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Pokémon Stable, Predictable, Safe [PMD Oneshot]

Stable, Predictable, Safe

unrepentantAuthor

A cat that writes stories.
Location
UK
Pronouns
they/she
Partners
  1. purrloin-salem
  2. sneasel-dusk
  3. luz-companion
  4. brisa-companion
  5. meowth-laura
  6. delphox-jesse
  7. mewtwo
  8. zeraora
This was my entry to the 'Mischief and Malice' oneshot contest, a villain POV piece featuring a character from the Heartache continuity. No background knowledge ought to be strictly necessary. My interview for the contest can be found here.

Humans summoned from another world to take on pokémon form... Many have been heroes, with their adaptability, determination and strength in battle. Some, however, use those same qualities to do terrible things – so long as they can justify their actions to themselves. What is a little enhanced interrogation, when you're making a better world? A world that is stable, predictable, safe.

423a5bca6180c3ca54e08d71b8d4c8e0b76bd1b8.pnj


Stable, Predictable, Safe

"There are open cells closer to the entrance, sir. I could arrange a transfer for your convenience, if you wish."

The bisharp held his salute and stared straight ahead in disciplined deference, not meeting Matthias’ eye. Still, the guard managed to look somehow defiant. His kind had an aura of authority – an innate focus, a readiness for decision-making – that made them adept for leadership. Such a waste, to see this one tasked with an almost ceremonial role. His helm was so polished that in it, Matthias could see his own face (and much of his tongue, wrapped around his own neck as it must be). All polish; no practice. This guard may as well be a clerk. Escape attempts were not made from these cells.

Matthias made a contemplative noise in his throat, and shook his head. "No, I think not."

"May I ask why, sir?"

Still staring straight ahead. Bold, though, to question his superior. Was that because he had no fear, or because he knew he needn't fear reprisals from Matthias? Either way, it would be interesting to humour a native speaking out of turn.

"I want him to know that it takes time for me to reach him, and more for me to depart," explained Matthias, calmly. “He should have the impression that my visits are significant, that I do not make them casually.”

"Yes sir. I understand."

Did he? Perhaps. Matthias nodded, and the salute dropped. With Bisharp's deft crank of the lever, the door to the cells opened for Matthias, and he walked through. The door closed behind him, and the bolt clunked back into place. It would take time for him to reach the cell containing the man who was his latest concern. This was necessary.

It gave Matthias something of practical use, too. A moment to contemplate matters alone, without the eyes of others (either human or native) to distract him from his task. Sometimes he used that opportunity to ideate with a clear mind about the method he would use. Other times, to contemplate the importance of the work, and guard himself against guilt, sympathy, or other dangerous thoughts.

This time, however, he used it to remember what it was like to be human. Truly human, mind and body. He detested his organisation’s grotesque belief that the human world from which his soul had come made him anything other than a greninja. He was an amphibian, through and through. Entirely a pokémon, simply one with memories from another body.

They said that humans that came to this world only ever remembered meagre scraps from their past lives. Their name, that they were once human, and perhaps two or three memories of their past life, if that. Matthias could remember four: Looking kindly down on his sister, bedridden and frail, and promising her that he’d make the world a gentler place. The moon, shining down on water, and shimmering like liquid, silver light. The feel of wooden game pieces in his fingers and the clack with each placement, as he closed in on a victory condition, dismantling his opponent's every stratagem. Last of all, a burning in his chest from a betrayal he couldn't even name, and holding tightly to ice-cold conviction until the fire in him guttered out for good.

He'd give up all those memories if he could trade them to remember the appearance of his own face. In his dreams, sometimes, he saw himself as a human with nothing there but blank, pale skin, without even any eyes. He dreamed of forming water shurikens to tear the old body apart (for leaving his memory, for the sin of letting him go) and instead rending his own tongue. Sharp-edged water cut him open, the flesh around his neck fell away—

—and he woke with his tongue held tight in his fists, clenching his jaw until it ached.

He wondered if the man in the cell ever had dreams like that.

After pacing nearly the whole corridor’s length, and passing far too many buzzing, flickering fluorescent lamps, Matthias arrived at the correct cell. He knocked first. You had to do things properly. You had to be composed, correct, controlled. You had to believe that it was all necessary and as sanitised as possible, and mean it, for as long as you had to work.

So he knocked. Three evenly-spaced raps with the firm pad on his forearm. When he heard no reply, he pulled the window hatch aside and peered in. The cell was occupied, as expected, by a wretched-looking red-furred figure. Good. Matthias punched in the code for the door lock, and let himself in.

Normally the cell would contain little more than its occupant, Matthias, and the darkness. Just essential items. In this case, the asset who'd brought the occupant here had found it necessary to put bindings on his paws. Bound paws were a complication for Matthias's usual approach. The occupant was a delphox, in fairness – presumably he'd tried to summon fire or cast other spells. The fox shifted, trying to gather himself from the floor and onto his hindpaws.

"There's no need to stand," said Matthias, to the other man in the cell. "Or to make an introduction. I know who you are, Jesse."

The delphox glowered at him, lips curled back over predatory teeth.

"Sure,” he growled, in that drawling accent of settlers in the far west. “That's me, much as I may wish I weren't. Who the fuck are you, and what godforsaken shit are you here fer, huh?"

Matthias nodded in understanding. "I think you already know, Jesse. You must also already know that what happens here depends more on you than it does on me. What you won't already know is that I understand very well what you mean when you say you wish you weren't yourself. I have felt that same way many times."

Jesse scoffed at him, his muzzle contorting with vicious contempt. Such a fantastically human expression. Matthias could see it in the subtleties of Jesse’s eyes as they danced away from eye contact – a sign of the mixed hatred and self-hatred only a human could manage. A greninja’s peerless degree of night vision let Matthias perceive such things, but his human mind let him attribute meaning to them.

"What, that I don't wanna be the sorry bastard stuck in some goddamn dungeon, waitin' to get his shit kicked in? No fuckin' shit'. You’re a regular philosopher, ain'tcha?"

Matthias shook his head, carefully. "That's not what you meant, Jesse. I'm told you held your own with remarkable proficiency in combat when our assets subdued you. I'm told you healed from your wounds before you could even be brought here. I'm told you made repeated reference to concepts native 'mon don't concern themselves with in this part of the continent, not least of which was ‘Hell’. I know all too well that for a person like you, words like that are vessels for thoughts and feelings that natives cannot possibly understand."

Jesse stared at him, eyes narrowed. His ears flattened back a little, but there was a tiny pause there. A clue that he had not been born with those ears, and did not flatten them as a reflex – that he had learned the motion.

"You're a fuckin' human, ain't you?" growled Jesse. "Explains yer accent and the weird bullshit act you've got goin' on."

"Yes. I am human."

Jesse glanced about, still with that growl crackling in his throat. It sounded a little more desperate than before. Good. Intimidation achieved in this slow, creeping way often lasted all the longer.

"So," Matthias continued, "you will realise you are not in a position to leverage your intellect, nor the strength in battle granted by your human soul. You must also have noticed by now that you cannot read my mind due to my elemental type."

