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The Challenger, Part Two Ah yes, the chapter in which Lance helpfully points out that people shouldn't say things they don't mean and then everyone goes, "Golly, you're right!" and corruption is henceforth gone forever. 🥲 This chapter had some of my favorite descriptive passages in all of DD...

Eyyyy it's my first review in ,,, uhhhhh We've been building to this moment for a long time! It's inevitable, since we've heard of Lance but not Jiro in canon, but I still found the payoff satisfying. I was pleasantly surprised that, although Jiro does indeed disappoint Lance in the end, he's...

The Citizen: Part 2 No pull-quotes because I read it on my phone uhhhhh a week ago, oops. But! This was an excellent chapter. Peak Pen: we've got a buffet of pokemon mythology/religion/ideas of the afterlife plus some really lovely conversation around battles and consent. Haunter fren was cute...

Chapter 10a--no pull-quotes this time, just some before-bed stream of consciousness. Take this one with a grain of salt, because I very well might just be looking for something to pick at, but the flashback at the beginning was a little nebulous for me, I think because it covered both the...

9b - The Protege Part 2 Some of us "read the first time for plot" and then say wise things later. I'm just gonna jump right in with ... whatever comes out, and I'll see what intelligent thoughts I can cobble together after. Jesus fuck. Okay. I think this chapter did a nice job of...

Chapter 9 - Part One Wow, what a fun reunion from a reader perspective! So many familiar faces here. (And a few new ones to watch.) Gio is deliciously upsetting here. So smug and self-assured. It's also occurring to me that, uh oh, Gio and Jiro are both persian dudes. Jiro is so charming, and...

This did not feel like 10k. I could've plowed right ahead if there were more to be had, easily. The moments of tension here were effective, and especially the battles! I definitely felt like I could see where each trainer's head was at, and the pokemon felt like they were thinking and reacting...

Brutal. Double brutal. Also, I think it’s very statistically likely that this exists somewhere on the wide, weird internet. Oof. Takes a lot for him to say that. LANCE WAS TOO. I think this is a good character play! He’s got other fish to fry. 👀 Love this. He’s watchin’. Wowee this says...

I feel like there’s an article missing between on & hard. I like this one a lot—very effective. Aww I loved this and I love that he understands what she’s upset about. They’re mourning home in a way the others of his team aren’t and can’t. I like this. Poor baby. Checks out real hard...

! He's Lance in his own head now! So very confident! I absolutely adore how the other recruits aren't the only danger to consider. Loved this detail. Suggestion: Kana's tail-flame cast a dim, wavering glow, illuminating pitted tree bark, large, heart-shaped leaves, and dark red berries. Love...

I have precious little constructive to add here. This time it’s mostly wheee dragons! I was swept right up. Oh shit. This observation feels spot-on. This felt real. He’s been bottling up quite a bit—keeping his head down and his nose to the grindstone. This shows a lot about Archer as a...

You’ve really risen to the challenge of bringing the setting to life in this chapter. Lots of lovely descriptions here, starting with your opening lines. The winter flashback was quite long though—when we came back to the spring in the present, I was disoriented. This story reads very much like...

👀 Nice world-building here. In Kanto, the city is never far away. This said a lot to me about Wataru’s character. Even if other humans aren’t actually that far and the wilderness isn’t terribly perilous ... this still makes him immediately more vulnerable and exposed. Even with a belt full of...

Reaching deep into the fiction well here, huh? ;) As we all know, adding rain to a scene always makes it better. I liked this tension. Oak trying his best and failing means not being able to rein in his curiosity. And even if he’s kind and well-intentioned enough to take baby Wataru under his...

Pasting over from FFN in case that review is held hostage by internet goblins again. [Neither he or Toku] Neither ... nor * [The outside world couldn't be that bad, if Airi had thrived in it.] Haha shade. [The furious way the water-ryu crashed through the lake never failed to center him...

Mixed-race!Lance is interesting! I wasn't sure if you'd go the route of him being a natural redhead or if that would come later with the cape and Stage Persona. It'll be really interesting to see how his self-image in relation to that shifts when he gets to the outside world. Speaking of...