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okay WHOA am I late with this but better late than never. Chapter 5 and 6 thoughts incoming. Chapter 5 I really think this paragraph and a few others could do with some splitting. You get these twists and turns, but they feel like they lose their suddenness and rhythm when bunched together in...

Okay! I've read chapters 3-6, but I think I'll go over 3-4 in this one and write my thoughts on 5-6 as well as the story as a whole so far in another post later. Chapter 3 I was confused on where this whole scene took place. I would imagine that Chris would be brought to the hospital after...

After an unexpectedly long time, I'm back for the second chapter. Here are my thoughts, first for some quotes: I think a comma or dash (since it's interrupted) after "human" would be good to more clearly transition between thought and narration. This kind of reads as just one task? The...

Finally got around to checking this out. Here are my thoughts on Chapter 1. You'll either want to replace the comma with a period or uncapitalize "Sure", depending on if you want the lines to be from the same sentence. I think this could really use some breaking up into more paragraphs...