Reverse World ~ Rockfall Cavern

[Chibi Pika]

"Get on with the team? Are you kiddin'?" Brisa laughed again, a wild high edge to it this time. "Did I not mention that Curio called me half the things Jesse used to? She doesn't want me. She knows what I am. And it's not just her. I fucked things up with you soon as meet you, over fuckin' nothin', for a roselia who I'm pretty sure I've spooked off by now anyway. I've been avoiding Astrid ever since I fought you because I'm too ashamed to look her in the face. And I'm pretty sure I make half the rest of 'em some kind of uncomfortable."

Starr stared incredulously for a bit. "Yeah, uh... pretty sure you're just looking for reasons to assume they're thinking the worst of you. I've seen how much they all look up to you." But then she paused and glanced away, rubbing the back of her head. "As for Curio... yeah, that's rough."

That thing Curio had said back at the cafe... ('You don't just go through that and be all pixie sticks and rainbows with the cause of it afterwards.') Starr's heart gave a painful lurch. It just... didn't seem fair that she'd been forgiven for what she did, if the same damn thing but an accident couldn't be?

"Curio, she's... she's going through a rough time, but..." ('I wanna forgive her for what happened since both of us were at fault, but, y'know--I never wanna be in that state again.') "I think she's just... gotta sort some things out for herself first. That's all."

"Wait, what did you mean? Why would they all hate you?

Starr gave a dismissive shrug. "Just figured you didn't have any reason not to tell everyone I was a piece of shit after what happened on the bluff." She still wasn't entirely sure why Brisa hadn't. Maybe she was just too used to fights turning into rumors and backtalking and grudge matches. Start shit with one person, find all their squadmates on your ass the next day, that sort of thing.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa took a second to cool her head. If she learned one thing from this, it would be to think through anything Starr said before pouncing at her.

"I don't get that," she said, when she'd recovered herself. "I don't see why I'd go tellin' everybody somethin' like that. The Bluff... that was between you and me. It'd be none of their business. And... well, I was wrong then, anyway. I wasn't fair to ya. I didn’t know what was goin’ on with Turf any better’n you did, and… and it turned out you were right about Diyem’s directions. Not me. I’m sorry it took me this long to admit it."

She chuckled. "I'm guessin' you didn't go round tellin' everyone I was a self-righteous hard-ass. You'd have had a point, so thank you for that."

Brisa looked Starr in the eye. "And thank you for helpin' Curio, and for tryin' to make me feel like it's gonna be okay. I don't know, maybe she really will forgive me. Maybe I can make it up to her. It sure feels a lot more plausible now I know you've been forgiven for somethin' much the same."

 

[Chibi Pika]

"I don't get that," she said, when she'd recovered herself. "I don't see why I'd go tellin' everybody somethin' like that. The Bluff... that was between you and me. It'd be none of their business. And... well, I was wrong then, anyway. I wasn't fair to ya. I didn’t know what was goin’ on with Turf any better’n you did, and… and it turned out you were right about Diyem’s directions. Not me. I’m sorry it took me this long to admit it."

Starr blinked. She still didn't really know how to react to Brisa apologizing for things like that. It was weird. What had happened to the both of them. It still didn't feel real. She was going to wake up and they'd still be trapped, but things would be just like they'd been before, because what reason did she have to think things might change?

Brisa looked Starr in the eye. "And thank you for helpin' Curio, and for tryin' to make me feel like it's gonna be okay. I don't know, maybe she really will forgive me. Maybe I can make it up to her. It sure feels a lot more plausible now I know you've been forgiven for somethin' much the same."

Starr swallowed hard and looked away. "Yeah..." She'd been forgiven. She shouldn't have been. But she had been. "I'll never really understand what the hell Jade was thinking." Deciding to suffer through all that pain, with a constant reminder of it by her side. "I guess... for some reason... she still wanted to be with me. She's a bit of an oversentimental idiot like that," Starr added, with an obvious tone of fondness. After a pause, she added. "...Maybe I am too, I don't know."

Starr glanced back at Brisa. Unexpectedly, she let out a chuckle. "Gotta admit... I don't think I ever expected I could tell someone about... that... and have them come out of it hating me less."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa grinned. It was a profoundly unfamiliar facial movement, but... it felt good. Great, even.

