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Pokémon Seiren

NebulaDreams

Ace Trainer
Partners
  1. luxray
  2. hypno
Bodies comprised of human and inkay parts meshed together blindly. Toddlers with tentacle limbs scooting across the floor. Floating squids with human arms and baby faces. They all scream and squeal and creak among other inhuman noises. They run at me. No, stay away, don’t touch me --

“Daddy!”

It's beginning to look a lot like fishmen... Everywhere I go...

Oh Gods, okay, what do I do? I need to get the fuck out of here. Not just out of this house, but out of this town. This country! I'll fly to Alola and start my life anew as a coconut farmer! Anything's an improvement over this!

Of all the things Red picks out as a career choice, a coconut farmer is his first. I wonder why. Given his relationship with his mother and a lack of job security, I wonder if there's something freudian we can pull out of this.

"I'm just looking out for you, dude!" he says. "Tech beginners like you are easy prey for scammers. And this looks fishy!" He climbs atop the couch and points to the screen. "You don't actually think this is the real Shirlee, do you?"

Weird chance, but I'll take it. "No. I know what I’m doing."

“You haven’t sent her - or ‘her’ - any money, have you?”

"Well, there's this Alolan prince I've been texting who will exchange a large sum of money for a small investment... in his coconut farm."

Again, another chapter where I feel like not much progress has been made, but I'm beginning to get more of a feel for this fic, since it has more of a slower pacing than what I've experienced with your previous works, so it's not a bad thing really. The opening to this chapter was an absolute gutbuster, by the way. In contrast to Red's usual dreams, which have either had hearts in sinks, have taken place in white rooms, and other eldritch locations, this one features him being a family man. A family man with a squid. Typical. Red gets married in his dreams and he's still not happy, being cucked by a polar bear of all things. I think you could've milked the part with him and Shirlee together a little longer, since it got me wondering what a hypothetical marriage with Shirlee would've been like, but oh well.

This chapter essentially confirmed Red's kill in the last chapter and the aftermath of that. That was quite close, but I get the feeling Red's gonna slip up big time when one of his urges eventually gets out of hand. The rest also affirmed his relationship with Him, why he's still been stalking Shirlee, and more of his trauma with his past journey at the end. So aside from that, I don't really have much to say, but now, I can't get the mental image of squid-human hybrids out of my head. I dunno. Maybe it would make for some good calamari.
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
sdfgsdhgjhgk hey yall i got another chapter for you here and things happeeeeennnn in it ok cool rated teen like always enjoy

---

CHAPTER EIGHT
Pallet Patrol


---​

I swear, people are too responsible nowadays. It took a good two freezing hours to finally get someone to fetch me a bottle of fine wine and trashy booze from the liquor store, and the little sneasel had to haggle for a higher pay than I’d intended, too. At least he kept his end of the deal. If he hadn’t, then I would’ve been the sneasel of us two, but more in terms mauling than being sneaky.

I turn to the window again, surveying the darkness outside for any vehicle arriving at Pallet Town Square. Nothing yet. I hope she comes soon. I think the employees of this bookstore are starting to realize I’m not here to buy anything, even if I’ve been pretending to be interested in a couple of random books in the shelves. The bottle of wine I’m carrying is already suspicious. I had to remove the seal to mix in the vodka. I’ll tell Shirlee it was to test the taste or something. In case we couldn’t drink it together. I did pay a pretty penny for it - I’ll find some way to rephrase that - and a high schooler’s money is limited.

That’s partly true, anyway. I‘m no longer in high school, but my money is limited, even if the money my mother sends over is more than enough. It’s her way of ensuring the communication between us is minimized. Here’s some money, now shut up. Well, I’m not complaining. It’s a good system for me, and that’s the only person it needs to be good for.

New lights appear outside. Moving, yes. Dark car, long car, limo. Gotta be Shirlee. I slip the book I’ve been handling back into its place on the shelf and head for the exit. On my way out, I catch a glimpse of some red-shirted employees arriving where I used to be. Left right on time, it seems.

The air changes from warm and paper-scented to cold and damp. I shudder a little, but keep walking towards the limo that’s stopped at the edge of the cobblestone plaza. It’s clear I’m not the only one that’s noticed the luxurious black vehicle, either, as it draws bewildered stares from all those passing through the Square. What business would anyone important have in little old Pallet?

As I’ve almost reached the vehicle, one of its doors opens. A floating winter coat floats out. It spots me soon after and raises a sleeve to wave.

“Hi!” chirps the inkay within the coat.

Well, this is where I put on the mask. I wave back and smile, rushing the final steps to her and ignoring the growing tingling in my wrist. “Hey there! Enjoy your trip?”

“Yeah! Thanks,” she says, then gestures to the bottle in my hands, eyes big and curious. “What’cha got there?”

Why, the potion of career destruction, of course! I put on my warmest demeanor for this. “Well… I wanted to show my appreciation for all that you’ve done for me, so I got something for you.” I offer it to the impressed inkay. “Here you go.”

“Ooh...” She grasps the bottle. “Thank you!”

I should probably address the broken seal before she notices it, so it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to hide that from her. “Ahem, about that broken seal… I-I’m not so good with this fancy wine stuff, so I had to ask the help of an older friend and… he wanted a bit of it too as payment. Sorry about that.”

“Oh, it’s alright,” she laughs, then leans back into the limo. “Let me just put it here so we don’t have to carry it around, and we can get going.”

Wait, what? “Um, aren’t we going by car?” I’m supposed to make you drink there so you’ll be blasted when we do get out!

Shirlee giggles, draws back and shuts the door - no bottle in her hold. “No, silly, we’re gonna walk! I don’t wanna just ogle at things from the window of a limo like some kind of diva, I wanna experience this town!”

Dammit! Well, I guess that changes that plan. But I’ll have you drink that poison yet, you’ll see.

The window at the front of the limo scrolls down. It reveals -- oh, piss off.

“Are you good to go, Miss T?” asks the bearded driver from before, that undying grin shining among the fuzz.

“Yeah, we’re ready! You can head off now,” Shirlee replies.

“Alright,” the driver says. “Have a nice date with your boyfriend!”

Shirlee gasps. “Georgie! Shut up! He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Whatever you say, Miss T,” chuckles Georgie as he scrolls the window back up. “See you!”

The limo’s engine growls, and the vehicle finally drives off. I stealthily cough from the exhaust fumes it kicks up while Shirlee waves the driver goodbye.

“Haha, that was funny what he said, that you were my boyfriend...” she mumbles, then clears her throat, turning to me. “So, what’s our first sight to see?”

I guess I’ll just have to give this tour on foot. At least there’s less of a penalty for making wrong turns this way. “Well… this, actually,” I say, gesturing around us. “Pallet Town Square. The center of the town.”

“Ah!” Shirlee rotates in the air to take in the modest, stony surroundings. “Ooh… yeah, this is way different from the big cities. Even Undella. This is really the center of your town?”

“Yeah, this is… this.”

“Wow, it’s so small and it looks like, so old, too...” Words one usually doesn’t hear in an admiring tone.

I scratch the back of my head. “I’m not sure why you wanted a tour of this place. There isn’t really anything interesting in this town...”

Shirlee giggles. “Because it’s your town, silly,” she says and playfully bumps her forehead onto my chest. Ow, there was a button there… “Of course I wanna know what kinda place raised a sweetie like you!” You’d really get more of an insight to my upbringing if you were to visit my basement instead…

“Alright, then,” I sigh. “We should start moving, it's just gonna get colder if we don't.”

“Where are we going first?” asks Shirlee, swaying with excitement.

“I’ll tell you when we're there. Come on.”

---​

Two days after the night at her hotel, Shirlee told me she could meet me again the next day and that this time she wanted to see my hometown. I started preparing almost immediately. I knew I’d have to give her a full blown tour of Pallet to make it seem like I was a ordinary local of the place. While I am a local, I’m far from ordinary and barely ever venture into town without good reason. Even then, I just use the same couple of straightforward routes I know and love to quickly get in and swiftly get out.

This is why I had to turn to my half-brother Abe, the map freak. When I asked him if he could show me some maps of his, he fell quiet and stared at me like I was a smokin’ hot girl suggesting we make out - extremely willing, but extremely suspicious. Nevertheless, he busted out his Pallet maps and told me all about the most prominent buildings when asked. Of course I only remembered about half of what he said, but I figured it’d be good enough. I wouldn't seem normal if I knew too much, either.

Abe was clearly overjoyed during the entire conversation, even if I wasn't any warmer than I usually am, which is not at all. He probably saw the thing as an actual brotherly bonding experience. Gonna suck for him when he realizes I only consulted him out of convenience. Knowing him, though, he probably never will.

I keep my hands in my pockets to minimize heat loss in the freezing weather as I lead Shirlee roughly along the planned path. For each place of interest, I share the few facts I remember about it, let the inkay ogle it for a while longer and then move on to the next one. It's rather boring, but at least when I’m talking, she isn't.

“We have a bunch more shops around here,” I narrate as the numerous neon titles and signs with percentages come into view. “The school kids like to come here on breaks to buy snacks and such as it's cheap and close.”

The mention of edible things make my organs groan. I turn to Shirlee. “Hey, you hungry? There are some restaurants here too. They're not that fancy, though, so…”

“Oh, psh, it's fine! I don't need any kind of fancy treatment. Just take me someplace tasty and filling.”

“Seafood?”

“Hrmm, we ate seafood last time…”

“Well, pizza then?”

“No, that's too greasy…”

I silence a sigh. “Subs?”

“Oh, subs sound good. Let's go there!”

“Alright, follow me.” I turn and begin to walk.

“Wait!” someone yells. A young girl?

Rapid steps descend upon the gravel of the street. Four tiny legs gallop as fast as they can, a bushy tail wiggling behind and two long ears swaying in front. That’s a sentret. It has a little saddlebags on its sides and a scarf around its neck. Well… if you can call what sentret have a neck.

It stops before Shirlee, catching its breath. “E-excuse me, lady,” it pants, “but are you Shirlee?”

Shirlee swiftly floats down to the little mon’s level, tentacles raised. “Uhh, keep it down, but...” She smiles warmly. “Yeah.”

“Oh my Gods!” the sentret whispers. “This is great! I’m such a big fan! And, and my sister is too! Oh, I’m so honored to meet you, and, like, I hope I’m no trouble --”

“Don’t worry, you’re not,” Shirlee assures, whispering herself. “As long as you don’t call the paparazzi.”

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t, ever! Those are awful!”

“Aw, thanks. Say, would you like a picture with me?”

“R-really? I-I mean, yeah!”

The sentret digs a phone out of its saddlebag and shuffles next to Shirlee. “Uhh...” The mon tries holding the phone out in front of the two, but its arms prove too stubby.

Shirlee notices the girl’s predicament and jumps to her aid. “Hey, Red, can you take a pic of us?”

Well, I have to, don’t I. “Oh, yeah, sure...”

I take the phone the sentret offers to me and snap a photo I hope is decent enough. Man, it’s a good thing I practiced this before.

“Thanks, this is awesome!” the sentret beams as I return the phone. “You’re gonna make my sister so happy, too! A-and she really needs that, she’s been so nervous lately because she’s gonna evolve soon...”

Shirlee’s smile changes. Hm? I know what that is. That’s a fake smile.

Just a second later, however, it regains its authenticity. “Honey, I wish your sister the best of luck, and you too.”

“Thank you so much, you’re amazing! I-I’ll get out of your hair... mantle now.” The sentret returns its phone to its bag and begins hopping away. “B-bye!” it still says from afar, waving its tail.

“Bye!” answers Shirlee, waving back. “Aww, such a sweet kid...” She turns to me. ”Oh, sorry about that. Let’s go get those subs now.”

“Ah, yeah. Let’s.”

---
Shirlee keeps her gaze on the table as she downs the last bite of her sandwich. With the end of her telekinesis, the buzz in my wrist sizzles out. That sensation gone, the droning rock leaking from the speakers of this restaurant only becomes more prominent. Though ‘restaurant’ seems generous for this place. Looks more like a public restroom someone put tables in and scattered bread crumbs all over. I told her she wouldn’t get fancy, and I certainly kept that promise.

I draw my attention back to Shirlee. She’s been like a deflated balloon ever since that encounter with the fan. But why? There must be some reason I don’t know. Something about her I don’t know… and that something could be a valuable weakness. I need to get her to tell me what it is.

I lower my mostly-eaten sub on the tray. Shirlee had ordered only a half-length for herself, but I was hungry enough for a full one and figured this was an acceptable reason not to mimic her actions so closely. And I’m a predator, you know. Predators eat a lot.

I clear my throat quietly. “Shirlee, can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” Her eyes meet mine, but return to the table after a second. “Sure, what is it?”

“Are you feeling alright? You’ve seemed different ever since that sentret left.”

“Ah… have I? Sorry…”

“Does it have something to do with what she said about her sister evolving?”

Shirlee falls silent. Then, she sighs.

“It’s… it’s dumb,” she mumbles.

Dumb means juicy. I lean forward. “You can tell me. I won’t judge.”

“Eh...”

“If it’s bothering you, I wanna know what it is. Please.”

She stays quiet and still for another while. I wait patiently, knowing it'll pay off any moment now.

“I’m getting everstone surgery soon,” she finally spits out. “And I’m nervous about it.”

Everstone…? Inkay evolve?

True, I never did ask or find out otherwise… she just came across like a single-stage to me. I guess evolution doesn't naturally cross humans’ mind that much, anyway.

So… why doesn't she want to evolve, then? Is it bad somehow? Is there something wrong with her next stage?

“Oh, getting nervous is perfectly natural!” I comfort her, keeping my voice down as she probably wants this to stay secret. “But… why don't you want to evolve?”

“Wh… are you kidding?” She frowns. “Do you not know what malamar are like?”

