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Pokémon She sells seashells, a ROOST prequel RD

K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
She sells seashells by the seashore:
A ROOST prequel.



An intro: AKA attempting to tab on an intro to ROOST that will be friendly to those utterly unfamiliar with MANGA canon. As long as it has the RD title the chapters within will be under construction. So expect the occasional update. I will update on a chapter-by-chapter basis and once it'd done I'll drop the RD tag.

Summery: pending
TW: gaslighting, anxiety, abduction, unsupportive environment.




Introducing Green, Test Day



It'd been a day. One filled with tours and posing pretty at her mother’s side. Walking the familiar tightrope of cute but competent she’d passed the meet and greets with flying colors. Or, well no one had pulled Mum aside and said anything about Green being damaged, so win.


Having hopped the familiar hurdle of handling adults who’d never get it, Green was rewarded with the odious task of paperwork and a promise to be picked up soon.


Ushered into a room that was little more than shuttered windows, and desks, with a few other kids her own age hunched over said desks. Suffice to say the blah room was a downgrade from before. Because she'd been outside and the weather was fine. She'd planned to walk Nido to the park after breakfast, but Mum had been quick to remind her that today was Test Day.


And Green had promised to give it a go so she was here rather than where she wanted to be.


Still Green was a big girl, she knew how to toe the line, and so hadn't fussed when coming here. Once checked in she was guided to a desk away from everyone else. Not quite the corner of the room, but close enough that she could feel safe. Settling into her seat, her world shrunk down again, its center was her desk and the pages and pages of oval filling left atop. Twiddling with a number two pencil left for her between her fingers, she got to work with minimal dinking around.


Two hours in she was done with the pile, and papers were replaced with food. A “staff provided meal” that was more snack than anything else. She ate under strict supervision, noticing a few others were eating under the watchful eyes of an assigned adult. Shed' been told to not talk to anyone, heard others similarly warned, and so she just ate, amused that cheating was such a thing they went this far to stop everyone from doing it.


At the meal's start, she'd tried to chat up her... captor... for lack of a better word. She indulged a bit of justified whining because the room was chilly and short sleeves were the rule for some reason. Green huffed in utter disgust at the response. Shorts sleeves were mandated because answers had been written on arms, and distance was set just so to prevent notes from being passed.


And it wasn't professional pride that stung at the sheer stupidity of other, lesser cons being foiled, she wasn't a Rocket after all, but Mew almighty if she was stupid enough to do something so obvious she’d deserved to be caught.


Still Green just didn't get it. These people were paranoid about standard-sized tests and the why behind it made no sense. She figured it was something she missed out on during her unconventional trainer period. Where she'd started her journey far too soon and stayed out far too late, but comparing that life to this...


Her previous life made the expected and normal seem crazy.


But whatever.


Green went along with the school’s stupidity because they made the rules, and their rules involved a timer over on her desk ticking down, and when that clock ticked down to zero that meant they’d take her food away.


Which meant she had to eat fast.


A minute after the last bite the napkins and crumbs were whisked away. She and her trash were combed over for “contraband and notes” and found “clean” she was free to do what they said next. Which was wait while her lackluster captor wandered to the front to book her a side office. Had she thought she'd of gotten anything for it Green would have protested being declared clean. There were splatters and she hadn’t even brushed her shirt front much less her teeth, but meh. School was these people's place, this place ran by their rules, and while she was here she would too.


For now.


It was more curiosity than anything else that made her play along. Curiosity mixed with apathetic outpouring she’d named meh that kept her playing by rules she didn’t get. Green allowed these school adults to usher her into a side office with no decorations, no doo-dads to flitch, and a computer newer than the ones she’d dinked around with at the public library set up and ready to go.


It wasn’t for anything fun, like internet surfing or even a typing game, no, she wasn’t so lucky. This was a gifted school, after all, nothing but the best for Mum and Da’ shining star after being on her journey for so long, so she had more work to do. Some poking got the first page up which was list of books written in link blue, she clicked on one familiar title and was ushered to the next page that would lead her to the most wishy-washy types of questions imaginable.


Seriously, these were essay questions. And essays were part of school, and school was kid’s work. She knew how work worked… People above you gave you orders that you followed. This test was insulting because there was no place for “please” in orders.