"You're serious? I mean, I know why you're sayin' that, but still. You give a shit about people, you're capable of change, you have a friend who believes in your better nature even after seein' you at your worst. That's all I need to hear. And hey... call me a bleedin' heart, but I could never hate someone for somethin' they regret."

Something occurred to Brisa, and she grinned again, knowingly.

"How do you feel about Diyem, Starr?"

 

[Chibi Pika]

"You're serious? I mean, I know why you're sayin' that, but still. You give a shit about people, you're capable of change, you have a friend who believes in your better nature even after seein' you at your worst. That's all I need to hear. And hey... call me a bleedin' heart, but I could never hate someone for somethin' they regret."

Starr glanced away awkwardly, ears flicking to the side. She still didn't know how to feel about being told things like that from her. Still, that last bit... 'I could never hate someone for somethin' they regret.' She couldn't stop it from echoing in her head.

"How do you feel about Diyem, Starr?"

Starr raised an eyebrow at the change in topic but then shrugged. "Kind of a dick, but he's far from the worst CO I've ever had. I get the feeling that for as much as I trash talk him, I don't think half as bad of him as the rest of the team." Trash talking your CO was just what you do.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa frowned for a moment. Starr kept looking away and shutting up whenever she tried being reassuring or gentle in some way. Was it... unwelcome? Something to think about.

"Yeah, I've felt a similar kind of way," she said. "I made a decision to trust him when I came here, shady as he is, but it doesn't mean I won't criticise him. Anyway, the thing is... Before I came by the dojo to apologise to you..."

She paused, unsure whether to mention the two days it had taken to psyche herself up to do that.

"Not immediately before, but still... I had a conversation with him. I went to the woods alone to challenge him about... about how he didn't want to speak with the local Voice of Life to help me find Jesse. And how Radiance messed me up so bad. And why he even chose me for this mission in the first place, considerin' how badly I've fouled up so far."

She swallowed, cleared her throat. Here went nothing.

"The answer to basically all of that was his identity, who Diyem really is, is Dark Matter. Not the one from this world, but one who's trying to make amends for what he did to his own world."

She grinned nervously, not sure how Starr would take this.

"Like I said. I can't hate people for somethin' they regret. Of course I won't hate you."

 

[Chibi Pika]

"The answer to basically all of that was his identity, who Diyem really is, is Dark Matter. Not the one from this world, but one who's trying to make amends for what he did to his own world."

Starr tilted her head, processing it for a while. "...Huh. I mean, I'd figured he was a Legendary or something with the kind of power he's got, but I guess some kinda eldritch god isn't that far off." She honestly wasn't sure if this made her trust him less, or more. After all, why the hell would he come clean over something that would just instantly make half the team hate him out of nowhere?

"Guessing the others prob'ly won't take that as well, huh. Since a lot of them, uh, actually had to deal with that Dark Matter shit back home. Doesn't really mean much to me."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa nodded. Starr surely wasn't wrong. "He seemed kinda... frustrated, that I took it so well."

Kind of like you, Starr...

"He said he was workin' towards comin' clean to everyone, startin' with the most receptive. Seemed fair. He explained himself well enough for me to continue trustin' him. It wasn't even too arduous a conversation, which is damn surprisin', what with him always usin' telepathy to talk. Fuckin' hate telepathy. Gettin' in my head, interferin' with my goddamn thoughts, fuckin'-"

She gasped, realising that she'd stopped breathing at the thought of telepathy. Of mind-reading.

"Sorry. It's gettin' tough in here."

Cold, scared, and hungry. It was hard, sure. But she'd been cold, scared and hungry before.

Brisa reached for her bag and delved inside it for a minute. She produced a small bag of jerky. Nothing substantial, but instantly mouth-watering after however long they'd been stuck down there.

"Take what you need," she said, with her usual terseness, as she passed the bag to Starr.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr's jaw dropped. "Holy crap, how did you not already finish that off while I was still out?" she said, practically tripping over herself as she scrambled to open the bag before shoving what was probably way too many strips of jerky into her mouth. She coughed hard, eyes watering slightly, and tried to tear it into small enough chunks to force it down. It was dry and practically flavorless but she didn't give a damn. God, how long had they been in here that something as small as this felt like a godsend?

Starr swallowed hard and finally managed to give a low, "Thanks."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa shrugged. "Hey, you're welcome. Don't be so surprised—I've been hungry for longer than this before today. That's all I've got, though."

