up and down was only to be pursued when absolutely necessary.

"The Fabios have been handled. All things between them and this facility are squared away, you, however..."

"Fuck you." The brat tossed the papers down. "You know what he did, and I'm the patsy because my mother is a deadbeat bitch?!"

President:
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“Again, you can either go along with this quietly, or I can get campus security involved.”

"You will calm down and sit down, or security will be called, and you will be escorted back to a cell. What state you are in when you're picked up by the real police will be concurrent with dependent on your degree of compliance."

Silence, as old man looked down at the younger. Slowly, the scowl of rage crumpled. The young man folded into himself, slumping into his arms, quick enough that the President wasn't sure if he'd imagined the wetness around the young man's eyes, or not.

I can already tell that Gio’s going to have many, many axes to grind after all of this.

Masking his face, shoulders shaking, Hate born composure long gone, Sakaki croaked. "You know... I thought by going here, I was getting out."

"You can't get out," the President sighed. "No one does."

President: “Part of the arrangements that we have for your… ‘families’ to utilize our services without getting unduly involved in their business, really.”

Reaching out, he patted the young man's shoulder.

He'd seen this often enough. Children who'd held on, scrambled, and scraped with a ghost of morals and decency, thinking education would set them free. They shattered, each in their own way, when they found out the one place that'd take them wasn't the escape they wanted.

My guy, you do realize that if/when Gio gets actual power within the Rockets that he’s going to put a price on your head, right?

There were no anti-racism laws in Kanto, or Johto. No checks. No balances. No documentation. And because of that, so many Italians were destitute. Overlooked for any type of employment because they might have connections to the mob.

Supposedly far-flung Galar boasted some social progress. Mandates that prohibited firing for being Italian. But Galar was so far away it might as well be another world, rather than another region. And Johto and Kanto had enough history with the Italian diaspora and their mob ties that their refusal to deal with them was considered by the masses to be justified.

Even a form of self-defense.

Some more typos here. I will admit that the whole “racism” angle kinda falls flat here since we don’t really get to see Gio or anyone in his social circle suffer from it in Kanto up to this point, so it feels a bit “informed attribute” at the moment.

"Let go of me."

The president did so, picking up his pen, tapping it on the desk. A mute warning. He wasn't here to be the young man's counselor. Just here to collect a signature, whatever funds he could, and move on with his day.

Finally, with a shaky breath, Sakaki straightened. Scraping tough-looking hands over his face with a watery sigh. Smoothing his hair back with a grumble.

The mute, nothing to see here, was pathetic, but understandable.

Yeeeeeeah, I can already tell that this guy was found dead in a ditch about 10 years after all of this, since I can’t imagine that any Giovanni would’ve let something like this go.

"I'm going to give you one shot to do the moral thing," Sakaki warned, voice gritty with frustration and aborted tears. "You make this disappear, move me to a different dorm, and nothing happens."

Is this really the “moral” thing, or the “smart” thing? Since even if Fabio skated, per the laws of the land, Gio rightfully ought to be expelled since he was caught attacking another student with a wrench. And this isn’t a matter of morality for Gio, this is a matter of “you screw me over, and I’ll make you regret it”.

Pathetic and delusional.

Lips curling into a sneer, the President ordered. "You sign now, or I call the guards. You have five minutes."

Younger stared down at his elder. Face still, eyes redlined, hands clenched together. Refusing to move, speak, and barely breathing. Finally, tired of it all, the President reached for his phone. Fingers one inch from pressing on the old-fashioned keyboard, he froze when Sakaki spoke.

"The bottom cabinet, right-hand side, has a false bottom. Inside is a custom cocktail tailored to both your allergies and heart medicines. You're an expensive man to provide for, since you're allergic to most generic fillers. You have two pouches, supplied on the regular. One is an off orange color that's an asphrodisiac"

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Wow, someone’s a stalker there. Though I’m beginning to understand where the “fix” of this chapter is going to wind up coming into play.

[ ]

"Which isn't a crime. If I had something like that in my possession."

Unmoved by the President's deflection, Sakaki carried on, thin lips quirking into a cruel smirk.

"While it's understandable for a man your age to have performance issues and you not wanting the embarrassment of going through open channels for your fun times... It's the other bag that's the kicker. The contents are quite the mix. A bit of this and that... Basically, it's a memory inhibitor and aphoristic...