"I fuckin' get it," growled the prisoner. The occupant. The occupant of the cell. "You can kick my fuckin' ass on account of half a dozen fuckin' reasons, move the fuck on. You gonna ask questions? You gonna try t'make me sign on to whatever the fuck yer sinister fuckin' secret club full a' sonofabitch bullies and thugs is s’posed to be?"

"I don't believe I can persuade you of our ideology in the next three hours, no," said Matthias. "Neither do I think you'll answer any of the questions my superiors would have me ask you. At least, not truthfully."

This was true enough. Beating assets to within an inch of their lives and swearing vociferously about the wrongdoing he intended to correct made Jesse a poor choice for recruitment. Most of the individuals Matthias worked with in this place would not give up useful information (particularly not the location of human-descended 'mon or human-empowered natives whom they cared for), at least not at first. If they would do that, they wouldn't have been brought here. Matthias’ detainees were the defiant ones. Ones who would resist human supremacy violently.

In a dark cell with nothing but himself, his bindings, and a bucket neither of them acknowledged, Jesse still had defiance to fall back on. Defiance could sustain a person for a long time.

"Alright, asshole," said the man, "what the fuck is the point of you bein’ here?"

The delphox – the man – rolled his eyes, looked like he wanted to spit in Matthias's face. It would be acceptable if he did, of course. Defiance fought first, and died later.

"I'm going to change you, Jesse," said Matthias, the words leeched of all warmth by the ice in his chest. "Your stubbornness, while impressive, is not useful. I'm going to motivate you to behave differently, and so make you useful. I'm going to be patient with you, and attentive, and return as many times as necessary, until I no longer find any defiance in you."

Jesse grit his teeth and nodded sharply as if he'd accepted a challenge to battle. The delphox was making a fairly successful effort of hiding his fear, but Matthias could detect it all the same. He could cite the flaring of his nostrils, the posture of his tail, the panic in his eyes, but he knew without relying on such signs. He knew there would be fear, because Jesse was used to being able to defeat just about anyone, but was intelligent enough to realise that in close quarters, with no wand, facing an opponent who held all the cards, facing a species who had the matchup advantage, facing another human likely for the first time... that any use of force would go poorly.

Those who were rarely less than the strongest ‘mon in the room reliably became afraid when, for once, they were the weakest.

"Fuck you," spat the prisoner. Occupant, occupant. "Go crawl up yer own ass and suffocate on shit."

"Yes, that's exactly the kind of response I mean," said Matthias, matter-of-factly. "Let's begin."

Jesse spat in his face. Matthias saw the motion before it ended, and did not blink. The moisture impacted the crest of Matthias' head, and lingered there for a moment, before settling into the dampness of his amphibian skin. His skin crawled, but ice, ice, only ice in his chest. He must remain calm, keep an ordered mind. React cleanly. Pristine. Without anger or pride or pettiness.

Matthias spat back, a flood of ice-water jettisoning from his gullet and crashing into Jesse, flattening him against the wall for one, two, three, four seconds. Enough time to fail to take a breath. Enough time to fear that there’d be no next breath. When it ended, Jesse fell into a slump, eyes closed, gasping from the shock of it. His fur would retain a great deal of water. He'd weigh more, he’d bleed warmth fast, and tire quickly from shivering, and all this would remind him at all times that his visitor could do this to him again, in an instant.

There was only ice in Matthias' chest. It was the most necessary feeling, the one that let him do a thing like this. In the dark and the cold there was logic, there was peace, there was consistency. Heat was volatile. Emotion was volatile. Matthias couldn't work with volatility. So he kept cold, and he kept numb, and so kept his heart stable.

"Fuck you," choked out Jesse, already trembling. Good. The intended outcome.

The moon, shining down on water, and shimmering like liquid, silver light. The feel of wooden game pieces in his fingers. The burning in his chest, and the ice that replaced it. The ice that did not change, the ice that could be depended on. It was predictable. Just as things should be.

"Let's continue," said Matthias. "I expect to be done soon, Jesse. I can only do so much to you in a single session before there are diminishing returns."

There. There was a flash in the eyes, a flash of naked fear. Fear he could make last.

He would drown the delphox, next. Drowning followed by resuscitation, of course. Adequately safe, when done with skill and care. Everything should be done with care, with certainty. You had to mean it, you had to make a conscious decision, or the means would not be justified by the ends. There could be no accidents in this, nothing unintentional.

Stable, predictable, safe. No volatility. No surprises. Everything perfectly under control.
 
Last edited:

Flyg0n

Flygon connoisseur
Pronouns
She/her
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. swampert
  3. ho-oh
  4. crobat
  5. orbeetle
  6. joltik
  7. salandit
  8. tyrantrum
Aight time to do a blitz review, hehe.

This will be some pretty quick thoughts as I was reading.

First thing is first, banger art. I think it really captures the mood. Just had to say that.

So I'll start with a quick thing that surprised me about this. When I first read the description, in my head I thought this would be a story about trying to get information, possibly even something vital and morally necessary but feature someone doing slowly more and more bad things to get it. It was quite a bit shorter than I expected. I don't think this is a bad thing, just caught me off guard.

I am rather sad though, purely because I was enjoying Matthias viewpoints and internal narrative quite a lot, and actually wanted to see more of him. Anyways, that's not a negative, just a thought about my experience as a reader.

One of the ways I think this short shines is very much in its main character and his internal narrative, as I said. There's this constant sense that he's always making sure everything he does is precise, planned and careful. I also love the way his hyper observance of himself also meshes with his observational skills of the world around him, particularly the mon around him.

One of the bits I desperately loved was the idea that there's expressions and things that humans say that a mon wouldn't. The description about Jesse's hatred and self hatred was great, as well as the line about Jesse apparently having learned to pin his ears back. Lovely.

Details like Matthias reminding himself to think of Jesse as an occupant and not a prisoner was great too.

Ultimately I don't have a ton of specific crit I noted but like I said earlier I really would not have minded this being longer. I did feel a bit like the narrative meant to set up this conflict of wills with Jesse and Matthias, and seeing who could outlast who, and maybe slip some more of your lovely worldbuilding in along the way, but before I could really use context to piece together what group Matthias worked for and what they fought for, things came to a close.

Even so this is not a negative, as a short one-shot meant to show an "interrogators" perspective I still think it excels! Absolutely banger details and prose.

Also it's swell to see Jesse! I wonder if any of these bits will slip into heartache.... :copyka:

Nice work!
 

HelloYellow17

Gym Leader
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. suicune
  2. umbreon
  3. mew
Okay so, while this one-shot is on the shorter side, there is. SO MUCH. To talk about. I always find that I have so much to gush over when it comes to your writing, because you pack so much into every sentence. This is no exception!

