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Pen

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Raikou’s Romance
Disclaimer: Probably obvious, but this is joke!fic. It's a reworking of a very cringe idea I had about ten years ago. The Suicune's Choice is not about Suicune picking between romantic options. It's about, uh, a boy who has a religious revelation at pretty much the worst possible time, I suppose.
Summary: Stuck in the form of a human and bereft of her powers, Raikou’s not expecting much from Ho-oh’s latest brainwave. But when she meets a certain electric-type trainer, the spark is undeniable.

AN: So, Raikou’s adventures didn’t really fit into The Suicune’s Choice, but I thought I’d post a snippet of what she gets up to! Suicune’s not the only one to find romance, you know . . .



As yet another foul-smelling, two-legged flesh-sack jostled past her, Raikou cursed the Life-Bringer with every curse she knew.

‘I fear we still know too little about the humans,’ he’d said in his screechy voice, the old wind-bag. ‘My faithful servants, I have a new task for you. Go forth among the humans, learn their ways.’

Hah!
Raikou thought bitterly. If he was so curious, why didn’t he do it himself? It would have been one thing to race through a human settlement, bright and dazzling as a shooting star for the feeble-footed creatures to marvel at, but nooooo! He’d insisted that they be sent down in the guise of humans. Raikou could feel her power still, but it was like a bright emblem buried in the back of her mind, out of reach. She couldn’t even fry these uncouth flesh-sacks into a crisp with a well-placed thunderbolt!

And as for this human form . . . it was simply too small. Thin bird-like wrists and slender fingers, skin smooth of any fur. Her hair was the only redeeming quality—it burst from her scalp like a star shower, a deep yellow streaked with black.

Raikou had asked the Life-Bringer to place her in the city she remembered most fondly from her world-travels, a city that glinted with a thousand lights in the evening. It was much less pleasing up close, with crude-gray walkways that stunk to Ho-oh’s heavens and humans packed thicker than magikarp in mating season.

Her gaze burning angrily into the pavement, Raikou did not notice that ahead of her, the crowd bottle-necked. She slammed into the flesh-sack in front of her and fell heavily to the oil-stained ground.

May he suffer the curse of the ninetails, which lasts for nine thousand years, Raikou vowed from her prone position.


“Are you all right, little lady?”

Raikou lifted her gaze to see a hand out-stretched. After a moment’s hesitation, she gripped it and allowed the human to pull her to her feet.

“I wonder what’s caused this ruckus,” the human said in a low, somewhat pleasing rumble. Certainly pleasant in contrast to the high-pitched screams rising from the front of the crowd.

Raikou followed the human as he pushed his way forward, making use of his considerable bulk to clear a path.

One of Raikou’s little cousins, a blue-and-yellow thunder dog, was huddled on the ground. Sparks leaped wildly from his spiked head. A miserable whining emitted from his throat.


“He’s over-eaten, the idiot,” Raikou commented, just as the human beside her murmured, “Poor lad, you’ve got surplus charge.”

They eyed each other in mutual surprise. Raikou hadn’t realized humans understood the complexities of an ion-based diet.

“Do you . . . like electric types?” she asked tentatively.

“I do!” rumbled the broad-bellied human. “Their beauty, grace, and power are unmatched in the pokemon world!”

If she’d had fur, it would have risen in pride at the flattery. Here was one human, at least, possessed of clear sight.

Raikou watched as he called out a tiny electric scavenger and approached the unhappy thunder dog. Crouching, he reached out a hand and rubbed it gently across the electric sacs on the dog’s cheeks. The touch seemed firm and skillful. Raikou let out a small sigh, wishing she was the recipient of what looked to be a very competent massage.


“My friend, calm yourself. Magnemite here can help you with your static charge.”

At his words, the little scavenger shot forward eagerly, beginning to drain power from the thunder dog. Raikou winced. That kind of draining was sure to leave a pounding headache.

