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Pokémon Vulpine Valentine

Deltaaa

Custom title:
Location
The Moon
Pronouns
Any
(1/2) also old, second part will be finished with <details at end>

In a cold, freezing den; an Alolan Vulpix yawned after she woke up from a hearty nap. What to Aria was a nap is for others a full-night’s rest. Sure, it was a rest from evening to morning, but that’d have to discount her prior nap from morning to midday just a few hours ago.

She looked around her small home, rummishing for a treat.

The room was brown from dirt. It was a big den, really. Her father had carved it out for her on her 16th birthday. Aria relished in making it her own by buying a striped, green carpet that she was standing on at the moment. It covered up most of the den’s flooring. At the back right corner of the den was a flame covered mostly by rocks, just enough holes to get a decent view of her surroundings. The flame would not go out for a long time, it was created by a Lampent that she paid. Their flames took a long time to die out. Plus, they’d only flare up when people were around them! It wasn’t top class, but she loved the drowsing warmth at night.

In the exact opposite corner of the den was her treats. She wanted to keep them cold, so she usually created a small chill with her Frost Breath technique, though sometimes she went overboard and… yeah, her teeth aren’t invincible to ice either, y’know.

The last thing in her den to note was the makeshift calendar on the back wall. She had and will have to continue erasing her work, but every month she writes out the month and scratches out a mark, taking note of the month and day of the year. It was important for, in Vesia Village, the planned events were seemingly endless.

Aria’s vanilla tail shook as she took a long stretch. Her muscles woke up, finally. And they were ready to fetch that apple she saved for later, and she had full intentions to chomp it right down. Then she groggily remembered the calendar and quickly checked the light by her door. She’d gone to sleep when it was dark, making today a new one.

Aria slowly walked towards the wall, trying to be careful. One slip up and it’d take forever to fix. She carefully carried her dullish claws up to the already carved marks, and to the right of the last created a new one with a quick, efficient strike.

“One, two, three, four…” She sang the numbers to herself in a lazy fashion, sometimes upping her pitch to retain her energy. Aria was too sleepy for her own good.

“Fourteen. Fourteenth of February, I see,” she held a paw to her chin, thinking about if there was anything special today.

“Hm. Oh, Valentines Day.”

Aria seemed calm for a moment before a sense of dread overcame her. Her eyes bulged while she dropped in the middle of the carpet and started erratically skidding around.

“Aaagggghhh!”

Valentines Day. No gifts, and I forget, and Neyra definitely remembered, I’m so screweeeeeed!

Aria ended up wrapped in her makeshift blanket. A teeny bit of dirt got in her fur from the underside of her carpet, but that was something to dread in another minute. Now was time to dread every minute of the day.

The Vulpix took a minute to calm down before squirming out of her makeshift body-prison, and after a second of thought, she walked out the gloomy cave to the daytime sunlight.

Urk, that’s bright. Aria complained in her thoughts. It was terribly light out this Valentines, all the snow that usually covered the forest was slowly melting. Slowly. She reckoned it’d be a while before it all melted, maybe by sundown. Surrounding her home were many tall trees and other dens she could spot. It was all smack-dab in the middle of a larger forest, a clearing with much less cramping than the rest, a place where she and many varieties of Pokemon called home.

Aria stepped onto the oval-shaped dirt road, the Ground-types in the village often were able to push the snow to the side with blunt force and clever Bulldoze techniques. In the middle of the whole clearing were a few trees with a small, lit torch in the middle. It signified to anyone who stumbled their way in that this is a civilized place, and it provided smoke to help navigate the forest.

Sure, many Pokemon in the wild are civil, but many don’t want to work or be bothered with society. A traditional life they want, Aria supposed, and she didn’t fault them for it.

Aria took another stretch, lifting her left back leg and front right, yawning. She needed to shake off all of that exhaustion. She felt her head fur slump a bit more.

Okay, maybe not literally shake.

