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Hello, everyone! After much delay, the PMD Exquisite Corpse is finally put together and ready for publication! I don't want to give away too much for what's going on, but like any Corpse, you can expect nothing to be coherent from start to finish! Except for a few surprising exceptions.
If you want to guess while going along, here are the participants in alphabetical order:
Similar to the other corpses, each part is compartmentalized within their own little spoiler block, along with the authors themselves in a nested spoiler. Good luck guessing who everyone is~
If you want to guess while going along, here are the participants in alphabetical order:
Caliburn
Chibi Pika
DeliriousAbsol
Dragonfree
GrayGriffin
Keleri
Negrek
Phoenixsong
qva
Raggy
Umbra
Walrein
Chibi Pika
DeliriousAbsol
Dragonfree
GrayGriffin
Keleri
Negrek
Phoenixsong
qva
Raggy
Umbra
Walrein
Similar to the other corpses, each part is compartmentalized within their own little spoiler block, along with the authors themselves in a nested spoiler. Good luck guessing who everyone is~
Thousand Roads' Exquisite Corpse 2019
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon
At dawn I rose from a bed of ash and warmed my wings in the morning sun, and I remembered what it was like to be human.
Or rather, I didn’t. I remembered only that I had been human before I’d come here. I’d worked out what my life must have been like, here and there: there were no humans on the Grass Continent, so I’d come from somewhere else; the concept of a school had not confused or overwhelmed me, so I had gone to a human school; neither had the concept of a bank, or a restaurant, or a village, or houses, or families.
I remembered the day my partner Ossifer had found me, slumped in an open field, cold and alone, utterly ignorant and easy prey for pokémon with bad intentions. She'd had none. I'd been extraordinarily lucky. I had grown a great deal since the day--I’d experienced the ‘evolution’ transformation twice and gained the ability to fly as a Charizard.
Flying was just about worth giving up my human life, something told me.
But the question continued to nag at me, the more Ossifer and I helped the pokémon of the Grass Continent and traveled farther, the more pokémon we met and heard of distant lands, the more it became clear: there were no humans in the world. Not anywhere.
Where had I come from, then?
Ossifer and I had requested a leave of absence from the Explorer's Guild. Today, we were going to begin a journey. We were going further than we ever had before, to ask someone who might know where humans lived.
At the top of the Space Pillar, you could find the god of infinite space, of worlds and worlds stretched out like pearls on a string. Palkia.
Or rather, I didn’t. I remembered only that I had been human before I’d come here. I’d worked out what my life must have been like, here and there: there were no humans on the Grass Continent, so I’d come from somewhere else; the concept of a school had not confused or overwhelmed me, so I had gone to a human school; neither had the concept of a bank, or a restaurant, or a village, or houses, or families.
I remembered the day my partner Ossifer had found me, slumped in an open field, cold and alone, utterly ignorant and easy prey for pokémon with bad intentions. She'd had none. I'd been extraordinarily lucky. I had grown a great deal since the day--I’d experienced the ‘evolution’ transformation twice and gained the ability to fly as a Charizard.
Flying was just about worth giving up my human life, something told me.
But the question continued to nag at me, the more Ossifer and I helped the pokémon of the Grass Continent and traveled farther, the more pokémon we met and heard of distant lands, the more it became clear: there were no humans in the world. Not anywhere.
Where had I come from, then?
Ossifer and I had requested a leave of absence from the Explorer's Guild. Today, we were going to begin a journey. We were going further than we ever had before, to ask someone who might know where humans lived.
At the top of the Space Pillar, you could find the god of infinite space, of worlds and worlds stretched out like pearls on a string. Palkia.
keleri
Having wings felt almost like cheating. Space Pillar loomed ahead, tall and spire-y and cloud-ringed, and in between were all the rolling hills and meandering rivers of fantasy, mist-hung forests and gem-thick grottoes and nooks and crannies all crammed with adventure, and I simply skipped them all.
It didn't go that well at first, no. Ossifer refused to ride with me until I mostly mastered not crash-landing. She wasn't happy about it even after, and felt like she was going to strangle me when we were airborne, her arms tight enough around my neck to choke. She framed this as her being a creature of the earth and so not meant to leave it, even for such brief periods. It sounded like she just got motion sick to me, but whatever.
Even flying, it took days to reach the base of the tower. It wasn't like I could soar on day and night, after all, especially not with 100 pounds of deadweight throttling me the entire time. I was happy to have Ossifer there, of course. She knew the land and warned me when I otherwise would have gone diving straight into a mystery dungeon, where I might have gotten stuck for weeks. At night, when we camped on the edge of whatever fairytale landform, she told stories by the light of the fire I lit, all the legends and myths that had been flowing through this land even longer than its rivers. Especially she told stories of Palkia, the lord of space and its infinite worlds.
It made me feel a bit bad to be skipping so much of the scenery, and all this world had to offer. Ordinarily I'd want to see what lay within those dark forests and shimmering deserts. I'd want to explore the labyrinths and take their treasures for myself. But I didn't have time for that now--places to be, above all home, and who knew how much time had passed there already, while I was learning to use my wings? Besides, Ossifer said that as she was a creature of earth, so I was a creature of air, and so: I flew.
On the last night, when Space Pillar took up the entire sky, dark against the stars, Ossifer leaned on her bone and grumbled about how it seemed too simple. Surely the master of space would set themselves apart from the mortal realms and not leave themselves open to being dropped in on by an ordinary pokémon who just happened to have wings. It was more than I could believe, too, and so I was hardly surprised when, in flying towards the uppermost floors the next day, the world twisted around me so I was somehow angled towards the ground. Ossifer and I tried all angles of attack, with long breaks between for Ossifer to regain her stomach after having the world go topsy-turvy on us in the air. It wasn't until I tried leaving, flying out further to find a new angle of approach, and ended up right back where I began, that Ossifer realized we were in a dungeon already. The magic of the pillar's labyrinth spilled out beyond its confines, and we'd been caught before we even realized we'd entered. There would be no way up but through the labyrinth.
This, I thought, I could handle. It was almost the least I could do, after having flown over so much of the set-up. One dungeon and then escape, all right. Beyond the great carven doors of the pillar, which we never walked through but only towards until we found ourselves abruptly on the other side, the corridors stretched out impossibly far, a maze too large even to fit within the great pillar we'd been circling all morning. It was full of pokémon, of course, or the illusions of them, xatu and minior and, impossibly, porygon, but they hardly stood a chance against Ossifer and I. I might not have as much control over my abilities as your typical charizard, but that doesn't mean much when you can fill a corridor with fire.
Roaming pokémon weren't the only thing in Space Pillar that had no right to be there. As we ascended, we found water, flowing down the walls and in rivulets across the floors, coalescing into streams that rushed in from nowhere and out to it again just as quickly. Easy enough to avoid because, again, wings, but I should have known better than to hope it would never become a problem.
Deep within Space Pillar, if "deep within" had any real meaning in a place of unreal dimension, there was a door. This door would not yield to our approach--no warping to the other side. Pushing on it didn't work, either. Nothing else in the room but a moss-encrusted statue of a kangaskhan and a deep swift-flowing stream, so clear you might not have realized there was water there at all save for the shining red magikarp, the brilliant blue-scaled gyarados, drifting through it. It was beautiful, the streambed tiled in turquoise and purple patterns, overgrown with dense green water plants and, nestled among them, a great shining pearl, perfectly round and iridescent and cradled in waving weeds.
Unfortunately I was literally on fire and hoping to stay that way, and acquainted enough with games to know what was going on here. There was a hemispherical depression in the set of double doors, one of suspiciously similar size to that pearl. And I somehow doubted Ossifer was a better swimmer than me.
The marowak came up beside me to peer into the stream, leaning on her club. She was no fool, either. She stared long and hard at the pearl, and she didn't have to say anything for me to know we were on the same page.
I watched the cream-scaled form of a milotic slide past above the key to Palkia's lair, impossibly out of reach under the water. "So, do you have any ideas?" I asked Ossifer.
It didn't go that well at first, no. Ossifer refused to ride with me until I mostly mastered not crash-landing. She wasn't happy about it even after, and felt like she was going to strangle me when we were airborne, her arms tight enough around my neck to choke. She framed this as her being a creature of the earth and so not meant to leave it, even for such brief periods. It sounded like she just got motion sick to me, but whatever.
Even flying, it took days to reach the base of the tower. It wasn't like I could soar on day and night, after all, especially not with 100 pounds of deadweight throttling me the entire time. I was happy to have Ossifer there, of course. She knew the land and warned me when I otherwise would have gone diving straight into a mystery dungeon, where I might have gotten stuck for weeks. At night, when we camped on the edge of whatever fairytale landform, she told stories by the light of the fire I lit, all the legends and myths that had been flowing through this land even longer than its rivers. Especially she told stories of Palkia, the lord of space and its infinite worlds.
It made me feel a bit bad to be skipping so much of the scenery, and all this world had to offer. Ordinarily I'd want to see what lay within those dark forests and shimmering deserts. I'd want to explore the labyrinths and take their treasures for myself. But I didn't have time for that now--places to be, above all home, and who knew how much time had passed there already, while I was learning to use my wings? Besides, Ossifer said that as she was a creature of earth, so I was a creature of air, and so: I flew.
On the last night, when Space Pillar took up the entire sky, dark against the stars, Ossifer leaned on her bone and grumbled about how it seemed too simple. Surely the master of space would set themselves apart from the mortal realms and not leave themselves open to being dropped in on by an ordinary pokémon who just happened to have wings. It was more than I could believe, too, and so I was hardly surprised when, in flying towards the uppermost floors the next day, the world twisted around me so I was somehow angled towards the ground. Ossifer and I tried all angles of attack, with long breaks between for Ossifer to regain her stomach after having the world go topsy-turvy on us in the air. It wasn't until I tried leaving, flying out further to find a new angle of approach, and ended up right back where I began, that Ossifer realized we were in a dungeon already. The magic of the pillar's labyrinth spilled out beyond its confines, and we'd been caught before we even realized we'd entered. There would be no way up but through the labyrinth.
This, I thought, I could handle. It was almost the least I could do, after having flown over so much of the set-up. One dungeon and then escape, all right. Beyond the great carven doors of the pillar, which we never walked through but only towards until we found ourselves abruptly on the other side, the corridors stretched out impossibly far, a maze too large even to fit within the great pillar we'd been circling all morning. It was full of pokémon, of course, or the illusions of them, xatu and minior and, impossibly, porygon, but they hardly stood a chance against Ossifer and I. I might not have as much control over my abilities as your typical charizard, but that doesn't mean much when you can fill a corridor with fire.
Roaming pokémon weren't the only thing in Space Pillar that had no right to be there. As we ascended, we found water, flowing down the walls and in rivulets across the floors, coalescing into streams that rushed in from nowhere and out to it again just as quickly. Easy enough to avoid because, again, wings, but I should have known better than to hope it would never become a problem.
Deep within Space Pillar, if "deep within" had any real meaning in a place of unreal dimension, there was a door. This door would not yield to our approach--no warping to the other side. Pushing on it didn't work, either. Nothing else in the room but a moss-encrusted statue of a kangaskhan and a deep swift-flowing stream, so clear you might not have realized there was water there at all save for the shining red magikarp, the brilliant blue-scaled gyarados, drifting through it. It was beautiful, the streambed tiled in turquoise and purple patterns, overgrown with dense green water plants and, nestled among them, a great shining pearl, perfectly round and iridescent and cradled in waving weeds.
Unfortunately I was literally on fire and hoping to stay that way, and acquainted enough with games to know what was going on here. There was a hemispherical depression in the set of double doors, one of suspiciously similar size to that pearl. And I somehow doubted Ossifer was a better swimmer than me.
The marowak came up beside me to peer into the stream, leaning on her club. She was no fool, either. She stared long and hard at the pearl, and she didn't have to say anything for me to know we were on the same page.
I watched the cream-scaled form of a milotic slide past above the key to Palkia's lair, impossibly out of reach under the water. "So, do you have any ideas?" I asked Ossifer.
Negrek
I watched the cream-scaled form of a milotic slide past above the key to Palkia’s lair, impossibly out of reach under the water. “So, do you have any ideas?” I asked Ossifer.
“Reckon I could give ya a helping hand!” a voice quacked. I turned in its direction to see a Psyduck standing further down the rocky shoreline, staring at us with large, blank eyes.
I felt my heart lift at those words. “You mean you’ll go get it for us?”
“Heavens, no!” she exclaimed, draping a paw over her forehead with a dramatic flourish. “I can’t swim.”
My wings drooped. “What do you mean, you can’t swim? You’re a water-type!”
“Quit screwing with us,” Ossifer grumbled, waving her bone at the duck.
“‘Tis true!” Psysuck replied insistently. “Very sad, very sad indeed, nearly drowned twelve times before my fifth hatch day.”
“How’re you supposed to help us then?” Ossifer asked, now thoroughly fed up with the duck.
“If I use Soak, it’ll turn one-a you into a water-type,” she replied. “You’d be able to get the key no problem!”
I tilted my head in puzzlement. “But… what makes you think we’d be able to get it any better than you?” I said, hoping she’d have a better answer for us.
But Psyduck just shrugged. “Worth a shot, innit?”
Ossifer rolled her eyes heavily and turned around, like she could no longer bear to look at the obnoxious water-type.
I tapped my claws together. “Well. Which one of us should do it?”
The Marowak’s eyes slid to the water, and she shivered. “If I go down there, I’ll sink like a stone and won’t be able to get back up.”
“But I can’t swim either,” I said.
“You’ve got those wings,” Psyduck pointed out helpfully. “Could use ‘em to propel yourself, yeah?”
“I… guess so…” I said skeptically, turning my neck to glance back at them. I guess flying through water wouldn’t be… that much different than flying through air. Wouldn’t it be easier, not having to fight gravity? Still there was something just plain wrong about the idea.
“You’re not really going to do this, are you?” Ossifer asked, and this time I was able to see the concern hiding in her eyes. She wasn’t just annoyed with the situation, she was worried for my safety.
“I’ve got to,” I said firmly. “We need to get that key. Everyone’s counting on us.”
Ossifer glanced back at the water, shivering again. “If you say so.”
I turned to face Psyduck, clenching my fists in the hopes that it would fuel my determination. “Alright, I’m ready.”
A shower of water cascaded through the air, washing over me. I flinched instinctively, my body crying out in protest as a terrible chill swept through me. But as the seconds passed, I found that it… started to feel kind of nice. Not nearly as cold as I first thought. And while the water had dripped uncomfortably across my scales at first, now it didn’t feel nearly so out of place. Almost like… it was meant to be there. I could actually feel it seeping into my scales. Then a sudden wave of cold swept over my tail and—
I blinked at it. My flame had turned blue.
