Pokémon Sa[l]vage Mafia

[kintsugi]

I see your optimal Blitz playstyles and I raise “AU where someone else's characters play miscellaneous party games” that’s been living rent free in my head. minor spoilers for characters across Negrek's Salvage, mostly in the sense that character dynamics exist and not in the sense that there’s any sort of plot spoiling going on here, because that would imply there’s a plot here. Probably more enjoyable if you’ve read to chapter 26 or so. thanks to Pen for beta reading and coming up with the better ideas. thanks to Negrek for this blessed cast.

content warnings: it's got Nate, so if you've never seen the f-word typed out in full before, you're about to.
crit requests: this is is crackfic AU scriptfic of someone else's story. I of course strive to make every bit of this as perfect as it can be, but please don't take it seriously.
this fic is ineligible for Review Blitz but if i get ten likes I'll follow up with the hit sequel "the cast of HA YOU THOUGHT playes D&D"


----


NIGHT 0

[PRIVATE to Titan] Absol: Titan! You are the mafia killer. Each night, you can choose a player to kill. If your action is successful, that player will die. Upon your death, this power will be inherited by the next surviving mafia member on this list: [Rats]. You are aligned with mafia [Rats] and will win when there are more surviving mafia members than town.
[PRIVATE to Rats] Absol: Rats! You are the mafia strongman. Once during the course of the game, you can choose to assist your fellow mafia members in killing a target. If you choose to assist and the target is present in the game, their elimination is guaranteed—the combined kill cannot be blocked, negated, swapped, healed, or redirected. Otherwise, you have no killing powers of your own while the remaining mafia are alive. You are aligned with mafia [Titan] and will win when there are more surviving mafia members than town.

[PRIVATE to Togetic] Absol: Togetic, you are the arsonist. Once per night, you can choose to soak a player in gasoline or ignite. Choosing ignite will cause all soaked players to die at the end of the night. This action can only be negated by the actions of the firefighter. You are aligned with yourself and win when all other players are eliminated.


[PRIVATE to the child] Absol: Child, you are the even-night vigilante. On nights 0, 2, 4, 6, and 8, provided you are still alive, you can target a player to kill. If your action is successful, that player will die. You are aligned with town and will win when all mafia members are eliminated.
[PRIVATE to Nate] Absol: Nate, you are the firefighter. Each night, you can choose a player to douse in water. If your action is successful, that player will be unable to be targeted by the arsonist for the duration of that night, and will also lose dousing (if any) that the arsonist has placed on that player. You are aligned with town and will win when all mafia members are eliminated.
[PRIVATE to Mewtwo] Absol: Mewtwo, you are the doctor. Each night, you can choose a player other than yourself to protect. If your action is successful, that player will be immune to attempts at elimination that night. You are aligned with town and will win when all mafia members are eliminated.
[PRIVATE to Mightyena] Absol: Mightyena, you are the jack-of-all trades. Once per night you may choose from any of the following abilities: doctor, cop, vigilante. Once you have used an ability, you cannot use it again for the rest of the game. You are aligned with town and will win when all mafia members are eliminated.
[PRIVATE to Graveler] Absol: Graveler, you are the backup cop. You currently have no role, but if the cop dies, you will inherit their powers. Upon inheritance, you will be able to investigate one player per night. Assuming your action is successful, you will learn that player’s alignment at the end of the night. You are aligned with town and will win when all mafia members are eliminated.
[PRIVATE to Leonard] Absol: Leonard, you are the cop. Once per night, you will be able to investigate one player. Assuming your action is successful, you will learn that player’s alignment at the end of the night. You are aligned with town and will win when all mafia members are eliminated.
[PRIVATE to Duskull] Absol: Duskull, you are oneshot bulletproof. Once during the course of the game, if you are killed, you will instead survive. You will be notified if this ability saves you. You are aligned with town and will win when all mafia members are eliminated.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Leonard: Investigate the child.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Mewtwo: Irksome. I will choose to protect no one.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Nate: Douse Mightyena.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Mightyena: Protect Nate.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Togetic: :o

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Aight Titan, let’s do this!
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: yeah!!!
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: I think we’ll want to keep the Boss alive for as long as possible. Things will get pretty chaotic and we can use that to our advantage.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: Okay. I agree with that.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Togetic will probably get scared off by all the fighting and Duskull won’t read the rules, so we probably don’t have to worry about that.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Can Graveler even use a computer?
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Oh well. Mewtwo’s probably scary but he’ll probably just piss a bunch of people off and get himself killed immediately, so not worth our time.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Between Leonard and Nate … I don’t know. Probably kill Nate.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: kill???
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Yeah, that’s mafia.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: … i don’t want to do that.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: Could we maybe not?
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan. Buddy.

