• Welcome to Thousand Roads! You're welcome to view discussions or read our stories without registering, but you'll need an account to join in our events, interact with other members, or post one of your own fics. Why not become a member of our community? We'd love to have you!

    Join now!

Pokémon In Ghostly Fashion [One-Shot]

Negrek

Abscission Ascendant
Staff
This is a little one-shot I wrote a while back but never posted over here. It's a slice of life focusing on a woman and her monstrous roommates and how they all try to cope with a big change in their lives--not the kind of thing I often publish! I hope you enjoy.

Content Warnings: None
Summary; The last thing Rin needs when she's preparing for a long trip is trouble from an anxious mimikyu.

In Ghostly Fashion

Rin woke abruptly, propelled up from a dream as if from beneath deep water. It was bright. Rin squinted, blinked grainy eyes. The world took shape around her.

The lamp was on. She was on the couch, laptop slid over to rest against the back cushions. Her phone on the coffee table beside her glowed 12:37 AM.

Oh. Right. She'd lain down to watch a couple episodes of Alolan Detective Laki after she'd finished cleaning the kitchen. Just a break to rest her back after all that scrubbing. Just for a few minutes.

Rin groaned, and yawned, and closed her eyes again. It felt like gravity had increased since she'd started her nap. Nothing would be more comfortable than to settle back onto the throw pillow, now pleasantly warm and dented from her face, and go straight back to sleep. But it was basically Tuesday now, she only had three more days to get everything ready, and tomorrow she had to go settle everything up at school. She should get up, she should tackle the bathroom tonight, at the very least.

Rin forced watery eyes open again, her eyelids like tombstone slabs. Okay, compromise. There wasn't much point in trying to get more work done, not as late as it was. But at least she could drag herself over to bed and put on her pajamas and brush her teeth before she passed out again. Her mouth tasted like death, and at least making it to bed would make her feel something like a responsible adult.

Shuffling blearily towards the bedroom, Rin paused and squinted at something lying in her path. It looked like a crumpled tissue, but... colorful. Too small to be a wayward shirt. She reached down to pick it up, curiosity starting to push back the fog of fatigue. The rest evaporated when she recognized what she was holding. Rough dirty-yellow fabric, huge black-thread eyes, trailing ears...

"Sairi!" Rin yelled to the apartment at large.

Something gusted over by one of the bookshelves. A Masked Royal bobblehead bobbled and a DVD toppled down with a plasticky smack. Was that a dark tendril of something retreating behind a row of books?

Rin hurriedly averted her eyes, focusing on the discarded costume in her hand. She sighed and smoothed the patchwork fabric, looking into the costume's hopeful inanimate face. She laid it on the coffee table just in case, feeling obliquely sad.

And tired again. Rin stood a couple minutes, trying to convince herself to get more work done now she was properly awake, but no. She'd had enough.


rin7: Sairi ditched his disguise. There's a naked horrorterror running around my apartment.
daresDevils: oh shit. nude mimikyu
daresDevils: so are you gonna like get your soul sucked out through your eyeballs now
rin7: Nah, not by Sairi.
rin7: He's done this before, but it's been a long time. Starts messing with the costume if he feels anxious.
daresDevils: ah stress-induced nudity then
daresDevils: been there
rin7: Remind me why I keep talking to you, again?


Rin's to-do list soon pushed aside her worry over Sairi. No one in their right mind would keep a mimikyu without a stash of interesting fabric, thread and buttons and everything necessary to keep a ghost content. Not unless they fancied their own clothes or bits of furniture getting ripped apart to serve for repairs or a mimikyu's fashion upgrade. Sairi's own pile of scraps had been raided--it looked like he was keeping out of trouble for now.

After taking care of her work at the university Rin had to sit with Fala and reassure the lurantis that all her bonsai had been packed, along with everything necessary for their care. Rin went through the list while Fala fretted and made tiny adjustments to her trees, hissing and clicking to herself while she worked.

"All right, now for the root rakes," Rin said, rummaging in the box of horticultural supplies. "Big and... little. What else? We have the grow light, right?"

Fala muttered to herself and stirred the packed items with a scythe, and Rin glanced over at movement near the coffee table. Sairi was scooting around its edge in a new disguise--brown this time. Rin smiled and pretended not to notice.

"I think we've got everything," she said. "Are you feeling good about this? Did we miss anything?"

Fala hissed and clacked her mandibles, shearing off the tiniest tuft of moss creeping out of her birch's container. Everything was squared away, apparently, and two days early at that. Rin was a bit envious of how proactive Fala had been in gathering everything. Her own to-do list was enormous for the amount of time she had left.

"Can you pick out anything else you want to take to Bryss'?" she asked the lurantis. "I've still got to clean the bathroom and do laundry."

Fala chattered an affirmative and waved Rin off. So, the bathroom, then. But first...

Sairi was lurking shyly under the table, too nervous to come closer. "Hi, there," Rin said, kneeling in front of the mimikyu. "What a cute new disguise. I didn't know you wanted to be an eevee."

Sairi trilled and shuffled back and forth in nervous delight. Rin slowly reached out, and when Sairi didn't back away, rubbed the furry white fabric the mimikyu had used to make the eevee's ruff. "I didn't realize we had any of this stuff left. It's nice, isn't it? I bet it's comfy."

Sairi warbled and raised dark tendrils, reaching out for Rin. Rin picked him up and held him loose in her arms while he burbled happily. "All of your disguises are very cute," she said. "You know I like you just the same whatever you're wearing, right? Even if you don't have any disguise at all."

Sairi trilled but went very still when Rin said, "I'm not going away because I don't like you, Sairi. I like you a lot, and I'm going to miss you while I'm gone. I'm leaving because I have to, because I need to finish my degree, and I can't take pokémon with me. Do you understand?"

She'd explained before, multiple times, or at least she'd tried to. But Sairi squealed and struggled, and Rin set him back down so he could scurry off, wailing, into some dark corner or other. "It's going to be okay!" Rin called after him, to no response. A couple hours later she found the eevee costume discarded in one of Fala's empty pots, stitches half unpicked and rent as though by angry claws.


daresDevils: hey how's packing
daresDevils: I got time after work want me to come over?
rin7: That's okay. I think I have everything under control, and you're only going to freak the mons out at this point.
daresDevils: how's sairi?
rin7: Not great.
daresDevils: poor little guy
daresDevils: I got all his favorite snacks on tap it's gonna be life of luxury for him over here
rin7: I know. I think he'll be okay once he's settled in with you, but he's too afraid to want to try.
rin7: Fala's doing okay. We got all the plant stuff boxed up and ready to go today.
daresDevils: ah good
daresDevils: let's be real it's not the ghost that's gonna get me
daresDevils: more like I'm going to accidentally knock over an adorable tiny tree and get disemboweled by a leaf blade
rin7: Okay, realistically, yeah.


One day to go. Rin had to pack her own things now and systematically erase her presence from the apartment, turn her home into a non-threatening hotel for whoever would be renting it out while she was gone. Then there were last-minute e-mails from her supervisor and the other students on the trip, emergency changes of plan, oops-I-forgot-to-mentions. "Friendly reminder, grab some sunscreen at least SPF 50 if you don't want to go home with a new melanoma friend."

Rin groaned and had to close the laptop after that. Another trip to the drugstore, and she'd been there just a couple hours ago after realizing she didn't have any toothpaste she'd be able to get through security.

Fala watched all the activity from her favorite perch up near the skylight, restlessly cleaning her antennae and blades. Eventually she must have decided Rin's anxiety was too much and gone for a flight in the sun; Rin didn't see her leave. And it was well past noon before she realized she hadn't seen Sairi all day.