Shit, I probably should know, since I claim to be such a big fan. But I don't know. So what do I say…

Agh, I’ve hesitated too long. I need to go with the truth. “No… sorry, I don't.”

“Well, that explains it,” she sighs, looking back down. Her face wrinkles in disgust. “Malamar are these… tubby, ugly, slimy, evil-looking garbage bags of… grossness. Nothing like inkay - inkay are small and cute and have happy colors and beautiful voices.”

The sleeves of her coat wrap around her. “Only inkay have any kind of chance at being liked by the public, too. I hate that I'm kind of contributing to that prejudice like this - malamar should be able to live like anyone else, and their appearance doesn't make them any worse as people. I just personally… really don't want to become one."

She stares into my eyes. “But I’m around the age where wild inkay evolve. Or the civilized ones that aren't careful. I’ve felt the symptoms that usually come. I want to eat more, I feel kinda moody, and most importantly, I’ve had weird urges to sleep upside down. Sometimes I wake up that way despite the tricks I try to keep it from happening, and I freak out and I gotta find a mirror. Every time so far I’ve been relieved to still be the mon I fell asleep as in the aquarium, but I can't count on that always happening. That's why I need the everstone implant. So that I can stop worrying.”

Huh.

I guess she does have more to her life than just her fame and riches.

Alright, time to ruin it all.

“So you inkay evolve into this… malamar by… sleeping upside down?”

“Well, not just sleeping. It can also happen during stress or other strong emotions, as long as you're upside down. That's why I dropped all cartwheels and flips from my choreography.”

I see. I see. All very interesting information. Very interesting indeed…

“Yeah, so, when I get that implant, I can sleep in peace,” she continues, a faint smile on her beak. “It's just that I’m nervous about the surgery itself. Anders and everyone else keeps telling me it's super safe, but, like… it's still cutting me open and shoving some pebble in. While I’m only one anaesthetic failure away from feeling it all. It's so scary. But I have to do it. It's gonna make my life so much easier.”

Silence returns. Well, as silent as it can be with a host on the radio announcing which song will be next and a bright lamp buzzing above.

I'm not sure how to approach this. I need to comfort her, sure, but what would be the best way? I don’t know what to say except generic, elementary shit, and I'm supposed to be someone she can trust… damn, I guess this is a downside of avoiding any meaningful relationships for so long.

Or… I do have one meaningful relationship. Could I maybe… pretend Shirlee was my lord?

I study the dejected inkay. Her big eyes and blue body are somewhat similar to His. Okay. So, underneath that coat is my lord, and He’s going to a necessary surgery. Also, He’s momentarily a female inkay and named Shirlee. Uhh, right. Here we go.

I place my hands palm up on the table, offering them to Shirlee. She gives me a puzzled look.

“Shirlee, hold my hands,” I say calmly.

She eyes my palms, then hesitantly places the clubs of her sleeved tentacles on it. The touch is wet and cold - something that would discomfort the average human, but to me, it's an even stronger link to the one I devote my life to. Briefly, I miss Him, but I brush those thoughts away and concentrate back on the matter at hand.

“I know it's scary,” I start. My voice feels oddly… genuine. The words, too. So unprocessed. Unplanned, yet planned at the same time. It feels so strange. Even a little reckless…?

Despite that, I continue. “It's not easy to just… release control of your body and have someone you don't know do complicated things to it while you’re not there to watch them. I understand that, it's a natural fear.

"But these doctors have done surgery after another. They know what to do. They know some patients are scared, too, and they're used to that. They're being paid by you and they're there to serve you and keep you healthy. If they didn't want to do that, they wouldn't have become doctors. And if they don't do that, you can sue. Sue them dead.”

He shows a bashful smile. I mean, Shirlee does.

“Anyway…" I continue. "What I’m saying is, you're gonna be fine. It's gonna go over well, and you're not gonna have to worry about evolving ever again. And I’m gonna be there by your side as much as the doctors allow it. I’ll be there at… hold on, when was this surgery?”

“4 pm, Monday.”

Monday? Oh fuck, oh shit, I’m gonna have to be fast. Well, I’ll get back to that in a minute...

I gently squeeze her clubs. “I’m gonna be there on Monday 4 pm and I’m gonna ease your worries the best I can. That's a promise.”

Her smile evolves to a full one. “Thanks, Red.”

I nod and let go of her tentacles. The disappearance of her touch creates a vacuum, a force driving me to grab her again, but it fades as soon as my brain reminds itself: no, it's not Him.

And it makes my heart ache.

---​

After I'd finished my sub, we picked up where we left off on our tour. For every sight to see, I shared some facts like before, but all the downtime I now used to craft and develop the plan to strike her down once and for all.

Now we leave yet another spot of interest, and… ugh, arrive at one I actually do have personal experience with. Its front-extending wings are like arms welcoming back its lost child. Its single clock-eye in the middle judges me, scolds me for not attending lessons in time, even if I haven't studied here for two years and no classes are held at this hour.

The high school.

Do I really have to come here already? Is there nothing else to talk about on the way? I glance around, but there are only apartments. They’re not even visually interesting, just chunks of white bricks and windows.

“Oh, is this your school?” asks Shirlee. Well, that eliminates any chance of a stall.

I inject some artificial cheer straight into my veins and turn to her. “Yep!” Oh, not that cheery, tone it down a notch. “This is Pallet Town High School for Humans.” Didn't always have that last bit. “The school I w- go to.”

“It's big,” remarks Shirlee. “How many students go here?”

“Something like six hundred, don't know the exact amount.”

“Huh… can you show me around?”

“Well, uhh…” I kick the snow lightly. “There's not much to see from outside, and they don’t like it too much when you lurk around after hours…”

“Oh, I see… well, it was cool to see, at least. What's your school day normally like?”

Looks like I’m just going to have to take this trip down Memory Lane. And by trip I mean actual tripping, because this is going to be about as fun as concrete smashing me in the face.

“Well, I… usually arrive at the school about fifteen minutes before class starts to make sure I’m on time.” Fifteen minutes late on a good day. “I hang out with my friends before the teacher comes in.” I pass the smokers outside, holding my breath to keep the fumes from attacking my lungs. If some new kid riffs on me for it, I grab him by his filthy collar, throw him on the ground and tell him not to do that again if he likes his fingers. Maybe spit on him, depends on how I feel that day. “Class starts, and I try my best to keep up and take notes. Eventually the lesson ends, and another begins…”

I don't know what the hell she's expecting to hear, really. School isn't exactly riveting for the average student.

“Is the food at lunch good?” Shirlee asks, her interest not crumbling by even a bit.

Guess I’ll just lie about the food too, it's not like she's going to investigate. "Oh, yeah, it's wonderful. Like a restaurant. You could take someone on date there."

"Date, huh…" she repeats. "Are you speaking from experience?"

Huh? "No, I was… just exaggerating a little there."

The sleeves of her coat coil together. "Right, I got that… have you dated someone at your school, though?"

Hah! That's a good one, implying anyone would find a suitable mate in that bog of a gene pool!

"Nah," I tell her, for once telling the truth. "I haven't met anyone I would've liked in that way. At school or otherwise, really."

"So, you're single then…?"

Oh no. Where's this going? "Yeah, I guess so?"

She hovers a little bit closer, tentacles coiled around each other. “Um… I’m sorry if this is sudden, but I feel like I should ask this now instead of keeping it in and letting it build up and make things tense...”

“...What is it?” I have a bad feeling about this.

“I was just wondering if you’d, um…” She pauses, takes a deep breath and finally forces herself to make eye contact. “D-do you want to --”

“Red!”

...Huh? Did someone just call my name?

Shirlee stopped, so she must’ve heard, too. It wasn’t just me. But who would even…

Oh no.

Shirlee raises a tentacle and points a club behind me. “I think that guy wants you,” she says. “He’s coming over here. Is he one of your schoolmates?”

With stiff limbs and a spear of dread piercing my heart, I turn around.

Indeed, someone is approaching - a lanky guy around my age. His hair is shaggy and black with a large, bleached quiff. By his side walks a bronze-coated ninetales. And the guy’s face, well...

It’s a face I’ve seen many times marred by bruises received from my own fists. A face I’ve seen cry and beg me to stop, but whimperingly accept its fate when I tell it that a deal's a deal and the terms were clear. And it's a face that's looking mighty pissed right about now.

Oh Gods. Is there any way to save this? Any way to avoid this? Wait! Maybe if I --

“Shirlee!” I whisper, pushing her by the shoulder of her coat. “We need to go! This guy’s dangerous!”

“O-oh, I’m dangerous? I’m dangerous now?” Tamaki yells, striding closer. Shit, he heard me.

“Red, who is this?” asks Shirlee, unnerved and to my horror, making no motions to leave.

“I’ll tell you who I am,” Tamaki weighs in before I have the chance to think of a good lie. “I’m the guy who was the designated punching bag of this fucking psycho over here!”

I turn to stare Tamaki directly in the eye in the most threatening way I can - maybe he still has some fear left in him. “Tamaki, come on...” I say through my teeth.

“That won’t work anymore,” growls the ninetales by Tamaki’s side, whipping its tails. “He’s had two years. We’ve both evolved.”

That must be Renny, then. The vulpix friend I saw Tamaki with sometimes. Fuck, another voice to the choir... I need to get Shirlee out of here quick and think of something to tell her.

I grab her tentacle. “Shirlee, we really should g-”

She yanks it away from my grasp. She looks scared. Oh fuck. Now I’m equally horrified.

“S-so what have you been doing since you left the school, huh?” Tamaki demands, arms raised and standing uncomfortably close. “How many felonies have you committed, you lunatic?”

Well, at least six. Probably more, I’d have to check what counts as a felony…

You should make three more right now.

My heart jumps into my throat. No, not you. Stay away! You're gonna make everything even worse!

How come? There's no one around and you already know how to make bodies disappear…

I feel denim against my fingertips. They're reaching for the knife that isn't there. I curl them in a fist.

You don't need a knife…

Yes I do! I mean I would! But I’m not going to kill anyone, no matter how… no matter how cornered I feel!

“Really? Not even gonna answer?” Tamaki spits. I was quiet for too long. “I would've thought you had a lie for everything.”

Look at his whiny fucking face. He’s so pathetic, and yet he’s acting tough. He needs to be taught a lesson. You have to kill him! Kill that little runt who's trying to talk back to a king like you! Wrap your hands around his throat and strangle him! Come on, I know you want to...

The world is trembling. No, I am. Oh Gods. This is a nightmare. Everything… everything is going wrong. This can't be real, this has to be a dream --

“You! Lady!”

What’s happening now? Tamaki’s turned to Shirlee? No, stop. Fucking stop!

“Get the fuck away from this guy and never look back! He's not safe to be around!”

Tears have formed in the inkay’s eyes. She looks at me, cowers away like a bellsprout from a fire and begins to slide away. The icy fear keeping me frozen finally cracks. I have to act.

I break into a dash after the inkay. I shout, I shout her name, shout for her to wait, but she only speeds up. No, I have to reach her.

My soles slam against the asphalt beneath, pushing me through the air as shadows from the streetlights emerge and withdraw - but the coat I chase still eludes me like a ghost, never getting closer.

“Shirlee, please, let me explain!” I scream, legs already burning. Despair was in that voice, real despair. The fear of losing Him. Again.

Shirlee flips around and slows her pace. For a split second I gain some hope, but it’s all gone as I see her face. She’s just as pissed as I should’ve expected.

“Explain what?” she shouts, tears of anger in her eyes. “It’s pretty Gods-damn clear what’s happened here. You lied to me. You lied to me about you going to school, and you certainly lied about what kind of person you really are!”

“But that...” Uh, what is my excuse? “That was all in the past! I’m different now!”

“Are you? Because you didn’t say one word of apology to that guy! And he was pretty clearly upset over what you’d done!”

I… I should’ve said sorry? Would that have made it okay? Well, more okay?

“I’m leaving,” she says. “Don’t follow me anymore. Don’t call, don’t anything. I-I can’t believe I...”

Leaving the sentence unfinished, she turns her back to me and accelerates again. I need to go faster to match that, but this running’s starting to get to me…

“Shirlee!” I shout - and that was a mistake. With that breath, no air was left for respiration, and my body stops itself from running. I want to fix that, start running again, but my legs are jelly and my lungs are rupturing...

I force my head upright to at least see her leave. Her figure shrinks in my sight, getting smaller and smaller until it a corner and disappears entirely.

My head droops. All I see is the stone of the street and the legs and arms of a failure.

Is… is this it? Is this how my entire quest ends? I put in all this effort just to be cut short like this? Just to continue being separated from my lord for… who knows how long? I’ll be alone and unhappy and I’ve already been like that for so long, I… I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do that with no end in sight.

I slip my fingers into my hair. The nails scrape the scalp. My breathing still wheezes. My heart feels like it’s going to explode. What an awful state.

And who brought me this pain? Who is responsible? Tamaki. It’s all Tamaki’s fault. He’s ruined everything. For no reason. Why couldn’t he have leave us be? What’s his problem?

He has no reason to be angry at me. No right. We made a deal. I kept my end of it. He should’ve kept his. No telling anyone, we agreed on that. He chose to accept that. And I paid him. It was a service! I gave him money for a service, and he took it! How was anything I did wrong? What gives him the right to punish me like this? Nothing!

...Or.

Maybe he...

Just took the payment in advance.

For his last deal.

Because I’m going to fucking kill him.

---
 
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NebulaDreams

Ace Trainer
Partners
  1. luxray
  2. hypno
It took a good two freezing hours to finally get someone to fetch me a bottle of fine wine and trashy booze from the liquor store, and the little sneasel had to haggle for a higher pay than I’d intended, too. At least he kept his end of the deal. If he hadn’t, then I would’ve been the sneasel of us two, but more in terms mauling than being sneaky.

