[7th Anni] Grunt Recruitment Symposium

Flyg0n · 2026-04-25T19:30:48+0100

Grunt Recruitment Symposium

Are you a grunt or aspiring grunt to be seeking gainful grunt work with an evil team? Do you want to throw away all sense of individuality so you can sneer at children and have questionable fashion senses? Have you always dreamed of getting wiped out by an enraged ancient god-like legend that your boss harassed? Look no further than the Grunt Recruitment Symposium - GRS!

In this fast paced world with world threatening apocalypses every few years, it can be hard to stay on the cutting edge. You gotta keep on that grind and serve only the best of the best malicious psychopaths and deranged megolomaniacs.

At the GRS you can hear pitches from evil teams from all across the world in one convenient place. Find new employers, friends and network with some of the greatest villain minds across pokeearth!

Whether you seek to join a guy who definitely will include you in his plans for a perfect world or pretend you’re totally helping conservation efforts or abused pokemon, there’s so many ways to get taken advantage of right here in one location!

Form lifelong connections (until a plucky ten year old trashes your middle-aged boss and you end up in jail) and possibly even have a redemption arc if your hair is cool enough. Check out your future outfit, ask about health benefits, and see what basic rodent or mammal you’ll be stuck battling with.

We look forward to your indentured employment!

You see a similar ad on KLinkedIn

Are you a high-performing individual or an aspiring professional seeking a dynamic role within a disruptive global organization? 🚀 Do you want to leverage corporate synergy and trade individuality for a unified brand identity, complete with a bold, avant-garde aesthetic? Look no further than the GRS! 💼

In today’s fast-paced landscape, where global-scale shifts occur every few years, staying ahead of the curve is essential. You have to embrace the grind to maintain a competitive edge. 📈

At the GRS, we provide a centralized platform to hear pitches from visionary leadership teams across the globe. Discover new career opportunities, build meaningful connections, and network with the most influential strategic minds on the planet! 🌍

Whether you’re looking to align with a founder building a "perfect world" or want to contribute to high-impact CSR initiatives and conservation efforts, there are endless opportunities to be fully utilized right here! 🤝

Build lifelong professional networks (until a young disruptor challenges your C-suite) and potentially pivot into a transformative redemption arc if your personal branding is strong enough. Explore your future corporate attire, inquire about our comprehensive benefits package, and identify the core assets you’ll be managing in the field. 🐭

We look forward to your long-term commitment to our mission! #Hiring #Networking #CareerGrowth #GlobalDomination #Disruptors

{This ad was created by an linkedin translator}

Explanation

Welcome to the first ever GRS! GRS is a fun idea that popped into my head one day. How do evil teams in pokeworld get so many followers? The leaders must make some pretty charismatic speeches or compelling proposals so have so many willing grunts. So I figured an event centered around seeing who can gather the most grunts for their evil team would be fun!

The process is pretty simple. Contestants have 1 week to write a “pitch” as if they were the villain trying to sway people to join their epic evil team and post it in this thread. This can be done in any style that fits on forums in a single post. You can be comedic or serious, whatever you like. Talk about the epic sense of fashion with bowl cuts or the swagged out uniforms you would provide or how you're very definitely Not Evil. List health benefits and what demigod you are trying to enslave and how you'll definitely make the world better without ecological downsides.

After the week is up, both participants and viewers can “vote” on which team they would join and can discuss and chat about the merits of the teams. Voting is open even if you didn't write a pitch, so please do join the fun!

This is a very casual event, so don’t ruminate too hard and have fun.

Feel free to chat on discord or here about the various merits of the different evil teams!

Winner gets a choice of one review for 1 chapter of their fic (or a fic of their choice; 10k or less) or one simple flat sketch of a base-stage pokemon in a pose of my choosing from me (no legendaries/crazy mon/complex deigns, I maintain the right to decline).

