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Pokémon Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Delta Dossiers [Exempt from Blitz]

A001 - H.U.M.A.N.

Cresselia92

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her/Hers
Partners
  1. ho-oh
  2. sneasel-nyula
  3. rayquaza-cress
  4. celebi-shiny
A hikikomori human with a troubled existence.
An easily excitable dog with a big dream.
A surge of criminal activity and violence.
A mysterious series of unnatural phenomena.

Welcome to the darker side of the idyllic World of Pokémon.


∗∗∗

Genres:

Action / Crime / Mystery

Rating:

Teen

∗∗∗

Rating Warnings:

Sparse mentions of blood, moderate violence, and character deaths.
References to booze, drugs and psychological conditions in some chapters.

∗∗∗∗∗​

List of Investigation Reports:

A001 - H.U.M.A.N. [current report]

A002 - B.L.A.D.E. [File 1]
A002 - B.L.A.D.E. [File 2]
A002 - B.L.A.D.E. [Footnotes]
A003 - A.P.P.L.E. [pending]
A004 - F.I.R.E. [pending]

∗∗∗∗∗


A001 - H.U.M.A.N.


“Awph…”

Well, I’m awake. Sunlight is pouring on my face… and burning my eyes. It must be around noon, by judging the intensity of the light. Same old ceiling above my head—white, granulous, fusty. Clock is ticking, birds are chirping, cars are running. Nothing out of ordinary.

So, how’s the weather? Hmm… It’s pretty good, with that blue sky and no clouds. It could have been a good day to walk…

But enough looking at the sky. My room… Gosh, it’s all messy! There is still that half-eaten fruit bar on the desk, and my dirty clothes are on the floor, and the trash can is full.

… Time to get up, I suppose. Even if I don’t want to.

I’m feeling so drowsy, yet another terrible night. Oof. My sheet just fell… I must have tossed around a lot. Oh, well, better put down my feet.

… Ugh! Why is the floor so cold? Is the underground heating broken again?


“Huff…”

Well, let’s put my slippers. Where are they again…? Ah! Right! Under the bed, yes… Ahh. So comfy and warm.

Well, time to stand up. …Aaand I feel the need to just go back to bed. But I can’t, or I won’t sleep at all tonight.

Now for some stretching…


“Aawph…”

Gosh, I couldn’t stifle that yawn. I’m so darn tired… Maybe I should really go back to sleep…

But… no. Focus! No, I can’t do that! Let’s just turn on the computer and check my messages. It’s not like I have much else to do…


∗click∗

Waiting… still waiting… I’ve really got to free up some space someday, this computer is so slow… Okay, so, let’s put the password and… done.

Now, to open the mail app. …Oh, spam and junk and all that nonsense. Heh. Well, let’s destroy them all. Aside from that, is there somethi—ah, no. Nothing new. Unsurprising.

And now for the chat. Let’s see who is online now… Aah, nice. Everyone is already here, but what are they talking about?


-----

SergeantPlanta Today at 11:34
So any new rumors about the potential Pokémon games for Switch?


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:34
well there are some people who say that they will be set in europe, maybe spain or italy


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:34
they will have a simpler battle system


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:34
and should be released this december


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:35
Spain? Maybe we could get a new bull Pokémon?


CharizardFan006 Today at 11:35
If the games will be set in Spain or Italy, what landmarks do you think they will pick?


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:35
Hmm, maybe the Coliseum, if Italy.


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:35
I wonder if we’ll get a new mystery dungeon game soon


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:35
It’s been a while since we got ine


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:35
*one


CharizardFan006 Today at 11:35
I hope so!
PMD is the best series ever!


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:35
>If the games will be set in Spain or Italy, what landmarks do you think they will pick?

for spain i think the alhambra or the generalife gardens


mirror dawn Today at 11:36
Hey, did you see that new leaked picture of the three starters? Don’t you find the fire bunny really cute? :3


CharizardFan006 Today at 11:36
I prefer the platypus. If it’s real, I’m calling it Perry!


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:36
Aww, no love for the grass monkey? I love its Froakie-like attitude!


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:36
do we need another grass monkey, tho?


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:36
we already have pansage


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:36
or even chimchar as a starter


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:36
You can’t have enough monkeys!


mirror dawn is typing…


-----

Ah, new rumors? And these hypothetical Switch games may be released this December? Hmm… Wouldn’t it be too soon to get these new games, though? We got those crappy Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon games just last year. But again, Greedy Freak.

I may as well type something. Um…


-----

Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:36
Hello everyone. What’s up?


mirror dawn Today at 11:36
Well, I think they all are super cute! I really love them all!


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:36
Hi HEB!

Fancy some good myth-busting?


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:36
Yep. What do we have today?


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:36
well there are the new leaked starters


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:36
We got the grass monkey, the fire bunny and the water platypus.


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:36
Ah! Sniped!


-----

Oh, mirror dawn just posted those pictures. So, a reddish-orange rabbit with dark gray fur, a beige monkey with gray muzzle and green hair and a blue platypus with a gray beak. Hmm…

-----


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
Ah. Those?


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
Very cute, but I think they are fake.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
Their color schemes are too similar.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
Same dark gray with red, blue or green.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
Also, all mammals?


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
We always had at least a reptile, a bird or an amphibian.


mirror dawn Today at 11:37
But the platypus… :c


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
Fake bird.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
Besides, artists are getting better.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
And can emulate Sugimori’s style with ease.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
And just slap a random “confidential” label.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:37
That’s the same trick used for grass bear, fire horse and water coral.


CharizardFan006 Today at 11:37
Pity if they are fake. They look adorable.


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:37
ah yes


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:37
that fire horse was adorable


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:38
And what about the rumor of the games being set in Europe, like Spain or Italy?


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:38
That sounds plausible enough.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:38
Doubtful about the release date, though.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:38
It’s too soon.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:38
We got USUM just last year.


CharizardFan006 Today at 11:38
We’re talking about Trollfreak here


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:38
That seems too much even for them.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:38
But I admit I wish the starters were real…


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:38
Rabbit rules!


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:38
You misspelled “monkey rules”. :p


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:38
Mhmm. Sure, I did.


SergeantPlantaToday at 11:39
So, changing topics. What are your big hopes for Gen 8?


mirror dawn Today at 11:39
Walking Pokémon!! :D


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:39
better plot and villain team


CharizardFan006 Today at 11:39
A bear Pokémon because Wynaut
A manticore Pokémon because Pyroar should have been one
A beluga Pokémon for the lulz


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:39
I guess… new type combos? A fire/fairy would be pretty nice


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:39
Seconding the better plot. And a good postgame.


Hidden Eyes Babs Today at 11:39
Team Rainbow Rocket was wasted potential.


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:39
Agreed. GF really dropped the ball after B2W2. Hopefully these new Switch games will be better.


-----

Indeed. Now, to write a—

“Aah! What?”

Hm… Oh! Wait. That was just… a knock? Oh my goodness, that startled me!

“Huuuh, mum. You can come in.”

Or at least, I think it’s mum. It surely can’t be Martha. She can’t knock doors, after all. Just scratch them.

…Yes, it’s mum. I can already smell the meal she has brought me. Is that… rice and fried chicken? Yes, seems rice and fried chicken.


“Hello, dear. How are you feeling today?”

Mum has that same thin smile, but her pale green eyes say something else. I can see it clearly: sadness, concern, and maybe some disappointment. I can’t blame her for feeling like that. I would feel the same if I were in the body of someone else.

“Knackered, mom. Barely slept.”

No. I can’t see her in her eyes, not with the ugly hanging bags which I surely have.

“Got a lot of nightmares.” I can feel my own teeth grinding. They hurt a bit. “Those same horrible nightmares.”

“Which ones you got, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“… The one about the night in the kitchen.”

“O-Oh, I see. Did you take your pills yesterday?”

Gosh, she looks even more concerned now. I hate to make her worry so much about me. I hate to be a burden to her.

“I did… But I feel like they aren’t working anymore. It’s like… I don’t know, maybe I got too used to them…”

“Perhaps you should visit Dr. Mentis again. He could prescribe you something else. If you want, I could check if he is available today.”

Oh, no. I don’t want to. Not another trip to the doctor, another injection of false hope and another big waste of money. But I can’t just say no to mum, or she will become persistent. Better to give her a quick non-answer. Just to reassure her.

“…Well, huh, maybe… B-But not today. I’ll try to sleep again tonight. If I won’t be able to, I’ll go to the doctor tomorrow afternoon. Promise.”

Mental note: I have to sleep. At all costs. No naps. I should work on some compilation of cute kitten videos after lunch to play before bedtime.

“Hmmm…” Oh, mum. Why are you looking at me with those narrowed eyes? Don’t give me that inquisitive look. I hate when you show those prying eyes. You didn’t buy it, did you? “… Very well. However, if I see you with that cadaveric look again tomorrow, we will go to the doctor. No excuses.”

Ouch! Yes, she saw right through my facade. Looks like I have no way out of this. “… All right.”

Okay, a nod. This is good. And… she just spotted the clothes on the floor. Uh oh.

“Dear, pick up your clothes after lunch, will you? You can’t have your room look like a pigpen.”

I can’t refute that.

“Sorry about that, mum… Felt too drained these days…”

“…It’s one of those periods?”

“One of those periods.”

“I see…” Another sad expression from her, another painful tug at my heart. “It looks like I’ll have to add a stop to the pharmacy before work. Unless you want to go out and get the medicine by yourself?”

“I’d rather not. I wouldn’t want to, you know, freak out while I’m outside or something…”

Another nod from her. Good, she seems convinced.

“That’s understandable. I’ll take care of that, then.” Hm? Why is she rubbing my cheek? “But you should really go out soon, dear. Look how pale you’ve become. You’ve also lost so much weight. Really, you can’t stay holed in your room all day. It’s not healthy for your body, nor for your mind.”

I sigh. I didn’t want to sigh. “I know…”

She’s glancing at her watch now. That means…

“Well, I have to go back to work now. We’ll talk more about that later. Try to eat all your lunch, all right? Humans need more than oxygen to survive, as you should know.”

Heh. Lame attempt at humor. Much appreciated, though.

“I will, mum.”

“And don’t forget to pick up your clothes and throw out the trash.”