[ ]

It has a slow release, twelve hours for both, that build so its victim might just think they're sick, a little loopy, then the lust kicks in atop the confusion... Someone might have an afternoon meeting with you, feel sick after hours, and be on the cusp of a confused chemical-born breakdown by nightfall. Mind degrading, body wanting..."

I don’t think the underlined is the term that you’re looking for, even if I’m not fully sure what it’s intended to be. I do think that it probably makes sense to have a bit more character reaction in this sequence, especially somewhere in between Gio’s explanation to the president of what’s in his meds since as it stands, he has a very long and uninterrupted explanation for a guy who’s 30 seconds from getting drug out from the President’s office.

The president swallowed, eyes flicking anywhere but the young man, thin hand clenching.

"Then, the twist. A paralytic chaser to keep them from getting away while you take the master dorm keys in hand, follow them to their room, and help yourself to the first bag."

Silence, the President slowly, carefully cradled the phone. Fingers hovering.

"You're lying. And delusional. I call for help, and you never step foot in this place again."

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My guy, you are dealing with a mafioso. The correct way of dealing with him short of having the cops break up his ‘family’ is to invent a branch campus off in some seaside resort town, boot him there to keep him out of trouble, and then just rubber stamp his diploma at the end.

"That's one option. But I have contacts in the drug business. Maybe once academia doesn't work out... I can go back to those roots. I'm a fairly good chemist, aced AP, you can check yourself. With my skills, I could easily get into manufacturing custom orders. But I'm sure a man of your moral fortitude would never need to worry about any additives. Your stash is just a hold over from your sowing your wild oats days. A sentimental... curiosity."

I feel like this is also a bit “informed attribute” at the moment since we didn’t really get to see Gio do anything with chemistry or drugmaking at all in the earlier scenes.

The phone was set down.

"I took their money, you can't go back. Those were the terms."

"I wonder," shuffling the papers, stacking them neatly, Sakaki considered causes and clauses of his expelling with a smirk. "if there's been a few investigations... Mob and otherwise... If you've left any traces of your indulgence on your victims. How would those mafioso families react, knowing you've been raping thier children’s friends and allies?"

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Though this feels very sudden ATM, since it wasn’t really foreshadowed at all that the President was sexually predating on his students up to this point.

Face turning an intriguing shade of grey, eyes wild, the old man looked at the younger. Trembling in his seat. [ ]

"Tell me, Mr. President," the fake disinterest fell away, as Sakaki lifted his gaze to meet the old man's eyes. "Have you ever laid a hand on anyone in the familgia?"

The man's whole body flinch said worlds. [ ]

"Interesting, well, since we're done here and this is all harmless chit chat, I'll just sign these and..."

The pen was snatched and tossed aside. The papers were ripped away, ripped up.

Whelp, Gio’s uni career lives to see another day. And yeah, Mr. President is a dead man walking there, since Gio not getting kicked from campus is already going to raise questions and prompt either Madam or the Fabios to look deeper into what the hell just happened.

"I think Viridian University would be.. honored..." the old man swallowed, clearly choking down on puke. "To keep someone of your... ah, pedigree... around, as long as you see fit."

[ ]

"Are you stating I could get access to unlimited classes, no charge, for however long I want?" Eyebrows hopping in surprise, the young Rocket looked genuinely interested.

Wait, Gio actually cares about that?
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He'd also looked friendly earlier, when rattling off the contents and processes of the bags.

The President was uninclined to trust anything form this young man.

Smiling a sickly grin, the older man nodded. "We do have scholarships for a reason, Mr Sakaki."

Ah yes, the prestigious “I know you know my darkest secrets, please don’t squeal on me” Award.

"Well, don't let me slow you down, go ahead and toss something together on paper. We can do the signing right now. No time like the present."

And there was something sharp in the man's smile, something acidic to his pseudo-bubbliness. But once it was signed and sealed, legally binding, and swept away (Sakaki preferred the night classes, a win for both the President and Fabio both, less chance for encountering him) the President lived in fear for a month, maybe two. But time distanced him from that threat.

And then suddenly, for no reason at all, the Uni President wound up dying in a mysterious car crash before the semester was over.