Other times, to contemplate the importance of the work, and guard himself against guilt, sympathy, or other dangerous thoughts.
Guarding against sympathy, yusss. I love me an antagonist that takes precise measures to busy their emotions.
They said that humans that came to this world only ever remembered meagre scraps from their past lives. Their name, that they were once human, and perhaps two or three memories of their past life, if that. Matthias could remember four: Looking kindly down on his sister, bedridden and frail, and promising her that he’d make the world a gentler place. The moon, shining down on water, and shimmering like liquid, silver light. The feel of wooden game pieces in his fingers and the clack with each placement, as he closed in on a victory condition, dismantling his opponent's every stratagem. Last of all, a burning in his chest from a betrayal he couldn't even name, and holding tightly to ice-cold conviction until the fire in him guttered out for good.
This is just so good, so visceral. The fact that it’s four exact memories. The fact that they are just vague enough that you can interpret all kinds of things from them—why was the moon so significant? Etc. I love the use of senses here, too—the moon, the clack of wood chess pieces, the icy anger of betrayal, etc.
He dreamed of forming water shurikens to tear the old body apart (for leaving his memory, for the sin of letting him go) and instead rending his own tongue. Sharp-edged water cut him open, the flesh around his neck fell away—
Love this tiny indication that he’s actually resentful that he doesn’t remember his precious life, despite claiming he doesn’t care.
He knocked first. You had to do things properly. You had to be composed, correct, controlled. You had to believe that it was all necessary and as sanitised as possible, and mean it, for as long as you had to work.
The narration throughout this whole thing is just so rich with character. He keeps a tight lid on everything, absolutely everything, because even if he doesn’t remember the betrayal, he remembers the helplessness. And he won’t let himself feel helpless ever again, so he controls his every action.
"I fuckin' get it," growled the prisoner. The occupant. The occupant of the cell.

"Fuck you," spat the prisoner. Occupant, occupant.
This is my favorite part of the whole thing. The occupant, not prisoner. Can’t be humanizing his enemies even a little.
The moon, shining down on water, and shimmering like liquid, silver light. The feel of wooden game pieces in his fingers. The burning in his chest, and the ice that replaced it. The ice that did not change, the ice that could be depended on. It was predictable. Just as things should be.
OH YESSS I love the fallback to his memories and the slight elaboration on why he holds them so tightly. They are his anchor to his identity in this world. He has nothing else but these things to hold onto.

Freaking brilliant, as always, and I love it a lot. Amazing work, I’m so impressed, especially since you whipped this up in such a short time!
 

Starlight Aurate

Ad Jesum per Mariam | pfp by kintsugi
Location
Route 123
Partners
  1. mightyena
  2. psyduck
Hello there! I haven't reviewed any of your works before, and since I'm trying to review as many authors new to me and as many contest one-shots as I can this Blitz, I decided to check this out!

While this one-shot is short, I remember that you worked on it under a MASSIVE time crunch--and it's a really impressive product! Your prose is very descriptive, and you pack a lot of feeling and depth into every sentence. I'm not familiar with the background of this fic, but it's clear that Matthias is cold-hearted and ruthless, not having any qualms about torturing prisoners--I mean, occupants--to get what he wants out of them. Jesse clearly isn't a savoury figure, either; shouting swear words nonstop at someone as soon as you see them isn't exactly endearing, and doesn't paint him as a good guy. Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that Matthias is actively torturing Jesse, I wouldn't have seen him as a bad guy--except for, you know, torture.

I like that you bring up the fact that they used to be humans. I've never played the PMD games, but I remember when the first ones came out about 15 years ago, the biggest hype factor was the fact that a human character turned into a Pokemon. After PMD Red and Blue Rescue Teams, I feel like that aspect of the games was toned down or disappeared, and that the Pokemon were always Pokemon. It's something I always wondered about, so it's neat to see that it's brought up here!

I don't have terribly much else to say. I did feel a little lost until we got to the part with Jesse, since I'm unfamiliar with your work, but that's on me. There were a few spots where I felt like your prose was a bit clunky and confusing, and highlighted one of them below. Also I LOVE the banner art at the top--it totally fits the mood of this piece! This was a short but very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing!

Some lines that stuck out to me as I read:
Last of all, a burning in his chest from a betrayal he couldn't even name, and holding tightly to ice-cold conviction until the fire in him guttered out for good.
This is a really good physical feeling of what betrayal is like! A constant fire that burns in your chest, that causes your heart to feel tight, and sometimes red-hot with anger--but then everything turns cold with determination or fear.

Also there's a very noticeable, oddly-large gap between two of the paragraphs.

"You gonna try t'make me sign on to whatever the fuck yer sinister fuckin' secret club full a' sonofabitch bullies and thugs is s’posed to be?"
Pretty bold of him to assume that Matthias and his organization would want him to join!

"Alright, asshole," said the man, "what the fuck is the point of you bein’ here?"
While it's plenty obvious that Jesse is the one speaking here, it feels a bit odd to refer to him as "the man." Aren't both Jesse and Matthias men, technically?

Those who were rarely less than the strongest ‘mon in the room reliably became afraid when, for once, they were the weakest.
"Rarely less than the strongest" read a bit clunky to me, and I had to go over it twice to get the meaning of it. Something more direct, like, "usually the strongest," reads easier, at least to me.
 

Dragonfree

Moderator
Staff
Location
Iceland
Pronouns
she/her/hers
Partners
  1. butterfree
  2. mightyena
  3. charizard
  4. scyther-mia
  5. vulpix
  6. slugma
This one's a short one, but a fascinating POV that you do a lot with in a short space. Matthias distances himself in a very methodical, deliberate, conscious way, one that he's clearly become very practiced at employing, and it's chilling in a pretty unique way. Occupant, occupant. We don't learn all that much about his motivations, what he wants to achieve, exactly how he thinks Jesse is going to become useful to them, but for the purposes of this story we probably don't need to; we get a sense of the gist even if there are a lot of blanks to fill in, and those blanks definitely create intrigue for Heartache.

I like the introduction of the four memories, and how they recur at the end, a lot in particular, and what they understatedly imply about his character. The moon memory is mostly flavor, as far as I can tell, but works well as such - strong visual anchoring to bring us back to the memories when we flash back to them. I also sort of enjoy that it's such an abstract memory, and not really inherently tied to his particular human life; one of these few pieces that he has is just some scenery, because not all your random scattered flashes of memories would be super unique to your own life.

The others are all interesting and very meaningful. His sister and the promise to make the world a gentler place speak to something that originally came from a place of compassion and caring, a desire to improve the world for others. While we don't really see anything about exactly what his vision is, what ends he thinks justify these means, he's clearly motivated by a belief that whatever he thinks he's working for is worth it, and everything he does to achieve it is necessary. The chess match shows his logical/strategic thinking, many moves ahead, seeing a goal and ruthlessly outwitting his opponent to get there. And the very most important, some betrayal he can't even remember that initially sparks passionate anger, but the way he ends up coping and holding on is through ice, through methodically extinguishing his emotions and passion and leaving just that logic and singleminded focus behind. These memories are all pieces of the puzzle, and form a scattered but consistent picture of what's driving this guy to be like this. I look forward to meeting him in Heartache and just getting to talk to him about his ideals and why he's doing this.

