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Part Three (Finale)

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
Heyy! Part three out of three is here, and it only took a month this time. Big thanks to @NebulaDreams again for betareading parts 2 and 3, and big thanks to all readers and reviewers as well. If there wasn't such a fantastic reception, this probably would have taken even longer to finish.

Rating stays at PG. Like the second part, this one also includes mild language, bloodless violence and sibling abuse. There is also (out of context spoilers) character death.

That said, I hope you all enjoy the finale of Bouquatro. Here we go.

---

Part Three

---​

Zapdos let out a screech. A pure, unfiltered, primal screech.

As his feathers lit up again, Carrie quickly skittered behind the closest pillar, even if she knew she was no longer the target. Another crack rang out, accompanied by a flash, though both of these were now weaker. Swishing of wings and clacks of talons followed as the birds leapt and glid around the hall in battle - or more of a chase, as Bouquatro only avoided attacks or disrupted them with more leaves.

Either way, Zapdos seemed fully occupied, and Carrie could gather the courage to move again. She dashed from behind one pillar to another, gradually making her way to the shelves.

“Please,” Bouquatro panted, barely dodging yet another bolt, “stop attacking! I-I don’t wanna hurt you!”

“Hurt me?” The laugh that left Zapdos’ beak was too aggressive to be authentic. “What could you possibly do to me? Throw some leaves? My feathers would fry them before they reached my skin!”

“Zappy, please --”

Another bolt shot at Bouquatro. He jumped, avoiding the main blow, but the tips of his tail feathers were charred.

Carrie shook her head, but quickly focused back on the task at pincer - she’d reached the shelf. And the idol was right there! And… also there? And also over there? Why would he have so many --

Ah, no, none of these was actually what she needed - they were idols, yes, but not of their mother. The long, thin beak and spiky plumage revealed the figure to be Zapdos. These, too, must have been made by the electabuzz… in other words, worshippers. Carrie clenched her mouthparts and began to climb, hoping that the right idol would be somewhere on the higher shelves.

“Stop it!” cried Bouquatro. “You know what our mother thinks about fighting!”

Zapdos spat. “Of course you’d bring up Mother! You always hid behind her! Always tattled on us when we just put you in your place! She spoiled you rotten, sheltered you, and that’s why you’re so soft! So soft that you empathise with mites!”

Bouquatro frowned and sighed. “Fine, then. You asked for it.”

“Ooh, I’m shaking all over! The weed wrangler’s about to unleash his wrath upon me! What’re you gonna do, tie together blades of grass to trip me?”

Bouquatro didn’t answer. His petals began to glow.

Carrie flinched, remembered what she was doing and stopped watching. There were no more shelves above her, only the top platform... but another idol stood atop it, and she had a good feeling about that one. She gripped the side of the shelf with a pincer as she’d done before - though her arms were quite sore by now - and started yet another climb.

At the back of her mind, she awaited a screech from Zapdos, something to show Bouquatro had attacked, but none had yet come by the time she had all of her legs firmly planted on the top of the shelf. Perhaps Bouquatro was charging up something very powerful… or it was as part of Carrie feared - that Bouquatro didn’t have the courage to strike against his brother after all.

But at least she was where she needed to be. She skittered to the idol and studied it carefully. Her eyes widened in elation as she recognized the patterns. This was it! That crest, that beak, that platform. She wasted no time and grabbed onto it - though made sure not to activate it yet.

Alright. Now what she needed to do was get back down, point the idol at the window and click on the light. Though then she would be spotted right away. Or maybe she could hide behind the metal perch? Zapdos would still want to see who set the idol up, but those precious extra seconds could allow Bouquatro to attack and fend him back off. Yes, that sounded like a good plan.

But… how exactly would she get down while carrying the idol? The wooden sculpture stood nearly as tall as she did. She could grip onto it with one pincer only, perhaps, but she needed both to climb.

Could she try to hold it with her tail and legs? While it sounded cumbersome, she didn't seem to have a choice. She lowered the idol onto its side and positioned it between her tail and legs as well as she could. The result was awkward, but with enough determination, it would hold - and she wasn't about to give up now.

As bolts still flashed in the background, she dragged the idol to the edge of the shelf. This was the trickiest part. She reached her pincer down and grabbed the side of the shelf. She extended another, but as she’d suspected, it couldn’t reach below the other. She’d have to grab it while she was falling.

She took a deep breath and let it out. Then she jumped.

She reached for the side of the shelf.

She grabbed it.

Her pincer slipped.

Oh crap.

Her fall only lasted an instant, and ended with a body-shocking thud against the marble floor. She did not hear anything for a while --

No, she heard the rain outside.

She did not hear sounds of battle.

She looked behind her. Zapdos stared right back. His feathers charged with white lightning, and the air around him began to crackle.

"You…" he growled, ready to unleash his attack. "You keep your dirty pincers off my stuff!"

Crrack!

"...Huh?"

The noise had not come from Zapdos. Instead, it had come from above.

A web of cracks spanned a sizable area in the marble ceiling. From a few, tiny roots peeked out.

Zapdos realized too late what it meant.

The ceiling gave way with a deafening rumble and collapsed. Debris crashed down onto Zapdos, squeezing the air from his lungs and pinning his body down to the floor. Dust spread to the scene for just a split second before the rain washed it away.

Bouquatro breathed heavily, legs stiff as stone. The glow was gone from his petals.

Carrie clambered onto her feet and looked at Zapdos. She saw no motion - through the rain newly pouring in, anyway. The orbs of lightning illuminating the temple had burnt out, too.

Finally, Bouquatro moved. He ran to the rubble and leaned in, beak almost touching his brother's. A second later, he sighed in relief.

"Still alive," he breathed. "Just unconscious." He extended his vines and began to move the chunks of marble off Zapdos' body, heaviest first.

Carrie hesitated long whether to approach - but before she could decide, Bouquatro spoke again.

"Can you give me the beacon?"

It took a second for Carrie to realize what he was referring to, but right after, she picked up the idol and skittered around the debris to hand it to Bouquatro. He took it in his talons and set it upright on a level enough piece of debris.

“Cover your eyes,” Bouquatro said, and Carrie did as instructed, guessing what was soon to come.

A bright light overtook the hall. Unlike last time, though, Carrie was spared the blinding, and she noticed she could bear the light with her eyes open as long as she didn’t look directly at it. Squinting, she watched the raindrops glimmer around the tower of light.

“I thought you didn’t want to get your mother involved,” she said quietly.

Bouquatro sighed. “This feels like enough of an emergency.”

Carrie rubbed one pincer against another. “What’ll happen when she gets here?”

“I’m not sure”, answered Bouquatro, sitting down. “But I doubt she’s going to like that I nearly k...”

He quieted, a deep frown distorting his face. He squeezed his eyes shut tight.

"Are you alright?" asked Carrie, slowly approaching.

Bouquatro sniffled. "I just…" His voice wavered. "I didn't want to hurt him…"

Carrie blinked. Even after all Zapdos did… he feels bad about hurting him.

“I’m sorry if this is rude, but...” she began. “Why?”

“Why?” Now Bouquatro blinked, confused. “W-well, he’s my brother, for one...”

“But he… sorry, I have to be direct - he was terrible. He wanted to kill my whole colony! Why would you -- why would you feel sorry for --”

Carrie quieted as anger flashed in Bouquatro’s eyes. No, what was she doing? She couldn’t yell at a…

Just as quickly, the anger faded, and Bouquatro looked away. “No, I… I understand. He was terrible. But it’s not like I can just turn off this feeling. Or that I’d want to. I fear that… if I didn’t care for a specific someone, I’d have to choose where to draw the line on who to care for and who not to, and… I worry what would happen were I to draw it too far.”

Carrie paused to think. Finally, she scuttled to Bouquatro’s side and lowered a pincer onto his leg. He flinched, and Carrie flinched, but just as he calmed right after, so did Carrie.

“I don’t think you’re in danger of that,” she said. “I doubt you could stop being kind if you wanted to.”

A bittersweet smile rose to Bouquatro’s beak. “Thanks.”

For a while, they stayed still, only listening to the rain. Then, Bouquatro jumped.

He turned to answer Carrie’s startled gaze. “Sorry, I just realized,” he started. “I think it’d be safer for you to wait outside. Zappy might try to attack when he wakes up. He won’t be very strong, so he’s no danger to me, but he might be to you.”

“Ah, right.” Carrie got onto her legs and backed away from the unconscious thunderbird. All that sentimentality had made her forget her fears.

She headed for the entrance, but stopped halfway and turned around. “Um… I still have no shell,” she said. “So I don’t know if I’ll be safe out there, either...”

“Oh. Hmm.” Bouquatro stroked her chin with a wing-leaf. “What about these marble chunks? Could you craft a makeshift shell from one?”

Carrie eyed the boulders. “Hm. Maybe. Worth a try, at least.”

She skittered over and chose a chunk that already had a slight depression on one side. She grabbed it with her pincers and began to drag it, but as it drew a piercing screech from the floor, Bouquatro grabbed it with a pair of vines and rolled it over to the door.

Carrie looked at the white streak on the otherwise pristine marble floor and winced. “Shame about the floor.”

Bouquatro shrugged. “I doubt it matters after what I did to the roof.”

The two shared a brief chuckle, after which Carrie begun work on her new shell. She requested Bouquatro not to watch, and he obliged. Repeated spitting of corrosive fluid was not a particularly pretty sight. After a few minutes, as she’d finally managed to carve a hole big enough to withdraw in, she waved temporary goodbye to Bouquatro, exited the doors and settled outside.

With her new shell as protection, she could let her guard down and lose herself in her surroundings. Even with Zapdos knocked out, the rain stayed torrential. As the water landed, it mixed with mud and gathered in the ditches dug in the earth. A constant, crashing stream led the waters to the edge of the hill to fall into what Carrie speculated were further gutters. The whole electabuzz settlement seemed to have these laid around so that the rains wouldn’t flood and destroy their homes and orchards. Shame that her colony lived on ground too level and soft for that to work. Hopefully, they wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore… but it all depended on whatever Bouquatro’s mother would decide.

She lay down on the marble and looked to the sky instead. Dark clouds still swirled above the island like a second sea, equally stormy as the first. Only the first didn’t have roaring thunder and flashing lightning among its waves.

But, actually… neither did this one.

No lightning had flashed since she came out, and no thunder roared.

Where had they all gone?

CRRRAACK!

A flash, a rumble, earth-shaking. Behind her.

She turned around. The shockwave had destroyed the temple doors and thrown them onto the ground as smoking splinters. Through the doorway, cold light flickered.