Sakaki was a typical mobster's son, indifferent to morals once his needs were met. He lived and let live. And that had been a relief. There'd been this girl, then a boy. Both so sweet, all young and innocent...

Then came the winter holiday. There'd been a friend, of a friend, of a Mob family. Brought along on a legitimate scholarship, she'd taken her celebration with the staff and a few lingering students.

Oh, so the entire Sakaki wound up getting discount college educations because of this shakedown, huh?

Sakaki had been there, but had been distant. An apathetic guest and a guard to no one. Content to settle into a nook, scan the room, and indulge in the free food.

Out of sight, out of mind, the President was content to let things be. He had a fresh dose from a new shipment and mixed it into the unsuspecting thing's water. And she left, never knowing what she drank, wandering off caterwauling silly tunes with some carolers before deciding to go home. He'd followed a few hours later, orange baggie in hand.

Well that got really creepy in short order.

He'd dose, then slip in. Experience told him he'd have twenty minutes to set things up... Taking a draw, he shuddered, familiar pins and prickles teasing his nose and mouth. But when it started to burn, literally burn, he realized what had happened. His newest dose had been tampered with. He couldn't even scream; his airways smoldered, and he choked on the damaged flesh. Then a paralytic kicked in, pinning him in place, leaving him to his slow smoldering death in the snow.

He was found by pre-dawn clean-up. His body was whisked away to be dropped into the sewer system. After all, what was another death but just another secret to be swept away? A few flicks of the keyboard and a post-holiday sabbatical was declared, the man stepping down via email due to health concerns, and none were the wiser.

Yeah, I knew that Gio wasn’t just going to let things go there. :copyka:

Alright, made it to the end. I kinda had a general expectation of what this was going to be like vibe-wise since it feels very in line with your past Gio-focused story, even if I’ll admit that I didn’t see things going where they did towards the end. I thought that the main strength of this prompt here was that it did a pretty good job at getting into Gio’s head. Like the specific flavor is very particular to your take on Gio, but the broader decision-making that Gio exhibits definitely feels very consistent to his character in official media. I also noticed that the overall quality of prose seems to have noticeably improved from the past stories that I’ve read from you. I don’t know if the only thing you did differently was just a Grammarly pass, but it certainly added a lot.

As for bones that I have to pick with things, but I noticed that you had a lot of typos going on in your prose, and a few points where there are words that are misused or else unclear prose. Like they’re not big things in the grand scheme of things, but they were a bit distracting while reading. I also felt that there were a number of points where you missed out on chances to get deeper into Gio’s PoV (e.x. some points for his confrontation with the university president), which was a bit strange since the entire prompt was largely very tightly tied to his PoV. Lastly, and in the “things that aren’t solvable by a quick additive editing fix” pile, but your story suffers from “telling” and not “showing” along with a lack of advance buildup. It was especially noticeable in the big confrontation scene where multiple big things come out in it such as there being anti-Italian racism in Kanto, the President being a sexual predator, and Gio having a chemist background. All of which had no real build-up or foreshadowing beforehand and made things feel kinda out of left field there

That’s all for now, @K_S . The long and short of things is that I think that you’re making some steps forward since this was definitely a smoother read compared to a lot of your past stories, but there are some polish and structural issues that made things a little iffy. Dunno if you intend to touch those up here or if you intend to take things on the chin and apply that feedback to future projects, but I hope the feedback was helpful for you either way.
 

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
Heya, was looking for some lighter fare to help chip away at my target list of authors tonight, which brought me here. I’m not fully sure what your original Villain-tine’s piece was about other than that it followed Gio and given that I’ve read some of your prior Gio pieces, I have a general idea of what he’s like.

Basically its gios history notes wrapped up in a guise of filling prompts.

Anyhow, just from the opening description, I can already tell this story will go places, so let’s go ahead and see where things wind up:

Prompt 5

I feel that if you’re going to do “family business” it should either be all English or all Italian. If you opt for the latter, you want “impresa familiare” as a straight translation there, or if deliberately leaning into the underworld vibes, in contemporary Italian, Gio would likely be talking about something along the lines of “mestiere familiare” (“family trade”), but you probably want to poke an L1 speaker on-site to vouch for that.
Right now i'm coasting on the fact that gio's not fully fluent to cover my tailfeathers. And also someing pretty late game plot points to justify why things are subtly wrong with all the cast's italian.

