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Pokémon (ONESHOT) Speckled Silver

Inkedust

Harbinger of Sunrise
Location
Pokémon Square
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. ninetales-inkedust
  2. solgaleo-inkedust
  3. xerneas
  4. zoroark-inkedust
  5. zoroark
Silverglint was born a runt. Weak compared to his siblings and other pokémon his age had left him an easy target. However, one seemingly normal day, Silverglint is presented with a strange object which, unbeknownst to him will become a gateway into a new life.

A oneshot that acts as a brief glimpse into the backstory of the Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky partner character.
(no cover because the site seems to hate me)

*​

Pokémon Square was as peaceful as ever. Shopkeepers tended to their stalls, engaging in conversation with the occasional customer; pelipper were flying high above the clouds, with the mail’s daily rounds; adventurers were filtering their way in and out of the main square; all the while gentle afternoon light filtered its way through browning leaves, detaching themselves from their branches. It was yet another uneventful day for the residents of Pokémon Square.

Or so it had seemed in that very moment.

Stillness broke with the desperate scampers of a persian carrying a generous supply of Energy Seeds in his maw. To see the poised and regal banker in such a state was unheard of, but contrary to the mundane atmosphere, today was different. Very different. At least five bystanders were bowled over by his inelegant bounds before he’d finally reached his destination.

The tiny hut that he’d called his home hummed with occasional mewling. He turned his frantic gaze to the furthest end of the room where he bore witness to his mate, laying atop a thick layer of bedding. Though she appeared to be completely exhausted, the perrserker was kneading and purring deeply as six newborn kittens were having their first meal.

“Willowsheen!”

The perrserker lifted her head towards her approaching mate as he rubbed his head against hers, careful to avoid her horns, before he examined the litter. Of the six, four were Ironclad —indicated by the tiny, black coins on their foreheads; the other two were Golden.

“Two sons and four daughters Silkstone,” Willowsheen uttered breathlessly. Tears of joy pricked the corners of her eyes. She watched as her mate moved behind her to lay down, absorbing every second of the moment.

“Have you named them yet?”

“No. I wanted to do it together. You know how powerful names are, it wouldn’t feel right if I did it myself.”

“Of course,” Silkstone whispered as he studied the litter. Willowsheen was completely right. It would’ve been entirely wrong if only one of them had decided on the names of their kittens. After a brief exchange of glances, the two began naming the kittens, together. Silkstone was confident enough with the names of the first five but he could not for the life of him decide a name for the final kitten. The dusty silver tabby was the smallest of the lot by a fair margin, undoubtedly, the runt of the litter. However, the beautiful sheen of his gold coin indicated that he was in perfect health. Willowsheen on the other hand, seemed to have known what to name him the moment she’d laid eyes on him. She lowered her head, whispering softly into the kitten’s ear—

“Glint of a Speckled Silver.”

*​

The months passed. Autumn gave way to Winter and then to Spring and then to Summer before going back to Autumn again. During this time, Willowsheen watched her kittens grow with confidence. Now nearing adolescence, they’d managed to pick out preferred names for themselves and had grown to become quite capable; helping out with several errands such as aiding Willowsheen with a few small chores, or helping their father’s business by helping count the stored coins, or helping him memorize which stack of coins belonged to which team. Yet they continued to play as if they hadn’t aged a day.

The morning was mild, if a bit windy, but fine enough to play at the pond at the behest of her children. From there, Willowsheen watched her mate entertain a Rescue Team composed of a charmander and a psyduck, a grim reminder of current events. Rescue Teams had always been plentiful in the area, however, a recent surge of natural disasters had made them even more common. The chance of her family becoming a victim of these disasters drenched Willowsheen with worry. What could she do if such a thing were to happen? What if the square was suddenly struck by a common earthquake? She dared not to entertain the possibility of what she’d do if she’d lost—

“MAMA!”

Willowsheen’s train of thought was brought to a halt by Quicksteel, one of her Ironclad daughters. “Wh-what is it dear?” she inquired of her panicked daughter.

“Ferric pushed Silverglint into the pond and now he won’t stand up!”

“What!?”

“Yeah, Ferric wouldn't stop teasing Silverglint for being the coward he is so Silverglint tried to attack him before he was shoved into the pond!”

Willowsheen’s blood turned to ice as she turned to make a dash for the pond, begging for Oriana’s or any other deity’s mercy. Quicksteel followed closely. Silverglint had always been noticeably weaker than his siblings and his shyer disposition had made making friends difficult. It was incredibly easy for others —including his siblings— to pick on him, but none of that mattered to Willowsheen. Silverglint was still her son and right now, he was in mortal danger.

Upon her arrival, Willowsheen saw Ferric sitting at the edge of the pond, right besides Whiscash. A mortified look was plastered on his face, however he seemed to be more afraid of any potential punishments he’d be facing rather than the realization as to what he had potentially done. At Ferric’s paws laid Silverglint’s body, unmoving but still breathing. A warm wave of relief flooded Willowsheen upon noticing Silverglint’s shallow breaths. Relief that quickly manifested itself as anger directed towards her other son. Meeting Ferric’s eyes, Willowsheen let out a quiet snarl, “Go to your father, right now. We’ll talk about what you’ve done once I’m done making sure that your brother is safe.”