A bolt of lightning wouldn’t last that long. Something had lit up within again. The orbs? Were they recharged?

No, that wasn’t important. She needed to know if Bouquatro was okay.

With trembling legs, she dragged herself into the doorframe. Her friend’s name stuck to her mouth, unable to be shouted.

A figure, blinding white, stood in the middle of the hall. Spiky feathers. Long, straight beak. Fierce glare.

In front of the figure lay a charred body of another, similar in shape and size - but lacking wings. They’d been burnt off. Just like the flowers on its chest.

No breath could enter or leave Carrie’s body. Despite the overwhelming brightness searing her vision, she could not move her eyes.

The blinding figure opened its beak.

“I am the god of lightning.”

Carrie flinched at the volume of the speaker - much louder than Zapdos had ever been, even when he had yelled from the top of his lungs.

The figure slowly walked towards her. Carrie wanted nothing more than to turn around and flee, but her muscles had frozen solid.

“This is my island.”

He stepped over the corpse without reaction. No reaction, while his brother’s heart had ached from only knocking him out. Monster. He was a monster!

”I decide what beings live here.”

The figure brightened even further, which Carrie could not have imagined possible. The edges of his silhouette wavered, broken by arcs of lightning crawling across his body. Crackling filled the air.

He was ready to attack. The opportunity to flee, had there even been one, had gone. The only choice Carrie could still make was to withdraw in her shell - but she knew all too well that it would make no difference.

"You are not one of them."

As is the case for all creatures nearing death, her instincts took over, drawing her underneath her shell either way. At least that way, that pointed beak and those burning eyes would not get to be the last sight she ever saw.

She heard the crackling surge, and thought of her family.

---​

Finally, that annoying bug was gone.

Zapdos watched the smouldering remains of the dwebble with contemptuous eyes. The bitter scent of burnt flesh tickled his nostrils. He briefly thought of the meal it could've made for some electabuzz if cooked more slowly, but shook his head and walked past, descending the temple steps into the rain.

He wasn't done yet. Some other day, he could've been, but today he'd finally gotten a clue as to where the rest of those bugs were hiding. Those cliffs that had collapsed must have been near their nest if that's where Bouquatro had been planting his seeds. One quick visit there, and he'd be rid of those vermin for good.

Actually, it’d be over even faster now that he was supercharged. He was lucky to have made this day such a stormy one. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to attract that lightning and have it strike the vitality right back into him. He might have even died. Because of his loser brother and a tiny crab. What an embarrassing fate - but at least he knew his worshippers would have avenged him.

Zapdos spread his wings and flapped himself into flight, undeterred by the barrage of droplets. Once comfortably far from the ground, he swerved to his right and turned around.

What the…

The blanket of rainclouds tore open in a wedge-shape ahead of him. The deep blue sky peeked through with its faintly gleaming stars. At the center of the rift floated a figure cloaked in golden light. A trail of sparks followed its tail, and stray colors reflected off its feathers - red, yellow, green, blue, purple…

Zapdos clenched his jaw. So Mother saw the beacon after all…

And she had seen him, too, judging by her heading straight towards the temple. Not that he could possibly hide with feathers so bright at the moment.

Nevertheless, he headed for his mother, greeting her innocently as soon as he was close enough.

"What is the matter?" she asked, softly but hurriedly.

"Oh, that? There-there's no matter, Mother, I only activated the beacon by accident. Sorry to be such a bother!"

She didn’t seem to listen, only staring at the island below. “Your island is flooded,” she said and looked back to Zapdos. “You really shouldn’t make it rain that much. It’s not good for the ecosystem.”

“Alright, sure, got it. But there’s really nothing here, you should get back to your duties.”

Mother frowned, suspicious.

Damn it, thought Zapdos, she’s not buying it...

“My duties have been quiet for a long time,” said Mother, “and it has almost been two hundred years since my last visit. I may as well do it now, see how you’re all doing.”

“No, Mother, please, w-we haven’t even had time to prepare --”

But Mother already swooped down, headed for the temple. Zapdos followed, trying his best to convince her not to bother, but she’d made up her mind.

“Oh, what happened to your house?” she said, eyeing the large hole in the roof.

“Just, um, an accident… I’ve got it under control, really...” Don’t go in, don’t go in…!

But she did.

She dove in through the hole and into the darkness left by the plasma-spheres that had shattered from the lightning before. Her warm glow illuminated the inside of the temple, and right as her talons met the floor, she saw --

“Booky!” she shouted, hurrying to the blackened body of her son. “Booky, are you...”

Zapdos trembled. There was no hiding it now. She knew. But she didn’t know the story…

“I-it was an accident!” he swore, landing next to his mother. “I was making a storm, and he flew in, and-and he got struck, and I brought him here for shelter so I could, uh, get some electabuzz to treat him --”

“And you didn’t want me to know about this?”

“I thought I could maybe get him healed and you wouldn’t have to worry --”

“Look at him, Zapdos!” she snapped, causing him to recoil a few steps. “He’s dead! No electabuzz can heal that!”

“I, uh, I-I was...”

“Forget it,” she said -- ordered. “I’ll scold you later. Time is of the essence.” She spread her wings, and her glow strengthened. Flames of red, green, blue and every other color began to leak out of her beak.

Zapdos’ eyes flicked between the body and his mother. “Wait, what are you...”

She opened her mouth and breathed the flames onto Bouquatro’s body.

Instead of consuming whatever was left of him, the fire seemed to do the opposite. Every feather, every leaf, every petal of every flower materialized back, as if burning in reverse.

Zapdos’ eyes bulged out of their sockets. She can -- she can do that?

Finally, as everything had repaired itself and Bouquatro looked as well as he ever had, the fires vanished into thin air.

Was he --

“Nnggh...”

Zapdos jumped back. The noise had indeed come from his brother’s body. The body that had been a blackened corpse just seconds ago.

Mother leaned closer to the body and nudged it with a foot. “Bouquatro,” she said quietly, “Bouquatro, please get up.”

Bouquatro squeezed his eyes shut further, as if refusing to wake up - but the more Mother nudged him, the more awake he clearly became.

At last, he opened his eyes. “What… Mother? What’s going on?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Mother said.

Bouquatro squinted, confused - until his eyes quickly widened in realization. He hastily stumbled to his two feet despite his mother’s recommendations to take it slow.

“M-Mother,” he panted, “Zappy --”

As he spotted his brother in the room, he quieted, frozen. Zapdos gave a stern glare while Mother’s eyes were still elsewhere. Don’t you dare say a word.

But Bouquatro glared back. Wha...

Bouquatro raised a wing and pointed right at Zapdos. “Mother, Zappy… Zappy has done horrible things!”

“What?” Zapdos squawked. Perhaps he hadn’t been clear enough. He glared again with twice the intimidation. “Uh, Booky, aren’t you overreacting a bit?”

“No!”

Zapdos’ heart jumped to his throat.

“No, I’m not overreacting!” continued Bouquatro, unaffected by any scowl Zapdos would give. “Mother, Zappy attacked me! He attacked me because I told him to stop making it rain so much! He was making it rain too much on purpose, so that the dwebble and crustle that live on the island would drown, and Mother - those mon are not feral!”

Mother’s beak jung ajar. She turned to Zapdos. “Zapdos, is this true?”

Blood rushed in Zapdos’ ears, nearly deafening him to the outside world. “N-no,” he finally got out, “no, that’s not...”

“I can prove it!” Bouquatro pressed on. “Ask the dwebble, Mother! And ask my --”

He stopped, horror on his face. “Carrie! Where’s Carrie?” He limped out of the temple, looking around. Seconds later, he screamed.

Zapdos’ gut sank. There was no way out of this anymore.

Mother hopped after Bouquatro. Bouquatro turned to her with teary eyes, barely coherent in his speech, but it seemed that Mother understood.

“Booky, it’s alright,” she said. “Please calm down.”

“Calm down?” Bouquatro cried. “Sh-she’s dead! How could this be alright in any kind of --”

“I can revive her.”

Zapdos scowled. Revive her, too? That mite?

“Wh… what?” Bouquatro sobbed. “No, you can’t, don’t try to...”

“I revived you, too! Just a moment ago!”

Bouquatro sniffled, trying to get a word out, but unable to decide what exactly to say.

Right then, a realization flashed in Zapdos’ mind like lightning in a pitch-black sky. Mother and Bouquatro… they hadn’t given him so much as a look for the past half a minute or so.

A spark of hope ignited in his chest. Perhaps he could flee! As repulsive as the thought of fleeing his own island was, he didn’t know what Mother would have in mind as punishment, nor did he want to find out.

As softly as a falling feather, he bent his legs. He had to gain as much height as he could during takeoff - but thankfully, that supercharge seemed to power up his muscles as well. He separated his wings from his body just a smidgen, and...

Jump! He’d left the ground. He raised his wings and beat them down, repeated, repeated, ascended through the hole in the roof. Yes! The hard part was over. He let his feet touch the roof and began to run --

“Wh- Zapdos!” called his mother, and while it made his heart jolt, Zapdos kept his pace. Once he reached the edge of the roof, he leapt into flight.

He almost laughed as his wings caught the wind. Never had it felt so sweet.

Yes! He thought, chest burning with triumph. There’s no way they’ll reach me now! I am, and have always been, the fastest of the family!

Now, let’s see. I think I should fly away from the islands as long as I know I might be followed, and when the heat dies down, I can return and hide away at Molly’s or Arti’s. Probably Molly’s. While it’s sweltering hot over there, I can always take a dip in the ocean to cool down, while with Arti I’d just be stuck with ice everywhere. And I think Molly’s always understood me better than Arti, who might just go and squawk to Mother about my return. Then I guess I’ll wait until Mother leaves again and then return to my island, chase Booky off if I need to --


A change in speed interrupted his thoughts. Rapid deceleration, to be more precise.

What? He blinked. Wh-why did I slow down? Did the winds change? It doesn’t feel like it --

He glanced at his wings. A light blue glow had surrounded them.

Heart pounding, he looked behind her. Mother was approaching, the same kind of blue radiating from her eyes, and in her beak - rainbow flames.

Zapdos screeched, and that screech echoed for miles.

---​

“Carrie?”

Carrie stirred. Her body felt heavy.

“Carrie, can you hear me?”

“Nngghhh...” She squirmed, trying to find a better position to lie in. The ground was cold and hard, really not a great place to fall asleep on… why had she done so there?

Wait, was she out in the open?

She flinched and opened her eyes. She was shelterless! An easy meal for any bird flying by! And her shell -- she had no shell!

She screamed and scrambled to her feet, glancing around for the nearest nook to hide in.