“I won’t, mum.”

“Good.” Oh? A hug? Awkward, but… nice. Thanks, mum, but why is she shuddering? Why am I shuddering? “I’ll be back as soon as I finish work. Take care and don’t hesitate to call me for anything. Okay?”

“Okay. See you later, mum.”

End of the hug. Another sad expression on her face. I’m so sorry, mum, for making you worry so much…

∗clack∗

And I’m again alone at home. Unless Martha has returned from one of her walks around town. Though, I didn’t hear her barks…

Anyway, better eat the rice and chicken before they become too cold.

Hmm… It looks like mum has cut the chicken in pieces for me. No knife needed… How nice of her, especially after dreaming again about that night. The plate still feels warm, which is very good. So, let’s try it…



Ah, so good! Crunchy and flavorful, just the way I love it.

I wonder what the others are talking about… I may as well just bring the plate to the desk and see what they’re saying. So…


-----

Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:45
And then there would be an epic confrontation with the mastermind behind Dark Matter


NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:45
dark matter would have a mastermind?


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:45
Isn’t Dark Matter THE mastermind?


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:45
That’s what PSMD made you believe, but not


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:45
I don’t know. Sounds Farfetch’d to me.


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:45
With each game we got a greater threat


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:45
Someone stronger than Dark Matter would make sense


mirror dawn Today at 11:45
But what could be the greater threat? :O


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:46
I’d say Necrozma


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:46
It’s an alien thing that steals light and all villains wanted to bring darkness


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:46
Darkrai, Bittercold, Dark Matter


SergeantPlanta Today at 11:46
Sounds… a bit too cliched to me.


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:46
It’s Pokemon, they have always been cliched[/FONT]


-----

Oh, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon talk… Not exactly my area of expertise. What games did I play? Hmm, a bit of Sky? And borrowed my cousin’s Blue Team for a couple of hours? Yeah, I think that was all. But now that I think about it, didn’t I buy Super when it was released, like… three years or so ago?

…Three years. Gosh, it’s been three years already. Time sure flies.

Though, why did I never play Super? Was it because of… Oh. Yes, I stopped playing with the 3DS since… since… No, I’d better not think about that. I’m eating!



Great, now I’m starting to lose my appetite…


-----

Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:46
Btw I have restarted Rescue Team a few days ago


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:47
Not as cool as Sky but still awsome


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:47
*awesome


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:47
I want to replay all the PMD games while we wait for a new game


Timeless Grovyle Today at 11:47
Give us our game Nintendo


-----

Replaying Mystery Dungeon games…

That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I could consider playing Super, after all these years. It’s… not like I have pressing matters or anything like that. But first, I’d better finish eating while I browse some cat videos. YouTube, here we go.


∗∗∗​

“So, let’s recap everything. Finishing the rice and chicken, check. Gathering all clothes from the floor and putting them in the washing machine, check. Taking out the trash, check. Hmm… Oh, right, creating the kitten and cute puppies playlist, check. Awph… Feeling brain-dead… check. Let’s just get that cartridge working and play that game. Hopefully, that will keep my mind occupied until tonight. But… Huh, where was my 3DS again? Maybe on some shelf…”



“It should be around here! Where is that game? …Hm? Wait, I think… Ah! I think I’ve got it!”

…Yeah, definitely found it. Same old red surface, same old scratches on the screens, same old loose left button.

“Yeah, good old 3DS. It brings back so many memories… But… enough of that. Time to turn it on and play.”

We used to play with this all day, didn’t we…?

“… Barbara, enough of that! Why are you so afraid of turning on a freaking 3DS? You can't keep avoiding turning it on just because of... of...”

Liam…!

“Argh! No, stop it! There is nothing to worry about. It's just a console, right?… Right.”
There! Clicked that lame button! Okay, here's the familiar ding, Nintendo 3DS logo, health information, blah blah, whatever. So, huh…

“Ugh! Seriously? Did one of our cousins mess up with the menu again? Hmph! Great. Well, let’s see… Bravely Default… Y… Kirby… Smash Bros… Omega Ruby… Kid Icarus… 3D Land… Gates… Luigi’s Mansion… Sun… Fire Emblem… Ah! Found it!”

Better get comfy on the bed. And tap.

“… Oh, cool black background with stars. Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon, press start, yes… Hm? No intro? I’m taken straight to the test? That’s… new, isn’t it?”

Finally! I finally found you! I came here just to find you, you know?

“Ha! Did you now? I’m not sure what benefit you would get from finding me, of all people.”

Please come… and lend us your strength!

“Strength? Me? Yeah, you’ve got the wrong person, weird rainbow ball.”

Keep touching the lower screen!

“Okay… Behold the almighty power of my stick pen!”

This path of light is the link between our two worlds… Complete the following prompts with an honest and open heart.

∗Yawn∗ Uh oh. Tiredness is coming. Focus, Barbara. Focus. You can’t sleep now!

Awaken the true Pokémon form that slumbers within you!

“Heh. The only thing slumbering here will be me, if you don’t hurry up.”

A new student transfers into your class.
What do you do?


“I’d just wait to see what person they are. If I went to an actual class, that’s it.”

Disaster strikes! You've lost your wallet! Now what are you going to do?

“Well, obvious answer is obvious. I’d just retrace my steps. That’s an easy answer. ∗Yawn∗ Again? I can’t be that sleepy…”

Everyone at school is talking about this great new book, but it's big and long...

“Hmm, I mean… it would depend from the book, I guess. I would never read Harry Potter, even if… ∗yawn∗ people kept pestering me about that. So, don’t care.”

You've been hiking up a mountain for two hours but still haven't reached the peak...

“Okay, why am I hiking, to begin with? Not my kind of stuff… I’d just go home.”

… Huh? Weird, what… what are these buzzing sounds? Are they from outside, or…?

All right! Dinnertime at last!
You're starving, and you can hardly think about anything else except the chance to eat...


“I… ∗yawn∗ would wait, I suppose. I’m not that desperate…”

A wizard appears before you! He says he'll transform you into anything!
What would you want to be?


“A deep-sea fish that perpetually drowns its sorrows… Oh, not an option? Meh. I’ll go with the… ∗awph∗ wild beast one with nature.”

Okay, seriously, what the heck is going on with me? Why I’m feeling so… sleepy? I know I didn’t sleep well, but…

All right! Vacation time at last! What kind of music fits your mood?

“… No classical music? That’s lame. I don’t like any of these, but… I suppose the… one option I dislike least would be… huh… hard rooock…?”

What…? My… my sight… Why I can… barely see now…? Am I… sick…?

What would … best word … describe … partner?

“Oough…”

My he… ad… It… hur… ts… The… pho… ne… Whe… re…?

“H-Hey Siiiri! C-Call mmm—”

∗thump∗

-----

Delta Investigation Report: A001
Codename: H.U.M.A.N.
[Human Under Meticulous Analytical Neutrality]
Issued by: Astros Town Outlaws & Mysteries Investigation Headquarters
Allegation: [classified]
Investigator(s): [classified]
Status: Ongoing


-----

“Woo-hoo! Today’s the day! I’ll finally join the Astros Town OMI! I can feel it!”

A Rockruff was running in circles inside a room, his footsteps sounding dully on the wooden floor. A worn-out khaki crossbody bag thumped his side repeatedly, but he didn't seem to care. He stopped on a hay carpet in the middle of the room, his tongue hanging from his muzzle and his tail wagging. But unable to contain his sheer joy, he began scratching his forepaws on the floor.

“Hurry up, Papa! I gotta go!” he yapped, before running in front of the door and staring intently at it, almost willing the door to open with his silent command.

Slow steps sounded from behind the Rockruff, walking across the room. A shadow of another creature was projected on the door, getting the attention of the small dog. Behind him stood a tall Midnight Lycanroc, bearing a calm and composed expression. He looked down at the Rockruff, showing a letter in a paw.

“You forgot your recruitment form, Peter,” said the Lycanroc, extending the paper to the Rockruff. “You know they won’t allow you to partake to the test without it.”

Peter gawked at the paper with jaws open, appearing shocked.

“Ack! How did I forget that?” he exclaimed, before snatching the paper from his dad and hastily stuffing it inside his bag. He beamed a grateful grin to the other Pokémon, his tail wagging even faster. “Thanks for the catch, Papa!”

“Hmm… Are you sure you want to try that course again, son?” inquired Papa, tilting his head while showing a doubtful expression. “You know well that you need a keen eye for details to do that job. Perhaps you should consider another profession, like rescuer, explorer, adventurer, and whatnot. I think they would suit your skills much better.”

“I’m certain of my choice, Papa! I wanna become a good investigator!” replied Peter, puffing up his chest and flashing a confident grin. “No, scratch that! I’ll become the best investigator in the entire world! Just wait and see!”

“You have plenty of enthusiasm and optimism, I concede that,” remarked the father, showing an amused smirk. “Well, you know what? Since you are so adamant about doing that, I’ll accompany you to the HQ today. What do you say?”

Peter let out a loud gasp. “Really? Will you do that for me?”

The Rockruff became even more enthusiastic and yipped with a mix of joy and impatience. He began rubbing his neck pebbles on his father’s leg, creating some sparks against the coarse red fur.

“Yay! Thanks, Papa! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

The Lycanroc chuckled and unlocked the deadbolt of the door. That was just what his son was waiting for. Peter sprinted out of the house at top speed, laughing jovially and carefreely. But after a few meters, he realized that he had left his father behind. He screeched to a halt and turned around, waiting for the latter to catch up with him. The two wolf-dogs followed the dirt path, leaving behind their cozy home and starting their journey.

∗∗∗

Peter was walking through familiar woods, wagging his tail and yipping merrily. The Pecha trees at the sides of the path were brimming with rosy blossoms, celebrating the quiet arrival of spring.

Clouds of petals swirled in the air, carried around by a fresh zephyr. Swarms of Beautifly were chittering among themselves, savoring the sweet pollen and scattering multicolored dust around. Many Wurmple were crawling under the trees’ branches, letting out infantile giggles while chewing on some leaves and sipping some golden sap. There were also some Taillow flying around the area, but some swift Gusts from the mother Beautifly chased them away.