But as she watched, she noticed that the scavenger wasn’t drawing at full capacity. It was taking just enough to ease the manectric’s pain, without depleting the sacs.

Raikou clamped down a surge of reluctant admiration. This human certainly knew how to please electric types.

She started when he spoke to her suddenly.
“I’m Wattson, by the way. I don’t think I caught your name . . ?”

“Rai—”
she began to respond, before catching herself. If she claimed her true name in this pitiful form, surely she’d be laughed out of town!

Wattson mistook her pause for completion.
“Rai? An unusual name. Doesn’t that mean ‘heavens’ over in the Rosiya region? Certainly has a spark to it, that’s for sure!” He looked back at the thunder dog. “I need to get this one back to my gym for further treatment. If you’d like to come along—my tea’s not so good, but I make a shockingly tasty shortbread.”

He chortled, a deep sound that emanated richly from his full belly. Raikou noticed the becoming way his jowells quivered. They were coated with white, bristling hair. She wondered what it would feel like to rub her own cheeks against his.

As he stood, their shoulders gently brushed, sending a tingle down Raikou’s spine. She went stiff. That had felt like an electric spark!

Could—could this have been what the Life-Bringer intended? Was this the way to regain her coursing power?


“I will go,” Raikou decided.


As she followed him down the streets of Mauville, her heart was blazing thunder in her chest.
 
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WildBoots

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Doesn’t that mean ‘heavens’ over in the Rosiya region?
Ooh, fun bit of world-building here!

shockingly tasty shortbread.
Omg, but I bet he does.

I'll never see Wattson the same way again. He's so strong, yet so warm. Oops, am I blushing?

She's so feisty and sassy!!!!

Wow! I've gotta say, I'm utterly sacked after reading all that. Still can't wait to find out who Suicune will choose though! Anything you write will be amazing, but I'm secretly hopping for Nessa. 🤞
 
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kintsugi

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And as for this human form . . . it was simply too small. Thin-bird like wrists and slender fingers, skin smooth of any fur. Her hair was the only redeeming quality—it burst from her scalp like a star shower, a deep yellow streaked with black.
look, you can't have descriptions this good in a jokefic it's against the RULES

This human certainly knew how to please electric types.
uwu i'm sweating

“I need to get this one back to my gym for further treatment. If you’d like to come along—my tea’s not so good, but I make a shockingly tasty shortbread.”
I admit I was looking too-hard for inuendo in this one. Is there?

Amazing.

SHIP ASH AND MAY PLEASE.
 

kintsugi

golden scars | pfp by sun
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Thin-bird like
also lmao I don’t think you want this hyphen here

takin’ this stuff real srs
 

Pen

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thx for the edit @kintsugi

uwu i'm sweating
Wattson's p electric, huh? it's the quivering jowells imo

I admit I was looking too-hard for inuendo in this one. Is there?
Just a pun, though you're welcome to suggest a spicier alternative

look, you can't have descriptions this good in a jokefic it's against the RULES
oops are the fandom police going to break down my door now?

SHIP ASH AND MAY PLEASE.
sorry, transformed legendary on human romance only here
 

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HENLO IS PIXIE.

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT HORROR STORY OF A THE THIRD BEST LEGENDARY ALMOST-FOX BEING FORCED INTO A PRIMATE FORM. STILL TOO MUCH STATIC. A DOG THAT EATS LIGHTNING? UNREALISTIC. ITS FUR WOULD BE GROSS AND STICK UP EVERYWHERE. VERY SAD THAT THE RAIKOU PICKED A PRIMATE MATE. THERE ARE SINGLE NINE-TAILS THAT WOULD SETTLE FOR A GOD. MUCH BETTER OPTION.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

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Heya, jumping in with a roundup of shorter one-shots that I’d never read but had their day in the sun since it was a bit of a time-crunched night for me. This one crossed my eye, and while I’ll admit I’m not fully sure how reviewing a joke fic is going to play out, I already did it once well enough, so might as well give another one a shot:

As yet another foul-smelling, two-legged flesh-sack jostled past her, Raikou cursed the Life-Bringer with every curse she knew.

