Pokémon Places We Call Home

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, going to be pulling a late-night special on this one with a bit of an intermission in between since my flight's nearing its end. But I figured that it was as good an opportunity to get in another PWCH chapter under my belt, since it was a goal of mine to get caught up before Review Blitz ended. The next chapter seemed like it was a bit shorter than normal for this story, so it felt like as good a reason as any to just dive into…

Chapter 33

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

"Are you sure about this?"

Nip sat in front of a low table in one of the upper tavern rooms, his back to a window. The rain had finally stopped, rays of setting sunlight dappling the floor. Haru sat at the window, looking out to the empty square below.

Nip: "Honestly, no. But it's not like I can trust Tempest to give me a straight answer right now, and I can at least count on Umbra to do that out of spite." >_>;

Across from Nip, Whisper stood with her wings crossed, expression guarded. She looked him over, then eyed Haru.

"Yes," Nip said, bowing his head submissively. "I think… If what Tempest told me is true, then I want answers. This may be my last opportunity to get any."

Nip, I realize that you've had a bit of a loss of trust of Tempest lately, but surely you can appreciate how there are multiple things that could go very wrong from trying to get answers about your life story from Umbra of all people.

Whisper exhaled slowly. "Alright. Well, if you're certain. But I'm staying in the room while you talk. We don't want to take any unnecessary risks here." The hawlucha turned, briskly walking out and down the hall. A moment of silence passed before Haru found her voice.

Which, considering how both of Umbra's types are supereffective against you... uh... yeah. Not hard to imagine Nip getting a fast trip to Lecha's again considering how many times she's literally been at his throat in this story.

"I'm not sure how much you're going to get out of Umbra." Nip acknowledged her with a twitch of his ear, so she continued. "Think about it. Don't you think she would have used this against you if she knew?"

Nip: "I mean, she stayed behind at my tribe after she bailed, so there's at least a chance that she found out?" ^^;

He tensed his shoulders but didn't turn around. "Probably. But I just need to know for sure. I need to kill that part of my life so I can move on. And if that means speaking with her…. I'll do what I must."

Haru didn't respond, turning her attention back to the window.

Haru: "... I don't know why you're doing this to yourself, Nip, but if you're sure about this..."

When Whisper returned, she nudged Umbra along in front of her, the mawile's hands bound together in front and her back jaw tied shut with a second length of rope. A third piece connected the two, limiting her range of motion and preventing her from bludgeoning anyone with her second jaws. She narrowed her eyes as she spotted Nip, but reluctantly complied with Whisper's instructions to take a seat across the table.

So just how obviously is she seething at the moment, anyways? ^^;

"Okay," Whisper began, "We want to keep things quick and simple. Nip has a few questions that he'd like you to answer. We're asking you to cooperate here. No funny business."

Umbra scoffed. "What is there to say? I have no desire to speak with him or anyone else here."

I mean... yeah. Should've seen that one coming, Nip.

Whisper gave Nip a look that screamed "You're wasting your time." He took a deep breath. Remember, she can't hurt you here. You're the one in control. For once.

Huh. It didn't occur to me that Nip would outright fear Umbra, but I suppose that it makes sense given that he was the abused one in their relationship and she does have a natural advantage for smacking him around.

Out loud, he said, "You're about a cycle older than me, correct? How much do you know? About myself and Tempest."

The mawile scoffed, glaring at him. "What is there to know? You two are uncomfortably close. That is all I need to know."

Nip: "Umbra. Stop beating around the bush. I know you were there when I was hatched." >:|
Umbra: "Nip, I was crecheing at the time you hatched. Do you expect me to have paid attention to whatever Tempest was doing back then?" >_>;

"Did you know he was my father? Did you know my mother was a Tribe exile? Did anyone tell you that?"

A genuine look of surprise crossed Umbra's features. Nip caught a brief quickening of her breath before her scowl returned. "Preposterous. Yes, you were both outsiders, but… he came first and then…" She knit her brows together, trailing off. "Yveltal above, he was not padding after you like a lovesick pup."

Haru: "Yeeeeah, this questioning isn't going to go anywhere, Nip. Cut your losses and bail here." >_>;

Nip scrunched his nose. It would have been one thing to hear that before (though he'd never come close to viewing Tempest that way) but to say it now that they knew the truth about his connection with Tempest… "Gross."

"It was gross enough to imagine before this wrinkle," Umbra said. "The elders never would have allowed it. Two males as mates? It goes against the prosperity of the tribe."

Um... given that Tempest was an adult at the time, that makes Umbra's interpretation of things gross indeed.

Though just filing it away that Nip's tribe doesn't view LGBT pairings highly, which makes a certain logic to it considering how it's structured under the explicit logic of "get more kids to replace the ones that die, do their assigned roles in life, and keep the tribe healthy and growing".

"Wow," Haru interjected. "I knew you were awful, Umbra, but this is the cheri on top."

[ ]

Nip ignored that, trying to circle around back to the subject at hand.

Kinda wonder if it'd have been worth showing a bit more off of Haru's revulsion here a bit more in the narration before Nip keeps going.

"So you knew nothing?"

"Very little. I knew your egg was brought in within a day of Tempest's arrival. I knew the adults spoke about you in hushed whispers, but I never had the full context."

Nip watched her closely, judging her body language. He wouldn't put it past her to lie, but at the moment she seemed honest enough.

Nip: "... I really should've just gone back to Tempest and asked him to be honest with me, huh?"

The corners of her lips turned into a thin smile, a dangerous look that Nip was all too familiar with. "It certainly explains a lot, though, does it not? The shunning. The decision to make you a lorekeeper. It clearly was supposed to keep you away from anything important."

Well, I see someone doesn't really care about the history or culture of her tribe to just dismiss a lorekeeper as a profession for Pokémon that couldn't be trusted not to screw things up. I wonder how common that was among their peers.

Nip narrowed his eyes, pupils shrinking to slits. He recognized Umbra's tone; it was the one she used when she was going to say something back-handed. When she was trying to goad a reaction so that she could justify her malice. And yet, he couldn't help but take the bait.

"What are you trying to imply?"

"Nothing," Umbra replied with mock innocence. "But do you not find it strange, especially now? They clearly did not want you. It is a wonder they let you and Tempest return at all." She made a show of checking her claws, then running them through the thick fur on her ears.

I mean, didn't you even realize that yourself last chapter, Nip?

Nip: "I suspected it, but that doesn't mean that I wanted to just hear that get confirmed!"

"No wonder everyone was so willing to ignore your incompetence. They were probably hoping you would just get the message and scram. Or wishing they never let you come in the first place. Of course, you could not even do that right, could you? Look at the pain you caused your old tribe mates. Look at the mess you left me to clean up. Honestly—"

Okay, that's where I don't believe you. Since clearly they valued having Nip around enough to at least keep as a proverbial whipping boy. Since every hierarchy has that one guy at the bottom and they clearly felt they were getting enough out of Nip to tolerate his presence.

