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Original Dragon!

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
  2. zygarde
This one was another story originally written back in 2009, and as with all these I've been doing I've touched it up to fit my modern standards and ideas and shit but also. This one's special. It's the origin story of Iggy, one particular OC I don't always talk much about but has a very important place in my heart.

So. Look out, it's a

Dragon!

dragon_cover.png

The tiny dragon rolled around in the massive pile of treasure, as if it were a kitten playing with the world’s biggest pile of yarn. He flung bits of gold into the air, and gnawed on silver rods. He crawled inside the bronze armor of long-vanquished knights, imagining they were tunnels deep underground where goblins dwelled.

Suddenly, a much larger dragon-the little one’s father-entered the cavern, and the tiny dragon stood straight, expecting meat. Instead, the father merely dumped a load of new treasures onto the pile, which his son rushed over to with wild abandon.

“Careful you don’t mess those up, son.”

“I won’t, daddy.”

Then the little dragon noticed a strange object, with gold and gems embedded, amid the pile.

“What’s that, daddy?”

“Oh, it’s just a book; humans and elves and such read ‘em all the time. I just wanted the gems and gold, so you can look at the worthless paper-stuff inside. Just don’t light it on fire. Even to practice your panini making “

And with that, the father dragon loped to the entrance of the cave and flew off, looking for bison meat.

The little dragon watched him go, and then turned his attention to the book. His mother had taught him how to read words scrawled on cave walls by other dragons - why couldn’t he read this? Carefully, he opened it, and began to scan the page.

His amber eyes widened in amazement.

---------------------------------

Many years later…


The town was in chaos.

The streets were filled with desperate villagers, all trying to get to the safety of their houses. People barely avoided trampling each other in the mad rush. Most knew their thatch-roofed houses would provide little protection - yet they could not think of anything else to do against the coming monstrosity.

As the last of the villagers filtered into their homes, the beast swooped in. It was a dragon, small for his species, but still a menacing sight. His red scales were comparable to the thickest armor, and his sharp, amber eyes scanned the village before him. With a resounding thud, he landed in the middle of one of the town’s widest streets. He reared his great horned head, inhaled deeply as if to breathe fire…

And sighed a great loud sigh that rustled the nearby rooftops. Why do they always run away? he thought.

He cupped his claws to his mouth, as if holding a megaphone. “Hello, people!” he shouted. “There is no need to be afraid- I am not a bad dragon… really! I mean it! People?”

He sighed again and began to stroll the streets of the village. Everywhere I go to learn about people- elf glades, human cities, dwarven mines- I get turned away because they think I’m’ a bad dragon. What do I do wrong? Is it the voice? The smell? - he sniffed himself - My entrance? It’s not like I would want to attack them- Villages like these don’t have much loot in them.

He sat down on the dirty pavement and sighed a third time. He thought he should probably get going- the smell of unkempt houses was getting to him. Then, suddenly, his eye caught sight of something.

Sitting in the middle of the town square was a library. A library with gigantic doors.

With all the joy of a child running to his long-gone father, he burst through the entrance, skidding to a halt before he could knock a shelf over. Before him stood rows and rows of books, from wall to wall, ceiling to floor - but with just enough room to fit a dragon in between each shelf. Overjoyed, he inhaled lungfuls of air through his nostrils, savoring the old-book smell. With his claw, he delicately extracted a book from the shelf and began to leaf through the pages.

He read eagerly as the heroes of the story went on quests, slayed evil monsters, collected loot, and became famous. He loved these kinds of stories, and eagerly plucked another book from the shelf. He read this one with all the same enthrallment.

At least until the end. He pushed the book away in annoyance, for the heroes had ended up slaying a dragon in this one. Why do they always have to do that? he thought.

He picked up another book. Here the humans worked with the dragon… except the dragon was subservient to the human and even let him ride on his back! What kind of self-respecting dragon would do that?

He went through book after book, and the results were the same: the dragons were side characters at best, vicious monsters at worst. It had been the same in every other library he came across.