Hmm, I wonder if Pokemon have the same sort of age limits humans do with alcohol, except with how much a particular Pokemon could take. I can imagine metabolism would be quite a big issue.

The sleeves of her coat wrap around her. “Only inkay have any kind of chance at being liked by the public, too. I hate that I'm kind of contributing to that prejudice like this - malamar should be able to live like anyone else, and their appearance doesn't make them any worse as people. I just personally… really don't want to become one."

And now Red has another lead. Aside from being a really clever spin on game logic, I wonder what the link is between sleeping upside down and an Inkay evolving, unless I missed the memo before,

“This is Pallet Town High School for Humans.” Didn't always have that last bit

Another interesting tidbit. So another Pokemon school was built during its time, so maybe it was still in flux during Red’s journey?

"So, you're single then…?"

Oh no. Where's this going? "Yeah, I guess so?"

She hovers a little bit closer, tentacles coiled around each other.

OwO

So, quite a lot of development happened in this chapter! I was getting a bit worried with previous chapters since I wasn’t sure how things were initially gonna escalate, but I’m glad this chapter moved things on a bit more. Shirlee continues to be a sympathetic antagonist with the revelation of her surgery, as well as unfortunately providing another way for Red to ruin her life. And Red finally gets what’s coming to him by having Tamaki call him out. It was nice to see him eat shit for real, after all of Red’s perceived cunning plans.

The end of this chapter mostly has me wondering how Red will continue on his quest to take down Shirlee now the bridge is somewhat burned (or is it?). Obviously, I don’t want him to win, since I am starting to get more attached to Shirlee to be honest, buf considering the type of fic this is, it’ll also be very interesting to see how Red overcomes this obstacle.

Maybe Red and Shirlee make up temporarily? But with that in mind, her near-confession of love at the end got me thinking how the interspecies husbandry thing works in this world. It’s an icky subject, of course, but when Pokemon like Shirlee are able to gain citizenship, I wonder how a society of Mareeple would view that sort of thing. I dunno, just a random thought.
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
ho ho ho merry seiren new chapter rated teen with language, violence and some misc mature topics briefly mentioned nnjoy

---

CHAPTER NINE
And Then Everybody Clapped


---​

I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it. I’ll kill him. I’ll kill the ninetales. No one is around. They weren't planning on meeting me. No evidence. They’ll simply vanish.

Gods, I’m actually getting excited… my blood is swirling in my ears, my hands are quaking with anticipation. Every step on the asphalt echoes for miles. The darkness makes way for me. The stars above spectate from afar. They know who I am.

Is that them? That’s them. That’s Tamaki, that’s Renny. Their backs are to me. They haven’t heard me yet. I’m going for Tamaki’s neck. He’s the one I want dead. The ninetales is just a witness I’ll need to eradicate -- no! What am I saying? I have to kill the ninetales first. Tamaki won't do shit to me, he's just a human and a pathetic one at that, but a ninetales has teeth and fire. I’ll jump at its neck, restraining both of those weapons. Its fur might get hot, but I have my coat for insulation. I doubt the mutt can generate too much heat while choking, anyway. Yes, strangle the fox, that’s what I’ll do...

I’m getting closer. Five meters, four, three, two, they turn around -- pounce!


“What the fuck?” shouts Tamaki. I’m squeezing your worthless friend's throat with both arms, that's what. The animal is twisting and gargling as the oxygen in its lungs depletes and precious blood flow to its brain is snuffed out. I hate how its fluff is cushioning the hold… but that won’t be enough to save it. I’m too strong and it’s too weak. I would've expected it to put up more of a fight, but I guess its vulpine leanness is working in my favor…

“Get off him, you fuckin’ psycho!”

Hands touch my sides and attempt to pry me off. As if they could. You're up against years of exercise, runt. Yeah, you take those off. Accept you have no cha-

“Fuck!”

I draw my hands back to yank away the fingers crawling on my eyes, falling over to the ground in the process.

“Dick move!” I snap, rubbing my poor eyes. Didn't take Tamaki for a dirty fighter…

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he yells over Renny gasping for air in the background. “Why would you do that to Renny? He’s never done anything to you!”

Well, fuck. What do I say now? Nothing? No, I should try to give some good reason. A mosquito landed on his back? Wow, good one, that’ll work. But maybe I can say something that’ll at least make me seem less homicidal. Or vulpicidal, I guess.

“I just… wanted to knock him out so he couldn't stop me from kicking your ass,” I say slowly, sitting up. I can feel my ass getting wet from the snow. Great.

“Why? Because I stopped you from going through with some sex crime?”

“Whoa! I am not a rapist!” I shouldn’t shout back like this, but I have to make things clear. I have dignity. “Besides, I’m not even straight.”

Renny’s gasping switches to coughing, then finally to normal, if exhausted, breathing. The ninetales paces to me, claws clicking on the cobblestone. Okay, uhh, it’s looking mad, this isn’t good -- whoa!

I shield my face, but it luckily turns out there’s no need. The flame dissipated as quickly as it came. I guess that was just a fire type’s version of a spit.

“Let’s go,” Renny says to Tamaki, faint smoke carried on its breath. “You can’t reason with him.”

Tamaki nods, and the two walk off. A conversation starts once they’re further, but I only catch the beginning. “Did he really say he was gay?”

The ambience of the city soon overtakes any noises they make, and I’m left alone on the street. My heartbeat slows and breathing stabilizes. With every second, I feel colder, until it all crashes down on me at once. The stress of today, the loss I just experienced. I collapse back down under its weight. The cold, clear sky stares back.

Well, what do I do now? Am I just gonna get up and walk home and resume that painful existence where the one I care about most treats me like I’m nothing?

The twinkling stars above stay silent.

Yeah, I guess only I can answer that question.

---​

I close the front door behind me and nearly collapse again. The only thing preventing that is the sheer relief of finally being out of that frigid hell. The cold bites through damp clothing rather fast.

“That you, Red?”

Fonz’s voice. He’s somewhere near, but I don’t care to lift my head to find him.

“Mm-hmm.” I hope he heard that despite how weak its was.

“Good,” he replies. I can hear him get up and walk to me - and look, there he is. The big purple quill-backed kaiju with the jacket. That's him. Gods, I’m tired.

“Listen, I wanna talk to you,” he says. Ughh. I’m not in the mood for an interrogation, but I’m guessing he’s gonna insist on it.

I sigh. “Can we do it on the bed after I take my clothes off?”

“Uhh.”

“Because my clothes are wet, Fonz.”

“Oh, yeah. Meet me there, then.”

He leaves me be for the duration of my sluggish change of clothing. I replace the button-up and jeans with a t-shirt and sweatpants - proper home resting gear.

As I trudge through the living room to an awaiting Fonz, I give the sofa one glance. My lord's on it as usual. He looks back at me. I quickly turn my head. I don't even want to see Him like this - it hurts too much.

While I’m now warm, dry and comfy, I’m still exhausted, and when Fonz closes the door to the room I instantly fall onto the bed - ow!

“Ah, sorry. Must've hidden itself in the blanket,” says Fonz as I pick up the loose shed quill that’s pricked me and place it next to the water tank. I lie back down, far more careful this time.

“So…” Fonz picks up his quill-proof bed cover, lowers it onto his half of the bed and lies down. “I wanna know what you've been up to.”

I had a feeling you did… ugh.

“Like, who’s this new friend of yours?” he continues. “With the limo and all that? And where were you just now?” He lowers his voice. “Don’t tell me you’re involved with something… criminal?”

Actually not this time, which is surprising. I sigh. “Well, if it makes you feel better, we’re not friends anymore.”

“Oh? Did something happen just now?”

“Yeah...” I stare at the ceiling. “You know how I had some… trouble in high school?”

“Yeah?”

“This friend of mine, sh- he wanted a tour of Pallet. I’d lied to him that I still went to high school, to sound normal, and then when we were out, Tamaki from my class showed up… you can guess the rest. And now that friend never wants to see me again.”

“Hmh… was Tamaki the one you…?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah. I see.”

He’s quiet and I’m quiet. I guess the conversation’s at a pause. I take the time to enjoy the softness of the bed beneath my tired limbs.

“You seem upset about it,” speaks up Fonz after a while. “I don’t think I’ve seen you upset about what other people think… ever. Excluding Helix. Was this friend important to you?”

“Yeah, he was… very important.”

“Is there anything you could you get him back?”

“I… don’t know. I honestly don’t know.”

Another spell of silence.

Fonz sighs. “Well, why exactly was he upset? What were his specific issues with the situation?”

“Hmmh… he was upset I'd lied to him,” I speak slowly, tasting every syllable. Fonz nods in the background. “I told him I'd changed, but he pointed out I didn't say anything good to Tamaki…”

“Isn't that your chance, right there? If you went to apologize to Tamaki and showed it to your friend, he might believe you really have changed.” He pauses. “Assuming you have.”

I'd say I had, but Fonz knows me better. Apologizing to Tamaki, though… “Good idea, except for the part where Tamaki absolutely hates me and would never forgive me. And how would Sh- my friend even find out about it?”

“Well, you have that new phone of yours he gave you. You could take a pic or video of you and Tamaki looking friendly together and send him that.”

“Eh, wouldn’t that seem too calculated?”

“Can’t hurt to try. And, well… it's the right thing to do anyway. Like it or not, Tamaki does deserve an apology.”

I grimace. I hate it when I have to say I'm sorry when I’m not. Which is every time, really.

“Alright, I’ll do it,” I sigh. “But I'm gonna be a dick to you when it doesn't work.”

Fonz chuckles. “As if you needed a reason.”

---​

It sure was a good thing that whole fiasco happened on a Thursday - had it been one day later, I wouldn't know where to find Tamaki. But as today’s a Friday, he has to go to school like every other student. That’s my target, and I’ve just arrived.

The high school looks much more familiar in daylight. Dark red bricks arising from the dirty white snow… Gods, does it feel good not to have to go here anymore. Unlike all these other people. Suckers.

But now begins my stakeout, which will probably end up making me the sucker here, given Tamaki can get out at any time between one and four o'clock. He was out late last night and he always tries to make it to school on time, so I excluded midday from the range. No way they've made the days any shorter after I left.

In any case, I'm gonna have to kill up to three hours of time, and that'll suck - but it just might get me close to Shirlee again, so it's worth it.

I sit on the bench next to the main entrance, at the end without the piece of gum attached to the side. It amazes me how people can call themselves moral and then do shit like this. Maybe I kill people, but I don't ruin a public space just because I can't be fucked to walk ten meters to a trash can. That's the real insanity there.

The school clock isn't sufficiently visible from this angle and wristwatches don't pair up with winter, but luckily my phone has my back. I click its screen alight every now and then, waiting for the moment of dismissal.

Before long, it comes, and I head further into the yard to have a view of all the exits. A minute or so passes without no change, but then a door opens. The first student leaves - or maybe’s she’s just grabbing some fresh air. Either way, she’s not Tamaki, so I keep waiting.

The rate of students leaving per minute increases rapidly. I check each face and hairdo, but none is a match. Same goes for each exit. After a few minutes, the flow dwindles to a stop. Doesn’t seem like Tamaki gets out at this time today, then.

I don’t want to spend the next 75 minutes out here in the cold, so I return to the main doors and enter into the lobby. Oh, the lobby… every Monday after school, I’d meet Tamaki here and we’d walk to a secluded spot… Monday was our day. I chose it so I could last the week with my bloodlust sated, and he agreed since Mondays sucked anyway.

I sit on one of the benches and study my reflection in the mirror wall opposite to the entrance. I don’t think I’ve changed too much in the last two years. I’d say the extent of it is just my hair getting longer and muscles a bit larger. Not that the latter's visible with all these clothes on, anyway.

Tamaki's changed a lot, though. He's dyed his hair and grown some balls. I wonder what caused that. Just dwelling on what I did for months after I'd left? Maybe he got together with that girl he was trying to impress. He did get a lot of money from me to buy her stuff.

Wondering about Tamaki's motives keeps my mind busy until the lesson ends. I return to my sentry spot outside, ready to run to Tamaki whenever and wherever he appears. People start leaking out, and… is that him? That's him, right?

I get closer to the suspect, getting surer of his identity with each step. He's got some other people with him… so he’s made friends, too? He's really pulled himself together.

He notices me approaching, showing his face fully - yep, that's him - and quickly looks away. Don't ignore me! I’m clearly coming towards you…

“Hey! Tamaki!” I call. That does it for him - he breaks into a run, leaving his group behind without a word. Psh, typical. All that toughness gone now that he hasn’t got his flamethrower by his side.

Careful not to slip, I dash and gain on Tamaki. “I just wanna talk, calm down!” I shout behind him. No effect. I'll do it the hard way, then.

Hopefully to win myself some moral points, I apologize in advance, then leap right at him. My chest collides with his back, tipping over us both. While he managed to break the fall with his arms, his grunt tells me it wasn’t exactly painless.

“What the fuck, dude?” he wheezes, squirming in my hold. “Get off me!”

“Don’t worry, man, I just wanna talk,” I repeat. “I’ll let you go if you promise not to run.”

“Sure, whatever, just lemme go!”

He might just be lying, but I can always catch him again. I release my hold and stand up, watching him follow shortly after.

Once upright, he recoils away, but doesn’t flee. “Okay, what the hell do you want? Are you just here to mock me?”

I raise my palms. “No, it’s not like that. I came back to say sorry.”

“What?” he shouts. He clearly heard what I said, he’s just having trouble processing it.

“I'm sorry,” I say. “I'm sorry for what I did two years ago. That was fucked up. And I'm sorry for what I did last night, too.”

Murmurs reach my ears. I glance around and notice a few students watching us, mostly Tamaki’s group - right, I suppose they’d care. Well, I guess this is one of the rare times when more witnesses are better, so I'll let them be.

