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Pokémon Pokemon Sword: Reflections of Twilight Wings; Dusk and Dawn

Alira

Galarian adventurer!
Location
Galar, Slumbering Weald
Pronouns
She/her
Protagonists:
Alira Shinka(OC)


Oneshots/other stories set in the [Reflections, songs, skies, and echos] shared universe:
Pokemon Sword: Reflections of the past(oneshot)
Pokemon Sword: Reflections From The Past To The Future(Post-main story multichapter)
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Alira huffed and puffed as she ran down the streets of wedgehurst, shouting. “Wooloo! C’mon buddy where are you?!”

She was currently looking for her best friend Hop’s wooloo who had run off while he was watching one of his brother’s matches, resulting in her getting a call from a distressed Hop and her running out of her house without a second thought to help him find the pokemon.

Her long and thick braid thumped against her back as she ran, pulling on her head rather painfully with each hit against her back, but she ignored it as she skid around a corner.

Her eyes scanned the streets frantically, looking around with haste until she felt her phone buzz in her jacket pocket, and she skid to a stop as she pulled it out of her pocket and answered it as soon as she saw the caller ID.

“Hop! Did you find him?” She wasted no time in asking, and about fell to her knees when she heard a baa from the other end of the line.

“Yeah! He was being taken back home by a taxi ‘cause someone found him and read his tag I think. Silly thing jumped out of the taxi as well, but I caught him!” Hop responded and she could hear the distinct sound of flapping wings muffled by an enclosed space. “The rider offered me and Wooloo a ride home, so he’s taking us back to Postwick, if you want I can ask him to pick you up as well?”

“Hmmm….” Alira tilted her head up to look at the skies, the sun was setting and she knew pokemon came out more at night, and she still had to get back to Postwick via the route which she had rushed through while looking for Wooloo. Although... She winced. “Nah, I’m good Hops, you mind if I stay over tonight? I want to go over some of the books on traveling that you’ve got before Leon gets here in a week, plus I want to check on Wooloo.” She didn’t want to go home.

“Not at all! Though didn’t you say you were in Wedgehurst? You don’t have a partner mate, the wild pokemon could attack and hurt you.” He sounded concerned and a faint smile pulled at her face.

“Hop, I made it to Wedgehurst on foot earlier and nothing attacked me, as long as I don’t step on anyone’s foot or tail I should be fine.” She assured him, shifting her bag on her back a bit, thank god she kept most of her outfits in her bag as of recent months. “I’ll be at your house as fast as a wink, don’t you worry.” She felt the not so genuine grin pull at her features.

“If you say so, just gimme a call if you need me though!” She could hear the worry in his voice and this time smiled genuinely.

“I promise. See you in a bit Hop!” She waited for him to reply before ending the call and letting the smile that was on her face drop.

She quickly muted her phone as soon as she saw yet another out of the at least sixty texts from the same person light the screen up and stuck it back in the pocket before turning on her heel and beginning to walk back the way she came.

She zipped up her white hoodie and, after irritatingly having to sling her long braid over the front of her shoulder, flipped her hood up and stuck her hands in her pockets.

The last thing she wanted was to stick out more than she already did with her height and nearly knee-length hair.

The thought of why her hair was so long sent a flash of pure, unfiltered hate through her system and she counted herself lucky her hood hid her face as she scowled darkly, feet picking up speed until she was running as her hands slipped out of her pockets with the increase in speed.

Her thoughts were now an abstract and irritated flurry of vague words, images and feelings as she purely focused on the ground in front of her and the feeling of her feet pounding and not visualizing her thoughts, what was happening in her thoughts nothing but background static and somehow separate from herself as she would call it when her mind got like this.

She soon found herself on the road of route one and slowed her pace as she began to pay attention to her surroundings. Had to keep an eye out for wild pokemon after all.

She hummed to herself, flicking her braid back over her shoulder as she lowered her jacket’s hood. She wasn’t humming anything specific, just a random tune to keep her occupied as she walked and kept her wits about her.

However, as she was walking, she started hearing a pokemon crying out off the path, and she paused, looking in the direction of the cry. It sounded like it was in danger, but it was off the path…

She shook her head, making a decision and bolting off the path in the direction of the pokemon’s cry. Safety for her be damned, a pokemon was in danger and she needed to help it!

She rushed through the tall grass with reckless abandon, she could hear the cries more clearly and identified them roughly as belonging to a young wooloo which caused her to pick up the pace.

She burst out of the tall grass to see a wooloo cornered against a tree by a pack of Nickit, the poor sheep pokemon looked absolutely terrified out of it’s mind as the foxes snapped and nipped at it.

It already looked like it was injured and battered and the fact the nickit were still seeming to mess with it made Alira’s blood boil.

“HEY! Buzz off!” She shouted, darting forward and outright kicking two of the nickit away before scooping the wooloo up in her arms.