At this point Nip, who had begun to growl, hackles raising at her insinuations, finally snapped. He lunged forward, teeth bared in a snarl, and was only stopped by the table between them. But the interruption was enough to bring him back to his senses. He knew what she would do if he fought back. How could he be so careless? And as quick as the anger came, fear replaced it. He pulled away, eyes wide.

Okay, yeah. Umbra clearly messed Nip up quite a bit given that he's reacting that way even while she's restrained.

But just as he did, Whisper yanked Umbra back by the rope binding her jaw, giving it a rough shake. "Hey! That's enough out of you."

At the same time, Haru took a few steps toward Nip, hesitating behind him. "Stars above, is she always like that?"

Nip: "Trust me, Haru. You have no idea..."

"Only privately," Nip answered, surprised to see her show her true colors in front of others. Or had she always shown them, and everyone ignored it? A seed of doubt sprouted in his mind. The more he tried to remember, the more the memories blurred together, falling through his claws like grains of sand. He couldn't make sense of them all.

I mean, I'm willing to hazard that it was the second given that based on what we found out about Nip from the last chapter, it sounds like he was always behind the 8-ball from the start in his old tribe.

He shook himself out of his thoughts, catching Umbra's voice as she addressed Whisper with a raised brow. "Why do you stop me? He is the one that made move to attack. I only speak the truth. You, out of everyone in this accursed village, should know that."

A flash of something crossed Whisper's face. "You do not speak for me. Only I can decide how I handle what happened. Around here, we don't take kindly to pokemon telling us how to feel or how to handle things."

"Even if they murder your child?"

Umbra, I'm pretty sure that you're speedrunning your way to getting decked right now, and Whisper at least has moves that can do neutral damage to you.

In one swift motion, Whisper grabbed Umbra by the joint connecting her second jaw to her head and hurled her to the ground. She planted a foot on the mawile's chest, breathing heavily.

"My feelings on Nip. Are none of your business. And I do not appreciate. Your attempts to manipulate me. You had your chance to handle things in a civilized manner and you blew it. So I suggest you cut it out before you make things even worse for yourself."

Well, that was fast there. Though time to see how Umbra reacts to this, since she's always vibed as being unused to getting proverbially or literally punched in the mouth.

[ ] The hawlucha took several more deep breaths before snapping her attention to Nip. "Anything else you want to ask her? Or are we through here?"

Might have been worth noting what Umbra's reaction here was in the narration. (I assume that it was basically glaring back defiantly since that's what she did with Jhorlo, but still.)

Nip's gaze bounced between Whisper's intense glare and Umbra. In a matter of heartbeats, the hawlucha had done what the elders never had. She'd… just shut Umbra down. Refused to let her play mind games. He blinked once. Twice. Three times. And for the first time in cycles, Umbra looked pathetic instead of threatening.

"No," he breathed out. "No, I think we're done."

Oh, well. Scratch that then.

Haru: "Wait, really? I was kinda expecting you to just linger here and get in some catharsis about how your ex-"
Nip: "No, I'm good, Haru. Let's just get out of here." >_>;

Whisper stiffly bobbed her head, stepping back and reaching down to lift Umbra by the arm. "Good. I'll be back in a moment to wrap up after I take her back." Then she turned, dragging Umbra away.

Haru waited for a heartbeat or two after Whisper left to approach. "Well. That was eventful. Did it help any?"

Nip: "Obviously not, no." >_>;

"Not really," Nip answered honestly, his body feeling drained like he'd fought a herd of mamoswine. All it told him was that Umbra wasn't in on the ruse. But instead of relief, he only had more questions. New doubts about his place in the tribe. "I'm not sure why you stuck around."

"Not like I have much better to do until it's close to dinner time," the bibarel said, slowly stretching.

Nip: "I mean, you could've gone drinking."
Haru: "Yeah, but then I'd have to deal with mom and dad yelling at me afterwards, and boy is that a miserable experience with a hangover." >_>;

Before Nip could say something more, Whisper returned. Her eyes drooped, exhaustion showing. "I've got the room key. If you two are done, then I'll take it back to Meaad. I need to check in with Phoel, anyway, then finish gathering the rest of the village."

[ ]

"Sounds like you're pretty busy," Haru commented.

Whisper chuckled dryly. "Of course. With Jhorlo out of commission and all the chaos that Susana brought, running the day-to-day has fallen on Anu and myself. I've run the guards ragged just trying to keep up with the guarding and the needs of the village."

That... is a terrible omen for what's going to become of Whisper and Anu down the road.

Though I kinda wonder if it would've been worth noting some reaction from some combination of characters at around the highlighted part in this block.

"Something is going to go wrong if you're not careful," Nip pointed out. "If you continue to exhaust yourself."

"Of course it is," she snapped. "But what am I supposed to do? The enforcers still won't help. We're running out of food. Everyone's low on sleep. And we still have no idea how dangerous things might get."

Haru: "Um... is this a bad time to remind everyone that Celebi gave a prophecy of doom and Muse had premonitions of some sort of disaster involving our village-?"

Whisper: "Yes!" >v<;

Nip flinched and averted his gaze. "I don't mean to criticize."

Whisper sighed. "You have a point. It's just not helpful without a solution."

"We know whatever it is isn't good, though," Haru interjected. "I mean, if Celebi's nonsense meant anything."

Nip: "And your Absol friend's premonition?"

Haru: "Uh... we don't know if that will be accurate either?" ^^;

"True," Whisper said. "But outside of the couple of small things you were able to pick up, we still know nothing."

They lapsed into silence, frustration palpable. Then Nip spoke.

"Do you think there's any way you could get more information out of Susana, Haru?"

"Me?" she squeaked. "What do you mean?"

"Susana was initially friendly with you, even if it was mostly a ruse. She thought you'd agree with her. If anyone could get more information out of her, it's you."

The bibarel's face scrunched as she concentrated, considering. "I don't think I'll be able to get anything out of her, but perhaps it's worth a try."

"I suppose we can spare a little more time," Whisper said, glancing at the door. "If there's a chance it might help."

This feels more like a recipe to get taunted about how Theran Village is about to become a skidmark than getting anything actually useful out of things, just saying.

"I'd appreciate it," Haru said. She exchanged places with Nip, giving him a chance to look out over the square. The berry farmers, Ruffle and Roselei, had hauled a basket of oran berries to their stand and were conversing. Nip couldn't be sure what they were discussing, but the conversation seemed heated, the roserade gesticulating sharply at the stand and at one of the paths out of the village.

Well, looks like we're about to lose another villager at this rate.

The sound of the door clicking brought his attention back to the room. The zoroark was with them now, towering over Whisper, who led her to the table by her bound arms. She checked to make sure the looplet was still secure before seating her across from Haru. Then she moved to stand in front of the door, opening it briefly to whisper something to a pokemon outside.

Susana sneered. "So first you want to talk to Umbra, and now me? Wow, aren't we lucky."

Haru: "Gee, whatever happened to the 'mon who was trying to recruit me to your side?" >_>;
Susana: "One: you got in the way of our mission. Two: after your guards threatened to turn us into lunchmeat, I frankly could care less if you and your entire village just dropped dead."