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: HA HA HA

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan, you gotta send a kill action before the end of the night. Otherwise there’s no point.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: can’t you do it?
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: The rules say it’s gotta be you, big guy.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Please?

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO
[PRIVATE to child] Absol: I’ve received your action for the night.
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: You are not going to tell me that I should not fight with my brother?
[PRIVATE to child] Absol: It’s just a game.
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Tiiiiiiitannnnnnnnn
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: I know you’re there.

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan, sometimes you gotta play the game even if you don’t want to. That way it’s fun for everyone.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Remember when we played Monopoly and Boss didn’t want to pay rent?
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: yes …
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Even though you had all the blue and green properties and Boss kept landing on them?
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: yeah, but i decided that people wouldn’t have to pay me rent if they didn’t want to.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: But then Absol convinced you not to.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: but then Absol convinced me not to.

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: And you got to win, but only because everyone agreed to play by the rules.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: i don’t want to kill anyone though.

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Don’t think of it like killing.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Maybe more like … taking care of them.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Just type “Take care of Nate” and Absol will figure it out.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Better hurry, time’s running out.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan:

DAY 1
Absol: Mewtwo was killed. He was innocent.

child: HA HA HA
child: YES!
Nate: well that’s fucking suspicious.
Rats: yeah but I mean
Leonard: It’s not really *unexpected* either.
Nate: fucking weird though
child: Mewtwo is dead! I killed him!
Nate: you can’t be serious
child: Absol said I was the vigilante and I can kill whoever I want.
Mightyena: So you just shot him?
Rats: Boss, what if he was the doctor or something?
Mightyena: He would be a shit doctor.
child: Dotors wear blue, Rats.

Nate: okay I’m just not gonna fucking bother with that one.
Nate: my role is the firefighter, which apparently stops some asshole from lighting us all on fire.
Nate: weird fucking role but okay
Nate: seems like a good move to let everyone know that there’s an arsonist in case I get offed in the night
Leonard: Arsonist, huh?
Mightyena: Well I think Nate is innocent, then.
Rats: I wouldn’t put it past a smart mafia to fakeclaim firefighter.
Rats: Get us all distracted about an arsonist when there isn’t even one.
Mightyena: Nate, have you ever played a game with the arsonist before?
Nate: No. This role madness bullshit is fucking weird.
Mightyena: That confirms it for me then.
Rats: You’ll let him off that easy?

[SCUMCHAT] Titan: but what if they ask if i’m mafia??
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Then you lie?
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Or um
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Just mention that the boss hasn’t said anything in a while. Don’t try to lie. But say something.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan:

Titan: I think Rats is innocent.
Mightyena: sus tbh
Leonard: oh?
Rats: I’m flattered, big guy, but are you gonna explain why?
child: I killed Mewtwo!
Nate: We know, asshat.
child: If you’re mafia I’m going to kill you next
child: KILL THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN
Leonard: Right. Anyway. I think I get what Mightyena’s putting down.
Rats: Which is … ?
Leonard: Can’t make up a role if you can’t read the wiki.
Nate: Fuck you.

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: I’m going to start a vote train for Graveler. Don’t vote for Graveler at the end of the day, okay?
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: does voting kill people?
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Everything kills people in this game.

