Pokémon Making It Big

[Cresselia92]

Hey, Pen! You’ve been selected as my target for my second and last Blitz review! 🎊

This fic has been recommended many times due to its accessible and quick format, so I decided to take a look at it and see what the buzz was about with my own eyes. Also hey! From a Rattata writer to another, it was only due! :3

I’ll start with some stream-of-consciousness reactions and thoughts as I read through the fanfic, and then I’ll give some general thoughts of what I think about the story as a whole.

With this said, here’s what my hyper-focused trip churned out!

Spoiler: Live Thoughts

Chapter 1

• The sewers sure look like a nice place for a young girl to hang out. Just ask the kids of It for confirmation.

• It seems that the Pokéballs don’t rezise in this world like in the anime. That’s gonna be annoying in the long run. Imagine all those spheres jiggling whenever you walk. That’s so uncomfy!

• Perhaps you should have tried to sell the Ultra Ball elsewhere? I feel like that guy scammed you.

• Castelia! I kinda suspected that when the protagonist mentioned sewers, but now there is the confirmation.

• Champ is a real champ without being a Machamp. Rattata good!

• Ah, yes. Gotta get along among “pests”, huh?

• Gotta love animal language!

• Youngster Joey would be so proud! ;)

—-

Chapter 2

• Oh! I wonder if that glowy bite is Hyper Fang. Or maybe Super Fang? Regular Bite, maybe? Gosh! It’s difficult to tell with so many bite moves, but if that’s Super Fang, then he’s getting very strong. That move is busted!

• I’m curious about this detail with the Rattata. I suppose it explains that “fainted” Pokémon have a rough time, but I wonder why wild Pokémon accept battles themselves. Maybe they seek to become stronger as well, or simple competitive instincts?

• Aww, how kind of the protagonist to give food to the defeated Pokémon. :3

• Ooh! Sandile! A rat versus a crocodile. It can only end well.

• That Sandile is trying to blind you! Clever little reptile!

• “Tackle it fast”. That’s a funny way to say Quick Attack. Hm. I wonder how much she knows about battling, or whether moves are a thing in this setting or not.

• Ouch! That sounded like a Sand Tomb. Not fun. Gotta brush all that sand off of the pelt soon!
• Yeah, definitely Quick Attack.

• Insert Final Fantasy victory theme here! You beat the crocodile with a rat! Good job, protagonist!

• Yeah, I’d be wary, too. You wouldn’t want to be Sand Tombed, I wager.

• “But… you are a kid.” ~ Ned, Spider-Man Homecoming

• Name reveal!!

• Wow. Sammy brought up some good points about being potentially mugged by people after a defeat. And yes, the wilderness without Pokémon… that doesn’t sound too safe, huh.

• Don’t worry. Maybe someday you’ll look like a “real” Trainer and teach them. ;)

• Jeez, Sammy! You’re talking as if Lena is going to go to the League and battle the Elite Four or something! I mean, if there are Trainers with strong Pokémon, there are also Trainers with weak Pokémon. It’s not like there aren’t other beginner Trainers around, right?

• Wow, I’m really rooting for Lena to succeed against all odds. Underdogs are among my favorite characters.

• Well, color me surprised. Now I wanna know how Pokémon battles used to be in those past days.

• A Look! With capital L! It must be a big deal this Look!

• Ah, parents and their secrets…

• Haha! I’ve gotta say it’s adorable that she’s trying to behave like a Trainer, not a kid.

• Yep. Parents sure are sneaky. I can vouch for that.

• Oh, anime standards, with kids that can start when they’re ten. Cool!

• Economic problems are problems everywhere, even in this world. But hey, a hobby that can give you money to help your family as well sounds like good enough motivation!

• Parent of the Year right here! I love how much love and support they show toward their daughter!

• Wholesome family hug!! But we’re in the dark about Lena’s meeting with Champ. Now that’s not cool! Gotta use tricks to make people wish to know more, huh? ;p

• Buffets at the Pokémon Centers sound good. Ideal for even the pickiest tastes. Maybe too good. Won’t people need some Trainer ID or something to have access to the Pokémon Centers?

• Oh, boy. Will she get lost? *reads more* Nope! That means she isn't idiot. :3

—-

Chapter 3

• “Right now I'm standing behind a boulder, in a way that just happens to keep my out of sight from the other trainers. It's not that I'm hiding. I'm just being cautious.” — Okay, I believe you.

• All Johto people have black hair? Then I guess Prof. Elm dyed his hair at some point.

• Further proof that Champ is a champ!

• That’s remarkably clever out of Lena – battling Trainers who had already battled. Though, wouldn’t that make it more likely for them to refuse to battle?
• Ah, yeah. Nimbasa is so colorful and lively! Gotta try the Ferris wheel, if you get the chance.

• “I don't think I've ever heard him say that before.” — I can’t tell whether he said something good or something bad, and I’m itching to knooow!! Why the mystery? XP

• Oh, okay. Mystery solved! It looks like Champ will be the Pikachu of this story, I guess? Someone who prefers to stay out of the Pokéball.

—-

Chapter 4

• Hey, I noticed this character’s quirk of commenting things three times in a role. This is really, really, really adorable!

• Someone has been skipping school, I see. That’s not gonna bite her in the back, nope!

• A-ha! As I mentioned earlier, Trainer ID to get Pokémon Center treatment! It just makes so much sense. :3

• That photo part reminded me something from Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga, where you have to snap photos at the start of the journey and can update them later. Cool stuff!

• Wooh! Buffet time! Time to feast!!

• Yeah, been there, Lena. Waiters who try to get your plate when you’re not done yet.

• I wonder if we’ll see that old lady again… What if she is some important character that will vouch for Lena at some point and help her out with… something?

• Good. Stick to your guns and root for your Rattata! And if you need some incentive, I know a YouTube guy who did a solo run with Rattata and he says that it’s surprisingly good. Rats are underrated. And good. Don’t let them say otherwise!

—-

Chapter 5

• Wow, it must be really rough to balance between battles and income here. Like, if you try to battle too much your Pokémon will have to spend the night at the Pokémon Center. Too little, and you won’t get stronger nor get the money for Trainer tools. This really got me thinking – the life of a Pokémon Trainer sure is harsh.

• So it was Hyper Fang! Sweet move!

• And also a Sucker Punch! That’s some good moveset, especially for a starting Trainer. She did really good! :o

• Is that a Cyndaquil? Looks like it. And she got an Adamant one. Tsk tsk tsk. Eruption would have been its best asset, but oh well!

• Oof, a burning defeat. Sorry, Lena, there is winning and losing, I’m afraid. Perhaps you should consider getting some other Pokémon to help Champ in a pinch?

—-

Chapter 6

• That 24-h cooldown is an interesting rule. Reminds me of the rules from the anime, with the League having some break time to let Trainers rest for a day and refusing to let Pokémon battle if they got too injured during the tournament. But it makes sense, since health comes first.

• I like that kiddo, and while the thing about Rattata being sick crossed a line – probably due to general prejudice against the species, no doubt – he seems to mean well.

• C’mon, Lena, don’t be rude. If all, you should try to sympathize because you both are beginning with this whole Trainer business.

• Oh wow, poor kid. It’s always difficult when your own family dumps their expectations on you and force you to do something you don’t like.

• Aww. You know, I kinda wanted Lena and that kiddo to travel together. It’s always fun to see how people interact with other people.

• You’re still getting started, Lena. And while I get your goal and motivation, try to be kind to yourself.

—-

Chapter 7

• Huh? Lena! That was uncalled for! Don’t treat your friend like this!

• Say sorry! I know you’re upset, but please! Someone send her the Karen quote for GSC, so that she can feel better about herself and her Pokémon!

• Oh no! Why did you throw that stone at Champ? D: This is not the Safari Zone in Kanto.

• Yeah, you kinda are mean, Lena. You really gotta learn and behave better, y’know? Won’t be able to go far if you’re angry and dismissive toward everyone.

• Ooh! It’s story time! Wanna bet that the hardest word is “sorry”? Gonna chip in some Poké real quick. *reads end of the story* Yes! I knew it!

• You say the hardest word, and… oh, it’s a cliffhanger. Time to see how Champ took that word.

—-

Chapter 8

• Yay! Champ forgave her! :D

• Hey! Nice to see you again, Walter! ^^ Please, travel with Lena, please, travel with Lena, please…

• Oh, sweet! You’ve got the whole “Trainer ID doubles as credit card”, too!! High five! :D

• Well, here’s hoping that Sammy doesn’t steal the money, then. Since there are no phones to call Mom and Dad, Lena won’t have a way to know if they received the money or not.

• And now we know why all Joy are called Joy.

—-

Chapter 9

• Always reward your Champ. He’s doing most of the work to help you, after all.

• Oh, Walter is still around. Not as a traveling companion, but that shall suffice… for now.

• This is so adorable! A kid watching TV while a Chansey gives her chocolate. ;-;

• Finally Lena is starting to open up more! About time!

• That was some stream-of-consciousness right there, but it truly shows how panicky Lena is about the entire situation. Very conclusion-jumpy.

• Well, so much for opening up! But at least there are some people who are actually nice.

• Ah, yes. I suppose level-grinding isn’t as much fun in this world as it is in the games, huh? Punching Audino for that extra exp isn’t as encouraged here, right?

• Ah! This is new! TMs seen as a bad thing! I bet they’re using the unnatural card here to justify their propaganda. Money goes on Team Plasma.

• I sure hope this won’t bite her in the butt…

General Thoughts

Yo! Here we are, at the end of my quick rambling!

So! What can I say? This was definitely a treat, and I can see what the hype is about. Lena is an adorable girl with a welcoming and supportive family, and Champ is a good Rattata.

Though this world isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, and it’s clear from the beginning that becoming a Trainer isn’t as easy as packing your back and just walking through the tall grass. Namely for one reason: money. Traveling costs, supplies cost, being a Trainer costs. And Lena learns the lesson very quickly.

This definitely feels like a classic underdog tale, with the protagonist who needs to find their own footing and then go from zero to hero. Other than that, it’s nice to see the journey from the point of view of someone who doesn’t have access to all the fancy belongings of standard Pokémon Trainers. It makes it much easier to root for the protagonist, even during her rougher moments.

But now I’m gonna drop a few things about what got to me immediately: the prose. It’s very simple, but it works splendidly for this story, as it truly paints the image of a 10 years old girl. (While, yes, in canon Trainers behave very mature for their age, but I approve of having a “true” kid.) Also, the decision to go with first person and present tense is also clever, as we get to see what Lena thinks in real time and at a more personal level. Truly, it’s really charming in its simplicity.

I don’t have any criticism in particular. The entire story flows really well and says the things it needs to say. Really nicely done! I’ll definitely check out other chapters when I get the chance! ^^

Cheers, and until next time~

 

[Bluwiikoon]

Hi howdy here is some reviews! :D I have heard really good things about this story!

Pokemon trainers are the lucky ones.

I asked Mom why I couldn't be a pokemon trainer and she explained it to me. To get a "starter," like you see on those big TVs, you need to already have enough money to buy "basic training supplies" so you can take care of the pokemon you get. Well, my dad does whatever work he can find on the docks and my mom spends every hour of the day she's allowed as a waitress at Cafe Sonata. We don't have that kind of money to spare.

D: That's unfortunate! This protagonist immediately feels very sympathetic relatable to me, since they seem to come from a rather poor/lower-class family and their parents are working as hard as they can just to put food on the table. When you grow up not having much, it's so easy to feel envious and frustrated when everyone else gets to have cool things and go on cool journeys, and you're just left wanting and wishing. Growing up in that kind of situation... it feels selfish to ask for much more than just food to eat and a place to sleep.

I do my best to help out, but I'm not strong enough or old enough to be worth hiring yet, so I mostly hang around in the sewers. Sometimes I can find dropped coins or items there.

D: NOOOOO THIS IS SO DISTRESSING OMG... when a child feels like they have to rummage through the sewers and drains just to help out and so the family can have Enough, that's pretty freaking bad. I feel so bad for this kid.

My biggest find was an ultra ball some really stupid trainer left behind. When I first spotted it I thought I was dreaming, but I touched it and it was real. Then I thought for sure one of the trainers hanging around would spot it and claim it from me. If they did, how could I stop them?

The immense and inherent fear of having any nice things taken away from you :( Ohhhh this poor child. I'm so sad for them. Two paragraphs in and they're already having a rough time.

I stuck the ball in my pocket, but it bulged horribly. So then I took my jacket off and tied it around my waist, the ball still hidden away in my pocket. I tried to walk real casual. When I was finally up on the open streets I nearly laughed with relief. I didn't, though. If people start looking at you funny, nothing good comes of it. They don't want scum on the streets.

D: SCUM????? NOOOOO OMG WHOS BEING MEAN TO THIS LITERAL CHILD HOLY SHIT. Who sees a poor child rummaging in the sewers and decides to be mean and awful to them??? Whom is making this child feel like they're scum, and that anything nice in their life will be taken away? I am having so many emotions. Pen what are you doing

I think the clerk at the pokemon mart cheated us when we sold it. Probably took one look at our clothes and decided he could get away with it. Mom says resale value is always lower, or something like that, but he only gave us 300 poke for it. I figure half of 1200 would be 600, and half again is 300. That's just a quarter of what it's worth, right?

That's not fair.

>:( Aughhh!! How frustrating and super unfair!!! It is so heartbreaking that they're struggling so much, they just have to accept whatever scammy deals people will give to them. Frankly I find this whole series of events shocking and angering. Awful clerk man scamming a poor family out of precious coins :(

My best friend, Sammy, says I'm a whiner. She's right. I'm luckier than most of us: my parents have a house to rent that has heating in fall and winter, and I have a jacket.

Ohhh you poor child :( Just because some people have it worse, doesn't mean it's unfair to complain about your own horrible circumstances. I can definitely imagine that other kids living in poverty feel envious of this kid, but... they're still not living a good and happy life. It seems like every day is a struggle to get by.

I love my jacket more than almost anything else ever. Well, I love Mommy and Daddy of course. I love, love, love Castelia cones even though I've only tasted them once, when the lady had some left over on a cold day when nobody was buying. But my jacket is the most pretty light blue, the color the sky's supposed to be like. The sky here always looks gray. Mom says it's the pollution.

Ohhh Castelia City! That definitely adds more context to this story and the surroundings. I am still honestly appalled that people have to live in conditions like these, but I guess even big cities in the Pokemon world have issues and people who are struggling. :( The fact that they so fondly remember the one time they had an ice cream, and the fact they know they probably won't get to have one again... and the fact that the city is so polluted, the sky never looks blue. Ughhh. What a crummy city.

There's only one thing softer than my jacket, and that's Champ's fur. Champ's my best friend who's not a human. I call him Champ⁠—Sammy says it's a lame nickname, but Champ tried to tell me his real pokemon name before and it just sounded like Rat-tat-tat-tata to me. He can't say my human name right either, so he calls me Rat-ratta-tat.

:D RAT FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad this child has one good friend in this world, at least! I know literally nothing about Champ but I would already do anything for him. Pls protect Champ and his poor human friend. Also - I'm delighted that this kid loves how soft Champ's fur is! ^^ People often don't think of Rattata much, or think of them as trashy, but I bet a Rattata would be an amazing little friend.

Everyone says rattata are pests, but they call me a pest too. I think Champ's amazing. His teeth can break through anything and he never gets lost when it's dark. I've gotten better at seeing in the dark, but I'll never be as good as Champ.

D: WHOM is calling this literal child a pest, I think we need to talk. I'm so glad the kid has a friend in Champ aaaaa

Here's the thing, though. I don't need a pokeball for Champ to come with me. I've told him all about trainers⁠—the free food, free healing, the quick money. Also, unlike battles down in the sewer, trainer battles end when the pokemon are uncon-unconscious! He got all excited when I told him, chittered a whole lot, and gave me his biggest grin. Well, not exactly a grin, but he does this thing with his whiskers and ears that's basically the same.

:D THE PLAN!!!!!!!! Omg please let this kid and their rattata get free food and healing and money and comfy places to stay at. And, not getting mauled in official trainer battles, because they have rules and regulations! Holy sh*t I want what's best for these two. I am so invested AAAAA

"If we want to do this," I tell him slowly, "we have to train so that you're stronger than all the other rattata. I know that sounds tough, but I'll help you! I can give you some of my food every day, so that you don't have to spend the day looking for some, and instead we can practice your moves. We'll be a team, right? That's something none of the other rattata have got."

"Tatta!" In response, Champ lifts his front paws up and down really quickly, like he always does when he's excited.

And you know what? I think we can do this.

I do.

Because even if no one else does, I believe in Champ.

I BELIEVE IN CHAMP SO MUCH OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! With hard work and effort, I bet they'll get there! ^^ Pen if you don't let them succeed and have nice things you will literally be breaking my heart LOL

Onto chapter 2:

We've been training for forever now!

Well, okay, maybe just a few months. But Champ has grown so much stronger!

OH HECK YEAH THE TIMESKIP :D I'm so excited to see their progress! (typoed this as pogress at first, which is fair - this is pretty poggers imo)

He learned this crazy new move where his teeth light up and then he just destroys everything! Only the stronger rattata who also know the glowy-teeth move want to challenge him now.

STRONG MOVE HECK YEAH!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D OMG IM SO PROUD OF HIM AND SO HAPPY FOR THESE TWO. They've definitely been putting the work in, in the space between chapters! This is what we like to see.

It's actually kind of a problem, because battles with the strong rattata are really close and tire Champ out for the rest of the day. It would be easier if he could keep fighting the less tough rattata, but it wouldn't be right for him to beat them up even if he stopped when they fainted because then they would be too tired to find food that day and then some other pokemon would beat them up too and then they'd starve.

D: Getting stronger has its downsides, it seems... I am however really pleased here to see the empathy from the protag here, and how they're not gonna beat up the weaker rattata even if it means more exp. Even if they seem childish at times, this hints at a deep compassion and empathy. Growing up poor does mean you understand what it's like to lose out and go hungry...

Recently I got an idea, though. After Champ beats a weak rattata, I give it enough food to get its strength back. I'm really glad Mom's friends with one of the chefs, because otherwise we wouldn't be able to get all these leftovers. I can't take too many though, or Mom might get suspicious. I don't want her to know what Champ and I are doing in case we fail. She's noticed me taking more food, but so far she just thinks I have a growth spurt.

>:D Oho! A sneaky and kind and good plan! Be careful or you might end up making friends with every Rattata in the city... though, a team of happy Rattata would be better than just one Rattata! I am legitimately so happy to see this kind of kindness and thoughtfulness from the protag. Even though they have basically nothing, they're still being so considerate and sharing with the wild pokemon.

Winter is almost over, and I've been thinking it would be best to leave in the spring. That way it wouldn't be cold, but it wouldn't be that hot either. I'm trying to figure out a way to tell Mom and Dad. I want to prove to them we're strong enough, so today Champ and I are gonna test ourselves outside the city.

Seems like a solid plan! Going on long hikes and adventures in the winter is guaranteed almost always a Bad Idea, especially when you don't have anything to take with you. Oh god though, I'm not sure about the "proving ourselves" thing.

The gate guard gives us a suspicious look as we leave the city, but we ignore him. Route 4 is a sandy mess. My hair starts flying all over and Champ lets out an irritated chitter.

D:< Sand!!! Annoying and irritating, and it gets everywhere!

"Let's get this over with," I mumble, and Champ agrees. He runs right off the road into a patch of brush. "Wait up!"

I hurry after him.

CHAMP NO YOU GOTTA DO THE TEAMWORK!!!!!!! AAAAAA
Running off from trainer might dock you a few points on the proving yourselves front D: Trainers and pokemon have to stick together!

By the time I'm there Champ's already found someone to fight. It's a sandile. Sammy's told me all sorts of things about sandiles and I know she was probably lying so I shouldn't be worried, but now the sandile is staring at us with its eyes gleaming and I'm a bit nervous. Just a bit. Sandile opens its mouth in a lazy yawn and I see its teeth. They're really sharp, but not as strong as Champ's teeth, I bet. That makes me feel better.

I really enjoy seeing protag's confidence in Champ here :D Sandile ain't anything compared to our good rat friend!

Champ moves quickly, knocking that sandile right on its back. "Bite it hard," I tell him. Champ's teeth light up and he gets the sandile good, right on the stomach. The sandile twitches and the next second all this sand starts coming up from the ground, surrounding rattata like a whirlpool! I've never seen a pokemon do anything like that and I don't know how to help. Just as I'm standing there like an idiot, the sand settles back down and I can see Champ, looking tired. He's got sand all in his fur. He'd probably look funny if I weren't so worried.

Getting all that sand out is gonna take forever! D: Definitely natural to get overwhelmed in an unfamiliar situation and have no idea what to even do. Even moreso, just standing there doing nothing because you're so stunned. I bet Champ has got this, though!

"Tatta," Champ says loudly. He's close, and this time the sand doesn't stop his tackle. The sandile goes flying back a few feet and he doesn't get up. We wait for a moment, expecting him to move, but when he doesn’t I realize we've beaten the sandile!

:D THEY DID IT!!!!!!!!! Finally some good victories for rat team! ^^ It is immensely satisfying to see their first non-rat battle end in a success, and I'm really hoping this will lead to bigger and better things for them.

"Champ," I say, "you're the best!"

In response, his ears and whispers perk up, so I know he's happy.

:D HAPPY RAT!!!!!!!!!!! WE LOVE TO SEE IT HECK FREAKIN YEAH

"Hey, are you okay, though? Did the sand get in your throat?"

Champ shakes his head. Well, that's good. But I still plan on giving him a long brushing when we get back.

The care and concern for rat!!!! My heart!!! ;o; Champ definitely earned a good brushing after that one, omg.

The sandile stirs a bit, and I realize I haven't given it any food like I usually do after we win. I almost don't want to, because it gave me such a scare with the sand. But then I think I'm being stupid. If I spent more time here, I'd probably know all about the sand. So I stick some food close to sandile, but not too close. Even though sandile looks beat, I'm still a bit nervous about the sand.

Giving food even to the sandile! I absolutely adore the compassion and care that protag keeps showing ;o; Is it a regular thing to feed wild pokemon after you defeat them in this universe, or is protag just particularly empathetic? I suppose if I keep reading, I may be able to see that and find out! ^^

I pick him up and spin around a bit. He glares at me, but he doesn't bite, so I know he's just pretending to be mad.

"We did it," I say.

But I know this is only the first step.

Each grand journey starts with a first step! ^^ They're doing amazing already!

She stops giggling and looks at me close. "You're not joking? But, Lena, I'm not joking either. That's crazy."

"You don't think we can do it?'" I ask her, but really I'm not asking. I'm kinda mad.

I would be mad too tbh D:< Sammy has been doing nothing but discouraging our protag, so far!

"You don't know too much about trainers, kay?" Sammy says. "I do. You see stuff working at a pokecenter. You thought about what happens if you lose? You're stuck out in the wild with no pokemon to protect you. And whoever you lose to can take your money, all of it! I mean, they wouldn't if you've got whatsit⁠—identification, right, but if you just look like a street rat with a pokemon, then I don't see what would stop them. It's not safe."