“What do you mean you're sorry?” Tamaki asks, now quieter than before. “You're Red. You're never sorry.”

“I'm not that Red anymore.” I pocket my hands, faking regret. “After I left, I realized I had problems. With anger and such. For the past two years, I’ve been trying to work on them.”

“Lot of progress you’ve made,” Tamaki mutters.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I’m sorry. I just got really upset last night, cause, uhh...” Fine, I guess I gotta go with this. “That girl was really special to me.”

The frown on Tamaki’s face deepens. What, what did I do wrong? Oh shit, right, I told him I was gay.

“Just as a friend,” I correct myself, and I think he buys it. “But anyway… she means a lot to me, but she’s pretty slow to open up, so when you came in and told her about my past, I kinda freaked out. Again, I’m sorry. I wish we could’ve met in a different scenario.”

While Tamaki ponders my words, my ears pick up a few sentences spoken around us. The crowd seems to be growing.

“Yo, dude, look, something’s happening...”

“Who’s that guy Tamaki’s talking to?”

“Is that Red?”

“Dude, I think that’s Red. The psycho kid, remember?”

“Oh shit, why’s Red here?”

“Why’s he talking to Tamaki?”

“Is he here to kill us?”

“Oh my god, we need to run --”

“No, he doesn’t even have a gun, what could he do?”

Seems like reputations die hard. To their credit, I did have a few fantasies about slaughtering everyone, but I wanted to slaughter just about everything at that point in my life.

“...Wait,” says Tamaki, eyes narrowing. “Are you only here to get your friend back?”

Ah, fuck. He’s gotten smart. Hmm. Perhaps if I…

“Well, I won't lie to you. It is part of the reason.”

He sighs and turns away, but I interrupt.

“But that doesn't mean I'm not genuinely sorry for what I did. And I do feel guilty for not coming to make amends sooner. I guess I just… didn’t know what to say. But after seeing how much what I did really hurt you, I just had to come back and make up for it. Or, well, I know I can’t make up for what I did - it was too much. But I just want you to know I’m sorry.”

Dammit, I'm starting to repeat myself. I hope he sees it as a strength rather than a fault...

Tamaki pauses yet again. I can see people behind him… two with their phones up. Are they filming? What the hell? Is privacy completely dead?

Tamaki’s looking around too. He looks nervous. Camera shy? I can get that.

He sighs. “Red,” he starts, eyes locked into mine. “Do you truly mean all this?”

Am I winning him over? Yes! “Of course! I’m done lying, Tamaki. You deserve an apology. I came here because it was the right thing to do.”

“Alright, alright...” Tamaki says, raising a palm. He sounds… defeated? “I… understand.”

“You do?”

“I believe you, Red. I accept your apology, and… I forgive you.”

“You do?” I repeat, this time with twice the shock. The audience was taken by surprise, too, if the faint gasps say anything.

“I mean, people can change. I don’t think it’s fair to keep a grudge over something the other clearly regrets. And I wanna move past this, too.”

A laugh of relief leaves my throat and I grin. It worked! I won! I’m gonna get Shirlee back! Or, well… I might. Depends on if she’ll even look at my messages.

I keep smiling, though. Gotta keep up the illusion.

“You two should hug!” a stray voice yells. It draws laughs from the dozen or two spectators, but then the laughter actually morphs into noises of encouragement. ‘Yeah’s and ‘woo’s echo across the school grounds and finally switch into chanting.

“Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug!”

Ugh, I am so glad I left this place.

Nevertheless, I find Tamaki’s eyes and stare expectantly. “Well, what do you say?”

He looks discomforted, but finally abides. The other students cheer as our arms wrap around one another. Someone yells us to kiss next. I’d be ready to do even that, but it seems like things have already worked out. Now all I need is that picture…

Our bodies separate, and Tamaki raises his arm to the crowd.

“Alright, show’s over,” he yells with a faint smile. “You can stop watching now.”

Quiet laughs come as a response, followed by shuffling as the people turn away and scatter.

Tamaki steps closer to me again. “Can I talk with you in a more private spot for a bit?”

“Oh, totally,” I reply, foreseeing a suitable moment to ask for a photo. “I was actually gonna ask that of you…”

Tamaki leads me to the left side of the school, stopping his friends from following with a raised palm. I can't help grinning like an idiot. This went way better than expected.

Once we’re far enough away from the front yard, Tamaki slows down. I take it as an okay to start talking.

“So, this is pretty crude,” I laugh, pulling out my phone, “but could I just get one pic of us two together? It would really go a long way in getting me another chance with my frie-”

Tamaki turns around and pushes me back. I nearly slip.

“You've got some fucking nerve, you know that?” he hisses as I regain my balance. His face and tone are furious.

“What do you m…”

“Quit the act already! You're not sorry. And even if you were, I'd never, ever forgive you. Do you even understand the damage you did to me? It wasn't just bruises and nosebleeds. I go to therapy nowadays. You fucked up my life, and the moment my future starts looking okay, you show up.”

Psh, what? You came to me on that street. You're the one fucking up my plans.

“You come here and you get a big crowd and you put me up on the spot so that I have to ‘forgive’ you or I'll look like a dick and ruin what I've worked for two years to attain. Yeah, very clever. Is that what you want to hear? Are you satisfied? Or will you keep going till I snap and jump off a bridge?”

What is he even talking about by now? Are those… tears in his eyes?

“Oh, and still you keep that innocent look on your face. Like Tamaki's the bad guy here. Tamaki's the fuckup. Red hasn't done anything wrong because there's no proof. That's how you think, isn't it?”

I try to come up with a response, but I can't. I can barely tell what’s happening.

Tamaki straightens his back. “So, no. No, you can't have that pic. I'm not gonna help you ruin another person's life.” He walks past me, back towards the yard.

I dash after him. “Tamaki, please --”

“Do not fucking follow me!” he yells, stopping me. “I’ll call the cops on your ass if you do.”

But… I need to get that picture. Just one picture, it can’t be that bad! Maybe if I’m really fast...

I open the camera and run to Tamaki. As he turns to no doubt yell some more, I slip an arm over his shoulders, hold out the phone, smile and snap a pic.

An elbow shoves into my chest, blowing the air out of my lungs. My knees lose their strength and give out beneath me. I barely manage to hold onto the phone while I fall.

“Crazy son of a bitch...” mutters Tamaki as he speeds off.

I take a few seconds to breathe out the pain, shins getting wet from the snow beneath. Finally, I check the phone. Back to home screen, into gallery, latest photo…

Shit, it’s as I feared. Tamaki just looks disgusted. This is worse than no pic at all.

Well, what now? I have no proof that I’ve changed to show Shirlee. All I can do is say the same shit I already did when she ran off, and clearly that doesn’t work.

I sigh heavily. All this effort and no payoff. Just like this whole Shirlee thing in general. I’ve just been kicked around and made a fool of, and my lord still treats me like nothing. Should I simply give up for good? Lock myself in my room so that I don’t end up shoving my knife somewhere it shouldn’t be, and stay there until He comes to His senses?

Wait… wait a minute.

Didn’t people… film me and Tamaki?

Yes, they did! That means someone has a video of my apology! That means… that means I gotta run really, really fast to catch someone like that while they’re still near the school!

I wobble onto my feet and break into a run. Don’t go far now, people! Red’s on his way!

...Wow, way to give them a reason to get away even faster.

---​
 
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windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
Hey, Canis. It's about time I get around to reading one of your fics

Prologue
Good to see even if Red is a boomer, he ain’t no anti-vaxxer, lol

Okay, but in all seriousness. For what I expected going in, based on the limited knowledge I have about your TPP fics prior to this, this was a lot more… tender than what I imagined. It does a good job of establishing both Red’s strong relationship with Helix, as well as hinting at part of the conflict that arises within the story: the reincarnated Helix’s lack of memories about Red.

1
Seeing Red imagine worst-case scenarios is pretty amusing.

Each one appears a little different. Their mantles range from orange to lavender. Some lower bodies are cerulean, some turquoise, some a silvery gray. The shape of their fins, tentacles and light spots vary, along with the number of the last one.
I appreciate that you seem to have baked physical variety into pokemon within your world. When done right, it can be fun worldbuilding.

I take a step forward, but my legs lock in place. The screen is… and the keyboard is… right there, right where they were those times… the colors of the interface, blue and white… typing in the letters, searching, while they s-scream, and t-tell me to stop and go on and it takes so long and they don't shut up and it hurts --
Hm… I’m not super familiar with your other works, but I suppose this relates to the TPP stuff? That’s what I can assume, based on my somewhat limited knowledge of TPP.

Between the first-person perspective and the present tense, you do a good job of using the prose as a stream of consciousness.

2
I can’t do anything to her, can I.
I think this should have ended with a question mark?

It’s fun seeing the little bits of religious lore and worldbuilding here.

I don’t need to collapse her entire career. Though it would be satisfying to see, I admit.
I’m about to end this squid’s entire career.

Need to destroy your squid son’s celebrity crush? Obviously, let’s roleplay.

The prose becomes very eloquent near the end there. I figure it has to do with Red getting in the zone and feeling very confident with what he’s doing. Again, it fits very well with the whole stream of consciousness writing style.

3
The first passage here does a good job of showing how Red views other people, something that’s been limited within the narrative so far.

And now the first seeds of doubt have been planted. Let's see where this goes...


This seems like a good place to cut this first review. First off, despite Red being an asshole, you do a good job of making him feel… intriguing. Not sympathetic, but I’m interested in what made him the way he is. He strikes me as very codependent on Helix, which really isn’t good for his health, but none of this really is, now is it?

On the subject of other characters thus far, Fonz seems like a sweetheart, from what I’ve seen. A good dad. Jess is… he grates on me, but based on Red’s inner monologue, it sounds like I’m not alone in that. And we’ve only just been introduced to Shirlee as a character, but she seems like the typical burnt-out popstar.

As for worldbuilding, I like what you’ve done with technology, and having it be adapted to suit different types of pokemon’s needs.

If there is one thing I’d nitpick, the jump in time between chapters two and three felt just a little bit off to me. I don’t think that we necessarily needed to see any of the time that passed between the two, but the jump from sending the first letter to sending the one with the photo felt a bit abrupt, and I kind of wish Red had at least spent a little time reflecting on how well the plan had been working and how easy or difficult it had been thus far.

Regardless, I think it’s pretty darn good overall, and I’ll be back to drop a review on more chapters sometime soon.
 

kyeugh

you gotta feel your lines
Staff
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. farfetchd-galar
  2. gfetchd-kyeugh
  3. onion-san
  4. farfetchd
it's been longer than i thought since i've left a review here, so now seems like the time! a lot has kind of happened, which is nice since i remember feeling like the plot wasn't going anywhere fast for a while. coming fresh off of a whelp, this is a very different situation for red to be in, but somehow you manage to write the interpersonal, fandom-adjacent elements of the story well and have red navigate them in a way that's methodical and believable, without sacrificing the familiar psychopathic tendencies that make red himself.

pretty strange how invested i've ended up in this shirley business, and i guess the same can be said of red. i sort of expected her to remain this detached figure that red is kind of nebulously focusing his frustrations on, but she very much feels a fully-fledged, human character in her own right... except, you know, not really human. i'm not super far into hh, so aside from seiren, my main exposure to red is through the one-shots that generally don't have major characters aside from red. as a result it's been pretty hard to tell how good your characterization is, since it's only really manifested fully in red—which, of course, is incredibly good, but seeing shirley feel just as real and dimensional is really cool. though she doesn't seem as complex as red, seeing the complexities of your characters interact is really fun, and forms the core of this fic imo.

anyway, the end of chapter eight was kind of a gamebreaker, so i'll be interested to see where this chapter goes. my expectation is that red is going to attempt to salvage the situation somehow, which seems like it'll be... quite the event. maybe he'll have to fess up and tell the truth about him self, and form a genuine connection with another person!? seems unlikely. guess we'll find out!

Yea, you take those off.
i think you mean "yeah" here. possible that you typed "yea" on purpose, but it has more of an old-timey feeling to me ("yea or nay"), so it doesn't feel quite right. quick interruption here rq to say that i really like red's advance on this ninetales so far, it really feels like the mindset of a predator, which i think is what you're trying to establish here. red's attention to the dynamics of a battle as well as his attention to the anatomy of his target are very methodical in a way that feels right in-character.
“Dick move!” I snap, rubbing my poor eyes. Didn't take Tamaki for a dirty fighter…
lmfao

“I just… wanted to knock him out so he couldn't stop me from kicking your ass,” I say slowly, sitting up.
"Oh? You've decided to attack Renny? You wish to fight the mighty ninetales?"
"I can't kick your ass unless I beat Renny."

“Whoa! I am not a rapist!” I shouldn’t shout back like this, but I have to make things clear. I have dignity. “Besides, I’m not even straight.”
gay red (gred) confirmed.

i'm honestly surprised that tamaki took the fight so well? i expected that scene to escalate a lot more. tamaki seemed pretty calm about what just happened, but i guess maybe he was just glad that he got off without his ninetales dying or his ass.

“Good,” he replies. I can hear him get up and walk to me - and look, there he is. The big purple quill-backed kaiju with the jacket. That's him. Gods, I’m tired.
hahaha, i like this description. kind of makes me wonder what the word "kaiju" would mean, specifically, in the pokémon world, where stuff that could be described as a kaiju just actually exists and is a known part of the natural world.

I sigh. “Can we do it on the bed after I take my clothes off?”

“Uhh.”
ah, so soon after red comes out to his best friend tamaki, too. i'll be lying if i said i didn't think this fic was going to get a bit steamy at some point, but this isn't really how i envisioned it...
“Isn't that your chance, right there? If you went to apologize to Tamaki and showed it to your friend, he might believe you really have changed.” He pauses. “Assuming you have.”

