Pokémon The Valiant Warmonger

[RescatteredStardust]

In Canalave City, an eight-year-old boy walked cheerfully alongside a canal to school, looking forward to a rerun of his favorite TV show later. It was cloudy and dry, which was odd, because didn't clouds bring rain? He didn't see any rain!



Come to think of it, he didn't see his classmates around, either. Maybe they were already at school, or maybe they were swimming in the canals... In fact, he saw someone in one right then! That was the uniform, and they looked to be on their stomach... but they were just floating there instead of swimming. He didn't think red was part of the uniform, either, right?

He was worried just enough to run to school to tell someone quickly, but when he arrived, nobody was there, even as he turned the halls and heard loud banging that seemed to be from outside... until he saw a student looking at him from behind a corner, a hand covering their mouth and their eyes wide in fear before they vanished behind that corner with footsteps faster than the boy could pursue.



What was happening? What could he do? He sprinted to the headmaster's office, but even he was gone, and the noises from outside were still happening, though that wasn't his business right now. He wouldn't skip class over it...

Wait. Class? What time was it? There was a clock in the office...

What a fool he'd been! It was time for gym, and surely the headmaster was there! The student in the canal was pretending to swim, and the one in the hall was trying to skip class! He'd find everyone in the gym room, but he would be late if he didn't hurry!

When he got there, he noticed that everyone was there, even the ones who usually skipped. Maybe they were ready to exercise for once, but then why was everyone just lying on the floor unmoving, some on top of other people? Why was everything covered in sticky red liquid? He thought he'd give one of them a push to start them off... but when he did that, more of the red liquid leaked out of their cold body.



He at last realized something, and then only could witness what was before him. He tried to turn his head, but his head refused to allow it, and then another loud noise from outside shook his very being into animation again as he ran faster than he thought possible homeward.

Other people were running outside, too, but most of the time, something struck them from afar, and they fell. A gray haze filled the air and made breathing nigh-impossible, but he could still make out buildings, especially the ones on fire... At least his home wasn't one of those when he got there, but the windows were shattered, and he heard screaming that became quieter every time those loud noises happened until all was silent.

Why were people falling? Why were people bleeding so much? Why were things so different today? He had to ask his parents. He needed them to help him understand. He needed them to stop this, even if he didn't know how, so things could be normal again.

When he went inside, he found his parents, but they weren't moving, either. Puddles of blood were under and around them, and he didn't think anything that had stopped would move again now.

The household Bidoof trembled with him nearby as the television showed the rerun he'd so awaited. He couldn't hear it over his heartbeat, but he knew the story: A rich businessman had become a superhero of old, and in his cavalier missions, he spoke strangely formally. A succinct and persuasive man who prevailed against all his foes, even those who were like himself – he had to help now, if he could. The boy silently begged the man to help, since he was so close, even behind the screen... which was then shattered by gunfire.


It was over. The Bidoof would be next, and then him. He wasn't certain whether he was alive right now, in fact. He saw himself, the Bidoof, and a man with a gun.



As the man took aim, the terrified Bidoof suddenly leapt with a force characteristic of a cannon, crashing into their would-be assailant's chest and making him fall limp as various scattered objects struck the boy, mostly harmless but decisively painful.



The boy believed himself to be alive. He believed it enough to begin screaming harshly, his throat burning as his body was frozen yet violently trembling.


In the following years, rumors spread of a boy living in Canalave's streets. He was said to frequent the local library, and he possessed an ever-growing vocabulary to express himself with an unreasonable intensity.



He also possessed a Bidoof.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

Working at the Canalave Library was an interesting job. You never knew what kind of book someone would want, and you never knew what you'd stumble upon, either. Especially during checkout – a lot to be found when everyone's tastes converge into one line.

Speaking of checkout lines, he was handling that today when an eight-year-old boy asked about any books related to fighting that were difficult to read. Since he was school age, he suggested the boy read Sunflora Tzu's "The Art of Warcrimes", but that he was probably too young to understand any of it.



Well, the boy didn't listen, and when he checked out the book, this humble librarian threw in a dictionary to help him out. Even the kid admitted he didn't understand the book yet, and that it was his goal to do that, after all. ...He probably should've given him a more simple dictionary, though. That one was for the nobles to read, but he just saw a dictionary and made it quick. Hopefully he'd give up on the book fast the second he got home, because that Bidoof seemed to understand the problem already.



Well, when Quonk and the Bidoof arrived where they needed to be after stealing some food, the boy opened the book up and found it... impossible to read, to put it lightly. It was written in a very old Hisuian, and it wasn't like the book was for kids originally, either. Since even the simple parts weren't making any sense, he decided the dictionary would be better to start...



But even the dictionary was too much. The definitions were absurdly verbose still, if recognizeably modern, and both Hisuian and Kantonian words were defined, but even the Kantonian made zero sense. A cat was "Felis cattus, a carnivorous domesticated feline", an apple was "Malus pumila, botanical Rosaceae", and verbosity was "Engaging in the conscious and deliberate exercise of employing an intricately fashioned, excessively prolonged, and meticulously constructed assortment of linguistic constituents, extending well beyond the intrinsic and indispensable prerequisites essential for the optimal and efficacious communication of a precisely formulated and distinctly articulated idea or message."



At this point he'd have to relearn both languages starting from the dictionary to understand anything!



...Wait, maybe he could do that, even though his Bidoof was looking worried right now.



And with that, when he had time doing what he needed to survive, he stared at the pages, and eventually lines became characters, characters became words, words became parts of a sentence... and they eventually became sentences.



He could finally read the entire dictionary... and now it was time to read The Art of Warcrimes.



...Interesting information. He'd find it useful against Rocket soon. He just needed to have the skill to execute his plan, so he'd go back to the library, and he'd find a book on Bidoof usage (especially concerned ones), a book on rhetoric, and a book on whatever else. Maybe a Galarian textbook.



That was going well until the following exchange.

"So... your library card's expired. Been like that for two years now."

"Then it shall hereby be declared to be renewed."

"...Sure thing, I'll just need a signature from one of your parents. How are they, by the way? Notice they're never with you when you're here-"



That look on Quonk's face probably nearly killed.



"...Okay, here's your new card, feel free to borrow whatever you like."

With that, he borrowed what he needed to, and he certainly practiced from then on. Hours of training, hours of speeches, hours of the occasional war crime... Seven years passed quickly from the day these things had become necessary originally.


Now, in accordance with the planning he had been advised to adopt... He required a comrade for purposes of aided assaults upon his foes.



And so, he valiantly set forth on the streets of Canalave City again, now to form this alliance, and perhaps eventually a grand organization.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

In 1999, a man stood by a tree to soberly watch the canals, his melancholic face hoping for relief as he gazed upon the passersby. He observed various people in business attire who he supposed had the privilege of going to work as he and his coal-dusted peers used to. He observed children hurrying about with their families trying to catch up, and they reminded him of the family he'd had for most of his thirty-four years, which only worsened his aggrieved state.



And, strangely, there was an agitated young man pacing about the canals, a weary Bidoof in his arms as he loudly muttered whatever train of thought he was lost in. "Such variance in options respective, such valiance in each's perspective, yet such distance in time receptive... Most assuredly, it is prescribed by those who prescribe such things, time shall lack time in the process of waiting. Yet waiting shall possess such time that time shall lack the lacking of time's existence..." After that bizarre thing resembling speech, he sighed before looking about his surroundings, and then he focused squarely on the man by the tree before making a surprisingly fast dash to him, shouting a suitable greeting before having even stopped. "It is hereby declared by myself that a salutation to the unfamiliar self in your possession shall be issued! Verily, I have deduced that it is an interesting self, and therefore I commence my resolution to obtain your comradeship!"

The older man, after flinching and accepting his fate, simply had a nearly wordless stare of raw confusion, much like the younger man's Bidoof. "Who are you, and why did you try cocaine?"



That somehow gave the younger man pause instead of further agitating him, and he gave a similar reply with a level of calmness not entirely typical of a crackhead. "Such a prejudicial manner of requesting the statement of one's moniker... Nonetheless, it shall be granted. That title of mine resembling all those who human and Pokémon alike are in possession of is Quonk Quonkson, that ferrrrvent assassination-giver of this metropolitan residence's bereaved! For your request's answered response, I shall request the same!"



"...If I heard that right, my name is Hisoka Sasaki, but you're talking about as clearly as a brick wall." With almost zero interest compared to Quonk in this, the man just sat down at the tree.



And Quonk appeared pleased by that... "A wall talketh not — therefore, it is of the utmost clarity that it say nothing. With much honor and gratitude do I thereby accept your complimentary utterance!" Then he sat under the tree by Hisoka to talk further. The Bidoof appeared to grow more weary with every sentence. "With repetition I shall again issue this proposal: That we shall become comrades via the mutuality of our intrigue in respect to all."



Hisoka gave a look somewhere between skepticism and dismissal. "Kid, comrades fight for something. I've got nothing to fight for now — you see what's left of the buildings around us? Rocket takes everything even if you do fight, anywa–... Why are you laughing?"

Quonk was indeed laughing after quickly standing up. In fact, he was laughing quite loudly and shouting through it to almost the same degree. " 'Nothing to fight for', your utterances thereby allege! Such folly is confirmed solely through itself by one whose circumstances are surely akin to my own, and yet seven annums of labour have been tirelessly invested towards the rectification of such circumstances inflicted upon myself!" The Bidoof sighed.



"And let me guess, they come back stronger every time?"



"Such shall not deter ourselves! In time's passing, it shall be carried out: A grand armed force shall trounce that most unvaliant organization for its timeless eradication, the retribution accomplished thereby!"

That made Hisoka facepalm. "You think me, you, and that Bidoof are enough to take down Team Rocket when multiple regions are still losing that fight?"



"I shall hereby be directed by yourself at my request, the location being their operant home prescribed for this locality!" The Bidoof said something that made Quonk frown. "Must I state such things in the common parlance? The local base!"

And with that, a heavy sigh gave way to a slow nod. "I don't have any Pokémon to help, and it won't work out how you think it will anyway, but I'll lead you there. That's all I can do."


"Such is all I should expect of yourself... Therefore, we shall commence the procession with all deliberate haste!" Both Quonk and his Bidoof somehow seemed excited despite their senior's words as they were forced to walk behind Hisoka rather than run.



What mess had this man gotten into?



After two minutes of walking, among the trees filled with chirping Starly, the two of them made it to a building that Hisoka gestured to. "So, here it is..."



With that, Quonk marched up to the front door of the building and... calmly knocked on it while holding the Bidoof in his other hand.



Hisoka stared dumbfounded at this. "...Kid, did we go on this journey just for you to knock on their door?"



Quonk turned his head to Hisoka and chuckled. "Cease your presumptions... They shall soon reply to my initiation of contact, and upon it, further progression shall be achieved."



"Do you actually realize what these people are capable of?!"



Now Quonk was just staring at the door. "Had my discretion required that to have notability, I'd have given care to it." ...Very patiently, until he returned to his usual dramatics. "And yet they fail to direct their attention to a mere knock! Would we relieve this door of its duties before their sensibilities allowed them to answer?!"



"Assuming they're even here right now..."



He sighed heavily before he stood resolute again. "It shall be made known in due time. Kastriakh. I impel your stockpile of ability to unleash itself upon this entryway for purposes of initiation of our—"

Instead of letting Quonk finish, the Bidoof just used Strength to rip the door off its hinges from the doorknob.



"Ah, quite prompt. Now, prepare such a wave of force that this operations facility shall be eradicated in moments proceeding from its beginning." He then looked inside the base while the Bidoof glowed.



"Are all your Pokémon names this ridiculous?"



He looked back at Hisoka in confusion. "Kastriakh is the totality of those that comprise my comrades. I lack further to issue monikers towards."



And with that, the Bidoof sent an explosive wave of water into the base using Surf, flooding it and blasting the Rocket who was at last moving to answer the destroyed door.



And Hisoka continued to stare dumbfoundedly at the antics of this duo. "...Is that what you came here for? Just to flood them?"



Quonk simply pointed at the unconscious bodies of some Rockets his mouse knocked out with the force of the wave. "The efficacy thereof is indisputable. And in the eventuality of further assaults, the floor's dampness shall hinder their proceeding." Some incoming Rockets slipped on the floor and faceplanted. They'd definitely have to mop later.



"And how long do you believe that would last for? Water does, in fact, dry."



"Upon the dampness's recession, further assaults... And now, an exemplary instance of them!"



The Bidoof launched itself at another incoming Rocket and hit his chest so hard that the man probably needed an ambulance with how it made a CGI explosion. Brownmouse®


At that, Hisoka nodded. "...Huh. Good thing you brought the Bidoof."



A hearty laugh with vigorous nodding followed. "Verily so! The essentiality of Kastriakh's presence was truly warranted! Bidoof are declared to be chief in household defense and offense weaponry!"



The Bidoof gave an agreeing squeak while attacking some equipment and creating more CGI explosions as a result.



Meanwhile, while even the wild Pokémon harassed the Rockets, Hisoka had decided to walk amidst the chaos to see if he could catch one of them. He probably needed one again after losing all of his previous ones, after all.



"At present, I am lacking in necessary labour in this operation. Peradventure the couplet comprised of myself and yours shall become such a venture towards our mutual aim that—... Where in the Canalave Fried Fuck is his presence located?!" Assuming Hisoka had left because he couldn't see the man where he'd been before, he grabbed a random Starly and started yelling orders while it looked at him in terror. "You! My avian compatriot! It is my will issued in such manner as this: That your winged self shall perform such a survey of our surrounding whereabouts that our comrade is to be fou— Ouch, cease your assault, I shall demand such!" The angry bird didn't even stop after he let go.



What made it even stranger was that Hisoka was only a meter away trying to catch another Starly. "If you need someone that badly, it's not as if I have anything better to do..."



And once Quonk managed to grapple the bird well enough to force feed it a Rare Candy, making it stronger yet less enraged, he finally noticed Hisoka again... "Ah! Your apparition has returned thus. Very well. Your person shall be guarded hereby." He fed the now very high Starly two more Rare Candies and held it in front of Hisoka as it stared at him with a very confused face.



"...I didn't even go anywhere. I was just trying to catch a Starly, and then you went and did that."


Quonk let out an embarrassed chuckle. "...Perception by myself is prone to lapsing, perhaps. This Starly shall be prescribed as a token of apology thus." The Bidoof facepalmed as the Starly let out more confused chirping.



"...That probably works." Hisoka proceeded to take out a ball and, pressing it against the top of the Starly's head, proceeded to capture her.

Congratulations, Hisoka. You now have a crackhead for a partner, and you also have a Starly.



Quonk nodded before walking to Kastriakh, now surrounded by unconscious Rockets in the middle of a collapsed base. "Your completion of this operation is hereby to be declared, is it so?" The mouse let out an affirmative squeak. "Then our labour has concluded this day. Others shall have completed the necessary tasks by dawn. Our subsequent task..." He took some money from a probably dead agent's wallet. "Is to dine!" The Bidoof began vibrating in excitement.



Hisoka shrugged. "Well... at least we'll get a day of food from all of this."


He nodded quickly with an excited face. "As we have obtained essential funding for such a luxury..." He paused for a moment, blinking before nervously laughing. "...Such an outlandish void of knowledge of mine. Whence might a quality dinner be procured?"



"Hmm... Only thing I can think of is that contemporary Unovan-style burger restaurant next to the Pokémon Center. Everything else is either destroyed by Rocket or under the Order's protection, which would make it a lot harder for us ordinary people to get in. How long have you even been in Canalave anyway?"



"Seventy-five-hundredths sco—" The Bidoof finally slapped him into making even the slightest amount of sense. "Fifteen annums have I inhabited this animated matter, and the city therein... Irregardlessly, that most unvaliant conglomerate's annihilation of massive scale has decimated whatever resemblance of familiar mapping I possess."



"...Yeah, I know that one. I've been away from Oreburgh so long that I wouldn't recognize a thing, even before the accident."



Quonk sighed. "Chronology's transition lacks instances of ceasing..." He spent twenty seconds in a contemplative state before not even pausing between that and bounding off towards the Pokémon Center, and the restaurant near it. "Therefore that transition shall bring forth an instance of feasting for ourselves! Hasten yours!" They had to hasten themselves with how fast he was running, alright.



