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Pokémon You were only waiting for this moment to be free (oneshot)

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Torchic W. Pip

~ Utterly glorious ~
Location
Sootopolis City
Pronouns
they/he
Partners
  1. torchic
  2. custom/torchic-blue
A Facadeverse fic

None of this is my fault. It’s okay to cut toxic family out of my life. I will grow stronger.

Winona goes through some messy family drama. Wallace is there to help.

This oneshot was inspired by a review from @bluesidra on In the echo of the ocean/In the hunting of the wind and lots of realizations about toxic family. This oneshot didn't fix all of my problems, not do I expect it to, but at least it helped me process them.

That being said, any form of critique is welcome.

This fic focuses on abusive/toxic family and the repercussions of cutting them out. There's also some "mistaken for assault/rape/other nasty stuff", verbal and physical abuse, mentions of bigotry, and brief mentions of suicide.



It was supposed to be a normal dinner. A normal dinner for Winona to spend time with her family. Her parents and her sibling Bugsy lived in Johto, and her step sister Theresa lived in Alola. They didn't often have opportunities like this to be together. It was supposed to be a nice dinner.

But then it wasn't. It was a breaking point. It was a terrible storm that left her picking up the pieces long into the night. She could still feel her mother slamming the door in her faces. She could still hear Theresa's threats. Where was she supposed to go when her own family hated her?

Well, there was one place.

Perhaps it was cliché for Winona to be running to her significant other for family help, but she and Wallace leaned on each other for support, and they had been since they started dating. In their first years of dating, Wallace had been the one needing the most emotional support, but tonight, it was Winona's turn to need support.

Aurora flew down and landed on Mizoúgoro Plaza, Sootopolis City. Winona stepped off of her and, unable to speak a word of thanks, instead hugged her tightly. She eventually pulled away and returned Aurora to her Pokéball.

The words her mother and Theresa—especially Theresasaid to her stung like poisonous thorns, but it was the words she retaliated with that hurt the most. Why had Winona said those things? Why had Winona said those things?!?!

Her mental wounds from the "why" were infected with the "what": What would her father think of the things she said to her mother? What would Rina say to Bugsy and Anabel about the fight? What would Theresa say—or do—to her own daughter? Kahili was often used as Theresa's verbal punching bag, but after tonight...

Winona rubbed the tears out of her eyes. No. She had to be strong. She couldn't show weakness. Besides, she didn't want to cry herself to the point of dehydration.

She walked up a flight of stairs with shaky steps. She looked up at all of the whitewashed buildings to try to distract her mind from the anxiety spinning through her like a hurricane. Only a few of the houses still had lights on inside. Up the steps was a small, two story house. Night shrouded over the house and the city as a whole, but there was amber light coming from a window on the second floor.

Good. he was awake.

She rang the doorbell. As she waited for a response, she traced her fingers on the grooves carved into the brass. She looked up at the number plate: “90” hand painted in ultramarine on white wood, with a Milotic wrapping around the border.

After some time, the door opened.

“Winona?” Wallace was dressed in his usual shirt and pants, so he didn't seem to be getting ready for bed yet. “What are you doing here?” His eyes widened as his smile fell. “Darling, have you been crying?”

Winona collapsed on Wallace, letting tears overtake her again. He closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back.

-

Winona lay on the loveseat in the parlor, a navy, velvet blanket wrapped around her. The fireplace was aglow. Winona, being from Fortree City, wasn’t used to fireplaces, but the warmth of the fire, the crackling of the embers, the glow of the flames… it was like a hug full of love and comfort. Maybe Flannery had been on to something with being a Fire type trainer.

Wallace walked back into the parlor with a tray of tea and porcelain cups. He placed them on the coffee table in front of the sofa.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked as he sat next to Winona.

“I think so.” Winona sniffled quietly.

Wallace wrapped his arms around her. “That’s good to hear.” His voice was soothing; Winona related it to the autumn rain. Not a thunderstorm; the kind of autumn rain that one could read a book or take a nap to.

“What kind of tea is it?” Winona asked.

“Lavender mint rose. A custom blend I got just for you.”

At that, Winona chuckled. Wallace smiled and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Only the best for my wonderful lady.” Wallace's smile faded. “But you're not here for tea, are you? Something happened."

Winona shook her head. Yes, something had happened, but she couldn't speak ill about her mother and sister. They were her family. Sure, Wallace knew very well that Rina and Theresa didn't like him: from Rina's distrust of him and remarks that he was probably a drug dealer or criminal, to Theresa's racist and enbyphobic remarks towards him both in his face and behind his back, to both of them trying their hardest to convince Winona to break up with him.

"Nothing happened," Winona finally replied.

Wallace thought to himself for a second, probably trying to figure out what was bothering Winona. Then his eyes lit up with a familiar glow: the glow of joyous realization.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" Gasping with joy, he took Winona's hands and kissed her—several times, over and over. "Oh Winona, that's wonderful. We're going to be parents."

Winona couldn’t keep herself from smiling a little. For just a second, she could imagine that she was pregnant, that she and Wallace were going to have a child together. It didn't matter that they weren't married yet; they could be happy together, and Winona needed to be happy. So what if her mother wouldn’t approve of her being a mother before being a wife?

Right. Her mother.

The fantasy quickly faded. Winona wasn't pregnant. She wasn't a happy parent-to-be with Wallace. She wasn't happy. “I wish I was instead of…”

The glow in Wallace's faded.

“Did someone hurt you?” he asked.

"Well..." Winona gulped. “Sort of.”

Wallace immediately stood up, his expression and posture taking on a tranquil stoicism. His eyes lit up with a familiar, far less common, much more terrifying glow.

Wallace had a strict moral code, and among his personal commandments was one: thou shall not kill, unless someone has killed or grievously harmed his loved ones. Several things counted as grievous harm: the obvious permanent physical damage, driving someone to suicide, rape...

Wait.

"Wallace, it's not what you—"

“MACBETH!”

Winona flinched at the sharp, sudden rise in Wallace's voice. A few seconds later, his Tentacruel slunk into the room. Macbeth's eyes had a bloodthirsty glare, but it was the vengeance in Wallace's eyes that was much more potent. Wallace panted, and Winona's imagination made his teeth sharp as a Mawile's fangs.

“They'll pay, Winona,” he growled. "They'll pay for taking advantage of you with storms and poison. I'll tear them apart with my own hands if I must! Who hurt you?"

“Wallace, please! I don’t want you—”

“WHO HURT YOU?!” Wallace froze at the volume of his own voice. With a deep breath, he continued in a calmer tone and more prominent hand gestures: “Winona, none of this was your fault. Do not blame yourself for the evils of the perpetrator—”

Winona shook her head. “I promise it's not like that...”

Wallace paced back and forth across the parlor, biting his fingers to try to calm himself down. It wasn't working very well, seeing as he kept pacing faster. “I just need to know what happened and who did—”

“I’m the one who went to my mom’s house!”

Winona fell back into sobs. Harsh, uncontrollable sobs. There was silence otherwise for a minute or so. Wallace was still confused, but well... it didn't seem anything like that had happened. Something bad had happened, though, and whoever was responsible would still face hell—metaphorical, not literal.

