Pokémon The Long Road

[windskull]

Hi pano! Just going to drop a quick impressions review for the first 5 parts. These are going to be pretty simple feedback things, but I hope it’s helpful regardless.

Limits was interesting because I found it fun to see someone like Steven Stone at, well, his limit before he was as strong as he is at the time of canon. It also does a great job of giving the vibe that the universe is not as perfect and safe as the games would present it.

Sure, there are implied dangers in the games, but we as players never get to see it. The anime and comics add a bit of that danger, but it still feels toned down. While not the worst in the world, this chapter definitely establishes the dangers of the world. I like that his actions have consequences on his health. I mean. I would expect someone that was caught out in the rain like that for hours to have trouble. Glad everything worked out in the end though 8).

I’m going to talk about Recoil and Summit together as an item because they feel like they go together. I definitely think - since these stories aren’t in chronological order - having one right after the other was a good decision. They sort of serve as book ends. The first one has Steven lose to Roxanne, and the last has him win. On top that, seeing him and his beldum struggle when they’re young, compared to how much they’ve grown as they approach the end of their journey. It just warms my heart.

I also like that you brought up Steven’s inheritance of the Devon Corporation. Because like. THat’s a thing I forget at times. Yeah, he’s the champion, but he has all these other responsibilities that he’s going to have to deal with eventually. I’m glad that it’s not the main focus, but I appreciate that it was brought up at all.

For Record, I’ll be honest, I half expected Dusty to either be an illusion from the Beldum or somehow villainous. I mean, there had to be a reason Steven’s dad never brought him up. Turns out it was probably just because he was a little overly eccentric. I also half-expected the baltoy to come with Steven despite not being rock or steel (hey, ground is close too 8P) but that might partially be because gen 3 is probably the gen I remember the least about. Regardless, overall I found this part cute. Just wish Steven could have saved more fossils 8(. But I guess the player gets to save some more later. They’re hidden beneath the sand, but not gone forever. Mostly.

For Forge, I’ll be honest, based on the summary I expected Steven was going to participate in one of the contests, and was honestly kind of surprised when he didn’t. Nothing wrong with that, but the summary definitely leaves it ambiguous. But overall this chapter was fun. I’m glad we got to see something established between Steven and Wallace. As I said before, gen 3 is the generation I remember the least of, so I actually don’t know much about the dynamic between the two other than the fact that Wallace is champion in Emerald and Steven is champion in RS. So I thought establishing a connection between the two was neat. Fun read.

I will probably check out more of these later, but overall I’ve had fun with them. I like that they’re all standalone, because it makes it easy to pop in and read one or two, then come back later. That’s all for now. Take care.

 

[kyeugh]

1. limits
wow, i was seriously caught off guard by how much i liked this. i'm not sure why—i've read your writing before and enjoyed it, and knew how much you enjoyed writing steven—but i don't know, i was just really blown away by this. your prose is so smooth and breezy to read, and i was really struck by how tight it is; you portray a lot in relatively few words, and every sentence and moment feels deliberate, never lingering too long on any single description but still leaving a solid mental image behind. your scenes were always easy to follow and i was always able to clearly visualize the physical space he was in, which is NOT normal for me. just really impressive all around. i ended up so sucked into it that i ended up not having many line comments—sorry about that, but it's a credit to your writing!

steven oozes personality here and i love how perfectly his level of experience comes through here. he's obviously not a total tenderfoot but he's still inexperienced enough to make silly cascading mistakes. and yet, still experienced to work his way out of them (at non-trivial cost, admittedly). i really enjoyed his rapport with his pokémon, too. i appreciated the way you efficiently establish steven's relationships with his pokémon, especially metang, just by demonstrating how he's able to communicate with them and sense meaning/intent from slight, brief gestures. it really drives home their camaraderie and familiarity with each other. and a few of the pokémon's personalities get their moments to shine through, too; metang's worrying nature but steadfast loyalty, aron's surprising sense of urgency under pressure. steven seems to take it pretty hard when he feels he's disappointed them, too—and his love is clearly mutual based on the way they care for him when he's sick. it's just really sweet and wholesome and i think you do a good job setting it up in a—it bears repeating—efficient manner. i'm taking notes tbh!

quite a lot happens in this chapter and it all reads pretty smoothly. i have to chuckle about the fact that it's all caused because steven can't help but look at a rock, lol. the action scenes are tense and situations change at the turn of a hat. i was on the edge of my seat for the majority of it. i will say that my eyes kind of slid past the later parts of the battle scene between metang and the shuppets, but admittedly i get this a lot with battles so it may just be a me thing.

(btw, tiny note—the trainer handbook framing is really cute.)

altogether really engaging stuff, i'm super impressed. i know that this story isn't in chronological order, but this still feels like a very solid start to the fic—we get introduced to steven, see him get put through the wringer a little bit, get introduced to his pokémon, see a demonstration of their bond, and overall get a good look at the general situation/timeframe we're in. i'm excited to get into the next one!

Spoiler: line comments

They should have already reached their destination, but Steven couldn't resist exploring the strange rock formation that peeked out from among the nearby treetops.

i see we're getting right into the core Steven moments here. gotta love him.

"Of course," he muttered to no one in particular, "It clearly didn't stop me from coming up with an equally dumb idea."

i think "it' should be lowercase here.

Twenty minutes later, Steven admitted he had made a mistake.

ah, so this is where he differs from CD steven...

The eyes blinked slowly at his words, and Steven took the opportunity to back away without breaking his gaze on the mysterious pokemon. Without warning, a brilliant bolt of lightning crashed nearby startling both trainer and pokemon. With a rattling screech the panicked pokemon leaped at Steven.

oooh. i really love the way the tense, silent standoff is punctuated by an act of nature that catapults it into a violent showdown. cool moment tbh.

The trainer's pokemon was rendered unable to battle, and the trainer himself posed no danger.

why'd they attack him in the first place then?

It wasn't until Anorith scurried up the bedpost and nestled into Steven's side that he relinquished under their watchful gazes.

i got anorith confused with lileep and had quite a mental image here.

---

2. recoil
i don't know how to tell you this but this fic fucking rules tbh. i can tell these reviews are just going to be gushy but, what can you do i guess.

i really liked this one a lot, more than the previous one by a considerable margin i think. i don't even really know where to start. a lot of bad things happen to steven in this chapter, some of them his fault and some of them not, but they all cascade on each other to land him in a situation that's really dire, and where he has reason to fear that he might not be able to claw his way out of it. i legitimately did not see beldum's new move coming at all even though it's a bit obvious in hindsight, and that's the best sort of twist tbh. the growth he exhibits in this chapter, from an anxious and withdrawn boy to a confident one whose bond with his pokémon is stronger than ever, is just exquisitely done.

i really loved his battle with roxanne (who is wonderfully portrayed! i love her mix of slight cockiness with genuine compassion, it feels right) and the way it manages to really stab at his insecurities. steven really is doing everything he can, but he's working with a pokémon that grows slower than most and that makes things hard. it isn't really anyone's fault, and it's understandable that steven felt ashamed and upset, but it isn't the outcome of the battle that causes problems for steven—it's his reaction. understandable though it may be, the situation ultimately lands squarely on steven's shoulders, and it's up to him to make amends. i really admire the craftsmanship behind creating a situation like that, where steven's actions are understandable but still hurtful, yet not so severe that beldum's forgiveness feels unearned. the plot is realistic and totally emanates from the personalities and shortcomings of each character. the slow escalation of the stakes was really effective to me, too—at first it's hurt feelings, then a lost pokémon, then poaching. i was really on the edge of my seat and each increase in the gravity of the situation was like a gut punch for me. their playful banter at the end felt well-earned and was a great way to close out the chapter imo.

anyway, that's enough gushing about this one. really good stuff, ty for blessing us with it. 🙏

Spoiler: line comments

Sliding 'Social Skill Training: Companion Pokemon and You' into his pocket, Joseph held Steven's hand as they left the building.

And that is how at the age of eight, Steven got his first pokemon.

awww. this is really sweet.

Beldum also attended Steven's lessons now that the boy was being home schooled, per his teacher's suggestion.

huh, i'm kind of surprised the teacher advised homeschooling if the problem was a social one. wouldn't reducing his contact with other kids his age and pairing him with a non-vocal pokémon exacerbate that issue?

From day one, Steven was in his element, and over the next few months, Steven and Beldum poured everything they had into their schoolwork. Steven was eager to learn, and with Beldum at his side, he didn't think twice when it was his turn to participate aloud during class. The duo enjoyed great success with their theoretical coursework. Everything from trainer tools to battle strategies to pokemon care seemed to come naturally to Steven, and it wasn't long before he and Beldum were reading ahead on their own into the more advanced lessons.

omg, awww. he came out of his shell. so—is trainer school kind of like an alternative education for kids who don't do so well socially? did steven's peers continue their ordinary educations and steven is doing this instead because he gets on better with his pokémon?

"Steven and Roxanne, it's your turn. Please take your positions."

omg... her. i love this

"Beldum is unable to battle; Roxanne and Geodude are the winners!"

steven stone, future champion of the hoenn region, got rekt by a fucking pebble. now this is humble origins

Here was his opponent, someone who bested him with one of the types he was supposed to know all about, and it was all he could to try and not let her see his hands shake at his sides. He wanted to disappear.

noooo. poor baby.

"You think I don't know that? I've trained and trained and Beldum just won't learn any new moves! Maybe if it wasn't so helpless we could have actually won!"

ohhhh no.

"Oh, uh, it's resting in its ball. We had battle class all day today and we're both really tired."

good decisions only

---

3. summit
so i have to admit, i wasn't really sure about this one going in. battles don't usually do it for me, and it was clear from quite early on that this was going to mostly be a battle chapter. however you've surprised me once again! this chapter was great.

i liked the way the beginning and end of this chapter sort of reflect each other. we start with steven begrudgingly sitting through the corporate meetings he has to in order to prepare him for his future as the head of devco. even his father recognizes that he's destined for more. at the end, steven gets his first inkling that he might have what it takes to go all the way and become champion of the hoenn region. just as your chapters are sandwiched by quotes from the trainer's handbook, i thought that surrounding the chapter with references to steven's future like this was a nice touch.

the rivalry between roxanne and steven was awesome. i like how her demeanor is more or less unchanged from her girlhood; she's got more words to throw at him now, but she's still a self-assured battler who's not afraid to proclaim her confidence even in the middle of the fight. likewise, steven is still a quiet fighter whose head is totally in the game. i really liked the parallels here, and the rivalry between metagross and golem was just awesome. it was a really effective way of demonstrating just how far steven has come, and his cold-blooded commands to his metagross during the battle were nothing short of epic... and i use that word totally unironically. even though we're only three chapters in, you've totally sold me on this guy's commanding presence and his overall growth. really impressive tbh.

as for the rest of the battling—i admit that, yeah, even though these battles were really well-written, i'm still just not that into battles and i did have a hard time paying attention at points. still, i appreciated a lot of the touches you made. it's clear you've thought a lot about the physiology of each pokémon and how it might aid them in battle. armaldo's gliding was really cool, and i especially enjoyed all the tricks up nosepass's sleeve. the shenanigans with the mini-noses, from the way they physically enforced the block attack to their mini flash cannons, was really cool and made the battle feel immersive. obviously too many of us have slept on the powerful qualities of nose boi, but in general i liked the way you gave these sorta oddball pokémon the chance to really properly shine and show off their unique attributes.

anyway, that's all i've got in me for now plus the repeat bonus don't hurt but i'll certainly be back for more! you've really, really impressed me with these three chapters, and i'm super regretful that i haven't started on this fic sooner. there's just so much to like; your plotting is excellent, your characterization is on point, your prose is smooth as butter, your depictions of pokémon are properly awesome, and there's just something feel-good about seeing steven's tribulations and personal growth in a world where it feels like all the major characters are fundamentally good people. this is an awesome fic so far and you should be very proud of what you've written here—can't wait to dig into it further.

Spoiler: line comments

"You always know just what to say to make your old man happy. I've got no plans to step away from the company at the moment, so you're safe for now," he said throwing a sly wink.

i think there should be a comma after "said" here.

Sitting at a desk with stacks of paper and spreadsheets was nowhere near as exhilarating as traveling the continent with his team by his side.

someone's never played with a really good spreadsheet and it shows.

Fortunately it seemed as if his father was already privy to that knowledge, somehow.

"privy" felt like an odd word choice to me, since to me it implies a sharing of information, which doesn't seem to be the case here. maybe: Fortunately, it seemed as if hid father had somehow picked up on that fact already.

"It's not like that, Dad," he huffed and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "We both went to Trainer School together, so I figured I'd stop by and catch up with them after all these years."

ahhh... "them," eh? maybe it is like that, son...

It was odd how strangely naked he felt during the meeting without their familiar weight at his hip.

"odd how strangely" felt redundant to me, probably "strangely" could be cut.

A gleam seemed to appear in Roxanne's eye at Steven's admission. "No problem at all, we'd be disappointed if you didn't. Golem has been itching for a good battle for a long time now."

awww. omg. the placement of this chapter just after their little battle as chillins in the last chapter is too good.

"Sorry, Aggron. I promised Roxanne I'd only use one steel-type teammate for this battle. You can argue with Metagross afterward."

lol, i love him offloading the responsibility onto metagross.

Steven nervously watched as his pokemon tried to regain her strength, and his eyes narrowed as he saw Roxanne wave a finger.

omg, iconic.

"I can send you the paper when she's done with it," Roxanne offered.

"Please do! I'd love to read it."

NERD ALERT

Each Mini-Nose can unleash quicker, scaled-down versions of its attacks.

cant lie, this is cool as fuck.

An echoing growl emanated from the steel pokemon as it readied itself for the rematch it had been anticipating since it was a mere Beldum.

omg wait they haven't battled even once since then!? bro... shit just got REAL

Roxanne ducked from the impact's shockwave as Golem was driven backwards under the raw power of Metagross's blow. Cracks were beginning to splinter across protect's barrier, and she covered her mouth to stifle a surprised gasp. Eyes wide, she briefly caught sight of Steven standing poised in the challengers box. His eyes were sharp, and his formidable gaze was locked onto the two embattled pokemon.

She had to repress the urge to shiver as he spoke his next command in an even, calm tone.

"Again."

actually epic as fuck

Roxanne smirked as she looked him over. "You should battle in a suit more often."

Steven faltered as he felt a bit of heat creep into his cheeks. Roxanne's comment caught him off guard. After the battle had started, he completely forgot his earlier qualms about his current wardrobe.

hoho... 😳 love this little origin story moment!

 

[HelloYellow17]

SURPRISE! I’m dropping in with a three chapter review! Mwahahaha >:D

Honestly, it’s about dang time that I got around to officially reviewing this thing. This is one of my favorite fics, and I’ve been singing its praises for so long—it’s time I actually give some detailed feedback!

I think I recall you saying at one point that you don’t really want heavy crit for this fic, because it’s finished and has been for quite some time now. Valid! And honestly, other than maybe the rare typo here or there, I don’t have much to criticize, anyway. This is a lovely fic, through and through, and each chapter is a delight.

I honestly love the non-chronological order and the fact that each chapters is like its own little mini-story within the overarching story. Plus, the trainer’s handbook snippets are just the icing on the cake of each installment. :D

Now let’s dive in!

Spoiler: Line Quotes

Chapter 1:

The little Aron at his feet huffed in defeat while Lileep patted its back with a tentacle in consolation.

I ADORE little details like these, with Pokémon reacting to things and interacting with each other. Even single sentences like these give them so much character and bring them to life!

As Steven turned to recall his last pokemon, the ever-stoic Metang gave him a pointed look. An added mental nudge from its psychic powers made sure its trainer would not miss its expression in the fading light.

"Yes, I'm sure we can make it there before it gets dark. We're nearly to Route 121, so it's not much further to Lilycove."

Metang's echoing response carried a heavy dose of skepticism.

Steven crossed his arms in annoyance. "Look, even if it gets dark, I've got the map on my PokeNav. It'll be fine."

Steven, please. Listen to your Mama Metagross. Kids these days never listen to their parents, smh my head.

It'll be fine."

Top ten things said before disaster

Narrator: Everything would not, in fact, be fine.

The steel and psychic type spared only a moment to shoot its trainer a look of disdain before turning back towards its opponent

Looool the “I freaking told you so” vibes are so strong here. And I don’t blame Metang for it at all, heh!

Steven soon came to the realization that his jacket was not as waterproof as he had hoped; he was soaked to the bone. He could feel the cold seeping to his very core, and no amount of determination could keep his frozen limbs from shaking as he walked.

Boy you are too good at writing Steven whump, haha. I could feel how wet, soggy, muddy and miserable he was throughout this. I sympathize. Being wet and cold is never fun. Also lol poor Steven and his crappy jacket.

It was late in the morning when Steven awoke to someone knocking on the door.

"Excuse me, your pokemon are healthy and ready to rejoin you."

With more effort than usual, Steven pushed the covers aside and padded to the door. He pulled it open to reveal Nurse Joy holding a tray of four pokeballs, which he accepted gratefully.

I know Pokémon Centers are specifically for Pokémon, but it would have been nice to see Nurse Joy checking in on him here, even if he just waves her off with a “no no, I assure you I’m fine.” (Which, let’s be honest, that’s exactly what he would do.) Still it’s nice because we get to see his team be the caretakers instead!

When Steven awoke for the second time, the air in the room felt thick. The blankets across his chest were hot and suffocating, and yet he could feel himself shivering. With a groan, he rolled over to reach for his PokeNav on the nightstand. Bringing to device to his face, he could only moan in despair; he had forgotten it was busted in the chaos of the previous night. Defeated, he loosened his grip and let it clatter to the floor. The sound of more rattling caught his attention, and he weakly glanced toward the source of the noise. The pokeballs containing his team were shaking in the tray delivered by Nurse Joy earlier. Too tired to sit all the way upright, Steven reached as far as he could, but instead of grabbing them, he only managed to knock one of the pokeballs from the tray. Thankfully it landed on the button, and his pokemon was released into the room.

POKÉMON TAKING CARE OF THEIR TRAINERS, WE HECKIN LOVE TO SEE IT!
Also, as someone who recently recovered from a nasty cold, this is all a spot-on depiction of being sick. Ughhhh it sucks.

Steven awoke to the sound of Taillow chirping, and for the first time in what felt like forever, his head didn't hurt from the noise. Groggily he raised a hand to swipe at his tired eyes, and as he sat up, a damp washcloth tumbled from his forehead onto his lap. Blinking in confusion, he rubbed the last bit of bleariness from his eyes and took in the sight before him.

Lileep lay sound asleep on the mattress, multiple washcloths grasped in her tentacles. Anorith was curled at the foot of the bed with the blanket firmly grasped in his claws. A rush of cool air soon directed Steven's attention to the room's lone window, where Aron was also fast asleep on the sill with his back underneath the sash to keep it propped open.

Dang, these guys know exactly how to handle this kind of situation. Makes me wonder if this isn’t the first time they’ve had to be Steven’s nurse? *unquag*

Chapter 2:

"Well, you see, he never actually answers the questions aloud. He knows the answers, he'll write them down with no problem, but he won't interact with anyone in the class. Neither me nor the other students."

Joseph glanced down to where Steven was contentedly laying on the floor sorting colored marbles into different groups. Still watching his son, he addressed his question to the instructor at his side.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before. But this chapter in particular is one of my favorites, and this opening is why. I relate to Steven so much, because when I was his age here, I was very very similar. I had Aspergers and Selective Mutism. I wouldn’t speak to anyone who wasn’t immediate family, not to other kids, not my teachers, not even aunts or uncles. I was smart and good in class, but didn’t know the first thing about socializing. Man, what I wouldn’t have given to have had a companion Pokémon haha. 🤣

I do have a companion dog now, and he’s made such a world of a difference for me! So seeing Steven blossom through his bond with Beldum just makes me kinda emotional, I guess. It hits close to home, but in a good way. 💛

From day one, Steven and Beldum were inseparable. Everywhere the boy went the little blue pokemon was sure to be right behind, bobbing along on its internal magnetic field. While they were playing, he would proudly hold up each new rock for Beldum to examine, and it would chatter and hum with excitement matched only by Steven's own.

But play was not the only time they were together. Beldum also attended Steven's lessons now that the boy was being home schooled, per his teacher's suggestion. The pair would put their heads together and solve the assignments in hushed tones before Steven would supply the answer for the both of them.

The image of baby Steven putting his head together with Beldum while giggling and whispering just DESTROYS me in the best way. It’s adorable, it’s precious beyond words. Agh, this chapter makes me teary!

"D-dad? What are you doing here?" Steven untangled himself from his pokemon as he spoke. "Aren't you usually at work by now? Did something happen?"

Aw. The fact that Steven is so shocked to see his dad home and not at work on his birthday says something here. Also the fact that he immediately assumed it was because something was wrong. :(

"You think I don't know that? I've trained and trained and Beldum just won't learn any new moves! Maybe if it wasn't so helpless we could have actually won!"

OH MAN. I forgot how cutting this was the first time I read it. It really felt like a punch to the gut, and it still hits hard even reading it a second time.

Silence hung heavy over the group until one voice broke through.