Oof ouch, those do seem like valid concerns. I would probably be hesitant to set out on a journey, being told all of this. However, a team of Lena and their rat is guaranteed to be unbeatable :D

"Sure it's safe," I say. "If it wasn't safe, why would so many kids go for it? They don't need money or anything ‘cause they have nice clothes. They do it for fun. They wouldn't do it if it wasn't safe."

LENA IS STRAIGHT UP TELLING FACTS HERE

"Once I've won a few battles, then I can buy trainer stuff."

"Once you've won a few battles," Sammy repeats. "Do you really think you can win one?"

"Yeah," I say. "Me and Champ have trained hard⁠—"

"So have the other trainers. And they have pokemon raised for pokemon battles. They have rare, strong, special pokemon."

"Champ may not be rare or special," I say, "But he's strong. And Sammy? None of those other trainers⁠—what I mean is, they're doing this because it's fun. Champ and I are doing this because we need to."

WE BELIEVE IN CHAMP :YOOMTAH: GOOD RAT BEST RAT
How dare Sammy doubt the power of rat tbh. Rattata is always a guaranteed threat if, say, you're playing on a nuzlocke or hard mode. You just have to utilise it correctly! (and/or defend against it correctly or you will die)

Sammy's quiet for a moment. Maybe she's thinking about how she'll get a job waitressing one day if she's lucky. Then she smiles, but smiles sort of sad and sort of angry. "Bust them all up for me, will you?"

"I will," I tell her. Then I look down at Champ and correct myself. "We will."

:D Finally some positivity! Sometimes you just have to try, or you'll be stuck in the same place in the same situation forever. I think Lena is admirable for trying to do what they're doing.

"Lena," Dad starts, looking confused. "Do you really think⁠—?"

"Champ's strong," I tell him. "We're even beating pokemon outside the city."

Well, one sandile and a small scraggy we fought the next day, but same thing.

Yo yo yo a Scraggy though??? That could've easily defeated a Rattata, but Champ did it anyway! I think that's impressive! Alls it would usually take is one stray fighting move.

"No." It's Mom. She sounds thoughtful, which is good. If Mom told me I couldn't go, or that I couldn't do it, then I wouldn't, because I trust Mom when she tells me no. "The laws have changed since we were young. And battle chivalry does ensure a kind of fair play."

I'm not exactly sure what "chivalry" means, but I don't want to say. I'm pretty sure Mom's agreeing.

That's a really good sign!!! Fingers crossed that mom lets Lena go do the thing aaaaa!!!

"So I can go?"

Mom and Dad exchange a Look.

"Why don't you wash the dishes while we talk?"

I make a face. "You just want to talk about it when I'm not here."

"That's right," Dad says, smiling at me. "Off you go, then."

Bahaha! Classic parent tact xD This snippet is very funny and good, great comedic timing.

I start to leave with loud stomping sounds, then remember I'm supposed to be acting like a trainer, not a kid. I lift my head up and stand very straight. "Come along, Champ," I say. "We are going to do the dishes."

"Ratta-tatta," Champ says.

Gotta act a bit more dignified if you want to be a trainer! Lena is putting the effort in and we love it.

Most of the time I can hear everything that goes on in the house, since there's only really the kitchen, the bathroom, and the big room where we sleep, but with the water running I can't hear anything. Parents are sort of sneaky, I guess.

Gasp! A devious strategy! I adore this attention to detail, honestly, it's the exact kind of sneakiness parents would do in order to have a private conversation about important things.

"I'm not going to lie," Mom says. "If you can pull this off, it would mean a lot to us." For a moment she frowns and I can see that she's getting older. Soon they won't want her as a waitress at the cafe. Experience is one thing, Mom told me once, but a pretty face is another. And Dad's been having problems with his back lately. That's probably ‘cause he spends so much time moving lumber at the docks, but if he can't bend well then he can't work.

D: Ohhhhh that's bad news. It becomes more and more urgent, then, that Lena be allowed to go on their quest. The family won't be able to support theirselves for much longer at all, huh?

"I know, Mom," I say, reaching out a hand to pet Champ. Champ's fur always makes me feel better.

Champ being the best rat, best friend :D It's so sweet that his fur is such a comfort for Lena!

"But Lena," Mom continues. "It's clear to me you love Champ. You may love being a trainer. And if you find something you love, nothing will make us happier."

"We're proud of you now," Dad says. "We'll always stay proud of you, no matter how this works out."

PARENTAL SUPPORT AAAAA!!!!!! I swear I'm gonna cry if this keeps going on like this, omg. I was so ready for the parents to be dismissive and not very nice to Lena, but instead they are being incredibly sweet and supportive, and giving Lena more motivation to want to do good, make money, and support the family, because the family is genuinely good and loving. I love this a lot.

I don't know how to look at them, so I just keep petting Champ. He snuggles closer. "Thanks guys," I manage to say. "But I am gonna do good. And then you guys won't have to worry so much."

Then Mom's hugging really tight. "You shouldn't be worrying about us," she tells me. "Worrying is our job. Your job is to be a great trainer. Now come on, tell me how you met Champ here. Tell me how you've been training."

She's right, it really shouldn't be a kid's job to have to worry about their parents. But, many kids aren't so lucky, and have to do what they can to support everyone.

Champ and I go on speaking, and sometime in the middle of me talking I notice that I'm smiling and that my face is all dry. We’re huddled close, Mom and Dad and Champ and me, and I sort of feel like things might be okay.

This is such a sweet and comforting end to this section of this chapter. This is a very touching and sweet story so far, even despite all the struggles and all the trials that Lena is bound to go through. Everything is a lot better when your friends and family believe in you.

Mom and Dad and Sammy aren't the only ones I say bye to. There's the other sewer kids, those funny dancers I used to tease, that crazy guy who hangs out in our alley who I think sells drugs, but he always liked Champ so I liked him⁠—but they aren't people who'll miss me if I'm gone. It's sort of a lonely thought. So many people live in this city, but only three will really miss me.

The feeling of being surrounded by people, yet being completely isolated... it's still so heartbreaking to me that Lena has to experience things like this, simply for the bad luck of being born into poverty.

And they even end with a sweet and heartfelt gift! :D Honestly, from growing up poor? Even getting a crusty, hand-me-down watch has got to be an amazing feeling, after never having anything like that before. I bet it is beautiful, indeed!

I take a deep breath and stop slouching. I raise my head and with a gesture Champ comes to my side. I'm thinking that I'm not just Lena anymore.

Now I'm Lena, pokemon trainer.

HECK YEAH LENA GO GET THEM :D I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

In conclusion: I already love this and I'm already super invested. I can't wait to read more, and to hopefully see some good fortune for Lena and their rat companion! They truly deserve so much better - in fact, all of the best things.

 

[Phoenixsong]

Hello again, Pen! Here to finish up Blitz by starting some quality Good Rat Content. I am excited to start feeling extremely emotional over this Very Good Rat and his Very Good Friend!

Chapter One

And we start right out of the gate with Lena speaking so nonchalantly, in such a childish "this is just how things are" sort of way that immediately breaks my heart. No child should be thinking of themselves, or having a good thing with something cool they found, in the context of "They don't want scum on the streets". And the skies over Castelia aren't the blue they're "supposed" to be, and there are people swindling them out of a valuable find (I don't tend to think of ultra balls as particularly expensive, but there's no reason they couldn't be here—certainly it serves the story for them to be in this case!), and anyway ugh this is no fun. :/

(I wonder what's meant by Mommy working "whenever she's allowed"?)

Lena's childlike voice is really strong from the beginning, and the way she seems so eager to jump to her hopefully-not-stupid plan is great, though. Sure, there's some vague possible chance of something she might've overlooked, but mostly it will probably be simple, right? Just train Champ to be really strong—I'm sure the training they do won't be an issue, even if down in the sewers battles usually end in whatever more-than-just-unconscious is—and then they can waltz out of Castelia and experience the high life that trainers and their teams get to have. And I love the determination you can see right away from "Everyone says rattata are pests, but they call me a pest too". Then that means if Champ is more than just a pest, so is she, right? Right?

I wonder what Lena's own motivation for wanting to take Champ on a journey is. There are hints of lots of things—good free food for her as well as Champ, perhaps. She asked Mommy why she can't be a trainer, which means there was likely something about the idea of the whole enterprise that appealed to her somehow. But is she most interested in the allegedly "glamorous" or fun life of a traveling trainer? Does she want to be able to earn money for herself and her family? How much of it is just wanting to be seen as more than a "pest"? I'd imagine a lot of these are contributing behind the scenes, but it'll be fun to see going forward which ones she's most interested in first... and later on, of course.

I also believe in you and Champ, Lena, let's goooooo

Chapter Two

Lena's enthusiasm here is so authentic and kind of infectious. No details about how training hyper fang actually works, but are those actually important? His teeth are glowy and then they destroy everything and that's just cool. Very very Kid, I love it.

Her compassion is also really sweet to see. Even though she's focused on improving her own and Champ's lots in life, it's still important to her that the wild rattata are treated fairly. So nice to see that, at least for now, she's still able to show these little "pests" the kindness she herself isn't often shown. Even the scary sandile out on Route 4 deserves some TLC after losing a fight!

Interesting to see Sammy talk about losing money to other trainers. You usually think of the other trainer losing money after a battle as a game mechanic a friendly or sporting wager, but here it sounds like it's common for people to just mug losers they think they can take. I get the unfortunate feeling that this will happen to Lena and Champ later...

Wonder why Lena doesn't trust Dad when he says no?

Love Lena's insistence on trying to be a "trainer" instead of a "kid", as though taking on a journey magically causes you to grow up and be a cool adult right then and there. Surely it must seem that way!

More of Lena's motivation for wanting to travel turns up here—her parents might have a hard time supporting the family soon. It's a lot of responsibility to put on a ten-year-old, even in the world of pokémon where it's normal for them to travel young, and it does feel pretty desperate that the two adults are so quickly and seriously considering "hey maybe the adolescent child can help us with the bills". But successful trainers probably do quite well for themselves, so it's a reasonable enough thought to have! They also seem pretty nonchalant about the fact that their daughter and her friends like to hang out in the sewers, lol, so I guess they do have a lot of faith that she can take care of herself. I guess she has to, growing up like this.

I don't have a map, but the way seems clear enough that only an idiot would get lost, and somewhere up there is Nimbasa City.

Hopefully these aren't famous last words, lol. Here's hoping that Lena, the pokémon trainer, doesn't get too badly turned around!

Chapter Three

We get a lot of fun child-views and worldbuilding tidbits in this one. How strange, the idea that the few people she might've met from a far-off region might not be representative of the whole! (Also yay, walking pokémon!) Lena's idea to only challenge weakened trainers is surprisingly mercenary for a ten-year-old, but then I suppose you don't make it far in the streets of the big city without knowing that you need to look out for you and yours first. What does an honorable battle matter when it's winning that moves you closer to your goal? Duh.

Hm, hadn't really thought about the fact that Champ not having a poké ball might've caused them problems. Even Champ seems to recognize this, when he talks Lena into going ahead and catching him after they buy one (or at least does in Lena's perception; not sure how much he actually understands vs. her assuming he does). At least it means that Waylon just assumed she was "quaint" rather than too poor to afford one?

What a pity that she can't understand the idea of training purely for fun, though. It means something so important to her; surely it must mean something to everyone else!

Champ's not by my feet, reminding me to be tall.

oh my god I love this. Could be taken literally, like of course she's taller than a rattata, but also he's her friend and he's proud and of course she should stand taller and feel the same way in his company, with his support.

Chapter Four

Bah, Lena's instinct not to trust a person who's "too nice" to her stings. There's something to be said for that even with a charitable interpretation, because of course a nurse can't really personally care about every single patient that they have—especially not in something so high-traffic as a pokémon center treating the myriad bumps and bruises of everyday battles. But still, that Lena defaults into "she's just trying to be polite in spite of what she actually feels toward an outsider like me" hurts. :(

Love the description of the plummeting feeling—very visceral, very relatable. As someone who also didn't know what it took to get an ID, I kinda felt the same thing at the moment the nurse mentioned it, haha. Even though thankfully it turns out that getting an ID isn't actually a problem, it may take a little while for Lena to shake those nerves. What else might be important that she hadn't learned about, or had assumed she could skate by without? (I keep feeling so nervous in general, even though things have been mostly smooth so far! What if the fingerprints are relevant later.)

(also that's not fair, why can't we update things like driver's license or state ID photos as easily, mine is terrible)

But the skin bits in the mashed potatoes taste good! :/ Best mashed potatoes I ever had were like that.

Aw, and then we have our first run-in with people who look down on "just a rattata" (people who are blatantly incorrect regardless, I might add). There's a certain hidden sting to that "I don't care"—of course Champ is genuinely her friend, I don't think anything about rattata's "specialness" would change that, but at the same time, what if her plan really was stupid? What if Champ isn't good enough to help her do what she needs to do, in spite of his best efforts?

(I do wonder if Lena has ever considered other pokémon, though! Not instead of Champ, but in addition to him. I wouldn't be surprised if not, given that even just taking care of herself and Champ is something she has to be careful about; as fantastic as the pokémon center buffet was, she'd still probably feel weird about assuming she could handle another mouth to feed. But I wonder! I suppose it would depend on whether she meets another pokémon that she actually befriends.)

Chapter Five

Hm, makes a lot of sense that trainers might endeavor to keep battles fair by only battling others of the same approximate progress rank. I wonder if that's actually enforced, or if it's just etiquette?

I love that Lena's already doing her best to strategize, too, realizing that she needs to consider speed, or watching how other teams approach their opening moves, or trying to feint them into thinking she doesn't know what she's doing. Also that she's figured out a good, sneaky use of feint attack, even if she doesn't know what it's actually called! (Also love how sneak move is "the best", because it's new and shiny and therefore even cooler than hyper fang. The new toys are always the best ones!)

See, this girl from Johto has black hair! Doesn't Waylon know anything?

And again, we see how hard it is for Lena to relate to people who just want to do this for fun, or who, like Sakurako, want to be serious trainers but doing so isn't remotely difficult for them. Lena hasn't really articulated yet that that's what's likely bothering her, that these other people have the privilege to have fun and she doesn't, but it must be difficult all the same. I wonder how Champ feels about it? Does he feel the need to prove something, too? Or is he only here because Lena is? That'll be interesting to see in the future.

Chapter Six

What a shame that Lena sees herself as a "not-real trainer", even though she also sees herself as one who has an actual good reason to be rather than these other people just in it for "fun"! Maybe some of that's just not having Champ by her side, but since so many people are doing things so differently from her, what if that really does mean what she's doing doesn't count?

Letting her talk to another trainer who also has reservations about what he's doing and how he's doing it compared to the others is a nice contrast, I think. She still doesn't really get it (and he's still more privileged than she is), but hopefully it will eventually make her feel a little less alone, with or without Champ! In general, touching on all the different reasons people become trainers seems like it's going to be a really fun theme for this fic. What else are Lena and Champ going to encounter out there, besides wealthy competitive trainers and hobbyists, and what will actually start to resonate with them?

--

Oh boy, I'm hooked. I gotta run and toss these reviews into the last dregs of of the Blitz pile, but I'm legitimately going to come back right afterward—this is just so easy to sink into and get pulled along as Lena and Champ try to find their way! Thank you for sharing these chapters, and thanks in advance for the rest. I'm really looking forward to them!

 

[Pen]

Part II​

"Excuse me," I say, polite. "Would you like to battle?"

I've said these words so many times it's not worth counting them. They're reassuring, like my old fleecie. I know how the script goes. There's yes and there's no. There's winning and there's losing. I understand how it works.

This trainer is tall, with bright hair and a long face. She's older than me, but I only see two pokeballs on her belt.

She looks me over, and I try to imagine what she sees. I'm eleven now, but I'm still small. My pants are worn thin around the knees and the bottoms are ragged where they meet the tips of my sneakers. I wonder if she notices how my bangs hang uneven where I cut them. Maybe she just sees the two pokeballs on my own belt, polished bright, and thinks how I'm just the same as her.

I'm not the same as her, but I'm not worse.

"Sure," she says, smiling, and we begin again.

---

"Excuse me," I say, when I spot another trainer. His clothes scream money, and I just see a single pokeball. "Would you like to battle?"

But when he turns around, I realize I know his face. I can't think of the name to go with it, though.

His eyes, wide and blue behind neatly trimmed bangs, widen even more. "Lena?" he says. "It's Lena, right?"

I remember his voice, thin and unsure, so different from his clothes. And then I remember how I know him.

"Walter," I say slowly, hoping I remembered right. He had a name like an old house, where only one family lives, with a garden stretching out around it.

I must have said it right. A smile blooms all over his face.

"Yeah," he says, pushing back a flop of hair. "It's nice to see you again. How is your journey progressing?"

I blink. It takes me a moment to figure out what he's asking. "My journey? Yeah, Champ and me are doing good. We've just gotten our third badge, too!" I tell him. I falter, afraid I sound like a braggart. Only the victory is still so fresh—the way Champ brought down Elesa's zebstrika, and how she'd smiled at us afterward. I wanted to frame her smile on a wall somewhere.

"C-cool!" Walter says. "I just have one, but I'm going to get more for sure now. I've been in this area for some time, uh, training, so I haven't had much of a chance to challenge gym leaders." His eyes light up. "We could battle! Athena is so much stronger now, you won't believe it!"

"Sure!" I say, a little surprised at his enthusiasm. "But Champ and me are stronger too, ya know."

He notices Sammy's pokeball on my belt. "Can we fight just one on one? Athena's still my only pokemon."

I share a look with Champ, and nod. Champ never minds a fight. I know he'll have the type advantage, but I'm not so worried. Walter still doesn't seem like much of a fighter to me.

Walter fumbles pulling the pokeball off his belt and nearly drops it. I start to smile, and then stop, feeling bad. I don't want Walter to think I'm making fun of him.

I've never seen a riolu before: they live in Sinnoh, far away. I can tell right away that this one's tough. Her eyes are sharp, and she stands tense on the balls of her feet, ready to battle.

Behind Riolu, Walter rubs his palms against his pants. He's nervous, I decide, and trying not to be.

"M-mach punch."

I'm lucky Walter talks so slow. I have enough time to tell Champ, "Quick attack!"

Champ gets out of the way in time, but it's closer than I'd like. The riolu is fast.

"Sand attack," I say, watching as Champ kicks dirt into the air. I know Champ's sneak move won't work on a fighting type like Riolu. "Hyper fang," I decide. Riolu's tough and fast, but a strong hit should do something.

Walter watches, wide-eyed. "Endure!" he shouts.

I frown as Riolu hunches over, taking Champ's attack. It's too early in the battle for a move like that. He should be fighting back.

"Taunt," I tell Champ. It's a move we've picked up watching other battles. Champ rolls over on the ground, showing his soft, hairless belly, and chittering mockingly.

Riolu's eyes narrow and her stance widens, trembling with energy. The next attack will be a big one, I'm sure. Champ and I both tense in readiness.

"Um, quick attack," Walter says.

Quick attack? I think, confused. Why quick attack, when Riolu's so riled up?

The attack makes contact, but Champ and I are prepared for that.

"Assurance," I say, even as Champ begins the move, striking Riolu where she exposed itself during the quick attack. "Now hyper-fang."

Walter doesn't say anything as Champ slams into Riolu, who stumbles back, dazed. I see her ears lift slightly, waiting for a command Walter doesn't give.

"Quick attack," I say, after a moment of hesitation. It feels wrong to attack when Walter's gone silent, but the battle's still going. No one's said anything to end it.

As Champ begins to move, I see a change in Riolu's stance. She braces herself against the ground and takes the attack on the side. Then she grabs Champ in both arms, in a firm grip.

"Bite her arm," I tell Champ quickly. He does, but not quick enough. Riolu slams Champ into the ground, using the energy of Champ's quick attack against him. It's the same maneuver we just pulled, turned back on us.

Champ's still lying on the ground, vulnerable, and I see Riolu's palm pulled back, collecting energy to swing.

"Scary face!" I shout. From his prone position, Champ screws up his face and lets out a low, deep growl, arresting the riolu's movement. The standoff stretches on. If Champ moves, Riolu might snap out of it, and hit Champ right when he's vulnerable.

The riolu throws back her head, emitting a high screech that makes my ears ring. The sound makes Champ flinch and look away, and Riolu begins to bring down her fist against Champ's unprotected side.

The blow is strong. Champ's sent back flying. He tries to stand, but twitches and falls, as if his legs aren't working straight. It's happened before, against electric pokemon. Champ's paralyzed.

Riolu comes forward, palm raised. Her eyes meet mine, and I'm taken aback by what I see in them: anger, confusion, and something else, something unsure. Like she's asking for permission.

"That's enough," I say loudly. "We forfeit."

From the ground, Champ chatters in protest. I shake my head at him. "You can't take that blow, and you can't dodge it."

I walk over to his side, and take a paralyze heal out of my pack. It's only mild; after the first stinging spray, Champ's able to stand. I rub him under his chin, just where he likes it. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I was cocky. I didn't think they'd be so strong."

Champ pushes his head against my hand. "Catta ratta. Rat tat rat."

You're wrong. Only one was strong.

I turn to see the riolu watching us.

"Hey," I say, and Champ gives his own welcome.

The riolu lopes towards us, and then hesitates, a few feet away.

"You're really tough," I tell her. She looks up at me in surprise. Then her ears perk up and she lets out a low grumble, coming closer. I'm caught off guard when she places a blue paw against my hand and holds it there a moment. That must be how riolus say hello.

I should tell Walter he's tough too. That would be etiquette. But I don't want to. It wasn't nice of him to just stop talking like that, in the middle of a battle. Champ's not stupid. I could shut up and I bet Champ would still battle really good. But that wouldn't be fair. Champ counts on me to watch his back during battle and put moves together like puzzle pieces, so they add up into more than just what they are. But even if I weren't good, and I didn't know what to say—it's still my job to say something, to let Champ know I'm here. That I'll always be here, because we couldn't do this on our own.

"Riolu's really strong," I say finally, looking at Walter, who's standing there, with his hands clasped together, looking like he doesn't know where he is.

"Y-yeah," Walter says, looking away. "She is. I'm still not very good at battling yet, I know."

"You'll get better," I mumble, but I don't know if I mean it. I don't like the way he didn't say anything at all. How's he supposed to get better, if he's not even going to try?

Maybe Walter can tell how I'm not being so truthful, because he frowns.

"But you must be good at training, yeah?" I say, feeling bad now. "To help get Riolu so strong. Even if the battling part doesn't come so easy."

I was trying to perk him up, but it doesn't work at all. Walter's frown just digs further into his face.

"I'm not good at training either," he says. "I sent Athena to the daycare for training."

I cock my head at him. "What's a daycare?" I ask.

"It's—it's like a place where your pokemon can get strong if you can't help them. They're really good there. Professionals."

I think about Sammy for a moment. How I'm not sure whether I'm training her right.