Boy is that a poor omen for what this ‘romance’ is gonna be like.
:Fearfullaugh:


‘I fear we still know too little about the humans,’ he’d said in his screechy voice, the old wind-bag. ‘My faithful servants, I have a new task for you. Go forth among the humans, learn their ways.’

Oh, so Raikou just
:gardexhausted:
s at this in live-time when Ho-Oh gave his orders, huh?
:loltias:


Hah! Raikou thought bitterly. If he was so curious, why didn’t he do it himself? It would have been one thing to race through a human settlement, bright and dazzling as a shooting star for the feeble-footed creatures to marvel at, but nooooo! He’d insisted that they be sent down in the guise of humans. Raikou could feel her power still, but it was like a bright emblem buried in the back of her mind, out of reach. She couldn’t even fry these uncouth flesh-sacks into a crisp with a well-placed thunderbolt!

Huh. So the Gerbils also go around in human form in Suicune’s Choice? It’s not that common of an ability to ascribe to Legendaries, but it definitely opens some doors plot-wise, so let’s see where this goes…

And as for this human form . . . it was simply too small. Thin bird-like wrists and slender fingers, skin smooth of any fur. Her hair was the only redeeming quality—it burst from her scalp like a star shower, a deep yellow streaked with black.

So how much angry seething would there be if Raikou ran into Zeraora in this state? Since, you know. Having a body that’s not far removed from this while still being able to zap pesky humans. :V

Raikou had asked the Life-Bringer to place her in the city she remembered most fondly from her world-travels, a city that glinted with a thousand lights in the evening. It was much less pleasing up close, with crude-gray walkways that stunk to Ho-oh’s heavens and humans packed thicker than magikarp in mating season.

… Isn’t that basically all of them?
:joltyshrug~1:


Though I suppose this would be Goldenrod here. And hilariously enough, this Raikou reminds me an awful lot personality-wise of one that I wrote for an RP once upon a small eternity ago.

Her gaze burning angrily into the pavement, Raikou did not notice that ahead of her, the crowd bottle-necked. She slammed into the flesh-sack in front of her and fell heavily to the oil-stained ground.

May he suffer the curse of the ninetails, which lasts for nine thousand years, Raikou vowed from her prone position.

No, that’s ‘only’ a thousand years long-

Raikou: “Shut up! I know how long the Curse of the Ninetales lasts, okay?!
:seviAAAAAAAAAAA:


“Are you all right, little lady?”

Oh yeah, this is going to do wonders for Raikou’s mood in live time.
:lultias:


Raikou lifted her gaze to see a hand out-stretched. After a moment’s hesitation, she gripped it and allowed the human to pull her to her feet.

“I wonder what’s caused this ruckus,” the human said in a low, somewhat pleasing rumble. Certainly pleasant in contrast to the high-pitched screams rising from the front of the crowd.

Raikou has broken out of human form, hasn’t she?

Raikou followed the human as he pushed his way forward, making use of his considerable bulk to clear a path.

One of Raikou’s little cousins, a blue-and-yellow thunder dog, was huddled on the ground. Sparks leaped wildly from his spiked head. A miserable whining emitted from his throat.

Yeah, Raikou’s totally strutting around as an undisguised gerbil and hasn’t realized it, I can already tell. [lulgia]

“He’s over-eaten, the idiot,” Raikou commented, just as the human beside her murmured, “Poor lad, you’ve got surplus charge.”

e02e5ffb5f980cd8262cf7f0ae00a4a9_press-x-to-doubt-memes-memesuper-la-noire-doubt-meme_419-238.jpg


They eyed each other in mutual surprise. Raikou hadn’t realized humans understood the complexities of an ion-based diet.

I suppose that would explain why this guy is falling for a giant electric gerbil in live-time. :V

Though that’s how you handled Electivire’s ergovorism from dex lore. It’s a fun idea, though it makes me wonder how easily or not it is to throw off a diet like that.