Rules

Pitch opens: April 25th
Pitches close: May 2nd 9pm EST

Voting period: May 2nd - May 8th; winners announced at end of Anniversary
(DM me to vote)

All writing must be your own; no AI or AI-aided work. Traditional spellcheck is fine.
Should be in some way about the pokemon franchise, whether canon or not.
Any writing for the game should be within the bounds of being TR-appropriate (no excessive gore/sexual references etc)
Writing should be primarily and significantly composed of new work written for this event, not copy-pasted from your fic or previous work. Inspiration from yourself is fine.
Work should fit within forum constraints, but additional content is permitted such as music or art
Prose should not exceed approximately 7k; art cannot have more than what fits on the forums;
You may not vote for your own pitch
The format is flexible. You can write it like a technical document, or as if it were a scene from a fic where the villain is speaking, or a list of reasons why your evil team is the best, etc
Colored text and bold/italic is permitted; but for colored text please include a version without it for accessibility reasons
Non-standard text such as Zalgo or other distorted texts are permitted tastefully. Please don’t be excessive, it can be hard to read.
One post/entry per participant. Your pitch must fit within 1 post and you may only make 1 pitch.
Votes should be submitted to me via dm on discord or the forums. (I go by Tetra on the TR forums)

FAQ

Does it have to be a canon villain or can I use OC’s? You’re welcome to use either, or interpret a canon villain in any way you please. Naturally, writing for a canon villain brings a degree of inherent familiarity but if you’d rather use your OC villain you are more than welcome to
What about fakemon? Also perfectly allowed! If you want to include art of your fakemon you canas well
Does it have to be a human villain? Absolutely not! If you have a pokemon or AME (Ambiguous Malicious Entity) such as Dark Matter; you can write that as well
Does it have to be in the pokemon setting? Yes. For simplicity and theme adherence purposes, please write only villains in some way tied to the pokemon world
What counts as a villain? This can have a fair amount of gray space but generally for this game, a villain is any character with selfish and/or malicious motives seeking some goal for evil intent that will cause harm (regardless of if the villain themselves believes they are wrong). However, you need not necessarily be fully evil/serious. "I am Drakio, leader of Team Dragon and I will force every trainer to have a Flygon" is valid and correct.
I’m not splitting hairs here, use your noggin
Does my villain pitch need to be “true”? Nope! You’re writing a villain's pitch. Your main goal is to persuade people to your cause. It would be bad faith to not at least try to stand behind your cause but stretching the truth or lying is perfectly fine. (e.g. It would be weird to write for Cyrus and claim that you want to separate people and pokemon to prevent abuse; but claiming you will improve the world and offer free money and “everyone will be included in my new world” is fine)
What tone should I write in? That's entirely up to you! You can be comedic, serious, meta, sincere, etc. Remember you’re hypothetically hoping to “persuade” people to join, but however you choose to approach this is fine, its all in good fun!
Can I voice act/use power point/draw? Yup! I would say there should be some prose/writing involved in a way that's accessible (like providing a transcript for a voice acted pitch) but adding drawings or images is fine. Anything that basically can fit within the forum constraints on a single post (so no powerpoints more than 10 images).
Can I co-write a pitch with someone? Absolutely, if you both find something you want to do together. If you both contribute and work together equally that counts as a single entry for both of you. Thus you cannot co-write and also independently make your own pitch. You also still get one prize collectively and must decide who gets it.
Am I allowed to have my pitch beta-read? Of course! Beta reading is definitely not the same as co-writing, you can ask anyone you like to beta and beta for whoever you like. Entries are not anonymous; only votes are.
Can I edit my pitch? Yes, anytime before the pitch period closes you can add or adjust. Afterwards, only minor edits for grammar or typos are allowed

If you have any other questions or need clarification feel free to reach out.

I look forward to your compelling and sauve speeches!

Flyg0n · 2026-04-26T03:59:27+0100

Team Corn
~Per planitiem venit incrementum~
“Through flatness comes growth.”

Welcome and thank you for considering the most illustrious and humble of all teams, the one who can help you to grow to new heights. As a member of Team Corn, you will be uniquely positioned to cultivate greatness and wisdom within yourself and branch out to gratifying paths in life. You will reap the benefits of being a member of one of the most influential organizations. We value our grunts and consider them our greatest assets and the seeds to our success.

Our goal is simple. To make a better, brighter and more healthy world teeming with life and food. To make sure none ever go hungry and all are full. The way we plan to achieve this is simple. We will call upon the power of Regigigas and the lesser titans of Regiterra and Regiflora. These two titans hold dominion over the natural world and land formations, and Regigigas can alter continents and landmasses.

With their power we will flatten all the planet's landmasses to create more farmland!

Unlike those silly eco-extremists in Hoenn, we recognize that trying to create more land is a foolish and dangerous endeavor. Doing so would upset many delicate ecological balances of the world. Instead, we believe our duty is to utilize what we already have more efficiently.

