Pokémon Equitial's Miscellaneous Flash Fic and Short Stories

[Equitial]

These stories aren't as polished as my long-fic or oneshots I would publish on their own, but feel free to review. Originally created for Thousand Road's Anniversary Bingo, but it might be fun to write more :D



Current stories, sorted by dex number of the Pokemon given as a prompt:

Onix (Crystal) (wordcount: 408)
tags: human-centric, friendship

Wailord (wordcount: 215)
tags: poke-pov, pokemon-human relationships

Kyogre (Primal) (wordcount: 1189)
tags: poke-pov, legendary pokemon, pokemon mythology, pokemon history

Magearna (wordcount: 1481)
tags: pokemon-human relationships, pokemon mythology, fairytale

 

[Equitial]

Generations (Prompt: Wailord; Wordcount: 215)​

When she was young, she would swim near the coast, and the human children would come to meet her. Their laughs would ring as she jumped from the water and then plummeted with a splash. One by one they would hold onto her body as she zipped, fast as she could, across the waves. She would stay until the sky darkened and voices called the children back to the land.

She loved the children, but, when she evolved, the open ocean called out to her.

Many migrations, hundreds of seasons have passed since then. Still, she returns to the place where she was raised when she can. As she drifts through the water, she feels fast machines cut toward her. A splash, and a small form swims down to one of her eyes. It’s a human child, so tiny, who’s laughing out bubbles through the mask on its face. There’s something in its hands—an image of the beach from her childhood, covered with humans and pokémon, young and old, some familiar and some not, all smiling and waving out to her.

Fearlessly, the child places a small hand on her thick skin. She rumbles happily as more boats hum through the ocean and more children jump into the water to play.

 

[Equitial]

In the Beginning (Prompt: Primal Kyogre; Wordcount: 1189)
​

Kyogre came into being in the place where they belonged: the ocean. The ocean was all they knew when they were first born: the way it swayed and flowed, the force with which it held down the planet’s core, the plants and animals and Pokémon who made their home in its depths. For Kyogre’s first days, all they did was float in their sea. Then, they heard a voice in their head.

Go forth, child. You and your sibling, form this world.

Kyogre’s senses suddenly expanded. They could perceive all the ocean touched; they felt each wave and current. When they waved their great fins, the water responded. When they propelled themself forward with their tail, the ocean surged with them.

The voice—it had come from their creator, Arceus. They realized Arceus’ meaning.

The ocean was newborn, just as Kyogre was.

So, Kyogre began to form it.

Kyogre burst through the waters, leaving a gout of bubbles in their wake. The seas were already full of life, but Kyogre could make room for more. They spread their domain out, so that it hugged the entire earth. They created glaciers in the coldest parts, where only the hardiest could survive. They dug deep furrows down where the pressure would squeeze most creatures to death. But, in others places, they raised the land so that sunlight could still shimmer down. There, they made space for beautiful gardens sculpted out of ocean life.

With each movement, the ocean shifted as Kyogre pleased. Their work had barely begun, but it was good, very good. Yes, they would fulfill their creator’s command.

But Kyogre was not the only being putting the world into order. Beyond their domain, they sensed other presences. There was one who dwelled far above the waters: Rayquaza. Kyogre didn’t quite comprehend this sibling, but they respected them. Rayquaza also controlled currents, though no creatures could live in Rayquaza’s currents alone. Where Kyogre’s domain brushed against Rayquaza, the currents sometimes worked to make storms—joyous, physical manifestation of the ocean’s power. Waves and typhoons, destructive but beautiful. the ocean breathtaking in its rage.

However, there was another being, whose work was stiff and unmoving. Groudon.

Unlike Rayquaza, who sensibly worked above, Groudon’s land vied for space with Kyogre’s ocean. Sometimes, when Kyogre was creating great water-scapes where the sunlight could not reach, the rock would suddenly rumble and shoot up past the water—Groudon, creating an island obstruction in the middle of the sea. Kyogre would rumble in discontent, but Groudon only reminded them Arceus had given Groudon too a purpose. Disgruntled, Kyogre turned their focus on another part of their kingdom.

For centuries, Kyogre’s being was filled with their purpose. The waters were vast—more vast than the land could hope to be. Creatures made their homes not just on but in the water, even in the most inhospitable places. It had grown so much that Kyogre had seen into existence other beings to help govern.

Kyogre loved what they had made, but they knew they could do much more. They sometimes tried to funnel water over places that had been crusted with earth and beat it down so it could be filled. But then, they felt Groudon’s presence. The currents, which would over time erode anything Groudon could make, were forced back as Groudon not only took back their ground, but expanded. Even in places where Kyogre had long established Groudon invaded with their dry lifeless soil.

Kyogre growled, causing the ocean to rumble as well. Couldn’t Groudon see how important their work was? How dare—

Eventually, they couldn’t stand it. With a roar of fury they raised a great wave and washed it over a segment of land, bringing it back where it belonged. There—the water rippled with Kyogre’s satisfaction—now it could be great.