"Winona..." Wallace's voice was a little softer.

“I’m the one who started the argument with my mom and Theresa!" Winona choked. "I'm the one who said they were ruining my life! I’m the one who said I hated them! I’m the one who said I never wanted to see them again! And I... I shouldn't have. They don't like you, they don't trust me, but they're family. I shouldn't have said such horrible things to them." She hiccuped and tried in vain to rub away the tears, but more came to replace them. “I kept trying to call them after dinner to say that I was sorry. My mom never responded, but the last thing Theresa said was ‘I hope you and that bird of yours die in a whorehouse’.”

Wallace’s anger dulled, but it didn’t disappear. More than anything, it had found a clear target: Winona's mother and sister. He nodded to Macbeth, who left the parlor. There wouldn't be murder and bloodshed, but there would be battling. Later.

After Macbeth left the two alone, Wallace walked back over to Winona and knelt in front of her.

“I can’t cut them out of my life," Winona whimpered. "They’re family. I can’t cut them out of my life. And what about my father? What about Bugsy? What about Kahili? If I cut out my mom and Theresa, what will happen to them? Why did I have to be such an awful person? Why didn’t I just listen? Why did I have to lash out? Why did I have to be such an awful daughter and sister?”

Wallace put his hand on Winona’s.

"And they know where I live! I'm the Gym Leader of Fortree City! I can't uproot my life! I can't—"

“Asteri mou." Wallace's voice was back to its tranquil, rainlike nature, and he was using his Sootopolitan Greek pet name for her. He often wrote her poetry and love letters in Greek, but that pet name for her was reserved only for special occasions. His voice became even softer when he spoke again: "Repeat after me: ‘None of this is my fault.’”

“‘None of this is…" Winona swallowed. "...None of this is my fault.’”

Wallace nodded. “‘It’s okay to cut toxic family out of my life.’”

“‘It’s okay to cut toxic family out of my life.’”

“‘I will grow stronger.’”

“‘I will grow stronger.’”

Wallace smiled. "There we go. We've got a start."

He got back onto the loveseat and hugged Winona again.

"Winona," he sighed, "I can't guarantee that this won't be hard, nor can I guarantee that this won't be messy. It will likely be both of those things."

"I know, I should stop crying—"

"No. Whatever you're feeling right now—relief, grief, retrospection—it's all perfectly fine to be feeling those things. Family has never been an easy thing, and it probably never will be. That's especially true for family like yours." Wallace sighed. "In a perfect world, every person grows up in a healthy, supportive family that gives them unconditional love. They don't have to second guess their memory because of the things their parents say. They don't feel worthless because of a sibling's comments. They don't feel like a burden. But... this isn't a perfect world.

"The best you can do is... surround yourself with those who do give you dignity and respect, those who do make you feel loved and valued. And if that doesn't include everyone or anyone you're related to by blood... that's okay."

He kissed Winona's cheek, letting his lips linger close to her ear.

"Take it one step at a time, and take care of yourself along the way. It's a long road ahead of you, but I promise it's worth it." He smiled. "And I'll do everything I can to accompany you every step of the way."

Winona finally reciprocated Wallace's hug.

"And maybe we can take in Bugsy and Kahili." Wallace added.

"What about Anabel?"

"She and Lucy can live with us if they want. And maybe Steven can too... We'll be one, big, happy family."

"A family? But what about—"

"Winona, there's an old Sootopolitan saying: 'Water is just as strong as blood'. When the family you were born into doesn't provide for our needs, we can find others who will. In your case, some of those people will be related to you: your siblings, Kahili, your father"—he chuckled a little—"Maybe me eventually. Others will be friends: the Gym Leaders, the Elite Four, Falkner, that one Gym Leader from Unova... Skyla, I believe was her name."

Wallace kissed the top of Winona. He looked down to see if she was doing better. She had stopped crying, so she seemed to be getting a bit better.

"Can I start by staying here until I figure out if I should move to a different house in Fortree City or Hoenn or whatever?" Winona asked.

"Of course. I would love to have you." Wallace chuckled a little. "It will be great practice for when we're married."

Winona nodded. Although she was starting to think about more pleasant things, she was still frowning.

"I have work tomorrow. What if my mom or Theresa come by?"

"You're the strongest Gym Leader I know. I'm sure you'll defend the fortress with ease. But if you need any help... well, I'll travel oceans and seas to fight by your side."

Winona nuzzled into the folds of Wallace's shirt. She was probably going to get tears and mucus on Wallace's clothes, and bodily fluids usually grossed Wallace out, but right now, he didn't care. His beloved was okay, and that's all that mattered.

She fell asleep not in tears, but with a smile. Things weren’t totally okay yet, but they were at least a little okay.

Wallace also dozed off with a smile.
 
Last edited:

Sinderella

Angy Tumbleweed
Staff
Location
In Guzma's Closet
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. custom/sylveon-shiny
  2. gothitelle
  3. froslass
  4. chandelure
Hey Torchic, happy catnip! This was an angsty little read that definitely put me in an angsty writing mood, so good shit!

I liked the overall nuance here--I liked the way the issue at hand was handled, and I like the way Winona and Wallace were characterized here. Wallace is definitely a simp for his lady in the absolute best possible way, and Winona is very clearly troubled by the emotional (and maybe physical?) abuse she suffers from at home. I know some people like this--they go through so much at the hands of people they're supposed to call family, and because their abusers are supposed to be family, they can't bring themselves to separate from it. It's a hard reality, and I really liked that Wallace was there to build Winona back up, give her a new place to live, and offer words of encouragement, support, and love in her time of dire need. You managed to get that across with mostly dialogue, which was pretty nice!

On a more critical note, I do think this piece was missing a lot of exposition. There was a great deal of dialogue, and great deal of powerful words being passed around, but it was kind of hard for me to pick up on the intensity of what was being said because I didn't really get a gist of how the characters were feeling, or what they were doing as they spoke. Essentially, I wanted to get more into their heads. I wanted to know more about what led up to the fight--I wanted to see Winona's thought process, what made her return home, why she felt the need to return home, I wanted to see her dwelling on the awful things that were said to her in the argument (whether it was about Wallace, about what Theresa said to her as she left, whatever it may be). I wanted more descriptors of how hard she was crying. Likewise, I wanted to see more of how he was reacting to it. You say he looked angry, so show that--does he grit his teeth? Does he raise his voice, maybe make her flinch then immediately feel bad for it? He calls Macbeth, yes, but give me the thought process behind that--does he want to make Winona's family pay for making Winona hurt so bad? Does he want to challenge them to a battle to show them up? Overall, there's a lot more meat that could be added here to really beef up the suspense and angst.

All in all, a bittersweet read. Thanks so much, and I'll see you around! :)

Line by lines:
a brass, rectangular doorbell with grooves carved in, grooves that Winona traced with her fingers to calm herself down.
You could stand to delete the bolded part and just say something like "Winona traced the grooves around the doorbell, hoping it would be enough to calm her down."

“Winona?” Wallace was dressed in his usual shirt and pants, so he didn't seem to be getting ready for bed yet. “What are you doing here?” His eyes widened as his smile fell. “Darling, have you been crying?”