How these adults could not know something so simple boggled her brain.


Aware there might be cameras because these school people were paranoid, Green flashed a falsely enthused smile, cracked her knuckles, and settled into the chair that was plastic, painfully pastel, and didn’t swerve like a real computer chair should.


Two hours later and she was stiff, her hands ached, she had a headache, and more than anything else she wanted out.


Right now.


So she clicked done because she had the requisite five pages squared away and that was enough. In-depth editing was for chumps.


Tapping on the door leading out, to let the adult beyond it know she was done, Green rocked back and forth on her heels. Hating but recognizing the pinching, itchy, anxiety building under her skin. Experience had taught her not to indulge her “itch” in any way because she wouldn’t be able to stop. There was no Silver here to pin her arms, no Sneasel to sit on her and pin her arms with snow and sleet to make her stop if she got really bad.


So she wouldn't start.


And she wouldn't tell, because this feeling wasn't about normal things like tests or anything that school people would have got. And in a school it was only about school things. So Green pressed her lips into a thin line and tried to swallow down all the bad feelings as the door was opened and there was an adult, not her previous busy body attachment, but another one had stepped up to let her out.


“All done then?” So greeted the adult drone, speaking the obvious. Irritated Green breezed past adult number one, weaving around the desks to get to the front door's desk. With its stationary adult where she'd started this mess.


Green was wired enough not to care about all the little details that’d been her bread and butter once upon a time. Still, she wasn’t so tired as to appear as out of it as she felt. Green twitched her lips, and nodded, coloring the motions with just the right emphasis so that the oblivious would have mistaken her for being shy. And the lady behind the desk fell for it, hook line, and sinker.


“Congrats sweetie, I'm sure you did fine. I’ll call your folks right now. If you can take a seat by the front door and wait there, please? You can stay here if you promise not to talk to anyone?”


“Alright.” It was easy to promise. Talking was near impossible around a suddenly tight throat and the ache of missing Silver so suddenly it felt like a blow. Add that to the prickle of... feelings she wasn't going to think about. And her orders, to "not talk" were easy as breathing. Still, she dared not be too quiet. Her folks would be calling her Silver the Second if she didn’t pull herself together at some point. Or, well if Mum and Da’ didn’t she’d be doing it to herself. Regardless it'd be a pain, either way, so she managed something like chipper and attentive as she waited.


And she wasn’t called out as a fraud by anyone.


So win-win.


Shoving her hands into her pockets, clenching her hands into fists, she plopped into a chair closest to a window. Green loved the heat and tortured herself with the view of out that she couldn't go out into. Ignoring the phone call, the soft conversation between two adults that came and went, and what sounded like some poor schmuck having a temper tantrum, Green waited for forever. Foot jangling despite being crossed at the ankle like a proper lady.


This wasn’t posttest jitters. Since this wasn’t her first report she’d written she couldn’t even claim beginner’s nerves. Rather her feelings of sick miserable trapped were old friends. The reports she’d been ordered to write before had been about incriminating things. Not the silly topics these adults wanted. About wars so far back they’d used bronze and storybook tales where 'mon were monsters meant to be slain.


The method and structure between then and now was close enough that she quivered in place.


And wasn't it a beautiful contradiction? All she had to do was wait to go.


Deep breathing helped take the edge off of the itch. Breathing and cycling through the obvious. For a girl, Green’s age school was expected. Tests were part of school, nicer schools required longer tests, everything here was expected and nothing should hurt her.


Simple stupid that it was, it helped, but what helped most was knowing that all the tests were done.


When forever passed, thirty minutes she'd be told, it didn't change how it felt though, Da came to pick her up. He wasn't familiar, just another plain man with curly black hair until he smiled at her. Then she remembered. His smile was legitimately shy, she'd mirrored hers after seeing how good his worked. It took a moment but when the recognition set in she was up and wrapped him up in her tightest hug. Smushing her face into his button-down shirt, probably creasing his pants, and not caring a lick. He didn't. Hugging her, smoothing her hair, offering her affection even though they were in public even though it went against the rules that ran her life from before she'd come home.


He was unspeakably brave like that.


"Win lots?"


"Always." And Green didn't sniffle, not really, and her smile was real when she tipped one up at him. Not the fake nonsense she'd offered at mom's side, and in the meetings and over the tests.