"We just have a few questions," Whisper said, her eyes narrow.

The zoroark drew her lips back in a snarl, ears pinned back against her skull. "And why should I do anything to help you? Remer is dead because of you."

Haru: "You were going to kill us!"

Susana: "Yeah, well that sounds like a 'you' problem, now doesn't it? Remer biting it is a 'me' problem, and I say it's big enough that I don't feel like playing 20 Questions with you." >:|

Haru took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching her forepaws. But then forced an expression that was equal parts friendly and icy.

"Well, Susana, let's look at it this way. The four of you attacked pokemon from the village, set fire to our jail, and kidnapped and threatened to kill me when I backed down after finding all that out. What did you expect to happen?"

To that, Susana said nothing. Haru's beady eyes narrowed, all while still keeping that faux-friendly expression. "Do we understand each other now?" she asked, her tone mockingly sweet like she was talking to a clueless kit. "Great, then maybe we can have a civil conversation."

Well damn. If Theran Village's days weren't obviously numbered, Haru likely would've had a career as a guard/Enforcer ahead of her.

Haru sat back on her haunches, taking a deep breath. "So when we met, you told me you were a team dedicated to seeking out benevolent gods to get their help. Obviously, some of that was a lie. But how much?"

"Oh, it's true," Susana replied. "Well… mostly. Some of it is… a matter of perspective."

Haru: "I'll just take that as a 'it was all a lie' answer there." >_>;
Susana: "Look, do you want me to keep talking here, or what?"

"What do you mean?" Susana flashed her teeth.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Haru: "(Stars above, there's literal whelps at the Day Care that are more mature than this...)" >.<

Yes, we would, Nip thought, though he didn't voice it out loud. Especially since Haru kept plowing on.

"I heard your team mention a boss of sorts. Our Lady, I believe. Who is she?"

"Oh, her?" Susana asked. "Yeah, she's the pokemon in charge. I guarantee you've never seen anyone like her, though. Same with the majority of us."

Wait, that's that Pheremosa from the special, isn't it?

It was a hint, but hardly useful. Nip wasn't even the one interrogating Susana, and yet following her conversation felt like yanking teeth.

The door creaked open, catching both Nip's and Whisper's attention. The hawlucha approached, taking something from the guard outside, then approached the table.

"I have a question, if you don't mind my interruption, Haru," Whisper said. She slung a bag onto the desk. Nip recognized it as the one Susana had been wearing before. The hawlucha reached a wing inside, pulling out a strange, white and pink object, then another one. Then what seemed to be a clear container with a yellow liquid sloshing around inside. "What are these?"

Ah yes, I see that Whisper's found Susana's potion/medicine stash.

Susana looked the objects over, before leaning back. "I'm not giving away all my secrets."

"I saw her use something like this," Haru said, pulling one of the pink and white things to her side. "She did something to it and it sprayed some sort of mist that near-instantly healed a bite wound."

Susana:

Haru: "What? It's not as if you were giving a straight answer there?"

"I see," Whisper said, picking one up. She turned it over in her hands, scratching at it and knocking it against her beak before hitting it against the table.

"Hey, quit that!" Susana yelped, finally eliciting some sort of response other than hostility or nonchalance. "I can't replace those if you break them!"

"Oh?" Haru asked. "Why not?"

Haru: "And more importantly, why do you care given that you're clearly not going to be able to use them anytime soon?"

The zoroark gritted her teeth and hesitated before responding, "Because there's nowhere on this backwards pla — backwards continent with the capability of replicating the materials. At least as far as I've seen."

Just filing that one away that Betamon Continent apparently views the residents of Haru's continents as backwards savages. Also, she apparently doesn't know how to fashion remedies from berries/herbs given how panicked she's getting over getting cut off from her team's med stash.

Susana let out a low growl. "You want to know what's going on? Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you. I don't know how long it will be before Our Lady's forces arrive, but we outnumber the pokemon of this backwater village by at least double. And you've already proved yourself useless and uncooperative in our quest to find Regigigas. After that and what you did to Remer, I doubt Our Lady will let you live."

Ah yes, just bluntly threatening Theran Village with death. That's definitely going to move hearts and minds there. /s

She flashed her teeth, mimicking Haru's faux-friendly expression. "If I were you, little bibarel, I'd run while I still had the chance."

Haru swallowed thickly. And Nip did the same. He wondered if she was thinking the same thing he was: they had barely beaten Susana before, and it had mostly come down to Remer's untimely demise. If they had more than a village's worth of skilled pokemon…

Yeeeeeeeah, just saying, between what her, Celebi, and Muse have had to say, don't hold your breath on being able to fend them off.

"Okay," Haru said, taking a deep breath. "Let's go back to these strange things again for a moment." She wiggled the object next to her paw. "What are they?"

"…Potions," the zoroark finally said. "A common sight where I'm from, but unknown here. At least at this concentration." "Potions…" Haru repeated, eying the object.

Aaaaand there it is in terms of an explicit namedrop. Though I have to wonder how on earth the Betamon Continent is able to even fashion these things.

Susana seemed to consider something for a moment. "You seem to think yourself smart. Superior after defeating my little party. But you wouldn't survive where I come from. At best, you would be Bound, subservient to Man."

U wot, m8. Though I suppose that that explains how Susana and her buddies got their hands on out-and-out mainline setting gear.

Haru tilted her head, eyes narrow. "What's that supposed to mean? Who is Man?"

"Who indeed? Or what, perhaps. I'll leave you with this, Haru. Man had technology to bend pokemon like you and me to their will, and all sorts of other wonders that have sprung from their Bonds. Like these potions. Our Lady only has a small fraction of that technology. Fragments that we stowed away when we came together. But it's enough to crush your little village and render it a burning husk."

Wait, wait, wait. I'm confused. Didn't Susana's dialogue imply earlier that there were still humans around in the present day? Since her dialogue here implies that they're either extinct or else are around but have had major technological regression.

Haru slammed her paws on the table and leaned forward. "What are you talking about? What kind of technology?"

But Susana was clearly done talking. She leaned back, closing her eyes. Further probing proved useless. Eventually, Whisper took her back, ordering Haru to put the potions back in the bag and bring them with her once they left.

I suppose that that explains why this chapter is called 'Inconclusive Investigations', but boy was that some wild stuff that just came out from that interrogation.

And then she was gone, leaving Haru and Nip alone.

"Well," Haru began after a few moments. "I suppose that's that, then. I guess we got something out of it, at least. Though not much."

"I suppose." Nip agreed. "I… wasn't expecting that out of you. How did you keep your calm?"

"Simple, I just pretended she was an unruly customer."

I... can definitely see how that would help. Even if I'll admit that I wouldn't have expected Haru to be super great at handling bad customers from what we've seen of her earlier in the story. ^^;

Nip wasn't fully sure he understood, but he twitched his ear anyway.

Haru pulled the potions together, the bottles clacking against each other. "I wasn't hearing things, was I? Susana was definitely going to say something else other than continent, right?"