Think about it. You love corn on the cob? Corn casserole? Do you like elote and equites and street corn and tortilla chips? Well that's all thanks to corn! Burritos? That requires corn! And if you like foods like baked potatoes and chips and sweet potato pie? That's all because of farmland too.

In a word, farms are good.

Thus if farms are so good, imagine how much more good it would be if all the world were farmland! No more pesky mountains and valleys and other silly geography like canyons and forests making farming difficult. With them out of the way, so much more farming could be done!

Such features are artifacts of a bygone era put in place by problematic institutions and powers such as Groudon and Arceus and old legendaries making land for an old world. But we live in a new world. A modern one.

Team Corn understands and seeks to rectify this. To bring our natural world into the modern age. Which will be achieved once all the wild world is flattened into usable, fertile farmland. We will generously permit, of course, already built cities and towns to remain. All routes will remain intact as well. You’ll hardly even notice the absence of needless hassles like Mt Coronet or Mt Silver. Travel will be easier. Some have claimed Hoenn has too much water, to which we believe the solution is simple - have more farms. Others lament the challenges of trying to navigate various hazards in different regions.

Mt Coronet? Coronet Farms. Desert Resort? Farm Resort. Charicific Valley? Charicific Farm. Away with tedious caves to navigate that require gatekeepy powers like Flash to navigate. Rock Tunnel no more, now Rock Farmland. Ice Path? No worries about sliding off balance when there is a convenient stretch of nice farmland. Great Marsh? More like Great Farm.

Of course, unnecessary extraneous battle institutions will have to turn over their land to make farmland as well. There is no need for such establishments as Battle Towers and Battle Resorts. That is all simply padding, we believe. More farms also create more jobs. Never again worry yourself with what job you will choose. You will be a farmer. Your work will be rewarding and engaging, with tangible results.

Best of all as a grunt, you will get a chance to work under our ambitious and growth oriented leader, Maizie. Her vision and dedication is going to sow the seeds of a brighter, more abundant future. A future you will be able to fertilize and plant your roots in to yield rich new beginnings.

Benefits:

Unlimited free food: As a member of Team Corn, if you join now, you will get access to our premier tier free food package! Never grow hungry again, as you can eat everything you harvest and enjoy the literal fruits of your labors, all on the house. And because we're growing all our own food, its sustainable and has plenty of variety.
Cool outfits. Every member of Team Corner will get a choice between a sleeveless or longsleeve turtleneck with slim or wide fit overalls to go over them* and hand-woven ecofriendly straw hats**. You will also be provided complimentary stalks of straw to hold menacingly between your teeth***. You can also choose between Fossil Brown, Mudsdale Brown or Earthen Brown Work Boots***. Overalls are practical, have deep pockets, and are comfy and easy to wear (unlike shorts).
Wonderful farming pokemon! Access to your choice of Lechonk, Wooloo or Spearow. Grunts who are active at night can choose between Hoothoot, Murkrow or Mareep. Work hard and you may even have a chance to gang up on a child at the end of a Team base as a low level boss before the executive and use a Miltank or Tauros!
Flexible work hours. We are an all-hours ~~evil~~ team and have position available for nights, evenings, mornings and midday. We'll work with you to find the best hours for your schedule
Paid breaks. Work hard, play hard! At Team Corn we believe in the importance of a farmers rest. Two one hours breaks are provided each shift, fully paid. Enjoy!
Keep all your personal profits. If you successfully defeat plucky children trying to stop our grand benevolent plans, you are entitled to keep all you earn! Unlike those Rocket freaks in Kanto, we believe that the hard won fruits of labor belong to those who reaped it
Room for growth.We strong support and encourage all members of Team Corn to work hard and we reward that with increased benefits such as extra pay, sleeker and even blacker uniforms (overalls, of course) and the ability to go by your name instead of 'Team Corn Grunt'.

*Overalls are mandatory
**Straw hats are mandatory
***Stalks of straw are only provided to front-facing members of Team Corn. They are mandatory. Also available for $0.50 to all other members
****Work Boots are also mandatory

A word from our amazing leader, Maizie:

“When I was but a child... I went to bed hungry many nights. Tch. Nothing I suppose you would know of, [player]. I wondered why such sadness should be allowed in the world. Surely a good world would have enough food. It was then I made a promise then that I would change this.