I'd say I had, but Fonz knows me better. Apologizing to Tamaki, though… “Good idea, except for the part where Tamaki absolutely hates me and would never forgive me. And how would Sh- my friend even find out about it?”
not to mention you just choked his ninetales out of nowhere like a creep, hahahaha. interesting twist, though. i mentioned at the beginning of this post that i felt that this chapter might include some Tender Red Heart2Heart moments, and it seems that is indeed the direction the narrative is steering.
Careful not to slip, I dash and gain on Tamaki. “I just wanna talk, calm down!” I shout behind him. No effect. I'll do it the hard way, then.

Hopefully to win myself some moral points, I apologize in advance, then leap right at him. My chest collides with his back, tipping over us both. While he managed to break the fall with his arms, his grunt tells me it wasn’t exactly painless.

“What the fuck, dude?” he wheezes, squirming in my hold. “Get off me!”
ah, classic Apology Behavior. perhaps red should cast aside his god and return to school to become a therapist. he seems to know all the tricks pretty intuitively alreaday.

“I believe you, Red. I accept your apology, and… I forgive you.”

“You do?” I repeat, this time with twice the shock. The audience was taken by surprise, too, if the faint gasps say anything.

“I mean, people can change. I don’t think it’s fair to keep a grudge over something the other clearly regrets. And I wanna move past this, too.”

A laugh of relief leaves my throat and I grin. It worked! I won! I’m gonna get Shirlee back! Or, well… I might. Depends on if she’ll even look at my messages.
man, this is so fucked. somehow this dialogue has even convinced me that red is genuine even though i know that of course that's not true... seeing him celebrating that his manipulation is going according to plan really makes me feel for tamaki. poor dude.

“You've got some fucking nerve, you know that?” he hisses as I regain my balance. His face and tone are furious.

“What do you m…”

“Quit the act already! You're not sorry. And even if you were, I'd never, ever forgive you. Do you even understand the damage you did to me? It wasn't just bruises and nosebleeds. I go to therapy nowadays. You fucked up my life, and the moment my future starts looking okay, you show up.”
oh, shit, okay. bro DID grow some balls. after how shitty reading that last bit felt, this is a very satisfying turn of events. love to hate red tbh.
Wait… wait a minute.

Didn’t people… film me and Tamaki?

Yes, they did! That means someone has a video of my apology! That means… that means I gotta run really, really fast to catch someone like that while they’re still near the school!
well, that sure is a plan, i guess. maybe the others were legitimately convinced by red's act, or maybe the psychopathic kid running up on people and vying for access to their phones will have exactly the effect you'd expect it to. much to think about.

anyway this was a solid chapter! the last couple ones have been so shirlee-centric and focused on red sort of swindling this poor girl that it's good to get some time away from her, and even better to see his little tactics blow up in his face for once. things have been going right for him for a bit too long, so seeing it sort of fall in on him feels good. i'm not really sure how i want this story to end... obviously it'd be ideal if red fails and shirlee doesn't die, but somehow ending it with red just point blank not getting what he wants and sulking/getting pissed about it feels like it would ring a bit hollow as well. i suppose we'll see how it goes! looking back i'm not totally sure what the point of the ninetales scene was... like, it doesn't not make sense, but it's just sort of weird and makes the whole Apology Plan seem a bit less sensible, so i'm not sure i understand the narrative role that whole bit served. but overall this was a pretty snappy chapter with a lot going on and i enjoyed it. looking forward to the next one!
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
(Prologue, chapter 1)

Well, based on your judgement, I’ve finally decided to get into reading your work—but for real this time, starting with Seiren! I don’t know what to expect from this at all, to be honest, so despite all the references you make, the only thing I know to expect is that Red is nothing like canon… Which you helped to establish with the opening author’s notes, so now I guess I’m going in completely blind!

So, my first impression here is that I was not expecting this to open with something that comes off as touching and somber. Compared to the Akai that I saw from the (old) version of Hunter Haunted’s prologue, this is a completely different side of Akai that I can really appreciate. So this is the person he cares for—his Lord, and of course his reincarnation. That must be something very peculiar for him to deal with, and since I’m sort of working with something similar now and then, I do wonder if this could have been drawn out for more than a prologue… But then again, I suppose that’s not really the story you want to tell.

But compared to how he is in the first chapter, I’m definitely hoping to see more of that grief of the ‘loss’ of Helix from old to new, along with the memories that come and go with it. I also think that the introduction of the new characters, despite my substantially limited knowledge of TPP lore, was done pretty well; Fonz in particular was a treat to read about, since he seems to be more or less the only sane ‘mon of the group so far. Jess seems okay, too, but Fonz comes off as the most responsible. Wonder why he hangs around Akai.

I think another unique touch to this setting—and that’s what I’m going to focus on for this first chapter in particular—is the presence of Pokémon interacting fully with modern technology, and in general Pokémon being fully sapient and at human levels of intelligence, at least the ones who ended up becoming civilized. Helix is even going to school! A shame this is probably going to be focused entirely on Akai’s perspective, because I’m kind of curious what a day at school would be like for a Pokémon presumably as young as Helix.

I definitely feel that some of my vague knowledge of TPP helped contextualize things for me here. But since it’s so vague, I can’t help but also have a feeling that there are thick layers to this strange side of the fandom that I’m missing, even as I read this first prologue and chapter… But I guess that can’t really be helped. It’s still an enjoyable read regardless, and I find that you’re making Akai very relatable in some respects, perhaps not directly, but he’s still fun to read.

So what’re you gonna do to make him just completely spiral out of control, hm? I guess that’s what I’m expecting to happen once the next few chapters come along. I think that sort of clouds my judgement for how I see these first parts, but so far, I kind of like Akai and want to pet him.

(Also, side note, I caught one typo – in chapter 1: “We’ll, He’s a new incarnation, isn’t He?”)
 

NebulaDreams

Ace Trainer
Partners
  1. luxray
  2. hypno
CHAPTER NINE
And Then Everybody Clapped

That's the actual title.

That's
the
actual
title.

I’m going for Tamaki’s neck. He’s the one I want dead. The ninetales is just a witness I’ll need to eradicate -- no! What am I saying? I have to kill the ninetales first. Tamaki won't do shit to me, he's just a human and a pathetic one at that, but a ninetales has teeth and fire.

And could kill you with a sneeze. But yes, sure, go after the fire fox with your bare hands, jackass.

Hands touch my sides and attempt to pry me off. As if they could. You're up against years of exercise, runt. Yeah, you take those off. Accept you have no cha-

“Fuck!”

I draw my hands back to yank away the fingers crawling on my eyes, falling over to the ground in the process.

Ha, goteem, Tamaki.

Tamaki nods, and the two walk off. A conversation starts once they’re further, but I only catch the beginning. “Did he really say he was gay?”

I wonder which one of them said that.

Well, what do I do now? Am I just gonna get up and walk home and resume that painful existence where the one I care about most treats me like I’m nothing?

Or, yanno, move on with your life and find some other god to obsess over. There are plenty more mollusks in the sea.

“Can’t hurt to try. And, well… it's the right thing to do anyway. Like it or not, Tamaki does deserve an apology.”

I grimace. I hate it when I have to say I'm sorry when I’m not. Which is every time, really.

“Alright, I’ll do it,” I sigh. “But I'm gonna be a dick to you when it doesn't work.”

Fonz chuckles. “As if you needed a reason.”

Hmm, this was an interesting conversation between the two. I think they might've had something like this before, but this is the first time I saw Fonz act that way. He seems a lot more accepting of Red, however begrudgingly, to the point of enabling him. If he changed one of his legal named to Akai/Red after the fact, that would still imply a sort of bond between the two, though I'm not caught up on the TPP lore between them. I wonder how the other former members of Red's team feel about Fonz and how he treats Red, or how Red views him in the end, since he's the only one that seems to really get through to him.

I sit on the bench next to the main entrance, at the end without the piece of gum attached to the side. It amazes me how people can call themselves moral and then do shit like this. Maybe I kill people, but I don't ruin a public space just because I can't be fucked to walk ten meters to a trash can. That's the real insanity there.

Yeah, like when customers put their gum on top of the fucking table instead of underneath it like every other person.

“You two should hug!” a stray voice yells. It draws laughs from the dozen or two spectators, but then the laughter actually morphs into noises of encouragement. ‘Yeah’s and ‘woo’s echo across the school grounds and finally switch into chanting.

“Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug!”

Oh, no, Tamaki...

“Quit the act already! You're not sorry. And even if you were, I'd never, ever forgive you. Do you even understand the damage you did to me? It wasn't just bruises and nosebleeds. I go to therapy nowadays. You fucked up my life, and the moment my future starts looking okay, you show up.”

Oooooooh, nooooooo, Tamakiiiiiii.......

---

So, following up from the last chapter, I did wonder how you would go about resolving Red and Shirlee's breakup. Well, it remains to be seen what the results will be, but if the end of this chapter is of any indication, there'll still be a window for Red to sink his claws into her. But even then, I still don't know what to expect from the rest of the fic, since it almost feels like we're at the end.

Again, this chapter didn't really have a lot happening in terms of progression, just being another small step for Red. But the conversation Red had with Fonz was kind of cute (I also really like the idea of Fonz having protective bed covers for his quills), and there were actually some big payoffs for Tamaki, who I thought would just be a one-note character here occasionally mentioned by Red.

With that said, poor Tamaki. He's not only a reflection of how Red's actions have changed everybody around him for the worse, but judging from HIM and Whelp, he's also kind of an antithesis to Red in a way. While Red refused help when he probably most needed it after Helix's initial death, which led him to this downward spiral of psychopathy and living in his own head, Tamaki, the one he supposedly bullied, did something about it and started defending/seeking help for himself, though that still came with a lot of consequences for him. So it's eerie how similar but different the two are in how they dealt with trauma. Or I dunno, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

In any case, while it was really satisfying to see Red continually eating shit for the stuff he's done in the past and present (way to go, Tamaki!), again, I still wonder how the rest of the fic is going to go down and if he'll get what he wants in the end. And even if he does, would it have been worth it in the end?
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
That's the actual title.

That's
the
actual
title.

You are not prepared.

Here is Chapter 10, rated teen like before.

---

CHAPTER TEN
Bottom Text


---​

Today I learned that girls really don't like it when a guy they barely know chases after them. I'm calling double standards on this bullshit - no way they would've screamed had I been a girl as well.

Hmmh… I do still have a chance, but it's a slim one. Shirlee’s going to have her everstone surgery on Monday at 4 pm, meaning I could go to the school in the morning, bully as many people as I can into letting me check their phone galleries, find the apology recording in one, send it to my phone, then send it to Shirlee with an apology, hope she forgives me and wants to see me before her surgery, meet up with her in a secluded place, kidnap her and do all of this without getting caught by any kind of authority.

The outlook is not promising on that, but I have to try. I suppose I should use this weekend to practice using my phone some more. And because I'll have to work with other people's phones as well, that means dark theme off. I grimace. More ripping at old wounds.

I step out of the hall and into the living room. Fonz and my lord greet me, and I greet them back.

“So how'd it go?” asks Fonz.

“Nghh.”

“Not great, huh?”

“Yeah. See me in the bedroom if you want the whole story.” It's possible he might have some advice I haven't thought of. Even if he doesn't, it's nice to tie up loose ends.

We enter the bedroom, leaving my lord alone on the couch, not that He would mind with Shirlee as company. I close the door behind the nidoking.

“Did he not accept the apology?” he asks, pulling up his quill-proof bed cover and setting it on the bed once again.

“Well,” I sigh, sitting on the edge, “he did, and then he didn't.”

Fonz raises a brow. “How's that work?”

“He accepted my apology publicly, and after the crowd had left, rejected it and naturally didn't let me take a pic.”

“He was looking after his reputation?”

“Guess so.”

Fonz glances at the clock. “Did that alone really take you this long?”

“Well, no. You see, I realized some people had been filming during the public apology, and I tried hunting them down… but I couldn't find anyone who both had the video and didn't outrun me.”

“Hmm. Well, have you looked online?”

“Online?” I tilt my head. “Why would it be online?”

“Well, you know how kids are…”

He pauses as he sees my expression. “Okay, I guess you don't, but my point is that a lot of kids really want fame. It's not at all unlikely that someone would've put that video on MewTube in hopes of it going viral. It's not every day you see a former bully apologize, and a lot of people would consider that uplifting. Give it an attention-catching title, and...” Fonz snaps his claws, which produces an unsettlingly loud click. “Instant fifteen minutes of fame.”

Listening to Fonz's theory spreads a warmth into my body. Could it be that easy? Could this be my chance?

I snatch the phone out of my pocket. I unlock it, and…

Right. I don’t have the app for that MewTube thing, and the only way to get the app is through the app store. But the last time I tried something new on this phone, it didn't end too well...

A shudder comes before I can suppress it.

“What’s wrong?” asks Fonz.

Right, Fonz, I do have Fonz. I can have him do it. That's good, but I can't lie, being dependent on others like this is frustrating…

“Well,” I sigh, putting the phone down. “I'm worried the app store will look like, you know...”

“Oh." He quiets. Then, he sighs. "It left its mark on all of us, didn't it."

I stare at my feet. "I don't know. Jess is online all the time, and my lord…"

"I don't necessarily mean just the PCs," Fonz says. "The whole journey. The whole… stress. Sure, I got out of the Safari and into the human world proper, and Jess got that fame and money he wanted, and Air caught the eye of the sports world… and Helix was born and got you." He nudges me with a claw, smiling, but his smile then melts away. "Anyway, while we got a lot of good out of it, we too felt the effects. That threat of erasure from the machine malfunction… I still get the shivers every time I see a storage PC."

He places an arm over my shoulders. It's pretty heavy, but there's something soothing in the weight. "So if that's what I have as just a bystander, I can't imagine what it's like for you. It must be really, really hard… which is why I'm so massively proud of you for already coming this far."

