Chapter 1 - Break a Leg, Literally
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NebulaDreams
Ace Trainer
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Author's Note:
So, I don't know if anyone expected my next move to be a fic based off of a forgotten fighting game series, but here it is! I'd been working on this chapter on and off for a few months since I found the in-game concept of Felicia pursuing her dream of being a musical star really endearing (and also having an excuse to write about best boy Sasquatch), and the setting of Darkstalkers meshed well with my writing style.
This is a loose interpretation of the Darkstalkers canon since I'm familiar with the games but haven't watched any of the series. Some general plot elements of the franchise as well as character backstories are referenced, but I’ve tried to make it stand on its own. I also introduce some minor original characters to try and expand the world and the cast.
I don't know if anything will result from this in the long run as I only envision it as a project I can pick up at my own pace, and it hasn't been beta'd, but I wanted to post something in the absence of any Darkstalkers fics out there.
Summary:
Felicia holds an audition for her dream production of Beauty and the Beast, writing her version of the titular Beast for her crush Jon Talbain. But when Jon doesn't turn up, her rival Sasquatch ends up getting the lead role. Felicia tries to keep her head above water while balancing the competing cast and crew of humans and darkstalkers, and discovers that there's more to Sasquatch than just a meat-headed lug. Will they make it big in the theatre biz as monsters in an industry filled with humans, and without getting their heads mounted on the wall by greedy bounty hunters?
Some darkstalkers said that humans were bad news, but Felicia had never believed them. Not one bit. The humans who’d raised her proved that wrong. And as she sat in her apartment, watching her well-worn tape of Beauty and the Beast, she wondered if monsters were capable of producing such great art as humans did.
Humans coloured and drew thousands of frames, recorded themselves acting and singing, and created a story that transcended species: the story of a beast bettering himself to fall in love with a human. It took a lot of effort to put together, something other darkstalkers, including herself, took for granted. Humans were weak and squishy, but made up for that by pushing their skills to the limit and also had opportunities that darkstalkers didn’t. They had a safety net. They had the chance to create art that pleased millions.
Felicia had that chance. She was lucky enough to have been raised in such a loving home and have the connections she did in Makai. However, the prospect of making a musical of her own, even then, turned her stomach into unravelled yarn.
After the film ended, Felicia paced around the lounge, script in paws. She stopped to run her claws along a scratching post, hoping it soothed the funny feeling in her gut. She tried to sing, but the lyrics caught her tongue like, well, a cat. No matter what she did, she couldn’t chase away the feeling that tonight would end in disaster.
She sniffed the air. Almonds. Jon emerged from the bathroom, white-blue coat all poofed up from the hairdryer. As soon as she saw him, the yarn ball in her stomach assembled itself back together.
“Did you use my shampoo?” Felicia asked, tail swishing.
“No.” Jon stared back at her with the same seriousness as he did whenever he faced another opponent in battle. “It’s too fruity for my liking.”
“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. It’ll make you smell nicer.”
He sniffed himself. “I’ve only just used the shower.”
“It’s not like you stink or anything; I’ve just got a more sensitive sniffer.” Felicia pounced onto the couch, pawing at her script.
“I can smell that you’re worried,” Jon said.
“It’s that bad, huh?” Felicia kneaded the foam stuffing on the arm rest. She had to stop picking at it but she couldn’t help herself. Neither could Jon, judging from the claw marks on his side of the couch. “I’ve never done anything like this before, so anything could happen, really. I don’t even know how many people are gonna turn up.”
“I think you’ll be in good hands.” His face scrunched up. “I don’t care much for that Raptor bloke, but his star power will bring in who you need.”
Felicia nodded. She didn’t want to touch Lord Raptor with the tip of her tail, and wondered why such a heavy metal extraordinaire took such an interest in her pipe dream, but she wouldn’t have gotten this far without his involvement. Numbers didn’t matter. All she needed to focus on was getting the production started.
She took a deep breath. Jon always had a way of calming her down, even when he stank up the place or howled at the full moon or disappeared from the apartment for days on end. It looked like he was about to disappear again as he stared at the door.
“It’ll be nice if you can make it,” Felicia said, scrunching the script in her lap. “You’d make a good Beast.”
It was an idea she’d suggested several times. Part of the reason she chose the story as her first production was because of Jon. It would’ve brought them that much closer together. But she didn’t want to pressure him into it – she knew how important training was to him as a werewolf – and she could predict what he was about to say.
“I have to go and train.”
“No worries.” Yes, worries. “I just think it’ll be fun, y’know? I’d like to see you perform anyway.”
“Drama was never my forte while I was in primary school.” Jon shifted his feet.
“If you don’t wanna, you could just watch. Boost morale and all.”
“You don’t need me to boost morale.” Jon ran his claws along his arm, which was laced with scars. “A musical is nothing to the darkstalker who stood up against Pyron. Don’t forget that.”
Felicia caressed her flushed face. Her yarny stomach tightened. How did Jon know the right words to say while being so emotionally constipated? But he was right. Felicia wouldn’t have stood a chance in the spotlight if she acted like a scaredy cat.
“Well, thanks.” She swallowed, hiding what she truly wanted to say.
“I’ll see if I can make it to the theatre–” Jon headed for the door–”but I won’t make any promises. Break a leg, as they say.”
He slammed the door shut, as if in a hurry. Felicia raised the script to her face, focusing on the front page.
‘THE BEAST AND THE BEAST - A FELICIA & CO PRODUCTION’
Felicia had been proud of that title, since it was her own take of Beauty and the Beast, not just some copy. The ‘& Co’ part just meant Lord Raptor, but that alone made it sound so official. If they were in the auditioning process, that meant it was a professional production. Felicia had to act like it, and see it through to the end, with or without Jon.
Felicia padded through X-Over Street, aware of her every movement in the presence of humans: the twitching of her cat ears as they picked up far away screams, hushed whispers and blaring traffic; the clicking of her claws against the concrete; and the very annoying swishing of her tail trapped in a long skirt. She knew that she stood out in a crowd, even in a city populated by darkstalkers like her, and she’d gotten used to the stares by now.
It was alright for humans to stare. They were curious. It was in their nature, and there was no malice behind it. Despite that, Felicia couldn’t help but sigh in relief as she entered the lobby of The Doghouse.
Every dog had its day, and The Doghouse had seen better days. The lobby felt like it was frozen in time with the dim, yellow lighting shining over its mismatched red and grey colour scheme. The vending machine only had one Monster Gulp in it, the sugar-free one, and the music that played in the foyer crackled through a tinny speaker.
However uninviting the atmosphere was, it still radiated a certain warmth. Felicia felt it as soon as the human clerk, Abraham, greeted her like one of his human regulars. He’d served at The Doghouse for as long as Felicia remembered.
“Hey, Felicia,” he said, suppressing a yawn. “Come to buy the last can of flat soda?”
“Maybe some day.” She shot him her best smile. “Thanks again for letting us have this space.”
“I ain’t the manager. Nice to see you all the same, though. At least you’re giving me something to do, even if it’s just to tell you where to park your backside.”
“Business as usual?”
“That Raptor fellow’s in there.” Abraham winced. “Don’t care much for his noise music and such, but it livens up the place.”
She hummed. Lord Raptor tended to do that, for better or for worse. She thanked Abraham again as Felicia stepped into the theatre, and stopped for a moment to take in the sight.
The theatre was modest in size; it must’ve only housed a couple of hundred people. The stage itself was small, but it provided enough room for actors to twirl around in without bumping into each other. The air was dusty under the dim stage lights. Yet this theatre felt like home to Felicia.
She still remembered how it felt when she saw her first musical there as a kitten; the orphanage had ponied up enough money to buy tickets for her and her litter. It happened to be a local production of Cats. Even though the costumes were bad and the story made no sense, it was hard not to cry in the end when that bedraggled cat sang her heart out as she reminisced about a better life.
