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Pokémon Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Students of Moonlight

StrixUmbra

Youngster
Pronouns
she/they
logo.png
Summary:
Silkie the Torchic has always wanted to be an explorer. Despite having every luxury known to the world at home, in a palace hidden away in the middle of the Brass Desert, she would much rather live a life of adventure, not to mention have actual friends that don’t work for her adoptive father. So, one night, Silkie sets out towards Lily Valley, home to the Moonlight Explorer’s Academy, where some of the finest explorers ever known were trained.
Along the way, though, she meets a strange, ragged-furred frost Vulpix, who seems to have passed out in the middle of the desert. This Vulpix, Gloria, claims to have once been human, and despite her skepticism on the matter, Silkie is all too happy to help Gloria find her mysteriously-vanished memories. As a new exploration team in training, the duo will investigate the various mysteries of the Astral Continent: Who was Gloria before becoming a Vulpix? What purpose does the strange, powerful gemstone - one of the few things she remembers - serve? And why is Artemis, the Lunala claiming to have taken Gloria’s memories, trapped within the Vulpix’s mind?
~~~​
IT'S FINALLY READY HEHEHE!! In all seriousness, though, welcome to the story! You have no idea how excited I am to finally get this out into the world. I hope you don't mind if I ramble a bit on the meta side of things...
See, this story came to me in a dream. In the dream, I was playing a new PMD game, and while I don't remember much of the dream, what I do recall is that I had an Alolan Vulpix hero and a Torchic partner. Something about this duo was incredibly compelling to me, and soon, I started fleshing out the plot to this hypothetical game. After a while of having fun with this process, I decided that "hey, I could make this into a fanfic!" So, I did, and here we are!
As for an update schedule, I'm not going to make any promises. It'd be nice if I could release chapters monthly, but given various factors in my life, I'm not going to stick too hard to that, as my writing process is a bit... chaotic and inconsistent, I think, seem like the best words.
Anyway, I think that's all I have to say about that! I'll be updating this initial post with things like character art, links to things related to the fic that I (or other people!) end up making, and other things as I figure them out, but for now, I hope you enjoy!
For most, and probably all, of the fic, the intensity of violence will be similar to that of the canon Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games. However, as I approach certain events, I may decide to include more intense fights, where characters may bleed/gain injuries. If I make such a decision, I will update this warning as many chapters in advance as possible.
This section will be updated with references/artwork of major characters as I draw them! Which, admittedly, may take a while.
Gloria.png
Gloria the Vulpix
Silkie.png
Silkie the Torchic
  1. Chapter 1: A Letter to the Past
  2. Chapter 2: Coming soon!
 
Last edited:
Chapter 1: A Letter to the Past New

StrixUmbra

Youngster
Pronouns
she/they
To my dear Dad,

I know this may come as a shock, but I’ve decided to leave, and go to Lily Valley in order to train at the Moonlight Academy there. I will be leaving immediately; there will be no changing my mind.

I’m well aware of the dangers that come with the training. I’ve done my research on the most common tactics used by outlaws, and the threats that often result in harm to those traversing mystery dungeons, so I can say that I know what I’m doing. I promise, if things go horribly wrong (they won’t!), I will come back home.

You and everyone else here have been so kind to me all these years, and for that I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You are all in my thoughts; rest assured, I won’t forget what you’ve done for me.

-Love, Silkie

Silkie looked over the letter, and then dipped her talon in ink, stamping the space next to her name with her footprint. The Torchic folded the letter into threes, before lighting a sealing-wax candle with a small Ember, letting it drip-drip-drip onto the paper, and reached for the stamp bearing her father’s insignia: a diamond shape with a five-pointed star in the middle.

Sighing, the Torchic brushed one of the large feathers that made up her crest out of her face - her crest feathers were unusually, perhaps even unnaturally, large, so much that they fell with their own weight and dragged along the ground as she walked. Silkie placed the letter on her bed, a structure much too large for a Torchic with satin blankets laid neatly atop it. Her father had told her that this bed had been used by a human before her egg had hatched. Once, she’d asked him where that human was now. He’d hesitated for a long, long time, before turning away from her.

“Humans have been extinct for centuries. We’re lucky that they left behind this palace for us to live in,” he’d said.

Silkie gave one last, long look to her room, and closed her eyes, letting another sigh out of her beak. She turned around, picked up a bag next to the door, slung it over her shoulder, and walked out of her bedroom for what she knew would be the last time in a while.

The Torchic was careful to walk as quietly as possible, so that she didn’t wake up her father or any of the other Pokemon who lived at the palace. She made her way down the flights of shiny, hardwood stairs, staying focused on the large pair of stone doors as soon as they appeared in the corner of her vision.

She walked right up to the door, and was about to push it open when she heard a voice from behind her: “Lady Silkie? It’s quite late for an outing, don’t you think?”

Silkie glanced over her shoulder. To her relief, it was only one of the Audino maids who worked here. If it was someone closer to Dad’s rank… sheesh! I don’t even want to think about it!

“Hi, Lepus,” she said. The Torchic was quite likely the only Pokemon in the palace who knew even the maids by name. I don’t know why Dad never talks to them as friends. They’re very nice Pokemon! Instead of vocalizing that thought, she smiled nervously at Lepus. “I, uh, I know it’s late. That’s the - that’s the idea.”

“A moonlight stroll, eh?” Lepus asked, laughing softly.

Silkie nodded. No. No, it really isn’t. Don’t lie. Dad doesn’t like it when you lie. She looked down at the floor, and changed her head’s nodding to shaking side-to-side. “I’m… I’m leaving. For a long, long time.”

“Goodness! Lady Silkie, I would never have imagined that you weren’t satisfied here!”

“Of course I was satisfied! It’s great here and all, but…” Just tell her. She’d understand, right?

Before the Torchic could speak up again, the Audino knelt down, placing her paw on Silkie’s shoulder. “But you have dreams, don’t you?” Lepus asked.

Silkie smiled. “Funny that you used the word ‘moonlight’... but I don’t have time - I mean, I’ve gotta - I wanna go as soon as possible. There’s a note on my bed. Could you get Dad to read it before he worries about me too much?”

“Of course, Lady Silkie. Good luck!”

A weight lifted itself off of the Torchic’s shoulders. She grinned at Lepus, before twirling around and leaving the palace that she’d called home for her whole life.