I guess I looked interested, because Walter brightens and says, "You should check it out!" Walter says, brightening a bit. "It's just down the road from here, past the pokemon center—turn left at the big pine tree, and you can't miss it—it's got a bright red roof. Not—" his frown returns, "Not that you really need it."

He turns the toe of his right shoe,black and gleaming, into the dirt and drags it in a rough line. "My father's coming out here this week," he says suddenly, not looking up. "He's got business in the city. And I told him that I was here, and he wants to see how I'm doing." Walter's smile is strange, like a jagged edge turned inwards. "I'm not doing very well, am I."

Walter's radiating misery so thick even I can smell it, and I don't half have Champ's nose. I drift closer, figuring Walter's kind of like a friend, even if I don't really get him.

"Probably it doesn't matter how many badges you've got," I say. "Probably your dad just wants to see you being a trainer." I think of my family and add, "And how you've changed and become stronger."

"Except I haven't," Walter says, all calm and cool, but he's blinking his eyes real fast, as if that's gonna keep tears away.

I shove my hands into the deep pockets of my fleecie and find my eyes meeting Athena's. He's your human, I try to say with my eyes. Snap him out of it.

Athena's ears twitch, and I feel her discomfort. It's like she's saying, You're both humans, right? Can't you do it?

Well, yeah. Fair enough.

"Battling," I begin clumsily, "I mean, I can only say how it is for Champ and me. But it's about the two of you, and how you're fighting together. I'm Champ's eyes and Champ's my teeth. And if you watch enough it starts to make sense, and the words get easier and they come quicker, when you need them." I'm talking to Walter, but I'm still looking at Athena, and she's looking back at me, her head aslant, like she's seen something new.

"That's it!" Walter exclaims suddenly. I twist my head back towards him. "You get battling, Lena, in a way I don't. So you could, you could kind of tutor me. Like a tutor for Kalosian, only in battling!" He sees the confusion on my face and adds hastily, "Of course, I'd compensate you for your time."

Compensate. Three syllables, and all of them are strange. But I know that put together, all they must mean is "pay." People like Walter use a lot of long words that have money wrapped up in them.

I bite back the "no" tickling on my lips, wondering why it's there. Walter's got all this money, and if he wants to pay me for some training tips, that's his business.

Only, I don't like the way that sits. We're both trainers, me and him, even if he's got money and I don't. I'm not some servant for him to go round paying me.

"No," I say slowly, and watch as his face falls. "No, I won't teach you for money. But I'll try to teach you, and then you'll do something back for me, okay?"

That was always how Sammy and me did it. We traded in favors, not cash.

Walter blinks, and his forehead scrunches a little, like he's really thinking. Like he's trying to figure me out.

"That would be great," he says quietly. "I would appreciate that, thank you, Lena."

He really means it, too. I can see that in his eyes, which have gone all wide again.

"Sure," I say, kicking a stray pebble and feeling kind of uncomfortable with this whole conversation. "Look, I'll see you 'round then, yeah? We've got to go to the pokemon center now."

As I start to head off, I catch Riolu staring at me. "See you 'round too, Athena," I say, giving her an awkward wave. As we walk away, I can still feel her eyes fixed on me, until we round the corner and go out of view.

 

[Pen]

Sammy loves pokecenters. She's like human Sammy in that, I guess. She loves the plush pink couches and the stuffy, heated air, the yummy scents that waft into the lobby from the cafeteria.

When she comes out of her ball and sees we're in a pokemon center, she lets out a great big purr that starts all the way in her spine and rolls herself out on the nearest couch. I laugh and go to rub her belly, warm and pink, flecked with patches of glossy gray hair. Her coat is always clean now, and the hairs are sleek and strong. Nurse Joy says she's nice and healthy now, only there are some things that won't get better, like how her bones are too small and her spine curves funny, so it's hard for her to walk sometimes.

Sammy gets out of breath when she battles too long. She shivers, even when it's not so cold outside. When she caught a cold, it didn't go away for weeks and weeks. Nurse Joy told us that's all because of malnutrition—because Sammy didn't eat right when she was a kitten.
But she told me it doesn't always have to be like this. I close my eyes and try to remember her words just like she said them: "Evolution constitutes a full genetic rewrite. If your glameow evolves under conditions of stable nutrition and good health, her body will be able to correct its current deficiencies."

Which was a lot of words I didn't really know, but I think I got her point. Glameow's body's weak now from remembering all the time she didn't have good food. But when she evolves, it's all going to change, like Champ did. Only, Champ evolved because we travelled and battled a lot. It's hard for Sammy to battle, and training makes her get tired fast, even though she really tries and pretends she isn't. I don't know how to make her strong without hurting her the way she is now.

I think that it would be simpler maybe if Sammy didn't fight. Only, she likes battles; she likes movement. I still don't understand her speech the way I do Champ's, but she said once that when she fights she feels how her body is strong and that is the best thing.

That is the best thing of all.

"Hey cutie," a low voice says. I look up to see a woman holding out her hand for Sammy to sniff. Her smooth brown skin is darker than mine and her long lilac hair is tied in a loose side-ponytail. She's wearing a red jacket over a slick black turtleneck and high boots. There are four pokeballs on her belt.

Sammy must like her scent. She stands, her spine lifting in a smooth curve, and nudges closer. From the ground, Champ grumbles to see Sammy getting double pats.

The trainer laughs, bending down to scritch the top of Champ's head. "Now don't take offense, you're a cutie too." I watch, as Champ's growl slides into a content whine.

Finally, she looks at me. Her eyes are brown, glinting around the edges with shiny turquoise. Her lips curve into a smile, and she says, "Hey, a third cutie. It must be my lucky day."

She winks, and I think my face is going to burn off.

"Hi," I say, or at least I try. It comes out more like "hng."

From the ground, Champ snickers.

"You're a pokemon trainer, huh?" she says casually, swinging a leg over her knee as she sits on the coach besides me.

"I have two badges," I say quickly, straightening up, so she knows I'm not a noob. So she knows I'm somebody serious.

"And do you only have these two?" She gestures to Sammy and Champ.

"Yeah."

"Impressive, getting this far with two normal types. Leaves you pretty open, though TMs can cover for a lot."

"Right," I say. I know what TMs are now, even though I've never used one. "How many badges do you have?" It comes out sounding like a challenge, even though that's not what I mean, and I feel my cheeks heat slightly. "I mean, you look pretty tough," I add quickly, tripping over my words.

"Hah, thanks! I've got seven badges. Might go for the last one at some point, but I've got other priorities for now."

I've never talked to a Seven before. I try to keep my eyes from going wide.

"Your raticate's got the look of a real fighter," she adds, taking me by surprise.

"Champ is," I tell her, amazed that she could know just by looking at Champ. Seven's are definitely in their own league.

"Some pokemon—and their trainers—they have this complacent air to them. Like battling's a game they've decided to play for a while. You don't have that look. I can tell you're in this to win."

I think of Walter when she says that, of his stupid stammering while Champ and me fought. Complacent. That's not a word I know, but I think I get what it means. Like lying down in the sunlight and not wanting to move, not needing to change, because you know the future will be fine whatever you do. Even if it won't be.

I look back to the Seven. Even sitting, there's an energy that animates her whole body. Her eyes flick from Sammy to me to the rest of the pokemon center.

"You're in this to win it too," I realize.

"Oh, you better believe I am, Cutie-pie." She smiles again, but the smile falters as her eyes latch onto something over my shoulder. "I'll catch you later, huh?" she says, and without waiting for an answer, gets up and crosses the pokecenter lobby.

Sammy mewls in disappointment. She bats away my hand and pushes herself up onto her haunches. I should have asked that Seven how to train Sammy. Someone like her, a real professional trainer, would definitely know the answer.

As I'm thinking that, something Walter was saying about a daycare pops back into my head. He said they had real experts there.

"Hey, I have an idea," I tell Sammy and Champ.

We hurry out of the pokemon center, following the road until I glimpse the big pine tree Walter mentioned. There's a red roof visible through the trees. As we get closer, I see it's a big building, long and low, with an enclosure out back. The door's wooden and smells old and musty.
Inside, it reminds me a bit of the pokecenter, with worn blue benches to sit, a videophone, and a counter in the back. There's an old woman standing there. When she catches my eye, I panic a bit, 'cause I haven't thought at all what I'm going to say.

"H-hi," I say, coming closer, Champ and Sammy right behind. "My friend Walter told me to come here . . ." I add, feeling like I need an excuse, even though this place is beat-up, not shiny like the pokecenter.

The lady beams. "Ah, yes, he was a nice young lad. Well, my dear, will we be looking after both of these darlings?" Her voice is low and gritty, like something's caught in her throat. She's looking at Champ and Sammy, and I feel a bit of panic flash through me.

"Um, no, I mean—I just wanted to learn more? Uh . . ."

"Daycares are a resource for trainers who just don't have the time to raise all their pokemon. We'll take good care of your pokemon, train them. You'd be surprised how many pokemon evolve here and learn powerful new moves!"

Something about what she's saying sounds different than how Walter was describing it. I don't get what she means, about trainers not having time to raise their pokemon. That's all a trainer has to do! Only that.

Wouldn't really be a trainer, if you didn't have time to train your own pokemon.

"Sammy, my glameow," I say, "um, she's had malnutrition. And so I don't know how to train her properly."

The old woman grimaces in sympathy. "Well, we can certainly look after her, darling, though if you're looking to raise a strong battler, your money might better be spent elsewhere."

"My money?" I say, feeling my chest sink. Of course there's money involved.

"The standard fee—$200 poke a day," the woman says, like it's nothing. I try to calculate that out in my head, but my thoughts stutter.

"Oh," I say. "Right. Um, I just remembered something. I have to go."

Then I bolt.

My head is down and I'm not looking where I'm going at all, so of course I crash into some lady coming down the path. I start to apologize, blushing, and then I get a better look at her,

It's Stel!

Her hair's gone a different color, deep fuschia instead of dark blue, but it's definitely Stel. My mouth falls open.

"Lena?" Stel says, her face creasing into a frown. "I never expected to see someone like you here."

The judgment in her voice is worse than a blow. My face begins to really burn and it's impossible to speak. Stel knows someone like me doesn't have any business at a place like this, a place for people who don't grub their money.

"I didn't know it was expensive" I say in a jumble, "It's just that Walter said I should go, but I shouldn't have listened because he's rich and he doesn't think about things, but I should have known, even though from the outside, it didn't look like much—"

"Slow down," Stel says, raising her hand. She's eyeing me strangely. "I think I might have jumped to a hasty conclusion. This Daycare—you know what it's for, don't you?"

"Professionals, who train pokemon," I say, only I don't think it's quite right. "My glameow needs help," I tell Stel and explain about the malnutrition.

By the time I'm finished, Stel is shaking her head. "Yeah no, I would not trust your glameow's health to an establishment like this. Daycares aren't—how do I explain this? There are a few reputable daycares. Very expensive places, they hire retired trainers and offer training services at a ridiculous price. It's not equitable, but at least it's above board. Then you get places like this. They charge an arm and a leg, but none of their staff have any experience. And yet the pokémon that go in come back stronger—how do you think that works?"

I don't know how, so I just shake my head.

Stel sighs. "It's a pretty open secret that places like this use some kind of illegal enhancers: steroids that increase Pokémon's speed, attack, endurance. That's what people are paying for, whether they realize it or not."

I stare at her, my head starting to spin.

"That's what I'm here to investigate. The Pinebrooke Daycare is hemorrhaging money and desperate. I'm hoping I can gather some evidence of illegal steroid abuse." Stel gives me a sympathetic look. "This isn't a place you want to be hanging around, Lena. And this friend of yours—you would do well to warn him off too."

I mumble something like, "I will."

Stel gives me a sympathetic smile and says, "I'd love to catch up with you, Lena, but I'm afraid I'm terribly pressed for time. If you need anything, please give me a ring, all right? You do have my number?"

When I shake my head, she pulls a notepad out of her jacket pocket, scribbles quickly, and presses the scrap of paper into my hand.

I wave her goodbye with limp fingers. Then I stumble off until I'm surrounded by trees, sit with my head pressed between my knees, and try to think.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Hey, it’s been -checks notes - … almost a year since I last read this fic, but I suppose “late” is a better time to come back to it than “never”. Anyhow, moving right along, since the last time I was reading, Lena was on her way into Nimbasa, so we might as well see what she got up to there after arriving:

Chapter 4

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Nurse Joy is nice. Almost too nice.

I want to like her because she's nice, but she makes me feel all antsy. Maybe it's how she acts almost like she cares about me. She smiles really widely like how my mom does. Except she's not my mom and she doesn't know me, so her smile makes me want to flinch back a bit.

I take it that Lena isn’t used to shopkeeps and the like trying to hound her out of shops because “begone, street urchin” from the way she’s finding this such an alien experience.

Instead I make a small smile back at her, just push up the corners of my lips and try not to look scared.

Narrator: “She absolutely looked scared while trying to smile.”

The pokemon center is shiny, shiny, shiny. I feel sort of dirty and like I don't fit. I keep thinking someone is going to notice me, and point me out, and call the whole town over to laugh at me and say, "She's different, she doesn't belong here."

I wish my clothes looked nicer.

I can’t tell whether or not this fear is justified or not from Lena right now. Though it helps that she just walked in from the desert where everyone would look like a wreck if there was a sandstorm that day.

But I know I'm being silly. Some other trainers walk in, sandy-sandy from the desert, and after that I don't mind so much.

Yeah, figured. Seems like a good way to disguise your social status versus a town with less weather cover to work with.

While I wait for Champ, I read a pamphlet that Nurse Joy gave me when I started clenching and unclenching my hands because I had nothing to hold. I'm not fast at reading. There are schools at Castelia, but no one cares if you go or don't. Well, Mom cared, so I went, sometimes, but they mostly told you stupid stuff like the names of pokemon in far-away places like Sinnoh and Johto. Though now that I think about it, I guess knowing more pokemon names might be useful now.

That actually makes me wonder if there are language differences between regions in this setting or not. Though I suppose that the names Lena would learn would be local names for said Pokémon regardless of however that dynamic would work.

"Whatever," I say, real quietly. "We don't need to know their names to beat them." Then I realize I've been talking out-loud to Champ, except Champ's not here, and then I freeze for a minute or so, too afraid to look anywhere but forward. When no one says a word to me, and the noisy hum of the pokemon center doesn't shift, I allow myself a shaky breath and risk a look around. It's all fine; no one's heard me talking to myself.

That… sounds like it’s going to end in disaster at some point. Since if you don’t know a Pokémon’s name, what are the odds that you know stuff like their typing or abilities?

I try to read again, but picking out the words is tiring, and it's been a long day. My eyes are sore from the desert sands and my face feels raw from the wind. If I were home, I'd be half-dozing at the table while Mom and Dad put together something yummy, but I'm not at home and I can't fall asleep here.

Oh, so no lodging in Pokécenters in this setting?

I shift again on the pink cushion and start to bring my watch out, sneaky-like. Probably no one would steal it here, but all the same, I don't want people to be looking at it. Or at me.

Lena is going to get her watch stolen at some point in this story, isn’t she?

The watch says it's been twenty-two minutes. I really, really want to ask Nurse Joy how long it'll be. Will I have to stay all night? Another five minutes edge by, and then when Nurse Joy glances around the room, I don't duck my head fast enough and she meets my eyes.

"Lena, right?" she says. "Have you been waiting this whole time? Your rattata should be done with his check-up soon." She looks down at her computer for a moment. "He's newly caught, yes?"

Lena: “Wait, you can tell that?” ._.;
Nurse Joy: “Your Pokéball presumably stores information about date and place of capture like in the games?”

I’m not sure what to say to that. Champ and I have been together a long time, but the pokeball is new. Probably I should just agree.

"Yes," I say.

Lena: “(I’m going to regret this in like a minute, aren’t I?)”

"Well, a wild pokemon's first check-up generally takes longer than a trained or bred pokemon's. We have to make sure the pokemon doesn't have any diseases or nutritional problems. Or pregnancies," she says, smiling at me, "but that shouldn't be a problem with your little guy."

Lena: “A-And if he does have any of those problems?”

Nurse Joy: “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

I feel sorry for wanting to hide when Nurse Joy smiles. She sounds nice, like she cares about Champ, too. I don't think Champ's sick, but suddenly I'm worried that he is.

Maybe my worry shows, because Nurse Joy starts talking again."Disease isn't common," she says. "Most diseased pokemon don't go near enough to trainers to be caught. I wouldn't worry about your rattata. In fact, it looks like the check-up is over. Your rattata should be brought out in a few minutes."

Joy’s going to find something wrong with Champ, isn’t she?

"Great," I say, my tongue a bit too heavy. I start really smiling, at the ceiling, at the walls, at her. "That's great!"

"Will you be boarding in the center?" she asks me.

Oh, so they do have lodging in Pokécenters in this continuity.

My smile tries to run away from my face, but I don't let it. "Um," I breath in, "yeah?"

"Then give me your trainer ID, and I can sign you in."

Lena: “...”

It's like I've been walking through the city, and the sun's especially bright and the air especially sweet, when suddenly I've walked over an open manhole and didn't notice, and then I'm falling so far down into a dark hole that doesn't have a bottom. I grip the sides of my jacket sleeves real tight.

"My parents didn't tell me about a trainer ID," I say, only a little trembly.

Can’t tell if Lena’s going to get one issued in this chapter, or if she’s going to have to grab Champ’s ball and run at some point.

Nurse Joy lets out a sigh, like Dad does when it's trash day. "Parents," she says, shaking her head. "They never do. Well come here, dear, we'll get you set up."

Oh, thank goodness.

I take small steps forward until I'm back standing at the front counter. Nurse Joy's sat down in front of her computer.

"Name?" she asks.

"Lena."

"I should have specified, Lena. I mean your full name."

"Oh." I blush a bit. "Lena Castel."

Well, that’s certainly an on-the-nose surname. Though you can’t say that it doesn’t fit her neighborhood.

"Hometown?"

"Castelia City."

Nurse Joy: “Wait, ‘Castel’ from ‘Castelia City’?”

Lena: “Yes, and? You asked for my name and that’s it.” :|

"Are you planning to register for this year's Pokemon League?"

"Um."

Lena: “Wait, you have to specifically register for that?!”

"If you aren't sure, you can wait, but you need to register no later than three months before the competition."

Wait, so how many applicants does an average year at the Unova League get anyways?

"Okay." I think most trainers do register, so probably I shouldn't say that I don't want to.

inb4 most don’t.

"Now, smile!"

Hesitantly, I do, as Nurse Joy holds a small screen in front of me. It flashes, and I blink. Nurse Joy turns it around and I see my face: tangled hair, sand-reddened skin, and looking like I'm facing down a beartic. Nurse Joy smiles a bit. I think she's laughing at me, but I don't mind. I would laugh at me too.

"You can update your ID photo at any city pokemon center," she tells me.

Oh, well that’s a handy feature, since I can only imagine the dread of having to go around stuck with an unflattering photo for a couple years until it’s time to renew your license at the Pokémon equivalent of a DMV.

"Okay."

"Put your hand onto this screen, please," Nurse Joy says. When I hesitate, she explains. "This device will record your fingerprints. Standard procedure."

Lena: “Wait, is this really necessary to-” .-.
Nurse Joy: “Look kid, you have to do this to drive a car, so do you really think that you wouldn’t need to do this to babysit creatures that can casually total cars?”

I guess the device makes a picture of my hands, or something. I put my hands onto the screen, and a minute later, Nurse Joy says, "Done! That's the last of it. I should have your trainer ID ready in the next hour or so. Just check back here to pick it up."

I think I'm allowed to take my hands off the screen, so I do.

Lena:

Nurse Joy presses a button on her desk, and talks for a moment. She smiles at me again and says, "Your rattata is finished with his appointment, too! He's perfectly healthy, if a bit on the scrawny side. Why don't you too have some dinner now? Cafeteria is open all hours."

A chansey brings Champ out and he runs over real fast to me and jumps in my arms. I hold him close and stroke his fur and scritch his head a bit. And I lean down and say softly into his ear, "Guess what, Champ? We're going to the buffet."

Wait, is that cafeteria free? Or is it paid there? Though I suppose even if it’s paid, Lena does have her winnings from going up from Castelia, so…

My first thought is, Sammy wasn't lying. The buffet is enormous. There's food in these great big silver platters with great big spoons for ladling it onto your plate. There are white, white, white mashed potatoes—without skin bits in them! Mom always leaves the skin bits in because she says they're good for me.

Lena + Champ:

By the mashed potatoes I find soft fresh rolls that sort of melt in my mouth when I chew. Most of the bread we usually ate was more crunchy. I liked it crunchy, but the soft is so, so good.

Great, now you’re making me hungry.

There's also some nutriloaf, which is what non-vegetarians who aren't rich eat. I put some on my plate just to try but it tastes weird. I eat it all though, cause Mom told me to never waste my food, and I shouldn't, not even here.

Wait, “nutriloaf”? Is that like meatloaf, but spewed out of some factory making processed garbage?

There are these fried dough balls on a stick that are so greasy and yummy I want to dance. I would have danced if I were at home. There's also lots of salad, which I don't see the point of. But the pecha berry salad is sweet so I try some of that.

I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen these before, but I have no idea what on earth they’re called.

The biggest shock comes when I bring up my plate to put it with all the others. Most of the other plates still have food on them! One has a whole serving of mashed potatoes and two dough balls! The cleaning woman reaches for the plate and without thinking I put up my hand to stop her. "Sorry! That's—that's mine. I'm not actually done." Quickly I snatch the plate and walk back to the tables. I hope she didn't think that was weird. What if she throws me out? But when I risk looking up she's back to cleaning the plates.

Whelp, Lena and her family are confirmed for being food insecure with the way that she reacted to someone trying to take her unfinished plate there.

Most of the trainers are chatting with each other, but I find a table where no one else is at except this quiet old lady. She's got gloves and her clothing looks made nicely. She's eating a salad.

Even though I'm full, I eat the mashed potatoes and the dough balls and give some to Champ. Champ really likes the dough balls but I think they're bad for him. Tasty things often are.

Champ: “*Nah, this is -burp- awesome! We should come here more often!*” ^^

Once I've finished that second plate, I find the lady watching me hard.

"It's nice to see a young lady finishing her plate," she says.

"Thanks," I say. "Mom said I should," I add, because I notice her plate is clean too.

Oh, so someone else who’s strapped for cash like Lena? Or at least once upon a time was strapped for cash? Since I’ve heard anecdotally that many people who had to live through the Great Depression wound up being penny-pinching for the rest of their lives even after they became financially secure. I kinda get a similar vibe from this lady.

"So many rude children around," she says. "I'm glad some youngsters still listen to their parents. Really, running to and fro without a please or a thank you, no manners at all. Now dear, you always thank your mother when she works hard, don't you?"

"Yes," I say.

"Good." The lady nods like my manners are somehow her doing. "You'll go far, child, if you mind your etiquette."