Peter took a long whiff of the air, enjoying the peachy aroma of blooms. Spring was his favorite season, as there were so many pleasant scents to take in and analyze with his sensitive nose. He smiled in delight, but soon enough he started sneezing when some pollen got into his nostrils. He coughed and shook his head furiously, before rubbing his nose with a paw.

Here’s the only thing he didn’t like about spring—allergic reactions. That was very annoying, especially for a canid.

Papa was a few meters away from his son, gazing at the spectacle of dancing petals and butterflies with a relaxed expression. He smiled warmly when he saw a mother Beautifly landing beside a sleeping Wurmple and cradling it in her tiny paws.

A mother… and her son.

Papa frowned and his smile vanished, as his heart swelled with strong emotions and memories. He looked at Peter, who was barking angrily at some pink pollen flakes. It looked like they had triggered one of those allergic reactions, by judging his expression. The Lycanroc felt some of his life rushing back to him at the amusing scene, but he couldn’t help but wonder how things would have been if ‘Mama’ was still around.

Peter snorted at the pollen, feeling victorious at having blown it away with his incessant barking, and gazed at his father. He tilted his head in confusion, not understanding why his father was looking so gloomy so suddenly.

“Papa? Something wrong?” asked Peter, his tail swaying slowly.

Papa looked again at the Pecha trees one last time, before turning to his son and showing a small smile. “Oh, no. It’s nothing.” He laughed. “I have just spaced out a little, that’s all.”

Peter stared intently at his father: bags hung under his eyes, his pupils seemed of a paler shade of red and his pose was more slouched than usual. Papa looked so… exhausted. Peter knew that his job was strenuous and sapped the Lycanroc of almost all his strength. However, he looked even more drained that day.

“Papa… If you are tired, you can go home and rest a bit more before work. I can go to the OMI by myself, really!” said Peter, frowning at his father. “I don’t want you to push yourself like that because of me.”

“Peter, I am fine,” rebutted Papa flatly, lowering himself toward his son and patting him on his head. “You know I have very good endurance. A little walk to the town is nothing I can’t handle.”

“Are you sure?” asked Peter, looking unconvinced.

“Absolutely!” Papa flashed a confident smirk, not wanting his son to be in a bad mood before his big test. “You should have more faith in your father, son. I have taken down a five-starred criminal Tyranitar all by myself once! This is nothing in comparison.”

“Well, huh…”

Peter didn’t know how to reply to that, so he just stared at his father.

“I said that I would accompany you to the HQ and I shall!” the father added, winking at his son. “I want to be there and be the first one to congratulate you when you will pass the test. That is nothing I want to miss for anything in the world!”

Peter narrowed his eyes, trying to pick on anything that seemed off about his father. However, he couldn't detect anything suspicious, not even through his nose. He smiled in relief.

“Okay, Papa! Then… I’ll do my best!” he squealed, before jumping in his father’s lap and rubbing his head on the latter’s fur.

Papa replied to this with a content grin, glad to have diverted the discussion and cheered up his son. “This is my boy! Now, let’s just continue our journey. There is still a long way to go,” he said, putting his son back to the floor.

“Okay!” chirped Peter, before running ahead of his father with renewed confidence and spirit, and Papa walking calmly after him.[/I]

∗∗∗

(…)

(Nggh…)

(P-Pain… I feel… pain everywhere…)

(My h-heart… Argh! So fast. Fast. Fast! I can’t breathe! I’m dizzy! It’s hurting so much!)

(Dizzy so dizzy so dizzy dizzy dizzy—)

(Agh! Gack! Ack!)

(H-Help… somebody… anybody…)

(Help me, p-please…)

(…)

∗∗∗

“Ah! Astros Town! We’re almost there! Almost there!” squealed Peter, hopping in circles on the road. He stared at the approaching father with joy, while his tail waved rapidly. “C’mon, Papa! Just a bit more!”

Papa replied to the cry by raising his paw and showing a thumbs-up, and Peter took this as a cue to continue running. He took a strong whiff in the air, expecting the scent of freshly baked cookies… but what he got was a foreign scent. This piqued his interest, as the scent seeped into his nostrils and refused to let go.

“Hmm?”

Peter took a few whiffs around, his snout filtering out all scents and zeroing on that single trace.

Feeble. Jumbled. Alien.

… Unwell.

Now totally focused on the mysterious scent, Peter raced into the forest, spreading the aroma of fresh grass with each step. Yet, his attention was all on the unknown smell and he instinctively lowered his head toward the ground.

Inhale deeply, exhale softly. Inhale deeply, exhale softly. Inhale deeply, exhale softly.

He frowned and lifted his head, his tail flicking erratically as he stared at the darkest side of the forest. This novelty puzzled him: he had smelled nothing like that before.

“Peter…?”

The Rockruff didn’t even react to his father’s voice. He kept looking at the woods in front of him, unblinking and unmoving. Papa closed the gap between them and stopped beside his son, a confused and concerned expression on his face.

“Peter? What’s the matter, son?”

Peter glanced at his father, a thoughtful expression in his aquamarine eyes. “Papa… don’t you smell this?” he asked, looking again at the trees. “This strange… indescribable smell.”

Papa raised an eyebrow, wondering what his son was talking about, before taking a deep sniff. It took less than a second for the older Pokémon to detect the scent, which made him narrow his eyes. The red pupils glowed faintly in alarm.

“I do, yes. This smell…”

Peter glanced again at his father. “Do you know what kind of trace that is?”

“… I can’t say for sure,” answered Papa, walking past his son and studying the woods. His nostrils dilated constantly, in an attempt of pinpointing the origin of the scent. “It’s a really confusing scent. I have… never dealt with anything like that before.”

Peter blinked in surprise. “Oh? So even you can’t recognize it?” He looked at the woods, his ears drooping and his tail lowering. “But even so, about that scent… I can smell a trace of unwellness coming from it…”

“… Yes. That’s indeed very worrisome.” Papa turned to look at his son. “We've got to find the owner of this scent. They could be in trouble.”

Peter nodded in agreement. “Right.”

With this said, both wolf-dogs bolted into the woods, unaware and uncaring of what lied ahead of them.

∗∗∗

(…)

(I… I can’t move… Why aren’t my legs responding?… I can’t see… My eyes won’t open… I can’t talk… My throat is clogged and dry… I can’t even cry… I have no tears, I think…)

(Am I… dying…?)

(U-Ungh…)

(…)

∗∗∗

Peter and his father were in total sleuth mode, tracking down the smell like frenzied hounds. They ignored the looks that nearby Pokémon were giving them, keeping the attention all on the mysterious scent.

“So, Papa? How are things going for you?” asked Peter, looking at his father not too far from him.

“Still nothing. Unfortunately, the trace is very faint. It’s very difficult to pinpoint the exact origin,” replied Papa with a serious tone.

Peter lowered his head, finding himself in agreement with his father’s statement. “Yeah… I’m not having much luck, either.”

“Hey, you two! Are you looking for something?”

Both wolf-dogs blinked and turned to the voice. What they saw a female Pikipek perched on a branch, staring at them with a curious expression. Bright feathers on her head and wings in an impeccable condition. Someone with a very high status, albeit mostly metaphorically.

“That we are, even if we don’t know exactly what we are looking for,” replied Papa, crossing his paws. “The only clue we got is an unknown trace.”

“Well, I don’t know if that’s what you’re looking for, but something weird happened a lil’ while ago,” said the Pikipek.

Peter tilted his head in confusion. “Something weird?”

“A bright rainbow beam descended from the sky, at just a few meters from here,” continued the Pikipek, before motioning toward a group of blueish trees with her wing. “It happened over there, somewhere close to those Oran trees. That was quite the show, I tell you!”

“Why didn’t you check what it was?” asked Peter, raising an eyebrow. “You can fly.”

Pikipek fluttered her wings in a panic, almost falling from the branch. “Squack?! Me? But if I’m just a delicate lady!” she shrieked, before waving a wing toward them. “But you two seem very tough Pokémon. I’m sure you must be able to handle whatever that light was much better than this young lady.”

“Way to unload the dirty and risky job on someone else…” muttered Papa under his breath, unimpressed by the Pikipek’s attempt at flattery.

“Oh, do you really think I’m tough?” asked Peter, wagging his tail. “Cool! Papa, we should go!”

“I don’t know…” Papa placed a paw on his muzzle. “We have no clue of what could be there…”

“However, what if that ‘unwell’ trace comes from over there?” Peter looked toward the Oran trees. “Maybe someone got struck by that beam and is now in pain.”

Papa hummed in thought, considering his son’s theory. That was definitely a possibility. Besides, the scent was very close to where they were.

“Besides, we are investigators! We’ve got to investigate!” exclaimed Peter, puffing up his chest.

The Lycanroc turned to his son. “Now, that’s not—”

“Yes! Yes! Investigators investigate! So, if you are investigators, you must go,” replied Pikipek with a demanding tone. “You aren’t going to disregard the humble request of this lady in her time of need? What kind of ‘mon are you?”

Papa snorted and stared at the bird with an annoyed glare. “Milady, that’s not helping!”

“C’mon, Papa! Let’s go!” cried out Peter, before sprinting toward the direction of the Oran trees.

“Hey! Wait, Peter!” shouted Papa, running after the reckless pup.

The Pikipek looked at the fleeing wolf-dogs with a satisfied stare, before starting preening her wings. Whatever the light and whatever happened in the Oran grove, it was their business now.

∗∗∗

(…)

(… Wait…)

(… Something. I hear something.)

(Distant footsteps, maybe, not sure.)

(Nggh… I still can’t move or shout. It hurts too much.)

(Help me… Whoever you are… Please…)

(I’m s-scared…)

(…)

∗∗∗

Peter and his father walked into the darkish Oran grove, eyeing carefully the area. They kept sniffing intently at the air, both recognizing the intense scent of burned leaves and cinder. A reddish mist with golden sparks covered the shrubs and broken twigs, giving to the barks and foliage a supernatural purplish tint. Also, a deadly silence surrounded them—just what was hiding in the fog?

“Papa, what do you think happened here?” asked Peter, his voice almost silent.

“I… don’t know,” was the father’s uncertain response, his eyes glowing vividly in the penumbra. “This is an unusual phenomenon.”

