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Pokémon Eidolon (TR 2022 contest one-shot)

AbraPunk

Cosmic Guardian
Location
The Circle
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. luxio
This was written for 2022's one-shot contest.

it will tie in to my upcoming journeyfic :copyka:

I do plan to re-write this at some point, taking both judge and beta feedback into consideration, so look out for that.

Blood, gore, death.


Rumors had spread that Eikris' Sentinel, the Eidolon of Bloodshed, had recently been seen atop the Windless Peaks. This sent a buzz throughout the region, as its guardian was notoriously reclusive, and had kept itself away from human contact for decades.

Some Trainers were bold enough to declare that they would journey to the Peaks, to see if they could catch a glimpse of the Sentinel. Others took it a step further, by saying that they would battle, and perhaps even catch, the region's guardian.

Dylan Caban was one such bold Trainer, one of many who would embark upon a trip to the Peaks. After failing the League, this would be his chance to redeem himself, to show that he deserved a second chance.

So it was that several hours later, he found himself standing before the wall of trees surrounding the foot of the Windless Peaks, known as the Duskbrush Forest. Although the sun shone down on the earth, the forest itself was shrouded in darkness, the thick, looming trees preventing most of the sun's rays from reaching the ground.

All he had to do was keep his eyes on the mountains whenever he could. The path through the forest was winding and often not even a path at all, but keeping one eye trained up ahead helped Dylan find his way through the woods. Occasionally, he'd be forced to send out one of his Pokémon to fend off some wild 'mon, but other than that, there was little danger.

When he finally emerged from the other side of the forest, the mountains were only a few hundred feet away. Nothing that he and his Sceptile partner walking alongside him couldn't handle.

A series of chirps and clicks came from the leafy reptile. Dylan glanced down at a steely gray wristguard on his forearm, specifically at the large, marble-like semi-circle embedded in it that lit up and glowed a bright cyan color. It took a while to start up, but once it did…

"My kind is not suited for the environment ahead. I suggest you swap me for Magmortar."

His translator did wonders for helping him understand, and talk to, his Pokémon.

"Eh. You'll be fine. A little snow never killed anybody."

Sceptile was silent for several seconds, staring at Dylan, before he said, "Golem."

"That was Hal's fault, not mine."

"That is the reason you were kicked out of the League."

Dylan stopped and turned to his starter. "Oh, sure, blame me, and not that joke of a Gym Leader. Bastard has his head so far up his ass I'm surprised he doesn't eat shit all day!"

"He wasn’t a joke. He was a competent and caring Trainer. Unlike you."

Dylan was about to say something, when he noticed growling from behind him.

He turned and found himself staring at a gray, scaly chest. As he looked up, he found himself taking a step back from the very angry Nidokon that had walked up to him. It bared its long fangs and unfurled its leathery purple wings.

His translator crackled with static for a moment, before a slow, guttural voice came out of the device.

"You. You do not dare show contempt for your superiors."

The Nidokon loomed over Dylan, glaring at him with all the hatred it could muster.

"H-Hey! Stevie!"

A Trainer sprinted out from somewhere, eyes wide.

"Are you scaring this guy?" He questioned the Nidokon, with a glance at Dylan.

The Poison-type shrugged and took a step back. "He deserved it. Little punk was disrespecting the League."

Dylan noticed the other trainer wearing a golden choker, which had a glowing magenta orb embedded in it. A custom translator.

"Was he?" The Trainer turned to Dylan. "Let me guess, you lost a match at some point, and now you're all butthurt over it?"

Dylan scoffed. "No. I won, but got kicked out because one of my Pokémon died."

"O-Oh. Um… I'm sorry for your loss-"

"Don't be. I've moved on. I just want to get a second chance at the League."

"So you're looking for the Sentinel, then?"

Sceptile blinked slowly. "Are you… not here to see the region's guardian?"