Unless you fancy gettin' by on my corpse, she didn't say. Starr didn't like morbid comments like that.

She pulled some strips out for herself, and took her time with them. Her fur brightened up again, but she still felt cold, and uncertain, and tired. She tried not to shiver. It would only give Starr something else to worry about. She shivered anyway.

"I can't be sure how long I was unconscious, and it's hard to tell, but just from how goddamn tired and hungry I am, I figure we've been down here at least a full day and night," she said. "Maybe longer. I reckon at this point, we ought to start thinkin' about the best way for us to go, unless you got any more ideas about breakin' out of here. After a nap, of course."

 

[Chibi Pika]

I reckon at this point, we ought to start thinkin' about the best way for us to go, unless you got any more ideas about breakin' out of here.

Right. Back to figuring out that mess. Starr had conveniently shoved that creeping bit of dread into the corner, and it had been easier to keep it there so long as one of them was still talking. Banging her head against more futile attempts to break out of this godawful hell pit didn't exactly sound appealing, but. Maybe once she'd had the chance to recover some energy...

"I'll take another stab at it after some sleep," she muttered, settling down and pulling her legs under her body. She was just about to shut her eyes when she noticed that Brisa was still shivering.

Starr raised an eyebrow. "What the hell, are you seriously that cold?"

Brisa stiffened for a moment, then gave a small nod. "What if I am?"

Starr rolled her eyes. "This more of your pity-partying garbage? I'm a fire-type, let me keep your dumb ass from freezing to death." She focused her energy for a bit, just enough to let small embers flare up across her back, sending a wave of warmth radiating outward.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa fought down the impulse to defend herself. 'Self-pitying garbage'. Like she hadn't tried asking for help from others in the past and been turned down? Like Starr had given such a strong impression that she'd be willing to help? But then again, Starr pulled through for teammates, grudge or no grudge. This was just how she thought. It wasn't malice.

Brisa swallowed hard. "Alright. Sounds good."

She gingerly got up and moved the rest of the distance towards Starr. It surprised her how little there was left; she hadn't noticed she'd been drawing so close up til then. She carefully lay back down beside Starr, already feeling the shaking cease as the heat from the litten's body seeped into her. Gods. Wind and weather, that was so much better.

"Thank you," she said, barely above her breath.

Sleep. They would sleep, rest, and try something useful in the morning. That... that was a plan. She could do that.

Brisa looked to her side at the litten. Up close there was something different about the ever-present tension in her expression... particularly during moments of silence.

"This wind sure isn't great nighttime listenin'," she said, carefully. "Ya wanna listen to me yarn about old missions while you drift off?"

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr squinted at Brisa edging closer. She thought about commenting but ultimately didn’t care enough to.

"This wind sure isn't great nighttime listenin'," she said, carefully. "Ya wanna listen to me yarn about old missions while you drift off?"

Starr shrugged. “If you want.” Better Brisa’s missions than hers.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa smiled ruefully to herself. She was going to have to get used to a certain abrasiveness from Starr, if they were going to be... on speaking terms, she supposed. Or even friends, maybe? Did you become friends if you lived through something like this together? She didn't know, and she wasn't about to ask.

What was the point, if they might not even live through this?

"Sure thing," she said. "I got a good one. This was back in my first year as a ranger, and I hadn't hardly cut my teeth on the job. I was sixteen, and looked it, but I'd evolved by then and gotten cocky. I saw in the Frontier Gazette that outlaws had moved into the old quarry and were usin' the mystery dungeon there to hide their gains. I reckoned I could take them alone, but what I'd not considered was that damn-near the entire gang were ground types..."

The story involved Brisa getting thrashed senseless and thrown in an underground cell, before she'd escaped with the help of a fellow ranger imprisoned with her. It wasn't a perfect analogy for their situation now. There had been food, and an outside world, and that ranger and Brisa had never tried to kill each other. Still, it seemed like a hopeful memory to cling to. At some point, Starr fell asleep, and Brisa finished telling it to herself, to fill the silence.

Eventually she, too, fell asleep and drifted in and out of shallow dreams. She stirred before Starr did, and spent the rest of the night at a safe distance, warm enough to rest, if not to feel at ease.

There was no sign of morning in this dim place.

The wind howled.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Morning came. Well, if it could be called morning. Time didn't exist. At least a bit of food and sleep had restored their energy somewhat. Enough to make another round of attempts at escape.