But, on the other side of the planet, a boiling mound pocked from under the sea, gushing noxious lava. Kyogre felt where the lava scabbed like boring holes, invasions. Disgusting, vile—oh, Kyogre’s rage. The only thing which their rage could be compared was a deep ocean storm, typhoons and whirlpools, great tsunamis which could rip apart anything anchored to earth. That is the rage Kyogre threw at Groudon, and that was the rage Groudon threw back. Each meter Groudon won only increased Kyogre’s fury and the fury of their storms. Even when Kyogre overcame—as the oceans always would—Kyogre smarted. Finally, they saw the land for what it was—a disgusting crust that needed to be scrubbed away.

Suddenly, a voice broke through their rage. Please, children. You are done. You may now be satisfied in what you have made.

For a scant moment, Kyogre paused in their battle. That voice… it shivered in Kyogre’s mind, familiar, though all that mattered to them now was protecting and expanding their oceans.

Groudon took advantage of their hesitation. With a roar that rattled both earth and sea, Groudon shot out a tendril of land, ripping apart one of Kyogre’s coral reefs. Kyogre felt the destruction like a stab in the chest—they screamed with fury.

How dare! What was once beautiful—now destruction. Around the world tidal waves engulfed coasts and crumbled them into the sea, but it wasn’t enough. Groudon—the scourge—Groudon and their domain would be gone gone gone—

My children, I am so sorry, the voice began again, but Kyogre ignored it. It would not interrupt their vengeance. I see now that I erred in giving you your purposes. You are great beings, but attached too much to your domains. You do not see how balance is needed, and you are now destroying what you so beautifully made. Please, I now bid you rest. I will bring you to peace.

Kyogre crashed through the water, reveling in the power of their storm. But then… they weakened. At first they raged against this—it was as though their domain was abandoning them. No, after everything they’ve done, the oceans dared draw away?!? They forgot Groudon, rage turned to their own kingdom.

But, when they gazed back into their realm, they finally could see. The waters, they were vast and powerful and beautiful. Their fury faded, and the life forces of the ocean creatures brushed against their mind. So much life, so much diverse and awe-inspiring beauty.

Their storm died, as did the shaking of the earth. For the first time, Kyogre clearly saw their foe, Groudon, standing on a mountain high above them. The two enemies cast their gazes upon each other, and then they turned away.

Kyogre turned back to their oceans. For long years, they merely floated. Their mind brimmed with awe. The barrier between them and their domain blurred.

When their mind eventually did clear from the glory of all they had made, they had one thought: they were tired. Rumbling, they descended from the school of creatures which had gathered around them. There was a deep trench, one of the first Kyogre had ever forged. In it, they decided they would rest. After all they had done, they would rest for a long, long time.

 

[Equitial]

Rumors of Something Special (Prompt: Crystal Onix; Wordcount: 408)​

“Here, over here!”

Marc squinted, following Keyan along the underside of a tall, long ledge. Water poured from spouts in the rock, streaming into a wide river.

Keyan stopped in front of the mouth of a cave. “Here!" she said. “It was an onix, just swimming in the river. It was made out of like diamond or glass!"

Marc picked his way across a narrow stream; he peered into the black opening of the cave. "If you saw something like that, there’s no reason to think it would show up here again.” He paused. “If you saw it."

Keyan stuck her tongue out at Marc.

The two searched the area. Marc crouched near the water, but only saw some fish pokémon, while Keyan hopped around the stone near the cave mouth. “Hey, Marc! Over here!” she eventually called.

Deep gouges marked the cave’s rim, as if scratched in by the tail or head of a large, stone-skinned pokémon. Marc crossed his arms. “I mean, this could be an onix, but there’s no reason to think it’s some kind of diamond one.”

“But I saw it, and it wasn’t normal.” Keyan scowled up at the gouges. “Plus, it was swimming.” Suddenly she whirled, kicking a rock into the river.

“Hey, Keyan, wait—”

Keyan turned back with a glower.

"It’s not like I’m saying I don’t believe you. You probably saw something, I guess. And I also guess normal onix wouldn’t usually be hanging out in a watery place like this…” Marc shook his head. “Look, if you say you saw a diamond onix, I believe you. I was just being a jerk before. Sorry.”

For a moment, Keyan’s expression remained stormy. Then: “...Meanie.” She punched him in the arm.

“Hey!” Marc scrambled away. “I said sorry!”

The sun moved across the sky while they rough-housed and bantered. Long shadows stretched forth from the rock, and the two started home, throwing stones into the river as they walked.

“You know…” Marc said thoughtfully, tilting his head. “Pokemon are real weird. I bet there is something like an onix adapted to the water, somewhere in the world.”

“Well, I know there’s one, because I saw it with my own eyes!” Keyan eyed her friend. “And you know how we’re getting partner pokémon this summer? When that happens, I’m gonna take my partner, go into these caves, and find it again.”

Marc smirked. “Not if I find it first.”