“But I—”

GO!
Ferric knew better than to push his luck against his mother’s anger. He plodded back towards the square, head hung low as if he was not only trying to avoid the furious glare of his mother but also the bewildered stares of his siblings.

Once Ferric had left her sight, Willowsheen turned all her attention to her son, flattening his fur back to his body and clearing him of any dirt and grime. By the time Silverglint opened his eyes, he had completely dried off. He hadn’t the time to process what had happened and even less after being smothered by his mother who had begun babbling about how worried she was that anything might have happened to him. He could barely process her words and before he knew it, he was picked up by the scruff of his neck. Dragging him around the place had always been an easy feat. To his parents, he was the easiest to carry; to his siblings, he was the easiest target. So easy to bait and overpower, it was not the first time Ferric had done this. It left Silverglint with the burden of being useless. So, very useless.

*​

Parents distracted by Ferric, Silverglint snuck his way back to the pond. The skies were being painted by the evening at this point, his siblings long gone. Only Whiscash remained, as he always did, half-awake and bobbing in the water. Silverglint sat himself by the pond’s edge, his amber-eyed reflection staring dumbly back at him. He had always been small, he had always been scrawny, he had always been weak and being weak made him a burden; he was why he couldn't make any friends. In the midst of his sulking, something gleaned in the corner of his eye.

Despite his best attempts, he could not ignore it and instinctively searched for the source. Upon grabbing the supposed treasure, he was greeted by a bout of disappointment —it was just a rock with a flat edge. It fit perfectly in his paw and as he turned it over, an intricate pattern carved on the flat-side revealed itself. Silverglint had never seen anything like it. It felt… important. Somehow.

As Silverglint continued to examine the strange rock, a deep, amused hum rang out from behind him, causing him to jump back in shock and to nearly drop the odd stone back into the pond.

“Oho! What have you fished for yourself, young one?” It was Whiscash, who Silverglint thought to be sleeping or daydreaming or not paying any attention to him at all.

“I, uh—” Silverglint began to stutter, “noticed this strange rock… I-If I’m stealing or anything I can return it, I was just a bit curious.”

“A strange rock you say? How strange indeed! May I see it?”

“Uh, sure?” In a movement, nothing more than awkward, Silverglint presented his finding pattern-side up to Whiscash.

“Now where did that come from? I’ve certainly never seen or felt it anywhere in my pond. It couldn’t have been dropped in here either, I would’ve noticed the moment it touched the water.”

“F-Felt?

“My whiskers tell me of every little thing that resides in this pond, from their shapes, sizes to the very way they move but I haven’t noticed this thing until you scooped it up. The only explanation I can come up here is that it just manifested itself out of thin air!”

“Why would that happen?” Silverglint asked, bewildered. “Things just don’t appear out of thin air for no reason!”

“Ah, but perhaps there is a reason for its sudden appearance. Perhaps,” Whiscash’s voice trilled with fascination. “It appeared just for you to find it.”

“Appeared… for me?” It made no sense! Things just don’t appear out of nowhere for a specific mon, especially not one like him. “I-I don’t think that something would appear for me like that. It’s probably meant for someone else…”

“Oho, I wouldn’t say that. You’re the one who found it so I think you should keep it either way! Besides, that pattern is remarkable, I’d say that you’ve found a real treasure there.”

Their conversation continued for a little while longer —it was only when the skies had taken on a deep red hue that Silverglint realized how much time he had spent studying the rock with Whiscash. The moon would be rising at full light and if his parents were already done with Ferric, they'd be worried sick after that display from earlier. Hastily, he bid his farewell to Whiscash before picking up the rock with his mouth and taking off on all-fours.

*​

Silverglint had trouble sleeping, that weird rock that he found two weeks ago was gnawing at the edges of his mind. He was still unsure what to make of it. Its sudden appearance was one thing but that strange pattern had captivated him. He had to find out what it meant, he just had to. So far, he’d kept the rock to himself but he at least wanted to show his ma. As luck would have it, Ferric was still receiving the lecture of his lifetime by the time Silverglint had returned, he’d managed to overhear what punishment Ferric was saddled with: forced to count the Poké in da’s bank for the next month and no one else was allowed to cover for him.

As Silverglint deliberated on what to do, he cast his gaze out the window to be met with the sight of a countless number of stars illuminating the Autumn night. The moon was nowhere to be seen, according to da, it meant that the night was something called the “Quiescence”. It had something to do with the moon needing rest, meaning that only the stars watched over the night sky. It also meant that it was darker, which meant that it was easier to sneak around. Careful not to awaken his sisters, Silverglint slowly stalked his way towards his parent's room. His da was knocked out but ma still seemed to be somewhat awake.

“Hey, hey ma, you awake? I needa show you somethin’”

Gradually, Willowsheen opened her eyes. “Eh? What is it?” she mumbled.