“This is weird…” I muttered, running my claws through it. It flickered gently, lukewarm.
“Well, that oughta do,” Psyduck said, grinning in a way that suggested she was eagerly awaiting seeing what would happen. That didn’t exactly make me feel any better.
I turned to face the water, steeling myself. “Here goes nothing…”
I dove straight in—
—and promptly inhaled a lungful of water. My eyes widened with panic, and I flapped my wings in a frenzy, bursting out of the water and grabbing the shore for dear life, coughing and sputtering.
“Are you alright?!” Ossifer yelled, running over.
“I’m…”—cough—“I’m okay,” I said shakily.
“Did you think you could breathe underwater now?” Psyduck quacked, shaking with laughter. “Ohoho that’s rich!”
Ossifer swung her bone angrily. “You gotta death wish?!” That shut the water-type up.
She turned back to me and said. “C’mon, let’s call this off. We can head back to town, figure out another plan.”
“I don’t want this trip to have been for nothing,” I said, shaking my head firmly. “Just... let me try one more time.”
Her expression softened. “Mkay. One time.”
I turned around and took a deep breath—holding my mouth and nostrils firmly shut this time—and dove back into the water’s embrace. Already the back of my mind was screaming that this was wrong. Every instinct demanding that I get out of the water immediately. A strange tingle radiated from my tail, and a sudden twinge of panic overtook me. My tail—?! But the blue flame was bubbling calmly within the water. No pain. No sign of it going out. I would have let out a breath, but I had a job to do. So I forced my instincts to the side and beat my wings heavily to push myself lower. My body flew through the water far more effortlessly than I would have thought possible. Deep… deeper, the water growing darker around me, until suddenly the key seemed closer than ever. Just a little bit further and… yes! Got it!
And then I abruptly realized that this was longer than I’d ever held my breath in my life. My lungs were on fire. And not in the good way. I kicked as hard as I could, pushing myself upward, but the surface seemed miles away. I hadn’t noticed how far it was on my way down, but now it felt like there was no way I could possibly—
No. I was not going to drown as a water-type. That would be the most humiliating way to go. I shut my eyes to block out those thoughts and beat my wings as hard as I could. Just like flying. No different. I was going to make it. I was going to—!
Finally, I burst through the surface with an explosive spray of mist, gasping for breath as I filled my lungs with sweet, sweet air. I’d made it!
“How’d it go?” Ossifer asked anxiously.
I took several deep breaths, then held up the key with a grin.
“Yes!!” the Marowak exclaimed, jumping a foot into the air.
I set the key on the rocks and slowly pulled myself out of the water before glancing around. There was no sign of the Psyduck anywhere.
“Well, that was weird, but at least it’s over with,” I said, shaking some of the water from my wings. That was when I noticed that the water still clung to my scales like it belonged there. And my tail still had that weird, cold fire burning at its tip.
“Wait. When’s this gonna wear off?!”
Well, apparently the answer was ‘wait an hour.’ Which was fine by me—we both needed a rest, and by the end of it, I was back to my normal fire-typed self. Sure, it was kind of cool not dying from being underwater, but it couldn’t come close to the warmth and comfort of having a proper tail flame. In any case… we had the key! Already our quest seemed a lot more doable. There was just one problem…
“So, uh… how do we use it?” Ossifer asked.
My face fell. “I’m not sure,” I admitted, holding the key up so that the sunlight glimmered off its surface. “I never thought we’d get this far.”
“Rrgh, just as we’re making progress, now we gotta solve some kinda puzzle,” Ossifer grumbled, swatting at the grass with her club.
I put a claw to my chin. “Well. This key’s supposed to unlock the spatial realm, right? And that’s not really a place, is it?”
Ossifer just shrugged. But I was pretty sure I was onto something.
Space wasn’t a place. Space was… everywhere. All around us. And this key… this key would get us in. I held it in front of my face, taking in all of its details. Then I closed my eyes, and held the key out in front of me.
Space was everywhere.
I rotated the key in midair and felt it click into place.
“What’d you do?!” Ossifer cried out.
My eyes snapped open. Instead of the rocky shoreline, suddenly the two of us were standing in front of a glowing portal that seemed to lead into a swirling nothingness.
“I… think this is what we’ve been looking for,” I said slowly.
Ossifer glanced at me uncertainly. “You first?”
I shook my head. “Both of us at the same time.”
We slowly stepped closer to the portal. I stuck a claw through, half afraid that I was going to lose it. But nothing happened. So with that, we went and took the final step into the spatial realm. The world dissolved into a pitch-blackness streaked with swirling pink mists that seemed to drift through our very core.
“Hello?!” Ossifer called out.
The mists abruptly condensed into a large mass in front of us. And then we found ourselves staring up at the form of a huge, spectral dragon with huge fins, piercing red eyes, and gleaming pearls on its shoulders.
“Not every day that someone finds their way here,” the dragon said, its voice shaking the very fabric of this world.
My mouth hung open, speechless. Fortunately, Ossifer wasn’t quite as spellbound.
“Are you Palkia?” she asked.
“Ah, you know of me? No need to introduce myself then. What shall I call you two?”
I swallowed hard, struggling to find my voice. “Cherry.”
“Ossifer.”
“Well, you two must have had good reason for coming here!” the spatial lord boomed, leering at us with a toothy grin. “So tell me what it is you want…”
“Reckon I could give ya a helping hand!” a voice quacked. I turned in its direction to see a Psyduck standing further down the rocky shoreline, staring at us with large, blank eyes.
I felt my heart lift at those words. “You mean you’ll go get it for us?”
“Heavens, no!” she exclaimed, draping a paw over her forehead with a dramatic flourish. “I can’t swim.”
My wings drooped. “What do you mean, you can’t swim? You’re a water-type!”
“Quit screwing with us,” Ossifer grumbled, waving her bone at the duck.
“‘Tis true!” Psysuck replied insistently. “Very sad, very sad indeed, nearly drowned twelve times before my fifth hatch day.”
“How’re you supposed to help us then?” Ossifer asked, now thoroughly fed up with the duck.
“If I use Soak, it’ll turn one-a you into a water-type,” she replied. “You’d be able to get the key no problem!”
I tilted my head in puzzlement. “But… what makes you think we’d be able to get it any better than you?” I said, hoping she’d have a better answer for us.
But Psyduck just shrugged. “Worth a shot, innit?”
Ossifer rolled her eyes heavily and turned around, like she could no longer bear to look at the obnoxious water-type.
I tapped my claws together. “Well. Which one of us should do it?”
The Marowak’s eyes slid to the water, and she shivered. “If I go down there, I’ll sink like a stone and won’t be able to get back up.”
“But I can’t swim either,” I said.
“You’ve got those wings,” Psyduck pointed out helpfully. “Could use ‘em to propel yourself, yeah?”
“I… guess so…” I said skeptically, turning my neck to glance back at them. I guess flying through water wouldn’t be… that much different than flying through air. Wouldn’t it be easier, not having to fight gravity? Still there was something just plain wrong about the idea.
“You’re not really going to do this, are you?” Ossifer asked, and this time I was able to see the concern hiding in her eyes. She wasn’t just annoyed with the situation, she was worried for my safety.
“I’ve got to,” I said firmly. “We need to get that key. Everyone’s counting on us.”
Ossifer glanced back at the water, shivering again. “If you say so.”
I turned to face Psyduck, clenching my fists in the hopes that it would fuel my determination. “Alright, I’m ready.”
A shower of water cascaded through the air, washing over me. I flinched instinctively, my body crying out in protest as a terrible chill swept through me. But as the seconds passed, I found that it… started to feel kind of nice. Not nearly as cold as I first thought. And while the water had dripped uncomfortably across my scales at first, now it didn’t feel nearly so out of place. Almost like… it was meant to be there. I could actually feel it seeping into my scales. Then a sudden wave of cold swept over my tail and—
I blinked at it. My flame had turned blue.
“This is weird…” I muttered, running my claws through it. It flickered gently, lukewarm.
“Well, that oughta do,” Psyduck said, grinning in a way that suggested she was eagerly awaiting seeing what would happen. That didn’t exactly make me feel any better.
I turned to face the water, steeling myself. “Here goes nothing…”
I dove straight in—
—and promptly inhaled a lungful of water. My eyes widened with panic, and I flapped my wings in a frenzy, bursting out of the water and grabbing the shore for dear life, coughing and sputtering.
“Are you alright?!” Ossifer yelled, running over.
“I’m…”—cough—“I’m okay,” I said shakily.
“Did you think you could breathe underwater now?” Psyduck quacked, shaking with laughter. “Ohoho that’s rich!”
Ossifer swung her bone angrily. “You gotta death wish?!” That shut the water-type up.
She turned back to me and said. “C’mon, let’s call this off. We can head back to town, figure out another plan.”
“I don’t want this trip to have been for nothing,” I said, shaking my head firmly. “Just... let me try one more time.”
Her expression softened. “Mkay. One time.”
I turned around and took a deep breath—holding my mouth and nostrils firmly shut this time—and dove back into the water’s embrace. Already the back of my mind was screaming that this was wrong. Every instinct demanding that I get out of the water immediately. A strange tingle radiated from my tail, and a sudden twinge of panic overtook me. My tail—?! But the blue flame was bubbling calmly within the water. No pain. No sign of it going out. I would have let out a breath, but I had a job to do. So I forced my instincts to the side and beat my wings heavily to push myself lower. My body flew through the water far more effortlessly than I would have thought possible. Deep… deeper, the water growing darker around me, until suddenly the key seemed closer than ever. Just a little bit further and… yes! Got it!
And then I abruptly realized that this was longer than I’d ever held my breath in my life. My lungs were on fire. And not in the good way. I kicked as hard as I could, pushing myself upward, but the surface seemed miles away. I hadn’t noticed how far it was on my way down, but now it felt like there was no way I could possibly—
No. I was not going to drown as a water-type. That would be the most humiliating way to go. I shut my eyes to block out those thoughts and beat my wings as hard as I could. Just like flying. No different. I was going to make it. I was going to—!
Finally, I burst through the surface with an explosive spray of mist, gasping for breath as I filled my lungs with sweet, sweet air. I’d made it!
“How’d it go?” Ossifer asked anxiously.
I took several deep breaths, then held up the key with a grin.
“Yes!!” the Marowak exclaimed, jumping a foot into the air.
I set the key on the rocks and slowly pulled myself out of the water before glancing around. There was no sign of the Psyduck anywhere.
“Well, that was weird, but at least it’s over with,” I said, shaking some of the water from my wings. That was when I noticed that the water still clung to my scales like it belonged there. And my tail still had that weird, cold fire burning at its tip.
“Wait. When’s this gonna wear off?!”
~~~~~
Well, apparently the answer was ‘wait an hour.’ Which was fine by me—we both needed a rest, and by the end of it, I was back to my normal fire-typed self. Sure, it was kind of cool not dying from being underwater, but it couldn’t come close to the warmth and comfort of having a proper tail flame. In any case… we had the key! Already our quest seemed a lot more doable. There was just one problem…
“So, uh… how do we use it?” Ossifer asked.
My face fell. “I’m not sure,” I admitted, holding the key up so that the sunlight glimmered off its surface. “I never thought we’d get this far.”
“Rrgh, just as we’re making progress, now we gotta solve some kinda puzzle,” Ossifer grumbled, swatting at the grass with her club.
I put a claw to my chin. “Well. This key’s supposed to unlock the spatial realm, right? And that’s not really a place, is it?”
Ossifer just shrugged. But I was pretty sure I was onto something.
Space wasn’t a place. Space was… everywhere. All around us. And this key… this key would get us in. I held it in front of my face, taking in all of its details. Then I closed my eyes, and held the key out in front of me.
Space was everywhere.
I rotated the key in midair and felt it click into place.
“What’d you do?!” Ossifer cried out.
My eyes snapped open. Instead of the rocky shoreline, suddenly the two of us were standing in front of a glowing portal that seemed to lead into a swirling nothingness.
“I… think this is what we’ve been looking for,” I said slowly.
Ossifer glanced at me uncertainly. “You first?”
I shook my head. “Both of us at the same time.”
We slowly stepped closer to the portal. I stuck a claw through, half afraid that I was going to lose it. But nothing happened. So with that, we went and took the final step into the spatial realm. The world dissolved into a pitch-blackness streaked with swirling pink mists that seemed to drift through our very core.
“Hello?!” Ossifer called out.
The mists abruptly condensed into a large mass in front of us. And then we found ourselves staring up at the form of a huge, spectral dragon with huge fins, piercing red eyes, and gleaming pearls on its shoulders.
“Not every day that someone finds their way here,” the dragon said, its voice shaking the very fabric of this world.
My mouth hung open, speechless. Fortunately, Ossifer wasn’t quite as spellbound.
“Are you Palkia?” she asked.
“Ah, you know of me? No need to introduce myself then. What shall I call you two?”
I swallowed hard, struggling to find my voice. “Cherry.”
“Ossifer.”
“Well, you two must have had good reason for coming here!” the spatial lord boomed, leering at us with a toothy grin. “So tell me what it is you want…”
Chibi Pika
“A lemonade, if I'm honest,” I said.
Ossifer looked up at me with a raised brow, or what I had come to guess was one given her helmet.
“Careful,” said the spatial lord, their body slowly morphing into that of a purugly. “You only get three wishes.”
“I told you,” hissed Ossifer.
“No you didn't,” I replied. “Okay, fine. We're lost, it's hot, and neither of us have a clue where to go next.”
Ossifer scratched her head. “Huh... you're right. I don't remember why we came here.”
The purugly chuckled and sat back on a fluffy cloud. “Then it mustn't have been that important. If your reasons aren't justified, then the spatial domain erases them from your mind.”
“I can't see how it would have been unjustified,” said Ossifer. “Why else would we have trekked all this way?”
“Then... maybe it has something to do with me being human?” I said. “That would also explain my craving for lemonade.”
“What even is a lemon?” Ossifer asked.
“You call them 'nomel berries',” I said, somewhat helpfully.
Ossifer poked her tongue out in disgust. “You humans drink that stuff?”
“Every summer's day.”
The purugly flicked their tail and I thought I heard the hint of a hiss. “Speed it up. I have a long list of soap dramas to catch up on.”
“Okay, okay.” I lifted my paws and cleared my throat. “Can you tell us why we're here?”
“No. Two more wishes left.”
“That wasn't a wish!” I said. “It was a-”
“Request.” The purugly began to purr. “Request equals 'wish'.”
“Man, this cat is a piece of work,” muttered Ossifer.
“I heard that.”
I nudged the marowak with my elbow. “Okay. So you can't tell us why we're here. But... okay. My remaining requests-”
“If you ask for lemonade again...” Ossifer muttered.