 

[Equitial]

The Tale of the Inventor and the Artificial Pokemon (Prompt: Magearna; Wordcount: 1461)​

Once upon a time, there lived an Inventor who was known all over the land for his brilliant creations. The only person who perhaps rivaled his passion for creation was his partner, a Mienshao. The two lived on top of a high mountain and rarely left, for the Inventor was born weak in body and was more comfortable at home. However, they always received many visitors, who came with commissions or who simply wanted to see the masters at work. The Inventor would think up wondrous inventions, and Mienshao would put them together with his nimble fingers.

One day, a King from a faraway country visited the Inventor on the mountaintop. Upon reaching audience with the Inventor, the King knelt and bowed his head. In the humblest tone of voice, he gave his request of the Inventor: a mechanical Pokémon.

For, as the King explained to the Inventor, the King had a daughter who possessed powerful empathy. Within a minute of being born, she smiled as her parents filled with delight at the sight their newborn child. By the time she was five, she couldn’t attend school as her siblings did, as so many people in a room would overwhelm her with their emotions. Her empathy only grew more sensitive as she aged. Now, she could not stand to be in the presence of any being at all. She lived in a private home on her own barren island. The only way she could communicate was through notes written and left behind.

The daughter was now fourteen, and had confessed through said notes that her isolation was bringing her near to despair. The King had sent to her island any comfort he could, but it wasn’t enough. Then, in passing, the King had heard of the Inventor’s great talent. The King had been struck by an idea: a creature made of metal and gears could not overwhelm his daughter—such a being could at long last provide her a companion.

The Inventor was greatly moved by the plight of this King’s daughter. After a short discussion with Mienshao, he told the King that, while he wasn’t sure if such a feat could be accomplished, he would do all he could.

For many months, the Inventor and Mienshao labored on the creation of the proposed mechanical Pokémon, whom they called Magearna. It was the most difficult task the two had ever attempted, but as time went on the more the Inventor believed he could create this kind of marvel. At long last, Mienshao clicked the last piece of Magearna’s body into place. Magearna opened their eyes.

The Inventor and Mienshao burst with joy; at once, they began welcoming this new Pokémon into the world. However, the two soon realized that Magearna did not respond to either their greetings or happiness. Magearna looked at their two makers, but only looked. They did nothing else.

With a shock, the Inventor realized that while he created a living body, his creation did not have a heart, a soul, or a will.

At first, he considered that maybe Magearna would develop over time. The Inventor took Magearna wherever he went. When he worked on his creations, he made sure to explain his thought processes out loud in case Magearna found it interesting. In the chance Magearna had a more artistic leaning, the Inventor exposed them to all kinds of art and music and stories. At the end of each day, the Inventor would read to Magearna from a large book of fairytales—fairytales even older than the one you’re reading right now.

More time than it took to make Magearna’s body passed. The Inventor continued to share the world with Magearna. Mienshao made adjustments in case some quirks with Magearna’s body would help. But nothing made any difference.

After all the time the Inventor spent with Magearna, he loved the being as if they were his own child, though he began to believe he would never be able to gift his creation a soul. Still, he determined to make Magearna’s life as full as possible. Mienshao helped his partner and Magearna into wheeled chairs and helped them down from the mountain. The Inventor would that Magearna see the world.

During their travels, the three stopped a kind-hearted, rustic village where they passed a Blissey cradling her newborn Happiny. Townsfolk gathered around, congratulating the mother on her successful birth and beautiful child.

Mienshao, seeing the Blissey mother smile weakly but gloriously after the struggles of childbirth, suddenly struck upon an idea. Surprising the Inventor, Mienshao rushed to Magearna, who watched with a blank gaze from their chair. Mienshao wrapped Magearna in his arms and held them tight, as the mother did her child. Drawing deep into himself, he accessed the core of energy all Pokémon hold inside them. He reached, and drew some of that energy out. He offered it to Magearna.

Magearna blinked, raised their head. Then, for the first time in their life, they smiled.

The Inventor at once understood. They had created a physical body for Magearna, but Magearna needed more than that. Like the Blissey had spent energy to give birth to her Happiny, even an artificial Pokémon needed spirit from another to form a soul.

Upon having the situation explained to them, every Pokémon in the village offered what they could. Something began to glow inside Magearna’s chest. It was a warm, shimmering orb of energy—what the Inventor would later call a Soul-Heart.

Creating a Soul-Heart wore out not only the village Pokémon but Magearna themself. They rested for a long time—over three entire days—but smiled in their sleep. However, once they had recovered enough energy, Magearna approached Mienshao and the Inventor with determination. The Inventor had explained the original reason of Magearna’s creation to them toward the beginning. Now that Magearna had their Soul-Heart, they wished to go to the King’s poor, lonely daughter as soon as possible.

The Inventor was grieved to hear Magearna would be leaving so suddenly, but he also knew these two things: that the King’s daughter needed Magearna’s companionship more than he did, and that all children would develop their own dreams apart from their parents. He made the necessary arrangements immediately. Soon, he bid farewell to Magearna as they boarded a ship which would take them to the country of the King and his daughter.

The Inventor and Mienshao returned to their mountain, but the Inventor did not truly feel he had arrived home. He became withdrawn, soon barely left his bedroom. Mienshao supported his partner during this time, encouraging him to keep inventing and to stay as strong as he could.

