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Hey @slamdunkrai such a pleasant surprise to learn you've done some stealth-reading in the past here! I'm glad the early chapters work well for you, though funnily enough, after reading the first chapters of Hey, Space Cadet, Dragon's Dance may be the fic of mine that's least in line with some of the things you've got going on there--a lot of my other writing is more strongly myth and religion focused--DD's the more conventional journey story. You might enjoy The Tessellation Solution--which involves a mysterious psychic intrusion and labyrinths--or The Days of Miracle and Wonder, featuring a girl's brush with the divine--or The Suicune's Choice, which opens with a boy making a decision that is both deeply irrational and at the same time essential to who he is.
I also thought the way you showed his relationship with Ibuki here was excellent; her dedication to laundry and just generally being A Responsible Grown-Up Teen, and him bemoaning her for being A Boring Hard-Nosed Square, really helped sell their kinship.
It both sets up the actual plot going forward, and drives home the idea that these adults are making questionable decisions, they're irrational, and they're just priming the poor kid to watch his tongue at all times and then form some strong opinions about authority that he's going to have to unpack later.
I also appreciate that you've found a way to make those first two badges interesting parts of his character arc, and you do a good job of reinforcing the dancing motif in chapter three (which was just all-around very charming!
Badge-quest wise things go off the rails . . . imminently, but I had fun trying to do Pewter and Cerulean without making it just about going to a gym and the groundwork in these chapters isn't going away.
I like the pacing here; it feels... I don't know if episodic is quite the word I'm after, but I like how we're learning about the start of his journey in slow, almost awkward, detail.
Like, this isn't really an actionable thing, but I thought Toku evolving so early on was an odd move in terms of pacing; I understand why you did this (the line about this being the last year he'd wear the miniryu's blue in the first chapter came to mind), but I think I would've liked to see this link made clearer at the end of the chapter (the comment about him being closer to home yet further away was... serviceable, I think, but I think it's a point that's already pretty clear by that point).
I understood the intent with this passage, and I think his trepidation here would work better if it was the first time he'd heard dragonite as the word for kairyu. It lost its impact for me though; it felt like he already knew this before, and he did! Airi calls them dragonite in the first chapter and he makes that exception. I think this reads as him hearing that word for the first time again, and it feels out of place.
@Pen Hi! Finally here for the catnip! I apologise in advance, I've been under the weather the entire weekend, so this is not going to be a super analytical top-tier review. So far I went through the first chapter.
And oh boy, I'm so furious!!! I don't even know where to begin venting my frustrations! Poor Wataru! I hate it when people mistreat their kids! I hate it! Ooooooooo! That council scene tugged on all my heartstrings HARD! Shame on you, you friking self-important Dragon Clan, shame on you! On the one hand I should be happy that Wataru is out of that toxic environment, on the other hand I know how many scars that will leave! Grr!
So, anger aside, I think you did a solid job at introducing Wataru here. The story is a bit slow in the beginning, but it provides so many subtle nudges that expose his character and flaws in quick and striking ways. He is impatient and insecure, a loner who only really has his cousin and his miniryu, Toku. His isolation is part of his heritage and people's bias against him, but probably in equal part due to his abrasiveness and emotional reclusiveness. He is fourteen, I take it -- a stage in life where he feels like people still treat him like a small child when he feels like an adolescent. Wataru is definitely not one to sit down and listen to lessons. He has no clue about life outside the valley, which becomes painfully obvious when he encounters the trader's son. From his achievements at training Miniryu I can see that he is a talented trainer and a fierce battler who will have quite a blast in the Gym Circuit. But in his home, that is very *very* deep in their traditions, every trait that makes him stick out can and will be used against him. What's the saying? The nail that sticks out will be knocked down.
Also, big kudos on establishing the Dragon Clan, and especially the dance scene.
While I didn't get a full grasp on the intricacies of the clan (or the valleys for that matter), it was enough to follow along and to make a point. They seem to live in a commune that is strictly governed by the clan's elders, where the kids don't live with their parents and chores are also distributed among the clan-members. Honestly, I'm cautiously interested in how this commune works. If there are 30 kids in Wataru's age range, that's quite a big commune.
((But, who am I even kidding. Right now I hate them way too much to want to know more about them >:( I kinda want to send CPS their way, tho. I'm pretty sure those kids aren't registered properly and I'm also a bit worried about their schooling))
Their common denominator is their shared ancestry, which is also an interesting concept for cult-like groups (who usually need a living figure as knot to tie them together).
Then the dance scene. I loved it. Very vivid, and the way you described the images that the dances evoked rather than the motions was very effective. The opening, where the uncle explained what they were about to do felt a bit like forced exposition. But I've sat through my set of sermons too. That is not an uncommon thing at all.
The council scene, as I said, is an emotional juggernaut. It got me shaking in anger on several occasions. This council is incredibly unfair and harmful to anyone, and I seriously have to wonder how this cult kept up their lifestyle that long. Then again, circle of abuse... Those elders probably rejoice that they can now finally deal out the seemingly unfair punishment they received as kids while justifying it with the same words they got to hear.
Though, if secrecy is so important to them, I don't quite get why they decide to exile this very volatile member. If they got their heads out of their asses thought for one moment, they might piece together that sending Wataru in the state that he currently is out into a -- presumably -- modern Kanto or Johto will get the authorities onto their heels. Either that or his resentment against them will grow and he will retaliate on his own.
Okay, I think I will stop now before I get into too bad of a space.
Prose-wise, I can't really complain. It's simple and easy to follow (which is a big plus in my book!). If I'd had to complain about something, I'd say that few times it gets repetitive, but that is when Wataru repeats things to assure himself. I get the premise behind it, but it felt repetitive regardless.
Likewise, the opening is slow buildup, which is "counter-intuitive" to what I've learned about fanfic? Like, I usually see them start out with a bang! because you need to grab a reader's attention really good with that first chapter. But if you disregard ff.net and ao3 logic, the slow start really works in the story's favour. By the time the council-scene rolls around, I found myself already liking Wataru a lot. And that wouldn't have been possible without the slow buildup.
Also, that story about the master who returned with two dragonites? A subtle forshadowing? Looks at Lance's canon team. I think so :D
So yeah, that concludes my rather disjointed ramblings about The Miniryu Dancer! I loved it, even though I hated it :D
I hope that poor Wataru gets all the therapy and cuddles that he deserves, but from what the story looks like, this might take some time...
Hey @bluesidra thanks so much for your review! As a writer, it makes me feel quite happy to hear the chapter made you feel so strongly, though I hope it didn't leave you in too bad a space at the end.
He is impatient and insecure, a loner who only really has his cousin and his miniryu, Toku. His isolation is part of his heritage and people's bias against him, but probably in equal part due to his abrasiveness and emotional reclusiveness.
That sums it up very well! One of those tricky situations where it's definitely not all on Wataru that he's isolated--but his actions haven't exactly helped things.
Their common denominator is their shared ancestry, which is also an interesting concept for cult-like groups (who usually need a living figure as knot to tie them together).
If I'd had to complain about something, I'd say that few times it gets repetitive, but that is when Wataru repeats things to assure himself. I get the premise behind it, but it felt repetitive regardless.
Likewise, the opening is slow buildup, which is "counter-intuitive" to what I've learned about fanfic? Like, I usually see them start out with a bang! because you need to grab a reader's attention really good with that first chapter. But if you disregard ff.net and ao3 logic, the slow start really works in the story's favour. By the time the council-scene rolls around, I found myself already liking Wataru a lot. And that wouldn't have been possible without the slow buildup.