“Carrie, it’s okay!”

“Huh?” Carrie looked to the direction of the voice. A familiar face stared back. Oh, thank goodness, Bouquatro was there. She didn’t have to worry about predators. But wait. What was that other figure behind him…

Before she could wait for her vision to sharpen, it darkened completely as Bouquatro buried her in his plumage. “Oh, Carrie! I’m so glad you’re okay!”

He then paused and drew back, exposing the outside world to Carrie again. “You are okay, right?”

“Uhh...” Carrie blinked rapidly. “I think I am, but... what happened?”

Bouquatro beamed. “The beacon! The beacon worked! Mother came here and brought us back to life!”

“Back to...”

Carrie quieted as she remembered the last events before she’d awakened. She turned around and looked at the shards of marble behind her.

“We… we died,” she mumbled, eyes wide.

“Yeah, but Mother revived us! She’s awesome!” cheered Bouquatro.

The other figure chuckled behind him. “Thank you, dear.”

Carrie could now see it -- her more clearly. She was a large bird, even larger than Bouquatro, and the sight of her sitting on the marble platform was breathtaking. Curled golden crest, bushy golden tail, body and wings mostly red and white but glimmering with all the colors Carrie knew - and probably many more she could not see. She realized this was the creature whose likeness that idol had mimicked.

“Oh!” Bouquatro stepped aside to show the figure better. “This is her, by the way. This is my mother! Mother, this is Carrie. She’s the dwebble I told you about.”

The figure nodded gently and looked directly to Carrie, freezing her with sheer awe. “Pleased to meet you, Carrie. I am Ho-Oh.”

“P-pleased… to meet you, too,” Carrie managed. “You really, um… brought us back to life?”

“I did. It is within my power.”

“Wow...” Carrie sighed. She’d been right - the mother of Zapdos and Bouquatro was indeed no less powerful than them, but she hadn’t been expecting power over death!

Bouquatro suddenly frowned. “How come you never told us you had that kind of power?”

Ho-Oh sighed. “Well, it’s one I rarely use. In order for life to thrive, there must be death. Because of this, I make it a point to only use it when death is caused by my own carelessness. And I consider this situation to qualify...”

She sighed again, and turned back to Carrie. “I’d like to apologize for the damage my son has caused. I thought I’d raised him to be a protector of life, not a destroyer - but judging by what Bouquatro has told me, this was not the case.”

The reminder of Zapdos’ existence made Carrie shudder. “So… where is he now, anyway?” she asked, glancing around for any sign of the thunderbird.

Ho-Oh stood up and stepped back, revealing a small lump of yellow fluff. It extended its neck and opened its beady eyes. A weak peep left its pointed beak as it cautiously looked around. As it set its eyes on Carrie, part of her expected it to glare, recoil, anything negative - but all she saw in those eyes was curiosity.

“If I couldn’t raise him right the first time, maybe the second time’s the charm,” Ho-Oh said, sitting back down, and the chick burrowed back into her warm plumage.

Bouquatro tilted his head. “But Mother, who will watch over the skies while you’re here?”

Ho-Oh only smiled. “The skies have been fine for a long time. Besides, the Eons know to keep an eye out for trouble if I ever happen to get caught up in something else.”

“The Eons?”

“Remember Uncle Latios and Aunty Latias?”

“Oh, them. Vaguely, yeah.”

Ho-Oh nodded. “In any case, Booky, I have a job for you to do.”

“Huh? What kind of job?”

She raised her wing and gestured all around them. “I want you to restore this island to its former verdancy. I want no mon to go hungry anymore!”

Bouquatro’s eyes sparkled. “R-really?”

Ho-Oh’s warm smile answered for her.

Bouquatro squeaked with glee, rapidly flapping his wings - so much that Ho-Oh had to warn him not to blow his dwebble friend away. Bouquatro promptly stopped and apologized.

“So, Carrie,” he said, “do you want to come with?”

Carrie meant to say yes, but reconsidered as her eyelids drooped without warning. “Mmm… I’d love to,” she said, “but… I think I’d better get back to my colony and get some sleep. I feel like I’m about to pass out...”

“Ah, true,” replied Bouquatro, nodding. “You have had an exhausting day. Let’s go - I’ll carry you there!”

Carrie nodded back, and soon she found herself on Bouquatro’s shoulders again, securely fastened in place by his vines.

“Have a safe flight, you two,” said Ho-Oh, waving a wing. “In the meantime, I’ll go have a chat with the electabuzz tribe. There’s likely a lot I’ll have to set right...”

“Good luck, Mother,” said Bouquatro with a wave back, then jumped into flight and headed for the cliffs.

As Carrie lay down on Bouquatro’s back, his soft feathers welcomed her tired body with open arms. Gently, they began to pull her under to the land of slumber - but a sudden question entered in her mind, yanking her back to the world of waking.

"Hey, Bou?" she began.

"Hm?" Bouquatro turned his head to her. "What is it?"

"After you've finished work on this island… can you still come visit me?"

Bouquatro smiled. "Of course. And I'll bring you plenty of magosts."

Carrie lay back down, a smile of her own in her eyes. "Thanks, Bou."

She let herself fall asleep, even if the trip wouldn’t be too long, and dreamed of endless berries.

---

THE END

---​
 
Last edited:

Flaze

Don't stop, keep walking
Location
Chile
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. infernape
That final chapter had a lot more twists and turns than I'd originally expected. But it was pretty fun as well.

Anyways since this is the finale I'll tackle chapter 3 first and then move on to the story as a whole to kind of give a general idea of what I think of it now that it's complete.

First of all, I really like how you highlight the differences between Bouquatro and Zapdos in this chapter, it's a little sad since Zapdos is my favorite of the three birds, but in a way their powers really do define them perfectly. Zapdos controls lightning and storms and his personality is fierce and stormy to match. Bou on the other hand controls nature and life and so he's a lot more appreciative of others and caring, but can also be fierce once the chips are down.

I think you prose really helps carry the different shifts in emotions as well, it's not the most detail when it comes to describing environments but it's always stood out when it comes to creating an impact, even without too much description it conveys the feeling of the scene as well as the character. I particularly loved when Zapdos takes out Bou and Carrie suddenly comes to the realization that she's going to be next, but can't do anything but stand there. It's chilling and were it not for Ho-Oh arriving could've given a whole different ending to the story.

I will say that after Ho-Oh comes back it kind of feels like maybe it's all resolved a little too easy. Like I get you were going for the feel that these two "gods" are nothing when compared to their mother and that their whole situation was basically a sibling argument gone horribly wrong. But it does feel like the story itself gets resolved really quickly in that second half. That being said I did like the way Zapdos just shrinks in front of Ho-Oh and the banter that goes on between the three birds, it really carries a sense that they're family. Though I was kind of surprise their mother wasn't Lugia but that's probably just cause of the anime's second movie creating weird misconceptions.

Lastly I do think that the last part once everything settles actually came off really cute, even though it's only been three chapters it does feel like the events that Bou and Carrie have been through shaped them and their last few lines honestly warmed my heart.

As for overall thoughts of the story. In general I think it's a cute take, though maybe the fact that it's only three chapters long kind of works against it a little. Like I mentioned above, the final chapter feels like it closes things out too fast. That's not to say the story itself is badly structured, I think you're able to get it across really well, but maybe having more chapters would've helped in selling the characters or the stakes more. For example, one thing I really enjoy about your stories is your protagonists and the banter that come from there, but I don't feel like I got to spend quite as much time with Carrie and Bouquatro as I would've liked.

Thematically speaking it's relatively simple, and that's fair, not every story has to be super serious. I think tackling the theme of what it means to be a proper leader, treating others with kindness and bonding over difficulties are a good basis for a story and this one's pretty entertaining, fun for the whole family in a way. Maybe it doesn't get quite as introspective as your other stories but it gets the job done nonetheless.

Anyways, like I said, I really enjoyed this story and I'm glad to finally read one of your stories to completion while it's still being published. I do hope I can see Bou and Carrie again, maybe in a sequel/spinoff (??) who knows.
 

kyeugh

you gotta feel your lines
Staff
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. farfetchd-galar
  2. gfetchd-kyeugh
  3. onion-san
  4. farfetchd
  5. farfetchd
part three

you got this out speedy quick! it's a really nice conclusion to the story and feels just right for the tone you've established—i said in a previous review that this fic has a storybook-like quality to it, and this ending is right in line with that.

carrie spends most of her time focused on a task in this chapter, and bouquatro is either going sicko mode or dead. zapdos has a lot going on in this chapter, though, and i think he really takes the spotlight. he's really such a perfect villain—on the one hand he's outrageous in an almost cartoonish way, which preserves the light tone and makes sure the fic doesn't take itself too seriously, but on the other he does and says some stuff that's genuinely fucked up and upsetting. you balance both to really good effect, and given that the story very much revolves around zapdos's antagonism, i feel like it contributes quite a lot to the all around quality of the fic. getting a bit of his viewpoint at the end there was a really good climax, i think—it sort of reminded us of how shitty and ruthless he is, showed us what an unsympathetic coward he is, and then described him getting totally fried. felt like a very good culmination to me.

i did think, as i said before, that carrie and bouquatro were a little bit static in this chapter. i think bouquatro sort of has to be that way due to the nature of his role here, but i found myself wanting more out of carrie. her emotional reaction to bouquatro seemed a little weak, for example. i know she had a lot of other stuff going on but i think i would have liked for the narrative to dwell on the fear and grief there just a little longer to make his death really hit home.

ho-oh is great. felt a bit deus-ex-y, but not in a way that felt cheated or unsatisfying—you've been building up to her arrival since the very beginning. i admit i still crave that sweet, sweet lugia content, but ho-oh definitely works here in a way lugia couldn't. zapdos's defeat ultimately coming down to a spanking from mom is pretty much perfect for his arc, and seeing the way she treats bouquatro as a real person was really great. seeing him rewarded for his bravery at the end, and his emotional response to that positive attention, was some really nice payoff.

looking back, this was a really nice little fic that kept me engaged all the way through, filled with lovely and unique characters, neat worldbuilding, and a nice, light tone that doesn't prevent the fic from touching on some darker themes and going straight for the feels when it needs to. it's wonderfully concise, too; definitely have to give you props for that, brevity is something i (and many others) struggle with and you've painted an excellent story here in just three short parts. thanks for sharing your story and characters with us, it was a fun ride!

As his feathers lit up again, Carrie quickly skittered behind the closest pillar, even if she knew she was no longer the target.
i think "even though" would work a bit better than "even if" here.