His smile has returned. "I really think you can go even further. First steps always tend to be the hardest, after all. But know that if you ever need support, I'll try my best to be there. Okay?"

I wasn't expecting that whole speech, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't impressed by it. Just for that, I nod with a smile myself.

But that smile soon leaves, shoved away by another thought.

"My lord…" I begin. "Does He remember the journey anymore?"

Fonz sighs, catching my frown. "He tells me He's had nightmares."

Nightmares. He's not alone in that regard...

But that means He remembers. At least partly. I'd sigh in relief - but who's to say I'm even in those? If I am, am I good in His eyes in them?

Anxiety grips my throat. What if those nightmares were about me? My slurred speech, my twitching limbs, the orders I barked under the Voices' control? Is that the reason He's been cold to me? Does He only remember my bad sides, the ugliness of the possession? I could see how I acted being upsetting for just a young mon. Is He scared it'll happen again? Does He know the full story?

"Does He…" I start, voice wavering. "Does He blame me for what happened?"

Fonz flinches. “Oh, no. He knows it was the Voices. He knows you weren’t yourself.” He sits up straight. “I mean, He’s seen you take care of Him so much. You’re like a dad to Him. He just… doesn’t always know how to act around you. I mean, you have to see this from His perspective. Wouldn’t it be odd to be addressed as a lord all the time?”

Well, I know I’d like it...

It seems like Fonz knows what he’s talking about, though. He knows Him. He should know best what He thinks outside my lord Himself. Hmm. Well, I guess I can take His word for it for the time being. I should focus on this Shirlee stuff while it might still be possible to pull off, anyway.

“I guess you’re right,” I say. “I shouldn’t worry about it.” I pick the phone up again and clear my throat. “So, back to this… could you get me MewTube thing from the app store? I just really don’t think I can handle it yet.”

Fonz smiles and nods.

---​

With MewTube downloaded, I asked Fonz if it had a dark option. He looked, and it did.

“It’s on now,” he says. “You ready?”

”Guess I can’t get any readier.”

I shuffle to his side, wary of his quills. The screen is dark gray with pale red accents and houses colorful windows to the worlds recorded. Stress level: low. I think I can do this.

“Okay,” starts Fonz. “Let's try… ‘bully apology’.” He types the phrase in the search bar and taps the magnifying glass.

Thousands of results surface. The titles and thumbnails show different scenarios - ‘high school bully and victim meet up 20 years later’, ‘calling my old bully’, ‘mother finds out her daughter is a bully and you won't believe what she does next’... none of them match mine.

“Are we really gonna find it this way?” I ask, eyeing the long-gone dates of upload and sky-high viewcounts. Would someone really think their crappy little mobile video could rise up these ranks?

“Hold your horseas. Let's sort by latest.” Fonz taps the icon of three horizontal lines, ‘sort by’ in the new menu and ‘upload date’. The titles and thumbnails change, and…

The second result shows two young men in a crowded, snowy schoolyard. One has a large bleached quiff and the other a coat very similar to mine. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that actually worked.

“Oh, that looks like it could be it,” says Fonz and taps the picture.

BULLY APOLOGIZES TO VICTIM!!! MUST SEE!!! (HEARTWARMING), reads the title of the now loading video. Never thought I'd have someone describe an action of mine as ‘heartwarming’. Unless I was literally cooking one.

The video finishes loading and plays. Despite the camera's shaking, I can soon confirm the setting to indeed be the yard of Pallet High.

“What do you mean you're sorry?” asks the Tamaki on record. “You're Red, you’re never sorry.”

“Yep, this is the video,” I say, near breathless. “B-but where does it end?”

Fonz skips to the last seconds of the recording. Tamaki tells the audience the show is over, and a moment later the footage cuts.

I clasp my hands together, chest burning in triumph. “Yes!”

Oh, but I'm not in the clear yet, am I - Shirlee still needs to see the message, and that’s something I can't influence.

“Alright, now let's send it to --” I start, but Fonz raises a claw.

“In a bit. I wanna see how this played out first.” He resets the video despite my protests. I lean on my fist, disgruntled.

The video rolls from beginning to end. My voice still sounds really weird played back. Less masculine than I'd wish. At least I have the looks to patch it up.

Fonz grins. “I'd say you handled that pretty well, champ. Especially the hug,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gimme the phone.” I nab the phone from Fonz’s claws, meeting little resistance. “Show me how to share this.”

“Just tap on ‘share’ and choose the texting app you use,” he says. “It's pretty obvious from there on out.”

I shuffle further away on the bed to keep the recipient a secret and do as told. Share, text message, Shirlee. Now I can write a message to go with the video… but what to write?

“Hmm. Not sure what to say?” asks Fonz.

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Well…” He stretches and gets up. “I'm sorry to say, but you should know best what he'd like to hear. But as a tip, remember to be genuine and humble. And don't expect him to forgive you right away. These things take time.”

Ngh, I don't have much of that, though...

Sensing I'd like some time alone to think - and being correct - Fonz excuses himself and leaves the room. I'm left by myself on the bed, staring at the old text messages and the… what's that called? That blinky black line that appears when you type things. That.

Should I get straight to the point, or would she consider that tactless? I mean, I have the video here, so I will need to address that…

I begin to tap. I'm really sorry about lying to you and to prove it here's -- no, I can't say it like that, it'll look orchestrated. I've apologized to Tamaki and someone happened to film -- yeah, someone just happened to film it, I had nothing to do with that whatsoever…

I rub my forehead. Since when did lying get so hard for me? This is the same mon who came to a random fan's house in the dead of night to drunkenly thank him for such sweet words. It shouldn't take a lot to sway her. Or perhaps I’m underestimating what a few beers can do.

But what if I tried... that one thing again? The thing I did when she told me about her everstone woes, where I imagined she was Him. How I spoke with that was amazing. It was like I was someone who could actually connect, not just someone piecing together what they’d heard others say in similar situations. A lie so convincing even the speaker starts to think there's something to it.

I’ll do it. It's worth a try.

I close my eyes and think of Him. He’s next to the school, where Tamaki first confronted me. He hears Tamaki’s words, hears all these awful accusations, when He always thought I was a trustworthy caretaker. He becomes afraid. Afraid of what I might do to Him. But I'd never do anything! I could only ever protect! His stare is terrified, and it really shouldn't be, He turns around and runs away… somehow? But He can't leave, I need Him, I can't let Him feel like this, think I'm dangerous, pull away from my touch. He's disappearing in the horizon. I'll never hold Him again. I'll never get to be in His presence again. He's gone from my life and He's left a burning, chilling void in me, a bottomless pit nothing can fill and its edges are melting, quicksand, I try to run but the ground beneath fails and I sink to the darkness, emptiness that swallows me up, and I’ll never get out, never…

My eyes feel hot. Wet. Tears. Heart pounding. Gut heavy. I… didn't expect to feel this way. But I just… miss Him. I miss Him so much.

I breathe in. Some tears fall on my cheeks. Okay. Bit of a tangent. Let's just get through this quickly and professionally. He needs to be apologized to. She.

---​

It's the best I could do. I can't blame myself. If it doesn't work, it just wasn't in the stars.

It's too soon to say, anyway. It's only been twenty minutes. She might not have even looked at her phone yet… oh, who am I kidding, everyone’s on their phones constantly.

I sigh, tuck the phone in my pocket and get off the bed. I should go do something else for the time be-

Buzz! Is that a buzz? It is!

I check the screen - new message from Shirlee! Oh my Gods, it worked!

No, no, wait, it could still be her just berating me more. Shouldn't get my hopes too high.

I unlock the screen and peer in.

(16:39) Red. Do you really mean what you say?

Proper grammar. She has to be really serious.

Of course, I tap and send, heart beating in my throat.

Another message. She's still present.

(16:39) Do you truly want to prove you've changed?

What is she getting at? I do.

(16:40) There’s a way for me to know for sure.
(16:40) But are you prepared to do it?


She's making this sound dangerous… What is it?

(16:40) Promise to not tell anyone.

I would never.

(16:40) You know this thing psychic types are able to do.


It finally clicks.

Mind reading.

But I absolutely can't let her do that! She'll see things way worse than she could ever dream of - and while mind reading is a crime, it's nothing compared to septuple homicide. If she saw what goes on inside this skull --

Ah, but she won't, will she?

The seal. The seal on my wrist will block any attempt to infiltrate my mind. Though is it still even active? It's been a good while since its initial carving. I should refresh it, though I have to make sure not to dig too deep - I don't want it to leave behind obvious marks. If all goes according to plan, I won't need it for any longer than a few days, so leaving lighter wounds is perfectly acceptable.

Oh, shit, I should respond to her.

I think I know what you mean… and I'm prepared to do it. I want you to know the truth.

(16:40) Good. I could see you outside my hotel later today. Can you make it?

Depends. Where is it and what time do you want to meet?

(16:40) Hotel Evergreen. It's right next to the town center. Big white building. You can't miss it.
(16:41) How is 10 pm?


Five hours, that should be plenty of time to plan. I can take a cab there. I just need to ask Abe for the number and then I can order one myself, having got a phone of my own now.

Sounds good. Will we go somewhere from there?

(16:41) Someplace private. Even an alley will do. But let's be outside… I don't trust you that much yet.


Well, this just gets better and better… totally alone, no witnesses. The way I like it.

I understand. See you at the hotel at 10 pm, then.

(16:41) Yeah. See you.


I close the phone and physically restrain myself from screaming triumphantly. Finally, things are going my way! She'll turn hideous, He'll reject her and I'll get Him back. Everything will go right back to being how it should be. Perfect!

All I need now is a plan…

---​

The evening sun stares down at me, squinting with cloudy eyelids. Another mass of cold air rolls over me and sinks its little fangs into my limbs. I really hope the meeting in Viridian won't take too long. I may get sick.

I tighten my scarf, wait for the oncoming car to pass and cross the street. The cold sting in my nostrils switches to a cough-inducing smell of exhaust fumes, then back again. How does this part of town manage to be so cramped and yet still so windy? Well, at least I'm finally here. The place to get the final ingredient to my plan.

I read the obnoxious red-and-yellow sign over the dirty-gray concrete doorway. Thompson's Natural Remedies. Good, it's still here and in business. Guess the world never runs out of morons.

The door opens with a ring of a bell, and a murkrow flits out to the street. With its tired eyes, it gives me a glance so quick it barely even counts, then digs its talons in the satchel around its neck to produce a cigarette. It seizes the cigarette with its beak, freeing its foot to draw out a lighter and maneuver it skillfully to light the cigarette's end.

The cigarette lit, it returns the lighter to the satchel and -- oh, it's looking at me.

“Fuck you want?” it asks, cigarette somehow not falling from its beak.

“Uh, nothing,” I mumble and enter the store.

The ring of the bell immediately raises the face of the Unovan man behind the counter, Mr Thompson himself. The rattata of a man shines a sunny smile, one you'd expect from a long-time friend, despite the fact that we've seen each other exactly once before and that was years ago. I couldn’t exactly go out and hunt down a rapidash of my own, so I had to find a shop like this to get myself a pair of hooves for ritual firestarters.

Ah, dammit, I gotta stop spacing out like this. I think Thompson just tried to shake my hand but I was too deep in thought to react. I'll just nod to at least acknowledge his greeting.

“So, what’cha here for?” asks Thompson, still wearing his smile. “You look young. Searching for something to spice up a party, perhaps? Better your exam performance? Better your… other performance?” He raises a brow.

“Qwilfish spikes,” I answer, feeling far less wordy than him at the moment.

“Ah, gotcha.” He slides to one of the aisles. I look around. Herbs, sparkling stones and jewelry, dried mushrooms and wild mon parts. Hand-made price signs. An odd smell in the air - a chimera of a dozen individual stenches, somehow tolerable despite its suspicious ingredients.

This is one of those places that takes either cash or your entire credit card information. Sadly, I don’t have a choice. The more trustworthy places simply won’t sell qwilfish spikes - naturally because it can easily be used for nefarious purposes, but also because people generally just don’t want to use products plucked from ‘helpless creatures’. Add to those the fact that storing the poison in its original spike is one of the less sanitary options.

The customers of stores like these, however, are the kind of people to believe that ‘natural is always better’, even when the choice is between a thoroughly tested vaccine and a shiny rock that supposedly emits lunar healing frequencies. Ignorance like that is the bread in which mold like this can grow.

Thompson returns to hand me a plastic package of five blue-gray thorns. “Qwilfish spikes, for you. Soak the tip in a glass of liquid for thirty seconds - careful not to prick yourself or squeeze it - then take it out and dry it for next time. Each spike has about three doses worth of juice. Now, one dose is suitable for a nice calming effect - great de-stresser, will chill your mom out about the homework - and two is good for helping you fall asleep. Three normally knocks you out for quite a while, so I'd only use that when you really, really can't keep those eyes closed. Even then, you ought to pace yourself and not gulp it all down in a sec-”

“I know how to use it, thanks,” I interrupt. “What's the price?”

“Twenty-nine, ninety-nine.”

Shut up, you just mean thirty. Ngh, annoyingly much for something I'll only need one of… but His attention is worth the price.

Or you could just shove a knife in his gut and get the spikes for free.

If getting rid of Thompson was that easy, you really think he'd have lived past twenty? Also, fuck you. I’m still mad at you for causing all that shit with Tamaki.

“Got it,” I reply. I fetch the necessary bills from my wallet and tuck it back. Thompson takes the money patiently. Sort of expected him to nab it like a stray vulpix offered some berry flesh. “Now, keep in mind that the doses I explained are set for humans and not --”

“Yeah, thanks.” I store the package in my backpack. “See ya.”

“Oh, you’re really gonna buy only that? Come on, now! You came all the way here, may as well take a look at the rest of the select-”

“See. Ya.”

