Pokémon Canis's Bingo Drabbles

[canisaries]

hi! these are my drabbles for the fifth anniversary bingo! i specifically made myself take the challenge to practice casual, less-than-perfect writing, so they may be rough, but i do think they have neat ideas.

this first one's prompt was:

According to old tales, these Pokémon are stumps possessed by the spirits of children who died while lost in the forest. - Phantump, Pokemon X

it's also the most gruesome of these with... well, i can't say without spoiling it. i will call it mature, though, so be prepared. it is about 900 words, so i guess long for a "drabble", per se, but not long for a story at all. enjoy!

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Phantump

---​

Walking through the forest at night was always so invigorating for Stella. The darkness surrounding her and the calls of the nocturnal pokémon set off warnings signals in a primal part of her brain, something that was only thrilling to her higher self. It was the same as watching a horror movie, but better.

Of course, it helped to know she was safe. With her luxray Thundra by her side, no wild mon in this part of the woods would dare try anything funny. The large cat also took care of illuminating the ground underneath their feet with her yellow stripes, sparing them from any nasty trips on the roots snaking across the forest floor. Stella did still bring her flashlight along to be able to look at things further away in case she came across any wild murkrow or the like.

After a while of walking, Stella noticed Thundra slowing down.

“Ray…” the luxray growled. She stared at something a little to the left in the distance, her eyes lighting up as she used her special sight.

“What is it?” Stella asked, stopping. She tried pointing her flashlight at whatever Thundra was looking at, but she saw only trees and the forest path. Maybe whatever was there was hiding behind a trunk.

“Ray!” Thundra barked, her hackles raised.

Stella sighed, smiling. Thundra could get so serious about protecting her even when the threat was nothing but a murkrow. Though this probably wasn’t one, given how Thundra’s eyes were focused on something not too far off the ground. Maybe it was a buneary instead.

“It’s alright, you can come out,” Stella called out, not too loud, not too quiet. “We won’t hurt you.” Even if Thundra looked like she would.

It took a while, but eventually something peeked out from behind a tree. It looked like…

“That’s a… what was it? A phantump?” Stella said, her heart beating faster at the brand new discovery. “Don’t they live in Kalos? What’s one doing here?”

“Phan…” the little ghost wailed. And it was little indeed - Stella was sure the footage she’d seen of phantump had them be bigger than this, about forty centimeters in height. This one looked like it was only twenty. It must have been born recently.

“Don’t be afraid, little guy,” Stella said. “Come on. I wanna log you on my pokédex. Everyone will be jealous.”

The phantump hesitated, but soon found its confidence and began floating closer.

“Yes, that’s it,” Stella said, grinning. She slowly reached into her pocket with her free hand, pulled out a red device and opened it. The phantump paused, unsure of this development, but quickly continued.

“Aaalmost there…” said Stella as the pokédex’s camera flickered a frame around the phantump’s image, struggling to recognize it before it finally succeeded. It correctly identified it as a phantump, and the screen prompted the user to continue to see more information. “Yes!” she whisper-yelled and tucked the flashlight under her arm to free up a hand. She tapped on the screen to advance, and the summary of the species appeared.

Species: Phantump
Category: Stump Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Grass

According to old tales, these Pokémon are stumps possessed by the spirits of children who died while lost in the forest.

“Huh. Morbid,” said Stella, then shut the device and pocketed it to be able to hold her flashlight right again. “So what’s your story?” she asked the little ghost. “Did you get separated from your trainer?”

“Phan…” the mon wailed. It brought its nubby arms together and looked at the ground pensively.

“Do you… understand speech?”

“Phan…” the mon wailed again.

Stella didn’t get the impression that it understood. “Well… what should we do with you, then?”

The phantump started backing away. It turned around as it floated further, but it kept looking back, as if to say…

“You want us to follow you?” Stella asked. “Sure.”

She began to follow the phantump, and the phantump clapped its hands, though no sound came from it. Still, it seemed happy with the development. Stella was happy, too. This was exciting!

“Ray,” interjected Thundra. She took a few leaping steps forward, putting herself between her human and the phantump, and then continued walking. Stella snorted. Always so protective.

After a minute or so of silent walking, Stella noticed that Thundra was sniffing the air.

“Do you smell something?” she asked.

“Ray,” Thundra grunted. A ‘be on your guard’ kind of grunt. Huh.

Stella was, then, on her guard, though she saw or heard nothing out of the ordinary. It was only once they reached an opening with a worn-down shack that there was anything special to pay attention to.