Bouquatro frowned and sighed. “Fine, then. You asked for it.”
1610081912116.png

The ceiling gave way with a deafening rumble and collapsed. Debris crashed down onto Zapdos, squeezing the air from his lungs and pinning his body down to the floor. Dust spread to the scene for just a split second before the rain washed it away.
few things about this. i think "the ceiling gave way" already indicates that the ceiling is collapsing, so you can cut the "and collapsed" bit. i also found "dust spread to the scene a little awkward. maybe The ceiling gave way with a deafening rumble. Debris crashed down onto Zapdos, squeezing the air from his lungs and pinning his body down to the floor. Dust kicked up all around for just a split second before the rain washed it away..

A bright light overtook the hall. Unlike last time, though, Carrie was spared the blinding, and she noticed she could bear the light with her eyes open as long as she didn’t look directly at it.
it seems weird to describe the bright light just after saying carrie closed her eyes. maybe The light was so bright she could see it even with her eyes closed. She dared to peek anyway, and found the light was bearable so long as she didn't look directly at it or something.

All that sentimentality had made her forget her fears.
hahaha, aw. i love this line.

exited the doors
i think "exited through the doors" would work better.

Her friend’s name stuck to her mouth, unable to be shouted.
really nice language here.

A figure, blinding white, stood in the middle of the hall.
when i read this i was like "omg lugia!!!" and then... it was not lugia. 😔

She heard the crackling surge, and thought of her family.
ooooof. my feels. why u do dis...

He briefly thought of the meal it could've made for some electabuzz if cooked more slowly, but shook his head and walked past, descending the temple steps into the rain.
wow, holy shit. what an asshole. i think i said this before but you're great at making him very hateable very quickly.

The blanket of rainclouds tore open in a wedge-shape ahead of him. The deep blue sky peeked through with its faintly gleaming stars. At the center of the rift floated a figure cloaked in golden light. A trail of sparks followed its tail, and stray colors reflected off its feathers - red, yellow, green, blue, purple…

Zapdos clenched his jaw. So Mother saw the beacon after all…
oh! it's ho-oh. well dang. i wonder what her relation to entei/raikou/suicune is in this canon.

“Forget it,” she said -- ordered. “I’ll scold you later. Time is of the essence.”
"scold" seems pretty light given he just killed her son. "punish" perhaps?

A spark of hope ignited in his chest. Perhaps he could flee!
not just a piece of shit, but a coward too. very nice.

Mother was approaching, the same kind of blue radiating from her eyes, and in her beak - rainbow flames.
this confused me initially because i thought it was saying the same kind of blue was in her beak, and didn't understand what "rainbow flames" was doing there. maybe Mother was approaching, her eyes radiating the same kind of blue, rainbow spilling from her beak."

The ground was cold and hard, really not a great place to fall asleep on… why had she done so there?
this "why" wants to be capitalized.

“If I couldn’t raise him right the first time, maybe the second time’s the charm,” Ho-Oh said, sitting back down, and the chick burrowed back into her warm plumage.
holy shit lol. she really just deleted his brain. does this mean you'll draw babby zapdos...

She let herself fall asleep, even if the trip wouldn’t be too long, and dreamed of endless berries.
awwww. what a sweet ending to a sweet fic.
 

Nubushi

しぶい
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. slowpoke-hgss
  2. togekiss-nubushi
Hello, I’m here from the Review Blitz, reviewing part 1.

Well, this was delightful to read, mainly for two reasons:

First is all of the vivid details relating to dwebble (and other pokemon) anatomy and lifestyle. I won’t list specific lines (too many), but things like the way that Carrie dug her legs into cracks, or smelling things with her antennae, or her cursing herself for choosing such a round rock for her shell. All of the descriptions of her and the cramorant’s actions came across as extremely lifelike, obviously drawing off of animal anatomy and behavior in the real world (it’s evident that research went into this). I really love reading pokemon fanfiction that brings out the pokemon-ness of the monsters, so all of those details were really delightful.

The second is the take on polytheism, and actually, thinking about it more, this is really two things, not just one. For one thing, it’s great to see a pokemon fanfiction by a writer who actually has a basic understanding of polytheism (since that’s often not the case). Also, your take on Carrie’s attitude towards the “gods” of her world is hilarious; I loved the parts about her thinking that the gust of wind blew her away because Zapdos read her mind and was angry with her, the references to the “idol,” and especially the part where she thought about it and decided that Bou was the Divine Guardian of Life and she needed to supplicate him on behalf of her people’s plight. Overall, though, the chapter had me laughing throughout, and that one line about Bou being either a “liar or a lunatic” is the only thing in recent memory that has made me both laugh and cringe at the same time, so, uh, good job?

A few other comments:

The lines where Bou smiled: I see this a lot in pokecentric fiction, and it usually stands out to me as sounding really unnatural (in this case, in contrast to your excellent details of pokemon-like actions throughout most of the chapter). In real life, birds’ bills can’t do that, at least not that I’m aware of, so I’d need some convincing to make this believable for me. For example, his bill didn’t move, but his eyes crinkled in an expression she could recognize as a smile. Or, you could specifically point out that something that should be stiff and shouldn’t be able to have its edges pull up, does. Or it could be the muscles around the edge of the bill that move. Or he could open his bill slightly, in an expression that she interprets as a smile. Anyways, you get the idea, but that’s just my take on what would be needed for me, personally, to not have my suspension of disbelief interrupted.

The capes and the houses of the electabuzz: when we got the details of the capes, I thought it was a little odd, because this isn’t a PMD fic, specifically, so I wasn’t expecting a world where pokemon can use items or live in houses. Later on in the chapter, it became clear that you have kind of a unique world here, where pokemon do those kinds of things, but it isn’t PMD—so I thought maybe it would be helpful if there were a little more of a hint of that earlier in the chapter (like if the houses were mentioned somewhere earlier, like around the time the cape is mentioned) so that the reader knows this is not a world where pokemon are 100% animal-like (other than the ability to talk) but that there’s something a little bit different going on.

Also, I was wondering why it didn’t occur to either Carrie or Bou to have the dwebble tribe move to Bou’s island. Maybe there’s a reason, like it would be difficult to transport them all there (similar to the logistical difficulty of Bou taking seeds and mold to Carrie’s island to make some vegetation grow, but maybe requiring a whole lot more trips), but it seemed odd to me because this came to my mind right away as an alternate solution.

As a final general comment, while the world-building (the two points above) was what I enjoyed most about this story, the characterization also came through loud and clear. Carrie is in submissive awe of the legendary pokemon, and is that sort of person who is always lamenting and blaming herself for things (for mentally complaining about the Stormbringer, for choosing such a round rock, etc.). Bou is cheerful, friendly, desperate for company, and also has kind of a hangdog attitude towards anything that has to do with his family. Overall, very well-written, and I will probably come back for more at some point.
 

cynsh

full-time quilava
Location
Deepden
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. quilava
I'm sorry I don't really have much to say about this final part. Words seem to have left me.

I enjoyed it, sure. Everything was wrapped up neatly. I read the other comments in here and I echo the thought that once Ho-Oh arrived, it was all a bit too easily concluded. I did really like Ho-Oh's punishment for Zapdos, though. And the little section in Zapdos's POV was fun - it was nice to see him panicking, then cowardly try to run away from all his problems. Ah, he really was despicable, wasn't he? He got what he deserved.

I'll also echo what was said about Carrie and Bouquatro's relationship being really strong, probably the heartbeat of the whole story, despite the short time (in time and words) they've actually spent together.

Finally, in that period of time where Carrie and Bouquatro were dead... how can I say it? I never really believed that the story could end that way. I didn't expect them to actually be dead at one point, but Zapdos was so awful that it clearly couldn't have ended with his success. I dunno.

That's all I've got I think. Thanks for the fun read.

Carrie shook her head, but quickly focused back on the task at pincer
This seems just a little bit too far a move away from 'hand', but... eh. I guess pincers are still their versions of hands, even if they're really different.
Carrie paused to think. Finally, she scuttled to Bouquatro’s side and lowered a pincer onto his leg. He flinched, and Carrie flinched, but just as he calmed right after, so did Carrie.

“I don’t think you’re in danger of that,” she said. “I doubt you could stop being kind if you wanted to.”

A bittersweet smile rose to Bouquatro’s beak. “Thanks.”
AWWWW. 10/10 character moment
The two shared a brief chuckle, after which Carrie begun work on her new shell. She requested Bouquatro not to watch, and he obliged. Repeated spitting of corrosive fluid was not a particularly pretty sight. After a few minutes, as she’d finally managed to carve a hole big enough to withdraw in, she waved temporary goodbye to Bouquatro, exited the doors and settled outside.
Carrie being self-conscious about doing her weird bug stuff was a fun little detail.
“Remember Uncle Latios and Aunty Latias?”
🤔 I mean... how do relations between legendaries work? I guess it doesn't matter ^^;
Bouquatro squeaked with glee, rapidly flapping his wings - so much that Ho-Oh had to warn him not to blow his dwebble friend away. Bouquatro promptly stopped and apologized.
Bouquatro is a precious boy right up to the end; you love to see it.
 

Pen

the cat is mightier than the pen
Staff
Partners
  1. dratini
  2. dratini-pen
  3. dratini-pen2
Hey, here for the final part!

A lot went down here--Zapdos crushed, Bou killed, Carrie killed, Ho-Oh summoned, resurrection and de-aging galore. I liked Bou's initial victory in the battle, and how he pulls it off using a means that Zapdos can't recognize as strength. Carrie's bravely trying to figure out how to carry things in pincers--oops. It would have been nice to get more of a sense of the battle. I wonder if you could bring in sound, smell, heat, atmosphere more. At times it didn't feel like Carrie was in the same room as them, and particularly when the roof fell in, I didn't have a sense of her being in that space. She didn't really seem startled or affected in any way, despite the fact that even if she wasn't directly under the area that fell in, that still would have been a jarring moment. After Zappy is presumably defeated, I felt like I lost track of the characters a bit. Bou seems pretty confident that Zappy's out of it, to the extent that I didn't buy him telling Carrie to get some distance, and then I wasn't sure how far away she really went. I wonder if you need to have her go away and then come back--Zappy's lightning-induced mojo moment feels like it would make good reading.

I found Zappy's POV section a little sparse. He's a pretty flat character, which works fine when he's the antagonist, but less well when we're in his head. He doesn't seem to have any reaction to having killed his brother, even an angry or a justifying one. Not having any reaction there doesn't make it feel like Bou's really dead, so the resurrection felt less significant. I like that Zappy thinks he'll be able to intimidate his brother like he always has. I was kind of confused when he started to flee, but considering what Ho-oh does to him, uh, yeah. That was probably the smart move, even if it was futile.

