Destiny Colosseum ~ Training Rooms

[Chibi Pika]

Starr raised an eyebrow when he said he was looking for her. She normally would have assumed he just wanted to see some moves, or get tips... except for the fact that he looked so nervous.

And then he asked about the Voidlands and it all made sense. Of course he was nervous around her now. Fuck.

"Don't really want to talk about it," Starr said indifferently. She wasn't sure how many days it'd been since then, but maybe if she waited long enough she wouldn't have to talk about it at all.

 

[Flyg0n]

"You don't have to," Koa said. "I ... I know you probably don't want to. He hadn't wanted to. And in her eyes she'd probably gone much further than him, done much worse. He still remembered the shame he'd felt, the guilt, how much he'd hated himself, how he avoided everyone because he didn't want anyone to ask. He hadn't wanted to talk about it.

That's not true.

He swallowed again.

You wanted someone to ask. So they could know who you really are.

"But maybe you do. Maybe you're just saying you want to because you think it'll help or you don't want to bother anyone. Or you think they won't like you." The words started to come quickly as he found his stride. As awkward as he felt, he also meant every word.

"You think people could never accept you but I... maybe you don't have to be scared of who you are. I mean. I think you're great. Brisa thinks so. And... And maybe you don't have to be perfect. But you're trying and that means something." He took a breath.

"I just came here to tell you I'm not mad at you and... If you want to say anything you can."

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr regarded him carefully. Man, this kid was earnest. Figures that he'd think she was worried about how people saw her, or something like that.

"Brisa... yeah, I know she doesn't think any different about me." You wish she did, though. "She's been scheduling like half a million matches just to get me out of the house." Same as back home. No one ever leaves, even when they should.

Starr sat down on a bench and gestured for him to come in instead of awkwardly hanging around the doorway. From the look on his face, it was obvious he has saying half that stuff to himself more than her. "I'll be fine. So what's up with you? Got something eating you?"

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa stepped in and sat down on the bench. Why did she think something was eating him? This had nothing to do with him. He was doing fine.

"Eating me?" he shook his head. "No. I'm fine, I just came here to check on you honestly."

Her words still hung in his head.

I had power, I had presitge. Turning my back on it all made everything harder. It would have been so easy to stay. I wouldn't have to feel ASHAMED all the time.

What had she really done back on her world? Was she famous somehow? That didn't seem like it.

"Did you want to talk about what happened? Is it about... something that you did on your world?"

 

[Chibi Pika]

He came to check on her. Of course he did. It didn't matter what she did, people still worried about her.

"Lotta things happened on my world," Starr said gruffly. "I don't want to get into it."

You've already told a bunch of people. What's one more?

She had already told a bunch of people. She was having a hard time caring about what people thought of her. And yet... there was something different about telling him in particular. Maybe it was the fact that he was the same age as Jade was when it happened. It was easy to imagine him in the same position she'd been in.

What did he look like as a human? What would he have looked like, running and screaming with the rest of the rebel kids on the night their stadium burned?

Coward. Stop feeling ashamed. Stop trying to forget.

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa frowned. Should he leave? She seemed annoyed, yet... she hadn't left herself, and she hadn't told him to leave. Some part of him felt... curious. He wanted to know her better, understand her. After all, she was Brisa's friend, and that made him want to be friends with her.

Brisa cared, which meant he cared.

"If you want me to go just say so. But..." he studied her. "If it's something you did, I won't be angry. Talking about it... helps. I think."

At least, he hoped he wouldn't be. It seemed like she'd done something but what?

 

[Chibi Pika]

"I've talked about it with plenty of people," Starr said simply. "That doesn't change the reality of things."

He was just a kid. He obviously had some kind of hero-worship thing going on. Not just with her, but with Brisa, and a few others on the team. She wasn't afraid that he'd see her differently.

So just do it.

"Listen..." Starr began slowly, her words cold, "whatever you think you know about what kind of person I am, it's not true. Yeah, I know Brisa talks me up a lot, but she's..." ...Wrong? Starr didn't want to think of Brisa as having been wrong. Not about that. It hurt.

"You're still ashamed. You're still trying to forget. Stop."

This time, the words were audible. The shadow of an Incineroar sat alongside Starr, as if it had been there the entire time.

 

[Flyg0n]

Starr's cold tone made him pause for a moment. There was something to it, something other than just the tone of someone angry. He couldn't really put his paw on it, but it sounded more somehow.

And then the second Incineroar appeared. One moment there was nothing, the next he saw it there, sitting beside Starr, calm as if it had always been there. Her shadow. He didn't understand Shadows yet, but he'd seen Brisa's before, and he knew that they were always there, in some way. His gaze shifted to the shadow, and he watched her, pondering her words.

No stopping now.

"What are you trying to forget?" he asked quietly, his tone somber.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Fucking hell. Kid didn't know when to lay off. Not like she'd done a good job telling him to, though.

And then the shadow was there. Well, it had been there ever since the void, hadn't it? In some ways, even longer than that. It wasn't usually visible, though.

Koamaru wasn't even surprised. And why should he have been? This was the norm for the team. Brisa, Dave, Owen, the list went on. Starr was just late to the party.