It was Felicia’s turn to bring the audience to tears. But first, they had to get through this audition. Lord Raptor had his pale, clawed feet up on the seats as he noodled on his guitar. She swatted at the zombie’s legs.
“I know you’re a rockstar, but the actors don’t need to see your barking dogs,” Felicia said as she sat beside him.
Lord Raptor huffed and put his feet down. “Cats and dogs, am I right?”
“Whatever.” Felicia wrung her paws together. “Please tell me that people came to this thing.”
“Well, this ain’t a sophomore slump, that’s for sure. Just listen to ‘em.”
Felicia closed her eyes, focusing on the cacophony behind the curtain. Even though it came out muffled, she picked up so many voices, growls and screeches that she couldn’t even tell what numbers there were. She felt giddy, like she was high on catnip. This was actually happening.
“Okay.” She let out a nervous laugh. “That’s the last time I doubt your super stardom.”
“You know it, baby.”
“But it’s not just your fans, right? Do any of these people even know the theatre?”
“Don’t worry about it. You’ll find the right guy.” His hand hovered over his frets, itching to strum. “You ready?”
Felicia took a deep breath. She was touched already that so many came to her audition. But she needed someone right for the job. She knew the theatre world was cutthroat, even more than some of the darkstalkers she met that were literal cutthroats.
“Ready.”
Felicia covered her ears as Lord Raptor shredded his guitar, belting out a 5 second metal song just for playing the actors in. Did he need to be so loud?
The first audition Lord Raptor called in first was for Gaston, which was an easy role to fill as it was the only human part of the cast, as long as they acted like enough of a rake. He reasoned that it was better to get the humans out of the way so they didn’t clash with any of the darkstalkers in line. Felicia had to keep an open mind as the human, a scrawny guy who would’ve barely passed as an adult if not for his stubble, walked in.
“Hello, human!” Felicia put on her best smile. “Could I get a name?”
The human tugged at his shirt. “It’s, er, Bob.”
“Bob?!” Lord Raptor cackled. “Did your parents hate you that much?”
Bob’s knees shook. Felicia raised her paw to Lord Raptor’s face, showing off her claws, dare he try to scare the human again. Not that it would’ve stopped him.
“Now, Bob, I’m glad you could come.” Felicia tented her paws. “Were the snacks nice? I tried to get some to fit human tastes.”
“They were a little spicy, but nice, I guess.” Bob coughed. “Though a bigfoot got to them before I could get a handful.”
A bigfoot? What were they doing at this audition? Again, she tried to keep an open mind.
“And how many other humans are out there?”
“Just me.” Bob rubbed his scruffy head. “So, er, everyone told me I was crazy to come here. I came a long way to get to X-Over, and I’m scared for my life, but I need my big acting break or my parents are gonna kick me out, and—“
“Well you better not stink, human,” Lord Raptor bellowed, “otherwise you’re sleeping in a cardboard box.”
“Lord Raptor!” Felicia whisper-hissed. Her smile grew more strained the longer Bob stayed on stage. “Well, I know how it feels to be the underdog. Undercat. Underwhatever. So I’d love to give you a chance. Could you show me your best Gaston?”
The human thumbed through his script with shaky hands.
“Er, Raptor, sir?”
“That’s Lord Raptor to you, mate, unless you’re one of my fans.”
“I am one of your fans.”
“Oh. Well, spit it out.”
Bob held out the parchment. “Why is my script written in red ink?”
“Oh, I… didn’t have a pen on me. Must’ve left it behind signing some autographs.”
Both Lord Raptor and the mouth on his chest grinned. Felicia was going to have a strongly worded talk with him once this audition was over.
Despite the threat, it didn’t put Bob off his audition. It took a while for him to turn to the right page, and when he did, Felicia expected the worst. And she got it.
Bob was completely tone deaf, both in his role in Gaston, meek and soft-spoken, and in his singing, which sounded like a tub of drowning kittens. For Felicia, that was the worst mental image ever. After Bob was done, she clapped her most polite clap. Lord Raptor didn’t even dignify him with that.
“Thank you, Bob.” Her fanged grin could’ve shattered glass. “That was a… unique take on Gaston. “
“Was it?” He threw his script in the air. “Oh man, I blew it! I’m gonna live on the streets and I’m gonna have to get a job and it’s gonna suck and…”
Lord Raptor smirked at Felicia while Bob continued his downward spiral. “Where’s a giant cane when you need it?”
Felicia kneaded the seat cushioning. She didn’t want to humour Lord Raptor, but she didn’t want this Bob fellow on the stage any longer. But if what he said was true, this audition stood in the way of him and a home. The last thing Felicia wanted to do was drive anyone away from their home; what kind of darkstalker would she have turned out to be if Rose hadn’t taken her in?
Besides, The Beast and the Beast was a different take on the musical. There was a way to spin it so the casting choice made sense.
“Bob!” Felicia called, snapping him out of his rant. “I meant what I said, it’s a unique take on Gaston. He’s usually this macho, confident type, and you’re none of those things.”
Bob tilted his head. “Um, thanks?”
“But I think that makes you a good choice for my vision of Gaston. As the only human in the story, and as a hunter of darkstalkers, he falls in love with the Beauty and treats her with kindness until she rejects him. Less of a chauvanist, more of a nice guy who thinks that Belle owes him just because he doesn’t have her head mounted on the wall.”
“So?”
“So, I’m saying that we could make you a good Gaston.”
His jaw practically touched the floor. “I got the part?”
“Well…” Screw it, Felicia had already stepped in the litter box at this point. “Yeah.”
“Yes!” Bob pumped his fists in the air. “Yes, yes, yes! Eat shit, Mom!” He gathered himself. “Ahem, when do I start?”
“This week, if all goes well.” She bowed. “It was nice to meet you, Bob. I’ll meet you back here.”
He bowed in turn and scampered off.
“What was that?” Lord Raptor bared his fangs. “That guy’s a hack.”
“We don’t have any other humans in the audition,” Felicia said. “If you want, you could step up to the stage. I think you’d make a good Gaston.”
“I ain’t Mr. Nice Guy.” He picked up a glass jar filled with eyeballs labelled ‘Lord Raptor’s Snax’. “And I told you I don’t like musicals, I’m only doing this to support a fellow darkstalker.”
“I’m grateful for the opportunity,” Felicia said, although she sensed there was more to it than that. “In any case, we can coach the boy if he lags behind.”
“I always thought you were too soft.” Lord Raptor popped an eyeball into his chest’s mouth. “You’ll get killed with that attitude.”
“I’d rather kill with kindness than with my claws.”
Felicia exhaled. Lord Raptor had a point, but Felicia was the director. It was her choice. The hardest casting choice would be for the Beast. The second Beast, not the first Beast in the title. They had to be nuanced. They had to be quick to anger, like a child in a 8ft monster’s body, but they also had to have a sweet side that hinted at their true nature, and grow as they fall in love with the heroine. It took skill to capture that. Jon would’ve been a natural at it.
“I’m ready,” Felicia said.
Lord Raptor played the first Beast in. Felicia was excited to see a pair of canine hind legs, and for a moment, she thought it was Jon. But it was another werewolf, more bulkier in mass, who drooled as he padded onto the stage.
“Rawr!” he roared, showing off his claws. “How’s that for a beast?”
“We haven’t started yet.” Felicia put on her best smile. “Could I get a name first?”
“Pfft, you don’t know me?” He thumbed a claw at his bulging chest. “I’m Rover Daniels, the best living actor in X-Over!”
This sounded promising, if he wasn’t lying through his teeth. “What’s your acting history?”
“Werewolf Wrestling Entertainment. You ain’t getting anything more talented than that.”
It wasn’t what she looked for, exactly, but wrestling, like acting, was full of smoke and mirrors. It took a lot of work to make the audience believe in the illusion, even though werewolf wrestling was a lot bloodier and real than human wrestling.