~~~

The desert sand slipped around Silkie’s talons, burying them every time she made a step. Sure, it was only sand, and light enough for her to still be able to lift her feet out, but she wasn’t used to walking in sand for too long, not without her father to pick her up and fly back home with her on his back.

What was I thinking? I forgot one of the most important guidelines for exploration! She glanced up at the horizon, which was currently blocked by a rock formation that stood on the sandy ground, providing a higher viewpoint. If traveling through a desert, account for the delays caused by… by, uh…

She’d climbed up onto the rocks, and noticed a strangely-coloured patch on the sand a few minutes away - a cold, almost bluish white. Could it be… The Torchic didn’t let herself dare finish that thought. After all, how lucky would she have to be to find a Pokemon in need of rescue all the way out here? Besides, she wasn’t trained or registered as an explorer. Yet.

Silkie continued to stare at the white patch, stepping down from the rock. I should go find someone who knows how to help…

The Torchic walked towards it, ignoring the frustration that the sand was causing her. She clawed her way up a hill, looking down towards the bottom of it. Sure enough, a mass of white fur with blue markings awaited her there, rising and falling slowly with the few breaths that it was taking. An ice-type Vulpix? All the way out in the desert?! If I didn’t know better, I’d say the world was going mad!

Silkie reached into her bag, took out a small, blue berry, and nudged it towards the Vulpix with her beak. This Vulpix was rather ragged-looking, and her fur - usually soft and thick on the mountain variant of her species - was coarse, even patchy in places. Clearly, she’s taken her fair share of hits. Maybe a good beating or two. Wonder what got her. Corrupts? Outlaws? Maybe a legendary?

Well, couldn’t be corrupts. No mystery dungeons around here, as far as I know. And I don’t know much about legendaries, either. Outlaws it is, then.


“Come on, wake up and eat,” the Torchic mumbled, nudging the Vulpix with her left talon as she continued to study her appearance. The roughness of her fur had distracted Silkie from it, but this stranger was quite muscular, at least compared to the drawings of Vulpix that Silkie had seen in books. Maybe she’s won a few fights, too?

The thought excited her, and as the stranger’s nose began to twitch, the Torchic found herself flapping her tiny wings in anticipation. One blue eye slid open, and now looked out at the world around it, gazing over everything nearby.

Sand… sand… sand… a berry, and a Torchic.

“Are you okay? Looks like you got beaten up bad by those outlaws!”

The Vulpix’s eye then focused on Silkie, squinting slightly in confusion. “Outlaws, was it?” she asked, in a voice as rough as her current condition. She pushed against the grainy ground, pulling herself onto her four paws, and even trying to make a motion that Silkie thought looked like a hop.

