Pokémon World of Silence

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

(A Galactic Wins story)




I remember speaking.

I remember shouting, laughing, singing.

I remember things I shouldn't.

My Lord has told me that I contain a sin and that I must remain silent so that it does not infect the world. It did before, he tells me, and that is why he had to create a new one.

My Lord tells me of that world. I was there, he tells me, and I believe that is where these memories come from. We were all born anew, this much I know. I alone bear the sin of that world.

My Lord keeps me close and I enjoy that. But I know that I shouldn't. He does so because I am wicked and untamed and feel things.

Jealousy, when he sought out those three among his creation and brought them near to him as well, in positions of honor.

Fury, when he spoke once of those who had once opposed him, in that sinful world.

Compassion, when I hear My Lord sigh and see his hands shake and his back slump.

Suspicion, when he tells me that I only project my own faulty nature onto him, reminding me that I am the only one who could bear regret.

Disgust, when I so much as know the terms for such things. He has not taught them to me, as they do not exist elsewhere.

My Lord maintains this world, and only he and I remember the one that came before. I cannot tell him, I dare not tell him, even in written word, that I remember him as well. I remember the sacred chain in his hands, distant flute music reverberating around us, a stairway sprouting from a mountain peak, a sky dark as nothingness.

My Lord told me then that there would be no fighting then, no suffering.

I remember awakening by his side in his world, in this world.

Fear, when I know that I had opposed him.

Contentment, when My Lord is with me, when I think of the world that he created.

I remember that I am his only sin. And so I remain silent.



Grief, when I think of the old world.
Love, when I think of My Lord.

 

[Pen]

Hi Blackjack! Welcome to the forum, we're glad to have you!

I have a soft spot for AUs where it's all gone wrong. Writing about a world where Galactic wins is a fascinating challenge--what does a world with no emotion look like? You've got a nice sense of flow in this, especially in the three opening lines. The sense of repetition is something that in other contexts wouldn't work, but feels appropriate here, creating a kind of mechanical feeling that matches the emotionless world.

It's interesting that Cyrus, if I'm interpreting this right, keeps his former commanders close to his side. That seems to suggest he's not managed to rid himself of emotional attachment completely either!

I'm quite curious what this world looks like in practice. 'A world with no emotion' could mean a lot of things. Even the demarcating out of sin and non-sin--what does morality look like, without emotion? Does Cyrus maintain a world of strict utilitarianism? What about the old world does the narrator miss that brings them grief? What are the emotionless inhabitants of this new world like?

It's a thought-provoking vignette, thanks for sharing!

Spoiler: Line-by-lines

Jealousy, when he sought out those three among his creation and brought them near to him as well, in positions of honor.

Fury, when he spoke once of those who had once opposed him, in that sinful world.

Compassion, when I hear My Lord sigh and see his hands shake and his back slump.

Suspicion, when he tells me that I only project my own faulty nature onto him, reminding me that I am the only one who could bear regret.

Disgust, when I so much as know the terms for such things. He has not taught them to me, as they do not exist elsewhere.

You switch from past tense to present midway through these--that disrupted the flow here a bit.

The line about suspicion confused me a bit. What is making the narrator suspicious here? That Cyrus does in fact have emotions? I'm not sure how regret comes into that.

"when I so much as know" is a bit oddly phrased. The usual construction would be "that I so much as know." Or, "when I know."

I remember the sacred chain in his hands, distant flute music reverberating around us, a stairway sprouting from a mountain peak, a sky dark as nothingness.

I like the imagery of the stairway sprouting from the mountain.

My Lord told me then that there would be no fighting then, no suffering.

And has that been born out? Are fighting and suffering also concepts that don't exist in this new world?

Fear, when I know that I had opposed him.

Maybe you want "learned" instead of "know" here, since it sounds like the narrator hasn't always been aware of this?

Fear, when I know that I had opposed him.

Contentment, when My Lord is with me, when I think of the world that he created.

I remember that I am his only sin. And so I remain silent.



Grief, when I think of the old world.
Love, when I think of My Lord.

