Hey! I'm here to review Chapter 1 for Catnip.
First off, I was a bit worried that this being the sequel to a story I've never read would mean that I would be lost, but I suppose I followed along fine. Mostly I just didn't know the weight around certain things, like whatever put Daisuke in a coma and what his history with Jaiden was, but that's to be expected jumping in the middle of a narrative like this. And I was surprised when Daisuke had psychic powers, but I suppose not that surprised in the end since people with psychic powers do canonically exist in Pokémon to begin with.
I'm 100% Team "The Oxford Comma Isn't Mandatory", but here it looks a bit odd. It could perhaps be better if it was "his school's headmaster Joseph as well as Jaiden" so that it's clear the two aren't connected. It's also kind of weird that we're told who Jean and Kakuro and Joseph are (friends, then headmaster) but Jaiden is left without a descriptor. Is Jaiden the only returning character out of these?
damn, that daisuke is always forgetting the language of the netherlands
I wonder if it would be easier if Daisuke's siblings' names were established before the dialogue sections so that they wouldn't have to change their monikers in the middle of dialogue.
Is Julie meant to be unreasonable here? I'm not sure how it's under Kosuke's control whether or not the food is shit in a place he just saw. In general, it's kind of a mean thing for a parent to say to her child to begin with. That can be intentional, but I'm pointing it out in case it isn't.
Aw his previous adventure has made him paranoid about being attacked while out with his family :(
The phrase "the 20th floor" being present three times in the same paragraph feels kind of repetitive. Alternate phrasing could possibly make it flow better.
The written out screams seem a bit excessive with how long they are.
---
So, I don't really have enough context to give a proper evaluation of how this chapter works as the opener to the second book, but it does seem fitting from what I've managed to infer. We see what's going on with the protagonist after his first adventure (return to normalcy), we see him meet up with a friend from the first book again with a change to her appearance to reinforce the passage of time, and the final section shows a new threat that is emerging in the world. I don't really know how Mew (who is surprisingly malicious) relates to the virus outbreak mentioned in the synopsis, but I suppose the rest of the story would answer that.
That's all the feedback I have, really. Good luck writing onward, and see you around.