“In that case, show me your best Beast. Do you have a script?”
“I don’t need one.”
Before Felicia protested, Rover roared and charged across the stage like a testosterone-crazed minotaur. He didn’t speak or sing any of the lines in the script. Less than a minute had passed and Felicia already had her hand up.
“That’s enough,” she called, stopping the werewolf. “Your beast has a lot of energy, that’s for sure.”
“Awesome! So, when do I see ya?”
“I’ll call you back if you’ve got the part, if you’ve left your number–”
“I’m not some fancy schmancy human with a phone.” Rover pointed at Felicia as he strutted his way out. “You’ll see me tomorrow.”
When he left, Felicia blinked at Lord Raptor. “Well, he’s definitely not getting the part. He’s got an ego the size of the sun.”
“You’ll get a lot of those types.” Lord Raptor shredded his guitar. “Next!”
A zombie limped to the stage, wearing a Tripper shirt from Lord Raptor’s infamously lethal live show. “Uhhhhhhhhh.”
“Nice to see a fan of Lord Raptor’s!” Felicia said with gritted teeth. “Could you show me your beast?”
The zombie grunted and groaned a rendition of ‘Something There’. He sang, so he at least understood the assignment, but he didn’t have the ability to carry it through. Felicia called him off and massaged her temples.
“That zombie was dead on arrival,” she joked.
“Hey, that’s offensive,” Lord Raptor growled.
“Really?”
“No.” His chest grinned. “I’ve got another one: his acting was totally brainless.”
Felicia flashed a short-lived smile as it dawned on her that they had to suffer through many other auditions. “Next.”
Felicia lost count of how many turned up to play the part of the Beast. Many werewolves tried their paws at it, but their interpretation of the lead role was as subtle as a brick covered with dynamite. Between a jiang-shi, a golem, and a gargoyle who stiffly delivered their lines, the competition wasn’t much better. Some of them were at least passable enough to play the extras, but none filled the big, big boots that the Beast left them.
Worst of all, Jon didn’t turn up. It was evident that a tour with him wasn’t in the cards.
At the beginning of the audition, Felicia kept her back straightened. By the time they were about to call the last Beast in, she had slumped in her seat, threatening to sink through to the floor.
“Amateur hour, eh?” Lord Raptor said.
Felicia threw her head back and groaned. “Is this what showbiz is like?”
“Don’t I know it? The amount of bandmates who came and went in my lifetime… Mind you, I’m pretty sure the drummer exploding was my fault.”
“I’m not even going to ask how that happened.” Felicia took a deep breath and half-heartedly motioned for Lord Raptor to play the last auditionee in.
Stomps shook the lights atop the rigging. The first thing Felicia saw was a pair of massive feet, then an equally massive slab of muscle, fat and fur that waddled downstage, ending with a pair of beady red eyes that stared Felicia down.
He was obviously a bigfoot, but Felicia only knew one bigfoot: Sasquatch. What a piece of work he was. Not long after they took Pyron down together, Sasquatch declared war on the human world, and Felicia didn’t have the strength to take him down; the only reason he stopped was because humans were the only ones willing to trade bananas with him and his clan.
Any darkstalker that wanted to oppress humans, even as the oppressed themselves, was an enemy in Felicia’s eyes. He was like Lord Raptor in that sense, but at least Lord Raptor kept things professional when he wasn’t trying to amass enough power to rule the world.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Sasquatch bellowed, waving a meaty hand. “Long time no see, both of you!”
They weren’t friends. Felicia wasn’t in the mood to act all buddy-buddy with him, not after all the talentless tryouts had zapped her of her energy.
“Didn’t you yank my tail, last time we met?” Felicia asked. She distinctly remembered him throwing her against the wall by her tail, a dirty trick if there ever was one.
“Um, I might have.” Sasquatch scratched his fuzzy chin. “That’s ancient history now, isn’t it?”
“As ancient as mine is.” Lord Raptor kicked his feet up on the front row of seats. Felicia wasn’t going to stop him. “I’m kinda surprised you turned up, Sassy. I never pegged you as a thespian.”
Sasquatch tilted his head. “Thespian? But I’m a guy.”
“Never mind. Have you acted much at all?”
“Nope, unless you count our folk tales back at camp.”
“Can you sing?”
“I wouldn’t count on it. I’ve definitely got the lungs for it, though.”
Lord Raptor leaned further back, crossing his arms behind his head. “Well, you’ve got such a low bar to clear, you might as well be playing limbo. Do your worst.”
Sasquatch flashed a toothy grin. “Let’s see how this goes!”
Felicia didn’t like his laidback attitude, especially since this was for the lead role. To his credit, he had his script, which he pulled out of his fur coat. If Sasquatch tried to return the script to her, she would’ve tossed it in the shredder.
Everyone else stank to high heaven, figuratively and literally. Sasquatch carried the same almond smell that Jon had, except way more intense. Maybe it would’ve reflected in his performance.
To Felicia’s surprise and frustration, the way Sasquatch read his lines were exactly the kind of performance Felicia was looking for. It was as boisterous as Sasquatch was, and had the theatricality that an oral storyteller like him naturally had, but it had the tenderness that the role demanded too. True to Sasquatch’s own word, though, his singing left much to be desired. It was as rough and unrefined as she expected a bigfoot’s baritone to be, and there were better singers in the lineup that Felicia could’ve turned to. It was a musical and not a play, after all.
“Colour me surprised,” Lord Raptor said, “you ain’t a half bad Beast.”
“Really?” Sasquatch shrugged. “I’m winging all of it right now.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
Felicia glanced at Lord Raptor. What reason did he have to side with Sasquatch?
“Your singing’s very grating, Sasquatch,” Felicia said. “I’m not sure it’s a good fit for our Beast.”
“Ouch.” Sasquatch slumped, rubbing a circle on the floor with his finger. “Harsh.”
“Hold on a tick.” Lord Raptor leaned forward. “I don’t think it’s that bad. It’s growly like you’d expect the Beast to be, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but…”
“And he can actually act, more than you can say about those other clowns.”
“Yes.” She couldn’t deny that. But she was looking for a serious actor, not someone like Sasquatch who was the most un-serious darkstalker she’d ever met.
“Sasquatch,” she started, “what makes you want the part of the Beast? We’re hoping to go on broadway; this isn’t some back alley production.”
“It isn’t?” Lord Raptor asked. “This theatre cost me less than a ham sandwich.”
Felicia swatted Lord Raptor’s legs. “We all have to start somewhere.”
Sasquatch scratched his head, deep in thought if there were thoughts behind that thick cranium of his.
“I dunno. This just seemed like fun. And Elder said I’d be good at it, so why not?”
So he wasn’t taking it that seriously. She turned to Lord Raptor to talk in private.
“Can we extend the audition?” she whispered.
“I’ve only got this place booked for so long, y’know. It’s cheap, but we might not have a shot like this again, theatre closing down and all.”
“But, the Beast just isn’t…” Her voice trailed off as Sasquatch chomped on a banana that he’d pulled out of his fur, leaving the skin on the floor. “Whoever that guy is.”
“He’s fine. Ohhh.” The bony structure of Lord Raptor’s eyebrow ridge shot up. “Lemme guess, this isn’t about him, it’s about you.”
“What does that mean?”
“I know you wrote the part for that wolf-man-thing. Well, sorry to disappoint you, missy, this is showbiz. This ain’t the time to develop an ego.”
“That’s rich!” Felicia whisper-shouted, to which Sasquatch tilted his head. She tried to keep her voice down. “You literally have a cult worshipping your music. You’re telling me you don’t have an angle for this?”
“Watch it, puddy tat.” The mouth on Lord Raptor’s chest growled. “I call the shots here, and I can call the curtains earlier if I wanted.”