She kicked away another nickit trying to bite at her heels before bolting towards the direction of Postwick as fast as she could with the wooloo clutched tightly to her chest. She had to get to Hop’s house, he could likely help it and heal it she just had to get to his house…!

She ran as fast as she ever did, dashing and zigzagging through the grass and bushes and around trees, even through the thorny bushes and low hanging branches, running up a large slanted rock at one point and jumping off to escape the pack of nickits.

She twisted to where she’d hit the ground first in a roll to protect the pokemon she was carrying, and she rolled down the hill side over side, the wooloo safe in her arms even with the wild and harsh rolling.

Eventually, she was rolling slow enough to where she was able to spring up and despite the aches and surely many bruises from running and smacking into a lot as well as the nickits attacking her as she bolted she still got to her feet and ran, noting she was actually now in the pastures that Hop and Leon’s mother had their flock of wooloo in, and booked it to the house she could see.

She hopped the fence when she got close to the house, biting back a cry as her foot caught the fence and she fell in a heap on the ground, managing to make sure her right shoulder and elbow took the brunt of the fall. The impact sent a jolt of pain up her arm and into her shoulder, but she gritted her teeth and stood back up regardless.

The wooloo in her arms let out a concerned baa, but she shook her head and ran over to the front of Hop’s house and to the door. She shifted the wooloo into her good arm and pounded on the door with her right fist frantically, biting back noises of pain at the shocks of pain running up her arm with each hit.

The person to open the door was Hop’s mom Cahira, who was quick to yelp with alarm and concern at the state the young girl was in. She wasn’t aware of how she looked, but she looked like someone dragged her through several feet of underbrush, leaves and sticks sticking out of her hair, a cut on her cheek that was bleeding slightly and one cut just below her left eye also bleeding, and just being ragged looking.

“This wooloo’s hurt really bad, some nickits were attacking it, I got here with it as fast I could!” She huffed out, gasping for air. Her lungs were on fire and it felt like every nerve in her body was still poised to run at a moment’s notice.

“It’s not the only one, Alira! Gods you’re both messes, get in here!” Cahira was quick to usher the still adrenaline fueled girl and injured wooloo inside.

She was quickly moved into the living room and sat down on the couch where she still held onto the wooloo, protesting when she saw Cahira getting things to help her first. “Help this poor little one first, I can wait!”

“Hey, mum, is Alli here yet?” She heard Hop’s voice from the stairs and looked over to see him coming down the stairs, looking into the kitchen before turning around to look into the room and spotting Alira.

His eyes widened and he shouted. “Alira!” He ran over, checking her over with great worry as soon as he got close. “Bloody hell, this is why I asked if you wanted a lift back ‘ere! You’re all scruffed up!”

“This wasn’t caused by something attacking me, if your mom will take this wooloo and help it I can explain.” Alira deadpanned, scrunching her nose as her glasses slipped down her nose and Hop’s hand quickly moved up to push them back up so they didn’t slip off. At that point Hop looked down at the small wooloo she held, quickly spotting the injuries it had.

“I’ll take care of Alli mum, you take care of this little fella please?” Hop asked, looking between her and his mother.

Cahira furrowed her brows, looking between the seventeen-year-old girl (soon to be eighteen in a week the older woman realized) and eighteen-year-old boy, before sighing and nodding. Alira finally let go of the wooloo to give it to her while Hop grabbed the cotton balls and alcohol, as well as a cloth and bowl which he quickly filled with bottled water from his backpack.

“Now, what happened Alira?” He asked as he began cleaning the dirt off her face with the cloth he dabbed with water.

“I was walking back to town, nothing was bugging me so I was fine, then I heard that wooloo crying in the distance.” She did her best to not scrunch her nose and face up as he cleaned her face, once he was done with that he placed the cloth aside and got some alcohol on a cotton ball before beginning to clean the two cuts she had.

She inhaled sharply when he began cleaning the one on her right cheek before letting out the most deadpan and dull sounding. “Ow.” Hop had ever heard in his life.

“Go on.” Hop’s gaze was narrowed as he made sure to clean the cut so it didn’t get infected.

“I went fuck it and ran towards the sound, and the poor wooloo was surrounded by a pack of Nickits, it looked like they had been attacking the poor thing for a while.” She closed her right eye and she winced as he carefully got some dirt out of the cut. “Son of a-grhngh, I didn’t hesitate to rush over, literally kick two of the nickit pack out of the way before picking the wooloo up and booking it. I ran through a lot of bushes and underbrush to get away from them and I guess I got mucked up?”

“Mucked up is the right proper term, you’ve got leaves and twigs in your hair, mate.” He muttered, peering down at her jeans briefly before returning his gaze back to her cuts and starting to clean the other one below her left eye. “Looks like they went for your ankles Alli, your jeans at the bottom are ripped to heck.”

“Oh that’s just lovely-fucking hell!” She couldn’t help the flinch and yelp she let out when he began cleaning the cut. “Damn that one hurts like hell, took everything to not wack at you. You’re lucky I like you.” She muttered with no hidden amount of fondness despite her words.