That's interesting--my experience with journeyfic openings in pokemon is that they often take ages to get their plot rolling. This fic is fairly character-driven and Wataru's atypical upbringing in the Ryu's Gift is very important in shaping who he is and what he wants, so I feel the time spent is worth the investment.
This is my first time actually reviewing and criticising something, so forgive me if it's not as useful as the other reviews.
When I first saw the title, I had originally thought it'd be a wholesome story of dragons and friendship but after reading the summary and checking the tags, I'd realised that it was about the back story of [insert character here].
I'll admit, I'm not particularly fond of reading these types of stories as I usually care more about the present or future kind of stories and will usually skim through most characters' backstory if they aren't interesting or super important to the main plot.
That said, I'll still try and give this story a shot.
Also I find the switch to Japanese and English to be a bit jarring (I'm not very good at remembering names, and the switch to Japanese can take some time for me to get use to), this switch can sometimes interrupt the flow for me as I'm a fast reader.
The story of Lance's origins and this version of the Wataru Clan is rather interesting and the take on Lance being mixed-race and being treated as an outcast provides a pretty good motivation and reasons for his ignorance. The interactions are believable and decent.
The older cousin trying to act more mature after doing the hakaryu dance is a good way of representing Claire's desire to fulfil her dreams yet it shows her trying too hard to follow the elders and traditions.
The Wataru Clan being an isolated society helps explain their reluctance to show the outsiders their secrets and it also provides a way to make Lance learn and feel new things he could never do so when staying in his home.
That said, there weren't many characters that were super memorable or stuck out to me.
The only characters I could really remember after my first read-through was Lance, Toku, Clair, his uncle and Aiya(or was it, Aiyi?). Anyone else I had completely forgotten.
This can be an okay thing if said forgettable characters aren't going to be important for any future events.
Kana, to me, feels like she might play a role in later chapters, but I had completely forgotten her existence even after reading this absolute banger of a line.
Anyway, other than these gripes. The chapter was great. It did an amazing job balancing exposition and plot progression.
The characters were great and believable, their interactions were fun to read. And though I'll probably not read through it unless I'm bored. (Sorry if that sounded rude, these stories just aren't my cup of tea.)
It was a pretty good story, all things considered.
As Blitz kicks off for 2022, I'm here subbing in with a belated 2021 fanart prize! For this one, I decided to paint the scene in Traveler II where Toku evolves. Hope you enjoy!
Holy shit @Negrek this is stunning. I love the watercolor style--it feels like an old-style painting and the vibe is so on-point. Also in love with the way you did Toku's fins. So long and fluffy! The colors, the curves, it's all so lovely. Thank you!!
it's true that I haven't reviewed since the vigilante, but please understand that 1) this image has been living in my head rent free since I read the protoge part one and 2) I actually hate drawing clouds because what is geometry?? and 3) my artistic struggle of "kint, no, you can't, a background is not a main character" has been in full force recently. please don't evolve all the sneks even though that's probably how things will go; think of the artists who want to swooooop
Shitposts aside, this (Protege 1) is one of those chapters that I don't really have words for. It's satisfying in a way beyond plots fitting together; there's a really heavy sense of emotional closure as well. "I hope we get to see Hamako again" this is NOT what i meant holy shit--
There's something really somber about this chapter that I didn't realize I was missing, the same kind of ache in my gut that I only last felt in the other Hamako/dragonair evolution scene, the kind of triumph that doesn't really feel quite like a triumph. I think it's pretty hard to pack breather chapters into stories with timeskips, since you're inherently clicking through to all the action beats and it's hard to find a way to focus on those sad moments of reflection that don't come in the immediate aftermath.
The storm imagery is unmistakably beautiful and the battle choreography is excellent; Lance shows off that he's grown; we see that power takes different forms--and yet things don't feel like victory and the lesson isn't learned. It's the more somber side of evolution, the shed skin that we can't take with us. Growing up is painful and requires owning up to your mistakes so you can learn from them, and also electrocuting your pseudo-grandmother's snakes into the ocean. But of all the times that Lance faces the idea that power won't get him what he wants, this one feels the most settling in its finality for me. Hamako forgives him and gives him advice for how to avoid this in the future, but the damage is already done. The storm has passed. Storms make me think of quiet strength, the opposite of Toku’s outrage, power with no fury—it’s a difficult emotion to convey but one that works really well here. stop bullying grandma please.
I've come to realize I've been a bit lax on reviewing DD, so shame on me. I'm here for Protege Part 1, and it's as much fun on a second (or third?) reread as it was the first. I enjoy just how much influence the people around young Lance have on his growth and development. Ever-cheerful Jiro and his unending font of support, Hakamo's guidance from years of experience and service to the league, and a healthy dose of respect and even fear from those trainers who reign at the top of the League, like Kikuko and Giovanni (though that's for an entirely different reason, and I love that Gio practically oozes with charisma and power here, even though it's clear he's flying so far under the League's radar.) It's definitely a testament to your writing that all of these supporting characters come across so strongly, even the bureaucrat Mizuno, in so few words.
It makes the world feel like a place is being allowed to live in, versus the world forming around Lance and his actions. And lends itself to a balanced, wide-reaching world that gives just enough information to shape each scene that takes place, but lets the readers imagination wander to the things that aren't described. The sense of history you imbue to the torch-passing ceremony, as well as the traditional garb and story behind the netsuke bring a lot of significance to what otherwise could be a story taking place anywhere else in time. It grounds it in this transitional period between the old ways and new, and sets the stage for what could be considered game canon, with Lance's story spanning both of these time periods. In a way, it's similar to him existing in the same way as Gen X, caught in this transition and rapid take-over of technology; it's relatable in a very unique (and maybe unintended?) way.
I rather like Jiro's humble origins story. He's a success story in more ways than one, and I like that in some ways I bet he sees a lot of himself in Lance. I still am a bit on edge with him in terms of maybe having gone a bit too far on the success scale, and maybe blinding himself in a bit too much glitz, glamor, and gold, but Jiro does still feel genuine in his actions and words. Maybe a mix of inspiration and a cautionary tale for Lance, which feels like a good mentor figure, really. Not everyone can be perfect in this world, despite best intentions. Hakamo is proof enough of that, and I like that this chapter has a balance of Jiro and Hakamo's influence on Lance. You can feel how much respect Lance has for Hakamo despite most others already having moved on and see her as washed up and past her prime. She's being pushed out in favor of this new wave, this new push towards the League's future, but that doesn't mean her ideals are any less valid. I like that she isn't compromising herself in order to fit in. As graceless as being forced out of her position is, she's still true to herself, and shows that she's anything but washed up in her battle with Lance during the storm. She's a force to be reckoned with, which on merit means she's still well qualified for a position as a Gym Leader, but society has moved on, such is the cruel march of time. More of this transitional period theme going on here, and how Lance is bridging the gap of old and new in a way that's entirely unique to him because of who he is.
The battle itself was grand, and again the environment of the battle takes center stage (which is oh so satisfying). Kaisho's evolution is stunning and a great precursor to the battle proper. Seeing Hakamo's youthful spirit come alive during the battle, compared to her tired, withdrawn presence at the formal ceremony and party was a real joy, and drives home the importance of pokemon in these people's lives (and again a great contrast between the very human-centric society vs those who live and work with pokemon on a very close and personal level, the idea of pokemon as tools vs pokemon as creatures that demand respect, and more themes of modern vs traditional ways)
Speaking of, big fan that Lance just trashes his brand new clothes.