Then, exactly one year later, two very unusual travelers climbed to the mountaintop: an unfamiliar young woman with a visible aura, and an artificial Pokémon named Magearna.

The Inventor’s mouth gaped. Magearna flew to his arms, and two embraced. The young woman stepped forward and introduced herself as the King’s daughter.

For you see, during her time on her lonely island, the King’s daughter had spent much of her time in study, reading deep into all the books her father delivered to her. Once Magearna arrived, not only was she overjoyed to have a companion after so long, she also became interested in how exactly her new partner worked. Because the Inventor had told Magearna all he could, Magearna was able to explain their inner workings in great detail.

Over time and much interested study, Magearna and the King’s daughter realized that just as Magearna had accepted Pokemon’s life energy before, Magearna’s adaptive body could receive energy from even humans. Magearna offered to take on some of the daughter’s excess empathy. After doing so, Magearna realized their mechanical form could deal much better with extreme emotions than her partner’s could. Carefully, the two balanced the empathy among them so that Magearna was more sensitive but could still easily function, and so that the King’s daughter could leave her island.

From then on, the King’s daughter and Magearna stayed on the mountain with the Inventor and Mienshao. The King’s daughter became the Inventor’s pupil, and soon became a great Scientist in her own right. Magearna loved to follow along as the humans worked and help Mienshao with the putting together of inventions; they had a great sense for mechanics.

The Inventor spent the next twenty years of his life in great happiness. At the end of those twenty years, Magearna came to his bed to discover he had passed peacefully in his sleep with a smile on his face. Mienshao, Magearna, and the King’s daughter all cried sad but also happy tears on that day, for they knew his life had been as good as it could be.

 

[kintsugi]

I thought these were quite lovely! Each story definitely feels distinct and unique, but there's a central theme of fairytale and whimsy that makes them feel like they're part of a main anthology. Lots of angles for friendship, exploration, and creation here, and while they're fun individually I thought they read even nicer in series--Wailord's sense of the oceans being a pristine home vs the rage with which Kyogre created them; Kyogre learning to look beyond themselves and shelf their passion vs Mienshao/the Inventor pouring their empathy outward so that their greatest creation could shine, Magearna's sense of free will/purpose + partnership with the king's daughter vs Marc/Keyan's desire to hunt and own. I don't think it was necessary or even intentional for there to be this interplay in an anthology (this is more of a result of just exploring similar themes across different stories), but I did think it was quite fun.

General thoughts on each story here; some brief line edits below.

Wailord--short but sweet, and I liked how you conveyed the broad strokes of the world. I thought this was a really beautiful sentiment--we outgrow the beaches of our childhood (in Wailord's case, quite literally), and when we return to them, things are different, but also the same. I do wish we got a bit more concrete understanding though--presumably as an older wailord she wouldn't be able to get as close as before simply because she's blimp-sized now; does she notice this? Does it make her sad, or is she excited about the prospects of larger waters? I love how you portray her relationship with the humans though; she's kind of just this weird, mysterious miracle that shows up from time to time and is admired and adored. It's a lovely crossover of seeing whales in real life and how I imagine seeing a rare pokemon would go, and there's a lot of childlike innocence in both her and the humans from these interactions.

Primal Kyogre--this one had a really strong narrator! I think your word choices here were really deliberate and effective--we get a good handle on Kyogre's joyous rage at watching the ocean storms, their horror at seeing the land expand. I think having Arceus in the story sort of strips a lot of Kyogre's agency away: they get their duty from them, and they shelve their conflict only because Arceus strips their power (only after do they understand why they should've stopped fighting). It makes the conclusion feel a little more passive, a little less lessons learned--which, tbh as I'm writing this out, *is* a common trend in mythos, especially for gods, but usually those interventions happen in the beginning and not the end.

Crystal Onix--In the context of other stories sabout friendship and exploration, I thought this ending ["I'm gonna go into these caves, find it again, and put it in a pokeball"] was pretty dark actually--it's certainly a very human sentiment to want to take the rare, elusive thing of nature and own it. But compared to the other stories--I would say especially Wailord's, who is also a wondrous part of nature whose human friends never feel the need to capture--this one certainly felt irreverent. But that's kind of how humans are, woof. Marc and Keyan definitely feel like young kids lol. I also love the concept of pokemon being adaptive to different environments and how this onix might swim. This might be from the anime? But it's a really cool concept and I'm glad to see it explored here.

Magearna--Magearna lore! is! very needed! I like Magearna as an emotional support companion; I do think the original lore of "I made this as a friend for a child and also its signature move is CANNON" needed some filling. I like the Inventor and Mienshao; it's always fun to see pokemon exist alongside human society in a non-battling context. And I liked the idea of Magearna's soul needing to be made of fragments of other souls--in a way that's how we all are, although this one is much more literal.

Spoiler: misc grammar/line edits

Their laughs would ring when she jumped from the water and then plummeted with a splash.

"when" to me conveys sudden action, probably one action--they'd laugh when she jumped from the water *or* when she plummeted with a splash, but the two combined actions feels like too long of a sequence for "when", if that makes sense. maybe rephrase to:
> Their laughs would ring as she jumped from the water and then plummeted with a splash.
> Their laughs would ring when she jumped from the water, and then the laughter rang even louder when she plummeted with a splash.