“Does this mist smell like some kind of energy?”

“… It doesn’t seem so.” Papa took another whiff. “It doesn’t smell like ice or water droplets, nor like toxic smoke. It’s like… I’m not sure, maybe ghostly essence?” He paused for a while before shaking his head. “No, it doesn’t smell like that, either.”

“So, is this a non-elemental force?” wondered Peter.

The Lycanroc shrugged. “Could be, could be not. Anyway…” Papa narrowed his eyes and lowered his head. “The trace is much stronger here. We’re approaching our target.”

“That’s good!” exclaimed Peter, walking ahead of his father while furiously sniffing around. “Now, where could they be…?”

“Careful, Peter! We don’t know what's hidden in this fog,” cautioned Papa.

“Don’t worry, Papa! I’ll be car—” Peter slipped into some descending terrain, disappearing into the fog and tumbling down some kind of small crater. “Aaah!”

“Peter!” howled the Lycanroc, rushing toward the spot where his son vanished. He sounded out the terrain with his foot and began descending the crater. “Peter! Are you okay, son?!”

“… Ugh! I-I’m okay, Papa,” replied Peter, lying down at the base of the hole. “Just a bit dizzy. I’m not…” His words died in his throat as his tail brushed against something solid. He blinked and craned his neck, spotting a silhouette lying close to him, almost completely hidden by the dense mist.

“Huh? What’s that?”

Peter stood up and approached the shadow to study it better. He sniffed at it and his eyes widened in realization: the mysterious scent came from there. They had found their target.

Out of curiosity, Peter poked the figure with a paw. He felt some thick fur running under his paw pads, very soft and lustrous to the touch, which outlined a creature of more or less his same size. Something powdery covered body, and upon looking at his paw, Peter saw some dirt and sandstone. Peter took a few steps back, his face unable to mask his shock and concern. There was no doubt: someone was lying there, and they were hurt. But who or what? He couldn’t discern anything with the red mist.

“Peter…?” asked the Lycanroc in concern, his voice sounding very close. He had reached the base of the crater and began walking toward his son. “What did you find?”

“Papa!” Peter turned around, his eyes filled with urgency. “T-There is someone unconscious over here!”

The Lycanroc gasped in shock and rushed forward, spotting the shadow amid the mist. He narrowed his eyes before approaching the unconscious creature and clenching his paw. His fist caught fire immediately, radiating a warm and intense glow that permeated the surface of the crater and dispelled some red fog. What the duo saw was a dark brown vixen lying in the middle of the small crater, unconscious and with her fur covered in dust and pebbles. A spiral-like pattern was engraved on the floor underneath her body, its arms reaching the top of the crater and releasing a faint mix of golden flickers and purplish smoke. The Lycanroc frowned and knelt toward the motionless Pokémon, sniffing her to verify her conditions.

“Papa, is that…?” asked Peter, looking at his father expectantly.

“A Zorua, female. Not sure about her age, but she seems to have hit her maturity,” answered Papa flatly. He placed his free paw on the Zorua’s chest and carefully rolled her on the other side. “… She is alive and doesn’t seem to have external injuries. Though, her heart is racing like crazy! I don't think that's normal!” He looked at the red smoke with mild apprehension. “Could this strange smoke be responsible for this…?”

Peter stared at the Zorua in concern, feeling sympathy for the unconscious Pokémon, before turning to his father. “What do we do, then?”

“Hmm… Since we don’t have Reviver Seeds or anything of the sorts with us, we should try with first aid,” stated the Lycanroc matter-of-factly. He took a deep breath and began pushing firmly and rhythmically on the Zorua’s chest, trying to stabilize her heartbeat. However, the vixen remained mostly unresponsive aside from a little spasm, which greatly worried the Lycanroc.

“Not good. She isn’t reacting at all. We need to take her to the infirmary, immediately!” replied Papa, his tone hard and serious.

“S-Sure!” responded Peter, nodding furiously and his tail swaying erratically.

The Lycanroc lowered himself to his four paws and picked up the vixen in his jaws, making sure to not hurt her with his sharp fangs. He motioned to his son to jump on his back with a paw, and after the Rockruff did so, the Lycanroc started glowing with an orange aura. The rocks on his body and claws his sharpened to reduce air friction, before leaping out of the crater with a powerful jump, his son holding onto him by biting into his fur. Once out of the crater, the Lycanroc sped through the fog-covered grove. Loud cries from the demanding Pikipek echoed when they rushed past her, but they fell to deaf ears. Soon, they left behind the woods and ran down the dirt path and toward the town, as fast as the desert wind.

∗∗∗

The two wolf-dogs ignored the confused stares of all passerby Pokémon they met during their run, their minds focused on only one task: reaching the OMI Headquarters at the town plaza as soon as possible.

“Hopefully Doctor Greg will know what to do…” mused Peter from where he was standing, holding onto his father with his forepaws. Papa replied with a simple grunt, as he had his mouth full.

As soon as they climbed a stone staircase and ran past a round fountain in the middle of the plaza, they reached an enormous white building made of marble and concrete, with a giant ivory statue of a Reshiram with sapphire eyes and an obsidian statue of a Zekrom with ruby eyes, standing at both sides of an impressive gate. A giant stone sign hung between the statues, supported by a pair of columns, with written: “Astros Town Outlaws & Mysteries Investigation Headquarters”.

Standing in front of the entrance was a Probopass, who was wearing a cap with a rainbow-colored badge, adorned with a stylized white feather and black scale. In front of him stood a Vigoroth, who was holding a few papers in his paws.

“Subject confirmed as Victor Vigoroth. Now please wait while the scan is ongoing…” stated the Probopass with a deep masculine voice, before its red cap-like appendance raised and lowered a few times. The Mini Noses sped toward the Vigoroth and started circling it with a magnetic impulse, and after a few loops, the “eyes” blinked with an azure light. Once done so, the Mini Noses returned toward the main body, while Probopass gave a nod.

“Scan completed. The subject is clean. You are free to go,” said Probopass, before moving out of the way and letting the Vigoroth walk through the door. Seeing that it was their turn, Peter jumped off his father while the Lycanroc stood up on his hind legs and held the Zorua in his paws. They walked toward the entrance, standing in front of the guard.

“Astros Town OMI, please state your name and busin–” started the Probopass, before his eyes lit up at the sight of the Lycanroc and the Rockruff in front of it. “Oh, wow! But if it isn’t Detective Rokko and Little Peter!” he exclaimed, while his Mini Noses waved around the two wolf-dogs and let out some magnetic impulses. “What brought you here?”

“Papa’s Rock Polish,” responded Peter, before showing a concerned expression. “Oh, and an emergency!”

The Probopass blinked, unnerved by the news and the concerned expressions of the two canines.

“Emergency…?” he parroted, before looking at the duo with narrowed eyes, which screamed inquiry. “Why, what happened?!”

“We’ve found this Zorua lying on the ground, unconscious,” responded Rokko, showing the dust-covered vixen in his paws. “I’ve tried some first-aid to awaken her, but she doesn’t respond. She needs immediate medical treatment. Now!”

“My! That’s terrible!” shouted Probopass in alarm, before hastily getting out of the way. “Please, go ahead, and hurry.”

“Thank you,” responded Rokko in gratitude, before rushing into the building. Peter was about to follow his father, when Rokko turned around and shook his head. “No, Peter. Don’t follow me. You have your test now, remember?”

“B-But… I’m worried about that Zorua, too…” whined Peter, his ears drooped over his face.

“I know you’re worried about her, son, but the exam is your priority now. She will be fine, trust me on that,” replied Rokko, showing a little confident smile. “Now go, before it’s too late.”

With the discussion concluded, Rokko ran past the reception and sped toward the east wing of the building, knowing already where he needed to go. Peter stood by the entrance as his father disappeared, letting out a sigh. However, he gasped when he felt a Mini Nose dragging him toward the Probopass, and he shot to the guard a confused stare.

“Hey! What gives?” asked Peter, staring at the imposing guard in front of him.

“Apologies, kid, but you know the rules of the OMI: you have to undergo the scan to walk inside the building, as per the standard security protocol,” stated the Probopass.

“Oh, c’mon, Chris! Do I really have to? Can’t you do an exception to celebrate the happy encounter with your old friend?” wondered Peter, looking expectantly at the guard with a sheepish grin.

“No exceptions,” responded Chris flatly, staring at the pup with an unamused glare and his Mini Noses buzzing with a negative tone.

“Aww, shucks…” mumbled Peter, looking down in disappointment.

∗∗∗

“Fast heartbeat, you say? Did you try the first-aid procedure?”

A male Audino was standing in front of an infirmary bed, holding out his feeler on top of the unconscious Zorua lying on a hospital bed. By then, her breaths had become shallow and more laborious.

Rokko was standing on the opposite side of the bed with his arms crossed, giving a slight nod with his head while looking at the doctor.

“Yeah, Greg. I’ve tried some heart resuscitation, but didn’t work.”

“I see…” responded Greg, placing his feeler on the Zorua’s chest and his ears flicking constantly as he analyzed the sounds. “Um, yes, her pulse is way too fast. Her heart may risk collapsing at this rate,” he declared, studying carefully the motionless vixen. “It’s a good thing you have found her. Ten minutes too many and it would have been too late for her. Though, I’m afraid I can’t use a Reviver Seed in this case. The sudden energy surge may give her a heart attack.”

“Ah,” mumbled Rokko, mentally sweatdropping as he remembered his earlier idea. A good thing to know for the future, at least. “Then what else do you need? I’d like to help, if possible.”

“In this case, an electrical shock is our best bet. It should help re-establish her pulse.”

“Well, I know Thunder Punch. Will that do?” offered Lycanroc.

“That might certainly do,” responded the Audino, before showing a smug smirk. “If you want to pulverize her bones or something, that’s it.”

“Oh… point taken,” conceded Rokko, scratching the back of his neck. “Sheesh, it seems you have not lost your snark…”

“Why should I? That’s my trademark, after all,” responded Greg with a grin, before dropping his act and showing a more professional expression. “But worry not. We can take care of this,” he said with a reassuring smile and turned toward a door. “Nurse Patricia, can you come over here?”

