Pokémon Bruxish's Lament

[Kandykorn]

Oh hello you.

What? Have you come to laugh?

Have you come to goad at my unsightly appearance? To tell me that I’ll never be beautiful?? Come to tell me that my ‘lips are too puffy’ , that my ‘head thingy makes no sense’, that I ‘have no design theme or colors that make any sense.’ Have you come to tell me I’m worthless, that I’ll never be worth anything, that I’ll never…

I’ll never be beautiful.

Sorry for ranting.

Listen I-

I know I’ll never be beautiful. That’s not what I’m designed to be.

What even is beauty anyway? Like, what makes something beautiful? Is it that it was designed to be pretty? Conventionally attractive? Does its shape have anything to do with it? Maybe… To be loved. Beauty.

I saw a couple walk past my pond. These two girls. They looked at each other, so happy. They smiled. They told each other that they loved each other. One girl gave the other a flower, and then kissed her. She dropped the flower into the water. I ate it while I watched them. It tasted like sap and sugar and sweetness. They were beautiful. Together. In love.

I don’t think I was created to be loved. People pass my pond all the time. People like you.

You look like you’re about ten. A kid on their journey no doubt.

Maybe I should go on a journey. Find something as ugly as me. Hah. It might be impossible.

The people make that abundantly clear.

And not once has someone stopped to look at me and do anything other than scream. Their loud, high pitched voices piercing the ears of the other fish as they turn toward me, disappointed.

Actually…

You haven’t screamed yet.

Why is that?

You just keep staring at me. The ‘Gnashing teeth’ pokemon. I’m not good for anything. Why don’t you leave? Just get out of here. The screaming would be better. The ridicule. The embarrassment. The hate.

Why won’t you scream at me?

Scream.

Run and scream and hide.

Is it because I’m ugly? Are you so caught up in this unlovable pink feebas with no cool evolutions? Is that it? Is that why you’re pulling out that pink pokeball with the heart on it? To send out your partner to make me faint so you can stop looking at my horrid spotted visage?

is that why you threw it at me?

Wait-




-

The Love Ball is a type of Poké Ball introduced in Generation II.

-



Maybe I am beautiful. I’ll try to be a good partner.

- Bruxish, partner to Lance.

 

[K_S]

Hi it's review time!

Hope you've been well.

Our POV mon has image issues and then some... I mean it looks a little like a joker fish, but still, fun times with this poor critter's internal critic running amok.

Out of curiosity, how would a fish like this journey? Pond bound as it is. Unless its psychic type gives it some durability out of the wet? Aw, our fishy is getting attention and is a bit damaged considering his knee jerk is to ask "Why aren't you screaming?" which says so much...

Poor fishy.

And he's netted by quite the trainer.... and been netted in turn by a literal ball of kindness... Interesting use of the item description to close the tale, it wraps everything up very well. Thanks for sharing.

 

[NebulaDreams]

Who doesn’t like a good ugly duckling story? Or fish story in this case. I liked it when I initially read it though I didn’t have too much to say, but lord knows I’ll certainly try. Rereading it, it still holds up, since there’s a lot to like here. It also felt comforting returning to this since I'm currently battling a bad cold.

I’m a sucker for stories like this, especially ones involving misunderstood or ‘ugly’ Pokemon. I’m not the biggest Bruxish fan, and am still not design-wise, but this is a good reminder that low-tier trash Pokemon have feelings too.

I like how conversational the prose feels. I doubt the trainer about to catch the Bruxish can understand it, but I can imagine the way it looks at the trainer as if he’s foolish for even thinking to catch them, and getting across those thoughts all the same. There are some lines that slide into meta parody territory with ‘Are you so caught up in this unlovable pink feebas with no cool evolutions?’ but I think it works and helps to sell the tragedy of our fugly fish, especially since there’s a lot in Pokemon that we’re meant to take at face value. I’m sure Bruxish have good qualities aside from being ‘The Gnashing Teeth Pokemon’. The anecdote about seeing the young couple and tasting the sweet flower really gets across the envy it must feel.

This makes it all the sweeter when the trainer catches the Bruxish; the Bruxish finally has someone who sees them for what they are and loves them unconditionally. I know I’m reading too deeply into it but it’s a very potent feeling to know that someone can be accepted, warts and all, despite what other people say about them. Just something that's very personally resonant for me.

I wish the Bruxish a very pleasant and wholesome journey with their trainer.

 

[Spiteful Murkrow]

Heya, I was in the market for some light fare tonight in between chipping away at a particularly meaty review, so I figured that I’d give this story a shot. I know exactly nothing about this story, so let’s just go in blind and see where this goes:

Spoiler: Line-by-Line

Oh hello, you.

What? Have you come to laugh?