Suddenly, he heard a book fall from its shelf. He turned around slowly, and saw a middle-aged man cowering in the massive reptile’s presence. Sweat poured from his brow, and his eyes showed a mixture of awe and utmost terror.

Finally, the dragon thought, a chance to prove myself! A chance to show that dragons can be nice! I need to do something that will capture this villager’s heart and mind forever!

There was a long, suspenseful, silence. All that could be heard were the deep breaths of both individuals.

Then the dragon smiled awkwardly, displaying his very sharp teeth, and waved.

The human screamed a little schoolgirl scream and galloped toward the doors.

Before he could escape, he felt a claw tug at the back of his shirt. Instantly he was lifted into the air, sobbing hysterically.

“P-please, don’t eat me, mister dragon...”

The dragon groaned and shook his head. “I’m not gonna eat you; I just need to know something.”

The villager’s sobbing slowed down. He was looking at the dragon curiously now.
“Why do humans not like dragons at all? To you we’re either nasty man-eaters or beasts of burden.”

The human thought for a second, his face scrunching up in contemplation. Finally, he seemed to have an epiphany. “I dunno. It’s just the way things are, I guess. Besides, you don’t see dragons going around doing hero stuff…”

The dragon paused. Why not?

“M-mister dragon?”

The dragon smiled, a wide smile that nearly touched the bottoms of his horns. This did not reassure the villager.

Why can’t a dragon collect loot, slay monsters, and become famous?

“What did I do?” said the man.

The dragon put down the villager, patting him softly but distractedly on the head. “You said enough, sir.”

The man took no time escaping through the front doors.

We’ve already got the loot part mastered, why not the others?

He carefully put away his books, then walked outside.

He knew what he was going to do.

He'd get an adventuring party, go out, save the day, and be famous.

And then maybe finally he'd be appreciated.

+++
 
Last edited:

Cherry_BombBees

flying in the name of love
Pronouns
he/she/they
Partners
  1. altaria
IMG_7377.jpg


For the Smeargle Swap. Loved drawing this little guy!
 

Meridian

local liminal entity
Location
The Casca Region
Pronouns
any/all
Partners
  1. aromatisse
Hello Hello Hello~
your Local Area Catnip Dealer has arrived (dont tell the cops) to pass onto you the results of your Trade Agreement 83c

catnip.PNG

For the Smeargle Swap. Loved drawing this little guy!
before we get started I just want to give a heads up: hey hey, discord is no longer (and never was) a good file hosting platform.
If you still have the file, I encourage you to upload to a site like imgur (or a better one than that, I use FileGarden for instance) and change the image embed, as for now it's just a broken image 8c
there's also the forum's built-in file attachment, but idk if that's supposed to be used for larger files or not with smeargle swap.


REVIEW BEGINS​

To me this is a CUTE name for an oc who's Literally A Dragon, I'm wondering where you got the name / how you came to it for this character and if the story answers that.

The tiny dragon rolled around in the massive pile of treasure, as if it were a kitten playing with the world’s biggest pile of yarn. He flung bits of gold into the air, and gnawed on silver rods. He crawled inside the bronze armor of long-vanquished knights, imagining they were tunnels deep underground where goblins dwelled.

this very much succeeded in making me go "aww" a few times over. I did go "okay but how tiny" but the kitten simile combined with the bronze armor established that.

a much larger dragon-the little one’s father-entered the cavern,

I go back and forth on this sort of device being used. It breaks up the flow and that's the intent. I probably would have put something like "expecting meet from his father" (or father's return).
I'd probably write that line as "Suddenly, a much larger dragon entered the cavern, and the little one stood straight, expecting meat from his father's return."
This one's a personal writing choice, so please don't take this as "oh this is the better and correct way to write it", as I'm sure my own writing has a fair number of points you'd go "I would phrase this differently". I frankly interrupt a lot of my own sentences with parentheticals so I do imagine I break my own flow anyway, and I know I'd often pause whatever I was reading with discworld books to go read the footnotes before returning to the main passage.

