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FashionQueen

Youngster
Pronouns
She/Her
Despite All The Stars By FashionQueen/IShipMyFriendsSometimes

Summary:
Green's grandpa went missing on the Pikachu Mission, and he's hasn't given up hope searching for him. He has a conspiracy shack in the middle of the desert, for goodness sakes!

Red, Gold and Crystal, followed by a suspicious Green, decide to go dowsing in some random ruins and stumble across something... Interesting.

This something interesting turns out to be a spaceship with a destination to a 10,000 year old castle with royalty older than that. They find themselves caught up in an intergalactic space war with stakes higher than back at the Garrison ever was.

Authors Notes: First, this is on Ao3 under my account IShipMyFriendsSometimes if you've seen it, whoops. Second, yeah I named Gold's Cyndaquil Explobro, fight me. Third, this is a Voltron AU. If you have not watched Voltron or do not like Voltron, have no fear! The plot is completely different, I only stole parts of the world building.

Status: incomplete

Rating: T for swearing and crude jokes made by Gold.

Ships: Gold/Silver, Green Oak/Red, Black/N, White/Blue

Table of Contents:
1 - Beginnings
2 - The Yellow Lion
3 - Training
4 - The Red Lion
 
Last edited:

FashionQueen

Youngster
Pronouns
She/Her
Chapter 1: Beginnings

“Smell ya later!” Green sneers at Red as he runs away. He hates everyone, but Red pissed him off the most. His stupid red eyes and annoying smile were especially annoying. What a loser. Maybe one day Green would get the present of him going away for good. Ugh, whatever. Green had work to do anyways, no wishful thinking about Red would finish that for him. He had to figure out what had happened to his grandfather.

A while ago, his grandfather was sent into space on the Pikachu Mission. Except, he never came back. The Garrion blamed it on pilot error which Green just knew wasn’t true. His grandfather was one of the singular best pilot in his generation, and he was a damn good Pokemon professor to boot.

The Garrison was the school for people who wanted to be Pilots, Technicians, or Mechanics. They picked one of each and paired them all up into three man teams. Green is the pilot in his team, though he was going to drop out as soon as this term ended. It wasn't worth it if he didn't have his grandfather.

Besides, all the people on his team were actually so dumb. Tracey Sketchit was his technician and was always just annoying with his “good guy” ways. He was so fake. His mechanic was a girl by the name of May. She wasn't bad, though she could be a bit annoying when she agreed with Tracey, and Green disliked her for this reason.

“I can’t believe that we’re going to get to go dowsing in the desert. That actually sounds pretty sweet!” Oh, great. That voice belongs to Gold, yet another idiot Green has the misfortune of knowing. He was always flirting with girls and winking at them, to no avail. It was just obnoxious. Green stores that information away for later. Red wasn’t going to beat him this time.

Dowsing was essentially the process of looking for stones and items like potions and stuff. Here, it was fire stones because it was a desert around the Garrison.

“Yeah! And with this device I built, we should be all set.” Crystal, (or Crys as she liked to be called) Gold’s best friend since childhood replies. She was tolerable. Green didn’t have anything against her at all, she was always kind of nice. As far as he knows, they are both on Red’s team. Gold is the mechanic, and Crystal is the Technician.

“Is Red coming too?” Gold asks curiously, and Green stops in his tracks. He is curious about the answer. He couldn't let Red be better than him, for Red was just a copy. Red would never as good as him, ever.

“Yeah, of course.” Crystal laughs. “Does he even have any other friends besides us?”

“...Green?” Gold tries. Crystal laughs harder.

“Yeah right. The day they become friends is the day I get to save the world from evil aliens.” She say, wiping an imaginary tear from her eye. Green rolls his eyes at their antics. Crystal was right, actually, she was probably more likely to save the world than he was to become friends with Red.

They both walk past Green, cracking up, and not noticing him. Thank Arceus.

He decides to head to his shack in the desert. Yes, he has a shack in the desert. He had never known his parents and his grandfather thought the desert scenic. With his grandfather now gone, it had become Green’s shack. Green's shady desert shack that made him look a bit crazy. He blames Gramps for that one.

It had been his for exactly two years now. Today was the day his grandfather was marked as dead on the Garrison records. With some careful hacking, he was able to find out that he wasn't dead, just kidnapped by aliens. Idiots, they could've at least told his family if they weren't going to tell anyone else. They deserved to know. But no, that Garrison was a bunch of ass-kissing bureaucrats.

Now that he's thinking about it, “your grandpa got kidnapped by aliens”, is extremely unrealistic sounding. Whoever it was, it was a giant ship that picked up his grandpa and his crew mates. Professor Ivy and Professor Elm, if he wasn't mistaken. He had only met them on a couple occasions, but they were good friends with him. They went to the Garrison with his grandfather when he was younger, and were his long time friends. Now, they were all missing.

Exiting at the nearby door, he gets his motorbike from the rack and hops on. He revs it up before starting out at a fast pace. He loves the thrill of the motorcycle, and the wind in his face was was cool despite being in the desert.

The journey from the Garrison to his shack wasn't long, but it gave him ample time to think. He had no idea where they were going dowsing, so maybe he should leave it be?

Never.

He drives up to the shack and stops. Red is riding a motorbike with Crys and Gold not too far ahead from it. They approach a dark cave. The only one in the area, as far as he knew. That was probably where a lot of Firestones were, he thinks, looking down at his bag at his pokéballs. He considers his options. He could go into his shack and keep trying to locate his grandpa, and let Red beat him. Or he could finally beat Red at dowsing. Like hell if he was going to let Red beat him.

He turns away from the shack and continues on to the dark cave. He finally makes it there and parks his motorbike. He hops off and drops the helmet next to it, then runs after them and into the cave.

The first thing he notices is that there are symbols of lions everywhere. The walls are dark, in fact the whole cave is dark, be the symbols just seem to stand out.

“What…?” Green trails off, walking a bit closer towards a particular lion drawing on the wall.

“Why are you here?” Gold asks, bluntly and completely rude. Crystal elbows him hard. “Ow, what was that for?!” Gold cries out. Crystal ignores him.

“Hello, Green.” Crystal waves. “What brings you here to our dowsing?” She asks, rather politely. Red continues to search and pays no mind to Green. It pisses him off.

“Why should I tell you?” He deadpans.

“Touché.” Gold says with his hands in the okay symbol and Crystal shrugs next to him.

“You don't have to. I was just curious.”

Green shrugs back. “I just saw you enter this cave and figured it'd be a good spot to go resource searching if you guys went in here.” He says, and it's kind of a lie, but sorta not. He feels bad for Crystal, she didn't deserve complete unkindness for just hanging out with annoying people. That's why he answered her question. Despite popular belief, Green Oak was not, in fact, an asshole. He was just particular about who he didn't like and why. At least, that's what he tells himself as he lies awake at night, not sleeping.