- Peeks back up at Susana's line about where she came from -

Oh. Oh. So they're just straight-up aliens. I mean, I suppose that it checks out given that they apparently have Ultra Beasts in their ranks. It does make me wonder where the humans live in the broader setting in that case.

Nip thought back. "I think so. And then all that talk of Man… Whoever that is."

Haru bobbed her head. "I think Topaz nearly did something similar, back on the mountain. There's still something they're hiding. Something's really off about them. Like…." She gestured to the bottles. "We have medicinal salves, sure. Different mixes of herbs and medicinal berries. But this stuff… It was a near-instantaneous heal."

[ ]

"Something is very wrong."

I kinda feel like the "Something is very wrong" would work better separated out after a moment for some sort of tense / pensive expression. Though to answer your question, Haru, the thing they're hiding is that they can be basically summed up with song related:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a8b2jgPtY8

Nip took a step closer. It was hard to tell from a distance, but he realized Haru was shivering. More obvious was the scent of fear.

"How are we supposed to stand up to these kinds of pokemon?"

"I don't know," Nip admitted after a moment. "You would have to be skilled. Tricky. You couldn't face them head-on."

[ ]

"Is that it, then?" Haru whispered, more to herself than Nip. "Is Theran village… doomed?"

Another spot where IMO, it'd have been worth slipping in some character reaction here, especially to show things weighing on Haru here.

Nip didn't answer. He thought instead of Celebi's cryptic message. He had a feeling Haru was doing the same.

Well, he knew from experience that wallowing in defeatist feelings would do no good.

"I don't know what the future brings," he said. "But the only way to change it is to take action. What action should that be? I don't know."

Nip: "Even if 'run away' is admittedly sounding really, really appealing right about now."

Haru didn't answer for a while, staring blankly at the table. Finally, she heaved a great sigh. "I guess you're right. I don't know what to do but… we should get going. Staying here isn't helping."

She pulled the potions back into Susana's bag. Then, with some finagling, she got it over her back. She tilted her head in the direction of the key. "Mind grabbing that for me?"

Nip followed her gaze. "Oh, sure." He picked up the strange metal bit and then followed her out the door.

They ran into Whisper in the hall.

"Are you two only just leaving?" Whisper asked. The feathers around her neck puffed up. "Never mind that. I think we need to accelerate this village meeting, given what we heard. Haru, would you run along and fetch your family and any others you run into? I'm going to make my rounds and get everyone else."

Haru: "... Oh yeah, that's going to be fun to explain to everybody. Assuming that they even believe us." .-.

"O-of course," Haru stammered. Turning away, she addressed Nip with her back turned.. "I'll see you soon." Then she started off down the hall faster than Nip expected, leaving him alone with the hawlucha.

Whisper ran her claws through her crest before addressing Nip. "You… you should at least stay for the meeting, so we can make sure everything and everyone is addressed. Tempest, too. Even though you're leaving soon, you know what's going on. So this affects you, too."

Then she was gone, hurrying down the hall and leaving Nip by himself, wondering just how much trouble they had gotten themselves into.

Nip: "I don't even want to know, do I?"

Alright, I think that I'll leave things off here, though boy did a surprising amount happen in just the span of 3500-ish words. Like I was expecting Umbra's questioning to basically crash and burn, but I definitely wasn't expecting Susana to enter the chat. Much less for her to out that there's humans out and about in PWCH's universe and that she and her faction are out-and-out aliens to Haru's world. Like that definitely made me sit up, and I can already tell that things will wind up getting wild in this story since the potential scope involved is much, much bigger than anything I imagined in the earlier chapters.

On the more critical end, I do wonder if you had room to add a bit more proverbial meat on the bones of this chapter. Since I found myself coming across different parts of it where I thought that taking some time to slow down and show off more of the characters' reactions or thought processes would've helped sell the mood a bit better.

I do think that what's there is ultimately serviceable, since we just had a lot of big reveals with big implications come down and I'm honestly still processing the enormity of it all. Though I feel like that was a pretty good way to send off my night. Hope the feedback was fun and helpful, @windskull , and time permitting, I'll be looking forward to getting current with this story during Review Blitz and seeing where you take things from here.

 

[Negrek]

Hey, Wind! I am of course back to catch up on Places We Call Home. It's too bad I only have four chapters to enjoy this time, but I know you've been having a ton of fun with your Deltarune story, which is awesome.

There's a real feeling of dread that hangs over these chapters; you can tell that the village is in a bad state, and no surprise after everything that's gone on. I don't blame the pokémon who want to leave. Barring some sort of surprise outside help or miracle of some kind, I really don't know how they have any shot against the army that they only very, very recently learned is coming to wipe them out. One way or another I think the main cast must end up thrust into the world beyond the village, and at this point it looks like the most likely way for that to happen is for the village to get destroyed. :(

It's going to be interesting to see how things shake out in terms of who stays and who goes ahead of the attack. I can't see Nip and Tempest sticking around, not when they've explicitly been told to leave. Shimmer and Muse seem determined to stay. And Haru... I kind of think she'll end up staying. Or maybe going along with her parents initially, but ending up going back to help out Muse/Shimmer once she realizes they're still in the village while it's under attack. The real question will be how they manage to meet up with Nip and Tempest again...

Speaking of! These chapters feature a lot of conversations with various characters, checking in on everybody before shit goes down and everything's thrown into disarray, and for me the highlight of these was the one between Nip and Tempest. I wasn't expecting Tempest to turn out to be Nip's dad, and clearly Nip didn't either, heh. He was clearly in a bad situation, but having lied to Nip for all those years (by omission, if nothing else), and all the consequences Nip faced as a result of a past he didn't know he had sure make it a tough pill to swallow. I don't blame Nip for noping out of that conversation and looking for help to process it all. It's not really Tempest's fault, so much as the clan itself having some pretty fucked up social norms, but it does make Tempest a party in Nip's suffering in a way he really wasn't before. I look forward to seeing how they work things out while they're traveling together. (HOPEFULLY they get the chance to work it out. I'm eyeing you askance, Wind.)

The conversation between Nip and Haru was also a lot of fun. It made sense to me that Nip would approach Haru to talk through his feelings--with Tempest off the table there's really no one else in town he could realistically discuss things with. I was kind of with him, though, when he was asking Haru why she was revealing as much to him in return; I don't feel like Haru has quite so much trust in him yet. It's a good talk, though, and refreshing that Nip finally got to have someone tell him that the way people have treated him is really fucked up. I imagine it's going to take quite some time for him to internalize that the way his life's turned out largely isn't his fault, but we're starting to see glimmers in that direction, at least. And Haru got a bit of catharsis out of their chat, too. They do bounce off one another well, now that they're both a bit less wary around each other.

I loved Nip's "blech" reaction to alcohol. I guess he at least doesn't need to worry about all his angst turning into a drinking problem.

Finally, it's heartbreaking to see Shimmer and Muse's relationship deteriorate. They're both obviously taking things hard. Can't blame Shimmer for it at all, though--covering up the fact that members of your household are going out to hunt people for food is a pretty big betrayal. I suppose that's the theme of this part of the story: secrets being revealed, and their consequences. What people are forced to do to maintain unjust systems. Some of the characters have the option of trying to get away from all of that, but it sounds like they aren't exactly going to have a better time in, say, one of the incorporated villages.