The wrap-up felt a bit incomplete to me. Ho-oh's like, 'everything's chill, Bou fix the island' and we end. I was left wanting to see what happens with the electabuzz tribe, what the reaction of Carrie's people is--it felt like a loose end, after we spent so much time with them last chapter. Are the electabuzz and dwebble going to work together and share this island now? What will that look like? And I wonder why Bou has to be limited to vising Carrie--could he not stay here if he wanted, or could some of her tribe choose his island? The main character arc seems to have ended up being Bou learns to stand up to his brother (when his mother is literally right there.) I found myself wanting an ending that emphasized Carrie a little more? It felt like the end came down to the slightly nicer gods working things out, but the ordinary pokemon still don't have any input. I wonder how things would read if Carrie weren't killed. What if she had been able to make her case herself to Ho-oh? I think I would have found that a bit more powerful than the sort of vaguely cartoonish family soap tone. Carrie's had some genuine anger and some really real things to say, and I wish the end had given her a chance to express them. Instead, she felt kind of sidelined to me.

It was a sweet story overall! The earlier parts got me really invested in Carrie and her people, so I guess I was left wanting a bit more here!

Line-by-lines:

As his feathers lit up again, Carrie quickly skittered behind the closest pillar, even if she knew she was no longer the target.
You probably want "though" instead of "if" though I think best of all would be cutting that clause completely.

Another crack rang out, accompanied by a flash, though both of these were now weaker.
Maybe, "Another crack rang out, accompanied by a flash, weaker this time."

Swishing of wings and clacks of talons followed as the birds leapt and glid around the hall in battle - or more of a chase, as Bouquatro only avoided attacks or disrupted them with more leaves.
* glided

She dashed from behind one pillar to another, gradually making her way to the shelves.
I have a bit of trouble picturing a dwebble dashing.

The laugh that left Zapdos’ beak was too aggressive to be authentic.
Not sure if authentic makes sense here?

He jumped, avoiding the main blow, but the tips of his tail feathers were charred.
"Blow" feels odd to describe a light attack. Something about "were charred" feels a little static to me. "Had been"?

task at pincer
Cute

Bouquatro frowned and sighed. “Fine, then. You asked for it.”
Sighing feels a little lowkey for being midbattle?

What’re you gonna do, tie together blades of grass to trip me?
excuse you, grass knot is my ultimate weapon

though her arms were quite sore by now
Especially since you've been drawing so much attention to her pincers, arms being sore reads a little odd to me.

At the back of her mind, she awaited a screech from Zapdos, something to show Bouquatro had attacked, but none had yet come by the time she had all of her legs firmly planted on the top of the shelf. Perhaps Bouquatro was charging up something very powerful… or it was as part of Carrie feared - that Bouquatro didn’t have the courage to strike against his brother after all.
I like that we're cutting away from the battle a bit, defining what's happening by what Carrie isn't hearing.

She took a deep breath and let it out. Then she jumped.

She reached for the side of the shelf.

She grabbed it.

Her pincer slipped.

Oh crap.

Her fall only lasted an instant, and ended with a body-shocking thud against the marble floor. She did not hear anything for a while --

No, she heard the rain outside.

She did not hear sounds of battle.
The formatting choice to have so many single sentence paragraphs in a row sort of lost the tension for me instead of heightening it. It makes my eye swim on the page.

She looked behind her. Zapdos stared right back.
Oops!

A web of cracks spanned a sizable area in the marble ceiling. From a few, tiny roots peeked out.

Zapdos realized too late what it meant.

The ceiling gave way with a deafening rumble and collapsed. Debris crashed down onto Zapdos, squeezing the air from his lungs and pinning his body down to the floor. Dust spread to the scene for just a split second before the rain washed it away.
I like how this a redux of Bouquatro's growth power splitting the cliff in the last part, and how it's the kind of attack Zapdos would never expect, because it's subtle and involves plants.

I did feel like I lost track of where Carrie was relative to this and how the crash is impacting her.

She saw no motion - through the rain newly pouring in, anyway.
I didn't follow what work this qualifier is doing?

“Cover your eyes,” Bouquatro said, and Carrie did as instructed, guessing what was soon to come.
Don't think you need to tell us that Carrie listens or that she has a guess about what's to come--both are pretty self-evident.

“I don’t think you’re in danger of that,” she said. “I doubt you could stop being kind if you wanted to.”
Aw, a nice moment.

A bittersweet smile rose to Bouquatro’s beak.
Mentioning beak here lampshades a bit the question of how birds smile.

but it all depended on whatever Bouquatro’s mother would decide.
Hm, I was a bit surprised that Carrie frames it that way. Sure, she knows Bou's mom has a lot of influence, but she sounds pretty sure that this will mean some big judgement.

But, actually… neither did this one.

No lightning had flashed since she came out, and no thunder roared.

Where had they all gone?
I think, having finished, that you're hinting here at Zapdos absorbing the thunder? But it read confusingly for me, especially the way it's worded as "where had they all gone." It doesn't seem super surprising that the storm would cease when Zapdos was knocked out? So it felt odd for her to find this odd.

She turned around. The shockwave had destroyed the temple doors and thrown them onto the ground as smoking splinters. Through the doorway, cold light flickered.
Again, I wanted more of a sense of how the shockwave impacts Carrie. I don't see how she could be too far away at this point.

With trembling legs, she dragged herself into the doorframe. Her friend’s name stuck to her mouth, unable to be shouted.

A figure, blinding white, stood in the middle of the hall. Spiky feathers. Long, straight beak. Fierce glare.

In front of the figure lay a charred body of another, similar in shape and size - but lacking wings. They’d been burnt off. Just like the flowers on its chest.

No breath could enter or leave Carrie’s body. Despite the overwhelming brightness searing her vision, she could not move her eyes.

The blinding figure opened its beak.
Again, the single sentence paragraphs weren't working for me here.

"Unable to be shouted" reads a bit clunky.

As is the case for all creatures nearing death, her instincts took over, drawing her underneath her shell either way. At least that way, that pointed beak and those burning eyes would not get to be the last sight she ever saw.
This observation about all creatures nearing death felt a little jarring in a tight third narration. Maybe, "Her instincts took over, drawing her underneath her shell. At least this way, that pointed beak and those burning eyes would not be the last sight she ever saw."

He was lucky to have made this day such a stormy one. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to attract that lightning and have it strike the vitality right back into him.
The exposition about how he got his mojo back felt a bit forced here.

Zapdos’ eyes bulged out of their sockets. She can -- she can do that?
If they know their mom can create life from nothing, is it really crazy to think she can revive the dead?

“What?” Zapdos squawked. Perhaps he hadn’t been clear enough. He glared again with twice the intimidation. “Uh, Booky, aren’t you overreacting a bit?”
Dial up the glare a little harder, Zappy. That'll do it.

A change in speed interrupted his thoughts. Rapid deceleration, to be more precise.
Womp womp womp

Bouquatro suddenly frowned. “How come you never told us you had that kind of power?”

Ho-Oh sighed. “Well, it’s one I rarely use. In order for life to thrive, there must be death. Because of this, I make it a point to only use it when death is caused by my own carelessness. And I consider this situation to qualify...”
This was a moment where the dialogue felt like it only existed to explain things to the reader.

Ho-Oh stood up and stepped back, revealing a small lump of yellow fluff. It extended its neck and opened its beady eyes. A weak peep left its pointed beak as it cautiously looked around. As it set its eyes on Carrie, part of her expected it to glare, recoil, anything negative - but all she saw in those eyes was curiosity.

“If I couldn’t raise him right the first time, maybe the second time’s the charm,” Ho-Oh said, sitting back down, and the chick burrowed back into her warm plumage.
Wow, that is, uh. She basically just killed her son by reverting his personality to being a baby? Pretty terrifying.
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
Thank you all from reading and reviewing! Line edit suggestions have been taken into consideration, but again, it will take some time to get to them.

Also, I was wondering why it didn’t occur to either Carrie or Bou to have the dwebble tribe move to Bou’s island. Maybe there’s a reason, like it would be difficult to transport them all there (similar to the logistical difficulty of Bou taking seeds and mold to Carrie’s island to make some vegetation grow, but maybe requiring a whole lot more trips), but it seemed odd to me because this came to my mind right away as an alternate solution.

I rejected this idea primarily on the principle that having to give up your homeland because of unjust persecution, but there are also those logistics problems as you mentioned - as well as something I didn't mention. Bouquatro's island is quite sandy and doesn't have enough of the kinds of rocks that dwebble and crustle need to make their shells. I think I'm gonna add mention of that in some upcoming revision.

I mean... how do relations between legendaries work? I guess it doesn't matter ^^;

"Uncle" and "Aunty" there is more in the "family friend that is mom and dad age" sense than actual blood relations, if that helps.

The wrap-up felt a bit incomplete to me. Ho-oh's like, 'everything's chill, Bou fix the island' and we end.

It seems a lot of people agree with you there :/ Resolutions have always been a weak point for me as I don't know how to both wrap up loose ends satisfyingly while avoiding stretching the ending out. I did wonder whether I should have one more scene after the last one here, where we would see the island with more vegetation and the dwebble and electabuzz getting along. I just couldn't come up with a proper direction for that scene outside "well there they are, look at them, everyone is happy yay".

I found myself wanting an ending that emphasized Carrie a little more? It felt like the end came down to the slightly nicer gods working things out, but the ordinary pokemon still don't have any input. I wonder how things would read if Carrie weren't killed. What if she had been able to make her case herself to Ho-oh? I think I would have found that a bit more powerful than the sort of vaguely cartoonish family soap tone. Carrie's had some genuine anger and some really real things to say, and I wish the end had given her a chance to express them. Instead, she felt kind of sidelined to me.

The thing with Carrie is that I never really felt like I had a good grasp on her character or really cared for her, so writing her was not the top priority (and I did avoid it when I could since I didn't feel like I fully knew that I was doing). While she is technically "the main character", Bouquatro is the name of the fic and honestly speaking her most important purpose in the story is to be the camera lens through which we see the real star of the show, the funny bird.

As for Carrie getting killed: in my initial outline, she didn't die, but Ho-Oh came to interrupt before Zapdos could strike. It, however, felt to me like way too much of a lucky coincidence for her to come just at the right moment when her arriving in the first place was a stroke of luck. Her arriving some time later felt more believable, and this also allowed for the Zapdos POV segment which I liked as a change of pace.

