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Pokémon Tall Tales From Rhyme City

SparklingEspeon

Back on Her Bullshit
Staff
Location
a Terrace of Indeterminate Location in Snowbelle
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. espurr
  2. fennekin
  3. zoroark
1.

The One with All the Pokemon Battles

Pokemon battling was illegal in Rhyme City.

Preposterous. Pokemon battling was an art, and a pair of battling artisans like Sebastian and Charizard couldn't be held down that easily. That was what led to the creation of The Roundhouse.

It was the number #1 spot for Pokemon Battles in Rhyme City, and also the best-kept secret within the city borders. Naturally, that also meant that everyone police officer to underground battler knew about it. In fact, while the Roundhouse was still in its planning stages, Sebastian had gotten a little too liberal with his information, and the place had been raided by R.C.P.D. on its opening night.

Two weeks later, Sebastian and Charizard were released from the local jail with a new plan fresh in their minds. There would be a Roundhouse Mark II; no doubt about it.

The second iteration of the soon-to-be popular battling spot came with a clever plan attached to it: The Roundhouse Mark II would never stay in the same spot twice. Sebastian played his cards carefully. Trainers itching for battles had to reach out to him and Charizard directly in order to pay for a membership with the club, and membership holders alone would receive a cryptic message containing the date and location of the next event in advance (One particularly memorable event was held in the sewers, to everyone's amusement and also disgust).

It was amazing; the amount of cops and detectives who tried to get memberships from Sebastian and Charizard. Dates and times began to sneak onto the Rhyme City Poke-Net, and the two Roundhouse owners found themselves working hard just to stay one step ahead of the R.C.P.D.

But it was workable. Sometimes the events took place in the forests outside the city (And therefore outside of Rhyme City's jurisdiction), and others took place in abandoned warehouses and reserved parking garages. And no matter what Roger Clifford told citizens on behalf of the R.C.P.D. every week, the police were no closer to catching Sebastian, Charizard, and all their battle-hungry fans than they were to solving all crime in Rhyme City.

The problem came from elsewhere, and it came in the form of Harry Goodman.

A seasoned detective and his chirpy Pikachu showed up to a Roundhouse event without a membership (The current event was taking place at the docks), and had the cheek to challenge Sebastian and Charizard to a battle. He didn't want to rat out anyone to the police. He didn't want battling glory. He just wanted a piece of information Sebastian was particularly glued to, and nothing more. He was lucky Sebastian was a betting man.

And for the first time in the history of the Roundhouse, Sebastian was dethroned as Roundhouse Champion. It came as a shock, even to Harry Goodman. No-one expected Pikachu to scale that metal container at the last moment and Volt Tackle Charizard into defeat, even if it did come with the tragic casualty of Sebastian's coat. It was truly the spectacle of the night. And since Sebastian was a mostly honorable man (And also in public), he didn't flay the detective alive for ruining his coat and scarring Charizard, and even gave Mr. Harry Goodman "Not-the-champion-thank-you" some of the pointers he was looking for. The detective was off in a hurry, and that was the end of that. But what came afterwards was worse.

The creepy mute woman in shades showed up at Sebastian's doorstep a day later. Like Goodman, she had no Roundhouse Membership (And if she did, hers was illegal), and she refused to speak a word to Sebastian, instead pulling a pen out of her pink-tinged hair and motioning to the notepad in her breast pocket. Sebastian didn't have much choice but to let her in, gently stroking Charizard's neck to discourage any notions of frying their visitor alive for disturbing its sleep.

Sebastian led the woman past Charizard's bed and into his small apartment kitchen, where she immediately took a seat at the small table. Sebastian began to fix himself a soothing herbal tea. He needed it after his crushing defeat last night.

"Want anything?" He bluntly asked the woman, his grumpiness showing through his voice. Politeness wasn't in his nature. The woman seemed to take it in stride, shaking her head, but she also seemed to take everything in stride, including the ten-foot-tall Charizard staring her down at that very moment.

Sebastian opened the freezer, taking several packs of packaged meat out and lopping the meat onto a platter.