All in all, with these chapters out of the way it seems like we must be staring down a reckoning pretty soon. It's been foreshadowed that Theran Village was in for a bad time for quite a while now, with the recent revelation of the foreign pokémon attack only ramping up the tension. I'm super ready to see how all of that goes down, and what it means for our various protagonists. Like I said, I imagine they're all going to have to leave, one way or another, and I imagine some of them will find that hard to do indeed.

I did read your author's note stating that you're not sure about the future of this fic and that mistakes you made early on make it hard for you to enjoy writing it. I'm really sorry to hear that; I'm certainly enjoying the story as it goes, and I'd be sorry to see it end on an unhappy note. But I know it can be tough to keep putting out updates for something you feel unsatisfied with, so if having the burden of this fic off your shoulders would be a positive for you, I hope you move on to projects you enjoy more! I'll always be here for updates to this fic if you have them.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

=Heya, coming back to this to get caught up with PWCH before the buzzer sounds for the end of Review Blitz on TR. So let's just jump right in to this most recent chapter and see where it goes:

Chapter 34

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

A stiff breeze cut through Haru’s thick fur, chilling her down to her bones. She shuffled her feet, watching as more pokemon trickled into the gathered crowd. Toshi sat at her side, stiff and alert.

At the front, Whisper spoke quietly with Anu, Mandi from the meat shop, and a couple of the town guards. A little separate from the group, Nip stood with Tempest, though she noticed there was space between them. Nip was clearly still shaken, his gaze cast downward.

Ah yes, I see that someone is still not over the big reveal from daddy there.

Whisper’s feathers puffed up as she said something heated in a hushed whisper. Then she turned away from the others and came to the front of the gathering. Chatter died away as more pokemon noticed that she was ready to speak, until it was dead silent. “We should get this meeting started,” Whisper said, crossing her wings.

“We have a few things on the agenda. First and foremost, we need to talk about the donphan in the room.” She gestured to Mandi as the mandibuzz hopped up to her side, head low. “Mandi has informed me that her stock is running dangerously low. Despite my best efforts sending pokemon out to gather, we haven’t been able to replace at the rate of consumption. We have days before it runs out.”

I actually have to wonder to what extent this was exacerbated by Jhorlo's solution™ to the Meat Problem. Since the wildeners in this setting are very much sapient, and if Theran Village is known to be a village of hunters... well, that would strongly incentivize a lot of them to stay far, far away from it.

She paused, taking a deep breath. “Unfortunately, I think we must all consider the idea that Vale was telling the truth.”

Troubled murmurs broke out among the crowd. Haru spotted a couple of herbivores eyeing the meat-eating villagers with disgust or worry. A part of her couldn’t blame them; she, too, was horrified by the thought of what they’d been eating. But at the same time, these were people they’d known for cycles. Did they really think this changed them?

A small, niggling voice in the back of her head whispered, “Yes.” If Vale had been hiding a sinister side the entire time, didn’t that mean anyone could be?

Ah yes, it's an "Achieve 0 Social Cohesion - any% speedrun (TAS)" episode.

Whisper raised a wing to call for silence. “I know this news is distressing, but please allow me to get through everything, first. We need to talk about the strange pokemon.”

She went on to explain what they’d learned from Susana, occasionally pausing for interruptions and outbursts. Haru couldn’t help but tune most of it out, staring at her paws. She couldn’t get Susana’s warning out of her head. Those wide, gleaming teeth staring her down like she were cornered prey. She involuntarily shuddered, only snapping out of her thoughts because Toshi nudged her side.

IMO, this paragraph feels like it'd work better as two smaller ones since the dialogue and the following description feel like separate ideas from each other.

“Sis,” he whispered. “I think you better pay attention.”

As she returned her focus to the conversation, Whisper said, “Unfortunately, I do not believe we will get any help from the enforcers or any of the incorporated villages. We are outside of their jurisdiction, and they’ve already refused to take Susana. I can’t expect things will be any different now, even with the situation more dire.”

Aaaaaand law enforcement continues its grand tradition of being useless in Pokémon settings. Even if I have to wonder if the Enforcers might be more privy about what's up with Susana and the aliens than what one might think.

Grombert shouted from the back of the crowd. “If that’s the case, then what do you suggest we do? It sounds… like this village is as good as finished.”

Worried chatter broke out around the diggersby, raising in volume the longer Whisper stayed quiet. Finally, she held up a wing and bellowed out an “Everyone, quiet down!” Only when things fell deathly silent again did she speak.

“I brought everyone here because we have a choice to make. I… I cannot bring myself to leave the village I swore to protect. Anu and I are in agreement. We will stay here and defend our home. I do not blame anyone who wishes to leave. Perhaps, if we go to incorporated towns and villages and explain the situation, they won’t be able to ignore us. But if you wish to wash your paws of the situation entirely, you may do so.”

Well, that more or less confirms that Anu and Whisper are doomed to die when The Happening comes along. Though once again, I feel the second paragraph would work better as two smaller ones.

She paused, lowering her gaze. “For those of you who chose to stay, I cannot guarantee your safety. Especially if you do not choose to fight. But for those that stay, I promise you, I will defend you for as long as I am able.”

Which will probably be for like 5 minutes considering what we've seen of Zaid's forces and Celebi's prophecy and what the future holds, but let's not think about that too hard right now.

Again, she went silent, giving the villagers a moment for the words to sink in. Haru felt cold dread as she looked at all the pokemon around her. Would this be the last time she saw some of them?

I mean, Theran Village did need to be dealt with before you entered the 'wandering the earth' phase of the story, so...

“There is one other matter we should address,” Whisper said, calling attention back. “The matter of Jhorlo and the other prisoners. I do not think it wise to exile Susana’s group. Nor do I think it’s wise to send them off with other mon. Assuming we have enough pokemon that stay behind, I think it better to keep them under watch.”

Okay, but hear me out. Susana and her group are already guilty of attempted murder and bluntly threatened to have their buddies turn all Theran Village into a skid mark over Remer regardless of what happens from here. Is there really a point in keeping them around alive as long as you can find a suitable pretext for disposing them (e.x. that cute junior Exploration Team they were involved in killing and stealing their identities)? Especially considering how they're insanely dangerous flight risks to everyone still in Theran at the moment?

She paused for objections. Aside from a few grumblings, no one spoke up. Satisfied, Whisper went on. “Next, Jhorlo’s group. I am… less certain on these. We have more options. We could exile them, send them along, or keep them here.”

“Or we could kill them,” someone — Haru thought it was Siles — grumbled from the back.

The idea was quickly met with objections, raised voices of displeasure.

“How barbaric!” one mon yelled.

Oh hey, I see someone cut to the chase there. And to be fair, considering what Susana and her gang were up to, Siles isn't as off-base as that random villager might think. They're just a bit short on incriminating evidence to pull the trigger with peace of mind.