Rats: Looking at our options I think we’ve got a pretty rough hand.
Rats: Original game started with 10 players. Assuming Nate’s not lying about firefighter, we could lose 2 people tonight, which would bring us down to 7.
Rats: Boss, how many times did Absol say you could kill?
child: whenever I want
Rats: Shit, what?
Leonard: I wouldn’t trust that.
Mightyena: ^
Rats: Fair.
Rats: Normally I’d be down to go for a no-lynch today because we don’t have any leads, but I don’t think we can afford that in a game this small and deadly.
Nate: If the freak really did just shoot Mewtwo, did the doctor work then?
Mightyena: Looks like it.
Rats: No.
Leonard: Probably.
Mightyena: ??
Rats: I’m oneshot bulletproof. May as well claim it now since mafia popped it last night and knows they can just kill me again if they want.
child: I SHOT MEWTWO
Titan: i think Nate is innocent.

Leonard: There’s a lot to unpack there and I’m saving it for later since we don’t have time.
Rats: Togetic’s probably not coming back, and I doubt Duskull is either. Nate, can Graveler use a keyboard?
Mightyena: No.
Nate: No.
Rats: Well that’s a shame.
Rats: I vote we go for one of the inactive players, or the Boss.
Rats: But mafia will probably go for an unmasked vig tonight.
Nate: I’m down to kill the freak.
Mightyena: ^
Leonard: I find myself agreeing with Rats, actually.
child: If you vote for me I get to kill you.
Leonard: ?
child: Absol said so. It is stupid for you to vote me but if you do vote for me you will be double stupid, and also dead.
Leonard: Well that’s horrifying.

Rats: I think voting Graveler is safe here.
Nate: That’s fucked.
Rats: You got a better idea?
Nate: I’ll die voting down the freak.
Rats: If they’re innocent and kill you when they go down, and then there’s a mafia/arsonist kill tonight, town loses on a mislynch tomorrow.
Leonard: ^that, yeah
Nate: Fine.
Nate: I’ll vote Duskull then.
Nate has voted: Duskull
Mightyena has voted: Duskull
Rats: No skin off my back.
Rats has voted: Duskull
Titan: i think Duskull is innocent.

child: No! You should not vote for Duskull! Duskull didn’t do anything to you!
child: I am voting for anyone who voted for Duskull.
Leonard: You shouldn’t do that.
child: You should not vote for Duskull!
child: You are stupid and bad at this game.
child has voted: Nate
Nate: fuck you too

DAY 1 – END
Votes:
Duskull: Nate, Mightyena, Rats, Leonard
Nate: child
Abstain: Duskull, Graveler, Togetic

Absol: Duskull was killed. He was innocent.

Night 1

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan, you gotta work with me here.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: If you take care of Leonard we’ll be in a pretty good spot.

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL LEONARD KERRIGAN
[PRIVATE to Child] Absol: You can only kill on even-numbered nights
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL LEONARD KERRIGAN

[PRIVATE to Absol] Leonard: Investigate Titan.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Nate: Douse Rats.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Mightyena: Investigate Leonard

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL LEONARD KERRIGAN

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan?

DAY 2
Absol: No one was killed.

Leonard: I hate to be that guy on Day 2, but I’m the cop and I got a guilty read on Titan last night.
Leonard has voted: Titan

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: oh fuck
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan, you gotta say something, big guy.

Nate: good enough for me
Nate has voted: Titan
child: What?
Mightyena: I JOAT-copped Leonard and he was innocent, so this checks out to me.
Mightyena has voted: Titan
Nate: the fuck is JOAT
Mightyena: jack of all trades
child: You cannot be the jack of all trades, Mightyena! You are not even the jack of one trade!
Mightyena: fuck off
Nate: fuck off
Leonard: @child I got an innocent read on you on Night 0, by the way.
Nate: of course you read the fucking freak first
child: The real killer must be YOU, Leonard Kerrigan!
Leonard: It’s not me.
child: Or it is The Great Nathaniel Morgan! He is part of Team Rocket! He would be the killer.
child: Or Mewtwo!
Leonard: Mewtwo is dead.
Nate: Mewtwo is fucking dead--
Nate: that
Titan: i’m mafia :(

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan not that
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: :((((

child: Titan would not be a killer! Titan is my friend.
child has voted: Nate
Rats: Oh, that’s an interesting turn of events. I don’t see any other cop claims so this makes sense.
Rats has voted: Titan
THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: it is me I am mafia
THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: look at all of the people I have killed
THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: everyone should vote for me
Nate: oh for fuck’s sake

Absol [DM]: You can’t change your nickname during the game.

child: That is not fair.
child: Let me change it back, Absol.
child: This is cheating!