Even to practice your panini making

I love the mental image of a terrier-breed sized dragon child practicing panini-making.
Let the boy grill (paninis), he needs to practice for his interview at Fantasy Starbucks.

a strange object, with gold and gems embedded
it’s just a book; humans and elves and such read ‘em all the time

I also like the book being embedded with gold (filigree I assumed, or maybe a part of the cover like a border?) and gems. I'm left curious what's going on with the book's contents, but I'm also pretty entertained as this reminds me of dwarf fortress (which circled back into my interests).
In dwarf fortress you can have dwarves encrust objects in gem as a way of upgrading the finished goods' value. Annoyingly this can only be done with scrolls rather than book bindings or scroll rollers, but it says untitled codices may be decorated? I'll have to review it, but this line reminded me of those type of embellished deluxe version books, and by extension how you can just keep decorating an object in DF.

Why do they always run away? he thought.

Intergenerational Trauma, my friend, and good survival instincts.

because they think I’m’ a bad dragon

Heads up, minor typo I believe with I'm having an apostrophe after the 'm'.

but with just enough room to fit a dragon in between each shelf.

You're so lucky you're presumably an adolescent dragon my buddy.
Thank you petty village urban planners for having spacious floorplans.

Overjoyed, he inhaled lungfuls of air through his nostrils, savoring the old-book smell.

old or not booksmell is delightful, and I like seeing mention of it in a story about stories.

He pushed the book away in annoyance, for the heroes had ended up slaying a dragon in this one. Why do they always have to do that?

my buddy, my friend, have you considered the adversarial relationship between the bipeds and dragonkind?

What kind of self-respecting dragon would do that?

sadly the exception to the rule isn't the most... hm dont have a word for it, but 'denigrating' might be a synonym?
This story overall feels adjacent to a fairytale in its own right and I have an appreciation for that, but I will say for me I was slightly pulled out with how Iggy's able to move from one book to the next. I'm a speed-reader, but unless they're shortform storybooks that's probably a fair bit of time for a couple books let alone "book after book" as the next bit gets to.
I'll give Iggy this: the townsfolk are hiding in their homes hoping to not get burninated, so he probably has the hours this'll take anyway... and that'll probably be resolved by the resolution of this story as well.

the dragons were side characters at best, vicious monsters at worst. It had been the same in every other library he came across.

Oof kiddo that's gotta be painful. Being unable to truly see yourself in the media you seek out and interact with, whether because it isn't made for you or not. There's some nice parallels to being queer and watching mainstream television, and other allegories possible (and the one I offer is a personal one).
I also do remember a frustration like this when it came to "wow this mythical creature is cool, why are they never like, Friends to those they encounter"

The dragon smiled, a wide smile that nearly touched the bottoms of his horns. This did not reassure the villager.

Why can’t a dragon collect loot, slay monsters, and become famous?

I do love the comedy of this whole exchange. Local Area Dragon Smiles, and the survival instincts of the human saying "NOPE THAT IS NOT A GOOD SIGN" just because of So Many Teeth.
Also love Iggy getting an idea in his head to try and be a fantasy novel protagonist irl.

He'd get an adventuring party, go out, save the day, and be famous.

REALLY LOVE THIS LOL. Just, "I have the loot covered" yes Iggy, you can bankroll probably a dozen adventuring parties just from a portion of the familial hoard inheritance

And then maybe finally he'd be appreciated.

"there is zero way I can see this going wrong" says every hubris-laden protagonist
Edited this into a spoiler box because I got self-conscious on remembering folks tend to do this, and I tend to make spoiler boxes off-site as well now and again.


Overall Review​

this is a pretty solid and self-contained oneshot!
I used to read a lot of oneshots, so this is a good reminder to try shorter form fic out again when I can as well.

