I'm not saying it's aliens, but...
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Panoramic_Vacuum
Hoenn around
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❄︎♒︎♏︎ ⧫︎❒︎◆︎⧫︎♒︎ ♓︎⬧︎ □︎◆︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎❒︎♏︎
“Look man, I know they’re out there. They’re just waiting for the right guy to reveal themselves to.”
Shelby Henderson’s roommate rolled his eyes as Shelby took another drag of his blunt. “And you’re the guy they’ve been waiting for? Fuckin’ unemployed loser pot head living with some dumbass roommate who actually listens to this shit?”
“Rich comin’ from you, bud,” said Shelby, puffing smoke into the dingy living room.
“Hey, I still have a job because I can be bothered to show up. They don’t care if I suck at it, as long as I’m there.”
“I told you, I only miss work because my phone’s fucked up. Besides,” said Shelby, switching the blunt to his other hand. “If they were lookin’ for some fancy ass world leader or something, they would have showed up by now. I think they’re lookin’ for a normal ass dude who isn’t gonna freak the fuck out at the first sign of extraterrestrial life.”
Shelby swung his hands in a rainbow arc to emphasize his point, leaving a swirling trail of smoke in his wake.
His roommate sat up from where he’d suctioned into the couch cushions to swat the smoke away and grab a fistful of chips from the cluttered coffee table. “Dude, shut the fuck up. There’s no aliens out there, and they’re definitely not gonna want to talk to you. ”
“They already are talking to me, man,” said Shelby, snatching his phone from the end table, swiping to the evidence. “Look.”
“Get that outta my face. I already told you that’s just spam or some shit. You dropped your phone one too many times. Would you go get a new one? Oh wait, I forgot, you have no money because you blew your paycheck on weed and then got fired from your job.”
Shelby locked the phone screen more aggressively than necessary and shook his head at the nonbeliever. “You’ll see, man. You’ll see.”
Shelby went to bed high that night. Shelby went to bed high every night, but tonight, he went to bed angry and high, scrolling the local conspiracy nut’s webpage instead of sleeping, combing it for any shred of information he could use to prove he wasn’t losing his mind. That aliens really were trying to communicate with him.
The reason Shelby went to bed high every night was because every night, his phone would buzz with odd messages. Voicemails full of chirping static. Text messages written in wingdings. The navigation app running, pointing to the same location every time: the dead zone in the middle of the Unovan desert.
“Fuck it.”
That’s how—instead of sleeping—Shelby found himself standing outside his dingy apartment on the outskirts of Castelia City at midnight waiting for a cab.
The cabbie had looked at him like he’d grown a second head when he gave the guy the address. But the wad of bills he stole from his roommate meant the driver kept his mouth shut and did what he was paid to do.
The cab was a speck of dust in the moonlight by the time Shelby registered that he was one highly secure government fence away from meeting his first alien lifeform. The squat, tan brick building would have blended in with the nighttime dunes if it wasn’t for the chain link tracing its perimeter.
Although, it occurred to him it couldn’t have been that secure if all it took was a cab ride to put some fuckin’ nobody at the exact coordinates of a secret government facility. Especially because there was no one around to stop him from doing exactly what he had just done; which was climb the fence.
A cloud of dust puffed up when his sneakers hit the ground on the other side. “Well that was easy,” he said aloud. Partly because he couldn’t believe it had been so easy, and partly to test if it really had been that easy.
When no spotlights snapped on or guards came running, Shelby was about to assume that it, in fact, was that easy when his phone pinged a voicemail notification in his pocket. Strange, it never rang, but he probably had shit for service out here in the desert. He pulled it out, already walking towards the facility, when the notification stopped him in his tracks.
<It is good to finally meet you Shelby Henderson>
He scrubbed at his eye with a fist. “What the fuck?”
The message remained unchanged. No wingdings, no garbled text, no strange sounds. His phone just sent a voicemail transcript in plain fucking English with his fucking name on it. It took everything for Shelby to not turn and bolt right back over the fence.
“What the fuck? ” he said again, running an agitated hand through his hair. His eyes darted left and right. Everywhere he looked, there was nothing but darkness. No cameras pointed his way, no way for anyone to know where he was let alone meet him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone pinged again.