Right then he was her shining knight, made all the more bright because he was slipping out early from his tech job. Dabbling in falsehoods, claiming a “family emergency” just to pick her up.


He really was the best.


"We're on our way out" And ignoring the firm "hush people are testing" from the lady behind the counter, he led Green out. Threading his arm with hers, miming old motions of gentlemen ages past and smirking all the while.


She hung tight, glad for the familiar warmth of him at her side, and politely ignoring the smells of office and sweet.


Because Da’d likely had a donut in the break room again, and if Mum found out she’d have a fit.


Being on an anti-calorie and sugar kick right now, the matriarch of the Azule household insisted the rest of the family join in with her suffering, “for their health”. Green had no intent on ratting Da' out to Mum, ever.


Minding his shiny shoed feet and the cracks, not wanting to risk breaking anyone's back, Green was led to Da' old car. It was, utterly unironic since he bought it well before she'd been born, green, and long. Da called the thing a classic. She suspected the orange around the edges and underneath might be rust, maybe, and that “classic” meant “bad and old all at once”. But Green never called him out on it. Or asked anything even vaguely rude, even when it didn’t start upright in the morning.


Her tact was well rewarded. Laid out on the passenger seat, bright pink box open just so, a half dozen donuts. Well, it had started as a half dozen. But sampling had occurred, for half of the box.


And while she could have been snippy, because it was half gone, a long look confirmed that what remained were her favorites.


So all was forgiven.


“Don’t tell your mother.” Was expected, as he ushered her in, and she cheerfully piled in. Stress was lost under the wash of sugar. It was lame, and a bit sad, but sugar could jolly her out of her head. And jitters were traded out for sugar rush, or would be in time.


Green smiled, working her way through her first treat. A chocolate cake chocolate frosted monstrosity as big as her hand. Da’, in his small way, got it without asking a thing. After a turn or two Green realized they were taking the long way to the park, and the rattle from the glove box promised that maybe, just maybe…


Not one to wait for promises Green flipped open the glove box, and what was within made her smile, bright and wide.


“You brought my whole team?” Green squeaked. Because Mum had been trying to hide her pokeballs, not liking how much time Green was spending with her team and none of the other girls on the block. Green’d let her get away, meant to tear the house from top to bottom after her tests… But now she wouldn’t have to.


Da’ hummed, pointedly locked on the traffic. His lips were quirked into a smile and his eyes were scrunched just so. “Did I? Well whoops, I only meant to take Nido for a walk this afternoon since you’re busy but… ah well, accidents, am I right?”


Green barely managed to wait until they got a red light but only just barely before she hugged him. He might have crabbed at her, but having faced down Krabby and Kingler she knew he didn’t really mean it. And Green was a smart girl, she was off of him well before the light turned back again and they were meant to go.


“You’re the best!”


Da laughed, “’ Course I am,” and they were on their way.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Busy Writing Stories I Want to Read
Pronouns
He/Him/His
Partners
  1. nidoran-f
  2. druddigon
  3. swellow
  4. quilava-fobbie
  5. sneasel-kate
  6. heliolisk-fobbie
Heya, dropping in for Catnip and… a Roost prequel, huh? I admittedly didn’t get that far into Roost thus far, but I do have some prior experience with it, so I figure that it’s the option between the two you offered that I’d be more likely to get into.

So without further ado, let’s get straight into things:

It'd been a day. One filled with tours and posing pretty at her mother’s side. Walking the familiar tightrope of cute but competent she’d passed the meet and greets with flying colors. Or, well no one had pulled Mum aside and said anything about Green being damaged, so win.

>dat last sentence
:copyber:


Totally a good sign of things to come in this story tone-wise.

Having hopped the familiar hurdle of handling adults who’d never get it, Green was rewarded with the odious task of paperwork and a promise to be picked up soon.

Wait, handling how? Since it’s a bit vague as to what Green is doing here as her task. If it wouldn’t cause any issues story-wise, it might make sense to say more explicitly what Green had to do as a task/job.

Ushered into a room that was little more than a collection of shuttered windows and desks, with a few other kids her own age hunched over said desks. Suffice to say the blah room was a downgrade from [ ] before. Because she'd been outside and the weather was fine. She'd planned to walk Nido to the park after breakfast, but Mum had been quick to remind her that today was Test Day.