...She should have known how that would end. Nothing has changed since the last time they'd tried. The walls were still impenetrable. The only pinprick of an opening still far too high to reach. They'd managed to make it a little bit further by combining their efforts, but it wasn't enough. They'd burned through all their energy. Several more hours had passed. How days had they been here by now? How many more days would they be here until...

Starr clenched her teeth, willing herself not to think about that. The thought kept coming back though, stronger than it had been before. She'd resumed the restless pacing.

"We're not gonna be stuck down here forever," Starr said out loud, mostly to herself, although it helped that there was someone to hear it. "Even if we die down here"--her chest tightened at those words--"we'll just wind up back with Diyem. It won't be the end."

It wouldn't be the end. It wouldn't be the end. They'd just wind up back with Diyem. She'd still get to see everyone again. Jade, Ajia, her team--she'd see them again. Dying here wasn't the end.

...But then why the hell couldn't she stop shaking? This wasn't even her own body. It was fake--created solely for the mission. Why the hell should she care what happened to it?

Sure felt real, though. And it'd keep on feeling real for the next... however long it took for them to...

Fuck. That was really how this was going to go, wasn't it? Spending the next few weeks wasting away in fucking agony was the price to pay for escape. Maybe she deserved it. She'd scoffed at Brisa saying that about herself, but that was hours and hours ago, and now it was starting to feel more like reality.

You caused so much suffering, and now you can't even endure it yourself.

...It didn't feel right that anyone else should have to endure that punishment with her, though.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa made a non-committal noise in her throat. "Yeah," she said. "I'm sure that's right."

She wasn't much good at lying.

The fact was, she'd accepted when she took this mission that Diyem might be lying or mistaken. Maybe wherever they were was beyond his reach. That was okay with her. She had fuck-all to go back to, if she died here and returned to her original body.

It was the pain of going slowly, of course, that was looming over them. She could see it written in Starr's stiff body and lowered tail.

Only one of them needed to suffer, strictly speaking.

"Starr," said Brisa, a slight hoarseness in her voice. "I can save you the trouble of waitin' this one out. If you want. Just tell me... how you'd rather go."

Her chest felt hollow. Her mouth, dry. She did not relish the thought of wasting away next to her... her companion's body. But it was better than wasting away together, surely?

 

[Chibi Pika]

Starr almost tripped. She caught herself and jumped back, fur bristled and ears pinned. "What the fuck. No. We're not doing that. Fuck." She kept up her pacing, with increased intensity.

Brisa had been able to tell. She'd known that Starr was dreading the slow, inevitable agony that awaited them, and it was infuriating.

So afraid to suffer and yet so willing to make others suffer.

It was tempting. It was an out, right there in front of her, and God was it tempting. She hated it. There was just those small doubts in the back of her head (what if she didn't get sent back to Diyem? what if it was really was the end? what if she never saw them again?) that kept her from even considering it.

She turned around and snarled, "Besides, who'd be around to kill you to stop you from suffering by yourself for two weeks. Idiot."

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa looked Starr plainly in the face, her own expression drawn by fatigue of every variety. She didn't have the energy to think through the human's psychology right now.

"I'm not stupid, Starr. Neither are you. Nobody would be around to kill me. I would be alone, and die slowly. I know this. It's okay. I can do that. I've been doing it for four years."

She took a breath that hardly seemed worth it.

"I'll be here with you if you'd rather live through it with me. But you don't owe me that. And I can do it."

She could do it. She was sure.

"It would be quick. I would not feel ashamed, after."

That, she was less sure of.

 

[Chibi Pika]

"I'm not stupid, Starr. Neither are you. Nobody would be around to kill me. I would be alone, and die slowly. I know this. It's okay. I can do that. I've been doing it for four years."

Starr turned around with an exaggerated sound of disgust. "Go ahead, make it sound like you're eager to die why don't you," she said with a huff. Part of her felt like that was crossing a line, but she didn't care.

"It would be quick. I would not feel ashamed, after."

Starr glowered at her, unable to believe her ears. "And you think I would be?" she said with a dry laugh.

Does she have any idea how many people you've--

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Brisa kept her gaze level. She saw fear, mostly, when she looked in Starr's eyes now. What did Starr see in hers?

Was there anything to see?

"Yes," she said, softly. "I do."