“It’s this thing I've found,” Silverglint whispered. If the tone of his voice hadn't already given his enthusiasm away, then his purring put it on full display. Boldly, he produced the strange rock. “See, there's a weird lookin' pattern on the flat part, Whiscash said he’s seen nothing like it and he’s really old, but maybe you’ve seen anything like this?”

One look from his mother told Silverglint that she was just as ignorant as Whiscash was but was just as eager to theorize about its existence. “…No, I don't think so, but it does look as if it's some sort of fragment.”

“Fragment?”

“A piece of something,” she explained. “Looks like that it may have come from some sort of relic.”

“Oh?” Silverglint buzzed with a new type of excitement. “Like something made by the Ancients in those stories you told us?”

“Why yes! It could very well be Ancient-made! Oh Silverglint, you've found a real treasure now, haven't you?” his ma purred deeply.

“I have, I have, I have!" Silverglint hollered in delight. So much so that he forgot entirely that his da was sleeping right beside him, which resulted in a string of hastily made apologies.

“Anyway,” Silverglint whispered in an attempt to control his voice. “I really want to find this relic that this fragment comes from and maybe on the way, I can find tons of new treasure!”

“Really?” his da asked, midway through a yawn. “If that’s the case, then maybe you should consider joining an Exploration Team.”

“An Exploration Team?”

“Yes, I’m sure that you are well aware of the many Rescue Teams in the area, such as A.C.T.” Silkstone yawned once again before continuing, “Well, instead of rescuing Pokémon, some teams prefer to explore undiscovered areas to search for treasures or discover the many wonders of the world. If you do that, then maybe you might find the secret behind that treasure that you found. Heh, I always knew that you were special from the day you hatched!”

“Hatched?” Silverglint looked visibly confused. “But Ferric said that that's just a story adults tell children before they're old enough to learn about the chatots and the combees—”

“A discussion that you are far too young to be having,” Silkstone said firmly. “Now, I think it's time for bed for all of us, don't you think?” The conversation ended there, despite Silverglint’s attempts to get a few extra words in.

Silverglint made his way back to his room, not noticing his mother’s brief flash of worry. He took another look at his treasure, so a fragment of a relic that was most likely made by Ancients? He smiled to himself, he'd do just what his Da suggested, he'd join an Exploration Team, discover a bunch of new dungeons and many treasures to go along with it and then uncover the mystery of his Relic Fragment.

*​

Early the very next morning, Willowsheen left to do the weekly shopping at the kecleon brothers’ stall. The morning chill was a sign that Winter was approaching briskly. Opening shop so early had started to become unpleasant these days, especially after the Quiescence. Willowsheen reflected on the conversation she and Silkstone had with her son last night. He wanted to become an explorer? By all accounts, she should have been thrilled to hear that he’d found a calling in life but she was left wracked with concern. Exploration, though exciting, was extremely dangerous —and much as she wished that it wasn’t the case— it would be too much for her runty son. Silverglint would have to get far stronger somehow before he'd even have a chance to join a team, let alone go on any large-scale explorations.

“Can I help you with anything, Perrserker?”

In the midst of her thoughts, it hadn’t occurred to Willowsheen that she’d taken a wrong turn. She was heading in the direction of the Pelipper Post Office, which led her straight to Wigglytuff's stall. Wigglytuff had always struck Willowsheen as… odd. Willowsheen had little to no idea what Wigglytuff was selling and she was friendly towards everyone; Willowsheen was no exception. Caught off-guard, Willowsheen could only respond with a “Oh, hello! I’m sorry, I just got a little distracted and went the wrong way…”

“It's not a problem~” Wigglytuff chimed in her singsong voice. “You just looked a bit distracted. Is anything the matter?”

“Oh, uh… It’s nothing, really.” Could she really tell her? There seemed to be no harm in it. “I'm just a bit worried about one of my sons. He told me that he wants to become an explorer but I’m afraid that the whole thing would be too dangerous for him. He’s not very strong and—”

“Not strong enough to be an explorer? Well! That shouldn't be too bad so long he gets the proper training!”

“Proper training? Where? Wigglytuff, I admire your optimism but everyone here knows that the only teams in the area are of the Rescue Division and by extension any and all training grounds and facilities are dedicated to them.” That was another big problem with Silverglint’s ambition: even if he were to become strong enough to tackle exploration; no institute in the area would recognize him. The experiences of being a rescuer and explorer were two entirely different things. Simply put: training to become an explorer in Pokémon Square was unfeasible.

“Yes!” Wigglytuff continued, unfazed by Willowsheen's comment. “I'm sure that you’re aware that the world is much larger than Pokémon Square and its surrounding areas. After all, some areas are teeming with Exploration Teams, just like how Pokémon Square is teeming with Rescue Teams. Take Treasure Town for example! My son runs a guild there, dedicated to training aspiring explorers and if this is the son I think you're referring to, I bet that it’d also be a great boon to his confidence! Although, he’ll have to be a bit older before they’d even consider letting him join.”