“Please can you show us the way to go? And... two glasses of lemonade?”
Ossifer slammed her hand into her face.
The purugly waved a hand and two glasses of lemonade appeared before us. I took mine in my claws, and had to stifle a squeal from the cool glass. Ossifer took hers somewhat more cautiously. Then sniffed it.
“Very well,” said the spatial lord. “You've intrigued me. Ordinarily I wouldn't help two stragglers find their way. I'd throw them into my giant fish tank and watch the carvanah make short work of them. But you two... well... you, Charizard.”
I licked sweet lemon off my lips. “It's Cherry.”
“Cherry...” The purugly looked me up and down then waved a paw at me. “What is with all the fruit names with you? I don't get it.”
“I like fruit?”
The spatial lord sighed and vanished before our eyes. For a moment I thought they were gone, but they reappeared bit by bit beside me. Starting with a toothy grin.
“Very intriguing. I've never met a human before. So I'll make an exception. I will show you and your friend the right way to go, and it will take you to where you are meant to be going.”
Ossifer lowered her empty glass, which floated in the air much to her surprise. “How do we get there? We're standing on clouds.”
We certainly were standing on clouds. When had that happened?
The purugly waved a paw again, this time to their side. A small, glass table appeared. And on top of it, a key.
“This key will take you to where you are meant to be going,” they said.
I picked it up in my claws, and I thought I saw it blink. Wait... was it a klefki?
“Follow the key.” The spatial lord's body began to disappear again, piece by piece. “It will show you the way.”
“But... we're on clouds!” I protested. “I don't even see a path!”
“The key.”
The spatial lord vanished, save for its grinning mouth. Then it began to sing.
Ossifer tugged at my right wing. “Come on, Cher-Bear. We need to leave this trippy place.”
“If you think this is trippy,” said the key, “you should see where I'm about to take you.”
At that, the key zipped from my hand and flew off ahead of us, jingling to itself. The jingling seemed to be in rhythm with the spatial lord's singing.
Ossifer and I exchanged glances and took off after the key. The clouds parted, revealing a yellow brick path, winding and carving through the cloudscape. Then the key stopped, suddenly. And became much bigger. It was then that I realised I was running right into it, and my snout bounced right off its metal body.
“Ouch!” I exclaimed.
“A thousand pardons,” said the key. “You need to take this door.”
I finished rubbing my nose and opened my eyes again. Now faced by two large, red doors. Each one bore a brass knocker, one shaped like the head of Solgaleo and the other the head of Lunala. They both stared back at me, each clutching a brass ring in their jaws.
“So... which one is it?” I asked the key.
“You're meant to choose, not me,” it replied.
“I thought you were meant to open it?” I said.
“Why would I open it?” it replied.
“Because you're a key?” said Ossifer.
The key shrugged. “I'm not opening it. I don't even know where either leads!”
“Just knock,” said the brass Solgaleo head. His voice was muffled by the ring. “Knock, and it'll open.”
“Don't listen to him,” said Lunala. “He'll mislead you. You want my door.”
Ossifer's entire body stiffened as she stared at the doors, aghast.
“Wait... is this some kind of trick?” I asked.
“Yes,” said Solgaleo. “She's the liar. She'll lead you straight to your death.”
“Seriously?” Ossifer squeaked. “I didn't sign up for this!”
“Oh. Right.” I was much calmer in comparison to the marowak. “Then I guess we're taking your door?” I reached out to Solgaleo.
“Or is he leading you to your death?” Lunala asked. “Choose wisely.”
“You may ask us,” said Solgaleo. “But one of us always lies. The other always tells the truth.”
I folded my arms and tapped my foot as I looked between the two doors. One lies... the other tells the truth. But which one?
“So if we ask, how do we know which one is answering correctly?” Ossifer asked.
I lifted a claw, cutting off Ossifer and the two doors before they could speak. “I have an idea.”
Ossifer gave me a sideways glance. “Oh, I hope it's a good one.”
I turned to the Lunala knocker. “If I were to ask Solgaleo which door leads to certain death, which one would he tell me?”
“He'd tell you it's his door,” she said.
“Okay then.” I turned towards the Solgaleo door and reached for the knocker.
“Wait!” Ossifer squeaked. “How do you-”
“Logic puzzles,” I answered. “Trust me on this one.” I reached out and took the brass ring. And knocked. Three times.
Solgaleo smiled and the door creaked open, away from us. Yet more cloud. When I turned back to the key, it had vanished. As had the other door.
“Wow,” said Ossifer. “I was expecting a wall of fire. Not gonna lie.”
“I wasn't..“ I turned back to the open door. “But I was expecting a change of scene. Oh well. Only one thing for it, I guess.”
“After you, big guy,” said Ossifer.
So I took a step forward through the door... and the entire ground (or cloud?) gave way beneath me! I let out a loud scream, which was joined by Ossifer's as she plummeted down after me.
“Fly, fool!” she screeched.
“Oh yeah!” I spread my wings, and my fall began to slow.
The marowak landed astride my back and let out a relieved sigh. “Nice save.”
I grinned up at her and slowly beat my wings. But it didn't help me lift. The pull was too extreme, dragging us further and further down a tunnel of soil. And... shelving units?
“Huh.” Ossifer reached out and plucked a jar from one of the shelves. “Honey? What the... Where on earth are we?”
A mothim chittered from the shelves and snatched the honey jar back from Ossifer. He wagged his tiny claw and zipped off behind the shelf where a small family of burmy eagerly waited.
“Erm...” was all I could say.
Especially since a piano drifted by. Or we drifted past it. I grabbed the sheet music out of idle curiosity. It appeared to be from the eighteen sixties.
I'd barely finished looking at it when my stomach touched soft ground. I released the music sheet only for it to drift back up towards the piano, now miles and miles above us. I rolled off the pile of leaves, dislodging Ossifer who was too busy taking in her surroundings.
A forest. We were now in a forest. And it in no way resembled the ones I'd grown familiar with in the Pokemon world.
“I don't think we're in Kansas anymore,” I said.
Ossifer raised a brow at me, then returned to gazing around the dark forest. “Well, I have to hand it to you, Cher-Bear. It wasn't 'certain death'.”
“Told you I knew what I was doing.”
Both of us jerked upright as an ear-splitting screech filled the air. Then I gave Ossifer a nervous smile.
“It's the cry of the JubJub,” said a meek voice.
We turned to find a trembling buneary poking her head out from a hole at the base of a knotted tree.
“What's a JubJub?” Ossifer asked.
“A huge... huge bird,” said the tiny buneary. “You might want to run and hide.”
Another screech. Closer this time. The little rabbit tugged her head back into her hiding hole, leaving us both standing there. Terrified.
Heavy wings beat above us. Black and dark. And then, with another spine-chilling screech, the massive bird swooped.
Ossifer looked up at me with a raised brow, or what I had come to guess was one given her helmet.
“Careful,” said the spatial lord, their body slowly morphing into that of a purugly. “You only get three wishes.”
“I told you,” hissed Ossifer.
“No you didn't,” I replied. “Okay, fine. We're lost, it's hot, and neither of us have a clue where to go next.”
Ossifer scratched her head. “Huh... you're right. I don't remember why we came here.”
The purugly chuckled and sat back on a fluffy cloud. “Then it mustn't have been that important. If your reasons aren't justified, then the spatial domain erases them from your mind.”
“I can't see how it would have been unjustified,” said Ossifer. “Why else would we have trekked all this way?”
“Then... maybe it has something to do with me being human?” I said. “That would also explain my craving for lemonade.”
“What even is a lemon?” Ossifer asked.
“You call them 'nomel berries',” I said, somewhat helpfully.
Ossifer poked her tongue out in disgust. “You humans drink that stuff?”
“Every summer's day.”
The purugly flicked their tail and I thought I heard the hint of a hiss. “Speed it up. I have a long list of soap dramas to catch up on.”
“Okay, okay.” I lifted my paws and cleared my throat. “Can you tell us why we're here?”
“No. Two more wishes left.”
“That wasn't a wish!” I said. “It was a-”
“Request.” The purugly began to purr. “Request equals 'wish'.”
“Man, this cat is a piece of work,” muttered Ossifer.
“I heard that.”
I nudged the marowak with my elbow. “Okay. So you can't tell us why we're here. But... okay. My remaining requests-”
“If you ask for lemonade again...” Ossifer muttered.
“Please can you show us the way to go? And... two glasses of lemonade?”
Ossifer slammed her hand into her face.
The purugly waved a hand and two glasses of lemonade appeared before us. I took mine in my claws, and had to stifle a squeal from the cool glass. Ossifer took hers somewhat more cautiously. Then sniffed it.
“Very well,” said the spatial lord. “You've intrigued me. Ordinarily I wouldn't help two stragglers find their way. I'd throw them into my giant fish tank and watch the carvanah make short work of them. But you two... well... you, Charizard.”
I licked sweet lemon off my lips. “It's Cherry.”
“Cherry...” The purugly looked me up and down then waved a paw at me. “What is with all the fruit names with you? I don't get it.”
“I like fruit?”
The spatial lord sighed and vanished before our eyes. For a moment I thought they were gone, but they reappeared bit by bit beside me. Starting with a toothy grin.
“Very intriguing. I've never met a human before. So I'll make an exception. I will show you and your friend the right way to go, and it will take you to where you are meant to be going.”
Ossifer lowered her empty glass, which floated in the air much to her surprise. “How do we get there? We're standing on clouds.”
We certainly were standing on clouds. When had that happened?
The purugly waved a paw again, this time to their side. A small, glass table appeared. And on top of it, a key.
“This key will take you to where you are meant to be going,” they said.
I picked it up in my claws, and I thought I saw it blink. Wait... was it a klefki?
“Follow the key.” The spatial lord's body began to disappear again, piece by piece. “It will show you the way.”
“But... we're on clouds!” I protested. “I don't even see a path!”
“The key.”
The spatial lord vanished, save for its grinning mouth. Then it began to sing.
Ossifer tugged at my right wing. “Come on, Cher-Bear. We need to leave this trippy place.”
“If you think this is trippy,” said the key, “you should see where I'm about to take you.”
At that, the key zipped from my hand and flew off ahead of us, jingling to itself. The jingling seemed to be in rhythm with the spatial lord's singing.
Ossifer and I exchanged glances and took off after the key. The clouds parted, revealing a yellow brick path, winding and carving through the cloudscape. Then the key stopped, suddenly. And became much bigger. It was then that I realised I was running right into it, and my snout bounced right off its metal body.
“Ouch!” I exclaimed.
“A thousand pardons,” said the key. “You need to take this door.”
I finished rubbing my nose and opened my eyes again. Now faced by two large, red doors. Each one bore a brass knocker, one shaped like the head of Solgaleo and the other the head of Lunala. They both stared back at me, each clutching a brass ring in their jaws.
“So... which one is it?” I asked the key.
“You're meant to choose, not me,” it replied.
“I thought you were meant to open it?” I said.
“Why would I open it?” it replied.
“Because you're a key?” said Ossifer.
The key shrugged. “I'm not opening it. I don't even know where either leads!”
“Just knock,” said the brass Solgaleo head. His voice was muffled by the ring. “Knock, and it'll open.”
“Don't listen to him,” said Lunala. “He'll mislead you. You want my door.”
Ossifer's entire body stiffened as she stared at the doors, aghast.
“Wait... is this some kind of trick?” I asked.
“Yes,” said Solgaleo. “She's the liar. She'll lead you straight to your death.”
“Seriously?” Ossifer squeaked. “I didn't sign up for this!”
“Oh. Right.” I was much calmer in comparison to the marowak. “Then I guess we're taking your door?” I reached out to Solgaleo.
“Or is he leading you to your death?” Lunala asked. “Choose wisely.”
“You may ask us,” said Solgaleo. “But one of us always lies. The other always tells the truth.”
I folded my arms and tapped my foot as I looked between the two doors. One lies... the other tells the truth. But which one?
“So if we ask, how do we know which one is answering correctly?” Ossifer asked.
I lifted a claw, cutting off Ossifer and the two doors before they could speak. “I have an idea.”
Ossifer gave me a sideways glance. “Oh, I hope it's a good one.”
I turned to the Lunala knocker. “If I were to ask Solgaleo which door leads to certain death, which one would he tell me?”
“He'd tell you it's his door,” she said.
“Okay then.” I turned towards the Solgaleo door and reached for the knocker.
“Wait!” Ossifer squeaked. “How do you-”
“Logic puzzles,” I answered. “Trust me on this one.” I reached out and took the brass ring. And knocked. Three times.
Solgaleo smiled and the door creaked open, away from us. Yet more cloud. When I turned back to the key, it had vanished. As had the other door.
“Wow,” said Ossifer. “I was expecting a wall of fire. Not gonna lie.”
“I wasn't..“ I turned back to the open door. “But I was expecting a change of scene. Oh well. Only one thing for it, I guess.”
“After you, big guy,” said Ossifer.
So I took a step forward through the door... and the entire ground (or cloud?) gave way beneath me! I let out a loud scream, which was joined by Ossifer's as she plummeted down after me.
“Fly, fool!” she screeched.
“Oh yeah!” I spread my wings, and my fall began to slow.
The marowak landed astride my back and let out a relieved sigh. “Nice save.”
I grinned up at her and slowly beat my wings. But it didn't help me lift. The pull was too extreme, dragging us further and further down a tunnel of soil. And... shelving units?
“Huh.” Ossifer reached out and plucked a jar from one of the shelves. “Honey? What the... Where on earth are we?”
A mothim chittered from the shelves and snatched the honey jar back from Ossifer. He wagged his tiny claw and zipped off behind the shelf where a small family of burmy eagerly waited.
“Erm...” was all I could say.
Especially since a piano drifted by. Or we drifted past it. I grabbed the sheet music out of idle curiosity. It appeared to be from the eighteen sixties.
I'd barely finished looking at it when my stomach touched soft ground. I released the music sheet only for it to drift back up towards the piano, now miles and miles above us. I rolled off the pile of leaves, dislodging Ossifer who was too busy taking in her surroundings.
A forest. We were now in a forest. And it in no way resembled the ones I'd grown familiar with in the Pokemon world.
“I don't think we're in Kansas anymore,” I said.
Ossifer raised a brow at me, then returned to gazing around the dark forest. “Well, I have to hand it to you, Cher-Bear. It wasn't 'certain death'.”
“Told you I knew what I was doing.”
Both of us jerked upright as an ear-splitting screech filled the air. Then I gave Ossifer a nervous smile.
“It's the cry of the JubJub,” said a meek voice.
We turned to find a trembling buneary poking her head out from a hole at the base of a knotted tree.
“What's a JubJub?” Ossifer asked.
“A huge... huge bird,” said the tiny buneary. “You might want to run and hide.”