Winona collapsed on Wallace, letting tears overtake her again. He closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back.
So this would have hit harder had we gotten some indication that Winona was sobbing on the way over. Was she sniffling? Was she wiping tears from her eye? Was she trying to compose herself at the door before ringing the bell?

(It was probably more akin to a tea table, seeing as Wallace never drank coffee.)
I notice you do some exposition through parenthesis a lot, and this is a habit you should probably look into breaking.

“I think so.” Winona sniffled quietly.
Comma instead of a period. Also, you can just say "she" because we know who's talking.

Wallace wrapped his arms around Winona.
*her

His voice was like the autumn rain. Not a thunderstorm; the kind of autumn rain that one could read a book or take a nap to.
This read a little oddly as a narrative description--perhaps revising it to be more in Winona's POV, like "His voice reminded her of the autumn rain..."

“What kind of tea is it?” Winona asked.

“Lavender mint rose. A custom blend I got just for you.” Wallace's smile faded. “But that's not why you're here, is it? Winona, what happened?”

“I can’t.”

“Are you pregnant? Winona, you know that even if we had a child outside of marriage, I would—”

Winona couldn’t keep herself from smiling a little. “No, but I wish I was instead of…”

“Did someone hurt you?”

"Well..." Winona gulped. “Sort of.”
This was a good back-and-forth, but I'd like to see some breaks.

Maybe Winona smiles after Wallace tells her about the tea. Wallace chuckles at her cute grin, but then he frowns and puts his hand on her cheek, then says "But you're not crying about tea, are you? What happened, love?"

Winona pauses and dwells more on what just happened. She opens her mouth to talk about it, but doesn't want to talk badly about her family, even after what happened. It's there that she says "I can't."

Wallace thinks a little on what could have her so upset. He probably blinks, sucks his teeth, kneels in front of her. "Honey, if you're pregnant...that's not--"

There Winona can't help but laugh. For a moment, she becomes blissful at the thought of it, and it brings her out of her angst as she thinks about how nice that would be instead of what actually happened. Then she answers. Wallace falls quiet again, and suddenly becomes more grim as he remembers that she has a tough home life.

And so on and so forth.

“Who hurt you?” he whispered.

“Wallace, please! I don’t want you—”

“Who hurt you?!”

“No one hurt me! It’s all my fault for—”

“Winona, none of this was your fault. Do not blame yourself for the evils of the perpetrator—”

“It’s not like that—”

“I just need to know what happened and who did—”

“I’m the one who went to my mom’s house!”

Winona fell back into sobs. There was silence otherwise for a minute or so.
This is a lot of dialogue with with no breaks. It's only the two of them, but I this is an intense convo, so I want to see some movement.

“Asteri mou." Wallace's voice was back to its tranquil, rainlike nature. It became even softer when he spoke again: "Repeat after me: ‘None of this is my fault.’”

“‘None of this is… is my fault.’”

“‘It’s okay to cut toxic family out of my life.’”

“‘It’s okay to cut toxic family out of my life.’”

“‘I will grow stronger.’”

“‘I will grow stronger.’”
"No. Whatever you're feeling right now—relief, grief, retrospection—it's all perfectly fine to be feeling those things. Family has never been an easy thing, and it probably never will be. That's especially true for family like yours." Wallace sighed. "In a perfect world, every person grows up in a healthy, supportive family that gives them unconditional love. They don't have to second guess their memory because of the things their parents say. They don't feel worthless because of a sibling's comments. They don't feel like a burden. But... this isn't a perfect world.

"The best you can do is... surround yourself with those who do give you dignity and respect, those who do make you feel loved and valued. And if that doesn't include everyone or anyone you're related to by blood... that's okay."
These were so sweet, omg.

"And maybe we can take in Bugsy and Kahili." Wallace added.

"What about Anabel?" Winona's smile was back.

"She and Lucy can live with us if they want. And maybe Steven can too... We'll be one, big, happy family."
Are they all related? Do they all live together? This kinda confused me.

Winona laughed, her voice pleasant like the trickling of a springtime river.
This was tough to parse because I can hardly fathom somebody who'd just been sobbing her eyes out would sound that pleasant.

"I have work tomorrow. What if my mom or Theresa comes by?"
*come
 

Torchic W. Pip

~ Utterly glorious ~
Location
Sootopolis City
Pronouns
they/he
Partners
  1. torchic
  2. custom/torchic-blue
Hey Torchic, happy catnip! This was an angsty little read that definitely put me in an angsty writing mood, so good shit!
Hell yeah I did good shit.
I liked the overall nuance here--I liked the way the issue at hand was handled, and I like the way Winona and Wallace were characterized here.
Hell yeah I characterized well.
Wallace is definitely a simp for his lady in the absolute best possible way,
Yes I believe in simp!Wallace.
and Winona is very clearly troubled by the emotional (and maybe physical?) abuse she suffers from at home.
It's Winona angst hours.
know some people like this--they go through so much at the hands of people they're supposed to call family, and because their abusers are supposed to be family, they can't bring themselves to separate from it. It's a hard reality, and I really liked that Wallace was there to build Winona back up, give her a new place to live, and offer words of encouragement, support, and love in her time of dire need. You managed to get that across with mostly dialogue, which was pretty nice!
Wrote a lot of this from experience/the heart.
On a more critical note, I do think this piece was missing a lot of exposition. There was a great deal of dialogue, and great deal of powerful words being passed around, but it was kind of hard for me to pick up on the intensity of what was being said because I didn't really get a gist of how the characters were feeling, or what they were doing as they spoke. Essentially, I wanted to get more into their heads. I wanted to know more about what led up to the fight--I wanted to see Winona's thought process, what made her return home, why she felt the need to return home, I wanted to see her dwelling on the awful things that were said to her in the argument (whether it was about Wallace, about what Theresa said to her as she left, whatever it may be). I wanted more descriptors of how hard she was crying. Likewise, I wanted to see more of how he was reacting to it. You say he looked angry, so show that--does he grit his teeth? Does he raise his voice, maybe make her flinch then immediately feel bad for it? He calls Macbeth, yes, but give me the thought process behind that--does he want to make Winona's family pay for making Winona hurt so bad? Does he want to challenge them to a battle to show them up? Overall, there's a lot more meat that could be added here to really beef up the suspense and angst.
Luckily, I've only posted this fic to TR (and not to AO3 and Bulbagarden yet), so I can happily (and easily) add more exposition. Throughout RB, I've realized I'm bad at exposition and the like. I'm certainly going to focus on getting better at that, starting with editing this fic.
I notice you do some exposition through parenthesis a lot, and this is a habit you should probably look into breaking.
Yeah, I better break it.
These were so sweet, omg.
Yay I wrote romance good!!!
Are they all related? Do they all live together? This kinda confused me.
Yeah I should probably add more exposition to that, but yee, they are all related.

Thank you for the feedback! Now I have the motivation to edit this!
 

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
Here for Review Blitz! I've been hitting your flocs a lot haven't I? It helps your chapters and oneshots are short, easy to digest reads, which makes them good for my tired neurodivergent brain and review binging.

That said this was a heavy read! Lots of very serous subject matter and strong emotions getting thrown around. But of course this is hurt-comfort so it all at least kinda sorta works out. I guess that's inevitable anyway, I don't actually READ that much hurt/comfort.