"Look. I said I don't want to talk about it. You of all people should understand that." She didn't care what he thought of her. She didn't.

"Coward," the shadow spat.

"Is wanting some goddamn privacy a crime now?" Starr snapped, rounding on the shadow. It stared back at her, eyes like piercing flame against a dark, hazy backdrop. "Everyone's got things they don't want to go spilling to the first person that asks. That's not a bad thing. You think I wanna know all the weird, personal shit going on with everyone I mee--"

"He reminds you of the kids your squad killed," the shadow said, and Starr's blood instantly turned to ice.

 

[Flyg0n]

"Oh."

Koa just stared at her, a sense of detached shock flooding his brain. For a long minute he didn't say anything, his brain trying to process what her shadow had said. A part of him thought he should be angry, horrified. And maybe he was.

But some rational, problem solving side of him kicked in instead. Fitting pieces together. Kanto. Celadon. Power and prestige. A squad. Not one of the heroes, she'd said, her friends were. She was from Kanto. A shiver rippled through his body.

"You were a part of a group. Team Rocket. Or-or something like it," he said, his words more a statement than a question. A note of anger cracked his voice. He blinked, still not quite feeling anything.

For a moment, he felt stuck in a divide. Half of him wanted to ignore what she'd said, trust her anyway, because it was Brisa's friend. He trusted Brisa. The other half of him burned with hatred towards any of those groups - Rocket, Magma, Galactic.

But this was Starr. He'd seen her. Fought beside her, he knew her. She wasn't like them. What was he supposed to feel? Was Starr still one of them? Why? She was good, she was a hero, right? That's why she'd been brought here.

He had to believe that.

"What did you do?" he asked, his voice feeling almost alien and devoid of emotion.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr was frozen, watching his confusion evolve into mute horror. Slowly, her eyes drifted back to the shadow as a sickening rage built in her gut.

The shadow stared unflinchingly. "Were you going to lie to him?"

It's not fucking LYING when I TOLD him I didn't want to talk about it.

You're just lying to yourself, then.

Bullshit. Every word out of your mouth is bullshit. (Was it? Had the shadows ever lied? Could shadows even lie?)

For several seconds, Starr didn't say a word. Then, without warning, she burst into broken, humorless laughter. "Looks like this bitch isn't gonna let me have any peace until I spill my guts," she said, jerking a thumb at the shadow, who said nothing. Starr smacked her forehead as the laughter dissolved into cold, ironic giggling. "Fine. Fine. You're goddamn right I was on Team Rocket. Dad was boss Giovanni. I was his trophy. Beat the shit out of people who crossed us. Hunted down traitors, killed rebels, tortured my goddamn best friend, you name it. Happy now?" She buried her face in her hands and only barely fought the urge to dig her claws into her skin.

Some small voice in the back of her head was like finally. THIS is the sort of reaction people are supposed to have.

 

[Flyg0n]

An odd sort of shock passed through Koa, followed immediately byt some other emotion he couldn't process. Koa stared at her for a long moment, his mind only fixated on one sentence she'd spoken.

Dad was boss Giovanni.

It played in his head on repeat. Giovanni.

Boss Giovanni.

Her dad.

Leader of a criminal organization bent on power and control.

Then, without meaning too, Koa laughed. Not a laugh with any real humor, but a twisted, irony-filled laugh. What were the odds? What were the odds that across an entire multi-verse of cross-dimensional nonsense he'd run into someone like Starr?

"It freakin sucks, doesn't it?" he spat. He barked out a laugh again, his eyes filled with smoldering anger. "Being the child of a monster."

He snorted and stared at the floor as he stared to speak. "Back home there was this group in Sinnoh, Team Galatic. Maybe your world has 'em too, I dunno. Anyways, their goal was to try to capture Dialga and Palkia, enslave then and use them to rewrite the entire universe cause it was 'imperfect' or whatever." Because I was imperfect. "Well at least, their boss wanted to. Cyrus." He spoke the name with venom, his lips curling in disgust.

In any other circumstance the words would have felt harder to say. But what was the point of trying to hold in a stupid secret, worlds away from his own, talking to maybe the only person in existence who had experienced something like him? Who cared if he told someone anyway?

"My dad."

There. He'd said it. Said it to some other living soul. Emotions simmered inside him but he ignored them. His thought were on Starr. On some level he couldn't help but feel like he understood her better now. He had no idea what her world's Giovanni was like but if it was anything like the one here, or even on his world, he wasn't a good person. To have to grow up like that... The things she'd had to do...

"Guess this makes us both some kind of monster huh?" Yet his words lacked real conviction.

 

[Chibi Pika]

For a long time, Starr just stared at him as all the pieces fell into place. Telling him all that stuff hadn't made him hate her more--it made him relate to her. Everything fit.

Koamaru laughed the sort of broken, self-hating laugh that she knew all too well. Starr laughed back. God, what were the odds? And yet, this was practically the norm, wasn't it? She'd already met her fucking alternate-universe twin. Nothing should have surprised her anymore.

And yet... he was just a kid. What the hell had he done to deserve feeling this way?