Lena: “(Not sure if I like where this is going right now…)” ^^;

I don't know what etiquette means but I'm too nervous to ask her. "Thank you," I say again. "Er, I need to bring my plate up."

She nods and waves a hand, which I think means I can leave. "C'mon Champ," I mutter, and we go.

Lena: “Why do I get the distinct feeling that that old woman didn’t want us around?” .-.

There's a whole bunch of kids my age, or close to it, standing together in the lobby. One of them waves me over.

"Why've you got your rattata out of its pokeball?" the boy asks me right away once I'm close.

The question takes me by surprise. "Johto style," I say quickly, remembering Waylon.

Cute tie-in for how HG/SS had walking Pokémon there.

He nods like what I said makes sense and moves to the side, making room for me. "We were just talking about what pokemon we plan to catch," he tells me.

"Rare pokemon," adds a girl. "Special pokemon."

It’s going to be a slew of psuedos and Haxorus, isn’t it?

"Not rattatas, that's for sure," says another boy with a short laugh. He smiles at me. I don't smile at him.

"Bet you can't wait to ditch yours for something stronger, huh?" the girl asks me. Her voice sounds nice, except I don't think it's nice.

Wow, the old lady wasn’t kidding about kids these days in Unova being a bunch of brats.

Lena: “... No? Why the hell would I ditch Champ? I’ve been working hard to raise him!”

I don't say anything. I just sort of leave. They're all saying stuff behind me as I walk away—"Hey, no offense meant!" "Didn't mean—" "Think she actually likes that rattata?" "Weirdo" "People get gushy about their first catch, I don't blame her." But I don't listen because I don't care.

I don't care.

Narrator: “She absolutely cared.”

I gathered that this was supposed to be a bit of a transitional chapter, since it’s basically set entirely inside a Pokémon Center. Even so, I thought that it served as a decent segue for getting out of the desert and into Nimbasa, since it’s functionally kicking off a new arc in Lena’s new neck of the woods.

IMO the main strength of this chapter of Making It Big in particular is the worldbuilding, since you clearly had a lot of fun coming up with the nitty gritty of what it involves to get set out as a trainer in Lena’s world, and the details all feel fairly plausible and thought out. I also thought that you maintained a good sense of emotional tension with the way Lena’s constantly wondering if she really belongs throughout things and on edge of getting shooed off or publicly humiliated. Even if it didn’t end as badly for her as it could’ve, we see that her fears weren’t totally unfounded, and it gives some insight as to the less savory sides of training culture that get alluded to at parts of this chapter.

As for weaknesses… maybe there could’ve been a bit more “movement” forward for Lena’s journey? I’m admittedly a bit loath to harp too much about it since the entire point of this chapter was basically to show off the inside of a Pokémon Center through Lena’s eyes for the first time and it delivered quite well, but it is something that crossed my mind as some potential room for improvement.

Not sure how long it’ll take for the rubber to hit the road for Lena’s Gym Challenge, since Elesa is right in town from where Lena’s at right now… even if her team doesn’t strike me as being particularly well prepared for a shocking experience of a first Gym. But that’ll be a story for another day, I suppose, and what’s there in this chapter was quite fun on its own already. If I can help it I’ll be back to see where things go from here later on in RB4 @Pen , since coming back to MIB, I can see it’s every bit of charming of a story as I remembered it.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, dropping back in for another review of Making it Big as part of my Week 4 roundup. Since hey, I did say that I wanted to try and come back for more of this story earlier on in Review Blitz, and now’s as good a time as any to do so:

Chapter 5

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

For the next week, Champ and I do the same thing. In the morning we eat a huge breakfast at the pokecenter. Then we go out and train. Champ does his moves, but really we're just watching all the other trainers.

Wait, so there’s no time limit for how long you can stay in a Pokécenter in this setting? If so, I wonder how commonly that gets exploited by other trainers with backgrounds like Lena’s where that’s potentially their most reliable source of nutrition.

Right now these two trainers are facing off. They're both Fives—that's what the other kids call a trainer with five badges. Fives are only 'sposed to fight Fives, or maybe Fours or Sixes. Same goes for all the other trainers who have so many badges, you're only 'sposed to fight people at your level so it's fair. Since I don't have any badges, I'm a Noob.

You know, I never considered whether or not there’d be internal slang for trainers based off how many Gym Badges they have, but it makes sense. Even if it sounds like a recipe to occasionally cop a nasty surprise here or there from a trainer that’s grown strong from outside of the Gym/League circuit.

I only fight the other Noobs, or the stupid-heads who pokemon train as a "hobby" like Waylon. I could fight a One if I wanted to, but I don't see why I should. It's not like they pay much more, and if Champ gets beat then the whole day is over and I have to sit in my pokemon center room staring out the window and being bored. If Champ gets beat, it's hard to keep myself from sneaking over to the great big carousels and imagining paying for a ride. But everything is expensive in Nimbasa, and I know I can't. Anyway, when Champ gets beat he feels bad, and I hate it when Champ feels bad.

Given that Nimbasa is basically Blackpool, but next to a desert, having to just go “look, don’t touch” at the carnival rides and games must be utter torture to a kid.

I find a stone the size of an oran berry.

"Bite," I tell Champ, and toss the stone at him. He leaps up and his mouth works real fast. Then the stone's in two bits on the ground.

Well then, remind me to never put anything that I care about by Champ’s teeth given that he just cleaved through that stone like it was nothing.

A trainer calls out, "Fury swipes," and I see a purloin attack with flashing claws. Purrloins are meanies. They want food when you've got it. They want food when you haven't got it, too. A purloin stole Sammy's whole dinner once, though I think that was sort of her fault. Sammy likes purrloins.

Small reminder that Purrloin the Pokémon has two ‘r’s in it.

Sammy's a bit weird.

I've watched this purrloin train. Its claws look fierce, sure, but I've seen it scratching up the tree and I think Champ's teeth are stronger. Strong's not the only thing I have to think about now, though. There's speed, too. I think the purrloin and Champ move about the same, both purple blurs when they get going.

>pitting your Pokémon against another that’s likely a natural predator in the wild

Especially if it hasn’t been fully socialized yet out of “oh hey, free lunch!” after seeing a Rattata.

"What about it, Champ?" I say. "Wanta beat that purrloin?"

Can’t tell if Champ’s actually going to go for it or promptly nope out of things.

"Tatta," he says.

We move closer to the purrloin trainer. She's a hobby trainer, I'm sure, and her purrloin's no real fighter.

"How about a battle," I say with a sort of smile. At my feet, Champ says, "Ta ta!"

This sounds like a rather bold and unsafe assumption to be making right now, Lena. Since a hobbyist trainer is also one that’s more likely to have an underdisciplined or undercontrolled Pokémon…

She looks surprised for a moment. Then she smiles back and gives her purrloin a pat. "Fine by me," she says. Her purrloin struts out and Champ goes up to meet it.

Whelp, time to see how much of a giant disaster this is going to be. Though at least the purrloin isn’t telegraphing obviously predatory behavior? ^^;

"Tackle," I say. Tackle's a good way to start. Some pokemon dodge; some pokemon attack right back. Either way, it shows me a little more about how they fight. Besides, trainers think tackle is a noob's move.

I mean on one level it is, but often it’s how you use what you have that’s more important battle-wise than the moveset.

"Dodge it, Purrloin," the trainer says. The purrloin dodges right, easy enough. Champ's tackle gave it plenty of time. "Now, fury swipes!"

Purrloin comes in close, claws shining.

I say in a jumble, "Stay. Tail whip. Hyper fang." We've only ever practiced this so far, but Champ's tail blocks the purrloin's first swipe. As it blinks, he's already turning, his teeth bright. Champ hits the purrloin straight on.

Wait, you can call out move combos like that in this setting? Noted then, even if I wonder what the meta balancing factor behind it is.

"Woah," the trainer says. "Fast rat." She's frowning as her purrloin gets up. "Sand attack!"

"Close your eyes, Champ," I say. He does just as the sand hits his face, but his eyes are still closed when the purrloin moves closer again, and starts to swipe. Again and again. I feel useless as Champ is getting beat. Cuts open all across his body.

I mean, I would assume the cuts aren’t that bad, but still. That took me aback to read a little at first.

The purrloin steps back to breathe. "Fury swipes, again," says its trainer.

Champ can't take that again.

Alright, now you’ve got me curious as to how you’re going to get yourself out of this one, Lena…

"Sneak move!" I shout. Champ's done this before a few times, but it's still the best and most scary thing. Even though he's slow from purrloin's claws, Champ's suddenly right by purrloin, dark and close as a shadow. He hits purrloin and it goes down.

Champ and I breathe, but the purrloin doesn't get up.

Can’t tell if that was Sucker Punch or not, though that makes me wonder now how common it is in this setting to come up with internal coding for different moves to try and keep themselves unpredictable to opponents. Since that sounds potentially handy for metagaming purposes.

With a small sigh, the trainer recalls her purrloin and gives me a smile and a mound of poke. "Have a nice day," she says.

I'm busy hugging Champ, so I don't watch her go.

… Should I be concerned that Lena didn’t see the trainer go? Since I’m starting to feel like I should be concerned.

I'm not sure why I did it.

Maybe I just went funny in the head for a bit. That happens, right? Once I got loopy as a spinda off some candy I scrounged and I just started dancing in the streets with the weird dancing boys. Sammy still teases me for it.

That… wasn’t candy, was it?

I don't know why I challenged her. I mean, she was a One, with her badge and her black hair gleaming and her clothes like the ones in the pokemon trainer posters.

Oh yeah, that’s a totally good omen for where things are about to go. .-.

"When I met Haya I just knew," she was telling a few other kids. "I mean, we clicked. And Haya's just a real fighter. She's gonna smoke out the gyms, all in a row, whoomph!" She makes a motion and the kids smile. "Professor Elm said that Haya has an adamant nature," the girl goes on, "and that will make her attack really strong."

Oh, so this girl’s from Johto, huh? Someone’s certainly far from home right now.

"Hey," I say. I speak too quietly and they don't hear, but instead of walking away it makes me angry. Like, I'm standing there, and they're just talking and laughing and not noticing me, and somehow it gets me mad and I say, louder, "Hey!"

The girl turns. "Is someone? Oh, hey. Uh."

"Wanta battle?" I say.

I take it that Lena is both used to getting ignored and a bit touchy about it, since that was definitely testier than I was expecting from not getting a prompt answer.

"Sure." Her confused look turns eager. "Yeah, we'd love to."

"Clear off," one of her friends shouts. "Gonna have a battle." A loose crowd gathers around us and the area clears.

… Wait, this One has groupies? That… doesn’t sound like a good omen for how things are going to play out after Lena’s inevitable L.

"Let’s go, Haya!" she says, throwing the pokeball high into the air. "Oh, and I'm Sakurako, but you can just call me Sara for short. I don't think I got your name—?"

“Sakurako”, so “cherry blossom daughter”? Wonder if that’s going to portend anything about what Haya is as a- wait, it’s going to be a Chikorita, isn’t it?

"Lena," I say. "Uh."

I don’t know her pokemon. It’s small and squat and first it doesn’t look so tough, but then it sucks in a big breath and flames burst up from its back. I start to chew on my lip. There aren’t any fire pokemon in the sewers.

Oh, never mind then. It’s a Cyndaquil. Though I wonder what the ‘Haya’ is from, or if it was chosen just because.

“Come out, Champ,” I say softly. He looks at the fire and then at me, his ears twitching back. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Narrator: “It was not a good idea.”

“Start strong, Haya! Use your flame wheel!”

I mean, at least Sera’s calling out attacks and not just blurting out Japanese and disorienting Lena in live-time? ^^;

There’s no time. Champ and I stare transfixed as a ball of fire shoots towards us. All Champ's attacks just rush out of my head. At the last moment Champ darts to the side, eyes wide and wild. I know I should call an attack now, but I'm too fraidy. What if it bursts into flame again? Then Champ'll get burned.

Yes, Cyndaquil tend to do that. Though this is what forfeiting is for if you realize that you’re in over your head in a battle, Lena.

Sara waits a few seconds for me to respond, but when I don't she gives half shrug and says, "Ember."

This time the fire flies. "D-dodge," I say. "Uh. Go by a tree."

… Wait, I didn’t realize that this battle was happening outside and thought it was happening on an indoor court. It might have made sense to make that a bit more explicit in description at some point.

She won't send the fire by the tree, right?

inb4 she does just that.

"Tackle it," she says, pushing back her bangs.

"Quick move," I say, a bit more steady. "Then bite it." My voice goes up a little high on the word "bite." I half-notice that I've got my nails pressing too hard into my palms.

- Cue pulling up Bulbapedia to check when Cyndaquil learns Flame Wheel -

Uh… yeah, have fun with that one, Lena. Since that would explain a lot about how you wind up getting rolled here.

Champ's in the air when she says, "Smog" and then Champ's in a dark cloud of smoke, coughing and coughing.

"Finish with flame wheel," she says and this time the fire ball hits Champ straight on and sends him back a few feet, into the grass. He doesn't get up.

Lena: “Ch-Champ!”

"Champ!" I say. "Champ, Champ, Champ."

At his side, I can see that he's not badly hurt, just singed and weak.

"Got any more pokemon?" Sera asks.

"No.”

Sera: “Whelp, you know the rules. Pay up.”

"Oh. Then, good battle!" She walks over and smiles at us. "Your rattatta's a fast little guy. Better get him to the pokecenter, though." When she holds out her hand I count out some poke into it, the least I think I can give. She gives me a bright smile and walks away with her friends.

I blink after her for a moment, because she's nice.

That honestly turned out a lot better for Lena than I was expecting. Wonder if that’s a sign that Sera’s going to the be ‘rival’ in this story.

But I think I hate her. I hate them, the other kids who are turning back to their talk about winning the league, the hobbyists who smile when they give up their poke, the way they all smile when they lose, like losing is okay, like it's a game.

"It's not a game to me," I tell nobody. Then I put Champ in the pokeball and take off for the poke center at a run.

Oh well that’s a totally healthy mindset that isn’t going to end in tears at some point.

I mean, not that I blame Lena considering her background, but still.

Chapter 6

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

I'm waiting on a bench for Champ to feel better. Nurse Joy gave me an info pamphlet the first time I brought Champ in and eventually I read it all. The pokecenters have a machine that works just like a full restore. It can heal any pokemon in an instant. The pamphlet said they prefer not to use it because it's bad for the pokemon's "overall health," but I think it just would cost too much if they used it for everyone, even not-real trainers like me.

Boy that raises so many questions about the ethics of the Gym Circuit. Since if the devices that are needed to keep Gym Challenges viable in general are bad for a Pokémon’s health in the long run…

Champ won't be healed enough for a few hours, since he fainted in the battle, and then we aren't 'sposed to battle again for 24 hours after a faint. I don't think many trainers follow that rule, though.

That actually makes me curious as to what the rationale behind that one is, even if it makes meta sense that Pokémon Centers in a more grounded setting wouldn’t be as instantaneous and frictionless in the job they do than as-presented in the games.

I sit on the bench and hope that no one looks at me. Champ's not here and without him I feel like an outsider. I keep thinking someone's going to see that I'm a fake now that I don't have a pokemon next to me. I'm not a trainer. I'm just here.

Yeah, Lena has really taken those times getting shooed away as a street urchin hard given how much she’s dwelling on those fears of getting kicked out and/or excluded right now. .-.

There's another trainer waiting alone on the bench opposite me. He's been playing on his pokegear the last hour, but now he's started to look up. Sometimes his gaze lands on me for a bit and when it does I try really hard not to be looking at him, which is tough, because there's nothing else to look at besides the walls.

Oh, so this is set sometime around the events of GSC/Gen 2 in this continuity, huh? Unless if Pokégears in general have stuck around for a long time in this setting even after stuff like Rotom Phones came along.

Looking down too long feels like hiding, though, so I poke my head up like I've been down in the sewers all day and need a breath of fresh air. When I do, he looks up too. There's a long moment where we stare at each other and then I try and pretend I'm looking past his ear at the wall.

inb4 the kid with the Pokégear winds up thinking that Lena’s flirting with him.

He swallows and he's going to say something, he's going to say something.

"Um, hi."

"Hi," I say, like the word is something I can squeeze into a ball and make small.

"You, uh, waiting for your, uh, pokemon?"

I’m feeling pretty good about that prediction of him flirting right now. :V

"Yeah," I say. I edge my lips up into a smile.

Quickly, he smiles back, and I notice that he's suddenly sitting looser. "Me too. It's my riolu. She lost pretty badly. It was a pidove. A mean pidove. I guess they're fierce." He sort of laughs, but not like it's funny.

This ankle-biter just gets a Riolu to strut around with as his first Pokémon? How?

"A riolu?" I say, keeping my eyes fixed forward.

"Yeah. Um, they're native to Sinnoh, guess most people here haven't heard of them. Riolu's a fighting type. I call her Athena. She's my starter―my parents bought her from a breeder. She's a bold nature, apparently." He shuts his mouth fast, like his words were a flock of pidoves escaping his mouth.

Oh, this guy’s well-to-do. Though not sure if I want to know what things are like in the world of commercial breeding in this setting given that it was just casually revealed that Pokécenter tech is ultimately not good for the long-term health of the Pokémon it treats.

"I'm waiting for Champ," I say. "He's my rattata."

The boy frowns a bit. "A rattata? Aren't they diseased?"

Well, it was a cute moment between these two. Was.

"No!" I say, too loud. "Don't be dumb―Nurse Joy checks."

Then I shut my mouth fast too, because I was mean.

Wait, did Lena see this kid get taken aback or something? Since you’d think that if he was still being clearly dickish, that she wouldn’t clam up like this.

But part of me still goes on thinking, Champ's not sick and he's not dirty and why don't people all shut up. I want to tuck my head between my knees and cover my ears with my hands. The shininess of the pokemon center, the low humming of the machines, the swish of the door opening and closing―it's all too different and I don't want to be here.

Boy is that loss to Sera doing a number on her given that Lena sounded like she was getting used to life in the Pokécenter last chapter. Not anymore, I guess. .-.

"Sorry," the boy says. "Of course your rattata's not sick. I'm sorry, I don't know too much about wild pokemon. It was a stupid thing to think."

"Sorry," I say. "You're not stupid." I hope he'll stop talking or I hope the nurse will come out and tell me Champ is all better.

Lena: “Boy can I not get out of this dump fast enough.” >_>;

"I am, though!" His loudness surprises me. He's putting down his pokegear and leaning forward. "Honestly, I don't know the first thing about being a trainer! I'm a wreck at this. I― " He runs a hand through his limp blond hair. "I didn't even want to do this!"

I don't really care what he's talking about, because it's been a half hour now and Champ is hurt. [ ]

"Why are you doing it, then?" I say.

IMO, in the line of description, it might make sense to add an additional sentence or something to elaborate as to what gets Lena interested enough to ask Riolu!Kid “why?” instead of just keeping quiet and looking away if she doesn’t care what’s going on?

His face crumples. "My parents," he says. "It's like a family tradition. Go out, be a trainer, get enough badges so you won't be a failure, come home and run the business. But at this rate I won't even get one!"

Wow, this kid really is loaded. Though boy are those some massive expectations to force on someone not even in high school. .-.

I'm not sure what to say next.

Probably because I'm quiet, he leans away and says, "Sorry for just dumping that on you. It's just on my mind a lot. Uh, so what are your goals? Beating the league, right?"

"No," I say.

Wasn’t expecting that one since Lena wanted to become a champion. Can’t tell if her having doubts about her goals in action there or if “beating the league” and “becoming a champion” are two separate goals entirely in a regional league in this world.

His face re-crumples a bit. "Oh, sorry. Uh, I know I'm saying that an awful lot. I shouldn't have assumed again. Just, most people are out to beat the league. So what is it, then?"

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuYeHPFR3f0


For money, anyways. Unless if Lena’s goals have evolved a bit more, anyways.

I freeze my face as I try and think. I don't think I'm allowed to say I want to make money. No one else says that. "I don't know," I say. "I'm just training. Um. To get stronger?"

Just wait until you run into your first Gambler, Lena. :V

I'm relieved when he nods, like that's an okay answer. "I get that," he says. "Cool. That's a better goal than mine."

Lena: “Wait, it is-? I mean, er- thanks for the reassurance? Just don’t beat yourself up too much?” ^^;

I should say thank you, but I lied, so I can't really say thanks. When I say nothing for a long time, the silence gets heavy. He starts messing with his pokegear again. I look back at my pamphlet. It's all soft and crumpled because I keep rolling the edges up and back. Soon I think I'll see the words in my head when I fall asleep at night.

Whelp, so much for a thanks. Though boy the awkward energy in this room must be thick enough to cut with a knife right now.

I don't like sleeping at the pokecenter. The room is too empty and the sounds are wrong. At night I roll around in the bed trying to sleep until finally I'm too tired to move. Then Champ nestles in beside me and I curl up around him. That part’s nice, at least.

I stand up real quick when Champ's brought out. I'm thinking that if I hadn't been so slow and fraidy he wouldn't have been burnt, and that I'm going to cuddle him real close tonight.

You’ll get ‘em next time, Lena.

A bit of a downer relative to past tranches of this story that I’ve read in the past, but I suppose every journey does need a setback or two to keep the protagonists on their toes. The main draw of these chapters, like the others before it thus far, is its ability to get the readers into Lena’s shoes and sell a “familiar but different journey” in which she’s an outsider to the world she’s in and a lot of things that we’d take for granted from more stock journeys such as going out to see the sights in Nimbasa are just flatly off the table since Lena’s tight on cash. There was also some fascinating worldbuilding on display here, if some that is a bit

when you stop and think about it. Not that it’s not thematically appropriate for a story set in Unova since it was the canon region that went up the closest to showing off the “gray areas” of Pokémon training where not all aspects of it would necessarily be sunshine and roses. Makes me wonder what else we’ll see on that front in later chapters and if it will wind up affecting Lena and her outlook on Champ and any future teammates at all.

I don’t have a whole lot to complain about this chapter, other than to mind the typos (since ‘Purrloin’ for whatever reason was just misspelled in every instance I could find it in). Also, there were a couple of points where I had my ‘wait, huh?’ radar tripped a bit thanks to a lack of description setting the scene for where the characters were or things that were happening. But those moments were relatively uncommon, and didn’t really get in the way of the chapters or my ability to get engrossed in it.

But I enjoyed these chapters, even if I’m a little sad that this is likely the note that I’ll have to leave Making it Big on for the rest of RB4. But the story’s kept up its charm from what I remembered of it when I first gave it a chance last year, @Pen . And I hope to come back to again at some time in the hopefully not-too-distant future. ^^

 

[Phoenixsong]

agh it has been entirely too long!

Chapter Seven

Love all the times Lena thinks the word "sorry" but doesn't feel she needs to say it out loud, or can't bring herself to because it's just too easy to stay wrapped up in her own frustration at the moment. That frustration's been building up for a while, too; unfortunate to see it boiling over at last (and woof, that outburst at poor Champ, when he was presumably just trying to cheer her up or keep her focused!), but it was bound to happen eventually. And this probably won't be the last time one or both of them has to struggle with these feelings, but hopefully they'll get better at getting past it in the future, too.