Back for Protege Part 2, and really it feels like Protege Parts 2 and 3. There's definitely a first half and a second half to this chapter that leaves me thinking "did the first part happen in this chapter?" by the time I finish reading the second half. This isn't a bad thing, though I do feel bad myself because the hype of the second half always seems to linger over the hype of the first (simply b/c it's most recent after finishing the read-through). I do understand why they're together, though. There's a lot of ties from the first half (acquiring a new pokemon, naming said pokemon, using said pokemon in the gym battle, and you-know-who watching said gym battle). It all makes perfect sense. Poor Muno though, outclassed by Giovanni in every sense of the word.
There are a lot of great tie-ins to the first part of the chapter, a lot of parallels. In a way it feels like an extension of the previous chapter, sort of a conclusion tour to Lance's early journey. He even muses about it himself, seeing in his mind's eye his first trek out of Pewter from above. There's other parallels here, too, that make Lance's new teammate feel earned. A lot of what goes into being a dragon master (as portrayed in other pokemon media) has to do not with power, or command, but understanding. The way Lance is able to understand aerodactyl's situation and emotions is great. He's not being overly insightful or heady or academic; he's simply being himself, drawing from his own experiences, and that brings him to a tight bond even with seemingly wild, untamed pokemon.
I really like the natural progression of the aerodactyl problem. First the resurrection goes wrong, tensions are high between the blue collar centered Pewter and the research institute that they share a city with. I always found the pairing of "gritty mining town and museum" existing in the same place in multiple pokemon regions (I belive Sinnoh's Oreburgh has the same set up). The difference here is great, being played out in the back and forth between Muno and the museum scientist. I enjoy the solution here isn't one side or the other, but a third solution, Lance and Jiro's intervention. I liked Jiro's diplomatic role here, too, convincing the museum to have Lance stay around in return for allowing Archer to be part of Lance's team in the end.
The short segment of Lance choosing to journey to Viridian on his own (vs flying, like in the opening of the chapter) is another nice call back. It's got a feeling of nostalgia that is bookended by one town that's remained much the same, and one town that's forged into the future with a new identity. Of course, we all know who is waiting for him at the Viridian Gym, and the added tension of the brief interaction with Hunter's sister at the front desk only heightens the air of unease around the empire that Giovanni has built.
Speaking of our favorite mafioso, I love his presence in the gym battle. The throne, the shadows, the opening volley without lifting a finger. He's got this incredible air of cockiness and for good reason. In his position, he's invincible, even with a loss. You can feeling it in every action, every word. Lots of advanced, and even ruthless tactics on display in this battle, and the descriptions of Toku's Outrage gave me goosebumps. It's always been a very nebulous move in the games, but tying it to real emotion, shared emotion between trainer and pokemon, and the way it manifests as different colors and auras of dragon-type energy all swirling into one? Mm yes that's the good stuff. (Definitely had little laugh at Gio being like "okay now show me a real dragon" to Lance, who uses mostly non-dragons on his team, but in type-only)
I can definitely see why this is a Part 2 to the earlier Part 1, even though they read well as stand-alone chapters. The reunion tour is over, it's time for Lance to pull the curtain closed on the first part of his journey and keep moving forward.
Ah ha, another two-parter begins. I like that this one starts in very much the same way as the last two-parter, a quiet moment with Jiro, this kind of pivot point for Lance to look back on his journey (like the last two-part chapter) and also begin to move forward, which is what this chapter and its partner will most likely be doing. I read this one a while back when it was first posted, but re-reading it right after reading The Protege pt1 and 2 puts it in a new light. Again this strong sense of tradition vs progress is the foundation upon which the story is built. This one in even more of a literal sense with Fuscia's history drawn as a scar that divides the forest in two distinct halves. And again Lance's unique upbringing allows him to bridge the divide between the two.
I like that Kikuko is again a hot topic of conversation here, it feels like there's a very real build-up happening to the inevitable showdown. The worldbuilding of Kanto-Johto champion succession is a nice little snack for foreshadowing to what I can only assume is some kind of Jedi Master vs Apprentice showdown between Lance and Jiro. It's a nice set up to Lance's defense of Jiro under Koga's scathing words. It makes sense, though, from Koga's point of view, especially given the ninja clan's history with Kanto and the compromise that feels more like a ninja loss than any kind of real truce. You capture the ninja's bitterness and loss well against the way they still persist and carry on their traditional ways. Lance's bittersweet homesickness hits home hard, especially since he's grown so much since he left. Sharing that sorrow with Toku is a touching moment, and Toku's support of Lance even in his doubt is the real strength of their bond.
It's a nice highlight that even if Lance's battle strategy is "hyper beam first, ask questions later", he is capable of softer emotions. He may know how to battle with brute force, but that's not the only note of his personality. I enjoyed Koga's lessons of restraint, the art of doing only what is necessary, and scorn at show-boating overkill. I chuckled at "it's not politics" but really it's politics, but it's not necessarily inherently political. It's always been the ninja's way of life, and their way of life sees anything more than that as frivolous and unnecessary. Their heritage translates into all aspects of life, which now extends into Kanto politics (against their will, of course).
I do wish we got to see more of Koga's training, though I wasn't entirely sure how long Lance's stay in the ninja village actually was. I've not had the best sense of time in a few places in this fic, so while I feel like it was a short stay, it could be longer than I thought as well. Of course there's also the possibility of not having a huge payoff in specifying the exact time frame either. The only sense of progress we got was Kaisho's triumph with striking the egg, so I'm left with a lingering uncertainty of how much Lance learned from Koga's training overall. I imagine we'll get a better picture when he puts those lessons into practice in future battles (or not?) It's a minor gripe in the grand scheme of things, in which we get another chapter that dances across Kanto and sheds light on the varied, complicated history of this region.
Whew, boy! A lot to unpack in part two. There's a lot of angst on Lance's part about his home, which makes sense as he travels about to others' homes and learns about the things that made them who they are. While the first leg of his journey, the part it feels like we closed the book on in The Protege, is about his identity, who he is as a person, this one is definitely about the place he calls home. His origins are clear and muddy at the same time. He's sculpted equally from both Kanto and Johto, as much as he struggles with this even up to the end of this chapter with new citizenship in hand. It's actually a nice contrast to Kikuko's biting words about him meddling in affairs in which he doesn't belong. Au contraire, my dear Kikuko, this child is exactly where he belongs, a child of Kanto and Johto, fighting for champiancy of the joint regions. Both locked in a struggle of their own identity and supremacy, of their traditions and futures, and again maybe the answer lies in something in-between, a melding of the two.
I love the presence of Lavender Town, and how all of these places in Kanto have their own distinct vibes. The dark, shabby nature of the town in conjunction with the solemn air suits it perfectly. The sheer number of OSHA violations in the Lavender Tower is staggering, but regulatory boards on health and safety have no home here. The peace between the citizens of Lavender and their ghostly neighbors is lovely, and again shows how towns ripe with tradition, their way of life revolves around the way pokemon inhabit the space with them. It's co-habitation, not something that oozes from Saffron, the place where Lance feels the most uncomfortable. Yes, Saffron has become his new home, but it's not his singular identity. If anything it showcases that tolerance, not outright rejection of one way of life over the other, is the way to mark progress.