It took a little while, but they arrived to a busy establishment of red walls, beige tables, and yellow seats, and Hisoka looked around in surprise. "...Oddly enough, I remember this being half as large as it is now." The Starly chirped as the restaurant began to play Surfin' Bird over the radio.



Meanwhile, Quonk was laughing joyfully as the Bidoof trembled with ravenous excitement. "Twofold the volume, doubly so the quality of our consumption! That process shall hereby assume its start!" He hurried into the restaurant and ignored the confused looks from other people who knew him as a homeless person, and immediately went to a table to look at the menu, Kastriakh of course doing the same.



The confused looks did not go unnoticed. "Is there... maybe something more important this money should be spent on? Before we end up spending the majority."



He got a bewildered look in response to that. "Little of concern is to be determined. The canals permit hygienic practice, the alleys or inhabitantless enclosures shelter in adverse climate, my volunteer assassinations of unvaliant beings for recreation... What is truly lacking is nutritional substance."



"...I guess I can't really fault that logic, even if people tend to look down on it."



Quonk gave a wordless nod before returning to the menu. Of course, he was looking for whatever had the most calories, but he did linger more on foods that matched yet seemed healthier. He eyed the alcohol list to exasperated Bidoof sounds. At least all orders came with free Pokémon food on request.



"...What do Starly even eat?"



"'Tis an avian. Its diet is surely simple vegetation." Kastriakh was staring at the meat selection like he was about to eat the menu.



The bird finally exited the ball and, still slightly high, only chirped while... not quite understanding what was happening for obvious reasons. She was just outside of a destroyed building with these people, after all.



"At least it's inclusive, so we just pick stuff and they'll sort it. Either way, we should probably avoid alcohol... I've had my fill of anything extravagant, so I'll have a plain cheeseburger and fries."



Meanwhile, the starving homeless person ordered appropriately. Two of each of these: A calorie-dense burger that still had vegetables, a large fruit salad, and a large sundae with peanut butter topping, all this with a side of mashed potatoes. He also got root beer because he saw the word beer. Let's ignore that mistake. He proceeded to begin eating like an animal with his mouse consuming a plate of steaks and cheese.



The Starly simply stared in complete astonishment at these two, only letting out a single flat chirp.



Hisoka was just as surprised. "...Do you even do anything normally?"



He somehow spoke clearly despite the food in his mouth. "My palate has been truly deprived of such edible goods for twenty-four days! I shall consume as such." The Bidoof let out a muffled squeak in agreement.



Meanwhile, the Starly was eating seeds, sliced fruit and the like as any civilized bird would.



"And you didn't think to go to a food bank or something?"



"I've been expelled from the majority of charity establishments. Their facade is that I am 'too disorderly'. They know not the mark of a true upperclassman..."


"If this is how you are normally, then perhaps they had a point."



The Starly and Bidoof began dying of laughter, Kastriakh nearly choking.



Quonk just blinked, then muttered something incomprehensible while drinking the root beer, and finally began to eat like a normal person. Apparently his hunger became reasonable again. "...You have demonstrated a valiant efficacy in location of those my vendetta seeks. Peradventure our shared grievances unite us, such that we shall seek as one the redress of them by whatever means possible."



The bird didn't even bother chirping in response to that. The seeds were delicious, though.



"...Assuming you want me to go with you, sure."



Quonk was now standing on his chair. "Verily so, value thereby being valueless, for value limits value! This joint venture comprised of ourselves shall set off in pursuit of achievement of those goals which we shall set forth for ourselves, and rrrreeadily- "



Kastriakh jumped from the table to hit him on the top of the head so he'd finally sit down again. The patrons didn't seem surprised at all — maybe only slightly annoyed.



"I'm not even going to pretend I understood a word of that, but sure. I have nothing to lose."



Quonk nodded. "The sort of aim, our seeking the fulfillment thereof... Perhaps we should require increased organization of our resources." Confused chirping. "...Yes, perhaps resembling a nest's organization of its eggs." And now his contemplative look increased. "An ownerless house containing sufficient room... I am resolute in faith attesting to its existence."



"...What resources? Where would you even get resources? Everything of use in Canalave has been either taken by Rocket or taken by the Order, and neither are the type of people who like surprise visits! We're lucky this restaurant is still standing, honestly..." Then he thought about it. "There's what's left of a garden shed just outside the city limits, but that's all there is that I know of."



And of course, Quonk quickly finished eating, then ignored everything Hisoka said but what was heard of the shed as he stood on the floor this time. "Much lacking in necessity is to be found in regards to further luxury! An enclosure is to be such, and an enclosure is sufficient presently. Therefore..." He blinked. "...Such ravenous need for satiation is in Kastriakh for this instance of chronology."



"It doesn't even have a roof, I'd hardly call it an enclosure."



Quonk shrugged again. "That library contained within our municipality surely is in possession of carpentry manuals. Trees are in existence. An enclosure it shall be, an enclosure it is, and so we shall disregard its current nature."



The Starly pointed to Quonk and chirped incredulously to Hisoka as the Bidoof continued to devour steaks.



"...Not sure why you think a Starly or Bidoof can take down trees, but I'll still help you."



He chuckled and then spoke relatively plainly. "What is a household defense weapon without slashing utility?"



"In that case, we probably should build something, assuming the land doesn't belong to anyone."



Quonk nodded. "It shall be done. Kastriakh, has your dining presently concluded?" Buzzsaw sounds. "Excellently announced. And so that grand organization comprised of this duo consisting of our two selves shall valiantly encamp upon that enclosure to be constructed and—"



The Starly dropped a stick of butter into his mouth so he'd shut up for a moment while swallowing it.



"Definitely check those land rights, though. The last thing we need is more enemies."



"My livelihood has not been tarnished even in a singular instance of my seven annums of inhabiting the abandoned homes of this city."



"In that case we should probably make sure that continues, mainly by not angering anyone..."



He stayed completely silent for 20 seconds and eventually responded when both brown mouse and bird were staring at him in hope of getting him to agree. "...My occupation shall lack provocation. Therefore, we shall proceed!" He took the... "reward money" from his vigilante work out, threw how much they had to pay rounded up to the staff (the local Turtwig liked staring at the image of them on the money), and then casually ran out of the restaurant, Bidoof on his head, in a random direction.



"That's not how it- You know what, never mind!" With that, Hisoka began to run after Quonk in hopes of chasing him down.



And that concludes this chapter of their story. Will these two get to the shed? Will they be able to build the base? Will Quonk actually talk normally for once? Find out next time!

 

[RescatteredStardust]

In the pouring rain, Quonk and Hisoka stood in front of the rotten remains of a once-humble wooden shed.



"So this is where the shed used to be... in the middle of the forest."



"I daresay that the woods shall be the shed, if the shed shall not be of hearty wood..."



Kastriakh looked at the both of them like they were insane for standing in the rain as the Starly perched on Hisoka's head.



Meanwhile, Hisoka spotted a huge roll of tarpaulin as well as a couple of trees felled by the storm. "You mention using the woods for the shed... I have an idea. Let's build a treehouse using the tarp over there as well as those trees on the ground nearby."



Quonk looked at Hisoka like he was insane, then used the tarpaulin as an enclosure to safely read a carpentry book from the library. "We might simply fell those firm trees in such a manner as to form boards of them. Subsequently, we should form structural planning for our building..." The Bidoof decided to take a nap on the fallen tree.



Meanwhile, Hisoka had the tape measure out and was checking how far apart certain trees were. "We can save wood by using the tarp as the roof. We could attach it to the rest of the building, or we could simply tie it to the trees with my Escape Rope while we build underneath."



Quonk blinked with a skeptical look. "Such may perhaps be considered the effective temporary option–" He finally got rain in his eyes, too. "And perhaps woodwork should not be ventured towards presently in our current state of affairs!" The Starly chirped in agreement as he went to his Bidoof and poked him. "Kastriakh. Upon their prescription, your acting contribution shall be to remove the woods between sufficiently-firm trees."



"What size would you like it to be? I can tell you what trees are in the way if I know."



"Regarding a remarkable size... Perhaps, with sufficiently thick wood, we might succeed at 42 metres of height and a square perimeter of 6.9 metres per side."



"...That's oddly specific, but I'm sure it's possible." He gets to measuring. It could be said he's measuring his wood- "Alright, I figured it out!" He puts red tape on some trees. "Don't cut these trees, or we won't be able to build."



Kastriakh appeared mischievous the moment Hisoka said that, but that was soon shut down by Quonk's stare. Speaking of the verbose madman, he looks excited now, which is probably even worse. "Precaution shall be heeded, our task completed thereby with bladed ends to appendages performing the action of—"



Bidoof used Cut. Now the trees that weren't marked are all being felled by a brown mouse, and they're falling in random directions.



We have a bird freaking the fuck out at how most of the nearby trees are going down while Quonk continues to stand like he bested all his fellow aristocrats in the daily crossword.



Hisoka just gave a look of what the fuck . "We don't need to cut down the whole forest, I think we've got enough at this point!"



Quonk finally opened his eyes to stop looking so proud and then recoiled at how many logs there were on the ground. Also, the rain was hitting the ground harder now that the trees weren't catching it, so he was getting hit with it even harder. " Halt yourself! "



Kastriakh returned to the humans and bird, and then started chewing on a log. Wonderful.



"Still, at least we don't need to worry about the amount of wood- Are you going to just perch on me forever with all these trees around us?" Chirp.



"The downpour is great, and likewise a Starly's inability to fly... Nonetheless! Resumption of constructing activities may hereby resume."



With that, Kastriakh began cutting wood with its teeth and eating the scrap while Quonk unleashed a never ending stream of nonsense disguised as instructions. Even the Starly was getting tired of that until the orator started using the hammer instead once the rain stopped.



Hisoka was trying to cut his rope with a piece of glass he found, but the Starly bit the rope apart instead. "...Well, that was easier. All right, now, we've built quite the frame, but how do we get this thing in the trees or put the roof on it?"



Quonk looked at the trees and then at his arms, and then promptly shook his head.



"Yoku, are you able to lift it somehow?"



The newly nicknamed bird gave Hisoka the expected face of extreme confusion.



"She shall indeed possess such capabilities of aerial transportation. Peradventure she shall be taught to bear weight in a similar manner..."



Her confusion increased until she just kinda faceplanted off of Hisoka's head.



"In that case, how might we lift this thing?"



Quonk contemplated this for a moment. "Under those ideal circumstances which we lack, a force of various Pokémon voluntarily bearing the weight. However, the conditions are lacking, and Pokémon rarely bear Pokémon with such haste as to create our ideal circumstances..." He sighed. "That quadrad comprised of our collective selves shall suffice, although our strengths may lack, and our frailties high in vulnerability thereby, absit omen."



Hisoka just decided to smile and nod despite not understanding a word. "...Right."



And then Quonk went to the thing again and tried to lift it with only his arms. ...What did you expect his efforts to result in, success? Nah, he just ended up making his arms tired for a moment and embarrassing himself in front of a brown mouse, bird, and human perch. "...Perhaps my power alone is insufficient, yes? Or perhaps pulling shall be more trivial than pushing..." Where did he get that chair and why is he standing on it to fail to lift a treehouse?



"Just a moment, I've got an idea. Yoku, I'll tie the rope to the treehouse... and you can pull it over to a nearby tree. I was never stellar in physics class, but I believe it may work. What's your opinion, Quonk?"



Considering Yoku was trying and failing to even make the treehouse budge despite pulling the rope like the forest was going to die otherwise, this was cause for even Quonk to look at him deadpan. "With twenty more ropes and twenty more birds with twenty times her force per bird, perhaps it shall. It is lack of mighty birds and rope that drives our struggle, clearly."



"In that case how many Machokes do we need?"



"Approximately eight."



Once Yoku got too tired to continue, she perched on Quonk's head for once to Hisoka's relief.



"Then where in the world would we get that many?"



"It is assuredly so that I lack knowledge of such things."



Kastriakh proceeded to sit on Hisoka's head to restore the balance, to his confusion. "There's a Bidoof on my head... It's not 2000 yet, what's this about?"



"Great calamity befalls us in the following century. Alternative interpretations are verily vanishing with increasingly rapid pace."



"...I just thought of something. I know someone who might have enough Machoke. You up for a heist?"



Quonk proceeded to stand on that one chair. "Rejection of those other possibilities shall be immediately instituted! We shall valiantly procure—" An annoyed Kastriakh slapped him. "...I am."



With that, they went to a random barn where the Machoke would be.



"Here it is... They have no security. This may be easier than I thought."



Quonk proceeded to stare at the barn, then point at it as if ordering something to do something and did Yoku just fly in?



"...Well, there goes anything resembling a plan. Time to make a battering ram..."



The Bidoof threw itself at the door and blew it up, revealing a herd of very confused Machoke.



"Lavender-hued comrades of ourselves! I hereby issue this following request to you and your abilities. It is of our wishes that this pair comprised of ourselves constructs and erects an operant centrality in pursuit of the cleansing of our tarnished institutions. We, however, are in great lack of forces to establish the erection thereof, and your strengths shall be sufficient . . ." He just went on and on until Yoku landed on the head of one of the Machoke.



"To put it simply, we need eight of you for some construction work."


Quonk sighed. "That is the common parlanced, context-lacking rendition of our inquiry of poverty — comforting to a frank soul, assuredly. What shall your expression of authentic manner be, good sirs?" Chirp. "I address the Machoke, but my gratitude is issued to you as well."



Hisoka went deadpan. "We simply need them for construction work, why overcomplicate the matter?"



"Perhaps, with our diplomatic manner of communication, their amicability shall be more readily drawn forth; or perhaps our contextual delivery would permit their altruistic and self-preserving tendencies to assist us further than our pleas imply..."



Kastriakh and Hisoka looked at each other with the same face as Yoku bent down to be in the Machoke's line of sight...



"...My friend, these are Machoke."


"Machoke or Magikarp or Metagross, differences in social class are trivial. What strangeness abounds in your lack of diplomatic decorum!"



...and the Starly pecked one of them to snap them out of the staring.



"Yoku, that wasn't what I meant either!"



So basically, the Machoke she pecked started flailing immediately, slapping another by accident and causing it to return the slap in an attempt to return them to their senses. ...Based on instinct, the pecked one of course then started to attack the originally slapped, and the fighting spread enough to become the entire barn's worth of Machoke as Yoku stood on a barrel questioning her life choices. Then the bird had to fly back to the humans after one of the Machoke hit a wall. Then another. And eventually, the barn came down and the Machoke were just standing there covered in wood trying to process the abrupt chaos of their own doing.



Quonk had visibly died inside by now. "...My compatriots. This avian instance lacked sufficient might to aggrieve permanently. Your terror lacks sufficient proportioning in regards to your abilities." Yoku let out a sheepish chirp.



Hisoka is looking at Quonk with a face of what the fuck right now "...How? How was that even possible? Dear Sinnoh, the people who own these Machoke are going to be absolutely livid..."



"It is customary among these sorts, such that retaliation shall precede a collective's assault of itself thereby. An avian's assault shall precede such terror that disorder surely follows."



Almost every Machoke facepalmed at themselves.



Meanwhile Hisoka was actually facepalming at Quonk. "Are we going to get this over with or not?"



He had a blank expression as he went silent for a few seconds, then had a surprised face. "Ah, verily so, those remorseful issuances delivered upon my lapse of memory!"

"...Did you actually forget...?"


He turned to the Machoke again to end the conga. "Comrades, your lack of enclosure shall aid our lack of the same. Come forth through this path we shall direct!"



Quonk then began leading the Machoke to the treehouse... with a conga line.


"...I might as well join in at this point." With that, Hisoka and Yoku joined in as Kastriakh simply walked.


However many hours of conga later, they'd returned, and thankfully nothing had destroyed the treehouse while they were gone.



"That... took about as long as I probably should have expected."



Quonk had to dive to the side as the Machoke continued the conga line even once he'd tried to stop it, and then the Machoke went to the treehouse and casually lifted it while dancing in place.



"...At least it worked."



Quonk proceeded to lie on the ground as he sighed in relief. "At last..." And then he blinked upon noticing the Machoke were still dancing under the treehouse. "But what of this octet? It appears quite obstinate in its perseverance of presence."



"Did you really not think that far ahead?"



"Dance is quite an immersive pastime, such that one lacks cognition regarding other matters in the process..."



Wait, one of the Machoke just started breakdancing.



"...What in the Floaroma fried..." Now all of the Machoke are breakdancing and the Bidoof is joining in. "Well, no use trying to conga them back to the shed and run now."