There’s something in its hands—an image of the beach from her childhood, covered with humans and pokémon, young and old, some familiar and some not, all smiling and waving out to her.

I love the mental image here of them bringing pictures to her, but I'm not sure how they'd know how to do that esp if they see her from a very far distance and then boat over--perhaps some emphasis that most other wailords didn't come to this beach (so the human children know about this specific wailord and so when they see a wailord coming they know it's her), or that all wailord return to their home beaches (so the human children know that if they see a wailord, the wailord would likely recognize the pictures of the beach).

Primal Kyogre

The voice, it had come from their creator, Arceus.

Grammatically I'm not sure if you can use commas like this. I'd correct to:
> The voice—it had come from their creator, Arceus.
> The voice had come from their creator, Arceus.

But, in others places, they raised the land so that sunlight could still shimmer down. There, they made space for beautiful gardens sculpted out of ocean life.

Thought this detail was neat! Kyogre used to sculpt land (albeit like, underwater land) with great care, but this gets lost over time.

Where Kyogre’s domain brushed against Rayquaza, the currents sometimes worked to make storms—joyous, physical manifestation of the ocean’s power. Waves and typhoons, destructive but beautiful. the ocean breathtaking in its rage.

Nice description here--joyous and beautiful isn't what I'd normally use to describe rage, but it does a great job of capturing Kyogre's mindset while also describing what's happening.

The waters were vast—more vast than the earth could hope to be.

Small quibble; I think you'd want "than the land could hope" to be here--easier to remove the earth/Earth connotation (since the waters can't be more vast than the Earth), and because geological lowercase earth tends to refer to looser-packed stuff, ala soil.

Disgusting, vile—oh Kyogre’s rage.

> Disgusting, vile—oh, Kyogre's rage.

But, on the other side of the planet, a boiling mound pocked from under the sea, gushing noxious lava. Kyogre felt where the lava scabbed like invasions, violations.

Really liked the word choice here too--lava scabbing is very evocative, and it's fitting that Kyogre would describe changes to the oceans as injuries.

I'd maybe cut the "like invasions, violations"--scabbed is a solid verb on its own that conveys the physicality and discomfort; if you wanted to keep the sentence flow, maybe something like "Kyogre felt where the lava scabbed over the fresh wound".

Deep gouges along the cave’s rim, as if scratched in by the tail or head of a, large stone-skinned pokémon.

Extra comma after "rim", and I'm not sure if the sentence fragment here was intentional

She lived in a private home on her own barren island. The only way she could communicate was through notes written and left behind.

:(

Upon having the situation explained to them, every Pokémon in the village offered what they could. Something began to glow inside Magearna’s chest. It was a warm, shimmering orb of energy—what the Inventor would later call a Soul-Heart.

I liked this take on the dex lore and the abilities here--and in a twisted way this does explain why Soul Heart causes Magearna to get stronger when pokemon around them faint. But in this context it's a lot more wholesome; it takes a village to raise a child!

really cute fills here! thanks for sharing; maybe i can say gud fic upd8 more?

 

[Equitial]

I thought these were quite lovely! Each story definitely feels distinct and unique, but there's a central theme of fairytale and whimsy that makes them feel like they're part of a main anthology. Lots of angles for friendship, exploration, and creation here, and while they're fun individually I thought they read even nicer in series--Wailord's sense of the oceans being a pristine home vs the rage with which Kyogre created them; Kyogre learning to look beyond themselves and shelf their passion vs Mienshao/the Inventor pouring their empathy outward so that their greatest creation could shine, Magearna's sense of free will/purpose + partnership with the king's daughter vs Marc/Keyan's desire to hunt and own. I don't think it was necessary or even intentional for there to be this interplay in an anthology (this is more of a result of just exploring similar themes across different stories), but I did think it was quite fun.

This is a very interesting observation that makes me think about my writing more. I kinda thought to myself "huh, two stories about whales" while writing these, but for the most part I just plopped down and churned these suckers out, lol. This is actually a good way to examine what I'm naturally drawn to about Pokemon--nice pointing this out.

Wailord--short but sweet, and I liked how you conveyed the broad strokes of the world. I thought this was a really beautiful sentiment--we outgrow the beaches of our childhood (in Wailord's case, quite literally), and when we return to them, things are different, but also the same. I do wish we got a bit more concrete understanding though--presumably as an older wailord she wouldn't be able to get as close as before simply because she's blimp-sized now; does she notice this? Does it make her sad, or is she excited about the prospects of larger waters? I love how you portray her relationship with the humans though; she's kind of just this weird, mysterious miracle that shows up from time to time and is admired and adored. It's a lovely crossover of seeing whales in real life and how I imagine seeing a rare pokemon would go, and there's a lot of childlike innocence in both her and the humans from these interactions.

The interesting thing about your critique for this story is that the extra detail you mentioned could be in, were actually there in the beginning. My self-challenge for writing this story was to see how short I could get it, so those bits got removed. But yeah, I am pleased with how this turned out and "outgrowing the beaches of our childhood" is a lovely way to praise what I was going for.