I don't want to go near him, cause I don't know him and I don't have Champ―but I don't have Champ

aw. :(

The "I smile back at him quick because I have to" stood out for some reason. Maybe it's just because I haven't read in a while, but it just gives such a good sense of isolation from other people, that interacting with these people who are so different her is an obligation, and of that need to keep focused on herself and Champ. (Of course, I want her to hurry up and find him, too!)

The "hardest word" story is cute! I'm not familiar with the original, but it's a fun thing for Lena to call back to as she has to wrestle with stopping to admit that she needs to push through and apologize anyway.

Little line things, real quick:

"I can help you," Mew said, "but you must do one thing for me first"

Forgot a period at the end there.

What? Moltres looked up at Mew.

I think "What?" is supposed to have quotation marks here, rather than being said by the narration? There was also a "The hardest word? Moltres was confused." a little earlier, but that one seems more plausible as narration to me. If it was intentional then ignore me!

Chapter 8

omg pudding raaaaat

Hm, that's a fun decision to have to juggle. Keep coasting on easy street because it's working out comfortably for you, or run the risk of challenging harder opponents for the chance at earning more money and help the family? After all, lose too often and you won't be much help at all, right? (And hm hm, is there a part of Lena that's starting to get into the competitive spirit? I can only imagine that fighting the less-nooby Noobs would be much more exciting, dare I say even fulfilling and proof that they really can do this... but there's that darn risk again, heh.)

"Maybe I'll be smart in the morning," I tell Champ.

Here's hoping that works out better for you than it ever does for me, kid.

Wasn't expecting the riolu trainer to be back so soon! What a delightfully awkward conversation, and there's that great contrast between the things that Walter things are tough and obvious and the things that Lena thinks are. At least she finally seems to be warming up to someone else around here, eh? Might be nice to have an additional person to talk to if when things get weird or complicated. (At least for as long as they're in the same city, anyway...)

I feel like there's gotta be some kinda additional complication to the "can't give money to the winning trainer if you don't have any on you" plan. I mean, fair enough, you can't give anything if you literally physically don't have anything, but then why wouldn't everyone just... not carry any money on them while battling? Maybe Lena will end up running into more people who start demanding credit transfers, or something.

Also:

You have to be careful that it is an official league outpost, of course, because there are criminals out there who will steal your credit if you give them your card unwisely.

I know Lena's a smart and exceptionally cautious child, but part of me can't help but worry this might come up again later... At least it won't affect any cash she's already sent back if it does?

I like the idea of "Joy" being a title, heh. Usually when people want to explain that away they just go with a surname.

I wonder for a bit if Sammy will bring the money to my family. But I'm being stupid. I trust Sammy.

well yeah but now I don't, stop making me paranoid I want to cheer for Lena without worrying!!!

Chapter Nine

(Though sometimes I take some and buy Champ a treat because he's so good and he deserves it).

Yes he is and yes he does!!!!

I love that Champ is able to push Lena forward when she hesitates.

aaahh such a lovely little moment with Lena and Nurse Joy watching battles together on the couch. Trust more people, Lena! Feel comfortable! It's okay sometimes! (I guess no one's told her that "sneak move" isn't normal-type yet, eh?)

That "not a real trainer" gremlin is really spiraling here, huh. :/ She has an ID, she's of age, there's no reason for the police to actually arrest her! I can get feeling like not having any money is cheating, especially given my own questions just above, but at this point she's just panicking and it feels so bad, poor thing. Just about broke my heart when even taking a free sample made her feel like she was cheating again. Good that Best Rat is there for here even now, but I really hope she's able to find something to latch onto that gives her more of her own confidence soon!

This interview with Stel oughta be interesting, hm. She seems mighty pushy, and it's abundantly clear that she's looking out for her potential stories first and foremost; Lena's convenient for the story she's looking to sell, while the poor kid's just getting buffeted around at the moment. At least it's a distraction from feeling like a cheater? ( at the TMs potentially being dangerous, though...)

I can't help but wonder if Lena potentially appearing in the paper will have some kind of ramifications down the line.

Chapter Ten

Hm, I actually feel a little better about Stel here. It seems like she's had experience interviewing kids and keeping them calm before, and she does show more of a sympathetic side, too. I was gonna say, it's honestly kind of nice for what seems to be an impartial adult (as opposed to someone whose job it is to be nice, like Nurse Joy) to tell Lena that what she's doing is fine and allowed, but that "Well, I bet you had more important things than school to do" was also really tactful and understanding, aw.

History of pokémon training and league lore, mm, delicioso.

"There are no laws mandating a trainer begin a battle with a certain amount of money," Stel says. "That would be absurd, not to mention discriminatory. There is an implicit assumption underlying our current system that money is not a problem. That assumption is in many ways problematic, but in your case, no one can make the argument that what you're doing is wrong."

That's a really good point, and I hope Lena takes it to heart, but I still just can't help but wonder why anyone bothers with the prize money system in the first place! It seems like such an obvious loophole, Lena and Walter can't possibly be the only people who've thought of it before. The assumption that everyone will just have money lying around plays into it, I'm sure. And maybe that "battle chivalry" Mom mentioned back in the beginning is part of it, too? Hm.

I've changed my mind, I like Stel a lot. Driven, a touch pushy, yeah, but her heart seems to be in the right place. If nothing else, if Champ the Very Very Smart and Good Rat has given her the okay then I guess she's good in my books, heh. Now we just need Lena to start believing for herself that she's a real trainer.

Chapter Eleven

Meeting Champ story time!!!!! The interview's a neat way to handle this. Lena's narration, including this in-world narration, continues to be so adorable and matter-of-fact and heartfelt and Champ continues to be such a good and aaaaaaa. I love them.

I guess that's our story. I don't think it's a very good one,

lies! >|

aaaaaAAAAAA Champ is evolving! The Rat is becoming Big!!!! A little bittersweet that he won't be that cute little purple buddy anymore, and a little more bittersweet still that the dramatic change makes him harder to recognize. :/ Champ's really been her rock throughout so much of this, and to suddenly take away the comfort that Lena is used to, for it to become difficult for her just to understand him, is really rough. But Champ is still Goodest Boy and Bestest Rat underneath the dirty sandy fur (trying to reassure her by saying her name and give her something as familiar as he can, my heart), and ultimately that's what matters. Lena will get used to his new words and his new appearance soon enough. They have both changed—so appropriate that right around the same time Champ finally evolves, Lena's becoming more and more confident as well.

Think I'll call it a night there, but aaaaaaa so sweet, so good. Knowing how many more chapters there are already on FFN, there's still such a long way for them to go, and there are definitely going to be some more rocky spots down the road—I'm still nervous about Lena getting scammed at some point, agh—but I just want nothing but the best for these adorable little scrappers. Lena and Champ are both good and both deserve it. (Sure helps that it looks like they've got some more folks in their corner now! More people rooting for Lena and Champ let's gooooo!)

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Gosh, has it really been a year since I last gave feedback on this? That's par for the course for me even for things I love deeply, I'm afraid. But I do love this fic deeply, and I'm always waiting for more. Right, time for commentary on a lot of chapters, all at once. (I always feel I could talk more and more about each chapter. You have, as I've told before, extremely efficient prose. Gotta love a fic with good word economy that's thick with character and emotional heft.)

First up, that Interlude. A lovely new POV, this, and a really excellent xenofiction moment. The narration really sells that Champ is somewhere between animal cognition and human sapience, with a perspective and schema moulded by his large rat experiences. I appreciate that. I also appreciate the compassion on display here, the grooming and generosity. Not only that, but how Champ explains the concept of friendship by relating his time with Lena. It's genuinely really touching. I confess that the first time I read this one, I actually cried a bit from empathy and from the catharsis that hit me when it worked out for the better. "The girl who is mine" is a really heartwraming way for him to refer to Lena, and it really sells the strength of his trust in her and the nature of their partnership – which is very much a way of being family. Lena feels weird about having another pokémon precisely because of the intensity of that partnership, but this is such an important moment for her, and I love what it shows us about Champ. Probably my favourite chapter you've written, and one of the scenes that stands out most strongly to me in my memory. Also, Glameow is such a cat. Really enjoy her characterisation and behaviour, and how she presents the deprivation of Champ's pre-partnership urban feral life freshly, now that he and Lena have come so far from that in the last dozen chapters.

Unrelated, it's a shame Sara's gone for now. Looking forward to more of her.

Chapter Sixteen feels like a real start to "Part II" by opening with a timeskip. Love to see Lena growing into training, parts of it that were anxiety-inducing for their unfamiliarity before are now routine. As always, I love the little details that show her character and development. She cuts her own hair, she's figured out how to frame herself in comparison to other trainers as "not worse".

I liked seeing Walter and Athena return. He's an important character for this fic, being the sort of inverse of Lena – financially privileged where she is poor, lacking in familial love where she had plenty, confident about the things she finds daunting, and hopeless at the basic elements of training she's proved proficient in. The contrast is great every time he turns up. Athena, too, is a really key character, since she demonstrates the need of a battle-driven 'mon to actually receive training, and not muddle through based on 31 IV privilege and hope. I want her to have a trainer who can meet her needs and let her reach her potential, and now that Lena has plural 'mon, I immediately wanted it to be her. It came as no surprise to me when Athena did indeed join her team! Hell, I was delighted. In the meantime, it hurts my heart to see Athena's frustration, the aura communication they're able to have with each other, Lena's agreement to teach Walter and her reluctance to take pay, and what I knew would come of that. I'm glad it works out alright, but it's such a melancholy problem to begin with, and such a poignant transitional period.

Other things that delight me about this chapter include Sammy's name and what a cat she continues to be (and her improved health, thank goodness), Lena's improved understanding of what it means to be a trainer (and her gym battle accomplishments), and everything about that battle. Lena's baffled disapproval of Walter's commands, the way she holds back rather than exploit his hesitation for a quick win, the way she feels frustrated for Athena, the way Champ identifies that only one was strong. I love when a distinction is made between the strength of trainers and the strength of their pokémon, and the possibility is acknowledged of one being strong without the other.

Quite a lot of good shit that stuck with me in Chapter Seventeen, too! The idea that evolution while healthy would correct the long-term health problems caused by malnutrition is a really compelling piece of worldbuilding I wish to adopt for myself, and it gives me so much hope and happiness to believe that Sammy will get to that point. As sad as it is to read about her struggles, it's also really interesting, and I like seeing more evidence of Lena's ability to figure out what her pokémon need, and that it isn't always her first guess.

There's also that whole interaction with "the seven", which has everything from more of Lena blushing at positive attention, to her processing the notion that she isn't complacent, and continuing to develop her schema for trainers. Her need to win doesn't make her lesser than wealthy trainers, it's a reason she's better.

And then, of course, we have the daycare. It's a grim bit of worldbuilding, but it tracks, and it's not so obscene as to feel contrived. It fits easily into the framework for the setting that the fic has built up so far, and it tracks that wealthy, hopeless Walter would have relied on such a means to get stronger. I love that moment when Lena thinks for a moment that the judgement from Stel is because she's not good enough for this Real Trainer institution, only for Stel to cotton on and realise that Lena doesn't know what this place really is. Lena doesn't even really process it or form a coherent opinion in her state of shock, but it's clear how badly she's reeling. I love her.

In Chapter Eighteen, I enjoy the way the memories of seeing trainer movies are used to frame Lena's anxiety about daycares and performance enhancing drugs. If she ust launched into it, it wouldn't land nearly as painfully hard as it does, plus it's yet more great character and worldbuilding stuff. Love that she struggles with the idea that maybe she'd make that same choice, but it destroys the authenticity and meaningfulness of training for her to think of that as being how things are done. Lucky for her that she has Champ to reject the "pill of strong" for her. God I love that rat. He's so good. Wisdom stat the size of a fucking palace. Sammy's take is more intellectual, but I enjoy how having strength is something pokémon do fixate on, and it has meaning for them for it to be earned. Authentic. ...There's a big authenticity theme in this, huh.

Tanya's reappearance and the revelation that someone from the small streets can be a seven is both perfectly timed and well-delivered. Alas, that she's, you know. Using Lena as a goddamn drug mule/cache. And needlessly cruel to a kid much younger than her, too. Red flags for the amazing role model, that's for sure.

The other thing I love about this chapter is the interaction with Athena, the way she's so clearly unattached to Walter and yet also won't be assertive about what she wants, either because it's not in her nature, or she lacks the schema. But instantly out of Lena comes the idea that your trainer should listen to what you want. I love their conversation, the alienness of it. I'm not sure if the aura communication is meant to be Lena-specific or indicate a sensitiviity to aura on her part, but I'm reading it as a strong indicator that she's – at the very least – far more receptive to Athena than Walter is. It really sells their eventual partnering-up – and I'm loving how weird and different all Lena's "catches" are. Also, how muddled she is for the moment. I know that having a clear, bright, unambiguous answer to things is not really in the cards for her in general, but I somehow believe she'll process this and come out with some convictions she can express. Good kid.

The sense of dread and hostility and unease I got during Chapter Nineteen was downright impressive. There are plenty of good hard-hitter scenes in this fic, but I feel like Tanya's image crashing down and the nauseating way that 'midnight snack' (read: recruitment pitch for drug running to a child backed up by condescension, mockery, and threats) goes is a kind of darkness not yet seen. It's rough, and it left as big an impression on me as any scene. The whole time, I had this empathetic feeling of decay inside me, like if Lena kept listening, her goodness would start to rot, too. I'm glad she stood up to Tanya, because please no I did not want that to be how she makes it big. Love that she is such a kid here, simmering with as much emotion as will fit in her body, but that exactly as she says, that bedtime bullshit isn't good faith concern for her wellbeing from the same person who woke her up late at night to tell her she doesn't know shit, but a change of tactic to minimise her objections. But she sticks it out. And that mixed-sensory ending paragraph hits like a waft of soured dairy – but she's rejected Tanya's way of doing things. I'm proud of her. And concerned for her.

I'm really glad to see sustained communication between Lena and Sara in Chapter Twenty. Long-distance calls are an underrated way to have characters ask each other about stuff, honestly. Anyway, these two gals are so good. Love Sara for trying to help, and Lena for that so very her way of processing things. The kindness and care in each of them, the wanting to fix things, really speaks to me – and of course the followup is a scene in which Tanya continues to smile at the universe's wrongness, not even having it in her to describe her decisions as practical concessions to a cruel system, and instead embracing it. Lena's hatred is palpable, and the fear underneath it, her admission that she doesn't believe she'll make it big, Tanya's physical size, all makes this moment absolutely nerve-wracking.

I genuinely thought Lena would bite the dust hard and fast in Chapter Twenty-one, but the use of Champ's new super fang is inspired. Doesn't that just fit this fic perfectly? The underdog kid and her rat can put a far stronger opponent in the red with a couple moves. Don't underestimate them. Still doesn't feel like she can win, but in a battle like this, it's about the principle and about making a point, and she can do that without taking a victory (I suspect it's a much better outcome for this situation). And indeed, she very immediately does not. Ouch. Bless that stoic joking from Champ, at least.

Enjoy the way Tanya gets her arm twisted by her own guilt into calling that fucking reporter. And the way Lena follows up on shaming Tanya by pointing out what's good about her, the good she does, that she's not really a cheat. It's not an easy thing to sell me on a kid persuading an adult to turn their shit around even a little with a scene like this, but this works. It clicks. Very, very well-executed moment, and thank goodness for Stel.

I'm pleased, of course, about the daycare getting promptly shut down in Chapter Twenty-two, but I'm more pleased about the way Lena has internalised a sapling belief that people should do better, that Walter's more fool than her, that she can expect more of people than to stare at her like she's nuts and stumble through training without putting her kind of effort into it. Without really caring about what's right and wrong. I have such big feelings about these three characters. She follows up by taking that fledgling belief in the need to make the world better and deciding that her idealism is more right than even Stel's tempered, balanced take. Of course Stel's not even remotely unreasonable – still get a dry smile at her canned but legitimately good takes that she doesn't think to dumb down even a little for Lena – but Lena isn't wrong that she did the right thing. She could do it, and it was good that she did, and so it's what she should have done. I get her. I get her. I even choked up re-reading the scene, because feelings like hers really really get to me.

I got even more emotional re-reading that subsequent scene with Walter. I'm so proud of them both, right now. Brilliant writing here, having him be very much the same boy in his manner and speech, but having realised the truth and admitted it, able to look others in the eye. It's a really strong motif for him, that he's nervous but no longer has the same kind of trouble communicating that he did before. Telling his father the truth was tough, and I'm glad Lena told him so.

And then there's that finisher. It's made me cry twice, now. It's really beautiful writing for a really beautiful moment. Lena's head clearing, reaching out to Athena, honouring a promise written in her aura, asking to be asked. They're both being so brave. I love it. One of my favourite joining-the-team scenes from anything.

I teard up a bit again (damn you) at Chapter Twenty-three, which is a bittersweet conclusion to Part II. She's angry, she's tired, she's snapped at her pokémon and walked off to revisit the place that's at the centre of the feelings. She comes off as being legitimately depressed right now. She feels bad that she's not meeting her obligations to her team, and so feels bad for feeeling bad. And she gets to feel bad about this other kid who got shafted when the daycare closed. Not that drugging 'mon is acceptable collateral for a good kid's good job, but still. It's rough. Real rough.

But even without her team with her, she's a trainer, she believes it for real. And she believes in this girl too. Maybe Lena's right about how the girl looks at her like she looked at Tanya, but she's doing it out of conviction. Authentic. It feels good, even reading it a second time and knowing what's coming. Oh, dear...

The second Interlude is cat POV, hell yeah. I love Sammy, and the insight we get into these 'mon in this chapter, and that wonderful imagery in her narration. Victory is a rich cream indeed. If you get enough of it, maybe you can swallow the moon. I'm helpless to this chapter, honestly. Lonely 'mon, helping each other, communicating past fear and distance, learning, growing, swallowing the goddamn moon. My breath catches when I read the moment of Sammy's evolution. It's a kind of catharsis that rips right through me. I adore it.

I love your pokémon POVs and can't wait for what I assume will be further interludes to come, perhaps with the next being Athena's turn. She's so spiritual compared to the groundedness of Champ or the perfectly feline energy of Sammy. It really shows in the interactions post-evolution how different they are to each other, especially with Athena being raised by humans, and that's something I really appreciate. The intra-team relationships. And then, of course, while the courting is fascinating and delightfully xeno and rich with verisimilitude in its own right, its Sammy's altered dynamic with Athena that really gets me. I'm reminded of Champ's talk with Sammy, about how first help is offered, then returned, until it's not even worth tracking any more. Family. In this very moment, they're becoming family. Great, wonderful stuff. Pray you, write more for us. I would relish endless servings of this.

So, Part III opens with Lena and Sara's reunion in Chapter Twenty-four, and wow, I am beyond happy to see the two of them being a couple of Nimbasa Aces together, just totally on each other's side. The belief Lena has in Sara, and the effect Sara's smile has on Lena? Oh, it's truly precious, and it warms my heart something wonderful. The scene on the ferris wheel naturally puts me in mind of N, and then of course so does Lena's story about the Hero, and her thought about modern Unova still having inequality and poverty and so on. (And there's the mention of the Black and White Books at the end there, too. And then that dream, wow!!) I have no idea what the ending of this story might look like, but I find myself wondering how grand it could possibly be, with the Hero vibes pouring off of Lena right now. Maybe that's totally out of scope, perhaps not. I don't think I mind, though. I trust that wherever Lena's story goes, I'll love it.

There's a kind of hopeful, triumphant vibe as Sara pulls through and gets her fourth badge, and Lena considers herself and her team strong, and they agree to hit the tourney together. But this is the fic it is, and I know there's trouble coming all the same. Good luck to these gals, gosh. Their friendship is so special. And hey, Lena's friends with Walter for real, now! I'm so glad of that, and that they keep in regular touch! It's too bad he's getting a tough time back home, but I'm so proud of him, and I love how he and Athena feel about each other after separating. It's really good to see a departure of a 'mon from her trainer that's for the best for both of them and improves things between them.

I suspect I was right to anticipate a measure of misfortune, given that fellow with the braviary in the starter tourney line in Chapter Twenty-five. That guy definitely camps at the five badge mark so he can grind less experienced trainers for winnings. Pretty scummy move in a system that favours those lucky enough to start with resources and get to hold on long enough to snowball upward without breaking their streak. Sara's rival Virginia is bad news, too – I can't say I'm surprised to see some racism in this world along with the classism we've seen so much of, but hey. Lena thinks Sara's eyes are pretty, and that's so fucking cute it's gonna do me in. Plus, I really love this moment where Lena figures out that it's better to not even give bullies to power to judge to. To not care whether you pass their tests or not. And wow, that hubikiri "complete puzzle" moment, wow. Great moment for them both, love the way Lena is so pleased with herself after, I'm all starry-eyed about it~

Too bad this one ends with the most heartbreaking fucking tragic reveal it possibly could. Holy fuck, that poor kid, and poor Lena to get to feel so fucking dreadful, so responsible for this.

Chapter twenty-six truly delivers on the abject unhappiness I expected. Oh, Maisie. This is dreadful. Straight up a child tricked into a predatory loan and having to be a fucking wage slave. The way she's trapped in a miserable situation with no way out? Yeah, I realise this is very much analagous to countless comparable situations in our world, but what I'm getting at is that this chapter is tearing my heart out for this kid and the injustice done to her. Five hundrd APR, are you for fucking real? Hate this. Wanna tell this lady what-for. So, Lena's gonna try and fix it, ain't she... I hope to goodness she has a chance to.

But going off of Chapter Twenty-seven, it's hard to believe that she has great odds. It's great seeing how after all these months, Lena has all these connections she's made that she can hit up, but Stel's away, and Sara's dealing with her Virginia issues, and Walter's sure not got a safe fix coming (though I like that Lena and Walter are so much better at talking to each other and at mutual understanding now, even during fraught moments). So maybe the fix is to win the tournament and pay off the loan? I'm not so sure. While I'm also invested in her odds at doing well in the tourney, Lena winning big and being able to use the money that way... doesn't feel like it's how this'll go. The loan isn't fair in the first place. Maisie shouldn't have to pay. With or without Stel, maybe there's a route here for Lena to put the screws to the loan shark? Gods, that would be nice. I won't get my hopes too far up, but I could see it. It's just that I can see fifty ways for it all to keep going wrong, too.

Got my fingers crossed for ya, Lena.

I had fun re-reading and reviewing this, Pen. Good luck getting those future chapters out, I'm starvin' for 'em!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, it’s been an embarrassingly long time since I last reviewed this story, though putting a dent into it was a priority of mine this Review Blitz, so that sounded like as good a reason as any to come back to things this week:

Chapter 7

Spoiler

Everything's wrong today. At breakfast the food tastes lumpy and weird in my mouth. I just push it around and around on my plate, until Champ starts to lick it up.