The scrap pile was ransacked, thread, twigs, and embroidery patches strewn on nearby carpet. That was another thing: she'd need to get more supplies so Bryss wouldn't have to worry about Sairi destroying her apartment. Or, no. Bryss could handle that. She could take Sairi to pick some stuff out, even; that might be a good way for the two of them to bond. Rin probably should have tried that earlier, had the three of them go out together or something. It wasn't like Sairi didn't know Bryss, but maybe it would have helped.

Too late for that now. Rin forced herself to stop ruminating, to not think about everything else she had to do, and simply write the idea down to remember for later. "Sairi?" she called, setting the pen aside.

No response, not even furtive rustling. The mimikyu had to be around somewhere--with another disguise? Or hiding precisely because he hadn't constructed a new one yet?

She couldn't worry about him right now. She needed to go to the drugstore, she needed to double-check the name on her boarding pass and the terminal she'd be leaving from, she needed to vacuum the bedroom and upload more photos to IslandStay.

The day passed at a frantic pace. Rin's to-do list dwindled, as much from her giving up on things as actually getting them done. Her suitcases were full, open on the floor and surrounded by items she still needed to cram in somehow. Fala had been in and out, but Rin thought she seemed excited as much as agitated, maybe thinking of the bigger windows in Bryss' apartment, which she'd seen a couple times.

Sairi, though, stayed out of sight, and Rin began to worry. What if he wouldn't come out tomorrow--just completely refused to go with Bryss? There were other places he could stay, they'd gone over them together, but this apartment wasn't one of them. Rin imagined updating her IslandStay page to read "Warning: actively haunted" and sighed. "Sairi?" she called. "Sairi, can you come out?"

Nothing again. He wouldn't have gone out; he didn't like roaming the way Fala did. Rin thought of putting Ghost Eraser on the television to tempt him out of hiding, but all the connectors for the TV were snarled up with the other cords in the front pocket of her suitcase.

"Are you working on another costume?" Rin went on in an indoor-yelling voice. "I'm excited to see it. But you need to finish it before Bryss gets here tomorrow, okay? Or wear one of your others. I need you to be ready to go on time. It's going to make things really hard for Bryss if she has to try and track you down after I'm gone."

Ah. Was that a flicker of motion near the kitchen? Rin kept watch from the corner of her eye--forget letting Sairi know she'd seen, it wasn't wise to turn your full attention to an unmasked mimikyu who wasn't ready for it.

"There's still time if you want to stay at a hotel or something. You just have to let me know soon, okay? I'm leaving early tomorrow, so there won't be a lot of time."

More flickering in the shadows. He was definitely over there. Rin tried to be content with confirmation that he was still around, but thoughts of the mimikyu nagged at her. Was she going to need to get a pokéball for him? She didn't think he'd forgive her for that, but if he wouldn't go with Bryss, or anywhere else, what was the alternative? Never mind if anyone would want to rent a place with a moody mimikyu in it, how was she supposed to feel about Sairi in here alone with people he didn't know? Or no one?

Maybe Fala could talk to him about things. Mark down another thing she should have tried earlier. Rin wrestled with the stuck zipper on her suitcase, trying to navigate around a bulging bit of clothing while she leaned as much weight on the top as she could. It felt like it took half an hour before she was able to slump back, panting and sweating, with the hateful thing fully closed in front of her. Best not to contemplate how soon she'd need to open it up again.

"Sairi?" she called again, and this time there wasn't so much as a twitch. He was still around, though. She was sure of it. "Will you come out?" It was past ten, and after a day of errands, Rin was ready to crash. Except, of course, that she'd never be able to sleep with Sairi on her mind.

When there was still no answer, Rin rubbed her face and said, "Sairi, what do you want me to do? You know I can't take you with me."

There was some small noise--a squeak, maybe? Some faint cry of dismay. "You know that," Rin said. "I told you--I told you a hundred times. The weavile don't let any outside pokémon into their territory. If I tried to bring anyone with me, I'd be in danger--everyone would be in danger. The whole class. I can't do that to them."

An argumentative chatter rose. It sounded like it was coming from under the couch. "And I can't just not go," Rin plowed on. "This is for my degree, Sairi. I need to do this research so I can finish my thesis, so I can get a job, so I can"--this was always hard. Pokémon tended to have a rather abstract understanding of careers, and Sairi didn't even understand needing money to eat because he didn't need to eat, at least not anything you could buy--"so I can live, Sairi. I need to get a job so I can live, and so I can keep a place for the three of us, and so I have money to buy you pokébeans. You don't want to have to go without pokébeans, do you?" Rin decided Sairi's angry squeal was probably him saying he'd gladly forego pokébeans if she would stay, which, fair enough.

There was scrabbling, definitely under the couch. Still the mimikyu didn't emerge. "It's three months, Sairi!" Rin said. "Not even the whole summer! I'll be back before you know it, I promise."

More scuffling, interspersed with whimpering in the mimikyu's strange, hollow voice. "I'll miss you, too," Rin said. Sairi muttered and wailed and scuttled. "Of course I will. But we're both going to get through this, okay? And I know you'll have fun with Bryss. She's really looking forward to--"

Sairi's whining rose to a shriek. The apartment's shadows came to life, cupboards banging and lights flicking on and off. The television thundered words in some unclean language, and Rin had to brace herself against a chair. The world churned and gusted around her, the dance of light and shadow creating false movement everywhere. Rin shut her eyes hard, ears full of ominous chanting and unsettling electrical pops, and shouted, "Sairi!"

Everything stopped dead. In the quiet, it was plain to hear the mimikyu sniffling. Rin stood with eyes still closed, feeling sad and angry and tired all at once, a headache building behind her temples. She tried to drive it back by massaging the bridge of her nose. Deep breath now. She managed to exhale most of her anger, but still her chest felt tight.

"I'm sorry, Sairi," she said. "I've been very busy, but I should have paid more attention to you when I knew you were worried."

The mimikyu's whimpers continued. Rin knelt in front of the couch, trying to look at the dark beneath, but not into it. "Is there something you want me to do, Sairi? Is there anything that will make you feel better about this?"

The mimikyu's sniffles trailed off, stopped. Obscure rustling, claws on carpet. Something shuffled out from under the couch, slinking miserably beneath a ragged fabric tangle, big hunks of cloth stitched haphazardly together with no clear goal.

"Were you making another disguise?" Rin asked, gently smoothing a crumpled corner of fabric. Sairi babbled sadly. "Would that help, then?" Rin asked. "Should we make a new one for you together?"

The mimikyu trilled and sheepishly shrank away, sliding half back under the couch but clearly excited, spectral limbs scuttling. "All right," Rin said, and smiled despite her fatigue. "What are we going to make?"


rin7: Hey, guess what.
daresDevils: wow you're up late
daresDevils: what?
rin7: I've been working on a little something with Sairi.
rin7: I think you're going to like it! Get ready for a surprise tomorrow. ;)
daresDevils: well upgrade my nervousness about having your adorable demonbeast occupy my home to pants-shitting terror I guess
daresDevils: see you soon nerd


Rin was ready at the door by the time Bryss knocked, her coat, absurd in the Alolan heat, bundled in her arms. Bryss immediately crushed her in an expansive hello-hug, but Rin was used to these by now and able to extract an arm and snake it around to give Bryss a reciprocal squeeze.

"Looks like you're all packed," Bryss said cheerfully, keeping Rin in a casual one-armed grip. "I would say we should get a move on, but we have something like four hours, so--oh, hey, Fala."

Bryss had to let go of Rin to grab the box of wire and fertilizer the lurantis shoved into her arms. "They say you should be at the airport three hours ahead of an international flight," Rin said while Fala picked up her box of plants. The humans had to scramble apart to let the lurantis pass.