He grinned and replied to his childhood friend with. “I shall take that as a compliment.”

Once he was done cleaning the cuts, he put some antibiotic on them before carefully applying bandaids to the cuts before they could start bleeding again.

That was both really brave and courageous to do you know.” He said quietly once he was done.

She merely offered him a tired grin and a quiet. “I do my best.”

“Hey, looks like someone wants to thank you now that he’s all fixed up.” Cahira quipped, leaning back on her legs as the wooloo baaed and trotted over to the couch where Alira was.

“Hey, good to see you’re a-okay.” She smiled and leaned down, petting the wooloo as Hop sat next to her. The wooloo quickly hopped up onto her lap and settled down with a content murmur.

“Looks like he’s taken a shine to you Alli.” Hop grinned at how comfortable the wooloo was around her already and began to pick the leaves and twigs out of her hair while she was petting the wooloo. “To me it seems like he seems like he wants to stay with you.”

The sheep pokemon snuggled down further into her lap as if proving Hop’s point and she giggled. “Well, until I become a trainer in a week you’ll probably need to stay here, but after that, sure.” The wooloo baaed happily and snuggled into her stomach, making Hop laugh and her giggle once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Alira hung back from the crowd when her and Hop went to get Leon, thankfully being nearly as tall as Leon made it easy to peer over the crowd to see him and his Charizard and she waited while the two brothers greeted each other with grins and a hug that lifted Hop right off the ground.

“Hey Alira!” Leon said once he saw her hanging back, and didn’t hesitate to go over and hug her too, which made her giggle.

“Heyo Leon.” She returned the greeting as he let go of her to quickly say goodbye to his fans, tugging on her braid out of habit as the three began to walk back to Postwick with Charizard and Hop’s Wooloo following. “You been okay?”

“Yep, and you I presume?” He squinted at her, studying her which made her snort into her jacket’s sleeve.

No matter how hard you look, you won't see what I'm scheming.” She quipped, making Hop laugh into his elbow at her sudden and random quip. “But I am fine. Been staying with Hop for about a week but otherwise, I’m peachy.” She shrugged.

“Really? Problems at home?” He asked, concerned and she looked away.

“Ask Cahira, I was asleep.” She said simply, Hop tugging on Leon’s cape and they quietly conversed while Alira let her mind wander.

She couldn’t wait until they got back to Hop’s house, she was eager to see if Leon did bring pokemon with him to give to her and Hop. She really wanted to become a trainer so she could leave town, and she could do that once she got a pokemon of her own from a professor (which she was sure he probably did) and got her normal ID upgraded to a trainer ID.

She felt her palms itch in a manner too familiar to her and she started scratching at her right palm with her left nails absentmindedly. She wanted to get out there, explore this region, she was sick of being cooped up in small towns like Alamos and Postwick and needed to be let loose.

She about jumped out of her skin when Leon suddenly snatched her wrists, pulling her right hand away from her left and she looked at him in alarm, seeing Hop was peering around his shoulder in concern.

“Don’t scratch a cut in your hand Alira.” Leon looked concerned as well, using one finger as he let go of her left hand to point at the very red line in her right palm she had scratched while lost in her thoughts.

“Was I?” She furrowed her brows, looking between him and her palm. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Here.” Leon laced his fingers with hers, and Hop moved to her left side and did the same with her right hand, making her laugh.

“You two are way too protective, but thank you.” She grinned at the two and Hop, after grinning at her, was quick to pull the two along into a run, Wooloo and Charizard following the trio.

At their pace, they made it through the route without much issue and were soon in Postwick, Hop pulling his brother and best friend down the paths and soon they went through the gate to his house and into the garden next to the garage.

As soon as they were next to the pitch in the garden, Hop let go of Alira and spun to face Leon while exclaiming. “Come on, Lee! You promised us a present! So out with it!”

Alira covered her mouth with the end of her sleeve to hide her chuckle at Hop’s enthusiasm and impatience, Leon taking it in stride as he let go of her hand and Hop continued. “You brought Alli and I Pokémon. You did, didn’t you? I know you must have!”

She tilted her head as she turned to look at Leon, the man chuckling as he moved to stand in front of the duo, grinning at Alira. “Well, since I missed your birthday yesterday and Hop’s earlier this month, consider this a late sort of birthday present. It’s showtime everyone!” He took three pokeballs off his belt she hadn’t seen before while walking before throwing them out towards the pitch as he exclaimed. “Take a good look, you two!”

The pokeballs bounced once off the ground before out popped the pokemon inside, none of which Alira could immediately recognize from a glance. A grassy monkey, a red and white bunny and a blue pokemon that slightly reminded her of Froakie from the Kalos region.

The three immediately split off to explore the new area they were in as Leon began introducing them in turn, pointing at each one as he did so. “That’s the grass-type Pokémon, Grookey! He’s rather soothing to be around and he’s as gentle as a Munna.” Grookey climbed up into the tree by the pond and began messing with a berry that was up there, waving for a moment when Leon called out his name.

