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  1. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Dark 5.8: Call to Adventure Getting very Joseph Campbell, huh. Kekoa leaving! A long time coming for sure. It feels necessary to me from a story perspective much like Pixie leaving Cuicatl did. Both Kekoa and Pixie have a strong idea of what they want--now it's time to face the reality. It's...
  2. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Dark Arc: Recap--Dark 5.7 All right, I'm all caught up! Judging by past arcs, this arc is a little shy of under half-way complete. 5.7 definitely felt like a climax, though--we've been building to this for a long time. I'm just going to jump into some overall thoughts. Maybe it's premature...
  3. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Arc 4: Rock It's been a while! I gulped down Arc 4 and I return with thoughts. In short, it was very good and I greatly enjoyed it. 4.2 Aftermath Rachel! If I remember correctly, she was the first POV we get in BT, but since then, she's been more of a removed fixer. We've at least known...
  4. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Less than twenty minutes to deadline LET'S GO Recap These are honestly so helpful, even with me having done an arc three reread for the edits. I just cracked up over Kekoa "met someone cool in the forest, can't say more" * slips on dark shades* It did feel like Lyra wasn't fully integrated...
  5. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Arc Three Edits: Return of the Review I mostly ended up reading just the chapters with changes, so unfortunately I can't comment on how the new chapters change the overall flow of the arc, but I think the edits were really effective. Lyra gets a chance to be a much more developed character here...
  6. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    3.20 Grand Trial Hala was not a POV I was expecting but I really appreciated getting his perspective. It felt very tied to the discussions of last chapter, in that Hala's position illustrates the fallacy of Kekoa's hope. Hala is in a position of power, but he is powerless because his power...
  7. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Flying 3.19 The structure of this chapter is two conversations Kekoa has, first with Plumeria and Kanoa. Kanoa stands for the establishment, Plumeria for the resistance. Both of them think Kekoa's goal is stupid. So, is Kekoa's goal stupid? I think Plumeria's entirely correct to mock Kekoa...
  8. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Surprising absolutely no one, Cuicatl is not taking this well. I guess what surprised me is how Cuicatl doesn't engage at all with the idea of what being adopted means to Pixie. We open with her missing Alice as a kind of surrogate mom and we know how much she misses her bio mom. I would have...
  9. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Summary should be: Genesis' parents realize they've made a grave mistake in not properly vetting their psychic expert. Gen chapter! As always, so good. Writing and dialogue felt especially tight in this one. I was fearing the worst when we met our expert and his hypno--I thought Gen would be...
  10. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    This chapter stomped all over my heart. Pixie. Ugh. I want so much for her to have this but I know you and I know there's no way this is ending well. And the parallel between this and Gen's arc is impossible to ignore. Parents and children, conditional versus unconditional love is such a theme...
  11. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    I'm glad you've begun to think seriously about how to connect with a broader audience. Centering Pix and eliminating the useless humans is an excellent first step. However, I'm worried you haven't gone far enough. I didn't see any mention of a love triangle arc. I would highly recommend adding...
  12. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Another double! Aaand I'm caught up. Flying 3.14: The Long Game Noci's back, with an upgrade! Love how cagey she is about her mission. Cuicatl seems quite chill about Noci's ulterior motives. I suppose Coco's really the only pokemon on her team who doesn't have ulterior motives and continually...
  13. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Double review! Flying 3.12: Gale Force This chapter feels a little undirected to me. I think the issue is that I'm not very invested at this point in how Kekoa does on the island challenge, because so much more is going on that feels pressing. You write battles well and intelligently, but...
  14. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    hi it's me, living on the edge This chapter felt a bit transitional--Noci's gone missing, but we don't know why; Kekoa's gets a jynx for the next trial--but since it's Pix narrating obviously it's all excellent. She seems to be getting a little more introspective and, mm, not quite empathetic...
  15. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Back with Kekoa for a chapter that's a bit quieter, but no less dark. It's nice to see our boy's been doing some thinking and trying out empathy on for size. His bug leaving definitely seems to have hit him hard. The encounter with Lyra seems to have finally made his accept that it wwas his...
  16. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Well, I'm glad Gen and her parents talked it all out! Looking forward to seeing Gen take her next steps back into the light of Xerneas-- Some rough stuff in this one. It's brutal of Gen's family to basically leave her in self-isolation, and it clearly starts to take its toll. I like how her...
  17. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    hi hi hi, here I am. It is late. My brain probably doesn't work. We proceed, nonetheless. The pokemon interactions were so on-point in this chapter. Still enjoying how distinctive they each feel, even Mom's pokemon. Tchaikovsky is the best, of course. A very learned swan. I like how Mom's...
  18. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    So we meet Lyra! You did a really nice job portraying how terrifying that kind of psychic manipulation could be and the impact it's left on her. I almost wanted even more--does she have a habit of writing herself notes when important things happen, to make sure she still has the information...
  19. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    This chapter really puts Kekoa's hypocrisies in the spotlight. I enjoyed the way you unpacked just what the pokemon of Alola actually mean to him. Turns out, when he says sacred, what he means is "ours." Pokemon are communal property of kanaka people, a means of fighting back. So Makani's...
  20. Pen

    Pokémon Broken Things

    Finally, a chapter from a character who's actually important! That said . . . Pix is always fun, but I had some trouble squaring this chapter with the tone of her last POV chapter. She was really in crisis, last time we were in her head, way back in, wow, 2.1. And I know in 2.5 she and Cuicatl...
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