Willowsheen ruminated on those words. A guild dedicated to training aspiring explorers? It sounded amazing and perhaps it was something that Silverglint needed, but Treasure Town was on a completely separate continent, so far away from the square. The thought was almost selfish. She had no real reason to hold this potential path away from him, however. And it was then when Willowsheen reached a conclusion: Perhaps, when Silverglint was older and his aspirations of becoming an explorer hadn't faded, she could run the idea by him with the promise that he'd be able to achieve great things if he chooses to go.

*​

Wordlessly, Silverglint stood before a large tent shaped like a wigglytuff. This is the place, he thought. This was the place where his Relic Fragment had brought him. In front of his paws laid a small grate, inviting him to take that step forwards into a new life. His heart hammered in a mixture of fear and excitement and he couldn’t bring his breaths to steady themselves in an effort to calm down. He tried to steel his nerves by remembering what he was here for. Several weeks after he had shown his parents the fragment, his mother told him that she had heard word of a guild that would take up and train aspiring explorers, all the way in Treasure Town. It had been a year since then and after making several arrangements with the travel-liner and many tearful hugs and farewells from his ma, he had begun his journey to Treasure Town.

A brief moment of silence echoed through the air as Silverglint clutched his treasure by his chest. Breathing deeply, he counted down… 3-2-1. His foot met the grate.

“POKÉMON DETECTED! POKÉMON DETECTED!”

“WHOSE FOOTPRINT!? WHOSE FOOTPRINT!?”
 
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kintsugi

golden scars | pfp by sun
Location
the warmth of summer in the songs you write
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. silvally-grass
  2. lapras
  3. golurk
  4. booper-kintsugi
  5. meloetta-kint-muse
  6. meloetta-kint-dancer
  7. murkrow
  8. yveltal
  9. celebi
This is a fun idea for a oneshot! Backstories are always good places to start, and I like the focus on the partner pokemon this time! I haven't really played all of Explorers but I always got the feeling they kept the partner backstory kind of generic~~ so that it didn't matter which one you picked. The focus here is really nice though, and I like the choice to end on him entering the guild--there's definitely a big adventure ahead of him! And honestly it explains so much about why there's a kid your age just living by themselves with no family to speak of lol.

I liked the general worldbuilding touches that you scattered throughout the story as well. The different types of meowth kits, their dad being the persian banker from the Red/Blue Rescue games, whiscash being able to sense everything in his pond from his whiskers--these are all really nice details that help bring everything together and make the world feel cohesive in the background. I really liked the detail of Ironclad vs Golden, since they wouldn't have Galar or Kanto in the PMD world, haha. Really cute stuff.

I did find myself wanting a bit more focus on Silverglint in particular. The story was almost about Willowsheen, in a sense--we get her reaction to Silverglint's birth, her reaction to his being picked on by his siblings, her reaction to his dreams of adventure, etc--so the only bits of the story where we really get to know Silverglint are when he finds the relic fragment and when he decides to journey. The latter is arguably what the oneshot is building towards, but at this point all I really know is that Silverglint wants to explore. I get the feeling that he wants to do it because he found the fragment and takes it as a sign that that's what he should do, but I wanted to know why he thought this way, what his feelings were to the rest of his siblings (especially Ferric!), how his upbringing shaped his opinions. I think there's the skeleton of those thoughts there, but it kind of gets hard to extract from Willowsheen's thoughts and opinions of him. Which could also be a different option--if this was told more with Willowsheen's thoughts and concerns for her son, what she thinks he's doing, if she realizes that one day he saves the world. I think splitting the screentime between them would work with a longer story, but with a oneshot the pacing is really important since you don't really get the benefit of follow-ups as you would later.

In general I think your prose is pretty strong! I can see that you put a lot of effort into picking interesting verbs/making a conscious effort to keep your prose interesting, and for the most part I think it worked! A few hiccups I noticed as I was reading:

Shopkeepers tended to their stalls, engaging in conversation with the occasional customer; pelipper were flying high above the clouds, with the mail’s daily rounds; adventurers were filtering their way in and out of the main square; all the while gentle afternoon light filtered its way through browning leaves, detaching themselves from their branches.
The intro here is a lot, and I don't think the semicolons are working--usually you use them to present connected ideas, but here it's sort of a lot of disparate thoughts (that build to the general idea of it being a calm day). "all the while gentle afternoon light filtered its way through browning leaves, detaching themselves from their branches" is also a weird one since the sentence structure suggests that it's the light detaching themselves from their branches, when it's really the leaves.

Stillness broke with the desperate scampers of a persian carrying a generous supply of Energy Seeds in his maw.
The maw usually strikes me as the back of the throat, or when you're aiming for violent/dark connotations, this persian is about to attack you, sort of thing--I think in this case a more mundane word like "mouth" would actually have helped a lot.

To see the poised and regal banker in such a state was unheard of, but contrary to the mundane atmosphere, today was different.
This sentence was kind of hard to follow--it's unheard of to see him worked up like this, but today was different--there's a lot of contradiction going on in this sentence when I think you could phrase it a bit more simplistically and get the same points across: "Normally, both the banker and the town were calm and poised, but today was different" or something.