He walks over and traces his hand over a lion. The carvings feel smooth under his hand compared to the rough texture of the dark walls. All the markings in the cave begin to glow blue.

“What did you do?” Red asks with a criticizing glare. Red doesn't look all that surprised.

“Why do you assume I did something?” Green says, annoyed.

“You always do something.” Red says flatly. Green clicks his tongue in disagreement.

As he's about to retort, he's cut off by the floor opening up. They all fall down a dark chute and into into some water at the bottom of the hole that had opened up in the floor.

“Oof.” Gold landed first, followed by Red, Crystal and then Green.

“Ow.” Green says, rubbing his hip as he got up. The others began to get up after him.

“What the hell?” Gold asks, looking straight ahead. “Is that a giant mechanical blue lion?”

Red begins to glare at Green as he stands up, mad that he landed on him. Or something. Green really doesn't know why, but he glares back because it's Red and Red deserves to be glared at. He ignores Gold and his “Giant blue lion” crap. Knowing him it's probably fake. Maybe another drawing?

“It seems like it.” Crystal nods. “Why would something like this be here?” Green and Red continue to glare at each other and Gold glances over. Green doesn't lose focus in his glaring. If Crystal is agreeing, there has to be something there. Yet, he doesn't want to be the first to stop glaring. He jerks his chin like a challenge to Red who rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

“No idea.” He shrugs, his golden eyes focusing back on the lion.

“Aliens.” Red replies, dead serious and still locking eyes with Green.

“Yeah right, dumbass.” Green denies and feels something akin to panic build up in his chest. He didn't know why, but anyone finding out made him feel like they shouldn't know.

“Why else would this be here?” Red challenges. Green opens his mouth to answer when Crystal interrupts.

“Guys, you have to look at this.” Crystal says, sounding awed. Red and Green both break eye contact, and he hears a slight gasp from his right confirming that Red's seeing it too. It is actually a giant mechanical blue lion. Not a joke that Gold made up. The lion’s yellow eyes seem to be beckoning him, so he walks up to the giant blue shell in front of it.

It was kind of like a wall, blocking him from going in or out. It was completely solid and smooth, and he could feel the energy radiating off the thing. It was powerful, that was for sure.

“Aliens?” Gold questions. Green doesn't explain about his grandpa. As he said before, who would believe him? In his search he stumbled across one word a lot. “Voltron”, as it was, though he had no clue as to what it could mean. Probably just some call for help in another language.

“Green, you should be careful. We don't know what it does.” Red says, in warning to him. That made no sense to him, the lion would never hurt him, but maybe they all saw it differently. He could feel it's emotions and thoughts, and weirdly enough it was beckoning him to get in. It was a… ship?

“Since when do you care?” He asks, turning around to face Red.

“I don't, but I'd rather not be a witness when you die. I'm not going to be the one telling the Garrison you got eaten by a giant blue mechanical lion.” He replies. Green shrugs.

“Whatever.”

He turns back around to face the lion.

Pressing his hand on the forcefield, he felt like the lion was purring. It was a giant robotic ship, but yet it felt right. It felt like the ship was a whole living being. Kind of a nurturing figure. He slowly immersed until he is surrounded by a calming blue. There is a voice whispering in another language. He has no idea of the language, though he somehow knows what it's whispers translate to. One word: Voltron.

Everyone gasps, and Green is broken out of his mental link up with the lion. Coming back to reality, he sees that the shield is down and his hand is by his side. Green is in awe at the lion. The experience of connecting with a lion was strong and it felt protective, calming even. Whatever it was, this thing was powerful. The lion ship put it’s head down, and Green walks into it.

“It’s fine. You guys can come in if you want, it’s not like there’s any other way out of this cave.” Green shrugs, his words mostly sarcastic. Red rolls his eyes, while Crystal looks like she has a million questions about what just happened. To be honest, Green didn't know exactly what just happened himself.

“Touché.” Gold says, finally speaking up from staring at the lion in awe. They board the blue lion spaceship, and Green gets a flood of images and emotions from the lion. He takes a seat at the cockpit, and looks at his controls.

The lion itself seems to be telling him to pull the lever, so he does launching them up into the air.

Everyone collectively screams at the force of them falling backwards when the ship goes straight up. He remembers what his grandfather had taught him before he went missing and flies the ship straight up, and into space. It just felt right, y'know?

Everyone else just screams and hangs on to each other tighter. Including Red and the other idiot, Gold.

Crystal seems significantly less fazed.

Green keeps his gaze focused on the sky, and suddenly a bluish circle appears in front of them. He flies into it, not having any time to do otherwise.

Fuck.

If only he had more time to turn away from it.

What was that a black hole? Again, fuck. What if he was responsible for killing like... three people? Granted, he'd be dead too—

He can't think. The hole is like being stretched in all directions and heated up to the temperature of an oven when people bake cookies. He squeezes his eyes shut at the pain and tempturate, and soon enough it's gone.

Green opens his eyes slowly, and realizes two things. One: They're stopped in the middle of space. Two: he doesn't recognize any of their stars that they're near.

“This is incredible!” Crystal says, behind his left ear. “We're so far from our own solar system— even our own universe!” She just confirmed his fears. Great.

“Can we go back now?” Gold asks, sounding scared in his other ear. Green resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“I can't, first off, we're like in some random place galaxies away from Kanto. Second of all, Blue is controlling herself. I can't do a thing now.” Green says with a shrug. “Let's hope she doesn't take us anywhere too bad.”

Blue took them into the atmosphere of a new planet. It carried them over to a huge white castle that looked like something out of a Disney movie. The points were properly spiked too, and the windows were blue glass, much different from the materials on Blue.

“What is that?” Gold asks, sounding breathless. Crystal has a thoughtful frown on her face.

“It looks like a castle.” Red says with a shrug. Green rolls his eyes.

“No shit Sherlock, it's a castle.” Green snaps.

“I'm sorry, I thought you needed me to state the obvious.” Red shoots back.

“So what do we do?” Gold interrupts their argument. “I really don't feel like getting touched by alien tentacles.” Everyone gives him a disgusted look, except for Green who is busy flying, though he wishes he could.

“Gold, you're disgusting.” Crystal gags.

“What? It's a real possibility!” He defends.

The ship jolts as it lands in the castle, and everyone’s attention is drawn to the opening of the Lion’s mouth as a ramp down from the ship. They could leave the ship and risk it, or they could stay here. That was all the options he could think of. The ship wouldn't fly back, and getting out of the ship and wandering around was just too risky.

“We should go out there.” Red breaks the silence.

“Are you crazy? You don't know what's out there!” Green glares. Red rolls his eyes and glares back, while Gold and Crys pretend to be interested in something on Crys’s pokégear.