Make a world where all have enough to eat to their hearts content. A world alive and full of growth and joy. Tell me, [player]. Is that so wrong that you would oppose me?

Very well. I shall give you a choice. Join me now and reap the benefits or be culled when the harvest time comes.”

Join Team Corn Now!

canisaries · 2026-04-26T09:35:45+0100

[You are in a conference hall. A speaker walks on stage. He looks to be a young Kantoan man with long black hair and a gray suit. He clears his throat and begins to speak into the microphone in his hand.]

Are you tired of other people being happy? Does the concept of empathy sicken you? Do you brim with bloodlust every single day?

You may be a houndoom

in a society of mareep

.

Studies show that roughly 1% of the world's population falls within the houndoom

category. These individuals are independent, driven and unfettered by empathy, yet laws passed by and upheld by mareep

hold them back from achieving their wants and needs. This may result in emotions such as:

Anger
Hatred
Jealousy
Disgust
Depression
Bloodlust

Well, what can you do about it?

You can join
TEAM HELIX!

But what is Team Helix?

Team Helix is an exciting resurrected religious movement which believes all houndoom

are children of the great LORD HELIX

. LORD HELIX

is a glorious primordial being who has worked towards reigning over reality for billions of years, yet has been so rudely denied HIS just place as the head of the cosmos by the existing gods. To ascend within our lifetime and bring about the perfect society for houndoom

, HE needs YOUR help. YOU can help provide HIM with the 10,000 human souls HE must consume in order to cross the metaphysical barrier imposed on HIM by the other gods.

Yes, we are talking about human sacrifice. Don't like it? Don't join. But for the rest of you who are NOT pathetic ruminants worried about what Mommy would think, let's continue. There are so many benefits we must to get into.

First off: training. No, not pokémon training, though we will also be doing that - more on that later. I mean an exercise regimen fine-tuned to get you from a bellsprout to a machamp. We here at Team Helix believe that having a strong mind is laudable, but it should be housed in a similarly strong body. Hiding behind the strength of your pokémon companions is not enough.

Secondly: the food. In Team Helix, you will have exciting new culinary experiences in the style of the ancient Helixian kitchen. Have you ever travelled on the subway and seen the nape of some other human being's bare, supple neck and thought, "Gods, I wish I could just bite into that"? I know I have. Well, don't worry, because you'll get to do that here. And I tell you, it's just as delicious as it sounds. Mm-mm.

Thirdly: the pokémon. To return to those pokémon companions from before, I'm excited to announce that every member of Team Helix will get their own precious omanyte companion

! Omanyte

are a beautiful and sacred species with smooth spiral shells and soft blue tentacles. You will be raising your omanyte companion

with adoration yet also discipline to sculpt them into the killers that nature intended them to be. They will help you strike down whoever opposes us.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "Doesn't the omanyte

line have a double weakness to the grass type? How will we handle that?" And that is exactly why, in addition to your omanyte companion

, you will also be provided with a traditional Helixian torture knife. If a filthy grass type lays a vine on your precious omanyte companion

, you will make them rue the day they ever germinated out of their seed.

And then lastly: the outfits. Now, another team would probably just give you their outfits. We don't believe in that. Instead, we here at Team Helix believe that you should have a connection to your clothes. You should pour your own blood, sweat and tears into them. Maybe literally. Blood does smell so nice. What was I talking about? Right, the outfits. In addition to sewing your own Neo-Helixian garments, you will be providing your own materials. This is to deepen your connection, and it also functions as a cost-cutting measure. Helixian culture is also very thrifty, have I mentioned that? No? Okay.

Not convinced yet? Well, let me just tell you some more about our glorious end goal. With LORD HELIX

on the cosmic throne, all houndoom

will have their bodies enhanced with sharp fangs and claws. I say that's pretty badass, and I certainly can't wait to get mine and hit up the nearest playground and just tear into some snotty kid. Gods, just thinking about it is making me shudder with anticipation. I love killing peop-

[Police sirens can be heard in the distance.]

Uh… my apologies, but it seems something has just come up. Yes, LORD HELIX

requires me elsewhere at this moment. And as HIS loyal servant, it is my duty to --

[The sirens grow louder.]

Okay, I better get outta here. Thank you for your attention. The fliers I passed should have information on how to reach me. Goodbye!

[The speaker drops his microphone, causing an earsplitting screech as he runs off stage.]

[The crowd does not applaud.]