Two sons and four daughters Silkstone
dropped a comma before "Silkstone"

Willowsheen was completely right. It would’ve been entirely wrong if only one of them had decided on the names of their kittens. After a brief exchange of glances, the two began naming the kittens, together. Silkstone was confident enough with the names of the first five but he could not for the life of him decide a name for the final kitten.
This set of sentences also confused me a bit--the first three sentences make it seem like Willowsheen and Silkstone will name them together, but then Silkstone names five and there's no mention of discussion. "he could not for the life of him decide a name for the final kitten" suggests that Silkstone's ideas aren't even in his naming scheme, since the next paragraph is an unexpected but welcome note that Silkstone had actually been sitting on the name for a while.

The dusty silver tabby was the smallest of the lot by a fair margin, undoubtedly, the runt of the litter.
The commas here don't work properly--it should be something like "the dusty silver tabby was the smallest of the lot by a fair margin--undoubtedly the runt of the litter". But I'd also note that you could trim this down even for! If he's obviously the smallest of the lot by a fair margin, isn't he also undoubtedly the runt of the litter? You could probably cut one of the phrases without losing much value from the sentence itself.

Rescue Teams had always been plentiful in the area, however, a recent surge of natural disasters had made them even more common.
The moon was nowhere to be seen, according to da, it meant that the night was something called the “Quiescence”.
Commas here also don't work--try "Rescue Teams had always been plentiful in the area; however, a recent surge of natural disasters had made them even more common." and "The moon was nowhere to be seen; according to da [...]".

I can break down exactly when to use semicolons vs commas if you want, but this review was pretty meaty already so I ended up cutting that particular tangent lol.

What if the square was suddenly struck by a common earthquake?
"Common" felt like a tricky word to use here since it also implied often, frequent, not really something strange or to be afraid off--if earthquakes were hitting the square often, we'd see a lot of damage from them, right? I think something like "Earthquakes were becoming more and more frequent, especially further away from town. But what if they started occurring near the square?"

It was incredibly easy for others —including his siblings— to pick on him, but none of that mattered to Willowsheen. Silverglint was still her son and right now, he was in mortal danger.
Two things, one grammar, one stylistic. Grammatically you don't need spaces before and after your em dashes; they attach directly to the words they connect.

Stylistically this one seemed like a weird thing for Willowsheen to focus on--"Silverglint was *still* her son" suggests that she shares her children's desire to pick on him? I didn't fully follow this thought process for her, since to me it'd be easy for her to dismiss her young children's views of each other as undeveloped and not something she should really factor into her own views of her children.

GO!
Ferric knew better
Dropped a paragraph break here.

“Hatched?” Silverglint looked visibly confused. “But Ferric said that that's just a story adults tell children before they're old enough to learn about the chatots and the combees—”
This is an excellent question tbh. They were nursing in the opening scene, so if they're mammals who hatched that's kind of strange?

Dragging him around the place had always been an easy feat. To his parents, he was the easiest to carry; to his siblings, he was the easiest target. So easy to bait and overpower, it was not the first time Ferric had done this. It left Silverglint with the burden of being useless. So, very useless.
I really liked this dichotomy that you set up here--easiest to carry and easiest to target. I thought this was a really effective way of demonstrating how parents and siblings can see fragility in completely different ways! But I actually think you could cut the lines starting from "so easy to bait and overpower". The previous paragraphs have already set up that Ferric baits his brother frequently, and this most recent paragraph already sets up the idea that Silverglint is seen as weak/useless by the rest of his family already, and in a much stronger way.

Perhaps,” Whiscash’s voice trilled with fascination. “It appeared just for you to find it.”
Comma spacing here was kind of weird. The dialogue would read as "Perhaps. It appeared just for you to find it." Speech is tricky so maybe this quirk was intentional, but I wasn't sure!

“Can I help you with anything, Perrserker?”
Ooh! Interesting dichotomy here between who gets to call them by their names and who uses their species?

Perhaps, when Silverglint was older and his aspirations of becoming an explorer hadn't faded, she could run the idea by him with the promise that he'd be able to achieve great things if he chooses to go.
I think you want the past tense for "choose" here

I thought this was a lot of fun! Real warriorcat + exploration vibes here, and I think you set up this idea of a yearning-for-adventure character very well. Thanks for sharing!
 
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Negrek

Abscission Ascendant
Staff
I wanted to review this earlier, but unfortunately got sidetracked... But I'm here now! This is a fun little one-shot on a topic I'm surprised I haven't seen before. The PMD partner character seems like someone whose backstory would be a lot of fun to explore. How did they end up so timid and yet so determined to join an Exploration Team? And how did they come by their special relic, anyhow? It's nice to see someone dig into the character's backstory a little bit.