“Can you operate the ship to fly us back?” Red asks with a huff. Green purses his lips. “Didn't think so. We have no choice.” Red says annoyingly. Green hates him so much. Everything about Red bothers him. Everything. Those dumb Red eyes and that stupidly perfect black hair. Even the way he battled bothered Green.

“At least we have our pokémon!” Crystal chimes in, trying to keep the peace. She is right yet again.

“It can't be too bad, right?” Gold says to Green, trying to be optimistic.

The corners of Red’s lips upturn a bit. Green feels his eye twitch. Red never failed to get on his nerves. Ugh, that smug asshole bothered him to no end. He wasn't about to go on a rant about Red, but sometimes...

They all got off the ship only to be faced with the strange castle atmosphere. (“You didn't even know if the planet had a breathable atmosphere, why'd you go first?!” Crystal had asked Gold who just responded with a shrug. Green had snorted at that.) It was about the same as their home planet of Kanto actually. They walked towards the castle looming in front of them, the lights came on in the open hallway. It was unnerving how the hallway was just open and eerily inviting. Almost like it was asking them to come in.

“What now, genius?” Green shot towards Red with yet another glare. Crystal picked up on the venom in his voice and interjected before they could begin to fight again.

“I mean, we are trained to fight by the Garrison.” She starts. “We should go in.”

“It does look kind of creepy though. N-not that I'm scared or anything.” Gold stutters out.

“Sure.” Crystal laughs. She glances towards the entrance again. “I'm not taking any chances. Go, Chikorita!” She sends out Chikorita. Green understands the feeling of uneasiness that radiates off of this place.

“I'm sending out Explobro.” Gold says, looking a little scared. “Y’know, so Chikorita doesn't get lonely.” He adds quickly. Sure. That was it. No one comments though, for they can all literally feel the fear in the air. Gold sends out his Cyndaquil next to her Chikorita.

“I guess there's nothing to do but to go in.” Crystal shrugs and enters the castle, the others not far behind. The lights came on as they walked farther into the castle.

There was a long hallway to go down, so they walked down it cautiously, guards up. For all Green knew, these could be the people that took Gramps.

“This place gives me the creeps.” Crystal says, a shiver running down her spine. Green hummed in agreement. This place definitely looked alien and kind of inactive like everyone had left or died. The wall were lined with cool steel colored metals with lights the gave off an orangey glow.

There was a huge set of stairs that lead up to a control room or a bridge, as they called it in star trek. Green remembers watching a few episodes and laughing at how horribly unrealistic it was compared to modern day ships. They continue up the stairs and into the bridge. When they stop in the middle of the circle, they see a bunch of pods come up, kind of like beds but upright.

“Woah, are there people in there? Or— well, aliens.” Gold corrects himself quickly. He wipes the fog off of one of the glasses and uncovers the face of a pretty girl with brown hair and a white dress. She had pink markings on her cheekbones, and pointed ears. Strange. These people of this race looked just like humans except for those key features and their clothes.

Green sinks deeper into his thoughts. What possessed these people to have cryopods in their castle. Wasn’t that just fictional? Cryopods existing was a new one. Sure they had long distance space ships, but they were never that far and their tech wasn't that advanced. Should they even bother letting them out of the cryopods? What if said people were—

There was a loud thud, and Green was pulled from his thoughts.

“I guess I'm still half frozen, huh.” A guy around their age murmurs as he falls out of the cryopod. He has brown fluffy hair and a black outfit. He has the same markings on his cheekbones, except they were blue instead. His ears were pointed as well. Did these people have pokémon? That was another thought that popped into Green’s mind. Huh, that was a thing to think about. Maybe, maybe not.

“Who—” Red starts, but is cut off by the guy jumping back out of fear.

“Holy quiznack, don't scare me like that.” He said, a hand over his heart. He didn't seem malicious, but appearances can always be deceiving.

“You guys have strange ears.” The guy frowns. “They're all round!” It was probably weird for him to see, Green thinks. When they're so used to pointed ears, it was weird to see round ones.

A loud “Owww.” sounds from Gold, and Green knows Crystal has elbowed Gold again.

The second cryopod opens up and the girl falls out. “Dad!” She shouts and Green exchanges a look of confusion with Crystal.

“He's gone.” The guy says with a shrug. Apparently he didn't care to much for his dad.

“Thank quiznack for that.” She looks satisfied slightly. Green’s suspicions were confirmed, they didn't seem to like their father. Her eyes focused on them and Green stares right back. “Who are these people with the rounded ears?” She looks concerned. “What happened to your ears? Did someone cut them? Is it a birth defect?”

“White.” Black rolls his eyes and cuts her off from continuing. Green sees Crystal out of the corner of his eye hold back a laugh. Her name was White? Okay, he couldn't really complain since his name was Green, but still. These people maybe just named their kids after colors? Well, unless the guy’s name was any different. Like Jacob or something normal.

“You’re certainly not Unovians. How did you guys get here?” Gold seems to be thoughtful and quiet, which is a new one. Usually he's loud and speaks his mind. Or maybe it was just because Crystal just elbowed him hard every time he opened his mouth to say anything.

“We just kinda flew here in a giant mechanical blue lion.” Red says, rather bluntly. Then again, he was always blunt. It was one of the few things Green didn't hate about him. When you were blunt, there was no toying with or deceiving people. You straight up said what you thought. That was a trait that even Green had to admire.

“Curious. I assume it let down it's barrier for one of you?” The guy asks.

“Black, how else would they be here?” She asks, rather sarcastically. “No, they just forced their way into the ship with their non-existent magic or whatever.”

Now it was Black's turn to roll his eyes. Apparently, their parents enjoyed colors. Black and White? Those were super cheesy names, and he even knew people named Red and Gold. Hell, his own name was Green! But he didn't have a sibling named a different color or something. It was just a one of a kind name. At least at school no one else had the name Green. Now that, would be a nightmare.

“White, no one cares about your sarcasm.” She crosses her arms over her chest. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Gold trying to say something once again, and getting elbowed by Crystal. Thank goodness for Crystal, or he'd’ve said something to start an intergalactic war. Still, why this castle? Why Cryopods? What the actual fuck was going on?!

“Uh, so.” Black continues to address the group, super awkwardly. Green snorts, and Crystal shoots him a look. “I guess I should explain everything. So, about ten thousand years ago, we lived on a planet called Unova. We are peaceful beings, the Unovians. I am the prince, younger by two minutes, Black. My sister is the princess, White. We basically were a peaceful trading site for pokéitems— much like pokémarts— but bigger. We had a huge movie studio, many people on our planet, and business was thriving. Out of nowhere, the Galra attacked. Or, more specifically, team Rocket. They stole all of our pokémon and blew up our planet. The only chance at survival we had was hidden away years earlier by our—”

“Fucking father.” White cuts in. “What?” She asks, when Black shoots her a look. “He was a huge quiznack. Anyways, yeah. What he had hidden away was called Voltron.” She continues, ignoring the looks Black shot her for stealing his story.