Another screech. Closer this time. The little rabbit tugged her head back into her hiding hole, leaving us both standing there. Terrified.
Heavy wings beat above us. Black and dark. And then, with another spine-chilling screech, the massive bird swooped.
Delerious Absol
The mandibuzz landed by the side of the trail, her heavy wing-beats kicking dust into the air. “HEY, DID YOU GUYS FIND THAT CURE YET? I’M GETTING REALLY HOARSE!” she screeched at us.
“Yeah! I’ve got the whisper root powder right… here!” I said, digging through my bag to produce a glass jar filled with brown powder alongside a little wooden spoon.
“Cherry, we had agreed we were going to treat the exploud family first!” Ossifer said, glaring at both me and the mandibuzz.
“Don’t worry, we have plenty!” I set down the jar and scooped out a small amount of powder. This time, I didn’t spill any – well, barely any – finally having started to get used to my clawed hands.
“That’s true, but we don’t know how much we’re going to need. I mean, they’re explouds! It could be a lot!”
“BUT I’M REALLY HOARSE!” the mandibuzz protested.
“Yeah, she’s really hoarse! How could we turn away a Pokemon in need?” I asked.
Ossifer stood in thought a moment, leaning on her bone, before finally relenting. “Okay, fine, you can give her some powder. But this is the only Pokemon we’re treating before the exploud family,” she said.
“THANKS! I’M GOING TO SCREECH REALLY LOUDLY NOW!” the mandibuzz yelled, and proceeded to do just that. The only way someone afflicted with screaming sickness could eat was if they made an attempt to scream as loud as they could, after which there would be a brief period during which they could stop screaming and try to swallow something. After what seemed like an interminable period of sustained wailing, the mandibuzz finally fell silent, and I hurriedly thrust the little spoon at her. She snatched it out of my claws and swallowed it whole.
“...hey, it really worked! I don’t have to scream anymore!” the mandibuzz said in a mercifully quieter voice this time.
“Great. Got anything to pay for a replacement spoon?” Ossifer asked.
“Nope. Thanks again!” The vulture took to the skies and soared away.
“Gosh, it feels so good to help people!” I said.
“Uh-huh. Let’s keep moving.” We continued our steady trudge along the path to Hills’ End. As the name suggested, the terrain seemed to be becoming flatter and flatter as the road went on.
“...say, Ossifer. Is it usual to have so many disease outbreaks in such a short time around here? I mean, first there was the teleportitis, then the You-Can-Only-Walk-Backwards-Syndrome epidemic, and now this Screaming Sickness thing. It feels like we haven’t had a quiet day in months!” Increasingly literally so, it seemed.
“You’re right. It is rather unusual,” Ossifer replied. “Usually we see one or two major outbreaks a year, at most. But I’m not really sure if there’s anything we can do about it other than to just keep treating them as they occur.”
“Hmm… I guess you’re right...”
We continued to make progress towards the town. Not at the rate we could’ve made if I knew how to fly and Ossifer wasn’t such an acrophobe, but still pretty good. Just as the first of the town’s outlying farmhouses came into sight, a small group of murkrow (would that still be called a ‘murder’ here?) descended from the skies above, surrounding us.
“WE HEARD YOU HAD A CURE FOR THE SCREAMING SICKNESS!” the lead murkrow screamed at us.
“That’s true, but you’ll have to wait to see how much we have left after we treat the exploud family,” Ossifer said sternly.
“Yeah, sorry guys,” I said.
“WHAT!? YOU GAVE THAT MANDIBUZZ THE CURE! WHY NOT US?” another murkrow cried.
“YEAH, WE’RE ALL GETTING HOARSE TOO!”
“Sorry, but I don’t know if there’s enough for both you and the explouds...” I mumbled, although I wasn’t sure if anyone heard me over the combined screaming of the mob of Murkrow.
“HEY, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE’S A LOT LEFT!” Wha- I looked down at my bag to see that one of the murkrow had ripped a sizable gash in it with his talons, and was now peering through it at the jar of whisper powder inside.
“Hey!” I yelled, jerking my bag away from the murkrow and putting a protective hand over the tear.
“YOU LIAR! YOU SAID THERE WASN’T ENOUGH FOR US!” I felt a sharp pain in my head as one of the murkrow flew up and pecked me.
“LIAR! LIAR!” The other murkrow began to follow suit, pecking at me from every angle. I tried to fend them off, but my stubby arms weren’t making my wild flailing very effective. Ossifer had her hands full fighting off two murkrow who choose to focus on her instead, barely managing to keep them away with controlled swings of her bone.
“Okay, okay, you can have some!” I yelled.
“Cherry!” Ossifer protested.
“But, just a little! And you can’t tell anyone!” I added.
“WE WOULDN’T!”
“YEAH, WE’RE SUPER DISCRETE!”
I hurriedly got out the jar and began measuring out doses. Ossifer gritted her teeth and said nothing. Some of the murkrow misjudged how long they needed to scream at max volume to suppress their urge long enough to swallow the powder, leading to them coughing it out and necessitating a second dose. After I was done, the level of powder in the jar was considerably lower than it had been initially.
“Finally, I can not speak again!” one of the murkrow remarked, marveling at her newfound ability to remain quiet.
“We’ll be sure to tell the don about the good favor you did for us… even if took you some ‘convincing’,” the lead murkrow said.
“You said you weren’t going to tell anyone else about this!” Ossifer growled.
“Well, the don’s an exception! Obviously!”
“Yeah, obviously!” another murkrow echoed.
“Fine, whatever...”
As the murkrow mob flew away, I examined the damage to my bag. The gash could probably be sewn shut again, but not by my clumsy claws.
Ossifer sighed. “I can carry the jar in my bag for now,” she said. “Hopefully there’s still enough left that we can still cure most of the loudred...”
“Yeah, I bet so!” I said, trying to put some cheer into my words. Ossifer snorted in response.
“Let’s just get moving again before anyone else finds us.”
We continued towards the town. As we got closer, we started to hear a loud rumbling in the distance, like continuous rolling thunder. The exploud family, I presumed. Neither of us said anything to the other, leaving only that distant noise to fill the air.
“...hey, Ossifer, you’re not mad at me, right?” I asked at last.
“No.” she said tersely.
“Oh. ...are you sure? You sound a little mad,” I said.
“Well, I’m not,” she snapped.
“Oh, okay. ...hey, do you hear that? Not the rumbling, that other noise?”
“What other noi- oh, you mean the one from that flock over there?” Ossifer asked, pointing into the sky. A very sizable flock of some small bird species was rapidly approaching us from the same direction the murkrow had just flown off in. All of them were apparently inflicted with the screaming sickness, making a sort of cacophony of hooting noises.
“Oh, yeah, I guess that’s it! They’re not headed for us, right?” I asked. As soon as the words left my mouth, the flock started to descend towards us as they drew nearer.
“Cherry, I think we’d better start running now,” Ossifer said.
“Agreed!” We took off in a sprint – or, at least I was moving as fast as I could while on the ground, which wasn’t quite the same sprinting speed I had as a human – but it was ultimately futile. Before we could reach any kind of cover, a massive flock of pidove, hundreds strong, descended around us.
“CURE! CURE! CURE!” they hooted.
“WE DON’T HAVE IT!” Ossifer yelled back.
“GIVE IT! GIVE IT!” the flock hollered, uncomprehending. Their voices somehow seemed to grow even louder.
“Um, Ossifer, I’m pretty sure that these guys are mad. Maybe we should just give it to them,” I whispered to her.
“No, we’re not giving in this time! I bet if we just keep moving towards the explouds, eventually the noise will scare the flock off!”
“Ossy, I don’t think I could move even ten feet through this swarm!” I protested. Pidove had already landed on every part of my body, and there was no place on the ground I could step to that wasn’t swarming with the creatures.
“Alright, alright!” Ossifer hissed. She took a jar out of her bag and held it in the air. “OKAY, LISTEN UP! THE CURE IS RIGHT… HERE!” she yelled, then threw the jar as hard as she could. It shattered against a rock by the side of the trail, narrowly missing several pidove. Almost immediately, dozens of the birds crowded around the broken jar, frantically pecking away at the green seeds it had spilled onto the ground. “Hurry!” she said, running towards a nearby farmer’s cottage. I shook off the remaining pidove on my body and followed after her.
“MORE CURE! MORE CURE!” Several pidove who had been too slow to get to the seeds divebombed Ossifer, breaking the strap on her bag. They dragged out all the different kinds of medicine that had been stored in it, desperately cramming pills, powders and seeds into their gullet. By the time Cherry was able to chase them all away, the whisper root powder had been entirely consumed or otherwise lost, along with several other of her medical supplies.
“No...” the marowak moaned, staring at the remaining contents of her prized medical bag in horror.
“Wait, Ossifer! The epacsé orb! We can use it to go back to the Silent Forest dungeon and get more whisper root!” I said, digging the orb out from my bag. Unlike escape orbs, epacsé orbs teleported the user into the nearest dungeon rather than out of one.
Ossifer picked up her bag and put a hand on the orb, face set with determination now. “I don’t know if that’s the nearest dungeon, but let’s just get away from these pidove!” she shouted.
“Agreed!” I said, and dashed the orb against the ground. The world around us shimmered and shifted, and then we found ourselves in a low-ceiling stone passageway. Although there weren’t any light sources besides my tail, everything around me appeared equally illuminated, a sure sign of being in a mystery dungeon. Stalactites and stalagmites jutted out of the walls, ceiling and floor at random angles.
“Ugh, great, we must be in Sharpstone Caverns,” Ossifer said, taking a look around.
“Well, at least that’s closer to Silent Forest than where we were, right?” I asked.
“Maybe a little bit...” the marowak said. “Let’s just find the stairs as quickly as possible and get out of here.”
Following the left-hand rule, we made our way through the winding passageways of the dungeon. It didn’t take long before we met other pokemon, coming face to face with a pair of graveler as we turned a corner.
“Oy, what are you two doing here?” one asked.
“Long story short, we warped in here with an orb by mistake and we’re trying to find the way out so we can go to another dungeon to gather whisper root to treat the screaming sickness epidemic we’ve been having lately,” I said. Both of the graveler flinched.
“Hey, do you think she’s infected?” the one on the left said.
“What? I’m speaking at a normal volume… right?” I asked.
“Yes, you are,” Ossifer confirmed.
“No, not the screaming sickness. The new one… the… what are we callin’ it? Expositio-something?”
“Expositiosis,” the other graveler corrected.
“Wait, there’s another new disease going around?” I asked.
“Yeah. It makes you talk and talk, jabberin’ on about every little thing, even basic stuff everyone should know already.”
“Hmm. It sounds like that might just be a mutant strain of the screaming sickness rather than something entirely new,” Ossifer mused.
“What, already? It took weeks after You-Can-Only-Walk-Backward-Syndrome appearing for You-Can-Only-Walk-Sideways-Syndrome to start showing up!” I said. “As everyone knows, it’s only been six days since the first recorded case of screaming sickness in the current epidemic!”
Ossifer gave me a strange glance, then turned back to the graveler. “Well, regardless of whether it’s a new disease or just a new strain, I’m betting that it’ll probably require a new cure. Do you know if there’s anything that can treat this Expositiosis?”
“It generally takes at least three days for a treatment to be discovered for any given disease, although it’s often more than that,” I added.
“No, we don’t have any idea what to do to cure the dang thing,” the right graveler said. “Can’t say we’ve tried much, though. Not a lotta herbs and whatnot growing in this dungeon here.”
“Yes, cave-based dungeons such as the ones we’re in don’t really have much foliage. This is because the weird dungeon background light doesn’t really work as well as sunlight for growing things, and also because there’s no soil, and it never rains, either,” I said.
“Hey, Zeke, I think this charizard really is infected! Let’s go!” one of the graveler cried, and turned to run.
“Crap, you’re right!” the other turned on their heels and quickly followed suit.
“W-wait! How could I have already gotten infected with this thing?” I asked. “Could it be that I picked it up from one of that pidove that was sitting on me? Because before we came to this dungeon, we were attacked by a flock of pidove looking for our cure to the screaming sickness, and I came into contact with quite a few of them.”
Ossifer slowly backed away from me. “Um, yes, Cherry, I was there.”
I gasped. “Oh no, maybe I really am infected! The reason I think this might be the case is that I keep explaining things I have no need to explain, such as what I’m doing right now!”
“Don’t worry, Cherry, I’m sure we’ll figure out a way to cure you soon,” Ossifer said.
“Yes, although unlike screaming sickness, which we know can be cured with whisper root powder, we have no idea what cures Expositiosis, although even if whisper root powder did cure it, it wouldn’t help, since we don’t have any right now because we lost all of our whisper root powder to, successively, a mandibuzz, some murkrow, and then a flock of pidove, which is a real problem because we were saving it to treat the exploud family in Hill’s End town, and I’m… starting… to run... out of breath… but I can’t… stop… talking…!”
“Yeah! I’ve got the whisper root powder right… here!” I said, digging through my bag to produce a glass jar filled with brown powder alongside a little wooden spoon.
“Cherry, we had agreed we were going to treat the exploud family first!” Ossifer said, glaring at both me and the mandibuzz.
“Don’t worry, we have plenty!” I set down the jar and scooped out a small amount of powder. This time, I didn’t spill any – well, barely any – finally having started to get used to my clawed hands.
“That’s true, but we don’t know how much we’re going to need. I mean, they’re explouds! It could be a lot!”
“BUT I’M REALLY HOARSE!” the mandibuzz protested.
“Yeah, she’s really hoarse! How could we turn away a Pokemon in need?” I asked.
Ossifer stood in thought a moment, leaning on her bone, before finally relenting. “Okay, fine, you can give her some powder. But this is the only Pokemon we’re treating before the exploud family,” she said.
“THANKS! I’M GOING TO SCREECH REALLY LOUDLY NOW!” the mandibuzz yelled, and proceeded to do just that. The only way someone afflicted with screaming sickness could eat was if they made an attempt to scream as loud as they could, after which there would be a brief period during which they could stop screaming and try to swallow something. After what seemed like an interminable period of sustained wailing, the mandibuzz finally fell silent, and I hurriedly thrust the little spoon at her. She snatched it out of my claws and swallowed it whole.
“...hey, it really worked! I don’t have to scream anymore!” the mandibuzz said in a mercifully quieter voice this time.
“Great. Got anything to pay for a replacement spoon?” Ossifer asked.
“Nope. Thanks again!” The vulture took to the skies and soared away.
“Gosh, it feels so good to help people!” I said.
“Uh-huh. Let’s keep moving.” We continued our steady trudge along the path to Hills’ End. As the name suggested, the terrain seemed to be becoming flatter and flatter as the road went on.