Think your formatting got a little scrambled here! Is the line about remaining silent meant to be the closer?

 

[K_S]

A nice slice of stolkholm syndrome at it's finest. (even if that statement isn't a contradiction...) I'm guessing the survivor/sin is the player character. I wish we could see that world, how it looks, how Cyrus interacts with it, how it functions, but this snap shot was an interesting viewing. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Haha yeah the narrator was once the player character.

As for the suspicion and what they see in Cyrus, I tried to let on that he still has his own emotions. At no point in his plan did he ever account for getting rid of them, notice. He even had Mesprit, a creature that's supposed to nullify your emotions in three days at a single touch, and never made use of it. By his own definition of perfection, even as a god he would be the only imperfect being in his creation.

The formatting at the end is intentional, btw.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Aww shucks thank you!

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, the big review that I was gunning for ran out of steam towards the end, so I figured I’d pick it up again tomorrow and belt out one last quickie review of something light before conking out for the night, thought let’s see what we’re dealing with-

(A Galactic Wins story)

Oh, this oneshot’s going to go places in its run, I can already tell. Yeah, let’s just get straight into things.

Spoiler

I remember speaking.

I remember shouting, laughing, singing.

I remember things I shouldn't.

My Lord has told me that I contain a sin and that I must remain silent so that it does not infect the world. It did before, he tells me, and that is why he had to create a new one.

At first I thought that this was being written from Cyrus’ perspective until I saw the ‘My Lord’ part and realized that this could be literally anybody in the new world Cyrus created.

My Lord tells me of that world. I was there, he tells me, and I believe that is where these memories come from. We were all born anew, this much I know. I alone bear the sin of that world.

My Lord keeps me close and I enjoy that. But I know that I shouldn't. He does so because I am wicked and untamed and feel things.

Is… this written from the perspective of Cyrus’ Crobat? Maybe I’m reading into things a bit too much, but…

Jealousy, when he sought out those three among his creation and brought them near to him as well, in positions of honor.

Fury, when he spoke once of those who had once opposed him, in that sinful world.

Compassion, when I hear My Lord sigh and see his hands shake and his back slump.

Okay, yeah. This is totally Crobat’s perspective. That’s going to be my running assumption until otherwise explicitly disproven.

Suspicion, when he tells me that I only project my own faulty nature onto him, reminding me that I am the only one who could bear regret.

Disgust, when I so much as know the terms for such things. He has not taught them to me, as they do not exist elsewhere.

Wait, but if it survived for Crobat... is this world of silence really as purged of emotion as Cyrus thinks that it is?

My Lord maintains this world, and only he and I remember the one that came before. I cannot tell him, I dare not tell him, even in written word, that I remember him as well. I remember the sacred chain in his hands, distant flute music reverberating around us, a stairway sprouting from a mountain peak, a sky dark as nothingness.

My Lord told me then that there would be no fighting then, no suffering.

Written word, huh? Maybe it’s not Crobat after all, even if I’m having trouble thinking of who else’s perspective this could be?

I remember awakening by his side in his world, in this world.

Fear, when I know that I had opposed him.

Contentment, when My Lord is with me, when I think of the world that he created.

Wait… is this written from the perspective of the DPPt Protag? Since they woke up at Cyrus’ side and remember that they opposed him, so…

- peeks up at tags -

… Oh.

I remember that I am his only sin. And so I remain silent.



Grief, when I think of the old world.
Love, when I think of My Lord.

Well that got creepy and unsettling in short order, and in not even 400 words. Not bad there. Like it’s hard for me to think of things that I would really recommend changing for this story since it’s basically written as a stream of thoughts from the perspective of the player character after failing at the moment of truth. Maybe there could be more elaborated on his/her thought process and the residual memories of the old world, but what’s there already feels pretty complete as-is.

Good work, @Blackjack Gabbiani . It’s been a while since this short was last reviewed, but I hope the feedback I provided was fun to follow along with.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Yep it's the protag!

Oh goodness thank you for reading this one~ I greatly enjoy your reviews and how you express mounting dread