The Torchic didn’t really think about that right then, though. “Well… was it? I don’t really know, I just guessed, I… uh, guess. You gonna eat or what? You must be hungry after that fight.”

“You saw that, then?” the Vulpix asked, still trying to push off of her front paws. “For the stars’ sake, what…” She then looked down at said paws, and raised one closer to herself, turning it over and examining it.

“No,” Silkie sighed. “But you were obviously in a fight! Look at your fur, it’s a mess!”

“Torchic?”

“Oh! The name’s Silkie!”

The stranger looked at the Torchic once again, and began to nod subtly. “Silkie, you know about as much as I do, I’m afraid. Seems I’ve been turned into a Pokemon that’s not supposed to be in a place like this.”

“I’d say! Frost Vulpix typically inhabit northern mountains or - wait. Turned into?”

“Yes, Silkie. You may not be able to believe this, but I used to be a human! And now, through some force I don’t know or understand, I’m not.” The Vulpix turned around to look at her tails. “... five, six… You don’t think it was those… outlaws… do you?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, go back! Did you actually say ‘human’ right there? I’m sorry to be the one to burst your bubble, miss…”

The stranger scowled as she lowered her eyes towards the desert sand. “Gloria. You may call me Gloria.”

“Gloria, that’s not a very good trick! Everyone knows humans are extinct. If you’re supposed to be a con artist, then you probably haven’t had much success! In fact -” Silkie began to rummage through her bag, and the sounds of various items being shuffled around began to fill the desert. “I feel bad for you, Gloria, just let me give you some money so you can go buy a bit of land…”

“Con artist?!” Gloria spat. “Me?! I assure you, dear miss Silkie, I want no money or goods. All I want is to be human again!”

Suuuure…” the Torchic said. “Okay, let’s say you’re telling the truth. Do you have any idea how you’re supposed to, you know…” She looked up and down the stranger’s form. “De-Vulpix yourself?”

The Vulpix sighed, and resumed examining her paws. “I’m afraid I haven’t got a clue where to start. I don’t even know where the nearest town is!”

“Oh! I do!” Silkie yelped excitedly, beginning to flutter and hop about. “I’m going to Lily Valley, and there’s supposed to be a whole bunch of towns on the way! Look!” The Torchic yanked a map out of her bag, and tossed it, allowing it to unfold itself as it fluttered towards the ground.

The map depicted the entirety of what Gloria quickly discovered was called the Astral Continent. There were plenty of different climates across it, from the desert in the east - likely where they were now - to the northern tundra, and elevations from mountains to seas. “What a gorgeous landscape,” the Vulpix commented.

“Okay, which one’s yours?” Silkie asked.

“I’m sorry?”

“What town, duh!” The Torchic used her talons to point at various names scattered across the landmass. “Brass Town? Scupperport? Oh! Oh! Are you from Lily Valley?!”

Gloria laughed nervously. “I…”

“Please, please be from Lily Valley! What’s it like? Do you know anything about the Academy? That’s why I’m going there, you know -”

“I don’t know, Silkie! None of those names even sound familiar!” the Vulpix shouted.

Silkie stopped her excited scampering, letting her shoulders sink. “Oh. Well… what does?”

Gloria scanned the map, tracing under the names of various locations with her paw. Slowly, she began to realize that none of them sparked a memory in her mind. “I’m afraid I can’t…”

“Can’t what? Read?”

“Oh, of course I can read, you insolent, impulsive…” The Vulpix took in a sharp breath. “I don’t have very many memories of my human life! It seems like what I kept was my name, and…”

And what? Gloria wondered. The other memory was quite vague. “And what I believe was a powerful... thing. It almost seemed like a gemstone, maybe.”

“Gloria, ‘powerful thing’ isn’t really that specific. What do you mean, powerful?”

“I mean, young Torchic, that -”

“Oh, by the way, what makes you think I’m young? I just turned sixteen last season, you know!”

“Please, Silkie, that doesn’t just make you a wise elder. As I was saying, the gemstone felt like it pulsed with a strong energy when I held it.” The Vulpix held up her paws again, thinking about how much she already missed having thumbs. “I remember that I could barely bear to have it in my hands, and yet I held it close. I so desperately wanted it… no. I needed it.”

“Wh-why?” the Torchic asked. She was already starting to worry about this stranger; maybe she wasn’t a con artist after all?

Gloria paused, looking down at one of her front paws as though the powerful something was still in it. “I don’t remember why. And I have no clue where it was then, or where it is now.”

“But maybe if we find it, you’ll find out what happened to you!” Silkie chirped. “I get it now!”

“Wait, what do you mean, ‘we’?”