The Trainer shifted his weight from foot to foot. "No, no, we are! We're… just taking a break after getting out of the forest, you know? I don't want to tucker out my team!"

Sceptile nodded slowly, with a pointed glance at Dylan. "I see. Then you’re rather considerate of your Pokémon's health."

"Yep! Tell 'em, Stevie!"

The Nidokon, apparently nicknamed ‘Stevie’, crossed his arms. "Indeed. Alex found me not long after I had been abandoned by my previous Trainer. I was only a Nidoran, a runt, and yet Alex showed me love and care like I had never known. He saved me."

Alex chuckled as he reached out to hold on to Stevie's arm. "Aw, gee, I'm flattered, really. Thanks, big guy." He turned to look at Dylan, expression quickly turning serious. "So… you said you wanted to find the Sentinel to get another shot at the League? What makes you think they're gonna let you back in?"

Dylan grit his teeth before answering, "The League allows Trainers who accomplish something great or unusual to re-enter. I think having the guardian of this region at my disposal would be good enough for those asshats, yeah?"

Nervousness flickered across Alex's face, "...I guess. I mean, you'll release him once you're done, right?"

Stevie growled again, pupils dilating.

"No. Why the hell would I let go of the strongest Pokémon in the region?"

"W-What are you talking about? You can't just keep him!” Alex cried. “He's not going to want to be with a jerk like you! And who else is going to watch over our region if he can't?!"

Sceptile stepped forward before Dylan could say anything in response. "Stop. This conversation has helped me realize what I must do now. Something that I should have done many years ago." He turned to look at his Trainer, cold contempt and disgust in his eyes. "I refuse to be under your command any longer."

Dylan glared at Sceptile. "Fuck you!" He rushed forward, arm winding back to strike--

Sceptile spun, sweeping Dylan's legs out from under him with a tail swipe. "Don't." He planted one foot on Dylan as he lay on the ground, and bent over to pluck his own Pokéball from the Trainer's belt. He turned to Alex and Stevie. "I offer myself to you, so that I may be under the care of a different, better Trainer. I will take no offense if you decline me. If that is what you choose, then I shall henceforth roam the region as a wild Pokémon."

Stevie regarded Sceptile warily, his gaze flickering from the 'mon to the Pokéball he held in his outstretched hand.

Alex hesitated for a long while, his own eyes constantly darting to the stunned Dylan on the floor. Finally, he dipped his head slowly, bowing before Sceptile as a sign of respect. "Yeah, I'll take you in."

Gingerly, he took the Pokéball from Sceptile's hand and pressed the button. Sceptile was absorbed into the ball calmly, and it was instantly registered as a capture.

Dylan finally got up, wobbling to his feet. "That fucking prick." He spat.

Alex glared at him. "You just described yourself." He tapped Stevie's wing twice, and the Nidokon dropped onto all fours. Alex climbed up on top of the 'mon. He then said, "...Well, good luck. You're gonna need it."

And with that, Stevie lifted off into the air, his powerful wingflaps sending gusts of wind that made the surrounding foliage shake. They ascended farther and farther into the air until they were a speck, then they zoomed away.

Dylan groaned, then looked up at the Windless Peaks ahead of him. Whatever. Didn't need Sceptile anyways.

He lifted a Pokéball from his belt and pressed the button, releasing Pidgeot. "Hey. Think you can fly me up there?" He didn't need to point for the bird to know what he was talking about.

Pidgeot huffed, and shook herself, ruffling her feathers. "Mm. Sure, but it'll be harder once we get closer to the top. You know, Ice-type weakness and all."

Dylan climbed on top of her, carelessly grasping her feathers within his hands, ignoring the way she flinched at the touch. "Alright, then. Let's go."

She took off, her wings beating against the bitter chill that was seeping into the late afternoon air.

Pidgeot had to awkwardly climb up in a spiraling route that made Dylan grumble impatiently wondering when she’d finally reach her cruising altitude.