"Oh, great job, now you've gone and chased off your only pokemon."

It was Roxanne's turn to face the crowd in anger, one finger jabbing accusingly toward the offending voice. "Hey, cut it out! This is your fault in the first place. If you hadn't been so mean –"

Requesting permission to just deck this kid in the face rn

Weakly, Steven grabbed at the wrist that held him in place, and he managed to look back towards his pokemon. As Alan approached, Beldum chattered and backed away, pressing its body into the net in an effort to escape. In all his time with Beldum, Steven had never seen the little steel type look so scared. Something welled up inside him, a determination to protect his pokemon, his friend. Drawing in a deep breath, Steven shouted to his partner.

"Beldum, use takedown – foot first!"

AHAHA YAAAAS THIS IS SUCH AN EPIC MOMENT

It was in that moment that Steven felt the hair on the back of his neck being to stand on end.

Typo! “Being” should be “beginning.”

Satisfied with his answer, Beldum chirped and lifted itself up, letting Steven sit upright. Before he could get up, Beldum hovered close enough to gently nudge his swollen eye. He reached up to lightly test the bruise himself, but drew back quickly with a sharp inhale.

"I guess we match now," he said sheepishly.

Ahahaha adorable. Steven is such a dork.

Over time, the bond between a trainer and their pokemon will grow. The trust you forge with your first companion will last a lifetime.

STop making me emotional over here! 😭

Chapter 3:

"Sorry, but I can't. I don't mean to rush out on you, but I'm meeting up with a friend tonight and I'd rather not be late."

"A friend, eh? In that case I'm happy to play second fiddle!"

Haha bless Joseph Stone. He really does try his best. Honestly, he’s not perfect, but he’s a good dad. He really cares about Steven. I like that you take this angle with them as opposed to the “disapproving, abusive father” angle that a lot of writers take. Which! Is totally fine! But it’s nice to see a change of pace.

No self-respecting trainer would be caught dead challenging a Gym Leader looking like they just walked out of a board meeting, even though that's exactly what he just did.

Ahahahahaha JUST YOU WAIT, STEVEN

You were the perfect candidate; your battle prowess was matched only by your passion to teach.

I love that you give all the gym leaders identities outside of the gym, and I really like that you had Roxanne become a teacher. Honestly, I know nothing of her personality from the games (shocking, I know), so it’s nice to see her fleshed out here as more than just “tough Rock-type trainer.”

With incredible speed, Cradily whipped her neck around to face her attacker and lashed out with a tendril, snagging Kabutops by the leg. It struggled to free itself from her grasp, but Cradily's grip was too strong. Tugging sharply, Cradily pulled Kabutops' feet out from under it and swarmed the grounded pokemon with more tentacles. Kabutops' rattling cry echoed across the arena as its life force drained away. Cradily released the hold on her opponent as Kabutops' thrashing slowed to a stop.

Yusssssss. I LOVE your battles, they are truly excellent! They’re unique, really well-paced, and written in a way that’s clear and easy to visualize. No weird or conflicting descriptions, no unnecessary flowery prose, but also a lot more vivid and details than “he attacked, she dodged, he attacked again.” Honestly, I love reading through this again because this time I’m gonna be taking LOTS of notes on how you write battles. :D

"Cradily, return."

But as the beam of light neared its target, it suddenly was interrupted. Hovering between him and his pokemon was the satellite that Cradily had drained moments earlier.

"What?"

"I'm not letting you ruin my set up that easily. This is one of my favorite moves, called block. Probopass is no longer confused and is using its Mini-Noses to prevent Cradily from escaping. She's trapped."

At first I was like BRO WHAT THAT’S ILLEGAL until she said it was a move called Block. Haha ok I might have forgotten that existed for a second.

As the beam erupted from Probopass, Armaldo's fins twitched in unison and it twisted to plant a claw into the ground and pivoted out of the attack's path with a mighty kick. The flash cannon shot harmlessly overhead and dissipated in an explosion at the far end of the arena.

I LOVE! Love that it’s so specific and gives you a nice visual instead of just saying “he jumped out of the way.” Don’t get me wrong, my example has its place in battle writing, too. But it’s nice to see the specific ways Pokemon move in battle. And I love how nimble you made Armaldo here.

"Don't worry about dodging this one. Weather the attack, and wait for my command."

Metagross's stance shifted at Steven's conviction, and all four legs planted firmly on the ground as it hunkered low beneath the rain of boulders.

MORE GOOD STUFF. Battling isn’t just a matter of dodging and throwing punches. Sometimes it means taking a hit so you can land a better one. I just wanna spam this review with that Flygon 👌 emote.

Roxanne ducked from the impact's shockwave as Golem was driven backwards under the raw power of Metagross's blow. Cracks were beginning to splinter across protect's barrier, and she covered her mouth to stifle a surprised gasp. Eyes wide, she briefly caught sight of Steven standing poised in the challengers box. His eyes were sharp, and his formidable gaze was locked onto the two embattled pokemon.

She had to repress the urge to shiver as he spoke his next command in an even, calm tone.

"Again."

SHDJALD AKJSBSMKDD ITS SO GOOD

I have a WEAKNESS for trainers that are just eerily calm, calculating and focused before dealing the finishing blow. Bonus points if that kind of demeanor is rarely seen from them otherwise. You wrote this moment so well.

While the first two rounds of the battle were impressive, this was Steven's true display of power.

YESSSS MY BOY I AM SO PROUD OF HIM

Metagross huffed an affirmative over his shoulder, and Steven shot his partner a look.

"I think what Metagross was trying to say was thank you for the kind words."

Ahaha I love Metagross’ attitude. Steven trying to cover up its arrogance was the icing on the cake. I love the way these two bounce off each other!

It’s always such a treat to read your work. :D I’ll be back for more!!

 

[Sinderella]

P-P-P-P-P-P-P-PAAAAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOO!

Hey, hi! Happy new year, and happy blitz! Here to slide review for chapters 1, 2, and 3. I was excited to read about the non-Dickhead version of your Steven, and what a bean he is!

So beginning with chapter 1, I was quite on the edge of my seat for most of it. You did a pretty good job in setting the stakes--Steven's on his way down the route to Lilycove, and he depleted his supplies to heal up his Pokemon, and couldn't buy more before leaving the last city he was in. Because he fucking Craves That Mineral(TM), he gets sidetracked dealing with it, and gets stuck in a downpour, and consequently gets a fever as a result. Pobrecito, why are you like this? I think I was coming off my edge from reading Negrek's Salvage but I was fucking horrified thinking that something reeeaalllyyyyyy bad was going to happen. Of course, I'm a beacon for angst, so I always find myself holding my breath for it. Happy as hell he pulled through and made it into a cozy room. The relief I felt was astronomical.

Chapter 2 backtracked! We got baby Steven, learning how to be sociable! Can I just say that him and Beldum together were SO GODDAMN CUTE? The concept of people using Pokemon to help less-sociable kids is just so wholesome????? And I'm here for it??? Also, I really like that Steven's dad isn't a general prick here. He genuinely seems like a Good Dad Trying His Best(TM) and that is just a breath of fresh air. We're here for it. We love it. We stan it. And then of course, everything goes horribly wrong during Trainer School--Beldum and Steven have a falling out, and Steven manages to get himself into ANOTHER (well, I guess his first, since this is in the past lololol foreshadowing) altercation, one that I thought was going to go far more poorly than the issue at hand in chapter 1. Thank god, all was well.

Then! Chapter 3! We have a full circle, back to a VERY EXHILERATING BATTLE with Roxanne. Like, wow good shit. Great battle scene. I was eating up every single bit of it. The way you wrote it all out was very clear, and I was able to follow what was happening with general ease! And wow, the WORLDBUILDING??? Trainer boxes? Ball pedestals? I love it. Great fuckin' stuff, homie. I am digging the story as a whole so far, and I'm really excited that these stories, like, aren't in order. I love stories that bounce around between timeframes, and you do well in establishing "Hey, this is where we are now!"

Where I found myself starting to get tripped up throughout these chapters was your tendency to kind of summarize things that were happening, instead of giving us the full layout of how things played out. My first example would have to be at the beginning of chapter 1, when Steven's on his way to Lilycove, he detours to look at a rock formation or something of the sort. We only really get a glimpse of it because that whole instance was just mostly mentioned as we segued into the problem at hand. I would have liked to have seen that scene played out--Steven wants to go explore, Metagross tells him it's a bad idea. Aron is all for adventure, and Steven insists "It's Fine(TM)." While exploring, Steven becomes so mesmerized by That Mineral that Metagross has to keep reminding him that they need to FUCKING go before it starts pouring, and Steven doesn't want to hear it. It's only when they get back on the road that Steven realizes "Ohhhhhhh maybe I screwed up?" as he tries to tell himself that everything is STILL FINE (when spoiler alert, it's not). I feel like something like this will not only help raise the stakes in a chapter where you've already painted a sense of danger, but also, being that it is your first chapter, gives your new readers a much better hook. This is Steven's road to champ, and we want to see his trials and tribulations--that definitely is one! I go a little more into this in the line-by-lines, but that was just a starting example!

Additionally, while I felt that most of the dialogue was very solid (especially the back-and-forth between Steven and Roxanne as they battled, lovely stuff), there were a couple instances where it started to feel a little too "on the nose" or cliche. Like, the most blatant example I can think of writing this without my notes in front of me is Joseph talking to Steven and saying something along the lines of "You always know how to make your old man happy." You could really stand to break the mold of that relatively common line and have him speak a little more "loosely"--you could go the playful banter route and have him say "Oh, you're such a schmoozer, son!" as he smiles in thanks and pats Steven affectionately on the shoulder. Or, you could keep it in the more wholesome realm and have him go somewhere along the lines of "It helps me sleep better at night to know I'm leaving this place to somebody like you." There's really a lot you could do to really make your dialogue pop a little more, and make these characters really shine, and I also discuss this a little more in the line-by-lines.

In general, this is a great start. I love Steven's character so much (kinda went into this already with that love because Mafia man <3333) but it's really cool to see him flourishing in his own story. Like what I see so far, and I'll be back!

Spoiler: Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Fortree's Pokemon Center had limited healing capacity during its ongoing renovation, so he opted to use the last of his supplies to heal his team after the Gym battle. Unfortunately, that meant he had to make the trek to Lilycove nearly empty handed. While his team was strong, they were exhausted, and taking on a trainer mid-Route with no healing was a risk he wasn't willing to take.

Marked this because you could probably move this up to join the exposition in the previous part where it was mentioning how Steven couldn't stock up on supplies in Fortree because the shop wasn't up to snuff. Having this as its separate paragraph reads as a little repetitive.

"It clearly didn't stop me from coming up with an equally dumb idea."

It's okay, Steven. You just really like That Mineral(TM)

He was jarred from his thoughts as the ground gave way beneath his feet. Loosened by the heavy rain and battering waves, the soil near the sea wall had crumbled into a slurry of mud and gravel. Lunging, Steven made a last ditch bid to get himself back to solid ground. He hit the muddy ground awkwardly, skidding on his hands and knees. Shakily, he turned back to see his footprints sink down into the murky water. Not bothering to wipe the mud from his hands, he slunk through the darkness toward the grass on the other side of the Route, opting to brave wild pokemon in favor of taking an unwanted swim in the churning sea.

The imagery here was stellar!! I felt cold and wet on his behalf, ugh.

"It's over already? I thought the wild pokemon here would be more of a challenge."

Yes Steven, this is how it feels to go back down an early-game route with your lvl 100s. Deal with it.

Steven's eyes widened in shock as Shuppet slowly rose above the grass accompanied by four more pairs of glowing eyes.

WELP I FUCKING SPOKE TOO SOON, RUN BITCH RUN.

"Hey Linoone, I'm just as unhappy as you right now, so please, let's not fight. Whatever I did to upset you, I'm sorry."

For some reason this made me laugh so fucking hard? I was comparing this to the characterization of Dickhead Steven and imagined him here, and the stark difference in possible reactions was just comical. This Steven just wants to talk the Linoone down from doing something rash to his weakened team, but Dickhead Steven probably would have gone full balls to the wall "YOU DARE CHALLENGE THE SON OF CEO?"

Aron barked an affirmative and churned his stubby legs in an effort to keep pace.

The image. Of a 200lb Aron. Running on chubby legs. My fucking heart.

"Aron, I know you hate the rain. I'm not entirely sure why you burst out like that, but I am grateful that you did. Let's get you back into your ball."

So, this is one example of a bit of dialogue I felt was a little on the nose. It felt like this was written to make doubly sure we knew "Hey Aron hates rain and he burst out to help, and Steven's happy about it." A suggested edit I would make is something like:

"Aron, why did you do that?" Steven asked incredulously, even through the grateful smile he wore on his face. "You hate the rain. Back in the ball, before it picks up!"

"You didn't have to do that, you know," he said in a soothing voice. "I could have called out Anorith. I know he's a bit of a scaredy-Skitty, but he at least can tolerate the water to a degree."

Another example of sort of on the nose, mostly regarding the bolded part. Might I suggest:

"For a huge scaredy-Skitty, we both know he can handle the water much better."

They had made it, by the grace of some divine power, they had made it to Lilycove!

THANK GOD.

He barely had the strength to strip off his soaking clothes before collapsing in bed and falling asleep.

I really got stuck on this because I'm a damn germaphone/clean freak, but I had a horrible time parsing rolling up into this bedroom, covered in rainwater and mud, yanking off his clothes, and IMMEDIATELY crawling into bed? Like, his hair has to be muddy? And his skin? What about his underwear? STEVEN TAKE A SHOWER FIRST, MADLAD, THAT'S WHY YOU GOT SICK.

"Hey, Metang. I owe you an apology after last night. You were right. That was a dumb idea."

We keep kind of referring back to the dumb idea of exploring the rock formation, and I feel like it would hit much harder if we'd actually had a scene of them exploring it!

Aron immediately hopped onto the mattress at Steven's hip, the springs creaking beneath his weight.

THIS JUST IN, ARON HOPS, AND IT'S ADORABLE.

Both pokemon stared intently at their trainer, and Steven could only sigh in response.

Would change the bolded to "him"

Spoiler: Chapter 2

Chapter 2

And that is how at the age of eight, Steven got his first pokemon.

This is another instance of a scene I'd have liked to have seen! What happened before that was a great interaction, and you could beef it up by looping that into Beldum and Steven's first meeting--show us how nervous Steven was, show us how Beldum immediately warmed up to him, show us how Joseph was watching the interaction with a glimmer of hope that his son wasn't going to be a shut-in for the rest of his life.

But play was not the only time they were together. Beldum also attended Steven's lessons now that the boy was being home schooled, per his teacher's suggestion. The pair would put their heads together and solve the assignments in hushed tones before Steven would supply the answer for the both of them.

Repeating again, but this is another summarized instance I'd have liked to have seen in a scene. You're trying to portray that Beldum and Steven got very close once they became a duo, and I find it's a little harder to make that hit when you're just telling us about it. For things like this, showing it in action is the way to go. Show us Steven struggling to solve a math problem, and Beldum swoops in and reminds him that 9 x 9 is 81, and suddenly it makes sense to him. Show us Steven falling asleep on his homework because he had a long day, and waking up in a state of panic upon realizing he didn't finish it in time--only to find that all the answers had been filled in, a la Beldum. There's some cute moments I'd like to see happen between them, that I think would allow what happens later in this chapter to pack a bigger punch, too.

As he rounded the corner he skidded to a halt, leaving Beldum no option but to crash into him from behind with a loud screech of surprise.

"D-dad? What are you doing here?" Steven untangled himself from his pokemon as he spoke. "Aren't you usually at work by now? Did something happen?"

Dialogue following the action was a little jarring here because you didn't really give any indication Joseph was there.

When it came to the actual battle portion of the course, things did not go as smoothly.

THIS is definitely something I would have liked to have seen play out. I really wanted a scene of Steven, cocky because everything he'd read ahead on in the textbook made sense...only to turn around have his ass handed to him by a Bidoof or something.

"Steven and Roxanne, it's your turn. Please take your positions."

OH HEY ROOOOOOOOOOOXANNNE.

"They can outspeed us with a rock polish, but if it knows rollout, then they might use defense curl first instead." Beldum hummed as it sized up the Geodude across from it, and Steven continued, "Once you see their set up move, use takedown for a free hit."

Love the tactical planning here.

"I'm proud of you Geodude. All that hard work has paid off."

Marked for on the nose. Might I suggest:

"You did it, Geodude! I told you practice makes perfect!"

"Hey, Steven? Don't listen to any of that. Type advantage isn't everything when it comes to battle. I've seen your scores in class. I know you're more than capable as a trainer."

This kind of came out of left field for me, because Roxanne was the first one to tell him, out loud, that he wasn't going to win, so I lowkey feel like she started that bullying, you know?

"You think I don't know that? I've trained and trained and Beldum just won't learn any new moves! Maybe if it wasn't so helpless we could have actually won!"

OOOOOOOOOOOF STEVEN, NO.

This was a harsh line, and it kind of stung. It would have really stung, however, if you wrote a scene about Steven and Beldum doing some training, and Steven finds himself growing more and more frustrated because Beldum won't learn anything new. He swallows it down, of course, because Beldum is his friend, but it continues to build until this moment where he finally explodes.

Joseph glanced up from the newspaper he was reading as the front door swung open, "Look who finally decided to come home. How was your day, Steven?"

Given the paragraph before where Steven was concerned that Joseph was going to be worried that he hadn't called, this reaction seemed very benign.

It was painfully obvious how out of sorts the boy was, and the housekeeper was kind enough to not press any further when she saw how Steven blankly pushed the food around on his plate. Once it was clear Steven had no intention of eating, she swooped in to clear the table. As he moved to leave, he reflexively reached down to his side to pet Beldum.

Some head hopping going on here that got this paragraph a tad muddled.

"Now then, you said your daddy got you this Beldum? Whaddaya think, Alan, I bet this kid's family would pay a pretty penny to see him returned unharmed."

monkaS monkaS monkaS monkaS.................

Slicing through the rope with ease, Beldum broke free from the poacher's trap.

Hmmmm, question. Can Pokemon act on their own in this world? I'd read before that Metagross used a move to stop something from hitting the floor without any instruction, but is it the same case with "younger" Pokemon? If not, I could parse Beldum not being able to think "Hey I could cut this rope on my own" but if yes, then I just wonder why it didn't do that sooner. Maybe, it's an anti-tear net, and Beldum is able to act THROUGH the net until Steven can come pull it off? Idk, I'd need to brainstorm that...

Spoiler: Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Then let's go. I don't play favorites, so win or lose, you're taking me out to dinner afterward."

Is it in poor taste if I ship them? I might ship them

As this, Steven couldn't hide his awe. "Fascinating. I wonder if there are any other pokemon who share the same sensitivity to magnetism."

"I can send you the paper when she's done with it," Roxanne offered.

"Please do! I'd love to read it."

WE GET IT, YOU CRAVE MINERAL AND ROXANNE APPARENTLY

The referee hesitated only a moment before raising both arms. A double knock out.

*inhales* LETSAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

An echoing growl emanated from the steel pokemon as it readied itself for the rematch it had been anticipating since it was a mere Beldum.

LETSAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Roxanne barely had time to shriek, "Protect!" before Metagross made contact. Golem's blue barrier flew into place just as Metagross's leg found its target.

Roxanne ducked from the impact's shockwave as Golem was driven backwards under the raw power of Metagross's blow. Cracks were beginning to splinter across protect's barrier, and she covered her mouth to stifle a surprised gasp. Eyes wide, she briefly caught sight of Steven standing poised in the challengers box. His eyes were sharp, and his formidable gaze was locked onto the two embattled pokemon.

She had to repress the urge to shiver as he spoke his next command in an even, calm tone.

"Again."

Wow, this was an ENDING. Very nice wrap-up!!

Steven faltered as he felt a bit of heat creep into his cheeks. Roxanne's comment caught him off guard.

That's it, I'm shipping. You can't stop me (only because I think they're the same age, correct me if I'm wrong and I'm unintentionally being creepy woops)

 

[windskull]

Aw yisss, it's time for my favorite random source of conflict. Time to get trapped in a cave babeeeey B)

Horrible jokes (well, mostly jokes - I do have a soft spot for this particular plot thread) aside, this review is going to cover the chapter 'Lesson' only. Now, let's get into the review proper.

This chapter, similar to Record, appears to be another team member origin story. Except in this one, we get to see Aron properly. It makes me wonder if a future chapter might revolve around the revival of anorith and lileep.

And, similar to Limit, this is another one of those chapters that addresses the dangers a trainer can get into on their journey. I'd argue this one was even more direct than the first, since it specifically brings up the possibility that Aron's previous trainer died. The alternative that he was abandoned isn't much better. Regardless of that, it really makes you wonder what, if any, safeguards are in place to protect inexperienced trainers other than trainer school. It's not that much different than an inexperienced hiker getting themselves into trouble, but it feels like there's more trainers than regular hikers.

I liked the continued trend I'm seeing younger versions of the gym leaders we battle in the games. It really helps get across the idea of this being an origin story not just for Steven, but for characters from Hoenn region as a whole. Sure, we're primarily following Steven, but we still get glimpses of the other characters.