Right now I'm using google translate, but if i find anyone whose fluent or semi fluent i'll see if they would be willing to do a comb over.

I think that the “la nipote” there works better without the definite article since the "la" semantically means "the", and “la nipote” specifically implies said child is a granddaughter/neice. Which I’m not sure if that was your intent there.

Actually it was a niece...

Boy, I knew that Gio’s family life was messed up in the past stories I’d read, but this was still pretty :copyka: to read.

It gets worse so much worse...

Giovanni: “Also, literally how is this my fault? Do I look like I’m old enough to manage plumbing here?!”
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Crime by proximity really.


I kinda wonder for the Italian you’re embedding into this story, if it’d have made sense to hovertext translations as you’re going along through things. Since while Gio knows what all this is in-setting, most of your readers will not by default.

Can you explain how to do hovertext? I think i saw it in one story, and i'm trying to drop context clues to wiggle by but its clearly not working.

Lovely family there! /s



Well that, and the corporal punishment probably helped motivate him to learn fast, too. ^^;

Nona and her rod of sandslash quills, stars in many of the sakaki's nightmares.

I kinda wonder if the underlined should’ve gone into a bit more family anecdote, since the fact that these are mentioned so dispassionately would seem to imply that the Sakakis have had experience with both getting blown up and bugged by planted devices.

They do. By rivals, different districts gunning at an up and coming family members kid, people who want an easy road to promotion. That detail is dug out and shined in a different tale "corenthius" , and dropped casually in "a book".

It took me a while, but I just realized that someone in Gio’s family was having a giggle and trolling him with Mario caps over his plumbing skills. :mewlulz:

Congrats. Its posted 2x here and once on a03 and no ones gotten the joke. Its revisited in my notes in "pondering" a later fic in the series, when he loses his mind about how racist that game is and how much he hates it as a result.

I’m surprised that he didn’t break the guy’s kneecaps out of frustration.

He's thinking about it...


So just how many other mob families are there in and around Viridian given how paranoid the Sakakis and their associates are of literally any third party doing errands for them? :copyka:

Rockets heart is (presently] in Vermilllion but Veridian has the only college in Kanto/Johto that will take on italian students. Which means theres branches from every family and microversions of every rivalry roaming around that campus.

Its an often lethal compilation of young, ambitious, ruthless, and recently released from the leash of immediate famiglia oversight, mobs kids, all in a compressed setting with legal access to alcohol.

Its a wonder there isn't a muder every week. And Gio definitly plans to make sure Silver studies abroad.

I’m surprised that he still tolerates Fabio as a roommate. Unless Fabio was assigned to him as one and he didn’t have a say in the matter.

Gio doesnt have enough clout to warrent having an assigned roommate. Bith he and the fabios are bottom of the pecking orser and are expected to tough it out.

Though I’m a bit surprised that neither of the two are getting their Pokémon involved with their plumbing antics right about now.

Theres a struct no mon rule. Too many accidental "explosions" during matches.

Giovanni: “(They could’ve sent him back to the old country, but nooooo, he has to be my dead weight in particular…)” >_>;

Thars basically it in a nutshell.

Okay, now I’m really surprised that Gio’s never gone to town on this guy’s kneecaps. Since just his description makes him sound aggravating.



Giovanni:
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Yeah, seriously. I wouldn’t fault Gio for doing whatever he had to to get this guy out of his room.

It gets handled later.

Oh, so Gio really did go to town on Fabio’s kneecaps over this. :copyka:

There may have been a few headstrikes toom

And probably put a hit on your head over everything that happened, but let’s think positive right now. ^^;



Not sure if I follow what those “apathy levels” being mentioned there are.



You have a mix of typos and some wording here that I think would sound a bit better with some tweaks assuming that it’s still referring to what you intended.



I… didn’t realize that ‘Fabio’ was the surname of Gio’s roommate there. I think that you should probably make that clearer from the jump since up until this point I thought it was his given name.

Actually its the name Fabio gave both Gio and the dean. Its safe to assume its not a real one.

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You have some more typos here.

Thanks for catching them. Grammarly is a godsend but not a fool proof one.

I’m not really sure what was intended by the underlined up there. It might make sense to take a step back and try and say it in plainer terms.



Oh yeah, I’m sure the Madam will love hearing about this.