Eventually, the chill in the air grew to be too much for Pidgeot, and she landed near the top of the mountain, shuddering underneath her feathers.

Dylan recalled her back into her Pokéball and sent out Magmortar. The fire beast landed with a thud, the heat exuding from his body melting the surrounding snow both on the ground and in the air.

"Keep me warm, can you? We're almost there." Magmortar obeyed, shifting closer to Dylan, letting his natural heat flow over the Trainer.

The two of them walked for some time, occasionally finding bits and pieces of what used to be stairs on the mountain.

Eventually, they reached the top of the Peaks. A large, perfectly flat expanse of ground lay before them, covered in several inches of snow. Lit torches dotted the area, never once flickering.

Dylan looked around. The snow was undisturbed, and there were no signs of life anywhere.

Was this all just a waste of time?

Before he could even turn around, every Pokéball he had burst open, spilling out his entire team, minus Magmortar who was already present.

Pidgeot crouched low, shivering beneath the snow. Lycanroc folded his arms and shifted from foot to foot, trying to keep himself warm. Muk just flattened himself into the snow. Machamp waddled over to Lycanroc and Pidgeot and wrapped them in his arms, clearly trying to huddle for warmth.

Dylan stood, slack-jawed for a moment, before he regained his composure and asked, "Why the hell did you all--"

He stopped and stared as a figure, seemingly appearing out of thin air, slowly walked up to him and his Pokémon. It took him almost no time to realize that this figure wasn’t human. Whatever it was, it was far taller than any person. It finally stopped, only about a dozen feet away from the group, and stared at them.

Dylan could see the figure clearly now. It was a bipedal lizard, mainly orange in color, with a plume of feathers atop its head. A strange, tire-like protrusion jutted out from its chest.

It tilted its head slightly as it kept looking at Dylan and his Pokémon. Then it spoke: "What are you doing here?"

"I'm-- well, we're-- here to see the Sentinel."

"Why?"

"I just want to record it for my Pokédex and prove to people that it exists."

"Prove its existence, so that you will bring more and more of your kind to my domain?" It hissed.

"Your domain? Wait. Are you the Sentinel?"

The massive lizard only sneered at him. "How perceptive you are. Yes, I am the Sentinel of Eikris."

Dylan gaped for a moment, before steeling his nerves. "Well, that's good to know, heh."

He glanced back to his Pokémon and saw that they were all alert and active. Good. Magmortar must have had a way to keep everyone warm.

"Get it!" Dylan shouted, pointing at the Sentinel, as he quickly got away from the legendary Pokémon.

His entire team rushed into action, with Pidgeot taking to the skies. Lycanroc was there first, clawing and biting his way to the Sentinel, occasionally lifting snow-covered rocks from the ground and lobbing them at his opponent.

The Pokémon simply grunted in annoyance. It ducked under a blob of poison from Muk, then leapt high into the air to avoid a stream of flames spewing from Magmortar's arm cannon, where it was promptly tackled by Pidgeot and sent crashing back down.

Once it was down, Dylan’s Pokémon set themselves upon it, using whatever they had at their disposal to try and bring their opponent down.

The beating didn't last long. In a flash, the lizard righted itself and swept its tail around, knocking Lycanroc, Machamp, and Magmortar down. The Sentinel then jumped, raking Pidgeot with its red claws. There was a spray of blood from where its claws had landed, and Pidgeot crash-landed on the snowy terrain, dazed.

It glared at Muk and grabbed his head with both hands. It squeezed, and then Muk exploded, goo splattering over the other Pokémon.

Dylan took a step back, eyes wide. Shit.

Lycanroc lunged at his opponent, but was swatted aside and fell, dazed. The larger 'mon lifted its foot and quickly brought it down upon Lycanroc's torso. There was a sickening crunch, and the wolf went limp.