Probably my favorite thing about this one-shot were the little worldbuilding details scattered around here and there. I don't know if this is related to other stories you've written set in a common universe or what, but there are a lot of tantalizing hints in here that aren't fully explained, but which add richness to the standard PMD world and suggest you've done some work to make it your own. Things like the mention of worshiping Oriana, rather than whatever legendary, the lore about the moon phase, and the prominence of the seasons in the pokémon's lives all add a unique flavor to your work and make me wonder if there's more out there that we aren't seeing because there isn't space in this story. Which isn't a bad thing--you don't want to bog a story like this down with a bunch of world details--it just makes me more interested in seeing other stories set in your world!

Poor Silverglint's had a rough time of it, huh? He seems like a sweet kid despite the crap he has to put up with. It is sad to see how even his own parents underestimate him--good that they're willing to let him go out and try to become an explorer. Getting away from his siblings might be the best thing for him regardless of what he's off doing, tbh. It also adds some poignance to his presumed future encounter with the PMD player; they really would be his first friend. Although this story stands just fine on his own, knowing what's to come really does enhance it, which I think is the perfect spot for a short story like this.

I think, like kintsugi said, it would have been nice to see a bit more of this story through Silverglint's eyes. A story about a character, where we see them through someone else's POV, can certainly be interesting, but I don't think it was quite giving me what I wanted here. I wanted to spend some more time with Silverglint himself! In particular, I would have enjoyed seeing a little more of the family dynamics he has to deal with; they're certainly alluded to, but how does he actually deal with his siblings bullying him? Is he cringing and placating, hoping they'll leave him alone, or angry and rebellious even though he knows he doesn't stand a chance in a fight? How does he find the courage to travel all the way to a different continent, despite his usually timid nature? Does something change in him after he finds the relic stone? At the end of this one-shot, I feel like I have a decent sense of what happened in Silverglint's life, but less of an idea how those events had an impact on him as a person.

A fair number of your sentences sound a bit off to me: not quite in the right tense, various grammatical issues, vocabulary that seems overly fancy/high-register for the situation. I've noted a few that stood out to me under the spoiler tag below below, but if possible it might help to find a beta reader who can go over this sort of thing with you in more detai.

That aside, though, this is a neat idea for a one-shot, and I'm really intrigued by the worldbuilding work you've done. If this is related to another fic(s) you've written, I'd definitely be interested in checking them out. One way or another, though, this is a fun little story--thanks for sharing it!

Shopkeepers tended to their stalls, engaging in conversation with the occasional customer; pelipper were flying high above the clouds, with the mail’s daily rounds; adventurers were filtering their way in and out of the main square; all the while gentle afternoon light filtered its way through browning leaves, detaching themselves from their branches.
This sentence goes a little funky in places. For exampe, "with the mail's daily rounds" sounds odd--normally you talk about someone doing their daily rounds or on their daily rounds, while here the "with" makes it sound like the "daily rounds" are something the pelipper are carrying. The "light filtered its way through browning leaves" bit reads strangely because the way it's structured now, the light is what's detaching itself from the branches, not leaves. You could change that to something like "light filtered its way through browning leaves, which were detaching themselves from their branches" to have it read more naturally.

Or so it had seemed in that very moment.
This should be either "Or so it seemed in that very moment" or "Or so it had seemed until that very moment." I think I like the second one better, since it implies a transition, and this sentence is serving as a bridge from one view of the square to another.

The tiny hut that he’d called his home hummed with occasional mewling.
This should be he called rather than he'd called, since the persian considers it his home right now. ("He'd" implies he had in the past.) Also, it seems odd to say the place "hummed" with a very un-hum-like noise, especially one that sounds only occasionally.

Of the six, four were Ironclad —indicated by the tiny, black coins on their foreheads; the other two were Golden.
Love the Ironclad/Golden distinction here. It feels entirely natural to refer to the different meowth families like that, and this is a really neat little detail that helps make the world feel like your own.

The months passed. Autumn gave way to Winter and then to Spring and then to Summer before going back to Autumn again.
I don't know if this is a stylistic thing because the people in this world are more formal about the seasons, but normally you don't capitalize spring, summer, fall, etc.

The chance of her family becoming a victim of these disasters drenched Willowsheen with worry.
"Drenched" strikes me as an odd descriptor to use here.

A mortified look was plastered on his face, however he seemed to be more afraid of any potential punishments he’d be facing rather than the realization as to what he had potentially done.
Hmm, how could Willowsheen tell that?

At Ferric’s paws laid Silverglint’s body, unmoving but still breathing.
It should be "lay" here, not "laid."

To his parents, he was the easiest to carry; to his siblings, he was the easiest target. So easy to bait and overpower, it was not the first time Ferric had done this. It left Silverglint with the burden of being useless. So, very useless.
You've already gotten across that Silverglint is the smallest, weakest, easiest to bully, etc. I don't think you need to say it again here. There should be no comma in the fragment "So very useless." And I'd really like to see Silverglint thinking of himself as useless, rather than having it straight-up stated for me here.

In a movement, nothing more than awkward, Silverglint presented his finding pattern-side up to Whiscash.
What does "nothing more than awkward" mean here? Is it just "an awkward movement?"