Quonk stared at the absolute chaos, then looked at Yoku, then gained a slightly crazed smile. "Your premonition may be lacking in accuracy. I shall request the avian instance's intervention."



Who was the bird to refuse? She just went and swooped over them all to make them freeze in place.



And then Quonk demonstrated just how powerful his lungs were while dramatically gesturing. "Comrades! It is hereby issued by this proclamation of myself that our present proceedings be halted in preference of resumption of the homeward CONGAAAAAA!" Then he led the line as relevant music started playing from absolutely nowhere, and nobody was going to question it for their own sakes as the dance-walk began.



After enough running once he deposited the Machoke, Quonk half-ran half-conga'd back to the treehouse and Hisoka too. Quite rare to see a Quonk exhausted. "It is of ideal circumstances that we shall never again require their aid from a distance with such enormity..." The fact that it was night might have also explained why he was exhausted, assuming he wasn't nocturnal. "Whence in chronology nocturne shall our respite take place? If furnishings are to be constructed, all effort expended hereon shall direct itself towards immediate necessities..." The Bidoof was snoring.



"...Given we're tired, now seems to be a good time."



After some proliferation on how to get 42 meters into the sky, they decided to use Yoku to fly up instead of building a rope ladder, to her agony.



Quonk then looked around the treehouse stumped. "...Naught but lower surface of boards. Comfortable respite furnishings are lacking, although I am accustomed to such circumstances."



"Exactly my thoughts." He didn't actually understand Quonk there.



He looked at the Bidoof who had the face of knowing what was about to happen and being done with it already. "Kastriakh, if you might possess capacity of procuring ourselves constructive materials—" The Bidoof slapped him. "...Perhaps flooring shall be sufficiently soft."



"Quonk, I'm with the Bidoof on this one. Where do you expect to get construction materials this high up?" He leaned out of a window. "Best we've got is probably a leaf, unless a Bidoof happens to be able to jump"



He looked at the funny brown mouse curiously, then got a death glare in response, causing him to back down immediately. "Little is of concern in present chronology. Our nocturne slumber shall not be impeded by wooden boards as our surface of support." Cue him simply picking a random place on the floor and lying down to sleep rather than confronting the Bidoof.



With that, Hisoka lay down to sleep as well, Yoku sleeping on top of him, and their night concluded...

Wait, they'd never taken care of the Machoke's barn properly, had they? ...It could wait until the morning, he supposed.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

Plonk... Plonk... Plonk...

Morning had come, and so had a visitor, apparently, given the cobs of corn that were now being chucked into the sleeping duo's new treehouse. Quonk was still loudly snoring after being hit on the head with one of the corn cobs, but Hisoka on the other hand was less lucky...


" What the hell?! "

A startled Yoku began flying while loudly chirping before she got a cob of corn thrown into her beak.



Meanwhile, Quonk was completely startled by Hisoka's shout that he woke up and went into a standing position immediately. " Whence has this irrefutably unvaliant organization positioned its lofty presen– " A corn cob landed in front of him, and he immediately became confused. "...The Canalave-fried... Corn?"



Hisoka blinked. "This is unlike... any attack I've experienced. Who did we get on the bad side of?" He looked outside and immediately nearly shat himself. "Oh, no. That farmer's barn..."



A very unhappy man stood on the ground with a cannon and large piles of corn, and he began to shout up to them. "'Ey! You young folks! This is Colonel Cornelius Cornwall and I am here on this fine afternoon to demand compensation for my barn!"



Quonk walked to the treehouse entrance and cheerfully stuck his head out. "It is assuredly proclaimed by myself that your rural lodging shall not lack in its valiance for its sacrifice–" He got hit with another cob of corn mid-roast and thrown back into the treehouse, and now Kastriakh was eating the corn. "...Saucy planter he be, restitution is lacking for him. Monetary resources exist not in sufficient quantity."



Hisoka just looked at Quonk. "...Quonk, he has the Order on his side, we have to do something. Do you remember if anything there was salvageable? I do have a box of nails."



Quonk thought for a moment. "...Wood, perhaps. Hay surely scattered... Wheat and chaff blended forevermore..." Then his eyes went wide. "...The Machoke. Their presence in geographic terms I have no ascertaining of."



"And explain why my Machoke are all in a goddamn conga line around the rubble! I've been trying to stop them since sunrise!"



Quonk went red.



Hisoka seemed afraid by now. "To be honest with you, what he did when he returned them I have no idea, but if there's anything left of the shed we'll come down and try to sort it out!"



Colonel Cornwall sighed. "All right, all right, thank ya for at least offering to make it right unlike your son or whoever the hell there with you. ...How the hell do y'all get down from that? There's no ladder, no stairs..." Yoku flew onto his head and chirped. "Oh, hello there!"



"We... didn't think that far ahead. Also, we aren't related..." Before Quonk tried to jump to the ground, Hisoka began nailing rope to the treehouse to get down.



Cornwall nodded as the two of them went down the rope. "Nice, you're productive at least. Maybe not the most proactive, though. Come with me and y'all can see what happened to the barn, get my Machoke to stop dancing like they're celebrating while you're at it maybe."



"They are secured, if solely that." Quonk casually took a bite out of a cob of corn on the ground while Hisoka kept his hands behind his back due to the rope burn.



"Secured and unable to work or rest, such a wonderful position for us all! If I wasn't kind to those who only wronged me once... Come on, y'all have a barn to fix."



The complete insanity of a Machoke herd still conga dancing around the barn after a full night and then some caused Quonk to not join in this time around. "...Wood is plentiful. Reconstruction perhaps shall be achieved yet."



"How are you getting broken wood to fix itself?"



"Such shall not be that objective sought forth."



"Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm with him on this one. After yesterday’s storm we can figure something out… I'll go get some wood."



Quonk gave a bewildered look in Hisoka's general direction after he left. "...Dead wood's self-mending capabilities are lacking. Surely we shall mend it by our own force."



Yoku chirped in exasperation and Cornwall facepalmed. "Just deal with my Machoke first, will ya?"


Quonk nodded, then walked to the Machoke and yelled. " The homeward conga's resumption is halted by the completion of itself, and so postsummation shall be assumed! "



They all stopped then went single-file to the rubble before just staring at it because they had no idea what to do.



Meanwhile, Hisoka with the wood was watching the Machoke. "...Well, that was easy enough."



"I shall provide carpentry aid, as such."



"...What are they doing to the wood? They aren't even using a saw and it's turning into lumber!"



"Probably best not to ask…"



"It's free wood, ain't complaining. ...They do know how they're to cut it, though, right?"



"Posthumous structural studies by myself have revealed to my person those measuremen–"



"Alright, alright, great, keep it up then."



With that, Hisoka got the hammer while Yoku moved to supervise the construction, and they began working further on the barn.



And seven hours later, with the aid of the Machoke, the barn was finished.



Cornwall seemed pleased to Hisoka's relief that, after a thorough inspection, the barn was completely done and somehow done well. "...Good work, very good work. You, the one who took fifteen minutes per hour to do a speech, make that hammer useful more often. You've got a good career with that skill, 'specially when Rocket decides to tear things down."



However, Hisoka was still a bit nervous. "...Uh... yes. We'll be off now... Our regards for the big man's wife, of course."



"Of course, and if you require any aid in particular, feel free to request it."



Quonk then began looking for something while the Bidoof was, strangely, absent.



Hisoka turned to Quonk to whisper to him. "...Just be aware if any of them show up, all right?"



And Quonk only gave a silent, absentminded nod while continuing to search.



"...Why are the cornfields rustling so much over there? Just a moment, I have to check that- Hey, get out of my corn! "



As the Bidoof was eating half this guy's supply, Hisoka died inside, and moreso when it became two-thirds, then three-quarters, and four-fifths–



" Kastriakh! The compensation which entitlement demands for ourselves is in deficit by large quantity of comparison! Halt! "



"Compensation? The terms were you helped me rebuild the barn to compensate *me!*"



"Indentured servitude does proceed with inclusion of lodging and satiation for purposes of labour."



"You looking to spend the night working indoors with a handful of corn in your stomach, boy?"



"...I shall decline such propositions."



The Bidoof finally came back.



"Then if both of y'all would kindly leave before I have to get the Machoke out, please do. And don't make an ancient speech announcing your departure."



"...Quonk, you're on your own here!" Hisoka simply ran away at that point. And with that, Quonk decided to be sane for once and leave for the treehouse wordlessly, Bidoof in tow and Yoku trailing behind.



"...That went probably as badly as it could have gone, but... we're going to have to prepare."



Quonk held up his unamused Bidoof. "Preparatory tasks may be sufficiently substituted within the scope of Kastriakh's aptitudes."



"I'm not sure you understand… Cornleone’s had people killed because somebody looked at a restaurant. You'll need a lot more than a Bidoof if he sends the Order after us.



Quonk shrugged. "It is declared that such invasions of vigilantism are to be in gross lack of sufficient forces and expertise in comparison to ourselves. I am privy to my profession's methodologies." He just got skeptical stares from Hisoka and Yoku. "...Nonetheless. Our Pokémon aside, our variance in defensive tactics is in great dearth. Peradventure we shall unleash military operations upon such resource havens as our locality's weapons dealers."



"Are you even listening right now? Are you hoping he'll kill us quicker? Because that's all that'll do!"



"On such occasions as impending peril for ourselves, perhaps a suitable alternative should be declared to be assault of our future assailant unawares, such that our advantage is established..."



"Kid... This man owns three quarters of Canalave. Even if we could find people, trying to convince someone to stand up to a group like that is next to impossible!"



Quonk looked at him deadpan. "Assaulted or assailant are potential roles assigned to ourselves. The latter shall be our ideal choice, or would we take flight upon impending assault from each direction?" Chirp. "Wings are quite absent in ourselves."



"...We should be preparing the best we can, sure, but given these people are known for killing people they suspect are talking to their enemies I don't imagine we'd get very far."



Quonk threw his hands up. "Imagination shall be utilised for the survival of our persons' existence, lest the defeatism you possess engulfs our rationality further! Preparatory action with assumption of victorious outcome's chance is naught but our sole option."



"What's even the point in fighting if they're only going to kill us anyway?"



Quonk went deadpan again. "Probability. Our deaths are inevitable upon surrender. Our deaths are *likely* upon resistance. Death shall perhaps evade ourselves upon resistance where it never shall upon surrender."



"...I don't even want to know what insane plan you've got to beat them, do I?"



"Direct, coordinated assault upon their persons in an unanticipated manner so as to entirely eliminate their forces with necessity."



"...Dear Palkia, I'll simply go with it at this point."



He nodded confidently. "Sufficiency in forces of our own possession shall overwhelm their own. Whence might we procure such forces of great measure? Verily, weapons dealers lack such power except as a mere component of one's sum of strength..." He gained a contemplative look, even though he probably wasn't thinking much of substance.



"...He owns the weapon stores. Where can we get a disguise so they might actually sell to us?"



Quonk tilted his head. "Sell? Transactions are of futility in times of dire, immediate need."



With that, Hisoka immediately became animated. "Wait, wait, wait... You're expecting to just be able to take them over in our state? Are you that insane?" Both Yoku and the brown mouse nodded in agreement.



Quonk didn't seem to care, continuing to gesture grandiosely. "Shall it be our demise upon being affrighted at dawn by invasion, or shall it be our demise upon defeat amidst our own invasion? Verily, one is deemed certain, and one shall not be so!" With that, he walked to Canalave, Bidoof in tow.



"...Well, I've got nothing to lose at this point." And so, he went to catch up with Quonk.



After an hour or so of Quonk being Quonk (and returning that carpentry book he got from the library), he arrived at the weapons shop he'd gotten kicked out of many times already in the past, loudly announcing his arrival as he held the prepared Bidoof who was probably hoping they just shot him at this point.



" Salutations, comrades of armed weaponries! It is my desire to hereby procure the vast majority of your goods."



"...Even if we would sell outside of those who protect us, you don't look like you have the money. Good day to you."



"The number of instances of which you have uttered such sayings has formed a quartet of unvaliant declines! Shall I prepare for transaction following the trio of such things?! Verily, folly is apparent in your mundane disposition! It shall not be transaction by which I shall procure your supplies."



"Then we shall make sure our investment is protected." Shotgun moment.



Quonk sighed. "Protection of resources, a fearfully defensive maneuver. Its futility is profound. Cut." Here we see a Bidoof fucking slice through a shotgun because household defense weapons have some level of ranking too.



With that, the clerk pressed a button, and Hisoka died inside. "...How many times did I tell you what would happen? How many?"



"It shall be valiantly declared that such outcomes are forced into lack of presence!"

Kastriakh used Surf, causing some wading problems. Yoku sighed in relief on top of Hisoka's head.



"For the love of Dialga, at what point are you going to realize that fighting the Order head-on is a very, very bad idea?"


Quonk of course looked confused. "We are yet in grand success, comrade. Staff disarmed, weaponry procured in short time, tactician's might in great supply... What manner of disincentivisation shall hinder our ambitio–"



With that, a door crashed down, the Order's agents rushed in, and they all pointed rocket launchers at these two.



After finally realizing he was in over his head, Quonk dropped the Bidoof who calmly floated on the water that was quickly leaving through the door as a bird flew and Hisoka sprinted away futilely. "...In accordance with sanity and valiance's doctrines, I shall proceed with surrender's terms presently." He just stood there calmly at that point.



"I don't know what you think you're playing at, but you can't just walk into our weapons outlet and steal things. That's not how it works here."



"Robbery, hierarchy, such opposites when faced with the requirement of necessities for survival's continuation... And yet hierarchy shall hereby be deemed so high in insignificance as to be utterly valiantly ashen in nature! ...In present chronology, however, verily it is declared that surrender to your might shall be optimal in tactician's choices."



"Oh, you're way past surrendering at this point. Given the notoriety you've accumulated in the last few days, I have no choice but to end you while you stand. I would have had your friend as well, but he'll still be–" As the agent looked back, he witnessed a large Rocket party approaching. "...Oh shit."



Seeing the Rockets, Quonk proceeded to completely ignore the existence of the Order and started using a rocket launcher to nuke the party. "Halt, unvaliant mafia excrementory instances! It is declared that my priorities shall direct themselves towards your persons in spite of lethal third parties' presence!"



"...We'll get back with you." With that, the Order began fighting the Rockets too, if not by choice.



Quonk just didn't care about who was fighting who right now, he was focused on killing as many Rockets as possible for the hell of it. "Seven annums have they lapsed, those vengeful attitudes of old bestowed upon myself for sake of valiant retribution! Their pleas to legacy's end shall not be neglected, it shall not be neglected, that grrrraaaand utopian end shall be striven towards irregardless of the span of chronology my life shall consist of! I shall be designated your principle fear, you unvaliant conglomerates of urea and bile! A quick and agonizing end to our combat, Kastriakh!"



The Bidoof began unleashing as many ridiculously powerful attacks at the Rockets as it possibly could in a short amount of time, almost as if it was desperate to either not die or die with a grand finale. The man was still using as much of the weapons he tried to steal as possible.



The Order had basically forgotten about Quonk at this point, being too busy trying to drive off the Rockets that the brown mouse hadn't already nuked. Which... he just kept going after the Rockets, chasing the ones that were left with a machine gun and the more lethal brownmouse.



And once the Rockets were dead, he just tossed the machine gun away and bowed to the Order with a pleased face. "If that objective our encounter was founded upon was declared to be my extermination, I shall hereby accept such provisions' enactment. My aptitudes lack sufficient height for resistance, and my premortem fulfillment has been declared."



Somehow the Order agents looked at each other. "Uh... that was unexpected... what are we supposed to–"



"We put him before the leader, you fucking idiot!"



"Oh... uh... he doesn't look of age, though."



"If he's stupid enough to mention his age, Big Donald can just shoot him can't he?”



The agents revealed Hisoka to be in their captivity by now. "...How you're still alive is beyond me."



Quonk just looked confused at Hisoka. "Valiance in concordance with tenacity promotes the general welfare of oneself. It is declared by myself that tenacity shall be suggested as a quality of necessary improvement within yourself."



"...Come with us, you two."



And so, they began walking to whatever the Order had in store for them.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

After following the Order's agents, Quonk and Hisoka entered an underground city below the Pokémon Center almost as large as Canalave. As they looked around, they were taken to a man in a suit who was calmly holding a bag of money, a cigar, and a gun: Donald Cornleone, head of the Order.