"Stand back." He set the platter in front of Charizard, hastily taking a few steps back before Charizard bent over and seared the entire platter of meat to a charred husk of itself. It began to heartily devour its breakfast, and Sebastian sat down across from the woman who had watched the entire affair unmovingly.

"Who are you? Why are you here?" Sebastian got straight down to the point. Mincing words wasn't his nature, either.

The woman promptly pulled the notepad out of her pocket and the pen out of her hair, and began to write. A second later, she slid the notepad over to Sebastian.

"Salutations

My name is Ms. Norman"


It read.

"Alright, 'Ms. Norman." Sebastian started. "Why are you in my house?"

More scribbling in bright pink on the notepad, and Sebastian even thought he saw Ms. Norman smirk a little.

"Because you let me in."

Then, a little further down:

"My employer (Who shall henceforth remain unnamed for the duration of all future interactions between us) has taken interest in a certain individual by the name of Harry Goodman."

Sebastian chuckled a little in irony. It seemed Harry Goodman was a proper danger magnet on his own. "What about him? He destroyed Charizard." Charizard looked up at the mentioning of its name, growling menacingly.

"Then it seems we have a common interest."

And a common interest it was. Shady Ms. Norman and her unnamed employer wanted Sebastian's Charizard to face Goodman's Pikachu in the ring again next week. Possibly make sure it was the last time Pikachu would ever fight in a ring again. In return, Norman would pull some strings up high and keep R.C.P.D. from crashing the party next event night. The deal even came with a hefty price tag attached, in Sebastian's favor. He couldn't turn down that.

Fight Night was held in a particularly exciting location this week- An abandoned pokemon transitioning cage from Rhyme City's early stages. Sebastian had been saving that location for a special event, and tonight would be nothing if not special. He'd even been able to rope a high-profile DJ into the event with his shiny new payroll. Nothing would replace his coat, though. Nothing.

Goodman Sr. had died in a car crash earlier in the week, but Ms. Norman had urged Sebastian to stick to the plan anyway. And now, as Sebastian watched the Goodman boy walk into his Roundhouse with that insolent Pikachu by his side, he understood why.

Sebastian's phone beeped in his pocket. His eyes glazed over the short text message on the screen.

"The Kid's here. With the Pikachu. Do your worst."

Sebastian pocketed his phone, only sparing a quick glance across the ring at Ms. Norman before hopping down into the audience area below.

"Who are you?!"

He thought he saw the pikachu say something to the Goodman boy, before the shrimp spoke up:

"I'm his, uh, new partner.

"Yeah?" Sebastian walked up to the Goodman boy, Charizard lumbering in after him. "Well, the last time that Pikachu was here, he nearly wrecked my prized Charizard."

That pikachu said something that was definitely a degrading insult. "The scar's still fresh." Sebastian made sure the Goodman boy could see the inside of his coat. "And you know why? He ripped my coat, man."

"Oh." Goodman was staring in mild shock at the giant rip in Sebastian's coat. Sebastian let it fall to his sides again.

"We just want to know why my dad was here and then we'll be on our way," The Goodman boy explained. Sebastian leaned in even closer to him.

"Yeah? Well, I want a rematch. You win, and I tell you everything I told your father."

The Goodman boy didn't look all that phased at all. "Yeah, why not?"

And so it was decided, and as Blastoise and Gengar finished gloriously duking it out, the Fight Night monitor proudly displayed its latest match: Pikachu VS Charizard.

R.

Sebastian often dealt it out to other trainers (Under the threat of a slow and painful death should he ever discover it used in his Ring), but he never stooped to actually using it. He and Charizard considered it 'dirty battling,' and thus it was beneath them.

But Sebastian and Charizard had agreed in advance: Today wasn't a true battle, or even a fair one. There was a lot of money on the line, as well as revenge and some very pissed-off employers (and also very dangerous; if the eyes hiding behind Ms. Norman's shades were as cold and distant as Sebastian imagined). Pikachu had to die.

Sebastian undid a vial of R right under Charizard's nose, making it impossible for the dragon pokemon to have not breathed in some. He smirked as he saw Goodman's pikachu begin to freak out at the sight of the R. So they'd seen it before.

Good. He would enjoy this so much more now.