“The water-type Pokémon, Sobble! He’s a bit timid but he can adapt to anything like water.” The blue pokemon dived into the pond with a splash, peeking out from under the water at the trio after a moment.

“Then finally, Scorbunny the fire type pokemon! She’s a bit of a risk-taker but she’s brimming with a fiery passion unmatched by most!” The bunny was prancing about the pitch happily, pale purple eyes alight with glee, fire lighting wherever she stepped and did a little hop with a wave when her name was called out.

As Scorbunny began to hop in place on the pitch, Sobble squirted out a spurt of water, which hit the fire bunny right on the back of her head. The bunny yelped, slamming her feet on the ground and beginning to hop around in large jumps around the area.

“Oh dear.” Alira furrowed her brows as she spoke, watching Sorbunny as she leaped so high she slammed her head up against the branch Grookey was on, knocking the berry from the branch while Grookey was largely unphased.

As Scorbunny landed and held her head in pain from slamming her head against that branch, the berry landed in the pond, frightening Sobble. He jumped out of the pond in fright before beginning to cry, Grookey hopping down and beginning to comfort him. Scorbunny managed to calm down to hop over and help as well, patting Sobble on the head gently.

“All right! Line up, everyone!” Leon’s voice rang out, startling Alira from her laser focus on the three pokemon. She blinked as the three pokemon lined up in the middle of the pitch, the realization that he brought these pokemon for her and Hop hitting her like a rhyhorn. She felt an absolutely overjoyed grin pull at her features as Leon asked. “Which one will you choose?”

She turned to Hop, trying to see which he was looking at, she wanted him to pick first. His birthday did come before hers after all, and it was from his brother, he should pick first.

Which is why what he said when he saw her looking at him surprised her enough to where she gaped at him.

He looked at her and grinned. “Go on, you pick first. I’ve already got my Wooloo, after all.”

She blinked at him, mouth agape for a few moments before nodding and briefly pulling him into a tight hug, which made him laugh but he returned it all the same. She then bounced on her heels as she pulled back out of the hug before walking over to the three pokemon.

She knelt down, taking a good look at each of the three, trying to decide. She had a feeling she’d get along with Sobble well, being timid most of the time herself, though his cry-baby nature might be too much for her to deal with. Grookey she wasn’t too sure, she saw him comfort Sobble and calm him down, but he seemed pretty playful as well and she might not have the energy to keep up with him.

As for Scorbunny… Her gaze drifted before settling on the fire bunny, who was looking at her with curiosity. Leon said she was a risk-taker, rash as she would be classified by breeders, but she doubted it was without reason, while high energy she got the feeling the pokemon knew how to keep it in check, judging by how she was patiently waiting for Alira’s decision and not hopping around, and she also comforted Sobble as well.

After a moment, Alira nodded to herself and held her hand out to Scorbunny. “Would you like to come with me? And... can I call you Nova?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Alira’s eyes darted around, taking in the new place of the wild area as her three pokemon, Nova, Widgyt the yamper, and Silver the wooloo followed at her heels. She trailed after Hop, after Sonia had made sure that they would stick together as it was the only reason they were let out into the wild area to begin with after dark. Though they also promised to each other that if they got separated to make a break for Motostoke and wait for the other.

Her braid scratched at the back of her neck, making her huff quietly to herself as her hand came up and harshly YANKED on it. She hated it, she was done with it being so long, she wanted it gone.

Her mind suddenly reminded her of the wooloo sheers Hop had given her once she captured Silver after capturing Widgyt, and she eyed the boy in question in front of her as they walked.

She wasn’t sure how to begin even explaining why she hated her hair length, it had always been long and she was forced into silence from protesting where Hop or anyone could hear, so she often just shut her feelings up in her head.

But this was different. She was no longer in any capacity near her mother, and her mother couldn’t stop her from doing anything. If only she wasn’t so afraid of how Hop would react to this side of her. He never knew how much she hated the controlling nature of her mother, she was always too afraid she’d stop her from seeing him if she told him.

She caught sight of a very big and strong-looking Onix through the trees, and she got a, admittedly very STUPID idea, but it would give her enough time to do what she knew she wanted-no, needed to do.

She picked Nova up in her arms, whispering. “Hey, how about we take on that onix so I can get away from Hop for a bit to do something? Just pretend I didn’t suggest this if anything happens.”

Nova peered up at her trainer questioningly before grinning and letting out a cheerful (and very eager Alira noted with amusement) yell before wiggling out of her arms and running right for the Onix.

“Ah shit-!” Alira yelped before running after Nova, hearing her other two pokemon rush to follow as Hop yelled out in surprise after them.

Okay, she did NOT expect Nova to just bolt off at the pokemon, but she did practically ask for it. Now to just really hope she wasn’t going to get herself or her pokemon killed.

Nova did not waste ANY time and was quick to land an attack on the Onix, no going back now, and she jumped over it’s tail when it swung at her.