<Come inside we have a favor to ask>
The clack of a door latch echoed through the night air, and Shelby watched in slack-jawed terror as the nearby door of the facility swung open from the inside. There was no one standing in the pool of light that spilled into the night.
“How—how the fuck?” he stammered. Then he held the screen up to his face and yelled at the phone. “How the fuck did you do that!? How do you know my name!?"
<Come inside all will be known>
He knew it. He knew it. In his heart of hearts, he knew there were aliens, he knew they were here. They were here . He hadn't expected a response. Fuck, he hadn't expected to even get this far. But he was here, and they were speaking to him.
Shelby shook out one hand, then the other. Then his legs. "Okay, play it cool man, play it cool," he coached himself. He cracked his neck. Then nodded. “O-okay, here I come," he announced. Yeah, real fuckin’ cool.
This was what he wanted, right? This was the whole reason he’d come here. Then why did his legs shake like jelly with every step.
Shelby squinted against the bright light of the facility’s interior. The long, sterile corridor was a stark contrast to the rough sandstone exterior, but no less nondescript. Spotless white tile stretched on and on until it met an equally spotless white door at the far end of the hall. The phone’s ping shattered the silence with an eerie echo.
<Let us meet face to face Shelby Henderson>
“...W-where are you?" He couldn't keep the quaver from his voice. Whether it was excitement or terror, he didn't know.
<Keep walking you will know when to stop>
"Uhh, okay?"
Shelby shuffled down the corridor, eyes wide and staring at every door, every opening, every window he went past, oscillating back and forth between paranoia and anticipation.
Suddenly, he stopped. There were no windows, and the door looked like all the others, but the voicemail was right. He knew in his gut. Like a magnet pulling him in. This was it.
The phone burned in his left hand as he reached out with the right. He pressed the door toggle, and changed his life forever.
It was as if time slowed to a stop. Right in front of him—right behind that door—was a goddamn alien. It had to be an alien, because it wasn’t like any pokémon he’d ever seen, and it sure as fuck wasn’t human. He was right. He was right.
The room ceased to exist. There was nothing else except him and the alien, and he was at the point where he wasn't even sure he was real anymore.
The alien held up its hand and pressed it against the glass cylinder in which it was kept. Its brown, rubbery skin was dull under the fluorescent lights, further accentuating the frail, almost child-like body dangling beneath its massive head. Three colored dots made up its fingers, and they glowed in sequence with the pinging of Shelby's phone. He scrambled to read the notification, almost dropping the phone in his haste.
<Push the button Shelby Henderson>
"Button, button. What button?" He was frantic.
There was no ping this time. The alien simply pointed at the silver control panel that sat beneath its glass prison. There was a small black button nestled among the other controls. The being couldn't reach the exact spot, but just like the door, Shelby knew which one it meant.
He rushed up to the panel. A shaking hand hovered over the button. This was it. This was it. He was right about everything, and all it took was one push of a button and he could prove it! Prove it to his shitbag boss. Prove it to his ex-girlfriend. Prove it to his roommate. He wasn't crazy.
He wasn't crazy, right? Shelby looked up at the alien, and it looked down at him. It wasn't expectant, or excited, or anything, really. It simply nodded calmly, like an approving parent.
The button made a soft clunk when he pressed it. And then all hell broke loose.
The lights in the room went out, replaced by a pulsing, red hue. Alarms blared somewhere deep inside the facility; a high-pitched wailing that fried Shelby’s already string-tight nerves. He stumbled over his own feet in an effort to back away from the control panel.
“Ohshitohfuck, what the fuck is happening?!” he cried, scooting backwards on his butt until his back pressed into the wall behind him.
Then, above the din, a smooth voice sounded crystal clear in Shelby’s ear. “Do not fear. You have done the right thing. You have saved us, and in turn, saved yourself.”
Shelby recoiled away from the voice, watching wide-eyed as white smoke pooled on the floor around him. It poured out from where the glass cylinder formerly stood. In its place, the alien hung suspended in mid air, green eyes glowing bright in the dim red light. It extended one hand toward him, the dots of its fingers blinking in sequence.