It starts with Wiona arguing with her family and if that is not a mood I don't know what is. Though at least she has Wallace. Wallace is a good boyfriend, except maybe he should be quicker to realize retaliation is not the best ooption here.mn Though uhm, apparently this MIGHT be all the result of Wiona being pregnant with her kid If so, akward.

I definitely like the scene where Wallace actively affirms and talks down Wiona - that is good shit, that is him being loving and supportive and kind and hnnnnnnnnng. And the sleep cute at the end. It is the chef of a kiss.

I guess I, kind of a masochist, DID kind of want to see the fight between Wioona and her family. It would have contextualized the whole thing a lot more, as well as showcasing them as characters (and as horrible, horrible people) and as I said, due to either bad reading comprehension on my end or it just not being there I kinda wasn't sure what the fight was even about aside from possibly the pregnancy, and this could help cement it more clearly.

But noice job on this oneshot! sad and cute at the same time.
 

Torchic W. Pip

~ Utterly glorious ~
Location
Sootopolis City
Pronouns
they/he
Partners
  1. torchic
  2. custom/torchic-blue
Here for Review Blitz! I've been hitting your flocs a lot haven't I?
Hey, I'm not complaining! I crave validation.
It helps your chapters and oneshots are short, easy to digest reads, which makes them good for my tired neurodivergent brain and review binging.
My (possibly) neurodivergent brain can't handle longer chapters either lol.
That said this was a heavy read! Lots of very serous subject matter and strong emotions getting thrown around. But of course this is hurt-comfort so it all at least kinda sorta works out. I guess that's inevitable anyway, I don't actually READ that much hurt/comfort.
yeeeeeeeee
It starts with Wiona arguing with her family and if that is not a mood I don't know what is. Though at least she has Wallace. Wallace is a good boyfriend, except maybe he should be quicker to realize retaliation is not the best ooption here.mn
As Sind said, we stan simp Wallace.
Though uhm, apparently this MIGHT be all the result of Wiona being pregnant with her kid If so, akward.
No, Winona's not pregnant yet, sadly. That was more an escapist fantasy
I definitely like the scene where Wallace actively affirms and talks down Wiona - that is good shit, that is him being loving and supportive and kind and hnnnnnnnnng. And the sleep cute at the end. It is the chef of a kiss.
(:
I guess I, kind of a masochist, DID kind of want to see the fight between Wioona and her family. It would have contextualized the whole thing a lot more, as well as showcasing them as characters (and as horrible, horrible people) and as I said, due to either bad reading comprehension on my end or it just not being there I kinda wasn't sure what the fight was even about aside from possibly the pregnancy, and this could help cement it more clearly.
I was trying to go more for a leaving what her family said up for the audience's interpretation, because sometimes the scariest thing is what we don't know. That being said, can I shill you my fic where Wallace meets Winona's family and it goes very bad
But noice job on this oneshot! sad and cute at the same time.
Thank you (:
 

ShiniGojira

Multiversal Extraordinaire
Location
Stranded In The Gaps between Multiverses
Pronouns
He/him/they/her
Partners
  1. custom/zorua-gojira
Hi, Torchic! Hope you're doing good! This read had left me thinking about a couple of things 'cause damn this was good.

Winona and the way she was characterised here made me feel for her 'cause man was the beginning depressing. Family should be something safe to be with, no one should feel like they're in danger with people they're supposed to trust.

But alas, life is like that sometimes and you just have to keep moving on just like Wallace said. Winona's situation was handled pretty well through how wonderful Wallace was to her. I love the message and how Winona's situation isn't just magically solved and is still blatantly there in the background but she has to learn to deal with it (with the help of friends, of course)

Anyway, here's some line-by-line thoughts:

Her parents and Bugsy lived in Johto
Bugsy and Winona are related? (or is it just your universe?)
Where was she supposed to go when her own family hated her
This line hits pretty damn hard.
Why had Winona said those things? Why had Winona said those things?!?!
Emotions, girl. Stress and emotions can get to ya. As long as you feel bad about it, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.
Winona collapsed on Wallace, letting tears overtake her again. He closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back.
Kind and loving BfWallace is great.
was like a hug full of love and comfort.
You deserve some love here after what'd happened, girl.
"Only the best for my wonderful lady. Wallace's smile faded. “But you're not here for tea, are you? Something happened."
Loving how observant he is.
It didn't married that they weren't married yet;
*Cough* *Cough* I think there's a typo here. The first 'married' is probably supposed to be mattered.
Wallace immediately stood up, his expression and posture taking on a tranquil stoicism. His eyes lit up with a familiar, far less common, much more terrifying glow. Winona had only seen that glow once: While walking around Lilycove City once, some drunkard had tried making sexual advances towards Winona.
Overprotective Wallace is sounding like a terrifying monster, dayum.
But... this isn't a perfect world.
No, no it's not but you'll be able to go through it with the support and love from others.

Water is just as strong as blood'.
Actually, I've read somewhere where the phrase 'Blood is thicker than water' is originally this 'The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb' so friends can certainly be much better than family if the family is treating you like you're worthless.

"The best you can do is... surround yourself with those who do give you dignity and respect, those who do make you feel loved and valued. And if that doesn't include everyone or anyone you're related to by blood... that's okay."

He kissed Winona's cheek, letting his lips linger close to her ear.

"Take it one step at a time, and take care of yourself along the way. It's a long road ahead of you, but I promise it's worth it." He smiled. "And I'll do everything I can to accompany you every step of the way."
It's okay to cut ties with someone if you think they're a detriment to your health, it's not a bad thing to take care of yourself before thinking of others. Helping yourself and keeping yourself healthy is much more important than helping others.

Anyway, thanks for the angst-filled read. It was cute and lovely. Wish you luck in whatever life's gonna throw at ya and take care!
 

Torchic W. Pip

~ Utterly glorious ~
Location
Sootopolis City
Pronouns
they/he
Partners
  1. torchic
  2. custom/torchic-blue
Hi, Torchic! Hope you're doing good! This read had left me thinking about a couple of things 'cause damn this was good.
Hi there! That's good to hear. Hope you're doing well!
Winona and the way she was characterised here made me feel for her 'cause man was the beginning depressing. Family should be something safe to be with, no one should feel like they're in danger with people they're supposed to trust.
THIS!
But alas, life is like that sometimes and you just have to keep moving on just like Wallace said. Winona's situation was handled pretty well through how wonderful Wallace was to her. I love the message and how Winona's situation isn't just magically solved and is still blatantly there in the background but she has to learn to deal with it (with the help of friends, of course)
I'm glad I did that part well
Bugsy and Winona are related? (or is it just your universe?)
In this universe, yee.
This line hits pretty damn hard.
(:
Emotions, girl. Stress and emotions can get to ya. As long as you feel bad about it, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Kind and loving BfWallace is great.
Glad everyone can agree.
Loving how observant he is.
Wallace is top tier boyfriend material
*Cough* *Cough* I think there's a typo here. The first 'married' is probably supposed to be mattered.
Thank you for pointing that out! Fixed it.
Overprotective Wallace is sounding like a terrifying monster, dayum.
Ohohoh, you don't even want to know
Actually, I've read somewhere where the phrase 'Blood is thicker than water' is originally this 'The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb' so friends can certainly be much better than family if the family is treating you like you're worthless.
So have I!
It's okay to cut ties with someone if you think they're a detriment to your health, it's not a bad thing to take care of yourself before thinking of others. Helping yourself and keeping yourself healthy is much more important than helping others.
Needed that today, friend.
Anyway, thanks for the angst-filled read. It was cute and lovely. Wish you luck in whatever life's gonna throw at ya and take care!
It's funny how you've gone from reading my fluffiest and most lighthearted fics to reading one of my angstier ones. Wonder what that means for the future huehuehue
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Ace Trainer
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
Heya, you gave me a heads-up that thus far, I've actually been batting uncharacteristically comedic for your fare. Well, I decided to dip my toes into some of your other stuff and... toxic family stuff, huh?