“But what Jhorlo’s done is pretty barbaric,” another pointed out.

“N-now hold on!” Toshi stammered. “We don’t have proof that everyone was in on it! It wouldn’t be right to punish them all the same, right? What about Shimmer and Muse?”

“You’re telling me a psychic wouldn’t be clued in to the situation? Give me a break. If Jhorlo’s guilty, the whole house is guilty.”

Well, that would explain a few things about why Shimmer and Muse have basically just been cooped up in the house all this time.

Haru craned her neck to see who was speaking. It was a spidops. Twi’s dad, if she remembered correctly.

Whisper was quick to shoot him down. “The only one we have proof on is Jhorlo. And even that proof is circumstantial. I cannot abide by the choice to kill.”

If you enforced a search warrant (or whatever your equivalent thereof is) of Jhorlo's premises, you might be able to turn up a few "contracts" lying around. Including Umbra's.

[ ]

“What if you gave them the choice you’re giving all of us?” Haru asked, the words out of her mouth before she realized it. “Stay or go?”

Whisper cocked her head, looking down at her with one eye. “Elaborate.”

“Well… You could give them the option to stay and take their chances here, or to go with a group to the nearest town for trial.”

Kinda feel like Haru's line comes up a bit abruptly and it might have been worth to show a bit more of the gears turning in her head before she comes to this idea. Though just saying, Jhorlo seems proud enough that I don't see him willfully admitting guilt about anything.

“And let them just walk free if they want to?” someone shouted from the back.

Haru whirled around to face them. “I didn’t say that! They’d have to fight to escape.”

Several of the gathered pokemon broke into murmurs, discussing among themselves. Haru caught bits and pieces.

“I can’t help it, I feel bad about…”

“They deserve whatever’s coming to them.”

“I mean, the food thing sucks, but…”

Haru: "Boy it sure is nice knowing that this village was always this fractious all along in spite of the happy exterior right now."

Finally Whisper called for silence again. [ ]

“We’ll put it to a vote. Haru’s idea, or something else. Who likes Haru’s idea?”

Toshi nudged Haru encouragingly, then stepped forward with her. She glanced back and saw that her parents had done the same, alongside Ruffle, Essra, and at least ten others.

Uh... I might be getting my numbers a bit wrong since it's been a while since Nip's sentencing, but isn't this the distinct minority position in the village from those numbers?

I do think that it'd have been worth showing off a bit more reaction / "mood description" from Whisper before she speaks up, though.

When no one else moved, Whisper said, “And those that want to do something else.”

Siles and the spidops stepped forward. After a moment, Twi did as well, though the illumise’s expression was uncertain. Nine more stepped forward after, leaving a couple pawfuls standing uncertainly in the center.

Whelp, it was a nice idea there, Haru.

“Then it’s decided,” Anu said, stepping to stand beside Whisper. “Anyone who wishes to leave, but would like a blessing before they go, can meet me at the shrine. I… I will be there tonight, and in the morning tomorrow. Ruffle, if you have the berries to spare, I would like to put together travel supplies for those leaving.”

The bellossom looked at Anu, then away. “I need to speak with my wife first.”

“Of course,” the lucario said, bowing his head. “Come see me when you have a moment.”

Can't tell if they're going to be the lucky ones and dip out before the coming storm, or if it's going to turn out in like a chapter that they're going to get waylaid by Zaid's group on their way up to Theran and this was all for naught.

“I will go and speak with the mon in Jhorlo’s manor,” Whisper said, taking the lead again. “I will return to the square once I am done. Those who wish to stay and fight please meet me back here so that we can go over preparations. This meeting is over.” With that, she spun on one foot and marched off, soldiering towards the manor.

As the crowd began to break up, Toshi turned to look at Haru. [ ]

“What should we do?” he asked. “I know a lot of bad stuff has happened, and I know I’m not the best fighter, but I don’t want to just abandon our home.”

Kinda feel like it might have been worth getting a bit more insight into what Toshi's mood / emotions are at this moment. Ditto Haru's as well. Like what on earth does she think about everything that's happened and how faces she's known for years as neighbors are firmly in camp "Lol, I'm out"?

Haru knew how he felt. Despite everything, this was where she was born. Where she was raised. Where the grandfather she had loved dearly had perished trying to help everyone else. She opened her mouth to try and articulate those thoughts and more, but her mom butted into the conversation before she could.

“We are going,” she said, her tone final. “You two have gotten into enough trouble as it is. This is beyond our skill.”

“But Mom, this is our home,” Toshi argued. “We can’t just abandon it! Besides, we’re adults. We have the right to make our own decisions.”

Saku: "Toshi, you're still injured from that battle on Mount Domo right now!"

Toshi: "Really? I thought from the lack of mention that the implication was that I'd gotten better."

[ ]

“You are barely an adult,” Chip said, his tone as severe as Saku’s. “You only reached adulthood a few moons ago.”

More gently, Saku added, “I know it’s hard. I know you want to stay and protect what’s yours. But part of being an adult is understanding when and when not to take risks. And this? This is too risky.”

Kinda feel like it would make sense to show off more of Chip and Saku's moods a bit more. Especially if they're outwardly crabby/cranky at the moment.

Toshi tried to say something more, but Saku nudged him forward with her snout, coaxing him into moving. Then she started off down the path, by his side.

“Come on. We need to pack. We’ll try to leave early tomorrow.”

Um... are we sure that they're actually going to get a chance to leave before Zaid and the others catch up? .-.

Reluctantly, Toshi started up the road beside his mom, Chip following just behind. Haru hesitated, looking around the square one last time. Most of the pokemon had left or broken into small groups to discuss the situation. None of them seemed to have noticed the argument in the bibarel family. Except, perhaps, one. Haru caught Nip staring at her, expression unreadable. He quickly turned away when they locked eyes, retreating into the shadow of the clinic. Tempest followed at a distance.

Finally, Haru turned to follow her family. Uncertainty lingered in the air. As much as she hated to admit it, she thought her parents were ultimately right. This wasn’t a fight they could win.

So why did it feel so hard leaving?

Because this is everything you've known your entire life and now you're about to take a leap out into the great unknown and into an uncertain future?

That does tend to be a bit daunting, just saying.

Whisper wished she could consider this the lowest point of her life. But it wasn't. She could think of several other difficult moments. Starving in the woodlands, struggling to get by on hunted food. The loss of Volt, her mentor. Having to step into her current role after the death of Leas.

Losing her egg.

Yeeeeeeeah, Whisper and Anu really have had a terrible past few years, huh? Though that's certainly new about Whisper's backstory there, and explains a lot about why she's so attached to this village.

No. Somehow, facing the idea that the whole reason she’d come to the village was built on a sham, it paled in comparison to other points.

The manor door was unguarded at the moment; Jhorlo’s family as a whole was not nearly as much of a flight risk as Susana, so they'd spared a guard for the village meeting. Stati would come up here shortly to take over.

I mean, I suppose that if Jhorlo was going to prove everybody wrong, he'd have done so days ago. Guess that whole pride about not admitting he's the bad guy must be working its magic there.