“We are Beheeyem. Our true name is too much for your feeble human brain. Come with us, and as thanks, we will show you the way.”
“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck,” was all Shelby could muster, chanted high and tight under his breath. When he realized that was all he could say, he pursed his lips shut and shook his head no.
The beheeyem was unmoved, leaving their hand outstretched. “If you stay here, you will die. It is your call, Shelby Henderson. We hope you will choose to live.”
Before Shelby could unglue his mouth, pounding feet sounded from outside, and then the door to the room slammed open. Two agents barged into the room, weapons drawn.
“Freeze! Hands where I can see ‘em!” shouted the first, training his gun on Beheeyem.
“Holy shit—” the other said, weapon falling slack.
Neither noticed Shelby cowering on the ground beside the door. Neither had time to react any further, as Beheeyem rotated in place, aiming their hand at the agents.
The air filled with an ear-rending screech, and Shelby covered his ears with both hands, screaming.
“Fuck. Fuck! ”
There was a crack and a thud, and Shelby uncovered his head in time to see a guard collapse on the ground, mouth open in a twisted scream. Blood dribbled from his eyes and ears. Only the feet of the second guard could be seen from his vantage point, unmoving.
Shelby’s hands dug into his scalp, eyes like dinner plates. "Holy crap holy crap holy fuck, did you just kill that guy? Did you just kill that guy?! You can't just go around killing guys, fuck! "
Beheeyem regarded Shelby with impassive eyes. "Why not?"
"What do you mean why not? Jesus, there's rules , man! Laws that say you can't just kill people!"
The beheeyem tilted their head while swiping their other hand through the air in a small arc. The second guard’s body ragdolled out of the doorway and across the floor. "You mean the same laws you're breaking by being here with three ounces of mind altering drugs in your pocket?"
Shelby clutched at the bundle in his pocket. His heart still raced in his chest. "Fuck, it's just weed, man, but I mean, yeah. That’s way different than killing someone, though!”
“Are you sure it is in the eyes of your rule makers?”
Shelby couldn’t read Beheeyem’s expression, but something in their words sounded scornful. “I dunno, man.”
Beheeyem returned to Shelby’s side, extending their hand again, like they hadn’t just killed two people. “Then you can do whatever you want, Shelby Henderson. Just like we will do whatever we want. Human laws do not govern the universe. Come with us, and they will not govern you, either."
Shelby gulped down another mouthful of air, trying to get a grip. “Yeah,” he choked out. “Yeah, okay.” He didn’t actually take the beheeyem’s hand, but he felt some kind of presence help him claw his way up to his feet. He tried not to look at the dead guard’s body and failed. One shaky hand flew up to cover his mouth.
“No one will miss the night shift,” said Beheeyem, matter of factly. “Their schedule dictates that they live solitary lives.”
They hovered towards the open door, and on the way nudged the body of the guard further from the entrance. Shelby gave the room one last pained look before following along behind.
The pair walked in silence. Well, more like floated while Shelby half-stumbled after them, still trying to get his legs to stop fucking shaking. Mercifully, no more guards showed up to stop their escape. Shelby didn’t want to think about why. Finally, he couldn’t take it any more.
"How are you even speaking to me, man? Like, how are you in my head?"
The beheeyem didn’t bother to turn around. They answered, still floating down the hallway as if on a mission. "Because, Shelby Henderson, we share the same goal. And we have for a long time."
"What?” Shelby stopped in his tracks. “What the fuck does that mean? You wanna sit at home and smoke weed all day, too? I didn't think aliens even had jobs they could hate."
This time Beheeyem stopped as well. Their head swiveled slightly, like they were glancing over their shoulder. "You think too small, Shelby Henderson."
"Stop callin’ me that. You sound like my fuckin’ English teacher,” Shelby grumbled. “And I still have no idea what the hell you're on about."
Finally Beheeyem turned fully around, fixing Shelby with their piercing green stare. "You've never wanted it all to end? Never wanted to watch it all crumble at your fingertips? To watch those who thought they held power over you to learn they rule nothing, not even the molecules in their own body?" They held up one hand, finger lights dancing an erratic pattern.
