Umbramatic
The Ghost Lord
"Write a oneshot shitpost about the Super Mario Bros movie" I said. "It'll be fun and won't take ten million years because you've been writing at a snail's pace" I said. Well despite writing at a snail's pace it is HERE and you all have to DEAL WITH IT
Fruits Of The City
Pauline's first day as mayor of New York City had been... eventful.
First there had been the mysterious busted water main, which they still hadn't found the source of. But that was only the beginning. A massive castle full of turtles and other creatures had appeared from beneath Brooklyn. Two plumbers ended up fighting them off.
And one of them was her old flame.
No, no, she couldn't think about that now. She was about to be interrogated by US government agents. They were. Not happy, but she had to stay calm.
She entered a dimly lit room and sat down on a rickety chair. A tall man in a suit and sunglasses entered shortly after, sitting across from her.
'"So." he said. "We have a lot to go through."
"Look, I had no idea-" Pauline started to say.
"What you knew is irrelevant. This is the biggest attack on American soil since 9/11."
Pauline narrowed her eyes. "I thought that was an inside j-"
"Also irrelevant. First off we need to know what you knew about this situation."
Pauline thought a bit. Did she have to tell this man about her and Mario? SHOULD she?
"...Nothing, really. This was. All new to me."
"What about the pipe we discovered under the city streets? The one leading to this so-called Kingdom Of Mushrooms?"
"None of it," said Pauline. She was being truthful. Well except about that irritatingly sexy Italian-American man.
"That's... concerning," said the man. "Then how did it get there?"
"Maybe the Mushroom Kingdomites put it there," said Pauline. "But why?"
"We're going to have to get to the bottom of this," said the man. "And since this city is your jurisdiction we're putting you in charge."
Pauline sighed. Of course this would end up on her shoulders.
-----------------
Pauline was surveying the wreckage of where that strange floating castle had crashed into Brooklyn. The castle itself had been removed, sent back where it came, but there was rubble everywhere. There was a hole in a building shaped like that monkey.
For some reason she hated that monkey.
She turned away from it, choosing not to perceive it. Why did it have to come to this? Why was she saddled with this interdimensional nightmare? It felt childish to say so but it wasn't fair.
It was then she noticed something on a nearby TV.
It was Mario. They were interviewing him and Luigi about the events.
Pauline's heart started berating loudly in her chest. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Why was she like this.
"So while I was there I met this Princess Peach," said Mario.
Pauline grew more flustered. How come SHE got to -
No, no, take it easy. Mario can do what he wants. Besides this Princess Peach seems like a nice woman with lovely hair and a nice figure and-
She blushed. Now she was jealous of Mario.
-------------
Pauline was now alone in her house. Her very lavish house, befitting the mayor. But also her very lonely house. Especially now it felt empty.
She sighed and pulled out her phone. News articles showed more Mario. This was probably going to go for a while.
More reminders. More conflict. More pain she wanted to leave behind.
She sighed and flopped back on her couch. Why were things like this?
Suddenly her phone rang. She picked it up. "Hello?"
"Yes, this is Charles from the office. Someone wants to see you tomorrow morning."
Pauline raised an eyebrow. "Who?"
"It's that monkey guy from the Mushroom Kingdom. Donkey Kong."
Pauline quickly paled.
-----------------
The next morning in the mayoral office was about as quiet as usual.
Up until it wasn't.
A loud bang echoed through the office as the door was slammed open. In strode a literal 500 pound gorilla.
"Hell-O New York! DK! Donkey Kong! DK! Donkey Kong is here!"
Pauline let out a long, drawn-out sigh. She then got up from her desk and went over to the anthropomorphic ape."What do you want again?"
"Well you see..." said Donkey Kong. "I have a concern about who you're giving all the credit here. See, it's all Mariio, Mario, maybe Luigi, Mario. Give some credit to me! I helped save New Donk City too!"
Pauline rolled her eyes. "It's New YORK City. And we'd have to make a lot of unnecessary calls to a lot of media corporations to even attempt to get that to happen."
"I thought you were the Top Banana," said Donkey Kong.
"That's- that's not-" Pauline said, groaning.` "I am the mayor but I don't control EVERYTHING and what I do isn't always straightforward."
