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  • With Seiren thread.
  • Users: WildBoots
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  1. WildBoots

    Pokémon Seiren

    Sure, but wording it that way it clunky to my ear. If that’s what you’re going for, I’d phrase it like “It took too long for His eyes to focus and when they did even their movements were slow.” If you type two hyphens, most word processors will convert it to an em dash automatically. (Even...
  2. WildBoots

    Pokémon Seiren

    Hey, Canis! I’ve read chapters 1 and 2! I pulled a couple lines I stumbled over, and I’ll give fuller thoughts at the bottom. The structure of this suggests “This focus of his eyes is delayed” which is not a thing. Suggestion: His eyes are unfocused, even their motions delayed. This felt...
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