“Fuck-Widgyt use dig!” Alira shouted out, Widgyt disappearing into the ground. “Uhhh Silver hyper beam!”

The wooloo did as she commanded, the energy quickly building up and being shot at the onix, hitting it square in the middle of its body.

It hardly seemed to phase it as it’s tail lashed out, hitting Nova and sending the small pokemon flying and Silver barely managed to skitter out of the way of it due to needing to recover his energy from the hyper beam. At that point Alira felt fear prick at her skin as she ran to Nova, she needed to find an exit, she had to get her and her pokemon out of here-

“Wooloo use tackle!” Oh SHIT HOP-

His Wooloo came rolling in and rammed into the Onix as Widgyt burst up out of the ground, that move seeming to do some damage as it reeled back and let out a roar. She saw Hop across the clearing as he ran in, looking really frightened but also as he looked at her, determined, he wasn’t going to let her fight it alone.

Shit shit shit- She had to get this thing away from Hop she didn’t want him to get hurt!

“Ember Nova!” Nova ran in and used ember as Alira ordered, only to get hit when the Onix lashed its tail and she was clipped by it sending her flying again and this time she seemed to have trouble getting up.

Alira at that point decided to cut her losses, she and Hop weren’t going to be able to beat this thing, and was quick to recall Nova and her other two pokemon into their pokeballs before picking up a large rock from the ground after she put their balls in her pocket.

“Hey! Idiot!” She threw the rock at the Onix's head which it connected with, doing exactly what she was planning on as it whipped around to look at her.

“Oh crap- HOP MEET ME AT MOTOSTOKE!” She shrieked before turning and bolting away, further into the forest as she heard the pokemon give chase and Hop shouting-well he sounded like he was screaming- after her.

Her bag was practically slamming against her back as she ran as fast as she could, dodging between trees and wild pokemon alike as she heard the Onix give chase.

Just when she heard the sounds of her finally losing it she was suddenly yanked back by her hair, making her yelp as she stopped. Looking back she saw it was stuck on a branch, and yanked on it frantically but it wouldn’t cut loose.

She looked between it and the rapidly approaching figure of the Onix hot on her trail, and quickly reached into her bag. Grabbing the wool shears she quickly cut herself free without hesitation, leaving what was left of half her braid a choppy looking mess hanging from her head as she booked it.

She cleared the edge of the treeline, now on the outskirts of a lake and she spotted the ruins of what looked to be a tower, which had an opening just big enough for her to slip inside and hide.

It was the best bet for her to survive this, so she ran for it. She dodged around the ghost pokemon and ducked into the shadows of the ruins, hiding under what was left under the stairs leading up to a second floor.

She crouched and hid, curling into the tightest ball she could and praying to the gods she would be safe if she just stayed still. She watched the hole she entered from where she sat, watching with her heart racing in her chest as the Onix stopped in front of it, seeming to look around for her.

She fought to keep her breathing quiet but she was shaking like mad, it was a long minute before the Onix seemed to lose interest in finding her and left.

As soon as she was certain it was gone, she let out a shaky breath, laughing slightly. It was manic in tone, but she just survived a bloody giant pokemon chasing her without a single injury aside from the red marks she got from branches hitting her and…

She grabbed what was left of her braid, pulling it forward to look at after she gave her rotom phone the all-clear to come out and use the flashlight. It now would barely reach the middle of her back and was already partially unraveled from her running.

Well, she should finish the job, however... The pokeballs in her pockets rumbled, and she scrambled to get them out, pulling them out just in time for the pokemon inside to burst out.

“Scor scor bunbunny!” Nova yelped at her trainer, all but latching onto her trainer’s knees in relief that she seemed okay. Silver baaed at her, relieved as Widgyt yipped in concern, pawing at the raggy braid hanging from her shoulder.

“I’m fine you guys. Though, I can’t go walking around with this hairstyle can I?” She smiled wryly at the pokemon. “Not like I wanted it this length anyway.”

She inhaled, closing her eyes and resting her head back against the old stone. She owed them an explanation, even if it was brief and all over the place due to still being frazzled from running. “I don’t think you three know this but, well, my mother isn’t the best. Controlling and a monster at times, she refused to let me even choose my hairstyle. Living with her, I can’t even say I truly lived anytime I was in that house, it’s why I stayed over at Hops so much. And now, that I’m truly free of her influence, I’m taking back what’s mine and I don’t care if she sees when the opening ceremony airs on tv.”

She raised the shears to her hair, breathed in, and began to snip away.

Sometime later, with the remains of her old hair buried in the ruins and her pokemon at her heels, she ran to the stairs leading into Motostoke, her hood up as she entered the city.

It was so late, she doubted the hair salon she looked up was open, but by some miracle she saw the lights on it in and prayed that it wouldn’t cost too much, she did have money on her but still.