Wait, a downgrade relative to what before? The outside? Another room in whatever building Green is in? Though I see that Green’s in school at the moment, even if I have to wonder how that works given that I could’ve sworn that Adventures!Green didn’t exactly have a stable childhood.

And Green had promised to give it a go. So she was here rather than where she wanted to be.

Well, that would explain why Green is in school right now and not going off getting into manga antics.

Still, Green was a big girl. She knew how to toe the line, and so she hadn't made a fussed when coming here. Once checked in, she was guided to a desk away from everyone else. Not quite in the corner of the room, but close enough that she could feel safe. Settling into her seat, her world shrunk down again. Its center was her desk and the pages and pages of oval filling left atop. Twiddling with a number two pencil left for her between her fingers, she got to work with minimal dinking around.

Some sundry suggestions for punctuation and small wording tweaks to consider here. Though it makes me wonder just how well Green is doing on this test of hers right now.

Two hours, in she was done with the pile, and papers were replaced with food. A “staff provided meal” that was more of a snack than anything else. She ate under strict supervision, noticing a few others were eating under the watchful eyes of an assigned adult. She'd been told to not talk to anyone and heard others being similarly warned. and So she just ate, amused that cheating was such a thing they concern here that the adults went this far to stop everyone from doing it.

Seems like a lovely school there. /s

At the meal's start, she'd tried to chat up her... captor... for lack of a better word. She indulged in a bit of justified whining because the room was chilly and short sleeves were the rule for some reason. Green huffed in utter disgust at the her captor’s response. Shorts sleeves were mandated because answers had been written on arms, and the distance between desks was set just just far enough so to prevent notes from being passed.

Some more small suggestions here and there for small phrasing tweaks to make things flow a bit smoother. Though what sort of exam is this that Green is studying for that has this level of scrutiny? For a trainer’s license?

And it wasn't professional pride that stung at the sheer stupidity of other, lesser cons being foiled, she wasn't a Rocket after all, but Mew almighty if she was stupid enough to do something so obvious she’d deserved to be caught.

This is a bit of a run-on sentence. I’d suggest dividing it up into at least two sentences, but I was admittedly drawing blanks at where and how to suggest dividing it up.

Still Green just didn't get it. These people were paranoid about standard-sized tests and the why behind it made no sense. She figured it was something she missed out on during her... unconventional trainer period. Where she'd started her journey far too soon and stayed out far too late, but comparing that life to this…

Oh, so this is indeed her trainer’s exam she’s taking here. Though I wonder if the ‘standard-sized tests’ is a deliberate typo or not.

I would recommend having Green trail off in her thoughts / the narration before bringing up her ‘unconventional trainer period’, though. Since from what I know about the events of Adventures secondhand, that sounds like quite the understatement.

Her previous life made the expected and normal seem crazy.

But whatever.

Yeah, that.

Green went along with the school’s stupidity because they made the rules, and their rules involved a timer over on her desk ticking down, and when that clock ticked down to zero that meant they’d take her food away.

Which meant she had to eat fast.

Live look at Green:

giphy.gif


A minute after the last bite, the napkins and crumbs were whisked away. She and her trash were combed over for “contraband and notes” and after being found “clean” she was free to do what they said next. Which was to wait while her lackluster captor wandered to the front to book her a side office. Had she thought she'd have gotten anything for it, Green would have protested being declared clean. There were splatters and she hadn’t even brushed her shirt front, much less her teeth, but meh. School was these people's place, this place ran by their rules, and while she was here she would too.

For now.

Green wasn’t kidding about coming from a world where the normal seemed crazy, since I see that she’s very much a fish out of water right now. These bits are a nice illustration of that.

It was more curiosity than anything else that made her play along. Curiosity mixed with an apathetic outpouring she’d named meh that kept her playing by rules she didn’t get. Green allowed these school adults to usher her into a side office with no decorations, no doo-dads to flitch, and a computer newer than the ones she’d dinked around with at the public library set up and ready to go.

Oh, so this exam is taken on a computer, huh? I admittedly wouldn’t have expected that, but I suppose Pokémon mainline is a significantly higher-tech setting than normal, so I won’t question it.