It was time to check if Neyra was still at home, and if any gifts for Valentines Day were still available. She decided to check for gifts first, because that was much more timed, she thought. Supplies for items aren’t so hot in forests. Aria walked to her left, where the marketplace was. She saw some other Pokemon, all of which seemingly dejected. She winced at the possibility of break-ups on Valentines. She looked down at her feet while thinking about it, leading to a big bump in the road. Aria fell back and realized that it wasn’t a mere rock she walked into, but one of those dejected Pokemon- a Drilbur. She felt her fur get damp on her right side, and it started to get caked with dirt. Ugh, mud.

“S-sorry, ma’am!” the Drilbur apologized, putting his spike-claws together as to beg for forgiveness.

“N-no, my bad, I wasn’t looking where I was going…” The Vulpix stood up slowly.

The Drilbur seemed confused.

“O-oh… I wasn’t looking where I was going either… My Valentines Day hasn’t been, uh, it’s got my head spinnin’.”

Well, you are a Drilbur, so- Aria shook her head, not the time to think about the nature of puns.

“Ah, we’re both a bit at fault…” She looked at him, and he cowered a bit. “... Mm, if you feel that bad about it, can you tell me if you’ve seen Neyra around? That’ll uh,” Aria swallowed, now realizing that half of her fur was dried mud now. “Settle our ‘debts’.” She cringed a bit at herself, but she was just trying to be gentle to the Drilbur- he already seemingly had a rough day, no need to keep this on his bad consciousness too.

The Drilbur seemed to perk up at the thought of helping her out. Loved helping, possibly. He put a drill to his head and tapped his noggin repeatedly.

“The fire Vulpix, right?” Drilbur asked, she nodded. “Ooh, date time? Sounds fun. A-anywho. Hm, ah, mm, uh, no. Wait, yeah uhhhh, mm, no. Wait, yes! I did see him!” Drilbur clapped his spikes together with a smile.

“What was he doing?”

“Uhh, I didn’t pay too much attention, but I saw him buying an Oran Berry heart-themed salad, and some never-melt-ice.”

Aria blushed. Those are two of her favorite things in the world. Ice, oran berries- well, of course her boyfriend as a third. Wait, did she think boyfriend?! She loved that idea, but it wasn’t actually official yet. She got lost in her thoughts until Drilbur waved his claws up and down her sight.

“Uh, ma’am?”

That got the Vulpix out of her stupor. It took a second for her to process just how long they’d been standing there with her in dreamland- the mud had completely dried on her, and the Drilbur seemed exhausted.

“OhmygodI’msosorry”

“Er, don’t sweat it. I don’t have anything to get to… now. Ack.”

Aria ran past him. “Thank you so much!” and the Drilbur waved back with a grin. Despite his troubles, helping was always very fun. And he prayed for her love-success. She turned down the dirt path, stopping right past the Kangaskhan-franchised storage facility, and to the building smacked between that and a Ghost-themed bank. The Keckleon brothers.

“Huff… huff… four Rawst Berries, and a Valentines gift please!” Aria heaved, despite not actually going too far. Out of shape, ack. Hope he doesn’t mind that… too much. The Keckleon brothers seemed a bit confused at why this Vulpix rocketed towards them, but considering the time of day and the day itself, they quickly pieced together the problem.

“Uh, we only have one Valentines gift left. It’s a card, and we only have three Rawst Berries in stock,” the purple brother told her. The two brothers carried a dismayed look. Sure they could be mindless salesmen, but also the inferred situation was saddening to them.

Aria then realized something. She’d left her wallet at home.

“Okay uhhhh, hold those, I need to go get my money at home,” Aria said matter-of-factly. They saw her mud-matted fur and how she was panting and, from the goodness of their money-grubbin’ hearts, decided to give her a pass. Once. The two brothers looked at each other and both knew they came to the same conclusion.

“Miss Vulpix, stay here. Considering how you’re a consistent, valuable customer and it’s Valentines… We’ll just give you an IOU just this once, okay?” the left brother told her. While Green went behind their little stand to gather what she needed, Purple came out from the cashier in front of her and gave her a look that would scar.

“You bring us this money by Thursday or you’re fur to be sold. Got it?” Purple whispered with a dead-serious face.

Aria quivered but squeaked out a “y-yep”, and Purple gave a smile. His face lit up and he handed her an inked pen.