To no one's surprise, I enjoy Jesse a lot here. So defiant, covering up acidic self-loathing and the crawling fear of being in a position of helplessness for the first time in decades with a lot of swearing and insults and projected contempt. Matthias is an interesting character to pose as his torturer because he's so utterly unfazed by any of Jesse's defense mechanisms, and just calmly promises he'll be here later to break him until he isn't defiant anymore, and Jesse just doesn't know what to say or do to handle him, at all, which is bound to make him all the more terrifying, in a way Jesse would never admit. And it's a really fun contrast because Jesse is all passion and anger and volatility, exactly the qualities that Matthias has forcibly extinguished in himself and has every intention of extinguishing in Jesse, too.

I thought you did a really choice job on the actual torture; very efficient descriptions, focusing on just the right bits without lingering too long on anything, so that the clinical breakdown from Matthias's POV and Jesse's reactions add up well despite us not seeing Jesse's own POV. Like others, though, I do kind of wish the story didn't cut off there! It has definitely basically gotten its point across, and it's easy to make an extended torture scene feel gratuitous and draggy for readers who aren't particularly into that, so I get what you were going for with ending it there, but the buildup between Matthias and Jesse feels like it calls for more, a proper conclusion to the scene; how does Jesse's defiance end up holding up? At what point exactly will Matthias decide he's done enough for today and choose to leave him to think about it? I mean, also I just want more Jesse whump, but narratively I'm legitimately curious about exactly how things play out after this and feel like it probably would add something interesting if we got to see it, and I think you could definitely pull it off well without it becoming repetitive or too much.

Some quote reactions:

He dreamed of forming water shurikens to tear the old body apart (for leaving his memory, for the sin of letting him go) and instead rending his own tongue. Sharp-edged water cut him open, the flesh around his neck fell away—

—and he woke with his tongue held tight in his fists, clenching his jaw until it ached.
I had to spend a bit puzzling over this to tell what was going on here. I think I've got it now: he's dreaming of using the water shurikens to tear apart his human body but it's just his Greninja body that they hit, and they tear his tongue instead. Right? But the word "rending" and the fact he then wakes with his tongue in his fists didn't make me think of what would happen when hit by a water shuriken; it made me imagine him being about to use water shurikens on his human body and then grabbing his own tongue to tear it apart instead of doing that, only then there's still water cutting him open for some reason. All in all, the phrasing is just a bit vague, I think.

Bound paws were a complication for Matthias's usual approach.
I was kind of curious about this - why would they be? Not sure why his usual approach would require the prisoner occupant's hands to be free... Nothing's coming to mind off the top of my head, and the approach of near-drowning that he talks about at the end certainly doesn't seem like it would. Feel like you're implying something in particular but I think it's going over my head at the moment.

Jesse scoffed at him, his muzzle contorting with vicious contempt. Such a fantastically human expression. Matthias could see it in the subtleties of Jesse’s eyes as they danced away from eye contact – a sign of the mixed hatred and self-hatred only a human could manage. A greninja’s peerless degree of night vision let Matthias perceive such things, but his human mind let him attribute meaning to them.
Liked this paragraph a lot, his sense that having the physical abilities of the Greninja and the mind of a human give him something greater than the sum of its parts.

"What, that I don't wanna be the sorry bastard stuck in some goddamn dungeon, waitin' to get his shit kicked in? No fuckin' shit'. You’re a regular philosopher, ain'tcha?"
Jesse, deflecting like a champ. (There's a weird huge space after this paragraph, though, which doesn't make a lot of sense since the next line continues immediately from it.)

Jesse stared at him, eyes narrowed. His ears flattened back a little, but there was a tiny pause there. A clue that he had not been born with those ears, and did not flatten them as a reflex – that he had learned the motion.
Huh, the idea that PMD humans don't get the instinctive body language reflexes of the species they're transformed into is interesting. Is this general canon in Heartache? Would it extend to, like, not instinctively knowing how to walk on four legs or having basic battle instincts?

"Yes. I am human."
I was a little surprised Matthias stated it like this here after his previous contemplation about how he despises the notion that having the memories of a human makes him anything other than a Greninja through and through - I expected him to be about to correct him.

The delphox – the man – rolled his eyes, looked like he wanted to spit in Matthias's face.
I was also sort of similarly curious about this; correcting himself to the man here feels like the same sort of self-correction as with occupant, but it's harder for me to make out how thinking of him as a man in particular would make things easier for him. Intuitively I kind of would've expected the opposite, that a former human would have more instinctive empathy for a man than a Delphox - and it also kind of seems in opposition to that previously stated belief that a human in a Pokémon body is fundamentally a Pokémon. It's clearly very deliberate, and there's something you were going for here - just not quite sure I can tell what. (Maybe he like, hates the Cabal's point of view on this but forces himself to think of it that way anyway to do his job...?)

All in all, a fascinating look into a character who I'm sure will be great fun to encounter in RP, and some choice Jesse whump! Glad you got this edited and posted. <3
 

Shiny Phantump

Through Dream, I Travel
Location
Hallownest
Pronouns
She/Her
Partners
  1. sylveon
  2. absol-mega
  3. silvally-psychic
  4. ninetales-phantump
  5. cosmog
  6. gallade-phantump
  7. ceruledge-phantump
My internal voice for Matthias shifted over the course of the fic, starting from Ninja Man and gradually turning up the amount of 20th Century British Colonial Radio Program. I don't know where to fit that into the review but the realization that I'd done it entertained me, so I'm opening with it.

I like the idea of PMD characters who don't consider themselves human. More interestingly, I don't know if I can rightfully consider Matthias one given how smug he is about being one. Whatever he is, it is also something that interests me.

He seems to exist in this state of ideological contradiction between being engrossed, obsessed with his humanity, but also repulsed by it. He takes "human supremacy" as a base assumption about the world, and approaches the world's native population with condescension, "humouring" them even though humans have depth they "cannot possibly understand." But he also considers the idea that he's not entirely Greninja to be "grotesque," and seems to be upset that people might think of him otherwise.

He literally imprisons and tortures Jesse, but in the end it feels like he's the least (for lack of a better word) dehumanized other person in Matthias' head. I'm curious to see HelloYellow having the exact opposite take as me on the emphasis on him being an "occupant," because I ended up reading it as humanizing. Even though Jesse is completely and utterly beaten, definitely totally fucked, Matthias still seems to see the guy as the closest thing he has to an equal in this world.

I want more of this guy. I want to dig my fingers into the corners of his psyche and learn more about what makes him tick- Things we have alluded to here, but which we never get too far into here. It's too bad there's not more here, but that's life. And, hey, if my main hangup about something in a setting that's actively being worked on is "hey I want more of this" then that's a pretty good thing.
 
Partners
  1. skiddo-steplively
  2. skiddo-px2
  3. skiddo-px3
  4. skiddo-iametrine
  5. skiddo-coolshades
  6. skiddo-rudolph
  7. skiddo-sleepytime
  8. snowskiddo
  9. skiddotina
  10. skiddengo
  11. skiddoyena
Hey Jackie! Finally getting a chance to review something of yours. I ended up not having the brainspace to read any contest entries around the time of the results, but that just means I get to start with the extra polished version now, right?