I think, having finished, that you're hinting here at Zapdos absorbing the thunder? But it read confusingly for me, especially the way it's worded as "where had they all gone." It doesn't seem super surprising that the storm would cease when Zapdos was knocked out? So it felt odd for her to find this odd.

Not to me, personally? If someone created a storm and it's been there for over a day already, the stormclouds are still going to be there for a while after any active effort to keep them there has ceased, and they'll continue to do stormcloud things until they run their course and dissipate.

The exposition about how he got his mojo back felt a bit forced here.
This was a moment where the dialogue felt like it only existed to explain things to the reader.

Yeaahhh, I'm sensing a theme... it's just that I couldn't come up with a better way to convey those, and I considered this to be less bad than people perceiving events as inexplicable and illogical.

If they know their mom can create life from nothing, is it really crazy to think she can revive the dead?

I was about to say "what do you mean their mom can create life out of nothing" but then I remembered the "so ill-fitting for a god that the mon made specifically to serve you up and left" part. I think I'm gonna retcon that since I want Bou's and Carrie's deaths to still have impact. If I have their mother choose existing species to bring to the islands instead, there shouldn't be anything to point the kids to believe their mother can revive or de-age them.

Wow, that is, uh. She basically just killed her son by reverting his personality to being a baby? Pretty terrifying.

Yeah, I knew this would creep some people out. I don't really think of it killing, though, as it's still the same living being - it's more amnesia. And while the wiping of a person's identity is still kind of screwed up, I feel like it's justified in a case where that's the only known way to stop a person from continuing to oppress civilians and commit genocide. Ho-Oh wouldn't have been able to keep an eye on him at all times and he couldn't be trusted to behave on his own, so this was the best course of action short of killing him.
 
  • Quag
Reactions: Pen

Pen

the cat is mightier than the pen
Staff
Partners
  1. dratini
  2. dratini-pen
  3. dratini-pen2
I rejected this idea primarily on the principle that having to give up your homeland because of unjust persecution, but there are also those logistics problems as you mentioned - as well as something I didn't mention. Bouquatro's island is quite sandy and doesn't have enough of the kinds of rocks that dwebble and crustle need to make their shells. I think I'm gonna add mention of that in some upcoming revision.
I think this point about not giving up your homeland because of unjust persecution could be really compelling if inserted into the story, and could potentially be a way to give the ordinary pokemon some agency and make the ending feel less ribbon-wrapped. Like, if Ho-oh's solution was 'And Bou, since you don't have servants anymore, these little pokemon you saved can be your new servants over on your island!' And then Carrie and the dwebble could say, 'Actually, this is our home, and we want to stay here and reclaim it.' That would feel a lot more dynamic and earned to me.

I did wonder whether I should have one more scene after the last one here, where we would see the island with more vegetation and the dwebble and electabuzz getting along. I just couldn't come up with a proper direction for that scene outside "well there they are, look at them, everyone is happy yay".
I think what makes endings feel a little incomplete is not so much that we haven't seen everyone posing together with a smile to say 'we're happy' but more that it feels like issues raised by the story haven't been wrapped up. A big tension in the story was between Carrie and her 'gods.' What responsibilities do they have? What rights to Carrie and her people have? And considering the relationship between the dwebble and electabuzz, a scene that showed them happy together might ring a little falsely to me--what would be satisfying is a scene showing that they're starting down a road which could lead to that "everyone is happy yay" moment, because it's not realistically going to happen overnight.

The thing with Carrie is that I never really felt like I had a good grasp on her character or really cared for her, so writing her was not the top priority (and I did avoid it when I could since I didn't feel like I fully knew that I was doing). While she is technically "the main character", Bouquatro is the name of the fic and honestly speaking her most important purpose in the story is to be the camera lens through which we see the real star of the show, the funny bird
I personally found Bou the less interesting of the two. It felt like he reached the zenith of his character arc at the end of the penultimate part, when he made the choice to turn around, to stand up to his brother, to fight back. None of his actions in the final part really can top that moment--telling his mom the truth when she's right there seems completely in line with his past history as a tattletale. Whereas Carrie has a lot of unresolved feelings about what Zapdos did to her people, the way they've worshipped him, her slow realization that the lives of her people just don't take priority for immortals. It felt to me like narratively she still needed her big character moment.

As for Carrie getting killed: in my initial outline, she didn't die, but Ho-Oh came to interrupt before Zapdos could strike. It, however, felt to me like way too much of a lucky coincidence for her to come just at the right moment when her arriving in the first place was a stroke of luck. Her arriving some time later felt more believable, and this also allowed for the Zapdos POV segment which I liked as a change of pace.
I definitely agree that Ho-oh coming in the nick of time would feel contrived.

If someone created a storm and it's been there for over a day already, the stormclouds are still going to be there for a while after any active effort to keep them there has ceased, and they'll continue to do stormcloud things until they run their course and dissipate.
Doesn't Carrie believe that storms are created by her god? So wouldn't it be most natural for her to assume that the storm would go away when the god is knocked out? She hasn't exactly ever had meteorology lessons.
 

Nubushi

しぶい
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. slowpoke-hgss
  2. togekiss-nubushi
Hello, After clearing my post-Blitz backlog, I'm back for another chapter of this charming story! I'll share some line-by-lines first, then general thoughts on part 2.

"It's me, Carrie!" she called. "Carnelian in full! Daughter of Bismuth and Pearlkeeper!"
IIRC, this is the first time we learn Carrie's real name. Interesting names; I had thought Carrie's name sounded kind of human-like, but it makes more sense knowing her full name. There's a mineral/stone theme going on, which makes a lot of sense thematically for dwebbles and crustles.

embraced her mother tightly.
Kind of hard to picture how a dwebble and a crestle would embrace, unlike most of your other descriptions of pokemon movements, which are so fun to read because they really bring out the animal-like-ness of crustles (Carrie's tail digging into the coconut shell, etc.)

by the ocean’s depths,
I really enjoyed seeing this creative expression, which makes a lot of in-universe sense.

The third and fourth grew in the taller bushes,
"the" seems odd, and makes me wonder whether this is supposed to read "grew into taller bushes," as "grew in the taller bushes" doesn't make a lot of sense here.

A sharp crack split the air.
This is ominous, and it seems a little strange that Bouquatro would just keep talking, as it seems obviously bad news.

It crashed against the crag time and time again,
A little hard to picture. What crag?

the culprit behind the collapse was clear to be seen - roots that had split the rock as they'd grown.
What I'd like to know, as a reader, is whether the part of the cliff top that had the berries on it also fell into the sea, or whether it remained safe.

Carrie had first thought that the light came from torches, but a longer look revealed that it instead radiated from strange, glowing orbs placed in metal sconces on the walls. Inside each buzzed and sparked something like a small cluster of lightning, and the light they emitted has a cold hue to it. The sort of curiosity that one would expect to witness only in a god's dwelling, thought Carrie.
Really enjoyed the description of lightbulbs from the point of view of a pokemon that doesn't know what they are. Her description makes perfect sense in the way she describes it in terms of things she does understand, and the final comment about them being fit for a god's dwelling made me laugh--Carrie's persistent belief that the legendary birds are gods makes me chuckle every time.

Then, after what Carrie could tell was far too long a pause, he responded. “Snacks.”
This was really funny.

"Do you realize how long I've been trying to get rid of those? How many years I've brought up this flood to drown them? But they always find some hidey-hole to procreate in! And here you are, encouraging them to spawn?"
Ooh, ouch. So the "god" that Carrie's race were worshiping was trying to wipe them all out.

"N-no."

Carrie's breath halted. It had been quiet, it had been weak, but that was Bouquatro's voice.
Awww. Heartwarming, but the change strikes me as being realistic--he doesn't become bold all of a sudden, but he does attempt to stand up for himself.

Physically, he looked well enough to rise to his feet, but he stayed down, as if the insults themselves weighed too much to bear.
This is another line that struck me as ringing really true to life--you can see Bouquatro's sense of learned helplessness from his actions here.

Zapdos' feathers stood on end, turning his plumage even spikier than usual.

His feathers sparked and crackled. White-hot arcs of lightning crawled across his body.
These are some really neat images--very active, noun-and-verb centric, giving a vivid mental image of Zapdos in action.

And the chapter ends on a nice cliffhanger. Part of that is of course wanting to know the outcome of what will happen next, now that Bouquatro has really started to come into himself and be able to stand up for Carrie, but there's also that we don't know yet what Bouquatro did to intercept Zapdos's lightning attack.

Overall, I felt like the chapter had a good amount of psychological realism, with Bouquatro being trapped in the cycle of abuse, unable to say "no" to, disobey, or stand up to his brother. This comes through quite clearly in his actions, for example, going back when Zapdos says "stop" even though he could have gotten away, initially being unable to reply to Zapdos's insults and abuse, and his weighed-down posture.

I really liked that although the story is addressing a heavy theme (sibling abuse), it's not a totally grimdark story--there's humor, there's Bouquatro being a generally nice and friendly guy, and there are some heartwarming moments, like Carrie reuniting with her mother, or when Bouquatro finally finds the courage within himself to say "no." That gives the story an atmosphere of addressing serious themes, but without it becoming oppressively dark.
 
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Bluwiikoon

waow!
Location
Gensokyo, Past and Present ~ Flower Land
Pronouns
He/him
Partners
  1. nosepass-bluwiikoon
HI IM HERE FOR SMEARGLE SWAP :quag: I would die for Bouquatro I love him so much. I really enjoyed chapter one, and I'm excited to read more and to thoroughly coalesce my thoughts! His desperation to make new friends, and to do anything to make said new friends comfortable, really resonates with me. I really love how you described his powers, with lights glowing underneath the ground as they became plants! (That was another potential scene I was thinking of illustrating). And... oh god, Zapdos is gonna be a huge asshole, isn't he?

THANK U FOR MAKING SUCH A GOOD STORY PLS ENJOY THIS OFFERING

2021-10-11 bouquatro.png
 

kintsugi

golden scars | pfp by sun
Location
the warmth of summer in the songs you write
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. silvally-grass
  2. lapras
  3. golurk
  4. booper-kintsugi
  5. meloetta-kint-muse
  6. meloetta-kint-dancer
  7. murkrow
  8. yveltal
  9. celebi
hi canis! I somehow missed this during the big hype for it last Blitz, which, wow, my mistake. I don't really have good line edits here because I read this on my phone/on a bus, but I didn't have that many anyway tbh. your prose is still breezy in this one and it's a lot of fun to get through.