“Voltron was a giant ship and the universe’s greatest weapon, formed from five different colored lion ships. The blue lion chose one of you, and you guys who weren't might be able to fly the rest. I don't know how well I can sense quintessence after like, 10,000 years, but we'll see. Right now though, I do think you guys are the rest of the paladins of Voltron.” Everyone stays silent, awed by her explanation.

“Their quintessences do seem to match up rather well.” Black says in thought. He looks at them and then points at Green. “You flew the blue lion, didn't you?”

“Yes, I did. Does being a space prince give you powers of predicting the past too?” Green says sarcastically. This information was new and weird. Why would they be here? What was going on?

“No.” Black frowns, not getting his sarcasm. “You have the quintessence.”

“Quintessence?” Gold asks.

“It's like, life force energy. The color of it is kind of like a personality type. Well, it's more complicated than that, you see, the cells in your blood are made of a special–”

“Shhhh, you're boring the Paladins.” White interrupts with a wink. “I don't even know your names.” She laughs.

“I'm Gold! It's a pleasure to meet a beautiful princess like you.” Gold flirts. Crystal rolls her eyes. White laughs like he's making a joke. Green doesn't care, he just has questions he wants answered.

“I know, he's ridiculous.” Crystal shrugs. “I'm Crystal, it's nice to meet you.”

“It is nice to meet all of you ...?” She questions. Apparently she didn't know the species name of them, much like her brother.

“We're humans.” Gold cuts in. “From the planet Kanto-Johto, which is like, galaxies away. We somehow went through a portal thing? Something like that.” He shrugs.

“Warp Space. But yes, your planet does sound fascinating.” Black looks interested.

“Oh yeah, and that guy over there is Red.” Gold introduces and Red nods. He's mute a lot of the time, he probably thinks he's too good to talk to other people. Fucking asshole.

“And I'm Green.” Green adds. “So you're telling me we all fly magical lions because we have matching life force energy?”

“Again, it's more complicated than—” Black starts before White cuts him off.

“So, let me summarize, before my dear twin here bores you with the whole thing. The lions form a giant weapon called Voltron which was hidden away by our father years ago before he pushed us into cryopods. The Galra have two sects, Team Rocket, and Team Plasma, though it's impossible to tell who's who. Team Plasma wants to “liberate the pokémon from their prisons” and Team Rocket just wants to steal basically all the pokémon and take over the universe.” She shrugs. The have pokémon in space, which isn't a surprise to Green. That actually makes perfect sense.



“They both want to take over the universe.” Black deadpans. “Just in different ways. Emperor Giovanni is the leader of Team Rocket and all the Galra, while Team Plasma is broken off from them and lead by a man named Ghetsis. If they come in contact with you, they will probably want to kill you, or just steal your pokémon and quintessence.” Black explains bluntly. “Look, to be frank with you all, you all were chosen because with people like Giovanni and Ghetsis on the loose, the universe is in trouble. Big trouble.” Gold looks like he's at a loss for words, Red is mute as usual, and Crystal just looks super entranced by the technology.

Green himself is just overloaded with information. So, the universe needs them of all people to save the pokémon and the freedom of aliens with five giant lions that form a giant weapon named Voltron? And they happen to just be the pilots of the five different ships? But there were only four of them. Why were they chosen? How were they supposed to defeat an entire race? Questions keep popping into his mind.

“If we find the other three lions, the one in the castle will open up. That lion is the Black lion, the leader of the rest. It cannot be unlocked until then.” Black blurts, breaking the awkward silence.

“So how do we find these lions?” Gold asks, finally finding words.

“Simple. Most of them are just on this map.” White opens up a holographic map, and everyone gasps. It was blue lights the formed the galaxies and solar systems and universes. White swiped her hand across it to move it.

“These constellations are light years away from our home.” Green gasps, and Crystal nods in agreement.

“Your planets is…” White scrolls all the way over to their planets and recognizable constellations. “Right here. Which is where you found the blue lion. It is also part of free space.”

“Free space?” Red chimes in, finally.

“Show them how much Giovanni has taken.”

“Right.” White taps something and more than half of the galaxies turn red. The area with Kanto-Johto stays blue, though it is a smaller portion than the red side of the circular hologram of the universe.

“You're telling me, these assholes took this much of the galaxies?” Gold asks loudly, while White furrows her brows in concentration.

“It's a lot more than I realized. I guess that's what happens when you're out for a while.” Black shrugs.

“So where are the lions?” Crystal asks, looking perplexed.

“The Black lion, or the leader of the lions, is locked in the castle until we find the others.” White says, looking concentrated. “The pilot is… Black you're the pilot.” She says in realization and starts to laugh.

“I swear dad knew. That's the only reason he named me this.” Black sighs. White continues to laugh.

“Maybe he did.” She says when her laughter finally dies down.

“The Blue lion is right there, piloted by… Green. Looks like your name didn't match up.” White laughs again. Green rolls his eyes, and Gold, Red, Black and Crystal join in with White’s laughing this time.

“It's not funny.” Green says, and everyone ignores him to continue laughing.

“The Green lion is on a nearby forest planet, piloted by Crystal.” White continues, after the laughter has died down. “And the Yellow lion is on the same planet, but on the other side. Piloted by… Gold.”

“Sweet! You hear that, Explobro? I get to pilot a lion ship thing and be an interdimensional hero!” He says excitedly to his cyndaquil who smiles up at him.

“What about me?” Red asks.

“Your name matches your lion like my dear twin Blackie here. You pilot the Red lion, although I can't seem to find it.” She frowns. Green notes the Black bristles slightly at the nickname she just gave him.

“Can't find it?” Crystal asks, hugging her Chikorita.

“No idea. It's just vanished. No energy signal or anything.”

“Maybe it'll be stronger one we gather the rest of the lions.” Black shrugs.

“Maybe.” She shrugs back. “Anyways yeah, we'll take Gold to his planet. Green, you can fly Crystal to the location of the thing if I send you the coordinates, right?”

“Yes, I can.” Green says “I wasn't the best pilot of the year for nothing.” He says rather smugly and he sees Red roll his eyes. Good, making Red irritated made him feel good.

“Okay then, I guess you'll be off. Good luck!” White smiles. Green shrugs and enters the lion along with Crystal. Gold flies out with Black in a small pod, although Green isn't focusing on that right now.

Was that what the Garrison had been hiding? Had his grandfather been kidnapped by Galra? Was that why it was covered up?

He needed answers.

Now.

“Ready to go?” Green asks Crystal with a roll of his eyes.

“Yup!” She says, holding her Chikorita and sitting on the floor with Chikorita in her lap. “I'm ready when you are!”