The lights flashed, the Loudred blared, the DJ did… whatever he did, and then the metal gates slid open and the battle was on. Charizard ran out and chased that Pikachu all around the ring, still playing with its prey even in its crazed state. At one point, Pikachu even curled up on the ground and begged for mercy in its pitiful pokemon voice. It was glorious.

Until the Goodman boy did the stupidest thing Sebastian had ever seen anyone do in his life, and jumped into the ring.

"What are you doing!?" Sebastian yelled, shaking the bars as the idiot boy grabbed his precious Charizard's tail. "Get out of there!"

"Pikachu- run!" Goodman managed to get out as Charizard swung him around. The boy barely holding onto the dragon as it raged. Sebastian had no choice- It was all in or nothing at all. He opened the fighting gate, and ran into the ring himself. He stood in front of Charizard, waving his arms out- the signal for Charizard to forfeit a battle if things got ugly.

But then he remembered- Charizard was under the effects of R. Sebastian realized too late- he didn't have the time to move out of the way of his beloved rampaging dragon before said dragon charged at him rabidly, swatting him out of the way as it blew a white-hot stream of fire at that blasted pikachu.

Sebastian tried to sit up, coughing through thick purple clouds of gas as he recovered from the blow- Wait. Unsure of what to do, he watched the R tendril outwards through the air like a grasping octopi, only taking a few seconds to reach the audience stands. And the pokemon in the audience stands.

Oh, crap-

Sebastian never really figured out where Ms. Norman went after that. The last he saw of her was the uncanny woman straightening her sunglasses at him, whipping her phone out and dialing just before the first pokemon began to snarl, and then she was gone. But the message was clear: Have fun in prison.

All he remembered after that was purple. Purple everywhere. A loudred beatboxing melodramatically as it terrorized the humans of the Roundhouse along with all its crazed pokemon partners. Tim Goodman pulling him up by the scruff of his coat out of nowhere-

-"My father," He questioned urgently. "What did you tell him?!"

Sebastian combed his mind for the answer, buried under the fear and tense confusion of the present moment. "R," he stammered out. "I get from Dr. Laurent. She's my supplier. That's all I know!" He took a well-needed deep breath, only choking out more of the putrid R gas. "That's all I know."

And then Tim Goodman was gone, and next thing he knew, there was a sudden flood of water out of nowhere, and a police officer stood in Goodman's place.

"You're under arrest."
 

Negrek

Abscission Ascendant
Staff
I think this is the first Detective Pikachu fic we have on the forums! Very cool, there's a lot of interesting stuff to explore in the movie as well as the game. And Sebastian is a fun character to get a better look at, too

Coming to the end of the chapter, I'm curious as to whether we're going to continue following Sebastian, or whether you're planning to switch to another character/scenario entirely. The title of the story makes it sound like this could be a collection of short and mostly unconnected stories, going a little more in-depth with events from the movie, but it also could be that you plan to stick with Sebastian long-term and the "tall tales" will be ones he encounters along the way. Not sure what to expect from here! You haven't set up any really obvious plot threads with Sebastian here, given that we know he isn't involved with e.g. the unmasking of Ms. Norman, so I guess at this point I lean towards we'll be going somewhere new with the next one.

I liked the gentle humor here; overall I don't know that I'd necessarily call this a comedy as such, but there were a lot of small funny moments throughout, often injected through the use of parentheticals... Probably my favorite of these was the one where you described Sebastian as a mostly-honorable man (and also in public), which I thought was a cute joke and good character moment, with the parentheses giving it a nice sense of timing. Sebastian's a pretty over-the-top guy (no one else can match that tattoo, seriously), and I thought the tone of the story worked well with his character and the general feel of the movie.

(Quick note about parentheticals, while we're on the topic of them: the first letter in them shouldn't be capitalized unless they stand alone as their own sentence(s), like this one here. In the vast majority of the cases in this chapter, they should start lower-cased.)

Some quick nickpicks:

- It's "Ryme City," not "Rhyme City"

It was the number #1 spot for Pokemon Battles in Rhyme City, and also the best-kept secret within the city borders.
Should be either "number one" or "#1" rather than a hybrid of both, heh. I think "number one" looks better, but either works!