Again I'm uncertain of the actual duration of Lance's stay in Lavender, with his revelation on how to potentially battle ghosts coming right away after visiting the old Gym. He spends time training there, and despite some progress it's clear that a champion who specializes in ghosts is on a whole other level. Feels a bit amateurish on his part to assume the answer is so simple, but he is still young despite having so much success in his journey thus far. Kikuko certainly puts him in his place, and I see you also have embraced the outlandish and borderline nightmarish potential of ghost type moves. The dream eater sequence was probably my favorite, as it hits on such a personal level beyond what any pokemon attack should be able to accomplish. It's torment for pokemon and trainer, and exactly the kind of thing a ghost-type would employ. Good on Kikuko for calling out her Gengar's tactics in what amounts to a friendly match (even if her attitude is anything but). Of course, when you're Kikuko's age, you can say whatever the hell you want. Them's the rules. Lots of other advanced tactics on display again here, like subtle psychic manipulation, and even the way Kikuko carries her pokemon with her. I like the "ghost lives in a possessed object" headcanon, and the fact that Kikuko can just carry her pokemon anywhere she wants without a pokeball.
A few small corrections, one of which isn't even a correction but I feel the need to point it out just the same. First off, contrary to "ghastly" sounding like a nice ghoulish word, the species is actually spelled "gastly", as in a gas-pokemon. (not a ghastly one). The second is more of my own confirmation, that the Dragonite line cannot actually learn shadow ball (or any ghost type moves for that matter). Of course, no one is bound to game-rules for fic, unless it's by their own stubborn choice (oh look, it's me). I do like that Lance either purposefully didn't attempt to use it, or just flat out neglected to try in favor of actual powerful moves against a surprise battle vs the Champion. Gives Toku time to improve it and pull a nice trick out of the bag in the inevitable rematch. The loss is a nice reminder that he's still got a ways to go, and the power scaling feels right, even if he's reliably beating Gym Leaders left and right.
This is a nice set up for what's to come, both with Kikuko's sunny personality, and Jiro's actual sunny personality, I think there's more than just a clash of unfair type immunities in everyone's future.
Initially, binging Dragon's Danger was on my top priority list for the Blitz, but damn, I'm not sure if I can take it. This fic just tears me up. Poor, poor Wataru. Breaks my heart thinking about what he's going through, especially since he's still a kid. I REALLY loathe the dragon clan now. Hope the modern Kanto burocracy gets to them and destroys their little abusive backwater community for good. Or at least do something about Wataru's uncle. What a piece of shit.
Thank god Toku is (still) with him, at least. She is the MVP of this entire fic. And Mr Inushi seems like a good man, too. I'm so glad Wataru at least got to settle into somewhat of a routine in Cherrygrove. He was so restless and handed from one person to the next, it was good to see that he at least found some normalcy before Inushi left. And that he made the decision to go with the professor himself. Still, this entire chapter is really sad.
Oak is incredibly annoying and if I was Kana, I'd ember him for talking without pause as well. But he seems to be nice enough. It's not like he's going to be Wataru's travel companion the entire time.
Wataru training Kana was really sweet and now it shows why him and Toku were so much stronger than his peers. He really has a hand for pokemon and seems to understand them almost intuitively.
Ibuki's outburst came without warning. Wataru almost fumbled the bar of soap.
"So you did something stupid. Well, you do stupid things all the time. That doesn't mean you should—"
Ibuki couldn't say it either.
Wataru bent back over the running water, scrubbing hard at the shawl. Foolish hafu boy. The gurgling water seemed to be spitting back Elder Io's words.
"If I'd gone and battled you, instead of doing laundry—"
A satisfied parrumph rose from the bundle on Wataru's lap. He froze, his heart thudding.
Mr. Inushi turned his head. "Now what have you got in there, lad?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. There was nowhere to hide. The folds of the cloak fell away and Toku raised her head, her fins twitching as the fresh air hit her.
"Ryu!" she said, sounding immensely pleased with herself
"No thank you, I already have enough on the subject. A simple sentence, but alas, completely beyond my capacity. Though, of course, it would be both simple and false, because it's just not possible to have enough on any subject, even the most narrow and mundane. As a phenomenon, evolution is neither."
"You just didn't let up, Dad," Airi was saying admiringly as they came in. "Oh, I can order it by pidgey-catalogue, she says, but you let her know just what junk they'll pass off to you if you can't test it out first!"
"That's right, my boy. It's a premium, getting to handle the wares yourself before the buy, and you've always got to keep your customer reminded of the fact."
When Wataru pressed the indentation, Toku vanished. There wasn't a flash of light this time, but the ball grew warmer in Wataru's hands. Just touching it, he could tell Toku was safely inside.
Another click, and Toku was back. He noticed her fins were lifted slightly, a sign that she was pleased.
"Thank you, Mr. Inushi," Wataru said quietly, turning to face the squat, smiling man. It hit him suddenly how much time the trader had taken today, guiding Wataru through one thing after another, instead of doing that job that so clearly brought him joy. Whatever Uncle had told the man and however much money Uncle had paid him, nothing had obligated the trader to be so kind.
"Well . . ." Professor Okido let out an awkward laugh. "I dispense advice with every breath, but if you're asking me to limit it down to one important thing—I'd say, know your goal. A lot of trainers are a bit aimless. Win this badge, win the next badge. The structure gives a certain momentum, but they get lost outside of it. So try to figure out what you're working towards, what you're trying to achieve. There was a time when I could have continued down the trainer's path, fought it out for my place on the pinnacle, but I asked myself, what do you really want, Yukinari? And, you know, it wasn't to be the best or the strongest, but simply to know the most."
Wataru stared down at the pressed wood of the table. Know your goal. He'd had a goal, once. Toku would become a kairyu and together they'd be masters. When the Ryu Odori came, he'd be chosen for the honor of the tamer's dance. But all that was impossible now.
He sank into a deep stupor, giving only single-word answers to the professor's questions, until the man eventually switched his attention over to Airi and Mr. Inushi. Wataru knew the others were casting him concerned looks, but he couldn't be bothered to care.
And then, all at once, Wataru had it. "You mean, like with Master Kaisho! He returned on the back of the kairyu and that's how they knew he belonged to the clan. Toku, that's brilliant!"
The miniryu's pahrump informed Wataru that she was well aware of her own brilliance, thank you.
The days were coming more easily now. Every morning, Wataru woke with the sun and raced to the professor's room, where the charmander was waiting. She and Toku had taken to each other, and the charmander, who Wataru had started to call Kana, was eager to make up for her initial loss. As they fought in the quiet space behind the Pokemon Center, Wataru found himself standing in the middle, calling out advice to both sides, not just Toku. It made the fight more fun, even if Toku still managed to come out on top most of the time.
But Wataru knew in the back of his mind that this equilibrium couldn't last forever. Mr. Inushi was talking about the road to Violet City and the professor was haggling with the local sailors over his trip home. And as for Wataru . . . he knew he'd have to travel if he wanted to get strong, find more and better 'trainers' to battle. But staring at Mr. Inushi's big map left him lost and directionless.
Hah! I have lied! I am back, having read Traveler, part 1 and 2!
So, Traveler covers Wataru's first and second badge, or, in a broader sense, his trip from Pallet Town up to Cerulean.
So, first, I liked the unskippable cutscene in Viridian where he was informed about the backstory of the town and a certain, suspiciously italian sounding man... I've played Gen1 and their remakes so often now, it was a pleasant surprise that he didn't have to turn back around to carry a parcel to Prof Oak. Until reading this fic, I did not know how deeply ingrained that is into my being.