Well, blind reads have been serving me pretty well for shorter fare this Review Blitz. Let's see where this goes.

It was supposed to be a normal dinner. A normal dinner for Winona to spend time with her family. Her parents and Bugsy lived in Johto, and her step sister lived in Alola. They didn't often have opportunities like this to be together. It was supposed to be a nice dinner.


But then it wasn't. It was a breaking point. It was a terrible storm that left her picking up the pieces long into the night. She could still feel her mother slamming the door in her faces. She could still feel Theresa's threats. Where was she supposed to go when her own family hated her?

Well, that's certainly a much darker opening from the jump. Somehow I never pegged Winona as having such a messed-up family life.
:fearfullaugh~1:


Well, there was one place.



Aurora flew down and landed on Mizoúgoro Plaza. Winona stepped off of her and, unable to speak a word of thanks, instead hugged her tightly. She eventually pulled away and returned Aurora to her Pokéball.

I presume that this is set in your take on Sootopolis from the Hellenized 'Mizugorou' there. Granted, while I know about that from meta about you talking about on that Sootopolis take earlier this week, you probably want to spell that out to incoming readers, since... yeah, there's zero indication otherwise as to where this is all happening.

The words her mother and Theresa—especially Theresasaid to her stung like poisonous thorns, but it was the words she retaliated with that hurt the most. Why had Winona said those things? Why had Winona said those things?!?!

Because you were upset and people say things they regret when upset?
:gardeshrug:


Her mental wounds from the "why" were infected with the "what": What would her father think of the things she said to her mother? What would Rina say to Bugsy and Anabel about the fight? What would Theresa say—or do—to her own daughter?



Winona rubbed the tears out of her eyes. No. She had to be strong. She couldn't show weakness. Besides, she didn't want to cry herself to the point of dehydration.

Exactly nothing in that last paragraph sounded remotely healthy. ^^;

She walked up a flight of stairs with shaky steps. Up the steps was a small, two story house. Night shrouded over the house and the city as a whole, but there was amber light coming from a window on the second floor.



Good. he was awake.



She rang the doorbell. As she waited for a response, she traced her fingers on the grooves carved into the brass. She looked up at the number plate: “90” hand painted in ultramarine on white wood, with a Milotic wrapping around the border.

Reminding me a lot of the times I was in Thira in the past. Though it's not exactly unfitting for a story set in Sootopolis.

After some time, the door opened.



“Winona?” Wallace was dressed in his usual shirt and pants, so he didn't seem to be getting ready for bed yet. “What are you doing here?” His eyes widened as his smile fell. “Darling, have you been crying?”



Winona collapsed on Wallace, letting tears overtake her again. He closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back.

Oh so this is the safe place that was being alluded to. I have to wonder if it'd have made more sense to hint and built up to this before revealing that Wallace is Winona's confidante she trusts the most. Something like showing her scanning the various whitewashed buildings in the area since she's in a Thira expy and then eventually settling in on Wallace's house. It's also a convenient means for providing an excuse to show off a bit more of your setting and how it ticks.

Winona lay on the loveseat in the parlor, a navy, velvet blanket wrapped around her. The fireplace was aglow. Winona, being from Fortree City, wasn’t used to fireplaces, but the warmth of the fire, the crackling of the embers, the glow of the flames… it was like a hug full of love and comfort. Maybe Flannery was getting on to had been onto something with being a Fire type trainer.

Or, you could just train a Talonflame. Just saying.

Wallace walked back into the parlor with a tray of tea and porcelain cups. He placed them on the coffee table in front of the sofa.



“Are you feeling any better?” he asked as he sat next to Winona.



“I think so.” Winona sniffled quietly.



Wallace wrapped his arms around her. “That’s good to hear.” His voice was soothing; Winona related it to the autumn rain. Not a thunderstorm; the kind of autumn rain that one could read a book or take a nap to.

I feel as if it might have made sense to get some hints as to how Winona wound up getting this close to Wallace since... yeah, it feels like there's a story behind this, but it's not really told in any capacity.

“What kind of tea is it?” Winona asked.



“Lavender mint rose. A custom blend I got just for you.”



At that, Winona chuckled. Wallace smiled and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

Winona: "Though how did you know to get it for me?"
Wallace: "Er... well you have a way of coming here frequently."
:fearfullaugh~1:


"Only the best for my wonderful lady. Wallace's smile faded. “But you're not here for tea, are you? Something happened."



Winona shook her head. Yes, something had happened, but she couldn't speak ill about her mother and sister. They were her family. Sure, Wallace knew very well that Rina and Theresa didn't like him: from Rina's distrust of him, to Theresa's racist and ceterophobic remarks towards them, to both of them trying their hardest to convince Winona to break up with him.

Is that supposed to be heterophobic there? Since... yeah, I don't quite get what that is saying there. As for these remarks, something feels like there should be more concrete details behind them. Since we're not really given any indication of what about Theresa's remarks are offensive, just that they are and that they happened. Like they don't necessarily need to be repeated verbatim, but it does feel like there's some missing context here.

"Nothing happened," Winona finally replied.



Wallace's eyes lit up with a familiar glow: the glow of joyous realization. "You're pregnant, aren't you?" He took Winona's hands and kissed her—several times, over and over. "Oh Winona, that's wonderful."

That... admittedly kinda came out of left field for me. This feels like something that should have been hinted at and built up towards throughout the earlier bit of the story, since... yeah, if this came up in the fight Winona had with her mother, or if it's something linked to her fears of facing her, you kinda want to show it affecting her state of mind and set the ground for this reveal here.

Winona couldn’t keep herself from smiling a little. For just a second, she could imagine that she was pregnant, that she and Wallace were going to have a child together. It didn't matter that they weren't married yet; they could be happy together.



But that fantasy quickly faded. “No, but I wish I was instead of…”



The glow in Wallace's faded.



“Did someone hurt you?”



"Well..." Winona gulped. “Sort of.”

Wallace: "..."
:sceptical:

Winona: "Okay fine, someone did." >_>;

Wallace immediately stood up, his expression and posture taking on a tranquil stoicism. His eyes lit up with a familiar, far less common, much more terrifying glow. Winona had only seen that glow once: While walking around Lilycove City once, some drunkard had tried making sexual advances towards Winona. Had it not been for police coming in to arrest the drunkard, Wallace would have dyed his pristine white clothes in his the drunkard's blood.


