Destiny Colosseum ~ Training Rooms

[unrepentantAuthor]

Starr was nothing if not self-controlled, and so, as usual, she was in the training rooms at her usual allotted time. The incineroar was testing out her new body's endurance lifting weights, it seemed. She could lift . . . a lot. Wow.

It was easy enough to find her. It always had been. The hard part was approaching her. Especially after how poorly the last... Well, how poorly every interaction with her had gone. She hadn't cared before, but with Brisa gone, Starr's enmity felt like another lost bond.

Luz swallowed her reservations, and stepped in.

"Starr. How d'you do."

She grinned sheepishly, confident that her usual confidence would just be grating. Like last time.

"Howdy, Starr! Listen, I was jus' thinkin' about how things are all mixed up right now, an' you must be feelin' pretty sore about it yerself, an' I figured maybe we could get t'gether an' make some plans, figure out what to do! Whaddaya say, partner?"

 

[Chibi Pika]

Most Pokemon gravitated toward the sparring rooms, which was exactly why Starr wasn’t there. She didn’t want to spar, and she didn’t want to talk. She was sick of everyone looking at her like she was going to explode any second. And she needed time to get used to her new body before the next mission anyway.

Most of the workout equipment was weird and unfamiliar, no doubt designed for a bunch of body types. There were a few that looked vaguely normal though, most likely for the fighting-types that tended to look more human than most.

There was a strange nostalgia to working out and feeling her new body move the way her old one did, after four months stuck on all fours. It wasn’t quite the same, but it felt damn good to have hands again. Old muscle memory was still there too, so it was pretty easy fall back into old routines. Familiar was good. It was... easy.

Starr wasn’t sure how long she’s been there when she heard someone enter the room. She was content to ignore them, but then she heard her name. It was Luz.

Starr hadn’t been in the mood to talk earlier, and she sure as hell wasn’t now. The Incineroar paused just long enough to set the barbell back on the rack before asking, “What do you need?”

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

What did she . . . need? It wasn't the reply she'd been expecting.

"What makes y'think I need somethin'?" she shot back, too fast.

She put a paw to her head. Darn it.

"I don't know," she amended, quickly. "Guess I felt like I oughta tell ya in person that the plan is goin' ahead. Bahamut, Icetales an' I got Maple's approval. We're gettin' 'em back."

And I got sick of avoiding you. Because we should be talking, at a time like this. Ain't we both hurting?

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr considered the Zeraora-shade wordlessly for several seconds, her expression neutral. There was obviously more to it than what Luz was saying. She thought to say ‘you could’ve messaged me’ but then remembered that she had Luz blocked.

Instead, she said, “I would’ve heard in the group chat, yeah.”

Why did she need to come here in person?

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I guess so."

Luz scratched the back of her head. ...She could just go start working out. Offer to spot. Call it done, walk out, never mind.

"Are you . . . lookin' forward to it?" she tried. She didn't know what the awful rising feeling in her core meant. She was sick of not knowing what her feelings meant and not being able to ask Brisa, and Brisa not being here—

{please please answer please just be there just be here please}

She licked her lips, pointlessly. It wasn't like they could be dry. Damn it, practically every bodily motion she made was pointless.

 

[Chibi Pika]

A brief flash of hot anger wormed its way through Starr’s insides, and in her mind she could hear herself snarling, ‘Why the fuck wouldn’t I be?’ but it fizzled out just as quickly, leaving a cold pit in her stomach.

“Of course I am,” Starr muttered bitterly, without making eye contact. Did she honestly think you wouldn’t?

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Starr was getting angrier with every word outta Luz's mouth. Worse than usual, even. And Luz . . . didn't like it. It felt bad.

Everything she thought of to say felt like the wrong thing. Whatever she said was probably gonna make Starr even tetchier, so why even try being bright about anything? She was sick of putting on confidence when it wasn't coming naturally.

"I guess . . . I don't rightly know how I feel," said Luz, slowly. "Nobody's talked t'me about it yet. Normally I'd talk to Brisa about feelings I don't have a handle on, but..." She flicked a paw vaguely. "Yeah. So I don't talk to anyone. An' nobody asks me. I guess I'm supposed to feel excited, or somethin', but it just ain't there."

I ain't hearin' any joy in yer voice, either.