“Is this where you live?” Stella asked. The phantump stared blankly at her, and she felt stupid. “Right. No point in asking questions if you can’t understand me.”

The ghost continued leading them through the opening, then around the shack. The moment Thundra turned the corner, though, she froze, eyes wide and focused on something on the ground.

“What?” asked Stella, the back of the shack still out of sight.

Thundra turned to her and barked. “Ray!”

“What is it?” Stella asked again, her heartbeat picking up. Thundra was clearly distressed. What could she have seen? The phantump seemed calmer, though… or was it… pensive?

Swallowing, Stella took the final steps and peeked behind the corner, illuminating the ground with her flashlight.

The light fell on the bloody, dismembered corpse of a child.

---

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, I was in the mood for some light reading tonight, so I decided to poke my head in for one of your shorter pieces, and figured that I’d give this one a shot. Which based on the description, uh… sounds like it goes places in the span of 900 words, so let’s see where that goes.

Phantump

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Walking through the forest at night was always so invigorating for Stella. The darkness surrounding her and the calls of the nocturnal pokémon set off warnings signals in a primal part of her brain, something that was only thrilling to her higher self. It was the same as watching a horror movie, but better.

Which feels like a bad high to be chasing in a mature-rated work, but you do you, Stella.

Of course, it helped to know she was safe. With her luxray Thundra by her side, no wild mon in this part of the woods would dare try anything funny. The large cat also took care of illuminating the ground underneath their feet with her yellow stripes, sparing them from any nasty trips on the roots snaking across the forest floor. Stella did still bring her flashlight along to be able to look at things further away in case she came across any wild murkrow or the like.

Wait, Luxray can do that canonically with those yellow bits on its fur? TIL.

After a while of walking, Stella noticed Thundra slowing down.

“Ray…” the luxray growled. She stared at something a little to the left in the distance, her eyes lighting up as she used her special sight.

Oh, so Pokémon in this setting have anime-style speech. That’s a bit different than what i’m normally used to from your writings, but duly noted.

“What is it?” Stella asked, stopping. She tried pointing her flashlight at whatever Thundra was looking at, but she saw only trees and the forest path. Maybe whatever was there was hiding behind a trunk.

“Ray!” Thundra barked, her hackles raised.

Stella sighed, smiling. Thundra could get so serious about protecting her even when the threat was nothing but a murkrow. Though this probably wasn’t one, given how Thundra’s eyes were focused on something not too far off the ground. Maybe it was a buneary instead.

Ah yes, getting in a cute little nod at how Luxray use their X-Ray vision for hunting, I see.

“It’s alright, you can come out,” Stella called out, not too loud, not too quiet. “We won’t hurt you.” Even if Thundra looked like she would.

It took a while, but eventually something peeked out from behind a tree. It looked like…

“That’s a… what was it? A phantump?” Stella said, her heart beating faster at the brand new discovery. “Don’t they live in Kalos? What’s one doing here?”

Oh, well. There’s the titular ‘mon of this drabble.

“Phan…” the little ghost wailed. And it was little indeed - Stella was sure the footage she’d seen of phantump had them be bigger than this, about forty centimeters in height. This one looked like it was only twenty. It must have been born recently.

Um… considering the way that Ghostmons are born in some of your stories and the given rating…

“Don’t be afraid, little guy,” Stella said. “Come on. I wanna log you on my pokédex. Everyone will be jealous.”

The phantump hesitated, but soon found its confidence and began floating closer.

“Yes, that’s it,” Stella said, grinning. She slowly reached into her pocket with her free hand, pulled out a red device and opened it. The phantump paused, unsure of this development, but quickly continued.

Thundra is still

-ing at the Phantump the entire time, isn’t she?

“Aaalmost there…” said Stella as the pokédex’s camera flickered a frame around the phantump’s image, struggling to recognize it before it finally succeeded. It correctly identified it as a phantump, and the screen prompted the user to continue to see more information.

“Yes!” she whisper-yelled and tucked the flashlight under her arm to free up a hand. She tapped on the screen to advance, and the summary of the species appeared.

IMO, this paragraph is big enough that it should be cut up into at least two pieces, potentially three. I opted for 2 in my particular suggestion.

Species: Phantump
Category: Stump Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Grass

According to old tales, these Pokémon are stumps possessed by the spirits of children who died while lost in the forest.

Oh, well. I think I already am getting ideas of why this drabble is rated mature.

“Huh. Morbid,” said Stella, then shut the device and pocketed it to be able to hold her flashlight right again. “So what’s your story?” she asked the little ghost. “Did you get separated from your trainer?”