Pidgeot, strength regained, squawked in rage and divebombed the Sentinel. It caught one of her legs, and slammed her down upon a large, jagged rock, which speared through her body as weak, gurgling cries rang out and she went still, bathed in her own blood.

Dylan took another step back, almost losing his footing on the steep decline of the mountain.

No better time to try. He quickly rummaged for his Pokédex and navigated the menus, looking for his Pokéball storage. He found it, and soon enough, an Ultra Ball materialized in his open hand. Pocketing his Dex, he wound back his arm, and threw the ball.

It struck the Sentinel and quickly absorbed it. The ball hit the ground, remained deathly still for a few seconds, then split open in a blinding flash of light.

There was nowhere for Dylan to hide. This would be the end of him and his Pokémon, just because he'd wanted to be the first to go see the region's guardian.

The legendary Pokémon roared in unbridled rage, and leapt at Machamp, pinning him to the ground, flat on his stomach. It planted one foot on his back and grabbed his upper pair of arms with one hand each, and pulled. There was a noise not unlike tearing wet paper as Machamp's upper arms came apart at their sinews and wrenched free of his body.

The Sentinel was preparing to finish off Machamp, when Magmortar tackled it and sent it flying. He followed up with shoving his arm cannon in its face and firing an entire volley of fireballs. The Pokémon was pummeled to the ground from the force of the fireballs. Magmortar stood over it, and prepared to unleash another barrage, when the other Pokémon quickly shoved his arm cannon away and got to its feet. It snarled and slashed at Magmortar. The fiery 'mon went rigid, and his body fell backwards as his head slid off of his neck.

Machamp had already bled out in the snow, leaving Dylan there, alone with the Sentinel.

It walked slowly towards him, seething with rage. Dylan could only stare. He could not ever hope to fight a legendary Pokémon, much less the most powerful one in the region.

It grabbed him by the neck, and lifted him up to eye level, then walked over so that he now dangled over the edge of the mountain.

"Fool. You understand now that you should never have come here."

Dylan put his hands on the Pokémon's arm, perhaps in some feeble attempt to get him to loosen his grip. He could have begged, pleaded for his life, but there was one question that shoved its way to the center of his mind. "Are you… going to do this to everyone who shows up?"

"No."

"Then why me? What did I ever do to you?"

"Not me. Your Pokémon. Your friends and family. You are a plague, and you shall be dealt with accordingly."

Dylan squirmed, tears stinging his eyes. "I-I don't understand."

"And you never will." The Pokémon flicked its free hand, and suddenly it was as though a molten knife had embedded itself in his stomach. Unable to see, he took one hand off the Pokémon's arm and felt around until he touched a hot, thick, slippery mass. It took him only a matter of seconds for him to realize that he was holding his own intestines. The Pokémon bared its fangs, pupils dilated, as it observed his panic and pain and horror. "In death, you shall feed those who deserve to live. Be grateful."

Dylan felt himself abruptly lurch, and then air whip around what was left of his mangled body. As his consciousness began to fade, he knew he was falling, falling farther than any human had ever fallen. Somewhere in the darkness below him was the forest at the base of the mountain. His body would sustain the wild Pokémon living there. And his own Pokémon… well, if there were any wild 'mons at the summit, then they'd be eating well for a while.

Dylan wondered briefly if Sceptile would ever learn about his death, or if he would even care.

He was probably better off with Alex anyways.
 

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
So writing on a phone bare with me as I got weird spell check on this thing...

This will be a line by line reaction.

I remember reading this in the pre formal release collection thingie and being surprised at it realistic harshness.

Laughs. Gotta love the mon world.

A Reclusive Sentient mama bear of a region spotted that likely is over powered and has lasers/hyper beam...

The results...

(a sadly small percent of the population)

lets take a look see/oooh research oportunities...

(The rest....)

How many great balls can I cough up for and how do I carry the extra gear? Is there a pokeball canon I can use?