“Well, here you go! I’ll let you whatever you want on the card, but give it back.”

I won’t just give it back, I’ll pay extra next time I come. I’m terrified.


Aria nodded and Green gave her the tools in a small satchel to be put around her back. Now equipped with her weapons of romantic pleasantry, She looked out to the rest of the town with some confidence, confidence that she hoped she could continue to their date.

(If you enjoy it, let me know and the second part will be out at sometime in the nearish future, future being undefined; now that I’ve been vague enough, you can’t sue me!)
 
Last edited:

bluesidra

Mood
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. hoppip-bluesidra-reup
  2. hoppip-bluesidra-pink
  3. hoppip-bluesidra3
Oooh, what a precious fic!
You described this completely right as a fruitcake, and a very sugary one at that! Sooo cute!

Aria is such a sweetheart. She comes across as a little airhead, and pretty lost in her thoughts. I stan that. Also, the napping schedule? Relatable.
I like how you described her den. It introduces her father in a very nonintrusive way, as well as her habits (calendar, napping) and her shortcomings (freezing fruit, napping for 18h a day, which, goal). The calendar on the wall reminded me so much of the first ten minutes of Star Wars Ep. 7, where Rey does the same thing, and I loved it there as well.
The part where she panicked and needed her comfort blanket was hilarious!
I especially like her priorities: Ice, Oran Berries, Neyra. In that order. Keep that up, girl!
Also, gotta appreciate a pun when you see it, and the Drillbur pun was definitely a worthy one.

Drillbur and the Kecleon brothers are side characters here. Drillbur seems very nice and I really hope his Valentine gets better. But way to spoil Neyra‘s surprise there.
The Kecleon brothers are… something. I‘ve never played PMD, but they remind me of the Tom Nook memes, but now the shotguns are multiplied by two. They are legitimately terrifying.

Also, nice worldbuilding with the PMD village, like mentioning how the smoke helped navigating through the wild or that pokemon could choose to live feral or civilised. I stumbled a bit with the oval-shaped road, because I can't really imagine how that would look like. First I thought it was the shape of Drillbur's tunnel, but then again, you mentioned that there was so little snow that it would most likely have thawed by the evening.

The writing style is good overall and I could follow along really well. The short chapter also means it‘s a very comfortable read for me (I like shorter chapters so I can stay on focus).

There were some issues with technique, but they aren‘t worldenders.
The last thing in her den to note was the makeshift calendar on the back wall. She had and will have to continue erasing her work, but every month she writes out the month and scratches out a mark, taking note of the month and day of the year. It was important for, in Vesia Village, the planned events were seemingly endless.
In this paragraph, the tenses got mixed up. You're writing in past tense, so the "now" in the story is Past I, while the "yesterday" in the story is Past III. Future will always be a subjunctive. I have no clue if I'm using the right terms here. But it should go like this:
The last thing in her den to note was the makeshift calendar on the back wall. She had and would will have to continue erasing her work, but every month she wrote writes out the month and scratched scratches out a mark, taking note of the month and day of the year. It was important for, in Vesia Village, the planned events were seemingly endless.


Then, the second thing I noticed was the internal monologue, or thoughts. There are different ways to format those, if you google it. But I've learned that direct thoughts are treated like direct speech, only that you don't put the words between " ", but italicize them. Here are some examples of this. I'm not sure if I found all of them when I went over the fic again:

Valentines Day. No gifts, and I forget, and Neyra definitely remembered, I’m so screweeeeeed!
This line would be completely italicised.

Urk, that’s bright. Aria complained in her thoughts.
Urk, that’s bright, Aria complained in her thoughts.
Treat this construction like direct speech and the "Aria complained" part as dialogue tag. So thought and tag get separated by a comma.

I won’t just give it back, I’ll pay extra next time I come. I’m terrified.
Also completely italicised.

All in all, that was a really precious, sweet and swift read. I'm looking forward to a part2, and hope that Aria can impress her date

Cheers- blue
 

Deltaaa

Custom title:
Location
The Moon
Pronouns
Any
The italics were wrong, sorry for y'all who were probably confused when reading it before >.< I thought it took my italics perfectly at first, and then they died... oof
 
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