"Uh-huh. Keys?" Bryss asked. Rin passed them over, then swung her coat up on top of the box of plant things. Bryss pretended to strain under the extra weight. "So that's one down," she said. Outside Fala had climbed into the passenger seat of the car and, with delicate manipulations of her scythes, primly buckled her seatbelt. "Where's--?"

Rin nodded down the hall, where a small bit of disguise poked out around a corner. "Hey, Sairi," Bryss said after a raised-eyebrow glance at Rin. "Ready to go?"

The mimikyu warbled nervously and scooted out into the open. He glided forward but stopped well short of Bryss, drifting slightly back and forth, nervous. Rin watched Bryss' face and grinned to see her eyes widen. "Oh my god, is that--is he supposed to be disguised as you?"

Sairi trilled and bounced, and Rin laughed at Bryss' expression. "He wanted a costume he knew you'd like. Looking to start things off on the right foot, you know," Rin said, unable to control her smirk. "I made a suggestion."

"Oh, I like it, all right," Bryss said, and Sairi squeaked. More bouncing, and then he swooped out towards the car, Rin's stitched-on face lolling and jouncing the whole way.

"Oh my god, people are going to think I'm a serial killer," Bryss whispered to Rin, hiking her burden higher. "Like the people in my building don't think I'm weird enough."

"Embrace your identity," Rin said with a smile, rolling her luggage outside.

"You'd better make it back okay," Bryss went on while Rin pulled the front door closed. "If your expedition gets lost I don't want to have to explain to investigators why the ghost is wearing my missing girlfriend's face."

"I'll do my best." Ahead, Sairi was hopping circles around the car while Fala tapped an impatient rhythm on the dashboard. "Just thought you might enjoy seeing my smiling face while we can't be together."

"Awww, of course. Every day. And Sairi's a cute little undead menace, you know? We'll have a good time." Bryss shared a smile with Rin. "But first things first, huh? Let's get you to that airport."
 
Last edited:

Panoramic_Vacuum

Hoenn around
Partners
  1. aggron
  2. lairon
How has no one left a review on this yet, this is the most adorable thing! I'm not even sure how to put my thoughts into words at the moment (so perhaps that's why) but there's something so neat and orderly about this fic, despite it being near complete chaos. Goodness, I was getting pre-trip anxiety just from seeing Rin navigate everything she had to do. There's this manic kind of calm about the whole thing that's entirely relatable despite not having a costume wearing poltergeist and a bonsai obsessed mantid living with me. The way Rin, Fala, and Sairi kind of ebb and flow around each other with all this energy that goes into a last-minute rush out the door is simply brilliant.

Despite all this, the personalities of each character shine through bright and clear, and I can't help but love each one for who they are. Sweet Fala, so tidy and polite, yet so single-mindedly focused. Poor Sairi, an anxious ball of yarn and canvas and also the spirits of the damned apparently. (The unholy mimikyu temper tantrum was hilarious and terrifying all at the same time). Rin playing the part of responsible student, best girlfriend, and poke-mom all at the same time. And Bryss as the ever needed lifeline and deadpan humor. The pieces all fit together in this little microcosm of Alolan life.

Lots of little things here to love aside from everything I've gushed about already. I love so many of the word choices, like 'burbled', 'jouncing', and of course 'stress-induced nudity'. Lots of evocative sound effects that are all perfectly fitting for the person or creature making the sounds. A lot of nice adverbs here, too, though, (and this makes me the biggest hypocrite in the world) there are some instances where I think some of them could be dropped in favor of making the others around it pop more:
Rin forced watery eyes open again
Sairi was lurking shyly under the table,
These are two that spring to mind, and I will say as the story rolled along, I didn't notice too many more. Really, pretty nitpicky on my part.

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention is the worldbuilding here, not just that pokemon can pick up hobbies like Fala and her bonsai, but that mimkyu owners have little piles of scrap fabric and sewing/disguise making things just piled up in places around their house, like cat toys. It's an image that's striking me as just so hilarious but also 100% necessary and it's fantastic.

rin7: Sairi ditched his disguise. There's a naked horrorterror running around my apartment.
daresDevils: oh shit. nude mimikyu
daresDevils: so are you gonna like get your soul sucked out through your eyeballs now
rin7: Nah, not by Sairi.
rin7: He's done this before, but it's been a long time. Starts messing with the costume if he feels anxious.
daresDevils: ah stress-induced nudity then
daresDevils: been there
rin7: Remind me why I keep talking to you, again?
You cannot convince me that this wasn't taken directly from a DM with kint.

The only thing that threw me for a small loop was the timeskip directly after this chat log I kept reading thinking it was still nearly 1 am that same night but that didn't end up being the case. Maybe a small segue to close out the midnight streaking session and jump to the next day would help here. And, okay, there's another timeskip after the next chat log, so maybe even just a line break would do the trick to show the jump to the next scene after each chat section. Not sure if anyone else ran into this or if it's just a me thing.

In any case, this was an absolute delight to read. Thank you so much for writing and sharing.
 

windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
  9. manectric
Oh, this was a charming little slice of life story. The premise is simple and sweet, but it still has something to say. Its a story that benefits from being in the pokemon universe, and makes me stop and think about what it would be like living with pokemon.

Sure, there are some similarities to real life; a young child or a pet might act out because they don’t understand or are having trouble processing all these changes. Especially in a situation like this, when they’re going to be away from their parent or human for an extended period of time. But there’s something different brought in with that special kind of chaos that only a supernatural creature can bring.

And I liked the way you handled the resolution, with Rin thinking of all these things she could have done different to make the transition easier, but still finding a way to help ease Sairi into the transition. It felt very natural and heartwarming.

Stray thoughts:
-Whenever someone uses a lowercaseUppercase username in a chat client I can’t help but think of homestuck. I’m sorry I don’t make the rules.
-Related: I thought the use of chat logs to break the scenes was a neat idea.
-It never occurred to me that Rin and Bryss were dating until it was mentioned. I just thought they were really good friends. I don’t know if that was intentional or not.

Overall I had a good time reading this. It was cozy and the ending was quite heartwarming. There’s a lot of care shown between the characters, and it just makes it an enjoyable experience overall.
 

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
  9. porygon
Oh my!! What a story. So I was going to review this earlier when I first read it, but now I'm fashionably on time, as usual. ;)

I really really liked this tale. I have a special place in my heart for simple little slice-of-life pokemon stories like this. I really like the simplicity of the premise and the conflict. Rin wants to leave and go to University or college, to make a better life. Rin, Sairi and Fala are all standout characters who feel fleshed in their own right, even in such a short story. Fala has made peace with this, but Sairi apparently has... not.

The opening starts strong and you did a great job capturing all the day to day details Rin is going through - the agony of waking up, the struggles of packing and getting ready for a trip. I could really easily relate, get into the frustrationg of the situation.

I love the little details you slip in about the pokemon as well. That people who have a Mimikyu should keep lots of spare fabric and thread around for them. And the idea of Mimikyu making different diguises is adorable. I've always wanted to see that played out in game. It makes great sense and is a sweet way to show off personality.
That and showing how Fala loves her bonsai plants, and cares extensively for them. And is apparently very particular about their care. I love that.

I also appreciate that unmasked Mimikyu is shown as basically something scary or frightening, that you don't want to surprise but it doesn't feel like Sairi here is portrayed as extensively dangerous. He's just a poor anxious Mimikyu who doesn't want his trainer to leave. The way things came together at the end was so sweet and simple.

Rin took some time to help Sairi and make a costume, and Sairi came to terms with Rin leaving. At the end its revealed that the costume was one of Rin herself, which is just adorable.