There was one thing that confused me, because I think it contradicts an earlier chapter. While at trainer school, beldum learned a new move, but they don't seem to know it now. Is that intentional?

Overall this was another treat to read. Thanks for writing it!

 

[kintsugi]

Epilogue

I shall start achronologically here. For old times' sake.

I like how the epilogue starts with group hugs and pillow piles. We've done a lot of change along the way but we're still just tender frens who love our ronks; gotta stick to your roots.

In general I'll use this section to dump all the things that I enjoyed about this fic, since I think the epilogue does a really good job of revisiting those moments/capturing that emotion without feeling overexplanatory. I liked the delicate emotion of realizing you've finally made it, realizing you've gotten this far but it might not be far enough, realizing you'll have to be good enough anyway--I think you've captured the nuance of finally succeeding at something you've been trying to do for a very long time, while also grounding it in the real feelings that doing one thing really well doesn't (or rarely) lets you finish. This section of the story is over, but it doesn't really feel like Steven's over, which is a difficult but realistic tone to strike when trying to end things, and I like how you manage to juggle all of those pieces into that exact flavor of emotion. I'm reminded of the aftermath of those Big Moments in my life--things that at the time filled me with elation, but didn't fell me with the desire to be Done; I did this thing because I love it, not for the title; now that I've gotten the title none of that's really changed, sorta thing, and in general I thought this was a great angle (and a difficult one) to end the ascension to champion with.

I like how this section is mostly broken into Steven's personal problems/triumphs + the people who got him there. Pillow pile crew works to cement the work he put in to make himself a trainer, Joseph Stone presents closure for the kid who would rather find ronk than find Q3 profits, Drake/the E4 sort of felt like a representation of that journey towards being respected/helpful, Wallace/Juan's section is a good way to poke at how Steven's viewed from the outside/to his peers (and in general how Steven does end up feeling like he's outgrown just the suit), and Metagross offers the same rock-solid determination Steven's had to bolster/draw on during all the hard parts of the story. Roxanne as a closer really works imo since she was basically the first person to really believe he could do this; Steven's friendship with her feels like one of the things that was never really doubted, so it's a good thing to end off on. I think this could maybe do with one or two fewer scene breaks (putting the wearing of the suit in the same section as the Wallace/Juan one and having Drake's paperwork stuff in the same section as the E4/announcement bit), but that's such a minor quibble. It's a nice way to bring closure to all of the different things that Steven's been battling with, directly or not, throughout the course of this fic.

Joseph has very dad energy lol (although he also outright says he's proud of his son so ... ). I liked Steven's surprise that his dad would show up; again, it's a very real but complex emotion to realize that people who you're proud of and respect are in turn proud of you. Of the groups that show up in the epilogue, I think Steven's human family is the one I was least expecting, since it's been a hot sec since Steven's really thought about his father/mother. On some level, I also get that (shit I gotta call home), although narratively it doesn't entirely click with me in the same way that pillow pile or Wallace/Juan did, simply because they seemed so much more important to Steven in the previous chapters.

I liked in particular the Wallace/Juan section. Wallace's I knew it is such a good way to imply a deep friendship/respect without having to outright say it; he has so much faith in his idiot friend who almost froze to death! And in general I think Juan also picks at a very difficult emotion--the idea of seeing yourself how other people see you. Personal growth sneaks up on us sometimes.

Steven blinked. "Um, I like rocks and —"

(and some things we never grow out of)

And the epilogue-epilogue is also a nice touch--the Trainer's Handbook, 3e, is dog-eared and well-loved but no longer needed; the story has reached its end.

Terminus 1

I like the finality that we get here, and the evolution of Steven's initial "I guess this waiting period thing makes sense" going into realizing that there's nothing else to prepare for. It works well this far in the story, now that the pieces are all laid out on the table and it doesn't really feel like there is much more to learn. I'm reminded a little of the ending of Spiritfarer, where (some spoilers) you sort of just run out of things to do. The game doesn't explicitly require you to advance to the path that triggers the final mission, but instead lets you do whatever you want as you gradually tick off more and more things on your list until only that last one remains. It's cathartic here, where it feels like the loose ends are more or less tied off and it's time for things to play to their natural course.

(I could of course read more about cave boi forever, but there's a nice feeling of finality going into this section).

I'm curious how frequently trainers actually make it to the League? It doesn't seem terribly common--if Drake was Champion from Steven's age until now, is the difficulty curve between the final badge/E4/champ just really high at each step, or are there not many people doing the badge circuit each year? I wasn't sure how all of this squared up with the odds of Steven seeing someone else prepping for a challenge at the same time that he's challenging here.

Iona as your OC electrician-themed E4 checks out tbh. I liked her tactics in this one; Fling as a concept in the real world is kind of tricky to parse but it works under the more anime-esque battles you tend to describe; and hey, Minun/Plusle as an ace pair is a sick concept that no one ever takes seriously because it's Minun and Plusle, but I think you make them work here!

I thought Lanturn floating in air was a bit odd, but that's sort of the curse of trying to have type-diverse E4 specialists and electric not having any natural ground-counters in the Hoenn dex, rip. I think I really only noticed because normally your battles are very intricate but easy to picture + taking various pokemon physiques into account, but tbh if steel rhinos can shoot lightning I should accept that fish can levitate.

All that aside, this chapter is the best because Cradily gets to body everyone, and that is great.

Whatever shock Steven felt was fleeting, swiftly replaced with a quiet rage at ferocity of the Elite's attack. He knew the League challenge would be no joke; the Elite were powerful trainers. But to see his own pokemon take such a vicious attack left him shaking. Had a pokemon ever died during a match at the League? The sensation of Armaldo's pokeball trembling at his hip snapped him from his daze, and with Cradily now tucked safely back next to her teammates, Steven skipped over the most active ball on his belt in favor of the most familiar. They wouldn't be intimidated by Iona's show of power.

High-tier matches being more dangerous makes sense from a setting perspective (although there's a lot of questions arising there imo), but I'd think that trainers, and hopefully their pokemon, would be aware of the risk if that were actually a common thing. Like, "oh shit, that's Iona, she's oldschool and she killed her opponent's Sceptile last year in the finals, be careful." In a world where pokemon do die frequently in League challenges, I expect that'd be on the list of risks, up there with "we recommend ten days of recuperation after Victory Road", so Steven only now hearing about this at the very end of the journey doesn't really track to me. It doesn't quite track with a more carefree route where pokemon are your friends, but at the very least I'd expect trainers to want to be aware that their assets/prize fighters could get killed, since that's a time/money investment for them.

And in a world where pokemon don't die frequently in League challenges, I find it hard to believe that Steven, who's been repeatedly shown to love and cherish all pokemon but especially his own, would be so quick to write off such an uncommon but dangerous thing from Iona as "intimidation" or "shows of power"--this is basically murder, and it's odd to me that he both sees it as a legitimate strategy tactic, and that he tries to respond in kind. It's a cool, calculated badass moment for him and I get that, but I don't quite see how this slots in with Hoenn's worldbuilding, or how Steven would decide that Iona/Ampharos using excessive force means he's justified in using excessive force on Iona's other pokemon. This to me reads like taking my dog to a dog show (a situation where I expect dog to have fun but not for anyone to attempt to murder her) but then someone almost kills my dog--I'd expect the reaction to be more like, holy shit, what the fuck, why did you try to kill my dog in this thing that's not supposed to be about killing my dog.

The middle-ground world, where maybe some pokemon die sometimes but idk accidents happen and how could you stop this, is the most horrifying to me to be unaware of. People take risks in sports all the time (see: freeclimbing), but it checks out as a choice that they made when they're aware of the associated risks (compare to a lot of the hubbub surrounding child athletes being overtrained for the Olypmics, which tends to be a lot more difficult ethically). To follow on with the dog show analogy--maybe it turns out that sometimes a few dogs do die every year, in which case since my dog is my friend (and since in this AU she can read magazines/rationalize higher tiers of thought), I would need a long and serious talk with dog to make sure that the dog show is something she's willing to die for--to choose if she lives or dies is simply not a decision I'm allowed to make alone, or on the fly.

(I assume this isn't really a setting where pokemon die in battle, no matter what tier of competition they're at, since that's a pretty dark take in a world where they're your friends--in which case I think it'd read a bit more naturally to maybe have Cradily get up before Steven recalls her; he can observe from watching her that the hit looked really bad but at this point in their journey she's resilient; Iona wouldn't be so desperate as to just try to kill someone, sorta thing.)

Terminus 2

I was half expecting this to be a ruse by Phoebe the entire time, where she pretends to be possessed to freak out trainers and make them make mistakes, since training for the human is pretty much entirely a game of mental fortitude.

In general I like your battle descriptions and techniques here. Ghost-types lend themselves to a lot of trickery and odd physicality in a way that hasn't been super present in a lot of your previous setpiece battles, so it was nice to see a battle that hinged a lot on defensive/support moves. Even on paper, Iona/Phoebe's fights are most interesting to me out of the E4 you have here because the gimmicks you've given them (speed and trickery) match up well against Steven's general gameplan (git smart, hit things with truck).

The bit after Phoebe's possession is nicely ethereal/nightmarish. I like how the narration ends up lapsing into this very distant, horrified sort of thing, and by the end of it it's just the pokemon sort of whaling on each other and hoping that eventually something will stop. I think it works particularly well because Steven hasn't really been shaken on this level at any point in the fic, so to see him lose his nerve here means that shit's really hitting the fan, which tracks for a final battle. It's a cool take on canon and a nice way to incorporate her personality with her backstory; fear of disappointing someone is certainly a mood.

(Although, is no one monitoring the fights here? Even for mundane things like cheating or sneaking in more healing items, or the crazier shit like oops Iona electrocuted someone again--it seems like they'd want to make sure these are witnessed in real time.)

"What happened in our battle… I know it wasn't on purpose." Armaldo rumbled in agreement from his side. "And I can't say I know much about how the League works, but if I were your superior, I wouldn't demote you just for losing one battle."

The issue isn't that she lost the battle, though (since Glacia and Iona also lost and are not on the table for demotion). The issue is that she got possessed by spirits and lost control--her pokemon, Steven's pokemon, herself, and Steven were all at risk of being badly hurt (or killed? it's kind of unclear). It doesn't make her a bad person or anything and it's clear that she wasn't doing this on purpose, but the core issue is that she's currently unchecked and dangerous to let on battlefields, not that she's a bad battler.

Precipice

Haha, remember what I said about how Iona/Phoebe make for interesting fights because they challenge Steven on a strategic level? This is likely my last comment that aged like wine as we enter the "git smart, hit things with truck" vs "git smart, hit things with truck," and I'm totally here for it. Salamence vs Metagross 2022 let's goooo. It's great to see a flygon just drop from the fucking sky and crater the arena, and it's even more great in the context that Steven, while an excellent battle strategist and skilled trainer, does get through a lot of fights by virtue of just having pokemon who are more physically powerful than his opponents--so to see the script turned on him, where the person ripping apart the battlefield is his opponent, is a lot of fun.

Shelgon jumping a bajillion feet in the air and then landing with the force of a freight train is such an excellent mental image in a chapter full of well-placed mental images, closely followed by Aggron picking up Shelgon and punting them like a beach ball. Yes okay the red/blue/green blur of Flygon spearing Armaldo is very vivid, and yes Aggron and Steven doing twin "cool guys don't look at the fire wreathing you" blue-eyed stares is cinematic af, but I will be taking no arguments at this time.

"Since when did he play things safe" is a really good turning point for this chapter, and in general is why it works as my favorite battle in the bunch. Makes sense that you'd save the best for last. But in general I find the most interesting battles tend to be the ones that have internal conflict as well as external conflict. Pokemon battles in particular are hard because we're already one layer removed from the combatants (since we aren't literally getting hit and the author has to make us feel as if we are), but then they're typically a layer removed once more (since the narrator/trainer also isn't literally getting hit but needs to feel as if they are). So it becomes an exercise in thinking about thinking about someone punching someone, and no matter how many cool setpieces there are there's always a risk of that being fairly abstracted--a risk you're mostly able to avoid by introducing Steven's mental battle in the narration as well. I like how it's quite insidious, how he's just logically making safe choices because this is the final fight and it wouldn't make sense to lose now, coupled with his mounting horror that he's still getting bodied. The turnaround feels very earned as a result, since it allows Steven to win by being himself--this fic is basically just a long list of times that he didn't play things safe and had to learn as a result, so as a capstone I thought this really worked.


In a battle full of cool dragons, in particular I liked the Salamence descriptions--it definitely feels like some sort of fire-cloaked wyvern that's just immolating the battlefield.

Minor logistics notes:

Now both combatants were unable to use their primary typing for offense. Advantage: Claydol.

I didn't follow this since psychic vs dragon is still a neutral matchup?

As the clouds of flame from the fire burst curled into nothingness, Steven peered through the smoke to spot both combatants locked together, splattered in fire-retardant Occa juice. Although Aggron had taken a direct hit from the super effective attack, the berry it was carrying had burst from the heat and protected its armor from the brunt of the damage.

Aggron is rock/steel, so this is a neutral hit, right? I truly wouldn't bother pointing this out since type matchups and type-resist berries in particular are a very gameified thing that's hard to bring "rules as written" into a fic setting, but in general you seem to be intentionally porting game mechanics in an accurate/rules as written but realistic way. I get the feeling that you wanted to foreshadow Metagross's Occa for the finale, but the only other team member who could actually use it is Skarmory, who I imagine falls more in the "why take less damage when you could just stab them" camp, rip.
(I was also curious how Altaria is "her" whereas Steven typically calls most pokemon, including the ones that operate canonically on a gender binary (such as Aggron, or Flygon), "it". Not that you have to conform to canon's gender binary or anything; I just couldn't follow the classification logic here).

---

(Some arc thoughts/questions that are up to you, ofc--I know you're not planning on editing this too much and are mostly using this as a learning exercise at this point.)

Spoiler

I'm torn a bit on the pacing of the E4 gauntlet--on one hand I really see why you'd want to make some of the knockouts much faster here (the manectric and first glalie came and went so quickly that it was hard to even tell that either Steven/Iona/Glacia noticed it had happened, for example, and Simon's not even there). Back to back 6v6's is no joke though, so I definitely get it; it's just that from a meta storytelling perspective it's a bit harder to justify having subsets of a battle if they're immediately glossed over. Unsure how you'd approach this other than artificially cutting down the team size. Glacia and Simon's fights definitely feel a little shafted, both in terms of actual battles and as far as Steven's investment in them. And again, I totally get it; this is a lot of battles to try to write in one sitting, and it makes sense that poison/ice would be the ones that Steven steamrolls--it just makes for odd reading. I think in this case, achron could work in your favor here--I'm actually not sure if we needed all three/four of the elites at the end of the story in order like this. Glacia and Simon's fights don't really rely on much knowledge of Steven's growth or endgame arc, so if they happened earlier in the story I don't think there'd be much as far as spoilers or narrative tension mixups (Steven Stone becomes champion in the fic about the long road to becoming champion??). Or conversely, dumping the Phoebe randomly after a chapter where things are looking cheerful and fun for everyone would also be a fun way to remind people that the stakes eventually get pretty wild.

I like the central tension of trying to juggle items/item economy in these bits; it lets you have tense/knockout battles but there's still some semblance of stakes across things. I think in general it'd be helpful to have a more concrete understanding of what items Steven has at his disposal; he mentions having limited items and the various E4 members replenish his supplies, but I didn't have a firm understanding of what resources he has here. Just like fights tend to read better when there's some understanding of the fighter's capabilities/limits, the trainer strategies tend to execute better when we understand what they're working with. I wasn't initially concerned about Claydol fainting vs Iona because Steven wasn't; it wasn't until after the fact that we even learn that a knockout could tax his resources, and tbh in this section it never really does, since he's able to enter each fight with his full team in fighting condition. And this would be a genuinely challenging thing for Steven even though he's at the top of his game now--he's never been in a situation where it's more beneficial to recall a badly wounded pokemon because them fainting is much less recoverable; the strats for doing a battle gauntlet are a lot different than any of the other types of battles he's faced in the fic. I think having a concrete/known number of Revives, and having Steven consciously having to keep track of that number, would help keep the tension in the item-related bits.

I was also surprised to see Joseph/talk of Steven's mother at the end--that's an angle of the story that I think almost completely fell out of my radar in the back half, what with the dragon crushing and farming and spleunks. Steven's mother/family just didn't really feel as central to the story as some of the other stuff, and I think having a chapter or two to focus on her (or having her come up in disparate sections across multiple chapters) would've helped with that a bit. And it's true, grief and loss sneak up on you and sometimes the real sobering thing is realizing that you haven't thought about this person in so long, but from a story perspective it doesn't really feel like that was the intended angle--the ring is presented in a way that suggests that this is the closure, but ultimately I wasn't entirely sure what the significance of that emotional closure was, since I wasn't sure what Steven's mom/the general approval of his parents actually means to him. I think, especially in an achron story, there needs to be some sort of throughline/prevailing emotion that keeps getting revisited at different points in the story--it makes things feel more cohesive rather than a collection of oneshots about the same character. I definitely got the vibes that this was a story about grit, determination, hugging your rocks, doing the right thing, growing up; the family vibes sort of fall out for a bit and then sneak up at the end in a way I didn't quite find as satisfying.

But overall I think this is a really fun story, and beyond just finishing the entire thing it's a major accomplishment that you actually just sat down and wrote the entire thing in a little over a year?? Sheer insanity. I enjoyed the overall framing of this, and yes I'm an achron shill but I think you use the format really well to sidestep all of the standard pitfalls of a journeyfic, namely that we need to show every route and make it interesting somehow, we need to fight all the gym leaders, etc. Instead I'm left finishing this feeling like a lot was accomplished even if the word count wasn't prodigiously high (18 chapters is probably close to badge 3 or 4 for a lot of stories), and that's altogether very satisfying. He's grown so much! As a prequel I think this really works; the central tension isn't really if Steven's going to become champion, since we know this isn't wildly AU; the real story is in the growth and decisions that he makes to get there.

As an attempt to merge the lighter aspects of the anime (RONK HUG POWER OF FRIENDSHIP), the more mechanical aspects of the games (Occa Berries are flame-retardant pocket showers), and a general realistic tone (caves, guys. be careful going into caves), I think you finagle the resulting world into a really cohesive story. You play to your strengths really well here; I don't think it's particularly easy to inspire/convey someone feeling fierce love and affection for a team of rocks and spikes, but these are all good friends and I'm glad there's a lot of time to show them all being good friends. I like how you capture the whimsy and exploration that's so present in pokemon games; I'm left feeling very nostalgic for the feeling of being tested by the open road.

good fic, upd8 more?

 

[windskull]

Hi Pano! I'm back for a few more chapters of TLR. I read Captivate through Mend this time. Let's jump right in!

So right off the bat, I have to say that this is a rather interesting origin story for Sidey. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't "Sidney is a member of a gang of cave dwelling thieves." But that's not necessarily a bad thing. It works well within the world you've established, and it helps flesh out the universe. The only thing I'm worried about is these poor people's vision. Like. Do they have somewhere outside that they go and get some fresh air? It feels like they've been there for a while, and I imagine the cave is dark at most points.

I honestly kind of love that Sheila flipped out and went Villain Mode when things stopped going her way. Like. She goes from being a bad, but arguably respectable person trying to take care of her group, to full-on "I must destroy this person for the sake of my ego, collateral damage be damned." Sometimes it's just fun to see a character go through a villain breakdown.

One thing I do want to bring up - and I don't know if I should really consider this a critique or not - is the fact that I struggled to connect the dots for the title. For most of these chapters, it's been relatively easy to connect the title to the story, but captivate just doesn't seem to line up. Maybe it's a play on captive? Unsure. This feels silly to bring up, but it felt worth mentioning since it stuck out to me in comparison to other chapters.

Overall, though, this was an enjoyable chapter that did a good job of keeping tensions high.

On to the next.

Taking the shortest route? On the long road? I don't buy it. 8P

Jokes aside I think it's great that this more or less ends up being a follow-up and resolution to Record. It resolved not just the story of claydol, but also lets us know that Dusty is okay and ties his minor story arc in a nice little bow.

On top of that, it's ALSO our introduction to Team Magma. From this story, we now know that Magma has been around at least since Steven was just a regular trainer, it not longer. I suspect that a later chapter is going to have Steven dealing with Team Aqua in some capacity. It's just a matter of when.

I like that Steven's teamwork and quick thinking with Claydol saved the day. Darn those earthquake friendly fire strats!

I don't have much more to say about this one, but I liked it - and it's world building implications - overall.

Next on the list is ~~Reslolution~~ Trapped in a cave part 2 electric boogaloo. Or, as I like to call it, "Wow, Wallace, Don't be Hecking Rude!" Because boy howdy, Wallace was one Rude Boi at the beginning.