“Come on! We’re off to Lily Valley!” Before she could protest, the Vulpix felt five and a half pounds of Torchic on her back. “Hyah! Let’s go, Gloria!”

Did this little Torchic just -?! The Vulpix dug her claws into the sand, before starting to walk through the desert, with Silkie’s guidance.

~~~

“We’re lost, then?”

The two of them hadn’t lasted very long, and had now come to a standstill in front of a strangely-ornate arch in the middle of what was otherwise a very barren landscape. Gloria would’ve passed it off as nothing more than the remnants of an ancient civilization, if it weren’t for the fact that what was meant to be on the other side of the arch was blocked from her view by complete darkness.

“Of course we’re not lost!” Silkie protested. “I know exactly where we’re going! There’s just not supposed to be a mystery dungeon here…”

“So what? Can’t we just go around it?” Gloria asked.

“It’s too late,” the Torchic sighed. “We’re already in it.”

“So, you’re saying we’re…”

“Do not say the ‘L’ word to me. We aren’t. We were heading northwest, just like we should’ve! Look at the… sun…” Silkie stared at the eastern sky, watching the red-and-gold hues of the dawn paint the world above her. “Oh no. It’s morning already.” Lepus is going to give that note to Dad, right? I don’t want him to worry…

“What’s wrong with the morning?” Gloria sighed.

“Uh… nothing!” The Torchic hopped off of the Vulpix’s shoulders, looking up at the arch. “Nothing at all. Right now, what we need to think about is getting out of here, and this is the only way out,” she said, tapping the side of the structure.

“Can’t we just turn around and go back the way we came?”

“Of course not! Mystery dungeons mess with your head. They try to trap you, even if they have to distort time and space to do it. If you try to turn around and go back, you’ll end up finding a wall, or a pit, or even looping around back here!” Silkie shook her head. “Honestly, Gloria, didn’t you… Oh. Right, I forgot. Amnesia.”

The Vulpix grumbled something under her breath, walking as close to the arch as she could without touching the darkness within. “So, this here is our exit?”

“Sort of. In order to leave a mystery dungeon, you have to go through a maze. I don’t know how their minds work, if they even have minds to start with, but… well, I think you just have to prove yourself to it.”

“A maze shouldn’t be too hard,” Gloria said, shrugging, and stepped forward, putting her paw into the shadows. “All in favour of escaping the eldritch, maybe-sentient part of the desert, let’s get to it.”

“Gloria! Wait for me!” Silkie dashed into the arch, leaping towards the Vulpix’s disappearing tails. She watched as the world faded around her; quickly enough, it got so dark that she had no clue whether her eyes were actually open or not.

Suddenly, the desert flashed into view again, but instead of a series of mostly-empty dunes, it had become a mostly-flat area, with pale, stony walls surrounding the two of them. The Torchic stepped up beside Gloria, and looked around at the room they’d emerged into. Behind them, where the archway would have been if this were a place of logic, the empty room simply stretched for a few more feet before ending at a solid wall.

“Here we are, I guess…” Silkie mumbled. “All we need to do is find another arch like that. Then we’re free!”

Gloria glanced at the wall to her right. Close to the corner of the room was a corridor, which made a sharp turn left soon after it began. “How do we feel about this hall?” the Vulpix asked.

“It’s the only chance we’ve got,” the Torchic sighed, hopping up onto Gloria’s back again as the Vulpix began to walk. “I still don’t get why this showed up all of a sudden, though! I thought the mystery dungeons in the Brass Desert were further north…”

“I don’t think the mystery dungeon cares what you think. I gather that it’s alive, so I guess it can do whatever it wants.” Gloria opened her mouth to say something else, but was cut off by the sound of footsteps on the sand. “Silkie, is there someone else in here?”

“Oh no. I was afraid we’d have to deal with that,” the Torchic whimpered. “It’s… arguably not a someone, more just a something.” Silkie ducked closer to Gloria’s fur, and the Vulpix began to feel the heat radiating off of the Torchic as she rummaged through her brain for an analogy. “Do you know how the immune system works?”

“Can’t say I know whether I cared enough to learn,” Gloria said.

“Okay, uh, first of all, the dungeon needs to detect that we’ve entered. That’s why the arch is there, rather than just being a maze in the middle of the desert - well, that, and mystery dungeons are mostly just pocket dimensions… Anyway, the gateway also acts as a sensor, and tells the dungeon that invaders - us - have entered,” Silkie explained. “And then it sends out corrupts to fight off the invaders.”

“Corrupts? What’s -”

Gloria was interrupted by the sound of the footsteps growing louder. She crouched down, glaring at the hall in front of her, and snarled softly, pulling her lips back on instinct and sneaking towards the sound.

"Gloriaaaaa? What are you doing?" Silkie asked, her wings trembling.

The Vulpix saw a flash of green dart by, and ducked even lower; her stomach was now sifting the sand aside. She breathed out, attempting to make something - anything at all - happen. All that did happen was that the air in front of her got just a little bit colder...

"New plan," Gloria said. "You go fight it."

"S-sorry, what?!" Silkie yelped. "Why me?!"

The Vulpix rolled her eyes. "You're a fire-type, aren't you? It's too hot for me to do anything. Your attacks will do a lot better here than mine."