Wataru seems to take fairly well to his new lifestyle. In fact, him being a loner at home seems to carry over seamlessly into this part of his life. He bats no eye about wandering Viridian Forest for two weeks, only with his pokemon, and then trains in quiet solitude for an entire month (!) in Mt Moon. (He likes grinding as much as I do, I like that. There's something cathargic about just beating pokemonbattle after pokemonbattle, and so I'm usually overpowered.)
But ye, I like how quickly time passes here. I've heard somewhere that, if you are telling a narrative on a day-to-day basis, you're prone to have this very very dense period of events (the one with the narrative), followed by long stretches of time where life just happens. If you'd focus on every single one of his battles, probably only a few days would pass between arriving Pewter and leaving it again. Because, well, that's how stories are told. But you set up this long stretches of time quite early on, so when the SAD later hits him and he hibernates in Saffron, it doesn't feel out of left field.
His battle against Muno was a really impressive feat, both from him and his pokemon. I trained a dratini once. Pseudolegendaries, especially their first stage, are a pain in the ass because they are so fragile, but damn does Toku rule.
One thing I noticed about part 1 was that the narration is very removed from Wataru himself. It's more like a recount of what happens to him, and most characterisation is through observation, not through his thought processes. In part 2, this changes, however.
Part two is so impressive omg! This was a real banger! Three evolutions at one -- Ibuki, Wataru and Toku.
In the beginning, it's kinda sad to see how estranged Wataru feels by all the people and the tourists here. It would be cool seeing how the beaches looked up close, or Cerulean in general, but he is so "shy" that we don't get to see much. Luckily grandma badass-Hamako brings some distractions.
What follows is the coolest and most satisfying string of scenes I've read in a long time. The setting is so beautiful. The imagery so dope. Wataru is acting really mature, and quite literally evolving from a Miniryu to a Hakuryu. Then the two gyrados duking it out, which really drove home how strong Hamako's one was. Only for little Toku to challenge her. I was so sure that Toku couldn't make it, but even in dratini form, she put up a real fight. And then the gorgeous evolution! All while the coolest gyrados-expert grandma looks on and is a really, really nice lady. Her character alone is so interesting, and it's only there for the 7k that this chapter has.
And... what a burn with calling the gyrados Ibuki. I mean, the way Wataru put it, it sounded nice enough, but I don't know if I wanted my little cousin to name his raging, ever frowning see-serpent after me.
Wataru training on the beach well through the autumn is a really really cool image! Him on Ibuki's back, with Toku in the air! Really really cool.
So he held his tongue, enduring the questions with shrugged shoulders until Kana finally grew bored and tried to set the professor's coat on fire again.
The man grimaced. "There was a gym here once, thirty, forty years ago, maybe more now. Back when you didn't see a soul without a shoe or handkerchief hand-made here in Viridian. But once they started up those factories in Saffron, everyone forgot us. Shut our gym down, not a care at all for people trying to make their honest living." He darted forward abruptly, jerking up the hem of Wataru's shirt to peer at something. "Machine-made. Won't last you through the winter, you know."
She strode over to the gyarados and hoisted herself up as easily as a dragon master would mount a kairyu. Wataru scrambled to climb behind her. To his embarrassment, he found himself clinging tightly to Hamako's woolen shawl as the gyarados started forward.
Wow, that chapter was really really long. It also covered a lot. Wataru leaving Cerulean behind, making his way through Saffron and staying the winter there, then making his way to Celadon, where he challenges Erika and spends way too much time in a casino.
Overall, it's a quite moody chapter. Wataru doesn't take kindly to the winter and basically goes into SAD hibernation. Which, hey, I do that all year long, can't blame him. It's kinda neat that the pokecenter let him stay that long.
Over in Celadon, he has to wait to challenge Erika, and during that wait, he finds a miniryu in the casino, that is just a really really sad view. Oh boy, do I feel guilty now for my contribution to slavery twenty years ago. But the casino won so much from your description. It feels like an honest to god casino, not just a scrappy space with a few slot machines and a suspiciously guarded poster. Now it can actually reasonably hold an evil organisation's HQ. And, oh, does Kanto need some child protection laws in the entertainment-industry, huh? And, well, in the labour law section as well. That is not a job suited for a child o.o Though, I think Wataru is dense enough to not pick up on anything more harmful than an out of place sleeping schedule. And a lowkey gambling addiction, though that is off the job.
I very much appreciate how he tried every resource he could imagine before resigning himself to rescuing the miniryu alone. Makes him look more mature and his decisions more rational. And in the end, his efforts were not entirely fruitless, it seemed. And him taking on a few odd jobs is also a nice touch. He definitely needs the experience. Because the way he currently sees money and the institutions -- oh boy, that's going to be a wild ride with him as league president/champion)
I liked the city descriptions in this chapter a lot. Celadon gets a few on numerous occasions, and they are all very fitting for the neatly kept nice facade that Celadon presents. Generally, I'm very sold on your depiction of Kanto. After I now got over my half-heartache that I wouldn't get to see Johto any time soon, I really love the nostalgic vibes that Kanto still conjures up in me. And the fact that this is all pre-canon makes it even more nostalgic.
Also, Erika and the gym battle: I like the portrayal of Erika here -- pretty cold and busy business-woman, but outwardly respectful and pleasing -- just like Celadon itself. (Hey, if I ever have to expand on Minaki/Eusine, this is some great source to come back to. He'd probably go up the walls in this city.)
"Listen," Wataru said. "I swore an oath by the kairyu. And you know, it's not enough to be strong yourself. The ryu have always given their help when it's needed. Maybe you should think about that. You can split rocks like a kairyu, and one day you'll be able to fly like a kairyu too. But you wouldn't be worthy to go among the kairyu if all you think about is yourself."
At that, Kana turned, a hard look in her dark eyes. Her tail swished back and forth in challenge. Wataru met her gaze calmly and didn't flinch, even when a hot burst of embers shot past his ears. The stand-off stretched on, but Wataru didn't say another word. He'd made the only point he had to make. At length, he turned back to the river.
"Maybe there's cotton in your ears," Wataru called out, cutting across the room to them. "Because Aki said you're cut off and that means no more drinks." He drew in a breath. "So leave her alone."
Oh my god, he's growing up. He acts very mature in this chapter, but I still see the adorable, wide eyed Wataru from Cress's cover, and let me tell you, that does not mesh well with the images here.
He stumbled outside, where the sun beat down on his back. The streets were busy and no one noticed him sink his head into his knees and sob until his shoulders shook.
Here comes the boooooooooy...
Archer, lovingly called Archie, is my favourite Rocket exec, and probably my favourite Rocket over all. (Well, him and maybe also the poor soul that got hyperbeamed by Lance.) I've seen him handled brilliantly twice before, and I'm very much looking forward to how you depict him. Though, from the description you gave him alone it's clear that is is a very young version of Archer and TR itself. This is not the executive Archer in a white suit. The description reminded me a lot of Proton, who is a lot more mobster. Hard throwback to TR's roots.
Okay, now I've got the Recruit, the Agent and the Puppetmaster down. Drawing Toku did take a bit longer than expected.