Green pulls the handle on his right and the ship goes up into the atmosphere. Crystal smiles and holds onto the wall like she was expecting this.

“How long do you think it'll take to get there?” Crystal questions, curiously.

“I don't know. An hour? Two hours? I might be the best pilot here, but I sure as hell haven't seen or piloted a mechanical lion before this.” Green replies rather angrily. He wasn't mad at Crystal, he was just annoyed at the circumstances.

Crystal snorts.

“You sure about that?” She asks, “You do know Red was the top of our class for piloting, right?”

“I just wasn't focused. I am still more focused on–” He quickly cuts off.

“On what?” Crystal asks, raising an eyebrow. “Girls? Yeah, right.” She laughs at that.

“I…” Green sucks in a breath, and ultimately decides on telling her. If they were stuck in space for Arceus knows how long, she deserved the truth. Also, she was slightly less annoying than everyone else.

“I'm looking for my grandpa, he was on the Pikachu mission. Recently, I hacked into the Garrison's records to see what really happen, because it sure as hell wasn't pilot error from a man such as my gramps.” Green admits, realizing how ridiculous he sounds. “He was taken by a giant ship, and I have reason to believe that it might be the Galra.”

“And what reason is that?” She questions, tilting her head curiously.

“A giant purple ship picked them up. It's on the hacked video feed.” Green deadpans.

“Right.” Crystal laughs. They go silent, and Green begins to think. So they're getting the lions to form Voltron, right? Is Voltron like a giant person? Or a giant sword or something?

Maybe it's a giant robot?

Oh well. Voltron was a big idea anyways. Green honestly didn't know if any of them really deserved that honor.

Furthermore, did he really have time to be on a “Galaxy Saving Team” when all he really wanted to save was his grandfather?

Then again, maybe they could help him. He was not about to trust to the alien strangers or any of these other idiots, so he had to figure out another plan. Crystal knew, and she wasn't all bad.

Oh well.

He'd have time to think about this later—

“That’s a huge magikarp!” Crystal yells.

“What?!” Green asks, shocked. He turns his attention back to the windshield, and he sees it.

What the hell?! Magikarps do NOT come that big. Space was definitely different, that was for sure.

“Do something!” Crystal shrieks, and Green is spurred into action.

Green remembers his piloting training, and manages to avoid the magikarp, but at the price of the ship being spun into a roll. The ship rolls dramatically, and Crystal hangs on to the back of his chair for dear life.

He maneuvers the ship to avoid some trees, trying to find somewhere for it to land. Flying over a forest, he finds a clearing to land in.

The magikarp flies over, seemingly not noticing their ship.

“That was weird. Considering that was the most useless pokémon ever, that was scary.” Green mutters, and Crystal laughs.

“Definitely.” She agrees, and Green cracks a smile. “So do you know where to go to get the Green lion?”

“No idea, actually.” Green frowns. “Wait hold on, I might have something in the lion.” He remembers something (Blue feeds the idea to him), and he reaches his hand into what looks to be a compartment under the dashboard. He rummages through all the random alien nicknacks and such before he finds it. Ah, yes.

Green smirks triumphantly and pulls out a weirdly shaped device. He holds it up and Crystal grabs it.

“So, wow... this is perfect.” Crystal gushes, looking over the device.

The device is a screen attached to a long handle with a thing reminiscent of a thermometer attached to the left side. The handle is about the size of three or four pencils side by side. It is colored an off white creamish color.

Green shrugs. “Sure. So do you know how to use it?”

“Nope.” Crystal replies, and taps one of the buttons below the screen. The screen lights up dramatically. “Okay, maybe I'm better at this than we thought.”

Green waits as Crystal fiddles with the device for a few minutes, before she seems to see something.

“Found it?” He asks, opening the lion's door and mouth, and getting out of his chair.

“Yup, it's not far from here. Maybe a mile or less? Something like that.”

“Alright, then let's go.”

They exit the ship, and are met with the humid temperatures of the climate. The air even sticks to them, this wasn't going to be a whole lot of fun. It was also rather hot, Green felt himself sweating already.

He looks around at the canopy of trees, the rainforest here though was purple. Unlike the ones on Earth though, the trees were really small and kind of looked like bushes. At least it wasn't like some kind of weird tall grass though.

Green looks to his right at Crystal, who looks unfazed at the climate, and excited. Her blue eyes sparkle with unbridled excitement, and he was sure the device added to that. He looks back at the ship and sees the shields are up, and that's good. Crystal looks down at the device and Green wonders how her hair stays up like that. Weird.

Crystal's Chikorita quickly crawls up to her shoulder from the ground, but she doesn't seem to care.

“Alright, so if we look at this map, the lion should be…” Crystal says, looking up a Green and the glancing down at the map with a frown. “That way.” She points towards the mountains.

“Are you sure?” Green asks

“Yup.” Crystal replies. “C’mon Greenie, let's go.” She gives him a small smile before dashing off towards the directions of the mountains.

Green sighs. Great, he was too old for this.

Nevermind the fact that he was seventeen.

He sighs and runs after her. When he catches up, he sees a river that runs across the mountains, and has a small canoe where Crystal is standing at the side they're on.

“Green!” She waves, “What are you waiting for?” She laughs, and Green gets in the canoe.

“Maybe for you to be less annoying? Oh wait, by that time I'd be dead.” Green shoots back with a smirk.

“Oh yeah? I think you just like to talk about yourself.” She smirks back, and Green smiles.

“Not as much as you seem to like talking about yourself.” Crystal grins at his reply.

“Yeah, I do!” She jokes. “Just kidding, do I look like Gold?”

They both crack up at this random comment, it is not at all relevant, but yet humor is still necessary to get through these stressful times. Intergalactic wars and all that jazz.

Silence hits, but it's not too awkward.

Especially not since the boat was moving. The boat floats across the river and a little downstream, and they wind up near a giant pile of branches and sticks. When the land on shore, Crystal smirks before running up the pile and jumping down a hole in the pile. Green gets out of the canoe and waits.

While he is waiting, he decides he needs to figure out if the Galra were the ones that took his grandfather or if it was someone else. Who could've taken him? Who would want and elderly human with knowledge of the earth or not? White and Black seemed to not know of them, so they must've been way less advanced than anyone else in the universe. Or they weren't around whenever the heck they got frozen.

That brings Green to question two. Why would they need an elderly human and/or a bunch of middle aged humans? Or even humans at all, since they were such mere specks on their civilizations. Then again,the Galra were known as the Galaxy assholes according to Black and White.

God, when did his life become so complicated? Before it was, “okay I'll hack to find about Gramps, but I might only find Garrison files”. Now it's, “Which aliens stole Gramps?”

Green sighs, crossing his arms.

How long would this take?

Then, the Green Lion emerges, flies up into the air and does a barrel roll before landing gracefully in front of him.