"Well, yeah, but..." The Torchic whimpered softly, peeking around the next corner. Whatever form the corrupt had taken, it must have been a relatively quick one, as it was now out of sight. "What am I supposed to do if it's a ground-type? I only know Ember and..." Silkie raised one of her talons and clawed at the air. "Whatever this one is!"

"You seriously were never taught what Scratch is?"

"Hey, you're not much better off! You don't know anything about mystery dungeons!" the Torchic shouted. "Okay, fine. But we don't even know where this thing is!"

Gloria gestured to the ground, where a set of footprints made a trail around the corner. “I’d say those are a good bet. Lead the way, explorer!”

Silkie puffed up with pride at being called an explorer, and followed the prints down the halls of the maze. The corridors wound and twisted, often in ways that would never be thought of by a sane architect, until the footprints led into another room, larger than the one Gloria and Silkie had entered into. In the middle of this room was a Capsakid, asleep on its side and facing away, at what was clearly the end of the trail of footprints.

“Hey, perfect! A grass-type for you there, and super easy to sneak up on. Show me what you’ve got, kid!”

“I’m not that young,” Silkie mumbled, and looked at her new friend. The Torchic crouched down, imitating what Gloria had done before, and stepped over the sand, letting the grains roll off of her talons as she slunk closer to the Capsakid. Here goes…

Without warning, Silkie leapt forward, and a small flame flew from her beak to the corrupt. It sprung up, but then collapsed instantly, falling on its face as Silkie whirled back around to look at Gloria. “Was that good?”

“Exemplary,” the Vulpix complimented, walking forward to catch up with the Torchic. Her eyes were drawn to the Capsakid, which was slowly sinking into the sand now. “I’m sure you realize that now I have more questions…”

“Right! I’ll explain while we walk.”

Silkie did indeed proceed to explain; as the duo searched the mystery dungeon, she spoke of the rumours and theories about the true origin of corrupts, the weirdest one - according to the Torchic - probably being that corrupts were actually the souls of Pokemon who’d died in a dungeon. “Those scholars claim that the dungeon makes a new body for the soul based on what kind of environment it’s in - so in a desert like this, we’d see Capsakid, Sandile, Trapinch, those kinds of Pokemon!”

“That we are,” Gloria remarked.

“After a corrupt faints, the dungeon usually takes its soul back and reclaims the energy that makes up its body, so that it can do it all over again. However, it’s said that sometimes, the dungeon doesn’t take either one back, and the corrupt becomes controlled by the old soul, rather than the dungeon’s defense mechanisms! At least, according to that weird old Ursaring who lived in the mountains a few hundred years ago. You got that so far?”

The Vulpix nodded. “I hope you don’t expect me to write a test on all of this,” she laughed.

Silkie giggled, forgetting for only a moment that she’d run away from home to do something as incredibly dangerous as this. That Capsakid went down easy, but I can’t get cocky. What if I end up having to fight a powerful enemy that isn’t weak to Ember? Oh stars, what if I have to fight a Groudon?

“Silkie? The physical realm’s calling you,” Gloria said.

“You’d fight a Groudon for me, right?” the Torchic rambled before she realized what was coming out of her beak.

The Vulpix stared blankly at her for a good few moments, before breaking into laughter. “Good one, Silkie!”

Silkie joined in Gloria’s laughing, and the two kept walking, until they found themselves in yet another rectangular chamber. Silkie stopped, and rummaged through her bag.

“What is it?” Gloria asked.

“You don’t happen to have a piece of paper, do you?”

“I’m afraid that whatever force that transformed me took away everything I may have had beforehand,” the Vulpix sighed. “What do you need it for?”

“It’s helpful to make a map when you’re exploring a dungeon so that you don’t get lost! I just, um, wasn’t expecting to get to one before reaching the next town, so I didn’t take any paper when I left…”

Gloria poked her head into one of the hallways and looked around. “I don’t think you’ll need it,” she said, waving the Torchic over. Sure enough, there was a tall arch, with the same darkness swirling within as the one they’d entered the dungeon through.

“We made it!” Silkie chirped, hopping into the Vulpix’s side in an awkward attempt at a hug. When she crashed into her friend and fell, she instead settled on nuzzling up to one of her paws. Gloria quickly pulled back, and walked into the darkness, Silkie following closely by her side.

The world flashed into sight once more, but this time, the desert gave way to a grassland some meters away from the dungeon’s exit. Silkie ran up to the top of the nearest dune as soon as she blinked back into the outside world, and looked out over the nearby landscape.

“Look, Gloria! Brass Town’s just up ahead here!”

The Vulpix caught up with the Torchic, and followed her gaze, her eyes now seeing a decently-sized town on the horizon. “We should make it by dusk,” Silkie said, and hopped down from the dune’s peak, sliding down the sandy slope and running off into the distance. Gloria took a stunned moment of hesitation to ponder just where the Torchic got all her energy from, and then followed her, going into a sprint to catch up and let her hop onto her back. “Once we make it, we should be able to catch an airship up north!” Silkie called. “Woo-hoo! We’re going to Lily Valley!”