Aaaand first and foremost: My boy Archer gets to shine! Oh, I like him a lot here. He is exactly like I want him to be, and I chose to believe that the sob-story he told Lance about growing up on Cinnabar and all of that was really just a front to get Lance on board. And the way Gio treats him. Mmmmmmm... that's the good stuff. Oh yes. Puppetmaster just clicks flawlessly into my extensive off-TR collection of Rocket Exec fics. Tasty...
Though, judging by Gio's last lines, Archer may be written off and soon find himself in search for a new job, if not his head. I expect some Archer whump and/or angst, and if I don't get it, I'll have to make it up. Again.
Proton is Proton, and for a moment I feared you wouldn't go full on out with him. And admittedly, just mauling the poor guy down was a merciful solution, but yes. That is my boy Proton, head enforcer, psychopath. Also, Archer's permanent fear of being replaced by Athena because the boss bangs her and not him and his inability to lead because of latent daddy-issues with Gio. I'm starting to think we've read the same fic... Say, do you by chance know "Hello, Gorgeous?" by JFSindel? Because that is definitely a spin on Dragon's Dance that I don't want my mind to compute now. Begone, thought!
Then again, Lance does have some very veiled gay thoughts here... NO!
Hehm... so. Moving on. Wataru/Lance. He grows a lot in these chapters, and not only physically. He had a growth-spurt in character during the bootcamp, it's frightening. He grew very much into the Lance I know, but so quickly, it was almost unsettling. It's not out of character, it just happened very quickly, after a lot of chapters of him being a rather slow adapter.
Another thing I noticed about Lance (and that I really, Really like to see in dragon trainers), is that he is a dragon in many ways. He doesn't like the cold and a successful way to earn his loyalty is to beat him in combat. Now I only wait for him to look into a mirror and be like "I'm the hottest piece of ass in all of Tojo" and to hoard a bunch of shiny things.
But damn, did he win the lottery when it comes to puberty, huh? If growing real fast and having confusing thoughts about other men is the only thing, you're damn lucky in the hormone-department, let me tell you.
So, I liked all of these chapters a lot. Breezed through them, even though they are solid chunks, still. The two parts of the Recruit would be my favourites among the three/four. Because, well, Rocket truly shows it's face here. When Archer started out being suspiciously alone and vulnerable I suspected this might be going... strange places. Like, for a brief second I was worried the narration would side with Team Rocket, even though Archer's statements were clearly anti-democracy. But then Wataru is blindfolded and taken to the RAF training grounds, and I squealed in joy.
It's good seeing Lance be active again and have fun, even though these are textbook bite-model tactics for indoctrination, but hey, he actually got company out of it. Wouldn't call Hunter a friend, but she's the first close companionship he had since ever. He compared her to Ibuki a few times, but I don't think that Ibuki's role as big sister is comparable to the role that Hunter took. She was way more his equal. I really wanted to know a bit about the other recruit's reasons to be here, but Lance, by all means, does not have the personality to know that. Yet. I really hope he grows into the small-circle-but-people-guy I know him as here too.
The test at the end of bootcamp was brutal and executed beautifully. It was like a perfect string of moral choices for Lance. And all before the backdrop of a wonderful snowy landscape. You could sell that as a Christmas chapter if you wanted. His pokemon slowly losing strength was tangible. And so the way he defeated Hunter felt earned and her rejection afterwards, too. Him breaking records is also something very Lancecore. Like I said, he really sped up in the personality-department here. Also, Delphine is such a cutie. I like her a lot. Clever, cool girl.
Then the Agent rolls around and, well, what had to happen happens, and rather quickly might I say. I thought he'd stick with Rocket for a bit longer. But, well, he got assigned to what he does best: Training. Which, tangent: I think in a Champion, training other people and seriously enjoying their growth is one of the main strengths you should bring to the table. Leon does all the time, Lance does it in Goldenrod, Mahagony and in the Dragonden postgame. And guess who the two Champions I like the most are, and by far?
When he goes out on a mission with Proton (which, was a bad idea, you wouldn't need to be Archer level smarts to tell that), he witnesses a murder, and, frozen in shock, can't do anything. From there, the narration loses him, which I think is really effective. Because, well, Lance is pretty scattered too. It starts out with the narration becoming more and more disjointed as soon as he follows the other Rockets out and Toku's evolution is not even described. Only when it's mentioned that he slept crawled into her belly it dawned on me. His worldview was so thoroughly shattered that he didn't even register the one thing he's been working to the entire time.
In comes a PoV-switch, and, as we later learn, a big timeskip. And, oh god, Lance, the masked vigilante. This can only look ridiculous and I'm down for every last piece of stupidness I can derive from that outfit. I mean, he is the master of capes, after all.
Since I didn't mention them in my ramblings so far: Big kudos on the pokemon. They are simple enough characterwise, but also very strong and consistent. Ibuki gets a bit less exposure, but Kana and Toku are true gold. They stay true to themselves, and especially Toku is Lance's better half. And Kaisho, their newest little member is such a precious little snail. He's lovely. He seemed to take his trauma quite well, and him and the magnemite forming a friendship is adorable. It's also cute that Lance has a new scarf now. I kinda miss Toku being able to hide in his shirt.
So far I've heard people always say that Wataru/Lance is the master of bad decisions, but so far I would disagree. He's just a child that's been tossed into the world without half an inkling of guidance. He makes relatively good decisions for himself, seeing how he's still alive and all.
Oh, one minor complaint, or rather thing I'm worried about: The introduction to the GLs was too fast for my brain. Have already forgotten those I didn't know before. Same goes for the current champion, other than that she might train ghost types, which makes me very :big_eyes: But I'm sure I'll get to know them in time :)
Still, you can trust two things. First, that my acquaintanceship with the main business of this casino is entirely in passing. Second, that I have no interest in possessing another trainer's pokemon, no matter its species. The pokemon I train are loyal to me, and that is all I ask from them."
They had landed in a sparse section of forest. The landscape was unremarkable, hard-packed earth scattered with brown scrub. Between thin pine trees, Wataru made out squat wood buildings. A scyther and a golem were squaring off in a cleared patch of dirt. Both their trainers, dressed in the same plain black clothing, had paused to watch the landing. Now their eyes were fixed on him with a scrutiny that left Wataru uneasy. He averted his eyes.
So. The Vigilante. Lance has leveled up, and so have his opponents. It feels like an appropriate timeskip, and the things that Lance does feel a lot more mature than what a 16yo should do.
He works now mostly a undercover battle-rings, because it's training and money and a chance to crush Team Rocket. And, oh boy, Lance's mission to stop J (Hunter J from the anime?!?!?!) went exactly like I picture a mission run by Lance to go. A lot of destruction, and very little plans.
We also meet Jiro. At first, I had the image of a slimy, middle-aged man with a graying ponytail and cigarette-yellow fingernails in my mind. But then he summoned the mighty kintsugi and it clicked that that's the guy from Yellow's artwork and I immediately became... a lot more interested in him.
Omg, he is such a juicy troll. God dam. Jiro is living the high life and no one can stop him. And I'm down for it. His team is impressive and oh boy did that persian make a point. It's also nice to have a Saffron native character. Despite it being the biggest city, very little characters actually hail from there.
You really really set up the power-levels in this chapter brilliantly.
First, Toku doesn't struggle with a feral Tyranitar. Then, a persian (not the most impressive mon past the gen1 glitch) takes down Toku without breaking too much of a sweat. Then we establish that there is, indeed, a Johto league, who's Champion Akane and her Flareon (a glass canon sort of guy) can take on a freaking Snorlax in offense mode. This is leagues away from a charmeleon dealing with an onix. It was very tangible that there was a level-up.