Primal Kyogre--this one had a really strong narrator! I think your word choices here were really deliberate and effective--we get a good handle on Kyogre's joyous rage at watching the ocean storms, their horror at seeing the land expand. I think having Arceus in the story sort of strips a lot of Kyogre's agency away: they get their duty from them, and they shelve their conflict only because Arceus strips their power (only after do they understand why they should've stopped fighting). It makes the conclusion feel a little more passive, a little less lessons learned--which, tbh as I'm writing this out, *is* a common trend in mythos, especially for gods, but usually those interventions happen in the beginning and not the end.

Once again really pleased with your appraisal. This was the only piece that took more than one sitting, because I spent more time constructing the individual sentences to really emphasize what was going on in Kyogre's brain. Main goal achieved :D

Crystal Onix--In the context of other stories sabout friendship and exploration, I thought this ending ["I'm gonna go into these caves, find it again, and put it in a pokeball"] was pretty dark actually--it's certainly a very human sentiment to want to take the rare, elusive thing of nature and own it. But compared to the other stories--I would say especially Wailord's, who is also a wondrous part of nature whose human friends never feel the need to capture--this one certainly felt irreverent. But that's kind of how humans are, woof. Marc and Keyan definitely feel like young kids lol. I also love the concept of pokemon being adaptive to different environments and how this onix might swim. This might be from the anime? But it's a really cool concept and I'm glad to see it explored here.

First of all, Crystal Onix is from the anime, whose vibe was kind of trying to channel when I wrote this. And second of all, whoop not what I was going for lol. I think this is where me considering the prompts as individuals kind of bit me. You see, when I write Pokemon I don't really set them to one strict intelligence level. Whereas in the Magearna story I wrote Pokemon as very close to humans, here I was thinking of the onix as the equivalent of an irl (really big) snake. But having the stories next to each other...can't really tell, can you xD

Might go and edit out the kids wanting to catch the onix, since it's a pretty quick fix >.>

Magearna--Magearna lore! is! very needed! I like Magearna as an emotional support companion; I do think the original lore of "I made this as a friend for a child and also its signature move is CANNON" needed some filling. I like the Inventor and Mienshao; it's always fun to see pokemon exist alongside human society in a non-battling context. And I liked the idea of Magearna's soul needing to be made of fragments of other souls--in a way that's how we all are, although this one is much more literal.

I'll admit I had never thought much about Magearna before getting this prompt, but this was probably my favorite story to write out of all of them. I'm glad you enjoyed too!

 

[IFBench]

Here to review Onix (Crystal) and Wailord!

Wailord was pretty cute and heatwarming! It was really nice to see that the Wailord hadn't forgotten the people of the beach, and the people of the beach hadn't forgotten her, either. I love how the POV character being a Pokemon colors the description, too.

Onix (Crystal) was neat! The beginning was a really great way to start it off, right after the crystal onix had been seen, but not allowing the reader to see it. The dynamic between the characters was pretty fun, and I quite liked the conversation about how weird and wonderful Pokemon were, and that even if the crystal Onix Keyan reportedly saw wasn't real, Pokemon are adaptive enough that there's probably something like it nonetheless.

Both were really good!

 

[Flyg0n]

Gosh I made the mistake of reading this at work and almost got a little choked up. All these oneshots were really sweet and adorable, and really nice!

I really enjoyed the varying viewpoints and styles, from a wild pokemon, to humans, to legendaries to the fairytale vibe of the final pieces. This is a truly lovely set of stories. I want to preface by saying after reading it, I guess I don't have any real definitive critcisms to give? (Sorry!) So I'll just discuss stuff that I liked.

I ended up reading all of them cause they were so enjoyable! I'll try to give my thoughts on them.

Wailord first...

Spoiler

Fearlessly, the child places a small hand on her thick skin. She rumbles happily as more boats hum through the ocean and more children jump into the water to play.

First off, the little Wailord drabble! This had a lovely, lighthearted and whimsical feel. I really enjoyed it, short and sweet. I liked that the Wailord got to come back home, though I was momentarily thrown off cause my brain thought Wailord had been gone hundreds of years not seasons, so I was like... How does anyone remember her lol. Anyways, I don't have a lot to say here because I think its nice. The drabble tells what it needs to and captures the sensation you aimed for.

Now for Kyogre and Groudon...

Spoiler

GGaHHH these are killing me. This is 1, canon to me now, and 2, I want to steal this really really badly. Like really badly. Like so bad that I'd love to reference it in LA as a mythology or history book about the formation of the world. It's just so GOOD.

I love the everything. The prose, the fairytale-ish storytelling style, the themes, the symbolism, all of it!!

Kyogre came into being in the place where they belonged: the ocean.

MMMMMMM tasty prose, I love

Unlike Rayquaza, who sensibly worked above, Groudon’s land vied for space with Kyogre’s ocean.

This line made me grin, Kyogre almost feels a little... smug? pleased? idk buts it funny. 'Yeah that Rayquaza guy gets it, he stays in the sky'

Kyogre would rumble in discontent, but Groudon only reminded them Arceus had given Groudon too a purpose.