“Ah, but perhaps there is a reason for its sudden appearance. Perhaps,” Whiscash’s voice trilled with fascination. “It appeared just for you to find it.”
punctuation

Silverglint had trouble sleeping, that weird rock that he found two weeks ago was gnawing at the edges of his mind.
This is actually two sentences mashed together with a comma. Since "Silverglint had troube sleeping" and "That weird rock was..." can stand on their own, you want to separate them with a period, not a comma.

The moon was nowhere to be seen, according to da, it meant that the night was something called the “Quiescence”.
Again, this is two separate sentences: "The moon was nowhere to be seen," and "According to Da..." You want a period after "seen."

Careful not to awaken his sisters, Silverglint slowly stalked his way towards his parent's room. His da was knocked out but ma still seemed to be somewhat awake.
You would normally say "passed out," not "knocked out." "Knocked out" makes it sound like Da lost a fight!

“Anyway,” Silverglint whispered in an attempt to control his voice. “I really want to find this relic that this fragment comes from and maybe on the way, I can find tons of new treasure!”
Here too you have one sentence of dialogue broken up by narration and want a comma after "voice."

He took another look at his treasure, so a fragment of a relic that was most likely made by Ancients?
I'm not entirely sure what's going on in this sentence. I think it might want to be two sentences, something like, "He took another look at his treasure. So this was a fragment of a relic that was most likely made by the Ancients?"

In front of his paws laid a small grate, inviting him to take that step forwards into a new life.
*lay a small grate
 

zion of arcadia

too much of my own quietness is with me
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. marowak-alola
This was such a cute short! I loved all the little character moments. I’ve always been a big fan of the partner in explorers. It makes me happy when their background is explored further.

And the names coupled with all the cat pokemon totally gave me Warriors vibes. I’m always down for that. Do you have any art of perrserker in your style? I’d be interested in seeing it if so.

Stillness broke with the desperate scampers of a persian carrying a generous supply of Energy Seeds in his maw.

Was it really still, though? The previous paragraph makes it sound like Pokémon Square was bustling with people.

Of the six, four were Ironclad —indicated by the tiny, black coins on their foreheads; the other two were Golden.

I always enjoy when authors come up with clever names for regional variants. Ironclad in particular has a lot of oomph to it.

Willowsheen was completely right. It would’ve been entirely wrong if only one of them had decided on the names of their kittens.

Maybe a touch redundant.

But I like how this segues into Silverspeckle’s introduction. Right away we get the sense that he doesn’t quite belong, doesn’t quite fit in, the way the others kittens do. It also suggests that he’s going to have more of a bond with his mother than his father.

they’d managed to pick out preferred names for themselves and had grown to become quite capable

Oh, this is a neat minor world-building detail. So, like, they get to choose their own names? That’s really cool.

I’ve always enjoyed seeing the events of the games viewed through the eyes of npcs/outsiders/whatever. Willowsheen’s fretting over the natural disasters grounds us in a sense of time (starts out during Rescue Team) as well as provides us with a worried mother’s perspective.

I wish we’d gotten a line of dialogue from Wishcash during the scene where Silverspeckle almost drowned. It felt weird that he was there and yet not there at the same time.

Dragging him around the place had always been an easy feat. To his parents, he was the easiest to carry; to his siblings, he was the easiest target. So easy to bait and overpower, it was not the first time Ferric had done this. It left Silverglint with the burden of being useless. So, very useless.

Excellent little paragraph. Manages to say so much about Silverglint’s psyche. I particularly like the emphasis the comma creates after ‘so’. Reminds me of a resigned sigh.

The skies were being painted by the evening at this point

I like the idea behind the imagery, but the sentence itself is quite passive. Could change it to, ‘The evening painted the sky shades of --insert color here--’ or something along those lines.

I always wondered how the partner found the Relic Fragment. This is a cute explanation. And Whishcash is an underutilized character from Rescue Team, so seeing him make a quick cameo is nice.

Silverglint had trouble sleeping, that weird rock that he found two weeks ago was gnawing at the edges of his mind.

Bit of an awkward sentence. Could maybe say instead, ‘Silverglint was having trouble sleeping, the weird rock he’d found two weeks ago gnawing at the edges of his mind.’

It’s cute that Silverglint calls his parents Ma and Pa, but it felt a little jarring that we don’t see it written that way at all until this point. Also, sometimes their names in this section were written as proper nouns but weren’t capitalized. If it’s his ma it’s uncapitalized, if it’s just Ma, it’s capitalized.

Gradually, Willowsheen opened her eyes.

A POV break? It was weird that you switched to using her actual name here. You do that a couple times throughout this section, actually.

Nice segue into the Explorers segment. Also, the bit about hatchlings got a chuckle out of me. The thought of pokémon hatching from eggs is so funny and ridiculous that I keep it anyway for the absurd novelty, but I get why so many people stray from that particular convention.

Willowsheen’s fear were understandable, and her acceptance was a heartwarming character moment. I loved how you tied in the Wigglytuff from the two games.