It wasn’t for anything fun, like internet surfing or even a typing game, no, she wasn’t so lucky. This was a gifted school, after all, nothing but the best for Mum and Da’ shining star after being on her journey for so long, so she had more work to do. Some poking got the first page up which was a list of books written in link blue links, she clicked on one familiar title and was ushered to the next page that would lead her to the most wishy-washy types of questions imaginable.

‘Gifted school’, huh? I mean, I knew Green was street smart in the manga, but book smart too? Is that also a canonical character detail of hers from Adventures?

Seriously, these were essay questions. And essays were part of school, and school was kid’s work. She knew how work worked… People above you gave you orders that you followed. This test was insulting because there was no place for “please” in orders.

:riplup~2:


I feel Green there, since at every stage of schooling from elementary to college, essay questions during exams always suck hard to have to deal with.

How these adults could not know something so simple boggled her brain.

I mean, it helps that they have some pretty different conceptions of ‘normalcy’ than you do, Green.
:copyber:


Aware there might be cameras because these school people were paranoid, Green flashed a falsely enthused smile, cracked her knuckles, and settled into the chair that was plastic, painfully pastel, and didn’t swerve like a real computer chair should.

I would invert the “pastel” and “plastic” there since “plastic” is something that you “feel” more than a color scheme when sitting in a chair. Also, making pastel “pastel-colored” if you do that would give it more parallelism to “painfully plastic”

Two hours later and she was stiff, her hands ached, she had a headache, and more than anything else she wanted out.

Right now.

Cue the theme song in the background:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs35t2xFqdU


So she clicked done because she had the requisite five pages squared away and that was enough. In-depth editing was for chumps.

de7.png


Since, you know. This is only an examination determining whether or not you can participate in a hugely important social institution in your world and all that jazz.

Tapping on the door leading out, to let the adult beyond it know she was done, Green rocked back and forth on her heels. Hating but recognizing the pinching, itchy, anxiety building under her skin. Experience had taught her not to indulge her “itch” in any way because she wouldn’t be able to stop. There was no Silver here to pin her arms, no Sneasel to sit on her and pin her arms with snow and sleet to make her stop if she got really bad.

So she wouldn't start.

giphy.gif


Since, you know, that seemed like a pretty thorough job at working yourself up towards getting into a nervous mess as it stood, Green.

And she wouldn't tell, because this feeling wasn't about normal things like tests or anything that school people would have got. And in a school it was only about school things. So Green pressed her lips into a thin line and tried to swallow down all the bad feelings as the door was opened and there was an adult, not her previous busybody attachment, but another one had stepped up to let her out.

bender-laughing.gif


No, that sort of anxiety over tests is just part and parcel of the school experience. Especially if you come from a background where academic performance is emphasized by your parents or the like.

“All done, then?” So greeted the adult drone, speaking the obvious. Irritated, Green breezed past adult number one, weaving around the desks to get to the front door's desk. With its the stationary adult waiting where she'd started this mess.

Some more small fix suggestions for you to consider here.

Green was tired enough not to care about all the little details that’d been her bread and butter once upon a time. Still, she wasn’t so tired as to appear as out of it as she felt. Green twitched her lips, and nodded, coloring the motions with just the right emphasis so that the oblivious adult would have mistaken her for being shy. And the lady behind the desk fell for it, hook line, and sinker.

Small typo there, since from the mention of ‘wired’, I was thinking that Green had been popping caffeine pills before the test or something.

“Congrats sweetie, I'm sure you did fine. I’ll call your folks right now,” the lady said. “If you could take a seat by the front door and wait there, please? You can stay here if you promise not to talk to anyone.

“Alright.”

It was easy to promise. Talking was near impossible around a suddenly tight throat and the ache of missing Silver that came so suddenly it felt like a blow. Add On top of that to was the prickle of... feelings she wasn't going to think about.

At least And her orders, to "not talk", were as easy as breathing. Still, she dared not be too quiet. Her folks would be calling her Silver the Second if she didn’t pull herself together at some point. Or, well if Mum and Da’ didn’t, she’d be doing it to herself. Regardless it'd be a pain, either way, so she managed to present herself as something like passing for chipper and attentive as she waited.

Some more suggestions here. The main one is that IMO, your second paragraph should be split into 3 parts: Green’s response, and then 2 descriptions of narrating monologue.