This reminds me of two bickering children 'dad told me to do it' Groudon says, smirking.

The only thing which their rage could be compared was a deep ocean storm, typhoons and whirlpools, great tsunamis which could rip apart anything anchored to earth.

MMM another good line. I love the ocean based comparisons.

Finally, they saw the land for what it was—a disgusting crust that needed to be scrubbed away.

oh dear. Kyogre no!

I appreciated the comparisons to seeing the land as something dirty and something that needs to be eliminated. It's very telling description and captures the essence of the conflict here.

I see now that I erred in giving you your purposes. You are great beings, but attached too much to your domains. You do not see how balance is needed, and you are now destroying what you so beautifully made. Please, I now bid you rest. I will bring you to peace.

I like Arceus speech patterns, as well as the implication he can telepathy directly with legendaries it seems, or at least with Kyogre and Groudon.

There was a deep trench, one of the first Kyogre had ever forged. In it, they decided they would rest. After all they had done, they would rest for a long, long time.

AHHHHHHH. I really liked the last bit, esp rigth before this, seeing Groudon on the mountain, and then the two turning away. I'd like to think Groudon learned a good lesson too.

Anyways, this is definitely my favorite out of the bunch, although I positively adore all of them. Like I said, I like the tone, prose and style of it. It felt fitting for the story you were telling, and didn't stray too far into being purple prose or overly nebulous or cheesy. You struck a good balance.

Spoiler: Crystal Onix

Alright so. Some quick thoughts on the Crystal Onix. It was a swwet little story. I like the idea of a strange Onix that maybe can live in water. One thing that caught me off guard was the apology and the way he said it, because I guess Marcus didn't come off as too much of a jerk? Like sure he wasn't beliving of Kenyan but I guess the way the apology was phrased made me feel like something more serious had happened?

Anyways, I still enjoyed the dynamic and simplicity of the childlike desire to compete and explore. Ending on 'Not if I do it first' was a good pick, since it really encapsulates the story.

Spoiler: The Inventor

As for the last story. I don't really know what to say. I read it and legit got all teary eyed at the end. It was just. A really really touching story, told in the way of a classic fairytale. There were some lovely lessons twined in there, about giving some of yourself, about letting go, and sacrifice and love. It was such a sweet tale and also another story I kinda wanna steal like gosh dang. I picture this being a book in the Canalve library in Koa's hometown.

I don't have any line by lines here, but I am such a sucker for fairytale stories. I liked the way you drew a correlation between the mother Blissey and the way the Meinshao gave a piece of their energy.

(Although... how big is Meinshao? It was odd to picture Meinshao trying to hold Magearna? Could be my mental sizes are way off.)

And then the girl and the Magearna returning at the end really twisted my poor heart. It's so true, I know, the message this story is telling. Life isn't all about what we want, but about what we can give too.

And then the girl gets to become an inventor in her own right, to carry on the legacy, all because of what the Inventor did!! AHHHHHHH YES!!!!

I don't know what else to say. I just really resonated with all of these, esp Kyogre and Magearna. I'm super glad I found this otherwise I might not have read it.

Apologies again if you were hoping for concrete critique, as I can't think of much that really stood out to me. These are short, quick prompts so maybe I'm subconsciously judging them less? (I don't think thats purely the case tho) they're just really nice stories. Amazing work.

 

[windskull]

Hey Equital! Thought I'd stop by and give a few thoughts over these!

Wailord
I absolutely love the concept of this snippet. Of the idea of a wailord that grows out of her old home when she evolves and striking out to swim the ocean, only to return back and visit. And I adore that the humans - and their decedents - are so excited to see her again after all that time. There's this feeling when the wailord returns that its been a while since she returned but that it feels like so much less time for her than it has for the humans. And yet she's back, and she's just as happy to see the humans as they are to see her. This whole thing is just oozing wholesomeness.

Kyogre
So, I got really strong "creation myth" vibes from this one. Like. It feels a bit like an oral story one might tell their kids about how the world was created. My only minor critique to that end is that if that was the vibe you were going for, there are parts that fee a little too... personal, if that makes sense? I'm used to creation mythos-type stories having a very impersonal vibe, but there are parts of the story here that really have a personal feeling about them. That aside, even if that wasn't your intention, I had fun envisioning this one. The imagery was spot on. Very fun.

Crystal Onix
Like the Wailord story, this is super cute and wholesome. You do a great job capturing what feels like a little snapshot out of like. By real world measures, your sterotypical 60s-70s childhood, which fits right in with pokemon. Especially early pokemon. The whole idea of children running off to have an adventure, unsupervised. It does a pretty nice job of implying the greater world that it's set in with the few words it has. And the characters, though we only know them briefly, are adorable. Possibly my favorite entry.