It would’ve been nice to get some moment between Willowsheen and Silverglint, though. Maybe see them say goodbye? Instead she comes to the conclusion all on her own. That thread feels unresolved, perhaps in part because Silverglint needs to meet the MC to really begin his character arc.

Thank you for sharing! Very enjoyable.

A poem:

It’s in the perilous boughs of the tree
out of blue sky the wind
sings loudest surrounding me.

And solitude, a wild solitude
’s reveald, fearfully, high I’d climb
into the shaking uncertainties,

part out of longing, part daring my self,
part to see that
widening of the world, part

to find my own, my secret
hiding sense and place, where from afar
all voices and scenes come back

—the barking of a dog, autumnal burnings,
far calls, close calls— the boy I was
calls out to me
here the man where I am “Look!

I’ve been where you

most fear to be.”

--Childhood’s Retreat by Robert Duncan
 
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IFBench

Rescue Team Member
Location
Pokemon Paradise
Partners
  1. chikorita-saltriv
  2. bench-gen
  3. charmander
  4. snivy
  5. treecko
  6. tropius
  7. arctozolt
  8. wartortle
  9. zorua
Here for our review exchange!

I really like the concept of this! I love stories that expand on the backstories of canon characters!

Oooooh, starting off in Pokemon Square! I like the idea that the Explorers partner was born on the Air Continent and met the Rescue Team characters!

I like the names Ironclad and Golden for Galarian and Kantonese Meowths, they feel really fitting for a PMD world! I wonder what Alolan Meowths would be called. Something akin to pyrite, maybe?

Oooooh, so the Explorers partner is the child of the Persian who runs the Persian bank in Rescue Team. Very neat!

Looks like the events of Rescue Team are happening in the background here! I wonder if Silverglint ever met the protagonist and partner?

Oh dear. Looks like Silverglint is getting bullied by some of their siblings, presumably for being the runt of the litter.

I like these names. They remind me of Warriors.

Yep, Silverglint is being bullied for being weak.

There's the relic fragment! Very interesting that it showed up in Wishcash Pond of all places.

I really like your characterization of Whishcash! It feels like he came right out of Rescue Team!

Huh, so the relic fragment seemingly just appeared out of thin air, right for Silverglint...very interesting.

Ancients, huh...are those humans? Were the old ruins in Explorers made by humans in this world?

I like that you have rescue teams and exploration teams be distinct things! That's always nice to see.

Oooooh, so the Wigglytuff of the Wigglytuff is the son of the Air Continent Wigglytuff! I wonder if that means that Explorers special episode 2 happened on the Air Continent?

I love how you ended things off with the prologue of Explorers. That was a really nice touch.

I really enjoyed this! It was really cool to see an explanation of how the Explorers protagonist might have ended up how they were at the beginning of Explorers! The prose was fantastic as well!

Thank you for writing this!
 

windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
  9. manectric
Hi Inke. I just checked this fic out on a whim. I don’t think I’d ever read any of your oneshots prior to this, so it was nice getting to check one out. And overall, I liked it. It introduces us to the partner character and fits in well with their canon personality.

I like that you’ve found ways to connect and bridge the gap between Rescue Team and Explorers, connecting characters from the two. I had in the past imagined RT Wigglytuff as the same one in Explorers. A familial relation had never occurred to me, but it works well!

In general, I like your prose and your worldbuilding. There’s all sorts of little tidbits here and there that show how your world works, like the discussions of rescue teams versus explorer teams, and the line about the chatots and the combees.

The one critique that I want to bring up is that I noticed you use a lot of “to be” verbs. A few are fine, but when there’s several in short succession, it can make the passage feel a bit dull or stilted. The two places where they stuck out the most to me are below.

The skies were being painted by the evening at this point, his siblings long gone.
Pokémon Square was as peaceful as ever. Shopkeepers tended to their stalls, engaging in conversation with the occasional customer; pelipper were flying high above the clouds, with the mail’s daily rounds; adventurers were filtering their way in and out of the main square; all the while gentle afternoon light filtered its way through browning leaves, detaching themselves from their branches. It was yet another uneventful day for the residents of Pokémon Square.

In the first line, “were being painted” could just as easily be replaced with just “were painted” and would feel more natural, in my opinion.

In the other passage, it feels like you were going for some sort of repetition. But the constant use of the weak verbs “were” and “was” end up making the paragraph feel stilted. This stood out to me in particular for two reasons: it’s the opening paragraph, which makes a major impression and can affect who does and doesn’t read your story, and because your verb choice is generally really good. Most of these could be cut. Ie, “pelipper were flying” can be changed to “pelipper few” or “adventures were filtering” could be replaced with “adventurers filtered.” One or two to be verbs isn’t a major problem. I think it’s just the number used here makes this stand out as particularly weak.

Despite that, I am glad I gave this fic a shot, because I found it charming and cute. It was a fun read. And, while I can see spots for improvement here and there as I mentioned above, you generally have a strong grip on prose that makes your work enjoyable to read.
 
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