~~~

Meanwhile, back in the eastern part of the desert, a creature unidentifiable to the residents of this world hovered above the sand. The Poipole glanced at an object on the ground, picking it up and touching it to her forehead.

“What is it?” demanded a voice from behind her. The Poipole turned to face the Naganadel that led her swarm, and handed the small blue sphere to them.

“It’s medicine, Master Alius,” she explained. “It was likely dropped here by the Pokemon that His Courage wants us to find.”

Alius rolled the sphere around in their talon. “Yes, I have seen these berries before. Supposedly a common healing resource.” They looked at one of the Poipole in the distance, and shouted, “Selcouth!”

Selcouth hovered up to Lord Alius, lowering his head to them and allowing them to touch the tips of each of his needles before speaking. “Yes, Master?”

“Bring this to His Courage. Tell him that our target has been here, near the… what was it that he called it… yes, the mystery dungeon.” Selcouth nodded, and floated away hastily as the Naganadel turned to the rest of the swarm. “Everyone else, we continue our search!”

“Yes, Master!” cried all of the remaining Poipole in unison. Alius took the lead, holding their wings up in a dominant position - they did not need to flap them due to their ability to levitate - and the swarm gathered behind them, following as they led them west, toward the setting sun.
 

windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
  9. manectric
Oh hey, a brand new fic dropped right in front of me during the heart of Review Blitz? Excellent. I think I'll give this a shot. Let's hop to it.


Oversized crest feathers. I'm going to guess she's just straight up the torchic equivalent of a silkie chicken (which tracks with her name lmao).

I'm kind of curious how the bed is still in one piece of the humans disappeared hundreds of years ago. Would have thought it deteriorated by now. There's a handful of explanations, of course. It could have been very well cared for, it could be a replica, or he could be lying about how long it's been. Or I could just be overthinking it.

Sounds like she's royalty of some sort by the opening scene? Which lends credence to the well-tended-to bed theory I guess lol. Little too early to speculate on what that will mean for the story as a whole though.

Oh no, Silkie is out of touch from the common mon in an endearing way. “Here, let me give you some pocket change to go buy some land.” On the other hand, the way Gloria speaks feels rather formal and posh, like maybe she came from high society wherever she came from.

I think the dungeon worldbuilding is interesting, especially with regards to the way the pokemon that inhabit it are described. Pokemon think of dungeons as living things and the pokemon inhabiting it is like the dungeon immune system, which would imply the dungeon doesn't want pokemon running inside and disturbing it. If they really are living like implied, I wonder how that's going to come into play…

And now, at the end of the chapter, we have a hint of the greater plot. A plot involving ultra beasts and who knows what else. I will say though, it's not entirely clear at a glance whether they're after Silkie or Gloria. Probably the latter, but Silkie is the one that has supplies, so who knows.


Ok, overall thoughts. I think you're off to a pretty good start. You've established the main characters and hinted at the greater conflict. Overall prose was pretty good, though there were a couple of spots that tripped me up.

As for the two main characters, I think I've got a pretty good grasp on Silkie, who has a good heart but is perhaps a bit excitable and airheaded to a fault. (Oh, this person is trying to con me? Well, giving them money sounds like a good idea!) I don't have as much of a grasp on Gloria yet, aside from the posh comment I made earlier. I think I'll need to read more after more comes out to get a better grip on her.