Shelby wasn’t sure if he’d sobered up long before that or not, but he sure fucking sobered up then. "—What?"
"Come. We will show you.”
The beeheyem held out their multicolored hand again, and Shelby glanced at it in fear.
"I-I dunno, man. That all sounds great," he lied, “but I don’t think I vibe with that kinda shit. That seems kinda excessive—”
"Do not fret," Beheeyem reassured, languidly gesturing with their hand again for Shelby to take it. "Nothing can stop us now."
“I’m not fretting, man—” Shelby began, fixing the beheeyem with wide eyes.
But as soon as he locked gazes with the alien, he was transported light years away, hanging in space above a swirling nebula. A rainbow of hues spun in the vacuum, dazzling Shelby’s eyes. Suddenly, a flash of light ripped through space, and in the silent shockwave it left behind, a fleet of space-faring ships floated in brilliant silhouette.
Shelby blinked away the spots in his vision, and in that moment he was transported once more; a fly’s-eye view of the inside of one of the ships. Dozens of beheeyem hovered around the bridge, some working controls with their psychedelic fingertips, some deep in discussion over star charts and planetary maps.
At first Shelby was confused—he couldn’t read any of these things if his life depended on it—yet all at once a burst of clarity hit him like a sledgehammer. He recognized that planet on the screen. He lived on that planet.
“That’s fuckin’ Earth!” he blurted aloud.
With a high-pitched whine of electronic feedback, all activity in the ship ground to a halt. Thirty pairs of piercing green eyes fixed on the spot where Shelby existed. The feedback whine increased in pressure until there was a popping sound and everything went black.
Shelby took one breath, then another. He opened his eyes. He was standing on the moon. A haze of static bounced through his vision as from overhead, the high-pitched whine returned. Without warning, a brilliant bolt of energy ripped through space and slammed into the Earth’s surface, rending the planet in half—
The vision abruptly ended.
Shelby stumbled back, slamming into the metal wall behind him with a bang. One hand clutched his chest, heaving with gasping breaths.
"What the f—what the fuck was that?"
"The end of humankind," Beheeyem answered simply.
"No. No. That's not—that's fucked up."
"We know you harbor no love for them. We are the same. Come with us, and we will eliminate our problems together."
"No, I can't. I can't just DO that, man!”
"Why not? They never cared about you."
Something came to a screeching halt inside Shelby’s brain. His mouth moved but no words came out. Why couldn’t he find a way to refute what the alien was saying? Instead, a different question tumbled out.
"Why me?"
"Because, Shelby, you saved us with no other motive in your heart. You have answered our wishes, we shall answer yours."
“I didn’t wish for this, man!”
“You didn’t with your voice.” The beheeyem jabbed one glowing finger at Shelby’s chest. “You did with your heart.”
Before Shelby could protest further, the hallway thrummed with a deep reverberation. He pressed himself tighter to the wall behind, eyes wide with fear.
"They are here," Beheeyem said.
It was like a dam broke, and panic flooded Shelby’s veins.
"You—You tricked me into coming here. You tricked me into freeing you! This is all a trick!" He was screaming now, but there was no one around to hear.
"Incorrect. We asked you to find us because you already were set on coming to this place. We needed someone like you. Someone who understood our plight. You are that someone, Shelby.”
“There’s no way. Who would want a loser like me?”
For the first time, something akin to disappointment flitted across Beheeyem’s expression.
“What can we do to have you trust us, Shelby?” Their head tilted to the side briefly before straightening. They raised one finger, and Shelby felt a tug on his pocket. He watched, wide-eyed as the baggie of weed and tin of rolling papers levitated free from his jacket and up to the beheeyem’s hands.
“Maybe something to clear your mind. Remove any unnecessary thoughts,” they hummed. Of their own accord, the tin and baggie opened, and a minute later a perfectly rolled spliff floated down in front of Shelby’s nose.
“See, we do not care about how you choose to live. Will you trust us now?” The beheeyem’s finger blinked, and a mote of light formed in front of the joint. It flared bright for a second, then disappeared. The tip of the paper glowed orange.
