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Chapter 41 My brain really wants the comma there after "Alright". Also really wants a semicolon for that first comma. First person can definitely play a bit fast and loose with comma splices but in this case I feel like it'd just add clarity? :sadwott: Love her being reminded of that here...

Chapter 40 Nice. All according to his plan, eh? Oops, kind of a significant omission there. I enjoy that Stalker is a person to whom "I still need to utilize his strength for my plans" is simply a reasonable response to "Let my brother go." Obviously he's not doing that, because then his...

Chapter 39 Moltres's chosen, ladies and gentlemen I like this description, particularly the anxiety worming through my insides. And then Jade goes on to not tell them about it. That's pretty interesting. Jade isn't scared of what will happen if she tells them or anything, just thinks about...

Flashbacks It's great to see these at last! More buildup of the trio's relationship before it all comes to a head with chapters 23-25 is something the fic really needed, and I imagine it'll do a lot for new readers to get these nuggets, even if they may not quite understand the significance of...

Chapter 38 Slightly clunky repetition of 'air'. "City" twice here struck me a little too. I like this buildup a lot - we get a sense of the scope of what's going on and the anticipation of Shit Going Down. Think there's a word missing in "but the back of my mind". Something very Animorphs...

Back again, reviewing chapter 37! Only been like a year since my last actual review. I don't know, Jade, sounds like Ajia was in a pretty depressing place when chosen, too. Like, she sounds like she was totally lost and powerless. Couldn't say exactly how much trauma but I'm willing to bet it...

The opening here strikes me as a little long for a "frozen on the spot, barely able to think" moment - it kinda feels like Jade does get a lot of fairly calm-sounding, rational thinking in here, to a point where I start wondering why she isn't at least trying to run/hide/draw a...

I enjoy this bit of normal reaction to the level of bizarre things that are happening. This line ends in a comma rather than a period. Still kind of bonkers to think that Starr was the literal head of the combat unit at eighteen years old. Does this mean she's better than Raven and Ender? We...

I have arrived, to review... chapter 34, the first chapter I didn't properly review yet! Hoooopefully this is the start of me catching up on reviewing this on TR. The repetition of "It wasn't supposed to be this soon" feels awkward, possibly accidental? Technically it sounds like she's quoting...