This was nicely chilling. It's very obvious not just that Matthias is a cruel person inflicting cruel tortures on someone else (and we only see but a small fraction of what I'm sure is waiting for Jesse in the future!), but that he's aware of how cruel it is, and that he has to constantly, actively remind himself to maintain that distance and detachment in order to carry out these acts. It's still so easy to slip back into terms like "prisoner", which... I don't think it's a matter of Matthias allowing this to become "personal" per se, or at least that's not the only factor, but it's a term that does imply some semblance of right and wrong and morality, one way or another, when what he's convinced he needs to be is totally detached.

(At the same time, I think Lyn's observation that "occupant" almost makes them more equal than "prisoner" is an interesting one, too. After all, if he's got to work with folks around here, surely he'd rather work with someone else he considers superior and better able to act as a stabilizing force, right? If he were ever able to successfully break Jesse, they'd be managing the "natives" together in some capacity. Hm! What is going on in this guy's head!)

I did also enjoy a lot of Matthias's keen observations, especially the tells that Jesse wasn't naturally a delphox. You see examples of isekaied humans who have to get used to walking on all fours or not having opposable thumbs or needing to adjust to their new elemental type all the time, all those immediate and obvious changes in physiology, but it wouldn't occur to me that someone would have to learn reflexes that should come naturally to their new species as well. Neat!

I'm curious to meet other members of Matthias's organization, both human and native pokémon. How do the others, especially the other former humans, behave and think in the same situations? Will we get to meet them in Heartache and see them in action? More importantly, will we be able to punch Matthias in his stupid face???? These are the critical questions that keep me up at night.

One little line edit thing: at least on my (desktop/laptop) screens, there's a very large gap between this paragraph and the next one:

"What, that I don't wanna be the sorry bastard stuck in some goddamn dungeon, waitin' to get his shit kicked in? No fuckin' shit'. You're a regular philosopher, ain'tcha?"

Thought it might be a scene break but this doesn't seem the place for one, so might just be some extra newlines that snuck in there. (Also I think there's an unneeded apostrophe after the second "shit" there.)

Anyway. What a great glimpse into an awful person, and how that person is able and willing to justify and compartmentalize the terrible things he does. I'd love to see more backstory and context and development for this guy down the road if you're ever up for it, be that in Heartache or in other prose stories like this. 10/10 would seethe angrily at the audacity of this motherfucker again.
 

Seren

Lurking
Staff
Pronouns
He/Him
Partners
  1. sableye
Okay, gonna start with this since it's a one-shot, then hit up DE this next week or so, because that is far overdue on my list. I'm doing comments after already reading straight through once so hopefully I'll catch things I didn't on the first read.

Still, the guard managed to look somehow defiant.

Starting with this. Originally, I thought this was just a clever reference to bisharp's canon ability - which it is! But we find out later on that this has another meaning, and given Matthias' opinions on it, I wonder just what he really thinks of this bisharp guard. It's also worth noting that Matthias doesn't refer to this guard by their name (given we learn that this bisharp is a 'native') - whether he knows it and doesn't care to use it, or he doesn't care enough to even know it, it's an early clue as to what's going on in Matthias' mind, as we learn later on.

"I want him to know that it takes time for me to reach him, and more for me to depart," explained Matthias, calmly. “He should have the impression that my visits are significant, that I do not make them casually.”

This is the kind of thing that only Matthias would think - I certainly doubt Jesse would see him visiting and think 'this is a special occasion'. Especially once we see what happens between them. (Also fun to consider that Matthias mentions having multiple sessions, which essentially undermines the whole point. I can see the angle he's going for, though, and why he thinks the way he does. I just don't think the prisoner typically thinks the same way.)

Truly human, mind and body. He detested his organisation’s grotesque belief that the human world from which his soul had come made him anything other than a greninja. He was an amphibian, through and through. Entirely a pokémon, simply one with memories from another body.

This one is interesting to me; his organization sees him as something different due to his origins (so clearly the know he's not native), but he actually, genuinely believes he's a pokemon now, good as if he always had been one. Opens the door for him to justify anything he does as having the native 'mons best interests at heart, since he considers himself one of 'em. And given this thought is contrary to whatever group he's working for, it says a lot about just how twisted he is, even among a sea of other twisted minds.

Matthias could remember four

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS

I wonder what the significance of these four memories are. We learn nothing else about the sister, although this first one does mention making the word a gentler place, which isn't really shown in the rest of the story. So what could this mean? Since we're talking about HA continuity, someone previously mentioned maybe they take issue with pokemon battling? (But if this memory, and therefore his sister, is from when he was human... I'm not sure how the two connect.)

I've got less of a guess for the other memories. The moon on the water one maybe has some connection to why he turned into a greninja? The game piece one is easy enough; he's playing a game and winning, and I guess that's how he sees his actions in the present. Manipulating the 'pieces' around him to achieve his goals/victory. And then the unknown betrayal seems to have been the catalyst for his present-day behavior and methods, since there's constant references back to the ice.

I'm not typically good at recognizing or understanding symbolism like this, so that's about the extent of my speculation on it.

In this case, the asset who'd brought the occupant here had found it necessary to put bindings on his paws.

Another note here of Matthias not using names, instead referring to them as 'the asset'. So likely another of the native pokemon he's got working with/for him. (I don't think we see him ever using a name besides Jesse, for that matter. Not even his own. Narration aside.)

Also of note in this same line... it implies that he doesn't feel the need to restrain other prisoners occupants. Which is interesting to me in the light of pokemon being able to do plenty without using their limbs. I wonder, if Jesse hadn't been human but just another native delphox, if he'd have been restrained? He could still breathe fire or use telekinesis (not that either would affect Matthias very much if at all, but that's besides the point). If this were a victreebel occupying the cell instead, how would they prevent solar beams or giga drains or razor leafs? Would they just not feel the need to restrain it at all? It's fascinating to wonder about.

What you won't already know is that I understand very well what you mean when you say you wish you weren't yourself. I have felt that same way many times.

So this (I think) is going back to Matthias' dreams about his former human self and being unable to recall what he even looked like. Sounds to me like he thinks Jesse wishes he were in human form again. I don't know that Matthias feels the same, though, since he... very clearly thinks he's a greninja now.

Although... then again, the implication with the whole 'knocking on the cell door' thing tells me maybe he doesn't actually believe it all, deep down, he just has to pretend he does?

You had to do things properly. You had to be composed, correct, controlled. You had to believe that it was all necessary and as sanitised as possible, and mean it, for as long as you had to work.

Looking at it again, yeah, I'm not sure.

Jesse scoffed at him, his muzzle contorting with vicious contempt. Such a fantastically human expression. Matthias could see it in the subtleties of Jesse’s eyes as they danced away from eye contact – a sign of the mixed hatred and self-hatred only a human could manage. A greninja’s peerless degree of night vision let Matthias perceive such things, but his human mind let him attribute meaning to them.
His ears flattened back a little, but there was a tiny pause there. A clue that he had not been born with those ears, and did not flatten them as a reflex – that he had learned the motion.
I'm told you held your own with remarkable proficiency in combat when our assets subdued you. I'm told you healed from your wounds before you could even be brought here. I'm told you made repeated reference to concepts native 'mon don't concern themselves with in this part of the continent, not least of which was ‘Hell’.