But now the glow was burning brighter, which likely meant that Wallace thought someone had done much worse.



“MACBETH!”



Winona flinched at the sharp, sudden rise in Wallace's voice. A few seconds later, his Tentacruel slunk into the room. Macbeth's eyes had a bloodthirsty glare, but it was the vengeance in Wallace's eyes that was much more potent. Wallace panted, and Winona's imagination made his teeth sharp as a Mawile's fangs.



“They'll pay, Winona,” he growled. "They'll pay for what they did with storms and poison. I'll tear them apart with my own hands if I must! Who hurt you?"

Well that's at once a touching and really, really concerning emotional bond there. ^^;

Winona: "I'm... not sure if I want to answer the question anymore."
:fearfullaugh~1:


“Wallace, please! I don’t want you—”



“WHO HURT YOU?!” Wallace froze at the volume of his own voice. With a deep breath, he continued in a calmer tone and more prominent hand gestures: “Winona, none of this was your fault. Do not blame yourself for the evils of the perpetrator—”



Winona shook her head. “I promise it's not like that...”

Winona: "Also if you play vigilante... you're kinda going to be watching your baby grow up from prison."
:fearfullaugh~1:

Wallace: "... Okay, walk me through what's going on then?"

Wallace paced back and forth across the parlor, biting his fingers to try to calm himself down. It wasn't working very well, seeing as he kept pacing faster. “I just need to know what happened and who did—”



“I’m the one who went to my mom’s house!”



Winona fell back into sobs. Harsh, uncontrollable sobs. There was silence otherwise for a minute or so. Wallace was still confused, but well... it didn't seem anything like that had happened. Something bad had happened, though, and whoever was responsible would still face hell.

I see that it's not just Winona's relationship with her parents that's unhealthy. :V

"Winona..." Wallace's voice was a little softer.



“I’m the one who started the argument with my mom and Theresa!" Winona choked. "I'm the one who said they were ruining my life! I’m the one who said I hated them! I’m the one who said I never wanted to see them again! And I... I shouldn't have. They don't like you, they don't trust me, but they're family. I shouldn't have said such horrible things to them." She hiccuped and tried in vain to rub away the tears, but more came to replace them. “I kept trying to call them after dinner to say that I was sorry. My mom never responded, but the last thing Theresa said was ‘I hope you and that bird of yours die in a whorehouse’.”



Wallace’s anger dulled, but it didn’t disappear. More than anything, it had found a clear target: Winona's mother and sister. He nodded to Macbeth, who left the parlor. There wouldn't be bloodshed, but there would be battling. Later, that is.



After Macbeth left the two alone, Wallace walked back over to Winona and knelt in front of her.



“I can’t cut them out of my life," Winona whimpered. "They’re family. I can’t cut them out of my life. And what about my father? What about Bugsy? What about Kahili? If I cut out my mom and Theresa, what will happen to them? Why did I have to be such an awful person? Why didn’t I just listen? Why did I have to lash out? Why did I have to be such an awful daughter and sister?”

Wallace: "Winona, I'm pretty sure that this is just a depressive spiral talking right about now." .-.

Wallace put his hand on Winona’s.



"And they know where I live! I'm the Gym Leader of Fortree City! I can't uproot my life! I can't—"



Asteri mou." Wallace's voice was back to its tranquil, rainlike nature. It became even softer when he spoke again: "Repeat after me: ‘None of this is my fault.’”

Is there a word for someone who's cute but concerning? Cuterning? Since it feels like this take of Wallace fits that mold quite well. Though... yeah, this is part of the reason why you want to give background details to your incarnation of Sootopolis as part of your story, or else as part of your Author's Notes if it's something established in the main work this One-Shot is attached to if it can't logically be fit in there without devouring the plot. Since otherwise, yeah, Wallace fawning over Winona in Greek there will fly over your audience's heads without it since while it's not an unfitting take for Sootopolis and its residents, it's not one that's hard canon or widely dispersed in the fandom at this point in time.

“‘None of this is… is my fault.’”



“‘It’s okay to cut toxic family out of my life.’”



“‘It’s okay to cut toxic family out of my life.’”



“‘I will grow stronger.’”



“‘I will grow stronger.’”



Wallace smiled. "There we go. We've got a start."

Okay, so it's a general trend, but most noticeable here, but you want to work in some more description here and there, especially for bits of dialogue that otherwise require context to be disambiguated. Since you want it to be crystal clear that the audience understands which of these lines are Wallace's and which are Winona's. And one of the easiest ways of accomplishing that is just slipping in short paragraphs here and there that show off both sides' relative states of mind.

He got back onto the loveseat and hugged Winona again.



"Winona, I can't guarantee that this won't be hard, nor can I guarantee that this won't be messy. It will likely be both of those things."



"I know, I should stop crying—"



"No. Whatever you're feeling right now—relief, grief, retrospection—it's all perfectly fine to be feeling those things. Family has never been an easy thing, and it probably never will be. That's especially true for family like yours." Wallace sighed. "In a perfect world, every person grows up in a healthy, supportive family that gives them unconditional love. They don't have to second guess their memory because of the things their parents say. They don't feel worthless because of a sibling's comments. They don't feel like a burden. But... this isn't a perfect world.

You know, when he's not about to storm off and murder others that harass the love of his life, this Wallace can be surprisingly insightful. ^^

"The best you can do is... surround yourself with those who do give you dignity and respect, those who do make you feel loved and valued. And if that doesn't include everyone or anyone you're related to by blood... that's okay."

He kissed Winona's cheek, letting his lips linger close to her ear.

"Take it one step at a time, and take care of yourself along the way. It's a long road ahead of you, but I promise it's worth it." He smiled. "And I'll do everything I can to accompany you every step of the way."

And touching, too. Though you want to keep your spacing consistent throughout your story, since everything except these prior two blocks has been doubly double spaced. I personally prefer the format for this block, but either way, the whole story should be consistent about which of the two is used.

Winona finally reciprocated Wallace's hug.


"And maybe we can take in Bugsy and Kahili." Wallace added.



"What about Anabel?"



"She and Lucy can live with us if they want. And maybe Steven can too... We'll be one, big, happy family."

Winona: "Wait, do either of us even have blood relation to Steven?" .-.
Wallace: "No, but I just went on a big lecture about how that wasn't the end-all-be-all." ^^;

"A family? But what about—"


"Winona, there's an old Sootopolitan saying: 'Water is just as strong as blood'. When the family you were born into doesn't provide for our needs, we can find others who will. In your case, some of those people will be related to you: your siblings, Kahili, your father"—he chuckled a little—"Maybe me eventually. Others will be friends: the Gym Leaders, the Elite Four, Falkner, that one Gym Leader from Unova... Skyla, I believe was her name."


Wallace kissed the top of Winona. He looked down to see if she was doing better. She had stopped crying, so she seemed to be getting a bit better.

Wallace: "Just... let's not meet up with your mother anytime soon, hm?" ^^;
Winona: "Yes, that... would probably be wise."
:fearfullaugh~1:


"Can I start by staying here until I figure out if I should move to a different house in Fortree City or Hoenn or whatever?" Winona asked.