“Phan…” the mon wailed. It brought its nubby arms together and looked at the ground pensively.

“Do you… understand speech?”

“Phan…” the mon wailed again.

Stella: “... Is that a maybe?” ^^;

Stella didn’t get the impression that it understood. “Well… what should we do with you, then?”

The phantump started backing away. It turned around as it floated further, but it kept looking back, as if to say…

“You want us to follow you?” Stella asked. “Sure.”

She began to follow the phantump, and the phantump clapped its hands, though no sound came from it. Still, it seemed happy with the development. Stella was happy, too. This was exciting!

“Ray,” interjected Thundra. She took a few leaping steps forward, putting herself between her human and the phantump, and then continued walking. Stella snorted. Always so protective.

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Stella. Especially considering the author’s notes for this drabble.

After a minute or so of silent walking, Stella noticed that Thundra was sniffing the air.

“Do you smell something?” she asked.

“Ray,” Thundra grunted. A ‘be on your guard’ kind of grunt. Huh.

Stella: “Thundra, what on earth’s gotten into you?”

Stella was, then, on her guard, though she saw or heard nothing out of the ordinary. It was only once they reached an opening with a worn-down shack that there was anything special to pay attention to.

“Is this where you live?” Stella asked. The phantump stared blankly at her, and she felt stupid. “Right. No point in asking questions if you can’t understand me.”

The ghost continued leading them through the opening, then around the shack. The moment Thundra turned the corner, though, she froze, eyes wide and focused on something on the ground.

Oh, that’s not a good sign there. .-.

“What?” asked Stella, the back of the shack still out of sight.

Thundra turned to her and barked. “Ray!”

“What is it?” Stella asked again, her heartbeat picking up. Thundra was clearly distressed. What could she have seen? The phantump seemed calmer, though… or was it… pensive?

Swallowing, Stella took the final steps and peeked behind the corner, illuminating the ground with her flashlight.

The light fell on the bloody, dismembered corpse of a child.

Well, then. Newly born Phantump indeed.

Well, that drabble certainly went places. Like it definitely deserved that mature rating, but it did a good job at building up to the reveal. I actually wonder if this is meant to tie in to another work of yours, since it certainly feels like you deal with similar themes and tone in some of your more well-known stories. I thought that you did a good job at playing around with Pokédex fluff, both for Phantump, and for Luxray through Thundra’s behavior and mannerisms, which felt true to what the ‘dex had to say to both while feeling natural.

For weaknesses, I admittedly don’t have too many since this story was written under the express aims of being short and to the point and it’s fairly well-put together, with the only mechanical quibble I had being one paragraph where I felt it might have worked better formatted as two smaller ones that can easily be brushed off as “my style, my rules”. I guess it’d have been nice to have the moment of tension as things start to take a darker turn in the story last a little longer, but I suppose that very well have defeated what you were aiming for for the story’s length, so I can’t knock it that hard.

Hope the feedback was helpful, @canisaries . I don’t know if you ever plan on uploading those other drabbles(?) you alluded to have writing since this thread was last bumped in May, but if they’re as put-together as this one, I’m sure that you’d get eyes on them.

 

[NebulaDreams]

So, this took quite the left turn. It was interesting to read more of your mainline Pokémon works after the contest one-shot, since your writing style translates nicely to that sort of worldbuilding. You play a lot of the concepts in that world straight while doing more with it and exploring those concepts further, which I like.

Same with this Phantump drabble. Despite being quite a short story, there was plenty to chew on in terms of its message, which seems to be ‘curiosity killed the cat’. I found the trainer to be quite in over her head, meddling in affairs she doesn’t understand against just because of her thrill-seeking tendencies. Her fascination with the Phantump is less concerned with the tragedy of its existence and more because she wants to experience this cool thing.

I felt for Thundra who was just trying to protect her trainer the whole time. And those fears are justified in the ending line.

The ending could’ve easily felt like a creepypasta-esque ass pull, but I like the twist because of how it stays true to Phantump’s Pokédex entry, and the implications that follow. The only thing that bothered me was that the ending line could’ve had more punch. It doesn’t give me much of an idea of how the kid died, and I wish there was more implied detail for me to draw my own conclusions as to how it happened. For all I know, a Ursaring could’ve pulled him apart like taffy, or the work of a serial killer, which seems like the edgiest conclusion to draw.

Maybe it was Red Akai all along.

Anyway, good job, and I hope you do more drabbles! I could see this being in an anthology of Pokémon stories with cautionary tales of trainers or Pokémon who meet unfortunate ends.