"Don't do that." I say. My voice comes out all spiky. "You'll get sick, you stupid fur-ball."

Champ’s just going to give a blank look before going straight back to eating the food off her plate, isn’t he?

"Ta-rat," he says, backing away. He curls up beside my pack instead.

Huh, guess Champ’s less shameless than I thought he’d be as a former street rat.

Sorry, I think, but I'm suddenly so mad. Champ looks tiny and silly curled up. I duck my head lower over my plate. The cafeteria is too loud, all those voices buzzing around like beedrill, about to attack. They all think Champ is silly, I think. They think Champ is weak.

He is.

Which is why you just need to flip it around with an Endeavor and a Focus Sash and- oh right, the money problems, huh?

The thought is like Sammy when she sneaks up behind me and puts her hands over my eyes. Champ's nothing like those pokemon on the movie posters, big and tough―I'm nothing like those trainers, the real ones who flip their pokeballs and call out commands sure and fast.

Yeeeeeeeah, Lena is taking that loss the other day well™, I see.

Well, good. I don't need to be.

Only, I don't want to feel so weak and like a cheater. Only it's not fair that Champ's small and common. It's not fair that I want to hide when the real trainers are around.

Boy is this a contrast from the bright optimism that Lena had when initially setting out in this story.

Champ has crept back over. He butts his nose into my arm. "Rat-tat?" he asks.

I shrug him off. "Nothing, stupid." Again the words come out louder than I mean, and sharper. Sorry, I think again, soft in my head where he can't hear it.

Lena: “... Maybe that’s a sign that I should get some fresh air. Since I’ve been shouting at Champ a lot this morning.”

My plate's almost clean. I shove a last forkful into my mouth and stand abruptly to bring up my plate. I think Champ's following, but I can't hear his steps over the din of the cafeteria. Stupid tiny feet, I think spitefully.

Everything pricks at me. When Nurse Joy wishes me good morning I almost almost tell her shut-up. Outside the sun is too bright for the long pants and long shirt I'm wearing. Just walking down to the training area, my clothes get sticky fast. The other trainers are wearing tees and shorts. One girl has a yellow skirt that flutters like beautifly taking off. It's so, so pretty and even that makes me feel mad.

That little green monster inside of Lena’s sure acting up something fierce this morning. It’ll be interesting to see how her reactions to setbacks evolve as she gets further into her journey and develops as a trainer, even if right now she’s still in salty venting mode.

Champ and I go to our usual place, but when I look for a stone for practicing, I can't find a good one. They're all too small and stupid. I'm holding one of the small stones when Champ says, "Rat-ratta-tat tat-tat-ra."

I recognize my name in that, but not the rest. My eyes feel all hot and stingy. I'm too warm all over and I can feel the sweat on the back of my neck. Suddenly, I whip around and throw the stone at Champ. It hits his teeth with a clink and drops to the ground. He looks up at me, confused―upset―betrayed.

Well then. I can’t say that I was expecting Lena to do that, but I suppose she has been under a lot of stress since getting rekt by that Johtoan trainer.

Slowly, I sink to the ground and start to cry. My tears come harsh and choked. I want to scream or I want to hug Mom, but I don't want the other trainers to see me. I tuck my legs up to my chest and press my face down. The tears streak out of my eyes, hot and wet.

I'm not sure how long I sit there, but the tears come slower and I start to notice how the grass is bent under my feet and how the sun is still beating on my neck. I edge out a hand and pull up blades of grass.

Where's Champ?

I mean, you threw a rock at his teeth, Lena. I’d assume that he’s noped out thinking that you’ve turned on him or something like that.

More than anything, I want him to be pressed up by my side, so that I can stroke his fur. I start to look around the clearing, blinking. At first my head feels rusty, like I haven't moved in days. Everything is heavy―my arms, my legs, my face.

"Champ?" I say.

I close my eyes to listen, but I don't hear anything besides the far-off yells of the other trainers.

Lena: “... Ch-Champ?”

"Champ?" I say again.

The silence is so loud.

Lena: “Look, Champ, I’m sorry, okay? I was mad and not thinking straight, and-”

Panic shoots through me. I'm on my feet again, quicker than a scyther.

"Champ," I say. "Champ? Champ!" I can hear my heart thumping. "Please Champ, are you there?"

Boy is this painful to watch in action right about now.

I wipe my face quick, two clumsy swipes. There's just trees around me, and the sound of trainers battling in the distance. I run from tree to tree, but I can't find the purple of Champ's fur. And then all the bubbly panic drains out of me and I just feel so empty and tired. "Champ?"

He's left me, 'cause I'm a stupid-head, and mean. And now I'm alone.

"Sorry Champ. Sorry. Sorry."

I mean, he’ll surely come back eventually since there’s a lot more chapters left in this story… right?

Maybe he went back to the pokemon center. Maybe he's left and he's not coming back. Maybe he's lost. Maybe he's hurt. Maybe he's trying to find the way home and he doesn't know the way.

Wait, just how much time has passed from Champ leaving up until this point? Since until this paragraph, I had thought that we were talking about an interval on the order of like five minutes.

I walk slowly out into the field where the other trainers are. A guy is giving his starley a treat. The starly's pecking at his hair so maybe he won't be mean. I don't want to go near him, cause I don't know him and I don't have Champ―but I don't have Champ―so I step up and say, with all the etiquette I can, "Excuse me, have you seen a rattata?"

He looks up. "Yeah, I think so. Five, ten minutes ago, I think one went by."

Lena: “Oh thank goodness, so Champ is fine.”

"Which way do you know?" I say all in a jumble.

He thinks a bit. "Sorry, I don't remember which way it went." Then he smiles at me.

I smile back at him quick because I have to and then run before he can ask me anything.

My head only says, Champ!

Oh, so just finding Champ again is going to be the central premise of this chapter, huh? Since I’m distinctly getting that vibe right about now.

When I was tiny, Mom used to tell me a story.

Moltres was out flying. The sun was bright and he felt very happy. As he flew, he let out a huge burst of fire. But that fire caught on the trees below and spread. It burnt the nearby village's berry patch before they could put it out.

Well, this story went places really quickly.

When Moltres realized what had happened, he was horrified. He wanted the people to forgive him, but when his shadow passed over them they called to their water pokemon. Moltres thought of the children crying over the lost berries and felt ashamed. So he did the only thing he could―he went to a secret island, known only to pokemon. It was always early spring there, with budding flowers and sweet clear skies.

This was the home of Mew.

I sure hope that he didn’t wind up burning that one down, too. Since if he torched a village’s berry patch without trying... ^^;

Moltres landed on the island and tucked in his wings. "Mew," he called out, "I've done something terrible and I don't know what to do!"

"What have you done?" Mew said, appearing in front of him.

Moltres told her.

"Oh," she said, "that is a very terrible thing. Why have you come here?"

Moltres: “... To get advice for how to make things right? I actually hadn’t really thought that one all the way out, really.” ^^;

"I didn't mean for it to happen, Mew. But I don't know how to get the people to forgive me―they run away when I fly close."

"I can help you," Mew said, "but you must do one thing for me first"

"Anything!" said Moltres quickly. He was one of the mightiest pokemon to take wing. Whatever task Mew gave him would not be hard for him to complete.

Yeah, Moltres in this story is going to wind up swiftly regretting this, I can already tell.

"Find me the hardest word, and I'll tell you how to solve your problem" Mew said.

The hardest word? Moltres was confused.

Oh, it’s going to be ‘Sorry’, isn’t it?

"Go on then," Mew said. "Unless you want to stay and play a game!'

Moltres shook his head hastily. Mew's games could last centuries. "I will find you that word," he promised.

Moltres: “Though if you could just give me a hint, this would really go by a lot fast-” ^v^
Mew:

Moltres flew all around the land. He flew during the night, so that he would not scare anyone. He was careful not to flame. He heard all sorts of words and many of them seemed hard to him hard.

But every time he went to Mew with a word, she would shake her head.

"That's not right," she said. "That's not the word I'm looking for."

Yeah, I’m frankly going to be more surprised if the hardest word isn’t ‘sorry’ at this rate.

Finally, Moltres could take it no longer. He had flown until even his great wings grew sore. The destruction that he had caused still haunted him―and now he could not even complete Mew's task. One fine day, he landed on Mew's island. She appeared, smiling, but her smile fell when she saw his expression.

"What's wrong, Moltres?"

Moltres hung his head. "I can't do it, Mew. I can't find the hardest word." He dipped his head down further, and said the only thing he could say to fill up the silence. "I'm sorry."

Yeah, I knew it. Time to get that confirmation in 3… 2…

Head bowed, he waited for Mew's reaction.

She laughed. "What are you talking about, silly?" she said. "You just gave it to me."

What? Moltres looked up at Mew.

She spun a circle. "Sorry," she said. "The hardest word is sorry. And if you want the people you hurt to forgive you, you must start by giving them the hardest word."

I actually wonder, is there an online link to The Hardest Word? Since now I’m curious as to what the original story you based this off of looks like.

"Sorry isn't the hardest word," I had said to Mom when she told me that story the first time. "There are lots of harder words. Like ‘regigigas’. And ‘unemployment’. I say sorry all the time. Like when I spilled Sammy's drink on her yesterday. Or when I didn't set the table."

>and unemployment

Though I suppose that’s a rather firm reminder of the world that Lena hails from there. It’s nice to see how much you’re leveraging one change in character background in terms of how much it affects Lena’s outlook and mindset as a trainer.

"Ah," Mom said. "But when you've done something truly wrong, I think you'll understand what Mew meant."

Clearly, since Lena’s flashing back to this story right now.

As I walk towards Champ, I think that Mom's right. Saying sorry was saying you were wrong―and saying you were wrong meant you might not be forgiven.

"Hey Champ."

I kinda wonder if a hard scene break ought to have been slotted in before these two paragraphs, since it feels like a pretty big jump from the whole recalled story that Lena thought of.

He looks at me, but says nothing, measuring the distance between us with his eyes.

I take a deep breath, and say the hardest word.

Boy, this must’ve been such a tense cliffhanger when this chapter initially came out. Imagine spending weeks or months just leaving off here, with it in genuine doubt as to whether or not Lena’s story would actually continue along with Champ or not.

Chapter 8

Spoiler

Outside, it's dark. Champ and I are huddled under the covers. I've been petting him the last hour and he's so relaxed he sprawls out on the bed like pudding.

Whelp, guess that’s one way to tell that Champ accepted Lena’s apology.

"I know we had a plan," I say. "It's a good plan. It's so good. I mean, we've got 2,000 poke already. 2,346. That's more than Dad gets in a week. But―"

I sure hope that poke doesn’t roughly track Yen for value in this setting, since just imagine having to get by on less than $20 a week.

I bite my lip and pull at the covers. "It just. It just makes me feel sick. Not like in my stommy or anything, just bad. Us fighting all those losers we can beat."

"Tat."

"I want to try, Champ. I want to try fighting the better Noobs, the Ones. Maybe even the gym. Because we're not bad! We're not so much more badder than they are."

I mean, you could always sit in on battles and see what those more experienced trainers are doing, Lena. Since learning by example is a type of learning… ^^;

"Tat ratta-ratta-tat!" His eyes are bright in the dimly lit room.

"I'm so proud of you," I say. I realize I'm crying a bit. "I want to do this so much, only I feel like it's stupid, that we'd fail, and I hate feeling like that. Or that I'm letting down Mom. Cause if we start fighting the real trainers, we'll lose sometimes. We won't make all the money we could make."

I mean, that sounds like a fast recipe for stress and burnout as a trainer, so… yeah. Probably for the best that Lena’s setting her and Champ’s sights higher than what’s in their wallet.

I wonder if maybe I've gotten selfish out here on my own. I don't have to think about my food or my bed or what's going to happen tomorrow here. Mom and Dad do. Sammy does. Everyone does back at home.

I sit quiet, thinking hard. "If, if we're going to do this, like the other trainers do, we've got to be smart." Then a yawn hits me and I notice how heavy my eyes feel. "Maybe I'll be smart in the morning," I tell Champ.

"Rattata," he chitters at me, and curls up right on my stomach.

You really know how to tug at your readers’ heartstrings, you know that?

At the cafeteria, I run into the waiting-boy again. Or he runs into me, I guess. He plunks down his tray at my table and says hi, looking like I'm going to bite him. Well, I won't. Champ might.

"I'm Walter," he says. "I never got your name?"

Huh, an actually named character. Wonder if he’s going to pop up again in the future or if he’s a one-and-done like the Johtoan trainer.

"Lena," I say, through a spoonful of porridge.

He fiddles with the berries on his plate. "Have you been here long?" he asks.

"Been a few weeks, I think." It hits me for the first time then, I guess. I've never been away so long.

"It's the longest I've ever been from home," I find myself telling him, and then I want to smack myself. What a stupid thing for a trainer to say. So nooby. So dumb.

Wow, I didn’t realize that that much time had passed in the span of only 8 chapters. Just how much of that journey has Lena been spending living out of the Nimbasa Pokécenter? .-.

"That's rough," he says. "I'm pretty new to the training thing, but I'm used to being away from home. That's probably the least scary part of it for me. The battling, though―" He laughs a little, but it sounds sad. "That's another thing."

"It's not the fighting I mind," I tell him. I feel less stupid, now that he's called it scary.

He nods. "I get that. You seem tough."

"Tough?"

Lena: “Really? Since most of the other trainers around here have been making me feel weak and pathetic.” .-.

He shrugs. "Yeah."

I like how that sounds. It would be cool to be tough.

Just don’t let it go to your head, Lena.

"I'm not really," I say. "Like, my mom. I miss her so much. I just want to talk to her."

"Why not call?"

I mean, if there’s no free phones or computers in the Pokécenter and Lena’s been greedily holding onto every last red cent she’s been earning all this time…

I look at him for a moment, then look at my goopy porridge. “No phone,” I mumble.

“Oh,” Walter says, sitting up a bit in his seat. “The center has lots of them! Right in the lobby.”

Lena: “... I sure hope that those are pay phones, or otherwise I’m going to feel really, really stupid right about now.”

He sounds proud of himself for noticing, which is just weird, cause I don’t know how anyone could miss them: six vidphones, all lined up in a row, with big shiny screens the size of a TV. “I know that.”

“Then―” Walter’s forehead goes all wrinkly.

“We don't have a phone at home," I tell him, not sure why he’s being so stupid all of a sudden.

Right. I suppose that would influence Lena’s decision making even moreso than if those public phones were free or not.

He blinks. “Really? You don't?"

I stick out my chin. "Do you?"

"Well, yeah. Most people do."

Ah yes, time for things to get really awkward and uncomfortable in short order.

Most people don't, I think. Sammy didn't have a phone at home. And neither did the dancing boys. All the grey-men in the streets―I knew they had phones they carried around with them everywhere, but real people didn't. Right?

"We don't have a phone," I say again.

He does this thing where he jerks his mouth open and shut and moves his hands around. "It's just weird for me to think of any house not having a phone," he says finally.

"What do we need a phone for?"

"Um, calling people who aren't there? Like, family?"

Walter: “For moments like now where you’ve been away from home for a long time and want to let someone know how you’re doing? I just don’t understand- look, you at least have sent them a postcard if you’ve been here for weeks, right?” .-.

"Well, all my family's in Castelia."

"Then I guess," he tries to smile, but messes it up, "you don't need a phone."

I frown at him. "Phones are expensive," I say. "That's why we don't have one." I don't want to act like we chose not to buy a phone just cause we didn’t want it, or something stupid like that.

"Oh," he says.

… I mean, you probably would’ve attracted less attention just pretending that you came from a Luddite family, Lena. ^^:

I know he's a rich kid. I can smell the money on his clothes. But he said being a trainer is scary and that I'm tough, so I guess he's not so bad.

That actually makes me wonder what the ‘money’ that Lena is smelling on these clothes is. I’m guessing that it’s something like fabric softener, but I’m not really sure.

I take a large spoonful of my food, suddenly hungry. "Hey, you know how you asked me what Champ and I were going to do?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we're going to get stronger."

Cue the S1 anime theme playing in the background right now.

He nods. "You told me, I think," he says, all polite. All etiquette.

Yeah, but I was lying when I told you, I think. Now I'm not.

Which I’m not really sure what that’s going to look like, but I suppose there’s only one way to find out…

By the end of breakfast, I've got another plan.

Walter tells me some things I didn't know before. Like, with money you've got to give more if you have more, which sounds fair to me. I don't know if it's really a rule or just an etiquette thing, but that's how it works, Walter says. But what that means is, if I don't have anything then I've got nothing to lose. If I send money home when I have it and fight when I don't, then even if I lose everyday only Champ and me will be hurt.

This rationale is at once really

and really, really

in vibe right now.

How to get the money to Mom is the hard part. "What do you think?" I ask Champ.

"Rat-tat-tat," Champ says, biting at my leg. He runs off towards the counter at the front. I follow him slowly, wishing he wasn't so smart. Nurse Joy can prob'ly help. Only I don't want to ask her.

Too late. Champ's already chittering at her. I trudge up behind him.

I actually wonder how much the average Pokémon in this setting can understand human speech, since Champ sure seemed to know to go right for the Pokémon Center staff after the topic of “sending money home” came up.

"Oh hello, Lena. Can I help you?"

I finger my shirt, all fraidy. "How—can—if I wanted to send some money home could you help me?"

Nurse Joy smiles. "Of course! Do you have a PC at your house?"

I'm not so sure what a PC is. But I am sure we don't have one. "No."

Nurse Joy: “Are you sure? Since that would really make this a lot easi-”

Lena: “Yeah, I’m sure. Look, don’t you have a way for people without PCs to send money?”

"In that case, the easiest way is to transfer money to your local pokemon center for your family to claim."

Oh, so it’s kinda like countries that have their post offices double as banking services. Neat, and that actually makes quite a bit of sense for an amenity that a Pokémon Center would have.

"You can do that?"

"Easily. Cash or credit?"

I bite my lip. " . . . cash?" I try, pulling out a wad of poke.

I did a double-take at Lena not knowing about credit, but then I remembered that A: she comes from a family that probably gets CC applications shot down on the regular, B: she’s barely in junior high if that at this point, so it checks out.

Nurse Joy sees how I don't know, I think. "Credit is just a virtual way of storing money. It's very useful if you have more poke than you want to keep on you, or if you’re sending money over long distances. All trainer cards have a credit function. You can convert your cash to credit at any official pokecenter, mart, or other league building. You have to be careful that it is an official league outpost, of course, because there are criminals out there who will steal your credit if you give them your card unwisely. Most professional trainers use credit—it makes determining post-match rewards much simpler."

Nurse Joy stops for a moment, maybe so I can think over all that. "Let me know if you want to start storing your money as credit. In the meantime, what amount would you like to transfer, where to, and to whom?"

This paragraph is really long. Unless the idea is that Nurse Joy is rapid-firing this explanation, it might make sense to at a minimum divide it up into two parts.

I start pulling the poke out of my bag. It's weird, having all my money out like that. I keep looking around to see who's watching. I’m not a baby—I know it’s not safe to go flashing all your money around. Nurse Joy puts my money through some sort of device, and when I lean over a number blinks on the screen: 2346.

Nurse Joy moves the screen so I can see. "I'll need your trainer card, please."

I give it to her and she scans it. When my face comes up on the screen, she taps a thing that says "Transfer."

Lena: “Wait, so this thing will really send my money over?”

Nurse Joy: “Well, I still need a few more details from you, but yes.”

"To Castelia," I say. She nods and taps the screen again.

"Who do you want to designate to pick the money up?"

"Um." I realize I don't have any way of telling Mom or Dad that there's money from me at the poke center. They never go there, anyway. The only person I know who goes is—

"Sammy!" I say.

"Could I have a last name?"

"Sammy Thomas. But," I frown, "she won't know. Can you, I don't know, maybe tell them to tell her if they see her? Cause they know her—it's just that she won't know."

Oh, so that’s what Lena’s surname is. TIL. Though I wonder how you came up with that or if you just picked it ‘just because’.

Nurse Joy smiles. "I'll call the center," she says, and dials. "Hello! This is Nurse Joy from Nimbasa City. I have a money transfer to be picked up by one Sammy Thomas. Are you familiar with her?" The other nurse nods. "Ms. Thomas doesn't know about the transfer," this Joy continues. "Can you let her know as soon as you see her?"

"Not a problem!"

"Is this a one-time thing, or will these transfers be ongoing?"

Lena: “I mean, I’d like it to be ongoing, so…”

"Um, ongoing," I say. "And, um." Both Joys look at me. "Can you tell Sammy it's for my family, please?" They're still looking at me and I feel strange, like I've been caught in the back-allies after dark and someone's waiting to jump me.

Lena: “(Starting to think I should’ve said it was a one-time transfer, since I don’t know if I can do this over and over again.)” ._.;

"Can do," the Castelia Nurse Joy says. "Anything else?"

I shake my head.

Nurse Joy ends the call.

"And is there anything else I can do for you?" this Joy asks.

"No," I say. "Thanks. Um. Thanks a lot for helping me."

"It's my job," she says.

Lena: “(Champ, what on earth just happened?)”
Champ: “*You tell me, really. It was all just lights on a box to me.*”

I start to go away, but I'm too curious. "Excuse me, but why are you both named Joy?"

"Joy isn't my name," she says, laughing a bit. "Nurse Joy’s an old title, meaning that I'm officially certified by the international pokemon league as both a doctor and a league representative."

Oh, so that’s how you handle there being a billion Nurse Joys in this story.

"Oh." I wonder what her real name is, but I'm way too fraidy to ask.

Champ and I go outside. We've got no money now—it's all gone virtual. I wonder for a bit if Sammy will bring the money to my family. But I'm being stupid. I trust Sammy.

I wonder if Mom and Dad will be proud of the money I've made them. I should have sent Sammy a message to give Mom! I think suddenly. But maybe the money is my message—I love you; I'm tough.

… Or Sammy could wind up blowing it all on candy, but I’ll be optimistic and assume that she wouldn’t do that with Lena’s money since she didn’t give off the vibes that she’d steal money from her family from what I remember of her.

I can fight whoever I want to now. I don't have to be fraidy about it. I can fight just to see whose pokemon is stronger and whose battling is better, like the real trainers do.

It hits me all at once. Everything I used to dream about when I was just a kid and didn't know better is coming true.

"I'm so lucky, Champ," I say. He butts his head against my leg, and I blink a bit. I don't think I'd mind crying now. Crying cause you're happy isn't so bad.

D’aww… :>

Alright, time for the recap I do for these things. I kinda get the vibe that this is the part of the story where things are going to start shifting into gear, since after a rocky patch back in the chapters leading up to Chapter 7, Lena’s figured out how to game the system of training to accomplish her goals of helping her family, while still being able to set her sights higher and chase her dreams of shooting up the ladder against opponents. I remain impressed as to how much little worldbuilding flourishes and showing off how different things are for a trainer who can’t take all the normal little conveniences of the training circuit for granted, and it gives the story a feeling that I’ve only kinda seen done before by one other that was very different in premise from this one.