Also hooray for gremlin Mimikyu! Loved this, got me emotional. Good stuff.

Rin woke abruptly, propelled up from a dream as if from beneath deep water. It was bright. Rin squinted, blinked grainy eyes. The world took shape around her.

The lamp was on. She was on the couch, laptop slid over to rest against the back cushions. Her phone on the coffee table beside her glowed 12:37 AM.

Oh. Right. She'd lain down to watch a couple episodes of Alolan Detective Laki after she'd finished cleaning the kitchen. Just a break to rest her back after all that scrubbing. Just for a few minutes.

Rin groaned, and yawned, and closed her eyes again. It felt like gravity had increased since she'd started her nap. Nothing would be more comfortable than to settle back onto the throw pillow, now pleasantly warm and dented from her face, and go straight back to sleep. But it was basically Tuesday now, she only had three more days to get everything ready, and tomorrow she had to go settle everything up at school. She should get up, she should tackle the bathroom tonight, at the very least.
This description was fantastic, really captures that dreadful groggy and tired feeling. Also, just to rest for 'a few minutes'. Ah the struggle.

"Uh-huh. Keys?" Bryss asked. Rin passed them over, then swung her coat up on top of the box of plant things. Bryss pretended to strain under the extra weight. "So that's one down," she said. Outside Fala had climbed into the passenger seat of the car and, with delicate manipulations of her scythes, primly buckled her seatbelt. "Where's--?"
I loved this attitude. The mental image of a persnickety Lurantis shoving her stuff into Bryss's arms and then going outside and buckling herself into shotgun in the car is great.
 

SparklingEspeon

Back on Her Bullshit
Staff
Location
a Terrace of Indeterminate Location in Snowbelle
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. fennekin
  3. zoroark
rin7: Sairi ditched his disguise. There's a naked horrorterror running around my apartment.
daresDevils: oh shit. nude mimikyu
daresDevils: so are you gonna like get your soul sucked out through your eyeballs now
rin7: Nah, not by Sairi.
rin7: He's done this before, but it's been a long time. Starts messing with the costume if he feels anxious.
daresDevils: ah stress-induced nudity then
daresDevils: been there
rin7: Remind me why I keep talking to you, again?

this made me snort

Hello! I’m here for catnip. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when I first opened this. Fluff/slice of life isn’t usually my speed, so this was something pretty new. That didn’t make it any less fun to read through, though! I was surprised at how much depth you managed to paint these three (I say three but there were four, it’s just that Fala barely exists within the scope of this oneshot) characters in how much time you used.

I think it helps that the conflict is pretty simple! Sairi feels like a clingy five year old, so his conflicts are easy enough to grasp basically instantly. He doesn’t vent them blatantly, more just keeps to himself and displays obvious signs of stress, which means Rin ends up needing to actively seek him out and press him more to get him to open up. Having that back and forth between them meant that there was a lot of good material for the oneshot to pick into as it built up to that breaking point between them.

I think Sairi is characterized well as a mimikyu. I haven't read too many mimikyu in fanfiction, so this is one of the first ones I've seen. I appreciated he was a bit more than a scuttling mass lurking everywhere and acting all creepy. I mean he still does lurk and act creepy, but it's also implied that's because he's anxious and he's honestly much closer to a shy little kid than he is a ghost. I found it endearing.

The text conversations were also a fun addition! I think they added some levity to the story that it wouldn’t have had otherwise, and also double served as a way to introduce Bryss into the story beyond a name. I think it went a long way in making the ending scene where she shows up in person a lot more relatable, since it’s someone that we already know from text interactions rather than some scary babysitter we’re just now learning about. Maybe she could have remained as one so the story could emulate Sairi’s apprehension, but then there is the argument to be made that the story is mainly from Rin’s pov…

I did find it a bit odd that keeping a mimikyu around the house when the piece of lore about something terrible happening if you gaze upon it with your full attention applies. That’s a pretty hazardous companion to keep around! Which, I suppose applies to any and all pokemon tbh. But this one especially. It honestly made me wonder if Bryss was going to be okay keeping him around if she wasn’t used to him and having her come over would have scared them.

The good news is that was pretty much my only negative! This oneshot read basically flawlessly to me on a mechanics level, and it had a consistent point and purpose throughout. So to that end, cute story! I enjoyed what I read of it, even if it’s a break from the other things I’ve read from you so far :P

~SparklingEspeon

Listening to: Music For Strings, Percussion, And Celesta Movement II
 

ShiniGojira

Multiversal Extraordinaire
Location
Stranded In The Gaps between Multiverses
Pronouns
He/him/they/her
Partners
  1. froslass
  2. zorua-gojira
  3. salandit-shiny
  4. goomy
Hiya! Hope you're having a good day!

This story was cute. Slice-of-life fics will always hold a special place in my heart and this one was a fun one with a conflict that feels very right at home.

Each character played their parts rather well, I loved how alive they feel with the little actions they do. With Sairi having the mental capacity and intelligence of a small child and how he reacts to Rin leaving him, and his tantrum later on brings out his character in being the 'antagonist' of this fic.

Fala wasn't here for much of the fic since we're not really focused on them but I liked how you gave them a hobby and the way they're super protective of their plants is cute.

Bryss was funny, her chats with Rin were full of great dialogue and chuckle-inducing jokes. The two definitely go far back with their casual-ness among each other and the revelation of them being in a relationship explains it.

Rin woke abruptly, propelled up from a dream as if from beneath deep water.
A cool imagery to start with.
The world took shape around her.
Interesting way to describe her being more awake, makes it feel like she's the center of the world (which I guess makes some sense since she's the protag in this fic)
It felt like gravity had increased since she'd started her nap. Nothing would be more comfortable than to settle back onto the throw pillow, now pleasantly warm and dented from her face, and go straight back to sleep.
Mood.

daresDevils: oh shit. nude mimikyu
This line was amazing.

daresDevils: ah stress-induced nudity then
daresDevils: been there
Another hilarious line.

daresDevils: more like I'm going to accidentally knock over an adorable tiny tree and get disemboweled by a leaf blade
Damn, you're killing it. Bryss is amazing.
Another trip to the drugstore, and she'd been there just a couple hours ago after realizing she didn't have any toothpaste she'd be able to get through security.
I'm a bit confused about the toothpaste bit but it's not important to the story so I'm gonna just ignore it.
Sairi didn't even understand needing money to eat because he didn't need to eat, at least not anything you could buy--
Sairi eats souls?
Rin watched Bryss' face and grinned to see her eyes widen. "Oh my god, is that--is he supposed to be disguised as you?"
That is amazing and a pretty cute thing for Rin to do.

Overall, great story. It was adorable, full of fluffy delight and fun.

Take care! And good luck with anything you'd have to deal with in the future!
 

kintsugi

golden scars | pfp by sun
Location
the warmth of summer in the songs you write
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. silvally-grass
  2. lapras
  3. golurk
  4. booper-kintsugi
  5. meloetta-kint-muse
  6. meloetta-kint-dancer
  7. murkrow
  8. yveltal
  9. celebi
How has no one left a review on this yet
yeah god it's true I can't believe it took me a whole week to review this story pano is right this is untenable

So I looked at my notes for this and it says "pokemon: rent, scary" and "script format based" and nothing else. My past self is hiding under a bed trying to construct an interesting disguise while I try to figure out what the fuck it's thinking.

I really liked this as a look into slice of life from you! There aren't really big problems; no one's trying to end the world; no one's really got a major quest or anything. The big enemy is just that change is kind of scary sometimes and growing up means you have to deal with that in a responsible way instead of running naked around your house. Bryss has seen some shit.