The unwavering stare and emphasized words succeed in shutting him up. I make my way to the door in silence.

“Thank you for coming,” Thompson half-sighs, half-laughs, that indestructible smile still etched onto his face.

As I exit the store, the murkrow from before slips in. I guess it works there. I’d say I wouldn’t like a smoke-marinated employee, but then again, it’d probably just drown in all the other smells.

Alright. Time to head home and gather up the rest of the equipment. Then I’ll get the cab and be on my way. I should be on schedule so far. Everything’s going right as it should.

Wait, I do still have the ball with me, right? I tap my coat pocket and sigh in relief as I feel the spherical bump where it should be. Though I guess I didn’t need it for this trip anyway… eh, no harm done.

I spot movement from the corner of my eye. A fat gray raticate is digging through a knocked over garbage container a few meters away. Must be either a feral or a civilian with no self respect. In any case… a great subject for testing out whether this thing still works after years of inactivity.

I sneak closer. The action awakens the predator within, the stalking persian waiting for the right moment to pounce, to kill… but my weapon isn’t teeth or claws or even a knife this time, just a simple ultra ball. This disappoints the predator, the killing machine that thrives on violence, but it'll get that satisfaction yet - once Shirlee is in my hands.

I think I'm close enough now. I click on the button at the ball's front, and the ball expands from its minimized state. The raticate's ear twitches, shit, I need to be quick.

I fling the ball right at the raticate and luckily enough, I hear it smack onto flesh. The mon jolts out of the container and tries to leap away, but it's too late - the ball has opened, signalling activation. With a red flash, the mon is drawn inside, and the ball snaps shut, alone on the icy asphalt. Success.

Of course a mere two seconds later it opens up again to let the mon out the same way it came in, and the raticate runs off with a screech. But that's entirely expected. One can't just go around trapping wild animals as they please - according to the law, anyway. All balls, excluding master, have to let the mon escape before registration if they struggle too much. Even after registration, the ball isn't inescapable, but the requirement for leaving varies between balls. If I remember correctly from what they taught in school, an ultra ball requires the mon to input a given combination of symbols to unlock it. Therefore intelligent mon are able to leave at will, but ferals and infants are stuck inside. That's why these ones are meant for more experienced trainers that would need to capture the latter two kind and keep them from roaming around unsupervised for everyone's safety, mon included.

But that's not quite all there is to it. Balls can't release their contents if there's not enough space - that would crush the poor mon, after all. Being fancy space-warping technology, the ball can usually transport mon past thin sheets of material, but if the ball is placed inside a safe, good luck getting out.

I do hope I have all these facts straight. Exploiting them will be key in tonight's operation.

I fetch the ball, return it to my pocket and head home.

---​
 

windskull

Bidoof Fan
Staff
Partners
  1. sneasel-nip
  2. bidoof
  3. absol
  4. kirlia
  5. windskull-bidoof
  6. little-guy-windskull
  7. purugly
  8. mawile
Kids these days with their may mays.

I’ll just be covering chapter 4 in today’s review. Hopefully, I’ll have time to read more later though.

This is a bit of a nitpick, but I kind of feel like, since Red and Shirlee have been sending letters to each other for a little while, that he’d have come to expect it by now. On the other hand, watching him freak out and chase off the tranquil was pretty amusing.

That’s one aspect I don’t envy about the bodies of bestial mon.
-squints in furry-

I’m not sure if it intentionally means something or not, but I thought it was a neat little character touch that Red uses the 24-hour clock instead of the standard AM/PM (Which obviously exists as Shirlee uses it in her letter.)

Only three minutes until her destruction beghins.
*begins

And she only looks good because she’s a cephalopod and it’s very hard to have a cephalopod that isn’t appealing. To me.
Red. Red. Your furry is showing. Or... not furry, per se, but I don’t know what the term for being into cephalopods would be if any.

This is minor and may not actually be an issue at all, but I felt like I should point it out, just in case. My first time reading through the section on Shirlee’s video, I felt it could have been covered a little bit more clearly. I was having trouble envisioning how she was reacting in the video, but I didn’t have the same issue when I reread it to type out the review, so I don’t know if it was just me, or if it becomes a bit more clear in hindsight. It also might have been intentional, since we’re getting everything from Red’s POV, but still.

A surprise? Well, that’s intriguing.

Well, my opinion of Jess still isn’t high, but I can at least appreciate that he understands that Red’s obsession with Helix isn’t exactly healthy and is trying to talk sense into him.

The bit with the knife was pretty amusing.

I also appreciate that we get a bit of a look at what Red views as strong. I feel like it informs the reader a fair bit about his character while keeping things reasonably short and to the point.

And we leave off on a bit of a cliffhanger. I’ll be honest, I have absolutely no clue what Shirlee’s surprise for Red is going to be, but there’s no doubt in my head that it’s going to be something he doesn’t like. Guess that’s as good of a reason as any to keep reading: to find out just exactly is going to go wrong for Red.

I don’t really have any strong thoughts on this chapter in particular, but I feel like it accomplishes what it set out to do. It puts a wrinkle in Red’s plan, but still moves the plot forward.

Hopefully, I’ll be back later this week or next week for another chapter or two. Until then.
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
This is a bit of a nitpick, but I kind of feel like, since Red and Shirlee have been sending letters to each other for a little while, that he’d have come to expect it by now. On the other hand, watching him freak out and chase off the tranquil was pretty amusing.

Oh, this is actually the first letter Shirlee sent Red, though. Before the surprise visit in Chapter 3, the communication had been entirely one-sided.

I’m not sure if it intentionally means something or not, but I thought it was a neat little character touch that Red uses the 24-hour clock instead of the standard AM/PM (Which obviously exists as Shirlee uses it in her letter.)

Well, it's actually tied to where the time has been read. In the case of the 24-hour instances, Red reads the time from a digital clock - first is bedside alarm (though it's not actually stated) and the second is from the screen of a phone. Though it's possible I've also used it elsewhere unintentionally because I'm used to the 24h display due to my nationality.

Red. Red. Your furry is showing. Or... not furry, per se, but I don’t know what the term for being into cephalopods would be if any.

My patented term is squishy™.

Thanks for the read and review! I hope you enjoy what's to come.
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
(Chapter 2)

Okay so I still want to pet Akai, but he’s definitely a little bit on the weird side. I sort of got the vibes early on, but they were never really strongly or fully out front until now how obsessive he truly was over Helix, let alone his “ritual room” or the, uh, his buddies in there. Interesting. Also, I think the main highlight of this chapter for me would be the way Akai more or less reasoned out his plot to completely ruin the pop star who’s staling Helix away. On one hand, I kind of see where he’s coming from in terms of his obsession possibly interfering with whatever divine destiny he has going on… but at the same time, buddy, my man, friend, pal, he’s, like, a handful of weeks old at this point, I think. It’s undoubtedly just a phase.

That being said, that’s likely the point of this chapter—to established that the character we’re following is demonstrably and perhaps hopelessly flawed. He even acknowledges it by mentioning that there are a lot of people pointing out that he’s crazy, but he just doesn’t want to hear it. So, aside from the tongue jar pals, I think you did a good job to show that the “crazy” of Akai isn’t just cartoonish superficial stuff, but deeper-rooted obsessions. Though, I will admit that I’m kind of curious about two aspects that stemmed from this, particularly because I get the feeling I’d know a whole lot more about the context if I looked deeper into TPP lore to find out.

The first thing is his fear of keyboards and computers. My first guess is that it’s… maybe some kind of interface that he had with the voices that controlled him during the adventure, or something, maybe? Since this seems to be the postgame after he became Champion or whatever, I don’t know how this translates to actual canon in that sense.

In any case, back to the meat of the chapter: His scheming droned on for a little while longer than I would have liked, particularly the explanation and anecdote about exactly how a warring country had managed to defeat some other country with the methods he plans on doing against the pop star. I’m not sure if that’s some sort of galaxy brain foreshadowing for people who know the real world equivalent of that battle and how it had failed in some way Akai had forgotten about, or if it was just an effort to illustrate his plan in an alternative way, but it went on for a while.

Maybe when I think back to it again after the story is over I’ll call it brilliant, but on a blind read-through, it dragged on a while. Speaking of which, one thing that wasn’t elaborated upon, which I think might also be tied to TPP lore, is the “ritual” that was used to summon Helix again. Was that victim 7? I think I might have missed the specific detail, but I feel like that’s what had been implied. Wonder how often he can pull that off before he gets caught.

Anyway, despite all my questions, I don’t feel lost at all when reading through this chapter. Despite all the mystery floating around as tangential worldbuilding, the fact that you have a really down-to-earth plot keeps the story properly grounded. Just what will Akai do now that the letter was set in motion…? I’m curious to find out soon~
 

canisaries

you should've known the price of evil
Location
Stovokor
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. inkay-shirlee
  2. houndoom-elliot
  3. yamask-joanna
  4. shuppet
  5. deerling-andre
The first thing is his fear of keyboards and computers. My first guess is that it’s… maybe some kind of interface that he had with the voices that controlled him during the adventure, or something, maybe? Since this seems to be the postgame after he became Champion or whatever, I don’t know how this translates to actual canon in that sense.

Ah, yeah, I think I keep overestimating how reconstructable some elements of TPP are from the references... it's not a spoiler what it is, so I can just explain it now for clarity:

In TPP, the biggest danger to progress was the PCs. Because the game doesn't let you recapture a mon after releasing them, the release feature was seen as permanent death. As most people really didn't want the mon we've leveled up so hard to be lost - but some people did, just for the chaos of it - any PC visits got really hectic. Translating it over to story form, that would mean a lot more screaming and shouting in Red's ear whenever accessing a PC and a general conditioning to fear computers and keep away from them, and that's the origin of Red's tech-trauma. The threat of his beloved Helix being killed in one of these PC shuffles didn't help.

The reason why a PC can just kill something without massive public backlash is also kind of background lore here, so I'll give that too: the release feature usually is just a release feature, a service that unregisters a mon from a ball, but the Voices are kind of dimension hopping demons that fuck shit up, and their influence causes the process to malfunction lethally whenever they're around (possibly intentionally, as they had to interact with the world as if it was a game). I may do a oneshot someday to better illustrate what that's like.

Maybe when I think back to it again after the story is over I’ll call it brilliant, but on a blind read-through, it dragged on a while. Speaking of which, one thing that wasn’t elaborated upon, which I think might also be tied to TPP lore, is the “ritual” that was used to summon Helix again. Was that victim 7? I think I might have missed the specific detail, but I feel like that’s what had been implied. Wonder how often he can pull that off before he gets caught.

Oh, how Helix (the omanyte) is reincarnated is actually just simple restoration from the fossil, just like in the games. However, being of divine origin, Helix's consciousness and soul persist across death and allow the new clone to really be the same Him, even having most memories of His past life (though not 100% of them, as future chapters will explore). As for the rituals, those are to please HELIX (the true god) specifically and to prove in some weird ass way that Red is suitable to be a priest and the Bringer which is kind of like the Chosen One to bring about the apocalypse yadda yadda yadda not relevant in this fic, more Hunter, Haunted stuff. Actually, what you saw in the prologue of HH was the aftermath of one of these rituals, specifically the eighth one. As for how he doesn't get caught... very carefully.

Yeah, it's pretty convoluted, I have to admit, but it's a cross I have to bear at this point. It's good to hear that it isn't getting in the way of following the story, though! I hope you like what's to come - Chapter 3 is where things really get rolling.
 

kyeugh

you gotta feel your lines
Staff
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. farfetchd-galar
  2. gfetchd-kyeugh
  3. onion-san
  4. farfetchd
kind of a short one here! you've said in chat that this story is approaching its end, so i'm curious to see how it gets there exactly... red still seems pretty far from sabotaging shirlee's career, but at this point, it seems unlikely that it'll actually end that way. i guess there's only one way to find out...
“Did he not accept the apology?” he asks, pulling up his quill-proof bed cover and setting it on the bed once again.
omg, quill-proof. cute detail.
"I don't necessarily mean just the PCs," Fonz says. "The whole journey. The whole… stress. Sure, I got out of the Safari and into the human world proper, and Jess got that fame and money he wanted, and Air caught the eye of the sports world… and Helix was born and got you." He nudges me with a claw, smiling, but his smile then melts away. "Anyway, while we got a lot of good out of it, we too felt the effects. That threat of erasure from the machine malfunction… I still get the shivers every time I see a storage PC."
it's kind of rare that we get callbacks to red's twitch days, so this is pretty cool. prior to this i kind of assumed he was just afraid of computers because interacting with one while under the twitch meant he was going to be stuck in the PC interface for ages every time, hahahaha. this makes a lot more sense.
But that means He remembers. At least partly. I'd sigh in relief - but who's to say I'm even in those? If I am, am I good in His eyes in them?
"in His eyes in them" reads kinda clunky—maybe "If I am, does He see me as a good person in them?" or something like that?
Fonz flinches. “Oh, no. He knows it was the Voices. He knows you weren’t yourself.” He sits up straight. “I mean, He’s seen you take care of Him so much. You’re like a dad to Him. He just… doesn’t always know how to act around you. I mean, you have to see this from His perspective. Wouldn’t it be odd to be addressed as a lord all the time?”

Well, I know I’d like it...
lmfao, ok red. at any rate i never really thought about this before but i enjoy that there's sort of an overarching metaplot through your works dealing with red and his relationship with lil helix. it makes it feel rewarding to read more of your work, but doesn't leave me feeling stranded or confused for having not done so. love seeing stuff like that.
BULLY APOLOGIZES TO VICTIM!!! MUST SEE!!! (HEARTWARMING), reads the title of the now loading video. Never thought I'd have someone describe an action of mine as ‘heartwarming’. Unless I was literally cooking one.
oh my god, both an excellent video title and an excellent point from red. good line, thank u, have a nice day
Oh, but I'm not in the clear yet, am I - Shirlee still needs to see the message, and that’s something I can't influence.
it doesn't feel quite right to partition these sentences with a dash. i think they'd be better off more conventionally written, i.e. with a question mark (and possibly an ellipsis?) after the first bit.
But what if I tried... that one thing again? The thing I did when she told me about her everstone woes, where I imagined she was Him. How I spoke with that was amazing. It was like I was someone who could actually connect, not just someone piecing together what they’d heard others say in similar situations. A lie so convincing even the speaker starts to think there's something to it.