 

[Chibi Pika]

A bit of the tension left Starr at those words. Here she was, ready for more useless, insulting, tone-deaf optimism like it didn’t matter what happened to Brisa just because they’d see her again eventually. Like that was supposed to make it okay. But that wasn’t what she’d gotten. Instead, Brisa’s familiar just looked... lost.

“Fuck whatever you’re ‘supposed to’ feel,” Starr said lowly. “What’re you actually feeling?”

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Luz threw her paws up. "I don't know!" she snapped. "I ain't s'posed t'feel like this. I'm meant t'be th'Wanderin' Light, always know what t'do, never phased by anythin', and I'm tryin', I swear I am, but instead all I can think about is how I ain't really Luz, I'm not always brave an' fierce an' bold, and I don't know what to do."

Luz practically writhed in place, not knowing what to do with her paws or her face or if it even mattered. She gestured helplessly to the dark spot in her belly where her core was.

"There ain't an instruction manual in here about how t'feel when the person you were made fer ain't fuckin' alive no more!"

She doubled over, the shock of saying it hitting her like a punch to the gut. Was this what it was like to want to throw up?

"I miss her," she gasped, as she tried to retch and clamp down the feeling and make herself more solid all at once.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr’s chest tightened. “All that stuff you’re saying you’re ‘supposed to’ be sounds like a bunch of shit to me,” she said, her voice dry. “You don’t just, not feel it. If anyone told me I had to be like that, I’d punch their lights out.”

What she didn’t say was that she hadn’t expected Luz to feel anything. And that she’d half expected the shade to tell her that she wasn’t supposed to be feeling these things. She wasn’t prepared for the exact opposite.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Luz nodded, numb, not yet understanding why that had been better-received by Starr than everything she'd tried while bein presentable.

"I used t'not feel this way. Everythin' made sense before," she said, weakly. "I didn't have to try to be confident, I just was. Now it feels like things won't always work out, and I don't..."

She trailed off. What was she even saying? She put her arms around herself, finding it hard to look at Starr and wondering why she'd thought to come here in the first place. Obviously this had been a terrible idea.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do. Closest I've come to actually talkin' about this was with Cal, and she's basically a kid an' goin' through th'same thing... Starr, what do I do?"

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr paused, only now fully realizing just how badly Luz was dealing with all this. The eternally, obnoxiously cheerful familiar, the one most likely to brush things off like they were fine... and she was feeling it too. For the first time.

"Of course it's gonna feel bad when you see something like that," Starr muttered, and it wasn't only directed at Luz. "It just... means you're a fucking person. You shouldn't pretend like you're not."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I don't feel like a person," said Luz, automatically. "I'm made of whatever this stuff is,"—she clawed at her shoulder, letting it soften to demonstrate her point, and pulled away a glob of dark gel—"and I ain't even based on a real person, like most other shades. Pleo knows exactly who he is an' talks about 'the other me'. When he talks about the 'other Luz'... I don't have a clue who that is. All I am is hopes an' expectations."

Of course it's gonna feel bad.

"I'm Brisa's hopes an' expectations, an' she was embarrassed by me, all the time, an' I watched—"

When you see something like that.

"I watched her die," she finished, her voice entirely broken.

Spoiler: "Astrid, I lov—"

"How'm I meant to believe that things'll be okay after that? I keep talkin' like I do, but I'm just scared, 'cause even if she comes back right an' safe, what the fuck is the point of me once she's gone fer real?"

She sighed, the surge of distress fading already. What was even the point in sustaining it?

 

[Chibi Pika]

"I watched her die."

And I didn't, because I was too busy thinking about myself.

Starr's throat clenched up, and she glanced away, forcing the thought out of her head. Grasping at anything to say, she muttered, "Then you should just... be whoever the fuck you want. I don't know. I'm not exactly in a good spot to deal with that."

For a moment, she actually wanted to say, 'Sorry.'

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Luz nodded, and sniffled, as if that meant anything. Why— Why was she doing that? Maybe . . . because that's just what people did? And she wanted that for herself? Or because she wanted Starr to see her, hear her, think of her as someone who could feel.

Someone who could be something other than a folk hero, even if only for a moment.

"I wanna be someone who don't gotta stand tall all the goddamn time," she blurted. "Like a whole person. I don't got all the answers, I don't always know what to do, an' I don't fuckin' feel okay."

She gave out a shuddering sigh. The relief—why was there so much relief?—hit her harder than any blow.