"Oh. That's lame."
Pauline let out another sigh. "Such is life."
"Yeah... Like, being son of the top banana has its perks but dad will never let me do anything."
Pauline laughed. "Your father gives you a hard time too?"
"Oh yeah! My dad never seems satisfied with anything I do!"
"Well the two of us are in the same boat then! One time-"
They continued on like this for a while, as they shifted from topic to topic, until-
-----------------
The two of them were sitting together at a restaurant table, pointedly ignoring any odd glances.Pauline idly ripped a glass of champagne while Donkey Kong gorged himself on banana fritters. Pauline eventually put her glass down and gave a pointed look at Donkey Kong.
"So. What do you think of New York so far?"
Donkey Kong stopped eating and paused to think for a little too long.
"It's... How do I say this? Sparkly. It's all very shiny. Hurts my eyes."
"Hurts the soul is what it does," said Pauline. "All the fake glitz and glamor really eats at you after a while."
"I only understood about half of those words but I think I get the gist."
Pauline chuckled. "You're stupid. I like that in a monkey man."
"Kongs get by on brawn, not brains," said Donkey Kong, flexing his pecs.
"Better brawn than greed. Avarice. The things keping this city down.:
"For being the top banana of this city you don't seem to like it much."
"New York's a dinosaur. A Dinohattan even. And I've only been a 'top banana', for a bit. And I became such because I wanted to make this city better. To help elevate it to what it could really be."
"...Wow. That sounds intense."
Pauline smirked. "Glad you think so."
"Maybe I should talk to my old man. An alliance between New York and the Kongs... now that'd be something."
"An alliance, huh?"
She put her hand on Donkey Kong's far more massive hand.
"What do you say we start that alliance in a way... tonight at my place."
The gears in Donkey Kong's head turned a good while before he realized what she meant and blushed vividly.
---------------------
Many things happened that night. A night of passion, a night of love. Connections were made, fires lit inside hearts. A new and passionate bond was formed.
And it changed them forever.
-----------------
The next day, Pauline and Donkey Kong walked down the streets of New York arm in arm. People stopped, ogled, stared, but did not pry. The two simply carried along and enjoyed the view of the Big Apple.
...Though perhaps it WAS more of a big banana, Pauline thought.
+++
Fruits Of The City
Pauline's first day as mayor of New York City had been... eventful.First there had been the mysterious busted water main, which they still hadn't found the source of. But that was only the beginning. A massive castle full of turtles and other creatures had appeared from beneath Brooklyn. Two plumbers ended up fighting them off.
And one of them was her old flame.
No, no, she couldn't think about that now. She was about to be interrogated by US government agents. They were. Not happy, but she had to stay calm.
She entered a dimly lit room and sat down on a rickety chair. A tall man in a suit and sunglasses entered shortly after, sitting across from her.
'"So." he said. "We have a lot to go through."
"Look, I had no idea-" Pauline started to say.
"What you knew is irrelevant. This is the biggest attack on American soil since 9/11."
Pauline narrowed her eyes. "I thought that was an inside j-"
"Also irrelevant. First off we need to know what you knew about this situation."
Pauline thought a bit. Did she have to tell this man about her and Mario? SHOULD she?
"...Nothing, really. This was. All new to me."
"What about the pipe we discovered under the city streets? The one leading to this so-called Kingdom Of Mushrooms?"
"None of it," said Pauline. She was being truthful. Well except about that irritatingly sexy Italian-American man.
"That's... concerning," said the man. "Then how did it get there?"
"Maybe the Mushroom Kingdomites put it there," said Pauline. "But why?"
"We're going to have to get to the bottom of this," said the man. "And since this city is your jurisdiction we're putting you in charge."
Pauline sighed. Of course this would end up on her shoulders.
-----------------
Pauline was surveying the wreckage of where that strange floating castle had crashed into Brooklyn. The castle itself had been removed, sent back where it came, but there was rubble everywhere. There was a hole in a building shaped like that monkey.
For some reason she hated that monkey.
She turned away from it, choosing not to perceive it. Why did it have to come to this? Why was she saddled with this interdimensional nightmare? It felt childish to say so but it wasn't fair.
It was then she noticed something on a nearby TV.
It was Mario. They were interviewing him and Luigi about the events.