I’ll do it. It's worth a try.
man, this is interesting and a little scary. red is already too good at manipulating others for his own good, but he's right in that the fact that he's forced to sort of just piece shit together is a major weakness. if he figures out how to effectively weaponize his own genuine feelings, he'd be that much more effective, but maybe that much further gone too, once his genuine and insincere emotions begin to swirl together as one...
(16:40) You know this thing psychic types are able to do.

It finally clicks.

Mind reading.
hahaha, oh my god. not sure what the limits of red's seals are but i feel like there's a greater chance this will go horribly wrong than not.
The rattata of a man shines a sunny smile, one you'd expect from a long-time friend, despite the fact that we've seen each other exactly once before and that was years ago. I couldn’t exactly go out and hunt down a rapidash of my own, so I had to find a shop like this to get myself a pair of hooves for ritual firestarters.
ohh, hey, i remember that part. another one of those tie-ins i was talking about earlier... i really like this stuff, and kind of wonder if there are any i've missed from not having read hunter, haunted.
The more trustworthy places simply won’t sell qwilfish spikes - naturally because it can easily be used for nefarious purposes, but also because people generally just don’t want to use products plucked from ‘helpless creatures’.
the 'quotes' here are perfect omfg

red getting pissed at his reptile brain was hilarious. in general there are a lot of good bits in this chapter—that, his chat with the shopkeeper, the video title—which is always good in stories like this (and yours in general), that are otherwise fairly heavy.

this feels more like a transitional chapter than anything, but that's okay since it's been fairly high action for a while now. the end sort of suggests that your world-specific rules for poké balls are important for understanding what happens next, so the infodump makes sense, but i think you did a really great job at incorporating it into an in-character action and making the explanation feel fluent and organic rather than kind of just having red talk at us spontaneously. which honestly i think could have worked anyway, since the story is very much a stream-of-consciousness deal, but all the better that you managed to work it in via a more natural route. not much else to say here but this was a solid chapter that was pretty breezy and fun to read, and i'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.
 

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
Chapter 2 review!

Red: "I'm gonna end this squid's whole career"

alternatively

fonz: [watching the news] "some idiot tried to fight a squid at her concert"

red: [covered in ink] "maybe the squid was being a dick"

I love the cocktail of unsettling and humorous you've got so far. It's just such good dark comedy. Red himself sells it pretty well. The "white screen" and "shit taste" lines had me giggling.

Lil' Helix is adorable for a baby elder god. Like Too bad Red doesn't approve of Him paying attention to anyone else. I do wonder how He's gonna react to anything that might happen in the future, especially with Red's angst He doesn't remember His former glory. Also poor Fonz. Caught in the middle of all this.

But yeah, things are juuuuuust getting started. I'll be back.
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
(chapter 3 ~ 5)

Ahhh, and HERE we go with the creeping madness. I think I see what you’re doing here. Start things off subtle and show that Akai isn’t totally insane at first and has at least some brief bouts of lucidity to go with. But then we’re a few more chapters in, and suddenly bam, there it is, he’s actually a total dickwad wrapped in an apparently toned and hairless body.

Oh, before I forget, there was one scene that stood out to me because it felt a little off. Since this is from Akai’s perspective, I was a little jarred by the scene with him getting Shirlee’s letter in the mail; it felt briefly as if the perspective had switched over to the bird being relieved at him leaving, rather than at how Akai was doing or reacting, particularly when he started to head back into the house. Ah, here it is:

Since the cold is beginning to sting, and I have no reason to stay out here longer anyway, I head back inside. The gray bird, assuming its job is done, sighs and takes flight for its next destination.

Not sure what that second line is there.

Anyway! Back to my main point, I’m just as surprised as Akai was in terms of Shirlee actually showing up so conveniently at his place. I guess it plays to your advantage that you didn’t actually show what was written in his carefully constructed letter so we can leave it to our imagination, and her bring drunk also helps, but it was definitely a very useful bump to get the plot rolling quicker. His interactions with Shirlee, and his general behavior in his head, is where I think you really start to show how broken Akai really is, and the constant reminder that, yes, we’re dealing with a villain protagonist.

Frankly I’m surprised that they didn’t try a background check on the guy right from the start considering he’s being left alone with her and she’s a huge pop star. They absolutely would have the resources for that sort of thing, after all. But I guess it’s also as Shirlee said—Akai can’t do anything to her in the current area he is. My real question is if that’s ever going to change—because I don’t really know if Akai is the sort of person who would, or can, change without some outside intervention, if that.

Being able to show Akai doing something good for Shirlee and in general make her life better, while simultaneously showing what he really wants out of this whole thing, has been a fascinating ride. I really want to see this blow up in Akai’s face in the most Saturday Morning Villain way possible, where he tries to absolutely ruin Shirlee’s life by setting up the dominoes for it to come crashing down, only for her to waltz past the first piece because Akai can’t fully understand society for his contraption to work. Perhaps wishful thinking on my part, but I also feel like this would almost fit the undertone floating around Akai.

Another scene that stood out to me was his interactions with the Beartic, and basically a reminder that he’s indeed just human, and he can more or less be squished between his claws should he step out of line. Subtle but constant reminder, especially once his knife was off of his person. Oh! And his phone. I definitely can’t wait to see if or how he’ll be able to get out of that one and the fever dream panic attack that will surely follow if he tries to use it properly to continue his mission. Because he’d do anything for his precious Lord, won’t he? Huhuhu… Guess I’ll find out in the coming chapters.
 

kintsugi

golden scars | pfp by sun
Location
the warmth of summer in the songs you write
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. silvally-grass
  2. lapras
  3. golurk
  4. booper-kintsugi
  5. meloetta-kint-muse
  6. meloetta-kint-dancer
  7. murkrow
  8. yveltal
wowowowow it's been a while, hasn't it

chapter 4!

I've always known it gets quiet in this house, but only now, after listening to Jess blabbering on continuously for an hour, do I notice how strong the silence can be.
As an intro line this is nice and poetic, but I also don't fully understand it -- surely hearing someone else blather for an hour would make it hard to tell how silent it actually is? And in the next paragraph there's listening to music and talking, so I'm not fully sure what the silence is referring to here.

'smugleaf'. Apparently it's an obscure synonym for a species of mon in Unova and also some kind of 'meme'.
kek
wotter best boi

It’s not like I ever get any ma-
em dash!
Okay so you mentioned in the Barricade review response that you use em dashes or -- for interruptions, which is good; you should also be using them for any mid-word interruptions or mid-sentence breakouts. Hyphens (what you have above) are basically only used internally to words (mis-matched, forty-five, etc), but the em dash (or double hyphen if you're feeling lazy like I do in reviews) is the one you use in lieu of punctuation marks.
I’ll hold Him so tight and show Him how much I --
Though this video still has to be something shocking - else she wouldn’t have added that bit about Him.
so for example in the above two examples, you should use em dashes both times (the first one is good; the second one needs it)

The gray bird, assuming its job is done, sighs and takes flight for its next destination.
can birds sigh? legitimate question; not invested enough in avian biology to know and my brief internet search didn't lend much insight

We figured it’d be better if I only wore the Shirtlee in public
lol puns

The video begins with Shirlee’s tentacle reaching beyond the viewer, apparently turning on the camera. She floats further away, stares straight at Us and sighs.
I really love this detail -- the faux "personable" bits and the big turn on the camera, no makeup on, open confession with a big sigh and lots of staring into the middle distance with no edits... *chef's kiss*

He lies down on his chair - as much as a bird can.
Can birds have chairs?
Or more like, why do birds here have saddle chairs and not just big plushy perches? Or things more suited to their body types like a big nest-shape? How do birds swivel around in these things anyway?

is there something you’re not telling Us?”

Why are you dragging Him into this?
Oh! This is an interesting question. Can the Capitalization be detected in other people's sentences when they're saying it out loud? Are other people even Capitalizing or is Red just projecting reverence where it isn't being given?

Mmm okay and the plot thickens. I like how you set up Red as this character who's thoroughly alienated from society, while also making it so the only way he's going to get what he wants is by thoroughly interacting with society and all of its stupid bits. And I think it lets you poke fun at the more absurd bits of modern culture from an outsider's perspective. Red's reminiscing about how we don't do social rank by who can smash the most marowak skulls and faux leather being all the things Wrong with the world is a really neat oversimplification, but it's almost logical in its construction. The conversation where Jess instantly jumps to cancel culture is also pretty funny -- of course big muscly macho Red isn't going to understand these concepts and it's probably wild to him that you can get toppled off the ladder for saying things that will cause righteous outrage.

From a macro level, this chapter is interesting to me since it's actually pretty self-contained. The only plot points that extend before/after it are that Shirlee visited in chapter three and that (presumably) Red is going to visit again in chapter five. The other key beats here (the dangling thread of the video, the video itself, the fallout) are all introduced and cleaned up neatly in this chapter -- I'm sort of reminded of Death Note in a way, where the overarching plot is this cat and mouse game and then each chapter is sort of focused on a particular play in their chess game. It's definitely a more episodic feel than what I'm used to in longform fic, but at the same time I think it works here and also makes it really easy to pick up after long hiatus.
 

Adamhuarts

Mew specialist
Partners
  1. mew-adam
  2. celebi-shiny
  3. roserade-adam
So, I finally picked up on chapter 2 and after hearing you talk about your characters and fic often in the server, I wasn't as unfamiliar reading this chapter which is good. I must say that I enjoy your writing style, and one good thing about first pov is how the narration takes the personality of the character, something you took advantage of to add some flavor to your prose.

Although I know Red is far from being a morally sound person, if not outright evil, one can't help but root for him... For now at least. I haven't read your other story he's featured in, so I don't know the worst of what he's done or will do yet. Anyway, I digress, I wonder how his plan against Shirlee and gaining the attention of Helix will pan out. Will it work all according to Keikaku or will it be a MISSION FAILED. WE'LL GET EM NEXT TIME? time will tell.
 

Namohysip

Dragon Enthusiast
Staff
Partners
  1. flygon
  2. charizard
  3. milotic
  4. zoroark-soda
  5. sceptile
  6. marowak
  7. jirachi
(6, 7)

I don’t have a lot to comment on for these two chapters in terms of specific scenes so much as key moments. First off, most of the exchange between Shirlee and Akai, and particularly his phone, both went on for a while but didn’t really give off the impression of dragging, at least not for too long. I felt that Akai’s flashbacks to thinking about the person he used to pay to beat up and all that went on for a while longer than it should have, though. But not too badly.

I think the obvious standout scene here (aside from Akai finally being able to handle using technology, which was genuinely impressive all things considered) is the short scene at the end—the one with the Meowth that Akai ultimately kills. It was oddly tense, despite the fact that the stakes were relatively low. After all, it was just a kitten, yet you managed to depict it in such a way that it felt like there was a lot more going on under the hood. This is, in a way, his first true kill of this story, and while there are a lot of them implied (the seven tongues and all that), I think this, as a blind reader, finally gets to show Akai’s true nature instead of just talking about it.

And at first, I was worried that was the only real purpose to that scene, until I went on to chapter 7 and that random act of violence ended up having consequences for Akai! Guess he can’t get away with that kind of shenanigans scot free after all. I’m wondering how much of this will come back to bite him in the future or not, but as of now, I have my doubts that it’ll be extremely impactful. Maybe it will?

Moving on ahead, I think the final part that stood out to me aside from building toward another encounter with Shirlee, Akai’s dream. Man. Now that is how you handle a dream sequence. It’s very clearly a dream at the start, it’s a bridge in the song and a brief change of pace for the story, and it seems like you were even able to sprinkle in a bit of foreshadowing for the nature of certain characters, such as HELIX. Overall I actually want to give a lot of praise to that segment in particular; you made something that’s typically inconsequential into something that I didn’t feel was a waste of time.

I don’t have a whole lot in terms of critique here, otherwise. I suppose one thing that I did wonder—well, two things—is how Akai managed to kill the Meowth after he was checked on by the driver. Was it fast so it didn’t make any noise, or something? And how did he clean it so it didn’t look bloody afterward, in terms of the coin? And one thing that I had been wondering for a while was ow exactly Red got any income for his home and Internet and all that, but I guess the mention of a “welfare state” and, later on, money from mother, helped to patch things over for the most part. Just minor head scratchers that were glossed over a little, I guess. But I don’t know if there would be any advantage to delving into it any more specifically or not. The Meowth part did stick out a little, though, because of how meticulous Akai usually is about not getting caught.

Anyway, looks like I'll be close to catching up here! I probably have one more review to drop before I wait for this fic to be completed for an overall review. See you soon~
 

Umbramatic

The Ghost Lord
Location
The Yangverse
Pronouns
Any
Partners
  1. reshiram
Chapter 3 review! The dark comedy in this fic continues to impress.

OH SHIT Shirlee's here. I feel bad for her. Seems like the celebrity life is rougher on her than you think. And now she has to deal with RED. Shirlee dear this man is repressing the urge to kill you and is abjectly taking advantage of you. I do have to wonder if Red's advice will backfire and make her more popular than ever. You know how those things go.

Also. Jess. Fucking Jess. I love him but please don't let him comment on Red's piss. I'm begging you.

But it seems like the plot's finally kicking into gear here! I am extra intrigued as to what happens next.
 
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