"So, what kinda business do you people have with me?"



"Business of assault shall be declared to be in imminence regarding ourselves–"



"So a drug dealer and his client? Why the hell did you bring them here?" Yoku chirped in offense.



"Uh... I don't know if he's a drug dealer, but if he is I'm definitely not–"



"Narcotics, stimulants, enhancers, and other manner of illicit possessions have lacked possession by myself... Ethanolic wine, however, it is prescribed by myself towards myself in remedy of ignora–"


"Whoever you are, shut up for a minute."

"No."

"...I'll ignore that."


The Order agents bowed. "These two are here because they attempted to take weapons from one of the armories, sir."



Hisoka interrupted. "I wasn't involved–"



"You most certainly were."



"...And why didn't you kill them on the spot?" Cornleone took a puff from his cigar, and Yoku began coughing from the smoke.



"We found a possible use for them. Their entry coincided with a large Rocket party entering Canalave, you see–"



Hisoka interrupted again. "Oh, I saw them coming in when I was running out."



"I shall proclaim–"



"Can you not interrupt?"



"No."



"...Testing my patience here, kid. Are you sixteen?"

"Verily so."

"...You know what, the ego matches, I believe you. So I'm guessing they fought the Rockets. How well did they do?"



"The older man's karate nearly disarmed us, and the young boy... It's what his Bidoof did that was more important. Yes, he had a machine gun that has now been returned, but none of those Rockets went back alive."



Quonk had a proud look. "A valiant combatant unmatched by the unvaliant. Such shall be declared."



"...What happens if we just take the mouse–" The Bidoof slashed his cigar. "Can we at least cut his vocal cords out, then?!"



"...Should we be doing that to a child?"



"We did it to that one kid who thought bombs were toy balls, didn't we? Just gotta make sure the brown mouse doesn't fucking–" And now the gun was crushed. "...Think I'll just let him be." The Bidoof made a content sound. "Take 'em to the assessment room. Report back when they're done, and maybe bring another gun, yeah? That Bidoof crushed this one really fucking good..."



Some time later, they went to an even lower level of the city, and Hisoka decided to crack a joke for once for some reason as Cornleone reviewed some info on them.



"Why have you brought us into your basement?"



"Seemed like a good idea to place you two in your natural environment."



"I mean, I did spend some time there in Oreburgh–"



"We didn't ask for an explanation–"



"Nah, let him talk."



"Discourse shall be–"



"You though, shut up."



"It shall be established–"



"I said shut up."



"Proclamatory utterances are to be–"



"You're only alive so the Bidoof keeps the peace, not to fucking rant! Sasaki, you're up. Quonkson, fuck off to the seats while he's busy and keep your mouth shut so we don't have to seal it."



"All right, then, what's it going to–"



An agent suddenly ran forward and tried to tackle Hisoka, but Hisoka proceeded to sidestep and move slightly behind the agent, and when the agent turned around and tried to punch him, he simply unleashed a strong kick, proceeded to grapple, and began unleashing a variety of strikes.



Here we have an agent of the group that controls Canalave screaming like they're about to die.



Cornleone facepalmed audibly and then yelled into the chaos that was happening. "Alright, alright, fight's won! Sasaki wins by a stupidly large margin, get the fuck outta the fight!" After Hisoka dropped the agent, Cornleone helped the loser up, then slapped them. "Fuck kinda training have you been doing, losing to a newcomer and acting like you've got the strength of a Magikarp all the whole?! Do better next time!" The leader then looked around the room once the agent left. "Sasaki's in the Order now, you guys can go all out in the doubles fight. ...Quonkson, you're up, please either fuck up so I can shoot ya, or impress me so you can say a sentence sometimes."



"V–"



"Do I have to glue your lips together ?"



"It is proclaimed as such."



"... Please fuck up. Alright, who's fighting him? Who's gonna fight the guy who massacred a Rocket party earlier? C'mon, you'll win, he's not armed– Ah, Ito, there ya are, get over here. Show 'em what an agent in these parts really knows."



Quonk proceeded to make a speech at the very start of the fight while dodging attacks. "It is proclaimed by myself that the moniker I am entitled to," a jump away from a punch, "that title which I address myself and my comrades as," side-stepping a kick, "Quonk Quonkson, that ferrrvent assassination-giver is my persona!" He punched the agent enough to get some knockback and then bounced backwards in an attempt to avoid a counterattack. "It is verily declared that my fall is that of legends, and that it shall be mythical in natu–"



...Ouch. That was a strong uppercut.



"...Well, looks like Quonkson just, er... fucked up gloriously. Think I'll consider that a win for It– Oooof fucking course, he gets back up."



"...Of legends and mythologies, a defeat of myself should be." He's going from two knees to one knee and one leg. "Accordingly, my establishment and grand ascent upon the hierarchy shall be as that legendary child's ascent upon Coronet!" Two legs and a crouch. "I shall hereby initiate my combatant's assault!"



Rare to see a Quonk silently fighting in public, even rarer for that to mean it's in his favor. A punch to Ito's arm and a punch to the opposite leg, enduring a headbutt to the shoulder to kick his balls because fuck honor, valiance better, and then amidst the chaos resulting from that, a punch with as much force as possible directly to Ito's chest and felt through the whole body, if they even had one anymore after that judging by the quick unconsciousness.



By the end of it, Quonk just stood there laughing next to Ito's hopefully not dead body while the others stared at him in surprise.



"...Quonkson wins, but what the hell did he take before this? Get the medic for Ito."



"Hereon, such tactical assault methods shall be designated as commonplace, per usual."



"...I'll just pair you two on your first mission instead of risking three people dying in one day."



"Didn't you say this was meant to be an actual test?"



"'Scuse us for not expecting demigods in training to arrive here. We usually get normal people wanting to help us."



"I mean, a lot of Rockets seem to be at least competent, so... perhaps there needs to be some kind of baseline–"



"Can you just stop...?"



Cornleone facepalmed. "Again, why did you guys not just kill them on sight...? Anyway, you'll have your first mission soon. Don't get cocky, doing well in a test doesn't mean you'll do so well in the field." Chirp. "...Okay, you might do better in a field."



With that, some time passed, and their first mission eventually began... as they stood in front of Canalave's Rocket base with a good amount of Order agents.



"Do we have a plan?"



"We were hoping you two would be able to figure it out, given everything."



Quonk contemplated that for about five seconds. "It is established by our experiential expertise that ideal assault tactics shall involve direct approach with swiftest destruction accompanying such immediate entries."



The Order operatives looked at each other in confusion before Hisoka spoke.



"I think what he said is the best way is to throw everything we've got at it, as quickly as possible."



"Do we even have the resources for that?"



Hisoka shrugged. "How should I know?"



"Inquiries shall be unanswered by virtue of their unnecessary nature. Comrade, ready your avian instance for diversive operations. Other comrades, the firearms on your persons shall be utilized optimally. Kastriakh, ready a barrage of assaults."



Yoku chirped in regret of her existence as Hisoka facepalmed. "...This is a new low."



The Bidoof announced its readiness as Quonk pointed upwards.



"Proceed with ascension!"



With that, Kastriakh climbed the walls in pursuit of the roof.



Hisoka and Yoku watched in confusion at that. "...I'm sure that makes perfect sense somehow."



Now on the roof, the Bidoof created a CGI explosion and dropped into the base... and screaming began inside as Quonk had an expression of triumph already. "It is decidedly declared that our imminent conquest is for our claiming!" He opened the door that was also locked, so goodbye to the hinges again, and then cue Yoku flying in to cause more chaos while everyone else now had an opening to just nuke.



...Or, well, Hisoka had an opening to use his karate again, but the Order's aim was so horrible that Yoku was frantically dodging bullets.



Quonk just stared at the scene while dying inside. "The marksmanships of yourselves are likened to those of inebriated toddlers in a rotating carriage."



"That's unfair on spinning toddlers."



"You two can mock us or you can come up with an actual plan!"



To be fair, Rocket had poor aim, too.



"Fixate your assault on the opponents' persons, rather than the walls of their establishment..." More CGI explosions from the Bidoof.



"We're trying, alright? Taking down a building takes a lot of shots!"



"You realize we didn't mean that literally, right? We've got a Bidoof for demolition."



"Wait... Oh."



However Kastriakh got that cannon, he started putting it to good use. Goodbye to all the walls, everyone; the ceiling was being propped up by the Rockets now.



"...Is he doing what I think he's doing?"



"Yes... You might want to move."



"Verily." Quonk sidestepped out the door with everyone else.



The brown mouse just shot the remaining Rockets with that cannon, and now... well goodbye to the ceiling too. In fact, goodbye to the entire base.



"...Does his insanity often work?"



"Given it's nearly got him killed at least four times in the time I've known him..."



"Fortunate circumstances allow for risk-abundant tactics to be executed harmlessly to no aversive effect by myself."



The Bidoof slapped him in response.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

In 2004, Donald Cornleone called the Order for a meeting.



"All right. I won't waste your time, we have better things to do than listen to me reminisce.



As some of you may have heard by word of mouth, I have been found to have stage four testicular cancer, and despite what you might think, it's probably terminal. I honestly don't give much of a shit — being a mafia boss makes you face death in a strange way — but I'm sure this matters to most of you, so I'm here to announce some people who might succeed me. Haven't decided who exactly yet. If I never decide, those in my list have full permission to try killing each other until one remains.



So, obviously, Quonkson and Sasaki get in the list... Maybe Ito if his heart doesn't fail first. I'm not about to put one of my kids through this job, so next is... okay, maybe just those three, I can't make Quonkson's Bidoof a candidate if we want good communication. Feel free to try winning my favor, but that won't be enough by itself. That's all, feel free to return to your karate training."



As the room dispersed, Hisoka, Quonk, and another agent gathered in a huddle, and Hisoka spoke.



"...I didn't even realize he had kids."



"Neither did I... Then again, so much has changed since you two joined that it's hard to keep up with it all. Pretty sure he didn't realize how common karate trainers were before you two showed up."



Meanwhile, Quonk was oddly silent, taking out a notepad and violently scribbling things on it.



"I'd actually feel bad for the person who got it though. Huge target to have on them, not to mention having to manage the city the whole time."



Quonk began to mutter under his breath while continuing to fill pages of his notepad with shorthand, leading to a few looks of concern before he finally put the notepad and pen in his pocket and gave them a completely serious look. "It is declared that unvaliance has rather permeated the confines of our organization and metropolity, attributed by myself to their natures. Such manner of unvaliance is to be swiftly purged at closest proximity in chronology, and such proximity has been set!"



"...Don't ask what he said, I didn't catch it either."



Quonk sighed. "Must I declare such things in common parlance? A quarter-score in succession of that grand day of our mutual encounter, I am still declared to be that fervent assassination-giver. I am supplementarily, yet chiefly, that agent of valiance with only such ties to support such a cause. Perhaps the implications are explicitly understood by yourself by such a manner of linkage."



"...And our leader thinks he's suitable to run this place? He's barely an adult!"



"And I'm any better?"



"Fair point."



"Remarkability in one's averageness is not to perplex one's logical structures by mixing such things with overarching valiance and venture." Kastriakh and Yoku facepalmed. "Nonetheless... Our hierarchically-dominant authority shall not obtain opportunities to revise our course. It is declared that his postmortem analysis shall not find... What have the youth declared its moniker to be..." He checked his notes. "'ligma' to be his fatal affliction which we shall induce."



"He's scaring me now..."



"He wasn't already?"



"Now, where is the spatial proximity of the anvil that has been procured by myself..." He started wandering about the room.



"Quonk, you're probably one of two people in the running to replace him, and the other one is Hisoka. You don't need to get tied up in a murder plot."



"In spite of such beliefs, the malleability of such circumstances and their timescales further warrants performance of assassinative operations." He finally found the anvil, pulling it out of an unusually small space.



"Couldn't we just... wait? He'll probably be dead in less than 3 months, and it looks like he wants the Order's new leadership in soon..."



"Uprising, indecisivity, pessimistic prognoses... Such factors complicate the predicted course. Therefore, it shall be declared that our course is void of complacency." He began hauling the anvil into a nearby room.



"Is it just me, or is this plan either insane or stupid?"



"Right now it's both."



Once Quonk, his anvil, and the Bidoof got in the door, Cornleone began shouting from inside. "Quonkson, why the fuck do you have an anvil– Oh wait, guess I should´ve expected this. Eh, Sasaki was still an option anywa–"



After the sound of an anvil crashing downwards, Quonk came out with a pleased expression, and everyone privy to it sighed as he walked into the meeting room.



"Comrades whomst I have been designated as a future antecedent of authority for, it has been declared that my precedent has been slaughtered by forces unknown entirely to myself. Therefore, the successive protocols perhaps once enacted must be carried out with timely swiftness."



"Right, find the guy to officiate the changing of hands... Only the 18th time in 40 years."



Quonk blinked. "Eighteen instances within the scope of twoscore... The nineteenth shall occur in no less than threescore."



"Wait... why did you even say that?"



"The rationale is confidential to all selves, including the one I am in ownership of. Nonetheless, I shall locate the officiator of ceremonial succession." Then he walked off in a random direction before opening a door forcefully. " It is declared by myself that the person of my role is in search of the master of ceremonies regarding authoritative transitio– " The Bidoof slapped him.



"We can't be surprised he's acting like this, surely..."



"This really isn't a mess we need right now, based on what I've heard."



After hearing that, Quonk instead hurried back to these two. "What manner of understanding must be divulged to relevant parties?"



"Mainly that you're basically the lord of Canalave now..."



"...Though you should be prepared for several people to not accept that."



This guy actually just shrugged in response. "Such is lacking in relevance or threatening capacities. Upon the security of my authority, reformative and expansive practices shall be instilled within ourselves."



"Dear Palkia, is he actually going to do this? He's going to get all of us shot."



"It would appear so."



The agent took in a deep breath. "The biggest issue we're going to have is probably the chance of a hostile takeover. Somebody's already coming through to verify what's happened and make an announcement, and then you'd have to be prepared for a lot of people to try and take you down. Speaking from experience: the rulers of Kissaki tend to keep to themselves; Veilstone are probably too busy with Galactic; I wouldn't bet on anyone from Sunyshore even making it here to be honest; so realistically your biggest threats are the Sinnohan Republic and... Rocket themselves. They're definitely up for occupying cities at this point."



Quonk had a momentary nervous look before he nodded confidently. "...Verily, such opposition shall be declared to be significant. Perhaps we shall instill expansive practices in a deliberate, paced manner, much as the boiling of a Croagunk..."



"So you're suggesting... facing Rocket head-on before they even know what's happening." Hisoka sighed again.



"This man has to be on meth..."



"Peradventure our ventures are aided by the establishments presently in control of Jubilife and Oreburgh. Their enmities are ours supplementarily, and in the event of our success, such cities may perhaps be declared to be ripe in their conquest opportunities thereafter..." He looked like he had just solved every problem of Hisuian power struggles. Yoku was somewhat impressed, but the Bidoof had the expression of someone who had heard these kinds of plans weekly.



"So... you'd use what they've got and then... defeat them?"



"Yeah, he might actually have gone insane... Should I tell him what happened last time Rocket or anyone else for that matter tried to invade Jubilife?"



"The Sinnohan powers are but monarchic, and therefore displacement of such heads allow for popular organization, yet notability of their military prowess is significantly deterring..." He sighed. "Rocket shall be primarily targeted. We shall deter threats of similar nature thereby, lacking in provocation."



"...That's actually some kind of plan."



Quonk nodded. "Perhaps we shall therefore initiate assaults upon Rocket establishments in local proximity."


"It may also be beneficial to have enough members to actually defend ourselves at some point."



"What such assailants warrant such increases? A quarter-score of assaults against ourselves have been lacking."



Hisoka and the agent looked at each other confused.



"...You've encountered Rocket outside Canalave recently, right?"



Quonk literally hand-waved it. "Such ventures preceding present times have been lacking in necessity. ...Despite the past, nonetheless... supplementary recruitment measures perhaps must be undertaken with all deliberate speed."



"...On it." With that, they both walked away to begin recruitment.


And now that it was beginning, well, he started making speeches that like one person understood and had to translate for everyone else. Namely, a speech about reducing the use of murder against civilians (they weren't unvaliant enough for that), a speech about not doing unvaliant things themselves, and a speech about promoting the common valiance in the city.



