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Chapter 12 Despite my reservations about a Shimmer chapter, this one fleshed her out a lot more than just being a swooning daddy's girl, and I ended up liking her, well, slightly more by the end of it, while still being put off by her stalkerish obsessions towards Toshi. I like that she's...

Bonus Episode 1 *taut There's an extra period there you might want to cut out. *aren't the nicest branch around So... this was kind of interesting, in that it marked the first change of format and transition in between arcs, and since the story has mostly been bound to Theran village...

Chapter 8 *only to? *for the fog? "Yes, I can't fault you for your edgy teenage atheism phase." Hmm, interesting cameo of Bruxi, since it does make me wonder about her attitude of these three Pokemon and whether she's protecting Nip in particular or is just trying to keep the pact up...

Chapter 6 Aw Anu, you widdle bundle of nerves, you. Hmm, I am sort of sceptical given what we know or don't know about Umbra so far, but that does seem in character for Nip. Chapter 7 Yup, probably should've thought that one through, Nip. Whoooooooooops. Yes, I guess he could live with...

Chapter 4 Whipped Toshi is whipped. Aww, how nice, he's praying to Yveltal in a moment of self reflection. Well, I wonder if he'll make good on his promise to start over and be left alone... ...or he could steal someone's unborn child in a facility full of people looking after it...

Chapter 3 I think you might want to add a comma or semi-colon before 'the occasional leaf...' Cute gushing from Shimmer aside, I was a bit confused by the lack of a dialogue tag, since Haru was the one who spoke before, making me think it was her saying that. Ah yes, Haru the edgy 14-year-old...

I don't really have much to say this time around except that it's a good continuing chapter, and all from the perspective of the Sneasel this time around! Nip seems like an interesting character, since he has a moral code of his own, appears to be on some sort of ascetic journey, and is a bit...

Yo! It's nice to see a new face on the forums! I'm woefully behind on starting new fics, so I thought I'd pop in and check this one out. I'll briefly mention a few bits and pieces I noticed throughout this first chapter, as well as things I just liked and wanted to add commentary to. So on the...