She ran over to the shop, knocking politely just to be sure and the hairdressers let her in. After pulling her hood down and seeing the choppy mess her hair was, a hairdresser was quick to offer to fix her hair up.

“Now, what were you wanting if anything specific?” The hairdresser, Amy she said, asked as she sat Alira down in a chair with a magazine of hairstyles.

Alira flipped through it before finding one she liked and pointed to it. “This one.”

“That short?” Amy chuckled goodnaturedly, preparing her tools already. “Alright then. Just give me a bit and you’ll be good as new with a new style.”

Alira merely smiled and let her cut her hair, her pokemon waiting with her bag and watching.

Around twenty minutes later after she paid for the haircut, she waited at the bottom of the stairs leading into Motostoke, looking and waiting for Hop with her hood up to block out the sudden rain that began.

After a little while, she heard Widgyt bark and turned to see Hop, looking none the worse for wear aside from a few leaves in his hair as he made a break for the stairs with Wooloo at his heels, Rookidee flying above him and Grookey latched onto his right shoulder.

“Hop!” She waved wildly and he looked up to see her, and if it was possible he ran even faster, almost knocking into her as he reached her. “Woah hey there!”

“Alira you bloody daft fool! Are you alright?! That Onix didn’t hurt you did it?” He began checking her over, but Alira grabbed his arm and began dragging him up the stairs.

“No, and let's get out of the rain before we get soaked Hops!” She dragged him up the stairs to under the entrance to Mototstoke where not only were her other two pokemon, Nova and Silver, waiting for them, they’d have a break from being soaked as Hop realized her braid wasn’t peeking out from her hood for some reason.

Now undercover, Wooloo shook his wool out to try to dry off, Rookidee landing and ruffling his feathers wildly to get the water out, and Grookey began fussing with Hop’s hair, trying to get the water out of it.

That wasn’t what Hop was focused on though.

Because as soon as they were undercover, Alira sighed and pulled her hood down, revealing her new hair length which was very short and scruffy. A little bit shorter than his own and not sticking up.

“Woah, mate...” He trailed off, her blinking as she looked over at him and realizing what he was staring at her for.

“Do you like it?” She smiled a little shyly, instinctively reaching up and brushing back a nonexistent piece of hair behind her ear. She was genuinely curious if he did like it. “Does it fit me?”

“I-yeah Alli, it looks really good on you.” He grinned, scratching at his head and not quite registering the indignant yip that escaped Grookey when he messed with the hair Grookey was fiddling with. “It’s, gonna take gettin’ used to and I’m not sure why you cut it unless something happened with that Onix that made you, but I like it, it suits you.” He wasn’t sure if he should tell her that in his opinion she looked really cute with that hairstyle, but the happy light that lit up in her eyes showed she was overjoyed regardless.

“Thank you Hop, I’m really happy to hear that from you.” She beamed at him before looking forward. “Ready to make a dash for the pokemon center for the night?”

“You bet!” He grinned and the two laced their hands together, getting ready before on the count of three, the two teenagers and their six pokemon bolted through the rain towards the pokemon center, Alira so overjoyed she was feeling lighter than a feather.
 

Nubushi

しぶい
Pronouns
she/her
Partners
  1. slowpoke-hgss
  2. togekiss-nubushi
Hello, I'm here from the Review Blitz. I'm sort of partially fandom-blind to SWSH (I haven't played them myself), but I did watch a lot of promotional videos and read various things about them leading up to their release, so I'm not really totally fandom-blind. I know who the main characters are, and some of the pokemon names, too. However, since I haven't played the games themselves, please pardon anything I might say that comes from ignorance of the games!

I'm going to focus mostly on the meat-and-potatoes aspects of storytelling, plot and characterization, but I do want to address one stylistic thing, so I'll just get that out of the way first. That was, I noticed you use a lot of all-caps, bold, italics, and so on. Now, it's not like it's absolutely forbidden to use these things for emphasis. In professional writing, it tends to be frowned upon, as it can be gimmicky, and a shortcut for portraying things that you could potentially portray using words (e.g., this is not specifically from your story, but saying, "he shouted" or "she shouted" to portray instead of putting a character's line in all caps). Here's one example where you successfully communicated what you wanted to in other ways:

her hand came up and harshly YANKED on it.
You already have the word "harshly," which conveys to the reader that she is yanking on her braid hard, so the all-caps are not really necessary.

Again, it's not that you can't use these, ever--it's your choice, and sometimes in some casual forms of published fiction, like YA, you can find this sort of thing here and there. But in general, it's considered better style to keep their use to a minimum, if you use them at all.

Also, there are some conventions, like that if you italicize a whole sentence, that usually indicates characters' internal thoughts, so then when we have a line like this:

Which is why what he said when he saw her looking at him surprised her enough to where she gaped at him.
The fact that it is italicized goes against the flow of what readers would probably be expecting (italicized sentence = character's unspoken thoughts). If you follow the established conventions, that helps readers to understand what is going on and what is being indicated by the italics more easily.