That said, it took a while to get the first people, but recruitment basically shot up soon after. And with that collective strength, Quonk sat down at the typewriter and began typing.



One of the people in the room looked over at said typewriter, and "...Oh, he's actually doing this, isn't he?" was their only reaction.



"'Course he is, that's what he does," Hisoka replied.



"Such circumstances as those presently attained permit this advancement in undertakings."



After Yoku sighed, he took the page off and started walking towards the meeting room, and Hisoka began putting on his shoes as the crowd began forming.



"Addressing the body of the forces of this newly-valiant organization, it is hereby declared that the regional origination of our most unvaliant opposition is to be found in Eterna Town, located within the Sinnohan Republic's boundaries. Therefore, whereas our forces' recruitment has been achieved, it shall be initiated: A grand assault upon Rocket's operating facility within! Upon such conquest, the duration of their operation capability within Canalave shall be declared to be finite. Now, utilizing such hierarchical status as has been vested upon myself, it shall be declared that processions of assault be henceforth initiated with all deliberate haste!"

 

[RescatteredStardust]

So after everyone got on a boat and got dangerously close to Jubilife City, they casually made their way to Eterna Town with an absurd amount of explosives.

And when they arrived, Quonk readied his Bidoof, Hisoka stood there with a chirping bird on his head, and the other Order members seemed rather excited to be finally doing something useful after years of lighting cigars.

Quonk then pointed to the brown mouse while looking at the others. "Kastriakh shall be hereby designated the bearer of the collective munitions for purposes of catapultery."

"Well, that beats us running in with the bombs."

He started to get ideas before the Bidoof slapped some sense back into him. "...Verily."

Once Kastriakh was loaded with a comically large amount of bombs on top of him, the Bidoof ran towards the Rocket base, launched the bombs, and created a giant explosion. Then he ran back covered in soot as the base turned out to be mostly destroyed... but with plenty of very unamused survivors coming outside as well.

Then Hisoka took a moment to realize something. "Did we even stop to consider there might be people here that aren't Team Rocket, or that they might have a problem with us running in and bombing things?"

While Quonk and the Rockets remaining just stared at each other like they were about to commit genocide, Yoku chirped in regret at the sight of something that had just passed the horizon... an orderly herd of Bidoof with a decent amount of humans following behind.

One of the Order members actually saw this. "Have we been followed?"

"I suspect we have. Not much we can do about it, probably — Quonk, we may want to run."

"Hindrances shall not be declared cause for abandonment of achievements that nonetheless shall be secured."

The Rockets began retreating into the base's remnants at the Sinnohans arriving, and then the Bidoof army started blasting when Quonk tried to follow, causing him to do a literal 180 and immediately recall his own Bidoof while Yoku raised a white flag.

"What is he, part-Kalosian? We could have easily taken on those Bidoof..." said the people surrendering to the Bidoof.

With that, the Prime Minister of Sinnoh appeared to speak to them. "I don't know why you people decided to start a gang war out of nowhere, but the Rocket problem is our problem, and we don't want another one with your mafia running over and making giant explosions."

"Mafias and gang wars are attested to by yourselves, yet you declare their existences emblemized by our valiant army-" The Bidoof forces created a warning CGI explosion. "...Nonetheless, success is sufficient presently, and a respite for yourselves may perhaps be prudent for ourselves. We shall hereby depart!" Quonk began walking in the general direction of their boat home, and his army followed thus.

"...I'll let them leave this time since they solved the Rocket problem halfway, but if they try this again, we may have to go to Canalave."

———

Back at the Order's underground base, Quonk began angrily ranting the second they got inside. "Gang wars! Mafia! Such attestations are declared to be archaic in nature and capital in unvaliance! Moreover, they declare their intentions utilizing the callous character of a conqueror! For purposes of providing a stopping block for the truly unvaliant syndicates of our present chronology! Were we to oppose such foes as our current organization, demise should have been declared inevitable..."

A random agent spoke. "I mean, in their mind there's 3 buckets. The totalitarian leaders, themselves, and everything else. Given our history, I can't even argue with that logic."

"A most unfavorable categorization, verily. Supplementarily, such circumstances do not permit present organizational structures to sustain an offense against the pestilence of the infinitely-reorganizing Rocket quarters..." There's a sigh. "Whereas such is declared to be so, present organizational structures shall be revised, therefore. Defense was lacking within this municipality upon our leave to Eterna Town..."

Hisoka spoke up. "At least they appreciated our getting rid of the Rocket base... but we barely have enough staff to drive the boat, remember?"

"In such circumstances, revision of present construction must be hereby assigned! Accordingly, our forces shall be divised as declared: A civilian government for the municipality to promote the common welfare, a defensive military for the municipality to promote the common defense, an offensive military for ourselves to promote the common valiance! ...Nonetheless, they shall report to ourselves." Yoku chirped. "Yourself supplementarily."

This, of course, confused the agents that had served under Cornleone. "Wait, why do we suddenly care about the welfare of the people?"

Hisoka had an answer for once. "Things have changed. People aren't willing to blindly accept things they dislike now."

"...Verily! Efficacy shall be mandated by the circumstances we voraciously crave the achievement of."

Some time later, it turned out that Quonk had a good idea. The civilian government was helping, the defensive forces were about what was expected (they hired a bunch of Croagunk that were doing well when supervised) and the offensive forces were getting specialized training in Bidoof warfare, so yeah, they were becoming dangerous.

But around this time, Hisoka heard the doorbell, and everyone else went silent. "...Anyone know if we're expecting a visitor?"

Quonk just waltzed towards the door. "The premonition of arrival has not been exchanged - nonetheless, this day shall not be declared unhospitable." He opened the door and immediately had a face of what the fuck.

"I'm sorry to arrive at such short notice, but I've come to discuss a rather urgent matter regarding our relations. May I be allowed in?"

"...Such shall be permitted upon momentary pause to permit preparation, and we shall utilize haste." He slammed the door shut and turned his back to it in fear. "Sinnohan Republic, Prime Minister. Crisis potential is declared to be present."

"What do you want us to do? I can't imagine this going well if they saw us going the wrong way!"

"Just act normal."

"Utilize valiance in all dealings with this official, and ready your Bidoof if declared essential!" Quonk slammed the door open at that point. "Entrance is permitted! Let us engage in diplomatic discourse hereby."

The Prime Minister walked in. "Alright, now that we're here... I'm here to discuss the aftermath of what occurred some time ago in Eterna Town." Yoku began questioning her life choices on top of Hisoka. "To be blunt about it, even though you've built a sizeable army since, Sinnoh wants you to quit expanding that army, guarantee that Eterna Town won't be attacked again, and hold elections willingly to determine who governs Canalave."

"...Such circumstances are unfavorable to the aims we have established."

"I'm not sure you understand... You see, we've decided to join the Kanto Union soon, and we have an interest in bringing democracy to all of Hisui instead of letting surrounding cities be quieted by their lords. To do that, it's in our interests to either hold onto our resources or have Canalave lend its trade potential in its ports to us-"

"Port utilization shall be permitted, yet populist management shall be hastily corrupted by the present forces of unvaliance we are in conflict with."

"We can handle that as soon as we come to an agreement, but it won't look acceptable to the other regions if we have a good relationship with someone who can declare the fate of a city in five seconds."

"Nonetheless, such terms shall not be permitted."

"Perhaps we can come to a compromise."

"Peradventure your unvaliant regional authority is to be disillusioned by the valiant metropolitan authority that has been invested in ourselves."

"...Pardon me, but I haven't had to learn some of those Hisuian words-"

"In common parlance, leave this city or we shall conquer yours."

"...That's all I needed to hear. You can expect a surprise in the coming month."

There went the minister.

Hisoka had an appropriate face for this. "That's not what I meant by act normal!"

A random person walked in. "...What should be done now?"

"Check the tent government, the Bidoof might have destroyed them again."

"Such shall not be a hindrance to our objectives! ...Nonetheless, the Kanto Union has been declared an antagonistic force. Peradventure we should address Rocket at its source with great haste to avoid imminent defeat and permit populist action..." Where did he pull that encyclopedia from?

Hisoka had heard it all by now. "All right, I thought the last fifteen plans were absurd, but going on Union soil? You might as well pay someone in Solaceon to put a bounty on your head!"

Quonk laughed haughtily. "If sufficient destruction is thereby declared to be achieved, such shall not be so! Rocket is declared to be Kantonian in origin! Therefore, we shall hereby bring about an end to Rocket or we shall hereby bring about Sinnohan terror!" He threw the encyclopedia in a random direction.

"Well, there's no way that's not going incredibly badly. That would risk everything we've managed to build... because they pushed us out of Eterna..." With that, Hisoka went off to write his will.

The boat containing the entire Order left for Vermilion City that afternoon.

Shortly after, a boat arrived in Canalave as well, and the people leaving it had giant boxes and were yelling about some kind of vote, to the city's confusion.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

When the Order arrived in Kanto's Vermilion City on November 30th, 2008, they were met with a fairly crowded port like one would expect — however, it was strangely orderly, the entire crowd was facing them, and they were all in the same uniform, save for a man and a woman, the woman holding a megaphone and speaking to them.



"This is Kanto Commander Izumi Taki of the Rocket Liberation Army. We have been informed that an attack on the region has been planned by those on this ship, and we advise you to return home now rather than die in battle."



Quonk proceeded to project his voice. "It is hereby declared that fatalities shall be inflicted rather than affected, and as that great strategist has proclaimed!"



"...Pardon?"



"Permit the Bidoof to assault!"



So the Bidoof began committing war crimes, and Hisoka had now had enough of this shit that he simply jumped off the boat along with several others and tried to walk straight past the army. "We're simply here to find Rocket and take them out, nothing to do with you–"



Some of the Kantonian agents immediately started blasting while the others were trying and failing to deal with the Bidoof assaults.



Meanwhile, Quonk immediately contradicted Hisoka. "If this army shall declare itself in opposition of ourselves, we shall declare ourselves opposed respectively to its unvaliance!"



Watching this chaos, the man with the Kantonian commander had a classic look of visible confusion.



Izumi was not amused as she muttered to herself. "They're trying to overwhelm us with strong attacks, but they're not very good at defending, and we have more people than them." She then yelled through the megaphone. "Fight like they are and disregard their own attacks!"



Quonk gained a face of regret immediately as the army began to overwhelm the Order all of a sudden.



Now Hisoka was the unamused one as he yelled to the Order. "Finish them already, what are you people doing holding back?!"



"We're trying our be-" The agent was cut off by a bullet, which led Quonk to immediately speak.



" I proclaim the issuing of retreat orders! We shall not achieve the march towards mortality so hastily! " Yoku chirped. "Nor flight..."



As the final shots took out the man near the Kantonian commander, they ran back to their boat to run from something they shouldn't have started to begin with. The boat splashed a meter in the air, sputtered in place, and shot off, leaving Kanto agents who'd failed to board it in its wake.



Immediately following that, Izumi took out her phone to make a call.



———



A hooded man shrouded in darkness stepped off a plane and into the relentless storms of the Orange Islands. He immediately walked to the door of a small building at the side of the runway.



The clerk at the desk looked up at him. "What business do you have here?"



The man looked at the clerk. "Did the others not say I was coming? I'm the Prime Minister of Sinnoh."



He reached into his pocket to pull out his ID, but a guard immediately rushed through a door and pushed him against the wall.



"You put your hands in your pockets again, it's the last thing you'll do. Understood?"



"I... have no idea what the problem here is," the moderately confused man said. "The Circle requested me here specifically."



"It was mentioned that we were now at war with Sinnoh, he didn't mention they were sending diplomats," the clerk said. "Excuse us if your sudden appearance is more than a bit suspicious."



Suddenly, the lift door opened. Out came a woman in her late 20s who was clearly in a bit of a rush. "You'll have to excuse the confusion, I forgot to make people aware of your arrival... The Ue's not going to be best pleased about this, is he?"



The guard looked at her. "Given the person you've invited is currently at war with us, you probably should have mentioned it sooner"



"I've only been here three months-"



"That doesn't change much now, does it?" The guard snapped. "You've brought an enemy of the state onto the premises who easily could have killed us all! You should know the protocol by now for situations like this, you run it past the head of security and we meet them at the plane!"



"You and I both know his first action would have been to shoot him in the head, so to my understanding that's what we call an undue escalation–"



"Like Quonk putting Gary in the hospital isn't an undue escalation of affairs, which could easily have–"



"Guys... I am not here to defend the latest actions of the crime lord occupying Canalave. I am here with a mandate from the free cities in hopes that this situation with the Order can be resolved without further unnecessary bloodshed."



The guard checked the Prime Minister for anything dangerous, then took the ID out of his pocket and carefully studied it. "...You're lucky everything checked out. Take him for what you need to."



"Oh... uh... right this way, then."



The woman leads the Prime Minister into a lift, then into a darkened room where he stood for several minutes.



"You may come forward," said an unfamiliar voice directly in front of him.



The man nervously walked forwards, and then the lights came on, revealing nine people in raised seats.



One of the people started talking, clearly at least partly aware of who he was. "Do you care to explain why you're on the Orange Islands at a time of war, young man?"



"In case you didn't notice, I don't exactly have much control over-"



"I asked him here," the same woman he spoke to earlier said. "I was talking to him regarding the situation with the Order, then he said that maybe he'd want to–"



"Ah, I see you've already met our Director of Communications. My apologies, she's a little new here. She should know better than to invite enemies of the state onto our grounds without–"



"Everyone deserves a second chance!" an old woman shouted. "If you were in charge of this place all we'd be doing to those who slighted anyone is having them rot in a cell! This man is unlikely to be directly responsible for the recent assault on Vermilion, and we should at least–"



"Have you forgotten so quickly that our agent Gary should by all accounts be dead right now, directly because of what forces from Sinnoh did in Vermilion?!" A louder woman interrupted. "There is no relevance in whether he is directly responsible, we do not accept actions like this in our Union and at minimum we should show that with his immediate–"



The man in the middle gently tapped his glass with a spoon, and the room immediately fell silent. "An appropriate amount of warning would be appreciated next time you invite a potentially hazardous guest, yes" the man said. "However, I shall remind you all that making friends within enemies is what separates us from the Unovan government that threatens our very existence, and this is why this leader of Sinnoh shall be allowed his chance."



Nobody said anything else.



"I am the Ue, current head of the Circle that maintains the interests of the Kanto Union from the shadows of the people's democracy. I apologize for the... discussion, let's call it... that should have taken place prior to your arrival."



Someone muttered in frustration. The First Minister passed the person that materialized next to them the referendum report.



"...There's only 4 cities on the report."



"As I already mentioned upstairs, Sinnoh is a divided region. Most of our cities are ruled by absolutists that would prevent any sort of vote from occurring. I should note that I personally have the direct backing from the people of the free cities of Oreburgh, Jubilife and Eterna."



"That's three."



"I can assure you the people of Canalave do not support the organization responsible for the injuries caused in Vermilion. I got their backing for this action while they were absent."



"Wait... so if you can't get a vote from the other cities because of their political factors... how would you know whether they would accept our ways?"



"After centuries of being ruled by absolutes, we have been trying to gain the freedom of others in the region, and people who have managed to escape to our cities have been like-minded. Unfortunately as you may have figured out, we do not have the resources to gain them freedom on our own terms–"



"Oh, don't worry, we know. That's why we've been preparing our weapon..."



One of them pressed a button, opening a door. Out came Dwayne Johnson's self insert.



"This is Hashira, a synthetic being that is an elite strategist and superweapon. He was created as a discriminate alternative to nuclear weaponry, and a more widespread alternative to an assassin."



"This would be the first large scale assignment the superweapon will be involved with. Hopefully it won't be the last — we've got plans for him to replace the military leader."



"How badly would four regions have to fuck up–" Hashira interrupted him by raising an eyebrow and creating a booming sound. "...Does he always do that?"



"We think it's a side effect of the enhancements, don't read too much into it–"



"I think I saw that on the Richter scale–"



"Anyway, back on topic. I take it the people responsible need to be dealt with, and I take it you know who those people are."



"Of course. Here's a list." The First Minister passed Hashira a paper, and the superweapon immediately walked back through the door he entered with.



"We've got it from here. Welcome to the Kanto Union."



———



Some time later, the Order returned to Canalave, only to witness something very... concerning when they got in the base. Namely, some giant muscular guy with dangerous looking eyebrows was busy blasting into the underground base and starting to destroy it like it personally offended him as Quonk stared in horror at the sight.