"Of course. I would love to have you." Wallace chuckled a little. "It will be great practice for when we're married."


Winona nodded. Although she was starting to think about more pleasant things, she was still frowning.

Wallace: "Hm? Is something the matter?" :?

"I have work tomorrow. What if my mom or Theresa come by?"



"You're the strongest Gym Leader I know. I'm sure you'll defend the fortress with ease. But if you need any help... well, I'll travel oceans and seas to fight by your side."



Winona nuzzled into the folds of Wallace's shirt. She was probably going to get tears and mucus on Wallace's clothes, and bodily fluids usually grossed Wallace out, but right now, he didn't care. His beloved was okay, and that's all that mattered.

Wallace: "(... Thankfully I have like 50 other shirts just like these, since... yeah, this is kinda a mess.)" ^^;

She fell asleep not in tears, but with a smile. Things weren’t totally okay yet, but they were at least a little okay.



Wallace also dozed off with a smile.

And then they lived happily ever after. Minus Winona's mother mysteriously turning up dead about a month later. :V

Alright, for my overall thoughts.

It was definitely a darker piece, as you advertised. It definitely had its cuter moments, though Wallace's whole "charge off to cut down Winona's offenders" bit somehow felt... more mercurial than healthy. Like I get what it was going for there, but something about it gave off some somewhat yandere vibes, and I'm not sure if those were fully intended.

The main criticism that I have beyond what I've already outlined in this review, is that the story... kinda has trouble standing up on its own without foreknowledge of how Facadeverse's setting works. Like the entire time in the story, there's no explicit mention that things in this story are happening in Sootopolis City, let alone mentions or hints at some of the defining features of your setting's take on that place. Ditto with the family connections that Winona has to various figures. Those are details that you ideally want to communicate to the reader somehow, or else if they're firmly established in another story in your broader setting, have them mentioned in your Author's Notes.

Sorry if it wasn't as positive a review as you were hoping for, but I hope the feedback is helpful for you @Torchic . You've got a lovely setting there, just be sure to take the time to show it off a bit more thoroughly in your stories. It both helps bring them alive, and grounds things that happen in them with extra context that is otherwise missing if absent.
 

Torchic W. Pip

~ Utterly glorious ~
Location
Sootopolis City
Pronouns
they/he
Partners
  1. torchic
  2. custom/torchic-blue
Heya, you gave me a heads-up that thus far, I've actually been batting uncharacteristically comedic for your fare. Well, I decided to dip my toes into some of your other stuff and... toxic family stuff, huh?
hehehe
Well, blind reads have been serving me pretty well for shorter fare this Review Blitz. Let's see where this goes.
oh boy
Well, that's certainly a much darker opening from the jump. Somehow I never pegged Winona as having such a messed-up family life.
I read that comment very wrong lol

Because you were upset and people say things they regret when upset?
People died when they are killed
Exactly nothing in that last paragraph sounded remotely healthy. ^^;
Oh boy, you're going to have so much fun reading about these two
Reminding me a lot of the times I was in Thira in the past. Though it's not exactly unfitting for a story set in Sootopolis.
I read this as "I was Thira". I need sleep.
Oh so this is the safe place that was being alluded to. I have to wonder if it'd have made more sense to hint and built up to this before revealing that Wallace is Winona's confidante she trusts the most. Something like showing her scanning the various whitewashed buildings in the area since she's in a Thira expy and then eventually settling in on Wallace's house. It's also a convenient means for providing an excuse to show off a bit more of your setting and how it ticks.
I presume that this is set in your take on Sootopolis from the Hellenized 'Mizugorou' there. Granted, while I know about that from meta about you talking about on that Sootopolis take earlier this week, you probably want to spell that out to incoming readers, since... yeah, there's zero indication otherwise as to where this is all happening.
The main criticism that I have beyond what I've already outlined in this review, is that the story... kinda has trouble standing up on its own without foreknowledge of how Facadeverse's setting works. Like the entire time in the story, there's no explicit mention that things in this story are happening in Sootopolis City, let alone mentions or hints at some of the defining features of your setting's take on that place. Ditto with the family connections that Winona has to various figures. Those are details that you ideally want to communicate to the reader somehow, or else if they're firmly established in another story in your broader setting, have them mentioned in your Author's Notes.
As for these remarks, something feels like there should be more concrete details behind them. Since we're not really given any indication of what about Theresa's remarks are offensive, just that they are and that they happened. Like they don't necessarily need to be repeated verbatim, but it does feel like there's some missing context here.
I feel as if it might have made sense to get some hints as to how Winona wound up getting this close to Wallace since... yeah, it feels like there's a story behind this, but it's not really told in any capacity.
That... admittedly kinda came out of left field for me. This feels like something that should have been hinted at and built up towards throughout the earlier bit of the story, since... yeah, if this came up in the fight Winona had with her mother, or if it's something linked to her fears of facing her, you kinda want to show it affecting her state of mind and set the ground for this reveal here.
Is there a word for someone who's cute but concerning? Cuterning? Since it feels like this take of Wallace fits that mold quite well. Though... yeah, this is part of the reason why you want to give background details to your incarnation of Sootopolis as part of your story, or else as part of your Author's Notes if it's something established in the main work this One-Shot is attached to if it can't logically be fit in there without devouring the plot. Since otherwise, yeah, Wallace fawning over Winona in Greek there will fly over your audience's heads without it since while it's not an unfitting take for Sootopolis and its residents, it's not one that's hard canon or widely dispersed in the fandom at this point in time.
Okay, so it's a general trend, but most noticeable here, but you want to work in some more description here and there, especially for bits of dialogue that otherwise require context to be disambiguated. Since you want it to be crystal clear that the audience understands which of these lines are Wallace's and which are Winona's. And one of the easiest ways of accomplishing that is just slipping in short paragraphs here and there that show off both sides' relative states of mind.
Gonna be addressing all of these at once:
Yeah, I need to get better at exposition. Part of me worries about repeating things, but given the choice between confusing my reader and boring them with exposition they already know, I would much prefer the latter if it means making my fics stand well on their own (and making it easy to read them in whatever order).
Or, you could just train a Talonflame. Just saying.
Fixed the typo Funny enough, I once wrote a fic about Winona fangirling over Malva’s Talonflame, though given my future plans for Malva in other fics…

Winona: "Though how did you know to get it for me?"
Wallace: "Er... well you have a way of coming here frequently."
"You have a lot of problems, honey."
Is that supposed to be heterophobic there? Since... yeah, I don't quite get what that is saying there.
No, it's ceterophobic, not heterophobic. Ceterophobia is discrimination towards nonbinary people, though I probably should have made that more clear.
Winona: "Also if you play vigilante... you're kinda going to be watching your baby grow up from prison."
:fearfullaugh~1:

Wallace: "... Okay, walk me through what's going on then?"
Wallace: "It's not illegal if you don't get caught."
Well that's at once a touching and really, really concerning emotional bond there. ^^;