The setup of this part felt relatively mundane; Steven and Wallace go in a cave and bicker, until the tide comes in and starts causing trouble. But once the flooding starts, the tension picks up and the story does an amazing job of keeping the tension throughout the entire sequence. I mean, you've done a good job of keeping the tension in every part this far, but I think this one has done the best of all so far. Even knowing that everything was going to turn out ok, I found myself drawn in, wanting to know how they were going to get out of this frankly dire situation. And due to a pair of evolutions timed in a way that felt very much like it was a power of friendship/in my time of need (I eat that shit up) everyone got out… relatively safe. Good grief Steven, take better care of yourself!

But overall, I think this might have been my favorite out of the four I read for this chunk of reviews. The pacing was just so on-point, that I had to keep reading.

And that brings us to the last one for tonight, Mend.

I have to say, I didn’t know what to expect coming into this one. When he caught the electrike, the story felt like it was setting up for one of those stories where he learns patience and to take better care of himself through the care of someone with an injury that mirrored his own. I was surprised when that wasn’t what happened, but not unpleasantly.

I knew coming into the story that he wasn’t going to be keeping the electrike; the fact that he doesn’t have one in game and that it hadn’t been mentioned in any of the later chapters made that pretty clear. But I still wondered how that was going to shake out. The introduction of Watson turned out to be the perfect answer.

I believe Watson is one of only two gym leaders from the games that we’ve seen as current gym leaders thus far (excluding Roxanne, whom I’m not counting because she had just recently become one at the end of Steven’s gym challenge, and including Juan, since he’s gym leader in emerald despite Steven not being champion.) I know there’s only like. 7 or 8 chapters left, but I get the sneaking suspicion that we’ll be seeing most, if not all of the remaining gym leaders and elite four members at some point (excluding maybe Norman due to being a recent arrival at the beginning of RSE)

This is another one of those chapters that has fun with worldbuilding. Particularly, it introduces the idea of pokemon hospitals for more serious injuries, and also introduces some mildly scientific stuff with regards to electric-type pokemon. Saltwater causing ionization issues is something I had never thought of, but it makes a lot of sense. I like the little details you manage to squeeze into the stories like this.

Overall, I felt like this was an excellent set of chapters, and I am once again excited to read more. I’m over the halfway-point now, so maybe I’ll manage to finish before the end of the blitz. Looking forward to continuing! Until next time.

 

[HelloYellow17]

HOWDY HEY, I’m back!!
Spent the day sick and miserable, and decided what better thing to do than curl up and re-read one of my favorite fics?? :D it was an excellent decision, let me tell you.

The majority of my notes are just me reacting to various lines and scenes, but there’s a tiny handful of typos I’ll point out too. Bless you for writing such a wonderful fic. It really is like comfort food.

Spoiler: Line Quotes

Chapter 4:

But the stubborn Aron only gave his trainer a narrow glance as he tipped his head to the side, dumping out the sand that had accumulated in the openings of his armor.

This is so freaking adorable, I cannot. I must doodle this grumpy sonboi dumping sand out of his head.

Secretly, Steven wondered how he managed to come across the most over-protective Aron in Hoenn, but at the same time he was grateful, otherwise his journey might have come to an untimely end in Dewford…

DANG RIGHT. Also lol Aron is probably over-protective BECAUSE of the circumstances you met him in, ever thought of that, Steven? “Bro you were like half dead when I found you, imma make sure you don’t repeat that.”

Blinking, Aron glanced at the two spots located at opposite ends of the map, and then glanced up at the desert landscape around them. He studied their surroundings for only a moment before nosing the northernmost circle with his snout.

SUCH A GOOD LITTLE BOI, I CANNOT

For whatever reason, it looks like he never made it to this one to the north. So it's up to us to find what he were looking for instead!"

Ahahaha I remember when I read this the first time and thought, “You know, Steven, maybe there’s a reason they never made it up there and you’re about to get yourself into a dicey situation yet again.” I’m glad that I was…uh, mostly wrong about that.

Both pokemon shared a nervous glance, and Beldum could only offer an unconvincing hum as it settled back into the sand, leaving Aron perched at the door bristling with watchful energy.

Aron is best boi. He watch. He guard. He protecc. He and Novo would get along, I think.

Steven sighed seeing that his advice from the previous night went unheeded.

Tiny nitpick: there should be a comma between “sighed” and “seeing”.

"Ah, Dusty's the name! Pleasure to meet you, Steven, did you say?"

I absolutely love your attention to detail in all of your fics, right down to using the NPCs’ names. I remember Dusty very well!

But how else could Dusty have recognized him and so quickly have deduced that he actually was searching for fossils as his father had done before.

There should be a question mark instead of a period at the end of this sentence.

Steven couldn't fathom how one man could talk for so long about absolutely nothing.

Ahaha trust me, Steven, they’re everywhere. Everywhere.

And almost as abruptly as the sandstorm started, it died. Hesitantly, Steven pulled his bandana down and glanced around the village, not daring to speak in anything more than a whisper.

"What is this place?"

Instantly, silence swept over the horde of Baltoy. With a collective rattle, they all turned to face him in unison. Steven froze.

Oh jeeeez this would be so terrifying haha

The little Baltoy tilted to one side with a hollow whistle as it eyed the pokemon at Steven's side.

I don’t know why, but I very vividly pictured it making R2D2 noises here.

"You didn't bring me here to save the ruins. You brought me here to save your friends…"

Awww this is touching and…also really sad?? Their friends are just fossils. It’s literally just their remains. I kind of wish Steven had offered to revive all their fossil friends too.

"Beldum?"

A pair of red eyes stared down at him, and he quickly realized that the only thing preventing him and his partner from being dragged into the sinkhole was a blue foreleg wrapped around his midsection and a second blue claw anchored into a slab of sandstone that jutted out overhead.

"You… you evolved!"

CRISIS EVOS CRISIS EVOS CRISIS EVOS ARE MY JAM

…Although wild pokemon can be elusive, it's been theorized that sometimes they may choose to reveal themselves in order to communicate with humans. As a trainer, it is important to be attentive to the pokemon you encounter in the wild; you never know what they could be trying to tell us.

I love all of these handbook excerpts! Not only do they read like an actual handbook would, but I love all the points they make. Every lesson from it just nails what Pokémon really is about. Love love love.

Chapter 5:

Pokemon Trainer's Handbook pg. 15: The path of a trainer doesn't always go through the Pokemon League. Breeders, rangers, coordinators, and other related occupations all require the training skills necessary to form strong bonds with pokemon…

Yaaaaas I love this, too. There’s so much more to the Pokémon world than just being a trainer!

There was something about Lilycove City that gave it a sense of calm despite it being the most populated city in Hoenn.

I love this, it’s such an accurate description of Lilycove and what I imagine it to be. Lilycove is one of my favorite Hoenn cities.

Having grown up in Rustboro, he was no stranger to living in a port city, but he always loved how the air in Lilycove just felt so much cleaner and more refreshing.

Rustboro is a port city??? Is this a thing and I’m just dumb, or is this a headcanon?

as he stepped out of the Lilycove Department Store fully restocked and donning a sleek new jacket.

I sure hope it’s a better jacket than the one you had in chapter one

They could all use a day off, and Steven owed them for looking after him during the aftermath of the Route 121 debacle.

Ahahaha so it WAS a replacement jacket from that specific incident. Awesome.

A seemingly endless stream of visitors moved in and out of the glass doors that sat squarely beneath a large sign declaring the building as the Lilycove Contest Hall.

Ohoho WALLACE TIME

He held a striking resemblance to the photo he'd seen of Juan, the Gym Leader of Sootopolis City.

I love that you don’t forget about Juan, because so many people do. He gets next to no screentime in the games.

"Here we are. Now Jeffrey, give the nice receptionist your ID card." And he was roughly shoved forward toward the counter.

Lolol moment of silence for the real Jeffrey who is about to get his place taken by a rando off the street.

"Although, registration already closed for the last contest in the youth division, so there was no way you'd have gotten to participate anyway. I mean, unless you wanted to."

Ah rip. Sorry, Jeff. JEEF?? IS THIS A CHEEF JEEF CAMEO AHAHA

Steven spied a few empty seats close to the stage, but quickly saw the reason for them still being vacant; they sat immediately adjacent to the gaggle of rabid participants' parents.

First off: ahaha, accurate. Second, I think you mean to say the parents are the rabid ones here. In that case, you ought to rephrase it as “participants’ rabid parents.” Otherwise, it reads like the participants are the ones that are “rabid.”

Steven watched intently as Lombre got its chance to appeal after Swablu's turn. The crowd gasped as it performed a dizzying teeter dance without spilling a drop of water from its lilypad. Electrike and Taillow shared a nervous glance at the Lombre's intimidating performance. With bated breath, the crowd turned its attention to the little Swablu, but its concentration remained unshaken. It had sheathed itself in a protective cotton guard, and the audience burst into applause. With the other two pokemon unable to perform during their turns, the Swablu seized the opportunity and twirled beneath its cottony wings before striking a regal pose. Caught up in the crowd's excitement, Steven found himself leaning forward in his seat as the Swablu's wings began to shimmer with energy.

Gahhh I love that you include all the mechanics from the games in how these contests work!! Right down to the Swablu’s nickname, even! It’s so lovely!!

Don't worry, you weren't in any danger of having to perform."

Well that’s not entirely true, there was a hot second of danger there. 🤣

"I promise. I plan to never set foot in one of those places ever again."

Hey Steven are you sure about that

Steven waded out into the surf feeling the cool water lapping at his shins. He had no intention of going for a swim; he was more than content to wander along the shallows to search for anything interesting that may be hiding in one of the many tide pools.

This makes me want to stroll along a beach and explore some tide pools. Aaaa I love the beach 😭

"Didn't anyone ever teach you that staring is rude? Although, I can understand why, you must have seen me perform during the contest," he said, accompanied by a light flourish of his hand.

Ahahaha I forget how COCKY and low-key snotty Wallace is at first. I mean, the cockiness never goes away, but I’m glad that Juan keeps him in line and teaches him some better manners. 🤣

"I didn't win, but I certainly put on an entertaining performance. Although once Victoria evolves, she'll be unstoppable."

Victoria! What a sweetie.

"You win contests with a Feebas?" Steven wracked his brain for the contest categories he learned about that afternoon. "She must be smart, or tough, right? I've heard Feebas are very hardy."

At this, Wallace balked, mouth agape in shock. "Absolutely not! Victoria is beautiful, look at the luster of her scales and the silky texture of her fins!"

Steven blinked in confusion, but Wallace took no notice as he continued the rebuttal of such a great offense to his pokemon.

"…And look at the deep color of her tail fin. That means she's close to evolving."

I love this so much. Not only does it say something about Wallace and Victoria’s skill that they are winning these high-end contests with a less-than-stunning Pokémon (by society’s standards, anyway), but it shows how closely bonded they are, too. And the fact that Wallace truly adores her and genuinely finds her beautiful makes me so warm inside. It’s not a matter of “Aw it’s okay, I love you anyway,” it’s literally “YOU ARE GORGEOUS AND PERFECT ALREADY” and I adore that.

"I haven't caught any water or flying types yet either," he mused as he brought a hand to his chin in thought.

TIME TO GO GRAB A KNIFE BIRB

It was an easy task to find water pokemon in Hoenn; the region was practically drowning in the type considering how many cities and towns were located right at the ocean's edge.

7.8/10 too much water (you know I had to drop this line at some point.)

Chapter 6 - Lesson

YES YES YES IT’S ONE OF MY FAVE CHAPTERS LET’S GOOOO IT’S WHUMP TIME

Opting to travel to Petalburg right after graduation, it proved to be a simple task to acquire his first Gym badge. The Gym's grass-type pokemon could barely dent Beldum's defenses and they quickly succumbed to the little steel-type's physical attacks.

Oh that’s riiight, because Norman isn’t gym leader yet. Love that attention to detail. Is this a canon thing or another headcanon you created to fill in the blanks?

"Mauville's probably the closest city with a Gym. We could hike the Rusturf Hills along the way. Or there's Lavaridge's Gym, although I heard the Leader there is really fierce; he used to be part of the Elite Four…"

Ohhh? I wonder who Lavaridge’s current gym leader is? I’m trying to think of a fire-type Elite Four but honestly I have a terrible memory and the only one I can think of is Sinnoh’s Flint. But I don’t think it could be him, he’s way too young to be that much older than Steven…right? Heck, what is time in Pokémon anyway lol

Steven smiled as he thanked the sailor. It looked as if his good fortune was going to continue on the road toward his second badge.

Top ten things said before disaster

With a defeated sigh, he let his head fall back to the ground and immediately regretted the action. His view of the shadowy cave ceiling pulsed with every throb of his aching head, and Steven squeezed his eyes shut to stop the dizzying sensation.

UGH the whump in this chapter is SO GOOD and I love your descriptions of pain and injury. They’re vivid and creatively done, enough to make me wince with sympathy, but not too detailed to make it uncomfortable to read. Just perfect. ✨Chefs kiss✨

"Oh oh, Dad, can I battle him?" A boy with similarly spiky hair bounced up through the crowd of junior trainers waving his arm excitedly.

"Nah, Brawly. You should save your strength for tomorrow's challengers," Jude offered a sly wink. "Besides, we want to make sure the challenger here at least has a fair shot of making it through to face me."

Aw it’s baby Brawly and his dad! Love this.

From the first command, Beldum was tossed around like a sentient piece of gym equipment, and Steven watched helplessly as his partner was bunted across the Gym in a flurry of swift striking attacks. He could barely contain his embarrassment as he collected his battered partner and swiftly exited the Gym, unable to meet either Jude or Brawly's concerned eyes on the way out.

First off, I love the “sentient piece of gym equipment” line. Second, ooof I could just feel poor Steven’s humiliation. I wonder, would it have been such a shame for him to have backed out or to say he was just checking it out and would come back tomorrow for an actual challenge? Given the fact that he was so caught off guard by what type the gym was, and the fact that everyone kind of pounced on him and dragged him into battling, it feels a little unfair. Poor kid.

Placing his forearm against the wall and bending his left knee so that his heel was firmly planted on the floor beneath him, Steven took a deep breath and pushed with all his might. The force of the push was enough to roll him away from the wall from his back to his stomach, but at a high price. A cry of anguish ripped from his throat as his dislocated shoulder was ground into the stone floor with a sickly popping sound. It took everything he had to fight the urge to vomit as he lay panting from the pain. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he tried to reassure himself that if nothing else, at least Beldum might be able to locate him from his screams…

MORE TOP QUALITY WHUMP, JUST AAAAAA

He gasped as his hip made its displeasure known, but then he felt something cool and sturdy press into his chest from below. Aron had wedged itself under him and pressed slowly upward, balancing Steven's unsteady ascent.

Baby Aron just melts my heart. Such a good boi who deserves the whole freaking world.

"You try doing this with one good arm," he quipped dryly, but smiled as Aron retrieved the cap in its jaws and waited for Steven to take several gulps before dropping it in his palm. "Thanks, Aron."

I cannoooooot. It genuinely makes me teary, I forgot just how much I love little steel doggo 😭

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Steven couldn't deny how pleased the little Aron looked, so he sighed again. "Well, welcome to the team, I guess."

Lol Aron’s like “yep you’re my trainer now. No, you don’t get a say.”

Aron had taken it upon itself to carry Steven's pack on its back, and despite how tired he felt, he couldn't help but crack a smile at the comically overburdened pokemon bobbing along on four stubby legs in front of him.

Gosh this is such an adorable image. It seems I must draw some Aron doodles now. He’s just too cute and friend-shaped.

Jude blinked as he looked Steven over. Nothing about the boy's appearance made it seem like he was going to be fine, let alone able to take on something as strenuous as a Gym challenge. But, it wasn't his position to squash a trainer's wishes, so he held his tongue and waved Steven inside.

Nah bro you really should just uhhh send him to a hospital lol 🤣 I cannot believe Steven just sat through a gym challenge with so many injuries haha. At least Aron did all the work I guess!

"I'll end this quick," said Jude as a Hariyama hit the arena floor with a thud.

Whhh—Hariyama?? This is the second gym!! Calm down there, bro.

"Looks like we lost," he shrugged as one hand came to rest on his hip. "That's quite the tenacious little Aron you have there. I'm not sure what sort of bond you two share, but it's clear that it cares for you a lot. Make sure you don't let it down."

Knowing Aron’s history just makes re-reading this so much sadder. If I remember correctly, his former trainer abandoned him here after he couldn’t beat the gym, so he spent all his time battling with the fighting types in the cave and honing his skills. 😭 I’m so glad he has Steven now. He deserves so much better, and Steven can give him that. (Even if it comes with the occasional heart attack because Steven doesn’t look after himself enough, hah.)

I’ll be back for more!!

 

[HelloYellow17]

Phew, okay, I’m gearing up for a mega-chonker six chapter review! :D Naturally, re-reading each chapter has been such a delight. There’s a handful of little details that I didn’t catch the first time, which makes it extra enjoyable.

Spoiler: Line Quotes

Chapter 7:

Any media coverage of the challenge was strictly forbidden, and trainers who conquered it stayed mum about their experiences, either because it was too stressful to recall, or because it was seen as a rite of passage and any descriptions or accounts of their own trials might ruin the experience for future trainers.

This has always been a fascinating take to me! I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else approach Victory Road in this secretive, mysterious way. I like it, though—makes sense that they wouldn’t want to give an unfair advantage to trainers if they know exactly what to expect.

So without any concrete descriptions, rumors constantly swirled about the League's penultimate challenge. Some speculated it was a vicious gauntlet of seemingly endless battles against the strongest trainers in the region. Others claimed to have heard it was a punishing obstacle course for both trainer and pokemon alike. One tale even speculated it was actually a week-long exam full of written theory and unique battle scenarios.

Heh, Steven sure is gonna be delighted to find out it’s just a big ol mega-chonker cave

Steven never considered himself a betting man, but right at that moment he would have been willing to put money on the fact that tears of joy had never been shed on the entry side of Victory Road. But that's exactly what he felt like doing when he first set eyes on the League's final benchmark.

In his wildest dreams he never would have imagined the final obstacle in his way was a massive network of caves that bored their way through the very island of Ever Grande itself. To any other person, this was a punishment of the worst degree. To him, it was a dream come true.

This made me smile. It’s so Steven, and of course he’d be thrilled to find out it’s a cave! Heh.

Silently he thanked his odd habit of always carrying enough supplies to sustain an unplanned cave excursion.

Of course he would. 💛 I’d expect nothing less.

Not only could he eliminate the path from the potential exit route, but it afforded him a chance to do some collecting as well. Deploying Aggron, or Cradily, or Armaldo to keep watch for any wild pokemon he may disturb, he gleefully brought out the hammer and chisel he always carried with him whenever the urge to do some digging struck.

Ahahaha Steven is such a nerd. I adore him.

"Ah ah, don't move, pretty boy."

The voice was close and practically oozing with the same dark aura as the Mightyena that bristled just across the campfire. A thin, sharp object pressed against the side of his neck.

I am currently experiencing Deal with the Devil flashbacks

A ragtag group of trainers stepped into view. Some were young, some were older, and they seemed to run the gamut when it came to style and pokemon choice. The only thing they shared in common was the dirty and disheveled state of their clothes that told him they had spent far more time in these caves than he.

When I first read this, I thought this was maybe an early-days Magma or Aqua group. But no! It’s sadder than that!

"You're gonna recall that Claydol, and if you try anything funny, Cacturne here is gonna sink its needle through your jugular."

Cacturne? I know who’s coming up >:)

The Cacturne snickered again as its trainer stepped forward and the glow of the fire made his red mohawk stand out even more against his black leather jacket.

THERE HE ISSSSS

Sheila stared at him for a breath before she rolled her eyes and bade him to continue with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Small side note here, but I very much enjoy how expressive your characters always are. Conversations are always interesting and fun to follow because each person has their own distinct body language.

"There's an unspoken agreement when two trainers lock eyes… I propose we have a battle to determine my fate. If I win, I get to take a quarter of my supplies with me when I leave, and you keep the rest. If I lose, you get to keep my supplies –" he held up a hand to cut off Sidney's protest, "— and my pokemon."

BRUH I forgot he even bet his Pokémon on this gambit. That’s gutsy af.

"When we got out of here, we'd probably just get crushed by the Elite Four and have to slink home with our tails between our legs. Then what? Life as a trainer doesn't prepare you for what happens after your dreams get smashed into little pieces.

Ooof, this is some heavy stuff. First of all, what’s to stop any jaded trainer from just…taking their bitterness out on the world? What Sheila and her crew are doing is terrible, but it could also be much, much worse, since we’re talking about a whole group of skilled trainers and their teams, here. This could very quickly become a serious issue if not addressed properly, and it certainly is worth addressing. Trainers need to be prepared for life after training, and society needs to be willing and able to make space for them. It’s heartbreaking that, rather than be seen as a failure, Sheila would rather live her days out hiding in a cave and convincing other trainers to give up on their dreams.

At that, Steven's temper finally reached its breaking point.

"You're not the first person to assume I've had everything in life handed to me, and you certainly won't be the last. Battle me so we can really see how much you know about who I am."