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN
[PRIVATE to child] Absol: You can only kill players during even-numbered nights.
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN

child: KILL THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN
Leonard: So we all agree to end the day early, doctor protects me, if not I’ve given up all my info, and we go from there?
Leonard: If/when I die tonight: Mightyena and Nate have been in lockstep and Mightyena’s JOAT claim seems reasonable but fakeable. Nate lying at this point would be a lot. Rats seems good. Reiterating that the child is innocent and we can’t risk killing them without eviscerating town. No read on the inactives.

DAY 2 – END
Votes:
Titan: Nate, Mightyena, Rats, Leonard
Nate: child
Abstain: Graveler, Togetic

Absol: Titan was killed. He was guilty.

Rats: Sure would suck if we ended on a cliffhanger here and didn’t tell anyone what happened for a few months.

 

[aer]

First thought: hey, this role madness set of two mafia, one unaligned, and seven town should be super town-tilted, so to make an interesting story town's naturally going to fuck everything up right?

[PRIVATE to Absol] Mewtwo: Irksome. I will choose to protect no one.

Ahahaha, WHO CARES ABOUT ANY OF THESE LOSERS much less winning...

[PRIVATE to Absol] Nate: Douse Mightyena.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Mightyena: Protect Nate.

</3 (EDIT: WAIT I MISSED DOUSED MEANS GASOLINE IS GONE this is cute!)

[PRIVATE to Absol] Togetic: :o

Togetic!!! I love her.

[SCUMCHAT] Titan: Could we maybe not?
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan. Buddy.

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan, you gotta send a kill action before the end of the night. Otherwise there’s no point.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: can’t you do it?
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: The rules say it’s gotta be you, big guy.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Please?

Oh man. I'm sorry, Rats. And I'm reminded how much I love Titan, poor baby.

child: Absol said I was the vigilante and I can kill whoever I want.
Mightyena: So you just shot him?
Rats: Boss, what if he was the doctor or something?
Mightyena: He would be a shit doctor.
child: Dotors wear blue, Rats.

This is the child. This is so perfectly the child. +1

Rats: I wouldn’t put it past a smart mafia to fakeclaim firefighter.
Rats: Get us all distracted about an arsonist when there isn’t even one.

Aw, Rats is the carry! Go, Rats!

Rats: Boss, how many times did Absol say you could kill?
child: whenever I want
Rats: Shit, what?
Leonard: I wouldn’t trust that.

xD the child's way to happy about being able to kill anyone to pay attention to some RULES

child: No! You should not vote for Duskull! Duskull didn’t do anything to you!
child: I am voting for anyone who voted for Duskull.
Leonard: You shouldn’t do that.
child: You should not vote for Duskull!
child: You are stupid and bad at this game.
child has voted: Nate
Nate: fuck you too

Excellent

Titan: i’m mafia :(

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan not that
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: :((((

Oh no Titan but also this is so funny. Sorry Titan, it's under the train for you.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Mewtwo, you are the doctor.

no

"it's ok, he's not scumdoc this ti--"

NO

[PRIVATE to Absol] Nate: Douse Mightyena.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Mightyena: Protect Nate.

This is precious. Nate had no reason not to N0 douse, but Mightyena burning her heal is suboptimal and I love her for it. (Hey, at least Titan dropping the ball technically didn't do anything because Nate would have been protected either way!)

Togetic: :o

The curse of "arsonists who do nothing" continues.

Mightyena: He would be a shit doctor.

Legit didn't want to use his power so yeah. :V

Leonard: Right. Anyway. I think I get what Mightyena’s putting down.
Rats: Which is … ?
Leonard: Can’t make up a role if you can’t read the wiki.
Nate: Fuck you.

This is perfection.

Rats: I’m oneshot bulletproof. May as well claim it now since mafia popped it last night and knows they can just kill me again if they want.