Hisoka began asking questions. "Who are you and why are you in here?"



The man just stood there and looked at him before raising an eyebrow to make a booming sound, and with that, Yoku flew to a more secluded part of the base, Kastriakh looked like he was questioning his life choices, and Quonk began being Quonk.



"In the circumstances sensory perception has declared to exist, peradventure that yourself should take your leave–" An even louder eyebrow boom. "...Or perhaps we shall declare ourselves foes?"



"He's one guy, we could probably take him–"



The man spoke. "I would recommend against this current strategy."



Of course, it appeared this person wasn't alone. Not followed by many, mind you, but still. The alarm went on pretty quickly after that, and then everyone else started attacking with literally everything they had.



"...I shall proclaim that assault shall be our sole method of endurance presently!"

With that, the Bidoof army began attacking, but it turned out they, Quonk's oratory, and the bullets were entirely useless against this man, but the man's plasma blades proved very effective against the Order's agents.



And guess what, the fervent assassination-giver wasn't exactly responding well to someone singlehandedly killing a tenth of the Order in one swoop, and then doing it again as he stared at the carnage in fucking terror, and then doing it once more, and another time, and maybe yet one more–



"I shall proclaim capitulation! I and my army surrender! "



And at last, Quonk broke down crying.



Hisoka yelled for the remaining agents to put the guns down and then walked over to the mess that was Quonk on the floor. "...Boss, this is why you don't pick fights with Kanto..."



At this point enough Union agents showed up that the superweapon walked off.



"...The premise was valiant, yet the finale was overwhelmed by the sheer unvaliance of such opponents..."



A Union agent walked in front of the Order's remaining agents. "So now that you've surrendered, you all have two choices: join the Rocket Liberation Army, or serve a prison sentence for however long they give–"



"I shall not aid such unvaliant causes– "



...



So they ended up in prison for a while. Lovely.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

So Quonk tried to escape by quite a few methods.



First, he tried to run the way of the exit when allowed to meet with other prisoners, so he got tossed back in his cell.



Then, he tried threatening whoever his cellmate was to get relocated, leading to relocation... to an even worse place to escape from.


Next, he created a CGI explosion from sheer valiance, but all it did was look cool.



He also tried to bend the bars, which only made his hands hurt and budged the bars a centimeter, and finally, he punched the wall, which only hurt even more.



So in January 2009, our very rational and very concise orator was sulking in a jail cell when one of the prison guards walked up to his cell.



"What shall your exit's reversion be declared to be in servitude regarding objectives unknown to myself?" he asked calmly, glaring at the guard.



"You have a visitor," the guard said, probably questioning his life choices.



Glaring less at the guard now, Quonk blinked then nodded. "Shall it be declared to be that impeccably-eyebrowed warlord with fortitude unspeakable? If it shan't, they shall be permitted."



The guard looked confused. "...It's not the guy who killed most of your men, no. They're from high up, but they're some Hoenn guy in a suit."



"...Perhaps it shall emerge that such a man will negotiate my reincorporation of that grand organization... His entry is permitted."



"You know where the meeting room is."

Did this guy just open the door or something



The guard opened the door, and then Quonk immediately hurried out and looked in a direction that was most certainly not the meeting room's before getting a few looks that made him reconsider that as he and the guard went the right way.



Upon their arrival, they were met with the suited Hoenn guy. "You must be Quonk–"



"Such is verily declared to be my foremost moniker. I shall accordingly request that of yourself, perhaps."



The guard spoke. "This is Alfred Sussy. He's an agent of the Kanto Union's Helping Hand division–"



"I can introduce myself, you know."



Quonk was holding back laughter as he spoke. "Sussy? What manner of harlequins' lineage cursed yourself with such a moniker?"



"Unsurprisingly, I got the same reactions when undercover. Anyway, I'm pretty sure you know what I'm doing here."



Quonk had a blank look. "...Shall it be declared to be an attorney's supplementation, or perhaps the declaration of reorganization of that valiant militia?"



"I don't really understand it given previous events, but somebody upstairs wants me to sort you out. I don't know why either — I was under the impression you weren't here — but here we are."



"...Sort me out? Elaboration shall hereby be requested by myself."



"Somebody seems to think you shouldn't be in prison, which is a bit weird given the things you're being charged for..." He tossed a list to Quonk with both sides covered in text, and Quonk stared at the list, not seeming to read it in depth but seeming disgusted nonetheless.



"...A most unvaliantly-coloured summary, perhaps. Rather illusionary. The perspective of such terminology is as that of an executioner soiling his person while declaring his mirage of mountainous quantities of defecation behind another's person to be irrefutably existent."



Alfred chose to ignore that. "I'm just trying to understand your reasoning. Our sides fought each other, but that doesn't mean we have to be enemies. There's some people up there that find all of this fascinating, just like the case of Snowpoint."



He doesn't seem very amused. "Enmity is inevitably fastened within such circumstances as the contemporary... Nonetheless, I shall elaborate in regards to my perspective. A profoundly unvaliant injustice has been enacted upon that city I have resided within for the majority of my livelihood's duration, the identities of such actors being declared to be those institutions in control of Hisuian societies, and often those societies within Union territories. I have initiated vigilantist operations therefore, as had the majority of that organization under my command, in order to restore valiance through means of establishing institutions possessing humanity."



"...You really need somebody to help you with your speech. I think I understood about three of those words."



Cue a sigh from Quonk. "Eloquent, articulate registers truly are incomprehensible to those who utilize common parlance... Very well, in such a register: The contemporary institutions that have brought Hisuian and Union societies into corrupt disorder, the consequences of which I have experienced, must be entirely replaced. I have resolved to bring forth that replacement as such, and was aided by the forces under my command dismantled in the month preceding the current one."



"Still not common speech, but at least I understood it that time... so it was just a revenge mission? I'm pretty sure most of us have a story like yours when Rocket is involved."



"Revenge mission... Vengeance was but a secondary priority, if a priority nonetheless. My aim is but valiance. To bring forth a society enabling wellbeing, and to achieve a total eradication of those unvaliant forces dominating our livelihoods for purposes of personal gain: That is declared to be my driving end." He nearly stopped making sense again, but hey, he got passionate, that's all you need to do to make any sense in this world.



"...So, wait... you don't realise that what happened in Vermilion had the opposite effect you were after?"



"The Union's institutions are declared to be unvaliant to equal degrees to Hisuian governments' equivalents. The origin of such unvaliance? Those organizations preceding them which retain their dominance upon all their successors! Corruption within state matters, promotion of the unvaliant in societies within their boundaries, and entirely regarded by most as akin to a poor outcome in a game of chance! Of course, it is required thus that a revolutionary spirit assault such institutions, dismantling to construct more suitable sorts."



"Did literally nobody tell you we pulled the other dictators down? It wasn't just your people we were targeting, I can promise that! Though in fairness, some were more successful than others..."



Quonk looked at him like someone said the rich finally got taxed properly. "...Hisuian lords have been cast aside of their peoples' governance, you believe? Perhaps that is achieved. Perhaps, nonetheless, there are other institutions to be dismantled, organized criminal governance chiefly so, it having the winning hand presently even relative to the coalition of regional governments you serve."



"I mean, you can't change the world overnight, though clearly the people who pay me think you have a part to play."



"I shall decisively aid those who declare themselves opposed to such organizations! Despite that, the instrument your coalition utilizes is truly the source of unvaliance... 'Rocket Liberation Army'? It's as if I should be persuaded to join the cause I fundamentally oppose!"



The guard looked about as confused as expected by now. "...I mean, he seems up for it."



"Why would we be paying Rocket? They've been causing just as many problems for us, especially recently. Anyway, there's some certain people I probably need to convince this is actually a workable idea." Alfred left a book on the table before walking off as Quonk had a very bewildered expression.



...At least there was a book, which he was obviously going to take and read immediately. Opening the thing up, he was met with a ridiculously thick book with nearly every notable Kanto Union document a citizen could ever want. He immediately welcomed the challenge and started skimming the book, mainly learning that illegal things were illegal, such as:



- Blowing up property with a Bidoof or other explosive

- Murdering criminals

- Operating a gang to get rid of another gang while drunk

- Eating Rare Candy as a human

- Trying to conquer the government, even valiantly



He didn't care, but he and the guard were certainly surprised.



Meanwhile, a solemn Hisoka was brought into the room, and Quonk eventually skipped all the other laws before talking to a nearby chair.



"It is declared that perhaps such absolution of one's convictions may be leveraged through utilization of a method located within the confines of this tome. Among such methods as treaties, welfare provisions, innate valiance's prevalence..."



"...I'm over here," Hisoka replied. "I still don't understand why picking a fight with Kanto was ever a good idea."



Quonk blinked and turned to Hisoka to reply. "The destruction of the forces that comprised our organization was deemed imminent. The unfettered aggression against a foe of high esteem is declared to be the successful culmination of delaying efforts," he said while in jail.



"We were rocked, kid..."



"Merely postponed inevitabilities."



"Literally none of this would have happened if we'd have mainly kept to ourselves. It's not even like Canalave disliked us."



"Sinnohan forces endangered such causes nonetheless... Perhaps direct assault upon Rocket's establishment within Eterna, or upon the other remnants of unvaliance within Hisui, was prescribed the ideal course, in retrospect."



"There's only so many ways that would have gone, and I wouldn't say any of them would have been favourable."



"Such circumstances' lacking in favourability is declared to be replete with such relative to present chronology... Nonetheless, the current state of affairs shall be compensated for. Perhaps this 'Rocket Liberation Army' is wanting in security relative to its abundance in force–" He finally found the treaty establishing that, quickly read a few sentences, and then had a very clear look of confusion for 15 seconds before he put the book down and then moved again. "The preceding utterance shall be eliminated from my authentic declarations. The organization's valiance is reputable, and previously misconstrued by myself as unvaliance."



"And you didn't think to research this before we invaded them? For the love of Dialga..."



He actually looks embarrassed now. "It is declared that haste was utilized in a manner unfitting of careful sensibilities... Nonetheless! Such an organization surely is in possession of resources and abilities akin to a mountainous mass relative to the pebble of our former establishment! The utilization of such an organization, its objective in harmony with that of my own..." The look on his face. He's getting ideas.



"...Can't we at least get through five minutes without going through whatever you're planning now?"



"A lunar cycle of captivity, comrade! It has elapsed, and it shall hereby conclude upon our alliance with the organization foretold! A grand armed force it is, and this grand armed force shall overtake this world order of unvaliance yet under the commanding direction of myself!"



"Kid, we should probably be lucky they're even considering giving you a second chance. I don't know anyone else who would."



"Fortunate circumstances may permit glorious ascension thereby! The unvaliant allege victory, and the valiant allege optimistic incompetence, but I shall declare the process of enactment of rrrrrighteous establishment through my vessel! And the initial step shall be..." He then hopped off the table and sat in a chair in the same frame. "To wait."



"...Maybe we should find a newspaper or something."



He handed the law book to Hisoka and just... proceeded to chat up the prison guard while relaxing. "Pleasant climate presently, I suppose? Though I lack windows to confirm, other circumstances improve its likelihood." First time he's seemed happy in this place.



Hisoka looked confused, but started reading the law book.



Later, they arrived at the front desk of the building, and Alfred Sussy looked confused at Hisoka's presence.



"Who even is this person?"



"This instance of man is declared to be my principal comrade in valiant operations! Rather deliberate in thought, rather insignificant in notability in most instances of chronology, yet verily suitable in such circumstances as my own!"



"Do you actually need him though? Didn't all of this start largely because you ran into each other?"



"...I didn't start any of it"



"I shall endorse his valiance and utility to yourselves. His haste in decisivity, however... It is as a crawling Gastrodon in the speed of his unfathomable deliberations."



"...Hang on, I've got a phone call." Sussy momentarily went into an air vent to Quonk's confusion before returning a few minutes later. "Apparently he's coming too... The prison manager is definitely not going to like this."



"An occasion for festivities, verily so."



Hisoka immediately intervened. "More importantly, we don't do them here."



"Why would they be here? More importantly I'm not sure they'd happen after you see the plans we've got."



"Plans? I shall be enlightened in due course according to fascination."



"We'll discuss them later — I need to get some forms ready." He took out a mobile fax machine before noticing Quonk and Hisoka looking at the thing like it was witchcraft. "...Come on, how 1960's are you two?"



"In no chronology have Hisuian industrial processes progressed to such extents."



Hisoka had to comment on that, though. "First thing is working on your speech — I can't understand a word you're saying."



Quonk looked deadpan at him. "Verily, education in the Hisuian registers is paramount for yourself."



"Is this what happens when you're not trying to kill each other?" Sussy said while replacing a few batteries in the fax machine. "You two probably need some kind of training on computers — I don't know how you'd operate the holograms otherwise."



Quonk and Hisoka gave him blank stares.



"...The lines you people draw, honestly."


"What manner of divine rrrrrevelation permits such feats?!"



That drew the attention of a prison guard, who immediately ran into the room. "Where do you think you're–"



"Here's the paperwork, I suggest you go find their stuff." Sussy handed some papers to the now shocked guard.



"...This is literally an unprecedented event!"



"There's a lot of those recently."



Some waiting later, a Bidoof and Starly were finally released from captivity for the first time in a month. Yoku of course perched on Hisoka's head.



"Appears the papers check out, have a nice day," the prison guard announced.



"My car's outside," said Alfred.



And inside a generic black car, Quonk spoke.



"Preceding the captivity our release has concluded, political circumstances were quite apparent to myself. I shall request briefing regarding such circumstances following my imprisonment." Yoku chirped. "Perhaps we have been enlightened regarding Union prison circumstances, verily, yet such is not declared to be the entirety."



"...You two have questions?"



"You're not military."



"You're right, I'm not."



Yoku chirped in confusion.



"A civilian agent he is declared as."



"I mean, I tend to get involved with a lot of military things, but that's not really by choice."



"What in Giratina's name do you even do, then?"



"Shall it be proclaimed to be vigilantism?"



"There's a lot of government roles that aren't military related... granted I used to be a spy, but I'm not anymore." Alfred took a deep breath. "I'm basically here so people like you two can get a second chance."



Quonk had a semi-suspicious look at the spy part. "It shall be established by myself that the redemption of release of conviction has been valiantly and reciprocally issued! ...Your befuddled expressions permit my understanding. In common parlance, it is declared that my second freedom is issued in a worthwhile manner."



"That's not common speech at all," Hisoka mumbled.



"Lot of people say that, I've heard way too many evil people say it before," Alfred pointed out.



...Quonk look embarrassed. "Perhaps it has been declared by others as such in times preceding... Nonetheless, it is declared." Yoku chirped sarcastically. "Unvaliance is entirely lacking in myself! Has such not been established?"



"...Your little tricks caused how much death?"



"That was self-defence."



"Not in Kanto, it wasn't."



"Minimisation of such harm was mistakenly redirected against the valiant..."



"...You actually apologized?"

 

[RescatteredStardust]

Upon their return to the Canalave underground, Quonk and Hisoka were met with everyone staring at them until Alfred waved them back off to work.



An unamused Quonk decided to give his commentary on the situation. "Liberation's seizure of our operational centre is declared to be rather... lacking in decorum, yet apparently appropriately suited."



"At least people seem to have short memories around here," Hisoka replied.



"...Was memorisation apparent in these instances of humanity principally?"



"Not really — these seem to be mostly new agents. Probably from other parts of Sinnoh–"



Alfred interrupted. "So, there's a lot for you two to do. First of all, we've got to do something about Quonk's speech. You're of no use to us if we can't understand you."



"Given adequate time, the upperclassman's parlance shall be comprehensible to yourselves."



"We're not the only people who exist. Heck, I've known you for eight years, and I still don't understand half of that."



Alfred pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll call a speech therapist I know and have him get here as soon as he can."



Quonk sighed. "A grand register is to be declared extinct by the revolutionary eras..."



"...Looks like this may be more difficult than we need it to be."



"I shall acquiesce to the inevitability of such declarations and the forces thereof, if lacking in satisfaction regarding such circumstances. If common parlance is desired, common parlance it shall be."



Hisoka shrugged. "I've been trying to get him to tone it down since 1999, no luck"



"Such changes shall be brought forth upon their necessity, and expedited instances of chronology therefore faile-" He did a double take at Alfred speaking to a hologram. "...Jesting was not the nature of your technological boasting?"