Moving on to the plot,

First section: Alira saves the Wooloo

First of all, it's good that you started out with a point of conflict, giving the readers something to be concerned about (the missing Wooloo). You start out right in the middle of the action, which prevents readers from being bored by a lengthy exposition before anything starts happening.

One of my concerns with this section is that right away, without having any background about the friendship, Alira is best friends with Hop, and she already has a very affectionate relationship with him--showing affection in her voice, and also having Hop give her a glowing compliment and seeming really moved by what she did. The same thing applies later on, when both Leon and Hop are holding her hands to keep her from scratching a cut, but it's something that happens a lot with Mary Sue characters that they're immediately liked by all the canon characters, so this does come across as a bit Mary Sue-ish. I think that if your character were "Gloria" instead of "Alira," it would not be quite as much of a problem, because fandom-familiar readers know that the SWSH player character is friends with Hop. But since the character is your original character, I feel like it would be good to get a little bit of a glimpse into how they became friends, or how long they have been friends, even if is just some summarization in passing, even that would be better than just having an OC be BFFs with the canon character right out the gate (though, I have some fics myself where my story just assumes that two canon characters are BFFs, even though there's no basis for it in the games, so I'm guilty of this myself, and don't have a lot of ideas for what the best way is to fix this.)

Other than that, though, I thought the part with the Wooloo that Alira saves snuggling with her at the end of this section was adorable, and that was one of the highlights of this story for me--that kind of human-pokemon interaction is one of the things that I really enjoy when I see it in pokemon fanfictions.

Second section: Alira gets her starter pokemon

What struck me about this was how very similar it was to the promotional video that introduced the starters--like this is a novelization of that video. The difficulty with this (the same as with game novelizations) is that you have to work extra hard to make it interesting to the reader, as there's naturally going to be a reaction of "I've seen this before, I know what is going to happen." It's predictable, which means you're fighting an uphill battle to make it interesting to read.

Third section: Alira gets into a fight with an Onix, and cuts her hair

For this scene, I have a few nitpicks.

First of all, although Alira admits that her idea is stupid, it's really hard to see how she even thinks this is supposed to get her separated from Hop in the first place.

On the other hand, I did like the characterization of Nova--how Nova was totally game for what Alira suggested and willing to run to the attack even more aggressively than Alira expected. That shows us quite a lot aobut Nova's personality through her actions.

The braid getting caught on a tree branch was a little stereotypical and hard to believe. Other questions I had from this section were how Alira's Wooloo already knows Hyper Beam, and how Hop could possibly arrive at their rendezvous point after Alira does--she was waiting in the tower for a while (I don't think you specified how long, but it seemed like a while), and then she went into Motostoke and got a haircut, and came back out, and then even after all that was still waiting 20 minutes before Hop arrived. You probably can make this work--but to make it believable, it would be helpful if you added some things like Gloria being glad, when she first arrives at the stairs into Motostoke, that Hop isn't there yet (so she can get her hair cut first), and especially some sort of comment from Hop about how long he was running around the Wild Area searching for her before he finally gave up and went to the Motostoke, or something like that.

Now, in terms of overall plot for the story as a whole, not just each section by itself, the thing that gets readers to keep reading a story is, basically, some sort of worry for the characters. You start out with a point of conflict, which is good, but both the search for Hop's Wooloo and also the danger Alira gets into rescuing her own Wooloo are over by the end of the section. The second section doesn't have any really external conflict going on (just the under the surface issue with Alira's mother), and the third section, again, has some external danger that is resolved by the end of the section.

So, the one plot thread that does carry through the whole story is Alira's conflict with not being allowed to choose her hairstyle, and wanting the freedom to do so. Let me say first, I think that as a concept overall, it has a lot of potential! A person cutting their hair can be a very symbolic gesture that has a lot of resonances, so it's possible that this could become a meaningful symbolic story about finally doing something to express her freedom, and the feeling of lightness and joy that Alira gets when she is finally able to do that.

In terms of plot, though, there isn't really a lot of tension that carries over from one segment to the next, so it might be good to ask yourself what each segment contributes to the story as a whole, which events are really needed to convey whatever it is that YOU want to communicate with this story, and what you can do in each scene to keep the thread of tension going.

More importantly, though, I want to mention a few things about characterization.

First of all, I felt that the use of quite a bit of heavy profanity popped up all of a sudden. Giving a content warning can help your readers know what they're getting into, of course. But I also felt like it really just wasn't what I expected given the way the story started out. You start out with this pretty innocent-sounding story about a lost sheep, so it kind of sounds like this story is going to be a lighthearted, innocent story, much like the atmosphere of the games themselves. So, whether you match the atmosphere of the story to the level of profanity (making the story more grim and dangerous--maybe upping the sense of real danger when Alira gets into fights with wild pokemon, or introducing some other darker elements), or match the level of profanity to the story (toning it down a bit to match a more lighthearted friendship/adventure story), I think it is helpful if the level of profanity matches the relative darkness or lightness of the story. Of course it's your choice, but I felt like with this story and with the character as you portrayed her, well, she's 18, and has some emotional difficulties, so it's not unrealistic that she would use profanity, but I felt like maybe the tone of the story would have a bit more coherence if it were toned down to at least a milder level, so it's not like "Oh, look, a cute story about a lost shee--WHOAH F-BOMBS EVERYWHERE."