But in general I like how these are couched in realistic terms. Rin's trying to find her stash of spare buttons; she has a stash of spare buttons because if she doesn't her mimikyu might eat her soul. Everything feels very grounded but the pokemon definitely still feel odd and fantastic. Rent is hard to explain to pokemon, but also if you don't, they're going to haunt a house and that'll be awkward. It's a fun bit of give and take between the cast and it shakes up your dynamics in a way I've come to like a lot--there's an outsider who doesn't really understand the basic underpinnings of their world. Also Fala is a good roommate and I support her decision to shred you if her plants die.

I also like the general format of learning/teaching here; Rin's a lot more resigned and is thinking about this more in largely logistical terms, what to pack, how to make sure that her friend won't get swallowed into a black hole, etc. It puts her in a good spot to be patient with Sairi and it feels like she's also going through the process of acclimating to this as well, and it makes her realization to focus on him a bit more at the end feel really satisfying.

Script format is absolutely s-tier format for comedy, and you pulled it off in such a laconic way here.

some small line edits:
Rin forced watery eyes open again, her eyelids like tombstone slabs.
Rin squinted, blinked grainy eyes.
I think the "[adjective] eyes" stack is a bit weird in the opening, especially since "grainy" and "watery" seem like such opposites and I don't think there's a mood shift to induce that kind of change.
No one in their right mind would keep a mimikyu without a stash of interesting fabric, thread and buttons and everything necessary to keep a ghost content.
I kept wanting to read this funny because of the mix of Oxford comma and polysyndeton. I think maybe it would work better as "without a stash of interesting fabric, thread, buttons, and everything [...]" or "without a stash of interesting fabric, thread & buttons(,) and everything [...]" or "without a stash of interesting fabric, thread(,) and buttons--everything [...]"
After taking care of her work at the university Rin had to sit with Fala and reassure the lurantis that all her bonsai had been packed, along with everything necessary for their care. Rin went through the list while Fala fretted and made tiny adjustments to her trees, hissing and clicking to herself while she worked.
this is such a good image omg sequel with Fala when???
"You know that," Rin said. "I told you--I told you a hundred times. The weavile don't let any outside pokémon into their territory. If I tried to bring anyone with me, I'd be in danger--everyone would be in danger. The whole class. I can't do that to them."
I liked the implication here that she'd actually take Sairi if it had been allowed--there's just a really deadly reason not to.
Rin decided Sairi's angry squeal was probably him saying he'd gladly forego pokébeans if she would stay, which, fair enough.
lmao.
"Oh, I like it, all right," Bryss said, and Sairi squeaked. More bouncing, and then he swooped out towards the car, Rin's stitched-on face lolling and jouncing the whole way.
I think this is my favorite body horror description from you because it's one that I laugh at while knowing I shouldn't laugh at it while also laughing at it.
You cannot convince me that this wasn't taken directly from a DM with kint.
I think lowkey my favorite self-reflection part about Z is the perspective it offers on what people think I am and am not capable of. I can write stories that don't rely on overwrought metaphors or people hopping out of bushes to explain what the ending is about. I cannot write Zoroark Stories or the sheer genius that is "stress-induced nudity / been there".
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
  8. meganium
Stress induced nudity is indeed a common phenomena among people.

This was a pleasant surprise! It's not often that I get to sit back and enjoy a quick read of a simple, supernatural slice of life fic. The slice of life feel was really cute alongside having a supernatural Ghost pet. I think that's one thing you tend to really capture well when it comes to Pokemon human relations, the way they communicate in a way that feels very close to the source material but evolved in a way that shows more depth because of the medium used.

A major highlight for the beginning portions of the story was how Sairi was anxious about a close friend moving away for a degree, not really understanding the intricacies behind it. That one's really understandable, especially for Pokemon as intelligent as them who would understand and be able to anticipate this sort of thing. It's bad enough when dogs catch on, but Pokemon even more intelligent can make it worse.

I think that brief passage on Pokemon understanding things in an abstract way, but not in the full way that a human would, was a somewhat exposition-y, but necessary explanation for how the world worked here. It helped contextualize things and was placed in a good spot that it gave the narrative some breathing room.

I like the touch of the text conversations. I guess I'm a sucker for that kind of thing, but the way they communicate casually can really show how characters are. Another layer to their personality, in a way. The resolution was simple and even the 'climax' of the story with the Ghost tantrum wasn't too over the top. Despite the destruction, it felt like the reaction was almost routine, like they weren't truly afraid of what was going on with it. I do wonder if there was any property damage from it, though, or if furniture is naturally Pokemon-resistant.

Or cheap to replace.

Lastly, I felt that the ending line was a little on the weaker side. I feel like maybe it could have ended a few sentences earlier, maybe when they remarked about the hellspawn or the retort right after. Something about returning to business and getting to the plane seemed a little weak, like not ending on a good final note in a song. Perhaps instead of that final line of dialogue after the last dialogue tag, it could have had a 'camera pans out' feeling rather than cutting right after what someone says. Didn't fit. Still, this is a big paragraph nitpicking on one tiny part; as a whole, this was great! It was a cute "mundane fantasy" slice of life, just as I think you had aimed for.
 

Dragonfree

Moderator
Staff
Location
Iceland
Pronouns
she/her/hers
Partners
  1. butterfree
  2. mightyena
  3. charizard
  4. scyther-mia
  5. vulpix
  6. slugma
  7. chinchou
Always a treat to read more of your writing, so I was thrilled to roll this for catnip - had been vaguely meaning to check it out but I have a very very long List by now.

Rin woke abruptly, propelled up from a dream as if from beneath deep water. It was bright. Rin squinted, blinked grainy eyes. The world took shape around her.

The lamp was on. She was on the couch, laptop slid over to rest against the back cushions. Her phone on the coffee table beside her glowed 12:37 AM.

Oh. Right. She'd lain down to watch a couple episodes of Alolan Detective Laki after she'd finished cleaning the kitchen. Just a break to rest her back after all that scrubbing. Just for a few minutes.

Rin groaned, and yawned, and closed her eyes again. It felt like gravity had increased since she'd started her nap. Nothing would be more comfortable than to settle back onto the throw pillow, now pleasantly warm and dented from her face, and go straight back to sleep. But it was basically Tuesday now, she only had three more days to get everything ready, and tomorrow she had to go settle everything up at school. She should get up, she should tackle the bathroom tonight, at the very least.

Rin forced watery eyes open again, her eyelids like tombstone slabs. Okay, compromise. There wasn't much point in trying to get more work done, not as late as it was. But at least she could drag herself over to bed and put on her pajamas and brush her teeth before she passed out again. Her mouth tasted like death, and at least making it to bed would make her feel something like a responsible adult.
Relatable.

rin7: Sairi ditched his disguise. There's a naked horrorterror running around my apartment.
daresDevils: oh shit. nude mimikyu
daresDevils: so are you gonna like get your soul sucked out through your eyeballs now
rin7: Nah, not by Sairi.
rin7: He's done this before, but it's been a long time. Starts messing with the costume if he feels anxious.
daresDevils: ah stress-induced nudity then
daresDevils: been there
rin7: Remind me why I keep talking to you, again?
Oh dear. I enjoy this, very friend banter, but I'm kind of surprised you don't have any mention of her, like, taking out her phone, or putting it away afterward; this bit feels a little disconnected since it's not in any obvious relationship with the narration either before or after it. Maybe it's meant as kind of its own scene? On reflection I guess the larger spacing before and after does kind of suggest that, but the formatting change sort of disguises the scene break, makes it less obvious that we should take the spacing to mean that and not just "here's a chatlog being inserted into the flow of the scene because it's happening now". Maybe putting some hyphens or stars or whatever on either side would help?

