Destiny Colosseum ~ Stands

[Flyg0n]

"Easy! Shinx are tough, cool and really strong. By the time they become a Luxray they're super awesome. Plus Shinx are supposed to be really loyal."

Like Brisa.

"But being strong was the main reason. Then I learned that being a good trainer isn't about having the perfect team, it's about working with a Pokemon to help them become strong."

With a pang, he realized Brisa had done that for him, and then some.

And look how you repaid her.

Couldn't he get anything right? Brisa was one of his best friends and he was screwing everything up with her.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa grinned. Loyalty, huh? Sure. It was a virtue among the Escarpa luxray.

"Seems like I trained you well enough," she quipped. "Good attitude, Koa. Strength alone ain't as valuable as strength t'gether. I reckon you've proven you understand that, with yer performance in Spectrum missions t'date."

He'd been extraordinarily fast to pick things up, regardless of any accelerated empowerment by Diyem. Not every member of the team understood the value of synergy and collaboration, even some of those that specialised in it – but Koa had plenty of Radiance that was all about sharing power with the team, she'd noticed. The kid wanted to help so bad.

"You've done a lot fer the team," she told him, kindly. "An' fer me. I heard yer calls in those fights. I felt you extend yer electrified corona t'me to boost my strikes. An' don't think I ain't noticed ya cheerin' me on from the stands. So . . . thank you."

 

[Flyg0n]

The praise made his chest ache.

"I should be the one thanking you. You're amazing! You're the one who trained me and helped me learn to use my powers. I'd never have made it without your help."

He'd done a lot for her? And for the team? How could she say that when he'd been the one to screw things up? When Maple and Eien were trapped because of him?

When he'd hurt her and probably would do it again, but even if he didnt mean to?

His stomach churned and his chest grew ached.

"You deserve better."

The words tumbled out in a hoarse whisper. He hadn't even meant to speak them but it was too late to retract them.

Stomach knotting tighter, he stared at the ground so hard he thought he might actually burn a hole in it.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I expect better from you, Brisa."

"Hmm."

Brisa wet her mouth, which had become distinctly dry as Koa spoke. What... What would she have needed to hear when she was his age, putting so much effort into everything it felt like it'd burn a hole in her chest?

"...You don't owe it t'me to be 'better', or to be a partic'lar way, Koa. If I reckon yer givin' yer best, I'll be proud of ya. Whatever it is y'think is a shortcomin' on yer part is just one more thing to apply yerself to."

 

[Flyg0n]

The words stung. Proud? Of him?

How long you think that'll last?

He wanted to believe her, he wanted to so bad but he couldn't shake the thoughts of all the ways he'd failed, over and over.

"What if I can't do better?" he asked hoarsely. "What if I keep messing everything up? Half the team already hates me. I'm the reason that Maple and Eien are trapped in the tree. I activated that stupid beacon. You warned me about these blacklight powers but the first time I used them I... I hurt you."

That's what you do. You hurt people. He gritted his teeth.

"Maybe my best isn't good enough."

Maybe I'm not good enough.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa sighed. One of those spirals. Not totally unfamiliar to her...

"Don't you get it? I'm not safe. I can't control myself. I belong here, where I'm no risk to anyone. I know what people think of me. I know what they see. And they're right. I'm no good for anythin' but fightin'. I can't do right by anyone, I can't be anyone's friend, I can't even apologise to someone 'cause I end up puttin' my teeth in her neck 'cause that's what I do, I hurt people, 'cause I'm just a violent fuckin' animal and that's why I've always been alone!"

Brisa let her mind sit for a moment, contemplating. Beside her, Koa stewed in his own distress.

"You're doin' just fine," she began, calmly. "We've had worse mistakes'n you've made and fought through 'em. The team don't hate ya. Maple and Eien became trapped by circumstances and plans far beyond us. I meant fer us to use the beacon. And you may remember, Koa..."

She looked him in the eye. Maybe if she stayed as steady as could be, it'd help him from rocking himself to bits.

"I was the first 'mon on the team to explode from Radiance, badly hurtin' myself and another teammate. And I was among the first 'mon on the team to frenzy from Shadows, and I attacked my friends. 'S'why I knew t'warn you. I've worked on that stuff fer months now – I know better'n most how difficult that shit can be."

She offered him a tired smile. "You're good, Koa. And I promise, I'll let ya know if you ain't. Gently, mind."

 

[Flyg0n]

The whole time Brisa spoke, he kept his eyes trained on the ground. He almost expected a rebuke. *Wanted* it. Wanted Brisa to tell him how he was wrong, how he'd made the wrong choice, how he wasn't perfect good enough.

But instead of rebukes or disdain, she was accepting him. Understanding him. His chest felt as if it were burning.

What was he supposed to say to that?

If she'd met him with anger or disdain he could've bit back. Snapped at her. Argued and lashed out with a sharp tongue and cut her. He knew how to do that. How to be barbed and mean.

"I just want to be better. For the team. And... and for you," he mumbled. "I mean... you're like a legendary. I should do better by you." Something in his chest ached. "I... I just want to be someone you can really be proud of."

He didn't look up, his next words spoken so quiet they were hardly even a whisper. "Who's worthy."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"I ain't a legend, Koa," said Brisa, quietly. "Just a kid who grew up wantin' t'be a hero and ended up fulla fuckin' Blacklight that lets me look like one fer a spell. Anyway, I was the one who insisted on goin' with Soda's plan as a safe contingency against a berserk Maple. If y'blame yerself, y'gotta blame me too. And if'n you exonerate me, y'gotta exonerate yerself, too. Now, let's not have any more o' this self-dustin'. You're hurtin' badly enough without puttin' on more hurt yerself."

 

[Flyg0n]

After a moment, Koa managed a nod. It was hard to argue with that logic. If he held it against himself, then it would mean he was holding it against Brisa. Besides... there was nothing to be done about it now but try to save them.

"You're right," he murmured. He looked up, just barely meeting her gaze. "Still... I'm sorry. For the things I said back when were training and and for avoiding you so much. I haven't exactly been the best student, huh?" he said with an awkward chuckle.

Some of the heaviness in his chest faded. Looking back, it felt almost silly now, avoiding the team, and especially Brisa, like he had. "Guess I figured avoiding you would somehow fix things or something. So yeah... I am sorry for that. I should have talked to you sooner."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

"You've been one of the best goddamn students I've had, kid," drawled Brisa, smirking. "I used to avoid folks when I was anxious about shit, too. Not so long ago, even. Now, let's put that behind ya, an' get goin'. We got a mission to prepare fer. Are y'ready? I'm gonna be countin' on you."

 

[Flyg0n]

Koa flashed a grin, one that didn't feel forced. Everything wasn't perfect but... Maybe that was OK.

The weight on his chest eased.

"I'm ready." He said. This time he looked her full in the eyes. "Thank you, Brisa."

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