I associate a lot of your characters with being loners or lonely at the start of the story, I think--Red is the most obvious example, but Shirlee always struck me as someone who was isolated by her fame, Barricade has his one friend and that all goes to shit, Brent wants friends and all of his friends think he's a loser, and Eli likes his dad and pretty much no one else in his homelife to the point that he's willing to leave it all behind. I guess the notable exception that I've read is Aki. I notice that a lot of your protagonists tend to have a very narrow circle of people they care about deeply, and their goals are usually personal rather than group-oriented--they're goals that are well-conveyed and that make for really good conflicts, but I was really surprised when this was about a smol bug who loves her homeland enough that she's going to brave multiple gods to try to save it, and a somewhat misanthropic god who confronts his fears in order to protect strangers because that's the right thing to do. I feel like I mention being impressed by your writing range in pretty much every review I write for you, but here we are again lol.

Bou is such a gem holy shit. This entire character concept of this very goofy younger brother who means well but his gigachad Zapdos brother keeps bullying him is artistic gold. "What's in your satchel" / "... snacks" and Bou trying to explain that birds eat seeds fucking sent me, my god. I came in expecting at least one character to be able to lie convincingly and without remorse because Red, but the alternative here is so great. And the way he and Carrie sort of are able to talk past each other when they're discussing Zapdos--Bou knows that Zapdos hates bugs from that one accident when they were little, and Carrie knows that her life is constantly misery from a bunch of storms, but neither of them put two and two together that this is a calculated act. Because, fair, that's a big stretch to a horrifying understanding for two generally decent people to make.

I really like Carrie, too. You do a good job of conveying her physical tininess in the face of literal clashing gods, and her relative powerlessness to deal with her situation--but she's determined to try. I really liked the choice of species here, both for the bug setup but also just lines like "fuck why'd I pick the super round shell". But there's definitely something to be said about an underdog protagonist having the most based takes in the cast--her entire life has been spent at the whims of others, so it makes perfect sense that she would be the first to show outrage when she sees that kind of power being abused. And the climax of this fic involves a hermit crab trying to work out the logistics of carrying objects in pincers and I am 1000% here for it holy shit. I like how you establish her shell as something viscerally important for her early on, and then start literally coaxing her out of it as she has to take increasingly more and more brave steps; one of my favorite parts of the story is when she drops her shell so that she can hide in Bou's flowers. It's such a good display of trust and I can genuinely believe that both these characters made it to this point.

After the first chapter I was really curious how you'd integrate themes of legends, gods, etc. Zapdos is an absent god but a well-worshipped one; Bou is an absent one who chooses not to be known. There's a compelling thread there of strength and duty, and one that Bou eventually has to confront when he confronts his brother--with great power comes great responsibility, or something. There's a really nice throughline about courage and getting respect via displays of kindness/compassion vs getting respect via fear, starting with the moment where Carrie's able to get her family to trust Bou by standing on his head.

I won't harp too long since I saw that this was brought up/difficult to answer for other reviews, but I did think the ending with Ho-oh was kind of out of place. I also didn't really know if the switch to Zapdos POV really did much for me, since he's kind of a flat character and there's not really much learned from getting inside of his head that we didn't already get elsewhere. I wonder if Ho-oh/the resurrections were actually necessary for the fic to function with its intended moral--imo the emotional climax of the fic for Bou is at "leave her alone" and for Carrie when she throws her shell away to trust Bou. Structurally I think Ho-oh is well set up and it doesn't really feel like asspull to have her show up/save the day or anything, but I wasn't entirely sold on what it did to the actual emotional beats. I think there's a compelling point about interconnectedness or everyone needing to rely on someone else, even gods perhaps? But for me the more powerful points were about courage and responsibility, making the hard choices to do the right thing, remembering to mourn your genocidal brother even if you would fight him because to dehumanize him is to dehumanize yourself. I like how Bou and Carrie are both able to teach one another about being better people here; it feels like a very reciprocal friendship where they're both helping each other grow.

(I also think that the choice Ho-oh makes to zoop Zapdos into baby is pretty horrifying--like he's basically dead at that point, right? I get that for gods it's sort of different but Zapdos as he is/was is gone. And I'm not really going to be a Zapdos apologist here since he is trying to exterminate an entire species out of spite, but I didn't understand why Ho-oh saw this as a superior option. Gods are weird though, so I think there's a reasonable route there; I just didn't pick up on it when I was reading through).

Overall I really adored reading this, especially the characterizations/their particular quirks, and the way that the premise all fit together. Thanks for sharing!
 

Panoramic_Vacuum

Hoenn around
Partners
  1. aggron
  2. lairon
Hello hello, I'm here for my dose of the OG toucan pokemon design, Bou! (Does Bouquarto predate Toucannon?? Either way, what an awesome design for a fourth legendary bird) I've seen a bunch of Bou art floating around and having the design in my head as I read was a lot of fun. I absolutely adore your character voice here, not just for Bou but for Carrie as well. Their individual mannerisms and dialogue paint such a clear picture in my head of the kind of person they are, it's just fantastic.

Carrie is a fun narrator for this story, and I like that she's not a usual choice of 'mon. Being a smaller, more vulnerable species makes for a really interesting dynamic between her and Bou. At the start of the fic we see her in a really tough spot; the elements, forces of nature, and other pokemon looking for a snack are all out to get her. She's terrified but capable enough to make it out of her conundrum on her own, but not so powerful or capable that she can do much else (such as save her whole colony on her own). It's a great set up for a character because she's not meek or quavering, she's as feisty as they come (if a bit terrified at times). It's this delightful contrast to Bou himself that in some ways makes their teamwork all the more perfect. What Bou lacks in fire, Carrie can provide, and what Carrie lacks in power, Bou is all too happy to lend a hand.

Poor lonely Bou, just wants a friend and to not be the object of his sibling's ire. You really feel how he's the runt of the litter but it doesn't make him lesser because of that. He's got a big, kind heart, and seeing that from what usually are the very aloof, very proud legendary birds, it's such a delightful contrast for friendly, personable Bou. It's so painfully clear he just wants to be a regular mon and have friends and meet new people and just enjoy all the good things in life. He gives me a very Dionysus vibe with his powers and desires in god-hood. I definitely got a laugh out of part one where Carrie was all but worshipping him at his feet and he was like "please stop groveling" (a la Monty Python). Even the state of his island with its verdant environment shows that Bou is interested in using his powers to help give life and make creatures big and small happy. This much is evident with him even before we have the stark contrast of Zapdos's reign over his own island.

Again, more contrast makes this fic shine, and the way the story and characters take a very black-and-white stance of things like good and evil, the subtly isn't lost. Both Bou and Carrie have tough decisions to make regarding themselves, each other, and their own respective world views. The real magic for me is the dynamic between Carrie and Bou, this unlikely duo who is out to change their little archipelago for the better. I have no problem with stories that involve heavy doses of fate/destiny. Carrie just so happened to be blown off course and then plucked from the sky by a hungry cramorant and carried to Bou's island. He manages to find her and befriends her, only to learn that her people are in need of help from him and his plant-growing powers.

Of course, it's not just the islands that end up fundamentally changed by the time this story has run its course. Carrie and Bou have changed, too! I'd argue Bou's arc is stronger than Carrie's overall, but they still both undergo changes from beginning to end. Bou's is so wonderful as I love that at the climax with his confrontation with Zapdos, he finds it within himself to stand up to his brother. Oh man, definitely my favorite moment of the fic. That surge of emotion that he's no longer the resident doormat of the family, feels good man. Carrie comes out the other side a much more confident and capable dwebble. At the initial migration, a lot of her fears are because of her powerlessness, her lack of ability to enact change. And by the end, she's proven to herself and to her entire colony that she is capable, that little creatures can make big impacts. It's her motivation and urging of Bou to help that has enacted change on the entire island! These are all things that really tickle my fancy, so big kudos to you for writing these themes in such a compelling and charming way. I care an awful lot about Carrie and Bou, and their triumph over Zapdos and his tyrannical reign was so satisfying.

That being said, part three I think is where things do trip up a bit, and some of the narrative strength of parts one and two get muddied a bit. I was rather taken aback by
both Bou and Carrie's deaths
. It was a bit surprising given how much we'd seen of them working together as a team, and wondering how much they depended on each other to make this plan work and not have it crumble apart if one piece of the team is removed from the equation. I figured if anything it would be one or the other in order to play toward the bond they'd formed with each other throughout the fic, not both. From that point I think the way the rest of the fic played out was a bit harder to parse simply because I was still reeling. I have no problem with momentary triumph being taken away and replaced with despair, but with both of them gone, it felt like there was no one left to actually despair. Sure the dwebble colony would suffer but they already did suffer and knew nothing of the hope that Bou and Carrie gave them for complete freedom (not just new life on the cliff edge). It made Zapdos's turnabout a bit sour, and maybe even sort of cheat-y? It didn't feel like the tables had turned in a back-and-forth struggle so much as it was like Zapdos just unplugged Bou's controller and that was the end of that.

I read a few other comments and I disagree that their Mother's arrival was deux-ex-machina-esque. It was foreshadowed in the beginning of the fic that her intervention was possible, so it wouldn't be such an asspull for her to arrive in the nick of time in some fashion. And again, here it might be more compelling if either Carrie or Bou were around when she arrived, caught up in the grief of despair, rather than it be Bou just doing a tattle-session on big bro Zappy. (We do get some great Bou grief when he finds out Carrie was zapped too, since he was already gone by the time she was zapped, but I kind of wanted more. Gimme that sweet angst, poor sad Bou!) I appreciate that he's still bold enough to call out Zapdos in front of mom, but some of the bravery he earned in the fic felt lessened by being able to tattle to mommy-dearest while under her wing. It didn't have that same ultimate triumphant feel as when he talked back to Zapdos in part two. Felt good, just not as good. I did get a chuckle out of Zapdos being caught literally red handed. "No mom, that lightning wasn't me, it was uh, yeah the air's dry and I'm wearing my favorite wool socks on the carpet." Interesting that his punishment was to become the new runt of the litter. Makes you wonder what life will be like without a thunder god for a while? Does it upset some kind natural balance to have one legendary bird be so smol for a time? It also seems like their idea of time or growing up might be different than "mortal" pokemon. Like he'll be back to adulthood in no time and this was just a little "time out session" and a way to nerf his ego and powers as a lesson.