Rin's to-do list soon pushed aside her worry over Sairi. No one in their right mind would keep a mimikyu without a stash of interesting fabric, thread and buttons and everything necessary to keep a ghost content. Not unless they fancied their own clothes or bits of furniture getting ripped apart to serve for repairs or a mimikyu's fashion upgrade. Sairi's own pile of scraps had been raided--it looked like he was keeping out of trouble for now.
Enjoy this bit of casual Pokémon behaviour worldbuilding - just what you do when you have a Mimikyu.

"Big and... little. What else? We have the grow light, right?"
Say "grow light, right" three times fast. Enough of a tongue twister that it loops around to be a finger twister as well; even when I was typing that I first wrote "glow right".

Sairi trilled but went very still when Rin said, "I'm not going away because I don't like you, Sairi. I like you a lot, and I'm going to miss you while I'm gone. I'm leaving because I have to, because I need to finish my degree, and I can't take pokémon with me. Do you understand?"

She'd explained before, multiple times, or at least she'd tried to. But Sairi squealed and struggled, and Rin set him back down so he could scurry off, wailing, into some dark corner or other. "It's going to be okay!" Rin called after him, to no response. A couple hours later she found the eevee costume discarded in one of Fala's empty pots, stitches half unpicked and rent as though by angry claws.
Awww, he just wanted the disguise to be cute enough she wouldn't want to leave ;;

Ah. Was that a flicker of motion near the kitchen? Rin kept watch from the corner of her eye--forget letting Sairi know she'd seen, it wasn't wise to turn your full attention to an unmasked mimikyu who wasn't ready for it.
Enjoy this, too - just how you have to watch out around certain Pokémon, the way you want to avoid moving your hands in a way that'll make your cat want to hunt them.

An argumentative chatter rose. It sounded like it was coming from under the couch. "And I can't just not go," Rin plowed on. "This is for my degree, Sairi. I need to do this research so I can finish my thesis, so I can get a job, so I can"--this was always hard. Pokémon tended to have a rather abstract understanding of careers, and Sairi didn't even understand needing money to eat because he didn't need to eat, at least not anything you could buy--"so I can live, Sairi. I need to get a job so I can live, and so I can keep a place for the three of us, and so I have money to buy you pokébeans. You don't want to have to go without pokébeans, do you?" Rin decided Sairi's angry squeal was probably him saying he'd gladly forego pokébeans if she would stay, which, fair enough.
Aww. No reason he'd understand all that! Degrees and careers and food, what is all that, he just wants Rin to be there

Sairi's whining rose to a shriek. The apartment's shadows came to life, cupboards banging and lights flicking on and off. The television thundered words in some unclean language, and Rin had to brace herself against a chair. The world churned and gusted around her, the dance of light and shadow creating false movement everywhere. Rin shut her eyes hard, ears full of ominous chanting and unsettling electrical pops, and shouted, "Sairi!"
Love the degree of scary an upset Mimikyu can just casually produce.

The mimikyu's sniffles trailed off, stopped. Obscure rustling, claws on carpet. Something shuffled out from under the couch, slinking miserably beneath a ragged fabric tangle, big hunks of cloth stitched haphazardly together with no clear goal.

"Were you making another disguise?" Rin asked, gently smoothing a crumpled corner of fabric. Sairi babbled sadly. "Would that help, then?" Rin asked. "Should we make a new one for you together?"

The mimikyu trilled and sheepishly shrank away, sliding half back under the couch but clearly excited, spectral limbs scuttling. "All right," Rin said, and smiled despite her fatigue. "What are we going to make?"
Help, this is too cute. Agitated haphazard sewing as a stress response and Rin figuring making another disguise with him would be something that'll calm him down. What a sweet relationship.

Outside Fala had climbed into the passenger seat of the car and, with delicate manipulations of her scythes, primly buckled her seatbelt.
That's very impressive. What a good responsible mantis.

The mimikyu warbled nervously and scooted out into the open. He glided forward but stopped well short of Bryss, drifting slightly back and forth, nervous. Rin watched Bryss' face and grinned to see her eyes widen. "Oh my god, is that--is he supposed to be disguised as you?"

Sairi trilled and bounced, and Rin laughed at Bryss' expression. "He wanted a costume he knew you'd like. Looking to start things off on the right foot, you know," Rin said, unable to control her smirk. "I made a suggestion."

"Oh, I like it, all right," Bryss said, and Sairi squeaked. More bouncing, and then he swooped out towards the car, Rin's stitched-on face lolling and jouncing the whole way.
oh my god

This was a real delight! I love how you go for this very mundane, realistic verisimilitude with the addition of Pokémon - it all feels really true to life. The chaos of packing for a long trip, the experience of passing out on the couch and then trying to make your way to your actual bed, the sardonic text conversations, all very grounded and believable. And then there's the Pokémon - I think you strike a really good balance where they're clearly sapient but a bit alien, understand her but also not, have their own priorities and concerns and quirks and Rin clearly just knows them and gets them. Fala just being very preoccupied with gardening and her bonsai trees and Sairi making new disguises out of the scraps specially picked out for him or just stress-sewing a random bundle is such nice flavor that feels very true.

The relationship between Rin and Sairi is really sweet. Him trying to get her to stay by disguising himself as a cute enough Eevee, my heart. I love how Rin starts out frustrated, tries to reassure him, gets more worried, tries to explain why this has to happen, and then apologizes for not paying more attention earlier, asks him if there's anything that'd help, and helps him make his new disguise. There's just a real sense of how long she's had him, and how she cares, and how well she knows him, even while he can be weird and frustrating and is adding a lot of stress to an already pretty hectic, stressful situation, and he's just an incredibly cute little hellbeast having trouble coping who needs a gentle touch and a horrifying effigy of his trainer to inhabit.

I've got to admit I was pretty surprised at the end when you indicated Rin and Bryss are actually together; the impression I'd gotten up to that point had been overwhelmingly that they were simply friends. Specifically, the fact the Pokémon know Bryss but they haven't really bonded, and Bryss is asking questions about them like she's aware of them and has met them but doesn't really know them - surely, if they're girlfriends, and have been together as long as their interactions would make it sound like, Rin would've properly introduced her to her Pokémon and they would've hung out at each other's places enough for Bryss and the Pokémon to get to know each other? The impression I got of their relationship before the end was like, best friends who've known each other for years and years, probably went to school together etc., but live just far enough apart today that they mostly just chat long-distance and only actually meet up once in a blue moon.

Either way, though, a delightful one-shot that I thoroughly enjoyed! Sairi is cutest ghost friend.
 

Joshthewriter

Charizard Fan
Location
Toronto
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. charizard
This is both incredibly adorable and endlessly relatable. Its also an incredibly simple central concept that you wrote absolutely beautifully. Even though not much happened, every moment of the fic had some moment of tender character or true to life relationship that just felt so real. That might be the most astounding thing about the fic. It’s so “real” that it almost wouldn’t feel out of place as a non-Pokemon story.

Speaking of the pokemon, they’re both their own little bundles of joy to discover. I loved the way you made it clear that they are not human, they have such alien ways of thinking, and yet they’re completely and utterly relateable. You’ve done more with these two in this one fic than I’ve ever done in any of my writing.

I loved the dynamic between the angry (but actually sad) mimikyu and the trainer. I hate to say that it felt real again (but it’s true), yet their relationship felt like one that had been built over a long long time.

The sardonic text conversations, while great fun, seemed so jarring. Like, you went from standard narration to a different font and everything. Like, no scene break, nothing, no indication that the scene was ending (especially the last text conversation).