Dylan failed the league? And he's in a snit about it that he has to earn another chance? I'm voting this is a pure ego move (per route) I mean canonically 95% fail the league. The league's a giant winnowing mess of bruised critters and pride game canon anyways.

And I'm brought to remember that old saying about bravery/boldness is another term for stupid.

The fact hes named none of jis team is anither nod to dylans less than Stellar character.

Trainer: "A little snow never-"
Scep' "Yeah about that neglagent homicide you pulled and dont care about but perversly dodge all the guilt for..."

Now tactfully people would at least indulge awkward silence buty Dylan lowers the bar and digs in deeper via profanity laced blame shifting... Smooth that one...

Nidokon? Guessing this might be a new or ocspiecies? Couldnt find it on a casual google search kept getting routed to king ect.

Initially I thought the dare line was from scept' and had descided to call his trainer out... Guess it was kon after all though the wordage i read it twice before following the thought... Its an odd way to phraise that type of threat/complaint... And it threw me for a bit.

Alex makes a good foil to mr n.homicide and you can almost see scept going... Not only is the grass greener its right here right now...

And scept' is like.. "And now is the time to move right now"...

Granted I think the story might have been more interesting if there had been no Alex. Dylans cruelity built up by his actions in traveling... Scept' slipping off on his own stealthily or otherwise via confrontation that could royally show off dylans sadism carelessness ect. Though I suspect doing so would have overloaded the word count but it was something my brain was twiddling with during the whole alex interactions...

You know a whole region where you can hear mon talks gotta be an interesting setting... Its gotta punch some holes in n's retoric just by existing....

Nice build up of the legends... Temp abode? Battle arena. Dylans never played a jrpg in his life hasn't he? Steady unnatural light. Flat big area/arena and forced drawing of all his mon just screams boss fight...

Though this thing kinda reminds me of the mon from the scarlet trailer... The turns into a bike one?

And dylan is not a champ at lying. I mean if he were just gunna pop it in the dex he'd have the tech out and be done by now...

So there is a herd of elephants mosying through dylans excuse...

Now while dylans freaking out over the death of muk i'd of started panicking at the loss of the flyer. Theres no easy way down if he survives this.

And (watching a few more min go down) that is no way he is going to survive this...

Gotta admit the "not me. Your friends family min." Part of the legends reasoning left me scratching my head....

Not following.

The "your are a plauge and should be treated as such" got that no issues but the first part seemed... Disjointed? I got lost on it.

The rest though no problems

I liked this piece. Despite my what ifs and quibbles it was a fun read. Thanks for posting.
 

Dragonfree

Moderator
Staff
Location
Iceland
Pronouns
she/her/hers
Partners
  1. butterfree
  2. mightyena
  3. charizard
  4. scyther-mia
  5. vulpix
  6. slugma
  7. chinchou
Hey! I read this yesterday in my contest entry marathon so I thought I'd stop by and drop a bit of a review - no line quotes unfortunately since I wasn't taking down quotes as I read, but general thoughts.

I don't think I've read much significant prose from you before but I think you did quite a good job on it! The prose reads well and you've got some nicely visceral, evocative descriptions in here. I also enjoyed the understated background here - little nugget of worldbuilding with the translators, and how you didn't overexplain exactly what happened with Golem - we get a basic picture from what Sceptile says and then what Dylan says himself, and that's enough. People often veer toward explaining too much, taking pains to dump all the background information on the reader, or else just leaving things hopelessly confusing without outside context, but I think you hit a nice balance here that suggests the wider scope in just the right way without spending undue time on it for a one-shot where it's background detail.

I also found the characterization of the human characters pretty strong. Dylan is a through-and-through asshole as we learn through his interactions with Sceptile and Alex, but his ways of thinking feel pretty believable and human rather than flatly villainous, as he fiercely blames others for things that have gone wrong and has a motivation he thinks of as righteous - the League kicked him out for no good reason, he needs the Sentinel to prove that he deserves a second chance. Alex also comes across strongly and distinctly and seems like a good if anxious bean.