Have you come to goad at my unsightly appearance? To tell me that I’ll never be beautiful? Come to tell me that my ‘lips are too puffy’, that my ‘head thingy makes no sense’, that I ‘have no design theme or colors that make any sense.’ Have you come to tell me I’m worthless, that I’ll never be worth anything, that I’ll never…

I’ll never be beautiful.

- Looks up at title -

Oh, so this is literally going to be a lament by a Bruxish, huh? Though a couple of punctuation errors here.

Sorry for ranting.

Listen, I-

I know I’ll never be beautiful. That’s not what I’m designed to be.

- Insert earnest insistence here by a male Bruxish that the narrator is the epitome of beauty -

Since hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What even is beauty anyway? Like, what makes something beautiful? Is it that it was designed to be pretty? Conventionally attractive? Does its shape have anything to do with it? Maybe… to be loved. Beauty.

I know that this one-shot probably isn’t meant to be played seriously, but boy that must suck to be a Pokémon where even by your own species standards, there’s just casual acknowledgement of “yeah, we’re ugly”.

I saw a couple walk past my pond. These two girls. They looked at each other, so happy. They smiled. They told each other that they loved each other. One girl gave the other a flower, and then kissed her. She dropped the flower into the water. I ate it while I watched them. It tasted like sap and sugar and sweetness. They were beautiful. Together. In love.

I don’t think I was created to be loved. People pass my pond all the time. People like you.

What if you just need to wait for that one trainer who’s looking for a triggerfish on an acid trip as a companion?

You look like you’re about ten. A kid on their journey no doubt.

Maybe I should go on a journey. Find something as ugly as me. Hah. It might be impossible.

The people make that abundantly clear.

I mean, we could start rattling off alternatives like the literal garbage Pokémon, but that would probably be just about as likely to make Bruxish cry than make her feel better. ^^

Also, is she going to guilt whoever she’s speaking to into training her at this rate, or…?

And not once has someone stopped to look at me and do anything other than scream. Their loud, high pitched voices piercing the ears of the other fish as they turn toward me, disappointed.

Actually…

You haven’t screamed yet.

Why is that?

Okay, yeah, whoever Bruxish is talking to is going to be their trainer, I can tell.

You just keep staring at me. The ‘Gnashing teeth’ pokemon. I’m not good for anything. Why don’t you leave? Just get out of here. The screaming would be better. The ridicule. The embarrassment. The hate.

If you’re going to do a verbatim reference to Bruxish’s Pokédex category, that would specifically be the ‘Gnash Teeth’ Pokémon. This is technically more grammatically correct even if the category ID is not.

Why won’t you scream at me?

Scream.

Run and scream and hide.

Gee, with an attitude like that, I wonder why Bruxish has been having trouble finding a trainer.

Is it because I’m ugly? Are you so caught up in this unlovable pink feebas with no cool evolutions? Is that it? Is that why you’re pulling out that pink pokeball with the heart on it? To send out your partner to make me faint so you can stop looking at my horrid spotted visage?

Is that why you threw it at me?

Wait-

Oh, so now it’s sinking in that someone might actually want you.

The Love Ball is a type of Poké Ball introduced in Generation II.

Not really sure why this is being brought up in the middle of the one-shot, but okay. If this is meant to be a thing explaining the “pink pokeball with the heart on it”, consider adding it as a hovertext message that can be hovered over.

Maybe I am beautiful. I’ll try to be a good partner.

- Bruxish, partner to Lance.

Wait, what? Is this that Lance? He has a Bruxish now? Is that a Masters thing, or…? .-.

Though I do feel like this is a bit sudden for how much Bruxish wallowed in self-pity and self-loathing earlier. It probably would’ve made sense to show the realization that “somebody actually wants me” and going through the “why?”-ness of it a bit more before reaching this conclusion.

Alright, I take it that this was a less self-serious and more meta piece about how Bruxish… uh… isn’t exactly a popular Pokémon in the fandom, but by and large, it did a pretty good job at getting into the mind of a character that’s internalized a sense of self-loathing and that they can’t be loved. Like I kinda saw where you were going with things towards the end when Bruxish started going “wait, why are you still here?” to the unseen party she’s talking to, but it was still cute and endearing to see.

Cons-wise, I feel that you probably would’ve made this one-shot a bit stronger with a bit more polish and development. You had some small typos here and there that you should take time to smooth out, which should be simple enough to patch in. I’m also not sure what was with the abrupt jump out from the story to explain what a Love Ball is. Consider either putting that in author’s notes at the very end of your story or else hovertexting the part of your text that describes its appearance if you want the audience to know what it is right away. The bigger issue that I saw was that your ending comes very abruptly, since it feels like it skipped over an entire process of Bruxish coming down from her earlier internalized feelings of self-loathing. Showing that process play out a bit more would’ve made it feel a bit more natural and “earned”, IMO.

Though hope the feedback was helpful @Kandykorn . You have the bones to an endearing little fluff piece here. Just build on it a little more and sand down some of the rough edges, and you’ll be golden.