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  • With Postcards thread.
  • Users: Pen
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  1. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    The end! It's been a real journey. I think you nailed the emotions here, the subtle wrongness, the distance, the push-pull of desire and repulsion. And the ending line! Yes! You nailed that too! As always, love the details Throughout, you do a great job setting up these small, innocuous, maybe...
  2. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    Only one left! Oh no. This does have the feeling of wrapping things up and we get the eponymous postcards making an appearance! It was solid from start to finish, with a good flow. Line edits below are in the category of 'very minor tweaks and suggestions.' [ You made too many promises ] Aw...
  3. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    I really do think your urban-themed ones have been leaps and bounds stronger than the wilderness ones. Perhaps it's easier to convey the desire for something through its absence. I like the move this story makes of associating the wilderness with permanence because the city has become clouded...
  4. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    Oh! This was different, but sweet. I guess the first thing I have to comment on is the use of social media. You've called it "basically the enemy" in Spring, but here it's . . not. The turnaround was quite fascinating. The vignette opens with the harmful impact of media--unrealistic...
  5. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    Okay, I really liked this one. It's the tone, I think. You've captured someone who's persisting even though they seem to have lost sight of what's motivating them. And you do it from the first few lines, especially [You eat with your badge case next to you, “for flavor,” and as a reminder. ]...
  6. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    Cities and Seeing: Saffron Ooh, a mugging. This was very intense and you do a great job portraying the mounting stress of the battle and the panic when it all clicks into place. [Of course you cry. Eventually you stop, stand up and, because there’s nothing else to do, drag yourself towards...
  7. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    11. Cities and Silence: Driftveil [A younger or drunker version of you would’ve brought out your typhlosion, delighting both in watching the large pokemon perform the delicate task and in gently threatening another trainer. Instead you hand over your lighter and accept it back without comment.]...
  8. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    This is a bit of change! The more gritty setting was great and you did a good job setting the scene with the rain and the contrast between expectation (beach?) and reality (ugh, litter and pollution.) I had such a strong sense of city as I read this, and the simple imagery like "orange...
  9. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    I really enjoyed this one, though the references to Journey and Chaucer make this vignette feel very disconnected from pokemon. This could so easily describe the real world and it feels like it wants to. I found the discussion of the mother very touching. The lines [She never was a trainer...
  10. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    Maybe starting with the ghastly encounter? As this sort of magical liminal moment that cemented their friendship, expanded the world for the narrator? Now flash-forward, the journey's almost here, the narrator sets up the tent again in the backyard, James doesn't come. So you've got this new...
  11. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    I really enjoyed number 7! I get what you're going for, but I'm not sure "describing home" is the right way to put it. It makes this seem like alternate descriptions of the same thing, rather than two different things that relate to the same concept, of home. This whole meditation on the...
  12. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    So . . . I was really confused at first because I thought Lanna was a pokemon. She mewls, perks up, pouts. It's kind of animalistic description, you know? I get that the narrator's irritated and that's coloring their perceptions, but I think I would have preferred if that dehumanization was...
  13. Pen

    Pokémon Postcards

    Coming in on this series in the middle! This rolls off the tongue beautifully, but I have trouble imagining it. A berry grove doesn't seem like a place where you'd be up to the waist in weeds. This passage doesn't flow as well as the others to me. Perhaps moving the comma here to "The pidgeys...
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