I just—YES. This line is so so good, it defines Steven so well. Yes, he does come from a life and background of privilege. He very easily could have skated through on wealth and his father’s name if he wanted to, but he very actively chose not to. He clawed and struggled and worked for everything he had, and it was because that’s what he wanted. I daresay that’s just as admirable, if not even more so, than those that do come from a less privileged background because he, unlike most people, had the opportunity to take the easy way out and to have a very cushy and cozy training experience. But that is not who Steven is, and I’m sure he’s absolutely sick and tired of people assuming he hasn’t worked insanely hard for everything he has just because he dresses a little nice and had a rich father.

"I think I speak for the rest of the group when I say this… Life down here isn't easy, we know that. But that's why we're down here, to live. We need a leader that is going to look out for everyone. If it's so easy for you to discard the lives of your followers over one trainer, I'd hate to see what you will do when a real threat to our group comes along. Sheila, you are hereby stripped of your leadership position and are banished from the colony."

YES SIDNEY THAT’S MY BOY. Re-reading this chapter really makes me want more of that Sidney backstory fic you were planning a while back. I need more Sidney!

But the former leader was incensed, and she continued to shriek wildly.

"You can't throw me out! I saved you! I won't let you take my home away from me! Muk, kill them all!"

Oh YEESH this lady is real cray

Chapter 8:

Steven wasn't the only one who had shared in the excitement of Lairon's new form either. Lileep practically squealed with joy when Lairon lowered his head and scooped her up onto his back for a brand new perspective of the Route. Not to be outdone, Anorith chattered for a lift, and Metang was happy to oblige, hovering low so Anorith could scramble up and offer its own congratulations at a new vantage point too. Rolling its eyes at the two younger pokemon's antics, Metang leveled its gaze to Lairon and Steven swore he could feel the silent pulse of respect shared between the two evolved teammates.

AaaaaaaAAAA I ADORE THIS. So cute and wholesome and shows the team dynamic a bit. I’m getting very “older siblings take care of the younger siblings” vibes here. Too precious!

"So, do we go the long, safe way? Or do we go the short, unexplored route?" he asked with a quirked brow as he eyed the sharp elevation lines of the mountain ridge that separated forest from desert.

Lol Steven “do we go the safe way or the dangerous way? Obviously the dangerous way!”
I remember initially being SO SURE this was going to go south in the worst way (like in chapter 6) but it turns out it wasn’t too bad!

Steven blinked at the rude greeting, but he was determined to be polite. These men were working for Professor Cosmo, after all.

Are ya sure about that

As he was pushed to a halt at the edge of the campsite, he turned to question his sudden exit and discovered the scientist had beaten a hasty retreat back to his companions. They had huddled up once more and all eyes were on him as he stood with a bewildered expression on his face. Steven frowned at the odd exchange and made a mental note to ask Professor Cosmo about his employees later.

Lol Steven I have news for you

Steven stumbled back in surprise as the intruder let out a long, hollow whistle.

"A Claydol?"

However, his own apprehension wasn't matched by his partner, who hummed a greeting at the newcomer instead.

Looking back and forth between the two pokemon, a realization slowly crept in. "…Baltoy?"

Eyyyyy there it is! The first time reading, I was so sure Baltoy was going to join the team in its first debut. So when it reappeared this time, I was like “ah yes, there we go!”

"Fancy seeing you here again, my boy! Here I thought I had lost you for good in that sandstorm a while back."

Steven bit back on informing Dusty just how disappointed he was that that wasn't the case, and instead grated out a polite smile.

LOL Steven isn’t often snarky but when he is, he packs a LOT of it 🤣

"You see, I'd been rather unsuccessful in my own travels through the desert, and it had been so long that I grew lonely… So when I came across your father on his expedition, I thought we might be able to team up, but he wasn't interested… But I didn't give up. Instead, I thought if I tagged along I could convince him to change his mind… In the end, I only ended up following Joseph around like a lost puppy. So earlier when I said I'd accompanied him on his journey, that wasn't really true…"

Steven held Dusty's gaze as the explorer finished his tale, and the older man clutched his hat to his chest before giving a deep bow of apology.

"The reason I knew that look Claydol was giving you is because it's the very same look I gave your father all those years ago."

At that, Steven's glare softened, and he felt a pang of guilt for being so upset with the Ruin Maniac. This entire time all he'd been hoping for was a friend to explore the desert with. While he certainly could have been more tactful about it, Steven found he couldn't remain angry with the explorer.

Aw. Poor guy is just socially awkward and desperate for friends who share his interests. It’s impressive how you managed to take a guy who has been so consistently obnoxious over a couple chapters and turned him into sympathetic within just a few paragraphs.

"I appreciate your honesty, Dusty. While I'm not happy that you lied to me, I'd like to think that in the end you've not only ended up with one friend," Steven extended a hand, "but something more like two hundred friends."

A collective rattle sounded around the two trainers as the Baltoy colony gathered to hover in close. Dusty's head snapped up from his bow and he eagerly grabbed Steven's hand with both of his. Shaking it heartily, he turned to see the sea of Baltoy clamoring and twirling happily.

"I promise I'll take good care of these little fellows. You can tell that Claydol of yours too, you have my word. And even though the meteor's gone, we'll keep watch over this site so those ruffians can't come snooping around ever again."

Steven smiled. "I'm counting on you Dusty. Consider this your first official collaboration with the Stone family expeditions."

Awwww I love this conclusion. Dusty gets a whole tribe of friends, and the Baltoy have someone else looking out for them! It’s so wholesome and it makes my heart happy.

Chapter 9:

Spinning his gaze back ahead, he could see the outline of Mossdeep slipping up from the water.

“Spinning” seems like an odd word choice here. Perhaps “turning” instead?

He had been waiting to make this trip ever since he set foot on Lilycove's eastern shore and been told he'd need a new pokemon that could traverse the oceans of Hoenn.

I gotta ask, though—do they not have a ferry system? Surely it would be difficult for the citizens of Sootopolis and Mossdeep if they didn’t have one of some kind?

But beyond the rocket's outline, something else caught Steven's eye. A singular hunched landmass rose out of the ocean just to the north of the island, gently cradled by wide sandbars on either side. Squinting into the wind, the unmistakable shadow of a cave entrance peeked out of the shallow tide.

Steven is the dogs from Up, but instead of “omg squirrel” it’s “omg cave!”

Patting the bird's steel crest, Steven offered the Aspear berries it seemed so fond of, eager to stay on Skarmory's good side. As it happily chomped on the sour snack, Skarmory was all too keen to let Steven clean and polish its feathers as an extra reward for carrying them across the ocean.

Love that Skarmory likes sour berries, which indicates its Tough nature. I adore all the attention to the tiny details!

Metang rattled a sigh of disappointment is its red eyes swept over the craggy opening.

“Is” should be “as” here

But he soon discovered that the ceiling height wouldn't be an issue, as the sandy shelf at the entrance quickly dropped off as the cavern sunk down into the earth, revealing a deep pit with water worn tunnels bored into its sides. The depth of the sudden drop caused Steven's stomach to flip as a chunk of sand came loose from beneath his boot and cascaded down the cliff face, where it eventually crumbled and stuck to the moisture slick rocks below.

Considering the last time Steven was in an ocean-level cave, you’d think he would know to be more cautious this time…but nah. 😂 my guy really ought to do research about his caves before he goes spelunking

Before it fully materialized, Metang already was looking about in amazement. Neither trainer nor pokemon had seen this many shells in one place before. Hoenn's shores weren't particularly known for washing up many treasures, and Steven's hand came to his chin as he briefly wondered if some natural phenomenon could be responsible for depositing all of them in the depths of this cave instead.

Me, upon reading this the first time: Oh, they’re in Shoal Cave! :D
Also me: Oh. They’re in Shoal Cave. D: This will not end well.

Catching sight of the approaching swarm, whatever hope Steven had that his pokemon's echoing cry might have deterred the restless bats vanished in whirlwind of leathery wings.

Missing an “a” between “in” and “whirlwind”

Steven hadn't been paying attention as he rounded the corner of the passage and bumped straight into something that was definitely larger than a Snorunt. Whatever it was tumbled backward from the unexpected collision with a shout of, "Excuse you!"

“Excuse you” is precisely the kind of greeting/exclamation Wallace would give, ha

Wallace smirked as he smoothly brushed the dirt from his cloak as he stood. "I guess if you've managed to run into me down here in Shoal Cave, then you must have eventually figured it out. Congratulations." It didn't sound very genuine.

Lol the snark remains. I guess he doesn’t have to be tactful now that Juan isn’t around to keep him in check. 😂

Nestled in the heavy fabric was a baby Spheal. Its mouth opened wide in a gleeful bark and it waggled its tiny fins with excitement.

Babyyyyyyy!!!! Want to cuddle all the baby spheal. So good. So round. So friend-shaped.

Breath curling in a wisp that hung in the air, Steven couldn't believe just how much this one cavern had morphed from the rocky tunnels and passages one level above.

The first clause of this sentence reads a little awkward because it’s not a full sentence on its own? It’s an easy fix, though! If you just place “With” at the beginning of the sentence, it makes it read much smoother.

His gaze was fixed on an icy plateau just ahead of them, and there Steven spotted the same thing that had caught Wallace's attention. Spheal was happily gliding around on its stomach, giddily barking as it pinballed off of the frost coated rocks that poked out along the edges of its makeshift rink.

PINBALL SPHEAL, I REPEAT, PINBALL SPHEAL

From up ahead, Wallace couldn't hide his mirth at Steven's discomfort. "What did you expect? The ocean's not too balmy this time of year."

Wallace is simply not capable of keeping the snark away whenever he opens his mouth, the little snot 🤣 I’d say that I’m enjoying their banter, but at this point it’s less banter and more just Wallace roasting Steven with every breath he takes, lol

The rumbling chatter from his pokemon confirmed it. A double evolution.

I’ve said it before but I will say it again. *Ahem*
CRISIS EVOS CRISIS EVOS CRISIS EVOS

Now it was Steven's turn to chuckle, although it sounded weak as his shivering intensified.

"H-ha ha, all it took was a l-little teamwork," he grinned, "And a b-bit of caving knowhow."

Boy you sure do a great job of showing just how bitter cold it is and how badly it’s affecting Steven. I’ve been in horribly cold environments and it’s absolutely awful. I’d rather be in a place that’s too hot, frankly. Cold is just the worst.

"One last climb. Can't be worse than the first one," Wallace said, trying to sound cavalier and Spheal clapped its encouragement in response.

Bless Wallace for finally easing up on the snark lol. Also Spheal clapping in encouragement is THE CUTEST THING, MY HEART

"If M-Metang keeps to the s-shallow e-edge of the pools, there s-should be enough earth f-for it to l-levitate just f-fine," Steven stuttered out between shivers while ignoring his starter's worried glances at the sorry condition its trainer was in once again.

“Once again”, indeed! I sure ain’t complaining though, give me all the whump
Also, I hadn’t ever thought about water being an obstacle for Metang! I often forget that they float by magnetism and not just because they’re a floaty psychic mon.

"Oi, what do you have in this thing?! Rocks?"

Moving quickly, Wallace slung his cloak from his shoulders and wrapped it as best he could around Steven's frame. It was still damp from their escape through the flooding tunnels, but it was warmer than anything the freezing trainer had on at present.

As Victoria swiftly carried her two passengers to the cave exit, Wallace swore he heard a mumbled affirmative from the barely conscious trainer in his arms.

Ahaha I love that he’s just conscious enough to clarify that, why yes, he does have rocks in his bag. I love you Steven

To Wallace's surprise, Steven rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he lay back onto the pillow with a groan. "Metang is gonna be furious with me."

Wallace quirked an eyebrow. "Do you do this often?"

"Metang seems to think so… Where are we anyway?"

Lol that’s because Metang is RIGHT, Steven.

At this, Wallace actually looked a bit sheepish. "Well, I didn't know where else to go in Mossdeep, so I brought you to Taj and Mira's house –"

At first I was like “wait that’s not the twins’ names” and. Wow I gotta keep reminding myself that this is not the same time period as Brenden and May’s journeys haha

"I've seen a lot of trainers come through our Gym… I can count on one hand the number of them that could have orchestrated such a rescue under those circumstances. I'll admit, I didn't think much of you when we met back in Lilycove. The only anticipation I had for our next meeting was to send you and your team home from our Gym, sans badge. Now I must confess, that anticipation has changed. I look forward to our next meeting, but for very different reasons."

Nothing like a good old-fashioned life-or-death scenario to forge a friendship, amirite?

"Don't think about it too hard, it's just as I said. Besides, I don't have much use for it anyway. I'm not planning to deal with water too much after this."

"Are you not coming to the Sootopolis Gym?"

Worry flashed across Steven's face. "Your Gym isn't designed after a cave, is it?"

"Heavens no!"

"Then I'll be fine. Just no more mixing water and underground caverns…"

At this, Wallace smiled. "So you finally agree."

"Let's not get carried away…"

"A victory is a victory, no matter how small."

Haha ok, now this is some good banter. Love to see their friendship really start to bloom here.

Chapter 10:

"… And that means you'll have to take it easy until then. I'd recommend putting any pokemon training on hold at least until the next appointment."

Just a recommendation... Which Steven had no intention of following. As much as he dreaded being trapped in Slateport for so long, he knew he'd get through it. But if he had to do it without being able to do much of anything with his pokemon, especially after what he promised on the boat, he knew he'd go stir crazy. Besides, it's not like he would be doing cartwheels or climbing trees…

Lol of course Steven has no intention of listening to the doc’s recommendations, he and Wes certainly have that in common. Though I suppose he does have a point here too—it’s not like he can’t engage in light battles without over-exerting himself.

The first day at the Pokemon Center was miserable. After struggling to do the simplest of things, like discovering how buttons had suddenly become his greatest nemesis, his frustration finally peaked at how much effort it took to simply let Beldum and Aron out of their balls.

Ugh yes. It’s been 20 years since I last had a broken bone, but I still remember how frustrating everything was when I had to do it all one-handed, BUTTONS ARE THE WORST, and even the slightest wrong movement hurt so so bad. Hecc. Hate broken bones.

After a contortionist exercise to reach the PokeNav in his pocket,

Lolol I love this description

"You try doing this with only one… hand…"

His voice trailed off as Beldum gave him narrow-eyed glare. Aron simply sat back on his haunches and quirked his head to one side with an innocent snort.

Ahahahahah OMG I don’t think I caught this joke the first time while reading. 🤣

The first night proved to be an even more miserable experience, as Steven discovered it was nearly impossible to lay down with the sling and cast combination. Eventually he gave up and found himself ringing the nurse in the middle of the night, sheepishly asking for some extra pillows to try to prop his shoulder in a comfortable position.

Hhhhhh sleeping with a cast is just. The WORST. I very vividly remember trying to sleep with my arm in a cast and I had to have it propped up in the most uncomfortable position, and every time I moved in my sleep (which was a lot, I’ve always moved a lot in my sleep), I’d just wake up to stabbing, burning pain all the way up my arm. Ugh broken bones SUCK.

"No training today," he wiggled the fingers of his injured arm, "Doctor's orders. I can't be a disobedient patient on the first day. But soon enough, we'll get to work."

This reminds me—didn’t he also injure his hip from that incident? Why no mention of that? Was it just a bad bruise, I assume?

"It'll just be for a few days," he lied, "I need a change of scenery, and I'm sure you do too." That part wasn't a lie.

Lol I love that this implies that the first statement about it just being a few days was a lie. It was a pleasant surprise to know that Steven actually was a decently obedient patient for the most part and did take things slow and easy.

When Steven had brought his pack out from the closet, Aron immediately perked up, clearly just as excited as his trainer to go on a new adventure.

Oh this is just my dog whenever I grab my car keys. Or put on shoes. Or put on clothes that aren’t obviously comfy frumpy clothes. 🤣

But the Gulpin happily ignored the trio and eventually slowed to a stop beside its prey. It eyed the trash closely and then seemingly oblivious to its onlookers, opened its gooey maw as wide as its entire body and proceeded to swallow its target in one fell swoop. Its mouth snapped shut with an unsettling smack. Steven pulled a face in disgust. There was no way he was even slightly interested in having that thing on his team now. What if it decided to just swallow Aron whole one day? A quick glance down at the pokemon in question told him a similar thought must have crossed its mind too, as it sat in unblinking shock before a shiver broke its gaze and it edged even further away from the wild Gulpin. Beldum chattered a quiet laugh at Aron's obvious unease and the teasing sent Aron chasing after it, but not without giving the Gulpin a wide berth, just in case.

Ahahahaha I love everything about this, from Gulpin just mindlessly OMMMMMM-ing the soda can, to Steven assuming it would just mindlessly try to swallow its teammates, to Beldum teasing poor little Aron. 🤣 it’s perfect.

The pokeball sailed wide to the right as Beldum screeched in terror.

With a dull thud, the Electrike hit the ground at the edge of Route 110 and the resulting momentum sent it somersaulting into the sea. Steven's heart sunk.

Hhhhhhh I remember my heart just dropping out of my stomach when I read this. Poor little guy. This would be so horrifying to witness.

She shook her head. "Pokemon Center healing is very good at taking care of minor injuries and fatigue sustained in battles, but some injuries can be too extreme. Unfortunately, we cannot offer long term care for every pokemon that comes in, so we quickly treat pokemon as best as we can. Once they are no longer in critical condition, we release them into the care of their trainers." Suddenly her composure slipped, and her gaze fell. "As much as I would like us to be, we're not a pokemon hospital...we can only do so much."

This makes sense. It does beg the question, though: if Centers aren’t hospitals, where are the actual hospitals? Wouldn’t Slateport have one, since it’s such a big city and a major tourist attraction?

But Steven's concern wasn't the tingling sensation that lingered in his fingers, it was the way Electrike twisted and writhed under the assault of its own electricity. He didn't know much about electric type pokemon, but this wasn't right.

Even knowing the outcome, it still hurts to read this. Poor little doggo :(

"You must be the trainer with the Electrike. You sure got here in a flash, wahahaha!"

Steven's eyes narrowed. Did someone just crack an electricity pun?

Ahahaha WATTSON. I love your depiction of Wattson so much. He has such Dad Humor energy and I am here for it

But as he spun to face the owner of the voice, he came face to face with a portly older man sporting a neat white beard and tackiest printed shirt he'd ever seen.

Of COURSE he wears tacky printed shirts, I wouldn’t ever expect anything less

Steven must have given him an odd look because the Gym Leader just laughed. "What's the matter, you look shocked, wahaha!" He suddenly leaned in and spoke in a secretive manner, although his voice carried through the room anyway, "Don't worry, I won't charge for my help."

This man is a whole VIBE AND A HALF, I love him. There’s something about people who are so shamelessly cheery and unafraid of their own terrible humor that just really gets to me hahaha

"Your Electrike swallowed too much sea water, and now its electric sacs are over ionized. Poor guy is all out of balance. I can drain some of its excess charge with my pokemon."

The Leader dug into the pocket of his jumpsuit and brought out a pair of pokeballs. With a flash, a Magneton and a Voltorb appeared at his side and instantly the crackling electricity was drawn up and away from Electrike. The pained pokemon finally opened its eyes and turned its gaze up toward its saviors. Wattson grinned down at the Electrike and gave its head a hearty rub before addressing Steven again.

"Treat it with plenty of fresh water and stay away from processed pokemon food, too much salt content. In a few days it'll be back to its old self."

I really really enjoy stuff like this! I dunno, I just find explorations of Pokémon biology really fascinating, and I love seeing different and unique ailments that can pop up and how they can be treated. I’d read a whole fic about pokemon medicine and health care, to be honest.

He held up Electrike's ball and pressed the center button for a few seconds. Two beeps later, the pokeball opened in his palm, empty. Electrike was no longer his.

"I made a promise to my partners that we'd get stronger together. And so far, I haven't even been able to keep up my end of the deal. It may sound selfish, but I want you to keep Electrike because I need to figure out how keep my promise to the pokemon who are with me now."

Ngl, when I first read this, I was kind of rooting for Steven to take the lil sparky doggo, even though I knew he doesn’t have a Manectric on his team. I just thought it was a lovely story of how they met (and I admit, I’m biased because I love Electrike.) But this choice makes sense, especially since he really has a desire to specialize in rock and steel types and doesn’t feel qualified to care for an electric type properly.

Chapter 11:

Both pokemon nodded as they turned back to face the opponent and Steven grimaced. Taj and Mira both were still smiling.

"Two steel types –"

"—An interesting choice indeed."

"We can sense your strategy –"

"—But will you be able to pull it off before we execute ours?"

Omg this would be SO obnoxious and unnerving. Not gonna lie, it seems wildly unfair that they can read minds and literally predict what you’re about to do. How do you compete with that?? Even though Steven wins, it’s unclear how exactly he managed to catch them by surprise.

Mira's shout cut through Lunatone's distressed cries and Steven watched the flames begin to build. Solrock aimed at where Lairon's trajectory was headed and unleashed its attack.

"No you don't! Metang, use confusion to deflect that attack!"

"What!?" Two simultaneous shouts issued from the Gym Leader's box.

AHAHAHA. How does it feel to have your own strategy used against you? >:)

"Yeah! Go kick his butt!" Liza swung a little fist into the air.

Mira looked down at her daughter in mock surprise. "Now, Liza, is that what friends do?"