"Guess this makes us both some kind of monster huh?"

"You're not."

It took Starr a second to realize the shadow was talking to Koa. It was staring at him, its gaze piercing and unrelenting. "You don't deserve to feel like shit for something that's not your fault."

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa stared back at Starr's shadow, his gaze unflinching. "And what about you?" he snapped. "Having a piece of scum for a father isn't your fault either. Would you have joined Team Rocket if he wasn't your dad?"

She wouldn't, he was sure of it. Starr had shown she was good. She wasn't like others. She wasn't bad. She was on the right path.

Not like you. You're following daddy's footsteps. You're going to become just like him. Whether or not you want to.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr dragged a hand down her face, pulling her eyelids down. "Look, I--yeah, I know I probably wouldn't have--hell, it probably never even would have come up. That's not what I'm bothered with, I--ugh." She glowered at the ceiling, clenching her hands in the air out of frustration. It helped a little.

"Alright, look," Starr turned back to face Koamaru, "you obviously seem to think you're just as bad as me. So what's your deal back home? Are you stuck working for him or something? You mentioned picking fights with thugs and shit; that some kind of wannabe hero thing?" He'd made it sound like 'Galactic' had already failed...

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa shrank back slightly. Maybe he shouldn't have compared himself to her. The things he'd seen.... it sounded like they were nothing compared to what she experienced. Perhaps this was a mistake, thinking he understood her. "N-no... no it's not like that," he mumbled.

"Galactic was stopped when I was still a kid. Blake, my cousin... he left and took me in, raised me mostly. So it's not like I had to stick around. Not that it matters. Giratina stopped Team Galatic before they could do anything," he added.

You're just like him and you know it.

"I just... I don't want to be like him. I can't. I need to be better."

But you're not. You're just doing what he did. Trying to catch a legendary.

"I guess I pick fights because I hate seeing that kind of stuff. I just... I have to do something. I have to be perfect. So that I'm not like him."

He looked up at Starr. "But you. You're nothing like Giovanni. I mean... you said you did bad stuff back home but look at what you did as soon as you were away from him! Away from that stuff. You're a hero!"

 

[Chibi Pika]

He wasn't trapped. Good, that was... good. He just... felt like he needed to prove that he wasn't like his old man? When he hadn't ever gotten a chance to go down that path anyway? (Was he worried that he would have?)

Starr turned away with a scoff. "I only left Team Rocket because I was forced to. That's why. The choice got made for me."

The shadow seemed to be squinting at something only it could see. "Why do you think you'll end up like him?"

 

[Flyg0n]

"Right, because I'm sure your dad and everyone else in Team Rocket would throw you big going away party with cake and a severance check," he retorted. He sighed. "I'm not gonna say that the things you did were good but... It doesn't seem like you would do them if circumstances were different."

He shifted uncomfortably, the shadow's question rattling in his head.

Just admit it. You enjoy strength. You like being in control. You like the power of a legendary.

"It's just... I'm not getting better. No matter how much I try to be the perfect trainer and I keep screwing things up. I didn't even treat my first pokemon right, one of my team almost lost his leg because of me, and I keep repeating mistakes. And-"

You're scared. You're scared because you know it's true.

"Even wanting to catch a legendary... I'm just doing what he did. I mean, two of my team members or the same as his! An- and what if one day I screw something up or I go to far or-" he quickly drew a breath. Get a hold of yourself, he admonished himself.

And how do you think the legendaries will look upon the child of a monster like him?

He spoke again, trying to keep his tone even. "You said that you try to keep your friends safe back home. It sounds like you're trying to do the right thing, now that you left Team Rocket. Seems like you're a good person to me."

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr grabbed his shoulder. "Hey, hey. Breathe, okay? Geez. It's okay." Once she was sure he was calm, she let go, leaning back against the wall and massaging her temples.

"Look, everyone screws up as a trainer. It's practically in the job description. You're trying to do right by your team now, that's what matters," she said flatly. "And... fuck, you're here now, right? That's gotta count for something." She still didn't put any stock in the Hero's Aura, but whatever, maybe it'd help.

That just left... that whole deal with the Legendaries. It seemed pretty obvious that he wanted to catch one just to prove he was different. And Starr didn't really get it, but.

"It doesn't exactly seem like you're trying to catch a legend because you want to use it to hurt people, so that's one way you're different. And like... I can't even act like being partnered with a legend is a stupid goal, because guess what--it happens. That's what happened to my friends back home. And they were doing pretty much the same thing as you."

Ugh, she really didn't want to make it sound like she approved of what they were doing, but... whatever.

 

[Flyg0n]

"I'm fine," he grumbled, though he'd made no effort to really pull away from her. The touch was almost comforting.

"I know it shouldn't be a big deal. I'm trying to ignore it but the thought is always there, you know?" he murmured somberly.

He wanted to believe Starr was right. And there were times he did. He knew why he wanted to meet a legendary. That he wanted to do it the right way but he couldn't deny who he was.

That's right.

He perked up a little as he processed Starr's last words though. "Your friends are partnered with legends?" he asked. So it was possible! At least, on Starr's world. "Which ones?" he asked, curiousity brimming in his voice.