I feel like you’re skipping over Gio’s thought process here a bit. e.x. Does he basically go “yeah, let’s get this over with already”, something else?



You probably want to make a point of running through and s/”gimmer”/”Grimer” (with or without the capitalization) at some point.



Hey, funny story about the kid you’re about to kick out there, Mr. President… :copyka:



Who was waiting there for the comprehension? Gio, or…?



Well damn. Though Gio really should’ve seen this coming given how his family didn’t exactly stick up for him at all in the earlier parts of this story.

Theres sone earlier unedited (therefore i.p.) segments that show the twisted affection his family holds. Had his mom not threatened them he has a clutch of zio and zia who would have saved his bacon.

And demanded pay after.

Once again, lovely family there. /s



The underlined IMO is unclear to me as to whose perspective that’s from, since I assume that that isn’t Gio’s thought process there.



I think that you’d have benefitted from throwing in some description of Gio’s reaction and/or thought process here before he speaks up again.



I’m not sure if I’m really feeling the way that the PoV of the narration is veering over into the President’s headspace given that it started out with Gio’s and the entire chapter seemed fairly tightly coupled with Gio’s point of view thus far.



Some more typos here.



President:
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“Again, you can either go along with this quietly, or I can get campus security involved.”

Thats the pres' thoufhts in a nutshell.

I can already tell that Gio’s going to have many, many axes to grind after all of this.

So many.

President: “Part of the arrangements that we have for your… ‘families’ to utilize our services without getting unduly involved in their business, really.”

... you would think, but most of the staff are dirty anyway... so getting involved during days off is fine for a lot of them.

My guy, you do realize that if/when Gio gets actual power within the Rockets that he’s going to put a price on your head, right?

If he let that run his life he coukdnt donhis job. Its also hinted he has immunity to a lot of retribution. Inckuding Gios.

Some more typos here. I will admit that the whole “racism” angle kinda falls flat here since we don’t really get to see Gio or anyone in his social circle suffer from it in Kanto up to this point, so it feels a bit “informed attribute” at the moment.

Ah its expanded on "companion" in great detail. And smattered in a few other tales too.

Yeeeeeeah, I can already tell that this guy was found dead in a ditch about 10 years after all of this, since I can’t imagine that any Giovanni would’ve let something like this go.

Why wait 10 years? Gio, maybe.

Is this really the “moral” thing, or the “smart” thing? Since even if Fabio skated, per the laws of the land, Gio rightfully ought to be expelled since he was caught attacking another student with a wrench. And this isn’t a matter of morality for Gio, this is a matter of “you screw me over, and I’ll make you regret it”.

The later. And Gio wasn't caught at whaling at Fabio of Fabios folks would of had a hit on Gio in a heartbeat.



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Wow, someone’s a stalker there. Though I’m beginning to understand where the “fix” of this chapter is going to wind up coming into play.

Well theres a ton of definitions for it. I tried to hit them all.

I don’t think the underlined is the term that you’re looking for, even if I’m not fully sure what it’s intended to be. I do think that it probably makes sense to have a bit more character reaction in this sequence, especially somewhere in between Gio’s explanation to the president of what’s in his meds since as it stands, he has a very long and uninterrupted explanation for a guy who’s 30 seconds from getting drug out from the President’s office.

I'll have to play with it a bit post blitz. Under the table he's talked to the schools grolwithe guards and got a windfall of data. Including the pres' bad habits.

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My guy, you are dealing with a mafioso. The correct way of dealing with him short of having the cops break up his ‘family’ is to invent a branch campus off in some seaside resort town, boot him there to keep him out of trouble, and then just rubber stamp his diploma at the end.

Viridian Uni' isnt that rich. They just have protections on the staff so the staff can exercise thier bad behavior, teach the mob kids, and tax/rqcket dodge without repercusions. And funnily enough gio likes upper education. Had the pres' tried that route he'd of argued to be paid for classes abroad, and xfer to a galar university.

I feel like this is also a bit “informed attribute” at the moment since we didn’t really get to see Gio do anything with chemistry or drugmaking at all in the earlier scenes.

He's actually bluffing. Is he a chemitry nerd, yes, he's an out and out STEM dork (expanded in a ton of his kid tales) but he has no ins with that feild(yet). Since the pres doesnt know,and gio isnt carrying the perspective, neither the reader or pres know if hes telking the truthnor nit.