Felicia leaned back, ears drooping. Of course, reality had to come and bite her tail.
“I already have the fame I need. I just wanna put on a good show and play some tunes. Maybe throw in some metal for the fans. That’s my angle.” He raised his skull. “We ain’t putting on a good show if we don’t run the rehearsal soon.”
Was Felicia being a little petty? Absolutely. She just didn’t want Sasquatch of all people to play the Beast. But Lord Raptor was right. They didn’t have much time or money. They needed to start the production now if Felicia stood a chance of making her dreams come true. It just meant sharing that dream with darkstalkers she didn’t particularly like.
“Sasquatch?” Felicia said at last. “You’ve got the part.”
“I did? Yay!” Sasquatch shot up and did his happy dance, shaking the entire theatre with each stomp. Felicia certainly hoped the stage carried his weight. “Elder’s gonna be pleased to hear this!”
“Stay in X-Over if you can, Sassy,” Lord Raptor said. “Auditions start tomorrow.”
“Ah, okay. Is there a hotel that can fit a bigfoot? And with good room service?”
“It wouldn’t be X-Over Street if it didn’t cater to all sorts of weirdos.”
Felicia retreated into herself as Lord Raptor played tour guide for the bigfoot.
So that was it, then. Sasquatch was the Beast, some scaredy-cat human was Gaston, and they hadn’t even found a part for Le Fou, assuming it wasn’t just going to one of the extras. And it was starting tomorrow.
Felicia resigned herself to a less-than-perfect rendition of The Beast And The Beast. She knew she couldn’t win them all. As director and lead actress, she still had to put on a good show. Other darkstalkers counted on her too. Besides, the production would prove to be a lot more fun once they started rehearsing. She looked forward to it.
“Say, is anyone hungry?” Sasquatch pulled out another banana. “I’ve got plenty of these to—“
BANG! Felicia’s ears rang as a shot cracked the air. Sasquatch stared, jaw nearly touching his toes, at the pile of mush in his hands. Flecks of deconstructed banana formed a path on the floor, leading to a bullet hole in the wall behind the stage.
“What the bloody hell was that?” Lord Raptor exclaimed, staring down at his guitar as he had broken a string.
Felicia turned, hackles raised. A young human clad in a blood-red-riding hood strolled down the aisle, a picnic basket in one hand and a smoking uzi in the other. She carried herself as if she was a predator prepared to pounce on their prey.
Felicia knew who she was right away: Baby Bonnie Hood, an S-Class darkstalker hunter feared all throughout Makai.
“Bonnie,” Felicia mewled.
“What d’you want, you lil’ wankstain?” Lord Raptor growled. “Just one of these strings cost me an arm and a leg.”
“It’s not as much as all of your bounties, I bet.”
Bonnie’s low voice was like a splash of cold water from a bucket. It completely betrayed her soft features and that oh-so-precious smile of hers, dimples and all.
“Is that why you’re here?” Felicia asked. “We’re not even doing anything wrong.”
“Not yet, you’re not.” Bonnie showed off her unblinking smile. “But you’re up to something.”
“Even so–”
“My banana…”
Felicia blinked, turning to see Sasquatch mourning the deprivation of his potassium.
“Even if we were, it’s got nothing to do with you.” Felicia’s face fell. It was her mission to unite darkstalkers and humans, not further the divide. Humans like Bonnie were the reason darkstalkers couldn’t have had nice things. “Look, I really don’t want to fight.”
“I do,” Lord Raptor said, in the middle of restringing his guitar. “Cow guts cost a pretty penny these days, you know.”
“Well I don’t.” She showed off her fangs to put some bite into her words. “So don’t give me a reason to defend myself, Bonnie.”
Thankfully, Bonnie stopped short of entering Felicia’s space, just out of pouncing range. A dog poked its head out of the basket, inviting Bonnie to stroke its head. Even as she stroked its ears, her finger stayed firmly in front of her uzi’s trigger.
“You know, if you’re plotting world domination or holding some secret baby organ trafficking ring, this is a weird place to do it.” Bonnie poked at the bare cushioning of a seat with the barrel of her gun. “Or not, since this place is so dead anyway.”
“We’re putting on a musical,” Felicia stated.
“Oh, really?” Bonnie’s voice raised two octaves, making her dog cover its ears. “Gee, I love musicals! Especially the sappy lovey dovey ones that make me wanna puke!”
Felicia sighed. She tried not to be too offended at Bonnie’s jab, though she wasn’t making it easy.
“Well, you can have a free ticket if you’d like,” Felicia said. “We’d like as many humans and darkstalkers to come to our show.”
“As many darkstalkers, you say?” Bonnie’s tone changed again to her usual, stoic self. Something about the shift bothered Felicia even more than it already had, but she couldn’t quite place why.
“Well, yes, but just as many humans as well.”
“Hmm.” Bonnie hid the uzi under her dress. Was there some sort of portal beneath her skirt? “Well, I’ll be watching. Break a leg. Literally! Tee hee!”
Her voice turned saccharine again as she skipped down the aisle, disappearing from the theatre.
“If that toerag shows her face here again–” Lord Raptor said, tuning his newly-strung guitar–”I’ll make a wig out of her scalp.”
“I’ll make sure you won’t need to.” Felicia wasn’t sure how, but they needed security anyway to keep the darkstalkers and humans from clawing at each other’s throats. She just needed to keep a watchful eye. Just another thing to worry about on top of ensuring the show’s success.
She turned to Sasquatch, who was trying to scrape the last remnants of his banana off the floor. It was hard to believe this donut hole was the type that once wanted to dominate the human world. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sasquatch.”
“Right.” He tried to lick the mushy pile in his hands, only to gag. “Ew. This tastes like gunpowder.”
“I bet.” Felicia turned, not caring how Sasquatch made his exit while she made her way backstage. She had to clean up the mess all the other darkstalkers made, snack bowls upturned and chips strewn everywhere on the wooden floor. It was a shame the spider girl wasn’t there for the audition, otherwise she could’ve cleaned it up in a jam. Felicia just swept up backstage, which gave her some sort of comfort as it reminded her of her chores back home.
“There are cleaners who do that for a living, you know,” Lord Raptor said, wincing as he crushed a chip underfoot.
“I don’t want to leave a mess for the staff.” Felicia sighed. “Wow, it’s really happening.”
“That it is.” Lord Raptor swung his guitar around his back. “Well, I ain’t got much else to report. I’ll just practise and see you in the morning.”
At least Lord Raptor took his rehearsal seriously.
“See you there,” she said with a smile.
“Gotcha.” Lord Raptor left Felicia to clean up on her own.
She should’ve been happy about the musical. She was. It was big news for her. Yet the audition left a bitter taste in her mouth. Sasquatch was the least of her worries. That encounter with Baby Bonnie Hood had left her in a funk she couldn’t shake off. She tried not to think too much about it.
Stomps shook the surrounding curtains. Sasquatch was back.
“Can I help?” Felicia asked, tapping the floor with her broom.
“I just forgot something.” Sasquatch blew away Felicia’s dust pile as he clambered through the backstage, only to come back with a polaroid.
Felicia tried to hide her frustration. Could that have waited until tomorrow?
“Okay, it’s here, good. See ya tomorrow!”
As he slowly stomped out, Felicia briefly spotted Sasquatch’s photo. Sasquatch was in the frame, holding out a peace sign, with an even bigger bigfoot in a skull mask wrapping his arm around the lug.
If Felicia had to wager a guess, that must’ve been Elder. Of course, Sasquatch had people he cared about too. That didn’t make him special. But it counted for something. Felicia hummed to herself as she continued sweeping.
However tomorrow played out, whether that Rover guy came back, whether Bob turned tail, whether Lord Raptor had another agenda for this musical passion project, and whether Sasquatch was a good actor or not, Felicia had to see it through to the end. The Beast and The Beast had officially started production.