“...say, Ossifer. Is it usual to have so many disease outbreaks in such a short time around here? I mean, first there was the teleportitis, then the You-Can-Only-Walk-Backwards-Syndrome epidemic, and now this Screaming Sickness thing. It feels like we haven’t had a quiet day in months!” Increasingly literally so, it seemed.
“You’re right. It is rather unusual,” Ossifer replied. “Usually we see one or two major outbreaks a year, at most. But I’m not really sure if there’s anything we can do about it other than to just keep treating them as they occur.”
“Hmm… I guess you’re right...”
We continued to make progress towards the town. Not at the rate we could’ve made if I knew how to fly and Ossifer wasn’t such an acrophobe, but still pretty good. Just as the first of the town’s outlying farmhouses came into sight, a small group of murkrow (would that still be called a ‘murder’ here?) descended from the skies above, surrounding us.
“WE HEARD YOU HAD A CURE FOR THE SCREAMING SICKNESS!” the lead murkrow screamed at us.
“That’s true, but you’ll have to wait to see how much we have left after we treat the exploud family,” Ossifer said sternly.
“Yeah, sorry guys,” I said.
“WHAT!? YOU GAVE THAT MANDIBUZZ THE CURE! WHY NOT US?” another murkrow cried.
“YEAH, WE’RE ALL GETTING HOARSE TOO!”
“Sorry, but I don’t know if there’s enough for both you and the explouds...” I mumbled, although I wasn’t sure if anyone heard me over the combined screaming of the mob of Murkrow.
“HEY, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE’S A LOT LEFT!” Wha- I looked down at my bag to see that one of the murkrow had ripped a sizable gash in it with his talons, and was now peering through it at the jar of whisper powder inside.
“Hey!” I yelled, jerking my bag away from the murkrow and putting a protective hand over the tear.
“YOU LIAR! YOU SAID THERE WASN’T ENOUGH FOR US!” I felt a sharp pain in my head as one of the murkrow flew up and pecked me.
“LIAR! LIAR!” The other murkrow began to follow suit, pecking at me from every angle. I tried to fend them off, but my stubby arms weren’t making my wild flailing very effective. Ossifer had her hands full fighting off two murkrow who choose to focus on her instead, barely managing to keep them away with controlled swings of her bone.
“Okay, okay, you can have some!” I yelled.
“Cherry!” Ossifer protested.
“But, just a little! And you can’t tell anyone!” I added.
“WE WOULDN’T!”
“YEAH, WE’RE SUPER DISCRETE!”
I hurriedly got out the jar and began measuring out doses. Ossifer gritted her teeth and said nothing. Some of the murkrow misjudged how long they needed to scream at max volume to suppress their urge long enough to swallow the powder, leading to them coughing it out and necessitating a second dose. After I was done, the level of powder in the jar was considerably lower than it had been initially.
“Finally, I can not speak again!” one of the murkrow remarked, marveling at her newfound ability to remain quiet.
“We’ll be sure to tell the don about the good favor you did for us… even if took you some ‘convincing’,” the lead murkrow said.
“You said you weren’t going to tell anyone else about this!” Ossifer growled.
“Well, the don’s an exception! Obviously!”
“Yeah, obviously!” another murkrow echoed.
“Fine, whatever...”
As the murkrow mob flew away, I examined the damage to my bag. The gash could probably be sewn shut again, but not by my clumsy claws.
Ossifer sighed. “I can carry the jar in my bag for now,” she said. “Hopefully there’s still enough left that we can still cure most of the loudred...”
“Yeah, I bet so!” I said, trying to put some cheer into my words. Ossifer snorted in response.
“Let’s just get moving again before anyone else finds us.”
We continued towards the town. As we got closer, we started to hear a loud rumbling in the distance, like continuous rolling thunder. The exploud family, I presumed. Neither of us said anything to the other, leaving only that distant noise to fill the air.
“...hey, Ossifer, you’re not mad at me, right?” I asked at last.
“No.” she said tersely.
“Oh. ...are you sure? You sound a little mad,” I said.
“Well, I’m not,” she snapped.
“Oh, okay. ...hey, do you hear that? Not the rumbling, that other noise?”
“What other noi- oh, you mean the one from that flock over there?” Ossifer asked, pointing into the sky. A very sizable flock of some small bird species was rapidly approaching us from the same direction the murkrow had just flown off in. All of them were apparently inflicted with the screaming sickness, making a sort of cacophony of hooting noises.
“Oh, yeah, I guess that’s it! They’re not headed for us, right?” I asked. As soon as the words left my mouth, the flock started to descend towards us as they drew nearer.
“Cherry, I think we’d better start running now,” Ossifer said.
“Agreed!” We took off in a sprint – or, at least I was moving as fast as I could while on the ground, which wasn’t quite the same sprinting speed I had as a human – but it was ultimately futile. Before we could reach any kind of cover, a massive flock of pidove, hundreds strong, descended around us.
“CURE! CURE! CURE!” they hooted.
“WE DON’T HAVE IT!” Ossifer yelled back.
“GIVE IT! GIVE IT!” the flock hollered, uncomprehending. Their voices somehow seemed to grow even louder.
“Um, Ossifer, I’m pretty sure that these guys are mad. Maybe we should just give it to them,” I whispered to her.
“No, we’re not giving in this time! I bet if we just keep moving towards the explouds, eventually the noise will scare the flock off!”
“Ossy, I don’t think I could move even ten feet through this swarm!” I protested. Pidove had already landed on every part of my body, and there was no place on the ground I could step to that wasn’t swarming with the creatures.
“Alright, alright!” Ossifer hissed. She took a jar out of her bag and held it in the air. “OKAY, LISTEN UP! THE CURE IS RIGHT… HERE!” she yelled, then threw the jar as hard as she could. It shattered against a rock by the side of the trail, narrowly missing several pidove. Almost immediately, dozens of the birds crowded around the broken jar, frantically pecking away at the green seeds it had spilled onto the ground. “Hurry!” she said, running towards a nearby farmer’s cottage. I shook off the remaining pidove on my body and followed after her.
“MORE CURE! MORE CURE!” Several pidove who had been too slow to get to the seeds divebombed Ossifer, breaking the strap on her bag. They dragged out all the different kinds of medicine that had been stored in it, desperately cramming pills, powders and seeds into their gullet. By the time Cherry was able to chase them all away, the whisper root powder had been entirely consumed or otherwise lost, along with several other of her medical supplies.
“No...” the marowak moaned, staring at the remaining contents of her prized medical bag in horror.
“Wait, Ossifer! The epacsé orb! We can use it to go back to the Silent Forest dungeon and get more whisper root!” I said, digging the orb out from my bag. Unlike escape orbs, epacsé orbs teleported the user into the nearest dungeon rather than out of one.
Ossifer picked up her bag and put a hand on the orb, face set with determination now. “I don’t know if that’s the nearest dungeon, but let’s just get away from these pidove!” she shouted.
“Agreed!” I said, and dashed the orb against the ground. The world around us shimmered and shifted, and then we found ourselves in a low-ceiling stone passageway. Although there weren’t any light sources besides my tail, everything around me appeared equally illuminated, a sure sign of being in a mystery dungeon. Stalactites and stalagmites jutted out of the walls, ceiling and floor at random angles.
“Ugh, great, we must be in Sharpstone Caverns,” Ossifer said, taking a look around.
“Well, at least that’s closer to Silent Forest than where we were, right?” I asked.
“Maybe a little bit...” the marowak said. “Let’s just find the stairs as quickly as possible and get out of here.”
Following the left-hand rule, we made our way through the winding passageways of the dungeon. It didn’t take long before we met other pokemon, coming face to face with a pair of graveler as we turned a corner.
“Oy, what are you two doing here?” one asked.
“Long story short, we warped in here with an orb by mistake and we’re trying to find the way out so we can go to another dungeon to gather whisper root to treat the screaming sickness epidemic we’ve been having lately,” I said. Both of the graveler flinched.
“Hey, do you think she’s infected?” the one on the left said.
“What? I’m speaking at a normal volume… right?” I asked.
“Yes, you are,” Ossifer confirmed.
“No, not the screaming sickness. The new one… the… what are we callin’ it? Expositio-something?”
“Expositiosis,” the other graveler corrected.
“Wait, there’s another new disease going around?” I asked.
“Yeah. It makes you talk and talk, jabberin’ on about every little thing, even basic stuff everyone should know already.”
“Hmm. It sounds like that might just be a mutant strain of the screaming sickness rather than something entirely new,” Ossifer mused.
“What, already? It took weeks after You-Can-Only-Walk-Backward-Syndrome appearing for You-Can-Only-Walk-Sideways-Syndrome to start showing up!” I said. “As everyone knows, it’s only been six days since the first recorded case of screaming sickness in the current epidemic!”
Ossifer gave me a strange glance, then turned back to the graveler. “Well, regardless of whether it’s a new disease or just a new strain, I’m betting that it’ll probably require a new cure. Do you know if there’s anything that can treat this Expositiosis?”
“It generally takes at least three days for a treatment to be discovered for any given disease, although it’s often more than that,” I added.
“No, we don’t have any idea what to do to cure the dang thing,” the right graveler said. “Can’t say we’ve tried much, though. Not a lotta herbs and whatnot growing in this dungeon here.”
“Yes, cave-based dungeons such as the ones we’re in don’t really have much foliage. This is because the weird dungeon background light doesn’t really work as well as sunlight for growing things, and also because there’s no soil, and it never rains, either,” I said.
“Hey, Zeke, I think this charizard really is infected! Let’s go!” one of the graveler cried, and turned to run.
“Crap, you’re right!” the other turned on their heels and quickly followed suit.
“W-wait! How could I have already gotten infected with this thing?” I asked. “Could it be that I picked it up from one of that pidove that was sitting on me? Because before we came to this dungeon, we were attacked by a flock of pidove looking for our cure to the screaming sickness, and I came into contact with quite a few of them.”
Ossifer slowly backed away from me. “Um, yes, Cherry, I was there.”
I gasped. “Oh no, maybe I really am infected! The reason I think this might be the case is that I keep explaining things I have no need to explain, such as what I’m doing right now!”
“Don’t worry, Cherry, I’m sure we’ll figure out a way to cure you soon,” Ossifer said.
“Yes, although unlike screaming sickness, which we know can be cured with whisper root powder, we have no idea what cures Expositiosis, although even if whisper root powder did cure it, it wouldn’t help, since we don’t have any right now because we lost all of our whisper root powder to, successively, a mandibuzz, some murkrow, and then a flock of pidove, which is a real problem because we were saving it to treat the exploud family in Hill’s End town, and I’m… starting… to run... out of breath… but I can’t… stop… talking…!”
Walrus
In a flash, Ossifer leapt at Cherry. Angling her body to the side, she wrapped her legs around Cherry’s neck while leaning into the Charizard to anchor herself. Her arms snapped out, clamping Cherry’s snout shut.
“We need to figure this out,” Ossifer said in a controlled tone. The Marowak tried her best to calm Cherry with a smile, but the Charizard’s panicked expression ended that hope quickly. “Umm, what can we do. I don’t know what Expositiosis is caused by- uhm- err.”
Cherry tried to say something, but Ossifer kept her mouth firmly shut.
“Is it like a human disease? But you’re a Charizard. Although you said you were a human. But you’re not anymore. What’s the difference?” Cherry rolled her eyes as the Marowak fretted incessantly, eventually grabbing her by her tail and pulling her off.
Cherry waited a moment, then spoke. “I think there’s something we’re overlooking here. This stuff is essentially involuntary vocal contractions or whatever right? There has to be some sort of root cause, maybe something I ate? What did we eat recently? I mean, it makes sense because foodborne illness is really common and I can see it affecting the voice, kind of like if you inhale helium. Not that you would know, but it’s kind of like that. So it was probably something to do with-”
Ossifer threw a bone at Cherry’s head. It collided with a thump, and the Charizard collapsed unconscious.
“Now I feel bad,” Ossifer said, frowning.
--
Cherry awoke to a pounding headache, flat on her back. It was dark, and soft rain was falling on her face. She blinked in confusion as she felt a tugging on her tail. As she craned her neck, she saw Ossifer lying on her tail next to her flame.
“Sorry,” Ossifer said. “I was feeling a bit cold.” The Marowak stood up, taking a moment to stretch before fixing Cherry with a hard stare. “Don’t say a word, I’ll tell you everything.” She took a deep breath, looking at the sky. “You’ve been out for four days. Everything has been taken care of and I found the cure.”
The Charizard sat upright, experimentally moving her wings. They felt sore. She breathed slowly and evenly through her nose for a moment, then spoke. “Everything?” she said quietly. As soon as the last syllable left her mouth, she brought her claws up, clamping them down on her snout, which continued to try to move.
“Yes, everything,” Ossifer replied, sounding upset. “I bought the whisper root powder and delivered it to the Exploud family.”
Cherry was silent as she digested the information. Eventually, she couldn’t stop herself. “When you say everything, what do you mean? The amount of things you’ve done don’t correspond with ‘everything’, so what’s included in everything that you’re not telling me? What happened in the four days I was out, more importantly, why was I out for four days?”
Ossifer waited until the Charizard ran out of breath. After nearly a solid minute of questions, Cherry finally fell over on her back, gasping for air. “Sorry Cherry,” Ossifer said, fidgeting uncomfortably. “I’ll start from the beginning, so hang tight for me.” With a deep breath, Ossifer assumed a dramatic position, her eyes boring into Cherry. “If you need to talk, like just really need to talk, just repeat a phrase over and over. Have you got a phrase? Don’t say yes, just nod.”
Cherry nodded hurriedly, looking at the Marowak with wide eyes.
“First off, sorry for knocking you out,” Ossifer said, looking guilty. “I uh- panicked, and I have no excuse. For the whisper root, I pawned off our team badges and bought it on the black market.” The Marowak shot Cherry an apologetic glance.
It took Cherry a moment to process what Ossifer had said. When the realization hit her, it was as if someone had knocked the air out of the Charizard. With a dumbfounded expression, Cherry began to mutter under her breath. “Money can be exchanged for goods and services. Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
Hearing this, Ossifer laughed nervously. “Yep, just repeat that, and we’ll both be fine.” She flashed a thumbs up, which was not returned.
“Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
Ossifer sighed. “Anyway, that was three days ago. Don’t worry though, I got our badges back!” Saying this, she triumphantly held out the two gleaming badges. “All I had to do was take out a small loan.”
There was a slight twitch in Cherry’s right eye. “Money can be exchanged for goods and services,” she growled through clenched teeth.
The Marowak ignored this. “I solved that too! The bank called us ‘high risk’; I don’t really know what that means. So the loan was technically due yesterday.”
Cherry’s claws were opening and closing somewhat ominously.
“As you know, we don’t have any money. I told the bank as much, and they were actually fine with it. All they wanted in return was some help.”