I love this, though. Matthias recognizes Jesse's human tells and what they mean, because he was human, too. (Something I've only been doing on a base surface level in HA gameplay, but this would be fun to think about and toy with.)

Whether or not he's aware of his physical tells, Jesse's not very subtle about his words anyway, though. Native 'mon certainly wouldn't have any concept of hell. (Whether or not he was trying to be subtle is another story.)

"I fuckin' get it," growled the prisoner. The occupant. The occupant of the cell.

I'm not sure I get it. He's trying to like, torture Jesse into.. working with him or something. Changing him. So is he... trying to convince himself that Jesse isn't a prisoner here, and rather someone he can use? (Sort of like how he doesn't give names to the bisharp or the 'asset'?)

Matthias’ detainees were the defiant ones. Ones who would resist human supremacy violently.

I do like this, though. Makes a clear enough reference back to that unnamed bisharp, I think. To what end, I'm not certain, but I could guess. Something about how Matthias has control over the bisharp, maybe like how he's trying to control Jesse?

"I'm going to change you, Jesse," said Matthias, the words leeched of all warmth by the ice in his chest. "Your stubbornness, while impressive, is not useful. I'm going to motivate you to behave differently, and so make you useful. I'm going to be patient with you, and attentive, and return as many times as necessary, until I no longer find any defiance in you."

Maybe this is my recency bias talking, given what we just learned about Owen... but why does this remind me of shadow pokemon? Are we going to see Shadow Jesse in HA??

Matthias spat back, a flood of ice-water jettisoning from his gullet and crashing into Jesse, flattening him against the wall for one, two, three, four seconds. Enough time to fail to take a breath. Enough time to fear that there’d be no next breath. When it ended, Jesse fell into a slump, eyes closed, gasping from the shock of it. His fur would retain a great deal of water. He'd weigh more, he’d bleed warmth fast, and tire quickly from shivering, and all this would remind him at all times that his visitor could do this to him again, in an instant.

A very good lesson in torture whump here. Yes, I'm taking notes.

There was only ice in Matthias' chest. It was the most necessary feeling, the one that let him do a thing like this. In the dark and the cold there was logic, there was peace, there was consistency. Heat was volatile. Emotion was volatile. Matthias couldn't work with volatility. So he kept cold, and he kept numb, and so kept his heart stable.

"Fuck you," choked out Jesse, already trembling. Good. The intended outcome.

The moon, shining down on water, and shimmering like liquid, silver light. The feel of wooden game pieces in his fingers. The burning in his chest, and the ice that replaced it. The ice that did not change, the ice that could be depended on. It was predictable. Just as things should be.

Lots to unpack here. Another reference to that ice - he's capable of doing this torturing due to that memory of betrayal, even though he can't even recall what it was.

Then there's Jesse, his shortest, most basic retort yet, so we're seeing him already breaking despite his defiance.

And then finally, noteable that we only get three memories referenced here, rather than all four. The memory of Matthias' sister and the gentler world aren't mentioned. Conspicuous enough in its absence for me to pick up on, so I feel like there's some significant symbolism to that, but I can't put my finger on it.

"Let's continue," said Matthias. "I expect to be done soon, Jesse. I can only do so much to you in a single session before there are diminishing returns."

There. There was a flash in the eyes, a flash of naked fear. Fear he could make last.

And there's that line about repeated sessions. So in a way... Matthias' visits will be significant to Jesse, but not in the way Matthias' mind believes. The visits would mean fear to Jesse, not 'this guy is taking time out of his busy schedule to see me personally'.

I enjoyed this a lot. I do feel like there's a lot of things that I'm purely guessing on (can't wait to see how wrong I am on all of this), and even more that simply went over my head, but that's nothing to do with the writing and more my inability to connect two dots (which I know you're familiar with by now). :mewlulz: Despite that, this is a very good look into Matthias' mind and how he thinks compared to how he behaves. It also makes for a good setup to some torture/whump, so there's some personal fun bonus points to me. I've definitely picked up some pointers in how Matthias speaks and thinks to improve my own scene. I can see why Odo - I mean, Nolan - has beef with this guy.

I'm really looking forward to seeing how any of this conencts back to HA in the future! And hopefully it'll help my own understanding at that time.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
Heya, this one-shot was actually on my radar last year but I ran out of time at the last moment of one-shot week back then to get to it and it promptly got buried under competing priorities. Though I figure that between having a bit more time and being in Heartache proper, that it was as good an opportunity to properly check this out:

"There are open cells closer to the entrance, sir. I could arrange a transfer for your convenience, if you wish."

The bisharp held his salute and stared straight ahead in disciplined deference, not meeting Matthias’ eye. Still, the guard managed to look somehow defiant. His kind had an aura of authority – an innate focus, a readiness for decision-making – that made them adept for leadership. Such a waste, to see this one tasked with an almost ceremonial role. His helm was so polished that in it, Matthias could see his own face (and much of his tongue, wrapped around his own neck as it must be). All polish; no practice. This guard may as well be a clerk. Escape attempts were not made from these cells.

Ah, so there’s our Greninja from the cover art there. Though Bisharp guards, huh? If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen an Italian-background author cast one for that role in a PMD setting, I’d have two nickels. Now we just need to see the other dozen you’re hiding elsewhere in this setting. o<o

Matthias made a contemplative noise in his throat, and shook his head. "No, I think not."

"May I ask why, sir?"

Still staring straight ahead. Bold, though, to question his superior. Was that because he had no fear, or because he knew he needn't fear reprisals from Matthias? Either way, it would be interesting to humour a native speaking out of turn.

Boy is that train of thought more than a little concerning considering what came out of some recently revealed hostile factions in Heartache lately, or Nolan from No Quarter for that matter.
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"I want him to know that it takes time for me to reach him, and more for me to depart," explained Matthias, calmly. “He should have the impression that my visits are significant, that I do not make them casually.”

"Yes sir. I understand."

Ah yes, just casually tipping his tongue that he wants to play mind games on whatever his target in this cell block is. Though considering the story summary… I take it that that’s going to be the least of the concerning directions for where things will be going. .-.

Did he? Perhaps. Matthias nodded, and the salute dropped. With Bisharp's deft crank of the lever, the door to the cells opened for Matthias, and he walked through. The door closed behind him, and the bolt clunked back into place. It would take time for him to reach the cell containing the man who was his latest concern. This was necessary.

Wait, implying that the prisoner Matthias is after is also human? Since I noticed that he very specifically thought of him as ‘the man’.

It gave Matthias something of practical use, too. A moment to contemplate matters alone, without the eyes of others (either human or native) to distract him from his task. Sometimes he used that opportunity to ideate with a clear mind about the method he would use. Other times, to contemplate the importance of the work, and guard himself against guilt, sympathy, or other dangerous thoughts.