So, I don't know if anyone expected my next move to be a fic based off of a forgotten fighting game series, but here it is! I'd been working on this chapter on and off for a few months since I found the in-game concept of Felicia pursuing her dream of being a musical star really endearing (and also having an excuse to write about best boy Sasquatch), and the setting of Darkstalkers meshed well with my writing style.
This is a loose interpretation of the Darkstalkers canon since I'm familiar with the games but haven't watched any of the series. Some general plot elements of the franchise as well as character backstories are referenced, but I’ve tried to make it stand on its own. I also introduce some minor original characters to try and expand the world and the cast.
I don't know if anything will result from this in the long run as I only envision it as a project I can pick up at my own pace, and it hasn't been beta'd, but I wanted to post something in the absence of any Darkstalkers fics out there.
Summary:
Felicia holds an audition for her dream production of Beauty and the Beast, writing her version of the titular Beast for her crush Jon Talbain. But when Jon doesn't turn up, her rival Sasquatch ends up getting the lead role. Felicia tries to keep her head above water while balancing the competing cast and crew of humans and darkstalkers, and discovers that there's more to Sasquatch than just a meat-headed lug. Will they make it big in the theatre biz as monsters in an industry filled with humans, and without getting their heads mounted on the wall by greedy bounty hunters?
Chapter 1: Break a Leg, Literally
Some darkstalkers said that humans were bad news, but Felicia had never believed them. Not one bit. The humans who’d raised her proved that wrong. And as she sat in her apartment, watching her well-worn tape of Beauty and the Beast, she wondered if monsters were capable of producing such great art as humans did.Humans coloured and drew thousands of frames, recorded themselves acting and singing, and created a story that transcended species: the story of a beast bettering himself to fall in love with a human. It took a lot of effort to put together, something other darkstalkers, including herself, took for granted. Humans were weak and squishy, but made up for that by pushing their skills to the limit and also had opportunities that darkstalkers didn’t. They had a safety net. They had the chance to create art that pleased millions.
Felicia had that chance. She was lucky enough to have been raised in such a loving home and have the connections she did in Makai. However, the prospect of making a musical of her own, even then, turned her stomach into unravelled yarn.
After the film ended, Felicia paced around the lounge, script in paws. She stopped to run her claws along a scratching post, hoping it soothed the funny feeling in her gut. She tried to sing, but the lyrics caught her tongue like, well, a cat. No matter what she did, she couldn’t chase away the feeling that tonight would end in disaster.
She sniffed the air. Almonds. Jon emerged from the bathroom, white-blue coat all poofed up from the hairdryer. As soon as she saw him, the yarn ball in her stomach assembled itself back together.
“Did you use my shampoo?” Felicia asked, tail swishing.
“No.” Jon stared back at her with the same seriousness as he did whenever he faced another opponent in battle. “It’s too fruity for my liking.”
“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. It’ll make you smell nicer.”
He sniffed himself. “I’ve only just used the shower.”
“It’s not like you stink or anything; I’ve just got a more sensitive sniffer.” Felicia pounced onto the couch, pawing at her script.
“I can smell that you’re worried,” Jon said.
“It’s that bad, huh?” Felicia kneaded the foam stuffing on the arm rest. She had to stop picking at it but she couldn’t help herself. Neither could Jon, judging from the claw marks on his side of the couch. “I’ve never done anything like this before, so anything could happen, really. I don’t even know how many people are gonna turn up.”
“I think you’ll be in good hands.” His face scrunched up. “I don’t care much for that Raptor bloke, but his star power will bring in who you need.”
Felicia nodded. She didn’t want to touch Lord Raptor with the tip of her tail, and wondered why such a heavy metal extraordinaire took such an interest in her pipe dream, but she wouldn’t have gotten this far without his involvement. Numbers didn’t matter. All she needed to focus on was getting the production started.
She took a deep breath. Jon always had a way of calming her down, even when he stank up the place or howled at the full moon or disappeared from the apartment for days on end. It looked like he was about to disappear again as he stared at the door.
“It’ll be nice if you can make it,” Felicia said, scrunching the script in her lap. “You’d make a good Beast.”
It was an idea she’d suggested several times. Part of the reason she chose the story as her first production was because of Jon. It would’ve brought them that much closer together. But she didn’t want to pressure him into it – she knew how important training was to him as a werewolf – and she could predict what he was about to say.
“I have to go and train.”
“No worries.” Yes, worries. “I just think it’ll be fun, y’know? I’d like to see you perform anyway.”
“Drama was never my forte while I was in primary school.” Jon shifted his feet.
“If you don’t wanna, you could just watch. Boost morale and all.”
“You don’t need me to boost morale.” Jon ran his claws along his arm, which was laced with scars. “A musical is nothing to the darkstalker who stood up against Pyron. Don’t forget that.”
Felicia caressed her flushed face. Her yarny stomach tightened. How did Jon know the right words to say while being so emotionally constipated? But he was right. Felicia wouldn’t have stood a chance in the spotlight if she acted like a scaredy cat.
“Well, thanks.” She swallowed, hiding what she truly wanted to say.
“I’ll see if I can make it to the theatre–” Jon headed for the door–”but I won’t make any promises. Break a leg, as they say.”
He slammed the door shut, as if in a hurry. Felicia raised the script to her face, focusing on the front page.
‘THE BEAST AND THE BEAST - A FELICIA & CO PRODUCTION’
Felicia had been proud of that title, since it was her own take of Beauty and the Beast, not just some copy. The ‘& Co’ part just meant Lord Raptor, but that alone made it sound so official. If they were in the auditioning process, that meant it was a professional production. Felicia had to act like it, and see it through to the end, with or without Jon.
Felicia padded through X-Over Street, aware of her every movement in the presence of humans: the twitching of her cat ears as they picked up far away screams, hushed whispers and blaring traffic; the clicking of her claws against the concrete; and the very annoying swishing of her tail trapped in a long skirt. She knew that she stood out in a crowd, even in a city populated by darkstalkers like her, and she’d gotten used to the stares by now.
It was alright for humans to stare. They were curious. It was in their nature, and there was no malice behind it. Despite that, Felicia couldn’t help but sigh in relief as she entered the lobby of The Doghouse.
Every dog had its day, and The Doghouse had seen better days. The lobby felt like it was frozen in time with the dim, yellow lighting shining over its mismatched red and grey colour scheme. The vending machine only had one Monster Gulp in it, the sugar-free one, and the music that played in the foyer crackled through a tinny speaker.
However uninviting the atmosphere was, it still radiated a certain warmth. Felicia felt it as soon as the human clerk, Abraham, greeted her like one of his human regulars. He’d served at The Doghouse for as long as Felicia remembered.
“Hey, Felicia,” he said, suppressing a yawn. “Come to buy the last can of flat soda?”
“Maybe some day.” She shot him her best smile. “Thanks again for letting us have this space.”
“I ain’t the manager. Nice to see you all the same, though. At least you’re giving me something to do, even if it’s just to tell you where to park your backside.”
“Business as usual?”
“That Raptor fellow’s in there.” Abraham winced. “Don’t care much for his noise music and such, but it livens up the place.”
She hummed. Lord Raptor tended to do that, for better or for worse. She thanked Abraham again as Felicia stepped into the theatre, and stopped for a moment to take in the sight.
The theatre was modest in size; it must’ve only housed a couple of hundred people. The stage itself was small, but it provided enough room for actors to twirl around in without bumping into each other. The air was dusty under the dim stage lights. Yet this theatre felt like home to Felicia.
She still remembered how it felt when she saw her first musical there as a kitten; the orphanage had ponied up enough money to buy tickets for her and her litter. It happened to be a local production of Cats. Even though the costumes were bad and the story made no sense, it was hard not to cry in the end when that bedraggled cat sang her heart out as she reminisced about a better life.