And she wasn’t called out as a fraud by anyone.

So win-win.

Somebody’s ever-so-slightly touchy about her old day job, I see.
:copyka2:


Shoving her hands into her pockets, clenching her hands into fists, she plopped into a the chair closest to a the window. Green loved the heat and tortured herself with the view of the outside that she couldn't go out into. Ignoring the phone call, the soft conversation between two adults that came and went, and what sounded like some poor schmuck having a temper tantrum, Green waited for forever. Foot jangling despite being crossed at the ankle like a proper lady.

I think that you should make it more evident that the phone call came after Green started waiting. e.x. Something along the lines of “So she sat there, ignoring the call that came and went on her phone, the [...]” might do the trick nicely on that front.

This wasn’t posttest jitters. Since this wasn’t her first report she’d written, she couldn’t even claim beginner’s nerves. Rather her feelings of being sick, miserable, and trapped were old friends. The reports she’d been ordered to write before had been about incriminating things. Not the silly topics these adults wanted. About wars so far back they’d used bronze and storybook tales where 'mon were monsters meant to be slain.

The underlined is ambiguous as to whether or not it’s the “silly” topic or the “serious” one. I assume it’s meant to be the former from context, but it might make sense to give a passing mention about some of those incriminating reports Green had to give and then contrast it with the “useless history blurbs” since it also would give readers coming into things from a total Adventures vacuum more insight into Green’s backstory.

The method and structure between then and now was close enough that she quivered in place.

And wasn't it a beautiful contradiction? All she had to do was wait to go.

:copyka:


Just how on earth is this exam being administered if Green’s getting war flashbacks to filing police reports?

Deep breathing helped take the edge off of the itch. Breathing and cycling through the obvious. For a girl of Green’s age, going to school was expected. Tests were part of school, nicer schools required longer tests, everything here was expected and nothing should hurt her.

Cue running into the campus bullies in about 2 minutes.

Simple and stupid that as it was, it helped. But what helped most was knowing that all the tests were done.

Some suggestions for small tweaks to make to tighten up this paragraph.

When forever passed, thirty minutes she'd been told, it didn't change how it felt, though[b.[/b] Da came to pick her up. He wasn't familiar, just another plain man with curly black hair until he smiled at her. Then she remembered. His smile was legitimately shy, she'd mirrored his after seeing how good his worked. It took a moment but when the recognition set in she was up and wrapped him up in her tightest hug. Smushing her face into his buttoned-down shirt, probably creasing his pants, and not caring a lick. He didn't. Hugging her, smoothing her hair, offering her affection even though they were in public even though it went against the rules that ran her life from before she'd come home.

He was unspeakably brave like that.

Well, Green certainly has had problems in life. I mean, I vaguely remember that being the case from what I read of Roost, but it’s a nice hint here as to how there’s more than just test anxieties going through Green’s head right now.

"Win lots?"

"Always." And Green didn't sniffle, not really, and her smile was real when she tipped one up at him. Not the fake nonsense she'd offered at mom's side, and in the meetings and over the tests.

Wouldn’t have expected that one. Wonder if there’s a story behind why Green’s so open to her father, but more closed-off to her mother.

Right then he was her shining knight, made all the more bright because he was slipping out early from his tech job. Dabbling in falsehoods, claiming a “family emergency” just to pick her up.

He really was the best.

Well, I suppose that being a hellraiser relative to mom would definitely win him points in Green’s book compared to the alternative. Filing that one away.

"We're on our way out" And ignoring the firm "hush, people are testing" from the lady behind the counter, he led Green out. Threading his arm with hers, miming old motions of gentlemen ages past and smirking all the while.

She hung tight, glad for the familiar warmth of him at her side, and politely ignoring the smells of Da’s office and sweets.

Because Da’d likely had a donut in the break room again, and if Mum found out she’d have a fit.

Yeah, I called it about Da being a relative hellraiser compared to the missus. I guess that would indeed explain why Green given her background would open up to him before her mother.

Being on an anti-calorie and sugar kick right now, the matriarch of the Azule household insisted the rest of the family join in with her suffering, “for their health”. Green had no intent on ratting Da' out to Mum, ever.

This leads to moments like that one Malcolm in the Middle episode where Hal and the kids sneak forbidden pizza into the house behind Lois’ back, doesn’t it?