“In a flash!” exclaimed a feminine voice from the other room.

The door sprung open, and a female Pachirisu rushed out of it, wearing a pink cap with a white stylized Sitrus Berry on her head. She left behind a faint trace of static electricity with her little race, which quickly dissipated as soon as she stopped by the doctor’s side.

“What do you need me for, Doc?” she asked with a sweet voice, looking at the Audino with eyes brimming with energy. A typical trait of a healthy electric squirrel.

“This patient is suffering from tachycardia. Can you help stabilize her pulse with one of your electric jolts?” asked Greg, motioning toward the Zorua.

“Sure thing! Nothing that a good Ion Deluge can’t fix!” chirped Patricia, before jumping on the table beside the unconscious vixen. She lifted her forepaws and generated some weak electrical sparks, before placing the electrified paws right on the Zorua’s chest.

The electricity coursed through the vixen’s body, who winced when the ionized particles struck her heart. The cardiac muscles spasmed with each shock, as the jolts of electricity struck in specific points to regulate the frenzied pulse.

It was then that the Zorua took a deep breath in, her ribcage dilating after taking in so much needed air, and coughed a little. All her muscles steadily relaxed and her chest raised and lowered at a more regular rate, while her expression became almost instantly much more serene and relieved. Patricia lifted her tail and began absorbing the remaining floating particles, which crackled in her fur.

“There. This should do~!” said Patricia, right before the white particles vanished.

“Thank you for the help, Nurse Patricia. Much appreciated,” said Greg, getting a sweet smile from the squirrel. With this matter dealt with, he scrutinized the Zorua with his feeler to check her condition.

Flapping wings resounded from outside, getting the attention of Nurse Patricia. The Pachirisu looked outside the nearby window, seeing a Tranquil flying past the hole in the wall. Afterward, sounds of a beak pecking on glass came from the other room.

“It looks like our courier is here,” exclaimed the Pachirisu, before turning to the two bigger Pokémon. “If you’ll excuse me…” she said in a haste, before jumping off the bed and sprinting into the other room.

A peaceful quietude fell in the blue infirmary room, with soft sounds and snores of other resting patients being the only feeble noises. Rokko stared at the Zorua and took a quick whiff: the unpleasant trace of sickness was mostly gone. He showed a big grin, glad that the vixen was recovering.

“… So, it’s been a while since your last visit, Detective Rokko,” started the Audino while checking on the patient. “Were you having too much fun in the Orb Cave and couldn’t find some time for your old friends?”

“… Ex-Detective. You know I don’t do this job anymore, Greg,” responded Rokko, crossing his arms and looking away. “And no. I’ve… just been very busy, that’s all.”

“Okay, Ex-Detective Rokko,” responded Greg, his paws glowing with a green light as he rubbed the Zorua on the chest. She scrunched her muzzle and shuddered under the doctor's touch, but soon showed a relaxed expression as the Heal Pulse did its work. “I admit I’m still surprised by your choice. I mean, you were one of the top investigators of our OMI. What made you give up your position as a detective?”

“I… simply have other priorities right now…” dismissed the Lycanroc while waving his paw. “Especially toward my son.”

“Ah, yes. Young Peter,” mused Greg. “He is trying to follow your steps, is he not?”

“Yeah. He is very determined to become an investigator. In fact, he should have finished taking his admission test right now.”

∗∗∗

“I-I’ve failed!? There must be a mistake!” shouted Peter, looking in disbelief at the paper in front of him: many red crosses and circles covered most of his writing. “I have studied hard this time around! How did I fail?”

“Peter… Claiming that ‘A Ghost-type did it!’ without enough evidence isn’t exactly a compelling theory,” said a Luxray in front of him, staring at the wolf-dog with cold eyes. “Also, accusing Ghost-types unjustly is both rude and unprofessional.”

“But Ghost-types don’t leave evidence. They can cross walls and all those shenanigans!” protested Peter, showing an indignant frown. “That’s foolproof reasoning!”

The Luxray rolled his eyes. “… If you had actually taken the time to analyze thoroughly the scenario and read the report, rather than jumping to conclusions again, you would have noticed that the door had been melted away by acid,” he replied, before raising an eyebrow. “A Ghost-type would have no reason to melt away a door, would they?”

Peter’s ears dropped slightly while staring at the Luxray with wide eyes. “Oh, um… that makes sense.”

“Besides, Ghost-types do leave evidence. Depending on the species, they leave behind a variable amount of ectoplasm on the walls or in the air. And as you should — big emphasis on ‘should’ — know already, ectoplasm can be detected with different means, like Odor Sleuth or Foresight. Yet, at no point during the simulation there was any mention or trace of ectoplasmic matter. Not on the door, nor even the air.”

Peter's ears dropped even further. “This… is also true…”

“Also, many burnt marks were present on the crime scene. Marks in the shape of licks of fire. As such, what would be the conclusion?”

“… Maybe a Gengar did that with a Will-O-Wisp?” suggested Peter, tilting his head in confusion. “Or was it a Spiritomb? Can I have another hint?”

The Luxray’s eye twitched as he fought the urge of lashing out at the Rockruff. As a compromise, he shook his head in disapproval and motioned toward the door with his paw.

“Today’s exam is over, Peter. You’re dismissed.”

“Huh? Was I wrong again…?” muttered the Rockruff in disappointment, grabbing his paper and tucking it inside the bag. He looked at the Luxray, showing a sheepish smile. “Um… can I have the answer, at least?”

“Investigators don’t ask for answers, they look for them,” snapped the Luxray, his patience running very thin. “Take your time at home to think about the solution. Goodbye, Peter.”

Peter whined and shuffled out of the room, before glancing at the Luxray while showing a hopeful smile.

“Oh, well, I’ll do better tomorrow! You'll see!” exclaimed the Rockruff at last, before trotting out of the room.

Once Peter had left the scene, the Luxray let out a loud growl while his black mane straightened and sparked.

“Uuugh! That kid sure is persistent!” he groaned to himself, irritated by the Rockruff’s antics. “Can’t he understand that this profession is not for him? Obviously not, otherwise I wouldn’t have been honored with his presence five times in a row!”

“Something’s wrong, Kenji?”

The sudden voice made Kenji jump on his spot, who let out a scream that resembled a deep miaow. He turned around to spot a chuckling Krookodile, standing by another door while sporting a sparkling pair of shades. Kenji just sighed and lowered his head.

“No, nothing in particular, Chief…”

Chief blinked twice, staring intently at the feline across the room, before starting laughing heartily. The Luxray stared back at him with a confused glare.

“Ya know ya don’t have to call me that, Kenji! Especially when there aren’t students around,” said the crocodile, marching into the room. He walked past some signs of a fake burglary, with fake burns covering the floor and walls and a hole in a fake door. A normal simulated case ignored with nonchalance by the experienced chief.

“… You know I can’t help it,” replied Kenji, looking away while running his claws on the floor. “You’re the boss here, and I must always refer to my boss with the proper etiquette. This is what has been taught to me.”

“Boss? C’mon, ya know we’re partners! There is no need for that!” countered the Krookodile, showing a toothy smirk. He got no response from the feline, who just huffed and refused to say anything more on the matter. The Krookodile deemed better to tackle the other issue instead. “Anyway, ya were talkin’ about a kiddo. Who’s that?”

Kenji growled as he narrowed his eyes. He waved his tail with an even more erratic pattern, showing his great annoyance.

“Hmph! It’s just that kid, Peter…”

“Ah, the son of our comrade Rokko, am I right?” asked the crocodile, rubbing his massive chin. “What’s up with ‘im?”

“Well, for one thing, he is a total scatterbrained ditz with a terrible attention span!” complained Kenji, baring his fangs while waving his flashing tail. “He may have an excellent nose and a great talent for sniffing out things, sure, but that is for nothing if he can’t keep his focus on a task for more than a few seconds.” The Luxray shook his head. “He can’t even concentrate enough to solve the simplest riddles. And yet, he insists on wanting to join the investigation team.”

“Hmmm…”

The Krookodile put his claws on his hips, before showing again his trademark toothy grin.

“Well, I’ve met plenty of Pokémon which are geniuses in disguise, so don’t underestimate ‘im. Perhaps that kiddo has yet to realize his potential as an investigator.”

“I seriously doubt that’s the case!” retorted Kenji, showing a doubtful frown. “He looks like a lost cause to me.”

“Ya never know, Kenji. Perhaps that kiddo will end up surprisin’ ya someday,” replied the chief, crossing his arms. “Just give ‘im time.”

∗∗∗

“Wait… The TADS has been defeated!?” exclaimed Greg, dismayed by the news. “Are you sure about that?”

“I’m afraid so. This is what the report says, unfortunately,” replied Patricia, showing a serious expression while holding a paper in her paws. “And the information is genuine. Connor got it directly from the captain of our task force, Captain Ryuu. They’re on the way as we speak.”

“That’s truly alarming,” muttered the doctor, shaking his head. “How’s their situation?”

“There have been no casualties, but at least ten members are gravely injured. Luckily, the others have sustained only minor injuries. Flora is now working on one of her Aromatherapy painkillers.”

“The TADS… We’re talking the Technical Assault & Defense Squad here,” pondered Rokko aloud, visibly shocked by the situation. “They are the best fighters I’ve ever known. What could have happened to them?”

Patricia shook her head, lacking the answer to that question. “I can’t say for sure. There are no further details in the report. We will need to ask directly to Captain Ryuu once he arrives.”

“Then I’m afraid this complicates things,” started saying Greg, looking at the Zorua sleeping in front of him. “Most of the TADS members are very large Pokémon and the space here is limited. So, we must move this and other patients elsewhere. But the question is… Where?” He began rubbing his chin. “Hmm… Maybe Serenity City could take a few of the non-critical cases? They have a bigger infirmary, so maybe they could find some free space.”

“But doesn’t Serenity City have a Guild? Far too often they have to deal with injured explorers and rescuers,” pointed out Patricia. “We could risk giving them more than they can handle.”

“Um… fair. What about Sunbreak Town?”

“Well, they have a branch of the Expedition Society and they aren’t as well-equipped as us.”