The door was unlocked, though that didn’t surprise her too much. It creaked on its hinges, swinging outwards to reveal a darkened foyer. No luminous orbs or moss had been put out to light the place up. Not even a candle. If she didn’t know better, she’d think the manor was deserted.

“Hello?” she called. “Jhorlo? Shimmer? Jaques? Anyone?”

Oh. Well. That's totally a positive sign and not ominous at all there. /s

A creaking sound came from the ceiling, probably from someone getting up and walking. A moment later, Muse appeared at the top of the ramp.

“Whisper?” Her voice was hoarse, like it hadn’t been used much. The absol looked unkempt, the thickest parts of her fur tangled and her tail drooping. There was an unease in the way she approached, head low, taking two or three steps at a time before pausing.

Whisper: "... Muse? Are you alright there? You... uh... look terrible right now." .-.

“Are you okay?” Whisper asked when Muse got close, allowing her to see even more signs of distress. Her eyes were somewhat bloodshot.

“No,” Muse admitted immediately, flinching. “But I’ve been worse.”

Yeah, I kinda figured that the conversation would wind up going this direction.

“I can imagine,” Whisper said. Volt had been her father, after all. While Whisper had lost her mentor, Muse had lost both her parents in one horrible moment. And knew something was wrong beforehand, but had been too young to interpret the warning. “I’ll try to make this brief, but I need to speak with you. All of you.”

The absol seemed to draw in on herself, head low and shoulders hunched. “I can’t imagine it’s anything good,” she murmured. “Okay, I’ll get everyone to come down here. Hold on.”

She turned, trudging back up the steps. Whisper distracted herself by tapping her foot and running through what she needed to say in her head as the moments dragged on. Eventually, the rest of the house arrived. Jaques and Lotte came first, sitting close together with inscrutable expressions. Then Shimmer by herself. She took up a spot by the window, staring out at the late afternoon light.

Would recommend breaking up the last paragraph between Whisper's dialogue and the attached description.

Jhorlo and Muse came down together, the latter leading the former, who seemed frailer than Whisper thought she had ever seen him. Muse took a seat a little distance away, notably sitting far from Shimmer with her head bowed.

“Well,” Jhorlo began, clearing his throat. “You have us all here, it looks like. What did you need to talk to us about?”

I mean, I'm pretty sure that things are ultimately going to tie in back to "our food" at some point, but we'll get there when we get there.

Whisper hesitated. And she hated herself for it. Jhorlo had done so much for this village. He’d held everyone together through the loss of his mate, Gratitude, and the other pokemon that climbed with her. He’d kept them independent, just like the majority of the village wished. Sure, there were a few downsides. Wildeners didn’t come to the festivals as often as they used to, and staying unincorporated came at the cost of limited assistance if there was trouble. But they were ultimately fairly well-off.

Too bad it was all built on manipulation and lies.

Oh yeah, I'll bet that they stopped coming around.

Though Jhorlo and his mate founded Theran Village, huh? Or at least, I think that's the implication of the underlined part there.

“I think you know why I’m here,” she began, crossing her wings. “At least, in part. It’s been several days since the lot of you were placed under house arrest. In that time, our meat supply has dwindled dangerously low, with practically nothing coming in to replace it. Vale’s claims are looking likely.”

She paused to inspect the others' expressions. Jhorlo, Jaques, and Lotte appeared neutral. But she noticed Muse wouldn’t look her in the eye. And Shimmer hadn’t turned away from the window.

Yeah, I figured there.

She went on. “Since the trial, we have had some troubling developments come up. We have reason to suspect that more pokemon like Susana are coming. Many of them, outnumbering the village. Some pokemon are choosing to stay and fight. While others are leaving. And I’ve come here to offer you the same choice… to a point.

“The village agreed to give you all a choice. Either you can be escorted to an incorporated village to stand trial, or you can stay here. Take your chances. Fight for your life, if you have to.”

I mean, I'm pretty sure they'll just default to option 2 since otherwise that's just the end of Shimmer and Muse's involvement in the story, but I'm open to being surprised here.

The two purrloin put their heads together, whispering intensely. Whisper caught words here and there, but the majority was too quiet for her to make out. Eventually, they faced her again.

“Whatever happens here, I suspect we’ll have a better chance of surviving,” Jaques said.

“We’ll stay and fight,” Lotte added.

Fateful... well, not last words, but I can already tell that they won't age particularly well in the future.

“I’ll follow Shimmer, whatever she decides,” Muse said. She scraped one forepaw across the ground, her claws leaving shallow gouges in the wood, stealing a glance at the kirlia but not looking her in the eye.

“Well, I’m staying,” Shimmer said. “At least for now. It’s hardly a decision.”

Yeah, no surprises there. Especially if she's coming along for the 'wandering the earth' phase of the story.

The fur on Jhorlo’s shoulders began to rise. [ ]

“Shimmer, dear, I won’t allow it. There is no reason for you to stay here, in danger.” He turned to face Whisper, eyes blazing. “I demand you take her away. Take her somewhere safe. She has gotten into enough trouble as it is!”

“Oh, so you can ‘protect’ me?” Shimmer snapped. “Like you ‘protected’ me from the truth?”

No, that was just your own trust and lack of curiosity for wanting to get inside your dad's head, Shimmer. Even if I suppose from that dialogue that you've gotten into his head now.

... Assuming that Jhorlo didn't line the walls of his study with lead or something like that as a further countermeasure.

A flash of anger crossed Jhorlo’s face, lips drawn back, before he forced his fur to lie flat. “I would still prefer Shimmer be taken somewhere safe... but if she remains here, I do as well. I will not have my child put into danger without my knowledge.”

Shimmer sharply turned her head away, ignoring the rest of the pokemon in the room in favor of the window. Whisper wasn’t fully sure what had just passed between them, but she intuited that something happened in the last couple of days. She had a couple of guesses, but pushed it aside for now. There were more important matters at hand.

Yeah, that sounds an awful lot like Shimmer got into Jhorlo's head and found out exactly what he'd been up to for the past few years sometime in those past couple days.

“Very well. In that case, I ask that you remain here for the time being. Do not leave. I will come back in the morning with further instruction. You’re all dismissed.”

Jaques and Lotte turned as one and hurried back up to the second floor, their heads close together. Jhorlo stood, started to take a step towards Whisper, then hesitated before turning.

“Talk to me tomorrow morning, would you please?” he said before he, too, left the room.

Whisper: "And you're not just bringing this up now why? Jhorlo, we have no idea when those outsiders are-"

Jhorlo: "Tomorrow. Please. I can't deal with this right now..."

Muse approached Shimer, her steps halting and uncertain. She let out the quietest of whines, barely perceptible to Whisper, but Shimmer ignored her, resting her chin on her hand and propping her elbow against the window sill. Eventually, Muse gave up and retreated, looking thoroughly dejected.

Whisper: "... You know what, 'tomorrow' sounds good, since boy is the mood in this room a downer right now." .-.