“Money. Can. Be. Exchanged. For. Goods. And. Services.” There was a raging fire in Cherry’s eyes as she spoke.
Ossifer forced a smile, ignoring the air warming around her. “So now, we’re not only a rescue team-” she paused for effect, “-but a collection team too!”
With that, Cherry’s spirit left her body. She couldn’t bring herself to be angry anymore, her shoulders slumping in defeat instead.
Ossifer was unnerved by Cherry’s blank stare, but tried not to show it. “We’ll be ok Cherry, I know it. Are you crying?”
Cherry was crying.
“Wait- no,” Ossifer panicked, “No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, like, no, please don’t cry Cherry, it’ll be ok, I promise.” The Marowak seemed to remember something. “I haven’t even told you about the cure yet!”
It took Cherry another two hours to stop crying. Finally, she nodded at Ossifer.
“Great!” Ossifer exclaimed, trying to hide the fact that she had almost fallen asleep. “So, to get rid of expositosis, all you have to do is... talk.”
The Charizard looked at her in confusion.
Ossifer gestured wildly. “I mean- to clarify, you have to keep talking. Like when you think you can’t talk anymore and you run out of breath, you have to go beyond. You have to talk until you feel like you’re going to die.”
Cherry was shocked, but eventually she nodded.
“So uh, what do you want to talk about?” Ossifer said hopefully. “Food? Dungeons? Politics maybe?”
The Charizard thought about it before hesitantly holding up three claws.
“Alright! Let’s talk about...” Ossifer stopped. “Politics?”
Another nod.
“Ok, how do we do that?”
The air was still as Cherry drew herself up to her full height. Wings outstretched, she breathed deeply.
She shrugged.
Ossifer sighed. “Well, it’s a start. We’ll cure your expositosis Cherry, one step at a time. Then you’ll never have to talk again! I mean, you won’t have to not stop talking ever again. Does that make sense?”
Cherry nodded and flashed the Marowak a thumbs up.
“Let’s talk about politics!”
“We need to figure this out,” Ossifer said in a controlled tone. The Marowak tried her best to calm Cherry with a smile, but the Charizard’s panicked expression ended that hope quickly. “Umm, what can we do. I don’t know what Expositiosis is caused by- uhm- err.”
Cherry tried to say something, but Ossifer kept her mouth firmly shut.
“Is it like a human disease? But you’re a Charizard. Although you said you were a human. But you’re not anymore. What’s the difference?” Cherry rolled her eyes as the Marowak fretted incessantly, eventually grabbing her by her tail and pulling her off.
Cherry waited a moment, then spoke. “I think there’s something we’re overlooking here. This stuff is essentially involuntary vocal contractions or whatever right? There has to be some sort of root cause, maybe something I ate? What did we eat recently? I mean, it makes sense because foodborne illness is really common and I can see it affecting the voice, kind of like if you inhale helium. Not that you would know, but it’s kind of like that. So it was probably something to do with-”
Ossifer threw a bone at Cherry’s head. It collided with a thump, and the Charizard collapsed unconscious.
“Now I feel bad,” Ossifer said, frowning.
--
Cherry awoke to a pounding headache, flat on her back. It was dark, and soft rain was falling on her face. She blinked in confusion as she felt a tugging on her tail. As she craned her neck, she saw Ossifer lying on her tail next to her flame.
“Sorry,” Ossifer said. “I was feeling a bit cold.” The Marowak stood up, taking a moment to stretch before fixing Cherry with a hard stare. “Don’t say a word, I’ll tell you everything.” She took a deep breath, looking at the sky. “You’ve been out for four days. Everything has been taken care of and I found the cure.”
The Charizard sat upright, experimentally moving her wings. They felt sore. She breathed slowly and evenly through her nose for a moment, then spoke. “Everything?” she said quietly. As soon as the last syllable left her mouth, she brought her claws up, clamping them down on her snout, which continued to try to move.
“Yes, everything,” Ossifer replied, sounding upset. “I bought the whisper root powder and delivered it to the Exploud family.”
Cherry was silent as she digested the information. Eventually, she couldn’t stop herself. “When you say everything, what do you mean? The amount of things you’ve done don’t correspond with ‘everything’, so what’s included in everything that you’re not telling me? What happened in the four days I was out, more importantly, why was I out for four days?”
Ossifer waited until the Charizard ran out of breath. After nearly a solid minute of questions, Cherry finally fell over on her back, gasping for air. “Sorry Cherry,” Ossifer said, fidgeting uncomfortably. “I’ll start from the beginning, so hang tight for me.” With a deep breath, Ossifer assumed a dramatic position, her eyes boring into Cherry. “If you need to talk, like just really need to talk, just repeat a phrase over and over. Have you got a phrase? Don’t say yes, just nod.”
Cherry nodded hurriedly, looking at the Marowak with wide eyes.
“First off, sorry for knocking you out,” Ossifer said, looking guilty. “I uh- panicked, and I have no excuse. For the whisper root, I pawned off our team badges and bought it on the black market.” The Marowak shot Cherry an apologetic glance.
It took Cherry a moment to process what Ossifer had said. When the realization hit her, it was as if someone had knocked the air out of the Charizard. With a dumbfounded expression, Cherry began to mutter under her breath. “Money can be exchanged for goods and services. Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
Hearing this, Ossifer laughed nervously. “Yep, just repeat that, and we’ll both be fine.” She flashed a thumbs up, which was not returned.
“Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
Ossifer sighed. “Anyway, that was three days ago. Don’t worry though, I got our badges back!” Saying this, she triumphantly held out the two gleaming badges. “All I had to do was take out a small loan.”
There was a slight twitch in Cherry’s right eye. “Money can be exchanged for goods and services,” she growled through clenched teeth.
The Marowak ignored this. “I solved that too! The bank called us ‘high risk’; I don’t really know what that means. So the loan was technically due yesterday.”
Cherry’s claws were opening and closing somewhat ominously.
“As you know, we don’t have any money. I told the bank as much, and they were actually fine with it. All they wanted in return was some help.”
“Money. Can. Be. Exchanged. For. Goods. And. Services.” There was a raging fire in Cherry’s eyes as she spoke.
Ossifer forced a smile, ignoring the air warming around her. “So now, we’re not only a rescue team-” she paused for effect, “-but a collection team too!”
With that, Cherry’s spirit left her body. She couldn’t bring herself to be angry anymore, her shoulders slumping in defeat instead.
Ossifer was unnerved by Cherry’s blank stare, but tried not to show it. “We’ll be ok Cherry, I know it. Are you crying?”
Cherry was crying.
“Wait- no,” Ossifer panicked, “No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, like, no, please don’t cry Cherry, it’ll be ok, I promise.” The Marowak seemed to remember something. “I haven’t even told you about the cure yet!”
It took Cherry another two hours to stop crying. Finally, she nodded at Ossifer.
“Great!” Ossifer exclaimed, trying to hide the fact that she had almost fallen asleep. “So, to get rid of expositosis, all you have to do is... talk.”
The Charizard looked at her in confusion.
Ossifer gestured wildly. “I mean- to clarify, you have to keep talking. Like when you think you can’t talk anymore and you run out of breath, you have to go beyond. You have to talk until you feel like you’re going to die.”
Cherry was shocked, but eventually she nodded.
“So uh, what do you want to talk about?” Ossifer said hopefully. “Food? Dungeons? Politics maybe?”
The Charizard thought about it before hesitantly holding up three claws.
“Alright! Let’s talk about...” Ossifer stopped. “Politics?”
Another nod.
“Ok, how do we do that?”
The air was still as Cherry drew herself up to her full height. Wings outstretched, she breathed deeply.
She shrugged.
Ossifer sighed. “Well, it’s a start. We’ll cure your expositosis Cherry, one step at a time. Then you’ll never have to talk again! I mean, you won’t have to not stop talking ever again. Does that make sense?”
Cherry nodded and flashed the Marowak a thumbs up.
“Let’s talk about politics!”
Raggy
The Diglett tribe looked at one another. "Politics?"
"Yes! Like, who gets to run the country... er, dungeon?" She glanced at Ossifer where she was sneaking behind the Diglett into the room behind them; her bone, held at her side, was headed straight for an unnoticed rock in her path. "Well, I for one am against it!" Cherry announced, loudly enough to drown out the sound. Ossifer jumped as the bone smacked against stone, quickly withdrawing it.
The frontmost Diglett tilted his head, or his whole body. "Against... what?"
"Against, uh. Politics."
"Why did you bring it up, if you're against it?"
Behind the Diglett, Ossifer disappeared into the room. "Well, you see, I'm. An anarchist?" The Diglett looked skeptically at one another. "Yes! Yes. That's when, uh, you don't think anyone should run things! Everyone just does what they want! Something like that."
"Well, that's stupid," said the front Dilett. "How are you going to plow soil if everyone's just doing what they want? You need someone coordinating. Otherwise it's just a big mess. Any Diglett knows that."
"Ah! Yes, that's. That's, wow, I hadn't thought of that. Very good. Got a natural-born leader here, huh? Tell me more about plowing, uh, the soil."
The Diglett peered at her. "Well, you need a coordinating Diglett, or Dugtrio, who organizes you all into lines--"
"But I hate plowing," piped up one of the younger Diglett. "It's boring. Why can't we just do what we want?"
"Great! Great point, young man!" Cherry babbled. Behind the Diglett, Ossifer was slowly creeping out of the Diglett's room, orb held in her paws. She pointed frantically towards the exit tunnel. "Actually, maybe you should all have an election. Like, you vote on what you want things to be like. The Plowing Party versus the Do-What-You-Want Party. How does that sound?"
"This is ridiculous! Of course we have to plow!" said the leader Diglett indignantly, but the moment he said it, the tribe dissolved into squabbles of protest. "Come on. Jenna? Really? You can't be serious!"
"I mean, the Do-What-We-Want Party sounds pretty good to me."
"No! Are you all out of your minds?!"
"Well, sounds like we've got a lively debate going on!" Cherry said, making her way after Ossifer. "Boy, I can't wait to hear what you decide, but I really gotta go! See you all later!"
Cherry could hear a fight breaking out as she ducked into the tunnel. Had she just toppled the entire Diglett social order? ...Well, whatever, they probably deserved it.
"Yes! Like, who gets to run the country... er, dungeon?" She glanced at Ossifer where she was sneaking behind the Diglett into the room behind them; her bone, held at her side, was headed straight for an unnoticed rock in her path. "Well, I for one am against it!" Cherry announced, loudly enough to drown out the sound. Ossifer jumped as the bone smacked against stone, quickly withdrawing it.
The frontmost Diglett tilted his head, or his whole body. "Against... what?"
"Against, uh. Politics."
"Why did you bring it up, if you're against it?"
Behind the Diglett, Ossifer disappeared into the room. "Well, you see, I'm. An anarchist?" The Diglett looked skeptically at one another. "Yes! Yes. That's when, uh, you don't think anyone should run things! Everyone just does what they want! Something like that."
"Well, that's stupid," said the front Dilett. "How are you going to plow soil if everyone's just doing what they want? You need someone coordinating. Otherwise it's just a big mess. Any Diglett knows that."
"Ah! Yes, that's. That's, wow, I hadn't thought of that. Very good. Got a natural-born leader here, huh? Tell me more about plowing, uh, the soil."
The Diglett peered at her. "Well, you need a coordinating Diglett, or Dugtrio, who organizes you all into lines--"
"But I hate plowing," piped up one of the younger Diglett. "It's boring. Why can't we just do what we want?"
"Great! Great point, young man!" Cherry babbled. Behind the Diglett, Ossifer was slowly creeping out of the Diglett's room, orb held in her paws. She pointed frantically towards the exit tunnel. "Actually, maybe you should all have an election. Like, you vote on what you want things to be like. The Plowing Party versus the Do-What-You-Want Party. How does that sound?"
"This is ridiculous! Of course we have to plow!" said the leader Diglett indignantly, but the moment he said it, the tribe dissolved into squabbles of protest. "Come on. Jenna? Really? You can't be serious!"
"I mean, the Do-What-We-Want Party sounds pretty good to me."
"No! Are you all out of your minds?!"
"Well, sounds like we've got a lively debate going on!" Cherry said, making her way after Ossifer. "Boy, I can't wait to hear what you decide, but I really gotta go! See you all later!"
Cherry could hear a fight breaking out as she ducked into the tunnel. Had she just toppled the entire Diglett social order? ...Well, whatever, they probably deserved it.
Dragonfree
"How did you even know those words?" asked Ossifer, watching as the Diglett group went through a literal upheaval, charging at their old leader and slowly dragging him under the ground. Huh. Were Digletts cannibalistic?
"Oh man, I should totally tell you about human politics," said Cherry, watching as the path ahead of them smoothed out. One of the Diglett popped its head back up.
"So, you guys are an exploration team, right?" it-she? The voice sounded like a she at least-asked, blinking rapidly. "Can-can I come with you? Everyone else is really busy figuring out how to do all this democracy stuff you talked about, but I think being part of an exploration team sounds more fun!" She was actually bouncing up and down in place now. Cherry glanced over at Ossifer.
"I don't see why not. The more the merrier, right?" said Ossifer. Cherry nodded. "What's your name?"
"Sediment! I promise not to disappoint you guys!" The Diglett's head-body-thing shot straight up in excitement, before bouncing back down.
"Actually, I think you could help us a lot. You see, we're looking for a Metagross that somehow got lost down here. Have you seen one? His Arcanine buddy seemed pretty worried, though I guess not worried enough to come along." Though she supposed she was being unfair-maybe he was just afraid he'd hold them back.
"Um, I guess you're looking for something deeper down, right? I haven't been down there myself...but I bet I could try and sense the levels down below. A Metagross would really stand out! There's a few Beldum that hang out around here, but they don't really seem interested in evolving or anything."
"Yeah, that'd be a great help!" exclaimed Cherry. Sediment bobbed up and down once before diving back into the ground. Who knew teaching Digletts about democracy could have led to this? Maybe Sediment would even be able to do the same on later missions. That would make them all a lot easier! After a bit, the Diglett's head bobbed back up.
"Okay, I found the Metagross you're looking for! It's two levels down, and I think I can lead you there easily!"
"Oh man, I should totally tell you about human politics," said Cherry, watching as the path ahead of them smoothed out. One of the Diglett popped its head back up.
"So, you guys are an exploration team, right?" it-she? The voice sounded like a she at least-asked, blinking rapidly. "Can-can I come with you? Everyone else is really busy figuring out how to do all this democracy stuff you talked about, but I think being part of an exploration team sounds more fun!" She was actually bouncing up and down in place now. Cherry glanced over at Ossifer.
"I don't see why not. The more the merrier, right?" said Ossifer. Cherry nodded. "What's your name?"