Until then, take care.
 

StrixUmbra

Youngster
Pronouns
she/they
Thanks for the review! Your interpretation of Silkie is spot on, and I'm glad I got her personality across as intended! As for Gloria, we'll figure her out as we go along, but "posh" is definitely a good word to describe her (even if it's one that never came to me as I created her...) Thanks again for the feedback!
 

Nekodatta

Pokémon Trainer
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. koraidon-apex
  2. miraidon-ultimate
  3. skitty
Hey, here for Blitz!
So the protagonists are a Torchic and human-turned-Ice-Vulpix. It feels like a fun duo (no thumbs problem, though), and I like the detail of Silkie having oversized head feathers (love the art for both!). I wonder if they will give her trouble while exploring dungeons since they're so long they drag over the ground...
It's a nice little prologue that establishes some worldbuilding and already hints at larger things at play. Are we going to see an invasion of this world from Ultra Beasts?

Silkie is... in a word, I find her adorable ahah. It's always fun to see the "rich character has no idea how common people live" trope played straight, I chuckled at her going "you poor thing, here have some money to buy some land" at Gloria. I'm really curious how she's going to react to the first towns and actual "common folk" she's going to meet, because having her be quite out of touch with the world is a nice way to have the reader discover things along with the protagonists.
In this, they are a very nice duo: Gloria can act as the reader insert for stuff about how mystery dungeons and the world works at large, while Silkie can do it for things that would be normal to any other character otherwise.

Gloria is... a bit less in the spotlight for now, which I find a bit ironic since usually the human - turned- Pokemon is the protagonist. I do wonder if they were up to no good with that gem that they desperately wanted...

I find the idea of dungeons being somewhat sentient and enemy Pokemon being the equivalent of their immune system both interesting and somewhat disturbing, especially if the "recycling souls of who perished there" theory is true. I like that you made a little nod at how you apparently recruit Pokémon in them, if I understood well, by sometimes having the original soul reclaim a body.
That does make me wonder about legendary Pokémon and how at least in the games they all seem to live in mystery dungeons without any problems...
I will definitely keep following this fic!
 

StrixUmbra

Youngster
Pronouns
she/they
Thank you for the review! It makes me smile to see so much positive reaction to Silkie already, even though we've only had one chapter to meet and get used to her! And as for Gloria being focused on less, I wanted to put a bit of a twist on the "waking-up-as-a-Pokemon" scene by having it mostly from the perspective of the partner, though with a few peeks into Gloria's state of mind as well. She'll get more focus once the plot starts to pick up. Thanks for coming along for the ride, and I hope you enjoy it!
 

Negrek

The One Star
Staff
Eyyy, glad to see this posted! Congrats on kicking off your fic. I'm excited to see what the Moonlight Academy has in store for us--I only know of one other PMD academy-style fic, and I think the two genres have a lot of potential together! It sounds like you've got some very cool stuff in store with this fic.

I really like how the opening letter characterizes Silkie. Talk about top 10 messages that aren't going to reassure your dad, lol. I immediately get the sense of Silkie as somebody well-educated but naive, with the contrast between formal, elevated language and the realization that she's cheerfully talking about running away from home to take part in some highly dangerous training program. You even get across that she's adopted, from the weirdly distant way she talks to her father ("you've been so kind to me;" "I won't forget what you've done for me"--weird statements from a biological child!).

This first chapter covers a lot of the standard plot beats for a PMD fic, with the hero and partner meeting and the introductory mystery dungeon. There are some twists, i.e. I think it's rare to see things from the partner pokémon's perspective, the gemstone is a new kind of quest for a human hero, and sentient dungeons are a cool play on the usual formula that I wish I saw more often. Overall, though, what I'm most interested in is all the intriguing plot mentioned in your summary, so I'm glad we're not taking too long to get through the usual set-up. I'm intrigued by the presence of ultra beasts at the very end, there; presumably something to do with Lunala, as mentioned in the summary? I look forward to finding out what's going on there. (And, random aside, "Selcouth" is a very cool name!)

If there was something I'd have liked to see more of in this chapter, it would be a little more scene-setting. We don't get much of any description of the desert Selkie's been wandering around in, and I pretty quickly forgot this was taking place at night. The dungeon doesn't get much description, either, which for me detracted from the "living" feel of the place--I think you have a lot of opportunity to get across the feeling of the dungeon as an entity with its own aims based on how you describe it, but you haven't done much in that vein yet. I was confused when Gloria mentioned being hot, because it was only just dawn when they went into the dungeon: is this one of those cases where the time in a dungeon is different than the surroundings, so it was blazing daylight the whole time they were in there? I couldn't tell.