That left just Shimmer and Whisper. The hawlucha watched Shimmer for a moment with her head cocked to one side, curious, but then turned to leave. Before she could walk out the door, though, Shimmer called her name.

“Whisper? Are you leaving?”

“I was about to,” Whisper responded. The tremble in Shimmer’s voice caught her attention. “Do you need something?”

Whisper: "... For what it's worth, I kinda assumed that you weren't involved in everything since you're kinda... young. But you know how suspect handling is." ^v^;

At first, nothing, then, “I need to tell you something.” Hesitantly, the kirlia turned from the window and approached. Normally, the two of them were near eye level. But the way Shimmer was hunched as she approached, she seemed so small. She took a deep, shuddering breath. “Dad… told me everything. Everything Vale said, all of it was true. He’s been having pokemon hunt for the village for a long time. Years, I think. I don’t know how long.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, fingers digging into her elbows. [ ]

“Everyone in the manor knew it but me. Even Muse. She… She’s the one that admitted it first, before Dad would. She says she never partook in the hunting but… but she knew. And I don’t know if she’s telling the truth or if she’s just lying so it doesn’t sound as bad, and I just—”

Shimmer let out a sob; tears formed at the corners of her eyes and her voice dropped to a hoarse whisper.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Well then. I suppose that also explains why Shimmer and Muse are still distant right now. I do feel like enough is going on in Shimmer's paragraph that it should be multiple paragraphs. Maybe not as many as in my suggestion here, but still more than the single one that's present, especially at the point where Shimmer's mood starts cracking.
[*]

Without thinking about it, Whisper reached out and pulled Shimmer close, letting her drape against her shoulder. She brought her wings around her protectively, trying to process her words.

“Oh, dear…” A small part of her wondered if Shimmer was lying to drum up sympathy. But seeing her here, breaking down in tears after everything going on, she couldn’t help her feelings.

Small punctuation error there. Though I'm pretty sure that this is the endearing moment that Whisper's ever been involved in this story up to this point. Definitely a change of pace from her normal guard antics.

Plus, there was the matter of Muse. She rarely saw one without the other. And yet, the two were clearly not doing well right now. Shimmer’s current state explained Muse’s well. In fact, the last time she had seen Muse on her own was…

Her premonition.

Whisper: "Right. That. Not really sure that I want to be thinking about it, but..."

In the excitement of everything that had gone down, she’d totally forgotten. She thought back to that night, and to some of the things Muse had said. She hadn’t wanted Shimmer involved with the premonition out of a desire to protect her. Perhaps that was the case here, too. Carefully, she pulled her wings back so that her claws were resting on Shimmer’s shoulders.

“Thank you for telling me,” Whisper began, keeping her voice low and gentle. “I imagine it took a lot for you to admit, given that these are your friends and family. I can only imagine the shock you’re going through.”

That wasn’t quite true; she could more than imagine. It was only the need to soothe Shimmer that was keeping her together.

“What they’ve been doing is wrong. There’s no other way to put it. It sounds like they kept you out of it out of a desire to protect you, because they care about you. But it only made it hurt worse when you found out the truth. I imagine it hurts the most from Muse, given how close you two are.”

Another paragraph where I feel that it's worth considering breaking things up a bit from what you have here.

“I don’t know who hurts most,” Shimmer croaked. “Muse, because she’s always been there for me, but also always lied to me, or Dad, because… because he’s my dad.”

[ ]

“I can’t answer that for you,” Whisper said. “But I can say something about Muse, at least. Did she ever tell you about her premonition?”

“Recently?” Shimmer asked. “Yeah.”

Small typo there. And I kinda wonder if things would've been improved by taking some time to get into Whisper's head / dwell on her mood a bit more.

“Well, she told me before she told you. And when she told me, she said she wanted to keep you out of it. That she didn’t want you getting hurt. She wanted to protect you. But continuing to hide it would only hurt you more, in the end. I think that it was the same here. She knew you were already hurt. She wanted to be honest before you got hurt even worse. Have you talked to her about it?”

“No…”

Whisper gave Shimmer’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Take a little time to get your emotions out — I know you’re having a hard time right now. Then talk to her. Try to come to an understanding. And if you can’t make things work out. If things have changed too much between the two of you… at least you tried, right?”

Can't tell if this is building towards a 'mending fences' arc between those two, or if there's just a lasting rupture that's going to sink that budding ship between Shimmer and Muse permanently.

Shimmer couldn’t look her in the eye. “I… I guess. Just… Oh, Whisper, everything’s falling apart! First I messed things up with Toshi and now this… And who knows what’s coming now…”

Oh, that one's easy:

Like it's only been, very, very unsubtly foreshadowed for like a dozen chapters at this point, but... yeah. Don't count on this being rock bottom just yet, Shimmer.

“We’ll worry about the future as it comes. But for now, get some rest. And if you change your mind about staying, just let me know, alright? I’m sure I can arrange to get you and Muse out of here.”

The kirlia took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then she wiped the tears out of her eyes and forced herself to look at Whisper. “Okay.”

Whisper visibly relaxed, giving Shimmer a pat on the shoulder. “Good girl. I’m going to go out and make preparations now. I’ll check in on you in the morning, okay?”

Shimmer bowed her head, then pulled away, clasping her hands together. “Thank you, Whisper.” She turned and walked away, disappearing into the dark recesses of the manor.

Assuming that there is one, but let's think positive right now. ^^;

And alright, feels good to be caught up again. Though for an arc that's basically grappling with the pieces after the aftermath of the Mount Domo expedition and Vale just going and blowing up the foundations of Theran Village, it sure feels like we keep getting surprising curveballs from this story. Like I wasn't expecting the village to effectively dissolve this chapter, much less for Haru's parents to be on team "screw this, I'm outta here", but what happens all makes a lot of sense from their perspective. I also enjoyed the greater insight we got into Whisper's backstory and the dynamics within House Jhorlo. I mean, I'm pretty sure that like half of the faces that decided to stay are basically doomed to die in like three chapters, maybe more if Zaid does indeed catch up before the morning. I'll need to double-check those scenes with Celebi, but it does a great job at selling a sense of impending dread as the Great Happening that we all knew was coming as readers is now almost here.

On a more critical level, I think that the chapter was pretty well put together. There were a few paragraphs that I thought were a bit long and unwieldy to read, but some of that is likely subjective authorial preferences speaking since I generally skew towards shorter and punchier paragraphs in my own writing. I did feel like there were some missed opportunities to get into the viewpoint characters' heads more since they're going through some rather confusing and overwhelming circumstances at the moment, but what's there still holds things up well enough, I think.

Hope the feedback was fun and helpful for these past few chapters. I know you mentioned in your author's notes that you'd been struggling with motivation for this story in between going down the DR rabbithole and the first 15 chapters being something you're a bit disappointed in, but for what it's worth, I think you've still been able to make something special out of that foundation. I might be a bit touch-and-go with regard to presence in this story, but it's been a fun ride so far following the cast for the past few years, and wherever and however long this story goes, I'll be looking forward to seeing where you take things, @windskull .