Lance seems to be rooted in his dragon-tamer identity -- he doesn't flinch at the sheer destruction his pokemon can unleash. But other than that, he is very much a 16yo teenager. Him begging for an internship really put into perspective that he is as hotblooded as his hair suggests. And, oh boy, him and Noriko will be good friends, I can tell it by their shared love of bureaucracy /j
For once, Hideyoshi didn't mince words. "I heard on the grapevine that the Rockets have arranged a buy with J's people. Tomorrow night, 11pm, at warehouse thirty-seven. Sounds like a big one."
That was way more specific than any of the information Hideyoshi had slipped him in the past. Lance narrowed his eyes. "You want me to interfere."
Oh my god, the mini snail is threatening the monsterdragon. I wonder if Kaisho is holding his evolution back because he's so fucking cute and everyone underestimates him.
Whooo! Blitz goal met, caught up with Dragon's Danger! Those last two/four chapters flew by like a breeze! I don't even know how that happened so quickly.
Anyways. Lance is now promoted from illegal alien to legal alien to legal resident. Damn, I'm glad he finally started to see the Ryu's Gift differently. I liked that feeling of alienation that built up over the last few chapters, where he doesn't know any longer where he belongs to. And that is understandable. Not only does he feel not longer like a Johtonian, with Jiro's jetsetting lifestyle, it's hard to even say he's from Saffron or Celadon, like he may have been able to during "The Gambler."
And add to that feeling of estranging that he now enters a part of Kanto that he hasn't been to -- Fuchsia. Before, I got kinda lulled into the small-scale "set-piece" descriptions of the various parties Lance attended, but damn, that intro to Fuchsia slapped! And it reminded me how great your worldbuilding and descriptions are when it comes to locations. Fuchsia feels equal parts strange and familiar, old and modern. The "carnival"-attractions and the way they market their ninja-heritage is definitely modern, and shows that they probably struggle to keep up with the other, more industrialised cities. But it is still sovereign terrain, and the ninja clans still hold power.
Side note on that: I totally dig into your lore with the clans and all, but ... aren't ninjas at their core assassins? Has Kanto a special clause that legalises certain killings? Or are they more like the Meji-era samurai -- bureaucrates with the right to wield a weapon? (That has baffled me ever since Gen1. Canon very much points to them still being active assassins with deadly poison, and... why again do we let 10yo into their training grounds???)
(okay, fuck, I know now why it went so fast. My speech services got an update halfway through citizen 1 and the app crashed...)
OOoookay, this review will be a bit disjointed then.
The Protege.
This chapter shows Lance's life at Jiro's side, which is mainly attending PR-events. At one such event, Lance gets his moral comeuppance when Hamako is replaced as a gym leader -- a consequence of his little terrorist stunt at the chairman's speech. She is rightfully grumpy, but then they duke it out in a full on battle and she more or less forgives him.
The battle was breathtaking. It almost felt like an anime-opening, with the camera swooshing across the scene and nobody really knows what's going on. But knowing what's going on is not the point here. It was a show of might between the pokemon, and they did deliver. Kaisho evolved, the little electrician. I'm so happy seeing him thrive after he was so miserable in that tank.
The party they attended was an interesting one, too. I'm not quite sure if Lance got that "mingling" part down, but he definitely got to see a few people (and not too much for me to lose track this time). Meeting Muno time and time again is kinda funny. He is a klutz at social gatherings, just as predicted, and I feel really sorry for him, even if I only see him in passing.
We also get to learn a bit about Jiro's backstory. Jiro is cool. Kint is cooler. They are the coolest. I like him quite a bit, and I'm glad that he's at Lance's side, though I do have a slight feeling that their relationship progresses a bit too fast? Like, Lance up to now has been a loner. "Befriending" Hunter was a giant step out of his comfort zone already. But he accepts Jiro very fast. Since Jiro and Archer are in the same age-range, Lance might be working through some issues here, but the narration so far didn't hint at that.
Speaking of Archer. He's now with Lance, in the form of a screeching ball of resurrected chaos. The taming scene was really sweet. I like this addition to the team. But my Archer-whump will now get a lot more confusing.
And speaking of Archer once more: The fight with Gio! Oh wow. Gio presented so slick at the party. Well, when he's in his gym and still harbours old resentment, there's not much business friendliness left. You brought him across as very imposing. Also, good work in raising the power level once more! The fic so far has established Lance as very strong. He can deal with average to strong opponents without giving it much thought. So when he struggles, he's up against a juggernaut. And Gio definitely is. If he's ever going against him when no league referee is watching, it will get brutal.
Also nice to see Hunter's sister again. I don't know if this will lead to anything other than Lance questioning his decisions, but it felt really good to see another side to Hunter's story.
The Citizen.
Heh. Two hours later, I can now say that this chapter is way more than just Lance arriving in Fuchsia.
In fact, it is about Lance getting to know two different corners of Kanto, both with their own quirks, while also confronting his wavering sense of identity. They are really really good chapters.
Koga and his sovereign clan are a strange one. They don't like Jiro, because he is too modern, and won't honor their old ways and treaties the way Kikuku does. Their clan has been violently overrun once already, when they were suspected to be behind the murder of the then champ. They have strong communal living, not unlike Lance had in the Ryu's Gift, and, like the people of the Dragon Clan, are fiercely against accepting any outsiders. Well, no. Compared to the Dragon Clan, they are basically a nice B&B, letting Lance stay and train with them.
Everytime a people like them is depicted, I get the urge to violently slap them for not integrating or accepting "progress" and then I have to violently slap myself because it's their good right to not integrate. But then again, it's no wonder that they lose out. Especially if they aren't self-sufficient, they have to interact with people of other cultures, and somehow they see that as bad. *sigh* I don't like myself for these thoughts...
Lavender is a super interesting glimpse into ghosts and remembrance culture, and I'm all down for it. It's the latent goth resurfacing I guess. The rapidash as courier between two worlds is interesting and I will take note of that. Kikuku and her ghosts and her win against Lance is also cool. Especially since it sets her up right in the grey middle between Jiro-swag and Gio-bad.
But. All of that matters little when there's that identity crisis Lance has. After he got a bit melancholy in Fuchsia, it hits him real hard that he doesn't even know the name of his parents. And, oh my god. I thought I couldn't loathe his uncle more, but, surprise, there's still some new lows this man can hit. HOW. Could he not have told his nephew the barest minimum of what he deserves. He's not a child that got adopted after their mother gave them away. His parents were at least part of Lance's and uncle's direct family and they were never acknowledged. What lesson is that to teach your kids? Get on our wrong side and we will not even acknowledge your existence. Well, I mean, that's basically what they did to Lance, but... ARGH! I HATE THEM WITH A PASSION!
It's so nice seeing him confide in Jiro over the phone. And Jiro waiting for him at the immigration office. And them going to a restaurant of Lance's choice. That all seems like a given, but it's so heartwarming that Lance for once seems to have stumbled upon a decent person.
Anyways. I am very interested to see where this goes. The story still has a long way to go, and I'm very much looking forward to it.
Also, I can now proudly type:
Hiya hiya Pen! Getting started on this exchaaaaaaaange!! I got through chapter 1 and 2 to start, but I don't think I'll be able to get the rest done before the end of Blitz. However, I will be back around in the coming days to do so!