"Totally! That's why I kick Tate's butt all the time. We're best friends!" She smiled innocently as her brother's face scrunched in a sour look.

"Nuh uh, it's 'cause I let you win or else you cry!"

Lol I love the sibling banter

At this elevation, the Falls were no longer buried deep within the earth. Raised above sea level, the thick cavern walls had been worn away by wind and rain and time. So much so that large openings had been carved through the exterior rock and allowed fresh air and sunlight to pour into the space. Plants and greenery spilled in through the openings, creeping their way toward the grand pool at the center of the cave. Fed by tiny rivulets that cascaded from a hidden source at the very top of the cavern, the water of the central lake was crystal clear, and yet it stretched so deep in the middle that its bottom was shrouded in inky blue darkness.

I just LOVE your descriptions of scenery, but especially of the various caves! This one in particular just sounds so prettyyyyyy I wanna hang out here.

"You… you live here?" Steven gawked at the trainer's forward greeting.

"Only 'till I catch a Bagon. They're notoriously hard to find, and even harder to capture." The trainer strode across the cavern until he joined Steven near the edge of the lake. "Garrett's the name, nice to meetcha."

y’know, at first I’m like “wow that’s dedication” and then I realize that I, too, would camp out in a cave if it meant meeting a Bagel Child. But then I also remember who this scumbag is and I think “yeah actually no, please stay away from the Bagel Children and also don’t catch another Pokémon for as long as you live, thanks.”

"Well I only wanted the strongest one," Garrett put a hand on his hip as if it was common sense while Aggron wore a smug look of pride.

Lairon ignored the posturing and instead turned its gaze to Garrett with a whine growing in its throat.

"Looks like it's still as big of a baby as when I left it back there in that a cave," he said with a smirk.

Hey, Lairon, sweetie. Do me a favor and CRUSH THIS NUB. Thanks 💛

"Tell me. What did you do with the other Aron you caught?"

"Why do you care?"

"Just... humor me."

There wasn't a shred of remorse in Garrett's tone, "I got rid of them too. They weren't of any use to me."

Just unreal that people can look at living, sentient creatures and treat them this way. The fact that this isn’t a far cry at all from how people treat animals (and other people!) irl is also a punch to the gut.

Also: CRUSH 👏 HIM 👏

It's trainer's face twisted to match.

Wrong “its” here

An ear splitting roar broke the silence and Garrett's Aggron found itself staring down its mirror image. Whether it was out of spite, pride, or sheer willpower, Steven would never know, but in the end, it didn't really matter. Lairon had evolved.

I’m sorry, no offense to the rest of the team, but this evolution scene is JUST SO EPIC, it might be my absolute favorite. AGGRON GO CRUSH EM, BABY

"Choose the opponent's team for them, and then finish them all off with a dangerous knock out technique. Am I on the mark?"

The last remaining evidence of Garrett's cheerful disposition vanished at Steven's cold words.

"Guillotine's not an outlawed move. It's a legal strategy."

"I'm not questioning the legality of it. You're a strong trainer, just not one I can respect."

I love this for many reasons. First of all, the Roar + Gullotine strat is a creative one. But, even though it’s all technically legal, it feels dirty. It’s a perfect strat to showcase someone who doesn’t care how clean or honorable their battle is, just as long as they win.

"I think you know where this is going," said Steven, staring cooly at his fellow trainer.

A second Aggron appeared on the battlefield in no better condition than the first, but its eyes were sharp and alert. Garrett practically seethed as Steven's Aggron gave a fierce battle cry that sent his own Aggron flinching away in fear.

"Show them how weak you really are."

HECK. YES. I LOVE THAT LINE SO FREAKING MUCH.
Gosh this chapter is one of my favorites because the battles are just so excellent and well done. Love how creative they are, how involved the trainers are and how there’s so much unspoken communication between Steven and his team, and the pacing is so so good. It never feels boring or dragged out.

Chapter 12:

Pokemon Trainer's Handbook pg. 36: Pokemon are inherently dangerous creatures. It is imperative that trainers understand the risks of raising and training their chosen partners. Attributes, nature, and even the typing of a pokemon can determine how difficult a particular pokemon may be to train…

Ahaha the first time reading through, I knew this chapter would be about Skarmory just from this excerpt.

He could have just gone after a feathered flyer. But no, by some ingrained sense of hubris, he convinced himself that he wanted to catch a bird with metal wings instead.

Lolol “why. Why did I convince myself I needed a sentient flying metal death trap. Why do I gotta be so extra.”

Okay, so his plan hadn't actually been meticulous. After trudging through the soot-coated underbrush for the better part of a week, Steven had grown impatient with his inability to even spot a single Skarmory. Which was precisely why when he'd stumbled upon a gathering of about twenty of the birds, he was so giddy that he burst into the clearing brandishing a pokeball before Metang could stop him.

Ohhhhhh. Oh, Steven. I love you but you’re such a moron. 🤣 He sure makes a lot of terrible decisions in this fic, but this one takes the cake for the worst one.

Red and white vanished into a flurry of silver, but a flash of light told him he had struck one with his hurried throw. The pokeball tumbled to the ground, shaking furiously, as the rest of the Skarmory began to break through the low-hanging clouds to safety.

Welp. Now you’ve done it. Why not at least try to calmly approach one and ask it for a battle? 😂

A gust of wind suddenly interrupted their less-than-hushed argument, flattening the bushes and sending the ground around them erupting into a cloud of windswept soot. Doubled over from a coughing fit, Steven barely had time to register the looming shadow that fell over their hiding place. Metang screeched a warning just before it roughly shoved him to the ground. Skarmory's claws flashed out, but Metang had shifted to cover Steven with its body, and the sharp talons only managed to rake at its steel hide, rather than their intended target. Skarmory shrieked in rage at being foiled, and swooped out of range as Metang took a swipe at the aggressive pokemon.

Agh you do such a good job of showcasing just how terrifying an angry Skarmory should be. There are many Pokémon on the “don’t ever piss off” list, but I’d imagine a BIRD MADE OF KNIVES would be very high up there.

"I haven't seen many Skarmory around here, but every time I do, they look mad about something. That's probably the last pokemon I'd want to have pissed at me."

Ahahaha same hat

"Those birds are the most disagreeable pokemon I've ever seen. Everyone around here knows to steer clear. Heck, even the pokemon around here are scared of 'em. Not a one would dare to challenge a Skarmory, so they just let it claim as much territory and food as it likes. And to think you came here looking for one."

So, I can give credit to the fact that some species are more hot-headed than others, and this Skarmory is definitely harboring a grudge that it’s going to take to its grave, which is not something the average even-tempered mon would do. That said, I can’t really blame him for being angry—he was just minding his own business when his day was rudely interrupted, and he made it clear that he didn’t want to stay and fight, let alone be captured. It wasn’t until after multiple attempts from Steven that he finally decided to give him a piece of his mind. So, yes, definitely a bloodthirsty little sword bird, but also, Steven isn’t without fault here, either.

"Don't worry, it should calm down by tomorrow. I think."

Lolol how encouraging. Also, Skarmory overhearing this conversation be like “You fool. You underestimate my power.”

The glass blower frowned, but he didn't back down, "I'm supposed have the vase ready to deliver by tomorrow. There's no time to lose. I need that ash today."

Pano. I am shook. Devastated. Betrayed. Heckin bamboozled. How COULD you have strung me this far along, only to reveal this WAS AN ASHFIC THE WHOLE TIME?

I am distraught. I will never recover from this betrayal. I can’t believe you’ve done this to me. How could you.

(Also, side note, let’s not overlook the fact that this man finished his order two whole days before the deadline?? Respect, man. My disorganized, ADHD, procrastination-prone self is in awe.)

Steven was about to protest the idea when the glass blower stepped back. He had anchored the tub neatly to the top of Metang's head, and Steven nearly burst out laughing at the ridiculous sight. Thankfully, he held his laughter in, but it didn't keep Metang from glaring daggers in return.

Ehehehe this image never fails to bring me some serotonin. I was about to say “Steven you have no right to laugh, you probably also look ridiculous” but then again, Steven does not have a bucket on his head.

Steven yelped as the ground fell away from beneath his body, and in a panicked struggle, he tried to release himself from the smock's straps. He'd gladly lose his ash collection to the angry bird if it meant he could escape its clutches. But as he spotted just how high he'd already been carried, he ceased trying to wiggle his way free, and instead clung tightly the garment, lest he slip out and plummet to his death. He thought about calling out for help, but Skarmory had carried him too high for even Metang to follow, and he watched helplessly as his partner shrunk to a small blue speck in the middle of Route 113, its cries fading into the rushing wind.

Jdbdksjdjskskd this would be THE MOST TERRIFYING THING. Good thing Steven isn’t terrified of heights. I think I would have just died of fright right then and there. Also, POOR METANG LOL. Steven really be out here giving his starter a heart attack every other day.

Before Steven could wonder exactly why Skarmory had carried him here, he was dropped unceremoniously to the ground where he tumbled to a halt on the rocky ground.

This reads a tad clunky with “ground” appearing twice in one sentence. You could easily end the sentence at “unceremoniously to the ground” since what comes after is redundant.

He franticly dug into his pocket, not daring to look away from the deadly bird that leered down at him.

Misspelling here! Should be “frantically”

WHEW OKAY THAT WAS A LONG ONE, HAHA. I actually have some more in-depth thoughts on chapter 12, but I’ll share those with you in DMs because I’m very tired from typing all of this out and don’t have it in me to get into it right here. 😂 Anyways, as always, I love this fic and it deserves more attention and love and it’s so good and just YES. You’re amazing 💛

 

[windskull]

Hi Pano, as the blitz draws to a close, I return for one more review. I'll be reviewing 4 chapters here. Please bear in mind that I have limited ability to type right now, and some of this review will be worked on via speech to text, so please disregard any weirdness I may have missed during cleanup. With that out of the way, let's jump right in.

Starting with Staunch, I'll be honest, I was surprised to see Lairor's old trainer alive - or at all, for that matter - but its not unwelcome. I feel like this is the first time we're seen a trainer that is not good to their pokemon. I mean, we're seen someone who didn't care much about the humans in their care, but pokemon have been well cared for. I think this helps distinguish this part from other chapters with antagonistic human characters.

As for Garett's strategy… Boy howdy is that brutal. I'm kind of surprised it's still legal, if it's really as dangerous as Steven makes it out to be.

I like that the battle at the beginning more or less sets up for the solution Steven uses in the fight against Garrett. It helps keep the fight from feeling extraneous.

Overall, while this chapter was ultimately just one fight after another and a vehicle for Aggron's evolution, the resolution was satisfying enough that I have no complaints.

Moving on to Rise, The chapter starts off right in the middle of things, with Steven hiding from his soon -to-be final team member. Due to a combination of this fic's nonlinear storytelling and the fact that we're dealing with canon characters we already knew things would work out in the end. But that didn't stop things from being tense. We knew Steven would succeed, but not how much he would suffer to get there. And that's a big driver in the tension for this chapter.

The character of the week for this chapter is the glassblower and, while he's fairly one dimensional thats not a bad thing. He's not the main focus of the story. That said, he does provide steven with someone on his side and helps alleviate an otherwise tense situation.

As I'm whiting this review at the end of this batch of chapters and know that what I have left is more or less the climax against the elite four, I'll say here that I'm kind of surprised this ends where it does. I mean, it's a good end-point for the chapter, but at the same time we don't really get to see how Steven won Skarmory's respect (unless I'm forgetting something, which I very well could be.) And that feels like something that should have been addressed in this fic and I'm honestly kind of surprised it's not. But it's no big deal in the end.

Regardless, overall the chapter was paced well and provided an origin for the last of our team members. There's only a few major major points left to cover, so let's move on to the next chapter.

This is yet another high-octane chapter with multiple fight scenes. I do have to admit that reading these last three chapters back to back leaves me feeling a bit fatigued. There's so much action between the three of them that it all sort of bleeds together. Obviously this is all hindsight for a fic that's been finished for a while, but may be worth keeping in mind for the future.

But let me talk about the chapter itself. This serves as a nice little cap to the plottine around Wallace. And white it feels like there is more that could be expanded on later, it's a satisfying end point for this story. They faced off at their best, and Steven came out the victor.

Speaking of Wallace, I got a kick out of his freakouts at Steven's strategic decisions. I can't blame him, but it was still pretty hilarious.

Something that surprised me was that Metang hadn't evolved yet. Sure, I expected it to get its own special chapter, and that it would probably be the last event before the endgame chapters, but I expected it to have happened at this point timeline-wise. Not a critique mind you, just a thought.

On the subject of the battles, this chapter had some of the most creative fights in the story thus far, in my opinion. The standout moment was getting Metang soaked so that he was easier to freeze, but there were several instances of creative battle strategies.

Overall, while I can't really say this chapter stood out among its peers, I still enjoyed reading it.

which brings me to the last chapter of this review. Galvanize surprised me in more ways than one.I expected it to be a slower, wind-down chapter. I expected it to be the chapter Metang evolved in. I didn't expect it to feel like a mundane slice-of-lite story. I didn't expect Metang to evolve in such a soft moment. And I certainly didn't expect the Berry Master. I think this has its pros and cons. On the positive side, this provides the reader with a much-needed reprieve before what's sure to be an action packed finale. On the other hand, there's So little stakes in comparison to previous chapters that it feels almost too slow in comparison.

That said, I do think this bookends nicely with everything that's happened this far. Especially the very end when Steven is on the call with his dad that leads into an earlier chapter. It's a nice cap to all the adventures thus far. A chance to see how far things he and his team have come.

Also, I liked that we got to briefly check in with Electrike and know he’s doing ok (and doing exactly what I expected 8P)

And now, we're nearing the end. I imagine most of the remaining chapters are going to center around the battles against the E4 and champion. Of the four from the games, we know the whereabouts of Sydney. I feel like there’s a decent chance we’ll see Drake and Glacia. The only one I’m not sure about is Phoebe. I think she and Flannery are the only gym leader/elite four members (excluding Norman, who wouldn’t be here yet) that we haven’t seen. We also haven’t seen Team Aqua, but I suspect that we won’t, at this point.

I think I’ll end off the review here. I only have a few more chapters to go, and I’m looking forward to seeing this to the end. Until then, take care.

 

[Seren]

So this has been a long time coming, but I'm finally sitting down to read this! I'm gonna try to get through it chapter-by-chapter and see how well I can follow along.

Spoiler: Chapter 1 thoughts

They should have already reached their destination, but Steven couldn't resist exploring the strange rock formation that peeked out from among the nearby treetops. Too preoccupied with finding an entrance into the largest mound,

Nothin' to see here, just Steven being Steven! I love this tbh, and I think I know the exact spot in-game you're talking about here, too. (I had my secret base on route 120 so I feel like I know it well enough.)

Twenty minutes later, Steven admitted he had made a mistake.

We're three scenes in and already Steven's having himself a time. Yeah, I'm gonna enjoy this. Bring on the whump!

"Fine! Get a hit in on the last two and then I'm recalling you."

Nodding as it cocked back a leg for the next attack, Metang suddenly jerked backward.

Loving how judgy Metang was of Steven, and it's guilty of the same exact shortsightedness itself. Like trainer, like 'mon!

I do kind of wonder how close they are to Mt. Pyre here, though. In-game you need to surf to get to it, so I figured it was it's own little island. But it seems here that maybe that part of the route is just flooded?

Metang floated forward and grasped the card in its claw before moving to open the door.

The pokemon in your setting seem to have a lot more self-awareness than most. I kind of like that, how they're able to walk around on their own and get someone to give them food on their own, etc. Kind of wishing I could get to that point, but my problem seems to be getting from the bonding stage to this level of trust. I'm not sure how to make it feel natural, like the pokemon are just able to do things on their own. Gonna be looking closely at how you do it, see if I can pick up any tips.

Spoiler: Chapter 2 thoughts

Still cradling his pokemon, Steven looked back to his father. "I'd love to go Dad. Just wait until you see what Beldum and I can do."

Huh. Honestly, not the path I'd have expected! Steven's father always seemed to be portrayed as this powerful businessman, not the type to actually goad Steven into being a trainer! It's a twist I wasn't expecting, and better for it.

"You think I don't know that? I've trained and trained and Beldum just won't learn any new moves! Maybe if it wasn't so helpless we could have actually won!"

Oh, ouch. Heat of the moment pain. Glad you addressed that beldum doesn't really get anything else. I love Roxanne coming to Steven's defense. I see beldum manages to save Steven with some sort of psychic move! I do love those adrenaline-fueled feats of strength.

Spoiler: Chapter 3 thoughts

Reaching down to his belt, Steven brushed his jacket aside to produce three pokeballs before deftly placing them on the registration pedestal at the side of the box. He felt a small rattle from his hip, and he muttered a quiet apology.

Oh, huh. I've honesly been less a fan of the "you must select your battlers before the match begins" take, myself, but I think that's an anime bias. It hasn't actually been a factor in my own writing so far, and realistically, you can just write as though they picked whoever you wanted to write about anyway. It also makes sense from a sporting PoV, also... Hmmm. I may have to consider this!

"Cradily!" he shouted as loud as he could, "You have to knock it out to stop this noise! Finish it off with ancient power!"

Roxanne smiled. "Surprised? Probopass' main body isn't the only one that can attack. Each Mini-Nose can unleash quicker, scaled-down versions of its attacks. Sure, it won't deal much damage on its own, but with a weakness to steel, and three Mini-Noses, how long can your Armaldo hold out?"

I gotta say, this is how you write a solid battle! Good, practical use of strategy. Endure, ancient power, and I love this little detail about the mini-noses! (Also it was clear without ever stating it that Cradily's ability is suction cups rather than water absorb!) I knew from the moment I saw the chapter title that it was going to come down to Steven/Metagross vs Roxanne/Golem, and yet not once did I feel like it was drawn out. Thoroughly enjoyable, and honestly I wish I could have seen a video of it, hah.

I'm sorry I don't have a whole lot to say, much less of which is likely useful - less review, more "this was good" - but I'm very much enjoying this so far. If I hadn't already known how passionate you are about Steven and Hoenn as a whole, it's pretty obvious in your writing.

Anyways I'll try to keep my thoughts in three chapter segments so I'm not text-walling as I read on. Seeya for now!

 

[Seren]

Alright, here's another batch of chapter comments.

Spoiler: Chapter 4 thoughts

As the sand swirled overhead, a break in the clouds let the moonlight shine through for only a moment and Beldum swore it saw a silhouette melt into a nearby dune.

This scene really sets a good tone, here. Very mysterious, likely very dangerous!

Steven's starter pokemon materialized with a chirp of dismay as it immediately was buffeted about by the swirling wind.

I do find it amusing how both of Steven's steel-types really don't seem to like sand very much, haha.

There's not a lot of one-liners here to really comment on, so I'll just say that overall, I really enjoyed chapter 4. It wasn't at all what I was expecting, and it explains how Steven gets his two fossils. Now I'm intrigued, though, because for some reason I was expecting him to get a baltoy here, too (he does have a claydol in RSE, I think?). So I guess we'll get that in a future chapter, too.

Spoiler: Chapter 5 thoughts

There was something about Lilycove City that gave it a sense of calm despite it being the most populated city in Hoenn.

The very first line and I found myself agreeing with this. Hoenn as a whole had a similar feel to it, tbh, but Lilycove was the most noticeable!

"Ma'am, is this your son?"

LOL This was the funniest exchange here. That crazy old lady, not bothering to recognize her not-son even when he was standing directly in front of her until he turned around.

Thankfully, the appeals were more interesting, although Steven had to admit he didn't really understand how the scoring worked.

I like how you incorporated the games way of making contests work here! I never was a fan of contests either, but I agree with Steven, they're interesting enough.

Ah, I was waiting for Wallace to show up. Very cocky of him, but with good reason. I hope we get to see Steven's battle with him later on.

Spoiler: Chapter 6 thoughts

This pain was overpowering, dulled only by the intense throbbing of his head.

OH BOY MORE WHUMP!

The Gym's grass-type pokemon could barely dent Beldum's defenses and they quickly succumbed to the little steel-type's physical attacks.

Grass-types in Petalburg, huh? There's clearly been a lot of gym changes between Steven's journey and RSE! Also Slateport had a poison gym at one point, huh? Interesting choices!

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Steven couldn't deny how pleased the little Aron looked, so he sighed again. "Well, welcome to the team, I guess."

This was really cute. I wonder if we'll ever get to know who Aron's former trainer was, and how Aron got left back in Granite Cave. Either way, lucky for Steven that he was!

"Looks like we've got ourselves an early bird challenger today!" Jude's voice rang out as he removed his key from the lock, but he faltered when he caught sight of the disheveled boy standing before him. "Oh my, what happened, trainer? Are you okay?"

lmao Leave it to Steven to ignore a hospital in favor of a battle. And that was a very funny battle, at that! Spunky little Aron, he is.

Alright, there's the next batch! Very good so far! Honestly I'm enjoying the out-of-order sequence, it's really not distracting at all, even in the chapter with the flashbacks. Color me impressed.

