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The Roast of...

MikaelBrigman

Golurk-Platinum
Pronouns
he/him
Roast your stories in the replies. Don't hold back. If you get down into the nitty-gritty, you'll find things that need to be fixed yourself. I think self-deprecation is preferable to flames, so it's beneficial in the long run. Roast your story, your characters, your worldbuilding, whatever. It's supposed to be a roast, a joking insult, so have fun with it.

Don't roast anyone else's story unless they suggest it. Not even the bad ones. That's just disrespectful, y'know?

Asking for flames is like, my twenty-fourth favorite hobby, however it is not one I would recommend.
 

MikaelBrigman

Golurk-Platinum
Pronouns
he/him
On The Alchemist...

Blanche is a whiny little bitch that needs to grow up. We get it, he's based on Shinji from Evangelion, but Shinji was written by a whole bunch of people with a solid character concept, not some hack from the deep south. Is he motivated or sad? He's a sad attempt at character duality, nad his two moods are wangst and hot-blood with barely any in-between.

And let's talk about that world-building, yeah? So, end of the world scenario. Right. Stupid name? The 'Shattered Heavens' incident? Check. Making an evil team benevolent but misguided while it tries to save the world? Cool concept, but basically NERV from Evangelion. The Church of Helix. Wow, a Christianity analogue? Aren't you creative? Well, at least it wasn't Arceus (who is based more on Shinto mythos) this time. Bird Jesus from Twitch Plays Pokémon? What a totally clever joke. I'm sure no one has thought of it before. If the story is based on Evangelion, why the hell is it set in Kalos? What part of that show made you go "oui, oui!?" Author appeal? Oh, of course that's the reason. That's the reason for most of the story.

Back to the other characters. Serena is Rei Ayanami with no backstory for the first twenty chapters. Shauna is a tsundere archetype with barely any reason for being that way with a characterization not based at all on canon. Trevor and Tierno are side characters... again, because they were like that in the games. Fair. Rosa is insane, likes to fight, and it basically Goku. Cool, but again, there's no basis in canon. The OCs are lame. Ariel is the Girl Next Door-mat and Aveline is the strong independent woman that don't need no man except she's totally incapable of acting on her own because you're a hack and can't characterize characters right. Gin is author appeal to the utmost degree. LaRusso and Lenore stop existing when Gin isn't around. Ash isn't the same Ash as in canon, but no, don't worry about confusing your audiece, that would never happen! Salem is just Rosa part two with barely any differences and really? You had to include a cat girl? We get it, you're making fun of anime tropes while deconstructing them at the same time, but could you make that a little more obvious? It's not a genius bonus, it's bad writing.

Ayo, sit down, Will Smith, I'll keep your wife's name out my f*cking mouth, but if she was in this story, her only personality trait would be a degree of self-loathing and being more of a philanderer than Professor Sycamore. The author doesn't seem to understand that you can make a character deep without making them secretly hate themselves.

...Wait, isn't that how real people work? Everyone is a little bit insecure, or a little bit self-deprecating, or a little bit whiny, but rarely all three at once when you get off of social media. Blanche appeals to the lowest common denominator of people that hate themselves, and yes, that makes him relatable, but he's annoying as hell when he refuses to grow. A story should be engaging; realism doesn't matter when it starts annoying the audience. He needs to get over himself.

And that is the roast of the Alchemist, circa Chapter 24 out of 27.
 
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