I don’t have much in the way of criticisms that I didn’t already note in the line-by-line. If there was one recurring flaw that I saw with these two chapters, it’s that a few paragraphs seemed very long and unwieldy to me, but that could ultimately just be stylistic differences as an author.

Great work @Pen , and I’ll be aiming to come back to this story sometime during this Review Blitz, since you’ve put together a pretty unique spin on a classic journeyfic and it just oozes charm from chapters like these. ^^

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, back for more of this story, since I had a good time with the chapters that I’d read so far and figured that that was as good as any to try and squeeze in a couple more as a shorter read tonight in between a couple longer targets:

Chapter 9

Spoiler

Battling's harder now that I don't just fight the noobs. The first two trainers we fight beat us. But the third time, we win. That's how it goes for the next week, battles and battles. When we win I send the money home. (Though sometimes I take some and buy Champ a treat because he's so good and he deserves it).

I actually wonder if the games’ difficulty would be scaled differently if this was an actual thing you could do in the games. Since not having to worry about losing a massive chunk of your pocket change feels like it’d definitely be liberating for being able to mount risky challenges against other trainers and their Pokémon.

The week goes by quick. I don't think of home too much at all. When I battle, I think about battling. When I wait for Champ in the pokecenter, I think of what we could have done different. Sometimes I talk to Walter. He's bad at fighting, but I'm not a meany about it. He knows all sorts of things I don't know.

I'm starting to get more level with the Ones. They keep saying to me, "Training for your gym battle, eh?" until I start to think that maybe I am. If I had a badge everyone would know I was serious. That I wasn't just some noob. I don't get why it bothers me so much, them thinking I'm a noob. I am, even, just—I am serious. I want them to look at me like I matter.

I mean, I suppose we did just have an entire canonical plotline in official media about someone chasing respect through becoming the very best like no one ever was, so I suppose that it should be a lot less surprising that Lena would get similar ideas herself…

Hopefully she doesn’t wind up going to the same places as that guy along the way.

I know the gym leader's Elesa. She's a model and they show her all the time on the big public TVs. She wears clothes that don't even look like clothes. She might be the most beautiful person I've ever seen.

Yeah, now that you mention it, Elesa’s getup in B1W1 definitely is on the risque side for a game marketed to children. I wonder if that had anything to do with her character redesign in B2W2.

When I see her on the screen, I stop and watch for a bit. The other trainers are always talking about her, not just the Ones but even the Threes and Fours. Which means she's tough.

Or, that she scales her team according to her challengers like in Pokémon Origins. Though in hindsight, the idea of numbers being slang for how accomplished a trainer is in their subculture is honestly a really elegant and believable take.

"Maybe we should check out the gym," I say. "Just look."

Champ shrugs.

… Wait, what does it look like for a Rattata to shrug anyways? Did he rear onto his hindlegs for that? ^^;

It's crowded there. Some of the people are trainers, I think, watching the building like I am. Maybe they're working up their courage to go in. That thought makes me feel better. I'm not the only one who's scared.

Most of the other people don't have pokeballs. They're dressed real nice. Maybe they're training too, except as models and not pokemon trainers. Or maybe they're just like me and think Elesa is the most beautiful person in the world.

Oh, so Elesa’s doing a photo shoot today, huh? Or at least I think that is where things are going right now.

I stand around for almost a whole hour before I start to creep up towards the front. Well. Actually, Champ gets a bit antsy and starts to go, so I go after him. The woman at the door looks sort of sleepy. She asks me the question she's been asking everyone else. "Here for a challenge?"

I'm not sure how to answer. I know only the people who say yes go inside. But if I say yes I would be fighting a gym leader. I don't know how to do that. I don't know if I'm allowed to do that.

Lena: “Gah, I should’ve asked Walter about this before coming.”

"No," I say. Then I blurt, "Sorry," for wasting her time. I almost run away then, but an idea hits me and I say real fast, "Could I watch a battle?"

The woman smiles at me, but it’s the smile people give to say no. "I'm afraid that's not possible. Our gym, like most others, has a strict privacy policy for challengers." She looks at me a little more. "However, if you're interested in watching Elesa battle, the pokecenter should have records of some of her exhibition matches."

Huh, that’s definitely different from how the anime does it. Thought I suppose the reason is to try and cut down on folks like Team Yell who will come along to try and heckle and distract the Gym Leader into throwing matches.

"Thank you so much," I say. Then I go. But I don't run away.

We spend the night watching battle tapes. It's actually really fun. Nurse Joy lets me use a TV all for myself and Chansey brings me a hot chocolate, and since the center is pretty quiet, they even end up joining me on the couch.

Wait, they still have tapes at the time of this story? When is this set period-wise, anyways? .-.

"I've always been a great admirer of Elesa," Nurse Joy tells me. "Her beauty and her power." She's quiet for a bit, and then says. "Also, whenever I see her I think of my sister. She's a fashion designer, working in Lumiose City now. I don't suppose you've heard of Boutique Couture?"

I shake my head.

Don’t feel bad, Lena. I completely forgot that that place existed myself. ^^;

Though it’s neat to see how you’re working in cross-generational cameos and references into this story.

"Well, it's an incredibly exclusive fashion store. They take only the best." Nurse Joy looks proud, and then her smile falls and she sighs. "I wish Cisi were a little better at staying in touch, though."

I wonder what it's like to have a sister. If someone was back at home with Mom and Dad I'd feel less bad about being so far away. I don't think I've been very good at staying in touch either.

Huh. There must be a lot of fun gossip that gets around Pokécenters through the different Nurse Joys’ family members. I wonder if we’ll get to see more glimpses into their personal lives like this in other cities.

On the screen, Elesa's zebstrika bursts into flames. [ ] "I thought it was an electric type!" I exclaim.

"It is," Nurse Joy says, "but being an electric type doesn't preclude it from learning other move-types as well. And a single type specialist like Elesa has to teach her pokemon a diverse set of moves so that they won't be helpless against their type weaknesses."

IMO, this first paragraph might have worked a little better if there was a bit more time spent on Lena’s surprised / floored reaction there.

"Oh." I'm really glad Nurse Joy is here. She knows a lot about pokemon. Maybe she was a trainer first and then decided she wanted to be a nurse.

That… honestly sounds shockingly probable, really.

Nurse Joy glances up at the clock. "I should check in on the intensive care unit. When you're done watching, just turn off the TV and give the records to Chansey. Don't stay up too late though." She stifles a yawn and then looks embarrassed.

I mean, logically there would be one in a medical facility, but I wonder what on earth has to happen in a battle for a ‘mon to wind up there.

This time I don't mind as much that she's trying to be like my mom. Ten minutes after she's left I notice I'm yawning too. Champ snickers at me a bit.

Bed time, I guess.

Or you could chug the free tea and coffee set out in the mess hall, but… yeah, sleep is probably the healthier option of the two.

"You don't have any money?"

I shake my head quickly.

The One looks annoyed. "I've seen you winning some battles around here. Don't you have anything from that?"

"I spent it," I say, a little trembly. "O-on supplies. For Champ."

I can already see this guy’s [unimpressed] face, which I suppose is the drawback to Lena’s gambit there, since I can only imagine that she gets plenty of annoyed reactions from other trainers when she’s not able to cough anything up to make things worth their while.

The One sighs. "What a waste of time," he mumbles. "Whatever."

I watch him go, feeling like I can't breathe. Any moment he's going to turn around, ask my name, look at my ID, grab my arm and take me to the police. The police would know I'm not a real trainer. They'd send me home or they'd arrest me and maybe they'd come to our house and take back the money I sent or they'd arrest Mom and Dad too, or worse yet they'd say I'm some sort of thief, which I am not because I won those battles fair. I won those battles fair just like the other trainers did, and nobody said there's a rule against fighting like I'm doing. Only I'm not a real trainer and maybe no-one would care—

It’s always a painful read whenever Lena has these moments where she’s convinced that she doesn’t belong. It makes me wonder what class dynamics are like in the Unova in this story.

A hand touches my shoulder and I flinch away from it.

"Hey, sorry for startling you." It's a boy about my age, but he’s tall. "I just wanted to come over and apologize for Tyler. He can be a bit of a jerk when things don't go his way, you know? He's got no right to lash out at you like that."

Oh, so trainers sometimes do their journeys in groups in this story. Duly noted, there.

"It's okay," I mumble, my heart still pounding. I want him to get away too. I want both of them to forget I exist.

"Okay," the boy says. He smiles a bit. "Just wanted to clear that up. Tyler's not a bad guy, you know?"

I don't have anything to say to that, really. I don't know if Tyler's a bad guy or not. [ ]

"Right," the boy says. "Well, nice to meet you. And sorry about that."

It might have made sense to slip in a quick and dirty sentence about Tyler’s buddy having some sort of awkward reaction to tee up his following line.

He takes off at a jog, and I watch him catch up to his friend.

"Ratta!"

Champ's voice catches me by surprise. I pick him up, hugging him close. "What am I doing, Champ?" I say. "Someone's going to catch me. They'll arrest me and take you away and we won't be together. I'm such a stupid-head. Going to that gym like I could go to a gym. They'd know I'm not a real trainer at a gym, they'd see it and they'd say what are you doing here? And—" I realize my voice is coming out like little sobs.

Yeah, Lena must’ve taken a lot of crap from those challenges she lost when she didn’t have any money or items to show for it.

Champ nips at my arm. "Rat tat tat," he says firmly.

It finally hits me that Champ is tired from the battle. "You need to go to the pokecenter," I say slowly. That thought gets my head to straighten out.

When we get there, I have trouble meeting Nurse Joy's eyes. She was the one who helped me send the money, so it can't be wrong, can it? But Nurse Joy is nice. She might do things that were a little wrong and not care. Or maybe she thinks I'm just sending some of my money. She might not know I'm cheating.

The word really hits me then.

Because I am cheating.

I mean, yes? But honestly, if the games would let me get away with socking away money before getting into fights, I’d be doing that every time since I’m a tightwad like that.

But no matter what I do I'm cheating. It's cheating if I fight the noobs I know I can beat, but I have to do that if I don't send away my money. And Mom and Dad need my money.

Lena the Cheat. I try out my new nickname under my breath. It makes me feel sad.

Oh, Lena… :<

I don't want to stay around the pokemon center any longer. All the other trainers, the ones who aren't cheats, make me feel icky and scared. "Let's walk around the city," I tell Champ when he's feeling better.

There's always something to do in Nimbasa city.

Ferris wheel episode? Since this feels like the leadup to a ferris wheel episode.

Normally I like the amusement park. Even if you don't go on rides there's all sorts of people and pokemon to see. But this time seeing all these people smiling and kids laughing with their pokemon makes my stommy feel tighter. I think how I'm at the amusement park, but I'm not buying anything. One of the stalls is giving out free samples—crispy berries on a skewer. I take one, sliding off a big red berry for Champ. He gives a happy chitter when he eats it.

I pop a piece of oran berry into my mouth. It tastes sweet and slightly charred, so good. But after I swallow, my stomach twists. Because I ate it, but I didn't buy it.

I'm cheating again.

I actually wonder if this whole sense of “I’m cheating” would’ve worked better if we got to see Lena get ragged on more openly at some point for rules lawyering coughing up money, or else having it acknowledged more explicitly in her narration. Especially if word is legitimately starting to get around the Nimbasa Pokécenter about “don’t challenge that girl, she always never has any money when she loses”, especially since some subsection of her challengers will probably just assume that she’s just being cheap instead of being genuinely poor.

It's starting to get dark, so we begin to head back to the pokecenter. We're passing the pokemart on our way back when a woman with short hair and a crisp white shirt comes up to us and sticks a microphone in my face.

"Are you N-O for T-Ms?" she says loudly.

I blink. "Um?"

Wait, ‘TMs’? Where are you going with this, stranger lady?

The woman sighs. "Youth perspective, they say. We want the youth perspective. Hasn't anyone ever told them the youth don't care?" She gives a louder sigh, and pushes back her dark-blue bangs. The guy next to her, with the big camera, sort of shrugs.

"Look," she says, this time to me. "T-M. Stands for Technical Machine. Instantaneously teaches your pokemon a move it may not be able to learn any other way. Gyarados that can spout fire! Glameows that can breathe ice! All the rage, until a few scientists released a study which found that pokemon exposed to TMs can suffer dangerous side effects. Bone weakness, reduced lifespan, potentially fatal, etc. Instant controversy. Some trainers say the study is inconclusive and just fear-mongering. Others accuse the TM industry of concealing anti-TM research. But what we'd like to know is, have you, a young, fresh-faced trainer, ever used a TM?"

You know, I never thought about the possibility of TMs potentially having complications after use, but… yeah. I suppose that futzing around with nature willy-nilly would potentially result in some nasty side effects if you don’t get things exactly right.

"No." I answer her automatically. Then what she was saying finally hits me. "You're saying TMs aren't safe?" I ask. I thought TMs were what the good trainers used.

"Why haven't you used a TM before?" the woman asks me. "What's stopped you?"

I want to leave, but she's right in my face and I don't know what to do except answer her. "They cost too much," I mumble.

Oh boy, I can already tell that this is going to get awkward fast…

"A little louder?" The mic is under my nose again.

"They cost too much!" I say, loud this time.

Passersby:

Lena: “... Yeah, I should’ve just kept walking.” >_>;

"Hm." The mic is gone and she leans back. "Hey. Story. 'For trainers who can't afford TMs' – scratch that—'For trainers on a budget, banning TMs could level the battle-field.' Whatd'ya think, Ness?"

Camera Guy gives another shrug. She twists her head dramatically upwards. "Blessed beedrill, it's like talking to a nosepass. Listen—what's your name?"

"Lena," I say, before I can think of why not to. I clamp my mouth shut.

"Right, Lena. Here's my number. Add me to your x-phone. I'll be wanting to talk to you again."

Oh, I smell a new recurring character in this story. Though the idea of a journalist glomming on to a trainer and tracking their rise up the ladder is a fun-sounding premise.

"What? I don't have that."

"Oh." Her eyes go big. "That's perfect. Inconvenient, though. Trainer ID then, please." I hold it out and she looks at it. "Lena Castel. Castelia City. My name's Stel. Stel Nausica, top reporter for Unova Daily. Nice to meet you, Lena."

She holds out an expectant hand, and I take it. Her grip is steady and quick.

Yeah, I don’t trust this lady. Since her entire demeanor and the bits of dialogue we’ve heard from her up to this point just scream “yellow journalist archetype”

"Listen," she says, looking straight into my eyes. "Would you mind if I did a quick interview?"

I look up in panic.

"It doesn't have to be filmed if being on camera makes you uncomfortable," Stel continues. She flicks a finger at her companion. "Go get b-roll," she snaps. He leaves without replying.

Lena: “Um, yeah, I’m just going to turn and leave right no-”

"We can find a nice cafe and get a treat for you and your rattata." She leans down and extends a hand for Champ to examine. "Does it have a name?"

"His name is Champ," I say, watching. Champ sniffs her hand a few times and finally gives his approval, butting his head against her arm.

Champ looks up at me. His eyes are saying yes. "Okay," I tell her, and try not to look like I'm scared.

Lena: “(Boy, here goes nothing…)”

Chapter 10

Spoiler

Everyone knows about the Unova Daily. You have to pay to get it, so we don't, but sometimes I found old copies left on the street. Mom liked to read them.

At the cafe, Stel buys me a fresh pecha juice that is the sweetest thing I've ever tasted, and also a warm buttery pastry. She gets Champ the same thing.

Well, Stel sure knows how to butter people up for her interviews.

"So Lena, tell me about yourself," she says after we sit down. "How did you get started?"

I swallow. "Um. Champ and I," I point to Champ, "we just started out?"

"And how did you come to be with Champ?"

"We met?"

Stel: “Yes, yes, I’m asking about how you two met. There’s a story behind that, isn’t there?”

Stel puts down her mic. "I know you haven't done anything like this before, Lena. I don't want to come off as intrusive or intimidating. Now, it sounded to me like you thought that was a pretty stupid question."

I blush. I've never heard an adult call their own questions stupid before.

Huh, I’m a little surprised that Lena hasn’t managed that, though I suppose that she is not even in middle school right now.

Stel smiles. "That's okay! If I ask you a stupid question, just let me know, all right? Now, would I be correct in saying that Champ was a wild pokemon when you met?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me about it."

She looks at me expectantly.

Lena: “(... Wait, do I really want her to know that I found Champ in the sewers outside of home?)”

"Well, we just met. We hung out. Champ helped me look around in the sewers. People drop things there sometimes. And we'd both heard about trainers. And we thought that maybe—so Champ and I started training." I duck my head, thinking hard. Stel talks too quick and sometimes I don't know the words that she uses. But I like how she asked for Champ's name and got him a pastry too. I like the way she smiles at Champ and me. I think her eyes seem nice.

"I'm not a real trainer," I say, all in a spurt. "Champ and I just left and fought a guy and Nurse Joy gave me this license. I don't know if it's. I don't know if I'm. Is it legal?" I manage to get out. My eyes feel hot and wet, so I reach out for Champ. He jumps into my lap and I stroke his fur until I'm breathing better.

Whelp, time to find out whether or not Stel’s sympathetic or not in 3… 2…

I sit there with my eyes cast down and every second spiking like I'm on fire. I wonder if Stel will call the police now.

"Perfectly legal," Stel says. She's lost the mic again. She's looking hard at my eyes. "Any Unova citizen between the ages of ten and twenty is eligible for a trainer's license. Older than that, you've got to declare your profession as a pokemon trainer, and it gets a little more complicated. But yes—you're doing nothing wrong."

Wait, ‘between the ages of ten and twenty’? Meaning that if you don’t get a license before then, that you can’t ever get one afterwards? .-.

That's—that's so good. It's so good I almost don't believe it. But Stel works for the Unova Daily, and the Unova Daily knows all sorts of things. So she probably knows things too.

I look around to make sure I'm still sitting, because I feel light enough to float on up, up, up like a jigglypuff.

Oh, so Jigglypuff can do Kirby multijumps in this world like they can in Smash, huh?

Stel's still talking. "We amended the IRPL Trainer Declaration about forty years ago, making prohibitions to pokemon training based on money, background or choice of starter illegal." She quirks an eyebrow at me. "Shouldn't you have learned about that in school?"

My face burns.

Ouch.

"Oh," Stel says. Her voice is so kind. "Well, I bet you had more important things than school to do."

I peek up.

"How about I fill you in then—the brief and unglamorous history of the pokemon trainer?"

… Wait, is Stel a Plasma plant or something? Since she’s sure got some opinions about Pokémon training there, and we did see her working on a story that was explicitly aimed at undermining confidence towards TM usage, so… .-.

I nod quickly, putting my hands together on my lap like I'm back in school. Somehow this stuff never seemed important back at home, but now things matter and I want to know them.

"Once upon a time, a long time ago, et cetera, only knights were allowed to battle with pokemon. Knights were dubbed by the monarch, supposedly for skill in battle, but it was a Mr. Mime's game because only the children of knights were allowed to train.

Ah yes, so basically the story of weapons ownership in many pre-modern societies. Where if you were a random peasant and you were caught with a weapon that was meant to belong only to knights and their ilk… you had problems in very short order.

"Fast forward to the founding of the inter-regional pokemon league. Everyone agreed that the knight model wasn't working, but what replaced it wasn't much better. Would-be trainers had to pay a licensing fee, and could only train if their parents had trained, the idea being that a history of training proved responsibility.

Ah yes, that totally sounded fair and not like a recipe for mass social upheaval. /s

"Restrictions were slowly lifted, but a new idea started taking hold—the appropriate starter. Cross-region research selected official starters for each region. For us, snivy, oshawott, and tepig. Obviously there were only so many of these to go around, and the new race became to get a starter. Technically no one was forbidden. Practically, the sheer money and time it took to obtain a starter left in only the rich and the leisured. Or the well-connected.

"The league quickly filed an exception, namely that trainer parents could bequeath a starter to their child. Licenses were still being given out on a fairly limited basis, when a new wave of studies demonstrated fairly conclusively that those with parents as trainers weren't any more likely to treat their pokemon well. That was the final nail in the coffin for the exclusive trainer license." She paused. "I know that's a lot to take in," she said. "And that's just the short version."

Oh, so that explains the snotty attitude that some of those trainers we’ve seen in past chapters had. Though I wonder just how long ago this was, since it feels like some of those attitudes towards training haven’t fully died.

"I've heard about the knights," I tell her. They were in a story-book Mom had read me.

Stel nods. "You know," she says, "the league likes to brag about how far we've come, but I've been poking around and the numbers aren't good. Most trainers still have parents who are trainers. True, numbers of first-generation trainers are way up, but there's a sharp difference between the ones who get a license and the ones who manage to enter the league. I mean, we talk a good game about opportunity and pokemon training as the great equalizer, but patterns like these are the proverbial caterpie in the apple. The playing field is technically level, but the results are skewed."

Okay, so mass training culture is still fairly young in this setting’s Unova. Duly noted.

She pauses. "But here I am, talking and talking, when what I want is to hear from you. I can promise you that you've done nothing illegal in starting your journey with a wild pokemon. As long as your rattata is registered with Nurse Joy, he's just as valid a starter as an oshawott or snivy. Now, what made you decide to become a pokemon trainer? Is anyone in your family a trainer?"

"No," I tell her. "But I've always known about trainers. And when I met Champ, and we were so strong together, I thought that maybe we could do it." I bite my lip. I want to tell Stel the truth but I don't want her to think less of me. "And trainersmakelotsofmoney," I say quickly.

Lena: “... It’s not wrong to want to become a trainer because of that, is it?”

Stel smiles. "Well, some do," she says. "Though most trainers quickly spend their way through their battle riches in upkeep. And battles are only very profitable at the highest levels, where loss is just as likely as victory. Training your way to wealth is more the Unovan Dream than the reality."

Lena:

"We've been doing okay," I say. I exchange a look with Champ. "What we've been doing," I begin slowly, "is when we get money from winning a battle, you know, I send it back home and then we battle again, and so even when we lose we don't lose it." As I speak I hunch my head lower and lower so that Stel can't see my eyes and I can't see hers.

"That's an impressive level of fiscal responsibility," Stel says. Her voice doesn't sound mad, but I don't understand half the words she said.

Lena: “Wait, it… is? And what’s ‘fiscal responsibility’?” .-.

"Is that wrong?" I ask her finally, still not looking up.

"There are no laws mandating a trainer begin a battle with a certain amount of money," Stel says. "That would be absurd, not to mention discriminatory. There is an implicit assumption underlying our current system that money is not a problem. That assumption is in many ways problematic, but in your case, no one can make the argument that what you're doing is wrong."

Well, I’m sure that there’s no shortage of salty and butthurt trainers that would argue otherwise, but that’s on them for not being clever enough to sock away their own winnings.

I think about that for a bit. Stel is real quiet and the only sound is Champ nibbling at his food.

"It feels like it's wrong," I say finally. "But. It's not."

"It's not," Stel says.

I look up at her. "I feel like a cheat all the time, and I don't know how to stop."