"Sediment! I promise not to disappoint you guys!" The Diglett's head-body-thing shot straight up in excitement, before bouncing back down.
"Actually, I think you could help us a lot. You see, we're looking for a Metagross that somehow got lost down here. Have you seen one? His Arcanine buddy seemed pretty worried, though I guess not worried enough to come along." Though she supposed she was being unfair-maybe he was just afraid he'd hold them back.
"Um, I guess you're looking for something deeper down, right? I haven't been down there myself...but I bet I could try and sense the levels down below. A Metagross would really stand out! There's a few Beldum that hang out around here, but they don't really seem interested in evolving or anything."
"Yeah, that'd be a great help!" exclaimed Cherry. Sediment bobbed up and down once before diving back into the ground. Who knew teaching Digletts about democracy could have led to this? Maybe Sediment would even be able to do the same on later missions. That would make them all a lot easier! After a bit, the Diglett's head bobbed back up.
"Okay, I found the Metagross you're looking for! It's two levels down, and I think I can lead you there easily!"
Graygriffin
“Excellent.” Ossifer said, twirling her bone for a little extra flair. “That’ll be the last one, then we can finally get what we came here for.” She looked back at me over her shoulder, flashing a grin. “You ready for that, Cherry?”
I smile right back at her. It’s still shaky as ever, but for once I’m genuine. “At this point, I’d be surprised if we couldn’t.”
Ossifer let out a small chuckle. “That’s what I like to hear, babe!” She looked back to our informant, and with just as much confidence as ever, she said, “You heard her, take us down, Ros!”
The Beheeyem adjusted their Choice Specs, and the lights at their fingertips flashed an affirmative green. “I should mention, I won’t be able to teleport you down all that way,” Roswell said, “but I’ve got the current layout of the place down pat. Just follow my lead.”
We nodded, and they started off for the stairs. We didn’t have a particularly hard time of things from there; hardly any mons dared to get in our way, and those that did were taken out before they could lay even a claw on any of us. Before long, we had reached our target. Harsh fluorescent lights illuminated every inch of the room where our mon was waiting for us. That was the only thing that was still well-kept in this decrepit ruin; the metal plates lining the walls were rusting, with some haven fallen off entirely, exposing the wires running behind them. The Metagross stood in the center of the room, looking at a busted monitor that took up nearly the whole wall opposite to the door we came in through.
“Alright, rustface!” Ossifer shouted, pointing her bone at the Metagross. “We know you’ve got the map somewhere around here. How’s about you hand it over all nice-like, and we can leave you be? Three against one’s hardly a fair fight, yeah?”
The Metagross didn’t respond at first. Then, without even looking at us, he spoke in a boomingly deep voice. “Ossifer Paleo, yes? You’re running a fool’s errand, girl. I’d advise that you and your merry little band turn tail and leave this place.”
“We… we can’t do that, I’m sorry,” I replied putting on the bravest face I could. “Wherever the Silver Flower is, and whatever it is that it holds, we need to find out.”
The Metagross lifted its claws, levitating just a few inches off the ground as it pivoted around to face us. He looked me dead in the eyes. I froze. “Cheribelle Williams, from what I understood, you of all people should understand why that is an ill-advised course of action at best.” He knew my name, how did he know my name?
“You got somethin’ you’d like to share about my buddy?” Ossifer barked.
“Nothing worth sharing at this current moment in time,” the Metagross replied. “I can tell that we’re bound to come to blows no matter what I say, so perhaps it would be best to save the chatter for the aftermath of this coming skirmish.” The Metagross slammed back down onto the ground, and a cascade of colors erupted from below his claws. This shining energy began to wrap around and encase him, and I stood frozen in my tracks as a shout from Roswell hit my ears.
“He’s undergoing Mega Evolution! I didn’t expect anyone in these parts to be capable of such a thing!”
I smile right back at her. It’s still shaky as ever, but for once I’m genuine. “At this point, I’d be surprised if we couldn’t.”
Ossifer let out a small chuckle. “That’s what I like to hear, babe!” She looked back to our informant, and with just as much confidence as ever, she said, “You heard her, take us down, Ros!”
The Beheeyem adjusted their Choice Specs, and the lights at their fingertips flashed an affirmative green. “I should mention, I won’t be able to teleport you down all that way,” Roswell said, “but I’ve got the current layout of the place down pat. Just follow my lead.”
We nodded, and they started off for the stairs. We didn’t have a particularly hard time of things from there; hardly any mons dared to get in our way, and those that did were taken out before they could lay even a claw on any of us. Before long, we had reached our target. Harsh fluorescent lights illuminated every inch of the room where our mon was waiting for us. That was the only thing that was still well-kept in this decrepit ruin; the metal plates lining the walls were rusting, with some haven fallen off entirely, exposing the wires running behind them. The Metagross stood in the center of the room, looking at a busted monitor that took up nearly the whole wall opposite to the door we came in through.
“Alright, rustface!” Ossifer shouted, pointing her bone at the Metagross. “We know you’ve got the map somewhere around here. How’s about you hand it over all nice-like, and we can leave you be? Three against one’s hardly a fair fight, yeah?”
The Metagross didn’t respond at first. Then, without even looking at us, he spoke in a boomingly deep voice. “Ossifer Paleo, yes? You’re running a fool’s errand, girl. I’d advise that you and your merry little band turn tail and leave this place.”
“We… we can’t do that, I’m sorry,” I replied putting on the bravest face I could. “Wherever the Silver Flower is, and whatever it is that it holds, we need to find out.”
The Metagross lifted its claws, levitating just a few inches off the ground as it pivoted around to face us. He looked me dead in the eyes. I froze. “Cheribelle Williams, from what I understood, you of all people should understand why that is an ill-advised course of action at best.” He knew my name, how did he know my name?
“You got somethin’ you’d like to share about my buddy?” Ossifer barked.
“Nothing worth sharing at this current moment in time,” the Metagross replied. “I can tell that we’re bound to come to blows no matter what I say, so perhaps it would be best to save the chatter for the aftermath of this coming skirmish.” The Metagross slammed back down onto the ground, and a cascade of colors erupted from below his claws. This shining energy began to wrap around and encase him, and I stood frozen in my tracks as a shout from Roswell hit my ears.
“He’s undergoing Mega Evolution! I didn’t expect anyone in these parts to be capable of such a thing!”
Caliburn
So that's what this was? I thought. I feel so... Powerful...
I emerge from the cocoon, roaring as my now more massive wings outstretch and my new third horn gleams in the suddenly now more intense sunlight. I felt unstoppable.
"Cherry, get ahold of yourself!" said Ossifer.
It didn't occur to me in that moment that Mega Evolution without human assistance would be unstable. In that moment I didn't care.
"Silence, Ossifer! We need to destroy these fools!"
Our opponents, an unusually colored Noivern and a Corviknight, stared us down.
"Cherry, this is not the way..." said the Noivern.
"How dare you, Kratos!" I said. "You betrayed us!"
"It's- it's not what it looks like!" said the Corviknight.
"I said SILENCE!"
I shot a Flamethrower the Corviknight's way. It gave a very un-Corviknight like yelp before staggering to the ground, now a Zoroark.
"Cherry, you can't do this!" said Ossifer. "You hurt Edbark! You can't hurt our friends!"
"Not... Friends!" I said. My vision was literally turning red.
"I did not mean to hurt you..." said Kratos. "We can explain what's going on..."
"NO!"
I roared, charging up a Dragon Pulse. Then a bone smacked me square in the face. I whipped around, firing a supercharged Dragon Pulse at the source.
It was Ossifer.
The Dragon Pulse sent her flying as she yelled, hitting a large tree with a sickening crack, then slumping to the ground, not moving.
"...Ossifer?"
My body shrank, twisted back to normal. I rushed over to Ossifer and shook her. "Ossifer, please speak to me!"
Kratos and the still-singed Edbark approached. Kratos used his large ears to listen to Ossifer's chest.
"She's still alive. If in dire need of medical attention."
"I... I'm sorry, all of you..." I said.
"What are we gonna do?" said Edbark.
"What we need to, of course!" I said. "Get you and Ossifer help ASAP!"
I emerge from the cocoon, roaring as my now more massive wings outstretch and my new third horn gleams in the suddenly now more intense sunlight. I felt unstoppable.
"Cherry, get ahold of yourself!" said Ossifer.
It didn't occur to me in that moment that Mega Evolution without human assistance would be unstable. In that moment I didn't care.
"Silence, Ossifer! We need to destroy these fools!"
Our opponents, an unusually colored Noivern and a Corviknight, stared us down.
"Cherry, this is not the way..." said the Noivern.
"How dare you, Kratos!" I said. "You betrayed us!"
"It's- it's not what it looks like!" said the Corviknight.
"I said SILENCE!"
I shot a Flamethrower the Corviknight's way. It gave a very un-Corviknight like yelp before staggering to the ground, now a Zoroark.
"Cherry, you can't do this!" said Ossifer. "You hurt Edbark! You can't hurt our friends!"
"Not... Friends!" I said. My vision was literally turning red.
"I did not mean to hurt you..." said Kratos. "We can explain what's going on..."
"NO!"
I roared, charging up a Dragon Pulse. Then a bone smacked me square in the face. I whipped around, firing a supercharged Dragon Pulse at the source.
It was Ossifer.
The Dragon Pulse sent her flying as she yelled, hitting a large tree with a sickening crack, then slumping to the ground, not moving.
"...Ossifer?"
My body shrank, twisted back to normal. I rushed over to Ossifer and shook her. "Ossifer, please speak to me!"
Kratos and the still-singed Edbark approached. Kratos used his large ears to listen to Ossifer's chest.
"She's still alive. If in dire need of medical attention."
"I... I'm sorry, all of you..." I said.
"What are we gonna do?" said Edbark.
"What we need to, of course!" I said. "Get you and Ossifer help ASAP!"
Umbra
"Ugh." Edbark sat down and glowered at me. "We don't need help, Cherry. Seriously, we're fine. It's just hard sometimes. But it's nothing we can't get through on our own, okay?"
I shot him a flat look. Ossifer was standing next to him, hands behind his back and eyes fixed bashfully on the ground so as to avoid eye contact. Combined with Edbark's furious expression, they looked the very picture of a couple that was not okay, and if Edbark wasn't going to do anything about it... Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to let my best friend's relationship fall into shambles over something like this. "Come on," I said firmly. "We're going to get help."
Edbark just stood there unbudging with his arms crossed and his gaze averted, but Ossifer at last looked up at him and tugged on his arm emphatically. "She's right," he said gently, and Edbark's expression softened. "What's the worst that can happen? We get a little closer for trying to make amends?" Edbark maintained his act of resistance for another moment before his posture slackened visibly.
"Okay," he said grudgingly, still not making eye contact with me. That was fine by me, so long as he didn't resist any further. "Let's just get it over with."
A few hours later we were sitting in the waiting room at Dr. Ludicolo's office. I'd passed the building probably a hundred times during my little jaunts through Treasure Town, but I'd never had cause to stop in. The guild liked to encourage its adventurers to visit a therapist if they ever deemed it necessary, and Dr. Ludicolo came highly recommended. It was clear enough to me that psychological issues weren't too uncommon around these parts, as mystery dungeons could be quite traumatizing to even the most powerful pokémon, not to mention that many of the pokémon that came to reside in Treasure Town were recruited ferals that had spent years of their lives with their minds clouded. I figured relationship counseling was quite probably less common, but it had to be vaguely in his wheelhouse still, right?
"Edbark and Ossifer?" Dr. Ludicolo was standing in his doorway now, looking down his beak and through his half-moon glasses at the group. There was something almost comical about this big, gaudy pokémon with his sombrero and permanently wacky facial structure all dressed up in a lab coat, quiet and clutching a clipboard. I half expected him to break into song at any moment.
Edbark and Ossifer stood up, and I rose from my chair out of instinct. Dr. Ludicolo gave me a strange sideways look, and I realized how odd it must seem for me to waltz into their couples counseling. "Uh, I'm a friend," I explained, scratching the back of my neck sheepishly. "They wanted me to come in there with them. Right guys?"
"Uh, I guess," Edbark said noncommittally.
Ossifer elbowed kicked him in the ankle discreetly. "Yes," he said firmly, giving me an apologetic look. Dr. Ludicolo looked mildly perplexed, but didn't question it. With that, the three of us followed him into his office.
It was a cute little room, with walls decked in faded floral wallpaper and lined with bookshelves. A handful of plush chairs orbited the front of Dr. Ludicolo's desk. Ossifer and Edbark seated themselves promptly— I tried my best to find a chair that would support my weight, but ended up standing behind them instead, suddenly feeling even more uncomfortable about my presence.
"Right," Dr. Ludicolo said, looking down at his clipboard and then up again at Ossifer and Edbark. "So you're here for coupling counseling, correct? Would you like to start by telling me about the problems you guys have been facing in your relationship?"
I shot him a flat look. Ossifer was standing next to him, hands behind his back and eyes fixed bashfully on the ground so as to avoid eye contact. Combined with Edbark's furious expression, they looked the very picture of a couple that was not okay, and if Edbark wasn't going to do anything about it... Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to let my best friend's relationship fall into shambles over something like this. "Come on," I said firmly. "We're going to get help."
Edbark just stood there unbudging with his arms crossed and his gaze averted, but Ossifer at last looked up at him and tugged on his arm emphatically. "She's right," he said gently, and Edbark's expression softened. "What's the worst that can happen? We get a little closer for trying to make amends?" Edbark maintained his act of resistance for another moment before his posture slackened visibly.
"Okay," he said grudgingly, still not making eye contact with me. That was fine by me, so long as he didn't resist any further. "Let's just get it over with."
* * *
A few hours later we were sitting in the waiting room at Dr. Ludicolo's office. I'd passed the building probably a hundred times during my little jaunts through Treasure Town, but I'd never had cause to stop in. The guild liked to encourage its adventurers to visit a therapist if they ever deemed it necessary, and Dr. Ludicolo came highly recommended. It was clear enough to me that psychological issues weren't too uncommon around these parts, as mystery dungeons could be quite traumatizing to even the most powerful pokémon, not to mention that many of the pokémon that came to reside in Treasure Town were recruited ferals that had spent years of their lives with their minds clouded. I figured relationship counseling was quite probably less common, but it had to be vaguely in his wheelhouse still, right?
"Edbark and Ossifer?" Dr. Ludicolo was standing in his doorway now, looking down his beak and through his half-moon glasses at the group. There was something almost comical about this big, gaudy pokémon with his sombrero and permanently wacky facial structure all dressed up in a lab coat, quiet and clutching a clipboard. I half expected him to break into song at any moment.