Minding his shiny shoes feet and the cracks, not wanting to risk breaking anyone's back, Green was led to Da' led Green to his old car, green and long. It was, utterly unironic since he bought it well before she'd been born, green, and long. Da called the thing a classic. She suspected the orange around the edges and underneath might be rust, maybe, and that “classic” meant “bad and old all at once”. But Green never called him out on it. Or asked anything even vaguely rude, even when it didn’t start upright in the morning.

Whelp, this continuity is confirmed for taking after North America a bit, since you certainly won’t run into many rusting-out land yachts in Europe or Asia.

Her tact was well rewarded. Laid out on the passenger seat, bright pink box open just so opened, were a half dozen donuts. Well, it had started as a half dozen. But sampling had evidently occurred earlier and accounted for half of the box.

And while she could have been snippy, because it was half gone, a long look confirmed that what remained were her favorites.

So all was forgiven.

:seviuwu:


D’aww, how cute… which considering the note that Roost started on, is probably not going to last terribly long

“Don’t tell your mother.” Was expected, as he ushered her in, and she cheerfully piled in. Stress was lost under the wash of sugar. It was lame, and a bit sad, but sugar could jolly her out of her head. And jitters were traded out for sugar rushes, or would be in time.

Green: “This is probably unhealthy on multiple levels, but whatever, time for donuts!”
:eltystarry:


Green smiled, working her way through her first treat. A frosted chocolate cake chocolate frosted monstrosity as big as her hand. Da’, in his small way, got it without asking a thing. After a turn or two Green realized they were taking the long way to the park, and the rattle from the glove box promised that maybe, just maybe…

Not one to wait for promises Green flipped open the glove box, and what was within made her smile, bright and wide.

It’s her Pokéballs, isn’t it?

“You brought my whole team?” Green squeaked. Because Mum had been trying to hide her pokeballs, not liking how much time Green was spending with her team and none of the other girls on the block. Green’d let her get away, meant to tear the house from top to bottom after her tests… But now she wouldn’t have to.

Yeah, I figured. Though nice integration of Pokéballs and their size in this setting. I could totally buy motorists stashing Pokéballs in the likes of their glove boxes or center consoles.

Da’ hummed, pointedly locked on the traffic. His lips were quirked into a smile and his eyes were scrunched just so. “Did I? Well whoops, I only meant to take Nido for a walk this afternoon since you’re busy but… ah well, accidents, am I right?”

“””accidents”””

Even if this is probably the happiest one that Green has had in a long time.

Green barely managed to wait until they got a red light but only just barely before she hugged him. He might have crabbed at her, but having faced down Krabby and Kingler she knew he didn’t really mean it. And Green was a smart girl, she was off of him well before the light turned back again and they were meant to go.

“You’re the best!”

Da laughed, “’ Course I am,” and they were on their way.

Once again:

:seviuwu:


Cute, or at least for while it lasts. I kinda wonder if there should’ve been a bit more of a hint as to where things would be going plotwise from here, but eh. It’s a decent and cute standalone prologue.

Altogether, I think that your opening chapter largely succeeds at its goal of dealing with manga characters without needing to know the manga going into things. Even if I kinda wonder if you could’ve afforded to have been more aggressive at hinting at Green’s “unconventional trainer period” more since this is her introduction to the audience right now. The overall characterization is a highlight of the story thus far, since you do a pretty good job at getting across the sort of person that Green and her father are to readers, and it’ll be fun to see more of their family dynamic as this story plays out.

As for things that stood out to me as areas with room for improvement, I noticed there there were a lot of little quirks of phrasing and punctuation in this chapter. If you didn’t already do it while writing things initially, make a point of re-reading through your chapter aloud to try and smooth some of them out. I also saw that you had a habit of making some things mentioned in passing needlessly vague, like the mention of Green finding the test room a downgrade from before. But because you don’t say to what or even hint at it, it undercuts things a bit since it makes things a bit too hazy for little real narrative benefit.

There’s some rough edges to things that you probably want to take some time to sand down, but it’s a nice start to things. It’s a bit hard to judge too much as to where things are going since this was essentially the “Hello world!” of the plot, but it leaves a good first impression. Not sure when you’ll be bumping this story in the future @K_S , but I hope the feedback was fun for you to read and helpful for your future chapters.
 