Also, the line "Sand… sand… sand… a berry, and a Torchic" struck me as odd, since it appears to be from Gloria's POV, but we're otherwise not in her head at all as far as I know? I'm curious whether we'll get more into Gloria's head later, but for now I'm fine following Selkie.

It sounds like you're got big plans for this fic, and congrats again on taking the first step towards them! I definitely want to see where this story goes from here. And, not related to the writing, I have to say that I always enjoy seeing character art for fics. I think Selkie's design in particular is super cute; nice job!
 

Ambyssin

Gotta go back. Back to the past.
Location
Residency hell
Pronouns
he/him
Partners
  1. silvally-dragon
  2. necrozma-ultra
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. dreepy
  6. mewtwo-ambyssin
  7. vulpix-ambyssin
I promise, if things go horribly wrong (they won’t!), I will come back home.
Narrator: They will go horribly wrong. She won't come back home.
“Humans have been extinct for centuries. We’re lucky that they left behind this palace for us to live in,” he’d said.
Y'know, what if a really large pokémon wants to live in this castle? If it was made for humans, they're out of luck.
That’s the - that’s the idea.”
Okay, so. If you want to show someone cutting themselves off, or going on a different train of thought mid-sentence, you shouldn't be using hyphens. What you're looking for is the em dash: —. So, this would be "That's the— that's the idea."

Similarly, if a tangent is happening mid-sentence, it goes something like "Blah blah blah — tangent tangent tangent — rest of the original sentence." If you write on a keyboard with a number pad on the side, you get an em dash by holding Alt and pressing 0151. If you don't have one of those, I suggest you configure your AutoCorrect options on Word or Google Docs or whatever to automatically turn double hyphens (--) into Em dashes (—).
but this stranger was quite muscular, at least compared to the drawings of Vulpix that Silkie had seen in books
Muscular vulpix is cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuursed. :screm:
Sand… sand… sand… a berry, and a Torchic.
So, this touches on my two biggest pet peeves with this opening chapter.
1) If you're going to write a third-person limited POV fic and you're changing perspectives, you've got to put in a scene break. It's very jarring as the reader to suddenly head hop from Silkie to Gloria. Scene breaks aren't just for passing time. They're for changing your POV character, even if they aren't moving to another location.
2) While it does give us some nice glimpses of Silkie and Gloria's characters, I personally think you're overusing thoughts as dialogue. It's something I did a lot of in my first fic, too, and it's very... video game-y. The characters in the PMD games think to themselves a lot and those thoughts come out in textboxes, so you're replicating that. But you're writing a fic, not making a game. You can have these thoughts be prose and not dialogue. It would actually spice up the prose and give it some personality to better capture the feeling of being in Silkie or Gloria's headspaces. Which is great for third-person limited. Others may feel differently, but I figured I should throw it out there.

As far as PMD openings go, it does hit many of the standard beats. Finding the amnesiac human. Going through a beginning dungeon — I'd advise keeping dungeon trekking to a minimum unless something is happening that's significant to the plot or to a specific character — and reaching an important settlement. The uniqueness is in the characters. Silkie being essentially royalty — though perhaps not by blood, unless Negrek and I misread that letter at the start — and being quite sheltered and a bit airheaded marks for a contrast to typical PMD protags. Totally not biased b/c my main character's a princess. Gloria is... also interesting. She's definitely high society and seems to know enough about pokémon to suggest she's from a world of trainers. But her mannerisms and speech patterns feel... almost like a maiden from a fairy tale. Or the Middle Ages. She has a very formal dialect that doesn't match how the upper class in modern society act.

And then we have our baddies being a poipole hive and their naganadel leader. Given they're UBs, I assume they're serving another UB of some sort. Perhaps Necrozma? Or maybe Eternatus or Deoxys, which are both alien in their own right? Time will tell, I suppose.
 

StrixUmbra

Youngster
Pronouns
she/they
Thanks to both of you for the reviews!
@Negrek I know for a fact that scene-setting is one of my weak points, and something I'll definitely aim to improve at. And yeah, I recognize that I don't quite have the hang of POV switches. Thanks for making note of those! And I'm glad to hear that you like the art, too!
@Ambyssin I didn't even know that em dashes were a thing, but I'll make proper use of them in the coming chapters! I'll also aim to address the overuse of thought-as-dialogue. It's nice to have those errors pointed out! As for your speculations on Alius and the Poipole swarm's employer... well, time will tell, as you said, but feel free to keep those in mind ;)
 
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