Edbark and Ossifer stood up, and I rose from my chair out of instinct. Dr. Ludicolo gave me a strange sideways look, and I realized how odd it must seem for me to waltz into their couples counseling. "Uh, I'm a friend," I explained, scratching the back of my neck sheepishly. "They wanted me to come in there with them. Right guys?"
"Uh, I guess," Edbark said noncommittally.
Ossifer elbowed kicked him in the ankle discreetly. "Yes," he said firmly, giving me an apologetic look. Dr. Ludicolo looked mildly perplexed, but didn't question it. With that, the three of us followed him into his office.
It was a cute little room, with walls decked in faded floral wallpaper and lined with bookshelves. A handful of plush chairs orbited the front of Dr. Ludicolo's desk. Ossifer and Edbark seated themselves promptly— I tried my best to find a chair that would support my weight, but ended up standing behind them instead, suddenly feeling even more uncomfortable about my presence.
"Right," Dr. Ludicolo said, looking down at his clipboard and then up again at Ossifer and Edbark. "So you're here for coupling counseling, correct? Would you like to start by telling me about the problems you guys have been facing in your relationship?"
Qva
The pair of patrat sat rooted firmly to the spot and said nothing. The only movement Cherry could even see was their eyes, darting fearfully back and forth between the two massive figures towering over them and casting most of the Venture Village square in shadow. Well, they did also squint, occasionally, when one of the two figures spoke and its voice was accompanied by a blast of hot air right in their faces.
"It's okay," Cherry whispered, stooping down toward the pair in an attempt to be reassuring. "Really! They just want to help." She grinned at the two smaller pokémon and ignored Ossifer's eyeroll off to the side.
"It's the very the least we could do after all of the trouble we've caused you all," said Kyogre, its voice rolling over the little group like thunder. "Now that our eyes have been opened to the miracle of cooperation, Groudon and I intend to use this gift to help strengthen the bonds between mortal pokémon!"
The first patrat just whimpered. The second turned her worried gaze to Cherry instead. "You... you're the one who got them to stop, aren't you? Clearly you can do a great job of mediating, and also are not, y'know, a super-ancient pokémon that nearly destroyed the continent. Couldn't we... couldn't we just talk to you...?"
The whimpering stopped abruptly and the first patrat turned to glare at her partner before Cherry could respond. "Shut up!" she hissed. "Are you trying to get us killed? We only just survived the storms and droughts that have been tearing everything apart, and you turn around and insult Kyogre? Look, uh, O Almighty Er Something Or Other Terrfying Legends, she didn't mean it! I promise! I'm sure you, um, are perfectly capable of offering very good and sound advice applicable to all facets of our lives—"
"No! This is ridiculous!" snapped the second, suddenly emboldened by her partner's annoyance. "I'm not going to sit here and take relationship advice from a big soggy fish monster whose only purpose in life for millions of years was to try and drown the planet to spite a big dusty lizard monster! You and I are a hot mess, Petunia, but there's no way we're going to get any better by taking notes from these two brutes!"
Kyogre, to its credit, looked deflated. Groudon simply smiled and reached down to give the tiny pokémon a gentle pat on their heads, which probably would've flattened them if they hadn't scooted out of the way with a yelp. "It's a great first step to acknowledge your own shortcomings and realize that there's a problem, little Paisley," it rumbled, nodding sagely. "Helps you get to the root of that problem. There sure was a time when I would've liked nothing more than to reduce ol' Kyogre here to so much char and ash in about six hundred and thirty-four different ways before breakfast! But once I took the time to step back and really think about whether it was healthy to feel that way, whether setting Kyogre on fire forever was something I wanted or something that someone else wanted for me, it was easier for me to reevaluate the situation, y'know? I could consider my own feelings, Kyogre's feelings, the feelings of all the mortal pokémon whose homes and lands were currently going up in flames..."
"Not being forced to act under the will of the wielders of the Orbs helped a lot with that," Kyogre added, suddenly eager. "Oh, I know! Have either of you recently been under the control of mysterious groups who meant to use your abilities to dominate the continent? If so, I would strongly consider removing such toxic influences from your lives so your own hearts can shine through." It glanced at Cherry, smiling hopefully as if looking for priase. Cherry returned the smile, albeit with a great deal more confusion. Wait, what?
Paisley seemed just about as perplexed, although her open-mouthed stare only lasted for a moment before Petunia cut in and called her a "toxic influence", and off the patrat went again. Most of Venture Village's residents were by now making a concerted effort to skirt around the square and keep their heads down on their assorted reconstruction efforts. Cherry couldn't tell whether they were more intimidated by the towering legendaries or by Petunia and Paisley's increasingly heated shouting match.
Not that it mattered, thankfully. The work was still moving forward. With rebuilding well underway, the pokémon of Venture Village would be able to return to their normal lives before too long.
"Would've been better if Groudon and Kyogre would actually help fix this mess that they helped make," Ossifer grumbled, finally managing to tear her glare away from the square as she and Cherry made their way toward a group of pokémon busying themselves with roof repairs. "I'm sure marital problems are the bone pits, but there are still a lot of pokémon in Venture Village without homes. That's not even touching what they did to the rest of the continent. Who knows how long Cutesy Woods will be underwater? I know the Corundum Collective sent them off on that rampage, but still, Groudon and Kyogre are the ones who actually did all the destroying, aren't they? If they feel that bad about it they should help more directly!"
Cherry glanced over her shoulder at the pair. Kyogre held its flipper out like a great blue barrier between the couple, apparently just in time to catch Paisley before she could deck Petunia with a solid punch. "I agree," she sighed, "but we'd only just managed to defeat the Collective and somehow wrangle a few classes' worth of college psych lessons into talking down two ancient, all-powerful rival titans who'd only just had their minds unclouded by those Orbs, y'know? Wasn't in much of a state to make a salient case about why they should spend their time lifting logs and re-paving paths instead of 'embracing their newfound freedom and clarity' like I'd just convinced them to do." She gave Kyogre a nervous thumbs-up as it turned to her again with another hopeful grin on its face. "Somehow they took all my panicked flailing and floundering to heart, and I suppose they're just eager to really put it into practice, or something."
The two friends hefted a bundle of thatch between them, Cherry careful to hold her tail away from the straw. "I guess," said Ossifer. "But once things have settled down at least a little more, I still think we should ask them."
"That's fair." The charizard checked back again; Groudon and Kyogre were now in the middle of an argument of their own, Kyogre's fin only just separating the squabbling patrat while the legendaries otherwise ignored them. She sighed again. "At the very least, though, based on what I've seen of the pokémon here, I think Venture Village and the rest of the continent are strong enough to pull through even without their help. Which may or may not be for the best."
They set their bundle down in front of Elder Crag's place, nodding to the grateful farfetch'd heading the roofing job. "Do you seriously think they're going to be okay, though?" Ossifer asked.
Cherry looked up at the sky. For a moment she could've sworn she saw the clouds darkening overhead, but the gray faded back to white within seconds. Whatever disagreement the legendaries had been having seemed to have resolved itself quickly, at least. Groudon and Kyogre were smiling at one another again, shaking claw and fin, nodding with what she hoped was genuine understanding.
"They're still learning, but they're trying," she said after a pause. "It's gotta be hard to unlearn whole millenia of animosity. As long as they're making an effort to understand one another, I think that over time they might just be okay."
The marowak pointed toward the square with her club. "I meant them."
Momentarily abandoned by the two legendaries, the couple's shouting had promptly devolved into an active, all-out patrat brawl, which was rapidly moving down the street and threatening to knock over the berry cart the kecleon had brought to deliver lunch to the volunteers. Cherry gave a shout to grab the legendaries' attention, gesturing at the fight; the great beasts hurried back over to their forgotten charges, each giving the charizard an apologetic glance. Groudon reached down and scooped up a snarling Paisley, stomping off to the side with her while extolling the virtues of finding appropriate methods of letting off steam, like setting things on fire. Kyogre nudged Petunia away from the berry cart, gently shushing her and reminding her that no cult should be permitted to hold sway over her mind. Petunia, at least, stopped struggling, mostly just to look confused.
Cherry shook her head. "Uh... Let's you and I just worry about helping restore the rest of the continent, all right?"
"It's okay," Cherry whispered, stooping down toward the pair in an attempt to be reassuring. "Really! They just want to help." She grinned at the two smaller pokémon and ignored Ossifer's eyeroll off to the side.
"It's the very the least we could do after all of the trouble we've caused you all," said Kyogre, its voice rolling over the little group like thunder. "Now that our eyes have been opened to the miracle of cooperation, Groudon and I intend to use this gift to help strengthen the bonds between mortal pokémon!"
The first patrat just whimpered. The second turned her worried gaze to Cherry instead. "You... you're the one who got them to stop, aren't you? Clearly you can do a great job of mediating, and also are not, y'know, a super-ancient pokémon that nearly destroyed the continent. Couldn't we... couldn't we just talk to you...?"
The whimpering stopped abruptly and the first patrat turned to glare at her partner before Cherry could respond. "Shut up!" she hissed. "Are you trying to get us killed? We only just survived the storms and droughts that have been tearing everything apart, and you turn around and insult Kyogre? Look, uh, O Almighty Er Something Or Other Terrfying Legends, she didn't mean it! I promise! I'm sure you, um, are perfectly capable of offering very good and sound advice applicable to all facets of our lives—"
"No! This is ridiculous!" snapped the second, suddenly emboldened by her partner's annoyance. "I'm not going to sit here and take relationship advice from a big soggy fish monster whose only purpose in life for millions of years was to try and drown the planet to spite a big dusty lizard monster! You and I are a hot mess, Petunia, but there's no way we're going to get any better by taking notes from these two brutes!"
Kyogre, to its credit, looked deflated. Groudon simply smiled and reached down to give the tiny pokémon a gentle pat on their heads, which probably would've flattened them if they hadn't scooted out of the way with a yelp. "It's a great first step to acknowledge your own shortcomings and realize that there's a problem, little Paisley," it rumbled, nodding sagely. "Helps you get to the root of that problem. There sure was a time when I would've liked nothing more than to reduce ol' Kyogre here to so much char and ash in about six hundred and thirty-four different ways before breakfast! But once I took the time to step back and really think about whether it was healthy to feel that way, whether setting Kyogre on fire forever was something I wanted or something that someone else wanted for me, it was easier for me to reevaluate the situation, y'know? I could consider my own feelings, Kyogre's feelings, the feelings of all the mortal pokémon whose homes and lands were currently going up in flames..."
"Not being forced to act under the will of the wielders of the Orbs helped a lot with that," Kyogre added, suddenly eager. "Oh, I know! Have either of you recently been under the control of mysterious groups who meant to use your abilities to dominate the continent? If so, I would strongly consider removing such toxic influences from your lives so your own hearts can shine through." It glanced at Cherry, smiling hopefully as if looking for priase. Cherry returned the smile, albeit with a great deal more confusion. Wait, what?
Paisley seemed just about as perplexed, although her open-mouthed stare only lasted for a moment before Petunia cut in and called her a "toxic influence", and off the patrat went again. Most of Venture Village's residents were by now making a concerted effort to skirt around the square and keep their heads down on their assorted reconstruction efforts. Cherry couldn't tell whether they were more intimidated by the towering legendaries or by Petunia and Paisley's increasingly heated shouting match.
Not that it mattered, thankfully. The work was still moving forward. With rebuilding well underway, the pokémon of Venture Village would be able to return to their normal lives before too long.
"Would've been better if Groudon and Kyogre would actually help fix this mess that they helped make," Ossifer grumbled, finally managing to tear her glare away from the square as she and Cherry made their way toward a group of pokémon busying themselves with roof repairs. "I'm sure marital problems are the bone pits, but there are still a lot of pokémon in Venture Village without homes. That's not even touching what they did to the rest of the continent. Who knows how long Cutesy Woods will be underwater? I know the Corundum Collective sent them off on that rampage, but still, Groudon and Kyogre are the ones who actually did all the destroying, aren't they? If they feel that bad about it they should help more directly!"
Cherry glanced over her shoulder at the pair. Kyogre held its flipper out like a great blue barrier between the couple, apparently just in time to catch Paisley before she could deck Petunia with a solid punch. "I agree," she sighed, "but we'd only just managed to defeat the Collective and somehow wrangle a few classes' worth of college psych lessons into talking down two ancient, all-powerful rival titans who'd only just had their minds unclouded by those Orbs, y'know? Wasn't in much of a state to make a salient case about why they should spend their time lifting logs and re-paving paths instead of 'embracing their newfound freedom and clarity' like I'd just convinced them to do." She gave Kyogre a nervous thumbs-up as it turned to her again with another hopeful grin on its face. "Somehow they took all my panicked flailing and floundering to heart, and I suppose they're just eager to really put it into practice, or something."
The two friends hefted a bundle of thatch between them, Cherry careful to hold her tail away from the straw. "I guess," said Ossifer. "But once things have settled down at least a little more, I still think we should ask them."
"That's fair." The charizard checked back again; Groudon and Kyogre were now in the middle of an argument of their own, Kyogre's fin only just separating the squabbling patrat while the legendaries otherwise ignored them. She sighed again. "At the very least, though, based on what I've seen of the pokémon here, I think Venture Village and the rest of the continent are strong enough to pull through even without their help. Which may or may not be for the best."
They set their bundle down in front of Elder Crag's place, nodding to the grateful farfetch'd heading the roofing job. "Do you seriously think they're going to be okay, though?" Ossifer asked.
Cherry looked up at the sky. For a moment she could've sworn she saw the clouds darkening overhead, but the gray faded back to white within seconds. Whatever disagreement the legendaries had been having seemed to have resolved itself quickly, at least. Groudon and Kyogre were smiling at one another again, shaking claw and fin, nodding with what she hoped was genuine understanding.
"They're still learning, but they're trying," she said after a pause. "It's gotta be hard to unlearn whole millenia of animosity. As long as they're making an effort to understand one another, I think that over time they might just be okay."
The marowak pointed toward the square with her club. "I meant them."
Momentarily abandoned by the two legendaries, the couple's shouting had promptly devolved into an active, all-out patrat brawl, which was rapidly moving down the street and threatening to knock over the berry cart the kecleon had brought to deliver lunch to the volunteers. Cherry gave a shout to grab the legendaries' attention, gesturing at the fight; the great beasts hurried back over to their forgotten charges, each giving the charizard an apologetic glance. Groudon reached down and scooped up a snarling Paisley, stomping off to the side with her while extolling the virtues of finding appropriate methods of letting off steam, like setting things on fire. Kyogre nudged Petunia away from the berry cart, gently shushing her and reminding her that no cult should be permitted to hold sway over her mind. Petunia, at least, stopped struggling, mostly just to look confused.
Cherry shook her head. "Uh... Let's you and I just worry about helping restore the rest of the continent, all right?"
Phoenix Song