It was Felicia’s turn to bring the audience to tears. But first, they had to get through this audition. Lord Raptor had his pale, clawed feet up on the seats as he noodled on his guitar. She swatted at the zombie’s legs.
“I know you’re a rockstar, but the actors don’t need to see your barking dogs,” Felicia said as she sat beside him.
Lord Raptor huffed and put his feet down. “Cats and dogs, am I right?”
“Whatever.” Felicia wrung her paws together. “Please tell me that people came to this thing.”
“Well, this ain’t a sophomore slump, that’s for sure. Just listen to ‘em.”
Felicia closed her eyes, focusing on the cacophony behind the curtain. Even though it came out muffled, she picked up so many voices, growls and screeches that she couldn’t even tell what numbers there were. She felt giddy, like she was high on catnip. This was actually happening.
“Okay.” She let out a nervous laugh. “That’s the last time I doubt your super stardom.”
“You know it, baby.”
“But it’s not just your fans, right? Do any of these people even know the theatre?”
“Don’t worry about it. You’ll find the right guy.” His hand hovered over his frets, itching to strum. “You ready?”
Felicia took a deep breath. She was touched already that so many came to her audition. But she needed someone right for the job. She knew the theatre world was cutthroat, even more than some of the darkstalkers she met that were literal cutthroats.
“Ready.”
Felicia covered her ears as Lord Raptor shredded his guitar, belting out a 5 second metal song just for playing the actors in. Did he need to be so loud?
The first audition Lord Raptor called in first was for Gaston, which was an easy role to fill as it was the only human part of the cast, as long as they acted like enough of a rake. He reasoned that it was better to get the humans out of the way so they didn’t clash with any of the darkstalkers in line. Felicia had to keep an open mind as the human, a scrawny guy who would’ve barely passed as an adult if not for his stubble, walked in.
“Hello, human!” Felicia put on her best smile. “Could I get a name?”
The human tugged at his shirt. “It’s, er, Bob.”
“Bob?!” Lord Raptor cackled. “Did your parents hate you that much?”
Bob’s knees shook. Felicia raised her paw to Lord Raptor’s face, showing off her claws, dare he try to scare the human again. Not that it would’ve stopped him.
“Now, Bob, I’m glad you could come.” Felicia tented her paws. “Were the snacks nice? I tried to get some to fit human tastes.”
“They were a little spicy, but nice, I guess.” Bob coughed. “Though a bigfoot got to them before I could get a handful.”
A bigfoot? What were they doing at this audition? Again, she tried to keep an open mind.
“And how many other humans are out there?”
“Just me.” Bob rubbed his scruffy head. “So, er, everyone told me I was crazy to come here. I came a long way to get to X-Over, and I’m scared for my life, but I need my big acting break or my parents are gonna kick me out, and—“
“Well you better not stink, human,” Lord Raptor bellowed, “otherwise you’re sleeping in a cardboard box.”
“Lord Raptor!” Felicia whisper-hissed. Her smile grew more strained the longer Bob stayed on stage. “Well, I know how it feels to be the underdog. Undercat. Underwhatever. So I’d love to give you a chance. Could you show me your best Gaston?”
The human thumbed through his script with shaky hands.
“Er, Raptor, sir?”
“That’s Lord Raptor to you, mate, unless you’re one of my fans.”
“I am one of your fans.”
“Oh. Well, spit it out.”
Bob held out the parchment. “Why is my script written in red ink?”
“Oh, I… didn’t have a pen on me. Must’ve left it behind signing some autographs.”
Both Lord Raptor and the mouth on his chest grinned. Felicia was going to have a strongly worded talk with him once this audition was over.
Despite the threat, it didn’t put Bob off his audition. It took a while for him to turn to the right page, and when he did, Felicia expected the worst. And she got it.
Bob was completely tone deaf, both in his role in Gaston, meek and soft-spoken, and in his singing, which sounded like a tub of drowning kittens. For Felicia, that was the worst mental image ever. After Bob was done, she clapped her most polite clap. Lord Raptor didn’t even dignify him with that.
“Thank you, Bob.” Her fanged grin could’ve shattered glass. “That was a… unique take on Gaston. “
“Was it?” He threw his script in the air. “Oh man, I blew it! I’m gonna live on the streets and I’m gonna have to get a job and it’s gonna suck and…”
Lord Raptor smirked at Felicia while Bob continued his downward spiral. “Where’s a giant cane when you need it?”
Felicia kneaded the seat cushioning. She didn’t want to humour Lord Raptor, but she didn’t want this Bob fellow on the stage any longer. But if what he said was true, this audition stood in the way of him and a home. The last thing Felicia wanted to do was drive anyone away from their home; what kind of darkstalker would she have turned out to be if Rose hadn’t taken her in?
Besides, The Beast and the Beast was a different take on the musical. There was a way to spin it so the casting choice made sense.
“Bob!” Felicia called, snapping him out of his rant. “I meant what I said, it’s a unique take on Gaston. He’s usually this macho, confident type, and you’re none of those things.”
Bob tilted his head. “Um, thanks?”
“But I think that makes you a good choice for my vision of Gaston. As the only human in the story, and as a hunter of darkstalkers, he falls in love with the Beauty and treats her with kindness until she rejects him. Less of a chauvanist, more of a nice guy who thinks that Belle owes him just because he doesn’t have her head mounted on the wall.”
“So?”
“So, I’m saying that we could make you a good Gaston.”
His jaw practically touched the floor. “I got the part?”
“Well…” Screw it, Felicia had already stepped in the litter box at this point. “Yeah.”
“Yes!” Bob pumped his fists in the air. “Yes, yes, yes! Eat shit, Mom!” He gathered himself. “Ahem, when do I start?”
“This week, if all goes well.” She bowed. “It was nice to meet you, Bob. I’ll meet you back here.”
He bowed in turn and scampered off.
“What was that?” Lord Raptor bared his fangs. “That guy’s a hack.”
“We don’t have any other humans in the audition,” Felicia said. “If you want, you could step up to the stage. I think you’d make a good Gaston.”
“I ain’t Mr. Nice Guy.” He picked up a glass jar filled with eyeballs labelled ‘Lord Raptor’s Snax’. “And I told you I don’t like musicals, I’m only doing this to support a fellow darkstalker.”
“I’m grateful for the opportunity,” Felicia said, although she sensed there was more to it than that. “In any case, we can coach the boy if he lags behind.”
“I always thought you were too soft.” Lord Raptor popped an eyeball into his chest’s mouth. “You’ll get killed with that attitude.”
“I’d rather kill with kindness than with my claws.”
Felicia exhaled. Lord Raptor had a point, but Felicia was the director. It was her choice. The hardest casting choice would be for the Beast. The second Beast, not the first Beast in the title. They had to be nuanced. They had to be quick to anger, like a child in a 8ft monster’s body, but they also had to have a sweet side that hinted at their true nature, and grow as they fall in love with the heroine. It took skill to capture that. Jon would’ve been a natural at it.
“I’m ready,” Felicia said.
Lord Raptor played the first Beast in. Felicia was excited to see a pair of canine hind legs, and for a moment, she thought it was Jon. But it was another werewolf, more bulkier in mass, who drooled as he padded onto the stage.
“Rawr!” he roared, showing off his claws. “How’s that for a beast?”
“We haven’t started yet.” Felicia put on her best smile. “Could I get a name first?”
“Pfft, you don’t know me?” He thumbed a claw at his bulging chest. “I’m Rover Daniels, the best living actor in X-Over!”
This sounded promising, if he wasn’t lying through his teeth. “What’s your acting history?”
“Werewolf Wrestling Entertainment. You ain’t getting anything more talented than that.”
It wasn’t what she looked for, exactly, but wrestling, like acting, was full of smoke and mirrors. It took a lot of work to make the audience believe in the illusion, even though werewolf wrestling was a lot bloodier and real than human wrestling.