Shelby’s gaze darted between Beheeyem and the offering in front of him. They inclined their head toward him in approval. With a shaking hand, he plucked the blunt out of the air and took a desperate drag.
“Fuck,” he breathed, smoke puffing out around his head. A wave of relief flooded over him, and his head rolled back against the wall with a soft thunk. “Fuck me, I needed that.”
“Good. We are almost there. Our ship is just ahead. Can we count on you to join us?”
Shelby was mid-toke when he heard Beheeyem. “Did you say ship? ” he spluttered, coughing on the smoke.
“How else would we have arrived on your planet?”
“Fuckin’... I dunno.”
The beheeyem didn’t offer any further prodding. They floated down the hallway another twenty feet, then stopped and opened a door on the right. Shelby dutifully followed behind. Once he reached the doorway, Beheeyem drifted inside, toggling the lights without moving a muscle.
It was a minor miracle Shelby had removed the blunt from his mouth, otherwise it would have fallen to the floor in his shock.
A gleaming silver spaceship sat in the hangar beyond. Shelby recognized the design; it was the same style as the ones from the vision. The beheeyem hovered towards the ship with as much urgency as Shelby had seen them exhibit. With a wave of their hand, a hatch appeared on the outer hull, opening with a quiet hiss.
Beheeyem turned in the doorway, fixing Shelby with their glowing green eyes. The light from the ship’s interior cast the alien into silhouette, granting their outline an ethereal halo. Their fingers blinked in a mesmerizing sequence, beckoning him. “Come. We must hurry. Our fleet is awaiting communication.”
It was as if his feet moved on their own. Shelby crossed the hangar and stepped inside, ducking slightly to fit inside the hatch. It slid shut behind him with a suctioning noise.
The interior of the ship was cramped, doubly so with both of them in the cockpit. Beheeyem slid to the side as best they could, gesturing to the control panel.
“Go ahead. Push the button. Launch the beacon.”
Shelby transferred the joint to his lip. It dangled there as he thought for a moment, smoke curling in tendrils around the cockpit. He shook his head.
“I—I can’t, man. This is my home.”
Beheeyem’s answer was immediate. “Does your home love you?”
“What?”
“Does your home love you?”
Shelby’s gaze fell to the console where his hands had balled into fists. “Fuck, I dunno, maybe? My roommate’s chill. It’d suck to see him die.”
“Is that all?”
“Whaddya mean ‘is that all’?”
“It is simple. Is that all that ties you to this planet? Your so-called home? You have no female relations. You have no parental relations. You clearly do not care about societal obligations. Why else would you want to stay?”
Shelby thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Like, there’s my stuff down there, I have a couch, and a kitchen table, and some pots and pans and shit. And my bike. And like, my PS5.”
“We think you have your answer.”
“Man, I’m not gonna blow up my PS5! That was like three month’s worth of paychecks to get that thing—”
Beeheyem sighed and waved a hand. A blip of light appeared, growing until it coalesced into a PS5. Shelby’s eyes went wide.
“Holy shit. So wait, do you have, like, weed in space?”
“There are ways to alter your mind that you cannot even imagine. Now push the button. Set yourself free. Just like you did for us.”
Shelby watched his hand move on its own. The button was cool to the touch. He looked up from the console.
“Fuck,” he breathed, head lolling forward like he’d gone boneless. “What if—” he began slowly, “what if I told you to go fuck yourself and ran and told everyone? That aliens were real and they were going to blow up the planet.”
The cockpit was growing hazy from all the smoke. Beheeyem hovered unmoving. “And who would believe you?”
The button had grown warm under Shelby’s finger, warm enough that it was hard to distinguish where his hand ended and the button began. His gaze slid over to the beheeyem.
A small part of him hated that Beheeyem was right. He could walk home right now with video evidence of his encounter, and no one would believe him. A bigger part of him didn’t want to have to think anymore.
“Is it that simple?”
“It is not that complex,” Beheeyem replied.
Shelby pursed his lips and shrugged, the joint bouncing merrily along. “Fuck it, guess it’s not.”
I agree, though. There's a certain brand of humor that just sticks with you, and it was fun seeing it surface here. Thanks so much for giving this a look.