 

[SparklingEspeon]

Review for chapters 1 – 12

Okay so this is horribly overdue and I apologise for that, my brain broke for two weeks and I just fixed it

I have to say that on my list of canon characters I’d be interested in seeing expanded on, Steven Stone wasn’t very high on my list. I think that’s both because Hoenn and Sinnoh are blindspots for me, and because Steven isn’t suuuper memorable for me as a champion. Which I think works to your advantage here. It’s always fun to see people who share my weird proclivity for taking characters few others really blink an eye at and transform them into something much deeper and more interesting, which is what you’ve done here.

I think the structure of out of order, mostly standalone but tied-together oneshots works really well for this story, allowing us to see different snapshots of Steven’s life. It reminds me a little of Kint’s Envy of Eden, which did a similar thing but just Backwards instead of Random. I appreciated that even though the events themselves were out of order, oscilating from “childhood” to “Victory Road” to everything in between, there was still a sense of progression between them. We saw Roxanne as a childin chapter two, then we saw her as an adult in Chapter three; aron kept getting teased in little ways and then that paid off big when we met his previous trainer, we got teased that Steven’s skarmory was Big Trouble in the ice cavern chapter and then a few chapters later we’re watching him get hunted by it. Even though they’re in completely random places along the timeline, they felt very connected in the order they were given out. It’ll be interesting to eventually go through this in chronological order and see how things change then!

My favorite of the 12 chapters I read had to be the second one, especially the moment when Steven chooses to stand up to the poachers. That felt like a really powerful defining moment for him, and it really sells his strong friendship with Beldum. I also liked the chapter where we learn that all those little details about his aron are actually because the aron had a previous trainer who was a jerk and just left him all alone, and then aron got to demonstrate that actually he wasn’t so bad after all and maybe Previous Trainer isn’t on as high a horse as he thought. The one with the most interesting concept to me was when he got mugged on Victory Road. I think we didn’t get too far into the nitty gritty of it b/c there’s a light atmosphere to keep, but I thought the idea of trainers living on Victory Road and mugging kids for supplies was really innovative and interesting, and probably the type of thing that would happen if it were real lol. It adds a hint of realism that helps sell the world being alive.

(I also thought the frankness of “thousands of kids can try, but only one is going to be become champion” was a nice touch, along with some digging at Steven—he’s a Rich Boy even if he doesn’t act like it, so he’s kind of inherently better equipped than they are to be taking this on)

Steven himself felt fairly well-defined as a character. He’s introverted but earnest, an Outdoors Kid with a rebellious streak that leads him to do some dumb things wrt cave/outdoorsy obsessions, but also has a very clearly defined set of Moral Lines Not To Cross and is good natured by default. It can probably be chalked up to world tone, but it did kind of surprise me that him being the Devon Corp Kid didn’t get brought up much. He seems like the kind of person who doesn’t really like the stuffiness of those roots and tries to separate himself from that, and it would have been interesting to see more of his reactions to having to brush that off often or deal with the inherent separation between his Rich Kid roots and the run of the mill trainer. I really did like his moments with his pokemon, you can tell that he loves them and I feel like he expressed himself the most through or alongside them (which is also a really nice touch, since in chapter two it’s stated that he had trouble expressing himself without them)

Criticisms… for the most part, they’re minor. Your structure of “subsequent oneshots” feels very strong, and I didn’t have too many complaints about what I read.

I did think the story sometimes comes at the cost of the characters. Roxanne felt very one-note in her appearance, and perhaps she didn’t really need to be more than that, but around the time the battle was starting I began to get tired of her. Similarly, I feel like moments such as Steven standing up to the poachers in chapter two were fleeting because of the focus on keeping things in step with the canon atmosphere. Even Wallace, arguably the most three-dimensional character here, kind of felt like he had a trajectory of “snobby asshole -> less snobby asshole”.

Aside from that… it’s been a bit so I can’t remember if it’s six or seven, but I think that the chapter where Steven goes cave-diving and finds his aron was a bit confusing. We jumped around a lot, but it wasn’t really clear why we were jumping around for most of it, or how they all tied together until the end. Additionally in the chapter with the skarmory the guy just. Sending him out for more materials knowing there was a persistent, territorial skarmory waiting to grab this kid off the ground feels heartless and brutal lol. I’m kinda surprised it was only addressed passingly b/c that feels like a Pretty Big Thing to be nonchalant about.

The last big thing that bugs me is, I guess, that this fic seems to carry over that same odd double standard I’ve seen in the anime where the narrative and characters preach about pokemon being their friends and how they must be treated with respect, but then refer to them as “it”, makes assumptions about what they’re thinking/saying, and mostly just use them as tools and mules. Even Steven, to an extent, did this (though he did listen and have a lot of genuine friendship moments with them). I’m not really going to knock you too hard for that one though, b/c it's something that well, canon also does, and I feel like this was more a result of that tone carryover than anything else.

Usually I do a theorizing/plot hopes section, but in this case I think this story isn’t super suited for either :p One thing I did notice is that there is both a two-parter late into the run, and the last four chapters seem to be chronological according to your alternate suggested order (!!!). Super interested to see how that plays out.

Overall, this was a really nice read! I liked the relaxing, light tone that these oneshots had (stories that are just about atmospheric times in the Trainer World fall squarely into one of my favorite trainerfic genres), and they all weave together to create a journey that feels much larger than 180K words can express. Intense kudos for your wonderful work, and I hope to return to tackle the final six chapters sometime soon!

~SparklingEspeon

 

[HelloYellow17]

Here we go!! I blazed through the final six chapters, and WOW I have so much to say.

For starters, these chapters are extremely battle-heavy—for obvious reasons! Steven faces Wallace, then gets the Rain Badge, then battles through the Elite Four and the Champion. Tons of significant battles, and all of them were unique, thrilling and delightful. If I had to pick a favorite out of all of them, I think I’d have to go with the battle against Juan, though I also really enjoyed Iona and, of course, Drake. I’ll give more specific thoughts below!

I picked out a LOT of lines this time. I’ll see if I can break it up by chapter so that it’s not all shoved under one spoiler that’s five miles long. 😂 Also, I’m gonna post this once I have the basic formatting down and before I write out all my thoughts, just to avoid the forums potentially eating my review while I type. Because I will go FERAL if I lose all my quotes lolololol

Spoiler: Chapter 13

Even against a backdrop of shimmering tile and cascading water, the Gym Leader's distinctive style stood center stage, and Steven couldn't help but feel a knot of anxiety settle in his stomach. Juan was a truly intimidating figure who commanded every ounce of reverence he received.

Bless, we love some Juan appreciation in this house. Since he only really appeared in Emerald (and maybe ORAS?), he doesn’t get much spotlight or love. I’ve always liked him.

"You're lucky I'm a patient individual," Wallace's eyes narrowed, but his smile didn't falter. "Don't keep me waiting any longer."

Wallace? Patient? Are we sure about that? Kidding, I know he’s probably endlessly patient as a trainer. But with Steven… maybe not so much. 😂

They only shared one common path; a series of segmented ramps that apparently could turn into stairs with the push of a button, as the flight to the first platform demonstrated.

I enjoy your depiction of this gym, and that the ice turns into ramps and it’s not just literally breaking and falling through it, haha.

"I did my homework. Steel types may resist ice type attacks, but not when they get wet first and then freeze."

Oooooh yes I’m a huge fan of stuff like this. Using moves to set up so you can bypass type resistances or weaknesses? YESSSSS THAT STUFF IS MY JAM.

Hovering back to its trainer's side, Metang withdrew from the battlefield with a nervous glance at the pokeball that arced to take its place.

A piercing cry echoed through the Gym as Skarmory emerged in mid-air, eyes sharp and wings unfurled.

Lololol I was very amused by this. Metang be like “but are you sure about this?”

I find Steven’s dynamic with Skarmory interesting, because even in their match against Drake, it seemed like it would be a coin toss as to whether Skarmory would listen to him or not. I’d honestly love to see more of these two, of how they overcame their differences and how Steven managed to earn Skarmory’s respect. How exactly did we go from screeching, raging murderbird to begrudging obedience to a partnership of respect?

"Ludicolo is unable to battle! The victory goes to –!"

The referee's voice was drowned out by Skarmory's triumphant screech, causing everyone to wince, and Steven hastily recalled his flyer with an apologetic look and a promise of plenty of treats for its great performance.

Loooool I love how proud and cocky Skarmory is. What a snot. 😂 He and Nani would be great friends. Or bitter enemies. Or maybe both. Cocky Pokémon are SO fun to write, aren’t they?

Steven watched as the water receded from his side of the battlefield, drawn in by the artificial tide of Walrein's surf. As the wall of water reared up, Steven seized their chance.

"Thunderbolt!"

"What?!" Wallace's shout was drowned out as the air crackled with electricity.

Gahahaha I forgot just how SHOOKETH Wallace is at this, and how it goes from that to an enraged “HE DIDN’T EVEN USE THIS AGAINST ME” spiel. 😂 Also HECK YEAH Aggron’s move pool is low key INSANE and I love it.

Steven couldn't see Juan's reaction through the wave, but he was sure the last thing either he or Walrein expected to see in its aftermath was a flying Aggron.

Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHA

OKAY BUT

After AQ, this is TEN TIMES FUNNIER

Aggron has a penchant for flying, it seems!!

But as Aggron moved into attack position, Gorebyss flicked her gaze back toward her opponent, and instantly he turned back into a sappy pile of mush, chuffing and rumbling quiet admissions of love.

Ahahahaha okay this is actually adorable though, this big tough guy melting into a mushy bashful mess 😂 Something about “chuffing and rumbling quiet admissions of love” just got me so good. PRECIOUS BOY.

A towering Kingdra slid forward through the remnants of the attack and focused an angry stare down at the pest that was to be its opponent. With a grumpy noise it shed the lingering static that danced over its scales, seemingly more annoyed than hurt.

"Oh no…"

“Oh no,” indeed. I remember Juan’s Kingdra TOO well, and that thing single-handedly made me want to murder someone. Water-dragon is a STUPIDLY busted typing.

"Aim at the water!" Steven shouted, and Metang twisted mid-strike.

Its fist slammed into the pool surface, sending a column of water flying right underneath Kingdra's nose. The dragon's eyes went wide as its ice beam connected with the water, freezing it solid around the two pokemon.

A screech filled the air, but it didn't belong to Metang. Steven imagined it had been a while since Kingdra had taken a hit from an ice type attack, and surely it didn't feel good.

YES I FREAKING LOVE THIS SO MUCH

Using attacks at the last second to deflect an oncoming attack is freaking BRILLIANT and it’s something I need to remember when writing my own battles. Actually, this entire fic is just “Yellow frantically scribbles notes on how to write epic battles.” Seriously, your battles are TOP NOTCH, they’re so clever and unique and engaging, and I aspire to be half as good at writing them as you are.

"Hey, hey!" Steven laughed as he tried to keep his partner from dunking the two of them into the pool in its exheuberence.

VICTORY TACKLES ARE SO PURE AND WONDERFUL, INJECT THEM INTO MY VEINS

Spoiler: Chapter 14

She briskly stepped away from Steven's hold and he sputtered another warning, but she simply marched up to the flying type and gave a polite curtsey. Skarmory's head cocked to the side once again, eyes wary, but it remained still.

"Skarmory, was it? My name is Mrs. Evans, and I've watched over your trainer ever since he was a little boy crawling around in diapers."

Skarmory's gaze flicked behind Mrs. Evans and caught Steven's increasingly embarrassed expression with a gleam of amusement in its eye.

This just in, Mrs. Evans is a national treasure. She must be protected at all costs. I love her. I adore her. I want to see more of her.

Except that Steven wasn't ready to relinquish what he considered the best years of his life spent traveling side by side with his closest friends. No, his family.

Yessss THERE IT IS, his FAMILY. Gosh I go feral for trainers and their teams becoming their own little family units, like I swear that’s the lifeblood of the whole franchise.

I gotta wonder though. Would Joseph really force his son into a position at Devon if Steven fought against it? Perhaps the two would clash over it, but I can’t imagine Joseph actually forcing him when it really comes down to it. Yet Steven is absolutely convinced that he will have no say on the matter. I’m gonna chalk this up to the non-existent communication these guys have, because that definitely checks out, whoops 😅

"Thank you, dear. Now get going and save this old woman the embarrassment of crying over seeing you walk out that door again," she sniffed and dabbed at the corner of her eye.

I repeat, Mrs. Evans is a NATIONAL TREASURE. Protect at ALL COSTS. I like to think she was a blubbering puddle of pride when Steven won the Championship. 😭

Cradily had fanned herself out in a sunny patch while Armaldo and Claydol were engaged in what appeared to be some sort of game that left both pokemon giggling. Aggron, too, seemed happy to just relax, as it already had curled up on a patch of grass and began snoozing. Steven couldn't hide a chuckle as the nearby daisies danced back and forth in front of its nostrils.

Aaaaaaa it’s slice of life details like these that make my heart so happy. Relaxing with the team and getting to see the different ways they choose to unwind. Seeing them play with each other and just enjoy one another’s company…ugh. That’s the good stuff right there.

Steven sat in stunned silence as the little girl rounded the corner and disappeared. Shaking his head, he rose from the bench, but not before catching the way Metang's gaze seemed to linger on his. That same look from back in Rustboro. A look that made it impossible not to smile.

Because through all his shortcomings and miscalculations and poor judgement, Metang stuck by his side. All his pokemon had. And for the remainder of their evening in Verdanturf, the only thing that echoed inside his mind was the sincerity of that little girl he'd met in the park.

Awww this was so wholesome. I can’t remember, is this girl meant to reference the NPC in the games who tells you about your bond with your Pokémon?

"You're too modest, you know that? Why if I had pokemon that strong, I'd walk around like I owned the place. Oh wait, I already do! Whahaha!"

Bless Wattson, I adore him so much. 😂 I know Steven doesn’t appreciate his jokes, but I sure do! The way you depict him is absolutely perfect. Spot-on.

The flesh was soft and springy in his hands, and the first bite sent sweet juice dribbling down his chin. It was a delicious flavor, but the berry was far too large for him to finish on his own. He passed the berry off to Metang, who also took a bite, but seemed less impressed than Cradily had. Steven shrugged. He knew not every pokemon liked every flavor of berry. They'd just have to peruse the orchard until they found one Metang liked best.

Ok I’m loving the little hints at what their natures would read as in-game. Details like this are so fun hehe

His starter began to grate out a concerned sound, but Steven just laughed. All this time, all the hard work they'd put in, and at long last, his very first partner discovered its ultimate potential all for the promise of a tasty treat.

Bwahahaha! Don’t underestimate the power of SNACKS, Steven. 😂 I love how wholesome this moment is.

…But even with such closely documented evolutionary study, some pokemon have been known to evolve in other unique situations. Perhaps the strong bond between trainer and pokemon is all that is necessary.

I love this chapter so much. It’s quiet and peaceful and introspective. Above all, I LOVE that Metagross evolves under such ordinary circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, I am a SUCKER for crisis evolutions and mid-battle evolutions and what-not. But there’s something to be said about not taking that route every time. Sometimes life’s greatest moments really are found in the ordinary things, and I love that this sentiment is reflected here. At the end of the day, it’s about love and friendship, no matter what that looks like.

Spoiler: Chapter 15

At Steven's awkward silence, the Ranger gave him a once over with a curious expression that clearly said he wanted to ask why exactly a trainer wearing a suit had stepped out of Victory Road, but he held his tongue and instead held out a hand.

Hahaha I love that Steven is just. Literally in a suit at ALL times despite his best efforts to avoid anything to do with Devon. (Or the fact that showing up in a dirty and torn suit is probably worse than just showing up in casual yet clean clothes.) 😂

On the surface it’s funny and a bit insane, but closer analysis makes me think…this poor boy (man? How old is he at this point?) is so averse to communicating with his dad that he would rather march around in impractical clothing so that he can show up whenever he’s called, just to please him and avoid rocking the boat. And wow if there’s not a ton of stuff to unpack there.

It’s highly possible I’m reading way too deep and you’re not intending to imply this at all—please tell me if I’m wildly off-track here 😂 I feel like this tracks, at least somewhat, due to their very strained and awkward relationship.

That was it. Ten days, and it would all be over, for better or for worse.

Good grief, I would go absolutely insane over ten days. That would be akin to mental torture for me.

"— so I was thinking that ground type attacks will work on both Iona and Simon,

Pano don’t you mean Iono /s

After announcing his decision to Luna, Steven returned to the front desk to collect his team. Attaching the last pokeball back to his belt, he flagged the nurse down before she could leave.

"I'd like to issue my official challenge for tomorrow morning at 10 am."

Yessss I remember being surprised by this at first, but then being like “nah this completely checks out.” Also I would probably do the same. 😂

It was Iona's turn to sigh in relief. "Thank goodness, I was afraid I'd have to crush you as fast as possible to avoid hearing any more terrible jokes. Now I guess we can enjoy this battle at a much more reasonable pace."

I really enjoy Iona a lot. I’d love to see more of her! Idk if you have any plans to write more of her, but if you do, I’d be delighted.

Fingers of electricity leapt from the water and struck the light screen ahead of the wave, causing the barrier to falter. The electric attack's strike lasted just long enough for the water to rush past the flickering barrier and sweep the unsuspecting Claydol under. It bobbed and gurgled in an effort to stay afloat, but Lanturn swiftly bore down on Claydol and body slammed the hapless pokemon underwater.

I love your descriptors—“fingers of electricity” is so vivid. I also love your use of the barrier moves in all your battles! They make for some very fun gimmicks to mess around with.

When the tide receded back to Iona's side of the field, it left the sopping and unconscious form of Claydol rolling a gentle circle on the ground.

I’m horrible but this was described SO perfectly, I couldn’t help but imagine a sad little too rolling around, and I busted up laughing. Poor Claydol. 😂

Whatever shock Steven felt was fleeting, swiftly replaced with a quiet rage at ferocity of the Elite's attack. He knew the League challenge would be no joke; the Elite were powerful trainers. But to see his own pokemon take such a vicious attack left him shaking. Had a pokemon ever died during a match at the League?

Big oof. I’m sure Iona and her team would never actually endanger a Pokémon intentionally, but seeing your own mon take such a brutal hit would be absolutely nerve-wracking.

"Bestow!"

From seemingly nowhere, Plusle produced an oversized iron ball, complete with chain. Just as Metagross's fist came down, Plusle tossed the iron ball up and spun out of the way of the attack. With a loud clank, the item's manacle fastened itself around Metagross's leg before falling back to the ground with a heavy thud. Now free of its burden, Plusle hopped lightly atop the iron ball and made a rude face at Metagross's predicament.

Gosh I love this strat. Actually, all of Iona’s strategies are AWESOME. So so fun, and I love that a Minun and Plusle were actually a menace for big bad Metagross to deal with. This battle stands out to me a lot because of how unique it is!

Quieting Cradily's whine of apology with a reassuring pat and soft words that she had done her best, he then turned his attention to the rest of his team.

Awww Cradily is so precious, I love her so much 😭

Steven nearly shivered, and he suspected it wasn't from the cold. The voice held an edge to it that took the normally cordial greeting and transformed it into a threat.

"My name is Glacia, and this is as far as you will go."

IAJDJEKTJRJTJGJF

WHAT A QUEEN

GOSH I am obsessed with this intro, it’s beyond perfect. I LOVE GLACIA

But Skarmory's senses were sharp, and at the last minute it nimbly pivoted, striking the floor of the arena with its wings and sending a shower of sparks raining down on the shrieking Froslass.

I’m a huge sucker for metal on metal/rock and creating sparks, it’s such a COOL visual and slightly edgy—so naturally I’m all over it. Huge fan of Pokémons’ unique textures being taken into account as they interact with each other and the battlefield!

Spoiler: Chapter 16

Standing at the Elite's position was a thin, dark-skinned teen dressed in a flowing floral print sarong, wearing an expression that told him she was just as shocked to see him as he was to see her.

"You... you beat Glacia so quickly!"

"What?"

"Uh, I mean, um, welcome, challenger, to your worst nightmare!" She finished with a dramatic gesture.

Hahaha PHOEBE. I love her so dang much. What a precious bean and a massive dork. 😂 She and Rui need to become friends immediately.

Steven narrowed his gaze at her meek attempt to save face, and Phoebe winced at his skeptical look.

"Look, uh, I'm still not good with this whole "intimidating speech" thing. Can we just battle? I promise I'm better at battling than looking fierce."

Again, Rui/Phoebe friendship WHEN

I love this though, because she does end up being the one to give Steven his hardest battle out of all of them (aside from Drake, but he’s Champion so that’s different). Love that the youngest, newest, least intimidating and least experienced E4 member is the one who turns out to be the scariest of them all.

Calmly shaking the feeling back into its injured wing, Skarmory tipped its head to the side with a clack of its beak. From the way Skarmory only looked on in silence, Steven knew that things were about to get ugly, and fast. Beneath that calm exterior was a bubbling cauldron of rage that was mere inches away from boiling over.

Quiet rage is my favorite type of rage, especially when it’s coming from a menacing predator like Skarmory, and especially when it comes from a character that is usually just a loud angry ball of energy all the time. It’s so threatening, I love it.