“In that case, show me your best Beast. Do you have a script?”
“I don’t need one.”
Before Felicia protested, Rover roared and charged across the stage like a testosterone-crazed minotaur. He didn’t speak or sing any of the lines in the script. Less than a minute had passed and Felicia already had her hand up.
“That’s enough,” she called, stopping the werewolf. “Your beast has a lot of energy, that’s for sure.”
“Awesome! So, when do I see ya?”
“I’ll call you back if you’ve got the part, if you’ve left your number–”
“I’m not some fancy schmancy human with a phone.” Rover pointed at Felicia as he strutted his way out. “You’ll see me tomorrow.”
When he left, Felicia blinked at Lord Raptor. “Well, he’s definitely not getting the part. He’s got an ego the size of the sun.”
“You’ll get a lot of those types.” Lord Raptor shredded his guitar. “Next!”
A zombie limped to the stage, wearing a Tripper shirt from Lord Raptor’s infamously lethal live show. “Uhhhhhhhhh.”
“Nice to see a fan of Lord Raptor’s!” Felicia said with gritted teeth. “Could you show me your beast?”
The zombie grunted and groaned a rendition of ‘Something There’. He sang, so he at least understood the assignment, but he didn’t have the ability to carry it through. Felicia called him off and massaged her temples.
“That zombie was dead on arrival,” she joked.
“Hey, that’s offensive,” Lord Raptor growled.
“Really?”
“No.” His chest grinned. “I’ve got another one: his acting was totally brainless.”
Felicia flashed a short-lived smile as it dawned on her that they had to suffer through many other auditions. “Next.”
Felicia lost count of how many turned up to play the part of the Beast. Many werewolves tried their paws at it, but their interpretation of the lead role was as subtle as a brick covered with dynamite. Between a jiang-shi, a golem, and a gargoyle who stiffly delivered their lines, the competition wasn’t much better. Some of them were at least passable enough to play the extras, but none filled the big, big boots that the Beast left them.
Worst of all, Jon didn’t turn up. It was evident that a tour with him wasn’t in the cards.
At the beginning of the audition, Felicia kept her back straightened. By the time they were about to call the last Beast in, she had slumped in her seat, threatening to sink through to the floor.
“Amateur hour, eh?” Lord Raptor said.
Felicia threw her head back and groaned. “Is this what showbiz is like?”
“Don’t I know it? The amount of bandmates who came and went in my lifetime… Mind you, I’m pretty sure the drummer exploding was my fault.”
“I’m not even going to ask how that happened.” Felicia took a deep breath and half-heartedly motioned for Lord Raptor to play the last auditionee in.
Stomps shook the lights atop the rigging. The first thing Felicia saw was a pair of massive feet, then an equally massive slab of muscle, fat and fur that waddled downstage, ending with a pair of beady red eyes that stared Felicia down.
He was obviously a bigfoot, but Felicia only knew one bigfoot: Sasquatch. What a piece of work he was. Not long after they took Pyron down together, Sasquatch declared war on the human world, and Felicia didn’t have the strength to take him down; the only reason he stopped was because humans were the only ones willing to trade bananas with him and his clan.
Any darkstalker that wanted to oppress humans, even as the oppressed themselves, was an enemy in Felicia’s eyes. He was like Lord Raptor in that sense, but at least Lord Raptor kept things professional when he wasn’t trying to amass enough power to rule the world.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Sasquatch bellowed, waving a meaty hand. “Long time no see, both of you!”
They weren’t friends. Felicia wasn’t in the mood to act all buddy-buddy with him, not after all the talentless tryouts had zapped her of her energy.
“Didn’t you yank my tail, last time we met?” Felicia asked. She distinctly remembered him throwing her against the wall by her tail, a dirty trick if there ever was one.
“Um, I might have.” Sasquatch scratched his fuzzy chin. “That’s ancient history now, isn’t it?”
“As ancient as mine is.” Lord Raptor kicked his feet up on the front row of seats. Felicia wasn’t going to stop him. “I’m kinda surprised you turned up, Sassy. I never pegged you as a thespian.”
Sasquatch tilted his head. “Thespian? But I’m a guy.”
“Never mind. Have you acted much at all?”
“Nope, unless you count our folk tales back at camp.”
“Can you sing?”
“I wouldn’t count on it. I’ve definitely got the lungs for it, though.”
Lord Raptor leaned further back, crossing his arms behind his head. “Well, you’ve got such a low bar to clear, you might as well be playing limbo. Do your worst.”
Sasquatch flashed a toothy grin. “Let’s see how this goes!”
Felicia didn’t like his laidback attitude, especially since this was for the lead role. To his credit, he had his script, which he pulled out of his fur coat. If Sasquatch tried to return the script to her, she would’ve tossed it in the shredder.
Everyone else stank to high heaven, figuratively and literally. Sasquatch carried the same almond smell that Jon had, except way more intense. Maybe it would’ve reflected in his performance.
To Felicia’s surprise and frustration, the way Sasquatch read his lines were exactly the kind of performance Felicia was looking for. It was as boisterous as Sasquatch was, and had the theatricality that an oral storyteller like him naturally had, but it had the tenderness that the role demanded too. True to Sasquatch’s own word, though, his singing left much to be desired. It was as rough and unrefined as she expected a bigfoot’s baritone to be, and there were better singers in the lineup that Felicia could’ve turned to. It was a musical and not a play, after all.
“Colour me surprised,” Lord Raptor said, “you ain’t a half bad Beast.”
“Really?” Sasquatch shrugged. “I’m winging all of it right now.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
Felicia glanced at Lord Raptor. What reason did he have to side with Sasquatch?
“Your singing’s very grating, Sasquatch,” Felicia said. “I’m not sure it’s a good fit for our Beast.”
“Ouch.” Sasquatch slumped, rubbing a circle on the floor with his finger. “Harsh.”
“Hold on a tick.” Lord Raptor leaned forward. “I don’t think it’s that bad. It’s growly like you’d expect the Beast to be, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but…”
“And he can actually act, more than you can say about those other clowns.”
“Yes.” She couldn’t deny that. But she was looking for a serious actor, not someone like Sasquatch who was the most un-serious darkstalker she’d ever met.
“Sasquatch,” she started, “what makes you want the part of the Beast? We’re hoping to go on broadway; this isn’t some back alley production.”
“It isn’t?” Lord Raptor asked. “This theatre cost me less than a ham sandwich.”
Felicia swatted Lord Raptor’s legs. “We all have to start somewhere.”
Sasquatch scratched his head, deep in thought if there were thoughts behind that thick cranium of his.
“I dunno. This just seemed like fun. And Elder said I’d be good at it, so why not?”
So he wasn’t taking it that seriously. She turned to Lord Raptor to talk in private.
“Can we extend the audition?” she whispered.
“I’ve only got this place booked for so long, y’know. It’s cheap, but we might not have a shot like this again, theatre closing down and all.”
“But, the Beast just isn’t…” Her voice trailed off as Sasquatch chomped on a banana that he’d pulled out of his fur, leaving the skin on the floor. “Whoever that guy is.”
“He’s fine. Ohhh.” The bony structure of Lord Raptor’s eyebrow ridge shot up. “Lemme guess, this isn’t about him, it’s about you.”
“What does that mean?”
“I know you wrote the part for that wolf-man-thing. Well, sorry to disappoint you, missy, this is showbiz. This ain’t the time to develop an ego.”
“That’s rich!” Felicia whisper-shouted, to which Sasquatch tilted his head. She tried to keep her voice down. “You literally have a cult worshipping your music. You’re telling me you don’t have an angle for this?”
“Watch it, puddy tat.” The mouth on Lord Raptor’s chest growled. “I call the shots here, and I can call the curtains earlier if I wanted.”