Ah yes, just casually debating on what torture method he’s going to use while walking down the hall. Lovely.

Also, I just realized that Greninja is capable of multiple attacks that essentially make stabby implements out of water. So if you wanted to be able to perform torture without leaving behind any incriminating elements…
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This time, however, he used it to remember what it was like to be human. Truly human, mind and body. He detested his organisation’s grotesque belief that the human world from which his soul had come made him anything other than a greninja. He was an amphibian, through and through. Entirely a pokémon, simply one with memories from another body.

I’m… not sure if I want to know what this guy used to do back when he was human, really.
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They said that humans that came to this world only ever remembered meagre scraps from their past lives. Their name, that they were once human, and perhaps two or three memories of their past life, if that. Matthias could remember four:

Looking kindly down on his sister, bedridden and frail, and promising her that he’d make the world a gentler place. The moon, shining down on water, and shimmering like liquid, silver light. The feel of wooden game pieces in his fingers and the clack with each placement, as he closed in on a victory condition, dismantling his opponent's every stratagem. Last of all, a burning in his chest from a betrayal he couldn't even name, and holding tightly to ice-cold conviction until the fire in him guttered out for good.

IMO, this paragraph is long enough that it probably works better as two separate ones. Though that’s certainly different from how the PCs came over in Heartache, if definitely a bit more on-brand for a more conventional PMD-style experience.

He'd give up all those memories if he could trade them to remember the appearance of his own face. In his dreams, sometimes, he saw himself as a human with nothing there but blank, pale skin, without even any eyes. He dreamed of forming water shurikens to tear the old body apart (for leaving his memory, for the sin of letting him go) and instead rending his own tongue. Sharp-edged water cut him open, the flesh around his neck fell away—

—and he woke with his tongue held tight in his fists, clenching his jaw until it ached.

Yeeeeeeah, Matthias has got some issues that he takes out on the unfortunates who come to this prison, I see.

He wondered if the man in the cell ever had dreams like that.

I mean, probably? Though it does make me wonder what on earth happened such that you two wound up on opposite sides to each other.

After pacing nearly the whole corridor’s length, and passing far too many buzzing, flickering fluorescent lamps, Matthias arrived at the correct cell. He knocked first. You had to do things properly. You had to be composed, correct, controlled. You had to believe that it was all necessary and as sanitised as possible, and mean it, for as long as you had to work.

Wait, wait, wait. They have fluorescent lamps in a western-themed setting? Is that an oversight there, or…?

So he knocked. Three evenly-spaced raps with the firm pad on his forearm. When he heard no reply, he pulled the window hatch aside and peered in. The cell was occupied, as expected, by a wretched-looking red-furred figure. Good. Matthias punched in the code for the door lock, and let himself in.

Okay, yeah. So the ‘fluorescent light’ mention was completely deliberate. So I’m gathering that there’s just some faction chilling out there in Heartache’s world that’s basically the Enclave from Fallout that’s sitting on a huge tech disparity relative to the rest of the world, which I’m pretty sure is that ‘Coven’ that recently got introduced in the campaign. Duly noted.

Normally the cell would contain little more than its occupant, Matthias, and the darkness. Just essential items. In this case, the asset who'd brought the occupant here had found it necessary to put bindings on his paws. Bound paws were a complication for Matthias's usual approach. The occupant was a delphox, in fairness – presumably he'd tried to summon fire or cast other spells. The fox shifted, trying to gather himself from the floor and onto his hindpaws.

Oh, hello, Jesse. Or at least, I think that you’re Jesse.

"There's no need to stand," said Matthias, to the other man in the cell. "Or to make an introduction. I know who you are, Jesse."

Yeah, I knew it. Though boy did Jesse hit rock bottom at whenever this point in his life was.

The delphox glowered at him, lips curled back over predatory teeth.

"Sure,” he growled, in that drawling accent of settlers in the far west. “That's me, much as I may wish I weren't. Who the fuck are you, and what godforsaken shit are you here fer, huh?"

- Matthias casually plays around with a Water Shuriken -
Matthias: “I was just getting to that, actually…”

Matthias nodded in understanding. "I think you already know, Jesse. You must also already know that what happens here depends more on you than it does on me. What you won't already know is that I understand very well what you mean when you say you wish you weren't yourself. I have felt that same way many times."

Is… the twist to this story going to be that there’s two villains present? Since I vaguely remember what you shared of Jesse and his backstory in Blacklight, and… uh… it would not take a huge leap to wind up parsing him as a villain. .-.

Jesse scoffed at him, his muzzle contorting with vicious contempt. Such a fantastically human expression. Matthias could see it in the subtleties of Jesse’s eyes as they danced away from eye contact – a sign of the mixed hatred and self-hatred only a human could manage. A greninja’s peerless degree of night vision let Matthias perceive such things, but his human mind let him attribute meaning to them.

That actually makes me wonder if these ‘human expression / body language cues’ that apparently carry over to human-turned-Pokémon ever weird out more normal Pokémon in-setting at times.

"What, that I don't wanna be the sorry bastard stuck in some goddamn dungeon, waitin' to get his shit kicked in? No fuckin' shit'. You’re a regular philosopher, ain'tcha?"

Matthias shook his head, carefully. "That's not what you meant, Jesse. I'm told you held your own with remarkable proficiency in combat when our assets subdued you. I'm told you healed from your wounds before you could even be brought here. I'm told you made repeated reference to concepts native 'mon don't concern themselves with in this part of the continent, not least of which was ‘Hell’. I know all too well that for a person like you, words like that are vessels for thoughts and feelings that natives cannot possibly understand."

Jesse: “Yeah, and so what? Why the hell does any of that worry you so much that you want to snatch me and bring me here?”

Jesse stared at him, eyes narrowed. His ears flattened back a little, but there was a tiny pause there. A clue that he had not been born with those ears, and did not flatten them as a reflex – that he had learned the motion.

Oh, so “oop, my human body language is showing” is perceptible by Pokémon in Heartache’s world. Duly noted.

"You're a fuckin' human, ain't you?" growled Jesse. "Explains yer accent and the weird bullshit act you've got goin' on."

"Yes. I am human."

Matthias: “As are you, clearly. Don’t think that I didn’t see that ear thing from you there.”

Jesse glanced about, still with that growl crackling in his throat. It sounded a little more desperate than before. Good. Intimidation achieved in this slow, creeping way often lasted all the longer.

"So," Matthias continued, "you will realise you are not in a position to leverage your intellect, nor the strength in battle granted by your human soul. You must also have noticed by now that you cannot read my mind due to my elemental type."

Matthias: “Not that it’d have helped you much thanks to my primary type already holding an inherent advantage over you, really.”

"I fuckin' get it," growled the prisoner. The occupant. The occupant of the cell. "You can kick my fuckin' ass on account of half a dozen fuckin' reasons, move the fuck on. You gonna ask questions? You gonna try t'make me sign on to whatever the fuck yer sinister fuckin' secret club full a' sonofabitch bullies and thugs is s’posed to be?"