Backing up to a more general assessment of how Alira comes across as a character, overall, I would say she seems rebellious, resentful, and hot-headed. She has some good qualities: She's brave! (And also really caring, willing to put herself in danger for a random wild pokemon.) And she also has some character flaws: She's reckless! So, it's good that you have some balance there--she's not a one-sided character, and you don't fall into either the trap of having her be a perfect character with no flaws, on the one hand, or a character who is liked by everyone despite not having any particularly good qualities, on the other.

Moving on to the character of the mother, this is where my biggest concern about the story lies.

First of all, no one likes controlling parents! (Ever seen Dead Poets' Society?) I myself certainly don't like controlling parents! However . . .

To be honest, Alira's calling her mother "controlling and a monster" does not come across positively no matter how bad the mother might really be.

And in fact, in this story, other than that Alira wasn't allowed to choose her hairstyle, there really is no evidence that the mother is controlling, other than what Alira says about her mother.

In particular, at one point, Alira mentions she's been staying with Hop (i.e., with a boy) for about a week. And she doesn't seem to have been in touch with her mother all that time. Now that, by itself, makes alarm bells ring in my head, not that her mother is controlling, but that she is being permissive to the point of negligence . . . or, at least I would say that if it weren't for the 60 texts that Alira's mother sends her, which Alira seems to be ignoring. If Alira hasn't responded to her mother's texts, and if they haven't been in touch and her mother doesn't know where her 18-year-old daughter is (i.e., that she is safe at a friend's house), then the question is not, "Why is Alira's mother so controlling?" The question is, "Why hasn't she called the police???" To be completely honest with you, these things put together (daughter going AWOL and not telling her mother where she is, ignoring her mother's texts) make me sympathize with the mother more than with Alira. Even if she is controlling, and especially if she is controlling, she is probably worried out of her mind! Now, it could be that your intention isn't to make it seem like Alira hasn't communicated with her mother at all--but if in your story her mother does know where she is, then that should definitely be made clear to readers.

So, really, all readers have to go off of is the hair, and that by itself, well, that's certainly annoying, but not nearly enough for me as a reader to be able to feel that Alira is justified in calling her mother a "monster." That doesn't mean the mother necessarily isn't a monster--but there is just not enough in this chapter for readers to be able to be persuaded, okay, yeah, this mother really is a monster. (That would take something like beating her, starving her for days at a time, locking her in a dark closet as a punishment, or extreme emotional abuse, those kinds of things.)

And for the hair by itself, as a reader, I can understand that it would definitely be frustrating to not be allowed to choose your own hairstyle!--But even so, I think a little bit more insight into why this hairstyle bothers Alira *as much* as it does would be helpful. (Was she teased and ridiculed by other kids growing up for having such an old-fashioned hairstyle?)

Sorry this is kind of long already, but I wanted to close by mentioning that, generally speaking, there are two types of children of controlling parents:

1. The ones that don't outwardly rebel, and take things out on themselves instead (Neil from Dead Poets' Society; these children tend to have depressive and self-condemning tendencies). Obviously, this is not what Alira is.

2. The ones that go crazy and rebel, doing everything they're not supposed to do. This sometimes happens even with parents that aren't controlling, but in cases where the child has a lot of expectations placed on them from the outside because of who their family is (e.g. pastors' kids). I can't think of a really great example of this type from fiction (I can think of multiple examples of the first type); the closest I can think of is Tanaquil from The Black Unicorn by Tanith Lee. In this case, the mother isn't a horrible person or a horrible mother (somewhat self-absorbed, though), but Tanaquil is a teenager and she and her mother are really not seeing eye to eye, and the typical frustrations of being a teenage girl and having friction with your mother is magnified by the fact that in this fantasy book, her mother is a sorcerer, and all sorts of weird, frustrating things are constantly happening, like wine coming out of the water tap instead of water. She runs off and lives by herself for a while, not out of an intention to run away, but in a moment of impulse chasing after the black unicorn that the book is named for, but at the end of the book she and her mother come to a much better understanding of each other. Like I said, this isn't an example of a "controlling" mother (and certainly not a "monster"!), but it is a good example of a teenaged female protagonist who is frustrated with her mother and runs off and does some crazy things in her frustration, so it might be helpful to read just to see an example of some characterization that's similar to what you're going for. It's a great book (and not long), so I'd really recommend it!

Finally, let me just mention again that I do think that with some work, this story has potential to be a powerful short story about Alira finally being able to find the freedom to express herself in an important, symbolic way. But first, you would have to establish in a convincing way just what it is about her situation that is so oppressive.
 
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