It was amazing; the amount of cops and detectives who tried to get memberships from Sebastian and Charizard.
You want a comma here rather than a semicolon. Usually a semicolon should be used to join two complete sentences, and "the amount of cops..." wouldn't stand by itself as a sentence.

You have issues with dialogue punctuation sometimes. Whenever you have a dialogue tag, like "she said" or "he explained," it's not a complete sentence and shouldn't begin with a capital letter. So here:

"Want anything?" He bluntly asked the woman, his grumpiness showing through his voice.
it should be "Want anything?" he bluntly asked...", no caps on "he."

Likewise here:

"We just want to know why my dad was here and then we'll be on our way," The Goodman boy explained.
it should be "the Goodman boy explained," no capital.

-"My father," He questioned urgently.
This should be "he questioned urgently," not capitalized. Also, random hyphen tacked onto the front of this paragraph.

His eyes glazed over the short text message on the screen.
When someone's eyes "glaze over" it means they get distant and glassy-looking, showing that the person isn't paying attention

The boy barely holding onto the dragon as it raged.
This is a fragment, not a complete sentence. You could pretty easily tack it onto the end of the preceding sentence with a comma if you wanted.

Unsure of what to do, he watched the R tendril outwards through the air like a grasping octopi, only taking a few seconds to reach the audience stands.
I like the imagery you're using here, but it'd be octopus rather than octopi.

The majority of the in-the-moment action in this chapter focuses on the fight between Tim/Detective Pikachu and Charizard, but what I'd actually be most interested to see is the original fight, where Harry and Pikachu initially took Charizard out! We saw the Time/Sebastian fight in the film, after all, so while you can (and do) put a different spin on it by looking at it more from Sebastian's POV, I think you'd have a lot more leeway to do something interesting with the Harry/Sebastian fight. You wouldn't just be retelling a familiar scenario, but get to dramatize an event readers will have heard about, but never gotten to see before! It would also give you the opportunity to break up some of the exposition in the opening part of the chapter, which takes a fair amount of time to summarize past events. If you could get into the action a bit faster, I think it would help get readers interested right from the start of things.

Like I said, I'm curious to see where you plan to take this story. So far it's been fun! I imagine your PMD fic is your primary focus, but if you mean to continue this one, I hope you get the chance to.
 

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
HI here for another review let's see how it goes.

You know if you're moving into a place where your bread and butter is illegal and you don't want to adjust I suspect that leaving might be the best option. While I get it was a crime thing, I kinda was surprised canonically that Sebastian and his "baby" didn't have an escape plan on hand. I get he was supposed to be a muscle character but as a strategy standpoint.. there are a few holes in the plan...

Hey sometimes for poison-type appreciation matches you have to get down and dirty... in the sewers.. and I mean it does establish his regulars as fanatics if they're willing to meet there. Laughs, the cheek, well Seb's got guts in taking that challenge... And harry's similarly gifted for making it. Especially when he wasn't sure about his odds.

Shame they didn't animate that battle I'd of paid to see chu scrambling up metal and throwing himself into a 'zard hard enough to scar the mon...

Gotta wonder if 'zard was going "Uh this is a 'mon... buddy... pal, we've been infiltrated by someone's creeper ditto...", if he did I suspect it skated over Seb's head... though for a man lacking manners offering a drink actually is showing them off rather nicely.

Hey, Ms. Dit' and Seb can bond over willing bad things on the good detective, not a bad pre-breakfast pick-me-up, especially when picking up bits of an ego as a side...

Seriously, Seb, patches are a thing, and so are new clothes... I get sentimental value but this is kinda going off the deep end here... Granted let no one say Seb was sane at any point... or not petty... or not desperate... and the more descriptors I added the worse he sounds and the worse the kids got to deal with the brunt of that... so I'm going to cut off the train wreck of descriptors now.

you know I figured that scene in the movie ruined Seb and figured it fitting. Still feel that way now but watching it from his eyes is like watching disaster dominoes, mon riot edition. Then, of course, it ends in his arrest... a logical cut-off but I was left wondering how or if he got out of that one and it's a shame we didn't get any closure on that character because it would have been an interesting thing to see.
 
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