"No, I just need to make a phone call..."



"Is such deified capability declared to be commonplace?!"



Everyone tried to shut him up about then.



Later that day, Quonk was sitting in a private room, muttering to himself verbosely in waiting when the speech therapist arrived and sat down with him.



"So... Quonk, I take it?"



He simply nodded. "Verily so, such is the moniker primarily utilised in address towards myself."



The speech therapist looked dumbfounded before sighing. "Alfred wasn't wrong about this, was he... Do you drink coffee?*



"On occasion, such stimulatory substances are consumed by myself. Rarely are such measures given necessity for myself in present chronology nonetheless."



"Do you see how what you just said might be a problem?"



"...It is not declared that such knowledge is apparent to me."



The speech therapist frowned. "You haven't said anything so far that couldn't be said just as well with exactly one word."



"A singular linguistic form rather muddles the complexity and formality inherent in such expressive parlance as that which is uttered by myself in present chronology."



"You don't need to be formal all of the time."



He blinked and looked almost offended. "It is mandated such that a precise and elaborate expressive methodology is declared ideal. If such is declared to be formality, formality as such is utilised."



This resulted in yet another deep sigh. After about another minute of questioning his life decisions, the speech therapist replied. "I understand why formal exists, it's just that you don't need to be formal, especially when speaking time is as limited as it can be sometimes."



He started looking even more confused here for reasons obvious to him. "Countless annums spent have revealed to myself the lack of necessity regarding limited utterances. Simplification of one's expression is therefore required negligibly."



"By the time you had finished speaking you'd already lost."



"Must it be declared in common parlance for comprehension to be achieved?"



"That's about right. I'm being paid to help you, so help you I shall."



"...If such a circumstance is discerned, I shall declare that the ideal aid providable is regarding hierarchical supplanting! Principally, the primary provision would be regarding establishment of status..." With that, Quonk just kept going on and on and on to himself until the therapist gave up.



"...All of that's wonderful and all, but I'm just a speech therapist. Maybe Alfred can help with that..."

Eventually, the man just had to leave because Quonk wouldn't stop talking to himself, and he kept doing it afterwards for 5 minutes until he noticed he was alone in the room. Then Quonk proceeded to wander the base until he ran into a visibly drained Hisoka.



"Who are you wandering around for now?" Hisoka asked.



"Whatever personage that shall permit ourselves the ability to accelerate in hierarchy!"

Yoku sighed on top of Hisoka's head.



"Maybe wait until they don't hate our existence first..."



"Such acceleration shall be dependent on the acceleration of the aforementioned social status, verily."



"I mean, it's not necessarily possible to get up there if-"



Hisoka was interrupted by Alfred coming out of the room's air vent to Quonk's confusion. "Somebody up there has asked whether you two have lost it or not in the last month, you might want to have an answer for that."



"Shall a demonstration in our present chronology's spatial coordinates be undertaken?"



Hisoka immediately prevented impending abrupt chaos. "Perhaps he means somewhere more suitable..."



So Quonk decided to look around at that point and... well, the training room was in sight, so he just ran over to it, found a convenient sandbag, and proceeded to shout while posing. " Itisherebyvaliantlydeclaredsuchthatpyrokineticforcesshallnowcommencethemselves! "



A CGI explosion destroyed the sandbag while Hisoka, Alfred, and another agent stared dumbfounded at the sight.



And Quonk let out the haughtiest laugh yet. "Valiant force shall persist in spite of bondage, in spite of disuse, and in spite of mortality itself as declared and demonstrated!"



"Where the Canalave fried fuck was that a month ago?"



He sighed wistfully. "...Such capabilities were declared to be nonetheless deficient regarding necessary force. Nonetheless! The circumstances being declared, peradventure an assault upon the unvaliant's establishment in this municipality is performed as per tradition."



At this point Alfred just looked at him like he was on something. "...Yeah, good luck with that."



"Among such frequent triumphs of ourselves in the tradition, a supplementary triumph shall not be declared unfeasible, shall it?"



One of the newer people then joined in on the conversation. "I realise you know the area more than we do, but fucking with Rocket when we're still trying to establish presence is a terrible idea."



Hisoka interjected. "The only reason you need to establish presence is because you destroyed ours–"



"No, you and Quonk fucked your presence by putting an Elite Agent in the hospital and starting war," Alfred retorted.



"You gotta admit that Gary's a bit of a prick, though," the agent pointed out while Quonk died inside.



"He's from Hulbury, they're all pricks."



Kastriakh and Yoku, meanwhile, loaded bombs onto the lift before it went up with them on it.



"...Peradventure it shall be declared that threat assessments are scant in legitimacy regarding this municipality's unvaliant's importance."



"...Aren't there rules here?" the agent asked.


Alfred shrugged. "Eh, he'll figure out the problem we've got there eventually."



"The problem is that it's almost next to his treehouse. He takes that personally," said Hisoka.



Shortly after on the monitor, the camera that was giving a live feed of the Rocket base got obscured by a bird investigating it, and then a massive CGI explosion happened yet again. Goodbye to that base for the 500th time, but this time Alakazam were coming out of the ruins as the Bidoof and Starly fled, to Quonk's surprise.



"...Peradventure our aid would have been declared suited for theirselves."



Alfred shrugged again. "I mean, if you've got any ideas... They have been causing us a lot of issues over the last month."



"...What manner of Bidoof warfare prowess has been honed in the forces under the authority in your possession?" The two animals returned before eating any food the resident Croagunk had for them.



"It's generally not good practice to keep high explosives around, especially in a world where you could be required to explain anything to people who ask..."



"The Rocket Liberation Army is declared to be unsuited to explosives... and to be in struggle against such forces repeatedly trounced by ourselves. Kanto casts its gaze downward upon us..." Quonk facepalmed to end the roast before Yoku chirped. "Would we have travailed against this army, the security of our establishment should not have been breached November!"



Over a week of the usual later, there was a knock, and Alfred vented out by the door to Quonk's continued confusion and opened it. "Ah, yes, we were expecting you. I take it your recovery has been going well?"



"I heard we had a bit of a problem, to put it mildly," the visitor replied.



It appeared to Quonk that he recognized the visitor, and he proceeded to speak in Galarian rather than his usual Hisuian. "...Shall it be declared that aid and comfort have been rendered upon an enemy of ourselves?"



The visitor appeared to be confused, though he also replied in Galarian. "Dafuckdideesayblud?" Then he saw Hisoka. "Oimateyawannagoagainyaprick?" Everyone was confused as Yoku chirped while giving him a chip with her beak as a peace offering.



"Such a duel's circumstances shall not be declared victorious for yourself twice!" The Bidoof facepalmed even though it couldn't understand Galarian.



Alfred proceeded to try to intervene. "I realize there's some history to unpack here–"



"Are these two the problem in question?" The visitor replied.



"I'll give you a fucking problem!" Hisoka yelled, before trying to tackle the visitor and getting thrown into a chair by him as Yoku flew off his head.



Quonk just stared in dumbfounded horror at that failed attempt at a fight before he began the fast bowing. "A benevolent salutation to this most esteemed guest who has been permitted his entry and authority!"



"You don't even run the place anymore, and I was the one who invited him," Alfred replied, a confused look on his face. "This is Gary, one of our Galarian agents. They send him when they think something's about to go down."



"What shall the circumstances of his presence entail regarding the present chronology's impending risks?"



"Remember the base with the Alakazam?" Gary began. "There's a rumour they're preparing to use superweapons on people to further what they're doing. Obviously, we cannot allow that to happen."



Cue Quonk pausing for a moment before straight-up wheezing from laughter. "A half-score of conflict, the only constant being their overconfidence regarding their offensive potential and our defensive capabilities! Such intentions are to be declared asinine!"



...So about that, some time later, Quonk was passing by a camera showing the front of the Pokémon Center, and he witnessed something rather worrying: A large amount of Rockets heading towards them with a Porygon-Z.



He pressed the emergency meeting button despite not having permission to, and he began running to the meeting room frantically, entering to a confused crowd of armed Liberation agents before clearing his throat. "Salutations, valiant fighters of the organization which we hereby shall refer to as Liberation!"



The crowd stared deadpan at him.



"...Understood, this is least warranted presently. We have collected data on the operations of Rocket's Canalave forces. They appear to intend to attack us - however, we are quite aware of their movements! Therefore, as prescribed by that great advisor, let us ambush them! We shall surprise and hurl their army into chaotic collapse, and we shall this day overwhelm these grand tyrants of supposed commerce! Onward!"


With that, they were interrupted by the large Rocket party entering the room and beginning to shoot everything they could. "We're in the main base! Keep going!"



Everyone began shooting at that point, and Quonk began going insane with Kastriakh again, having him flood the room and assault the Rockets with Surf. He then came across the Porygon-Z then began circling it while trying to taunt it. "You, good sir! Perhaps you wish to target us? You appear to be the leader of this invasion - I am the leader of our defence! Therefore, your objective is to target myself!" The Bidoof casually pushed away the bullets and cut the lasers that the Rockets targeted Quonk with. "But peradventure you find yourself unable to? Quite a disappointment, is it not?! Target ourselves forevermore! Verily, we shall happily parry it even a trrrrivial millimetre away! "



And for some reason the Porygon-Z froze up, and despite it not having emotion, something like fear appeared to be in its eyes.



"Go after that fucker! He's deranged!" The Rocket commander said, and yet he was unheard.



Quonk gave a confused look, held up the Bidoof, then had it use Surf on the remaining weaker Rockets. The base even more soaked now, he turned to the Rocket commander who somehow hadn't still died.



" Deranged I indeed am, though not with mania nor mushroom! I am thrown into the most valiant thrrrills of grandeur by the patriotism of old and new, and of this glorious organization which you hereby shall immediately vacate, lest you suffer the wrrrrrath of the liberated world! " He posed as a CGI explosion happened.



"Fucking hell, the robot's crashed! Leave it here, we're going back to the drawing board! Looks like these Order folks are stronger than before!" the Rocket commander yelled.



And with that, the remaining Rockets just ran off, leaving the Porygon-Z just floating there.



Quonk triumphantly laughed, his arms in the air as he began mocking Rocket. "Their singular viable assault! Their singular plan to be carried out! Their singular neuron collectively divided amongst themselves! Our counterassault shall be declared to be grand beyond comprehension with this singular instance of..." He turned to the Porygon-Z. "...What shall it be declared to be?"



Gary simply looked at it. "They call it Porygon-Z, but is it even safe?"



"If unvaliance is found within its nature, it shall be hindered by the counterbalance of myself!" He pointed towards the Rocket base. "...The avian hologram you are declared to be! You are hereby permitted to send forth unhindered assaults upon the unvaliant organization that has assaulted ourselves immediately preceding the present instruction!"



After a moment of processing, the Porygon-Z proceeded to fly outside at absurd speeds, and on the monitor showing the Rocket base, the aforementioned building was promptly destroyed despite the host of psychic Pokémon that failed to defend it.



A shit-eating grin on his face at the sight, Quonk turned back to everyone, his arms wide. "What manner of retaliation shall they enact against ourselves regarding this assault?"



"We'll probably find out in five minutes..." Gary said deadpan.



"...We got somewhere. That's good, right?" Hisoka said.



Quonk laughed. "It is hereby declared that the valiant metropolitan conquest sought by ourselves has been undertaken with great success!" Yoku chirped questioningly. "...Verily, ourselves. The forfeiture of Canalave was not enacte–" The Bidoof slapped him again. " Nonetheless , a grand achievement of this grand organization!"



Gary by now simply nodded in acknowledgement, still processing the whole of it. "Well, there goes any doubt of whose side he's on, at least".



He began to walk away with a somewhat smug expression... "Verily, valiance professed alone is to be declared moot, whereas valiance brought forth by enactment shall be declared–" ...and proceeded to bump into a metal box. "...What shall this metallic container be deemed hereby?" He started shuffling through the pieces of paper on the left side and looked surprised. "...A polling station regarding the forces' head? A novelty, it must be declared. In such circumstances, one in mine would hereby..." He wrote his name in the candidate and voter name fields and dropped the ballot into the box. "...declare candidacy!"



Alfred proceeded to vent out as a host of former Order members began looking at each other.



Quonk tried opening the vent but found it to be locked. "...What manner of mechanism...? Putting such matters aside, I shall hereby issue a manifesto regarding my candidacy. The unvaliant forces of Rocket in Eterna persist in existence. This shall be attributed to previous complications in my army's diplomacy. Therefore! I shall declare that under the command of myself, Rocket shall be eliminated within Eterna, remain eliminated within Canalave, and verily, Hisui shall thereby remark on an absence of Rocket's presence within!"



A Kricketot chirped.



"...You'll also all be trained in Bidoof warfare, to declare it in common parlance."



Gary looked very confused. "Didn't you remove Rocket from Eterna years ago?"



"A partial and incomplete and provisional and hindered removal, it was. In present chronology, such matters not, for its presence has persisted."



With that, the voting proceeded as expected.



Once the tallying was nearly over, Gary went to check what was going on with the results, and when he found out who won, he immediately went back to Hulbury without saying a single word to anyone.



Meanwhile, Quonk somehow hadn't even looked because he'd been too busy being an orator, so since the results were nearing their end, he approached the tallying machine apprehensively, looked at the results, walked away, then did a double take and finally nearly hit his head on the ceiling from that celebratory jump with an overjoyed laugh as his Bidoof died inside still staring at the results.



"The electoral triumph shall be declared in advance by myself! And therefore, I shall hereby preemptively declare the Vice Commander to be..." He pointed dramatically... "This instance of-" ...at Yoku, who chirped. "...Avian being?"



The bird pointed a wing at Hisoka. Guess Hisoka's second-in-command again.



The chair just shrugged. "...Guess déjà-vu exists after all then"


"Verily, verily, the recurrence of valiance is inevitably established furthermore!" With that, he began heading to the meeting room, gesturing for Hisoka to follow. "It shall be requested that our assembly be performed with all deliberate speed, for an abundance of labour is to be established for ourselves!"

 

[RescatteredStardust]

When Quonk had managed to gather everyone, he began a speech.



"Comrades! I shall hereby declare my most fervent gratitude regarding my election to this authoritative status! Utilising such, I must redirect our cognizance towards Eterna a second time.



Rocket persists in such a location! Rocket persists in Hisui! Rocket shall return to Canalave if such a circumstance is not addressed! Therefore, I shall issue the initial proclamation of my tenure... Our chief aim shall be to eliminate Rocket in continental Hisui!



Therefore, I shall hereby establish a training program regarding Bidoof warfare, and karate education shall be reestablished! Upon proper conditioning of yourselves in such combat, I shall declare an assault upon Rocket's Eterna operating center!



I presently hereby conclude this proclamation and declaration thereof."



A new agent spoke for the bewildered. "...How the fuck did you lot pull that off five years ago?"



Hisoka shrugged. "It was happening a lot longer than that... If you actually go looking for people who know self-defence, you won't struggle to find them."



Quonk then began giving more personalized orders. "Kastriakh, you shall hereby locate kin of your specie and supplementarily escort theirselves into this operating facility for obtainance." The Bidoof ran out of the room while Yoku was eating popcorn from one of the Croagunk. "Vice Commander, I shall designate your role to be as previously designated in the forces of our preceding organization. Yoku shall be designated the aerial assau-" He was interrupted by the phone ringing, so he waltzed over to it and answered. "Salutations?"



"I need to speak with the duly elected leader of the Sinnoh forces. It's important." If Quonk didn't recognize Hashira from the voice, he would have definitely recognized him from the eyebrow boom immediately afterwards as there was an argument in the background.



Quonk then went pale that instant and needed a few seconds of silence before he could speak. "...That is me. How may I be of service to you?"



The words "How the fuck did he manage that?" must have been very audible on that phone call, as everyone stopped arguing for maybe two seconds when they heard Quonk. "Pretty sure we've already met, so I don't need to go with the introduction. There is a problem I need you to deal with for me." More eyebrow booming.



He blinked. "...And that problem is?"



"It's Eterna. More accurately, Rocket is causing serious problems in Eterna right now. I don't know how they hid from us, but this isn't something we can politically afford right now. Not after what's happened in the north this week."



Quonk seemed a little less pale, and his face looked slightly contemplative. "...Quite a coincidence that I announced plans for an assault upon Eterna's base the moment I was elected. I'll make it certain that they'll no longer be a problem."