So, to be completely honest I don't know a lot about Kanto and Johto, because this dummy started Pokemon in Sinnoh 🥲 So Lance is a foreign concept to me. HOWEVER, I will say that I really enjoy how this started, and where this is headed! I really enjoyed the usage of all the Japanese names, and especially how they're built around the Dragon Clan--how referring to the Dragonite line as the -ryu's is normal for them, but just an old legend for all the outsiders. I just found that concept really neat!
At this moment, all I can say is poor Wataru. I kind of felt my blood boiling FOR him as chapter 1 stretched onward. He had so many hopes and dreams, and they were just dashed in an almost instant because he wanted to show some other little boy he battled the Dragonair. I wasn't really sure how the whole "trial" was going to go--on one hand I had hoped that his Uncle would have stuck up for him, but I also had a feeling that that was not going to happen, and ended up being right unfortunately, which...was really upsetting. Even his words to Wataru following the verdict being reached were infuriating. "This was your fault but also, sorry you never felt truly welcome here"..........like, sir, did it occur to you that maybe if he'd felt welcome, he would have stayed in class and learned he shouldn't have shown the gaijin the big rare dragons??? He's TWELVE. Getting ousted for something that wasn't his fault is a lot to shove onto a twelve year old, and then to just throw him to the outside world without his trusted Pokemon life partner???? Bro, the absolute heartlessness was just UGH.
What continued to drive that absolute anger I was feeling toward the exile was how clueless Wataru was as he ventured further from his home--this kid had never seen electricity, barely knew what money was, didn't know what a train was, didn't even know his damn birthday--and the clan was just totally okay with sending this poor twelve year old out like that. I feel like that would be more dangerous than keeping him around? This dumb kid who's never seen a lightbulb walking around among the masses knowing this secret legendary clan exists seems pretty counterproductive to keeping it secret! I simply cannot wait for Wataru to become champ so he can just rub it in all their faces. I just want to see this man succeed, because it's obvious his clan never thought he could :(((((((((
I didn't really have a lot of criticism at the moment. I think the only thing really getting to me is that I was having a hard time grasping what kind of time period this was set in. The clan is obviously very rural, which is understandable, but then we have Wataru's new guardian going around on a wagon, bitchin' and moanin' about trains, and then we get to the Pokemon center which has electricity, because the region has been "blessed" with it...but, it's the 1980's I think? Or the 1970's? If I I read right? So is the Pokemon world (or at the very least, Johto) just not as developed as it would have been in the real world at this point in time? I just had a difficult time following that.
All in all, very good stuff! Will be back to finish the exchange at a later date :D
"Here," she said, thrusting the bundle of cloth towards him. "Take it." She turned a glare on Uncle, as if daring him to object. "I prepared and dyed that cloth all by myself. It's mine to do what I want with." Turning back to Wataru, she softened her voice. "You could have done it, you know. You were much better than all the little kids dancing."
"That's an apricorn ball. Speciality of Azalea—I noticed one of their venders at the market. These balls are made from naturally grown shells. Might be a little closer to what you and your little gal are used to."
"Miniryu, hakuryu, kairyu," the professor continued in a reflective voice. "Yes, that's right. That's the full chain. Of course, there have always been legends floating around about a lost community of dragons and their tamers—"
A cold feeling swept over Wataru. Don't let your tongue wag, or the kairyu will be in danger.
Hello! I’m here for the BLEC review awards, covering chapters 4 – 5 (The Gambler – The Recruit, Part II)!
I do have to say that this has gone extremely differently from what I expected, leaving off from the gyarados chapter. Not that it’s a bad thing, mind. I knew Team Rocket would likely rear their heads in this story at some point, and I’m always down for TR rocketing it up so I’m all on board for the current trajectory.
I don’t recall if I said it last time, but one of the biggest strengths of this story is the atmosphere and tone that you give to Kanto. It feels very down-to-earth and cohesive in its vibe, and especially the way that you contrast it with Wataru’s dragon tribe. The place just has too many strange rules and regulations to be compatible with the way that his tribe did things, and his reactions range from confused to outright angry. (In particular, I liked the way he scoffs at the gym in Saffron for not fighting for their rights to stay open, when it’s likely the city probably made them shut it down. The fact that he has to pay an extra entry fee for being "foreign" was a depressing bout of realism as well.) It makes sense that an organization like Team Rocket, which has much simpler principles and purports to be about doing away with Kanto’s rules, would snap up people like him. It’s the little details that truly ground it, however, from all the ways Wataru’s tribal upbringing influences the narrative to Erika running a big company and phoning in all her battles to the fact that much like an actual mafia, Team Rocket can operate basically in the open and no-one can do anything about it. If Kanto existed in the real world, I could easily see this being what its political landscape looked like in the years leading up to the events of Red/Blue (I assume this fic is set before that, at least).
There’s definitely some irony in that Wataru’s insistence on honesty and goodwill led him into the claws of dishonest people who would like very much to use him (Like, it makes sense that the jackpot was never going to be winnable in a crooked institution like that, but also someone with Wataru’s age and experience isn’t going to think that way or do the proper research into it). There’s been a feel that his naivete would lead him into trouble sooner or later, and though he’s essentially secured himself a healthy non-grunt position in Team Rocket as of Chapter Five, I doubt he’ll continue for too much longer before he’s asked to do something that conflicts with his moral code... or perhaps something more? If this Team Rocket has establishments in Johto just like the games’ versions do, then I wonder if he might be asked to do something with the miniryu valley at some point… and if so, it’ll be interesting to see what his reaction is then. Just some speculation from me on that part, though; it feels like he’s still got a lot of growing to do yet. I’m excited to see what Team Rocket will have him doing now that he’s graduated training; this feels like it’s about to be a large part of his life from here on out.
The theme of naivete contrasted with the corrupt way the real world works seemed to be extra strong during the Team Rocket training period – it was made pretty clear that strength was considered the strongest virtue at the camp, and during the final exam the trainees were straight-up encouraged to backstab and sabotage other trainees in order to get the higher positions. Though her story hasn’t yet and might not get a resolution from here on out, I thought Hunter was a pretty compelling statement of the theme. Like Wataru, she has a lot to lose, and she can’t afford to be nice. They were always going to end up battling for the final win, and the deciding factor wasn’t Lance’s moral high ground or anything, but essentially who could be stronger. Though it was a deus ex machina, I think the way that Wataru won – by his charizard just randomly evolving – helps in this regard because it separates the battle from anything Wataru did specifically. By Team Rocket’s design, the battle was always going to come down to the smartest and strongest, and if Wataru hadn’t gotten that second burst of luck, he would have lost. There wasn’t a right or wrong there, and it subtly prelude's Wataru realizing that indeed, while he battled his way to the end successfuly, there were some people who got the slip on him. Interested to see how that develops in the coming chapters.
I think the last big talking point I’ve got is that I really like the way you write your Archer – I haven’t actually seen him or the other Executives used in fics (which is a crime tbh), but this version of him definitely fits the bill to what little we see in the games. While he’s not the Big Boss, he certainly feels charismatic enough to be a leader, and he knows the way to sway people isn’t through fear but instead through winning their trust and then using it. I really liked the scene where he sits Wataru down and then talks him into joining Team Rocket – he’s got a silver tongue and knows exactly what to say to make Wataru listen. Wonderful manipulation
Overall, there’s some good stuff in here! I’m surprised at how much was fit into just “two” chapters, and given how those two chapters went, I’m expecting the remaining five are going to be an absolutely wild ride. Until next time!