About time.

Crystal walks out of the mouth of the lion, grinning ear to ear.

“Green!” She cheers. “I'll drop you off back at Blue, and we can both fly back to the castle!”

“Whatever.”

“You say whatever now, but I know you don't want to be the one walking back to your lion.” Crystal says, a smug grin growing on her face.

Green grumbles, but can't refute that claim.

He walks into the Green lion, almost laughing at the irony of Green in the Green Lion. Honestly, some higher power must've been looking out for him, because at least he wasn't piloting the Green Lion.

That would just be too coincidental.

Crystal smirks before cheering as they fly up into the air. Green rolls his eyes, but he feels to corners of his lips turn up a bit.

They fly for a little in silence before she lands close to the blue lion.

“You're welcome by the way.” Crystal says, winking. The Chikorita on her shoulder copies her, and Green stifles a laugh and rolls his eyes.

“Thanks, Crystal.” He replies sarcastically.

“For the record, it's Crys.”

“Fine. Thank you, Crys.” He teases, which feels so odd to be so familiar, but it's at the same time refreshing.

Crystal just smirks and gives him a two fingered salute as they both exit the Green Lion.

“You’re welcome, Green-Bean. Now, was that so hard?” She jokes, and Green smirks without answering. “Well, see ya back at the castle then, Green!” She runs back into the Green Lion, and Green rolls his eyes again, his lips upturned.

She was truly crazy.

Green boards his own lion and takes off not long after her. They both begin the fly back to the ship.

Though Crys was totally right about the cheering, flying was awesome. There was no other way to describe it other than that. The control in his hands, the confidence that he felt when flying, it all just made him better. Blue made him feel like he was born to fly.

Though that'd be ridiculous. If he was born to fly, he'd have the Green Lion for rather obvious reasons.

He smirks, and speeds off faster, eager for an adventure of a lifetime.

Who knows where they'd end up?
 

Negrek

Abscission Ascendant
Staff
Welcome to the forums! Thanks for posting your story. Just reading the summary, it's like, whoah, this is going to escalate quickly, heh. I don't have any familiarity with Voltron, so I'm glad this story doesn't require it! I'll let you know if I manage to get lost anyway.

One thing to watch out for is your spelling, grammar, etc. I've outlined some problem areas below, but there are a lot of typos in this chapter, grammar problems, etc., and I couldn't go into them all. This can make the story a rough read at times, or hard to follow. If you don't already, I would suggest proofreading once or twice before you post; cleaning up some of these mechanical problems makes your story a more pleasant read and lets people focus on the actual content rather than getting distracted by typos.

In particular, your dialogue punctuation could use work. When you have a dialogue tag like "he said" or "she said," it should not be capitalized, and the dialogue itself should end in a comma rather than a period. As an example, here's a stretch of dialogue from the story where I've corrected the punctuation so you can see what it should look like, with changes in bold:

“Hello, Green.” Crystal waves. “What brings you here to our dowsing?” bhe asks, rather politely. Red continues to search and pays no mind to Green. It pisses him off.

“Why should I tell you?” he deadpans.

“Touché,” Gold says with his hands in the okay symbol and Crystal shrugs next to him.

Green shrugs back. “I just saw you enter this cave and figured it'd be a good spot to go resource searching if you guys went in here,he says, and it's kind of a lie, but sorta not.

You also have some difficulty keeping the tense consistent throughout the story. Most of it is written in present tense ("he walks" rather than "he walked," for example), but you do a fair amount of slipping into past tense, like here:

He loves the thrill of the motorcycle, and the wind in his face was was cool despite being in the desert.
The first part of the sentence is correctly in present tense ("he loves"), but then you get "was cool," when it should be "is cool."

Or here:

[qoute]
“Oof.” Gold landed first, followed by Red, Crystal and then Green.[/quote]
Should be "Gold lands."

And this entire paragraph is in past tense:

It was kind of like a wall, blocking him from going in or out. It was completely solid and smooth, and he could feel the energy radiating off the thing. It was powerful, that was for sure.
[/quote]
Every "was" in here should be "is."

Tense switching is pretty jarring, and at the beginning of the story I was having a bit of trouble figuring out what the dominant tense was supposed to be.

The Garrion blamed it on pilot error...
Looks like this should be "Garrison."

Red wasn’t going to beat him this time.
Beat him at what?

Crystal was right, actually, she was probably more likely to save the world than he was to become friends with Red.
Ah, I see where this is going. :P

With some careful hacking, he was able to find out that he wasn't dead, just kidnapped by aliens.
"Just" kidnapped by aliens? XD Green seems surprisingly casual about this.

That was probably where a lot of Firestones were, he thinks, looking down at his bag at his pokéballs.
"And" his pokéballs, maybe?

Red begins to glare at Green as he stands up, mad that he landed on him. Or something. Green really doesn't know why, but he glares back because it's Red and Red deserves to be glared at.
Red and Green's ridiculous enmity is a lot of fun.

As he said before, who would believe him?
Well, they did just stumble across a giant mechanical lion. And Red was the one who brought up aliens in the first place!

He squeezes his eyes shut at the pain and tempturate, and soon enough it's gone.
*temperature, heh

But let's leave all that mechanical stuff aside. The actual story! It's definitely neat how you've blended the Voltron and Pokémon universes here, with the regions becoming planets and the whole thing taking on a space age feel. Unova definitely seems like a good choice for an ancient-kingdom-with-science-magic type world. I'm excited to meet space Team Rocket and Plasma, and maybe see how the two of them differ. One wanting to steal all pokémon, and one for pokémon liberation (at least ostensibly)... you'd expect some spectacular clashes between them! And I imagine we'll be seeing space fights here, as well as/instead of normal pokémon battles?

It's an interesting mix of canons you've got going on here... manga characters in Red, Green, Gold, and Crystal, and then anime types like Tracey and May. At least, I think that's what's going on? Red and Green's relationship seems a lot more rancorous than it did in the manga, although they weren't super good friends to start off with by any means. I'll be curious to see how characters like Giovanni and Ghetsis act in this world, assuming we'll run into them eventually.

I did find the opening of this chapter a bit confusing, with the jumping back and forth between narration and exposition/Green's thoughts. I think it would have worked better for me if you'd established the setting and what characters were there first, rather than having the characters get mentioned as they popped up. It wasn't clear to me where Green was or why he was running away from Red, or why Crystal and Gold were suddenly there.

This is a fun AU idea, and the story's already moving briskly along. I'm guessing that we'll be meeting the actual villains soon, which should be fun. Space battles or pokémon battles, I'm ready for either! Welcome again, and I hope you enjoy your stay here. If you're interested in checking out some of the other stories on the site, most of them are obviously pokémon, but Umbramatic has written some Voltron stuff, like Gun Touches Sword, if you're interested in that. Good luck with your writing!
 