"I would not," Stel says sharply, and then softens her tone as I startle, "characterize you as a cheat."

Oh, so this is a “Lena gets her confidence boosted and gives her a second wind for her journey” episode, isn’t it?

"Ta-ratta!" Champ pipes up.

I swallow. Champ doesn't think so and Stel doesn't think so and they're both smarter than me so that means I'm not.

Lena the Not-Cheat.

Lena the Trainer.

I like how that sounds in my head.

D’aww…

Well, those were a cute pair of chapters. I see that we were basically building off of those bumps in the road that Lena had in her journey from around Chapters 6-8 and giving her the foundation that she needs to be a bit more grounded and assertive as a trainer. There’s a lot of worldbuilding that comes through in just the span of around 4000 words, and I’m impressed at how it all comes up in a natural-feeling way. The characterization’s also pretty immersive as well, and the way the prose tracks Lena’s thought process does a good job at getting the reader to emote with her and relate to her. Also, I’ve got eyes on Stel there, since something about her screams like she’s got ulterior motives and that it won’t be the last we’ve seen of her in this story.

I don’t have too much to criticize about these two chapters, beyond a couple parts where I felt that the slimmed-down prose was cut a little too far to the bone. I do wonder if Lena’s whole episode feeling like she’s a cheat and not a real trainer could’ve used a bit more buildup. Like I buy that she’d wind up in the destination that she did, but it just feels like it’d take a bit more nasty comments or treatment from her peers in the Pokécenter to put her down the path of wondering if she’s doing wrong.

But all-in-all, I thought that this was a pretty solid pair of chapters @Pen . I’m not sure if I’ll be able to squeeze another review of this fic off before Review Blitz is over since I’ve got a bit of a full plate, but it’s definitely on the radar, and just based off what I’ve read so far, I’ll be recommending this fic to others well into the future.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, dropping in to pick off one last pair of chapters as part of my final sweep of Review Blitz, since hey, these chapters are charming and digestible, so sounds like as good a reason as any to read a little more about a top percentage Rattata:

Chapter 11

Spoiler

"If you still want to hear how Champ and I met, I can try and tell it to you better.

When we first met I was in the sewers.

Oh, this is a flashback episode, huh? Though I suppose we have been waiting a while to see what the full story is, so this ought to be fun.

Um. Your face looks kind of icked out. The sewers really aren't so bad. They're a bit smelly, but not if you hold your nose, and after a while you can't smell anything. And it's clean down there, mostly. Cleaner than the streets, sometime. And no one bothers you there.

I mean, I’ve heard that the streets of NYC in real life sometimes stink, but just how grody are Castelia’s for that to be the case sometimes?

Though I wonder if this is meant to be from the perspective of Lena telling this story to Stel or to another trainer in the Pokécenter.

So I was looking for things people drop. People drop all kinds of things. I saw this glint and I got really excited cause I thought it was a pokeball or maybe a gold nugget! When I was little I always thought I'd find a nugget in the sewers and then we'd be rich. But that was when I was little.

Anyway, it turned out to just be some stinking old iron. I was kind of upset when I saw that. I sat down and I—well, I cried a bit. I'm not a crybaby though! Just, a few days ago Dad had hurt his back and now he couldn't work for the whole week and maybe longer, and Mom had this look she has when she's really worried but not trying to tell me. I always know, though, because she stops listening and starts staring into space and thinking a lot. I guess that was why I was feeling so sad then.

Though cute nod there to how you can indeed find a Nugget in the Castelia Sewers, if you have Surf and look around in the Spring and Summer, anyways.

Suddenly, there was this tickly feeling on my leg. I looked up and there was this rattata, nudging me. He said something— I don't know what, cause I wasn't so good at understanding Champ back then. What did you say to me, Champ?

Oh. Champ asked me why I was sad when it was such a nice warm day.

Huh. I wonder how much Lena truly understands Champ and how much of it is thoughts and feelings that Lena projects onto him. If she does genuinely understand him to an extent, it makes me wonder how common that is for other trainers in her setting.

It was a nice day. I forgot that. Castelia is nicest in Spring, when the cold goes away and it doesn’t hurt your face to be outside.

Oh, so I see that Castelia has muggy summers, too. Since… yeah. Those kinda suck to be outside in for any decent length of time. ^^;

Well, I said hi to Champ and when he didn't run away I started to pet his fur. He sort of backed away then, and I felt bad, cause I don't like it when people start messing with my hair either. So I said sorry, and Champ came back and we stayed there awhile. I started feeling better. [ ]

The next day I brought some food with me from home. Mom works at a kitchen and sometimes she brings us back leftovers. She brought these really yummy puff desserts that night, so I took one with me to the sewer. I came back to the same place, but no one was there.

I think that it might have made sense to acknowledge Lena and Champ parting ways a bit more explicitly than you presently do. Like it’s implied, but the sudden jump ahead made me double-take a bit.

Though so that’s what Lena’s mom does for a living. And I suppose that would explain a thing or two about how they manage to survive on such meager income in a major city.

I sat for a bit and then I heard a sound, so I looked and there was Champ! Well, I didn't call him Champ then. I gave Champ the puff thing, and he was so happy. I thought he deserved it, because he made me feel better last night. While Champ was eating, I started poking around for items again. When I looked up, I saw Champ was watching me.

Suddenly he ran away, which made me feel sad cause I thought we were starting to be friends. But he came back soon, with something in his mouth. It was just a used old repel and those aren't worth anything, but I was so surprised. Because he hadn't had to go looking for me, but he did. After that, I kept visiting Champ, and we'd look for items together and share food. I got better at knowing what he was saying and he started following me up out of the sewer.

Huh. So they started bonding with each other well before Lena properly caught him. I wonder if that happens often in this setting, since it certainly feels believable that that’s how a number of Pokémon captures would get their start (and the anime does this as well to an extent, just usually in the span of like an episode).

People thought it was funny at first, that I had this sewer rattata following me around. But Champ was so strong and brave that everyone liked him.

I suppose that's it. Champ and I were friends first. The trainer thing came later. Um. And, if I hadn't met Champ, I don't think I'd be here right now.

I guess that's our story. I don't think it's a very good one, but you said you wanted to know."

No, no, this is an adorable story. I’m just wondering why it’s taken Lena 11 chapters to bring it up for everyone. ^^;

After we finish talking, Stel thanks me and rushes off, muttering under her breath about deadlines. I stay in the cafe for a while, Champ a warm weight on my lap. My plate is empty and so is my glass. Normally I'd feel bad to be sitting here in this cafe with nothing on my plate. I'd feel all these eyes on my back, asking why I'm sitting where someone else could be sitting, when I'm all done with my food.

Oh, so the story was being told to Stel. Duly noted. I wonder if Lena will see herself on TV at some point in a chapter or two.

But I feel okay. The chair is comfy and my stommy is full from all the yummy things we've been eating. Relief cuddles me close like my blue fleece, when it's soft and fluffy from being washed.

"I'm a trainer," I tell Champ. "Not a fake. If anyone's a fake . . ." I trail off, thinking about it. "If anyone's a fake it's the people who don't really care," I say finally.

"Rat-tat-a," Champ agrees. "Ratta-tatta, rat-rat-a-ratta." He hops off my lap and shakes his tail back and forth.

"You're right," I say. "It's stupid to be sitting here and smiling when we could be training. Cause I'm a trainer, and you—" I bend down and tickle him under his chin "—you're my Champ."

It’s honestly refreshing to see Lena back with her old confidence again, since she hadn’t really been doing well on that front for the last 5-6 chapters. Though I wonder how long it’ll take for them to wind up conquering Elesa as their first challenger.

I think again about the first time I met Champ, and Champ now, staring at me with his bright eyes. I used to be able to feel his bones when I petted him, but now I only feel his muscle. His teeth were always sharp, but now he can bite through stone.

I mean, being regularly fed Pokécenter food and getting a few weeks of training under his belt certainly didn’t hurt at least. Though I wonder to what extent better nutrition versus better training impacted Champ’s changes here.

"Tatta?" Champ asks.

"Just thinking about how much has changed, I guess. Yeah, I'm being silly. Let's go."

Alright, time to go and get the salt from the local Ones flowing.

"Sucker punch!" I shout. The last trainer I beat told me that was what real trainers called Champ's sneak move. Well, I'm a real trainer. It feels weird to say, but Champ and I are getting used to it.

Champ hits it close and while the pansage is still recovering Champ goes in for a bite.

This time the pansage doesn't get up. Champ makes a happy noise and starts to come back over to me. Midway through, his whole body goes white and shiny. I look back at the pansage, thinking it's some attack, but it's not, and Champ is glowing. I get down on the grass beside him.

Wait, is Champ about to evolve right now?

"Champ?" I say urgently. "Are you okay?"

"Hey, congrats," the trainer says.

I risk a look up from Champ. "What?"

He gives me a weird look. "Your pokemon's evolving!"

Yeah, I should’ve known. I wasn’t expecting this to happen so soon into the story, even if I suppose I should’ve considering that Rattata evolve at Level 20.

Oh. Oh.

Slowly the light goes away, and Champ is there, but he's not Champ. His fur's not purple anymore: it's a light brown, like dirty playground sand.

"Raticate!' he shouts. I don't know what he's saying. The words are all wrong. They're not the same.

Lena: “Um… Champ? Are you okay right now?”

Champ: “*Never better!*” ^^

"Here's your poke," the other trainer says. I startle, 'cause I forgot he was there. "Oh. Thanks." I shove it into my pocket and go back to looking at Champ.

After a bit I stand up and start to walk away. I'm not really sure where I'm going. I almost trip over a tree root and that's when I notice that I'm blinking back tears.

I mean, I assume that this is because she thinks Champ might not be Champ anymore, but… yeah, she probably shouldn’t think too hard about how Champ’s food budget has just quadrupled. ^^;

Champ: “*... Lena? What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy about this.* :<

There's a bench near the back of the training area, hidden behind a tree. There's no one there, which is good because I don't think I could look at anyone right now. I sit down.

"Cate-a?" Champ inches closer. He sounds concerned, I think.

"You look different," I say. Finally.

Champ: “*Yes? And? That’s what evolution does, Lena.*” .-.

"Ratti-cate-ta," Champ says, looking at me. His whiskers are up, hopeful.

"I don't know what you're saying. You sound different now," I say. My voice is thin and wet.

"Ratti-cate-ta." Champ nips at my pants, the way he did when we first met.

"Is that—is that how you say my name now?"

Huh. You know, I hadn’t really thought much about how Lena suddenly got thrown by Champ’s change in speech patterns and had trouble understanding him, but it does make sense when you stop and think about it. Lena’s interpreting Champ’s speech based off of combinations of phonemes… which have changed quite a bit for Champ just now.

"Cate-cate!" he says, jumping up beside me on the bench.

"Oh." I reach out a hand and start to pet Champ's fur. He gives a low little rumble and curls up against me. Under his skin, I can feel his muscles, stronger than before.

The time sort of drifts again, until my face feels dry.

Oh, so he is the same rat at heart. Probably. Maybe. I suppose we’ll see in the coming chapters just how much Champ’s changed in terms of personality since official media can be a bit schizophrenic about how that works.

"It's been so long since we met each other," I say, thinking. "Almost a year. And, you know, so much has happened. And so, you're different now. But. I mean, I'm different too."

"Rat-cate!" Champ agrees.

Huh. I could’ve sworn that Lena had only been training for a couple months. Guess that whole process of befriending each other in the sewers that Lena told Stel about took quite a bit longer than I thought it did.

"So—" I start to smile a bit, like the sun's come peaking out. "So that's okay then. Since we're both different. And. Stronger, I think."

I like that word: stronger. It seems to curl up inside me, like a plant that can tear a building down with its growth.

I close my eyes, and stroke Champ's fur. It's thicker, longer, and coarser now. But the happy purr he gives—if it isn't the same, it's close enough that the difference doesn't matter.

D’aww…

Alright, onto the next chapter. Let’s see what that newfound strength of Champ’s lets him and Lena do.

Chapter 12

Spoiler

I'm standing outside the gym again, except this time I feel different. Champ is so good now, so strong and fast. A few days ago we beat three Ones in a row and I felt like I'd learned how to fly. Champ and I stayed up all through last night talking it over and we feel ready.

Well. My stommy is rolling like I'm going to throw up and my mouth feels so dry that I keep swallowing, so maybe I don't feel ready. But I feel ready to try.

Oh, looks like that fight with Elesa will be coming up a lot quicker than I expected in this story

It's early, so there's not much of a crowd. It's a different woman, but her question is the same. "Are you here for a gym challenge?"

"Yes," I say and my voice hardly shakes at all. Just for a moment though, I think she's going to laugh and not let me in. But she just gestures me inside.

What, no free Fresh Water at the door?

Inside, it's bright. The walls are made of metal and lights shine from every surface, from the floor to the ceiling.

"Name?"

I startle. I hadn't seen the man standing behind a big computer.

"Lena. Castel."

"Trainer ID, please"

Huh. I suppose that would make a bit more sense than allowing any literal who to walk in from off the street like in the games. It’s a neat expansion of the process as depicted in official media that feels fairly believable.

I hand it to him. He puts it on the same square thing that Nurse Joy has, and a moment later my picture appears on his screen.

"Please wait in the reception room for your name to be called. If your name is called and you do not respond within five minutes you will be taken off the waiting list."

… Wait, how many challengers does Elesa go through on a daily basis anyways given that there’s a waiting list for challengers? .-.

I go through the door he pointed at. It's a small room, with big lumpy couches and racks of fashion magazines. There are three other people there. Two of them look around my age, but the third woman is an adult. They all look up when I come in, but they look away just as quickly. I find the seat that's farthest away from everyone. Champ jumps up on my lap.

His weight makes me feel a bit better.

>40 pounds abruptly jumping into the lap of a little girl

I’m honestly surprised that that wasn’t more startling / uncomfortable for Lena, but then again, Champ could just be a smaller Raticate.

The woman gets called in the first few minutes. Twenty minutes later they call one of the boys who looks my age. I watch him go. He's got black hair and three pokeballs clipped on his belt. I only have Champ

Oh, so the average Gym Challenge lasts about 15 minutes in this setting, huh? I wonder if Elesa has a fairly broad pool of Pokémon to go through or if she just patches up her Pokémon and sends them back out once the dust settles.

A half hour goes by and I start to wish I'd eaten something before leaving the center. I'd felt too nervous to eat, but now my stommy is gurgling out of hunger. On my lap, Champ hears it and he nudges me. At least Champ had something to eat. I gave him two of those big dough balls he loves, and promised him more if we won.

Ah yes, pre-flight jitters. Not the greatest sign in the world for how Lena’s attempt at battling Elesa’s going to go. ^^;

More people come in while I'm waiting. There's not much to do but watch them, 'cept I feel weird staring too long. Most of them are playing on their phones, or reading fashion magazines. I flip through the magazine a bit, staring at the pictures. The models' hair does things I never dreamed hair could do.

It's been an hour and six minutes—I know from the clock—when I hear my name. For a moment I think I've imagined it, but then I hear my name again, "Lena Castel?"

Whelp, moment of truth here. Though given how fast they’re getting through these challengers, I take it that there’s no gym maze and gauntlet before getting to Elesa.

I shoot to my feet, remembering what the computer guy said.

"I'm here!" I call out. My voice is loud in that tiny room, and everyone looks at me. Oops.

But the guy gestures at me to follow so Champ and I set off after him.

"Pokemon must remain in their pokeballs inside the gym," he says.

Huh. I wonder why that is. Some ‘preventing gun-jumping for battles’ rule or something like that?

"Oh. I'm sorry." I recall Champ. Now I feel really alone.

We walk down a hallway. The floor and walls and ceiling are all this strange black that almost sparkles. Finally he stops in front of a huge doorway at the end of the hallway. He presses a button and the door slides open.

Inside there's a huge room, bigger than a house. The wall and ceiling are made from that same sparkly black stuff.

Leader Elesa is standing on a platform at the other end of the room. It's really her and I almost can't breathe. I'm standing in the same room as Elesa. I forget to move for a few seconds, just staring at her.

Oh, so it’s like that clip of her in the games trailer when Bianca (or whoever it was) goes up to Elesa while she’s chilling at the other end of a catwalk with a lightshow going on.

"Challenger, you may come forward," Elesa calls out. I think I hear a smile in her voice. Is she smiling at me?

I mean, Elesa did seem to be one of the more outwardly friendly Gym Leaders, so… probably?

I stumble forward until I'm standing on the other platform, facing her across the room. The man who led me in moves so he's between us.

"The battle between Elesa, Leader of the Nimbasa Gym, and challenger Lena Castel, of Castelia City will be a three-on-three battle. The challenger may substitute pokemon, but the gym leader may not. The battle will end when one side is unable to continue. Let the match begin!"

Oh, I suppose that would explain why these battles are usually wrapped up in the span of 15 minutes. Though I suppose if Elesa is deliberately adjusting her battles to the relative strength of her challengers like in Pokémon Origins, that that would explain the 3-mon cap.

Which is probably a bad sign for how this is going to go for Lena, since 1v3ing an entire team usually requires that one Pokémon to be significantly overleveled.

I swallow. This is all too big and real and fast. I don't even have three pokemon. It's just me and Champ.

"Zebstrika," Elesa calls out. Her pokemon paws the ground and lets out a snort.

"Go, Champ," I say weakly. He's bigger than he was as a rattata, but even now he looks tiny next to Zebstrika. His eyes widen when he sees Zebstrika and he shows his teeth.

Champ:

Totally a good sign for how this battle is going to go. Not.

"Begin with spark," Elesa says.

I'm no newbie anymore. I've fought electric pokemon before.

"Get out of its way fast, Champ," I shout. Champ hardly needs me to say. He's already moving, so Zebstrika only hits the air. Zebstrika has to slow down so it doesn't hit a wall and that's when I see our chance. "Quick attack from behind," I tell Champ.

He hits Zebstrika hard.

Hrm. I’m not sure if I’m really feeling the lack of description of what ‘He hits Zebstrika hard’ involves, but I suppose if there’s a better than average chance that this isn’t going to be Lena’s first rodeo before getting Elesa’s badge, that it makes sense to not get too deep in the woods for a blow-by-blow.

"Don't stay close," I tell him. Electric pokemon are sneaky. They can get you even from behind.

"Quick attack as well," Elesa says. Her voice is calm, not quick and scared like mine. When Zebstrika turns around, I can see that Champ's attack didn't hurt it much. Zebstrika moves so fast. Even though I'm shouting "Dodge," and Champ is dodging, he's not fast enough. The impact throws him back a few feet.

Whelp, time to see whether or not this goes on until Champ gets knocked out or if Lena will wind up withdrawing and accepting a TKO.

"Champ, are you okay?"

"Catta-cat," Champ says loudly, getting to his feet. He sounds okay. He's okay.

Let’s not even get into how there’s two more Pokémon he has to fight through after this.

Zebstrika and Champ are staring each other down. Then I know what to do.

"Use your scary face now!"

Champ glares at Zebstrika, his eyes fierce and his teeth shining. Zebstrika freezes in place. "Shiny bite!"

Zebstrika: “*Wait, what the hell is a ‘Shiny Bit-’*?” O_ó

This time Zebstrika stumbles back. "And quick attack," I say, "before it can move!"

Wow. That fakeout actually worked there.

Champ runs forward, but Elesa says, "Flame charge," and all of a sudden Zebstrika is on fire. My eyes widen, ‘cause I saw this in the tapes and I should have thought—

Well, never mind that, then.

"Champ, stop!" I call out, but I'm too late. Champ hits the fire and falls back, his fur singed and dark.

"Are you okay, are you okay?" I yell.

"Ratta-cat," Champ says and I bite my lip. [ ] Dimly, I hear Elesa call out, "Spark."

I think that it might have made sense to more explicitly state that Champ isn’t doing well right now. Like I get that that’s the general direction from Lena’s reaction, but it’s a bit ambiguous as to how badly Champ is doing at the moment.

"Can you dodge?" I ask Champ. "Or can you—use sucker punch!"

Champ's lying there, but just as Zebstrika comes close, its fur sparking, Champ's a shadow, and then he's behind Zebstrika, hitting it hard.

"Yes!" I shout.

Huh. I was honestly expecting that that’d just be it for the battle. Guess this sewer rat’s not down for the count yet.

But maybe Elesa's figured out our tricks. Because she doesn't seem worried at all. "Spark," she says again, and Zebstrika is close, is turning. Champ is right there and there's nothing I can say that's fast or smart enough. Zebstrika hits Champ, all electricity and power.

Champ smacks down onto the ground and doesn't move.

Champ: “... Ow.” @.@

I dimly hear the referee saying, "Raticate is unable to battle. Zebstrika is the winner."

I rush to Champ's side and pick him. His eyes flutter open. "Cat-rat-ta,"

"No, you don't get to be sorry," I say. "I'm the one who's sorry."

Lena: “In retrospect, I’m not sure what I was thinking that we had a chance in a 1v3, really.”

Champ manages to twitch his whiskers at me.

"Ms. Castel?"

I realize the ref is talking to me. "Yes?"

"If you don't release your next pokemon you will be forfeiting the match."

Referee: “... You do have other Pokémon, don’t you?”

Lena: “Um… well… the thing is…”

I look at him funny. "Champ's my only pokemon," I say.

"Ah." He nods. "The challenger is out of pokemon," he announces. "Gym Leader Elesa is the winner."

I mean, I had a feeling the moment that I heard this was going to be a 1v3, but still.

"You fought well," Elesa calls down to me. "Your raticate was very fast."

I should feel so rotten, but hearing her words warm me up inside. We lost―but we lost to Leader Elesa. And somehow that feels better than any battle we've won.

"How do you feel, Champ?" I whisper, and I can see it―the same answering pride is in his eyes.

That… was more uplifting than I expected a chapter ending in a failed Gym Challenge to be, though I suppose it’s about time you grew the team a bit, huh Lena?

Gah, I wish that there were more time in Review Blitz to work with, but this isn’t a half-bad ending point to leave off on this story for the short-term. It very effectively bookends the end of Lena’s arc where she has a crisis of confidence about her training while teeing up a new one where she’ll need to go on to bigger and better things in order to progress in her journey. I also like the parallelism between how Lena and Champ have both grown as characters, Champ quite literally, while Lena’s become more knowledgeable and self-confident as a trainer, even if she clearly has a long ways to go before getting anywhere close to the Hall of Fame in Unova.

My primary criticism with these chapters was that there were a couple of points where it felt like they were cut a little too far to the bone in terms of compact prose, with a couple of parts that felt like they’d benefit from some added description, especially in the battle with Elesa. And you certainly had a bit of a buffer for expanding things without making things too chunky when these two chapters combined added up to less than 3000 words in total. But that might have been a deliberate authorial decision, so if you decide to stick to your guns, I understand it.

Great work as always, @Pen . I don’t know if you plan on keeping this version of your story updated with your FFN one that appears to be a bit over 20 chapters ahead, but it’s a fun one, and I hope to come back to it a bit more in the coming year. ^^