It was so obvious she felt stupid.
"Fightin' by my friends' side, seein' 'em at their best, exertin' myself to the sound of cheers, my opponent's respect, the closest, grandest battle I ever fought!"
She whirled and spun, using her limbs in ways a luxray never could, but which were familiar in a way she couldn't explain.
"When I left the Colosseum, I felt fuckin' fine," she gasped, between lunges. "Then all evenin' I couldn't get it outta my head. The way Starr looked at me, like it was better that I changed back."
C'mon. Nearly there.
"But I can't keep her! I can't keep Astrid! I can't keep Cibus!"
Brisa's bright intent and dark feeling bubbled up at last to the point that her occasionally gasps for breath just weren't keeping them in check. Her fur sparked with countless motes of radiance and wisps of shadow.
"If I can't have what I'd choose, at least I can have somethin' else I want. 'Cept it hurts too goddamn much to commit to that choice. Goddamnit, gods fuckin' damn it, when am I gonna stop hurtin'??"
The plasma at her fists began to crackle with Blacklight. She needed to release it, right quick.
Not yet.