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
  2. zygarde
Okay you managed to stumble across an AU idea that combines two things I like and tickles me in just the right places and I am here for it.

Let's get the bad out of the way first. I echo everything Negrek said about spelling, grammar, etc. and also your prose feels... disjointed. Like, it's not sure whether or not it actually wants to describe anything or not and kinda segways from one thing to the other fairly quickly.

Also? I feel like Green's jerkishness is emphasized a bit too much, especially early on? Like I feel like you are going out of the way to put a I AM BIG JERK sign over his head.

Also Also! Given that I have seen and enjoyed the first six seasons of VLD (I have not watched the final two yet for... fandom culture drama reasons and am going to leave it at that for my own sanity) this first bit feels... overly recappy. Like there are some variation in events and the dialogue is pretty fresh but this feels a bit to close to Episode 1 for its own good.

All that said? This is a really cute, really creative crossover AU idea. I like that there's some creative canon mixing on the Pokemon end, and everyone seems to fit their given roles pretty well (I'm guessing Green is Keith, Black is Coran, White is Allura, and Gold is Lance; can't particularly pinpoint anyone else). I like how everyone feels characterization-wise in general, aside from that earlier note about Green.

Also there are some good gags here. Gold being worried about alien hentai tentacles and giant space Magikarp come to mind.

As I said the initial bits stick to Episode 1, but I'm wondering where the hell this is gonna go, and how wildly off the rails.

But yeah it's a little rough around the edges but your core idea is fun and cute and I would like to see where it goes.
 

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
Part reaction by read part summery, my review of your first chapter.

Alright while we open up with the scenario, it seems more event and character centric, wheeling through facts of what’s going on, and the character’s name/profession before branching out to talk about kid-piolet program of the Garrison.

Initially I’m left wondering why it’s so important, and getting a vaguely military scifi vibe from it but so far it seems a bit sketchy.

So green, red and gold are competing captains in a joint dowsing job… Who is ordering it? Why? This is an opportunity to build up the main cast’s impressions of the Garrisons. Also I’m curious Green cares considering he’s thinking about cutting his losses and booking it.

As the scene continues I’m seeing a number of opportunities to build setting if you’re interested. When he runs from Red, what are the halls he goes through look like? Does he confront Red in a hall and then step into a bigger main room to encounter the rest of the cast, whom he loathes? What are they doing besides just being there for him to glower at and talking to each other? What are they wearing?

In the text itself, when he’s rattling off names of those as he encounters them and a blurb “best friend” “goody goody” about them ruminating on their histories he could dwell on a physical feature, or even how they dress.

Also since there’s very bare bone setting how is Green not being seen. He could have ducked behind a box, slid into a closet and watched them through an app that hacked the cameras on his phone… it’s all very vague but how it’s built up on could establish tone, strengths and weaknesses, and the like.

Alright… so it’s been two years since alien abduction… circumstances elaborate, and the why behind the desert shack established… That’s some good points to get clarified… Now to be a bit more knit pick


He decides to head to his shack in the desert. Yes, he has a shack in the desert. He had never known his parents and his grandfather thought the desert scenic. With his grandfather now gone, it had become Green’s shack. Green's shady desert shack that made him look a bit crazy. He blames Gramps for that one.


We’ve got six lines here and shack in the desert is used twice, shady shack once, and shack alone is used four times… That’s a lot of shack. I’d really recommend some description as to what it looks like because I’m imagining a dusty lean too made more of pallets than anything functional… And also the type of desert… there are many many types of desert, sand, scrub, a few lines, or even words would help clarify what it’s at would help this span leaps and bounds.

Also if Garrison is so… bureaucratic… you could show this. Have Green have to slog through five pages of papers, scan nine read cards… whatever… to
show it’s difficult to get from place to place per policies. Because if it isn’t shown than, besides the alien cover up, his complaints at Garrison seem like baseless whining. And without evidence the title of baseless applies to his justifications of him disliking near everyone and everything that he works with. I don’t know it that’s your intent or not with how Green’s personality it projected but it seems to be how he’s coming across.

And who would they be kissing up to anyways? How would covering up something make them kiss ups? Incompetent cowards, perhaps, but kiss up means they’re under something else and are hinging their survival on it and subservient besides.

Hiding proof of a potentially hostile alien force just snapping people up seems comparable to say a government hiding proof of an enemy army abducting people and that’s not something a kiss up would hide. A real kissup would be thrilled to scream at what they found and asap pass that buck to a different branch of the armed forces while proudly reporting they’d forwarded information of a threat, and didn’t they do so good doing so, then go right back to fawning and twisting the circumstances to their advantage (if they were smart enough to do so).


The first thing he notices is that there are symbols of lions everywhere. The walls are dark, in fact the whole cave is dark, be the symbols just seem to stand out.


How do they stand out? Glowing, pale against dark contrast… how are things being seen if it’s dark? Vai flashlight? Some sci-fi illumination…

And that must be an impressive lion speckled cave for all the cast to be milling about. What type of cave, how deep, and what does everyone look like in their dowsing gear… We only know red has red eyes at this point… that’s it. Everyone around is a bit of a blank. I’m surprised that dowsing sorta looks like people poking around the middle of nowhere. Since no one’s even explained why it’s important (besides looking for fire stones) and how it’s done this feels a bit off and considering they’re all either illegally slipping out (or not, Greens described as slipping away to the shack so it seems he’d be jumping the gun on the group activity… whether that’s rule breaking or not’s up in the air, as is the others slipping off to do so too) to get a head start on dowsing at this point how it’s supposed to look feels like it should have been established before this point.

Alright, scenario nit-pick aside… Here’s a point in the dialogue that I wanted to go over…


Red’s dialogue:


“What did you do?” Red asks with a criticizing glare. Red doesn't look all that surprised.
….
“You always do something.” Red says flatly. Green clicks his tongue in disagreement.

Because here we have Red not looking surprise and flatly near back to back I’d suggest dropping one of the two. It’d make sense for Red to start by criticizing than finish flatly. He starts ticked then goes flat as apathy or whatever kicks in





As he's about to retort, he's cut off by the floor opening up. They all fall down a dark chute and into into some water at the bottom of the hole that had opened up in the floor.


Looks like you got two intos here. I’d suggest nixing one.

“What the hell?” Gold asks, looking straight ahead. “Is that a giant mechanical blue lion?”

Since the whole of Green’s awareness is glaring at Red and vice-versa how can gold be seen much less seen looking straight ahead? If you want to establish their power play as all-consuming I’d actually suggest having it happen before you focus on the other characters and their reactions/dialogue/actions. Green getting up, Red getting up, them both locking in their death glares/power play and them focus on the others getting up, or perhaps having Green hum and haw that he’s hearing them talking and vaguely aware of them moving about gawping at something, but his focus sticking on Red if you want to keep the idea as it is. To make tis easier I’d even go so far as to rec changing the roder they come out of the fall, red than green, you could keep the prickliness of getting sat upon/squashed as is and have a better justification of them getting into each other’s faces while the others recover about them and then wander around. Their dialogue/actions could be made to build the room up easily.