Greg sighed and crossed his paws. “∗Huff∗ This is quite the dilemma here…”

As the Audino and the Pachirisu kept discussing what to do, Rokko looked down at the Zorua in front of him. Now that she didn’t have the trace of sickness anymore, he could take in and analyze her scent much better. He narrowed his eyes, quickly comparing her scent with countless scents he had smelled during his whole career. Then his nose found a match, which made his eyes grow wide.

‘Hold on! Could she be…?’

“All right, then. In this case, we will have to contact Coralline Village and ask them if they have some free space. It may be a bit far from here, but they should have both the capacity and the equipment needed for this emergency. If they give us an affirmative answer, we will arrange a few rides with Rapidash Express and ask them if they can help us transport the lighter patients to their infirmary,” declared Greg, nodding to himself. “Can you work on a quick telegram, Patricia?”

Patricia placed a paw on her forehead and showed a broad smile. “Sure! Consider it done, Doc~!”

“Hey, Greg, I’ve been wondering…” began Rokko, getting the attention of the Audino and the Pachirisu. He motioned toward the sleeping vixen. “Is her condition stable now, right?”

“Oh, the Zorua? Yes, I’ve given her a few rounds of Heal Pulse and she is all good now. All she needs is some good rest,” replied Greg, before tilting his head. “Why do you ask?”

“… Because I could take her to my home,” declared the Lycanroc, looking at the now surprised Audino. “We have a vacant room, so she could stay there with us until she recovers completely and is ready to return to her own place.”

“Well, that’s a nice proposal there,” commented Patricia, before turning to the doctor. “What’s your stance, Doc? Can the patient be discharged already?”

“Hmmm…” Greg looked over the Zorua one last time, before nodding. “Yes, she can be safely discharged. Luckily, she has recovered quickly and she shouldn’t have any more problems,” confirmed the doctor, before looking at the Lycanroc. “However, if there are relapses, bring her back immediately to treat her. I wouldn’t want her to fall sick or anything like that.”

Rokko nodded back. “Will do. Don’t worry about that, we’ll take care of her,” said Rokko, before carefully picking the vixen in his paws. “I’d better get going now. I bet you will have plenty of work and transfers to do, huh?”

“You bet it right, Detective Rokko!” replied Patricia, before groaning at the thought of all the incoming headaches. “And here I hoped this would have been a quiet day…”

“Patricia dear, when was it ever a quiet day?” responded Greg with a mildly playful tone, showing a knowing glance to the Pachirisu.

“… Touché, Doc~,” responded the nurse while re-adjusting her cap. “That’s a doctor’s life for you.”

“Anyway…” started Greg, looking back at the Lycanroc. “Come visit us whenever you want, Rokko. You know I always appreciate your visits. Maybe we could grab a Pinap Juice or something when we both will have some spare time?”

“I’d love to, especially if it will have that bit of ‘punch’ into it,” responded Rokko with a smirk, before turning to the door. “But now I really got to go. I have to catch up with my son.”

“Of course! See you soon, Rokko,” said the Audino, waving goodbye to Lycanroc alongside the nurse, and getting a paw wave back.

With the discussion concluded, Rokko exited from the infirmary, leaving the medical staff to work on their new assignments. He clutched the Zorua in his paws tightly, while walking down the corridor and looking for his son.

‘If she is who I think she is, then maybe this could be the sign I’ve been waiting for…’ thought Rokko to himself, before looking at the vixen. ‘Even though she looks like a regular Zorua… But again, that other kid looked like a regular Pokémon, too.’

Rokko lifted his gaze again and noticed Peter gazing in all directions, surely looking for him. Deciding to put aside the matter of the Zorua, he sprinted toward his son.

“Hey, Peter!”

Peter blinked and turned to the voice, showing a content expression and producing a few happy barks while running toward his father.

“Hey, Papa! I’ve finished the test!” greeted Peter, beaming a bright smile.

“Ah, great! How did it go? Did you pass?” asked Rokko, looking at his son with expectation.

Peter’s smile faltered a little, not knowing how to relay the information.

“Hm, right, about that…” He blinked when he spotted the Zorua in his father’s paws, and stared at Rokko with a puzzled expression. “Huh, Papa? Where are you taking her?”

“Oh, she will be our guest for a while. Only a temporary measure since the infirmary will be more than full today,” answered Rokko, who internally wondered why his son changed the topic so quickly. Even though he had a vague idea of why.

“Really? Why is that?” asked Peter, wanting to divert the other topic as much as he could and wanting to know more about why they were taking the vixen home. “Is she okay? What’s going on?”

“Well…” Rokko looked around, seeing many Pokémon walking past them and stealing quick gazes, before motioning to his son to follow him. “We’ll talk more about that on the way home. Let’s go, Peter,” said the Lycanroc, before hastily walking toward the exit with his son in tow.

∗∗∗

“What!? The TADS has been defeated!?” yelled Peter, astonished by what his ears had just heard. “I can’t believe it! They are the town’s strongest Pokémon!”

“Trust me, I was as surprised as you are,” responded the Lycanroc. “Whatever happened during their mission must have been truly something, if whatever threat they faced proved to be too strong even for them.”

The Rockruff shivered at hearing that. “I wonder who or what could have done that to them…”

“… My best bet is that it probably has something to do with the most recent events,” said Rokko, gazing intently at the sky.

Peter looked at his father, noticing how the latter had a serious and pensive expression. “Are you talking about the holes in the sky, Papa?”

Rokko nodded. “Yes, those and all that inexplicable phenomena that has been happening across the entire country in the past weeks. Like, even that red mist and spiral crater we had seen earlier were something very unusual.”

“What do you think could be the cause?”

Rokko sighed and shook his head. “I have no clue, son. I wish I had, but… You know that the information about those ‘holes’ is still way too scarce,” muttered Rokko, before looking at his son. “But let’s change the topic. How did the test go?”

Peter winced at the question. It was time to spill the beans.

“Um, well, about that… I…” mumbled Peter, before taking a long pause and a deep breath to relay the bad news. “Huh… I’ve flunked the test…”

At hearing this, Lycanroc sighed. “Again?”

“Yep,” replied Peter, looking down in shame and kicking some dirt with a forepaw. “I really thought I would have succeeded this time around. I had studied so hard…”

“Did you pay attention to every single thing in the simulated room? Did you sniff around in search of clues?”

“Of course I did!” responded the Rockruff, showing an almost offended expression, before looking away. “Although I may have missed a hint or two…”

“I see…” said Rokko, before stopping in the middle of the road. “Perhaps you should consider taking a break from those tests.”

“What!?” shouted Peter in disbelief, staring at his father with wide eyes. “Why should I do that? I wanna join the Investigation Squad! That’s… that’s my dream! It has always been my dream!”

“Peter, calm down…” started Rokko, looking at his son with a gentle stare. “I’m not saying that you should give up on your dream. I’m just saying that you should take some time off from those tests,” he continued, getting a frown from the smaller wolf-dog. “If you really want to join that squad, you have to first understand what you are doing wrong, and hone further your examination skills. Once you do so, I’m sure you’ll be able to ace the test.”

“Understand what I’m doing wrong…” parroted Rockruff, showing a thoughtful expression.

“Maybe you are taking the wrong approach. Or you need to work more on your focus. Or maybe something else,” elaborated Rokko, before showing a smirk. “Or maybe you could take the lazy route and find an investigation partner who can take care of all this stuff.”

“An investigation partner…” started the Rockruff, before shaking his head. “I dunno who would be partners with me. All Pokémon of my age have already passed the test by themselves.”

“Well, whatever is the case, I’ll help you out with that, Peter,” said the Lycanroc, showing a reassuring smile to his son. “So, don’t lose hope. We’ll work on something… together.”

Peter’s eyes started gleaming in admiration while looking at his father, before he started rubbing his neck rocks on his leg. “Thank you, Papa! You really are the best!”

The two wolf-dogs smiled at each other and continued their journey wordlessly, passing through the long grove of Pecha trees, and finally reaching their wooden home.

∗∗∗

“Awph…”

H-Huh? Did I really fall asleep? Ugh, great… This was precisely what I wanted to avoid. Now I will have another sleepless night and will be forced to go to that Dr. Mentis tomorrow…

Great, just great.

I can still try out the kitten videos tonight to try to sleep, so maybe not all hope is lost?

Let’s check if everyone is still onl—


“Aaah!”

∗thump∗

“Ooow! My back! How the heck… How did I fall from my bed? I can’t be that clumsy… can I? And why does my body feel so… stiff?”

…Wait. Wait! Where… Where am I?!

This isn’t my room! That isn’t my bed! And… is the bed giant? What…?

Oh. Oh, I get it. I’m hallucinating again, am I not? Weird, though, I didn’t take my meds today. Maybe I’m going insane… It wouldn’t surprise me at this point.

Well, let’s wait a little for this dream to fade away.



… Err, it’s not fading. Gosh, what do those meds contain? It must be pretty strong stuff. Though, I’ve been getting them for a while, so why now? Hmm…



Nothing yet…



Still nothing… That’s odd.



This… isn’t a hallucination, is it…?



Oh, my goodness! This is very real! Where the heck am I?!

Let’s see… A giant hay bed, a big round window behind me, a giant sideboard with a mirror and a wooden door… A farmhouse, perhaps? Or was I kidnapped by some circus company? ... No, that sounds too outlandish.

Whatever the case, I should get up and get out of here!

∗bump∗


“Oof! What the heck?!”

Why did I fall back? I… I’m feeling… different. So much different. It’s like my senses are fried and amplified at the same time!

Let’s try again… by holding onto the bed, this time…



… W-Why can’t I hold on to it? The sheet keeps slipping through my fingers! W-Why can’t I grasp it?

Maybe my fingers need some flexing…?



What the… I can’t clench my hands! What is wrong with my… hands…


“AAAH!”

∗ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum∗

“What the heck?! These aren’t my hands! These… These are orange paws! Oh, my goodness! My body! My body has fur! Dark brown fur! And… and this gray fur collar! … Is that a tail? A blasted fluffy tail!”

It’s just a nightmare! A nightmare!

“No… no… no no no NO NO NO!”

It’s not a nightmare! It’s not a nightmare!

∗ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum∗

“M-My face! Too much fur! And my nose is so humid! Too much fur! And these… these aren’t teeth! These are fangs! Sharp fangs! Too much fur!”