“Do you . . . like electric types?” she asked tentatively.

Cue the emphatic “do I ever?”

“I do!” rumbled the broad-bellied human. “Their beauty, grace, and power are unmatched in the pokemon world!”

Oh, this is Wattson who’s romancing Raikou, isn’t it? I suppose that would explain a thing or two about the prop Raikou his anime counterpart keeps if so. o<o

If she’d had fur, it would have risen in pride at the flattery. Here was one human, at least, possessed of clear sight.

Wow, so that’s all it takes to get on Raikou’s good side, huh? :V

Raikou watched as he called out a tiny electric scavenger and approached the unhappy thunder dog. Crouching, he reached out a hand and rubbed it gently across the electric sacs on the dog’s cheeks. The touch seemed firm and skillful. Raikou let out a small sigh, wishing she was the recipient of what looked to be a very competent massage.

“sac” is a body part, while “sack” with the ‘k’ is a container. Small nitpick, but still.

“My friend, calm yourself. Magnemite here can help you with your static charge.”

I honestly will be less surprised if this human turns out to be someone other than Wattson, really. Since everything about him in terms of description and mannerisms just screams “Wattson”.

At his words, the little scavenger shot forward eagerly, beginning to drain power from the thunder dog. Raikou winced. That kind of draining was sure to leave a pounding headache.

But as she watched, she noticed that the scavenger wasn’t drawing at full capacity. It was taking just enough to ease the manectric’s pain, without depleting the sacs.

inb4 attempting something like this is what ultimately winds up nipping Raikou’s budding romance in the bud.

Raikou clamped down a surge of reluctant admiration. This human certainly knew how to please electric types.

She started when he spoke to her suddenly.
“I’m Wattson, by the way. I don’t think I caught your name . . ?”

I KNEW IT

“Rai—” she began to respond, before catching herself. If she claimed her true name in this pitiful form, surely she’d be laughed out of town!

Well, she’s not wrong. :V

Wattson mistook her pause for completion. “Rai? An unusual name. Doesn’t that mean ‘heavens’ over in the Rosiya region? Certainly has a spark to it, that’s for sure!” He looked back at the thunder dog. “I need to get this one back to my gym for further treatment. If you’d like to come along—my tea’s not so good, but I make a shockingly tasty shortbread.”

Oh, so there’s a Russia stand-in in this setting, huh? Since the translation there does roughly check out.

He chortled, a deep sound that emanated richly from his full belly. Raikou noticed the becoming way his jowells quivered. They were coated with white, bristling hair. She wondered what it would feel like to rub her own cheeks against his.

The other gerbils would never ever let Raikou live this down if they found out about this, would they?
:hoodLUL:


As he stood, their shoulders gently brushed, sending a tingle down Raikou’s spine. She went stiff. That had felt like an electric spark!

Could—could this have been what the Life-Bringer intended? Was this the way to regain her coursing power?

Can’t tell if these two are about to walk off into the sunset, or if some sort of dealbreaker moment is about to pop up in like five seconds.

“I will go,” Raikou decided.

As she followed him down the streets of Mauville, her heart was blazing thunder in her chest.

Oh, so I was wrong about the city that Raikou visited, though I suppose it makes sense if she’s running into Wattson, since that’d be a wee bit hard in Goldenrod. So Wattson also has a Raikou (real or fake) in some capacity in this continuity, huh?
:loltias:


I admittedly can’t harp on this one too hard since it’s an April Fool’s Day story, but it was a nice “dumb fun” read that just kinda sorta works somehow and had me snerking through most of it, also got me curious in reading Suicune’s Choice sometime, so congratulations on the effective advertisement there @Pen . The one thing that I kinda questioned was the font and coloration choices, but eh. It didn’t take me out of things all that hard.

Good work, and I’ll be looking forward to crossing paths with your writing again sometime in the near future. ^^
 
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