Rats sure did get lucky that the actual OSBP was inactive (hey, she needed a bit of luck with Titan as a partner, lmao)

Leonard: @child I got an innocent read on you on Night 0, by the way.
Nate: of course you read the fucking freak first
child: The real killer must be YOU, Leonard Kerrigan!
Leonard: It’s not me.
child: Or it is The Great Nathaniel Morgan! He is part of Team Rocket! He would be the killer.
child: Or Mewtwo!
Leonard: Mewtwo is dead.
Nate: Mewtwo is fucking dead--
Nate: that
Titan: i’m mafia :(

This is basically a perfect microcosm of what I wanted from Salvage Mafia and I am living for it. I've read the whole thing five times and I'll read it five more.

I think Titan getting eliminated was good for scum tbh. :V Now Rats can use her strong shot on Leonard. Town's best hope is for the child to waste its vigshot also killing Leonard (he will be very very dead.) Here's hoping Nate and Mightyena can pull through! \o/

 

[Dragonfree]

This was a delight, love Nate and Mightyena protecting each other and Rats and Leonard being the main powerplayers and the child just immediately crowing about how it killed Mewtwo hahahaha and trying to impersonate Nate as GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN (also doctors wear blue)

But also Titan is so precious, what a sweet Charizard, I love him. 10/10.

(also also the child calling it cheating that Absol changed its name back oh my god)

(honestly everything here is quotable)

pls update we must see how the game ends

 

[Negrek]

Aaaaa, this is delightful! I hope you had a lot of fun writing this, because it's definitely loads of fun to read.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Mewtwo: Irksome. I will choose to protect no one.

He really would be a shit doctor. :P

[PRIVATE to Absol] Nate: Douse Mightyena.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Mightyena: Protect Nate.

This is the SWEETEST thing, though.

Imagine if these two had been given opposite alignments. :P

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Remember when we played Monopoly and Boss didn’t want to pay rent?
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: yes …
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Even though you had all the blue and green properties and Boss kept landing on them?
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: yeah, but i decided that people wouldn’t have to pay me rent if they didn’t want to.
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: But then Absol convinced you not to.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: but then Absol convinced me not to.

Of COURSE the child tried to get out of paying rent in Monopoly. Truly game nights in AU-Salvageland must be a trip. (Absol keeps organizing them because she secretly loves watching the world burn.)

Leonard: Can’t make up a role if you can’t read the wiki.
Nate: Fuck you.

Does make you wonder how he's managing to participate in chat, though! What circle of Hell is "attempting to participate in chat mafia by using TTS"?

child: You cannot be the jack of all trades, Mightyena! You are not even the jack of one trade!
Mightyena: fuck off
Nate: fuck off
Leonard: @child I got an innocent read on you on Night 0, by the way.
Nate: of course you read the fucking freak first
child: The real killer must be YOU, Leonard Kerrigan!
Leonard: It’s not me.
child: Or it is The Great Nathaniel Morgan! He is part of Team Rocket! He would be the killer.
child: Or Mewtwo!
Leonard: Mewtwo is dead.
Nate: Mewtwo is fucking dead--
Nate: that
Titan: i’m mafia :(

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan not that
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: :((((

This is the best section right here, IMO. Oh, no. Titan, baby. ;-;

THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: it is me I am mafia
THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: look at all of the people I have killed
THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: everyone should vote for me
Nate: oh for fuck’s sake

Well, it's worked for them in the past...

This was a huge amount of fun! Look at Rats, Leo, Nate, and Mightyena trying to play the game despite the constant bullshit. Poor Titan not being able to fake-murder even his not-friends. The child having the time of its life and also being very much... itself. I do hope you intend to finish the game someday, but what you have here is also a lot of fun!

 

[kyeugh]

i laughed very hard many times at this. thank you for blessing us with it. i think rats and titan wolfing together is my favorite part. titan is just so pitiful and it's funny to me how hard rats is trying to actually play the game. also a big fan of the child kind-of-not-really understanding that this is a game. like it's a game, sure, but what isn't a game. fabricating a mafia game like this is truly inspired honestly, i don't think i could have done this with my own characters. please write more fanfic², this ruled a lot. good fic pls update.

[PRIVATE to Absol] Togetic: :o

this got me. it truly would be togetic's reaction to discovering she is an arsonist, wouldn't it.