I mean, that was the undertone that I was getting from this assuming that Matthias really is from the Coven.

"I don't believe I can persuade you of our ideology in the next three hours, no," said Matthias. "Neither do I think you'll answer any of the questions my superiors would have me ask you. At least, not truthfully."

This was true enough. Beating assets to within an inch of their lives and swearing vociferously about the wrongdoing he intended to correct made Jesse a poor choice for recruitment. Most of the individuals Matthias worked with in this place would not give up useful information (particularly not the location of human-descended 'mon or human-empowered natives whom they cared for), at least not at first. If they would do that, they wouldn't have been brought here. Matthias’ detainees were the defiant ones. Ones who would resist human supremacy violently.

Yeah, I knew it. Though I suppose that I ought to take this as a sign that this won’t be the last time that I’ll be hearing about Matthias, if in a bit of a different medium.

In a dark cell with nothing but himself, his bindings, and a bucket neither of them acknowledged, Jesse still had defiance to fall back on. Defiance could sustain a person for a long time.

Whelp, remind me not to think too hard about how bad this place probably smells right now.
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"Alright, asshole," said the man, "what the fuck is the point of you bein’ here?"

The delphox – the man – rolled his eyes, looked like he wanted to spit in Matthias's face. It would be acceptable if he did, of course. Defiance fought first, and died later.

"I'm going to change you, Jesse," said Matthias, the words leeched of all warmth by the ice in his chest. "Your stubbornness, while impressive, is not useful. I'm going to motivate you to behave differently, and so make you useful. I'm going to be patient with you, and attentive, and return as many times as necessary, until I no longer find any defiance in you."

Getting some serious O’Brien vibes from Nineteen-Eighty Four right now. Since… yeah, that character basically had Matthias’ same day job and deliverables, just aimed at different targets.

Jesse grit his teeth and nodded sharply as if he'd accepted a challenge to battle. The delphox was making a fairly successful effort of hiding his fear, but Matthias could detect it all the same. He could cite the flaring of his nostrils, the posture of his tail, the panic in his eyes, but he knew without relying on such signs. He knew there would be fear, because Jesse was used to being able to defeat just about anyone, but was intelligent enough to realise that in close quarters, with no wand, facing an opponent who held all the cards, facing a species who had the matchup advantage, facing another human likely for the first time... that any use of force would go poorly.

Boy does that bode poorly for if/when we ever see Jesse again in the Heartache campaign.
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Those who were rarely less than the strongest ‘mon in the room reliably became afraid when, for once, they were the weakest.

Yeeeeeah, I can already imagine how that’d be a disorienting and frightening trip.

"Fuck you," spat the prisoner. Occupant, occupant. "Go crawl up yer own ass and suffocate on shit."

"Yes, that's exactly the kind of response I mean," said Matthias, matter-of-factly. "Let's begin."

Yeah, this sounds like a fast way to get stabbed by a watery blade. But I suppose that that was always going to be where this was going.

Jesse spat in his face. Matthias saw the motion before it ended, and did not blink. The moisture impacted the crest of Matthias' head, and lingered there for a moment, before settling into the dampness of his amphibian skin. His skin crawled, but ice, ice, only ice in his chest. He must remain calm, keep an ordered mind. React cleanly. Pristine. Without anger or pride or pettiness.

I’m surprised that a torturer would be this dissociated from baser impulses while on the job, though I suppose that Matthias is in this to engender a conversion. Leaving as few reeds for a target to glom onto to mount resistance does feel like it’d be part and parcel of that, even if it must require crazy discipline.

Matthias spat back, a flood of ice-water jettisoning from his gullet and crashing into Jesse, flattening him against the wall for one, two, three, four seconds. Enough time to fail to take a breath. Enough time to fear that there’d be no next breath.

When it ended, Jesse fell into a slump, eyes closed, gasping from the shock of it. His fur would retain a great deal of water. He'd weigh more, he’d bleed warmth fast, and tire quickly from shivering, and all this would remind him at all times that his visitor could do this to him again, in an instant.

Another paragraph that IMO works better cut up into smaller chunks. And here I was expecting him to cut Jesse up with something like Liquidation, but I suppose that if your goal is explicitly to turn your target, that wearing them down little by little much like water eroding a rock is probably the smarter strategy to take.

There was only ice in Matthias' chest. It was the most necessary feeling, the one that let him do a thing like this. In the dark and the cold there was logic, there was peace, there was consistency. Heat was volatile. Emotion was volatile. Matthias couldn't work with volatility. So he kept cold, and he kept numb, and so kept his heart stable.

Matthias had a major screwup sometime in the past precisely because he got emotional, didn’t he? Since that’s a very particular hangup on suppressing emotions there.

"Fuck you," choked out Jesse, already trembling. Good. The intended outcome.

That… doesn’t bode well at all for how long Jesse held out against this turning process. .-.

The moon, shining down on water, and shimmering like liquid, silver light. The feel of wooden game pieces in his fingers. The burning in his chest, and the ice that replaced it. The ice that did not change, the ice that could be depended on. It was predictable. Just as things should be.

Ah yes, another callback to our title here.

"Let's continue," said Matthias. "I expect to be done soon, Jesse. I can only do so much to you in a single session before there are diminishing returns."

There. There was a flash in the eyes, a flash of naked fear. Fear he could make last.

He would drown the delphox, next. Drowning followed by resuscitation, of course. Adequately safe, when done with skill and care. Everything should be done with care, with certainty. You had to mean it, you had to make a conscious decision, or the means would not be justified by the ends. There could be no accidents in this, nothing unintentional.

Ah yes. So Jesse’s being subjected to waterboarding’s blunter twin. Lovely. Worse yet, if Jesse doesn’t break eventually, there’s a non-trivial chance that he’ll wind up brain damaged or dead from oxygen deprivation during one of these sessions.

Stable, predictable, safe. No volatility. No surprises. Everything perfectly under control.

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Boy is that one of the more chilling title drops that I’ve read in a while. Though even if it works a bit better going into the story with some meta knowledge, this was a neat little piece getting into the head of a torturer and how they might operate, along with some foreshadowing of where things will be going in Heartache’s world. I’m honestly surprised at how well you managed to make this snapshot feel like a complete episode in just 2400 words. Like, even if we’re just seeing the beginning of Matthias getting to work, the ending note it leaves off on works surprisingly well.

I don’t have a whole lot to complain about for this one-shot really. Like there were a couple of places where I thought that a paragraph here or there was getting a bit chunky, but the prose on balance was really smooth and polished. I do wonder if the story might have benefitted a bit from being a bit more generous with its context, though then again… perhaps it doesn’t really need it. Like while the story hits differently if you read it with knowledge about who Jesse is, it still works even without knowing it.

Though kudos on the story @unrepentantAuthor . You clearly got pretty into things with this piece, which I suppose is a sign I ought to get back into Heartache sometime after Review Blitz dies down to soak in the world you and the gang built there, since these snapshots of it you’ve made so far have been pretty compelling to read.
 
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