Altogether, this is one of the most honest, relatable fics I have ever read. It really is a fantastic read.
 

CinderArts

Bug Catcher
Location
Sandgem Town
Pronouns
He!
Partners
  1. cinderace
Hello there! I was looking for new stories to read today and I stumbled on this one in the forum's latest feed! I have to say, it was worth it staying up for an extra hour just to read the story. This story is both adorable and relatable on a grand scale! Although not much happened in the story itself, this fic is jampacked full of character interaction and relationships that's close to real life. Even though I had a limited time reading this, it felt like I was reading a story for hours, even though it was actually one hour!

Both Lurantis and Mimikyu are adorable in their own ways, and their characteristics have given them an even brighter in-depth character! Although their concept of real-life human responsibilities could only come close to that of a surface level of understanding due to their nature, they also understood that she had to leave for college. I really love the way you packed these two Pokemons with so many unique characteristics that makes them feel very real and relatable!

And speaking of Pokemon-Trainer dynamic relationships, I absolutely adore it. Their relationship feels like it's something that was built on a solid foundation over the long run as time passed by, it's what got them to grow closer and it's the same thing that made them feel terribly sad of having to go on their own separate ways, even if it's just temporary!

The text conversations with Rin and Bryss look alright to me. Despite the font change, it didn't break my immersion with this story.

Overall, this fic is one of the best and most adorable stories I have read in all of my years reading fanfic stories like this one! The read was worth it :veelove:
 

IFBench

Rescue Team Member
Location
Pokemon Paradise
Partners
  1. chikorita-saltriv
  2. bench-gen
  3. charmander
  4. snivy
  5. treecko
  6. tropius
  7. arctozolt
  8. wartortle
  9. zorua
This was absolutely adorable!

The premise was really neat, a Mimikyu who just wanted their trainer to stay with them, doing everything they can to make that happen.

The text conversations were fantastic! They felt like they were lifted straight from a conversation on Discord, the dialogue felt so much like it really did come from a chatoroom!

Despite having no dialogue, I really empathized with Sairi. I know what it feels like for someone you really care about to go away, even if it's just for a while.

And the final scene, where Sairi makes a costume of Rin, was really cute! A perfect way to end the story!

Thank you for writing this!
 

HelloYellow17

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. suicune
  2. umbreon
  3. mew
  4. lycanroc-wes
  5. leafeon-rui
Howdy hey! Okay, so, this is different from what I’m used to seeing from you (granted, almost all of that is Salvage, which is in a league of its own to begin with), but it’s not a bad different at all! This was an absolutely delightful read, had me smiling and giggling the whole time. I freaking love it!

Let’s get into some line quotes:

The lamp was on. She was on the couch, laptop slid over to rest against the back cushions. Her phone on the coffee table beside her glowed 12:37 AM.

Oh. Right. She'd lain down to watch a couple episodes of Alolan Detective Laki after she'd finished cleaning the kitchen. Just a break to rest her back after all that scrubbing. Just for a few minutes.

Rin forced watery eyes open again, her eyelids like tombstone slabs. Okay, compromise. There wasn't much point in trying to get more work done, not as late as it was. But at least she could drag herself over to bed and put on her pajamas and brush her teeth before she passed out again. Her mouth tasted like death, and at least making it to bed would make her feel something like a responsible adult.
Oh gosh, Rin is already painfully relatable. Too many nights of passing out on the couch while trying to finish homework, then waking up at 3AM and feeling a bit like death warmed over. You captured this experience almost too well; something tells me I’m not the only one who can relate to this scenario. 😂
A Masked Royal bobblehead bobbled and a DVD toppled down with a plasticky smack.
Jsjdjakdnekfkf I LOVE these little tiny details. Tons of hints to tell us that this takes place in Alola without needing to explicitly say so outright. Also the image of a Masked Royal bobblehead is hysterical to me.
rin7: Sairi ditched his disguise. There's a naked horrorterror running around my apartment.
daresDevils: oh shit. nude mimikyu
daresDevils: so are you gonna like get your soul sucked out through your eyeballs now
rin7: Nah, not by Sairi.
rin7: He's done this before, but it's been a long time. Starts messing with the costume if he feels anxious.
daresDevils: ah stress-induced nudity then
daresDevils: been there
rin7: Remind me why I keep talking to you, again?
Omg the BANTER. This is freaking top-notch. I NEED you to know that “Stress-induced nudity” and “naked horrorterror” have launched me into the stratosphere. 🤣
Sairi was lurking shyly under the table, too nervous to come closer. "Hi, there," Rin said, kneeling in front of the mimikyu. "What a cute new disguise. I didn't know you wanted to be an eevee."

Sairi trilled and shuffled back and forth in nervous delight. Rin slowly reached out, and when Sairi didn't back away, rubbed the furry white fabric the mimikyu had used to make the eevee's ruff. "I didn't realize we had any of this stuff left. It's nice, isn't it? I bet it's comfy."

Sairi warbled and raised dark tendrils, reaching out for Rin. Rin picked him up and held him loose in her arms while he burbled happily. "All of your disguises are very cute," she said. "You know I like you just the same whatever you're wearing, right? Even if you don't have any disguise at all."
Awwww Sairi is so PRECIOUS. Precious, anxious, melodramatic little ghost bean.
daresDevils: let's be real it's not the ghost that's gonna get me
daresDevils: more like I'm going to accidentally knock over an adorable tiny tree and get disemboweled by a leaf blade
rin7: Okay, realistically, yeah.
Fala gives me motherly, no-nonsense vibes and I am here for it. One does not simply mess with Fala’s bonsai babies.
Rin's to-do list dwindled, as much from her giving up on things as actually getting them done.
Oh, would you look at that, I have been called out. 😂
Ah. Was that a flicker of motion near the kitchen? Rin kept watch from the corner of her eye--forget letting Sairi know she'd seen, it wasn't wise to turn your full attention to an unmasked mimikyu who wasn't ready for it.
I do have questions about this. It’s been briefly acknowledged that looking directly at a Mimikyu is…well, not recommended! But what exactly are the consequences of this? Could it really be deadly? If so, and combined with the fact that apparently Sairi is known to flit about naked from time to time, then I find it surprising at how nonchalant Rin is. Sure, Sairi would never intentionally hurt Rin, we know that. But I can’t imagine it would be easy to relax in your apartment if there was the possibility of accidentally looking at a wrong corner at the wrong time and potentially dying from said mistake.

All that to say, I’m just curious what the actual consequences are here, and how serious they really are. If it’s potentially fatal, then Rin’s flippant attitude about it doesn’t quite line up, imo.
Rin wrestled with the stuck zipper on her suitcase, trying to navigate around a bulging bit of clothing while she leaned as much weight on the top as she could. It felt like it took half an hour before she was able to slump back, panting and sweating, with the hateful thing fully closed in front of her. Best not to contemplate how soon she'd need to open it up again.
Horrible sleeping habits? Check. Disorganized and poor time management? Check. Packing things by shoving them haphazardly into a suitcase and nearly breaking the zipper to shut it? Check.