[SCUMCHAT] Titan: … i don’t want to do that.
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: Could we maybe not?
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan. Buddy.

[PRIVATE to Absol] child: KILL MEWTWO
[PRIVATE to Absol] child: HA HA HA

the duality of mon

[SCUMCHAT] Titan: yeah, but i decided that people wouldn’t have to pay me rent if they didn’t want to.

titan will be spared during the revolution.

[SCUMCHAT] Titan:

lmfao

Rats: Boss, what if he was the doctor or something?
Mightyena: He would be a shit doctor.
child: Dotors wear blue, Rats.

mightyena you're so right queen. also lmfao @ the child

Titan: I think Rats is innocent.

i love titan. all his posting feels like the pre-constructed messages in fortnite among us. (please don't ask me to explain that sentence.)

Rats: Original game started with 10 players. Assuming Nate’s not lying about firefighter, we could lose 2 people tonight, which would bring us down to 7.

not three? vigilante, arsonist, mafia?

Rats: I vote we go for one of the inactive players, or the Boss.

rats locktown for this. my brain is enormous.

child: If you vote for me I get to kill you.

kind of a good lie. maybe it meant in real life though.

Titan: i’m mafia :(

[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan
[SCUMCHAT] Rats: Titan not that
[SCUMCHAT] Titan: :((((

oh my god lol

THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: it is me I am mafia
THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: look at all of the people I have killed
THE GREAT NATHANIEL MORGAN: everyone should vote for me
Nate: oh for fuck’s sake

Absol [DM]: You can’t change your nickname during the game.

holy shit. i love that this is something it could do irl too.

Absol: Titan was killed. He was guilty.

not true honestly. titan was as unguilty as they come.

 

[Equitial]

[PRIVATE to Mewtwo] Absol: Mewtwo, you are the doctor.

I'm getting the weirdest sense of deja vu


Everything about this is beautiful. Everything. I tried making a list of what made me laugh or what I thought was very observant but I couldn't. It was just too much, so I'm just going to leave a quick readlist, hopefully I'll be able to come back with something more substanstial before EoD

The scum

Rats: Rats is actually has a really good brain for Mafia. I appreciate his attempts to carry his team to victory

Titan: Titan does not have a good brain for Mafia. I appreciate him trying

The inactives

Togetic: arsonist!Togetic is incredibly funny as a concept. too bad arsonists tend to be inactive in the TR meta

Duskull: you could say he's.......ghosting on this game hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (sorry)

Graveler: My headcanon is that Graveler tried to use the keyboard but he acidentally broke it


The town:

Mewtwo: lmfao

Mightyena and Nate: omg they protected each other N1. omg they keep defending each other omg I love them

Leonard:

Leonard: Can’t make up a role if you can’t read the wiki.

Leonard's too mean make him stoppppppp

The Child

HOLY SHIT EVERYTHING THE CHILD DID HAD ME HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER


And of course, huge props to Absol for hosting this game in the first place ;)

 

[Sinderella]

Bruh this fucking exchange. I was reading this to get a good handle on how I would eventually write my own mafia textchat and I ended up laughing my absolute ass off (not that I expected anything less but holy fuck was I SCREAMING). I have so much to unpack here and I am honestly quite mald that you really left my ass on a cliffhanger and ACKNOWLEDGED THAT YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT. Hate you. Despise you.

Okay so first of all, the child is a fucking GREMLIN, and that's what was sending me into orbit this whole damn fic. The spamming of KILL MEWTWO eventually segueing into KILL LEONARD KERRIGAN and eventually KILL NATHANIEL MORGAN as Absol has to calmly explain "my guy you can only kill on even number nights" but the child just DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK LOL. I read every one of Absol's responses to the child as just a flat, deadpan tone as they're already so over the child being a fucking freak, oh my god. Still in orbit.

And TITAN LOLOLOLOL. "Wdym we have to kill people can we not???" I thought that wasn't funny enough until they got copped by leonard and Rats had to push them to defend themselves...just for Titan to say "uwu guys I'm mafia" like WHEN I SAY I ROARED, MY GODS.

This was a masterpiece, 100 stars on yelp.