Everyone in the room seemed rather worried by now.



"I don't need to remind you that we need to avoid unnecessary injury. There's a lot more people keeping an eye on you now, and by extension what we do."



He paled again with an audible gulp. "...Yes, civilian harm shall be minimized."



An angry Hisoka wrestled the phone away from Quonk and started asking questions. "We're the ones meant to be reducing harm and being careful, and yet you personally killed eighty percent of our people with zero consequences! How's that fair?!"



Eyebrow boom.



"More importantly, we still barely have a third of the forces we had when we went to Eterna the first time, and they're probably actually prepared for it this time! How do you expect us to–... He hung up..."



Quonk put the phone back on its cradle and proceeded to die inside with the shakiest sigh possible from him, as he looked at Hisoka like a trainer their proud Voltorb who'd just used Self-Destruct to lose the battle. "...Such circumstances as in the present chronology are hereby declared to be... unfathomably disadvantaged for ourselves."



Hisoka now looked at Quonk the same way as when he decided invading Kanto was a good idea. "You don't say, boss?"



"A superior lacking in reason who is declared to be my victorious assailant, a vice commander who is declared to have cast aside precedented cognition, the forces who are not declared to be adequately trained..." Quonk sighed again. "What manner of recourse shall we enact?" Yoku chirped sarcastically. "I inquire your enquirer's identity!"



As if on cue, Kastriakh returned with a line of endless Bidoof, and he just stared at them dumbfounded before nodding like he had an idea. "...Perhaps the inquiry by myself has been declared answered." He's turning to the rest of the room now ohshi- "I shall hereby declare an initiation of rapidly-paced Bidoof assault training! Hisoka, a boat is required presently..."



With that, Hisoka set off to place chairs on a boat, and a literal half hour later, they were on the boat, the boat was cartoon running instead of being slow like last time, and the thing was full of Bidoof that might have been in higher numbers than the humans.



After a quick boat ride, they marched the rest of the way to Eterna with a herd of restless Bidoof in front, and they were met with... rocket launchers from Rocket and a tiny yellow submarine car in the distance.



"Kastriakh! You shall hereby initiate a rallying of the forces under your own command in concurrence with the forces under the command of myse–"



The Bidoof interrupted by suddenly performing a giant CGI explosion as a collective onto the base, doing a sizeable amount of damage to it before Hisoka died inside at how some of the new agents couldn't even march correctly right then.



Suddenly, an eyebrow boom happened out of nowhere, and Quonk nearly faceplanted mid-march to the Rocket base before immediately looking around to find the source.



Meanwhile, Yoku was sending bombs absolutely everywhere on that base by the sheer power of flight, and the Bidoof were charging into what was left of the base to use the HM kitchen sink on it from the inside.



Enter stage left, a tiny submarine car was being driven like from any film about driving. And... well, a hole was made in the wall followed by awkwardly slow reversing with loud beeping. Coincidentally, that finished the job by making a hole in the intersection of two walls... The Bidoof began exiting through that hole and surrounding the now collapsing base menacingly.



Quonk was once again looking like he bested his fellow aristocrats in the daily crossword even though he did next to nothing.



At that point, Hashira got out of the submarine car to go stare wordlessly at Quonk and Hisoka.



A somewhat unaware Quonk now walked up to the Bidoof, who were now rallying to be addressed by a translating Kastriakh. "Comrades of the household defense weapon assortment! I hereby declare your initial achievement completed! Nonetheless, I must declare a secondary and final mission for yourselves: Go forth, amidst all Hisuian territories, and seek out and eliminate all instances of humanity affiliated with the unvaliant forces we have combatted this day! Such is to be enacted immediately with all potential haste!"



Once Kastriakh finished translating, the Bidoof yelled something out as one and dispersed. Then an unusually proud Quonk noticed his fucking superweapon of a boss staring at him and Hisoka, and he died inside visibly again.



Hisoka appeared done with this. "How come you show up right after we've managed to get it done on our own?"



"...We were hoping you'd be a little bit more subtle."



"Alright, how do you propose we 'subtly' blow something up? Same way you 'subtly'–" He was cut off by an eyebrow boom.



Quonk looked deadpan at Hisoka and then nervously made his own remarks. "Although we attracted attention, perhaps this can be called a warning to the remaining Rocket forces in the region?"



"It's a large amount of Bidoof running about on a killing spree that is the current concern..."



Now Hisoka attempted to do an eyebrow boom of his own, failing horribly and not even looking good trying. "That's a bit ironic."



Hashira did the eyebrow boom back. "Well, let's just say what happened a month ago wasn't exactly to plan."



The Bidoof handwaved that while saying something that Quonk translated.



"...I was not understood, it appears."



Everyone sighed heavily from the sheer relief.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

"Attesting to the present chronology's circumstantial situation, I shall hereby declare an Alolan respite to be my successive course of action! Hisoka shall maintain the common valiance as Vice Commander. I shall commence my return in seven sunsets, comrades!"

It was 2011. Rocket was now simply gone in Hisui, and by extension, the Rocket Liberation Army in the region could now have some peace finally — especially since Quonk was leaving for Hau'oli City now with Kastriakh.

The boats were surprisingly fast nowadays, too. The Kanto Union's technology made everything a little more convenient, and transport was one of them, it appeared. It only took a few hours to go between Canalave and Hau'oli's ports, the same time it took to go between Kanto and Sinnoh at maximum speed in 2008!



And when the boat arrived, Quonk immediately ran off it, taking in the atmosphere of the tropical city. It reminded him somewhat of his short time in Vermilion... although perhaps that was best ignored, since there was a distinct difference.



With that, he set off to enjoy the tourist attractions of Hau'oli: Eating food that wasn't his usual Canalave fare, having conversations with very confused Alolans, trying to go Mantine surfing (the Mantine ran away in terror), and the most normal part: Giving speeches in the middle of the city while being himself.



"It must be hereby declared presently: Valiance is present in this establishment! Nonetheless, unvaliance continues to persist!" He pointed to a somewhat scared Skull grunt. "This manner of personage! This decorum's void! This thievery of Pokemon! It must be declared to be present!"



"Dude, they probably don't even understand you–"

"Were you permitted to unleash utterances upon ourselves?!"

"...No, sir."



He heard shouting in the background before he continued. "...Nonetheless! Whereas my status is that of a military commander, I shall hereby declare a campaign upon the unvaliance of this city for the seven days of my respite within! Verily, such shall be in the format of–"

A CGI explosion interrupted Quonk as he jumped backwards in startled confusion. Then orchestral tokusatsu music started playing as... five people in solid-color hazmat suits... posed in front of him.



"...What in the Canalave fried fuck shall this be declared to be?"



"We are the Mulman Rangers!"


"Hau'oli's unofficial defense force, serving the local police!"

"And you, sir, are nearly under arrest for creating disorder in this city!"

"...Plus, we're just here to be badass."

"Don't say it out loud, Yellow..."


Quonk ceased his bewildered staring to begin laughing hysterically at the five of them at that point. "What manner of- of costumed harlequins shall yourselves be declared to be-"



Meanwhile, the Mulman Rangers just looked at each other deadpan, though nobody could see that.

"...Should we fight him?"

"He seems dangerous enough with the Bidoof."



"Such circumstances are not favorable to yourselves!"

"...He's not taking us seriously at all, is he?"


"Let's fight him. That's fine with you, right Red-"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! Let's not get that hasty, guys!"

"Green, he's a worthy opponent-"

"And he's also a military commander, why do you want to fuck with him now of all days?! He could call the navy on us!"

"...Are you sure he's actually a military commander?"

"He's in uniform..."

"Oh. Let's stand down then."

...Quonk blinked in slight confusion as they walked up to him without having weaponry or anything and the relieved green guy outstretched a hand.

"Alright, so we're sorry about that little incident. You don't seem like you're actually a threat to anyone except Team Skull, and those guys needed scared anyway. Hope we can be on good terms now."

"...Such was not to be held against oneself, I must hereby postulate."

"...Huh?"

"In common parlance, I shall not hold it against yourselves."



With that, all six of them and the confused Bidoof began walking inexplicably in a random direction.

"...So, military guy, what brings ya to Alola?"

"A respiteful holiday, it is."

"...Vacation? You'd think it was a mission or something."

"And regarding yourselves?"

"We live here! ...What's with that look, we're normal college students."

"Extraordinarily so."

"Anyway, we're going to be moving to Galar soon. Green found a job at some tailor's security department, and we aren't ones to leave each other behind!"

"...At which point in chronology?"

"Wha-"

"When shall it be?"

"...Let's see, I heard it was tomorrow-"

"I said it was tomorrow yesterday, guys."

...All four of them had faces of realization at that point.

"...It's today?"

"We haven't even packed!"

"Yellow, next time have someone tell us directly!"

"Hey, military guy, you keep doing military shit, but we're off to Galar!"

"Learn the language, comrades!"

"...Right, right, see you!" They all posed before steam blasted from their feet and they began to fly in whatever direction they were going.

Quonk witnessed this in extreme confusion before he shook his head and the Bidoof made the token confused noise instead.



Guess he was off to continue his vacation now.



More eating, more relaxing on the sand, more attempts to ride a Mantine, more terrorizing Team Skull by existing, more speeches in the middle of Hau'oli...



But something was missing as the week ended. It was the final evening of his vacation, and he only noticed more things that were unvaliant now. Even the Mulman Rangers hadn't vanquished it, apparently, and he was to do it on his own time later, surely.



...Vanquishing international unvaliant organizations... That was his goal in the end, was it not? After all, Rocket was Kantonian, not Sinnohan.



That was the moment he realized what he had to do: He needed international power now, not just regional power. Whether by aid of the powers that were, or by aid of his becoming an international power himself... He had to get it to get rid of an international organization.



With that, he returned home on the boat, and it turned out there was indeed something missing: He forgot his cell phone. ...He could get the Sinnohan military-industrial complex to make him a new one, though.

 

[RescatteredStardust]

By 2019, Quonk had had himself and the Sinnoh branch in countless international missions by now, and with the occasional domestic incident easily squashed, things had been going well aside from Quonk constantly asking Misty and Hashira for a promotion to global vice commander and never getting a yes.



With that context, presenting the new arrival: A suited man from Galar.



Quonk of course acted normal: very cordial, very verbose, very dramatic... "Ah, a Galarian transfer, it shall be declared! A fine complementary personage for our valiant membership's ranks of Hisuian personages. What shall your moniker be declared to be, good sir?"



The man was... extremely confused by Quonk's speech even though it was in Galarian. "Given your reputation is collecting data on others, you really should already know."



Quonk proceeded to look confused for a moment before just shamelessly taking out a stack of notecards and tossing them about while muttering in Hisuian as he looked for this guy's card. "...Kanto, Kanto, Kalos, Johto, Hisui... Galar, such is so... Your moniker is declared to be..." He nearly drank air when he read the name. "...'Al Mongus'? What manner of...? Ah, nonetheless, it shall be declared irrelevant. Fame of surveillance as opposed to fame in international command... peradventure publicity forces are to be designated in due ti- You are declared to be an Elite Agent?! " He dropped all of his note cards.



"I mean, we've had Elite Agents before, haven't we?" Hisoka pointed out.



"This your second in command, is it?" Al asked as a Staravia chirped on top of the vice commander's head.



Quonk started picking up the note cards that were everywhere now after he regained his composure. "Verily, verily, the deliberate and conservative in strategy Hisoka Sasaki, Vice Commander of the forces he is declared to be."



"...Is it normal for him to be transporting your bird Pokémon around?"



"No, just this one. It's been 20 years, the weight is getting a bit much."



"Couldn't you hire a bird carrier?"



"Haven't tried, and on that note, I have to ask: Did Gary train you?"



Quonk died inside a little at the mention of Gary. "Such is to be declared in likelihood..."



Kastriakh walked by and looked at them before heading off somewhere.



"Yeah, he did. Also... does anyone know anything about Snowpoint? Somebody I used to know is from there," Al asked.



Suddenly, an awkward silence began.



"...Such likelihood of circumstances regarding their personage are to be declared... er, fatal."



"Basically, they're probably dead."



Yoku chirped in agreement.



Al seemed shocked. "I... what? I realised her dad seemed a bit weird, but... what?"



"Alas, comrade, it is declared ad infinitum such that circumstances shall with probability be declared to be present nonetheless."



"Yeah, but, I mean... What the fuck's going on over there that this lord-type person's own daughter probably isn't around anymore?"



"...The circumstances are deemed... irrationally inundated with complexity. Peradventure yourself may hereby be assigned to orientation regarding this operating facility for purposes of adjustment."



"He's suggesting you distract yourself by getting to know how things work around here. Everyone should be happy to explain things."



"Verily."



"Can you tone it down for the new guy?"



"No."



"Thought as much..."


Al set off alone with about the face that could be expected. With that, Quonk awkwardly (for about 3 seconds, he went back to his slightly insane walk afterwards) headed back to the room he'd come from, and Hisoka followed... but Yoku was too tall for him to get through the door, so he stood there trying to figure out what was on the large monitor.



What was visible was the computer screen equivalent of the messiest whiteboard in existence combined with the messiest desk in existence. Cynthia's face was visible somewhere in that, and the text was in Kantonian, so it clearly wasn't his notes. "...What manner of intelligence shall be declared to have been extracted within thi–" Quonk noticed Hisoka then nearly moved to turn off the monitor from surprise as Yoku decided to fly off somewhere.



"Do I need to ask how illegal what you're doing is?"



"...It is hereby declared that legality is present. Official intelligence files regarding the Prime Minister are its origin." He started opening up an absurd amount of windows. "Murder is not hereby present... Property crime is not hereby present... Neither tax evasion hereby present, nor violation of League regulations..." Cue him sighing and then going full cartoon face at him seeing the next window. "...At which point in chronology was offspring present?!"



"Why are you suddenly obsessed with Cynthia?"



"The head of the regional hierarchy is declared to be essential regarding international command..." The thing started lagging, so he started closing half of the windows (half of them were actually on regional landmarks and most of the other half on other random people). "...Tenshou Karashina, presently ten annums of age... daughter of Cynthia Karashina..." He blinked. "'Connections of interest: Hogoki Taki'? Intriguing..." Cue a click and then him paling. "...Son of Izumi Taki. A potential supernova of sorts, it is declared."



"Oh, so you're spying on the kid of one of the Kantonian leaders, too. Do I need to pretend to be surprised?"



"Such manner of surveillance is evidently declared to not be singularly by myself regarding hisself... This international child is declared to be a person of interest by myself, nonetheless. Potential for grand accomplishments is found within hisself, peradventure." He bookmarked the files for Hogoki and Tenshou for reasons beyond mortal understanding. "...Nonetheless, returning to Hisui... Tedalleshaines Town of Tedalleshaines Island, with persons of interest declared to be... Anna Kaneko?" He suddenly seemed to have an idea.



"We've seen the Kaneko family going on holiday before. This wouldn't be that strange."



"...Nonetheless, a premonition has appeared to myself: The present circumstances demand investigation irregardless of such circumstances' appearances. What manner of surveillance agents are presently in reserve?"



"...We have a single Furfrou named Leroy. We'd probably need some knowledge of the target before we know if they're a viable option, though."



"...Such intelligence collection shall be undertaken by this canine instance!"



Leroy proceeded to show up. "Was somebody asking for me to do something?"



Hisoka screamed from surprise as Quonk had a bewildered face.



"Ah, verily, verily so... You are hereby assigned to Tedalleshaines Town, located on the Hisuian island its moniker is derived from. The subject of interest is declared to be Anna Kaneko of Kissaki City, presently declared to be Snowpoint City. All intelligence derived is to be declared of interest."



Hisoka, now a little calmer, shrugged. "I don't understand why either, but you know what he's like. Somehow he thinks she has something to do with Rocket."



"Such is declared to be so! Therefore, with all haste, it shall be declared that you shall be dispatched to Tedalleshaines!"



Leroy just tilted his head. "I'll just show up there and see what I can find, then..."



Quonk saluted as the dog left. Then he turned back to the monitor and closed the windows except for the two children's files before muttering to himself. "...It is declared to be intriguing, verily so, the multitude of intelligence acquired regarding this pair's personas... Peradventure this grand organization shall find theirselves of great utilisation."



With that, the story of a man with too much information in his brain and another who had to put up with it comes to a close for now.



Wait, you thought it was over? What, no, no, no, this story is bound to continue... In the second prestory!