Winona: "I'm... not sure if I want to answer the question anymore."
:fearfullaugh~1:
Gonna need to add some context to yandere Wallace lol
Wallace: "Winona, I'm pretty sure that this is just a depressive spiral talking right about now." .-.
Wallace: "Is this what Victoria feels like when I trauma dump to her?"
You know, when he's not about to storm off and murder others that harass the love of his life, this Wallace can be surprisingly insightful. ^^
yes
And touching, too. Though you want to keep your spacing consistent throughout your story, since everything except these prior two blocks has been doubly double spaced. I personally prefer the format for this block, but either way, the whole story should be consistent about which of the two is used.
oh fuck I didn't realize.
Winona: "Wait, do either of us even have blood relation to Steven?" .-.
Wallace: "No, but I just went on a big lecture about how that wasn't the end-all-be-all." ^^;
Wallace: "Also he's our friend with benefit so it's all good."
Wallace: "(... Thankfully I have like 50 other shirts just like these, since... yeah, this is kinda a mess.)" ^^;
Can't mess up a shirt if you don't wear one
It was definitely a darker piece, as you advertised. It definitely had its cuter moments, though Wallace's whole "charge off to cut down Winona's offenders" bit somehow felt... more mercurial than healthy. Like I get what it was going for there, but something about it gave off some somewhat yandere vibes, and I'm not sure if those were fully intended.
I might need to work that bit out a bit more
Sorry if it wasn't as positive a review as you were hoping for, but I hope the feedback is helpful for you @Torchic . You've got a lovely setting there, just be sure to take the time to show it off a bit more thoroughly in your stories. It both helps bring them alive, and grounds things that happen in them with extra context that is otherwise missing if absent.
Thanks for the feedback, friend! I truly appreciate it.
 
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canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. custom/inkay-shirlee
  2. custom/houndoom-elliot
  3. custom/yamask-joanna
forgot to post this yesterday but here you go! a smeargle for you

winonasmeargle.png

(on deviantart)
 

CinderArts

Bug Catcher
Location
Sandgem Town
Pronouns
He!
Partners
  1. cinderace
Hey there! So here I am, finally got the time to read one of your stories! I remember this one very well, I think you showed this to me last December 2021 before you uploaded it in the forums and I'd like to say that the final version of your story turned out really great! Much more improved from the initial draft that I've read last year :quag:

So, for the story: This one hits a bit close to where the heart is, and I definitely sympathize with Winona. The way you portrayed her family as abusive and showing disregard for Winona's feelings felt real. Almost too real. Winona and Wallace's relationship is so adorable, it goes to show that they're meant for each other despite her family's disapproval and disdain for Wallace. And that bit where Wallace spoke about family, it's really sweet. Although this story is a oneshot, it definitely has potential to become a story with more than one chapter. The angst, romance and all-around bittersweet feelings are just ripe for a chaptered story!
She fell asleep not in tears, but with a smile. Things weren’t totally okay yet, but they were at least a little okay.

Wallace also dozed off with a smile.
This could use a little bit more words, though you don't necessarily have to! Just a suggestion! Something like "And Wallace, too, had dozed off with a matching smile." Again, just a personal suggestion! :quag:


"I have work tomorrow. What if my mom or Theresa come by?"
Another personal suggestion "But I have work tomorrow. What if my mom or Theresa were to pay me a visit?"

Overall, it's a bittersweet read! Some things in the story feel a bit grounded, some don't, but it's enough for it to stand on its own two feet! (Metaphorically) I hope my review helps, and that it can make you feel more motivated with writing your future stories!
 

Joshthewriter

Charizard Fan
Location
Toronto
Pronouns
He
This is a sharp change of pace from all the happy fics I’ve been reading today. It’s also about something that my wife and I have some serious experience with.

Messy families… they’re messy, eh?

The “why did I say those things?” … damn do I feel that line. The entire thing, the process after a huge fight like that, the realization that you can actually cut toxic family out of your life... It all just hits so so close to home. This is a fantastic (albeit slightly depressing) portrayal of the process.

I must say, as someone who’s had to be “that guy”, the way you wrote Wallace as this super supportive and loving, and above all else protective boyfriend was amazing. I saw someone refer to it as him ”simping“ for Winona, which is hilariously accurate and also what you should be doing! If you ain’t simping over your lady, then you ain’t doing it properly! (I say this as a complete and utter simp for Mrs. Writer)

My only real “complaint“ is that there weren’t really any pokemon other than a tentacruel lurking in the corner. I get it though. It really wasn’t the point of this story.

Overall, a touching, utterly real look at family dynamics that I’m sure was both difficult and cathartic to write! Great work!
 
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Torchic W. Pip

~ Utterly glorious ~
Location
Sootopolis City
Pronouns
they/he
Partners
  1. torchic
  2. custom/torchic-blue
Hey there! So here I am, finally got the time to read one of your stories! I remember this one very well, I think you showed this to me last December 2021 before you uploaded it in the forums and I'd like to say that the final version of your story turned out really great! Much more improved from the initial draft that I've read last year :quag:
Hello there! Good to see you again, and good to know that there's been an improvement over the multiples edits I've made over the course of this fic's existence.
So, for the story: This one hits a bit close to where the heart is, and I definitely sympathize with Winona. The way you portrayed her family as abusive and showing disregard for Winona's feelings felt real. Almost too real. Winona and Wallace's relationship is so adorable, it goes to show that they're meant for each other despite her family's disapproval and disdain for Wallace. And that bit where Wallace spoke about family, it's really sweet. Although this story is a oneshot, it definitely has potential to become a story with more than one chapter. The angst, romance and all-around bittersweet feelings are just ripe for a chaptered story!
Luckily, this fic is a shared universe, meaning it has the perks of being a oneshot and a chaptered fic (in theory at least).
Overall, it's a bittersweet read! Some things in the story feel a bit grounded, some don't, but it's enough for it to stand on its own two feet! (Metaphorically) I hope my review helps, and that it can make you feel more motivated with writing your future stories!
Thank you so much friend! Glad you could stop by (:
This is a sharp change of pace from all the happy fics I’ve been reading today. It’s also about something that my wife and I have some serious experience with.
Messy families… they’re messy, eh?
Oh boy are they ever. I won't go into too much detail here, but a lot of the feelings here come from personal experience (not the telling my family to screw off and having a loving boyfriend to comfort me, but a lot of the complex feelings of having family who's supposed to love you... not love you, among other things).
The “why did I say those things?” … damn do I feel that line. The entire thing, the process after a huge fight like that, the realization that you can actually cut toxic family out of your life... It all just hits so so close to home. This is a fantastic (albeit slightly depressing) portrayal of the process.
No ever said cutting out family would be simple and clean :unquag:
I must say, as someone who’s had to be “that guy”, the way you wrote Wallace as this super supportive and loving boyfriend was amazing. I saw someone refer to it as him ”simping“ for Winona, which is hilariously accurate and also what you should be doing! If you ain’t simping over your lady, then you ain’t doing it properly!
Yes simp Wallace club simp Wallace club

My only real “complaint“ is that there weren’t really any pokemon other than a tentacruel lurking in the corner. I get it though. It really wasn’t the point of this story.
Poor Macbeth will get a chance to shine. One day.
Overall, a touching, utterly real look at family dynamics that I’m sure was both difficult and cathartic to write! Great work!
Glad to see you come by and review one of my fics. Means a lot to me. ❤️
 
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