The Pokémon I had more mixed feelings about. I liked Sceptile realizing his trainer is an asshole and deciding to leave him, but I did find myself wondering why this was happening now. Sceptile apparently already thinks Dylan is an asshole at the start, taking very explicit shots at him like "He wasn’t a joke. He was a competent and caring Trainer. Unlike you." - so why is Sceptile still putting up with him by this point? I didn't really get a sense that Sceptile still feels some affection or loyalty for Dylan that's keeping him with him, and it certainly doesn't seem like he doesn't realize better trainers exist (after all, he literally describes Hal as a competent and caring trainer in contrast to Dylan). So I would have really liked to see a clearer sense of why something changes for Sceptile at the particular moment that it does - why he's been ready to go along with Dylan until now.

I also did wish we learned a bit more about Dylan's other Pokémon and why they're sticking with him and perfectly ready to try to take down Koraidon. I was kind of confused when they all suddenly popped out of their balls and Dylan asked why - I expected it meant they were all coming out to declare they were leaving him too, but then they just don't. (Was the idea that Koraidon can somehow force the Pokéballs to open?) We never learn what they think of the whole capturing the Sentinel thing - are they all just wordlessly fine with obeying whatever Dylan says, or do they themselves want him to capture Koraidon? It feels unclear what they're really doing here, and as a result it also feels kind of jarring that Koraidon brutally slaughters them all without comment only to then declare that the reason it's murdering Dylan is that he's a plague to his Pokémon and his friends and family. Okay, that makes sense, but then why did you kill his Pokémon? Were they also plagues who deserved it? If not, was Koraidon at all reluctant about killing them too? It doesn't sound like it; Koraidon seems to murder them with relish rather than making much of an attempt to knock them out nonlethally, implore them to stop fighting for this plague of a trainer, or at least warn them that if they side with him it won't show mercy. But if they were all bad enough in Koraidon's judgement to deserve to die, I did wish we got to see that in some way, or at least see Koraidon say that that's the case, given it also condemns Dylan for how he treated his Pokémon which makes it sound like it has some sympathy for them.

I don't think it should be too hard to alleviate this, with just a bit more dialogue from the Pokémon and/or Koraidon! We'd just need to get some sense of what's going on with them and why they're being targeted too - maybe it could even come from Sceptile, if he were to comment on the rest of his team in some way at the start or before he leaves.

Overall I enjoyed this, though! I liked Koraidon's merciless speech at the end about how Dylan's a plague, and Dylan just not understanding because he still doesn't see himself as a bad guy, and Koraidon going, "And you never will." Ouch.
 

Equitial

Ace Trainer
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. inkay
  3. woobat
  4. ralts
First of all, I see a lot of fics that warn for gore, but I've learned to temper my expectations whenever I read one. As someone who enjoys gore, I'd like to thank you for giving me something splashy
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Dylan sucks! Yay! I like his interactions with Sceptile as a forewarning of what's to come, and his contrast with an actual good trainer to serve as a secondary warning. Dylan's walking right into his punishment. I also generally like the detail as he climbed the mountain. The beginning flowed smoothly, didn't overstay its welcome nor feel too short, and generally was a good leadup to the confrontation, which I see as the main point of the fic.

I read DF's review and second her sentiment that some characterization of his other Pokemon would have been nice. That way I can judge how I want to feel about Koraidon for gruesomely murdering them as well as Dylan. Not that characters need to suck to justify gore, but it would work to let me get a better read on Koraidon's character/morals, especially as you stated this will tie into a larger work somehow
 

BestLizard

Junior Trainer
Pronouns
He/Him
I haven't read most of the other submissions for the competition, but I remember reading yours (I may have beta read or reviewed it?). I really enjoyed it. It has a certain edgy, dark quality about it that's a guilty pleasure of mine. I hope you keep working on the craft and improving it!
 
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