Magearna
Similar to the Kyogre entry, this entry has very strong vibes of an oral story. Though this time it's a fairytale instead of a creation myth. Which I know is intentional, based on the description in your signature. And I think you got that vibe down really well. (I also really like casual inclusion of someone that uses a wheelchair, btw.) If I were to have one critique about this one, it would be that it kind of feels like the whole "Magearna is being built to help the king's daughter" thing felt like it just dropped out of the story for a bit? Maybe that was intentional though - I haven't really studied the structure of fairytales.

Over all, despite my relatively minor complaints, I enjoyed all of these. Thanks for sharing them!

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Really good. I like this sort of quick-style story that still cuts to the heart of the matter and tells a full story in a short time.

 

[Phoenixsong]

Generations​

Aww, this was adorable. It starts out sweetly enough already, with a friendly wailmer happy to play with all the children, her own memories fond enough to bring her back even after she's evolved and can't stay near the coast any more. And then, even after all those years, the people by the coast not only remember her, but continue to share the stories of the fun they had with her with their own children? And they take a big group picture of their beach to keep on sharing those memories, and possibly share with her if she ever comes back? Absolutely precious. Such a pure and heartwarming little piece, and so strong in places to boot—"laughing out bubbles through the mask on its face" in particular is such a good line.

In the Beginning​

This does a great job of feeling things from Kyogre's perspective. "The force with which [the ocean] held down the planet's core"—like, I'd never think about it that way, but it just feels right as a thing for Kyogre to think, y'know? And I really appreciate seeing all of the ocean that Kyogre created, more complex and beautiful than just the "and then it rained a lot and there was a lot of water" it's easy to imagine by default.

Waves and typhoons, destructive but beautiful. the ocean breathtaking in its rage.

Tiny typo, if you feel like fixing it for these: that first period ought to be a comma.

Kyogre's views of their two siblings are a lot of fun, too: the beautiful storms born of their domain mingling with Rayquaza's, and a grudging (initial) acceptance of Groudon, if only because the boss told them they had to. It's still different from launching immediately into a big fight, which again is the easy interpretation!

Interesting, too, that Kyogre sees Groudon's land as dry and lifeless. I wonder, has land-based life not formed there yet? Or is Kyogre so wrapped up in their own vision of what beautiful life looks like that they don't accept whatever Groudon has growing there as the same thing?

Couldn’t Groudon see how important their work was? How dare—

Again, disregard if you're not worried about polishing these any further, but if you would like to, I'd probably drop the "How dare—", or at least change it so it's not an abrupt cut-off. The next sentence starts with "Eventually", so it seems like time has elapsed rather than any sort of sudden interruption.

Kyogre felt where the lava scabbed

Ugh, so good. Scabs, disgusting crusts... you can really tell that Kyogre is feeling this, and how violated they feel emotionally as well.

I will say, the ending feels a bit more rushed than the earlier parts—it has its moments, like the beautiful description above, but it does tend to gloss over a lot of Kyogre's rage more often than the former, and more often than the flow of the description and sensation of Kyogre's creation at the beginning. But, of course, this was a quicker piece, and all in all I don't think it detracts from much! You still get a sense of passion and anger, a sense of wonderment even though Kyogre is the one who created all of these things. Getting a look inside a legendary's head is such a fun prospect, and I think you did a wonderful job really connecting Kyogre's sense of being to the ocean they shaped.

Groudon's version of this story (or perhaps even Rayquaza's) seems like it'd be fun, if you're ever so inclined!

Rumors of Something Special​

Ah, crystal onix! Good times.

Turns out that this one isn't really about a crystal onix—not in the flesh (er, stone? crystal? uh...), at least—but instead a cute look at two young friends bantering and exploring and enjoying their free time. And it does a good job of that! Marc and Keyan's disagreement is a simple one, resolved quickly, but kids do bicker over simple things and make up again quickly, so it's nice and authentic there. And it's neat how Marc ends up getting swept up in Keyan's excitement about seeing the crystal onix, even though he didn't believe her at first and nothing actually happened that should've changed his mind. Kids, man! Gotta appreciate that sense of wonder while it lasts.

A quick thought, having seen kintsugi's comment about the original version of this: it looks like you did change the ending to have Keyan just want to see the onix again, which is definitely nice. But then Marc's "Not if I find it first" reads oddly. Why would him meeting it first prevent Keyan from doing so? You might want to change the challenge to "I bet I'll find it first" or something like that, so it fits a bit better with the earlier edit.

The Tale of the Inventor and the Artificial Pokemon​

A fairy tale/folk tale! Love this. I've wanted to try my hand at writing Pokémon fairy tales for a while, and it's fun to actually see some takes on the style.

fairytales even older than the one you’re reading right now.

Haha, this is nice. A quick thing to make it feel like a story being told rather than just recited.

This was good, light-hearted, hopeful. Honestly, the fact that magearna draw strength from fallen allies is a little creepy without explanation, so having the Soul-Heart be powered by willing gifts from people who just want Magearna (and the King's daughter as well, I suppose) to be happy and fulfilled is a nice take. And there is, of course, a strong theme of pokémon and people helping one another, supporting one another, providing for one another and reciprocating; Magearna makes a great "service pokémon" for the King's daughter, but then she's kind enough to be eager to help other as well. Very sweet, and excellent work capturing that fairy-tale vibe.