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All right, new chapter! Let's take a look. Here's a comma splice. Because "Arceus had somehow fallen asleep on his side" and "He lay on two large logs" are both complete sentences, you want a period after "side" rather than a comma. Your dialogue punctuation is looking really good in this...

I was a bit confused at the beginning, when we cut to Arceus and Mallys hanging out outside when the last we'd seen of them was Mallys unconscious on the ground and Arceus dispatching of Mel. I guess with her out of commission there wasn't anything to prevent Arceus from dragging Mallys back...

Ah, so perhaps this is where the "bad things" promised by the initial summary start to come into play? Things take an interesting turn here; before we've kind of been traveling from place to place, letting whatever happens happen, but now there's something almost like an antagonist. Some...

No travesty here! This chapter is already looking better in terms of punctuation and such things. Not sure what this sentence means, though. When you're writing spoken dialogue, the punctuation almost always wants to go inside the quotation marks. Here you also want a question mark rather than...

I read the beginning of this story back when you posted it on Serebii, but didn't get a chance to review. I gotta admit, from what I saw, I wouldn't have guessed that this was a story about "terrible things happening to pokemon that may or may not deserve it," but now that you've said that I'm...