Eyes sharp it raised its head in victory, but before it could cry out, the curse struck again and Skarmory winced, retching until it ejected a sticky black clod from its throat out onto the arena floor.

Good grief your depiction of Curse is properly horrifying. As a trainer I’d be wigged out of my mind haha. You really do have to have a special constitution to deal with ghost types, as their methods are so unsettling to most people.

"Hey! What were you thinking? That round was already over, you didn't have to have your pokemon attack again!"

Steven definitely did not withhold the accusatory tone in his shout at the ghost-type specialist. But his sharp stare faltered when Phoebe met his gaze from across the battlefield. An unsettling smile tugged at the corners of her cheeks, and the way her eyes seemed to have sunk deep into shadow set the hair at the back of his neck on end.

"We have to win…" Any trace of the lilt in her voice had vanished, the words unnervingly hollow as they droned from her lips. "We can't let it happen…"

Then slowly, lifelessly, Phoebe began to move, producing two pokeballs from beneath her sarong. But she didn't recall her fallen pokemon. Instead, both pokeballs fell from her limp grasp with a clatter, and she slumped forward like a marionette that had lost its strings. They each bounced once, and then lay still.

This is SO CREEPY AAAAAAH

If you ever wanted to specialize in writing horror, I get the feeling you would be extremely good at it. You nailed the eerie uncanny vibes here, especially when comparing her to a marionette. I got CHILLS, man.

The red light of Aggron's recall beam flickering in the metal of its zipper, Banette's neon eyes slowly slid upward until they locked onto Steven's own. Frozen from where he had begun to reattach Aggron's ball to his belt, a vivid image flashed across Steven's vision; Banette appeared mere inches from his nose, eyes alight with a hungry glow, zippered mouth cracking open in a wicked grin.

THIS IS TERRIFYING

I am LIVING for the detail of the red light reflecting in Banette’s zipper. Tiny things like that are so insanely vivid to me, it really brings the whole story to life. And then the creepy overly-wide grin right in front of Steven’s face? STOP, THAT’S CREEPY AF

I never saw Banette as all that spooky but the way you write it has changed my mind.

Banette hung motionless for a second, its body folding neatly in half around Metagross's leg, before it gave a startled wheeze and rocketed away and into the sidewall of the chamber.

Hahaha okay this was a hilarious depiction. A nice, comical image to alleviate some of the creepiness in this chapter. The wheeze got me 😂

Metagross howled again, and Steven found himself trying to stifle another gasp as the pain rose once more, and he doubled over with a cough. When he withdrew his hand from his mouth, he was greeted with the sight of bright red droplets. He blinked, shocked, but in an instant the blood was gone, his palm clean of the sticky liquid.

MMM YES TASTY GHOST WHUMP

I also love the coughing up blood trope so this is extra delightful. Even if it wasn’t technically real. Man, ghost possession is horrifying. Though I guess it wasn’t possession but rather a curse? Idk why I remembered it as possession the first time I read.

It was almost as if someone else lifted his hand and recalled Metagross to its ball. He couldn't have done it, not with the way the icy fingers of dread had closed around his neck. It had to have been someone else that released Claydol onto the battlefield despite its type disadvantage. It wasn't his voice that foolishly commanded the defensive-minded pokemon in an all out attack. It wasn't his lips that curled into a snarl as the shocked Banette crumpled, unconscious, beneath his pokemon's pinpoint extrasensory strike. It wasn't his eyes that watched Sableye drag Claydol into the shadows in retribution as it screeched in terror for him to help it. And it wasn't his hand that shook as his sixth and final pokeball arced through the air.

This. This is SO SO GOOD.

The out of body narration—not just because Steven is cursed and really not totally with it right now, but also because he’s so full of anger he’s dissociating from himself—SO GOOD. It’s an extremely effective way to show just how angry he is, just how brutal of a battler he can be, without ever spelling it out or being too on the nose about it. GOSH I AM SCRIBBLING SO MANY NOTES, THIS IS GOOD STUFF

"Phoebe, I don't blame you."

And when everything is said and done, he’s so quick to forgive her 😭 it’s very in-character for Steven, which is why I love him so much. Anybody would have a right to be upset at all of that! Not only was it freaking scary, but it put both him and his team through the wringer. But Steven is not one to hold grudges, he never has been, and so he lets it go and even reassures Phoebe. He’s not one to hold things against someone if they weren’t intentional.

Spoiler: Chapter 17

Earlier, his battle with Simon had went about as well as Glacia had predicted. With the last of his healing items having refreshed his pokemon to full health, it was a simple task for Steven to plow through Simon's poison type pokemon. Skarmory nearly had taken care of the Elite's entire team by itself, cackling as it flew through the poisonous gases and sprays without care due to steel's natural immunity. But when Simon's Tentacruel came dangerously close to snagging Skarmory in its grasp, Steven gave it a rest and let the tag-team of Metagross and Claydol finish the fight, felling Tentacruel and then Swalot in short order. It hadn't taken long, but it was just long enough for the last of the unease from Phoebe's match to wear off, and Steven was back to feeling like his normal self by the time Simon parted the chamber doors for him to advance.

Lololol I love how Simon is just kinda There. Not because of bad writing but that’s literally just his personality. We don’t get to see the battle with him directly because it’s inconsequential—because he’s inconsequential and it sounds like he’s been checked out of the job for a while. I find it a little amusing. We all know who was the first one to go after Steven became Champ, and it sounds like he was happy to leave, lol.

It does make me wonder how it all pans out when Sidney joins. Does Iona happily retire?

One trainer between him and the freedom he so desperately sought to keep. Devon wouldn't dare to pull the Champion from his post, even if he was the sole heir to his father's legacy, right?

Haha but Steven, being a Champ comes with its own host of responsibilities! And I daresay they’re quite a bit weightier than what you’d face at Devon.

Standing tall between two larger-than-life dragon statues, Drake scowled down at Steven as he came to a halt in the challenger's box. A long captain's coat billowed behind the Champion, its edges worn and tattered from years spent at sea. Arms folded across his bare chest and hat pulled low, the only portion of Drake's face that was visible was his bristling mustache, but even without seeing his eyes, Steven could feel the Champion's gaze boring into him. How many challengers had he stared down from across this very chamber? Steven could only wonder how he stacked up compared to all the others, and even with his newfound confidence, he couldn't help but feel small under the veteran's powerful stare.

AGH WHAT AN INTRO

I love Drake so much, and you absolutely nailed his whole persona here. His personality really comes through as the match proceeds, too. He’s a tough, gruff old sailor who loves a thrilling battle and isn’t interested in fancy introductions or beating around the bush. Nor is he one to hold back or mince words. Ugh I love him, and I love the dynamic he has with Steven once they get to know each other more.

But just as Armaldo's attack closed in, Drake moved for the first time. It was only a subtle tip of his head, but it was the only signal Flygon needed to change its course.

YESSS SILENT COMMANDS. Silent commands are my JAM. Idk, it’s just so cool and composed and really speaks to the depth of communication that’s been established between trainer and Pokémon. UGH I LOVE IT. You’re gonna catch me screaming about it through this whole match, especially because the way Drake signals his Pokémon is just so freaking epic and hardcore. HE’S SO COOL.

A whistle of confirmation sounded from his partner, and its eyes snapped shut in concentration just as Flygon reached the peak of its flight.

I’ll have you know that while reading this, it popped in my head that maybe Claydol sounds like R2D2. And now I can’t unhear it. It’s stuck. This is my headcanon now. 😂

Claydol whistled sharply as its oval barrier materialized so fast that Steven heard the air snap around it. Supersonic's soundwaves bounced cleanly off its surface back in the face of the dive-bombing dragon. Assaulted by the sound of its own high frequency scream, Flygon writhed in confusion, clawing at its ears to try to stop the noise.

GOSH THIS IS AWESOME. Love the way the word “snapped” comes into play here. Another fantastic example of how you use barriers in battle. I love it!

Wordlessly, Drake swept his arm downward, and Shelgon nodded.

LOOK AT HOW COOL HE IS, ARE YOU KIDDING ME

Safe.

Since when did he play things safe?

me: *remembering that time Steven wandered into a cave, nearly drowned, and suffered a broken arm and probably concussion*

Me: yeah, absolutely never, Steven.

The force of its shell slamming into the nearby wall sent Shelgon bouncing back toward Aggron, where the larger steel type grabbed it in both hands like an oversized beach ball. Legs waggling helplessly as it was manhandled, Shelgon could only cry in dismay as Aggron wound up and hurled it at the far wall of the arena.

I’m cackling at this. It’s one of my favorite passages. Just the image of Aggron coming in to Chuck Shelgon around like a beach ball is hysterical to me. Very Hulk vs Loki vibes. 😂

Aggron's victory roar echoed through the chamber as Steven lowered his hand from where he directed his partner's finishing strike.

THIS IS SO COOL TOO THOUGH, LOOK AT STEVEN AND HIS DRAMATIC GESTURES, YOU SLAY QUEEN

But the way the flames licked around the steel type in a perfectly spherical way cut Altaria's cries short. Peeking out from behind protect's blue barrier was Aggron, completely unscathed. Its blue eyes glinted wickedly in the dancing flames, and just over its shoulder, its trainer wore the same piercing stare.

Gooooosh I get freaking chills from this. Intense, fiery stares are already a favorite of mine, but then using the literal flames in battle to describe it? Comparing and matching that flinty gaze between Pokémon and trainer? Freaking incredible.

Steven swallowed thickly. He knew what kind of monster lay within.

"When was the last time you had a chance to go all out?" Drake asked the pokeball in his hand.

It gave a single, fierce shake, and the Champion's wild grin returned.

"Go, Salamence!"

Haha, Steven is absolutely right to be intimidated (pun intended) by Salamence. Those things are no joke and not to be trifled with! You did Drake’s ace justice here, too.

Spoiler: Chapter 18

They only stood and gaped at the rich draperies and marble floors for a moment before fairly mobbing their trainer in an enthusiastic group hug that left Steven laughing, slightly bruised, and thankful that Skarmory wasn't exactly the hugging type.

Hahaha this is adorable and hilarious, it’s good for everyone that Skarmory is not a hugger! 7.8/10 too many spikes

But as he pulled out a few items, his hand landed on the rain jacket he had stashed at the bottom, and he paused, the waterproof fabric gripped tightly in his hand.

UGH MY HEART. The callback to the very first chapter?? Are you kidding me? 😭 Pano it’s like you know every single button I could ever have under the sun and you slam all of them all at once.

His starter's grating laugh cut through the air as chaos erupted, Steven grabbing ammunition of his own to send back at his mischievous teammates. The battle was a short one, and by the time it was over it was clear that the human had lost this one.

STOP I LOVE THE WHOLESOME PILLOW FIGHT

I’m amazed none of them got flayed by Skarmory in the process lol

"And to give you this. I figured in person it would…" Joseph faltered, turning the object over in his hand. "It was your mother's, and I think you should be the one to keep it from now on."

Sitting in the center of his palm was a ring. A simple, silver band adorned only by a thin groove running along the center of its width.

Wow okay, reading this right after re-reading Final Gambit makes it hit so much harder for me. 🥲

His gaze eventually landed on the liquor cabinet off to the side, no doubt it was stocked for Drake's own tastes, but Steven couldn't help think of how it would make a great display case for his collection of rocks and stones…

Hahahaha bless you, Steven. Nothing if not consistent, and we love that.

"I knew it'd be you," said Wallace with a smirk.

And I knew it would be Wallace as the league stylist, even the first time reading! 😂 at the very least, I had an inkling and laughed at the reveal. I mean, of course. Who else would it be??

"We need something that makes you unique, dazzling. Tell me, what makes you tick?"

Steven blinked. "Um, I like rocks and —"

"No. No no no. Absolutely not.

Hahahahaaa this is just Wallace and Steven’s relationship in a nutshell. Steven, prodigy trainer, battler extraordinaire, businessman, starting off with “well uh, I like rocks?”

He felt a surge of psychic reassurance at the back of his mind, and the mental note that Metagross would make good on their deal. Drawing a steady breath, Steven smiled. Metagross always seemed to know how to drown out the whispers of doubt.

I love Metagross being that constant, reassuring presence for Steven. Where can I get me one of those that I can carry around in my pocket?

Not that he'd never worn fine clothes before, but there was something else, something that left him barely able to recognize the person staring back at him.

This has me curious now—have you ever drawn teenager, pre-Champion Steven? I’d love to see that.

He wasn't the loud and flashy Dragon Tamer of Johto,

Hahahahaaa after some recent conversations this is doubly hilarious 😂 sorry Lance, I still like you I promise but you do be a lil extra

It was humbling, to say the least. And Drake almost seemed proud to be handing the title over.

PLEASE. I need more content of Drake being a dad to Steven. This is me campaigning for Dad Drake.

Clenching his hand into a fist, the light danced off the ring's polished surface, a reflection of his newly found resolve. She might not be able to see what he'd been able to accomplish, but just maybe she'd still understand if he showed her with his own two hands.

Again, after Final Gambit, this hits so hard. Especially after you realize she has been watching this whole time, and she’s so proud. 😭

The light of the sun glinted off the silver of his suit's cuffs and the band on his finger, and the traditional color of second place never shone so much like gold.

I don’t even know what to say about this line, except that I love it. I love it so much. It’s absolutely perfect.

He wondered if she was looking at the same stars right now...

Before he realized it, his phone was already in his hand, and he looked down at the number called up on the display.

The heat creeping up in his cheeks had to be from the bubbly, right? Iona and Drake had been insistent that he celebrate in true fashion, and his first drink had turned into two, or three…

This did make me pause, as it almost reads as…romantic here? The way it’s phrased makes it sound like he’s blushing for reasons other than the alcohol, which surprised me. I wonder what your intention was with this moment? Since I know you headcanon Steven as ace, I’m curious!

The Pokemon Trainer's Handbook, 3rd Edition sits on a shelf in a quiet study. It collects dust; a newer version on the lower shelf gets far more use. But if one were to pluck it from its resting place and flip through the dog-eared pages filled with water stains and smudges of dirt, past the numerous doodles of rocks and caves and gems, they'd find a place near the back, somewhere before the index, where a single, solitary note rests. Written in refined, if not a bit sloppy handwriting, is a date followed by three words:

"We did it."

And here it comes full circle. 😭 What a sweet ending, a perfect way to wrap it up so neatly from one end to the other. I seriously can’t think of a better way to end the story—you’ve always been very good at those, from chapter endings to story endings! And this one is no exception.

What a ride! It’s been such a treat to finally review this properly. You know, reading your works is not just enjoyable for me, it’s also a huge source of motivation and inspiration. This gave me so many ideas for my own writing, and I’m more motivated to continue writing than I was before. All because your works are just…so so good. They hit home, and they hit hard, REPEATEDLY. This story reminds me why I wanted to start writing in the first place. It’s a beautiful example of simply…telling a story and letting the themes and morals shine through for each individual reader. It’s storytelling as it’s meant to be, in my opinion.

This fic means a lot to me, more than you will probably ever know. And I want you to know that even if literally nobody else read it, I’m so glad you posted it anyway so that I could come across it and get the experience of reading it, again and again.

So, thank you. And thanks for continuing to create. Love you, friend. Keep doing what you do, it matters more than you know. 💛

 

[IFBench]

Hello! Here for our review exchange! I've heard so many good things about this fic, and Tetra told me I'd love it, so I'm really excited to finally read it!

Oooh, non-chronological order! Cool!

Route 120! Aaaa! This is where Coleane started her trainer journey, and it's really neat to see it as the start of something else, too!

Ooooh, Steven's team! Always love Pokemon being characters!

Given how the chapter title is "Limits", and that bit from the handbook... I'm not sure Steven will really be careful.

Out in a thunderstorm, oh boy. Can see why the route is currently empty.

I love the line Steven says about an "equally dumb idea".

Oh boy, A Shuppet!

Metang has so much personality already without saying a single word.

Oh dear, a horde battle!

Oh, wow! Wasn't expecting Steven to try attacking a Shuppet himself! That was cool!

Oooooh, I love the explanation for weird route stuff, like how the fence maze is to keep wild Pokemon out of the city!

LOVE how much autonomy Steven's Pokemon have! Aron's just tugging him along!

Love how Aron endured the rain to help Steven!

They made it to Lilycove! Woohoo!

Oooooh, very cool to have Pokemon Centers double as inns! That makes a lot of sense!

Awwwwww! Pokemon snuggle pile!

Also really love intelligent Pokemon! Very cool that Steven's team are able to go shopping!

Aaaaaaaaaa Steven's team are taking care of him while he's sick! That's so lovely!

And I adore the continuation of the handbook entry at the end of the chapter!

This was really lovely! It's even better than I thought it'd be! It's so cool to see a take on mainline Pokemon that also carries over a lot of things I love about PMD!

Thank you for writing this!

 

[IFBench]

Back for chapter 2! Honestly was so engrossed in this chapter that I completely forgot to write my usual liveblog-style thoughts!

I loved how quickly Steven and Beldum became friends! It was so adorable! And I really liked the battle with Roxanne, it was cool even with Beldum knowing a single move!

And then Steven proves that he's still a child and insults Beldum. Oh boy. I felt so much secondhand embarrassment here. It was heartbreaking when Steven tried to pet Beldum, but they weren't there...then it turned heart-racing with the bit about the poachers.

I really liked how Steven stood up to the poachers! I wonder if they're canon characters? Nonetheless, it was really cool for little Steven to be so brave here! Even when they threatened to kidnap him! And he worked together with Beldum in order for both of them to escape! Aaaaaa! And the reunion!

I absolutely love this chapter! Thank you for writing it!

 

[IFBench]

Now for chapter 3!

Oh boy, all the way to Steven's last badge!

The meeting sounds delightfully boring! I could really feel Steven's impatience, exasperation, and boredom! I also really like that Joseph can tell that Steven doesn't really want to do Devon stuff, and respects his wishes!

I wonder if this is Steven's canon outfit?

Roxanne is back, and now she's a gym leader! Cool!

I really like the mechanics and rules of the gym battle! It feels so official, if that makes sense? It makes it feel like this battle is a big one. And I find it really neat that both the gym leader and challenger use the same amount of Pokemon!

I love how the battle here parallels the one in chapter 2! Both combatants have come so far, gotten so much stronger and more capable! And in the end, it's a rematch! Metagross vs Golem! And Metagross wins it! It was so cool!

Very lovely chapter! Feels like a culmination of a journey, but there's still so much more to go!

Thank you for writing this!

 

[IFBench]

Here for chapter 4!

Huh, forgot that Hoenn has a desert! ...though given the existence of Flygon, that makes a lot of sense. Very intrigued by the ever-changing part!

I wonder what changed between this chapter and chapter 1 for Aron to start being comfortable in a pokeball? And I'm curious what happened in Dewford...

I love how Steven is able to understand his Pokemon so well, even without words.

Oh boy, A strong psychic aura...a Claydol?

Aron's so determined to prove themselves...

Another trainer! Dusty, huh?

Oh boy, Steven's been separated in a sandstorm!

Oh, so that's what the psychic presence was! A Baltoy, not a Claydol!

Wow, an ancient village, full of Baltoy...but it's sinking!

Oh, wow...that's a lot of fossils!

But there's so little time...

This is the most intense fossil excavation I've ever seen.

Beldum evolved! Wow! That was so cool!

That was such a cool escape! Beldum evolving, Aron's protect, and Steven desperately clutching onto the fossils. That was amazing!

Awwwww, the fossil Pokemon were hugging!

And now Steven has two more future teammates!

This was another lovely chapter! Exciting, but not too intense, and friendship!

Thank you for writing this!

 

[IFBench]

Chapter 5! Forgot to do liveblog thoughts again.

WALLACE! After all his interactions with Gen in Adventure Quest, it's so nice to see him here, even if a different version of him! Though Victoria is here? Nonetheless, seems like he's far better off with Juan than with Megalos.

Oh boy, Steven gets dragged off by someone who mistakes him for someone else. I wonder who Jeffrey is?

The contest was really cool! It sounded really spectacular and dazzling!

And more Wallace and Juan! I hope we see more of them in the fic!

Interesting how Metang doesn't like contests!

And Steven is inspired by the contest to catch a Skarmory!

This was a really fun chapter! Wallace! And contests! It was a joy to read through!

Thank you for writing this!

 

[IFBench]

Chapter 6! WOW that was a cool chapter!

I absolutely love how it was formatted! Jumping back and forth in time, between before the accident and after the accident! That was so cool! It actually sorta reminds me a bit of that thing you said about PMD fics, about how they jump perspectives along a single connected plot thread. It feels sorta like that here! Just with a single perspective across different points in time.

Aron! Aron is here! Well, they were here in prior chapters, but this is where Steven meets Aron! I adore how quickly Aron comes to care for Steven, and how Aron even captures themselves for Steven! That was great!

And I love how down-to-earth Steven feels here. Even though he's a future champion, he's scared, terrified, worried that he won't make it out of this alive. It's great to see him having his own flaws and fears!

Though I notice we haven't met Aron's prior trainer yet...I wonder when that's gonna happen?

Regardless, amazing chapter! So much fun to read! Despite being the longest one yet, it was so great that it didn't feel out of place at all!

Thank you for writing this!