It's very much an origin story and goes from Iggy's chance fascination with seeing a dragon depicted in a book (first time seeing yourself reflected in how The Other can perceive you), and how that fascination leads to frustration as he continues to seek out reflection of the self through the cultural tapestry of communities he or those like him may have hurt.. and I expect like many dragon-centric narratives whether for the ecology side or not, this isn't a one way street relationship either

I know it isn't ever actually shown what the book Iggy read was depicting, but once we got to the point where the books he was looking at (and thus for as part of his personal journey) all being ones that depict dragons in some form, I made the connection and assumed as such. I'm curious if that was the case and what drove him to learn the written languages of the other races (I also am assuming humans and elves so-on all have differening languages as per stock fantasy genre conventions, or at the least that draconic script is different from that of the printed books Iggy first encounters as a drakeling).

If I had to predict how future Iggy-centered fics would go, I expect a bit of the same comedy and irony to it. Iggy having a lot of passion or enthusiasm, and having to overcome the expectations others have of him.
In the case of these events he didn't win over the one person he was able to have a conversation with, but he didn't hurt them. This will probably at least make a small impact in the world because people may have started to spread rumors of "that red dragon who comes... and then just doesn't kill anyone?" and with this one.. someone got to speak to the dragon, and it seemed to want something, etc.
There's potential whether for Iggy's character development, or the world reacting to how he conducts himself and how he lives his life.

Some part of me doesn't vibe with some of the language (the "schoolgirl scream" bit for instance), but I expect this isn't just your writing style and is part-and-parcel of the tone of this oneshot due to its context.
Most of the sentence structure, namely when it's dialogue, is singular line rather than paragraphs, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

the tone is pretty solidly on the side of something I could see in a saturday morning cartoon or all-ages animated comedy, or just a nice folktale sorta vibe. I've seen now and again the idea that OCs, especially the practice of having a "Mary Sue" type of OC, is a modern torch-carrying of folktale and hero mythos.

It's soft, borders fluffy, and has enough comedy to keep me going. There isn't anything that makes me go "oh cringe" or otherwise feel this oneshot is offensive by any means.
I'd meant to get to reading your stuff for years, but kept putting it off like all the other fics I mean to read because of how life goes, so I'm glad there was an approachable oneshot that could give me an idea of what your writing is like. I've been seeing your OC design work and art (and fanart!) and liveblogging for a while in the community, so I kept meaning to get around to things, and I think this gives me reason to try and check out some of your fics when I have time for longform fic reading, or at the very least I'll look forward to being rolled in Catnip for reviewing your fics again.

I will also end off on that the "Iggy" name isn't stated any point in the fic from what I could tell, and that makes sense given it's more or less third person limited perspective as a fic from what I could gather.

EDIT:
...I completely forgot about the "written in 2009 and touched up" bit, that makes so much sense to think on.
It does feel like the sort of OC story a bunch of folks have, and that explains the "this feels like modern folktale writing" bits. That's a sweet aspect of the backstory on this fic to me!
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
  8. meganium
Hey Umbra! This is a short one and I recognize it's just a rewrite/update to an old old origin story, but I think it's still worth a review for any patches and thoughts. Overall it was a cute and simple story about a dragon different from the others.
The first line might be "he was" instead of "it were" to be correct. I wouldn't normally nitpick on grammar and stuff, but since it's the first line, I think a correction would be warranted for presentation's sake.

The first scene was cute. I think it could have more description of the father, though. We know from the illustration that he's (probably?) a red dragon like his son, but we don't know how large the father is, his colors if he's a darker or the same shade of red or a different color entirely... Lots of little details that can help illustrate him more and really show how imposing he is, and perhaps even imply how dragons normally are? Lots of opportunities here that a few sentences of description may help with.

When he's rambling about every time people get scared, it's not in italics or quotes, so technically the narrative suddenly slipped into first person. Italicizing that bit would fix it.

Overall, though, this was a cute story that helped set the stage for your dragon growing up to be a hero, or at least trying to, in a world that sees him as a natural villain. It makes for an interesting and classic premise. I wonder just what you did with this character since its inception...
 
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