"I know I ain't anyone to you. Sorry fer all this. But... I dunno. I had a feelin' you'd have somethin' t'say that'd help me make sense of this, knowin' how Brisa felt about you. And I guess you did. Thanks fer... Thanks."

Luz clutched at one shoulder, awkward as hell, wondering if Starr would let her go up to her for a hug. What would— No, it didn't matter what she was supposed to do. Luz Escarpa gave folks hugs. 'Cause they needed them, sure. But also . . . cause she did. That was who she was.

Luz ran up to Starr, and gave her as much of a hug as she could. Screw it. The incineroar could be mad if she wanted, but at least she'd have tried.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr stiffened up, instinctively moving to pull away. It would've been easy with her new form. But at the last second she froze, staring down at the Zeraora-shade clinging to her, and it was like all the fight had left her.

"You don't have to fucking feel okay. Not after..." Her voice broke. "Not after that."

'I'm not okay either' went unsaid.

<><><>​

 

[Flyg0n]

In high spirits, Koa pranced through Destiny Village, leaving the library behind and making his way towards the colosseum. Now that'd he'd managed to get some reading done, he felt ready to do some *training*.

He made his way into the training, room, prepared for some good time alone, working on... something, only to see someone else there.

He did a double-take and his jaw dropped upon spying the large feline that could only be a Luxray. Yet it stood nearly twice as large as any he'd seen and possessed an unusual body. Was that some strange evolution of Luxray he'd never seen?

No, impossible. Maybe it was something that only happened in another world? He trotted up to her, excitement putting a bounce in his step.

"Hey! You're um... Luz's friend right?"

He was sure Luz had mentioned her, and he remembered seeing her at the Tree of Life after being revived. She'd been with an Incineroar. Although her name escaped him...

She was huge. Even as a human, she would have stood at his shoulders. Her face was also different from Luxray he was used to. Definitely not from his world.

"Wow, I've never seen a Luxray like you. Where are you from?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Gods, but it was fucking good to train for fun again, after all that time spent in the goddamn Voidlands, finally, without an angry star looming overheard, and as a fucking luxray, no less. It felt good. Really, really, really fucking good.

And this new move, this 'Arcstrike'... It was powerful. Like nothing she'd ever unleashed before. And the feelings that came with it . . . hurt, yes, they hurt like hell, but she was strangely reluctant not to feel it. Brisa yowled with effort as she powered forwards—I need you—and collided with a training dummy so hard it practically ceased to exist on contact. What were those feelings, anyway? That longing?

You'll figure it out soon enough.

Huh?

"Hey! You're um... Luz's friend right? Wow, I've never seen a Luxray like you. Where are you from?"

But Brisa's reverie was interrupted by the arrival of a pokémon she didn't know.

"Well, how d'you do, stranger?" she asked, conscious of how much larger she was than the newcomer. "Y'can call me Brisa. An' yeah, I'm Luz's host. I'm from the Fulminare Escarpment, near Frontier Town—but I'm guessin' it ain't a place yer familiar with, seein' as y'ain't likely t'be from my world."

She grinned. "You'll be a newcomer to Team Spectrum, then? An' judgin' by the odds, I'd take a bet that you're human, too."

 

[Flyg0n]

Brisa. That's what her name was. He felt a little stupid now for not remembering. He also couldn't help but notice her accent was awfully similar to Luz. He wondered if every pokemon spoke like that where she was from...

"Yeah, I am a human. Or was, I guess. Name's Koamaru, I come from a place called Sinnoh."

Craning his neck, he regarded her with narrowed eyes, pondering. Back then he'd introduced himself to Lexx with an awkward paw shake but he hadn't done that yet with Brisa.

"How'd you know?"

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"Pleasure t'make yer acquaintance, Koamaru."

She held out a paw for a good shake, and smiled at him. He sounded young. What was with Diyem bringing such young heroes into danger such as they faced on Cibus? Did Diyem know that they could— She shook her head. She couldn't afford to clam up thinking about that.

"Well. Y'don't run like a born quadruped, that's fer sure. Don't you worry, you'll get the hang of yer body quicker than y'think. Humans seem t'learn pretty fast, I guess."

He'd need to learn pretty fast, considering what the posse was going up against lately.

"Bet you're sick of bein' told you have a lot to catch up on, huh?"