Pauline's heart started berating loudly in her chest. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Why was she like this.
"So while I was there I met this Princess Peach," said Mario.
Pauline grew more flustered. How come SHE got to -
No, no, take it easy. Mario can do what he wants. Besides this Princess Peach seems like a nice woman with lovely hair and a nice figure and-
She blushed. Now she was jealous of Mario.
-------------
Pauline was now alone in her house. Her very lavish house, befitting the mayor. But also her very lonely house. Especially now it felt empty.
She sighed and pulled out her phone. News articles showed more Mario. This was probably going to go for a while.
More reminders. More conflict. More pain she wanted to leave behind.
She sighed and flopped back on her couch. Why were things like this?
Suddenly her phone rang. She picked it up. "Hello?"
"Yes, this is Charles from the office. Someone wants to see you tomorrow morning."
Pauline raised an eyebrow. "Who?"
"It's that monkey guy from the Mushroom Kingdom. Donkey Kong."
Pauline quickly paled.
-----------------
The next morning in the mayoral office was about as quiet as usual.
Up until it wasn't.
A loud bang echoed through the office as the door was slammed open. In strode a literal 500 pound gorilla.
"Hell-O New York! DK! Donkey Kong! DK! Donkey Kong is here!"
Pauline let out a long, drawn-out sigh. She then got up from her desk and went over to the anthropomorphic ape."What do you want again?"
"Well you see..." said Donkey Kong. "I have a concern about who you're giving all the credit here. See, it's all Mariio, Mario, maybe Luigi, Mario. Give some credit to me! I helped save New Donk City too!"
Pauline rolled her eyes. "It's New YORK City. And we'd have to make a lot of unnecessary calls to a lot of media corporations to even attempt to get that to happen."
"I thought you were the Top Banana," said Donkey Kong.
"That's- that's not-" Pauline said, groaning.` "I am the mayor but I don't control EVERYTHING and what I do isn't always straightforward."
"Oh. That's lame."
Pauline let out another sigh. "Such is life."
"Yeah... Like, being son of the top banana has its perks but dad will never let me do anything."
Pauline laughed. "Your father gives you a hard time too?"
"Oh yeah! My dad never seems satisfied with anything I do!"
"Well the two of us are in the same boat then! One time-"
They continued on like this for a while, as they shifted from topic to topic, until-
-----------------
The two of them were sitting together at a restaurant table, pointedly ignoring any odd glances.Pauline idly ripped a glass of champagne while Donkey Kong gorged himself on banana fritters. Pauline eventually put her glass down and gave a pointed look at Donkey Kong.
"So. What do you think of New York so far?"
Donkey Kong stopped eating and paused to think for a little too long.
"It's... How do I say this? Sparkly. It's all very shiny. Hurts my eyes."
"Hurts the soul is what it does," said Pauline. "All the fake glitz and glamor really eats at you after a while."
"I only understood about half of those words but I think I get the gist."
Pauline chuckled. "You're stupid. I like that in a monkey man."
"Kongs get by on brawn, not brains," said Donkey Kong, flexing his pecs.
"Better brawn than greed. Avarice. The things keping this city down.:
"For being the top banana of this city you don't seem to like it much."
"New York's a dinosaur. A Dinohattan even. And I've only been a 'top banana', for a bit. And I became such because I wanted to make this city better. To help elevate it to what it could really be."
"...Wow. That sounds intense."
Pauline smirked. "Glad you think so."
"Maybe I should talk to my old man. An alliance between New York and the Kongs... now that'd be something."
"An alliance, huh?"
She put her hand on Donkey Kong's far more massive hand.
"What do you say we start that alliance in a way... tonight at my place."
The gears in Donkey Kong's head turned a good while before he realized what she meant and blushed vividly.
---------------------
Many things happened that night. A night of passion, a night of love. Connections were made, fires lit inside hearts. A new and passionate bond was formed.
And it changed them forever.
-----------------
The next day, Pauline and Donkey Kong walked down the streets of New York arm in arm. People stopped, ogled, stared, but did not pry. The two simply carried along and enjoyed the view of the Big Apple.
...Though perhaps it WAS more of a big banana, Pauline thought.
+++
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WE STAN A BI MAYOR