A mirror! I need a mirror! … The sideboard! Quick!

… Stupid animal legs! How to they wo—


∗bump∗

“Argh! My face! Cursed body! Cursed me!”

… How the heck do I climb the sideboard? It looks so big! Or am I too small…? Whatever! I need to know!

“Huff… huff… huff… huff…”

∗ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum∗

I should… jump. Yes. Jump. Jump…

“Huff… huff…”

∗ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum∗

Ungh… climbing is so difficult! Urgh! C-Come on… almost there… here’s the top… I…

“Huff… huff…”

∗ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum∗



“WAAAH!”

∗ba-bum-ba-bum-ba-bum∗

What in the bloody heck?! You've got to be kidding me! I’m a Zorua! A shiny, freaking, overrated dark fox!

“A-A-Aah…”

Gaaah! Curses! I can’t believe it! I’ve been turned into a stupid cuddly creature! Why that, of all things? Uuungh… my head! It’s spinning! It doesn’t make sense! Nothing makes any bloody sense!

∗ba-bum-ba-bum-ba-bum∗

“Huff… huff… huff… Calm… Stay calm. There must be an explanation… Somewhere… Oh, who am I kidding! How do I explain that?!”

… But now that I’m looking at myself better… I see ginger tips instead of that ugly electric blue, and this tuft is covering my forehead… like my original hair used to do…

“…”

My eyes are green instead of red… like my original eyes… And there are orange dots on my cheeks, freckles… like on my original cheeks…

“A custom appearance… more overrated junk, huh. Not that I’m complaining, in this case. Even though, there shouldn’t be a case, to begin with!”

And now this tail. How do I move it–oh, I just did it. Huh, cool. It was easier than expected. Wait, that golden trinket with the emerald… Is that…?



“Yes… That’s my bracelet… with the photo of us…”



“My goodness, what happened to me? Why did I turn into a Zorua? How did I end up here? Why did this happen to me?”



“Wait… Human… turned into… Pokémon… Oh, no. No… it can’t be…”

I don’t want to believe it, but it makes so much sense. Somehow… I’ve been dragged into the world of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon. But… how?! That’s impossible! It’s… It’s just fiction! A fake world created by programmers! I can’t… have just whisked here, as if taken here by some magic force!



… And yet… The impossible became possible… and fiction just became… reality…



Oh, no. Does that mean…? Don’t tell me I’m here to save the world from an impending disaster, just like all those humans turned into Pokémon. That I’m… the Chosen One…



“Sniffle… Oh god… No… please, no! I… I can’t do that! I’m not the right candidate! Not me! Anybody but me! Not me!”

I’m… I’m just a failure. I can’t even take care of myself. I can’t do it… I… I…

“Mum… Mum! Where are you, mum? Mum! I’m scared!”

I need help, mum… I need you… mum…

“Sniffle… sob… Muuum!”



“Sniff… ick… sniff…”



“… Why…? Just… why…?”



What will she think… when she will go back home… and not find me there? She will be so… devastated…



What do I do…? What… can I do…?



I… I’d better just… go back to bed… and think… about what to do…



Why? Why is destiny always so cruel to me…?

∗∗∗∗∗

In the next episode, Barbara will learn the ropes of being a Pokémon, and an eager Peter will be more than happy to lend her a paw. Will she learn the way of the Zorua?
 
Last edited:

DeliriousAbsol

*Crazy Absol Noises*
Location
Behind a laptop, most likely with tea
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. mawile
Well this is an interesting premise! I do enjoy PMD stories, so when this popped up in Discord I wanted to give it a read. It's a nice, long chapter too. I do like long reads =D

I enjoyed the part with the online chat Babs was reading. The names were quirky and fun.

The pokemon are all unique, too. Although it does strike me as odd that so many of them have human names. Is that just a choice, or something key to the plot later on? Either way, I've not come across that before outside of the 'Pokemon are human' or 'human influence' thing.

Babs' different appearance as a zorua is interesting, too. (In an anime trope, you can see who the main character is! XD ) I like the idea of the little freckles. I'd love to see art of her at some point =3

A few things stood out to me that I wanted to mention:

You often drop words, like 'up' in this example. It should be 'picking up the vixen'.
before carefully picking the vixen in his paws.

In this sentence, 'started saying Greg' is a bit hard to read. It should be 'Greg started saying'.
“Then I’m afraid this complicates things,” started saying Greg

The next is probably more of a stylistic preference of mine, but sometimes speech doesn't read easily. For example, rather than saying 'I do not like that', 'I don't like that' would sound better. Or 'cannot' could become 'can't'.

All in all, this was a fun read, and I didn't spot any spelling errors that I can recall. The characters are fun, and Peter's dog behavior is just adorable XD I look forward to seeing where this goes =D
 

WildBoots

Don’t underestimate seeds.
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. moka-mark
  2. solrock
How funny that we've both been sent to read each other's ✨ crime ✨ stories!

Some overall thoughts: The structure and titles of the table of contents are interesting -- like a dossier. I felt the beginning was slow. I wanted more focus on Bab's nightmares and the weirdness with her 3DS, because those seem to be her immediate problems in the normal world, less focus on the internet chat because it removed some of the magic for me. I'm interested to see your protagonists sniff out trouble and solve crimes together, and the sooner we can get into the meat of that the happier I'll be. :D Some of the punctuation and language choices weren't working for me, like introducing sound-effects inside asterisks. It made the narrative muddle in with the text chat too much, and it's a missed opportunity to get more evocative language in there. I found the segments narrating Peter easier to read than the sections that followed Babs. This is definitely in part a case of personal taste. As you probably noticed in my fic and as others can attest, I am notorious for shying away from inner monologue. Personal taste aside, the style of the Babs sections pulls me out of the present because her thoughts are in the way of tangible details about what she's seeing, hearing, smelling (etc) in the world around her. I also appreciated seeing how the pokemon use their powers to solve situations towards the end of the chapter, but in parts the tone of what they were saying took away from the sense that we were in a hospital setting. It was nice to see Peter both demonstrating useful skills with his scent-tracking and also failing to use the ol' thinker -- he's sweet and has some useful tricks up his sleeve, but he has a lot to learn.

Some lines:

I’m feeling so drowsy, yet another terrible night.
In this mashup of different prose styles, I think starting with this first person segment is a good idea, since it gives me something to latch onto. The line I quoted was the first part of the narration that really grabbed my attention and made me want to know more. Terrible how, and why are terrible nights for typical for Barbara? I appreciated the tactile detail and dry speaking style exhibited in the paragraphs leading up to that moment, but they didn't give me a reason to wonder or care about the character's situation yet. The impression the opening gives is that she's recording herself or journaling, which made me wonder why she was focusing on such mundane details. The "terrible night" gave me a hint of a problem though, and I wanted to know more about it right away.

∗knock knock∗
I'd write out the knock -- A knock comes at the door. I jump in surprise when I hear a knock at the door. The knock at the door nearly makes me jump out of my skin. Or, since Babs comments on the knock immediately after, just skip to that.

No. I can’t see her in her eyes, not with the ugly hanging bags which I surely have.
This was a little fuzzy for me. I'm assuming you mean bags under the eyes, but it wasn't quite clear from the phrasing. Also, wowee what bags she must have under her eyes if she can't even see well.

Those same accursed nightmares.”
"Accursed" feels a little dated and stiff here. Might be more useful to get some hints about what those nightmares are instead, e.g., "The one about the clowns."

The encounter with the mom is the first moment of real tension -- and, aha, some answers about why her night was so terrible. I'd consider starting here! This was more interesting to me than the speculation about pokemon games. It does show how important virtual friendships are for Babs, but it was too mundane for me and felt like a wall between me and the fantasy of this world.

“∗Sigh∗ I know…”
Like in the example I gave above, I'd write this out as I sigh. "I know." She's already describing things she's seeing and observing -- let her do that! :) The asterisks make it feel too similar to the text chat, and if you're going to use both, you definitely want them to be distinct.

So, let’s try a spoonful of rice and chicken…
These kinds of moments pulled me out of the story a little. Nothing wrong with first person present tense, but I think present tense really thrives with tangible detail about the surrounding world to make us feel like we're...well, in the present. We're in Babs's head so much here that, ironically, it makes me feel like I'm a few steps removed from her. By contrast, details like "the plate is still warm. She's cut the chicken for me," feel like observations this character is having in the moment. The interaction with the mom and the pre-cut chicken does make me wonder how old Babs is. She feels young -- I'd be surprised to learn she's high school age.

There is nothing to worry about. It's just a console, right?…
So I can tell here that something has happened in the past that has made her upset about using her 3DS, but I wish I had more detail about it -- even an incomplete flash of a memory before she pushes the thought away. More specifics would help me relate more to her anxiety as she turns it on.

A male Rockruff was running in circles inside a room, his footsteps sounding dully on the wooden floor. A worn-out khaki crossbody bag thumped his side repeatedly, but he didn't seem to care. He stopped on a hay carpet in the middle of the room, his tongue hanging from his brown muzzle and his tail wagging. But unable to contain his sheer joy, he began scratching his white forepaws on the floor.
You could thin this paragraph to focus on only the most important details, and it would flow more smoothly. For example, we'll learn that he's male as soon as you start describing the bag hitting his side and what he is doing. Similarly, unless he looks very different from a normal rockruff, we'll already know by his species name alone that he has a brown muzzle. The white paws are a change, but if he's the only rockruff I'm not sure it's a detail I need to distinguish him. Lastly, instead of "was running" you can simply use "ran."

A sunbeam projected the shadow of the other creature on the door,
This one reads a little oddly to me, because a sunbeam is going to cast *light* not shadow! But you could have a shadow or a silhouette fall across the door, and it'll be clear that it's because someone has stepped into the light source. :)

“Hurry up, Papa! I gotta go!” he yapped impatiently,
"Hurry up" already tells us he's impatient all by itself! :)

'Papa’ was a few meters away from his son,
Since Peter is the focus character in this scene and everything we see is filtered through his perspective, you don't need to put quotes around Papa -- it makes it sound like there's doubt or sarcasm cast on whether or not he's Papa. He is Papa! That's how Peter thinks of him.