Paragraph break down:
“It seems like it.” Crystal nods. “Why would something like this be here?” Green and Red continue to glare at each other and Gold glances over. Green doesn't lose focus in his glaring. If Crystal is agreeing, there has to be something there. Yet, he doesn't want to be the first to stop glaring. He jerks his chin like a challenge to Red who rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

Because you have Crystal chattering, and the standoff continuing between Green and Red and their very different ideas I’d rec breaking Crystal’s dialogue from the boy’s glare off.

Ex:

“It seems like it.” Crystal nods. “Why would something like this be here?”

Green and Red continue to glare at each other and Gold glances over-

Because Greens the main narrative focus and it’s carrier I’d recommend dropping the Gold glancing over, like before how can Green see it if he’s hyper fixating on red? If Gold’s movement catches Green’s attention from the corner of his eye or something like that… well that’s make more sense and blend better in with the idea of Green not wanting to lose focus. Like the “shed” section there’s a lot of glaring here. Three times in one paragraph of five lines. I’d recommend changing a few words out here to avoid repetition.


“Yeah right, dumbass.” Green denies and feels something akin to panic build up in his chest. He didn't know why, but anyone finding out made him feel like they shouldn't know.


Green being a hypocrite much?


“Why else would this be here?” Red challenges.

Perhaps remnants of the last dowsing group, a previous town/civilization, lost tech from a lion cult of some sorts ecetera… Since we don’t know enough of the setting to guess on our own Red’s challenge is falling very flat here.

Alright so we have… empathy moment with mechanical lion that’s Blue and ironically calling out to Green…. There’s a lot of opportunity to build up the world, as I’ve gone over thus far. Here’s another opening, by distinguishing what makes this blue lion so special compared to what’s experiences in the Garrison and what not. You’ve got a start in breaking in the tech (I’m guessing it’s a force field around the mechanical blue lion thing)and Green’s fumbling in what it is makes it feel alien, so kudos there… The fact that the tech is working on a person emotionally, transplanting thoughts/impulses comes across as utterly alien as Green’s not brushing it off or acting like it’s normal which is a plus.

This span:

As he said before, who would believe him? In his search he stumbled across one word a lot. “Voltron”, as it was, though he had no clue as to what it could mean. Probably just some call for help in another language.

As Green seems to take pleasure in explaining nothing to no one I’d say drop the “as he said” lead in. The “Voltron” musing probably could be cut out as well. He hasn’t talked to anyone about anything and him randomly musing about reports he’d hacked into right now comes across as odd considering the circumstances. Yes, the lion tech is Voltron, but neither he, or the dowsing crew, are likely to even know about it yet so it seems very out of place

“Green, you should be careful. We don't know what it does.” Red says, in warning to him.

Why not say “Red warned him” instead?



Pressing his hand on the force field, he felt like the lion was purring. It was a giant robotic ship, but yet it felt right. It felt like the ship was a whole living being. Kind of a nurturing figure. He slowly immersed until he is surrounded by a calming blue. There is a voice whispering in another language. He has no idea of the language, though he somehow knows what it's whispers translate to. One word: Voltron.

There’s a lot of “felts”, one per line in the first three lines. I’d rec some word rehauling here. How is mecha kitty nurturing? How is Green immersed in blue(BTW thank you for not having one of the cast be Blue… that’s make that line be very questionable… at best)? Is he having his hand pressed against it walking into the light/forcefield? Is it reaching for him? Is this all in his head? You could easily drop the other Voltron mention above and just have this one, it works stand alone with the one at the very beginning of the fic.

How is Green walking into the mech cat? And since Crystal has “a million questions about what happened” I think saying “green had no clue” would work better than a repeat of “just happened” that occurs in his line too. How do they get out of the cave to the air?


I laughed when Crys started geeking out,… the glee will likely die down when lunch rolls around and no one has so much as a crust of a sandwich to nom on, but in that moment it was a rather funny reaction. And… Gold is clearly watching all the wrong anime if that’s his first thought.


Those dumb Red eyes and that stupidly perfect black hair.

I think you mean “red eyes”?

“At least we have our pokémon!” Crystal chimes in, trying to keep the peace. She is right yet again.

While it’s been mentioned that they’re ‘mon trainers nothings been mentioned of teams, how they fit in this sci-fi setting, the Garrison, or even just day to day lives of the cast. While they’re pulled out during the exploration of the transplanted “Disney space castle” I’d rec more building up on them before this point since we’re pretty far in the story and ‘mon feel sort of tossed in at this point.

It’s interesting that the Disney castle and up-standing beds…. Cyro pods… are given more descriptive attention than anything this far. As someone who was more familiar with the ‘mon series than the ‘tron series… and did some online digging to get an idea of what a blue lion looked like out of frustration at this point, I’m noticing a pattern. It seems there’s an assumption that familiarity with the ‘mon characters will carry the reader this far, and the more outré ‘tron series feature are getting more attention in the assumption that the reader won’t be familiar with that and thus will need more details to power through. Unfortunately if that’s the mindset well… transplanting the familiar cast but tweeking their personal histories to work in the whole Garrison setting without fully fleshing out said Garrison setting is what hurt this story thus far the most thus far.

Now considering ‘mon are a norm in this tale I’m a tiny bit surprised Voltron aren’t Persian shaped, or Pyroar shaped ships rather than lion since the whole animal/’mon overlaps a bi odd even in canon pokemon franchise. Each Region seems to be a Galaxy rather than a continent… which is an interesting idea.. And Team Rockets the storm troopers/evil empire of this tale, I’m trying to imagine a sci-fi variation of their gb uniforms and I’m failing… Ditto for Plasma.


Black and White are being rather blasé about 1000 years destroyed planets and the like… I’m getting elf vibes here…


The side quest of acquiring the green lion with Crys is easier to read as we’ve more setting established and more events in the setting. Also the characters personalities are getting fleshed out as they interact with each other and the scenarios presented to them. Still my previous notes, word repetitions, lack of setting, and base character establishment, are still in effect but less so as now that you’ve come to a more “action” based set of events there’s more effort put in to fix these issues as your now describing things and reactions more often. It seems like you had more fun here and were less inclined to rush and if that’s the case I’d suggest dropping the first half of the fic, starting with the green lion quest or space castle, and working the previous events as call backs as the cast get into the nitty gritty of Lion zoid hunting and space hopping, it might help things along.

Regardless of this stories issues the melding of the two genres was enjoyable and thanks for sharing.
 
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