In any case, this was a really satisfying fic that covered a lot of ground from start to finish. The sense of scale, stakes, and personal growth here is great, and both Carrie and Bou have solidified a place in my heart as two characters I care very much about. If you're ever inclined, I'd love to see an epilogue with what Zapdos's island looks like after Bou's influence. It feels like it'd be something like the Lion King, where Pride Rock is under Mufasa/Simba's rule vs under Scar's rule. I enjoy the trope of a good, kind ruler vs a cruel one and the effect it has on the environment itself. For a fic with lots of lush, vibrant details, it would seem fitting! Well written, thanks for giving us the fourth legendary bird we deserved!
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
  8. meganium
Hey Canis! Here for a review of part 1, and I'll be taking a look at parts 2 and 3 later next month, I'm sure. This was a really nice opener and continues to remind me of how good you are at lighthearted content compared to your usual bread and butter. I don't think I have a whole lot to comment on in terms of broad critique beyond perhaps the opening portion of survival going on for a little longer than necessary. I'm also not sure if the random one-eyed Cram is going to be all that relevant for the story that comes in three parts beyond this offhand mention. Maybe it will? But it seems like the scope of the story has already expanded to the primary drive.

Anyway, about the main duo, I think they're adorable! A bit of carnivore confusion on just what it would mean for how Bouquatro reacts to Carrie's story at the start, but maybe that's why he seems to be separate from the trio that we know normally. As you probably know, I'm always fond of the trope of powerful entities trying to downpaly themselves or otherwise act casual, and Bouquatro is no exception. The dynamic between the tiny Dwebble and the forgotten Legend is really nice and I want to see how that will develop in the rest of the story.

Knowing how short the story is, I can only really expect one or two more conflicts. The things set up in the first part will probably see some payoff, such as the beacon for help, perhaps a confrontation with Zapdos? Though I have my doubts there. What I'm anticipating the most would be an encounter with Lugia, which I'm presuming is their mother in this context, and how that might resolve, or if there will be some kind of anticlimax where that never happens and Bouquatro finds some other way to work things out.

Guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out! See you then.
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
  8. meganium
I started this fic during the blitz and now I'm going to end it in it, too! More thoughts, this time for chapters 2 and 3.

Oh, huh. So just a quick summary scene of the Cramorant apologizing with a head-bow. That's an interesting one; I'm almost tempted to wonder if Carrie would have asked about it in some way. Was it the natural order of things, or was there a clause not to hunt down sapient Pokemon, or something? Or maybe Bou is just sentimental about having company for once. Makes me wonder how lonely he must be.

Coconut Carrie is cute. I like that she's kind of always nervously asking things to keep occupied due to being WAY out of her element during this travel. I just want to know how the colony will react to someone like Bou showing up and bringing Carrie back. This is the sort of thing grand tales are made of!
Ahh and my question is answered. I was expecting to run into some trouble with the storm, but I shouldn't be too surprised that Bou would be able to handle it. Would actually be silly, now that I think about it, if a simple storm would have taken him down. Still, I believe he has a quad weakness to Ice... At least we aren't worried about Articuno, right?

Ahh, and then comes a lovely, altruistic miracle. Bou gets to talk about being a botany nerd, and then of course a strike of thunder gets everyone's attention and he has to immediately flee. Though in all fairness, we all saw this confrontation coming, and now Carrie has to silently hide away and pray this works out... while right between two lions.

I guess to gods, a temple keeper is kind of a butler, huh? Except Zapdos has a case of a typo and instead of fires them, he fries them... That's certainly an effective one-liner to indicate that, yes, Zapdos is a bit of a dick compared to Bouquatro. By a lot.

Wow, yeah. Gods without any sort of regulation like Zaptos seems to be having is just straight up evil. Bou says as much and I definitely agree; it's a wonder it didn't come out until now. Then again, most who knew would have probably not lived to tell the tale. Geez, now I'm worried what their mother will think. Could go either way.

Well, there comes the clash, I guess! Now I wonder how the final part will resolve...

Wow, talk about intense. It's crazy how much stronger Zapdos is, even in comparison to Bou. I guess he's out of practice, what with being the 'runt' of the quartet... I wasn't expecting Zapdos to do that kind of carnage right off, killing them both. Brutal.

I'll comment that the switch to Zapdos' perspective was slightly jarring, if only because we'd been in Carrie's perspective that whole time. Unfortunately, I think that was a necessarily evil here because otherwise a great chunk of the narrative would have been lost. Too bad I guess. Still, the rest of it was good. Gods seem to be quite killable, though. Maybe that's what Bou meant by him not being a god, not asking for reverence, if they can be defeated so easily.

Ho-Oh, meanwhile... now that I wasn't expecting. I mean, it was a possibility in my head, but the second place one, since she's usually associated with the beasts.

Ah yes, a god not using their great powers unless necessary or due to their own carelessness. That's a fair clause, since I use the same for a lot of my work for the responsible ones, so maybe I'm biased... But that just means, what's gonna happen to Zapdos?

Oh. That's what happens. Ho-Oh just resets Zapdos. That's one way to go out. For someone not noticing this for possibly hundreds of years and just swapping him out just like that, it's kind of extraordinary how subdued Bou's response is to all that, all things considered. I almost wonder if Bou should have asked his mother something like, 'did you ever do that to me?' or something. That's quite a scary power to have held over you! Though considering the tone overall, I can see that being played for laughs depending on how Bou reacted in this hypothetical.

Anyway, that was a lovely story, very intense at the end, too! I think my favorite segment was probably the confrontation between Zapdos and Bou before their actual fight. Something about having altruistic Bou finally standing up to his brother resonated well. One thing I felt was lacking was any sort of follow-up that might have gone over my head on just why Bou has no followers; Zapdos mentioned that the keepers for Bou's island... left. What caused that? It seemed like a dangling point in the story.

Still, it's a very small nitpick compared to everything else. Very good story, Canis. Glad I finally got around to reading it!
 

Equitial

Ace Trainer
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. inkay
  3. woobat
  4. ralts
Here are thoughts for the fic as a whole after reading it for Reading Rookidee! They are organized into three categories and one bonus, for no particular reason.

1. Setting/Vibes

“It’s a coconut shell! I hope it’ll do for now,” said the stranger.

So, the first thing that I really liked during the beginning is Carrie's transition to a new shell. It appeals to me because a) I like Dwebble and the creativity that can be had with their shells and b) it was a physical way to signal Carrie going into new circumstances. The setting of Bou's island is a huge part of the aestheti,c and probably the biggest interest for the first half of the story, so I like having this concrete actual thing in the stories to bridge narrative events and actual plot.

(also because my brain really focused on the coconut shell in the beginning, that actually made Carrie's death seem more like a surprise when I got to it. See, because I saw the coconut as symbolism for 'character meeting new environment', when Carrie was about to get the marble shell I interpreted it as, "Ah, so now she gets a durable new shell to indicate the adventures she's gone through and how she's become a stronger person because of it." I saw the marble shell as "the end" so it was more of a gut punch when, nope, shell didn't protect her.)

I got derailed from talking about the setting/atmosphere. Here are some passages I highlighted while reading:

It was unlike any other bird she'd seen. Its wings and tail were formed by massive leaves, and its chest was covered in flowers of all shapes, sizes and colors. This majesty, though, clashed horribly with the creature's face - specifically its giant, cumbersome beak as colorful as the flowers on its neck.

A calm pond, crystal clear, opened up before her. On the opposite side stood a large tree - or perhaps many trees combined - whose roots, trunks and branches weaved together to create a large hut. Around the area grew more trees. These trees were notably smaller than that of the hut, but still robust and densely packed enough to obscure the horizon in all directions. Never had Carrie seen so many trees in one place. Their leaves were broad, vivid green, plentiful, and between those leaves were… fruit… sweet, sweet fruit...

2. Bou

Okay so to me, it feels like most of the story is in Carrie's POV because everything is new to her and it's fun to see a little creature becoming a friend to a "god." However, despite the Carrie POV, Bou feels the true protagonist of this story, with Carrie acting as the newcomer who comes in to catalyze Bou's character.

Bou is just generally a good and pleasant guy in the first half of the story, and because he's pleasant, it's great to watch him. However, when he clashes against his brother Zapdos, then his established traits are shown in a new light and are very interesting.

Bou's character traits are generally good, but because of the people around him and other circumstances, he is encouraged to believe they are bad. (See Bou not having many friends, implied because he isn't forcing them to stay around and worship him like Zapdos.) He doesn't ultimately give into this perspective, which is good for him. But those traits still cause problems in other ways. His traits are beaten down, which kinda digs into his self-esteem and bring them to actual negative ends, like when his agreeable nature causes him to apologize to Zapdos.

Bouquatro sighed. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

What? Carrie's heart sank. Did Bouquatro just… apologize? To this murderer?

3. The conclusion

"Can you give me the beacon?"

It took a second for Carrie to realize what he was referring to, but right after, she picked up the idol and skittered around the debris to hand it to Bouquatro. He took it in his talons and set it upright on a level enough piece of debris.

A thing I ended up really liking about the plot is that Carrie never actually summoned Bou's mother, so that Bou could do it himself. Bou going directly to the beacon was a good way to demonstrate that Bou has learned from his experiences and grown throughout this whole thing. His flaws came into play, but then resolved. Similarly, I appreciated him articulating his feelings about Zapdos to Carrie. One could disagree with Bou's perspective, or not like it, but it feels true to his character, shows that he's doing self-analysis, and is a good middle-ground developement for the brothers' relationship.

Just as quickly, the anger faded, and Bouquatro looked away. “No, I… I understand. He was terrible. But it’s not like I can just turn off this feeling. Or that I’d want to. I fear that… if I didn’t care for a specific someone, I’d have to choose where to draw the line on who to care for and who not to, and… I worry what would happen were I to draw it too far.”

Okay, but those things I talked about, some things happened after that. I'm completely fine with Bou and Carrie being killed, what with Bou's mother being plenty foreshadowed way in the beginning. Zapdos's killing spree felt like the last thing needed for his character, a last demonstration of his cruelness before he gets his comeuppance. When Zapdos just kills Bou/Carrie, for a second, it is like the story implies that actually Bou is foolish; the true god won. Then, when Mom comes and is much more similar to Bou, there is the final rebuttal. Ho-Oh (who has a very down-to-earth, mom-like personality) comes and shows that she is just a person, though a powerful one, and just reaffirms that kindness = good. All in all, a conclusion I found very satisfying.


Bonus: This wasn't something I saw while reading, only when I looked at your feedback requests. Personally, i don't see anything wrong with the Zapdos's ending. sure you could argue that sure, it could be seen like killing Zapdos, but Zapdos was very literally doing a genocide. To preserve the happy ending, something had to happen to that guy. The tone wouldn't have allowed just executing Zapdos, so the 'reset' feels appropriate and not worse than he deserved. With how Ho-Oh and Bou treated it, I'd assume that semi-immortals consider it fine as well.)
 
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