Felicia leaned back, ears drooping. Of course, reality had to come and bite her tail.
“I already have the fame I need. I just wanna put on a good show and play some tunes. Maybe throw in some metal for the fans. That’s my angle.” He raised his skull. “We ain’t putting on a good show if we don’t run the rehearsal soon.”
Was Felicia being a little petty? Absolutely. She just didn’t want Sasquatch of all people to play the Beast. But Lord Raptor was right. They didn’t have much time or money. They needed to start the production now if Felicia stood a chance of making her dreams come true. It just meant sharing that dream with darkstalkers she didn’t particularly like.
“Sasquatch?” Felicia said at last. “You’ve got the part.”
“I did? Yay!” Sasquatch shot up and did his happy dance, shaking the entire theatre with each stomp. Felicia certainly hoped the stage carried his weight. “Elder’s gonna be pleased to hear this!”
“Stay in X-Over if you can, Sassy,” Lord Raptor said. “Auditions start tomorrow.”
“Ah, okay. Is there a hotel that can fit a bigfoot? And with good room service?”
“It wouldn’t be X-Over Street if it didn’t cater to all sorts of weirdos.”
Felicia retreated into herself as Lord Raptor played tour guide for the bigfoot.
So that was it, then. Sasquatch was the Beast, some scaredy-cat human was Gaston, and they hadn’t even found a part for Le Fou, assuming it wasn’t just going to one of the extras. And it was starting tomorrow.
Felicia resigned herself to a less-than-perfect rendition of The Beast And The Beast. She knew she couldn’t win them all. As director and lead actress, she still had to put on a good show. Other darkstalkers counted on her too. Besides, the production would prove to be a lot more fun once they started rehearsing. She looked forward to it.
“Say, is anyone hungry?” Sasquatch pulled out another banana. “I’ve got plenty of these to—“
BANG! Felicia’s ears rang as a shot cracked the air. Sasquatch stared, jaw nearly touching his toes, at the pile of mush in his hands. Flecks of deconstructed banana formed a path on the floor, leading to a bullet hole in the wall behind the stage.
“What the bloody hell was that?” Lord Raptor exclaimed, staring down at his guitar as he had broken a string.
Felicia turned, hackles raised. A young human clad in a blood-red-riding hood strolled down the aisle, a picnic basket in one hand and a smoking uzi in the other. She carried herself as if she was a predator prepared to pounce on their prey.
Felicia knew who she was right away: Baby Bonnie Hood, an S-Class darkstalker hunter feared all throughout Makai.
“Bonnie,” Felicia mewled.
“What d’you want, you lil’ wankstain?” Lord Raptor growled. “Just one of these strings cost me an arm and a leg.”
“It’s not as much as all of your bounties, I bet.”
Bonnie’s low voice was like a splash of cold water from a bucket. It completely betrayed her soft features and that oh-so-precious smile of hers, dimples and all.
“Is that why you’re here?” Felicia asked. “We’re not even doing anything wrong.”
“Not yet, you’re not.” Bonnie showed off her unblinking smile. “But you’re up to something.”
“Even so–”
“My banana…”
Felicia blinked, turning to see Sasquatch mourning the deprivation of his potassium.
“Even if we were, it’s got nothing to do with you.” Felicia’s face fell. It was her mission to unite darkstalkers and humans, not further the divide. Humans like Bonnie were the reason darkstalkers couldn’t have had nice things. “Look, I really don’t want to fight.”
“I do,” Lord Raptor said, in the middle of restringing his guitar. “Cow guts cost a pretty penny these days, you know.”
“Well I don’t.” She showed off her fangs to put some bite into her words. “So don’t give me a reason to defend myself, Bonnie.”
Thankfully, Bonnie stopped short of entering Felicia’s space, just out of pouncing range. A dog poked its head out of the basket, inviting Bonnie to stroke its head. Even as she stroked its ears, her finger stayed firmly in front of her uzi’s trigger.
“You know, if you’re plotting world domination or holding some secret baby organ trafficking ring, this is a weird place to do it.” Bonnie poked at the bare cushioning of a seat with the barrel of her gun. “Or not, since this place is so dead anyway.”
“We’re putting on a musical,” Felicia stated.
“Oh, really?” Bonnie’s voice raised two octaves, making her dog cover its ears. “Gee, I love musicals! Especially the sappy lovey dovey ones that make me wanna puke!”
Felicia sighed. She tried not to be too offended at Bonnie’s jab, though she wasn’t making it easy.
“Well, you can have a free ticket if you’d like,” Felicia said. “We’d like as many humans and darkstalkers to come to our show.”
“As many darkstalkers, you say?” Bonnie’s tone changed again to her usual, stoic self. Something about the shift bothered Felicia even more than it already had, but she couldn’t quite place why.
“Well, yes, but just as many humans as well.”
“Hmm.” Bonnie hid the uzi under her dress. Was there some sort of portal beneath her skirt? “Well, I’ll be watching. Break a leg. Literally! Tee hee!”
Her voice turned saccharine again as she skipped down the aisle, disappearing from the theatre.
“If that toerag shows her face here again–” Lord Raptor said, tuning his newly-strung guitar–”I’ll make a wig out of her scalp.”
“I’ll make sure you won’t need to.” Felicia wasn’t sure how, but they needed security anyway to keep the darkstalkers and humans from clawing at each other’s throats. She just needed to keep a watchful eye. Just another thing to worry about on top of ensuring the show’s success.
She turned to Sasquatch, who was trying to scrape the last remnants of his banana off the floor. It was hard to believe this donut hole was the type that once wanted to dominate the human world. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sasquatch.”
“Right.” He tried to lick the mushy pile in his hands, only to gag. “Ew. This tastes like gunpowder.”
“I bet.” Felicia turned, not caring how Sasquatch made his exit while she made her way backstage. She had to clean up the mess all the other darkstalkers made, snack bowls upturned and chips strewn everywhere on the wooden floor. It was a shame the spider girl wasn’t there for the audition, otherwise she could’ve cleaned it up in a jam. Felicia just swept up backstage, which gave her some sort of comfort as it reminded her of her chores back home.
“There are cleaners who do that for a living, you know,” Lord Raptor said, wincing as he crushed a chip underfoot.
“I don’t want to leave a mess for the staff.” Felicia sighed. “Wow, it’s really happening.”
“That it is.” Lord Raptor swung his guitar around his back. “Well, I ain’t got much else to report. I’ll just practise and see you in the morning.”
At least Lord Raptor took his rehearsal seriously.
“See you there,” she said with a smile.
“Gotcha.” Lord Raptor left Felicia to clean up on her own.
She should’ve been happy about the musical. She was. It was big news for her. Yet the audition left a bitter taste in her mouth. Sasquatch was the least of her worries. That encounter with Baby Bonnie Hood had left her in a funk she couldn’t shake off. She tried not to think too much about it.
Stomps shook the surrounding curtains. Sasquatch was back.
“Can I help?” Felicia asked, tapping the floor with her broom.
“I just forgot something.” Sasquatch blew away Felicia’s dust pile as he clambered through the backstage, only to come back with a polaroid.
Felicia tried to hide her frustration. Could that have waited until tomorrow?
“Okay, it’s here, good. See ya tomorrow!”
As he slowly stomped out, Felicia briefly spotted Sasquatch’s photo. Sasquatch was in the frame, holding out a peace sign, with an even bigger bigfoot in a skull mask wrapping his arm around the lug.
If Felicia had to wager a guess, that must’ve been Elder. Of course, Sasquatch had people he cared about too. That didn’t make him special. But it counted for something. Felicia hummed to herself as she continued sweeping.
However tomorrow played out, whether that Rover guy came back, whether Bob turned tail, whether Lord Raptor had another agenda for this musical passion project, and whether Sasquatch was a good actor or not, Felicia had to see it through to the end. The Beast and The Beast had officially started production.
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