I am Rin. Rin is me.
An argumentative chatter rose. It sounded like it was coming from under the couch. "And I can't just not go," Rin plowed on. "This is for my degree, Sairi. I need to do this research so I can finish my thesis, so I can get a job, so I can"--this was always hard. Pokémon tended to have a rather abstract understanding of careers, and Sairi didn't even understand needing money to eat because he didn't need to eat, at least not anything you could buy--"so I can live, Sairi. I need to get a job so I can live, and so I can keep a place for the three of us, and so I have money to buy you pokébeans. You don't want to have to go without pokébeans, do you?" Rin decided Sairi's angry squeal was probably him saying he'd gladly forego pokébeans if she would stay, which, fair enough.
Aw, I feel for them both here. Rin seems…more tired than excited about this trip, which has me wondering if she has any passion for her field of study, or if she really is just doing this to get the good ol’ degree and enter the workforce and do The Expected Adult Things. Granted, she’s also just tired due to the current situation, and moving and packing is insanely stressful anyway, so maybe that’s all there is to it.
Sairi's whining rose to a shriek. The apartment's shadows came to life, cupboards banging and lights flicking on and off. The television thundered words in some unclean language, and Rin had to brace herself against a chair. The world churned and gusted around her, the dance of light and shadow creating false movement everywhere. Rin shut her eyes hard, ears full of ominous chanting and unsettling electrical pops, and shouted, "Sairi!"
Oh dear gravy this is terrifying. If Pokémon were real, I don’t think I could handle having a ghost mon. I am not equipped to handle outbursts like this, loool
rin7: I've been working on a little something with Sairi.
rin7: I think you're going to like it! Get ready for a surprise tomorrow. ;)
daresDevils: well upgrade my nervousness about having your adorable demonbeast occupy my home to pants-shitting terror I guess
These texts are really the highlight of this one-shot for me. The humor, the banter, the clever quips are absolutely delightful.

Side note, but the transition from Sairi and Rin’s conversation to this text exchange to the next scene was just a tad jarring to me. It took me a second to realize time had passed between all of these, as they all blended together as if they were one and the same scene. I suggest using some line breaks between scenes to make that more clear?
The humans had to scramble apart to let the lurantis pass.

Outside Fala had climbed into the passenger seat of the car and, with delicate manipulations of her scythes, primly buckled her seatbelt.
Fara is a queen who knows exactly what she is about! 😂
"Oh my god, is that--is he supposed to be disguised as you?"
AHAHAHAHA YES I KNEW IT. The moment I read about Sairi in an eevee costume, I wondered if he would end up dressing like Rin. I love this so much. 😂
"Oh, I like it, all right," Bryss said, and Sairi squeaked. More bouncing, and then he swooped out towards the car, Rin's stitched-on face lolling and jouncing the whole way.
When I tell you I CACKLED at this sentence, omg. Hilariously vivid imagery here!

This was such an enjoyable read! I love how clearly defined each character’s personality was, loved the very slice-of-life vibe and how relatable it all was. It felt so realistic, yet still very distinctly a fic set in the Pokémon world. Amazing job, you should be proud of this lovely one-shot. 💛
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
Hey there! Decided to read this as per your suggestion in the Discord. Here's a review.

Quote Comments

The lamp was on. She was on the couch, laptop slid over to rest against the back cushions. Her phone on the coffee table beside her glowed 12:37 AM.

Oh. Right. She'd lain down to watch a couple episodes of Alolan Detective Laki after she'd finished cleaning the kitchen. Just a break to rest her back after all that scrubbing. Just for a few minutes.

Rin groaned, and yawned, and closed her eyes again. It felt like gravity had increased since she'd started her nap. Nothing would be more comfortable than to settle back onto the throw pillow, now pleasantly warm and dented from her face, and go straight back to sleep. But it was basically Tuesday now, she only had three more days to get everything ready, and tomorrow she had to go settle everything up at school. She should get up, she should tackle the bathroom tonight, at the very least.

So I don't know if I just have a skill issue here, but I couldn't put together how Rin was lying down if she was trying to watch something on a laptop that was resting against the back cushions of a couch. How I understood it, if I tried that, there just wouldn't be space for my laptop and the rest of my body in the depth-dimension and my attempts would result in me rolling off the edge.

On another possibly-skill-issue-related note, it also took me a while to realize that the day changed with each text message section. I did eventually realize it, at least, and it made sense after, but I think it's possible it could be made more apparent to the reader.

Sairi warbled and raised dark tendrils, reaching out for Rin. Rin picked him up and held him loose in her arms while he burbled happily. "All of your disguises are very cute," she said. "You know I like you just the same whatever you're wearing, right? Even if you don't have any disguise at all."

Sairi trilled but went very still when Rin said, "I'm not going away because I don't like you, Sairi. I like you a lot, and I'm going to miss you while I'm gone. I'm leaving because I have to, because I need to finish my degree, and I can't take pokémon with me. Do you understand?"

She'd explained before, multiple times, or at least she'd tried to. But Sairi squealed and struggled, and Rin set him back down so he could scurry off, wailing, into some dark corner or other. "It's going to be okay!" Rin called after him, to no response. A couple hours later she found the eevee costume discarded in one of Fala's empty pots, stitches half unpicked and rent as though by angry claws.

ooooommmmmggg the mimikyu is trying to get her to stay by making better disguises. that is so precious and so sad. and a great expansion on the dex entry.

After taking care of her work at the university Rin had to sit with Fala and reassure the lurantis that all her bonsai had been packed, along with everything necessary for their care. Rin went through the list while Fala fretted and made tiny adjustments to her trees, hissing and clicking to herself while she worked.

I like that the lurantis is just this weird plant-obsessed alien Rin lives with.

Rin's to-do list soon pushed aside her worry over Sairi. No one in their right mind would keep a mimikyu without a stash of interesting fabric, thread and buttons and everything necessary to keep a ghost content. Not unless they fancied their own clothes or bits of furniture getting ripped apart to serve for repairs or a mimikyu's fashion upgrade. Sairi's own pile of scraps had been raided--it looked like he was keeping out of trouble for now.

The first sentence sounds like it's Rin moving on from thinking about Sairi, but the rest of the paragraph is all about him. Was is supposed to be "Rin's to-do list was soon pushed aside her worry"?

Rin had to pack her own things now and systematically erase her presence from the apartment, turn her home into a non-threatening hotel for whoever would be renting it out while she was gone.

Oh, this is a fantastic line. I'd even call it poetic. Very good.

There was some small noise--a squeak, maybe? Some faint cry of dismay. "You know that," Rin said. "I told you--I told you a hundred times. The weavile don't let any outside pokémon into their territory. If I tried to bring anyone with me, I'd be in danger--everyone would be in danger. The whole class. I can't do that to them."

I did not think angry weavile would be the reason pokémon weren't allowed where she was going, but it is a cool reason.

"It's three months, Sairi!" Rin said. "Not even the whole summer!

as a finn, this claim is impossible

Outside Fala had climbed into the passenger seat of the car and, with delicate manipulations of her scythes, primly buckled her seatbelt.

aahahahha lmao that will so not protect her in a crash.

---

General Comments

In terms of general critique, I don't have much - most of my thoughts are covered when I say I enjoyed this and found it endearing, which I understand is the consensus among other readers, too. I also think that you did a good job at reining in the scope. We get exactly the right amount and kind of worldbuilding that we understand what's going on (and notice deliberate adaptational choices clearly), but we don't get confused or find ourselves with unanswered questions (the bad kind, not the good kind that create deliberate ambiguity). On a final note, I found the chat portions very natural, so props on that.

See you around!
 

silurica

All shall be well
Pronouns
They/Them
Partners
  1. arceus-beta
  2. arceus
  3. arceus-shiny
Hello! I wanted to stop by for Blitz but I don't have anything much that hasn't been said. Extremely cute and relatable story with cute characters. Loved the resolution at the end, Sairi is so baby. A supernatural baby that makes clothes, totes adorb despite the spookiness. The only negative thought I had was how I got lost in the transition from the first chat log to Fala, it made me stop and reread from the start to check if I was mistaken in thinking the opening was set in nighttime.

A Masked Royal bobblehead bobbled
Heehee.

Now I want to pat a mimikyu...
 
Top Bottom