Feeble. Nondescript. Alien.
I feel like "feeble" and "alien" are at odds with "nondescript" -- they're descriptive!

unaware and uncaring of what lied ahead of them.
Should be "lay" instead of "lied." I'm also wondering why they're rushing ahead with no concerns. There's probably something, right? Some inkling of what trouble they could encounter or a guess at what it might be, even if that guess is wrong? If there was an indication that there could be danger and they go anyway, it says something about these two and what they value.

Peter and his father were in total sleuth mode,
This line doesn't quite match the tone of the rest. It could be interesting if this narration style is part of Peter's characterization -- he does seem very excitable -- but you'd need to lean into it and do more of it if you want it to feel intentional.

Someone with a very high status, albeit mostly metaphorically.
I don't think you need this, even though it's a cute joke. :) I thought it was distracting from the purpose of her appearance in the scene.

But if I’m just a delicate lady!”
Extra "if" here.

‘Way to unload the dirty and risky job on someone else…’ thought ‘Papa’ to himself, unimpressed by the Pikipek’s attempt at flattery.
I'd keep the narration focused on Peter throughout this scene, since it seems like he's the more important character and the scene has focused on Peter's inner feelings so far. Instead, I bet you could find ways to show Papa wolf's scorn with body language -- ears flattened, eye rolls, etc.

Hahaha, I liked the stiff and analytical probopass.

I’ve tried some abdominal thrusts
This sounded more like a dance move than a medical procedure to me. Maybe "chest compressions" instead? Or even good ol CPR?

“Peter… Claiming that ‘A Ghost-type did it!’ without enough evidence isn’t exactly a compelling theory,” said a Luxray in front of him, staring at the wolf-dog with cold eyes. “Also, accusing Ghost-types unjustly is both rude and unprofessional.”
Hahaha I like this moment. He's got a lot of growing to do.

complained Kenji, baring his fangs while waving his flashing tail.
Lots happening in this particular dialog tag, and it feels a little like. checklist. I'd pick just one of these two actions, probably the fangs because it's really clear that that's an expression of anger.

Yes, I’ve given her a few rounds of Heal Pulse and she is all good now.
Isn't this a psychic-type move? Does it affect dark-types like zorua?

He clutched the Zorua in his paws tightly,
No Pokemon-friendly wheelchairs? This seems like it could feel invasive for Babs.
 

NebulaDreams

Ace Trainer
Partners
  1. luxray
  2. hypno
NebbyInTheBag Today at 11:34
well there are some people who say that they will be set in europe, maybe spain or italy

Hey, why am I in this fic? I'm suing for copyright infringement.

Is that… rice and fried chicken? Yes, seems rice and fried chicken.

I'm not sure the repetition is really needed and could just be shortened to something like 'Mmm, fried chicken and rice.'

I can feel my own teeth grinding. They hurt a bit.

I don't think the 'feel' part is needed since the character is performing the action. The filtering creates more distance between us and the POV character.

“… Very well. However, if I see you with that cadaveric look again

I'm not sure someone like that would use 'cadaveric' in a sentence. I don't think I've heard anyone using that in a conversation.

A Rockruff was running in circles inside a room, his footsteps sounding dully on the wooden floor.
Peter was walking through familiar woods, wagging his tail and yipping merrily.
Clouds of petals swirled in the air, carried around by a fresh zephyr. Swarms of Beautifly were chittering among themselves, savoring the sweet pollen and scattering multicolored dust around. Many Wurmple were crawling under the trees’ branches, letting out infantile giggles while chewing on some leaves and sipping some golden sap. There were also some Taillow flying around the area, but some swift Gusts from the mother Beautifly chased them away.

Something I'll point out with these three quotes is that I noticed a lot of past continuous phrases 'he was walking' where past simple probably would've sufficed 'he walked'. It's not technically incorrect, but I noticed it enough throughout the story that I felt the need to highlight it here. My problem is that a lot of phrases like this could be shortened if the form was changed to past simple tense, and would feel more immediate as opposed to distanced. If I were to rewrite the last bit to make it more in the moment, I'd go:

'Beautifly swarms chittered among themselves, savoring the sweet pollen, and clews of Wurmple crawled under the tree branches, giggling as they sampled its golden sap. Any Taillow that dared to swoop down on the bugs were chased away by a mother Beautifly's Gusts.'

Not a perfect example by any means, but I hope it illustrates my point by changing most of the '-ing' words to '-ed' words.

Something powdery covered body

*covered the body?

“A Zorua, female. Not sure about her age, but she seems to have hit her maturity,” answered Papa flatly.

I'm not sure what he means by 'maturity'. Did he mean puberty or adulthood?

Peter stared at the Zorua in concern, feeling sympathy for the unconscious Pokémon, before turning to his father. “What do we do, then?”

We can infer that Peter felt sympathetic towards Barbara without needing it spelled out. That was evident already in the dialogue, body language and the general actions he takes to help her.

“Not good. She isn’t reacting at all. We need to take her to the infirmary, immediately!” replied Papa, his tone hard and serious.

Again, redundant since we know Papa's tone is hard and serious from the dialogue already.

“Oh, c’mon, Chris! Do I really have to? Can’t you do an exception to celebrate the happy encounter with your old friend?”

This doesn't feel like a natural thing for someone to say, especially not Peter. Just feels a bit too formal even if it is in a mocking tone.

“Ah,” mumbled Rokko, mentally sweatdropping as he remembered his earlier idea.

I'm not sure the mental sweatdrop works too well in prose format since it seems a bit too much like a visual gag steeped in anime to present much of a visual image in writing. Mind you, I've been guilty of this myself.

“Oh… point taken,” conceded Rokko, scratching the back of his neck. “Sheesh, it seems you have not lost your snark…”

“Why should I? That’s my trademark, after all,” responded Greg with a grin, before dropping his act and showing a more professional expression.

Seems a bit too on the nose for a character to admit.

“Peter… Claiming that ‘A Ghost-type did it!’ without enough evidence isn’t exactly a compelling theory,” said a Luxray in front of him, staring at the wolf-dog with cold eyes. “Also, accusing Ghost-types unjustly is both rude and unprofessional.”

Ha, nice. I really like this portion of the scene. Shows Peter's lack of expertise and hints at his possible arc.

Once Peter had left the scene, the Luxray let out a loud growl while his black mane straightened and sparked.

Though I also think the section after Peter leaves could've been trimmed down. I think it's a bit repetitive, as it just confirms that Peter is incompetent and not looked at well by his peers, and Kenji makes his disdain for him clear several times. The most important parts are Kenji's reluctance towards Peter and Chief saying he's got potential, which could've been pared down to a few lines of dialogue.

“The TADS… We’re talking the Technical Assault & Defense Squad here,” pondered Rokko aloud, visibly shocked by the situation. “They are the best fighters I’ve ever known. What could have happened to them?”

If he knows who they are, why would he be saying the full acronym out loud other than for the benefit of the reader? Also, I don't think spelling out the fact he's shocked is necessary either.

--

Hi! I've been meaning to check out this story for a while. I enjoyed SWAP! and I've heard you talk about this fic before in the Serebii chat. I was sold on the premise of an investigative/procedural PMD fic, especially with some of the influences you mentioned like Ghost Trick.

I liked a few things about this chapter. Barbara's perspective garnered quite a bit of sympathy for her (her depression is evident and I'm sure we'll get to the cause of that later), and I'd be rightly freaked out if I woke up as a Zorua in another world.

I particularly enjoyed Peter's side of the story here. His dynamic with his father is cute (Rokko is a lovable responsible father with baggage of his own), and his goal to become an investigator gives him a strong resolve from the start while also highlighting his faults where he isn't that perceptive. Looking forward to seeing how his character will develop throughout the story. That and I just like the concept of investigative teams being given such a focus in the PMD world as opposed to guilds, so it changes the dynamic enough to freshen up the format a bit.

However, the main thing that drags this chapter down for me is the pacing and the prose. In my opinion, this chapter didn’t need to be as long as it was, and some of that is down to the content, but quite a bit of the pacing is bogged down by wordy prose. There are quite a few redundancies (most evident in descriptions during dialogue tags) and phrasing that sticks out as not being immediate, for instance. Like I've said before, the use of past continuous phrases robs the description of immediacy, and stuff like pointing out the emotions of the characters is a bit redundant when they're already evident in the dialogue.

In the grand scheme of things, not a lot happens in this introductory chapter, which is fine, but I also think quite a bit could've been trimmed down to make for a more compelling experience. Barbara's opening chunk takes up 3k words, for instance, and while some scenes have some purpose (her depression/general state of her room, the interactions her mum as well as her reluctance to open the 3DS), I could've done without the Discord interludes. They were amusing and meta on their own, but compared to the rest of the chapter, it sticks out and doesn't have much significance on its own. Same goes for the 3DS section where she's taking the personality test before she gets isekai'd. I would've cut down on the detail and the back and forth between Barbara and the screen.

My favourite part about her section was the mum interaction since it conveyed the appropriate amount of anxiety and unseen baggage, but aside from the random Discord chatlogs, I found the rest vague like the 3DS incident. For me, it didn't strike the right between her repressed memories and how she'd feel at the moment/what her triggers were. Like Johto pointed out, it's one memory that gets pushed to the side, so there could've been room to expand on her anxiety at that moment. So out of the two characters, I'm more invested in Peter since I know more about his goals and motivations. I feel sorry for Barbara but she does seem a bit passive as of this first chapter, so starting off with her is a bit of a tough sell.

On that note, I also think the chapter would've been shorter (and removed some of the head hopping issues) if you kept the perspective confined to Peter, and also would've made the scenes less fragmented since there are a lot of scene breaks. That might be a personal choice since Rokko's sections establish that he knows Barbara is another human (I think?), so it does serve some purpose, but I also think the section where they're reviving her could've been trimmed down a bit since it doesn't add a whole lot that couldn't have been summarised. I enjoyed the detail about them using their electric powers as a defibrillator, though.

Sorry if I focused on the negatives a lot here, though I hope my comments towards those issues helped. I am interested to read to the next chapter and am excited to get to the investigation parts, so I'll definitely be sticking around. Feel free to discuss more about this in a forum reply or on Discord later.
 
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