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Though this feels very sudden ATM, since it wasn’t really foreshadowed at all that the President was sexually predating on his students up to this point.

Its just to show how deep the corruotiin goes. It comes back in "a book" when gio and grace compare educations.

Grace has a standard experience gios tales horify her, and they both have in thier wills that silver can not go to v.u. and have stuff set up for him to learn in galar if Kanto isnt cleaned up by the time he comes of age.

Whelp, Gio’s uni career lives to see another day. And yeah, Mr. President is a dead man walking there, since Gio not getting kicked from campus is already going to raise questions and prompt either Madam or the Fabios to look deeper into what the hell just happened.

The madam doesnt care. and fabio is gunna flunk out in a few months. The pres' is safe from that angle at least.
Wait, Gio actually cares about that?
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Roost shows he actually values education. He's low grade irritated at the level of greens education and brings her homework. Shes not amused to be getting homework in italian.

Ah yes, the prestigious “I know you know my darkest secrets, please don’t squeal on me” Award.

Yep.

And then suddenly, for no reason at all, the Uni President wound up dying in a mysterious car crash before the semester was over.

Oh i can be morw creative than that...

Oh, so the entire Sakaki wound up getting discount college educations because of this shakedown, huh?

Just gio. Most of his family are unrepentent drop outs.

Well that got really creepy in short order.

Creeps gotta creep.

Yeah, I knew that Gio wasn’t just going to let things go there. :copyka:
Alright, made it to the end. I kinda had a general expectation of what this was going to be like vibe-wise since it feels very in line with your past Gio-focused story, even if I’ll admit that I didn’t see things going where they did towards the end.

Well obe tries to offer suprises.

I thought that the main strength of this prompt here was that it did a pretty good job at getting into Gio’s head. Like the specific flavor is very particular to your take on Gio, but the broader decision-making that Gio exhibits definitely feels very consistent to his character in official media. I also noticed that the overall quality of prose seems to have noticeably improved from the past stories that I’ve read from you. I don’t know if the only thing you did differently was just a Grammarly pass, but it certainly added a lot.

Grammarly is a bloody godsend. I cant see 90% of the errors it catches.

As for bones that I have to pick with things, but I noticed that you had a lot of typos going on in your prose, and a few points where there are words that are misused or else unclear prose. Like they’re not big things in the grand scheme of things, but they were a bit distracting while reading.

I'll brush up post blitz as time permits.

I also felt that there were a number of points where you missed out on chances to get deeper into Gio’s PoV (e.x. some points for his confrontation with the university president), which was a bit strange since the entire prompt was largely very tightly tied to his PoV.

It was a sacrifice i made since gio was bluffing and when inwrote it from his p.o.v. i thought the tension was higher from the pres' p.o.v. than gios.

Lastly, and in the “things that aren’t solvable by a quick additive editing fix” pile, but your story suffers from “telling” and not “showing” along with a lack of advance buildup.

Part of thats formatting. Its supposed to be a ficlet. So i drop some of the shiwing, or since its 0art of a series the shwoing is done elsewhere.

It was especially noticeable in the big confrontation scene where multiple big things come out in it such as there being anti-Italian racism in Kanto, the President being a sexual predator, and Gio having a chemist background. All of which had no real build-up or foreshadowing beforehand and made things feel kinda out of left field there

The pres' abuses were canon to this piece, granted i may need to fanangle a scene of gio getting that info. Gio being a nerd with heavy STEM leanings is spaced out between Roost, A Book, Companion, Transversal and many other tales... and the anti italian racism is front and center piece to Companion (where gios justification to switch outbof sciences to buisness is to provide italian disporia jobs in kanto. Legal jobs) and Devoted where a anti italian/mob personage takes extreame umbarge w the kantoian philanthropist grace evens taking gios side in a racisl charged scene and tries to assasinate her.

That’s all for now, @K_S . The long and short of things is that I think that you’re making some steps forward since this was definitely a smoother read compared to a lot of your past stories, but there are some polish and structural issues that made things a little iffy. Dunno if you intend to touch those up here or if you intend to take things on the chin and apply that feedback to future projects, but I hope the feedback was helpful for you either way.

thanks for yhe feedback as alwsys Spite.
 
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