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K_S

Unrepentent Giovanni and Rocket fan
Thanks for taking the time to be so through my phone hates the spoiler tag so the grammer and quotes are not making the cut visually so i will have to apply those when edit time rolls about.

When green refers to "Handling" its the chore of adjusting thier wierd non mask expectations and actions into her recovering from mask and canon expectations and actions...

Basically greens got ptsd without kmowing the word for it and is struggling to adjust to civilian encounters since most of her socialization/interactions were scams. Rocket. Mask. And the dex holders. Not a sane normal soul among the crush. But shes not far enough awarenesswise to know that so i am going to have to (at first fuzzily but with more clarity as time goes on) show it.

The downgrade was from going outside to inside. Specifically a sunny warm outside. Any type of inside is a downgrade when sunny warm outsides in the offing... I plan on showing that more later.

Meh she passes and has to do some remedial in odd places... but the safest places for silver and green during the day were libraries. They got a patchwork education from that since there was nothing else to do but read and though shy silver was blunt enough (and cute enough) to be thier comunal "whhhy" person when they hit a snag and wanted to learn and needed an adult to give some pointers.

Meh average really not that mrs. Azule would believe it....

No not a trainer exam. greens parents are pretty anti mon... Well greens mom is. Greens dad is more laid back. Its just an advanced school for learning... Like one of those charter stem schools you hear about... Though i havent built it up or Greens interest enough in it to really show it off yet.

Standard sized
was deliberate. Its close enough to show greens paying attention but off enough to show she.really doesnt get achademia. School. Or real society. Shes just going through the motions.

Yeah mother of all understatments. Shes a bit like her folks in that regard. The scope of how understated it is is going to be pointed out later right now this is the "meet the cast/scenario" segments.

Laughs i was imagining a vacume cleaner slucking up the sandwich but that piplup works too.

The first part whem.she was twiddling with the number 2 oencil was bubble fillout. Essay sections in the computer room.

As for canonical... Shes not really shown struggling to adjust to real life/normal life outside of her adventures (unlike silver. Red. And possibly ruby) i suspect shes average to high intellegence to manage that feat.

Honestly green would really benifit from occupational therepy before getting thrown into "standard sized test land" and this is meant to show that...

Nah plastic is a complaint and pastel is also a complaint. Shes definitly feeling that the pastel colors are as much of irritation/pain as the poorly made plastic molding. Theres gunna be a scene between her and her mum where green agressivly gets rid of/over rides a surpluss of girly pastel things in her room. As in she drowns and tosses out the window the pink fluff amd stuff her mom thinks as approprtiate for her age and tries to dictate green to tolerate.

This sections forshadowing for that segment.

Yeah disbelieving green os probably the safest option. And hugging your wallet close.

"Just how on earth is this exam being administered if Green’s getting war flashbacks to filing police reports?"

Well you see she hasnt mentioned to her mum and da that she gets flash backs. Silver had flashbacks and got kicked out for it so she isnt mentoning anything to anyone (this is mentioned i roost). And it wasnt police reports. Mask made her write reports that were used to self incriminate her if she ever got away (hes got her signing off on heists/cons/ect) he had a pile ready made blackmail to tar her name with in her own hand. I am going to dig into it here more tham it was in Roost but this is the first brush up with the idea.

Honestly Frank Azule (greens da) is a warm, open, unambitious, fluff head with a mild rebelious/playful streak. And very much so. Hed sneak in multiple pizzas and host a small party... At work he made a stealth typing program that looks like hes workung when hes slacking off/socializing and he uses it when hes almost done with something and "just needs a little more time" and descides to take a light labor day at work.

Frank also collects old worthless software. Computers. Gizmos. And spruces them up to functionality but loveingly keeps them in thier own old shells/with some of thier old bugs for nostalgias sake.

Mans gotta have a few hobies after all.

And a few vices.... Donuts being his favorite.

Glad you liked the pokeballs.

And things arent going to go doom and gloom... Maybe not even all the way they are at Roost. But there are going to be tells as i show off sevii and greens headspace and the manga setting as i work.

I'll brush up what i can when i can (once i can get some desk top time i cant do too much on this phone) and will definitly take your suggestions in mind when i go back to edit.

Glad you enjoyed the read.
 
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